#getting this diploma was the hardest 4 years of my life but I’m so proud of myself for pushing through :)

[alexgadart]

I don’t usually post pictures of myself here, but cause for celebration ! I’m officially recipient of a BFA! I majored in visual arts concentration in painting and printmaking

[willddheartt]

The End and a Beginning | 13 Reasons Why

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4

Summary: The kids of Liberty High have gone through way more than any other school around. Saying goodbye to yet another friend isn’t any easier than the last times.

Warnings: Spoilers, might make u cry. 

Pairings: Reader x the tape crew, slight reader X Zach (platonic? you decide)

Word count: 1.2k

Masterlist

The kids of Liberty High went through a lot, way more than any kid should be asked to. There was nothing right about burying a friend so young, it only got worse when they continued to do so. First with Jeff, then with Hannah. And then some not so friendly faces who had done some bad things but they were classmates after all, Bryce and Monty. Evergreen was a hotspot for tragedy, kids buried parents, parents buried their children, friends said goodbye to friends. With each life taken by the cold grasp of death. Maybe Hannah Baker was the person who set this all into motion, causing a domino effect after taking her own life, maybe it would have happened regardless of who was still alive, but it was never easy. No matter how many times you’d been through it.

The hardest goodbye, by far, was that of the one and only, Justin Foley. The boy who melted hearts with his bright and warm smile that never failed to make someone smile. The boy who had been through hell and back many times over, someone who deserved so much more than he was dealt in this cruel world. As in life, so is death, he was a fighter until the very end. 

Along with many others you had visited him in the hospital in the final days. You almost had to be dragged into his room, seeing Justin laying there seeming so helpless broke your heart. In one of your last visits, Zach accompanied you. The two of you in very hard shape as you saw your friend passed out in his hospital bed. 

“Hey Justin,” You whispered, sitting in the chair next to his bed and grabbing his hand. Zach stood next to you, his hand on your shoulder was the only thing holding you together. “I-I don’t know if you can hear me,” You stuttered as you tried to keep the tears at bay for everyone’s sake. “But I wanted you to know I’m so proud of you, and how far you've come. Everyone is.” You were aware of how much you sounded like a mom but this may be the last time you have to tell him. “Th-thank you. For everything Justin. You saved my ass more times than I can count, even the times when I didn’t ask you, or I got pissed at you for always being in my shit. I can’t ever thank you. But I just want you to know I’ll be forever in debt to you, and-” You paused, getting choked up from the ball you felt forming in your throat. Zach’s grip on your shoulder tightened. “I-I love you man.” 

There was no holding back the tsunami of emotion that followed your final words, tears fell down your cheeks as you kissed his knuckles. Justin stirred slightly, his grip on your hand tightened as he coughed slightly. He used his thumb to wipe a stray tear from your cheek and he smiled at you. “I love you too,” He said horsely. You kissed his forehead.  “I’ll give you two a minute,” you sniffed, leaving Zach and Justin alone. 

Pushing past everyone in the waiting room to get to the bathroom you collapsed into a puddle of tears. Mrs. Jensen followed in after you and was able to pull you into her arms before you fell onto the grimy public bathroom floor. She held you tightly, letting you cry into her shoulder as she whispered that it would be alright softly. Jessica opened the door, saying that Justin wanted to see everyone.

The room was packed. Everyone who was included on the tapes and friends you’ve picked up along the way were gathered around Justin's Hospital bed. He smiled weakly, as Jessica held his hand tightly. You stood next to Zach, his hand returned to your shoulder, now you weren't sure if it was to comfort you or if it was for him. “I know I was kind of a dick to some people, and I could have been better at times-” Clay cut Justin off “You did your best,”  “But,” Justin continued, giving clay a soft glare for interrupting him, “I couldn’t have asked for better friends. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you.” Justin said. Everyone nodded in unison, tears brimming everyone's eyes.  “I love you guys,” Even in his last moments his smile could still melt hearts. 

Justin Foley, deceased at 18. Lost to a deadly, incurable, disease that claimed the lives of many and would continue to do so. 

You weren't going to show at his service. It was too painful. But Zach convinced you otherwise. He seemed to be there for you through the past weeks, he looked out for you. The funeral was open for anyone who wanted to speak about Justin. Alex tried to say something but didn’t get more than a few lines out of what he prepared, Clay tried. Taking a breath you made your way to the mic. You had no clue what you were going to say, nor did you have anything prepared, but like Justin taught you, you were going to wing it. 

All eyes went on you as you stood at the podium. It was dead silent except for a few coughs. Taking another deep breath you began, “I don’t actually know what i’m going to say, I didn’t have anything prepared but I feel like this is the right thing. Justin taught me many things, how to play basketball, he taught me how to wing it, and he taught me how to drink,” You earned a few sad chuckles, “I know he didn’t always have it easy, but he was always there if I needed someone. No matter what he looked out for his friends, he made sure we were all safe no matter what. I remember him telling me a year or so back, he didn’t think he was going to be good enough to get into college. He didn’t even have college in his plan. But he applied anyway. I can still see his face the day he told me he had been accepted, the way his eyes light up and his smile. He was so beyond happy. I know if he were still here today, he would have gone so many places this town wouldn't even know what hit it if he ever returned.” You stopped, wiping away a tear that was sliding down your cheek. “I’ve been to way too many funerals in my time on this earth but this one is by far the hardest goodbye to make.” You mumbled as you made your way back to your seat.  “That was beautiful,” Zach whispered when you sat back next to him “You think?” You asked, he nodded.  “He’d be proud.” He nodded

Graduation didn’t feel right, not everyone was there. Justin should have been sitting there in the sea of people wearing the blue smock, waiting to receive his diploma. After the ceremony you all went up to the spot where Clay first listened to the tapes and buried them. 

“Justin should have been here,” You sighed, leaning into Zach’s side. Everyone nodded, “So should Hannah,” Tony agreed.  “We’ll always have each other,” Tyler spoke, “Always be connected,” He smiled.  “Yeah, we’ll always have that,” Zach smiled, throwing his arm around your shoulders as you all looked out over the town that, for the first time in your life, looked small.

[mariyekos]

holy shit 75k for your college!? man just go to community college, mine's literally 600 dollars a semester. there's really no difference except how much you'll be spending your life in crippling debt

(this is pretty negative btw. and long)

Okay so while it’s nice to see people read my tags and have a suggestion, I kind of wish you could have worded this a little more nicely. I feel guilty enough about paying what I have to pay. Which is not actually 76k, since I am getting some financial aid. I was saying that $76,000 is the base tuition (well, with housing and stuff). Which yeah, is a lot, especially when compared to community college. And it’s the reason I’m thinking about transferring out after a year or two to a UC school since I’m from California and the tuition would be a lot cheaper thanks to in-state tuition and Cal Grants and all that stuff. I don’t think I’ll end up doing it in the end, or at least hope I won’t have to, but we’ll see.

I wouldn’t go to a community college though. Community colleges can be pretty good, and I have a cousin who went to one for two years before transferring to a UC for his bachelors or whatever, but I don’t want to go to one myself. Going to a 4-year university has been my dream since childhood. I’ve spent the past few years being told by people that that’s the end goal. With some specific people telling me that if I don’t go to a university after all I’ve done, it will be a waste. And one particular teacher telling me I’ll fail at life if I don’t go to a 4-year university and while I know it’s not true the combination of all that pressure has stuck with me in a way I can’t get out of my head. And to a large extent, I agree. I didn’t do all the things I’ve done and pushed myself beyond what I really felt like doing so I could go to a community college which would have accepted me even if I hadn’t done those things, as long as my grades were good enough (is there even a grade requirement? I have no idea actually. I’ve never checked. I think so? But I really don’t know). So much of my life over these past few years has been dominated by me doing things so I could build a resume that would get me accepted into a university. Basketball, track, science fair, IB, etc. Whatever made me look the most impressive. Whatever could show a University, “Hey! I can multitask! I can excel! I can do well! I would be a great addition to your school, accept me!” 

Sure, some of these things I did because I liked them. To an extent. I can tell you that my last 2 and a half years of basketball were done because I thought “what will universities think if they see I made Varsity but then abandoned the team? It will look so much better if they see I can stick with something.” Definitely year 3 in particular was for college. That year was beyond hellish. Science Fair took so much effort, and created many stressful days all with the goal of “improving my college application.” The specific diploma program I’m doing in school was 50% motivated by “colleges look to see you took the hardest courses available at your school” and “I need to look the best”.  Long story short, I’ve worked too hard with the specific goal of “getting into a four year university” to just… not do that. 

The biggest thing though, or maybe it’s tied with the last thing, is that going to Duke has been a dream for as long as I can remember. Even in elementary school I wanted to go. In about 3rd grade I realized, hey if I get good at basketball then that will impress them! And then proceeded to play basketball nonstop until my junior year of high school when my coach ruined the sport for me so much I took a two month break. Which I came back from to play for him again because I needed that “Varsity basketball senior year captain” thing on my resume. To get into college. My dad went to Duke, and I’ve been wearing Duke stuff since I was born. I’ve always felt like going there would give me a sort of connection to him. Like it would impress him. He passed away when I was 5, so going there is all the more important. Kind of like I can show him, “You know what dad? I did my best. I tried so hard, and maybe I’m not perfect, but look where I’m going! I did it! I’m here! I made it! Just like you did! Are you proud of me?” I don’t remember him much, but his Duke friends were his friends that stayed with him for life, and his Duke stories were the ones that were told. It was a special place to him, and because of that it’s a special place to me. 

I’ve visited the campus, and it’s beautiful. It has one of the best environmental science programs out there, which is what I’m interested in, as well as a marine lab that I’m hoping to have a class with. The campus is beautiful, and the people I met seem pretty cool. and it’s just… Evidence. Evidence of how hard I worked. All those nights of staying up until 2AM, trying to finish an essay or a project or a study guide or whatever payed off. They got me to my dream school. To one of the top universities in the country. Sure it’s not an ivy league, but it’s good. It has the programs I want to enroll in. It’ll look good on a job application. It’s located pretty close to the EPA headquarters, as well as a bunch of other prestigious places (the research triangle area). 

I wasn’t looking for the most expensive place possible. I can tell you I sobbed when I saw the price and thought “oh god I can’t go here. It’s too expensive.” I don’t like the price. It’s ridiculous. But my mom has told me for years that the price shouldn’t be the reason I don’t go to my dream school, as have several other people. Hell, my classmates have been talking about it for years. Whenever I talk about something that seems below impressive, I get looked at. Like, “what the hell are you talking about.” “What the hell do you mean you don’t know if you’ll get in? You’re like one of the top 5 smartest people here” Or “oh come on don’t worry about it you’re super smart�� or “no way you’re going to go somewhere like that. you’re too good for that.” And I sure as hell don’t have a great self image or self confidence. Being able to go somewhere like Duke gives me such a sense of accomplishment. I did something. I really did something. I worked so so hard. And I’m getting something out of it. I didn’t fail. After spending so much time feeling like a failure, i did something. And I don’t want to give it up. I really, really don’t want to give it up.

Plus there’s what I said before. I feel like if I do go to community college… i’ll have failed. Community college is a great option for people. I’m glad it exists. It’s especially great for people facing tough financial situations. Several of my friends are going to community colleges either because they couldn’t afford a university education, or because they just wanted to. And I’m not looking down on it. But for so long I’ve been told that that’s not the top - that university is. And like I said, I can’t get that out of my mind. If I go to community college I know I’ll always have a voice nagging in the back of my head that I could have done better. I still feel guilty for small things I did years ago. I hate myself for doing choir, for example. Right now, my class has 1 valedictorian and 2 salutatorians (due to a tie). So the top 3 people in the class. I’m class rank 4. Had I not taken choir, I would be either 1 or 2 right now. But I took choir. I wanted to sing and I allowed myself that and it hurt my GPA. I tell myself, well I had some fun. But will I regret it for a while? Yes. Have I regretted it since I finished? Yes. Because “I could have done better.” I took choir before that and that should have been good enough, right? I would have been fine taking a different class. If I had taken that 7th class when i had the option, taken that weighted class instead of the non-weighted choir, then I wouldn’t be number 4. It’s silly to be so upset over. But that’s the sort of way my mind works and the sort of thing that sticks with me. There was nothing wrong with taking choir. It wasn’t a terrible experience. Just like there’s nothing wrong with going to community college. But I would have that nagging voice telling me that I failed. That I could have done better. I don’t want to feel guilty for however many years that would stick with me.

And then last thing… I’m already enrolled in Duke. It’s a little late for going to a community college. So thanks for the suggestion, but no thanks. I’ve spent a while thinking about where I would go. I thought about community college for a while, to save money. But I’m getting financial aid so college isn’t completely impossible money wise. I have a savings account that will help me pay. I don’t want to go into debt. If I have to transfer somewhere cheaper to avoid that, then so be it. I just don’t want people to see me as a failure, and I don’t want to see myself as a failure. If I don’t go to a university (specifically Duke) at this point, I know that that is what’s going to happen. I get judged enough when I’m not at the top already. And as much as I know my life shouldn’t revolve around other people’s thoughts about me, I get freaked out thinking about being a failure, and thinking about what others think of me. It doesn’t always change my actions, but it does make me insanely guilty which I don’t want to be.

Okay for the real last thing I will say this. Thank you for making a suggestion to help me. Debt is not a fun thing, and I don’t want to be in debt. However, even putting aside all my fears of not going to a university… I want to go to Duke. It’s been my dream forever, and it has everything that I want now. So that’s where I’m going. And next time, please just… phrase things a little nicer. That’s the sort of stuff/tone I get hit with both by people trying to crush my dreams (in this sense and others), and by people telling me I need to do something like going to a university or I won’t accomplish anything meaningful with my life. 

Sorry for going off or whatever. This is much longer than I thought it would be, and super unorganized. It’s stream of consciousness or thought or whatever the phrase is (I think the first but i’m tired and don’t feel like putting in more effort). But it’s honest. So that’s that.

[marvelousaddiction]

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. 

I was tagged by @pheonyxstorm

LAST: 

Drink: Last thing I drank was a coke, last alcoholic beverage was Gentlemen’s Jack (but I may have regular Jack tonight)

(btw Tay, try Irish Trashcan, optional but add strawberry sour straw candy)

 Phone Call: My momma lol 

Text Message: @ceobryce

Song you listened to:  Rammstein - Feuer Frei! (and Victorious a Breezy original)

Time I Cried: two tears in the shower, I missed the breakdown this time and I took care of myself so yeah...

HAVE YOU EVER: 

Dated someone twice: nope

Been cheated on: twice 

Kissed Someone and regretted it: yep, four people.....well....yeah four

Lost someone special: yep, some of them died, and one of them is still alive but I wish her the best still

been drunk and thrown up: yes, twice, but only a little bit each time  and I’ve never really had a hangover, only maybe a mild headache when I wake up, I barely notice it 

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: I’d like to say so 

Fallen Out of Love: no

Laughed Until You Cried: all the time like (almost) errday

Met Someone Who Changed You: no, not really, but people I have always had I’ve come to some realizations about leading to changes in myself, example, I drink sometimes now

Found Out Who your true friends are: mhm, I always constantly play it safe in this department because of my past

Found out someone was talking about me: honey, listen, people been talking about you since you came into this world and they gon’ talk about you after you out of it. (at least you're on their mind) 

GENERAL:

How many people in Tumblr do you know in real life?: @ceobryce @wolfsilverlight @leftzombiepenguin @brayamac @violet-soulkeeper17 @talonvictor @oneshoeshort (and Megan, I have to find her name and edit this lol)

Do you have any pets?: Yep. Dusty Leroy (my last name), Simba Sophia (my last name), Angel Clemingtine (my last name), Bobby Lee (my last name) and Loli (Lolli) Pop (my last name) 

Do you want to change your name? : First name,no, it made Papa proud I was named after him, Middle name, yes until this past june because I was the only kid of my dad’s kids (and grandkids) without the middle name Marie but in June something happened that changed my mind so I thanked my mom for naming me Irene. Last name, eventually lol, yknow marriage and shiz

What time did you wake up this morning: 6:00

What were you doing last night: laying in bed, talking to @browneyedhunter and ignoring what was going on outside my bedroom or trying with all my might and failing 

Name something you cannot wait for: Just one thing, other than actually starting my life (long ass story), tonight (giggidy), the black panther movie and april fools day to take a day trip to Raleigh and see Kevin Hart (if life allows) and down the line a little bit, to be a mom 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: not to my recollection, but yes in my dreams, Tom Hiddleston is a amazing man 

What’s getting on your nerves right now: nothing really at this moment, i guess being a female has terrible timing 

Blood type: blood? red? 

Nickname: Nerd, Short Person, BabyGirl, Jess, Jessie, Jessie Jess, Angel, there are so many 

Relationship Status: Happy 

Zodiac Sign: Cancer (June 25)

Pronouns: She, her, I am a cis girl lol but I will proudly respond to Dude, Bro, Bruh, Broski

Favorite Show: Obviously Supernatural is number 1, top 3 are Supernatural, Sherlock, and probably Penny Dreadful (but I have many favorites)

College: Not yet, I took a placement test and such but I am trying to get things straight first. Fingers crossed, within the next year or so I can start. I took some CP/ college class in high-school, there was one, Physcology, where  the professor actually came and taught us and I did well in that also I think I made like a high Cor a B but with the history class they gave us a book, popped us in front of computers. I tried, I really did, but I also did something there that I never did in school before, I tried and couldn’t learn anything (that is when the computers actually worked) and it was just boring so I got fed up basically said fuck this shit and failed on purpose. My education currently is K4-graduating from high school with a diploma. I actually love learning so please don’t misunderstand, I hated school, but I still tried my best and did pretty well and never flunked a grade level or anything, I was also that person everyone hated for reminding teachers of homework when they forgot it because I was the one that, not exaggerating, had mental breakdowns doing it. In highschool there is/was a notorious teacher that everyone hated, literally, someone keyed his truck, but, he saw how hard I worked and such and he actually became like my best friend and I may have been a teacher’s pet but he and my other math teacher my senior year were my best friends. Okay long unnecessary rambling sorry 

Hair Color: brunette, naturally, will eventually be black I know for certain. However, I colored it black once years ago, and in highschool I bleached my bangs so they were blonde, about two years ago but longer I put blue where the blonde was and that faded to teal, then i put red streaks throughout my hair when that was gone. Its been natural for a long time 

Do you have a crush on someone: yes. celebrities, obviously, but there is one man on campus i sware i cant take my eyes off of lol. My babe,marie, and I have a whole private joke thing about it. He is known as Superman, you had to be there

What do you like about yourself: this one is really hard, honestly. It varies but I guess....I mean, my sweatshirt I am wearing now? that count? Oh! I can drink and not become my big sister, despite having to convince myself of that. It is complicated and my eyes too lol 

FIRSTS:

First Surgery: it was getting my tonsils taken out when i was like maybe 5 or 6

First Piercing: ears, although i was never really able to wear earrings because of a reaction but they are closed now. I’m really thinking about getting my belly button pierced

First Sport You joined: there was the time when I was little and wrestling my dad, but that career ended when I kicked his nose/mouth and they swole, and the time I played football as a baby at my moms old family church but I bit my evil cousin? do those count?

First vacation: I don’t know if I ever had a vacation but I know my first time leaving home for a trip we went to Virginia, then Pittsburgh PA, then Niagra Falls NY

First Pair of Sneakers: I am willing to bet were hand me downs or from dollar general or a thrift store

Right Now: 

Eating: Nothing at this second

Drinking: Nothing at this second but later Jack & Coke/soda  and going to taste green apple Crown Royal with sprite,supposedly tastes like Jolly ranchers 

I’m about to: respond to @browneyedhunter, shes been waiting while I typed all of this and hopefully tonight......uh giggidy 

Listening to: keys typing and Jimmy’s snoring behind me 

Want Kids: in the future, someday, yes, very much 

Get Married: maybe, I’ll see if life let’s me but people say Jimmy and I are married. By people I mean my 62 yr old parents and his grandad, and his mom 

Career: I really want one someday, but, we have talked, and we would both be alright with being a SAHM too. Right now, I don’t feel like I am doing my part despite what everyone says; but as long as I feel like I am doing that, I am good

SO TIREED!!! SHOULDERS HUUURURRTT 

Lips or Eyes: who’s?

Hugs or kisses: again, who are we talking about?

Shorter or tall: I am shorter than everyone, @emoryhemsworth knows what I mean since we are both 4′9

Older or Younger: I have a thing for older guys

Romantic or Spontaneous: both

Sensitive or loud: those things don’t always necessarily correlate 

Hookup or Relationship: Relationship. Unless it is another girl’ then I couldn’t do a relationship unless it was Poly

Troublemaker or Hesitant: hesitant af 

Have You Ever:  

Kissed a stranger: no, that is how disease happens. Unless...I guess Jimmy was technically a stranger when I met him and we kissed 

Drank hard liquor: the hardest thing I have found I actually like is whiskey or Irish Trashcan 

Lost Contacts/ glasses: nope

Sex on first date: believe it or not i have only ever done it with one person

Broken someone’s heart: I think I broke Faith’s heart when I told her true things about disney,childhood movies, fairytales etc 

Been arrested: no, my parents have though XD

turned someone down: nope

Fallen for a friend: Yup, wish her well but she co go screw herself or that sweet soulles-

DO YOU BELIEVE: 

In yourself: most of the time, no

Miracles: yes, because of I have lived through some, many of them 

Love at First sight: i guess 

Ive tagged people lol, I am done 

[lilspookyone]

First Year Evaluation

I had previously studied at the college and had left so I could do full time work as I did not enjoy the course and found working to be an easier option. I decided I wanted to return so I could fully complete a diploma and go to university to further my education. I came to study games design as games have been a big part of my life and so thought I would really enjoy studying them and learning how they are created. Throughout the year I have learned many new skills and have gained a lot more knowledge of the gaming industry. There are still many things I am unsure about and need to look into, but I have another year to study these things to help me become more confident in these subjects.

 Our unit 1 to 3 were all merged together, and I feel this made it a lot easier as I was not getting confused as I would have been typing a lot of things over and over and repeating myself. For task 1 I decided to use an array of different games as I wanted to show I was confident evaluating games of all genres and that I easily understood the task. I enjoyed the fact that we were allowed to pick any game we wanted, as I feel if I was given a specific one I may not have done as well. If I were given a game I had not played it would have been hard to analyse and I would have had to work from other people’s opinions.  I feel I completed the task to the best of my abilities and are proud of the work done. For task 2 we were asked to research into a game creation timeline and I really liked this task as it helped me learn the workflow of how a game is created. There were steps I already knew about but looking into them deeper helped me learn about the different software and techniques used when planning and producing a game. I struggled a little on this task as some of the software mentioned I had not seen before but after some research I understood them and could complete the task to the grade I wanted. Task 3 involved us making a questionnaire linked to our game and then analysing the responses we had gotten. I had made questionnaires in the past so that was not an issue for this task as I easily made the questions to fit my game so the responses would help me plan my game more. The hardest part about the task was getting people to answer the questions. I had put the link into the college group and to my person Facebook so more people could answer them. In the end I ended up with 18 responses. I would have liked more so that I could have had a larger amount of responses to analyse with a wider array of answers but to have done this I might have been better handing out a printout version for people to have completed. If I had to do another questionnaire I think I would be tempted to do a printout so it is more easily accessible for people and so I know that they have been done legitimately. The next task was to look into different research methods, and I struggled with this task as I had never heard of some of the different techniques. I found that a lot of the methods did link and had some similarities, so this made it a little confusing but with extra research and asking for peers help and I managed to understand each method and fill in the table. Once I understood the method I could easily write the pros and cons and then evaluate the method as a whole. I did not overly enjoy this task however I see the importance it has and how it can help me find different sources of information and which one are legitimate. The final task for these units was to evaluate each task I had done and how I would change my work if I had to redo them. I found this useful as I was able to pinpoint parts of my work that were flawed so that if I have to do a similar task I would know what to add/change. I feel overall that I did well on my unit 1-3 tasks, and I am happy with my grade outcome.

 Unit 4 was a case study task and we were allowed to choose our own case studies. I chose to do the classic ‘are video games good or bad?’ as this is a well-recognised topic and there are lots of debates online about this subject. I also wanted to use this as this allowed me to go more in depth about the positive and negative side effects of gaming and how these can affect your lives. This task led me to doing extra research on gaming and how it can affect the mind and body and made me see gaming from other people’s perspectives. I had never written a case study before this so I had to do some quick research on how case studies should be set out but once I had done this I could easily get on with the task and state the different points about gaming and conclude my case study using references and statistics. Overall I’m happy with the outcome of this unit and feel like I got a grade I am happy with.

 Unit 5 and 7 were also tied in together to make this easier and this allowed us to get the work done quicker. Because of this I felt as-though I needed to add extra details as this was two units combined so I felt more work needed to be done to achieve a high grade. The first task for these unit was quite similar to task 2 for unit 1-3 as I had to talk about the different workflows during game creation. For this one I tried to go more in detail as this was focusing more on the actual game design such as sculpting assets and adding them into the game mode. I did more research on the different methods used in game creation and then wrote out my assignment. I found this task useful as it helped me understand the different sections to creating a game. I later used this workflow to help me when designing my own game level. The next task I had to do was a pre plan document for the items and software I would need when creating a game level. For this task I split it into different sections to make it easier to type out and so I was not forgetting anything. I found this task quite simple as we had previously learned about the workflows so I could use this to see the software I would need to plan for. Some of the items were quite self-explanatory such as a pencil and paper for sketches however some of the software I had to look into a little more such as sound software as I had never used it. I already had a game idea planned out so sound and visual ideas were easy to write about and overall I found this task simple and enjoyed it. The next task was explaining my level design in extra detail talking about different textures, assets, and code I might need for this. As I already had a solid idea in my head of how I wanted my game to look I already knew the textures and items my level would need. I struggled a little with the code as I was unsure of what I could do at this time, but I still make some notes of what I wanted to achieve within my game. The next step was to make my game and I found this quite fun, I admit at times it got stressful at times when code did not work but once fixed everything was fine. I slowly got to see my game progress and as a few sessions went by I began to see my game coming more to life. If I could go back I would definitely try to add more code and add a village onto the level to expand the game out more. I wanted to add a backpack or a storage script so given I had another opportunity to work on this level I would put this in. Finally I had to evaluate the level I had created discussing where my inspiration came from and if I had to change anything. I feel that I correctly evaluated my work and made good points about things I would change/add if I did this again. The evaluation is a key point for me as it allows me to see my level more finely and helps me find where I went wrong so I can do better in the next task.

 The final unit I had to complete was unit 6 and this involved creating assets using the software Maya. For task 1 were had to begin by writing the narrative of the level and what the player may face. This was easy as I already knew how I wanted my level to be and already had a storyline for my game. Next we had to discuss any assets we would want to use in our level and how they would fit in with the theme of the game. With my game being set in an old forest I tried to keep most of my assets to stick with the old theme as I did not want items looking out of place. I also mentioned assets that I could later add if I had learned the software better and had extra time, but this was never completed. Finally I had to discuss any ethical considerations I may face when creating assets including copywrite claims but as I was not publishing the game and making any revenue from this I did not have to worry about this too much. For task 2 I had to describe the assets in more detail and how they would be created and with what textures. This task was not too bad as I already had the ideas and reference images saved. This then allowed me to easily talk about my designs and how I wanted them to look in my game. Task 3 was the hardest part of unit 6 as this was the stage at which I had to create the assets and begin to texture them. I am not confident with Maya as I had never used this software before and was not really shown many techniques on how to create certain items. I decided to start with a simple table first so I could get used to the software and after this I began on my portal. I had problems with this at it had saved as a Maya lite file meaning I could not open it to work on it so I then had to wait a few weeks for the teacher to convert it back to a normal Maya file before I could work on it again. I also attempted to make a skull however struggled a lot as I was very unsure of how to create smooth round edges and how to distort the basic shapes to make the design I wanted. With the covid-19 situation we had to work at home and had our work sent to use however IT staff had only sent me 2 items which were my stone texture and untextured portal asset. I had pre-textured this at college before we left and started adding runes to the outside and do not have the software to fix this on my laptop. I had to send this to the teacher for him to add the textures as he had already seen my textured portal and knew the idea I was trying to portray. Finally I had to evaluate my assets and discuss any issues faced. This was quite easy as I faced a lot of issues however I managed to overcome some and produce my final assets. I discussed assets I wanted to create but could not and how given more time and knowledge I would have fully created all the previous ideas I had.

 Overall I believe this year has gone well and I am proud of the work I have done and the grades I have achieved. Starting I did think the modelling process would have been slightly easier, but I think overtime I will become more confident with the software and my future assets will show the progress of that. Next year I really want to push myself to create better assets and levels and look into more intricate coding that will benefit my games.

[dailykhaleej]

Saudi Arabia’s crown prince calls UK’s Prince Charles to check up on him after coronavirus recovery

On Jan. 31, the Italian authorities introduced a state of emergency to include the unfold of the coronavirus illness (COVID-19). COVID-19 has introduced Italy into “its worst disaster for the reason that battle,” in accordance to the Italian Premier Giuseppe Conte. So far there have been 110,574 confirmed circumstances leading to 13,915 deaths, which have included an growing variety of docs and well being professionals who’re finishing up heroic work in difficult circumstances.

Among the many healthcare staff within the front-line in opposition to COVID-19 right here is Dr. Nasser Alabdulaaly, a 27-year-old Saudi physician who’s on the employees of the ASST Hospital of Lodi, in Lombardy, Italy’s hardest-hit area. Alabdulaaly, who speaks fluent Italian, described his expertise.

“I arrived in Italy in 2011 to research medication on the College of Pavia, in Lombardy, thanks to a scholarship from the Saudi authorities. I obtained my medical diploma {and professional} qualification in 2019. I used to be about to undertake a post-graduate coaching initially of this yr, when the coronavirus broke out in Italy, proper within the space the place I used to be dwelling,” says Alabdulaaly.

“When the Saudi authorities provided me the chance to return to Saudi Arabia, I selected to keep in Italy. My diploma doesn’t qualify me to work but within the Kingdom; subsequently, I couldn’t have provided any contribution to my nation.”

“Within the meantime, Lombardy area was declared red-zone and in lockdown, the variety of constructive circumstances continued to rise, and there was a necessity for well being staff to face the disaster. My hospital internship had been suspended due to the emergency and I used to be at dwelling for the quarantine. In my silent lockdown metropolis, I used to be listening to the sirens of the ambulances leaving the hospital relentlessly. It was heartbreaking. I couldn’t keep at dwelling realizing that I might make my contribution, even when small, to the native well being service.”

Alabdulaaly obtained his medical diploma {and professional} qualification in Italy in 2019. (Equipped)

With hospitals beneath extraordinary pressure, Italy elevated the variety of docs being recruited and in addition expedited the process for medical faculty graduates getting into the workforce. Many Italian areas made appeals for well being staff, and Nasser determined to take up the Lombardy area’s name. The area’s response was not lengthy in coming.

“They had been extraordinarily pleased to obtain my utility,” says Nasser. “They provided me work in 4 totally different cities: Cremona, Brescia, Bergamo or Lodi. I select Lodi, although I knew that, at the moment, was the middle of COVID-19.”

“I at present work with fundamental to medium depth COVID19-positive sufferers in three totally different departments. On my first day on the hospital, I used to be impressed by the big workload of the docs. They had been giving their most skilled and human dedication with braveness and perseverance. My colleagues instantly welcomed me into the staff, and we quickly turned a household.

“Working completely with COVID-19 constructive sufferers, and specifically with essential circumstances, means that you’ve got to take care of loss of life every single day. I’ve to name their households and break the unhealthy information. Consider me, it’s the hardest aspect of my mission. Family members ask you, generally beg you, to enable them to see their beloved ones to give them a final farewell. However you possibly can’t enable them. The precedence is to shield them from the virus and include the unfold of the contagions.”

“Performing my first skilled job in a time when the well being trade is dealing with one among its greatest crises, is difficult and although. However I’m proud and honored to give my assist on this emergency, and to be within the front-line as a part of a staff of extraordinary docs.”

*This interview was equipped by the Saudi embassy in Italy

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[changegirlchangelife]

“The Undercover Bull”

STRONG:

1.having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks.

2.able to withstand great force or pressure.

The term that says…” you are so much stronger than you think”, is clearly a understatement. I have lived my whole life being strong for others instead of myself sometimes. Throughout of that, I have NO regrets. I would do it all the same, over again. It made me who I am now.

I always portrayed that I was timid, shy and quiet, because it was easier. But inside, behind closed doors I lived with the weight of carried those around including myself…pain, self-worth, shame, and even secrets. Growing up with my mom and dad, both were never affectionate… they never always directly told you that they loved you or that they were proud, you just knew that they did. Even my extended family always came to me, treating me as if I was adult by confiding in me at a very early age and I always ended up providing them with advice, advice that I didn’t even understand myself sometimes. Even till this day, my grandmother and I talk almost every day about everything which, I end up giving her advice.

My mother was an example of a woman who overcame society by always having a good job with no degree or Diploma. She taught me to treat every job like it will be gone tomorrow (I thank her for that so much now that I’m older lol) After her divorce, everything changed Jobs were harder to find and she couldn’t keep up with stability. I was trained to no matter what was going on back then, I had to portray to my younger brother, even teach myself too that everything was going to be fine and push for better. My mom tried her hardest to do a good job of making us feel that we were not going through some of the things that were happening, but I knew and seen all. (see where I get it from lol)  I remember at my mom crying in our hotel room because she couldn’t feed us and all we had was oranges, and my brother asked her what was wrong, and I jumped in and started talking about the cartoons that were on. Determination in my house was undercover. We all never spoke out about getting better for ourselves, but we could be determined for others.

Throughout the next almost 4 years, we moved into 3 small apts that we could not afford, moved to 3 different cities into other’s homes, and even lived in 2 different hotels for 2 years. My mom always provided a home that involved church and having a relationship with god, so you were never reminded that you were homeless, or you didn’t have much. (UNDERCOVER BULL). If you knew us, you never seen us talk about not having much or all of the things that we wanted to overcome but you knew that we were strong together. We never had much, people either bought us things because they felt bad or they took over because they loved us so much. I fell into a mindset at a preteen stage, that “You never ask for anything, because the answer is always no. just hope for the best for yourself”  IN 2002, we became homeless and did not have a place to stay, NOT even a car to live in. My mother walked us to school everyday and made sure we were picked up every day. She provided 3 meals and made sure that we went to church, not just on Sundays but almost ever chance we had even if we had to walk to get there. One night, we were living with someone close to my mom, and they actually gave us a bedtime for their house like a jail. And we all sat on the floor and cried together, even though my brother did understand anything that was going on. That was the first time, I heard my mother say and even be open with us about what was going on. She said “I’m sorry for all of this” , like she did something wrong. At that point I knew I had to get the “BULL motivation” so I told her, “it’s okay mom, we will be fine.”

We were blessed with a 3-bedroom, 2 bath homes in east Texas, so we moved. The mindset of being the “THE bull” remained the same. I made myself to always look on the bright side of things, I basically forgot about what was happening around because I didn’t have to deal with anything, but I thought being there for others I could learn to find strength and freedom. Overtime, things in our household changed… Many secrets, Pain and shame came along, (I could literally write a book of the things I endured). So, I learned to be silent…. That was for the most part, easier… I wrote a journal every day, only because my mom did it… but I didn’t understand why she did (that’s where she found her strength)

I could only talk openly to my friends and others when alone, because I didn’t think I had a voice or that anyone would even care. A lot of my friends dealt with a lot of the same things, some worse than mines, so it was easier to share with them because they understood. I wanted to really be the bull for others, it was a MUST, but I forgot to be that for myself.  That’s where self-hate and shame came in. My friends advocated happiness for me, but I didn’t always take it not behind closed doors, alone. We all became closer over time or than the average friendship because we had literally NO one else. My friends would come to my house as a safe place, while I was trying to get out of there.  Even in 20’s, I wanted to speak out so bad about things that I was feeling, all the determination, and long for happiness myself but I couldn’t. I just poured in into other people, by investing in them.  

Being like a BULL, doesn’t just mean that you can surpass all hurdles that stand on your path. Being like a BULL means to no matter how many weights you hold on your shoulders by yourself or others, weather that’s pain, shame, secrets, Self-hate, you still have the motivation to smile and advocate happiness. Because you Feel it, and you BELIEVE IT. I wish I hadn’t been the UNDERCOVER bull for all those years. Again, I have no regrets for everything that has happened to me or being there sooo much for others. I like being stronger than people expect.  You may not know, but im stronger than you think.

My time is now. Growth is here.

#Changegirlchangedlife

[2livetrue]

4.19.17 Late Night, Early Morning

5am: How do I feel lost and found at the same time? I'm just now noticing how difficult it is to try not to be a negative result of my experiences. It really is like trying to blossom into a rose from concrete. My ENTIRE life has been full of pain, sorrow, confusion, and darkness. I'm not even 25 and I've gone through so much hurt. Hurt that no one deserves. Nights full of racing thoughts of each terrible circumstance I've endured and overcome. How do I quiet that noise? That painful loudness of thoughts in such a quiet and peaceful environment. Sometimes I feel like I will forever be alone and unloved. Someone that can handle my baggage of depression and abuse probably doesn't exist in the kind of people that are around here. It would take the hardest, purist kind of love to deal with a past like mine. I don't think people around here have that kind of capacity to love. Of course they say they do and probably believe it too but when it comes down to it, when its time to act in that role, they fail. What happened to that kind of love. Why has so many allowed so much negativity and hate consume the godly love that they are possibly capable of? Many would say that the only love that I need to focus on to get me through is the love that God and His son has for us. While that is true, I still feel like I need more from someone. A person I can touch and feel safe enough to be vulnerable. But with my past experiences, I feel unwanted. I feel unworthy of someone else's love that has no necessary attachment to me. Yes, I feel love from my mother and brother. But, while I'm out in this world desiring to be successful and perhaps even starting a family, I need someone already unattached who wants to be in my life and acts accordingly. I'm not so much worried about it. It's more like I'm aware of it. I'm aware that the chances of me being a baby mama are way higher than me being a wife. Now that, I hate to admit. But, its true. That's not what I want. I want the fairytale. I want the kind of relationship, I and many others dream to have. But somehow, our environment and society has made that so difficult, that we settle because something is better than nothing. Well...in most cases. I get so tired of waking up in the same mess of feelings and situations I went to sleep in. I want to take control of my life. I am responsible for my own destiny. I believe I've been patient enough. Its been three entire years that I have picked myself up off the ground shattered to pieces and I mended myself. What's stopping me now? Why so many buts? Why so much worry for everyone else's wellbeing more so than my own? I'm still young enough to make a change and a difference. But there seems to be this glass ceiling that has been placed. How do I break it without hurting my family. Without following my mothers "rules" of my life? All of these lost questions of how I need to find myself. Move myself to better happier days and more peaceful nights. Bliss and tranquility. I even doubt myself in my capabilities. Knowing full well that I am a child of God and he clearly has had so much to do with why I still exist. I feel like an angel. I don't even know how I still exist. With all that I've been through and with what is left to come, there is no way most people would still push. Every single day, I am fighting to remain sane and to be successful. In about 4 weeks, I will finally be receiving something I should've never gotten but because of my bad decisions coupled with my determination to keep going despite of them, I will have my Associate degree. This degree wasn't important to me in the beginning because it's like a high school diploma to me. But now, now it is reassurance of how strong I really am. It is my reward of how I made the decision to attempt to become better despite of my past. It is my receipt of resilience. I'm so proud of that. You know. Time feels like forever until you get to where you want to be or need to be. These last two years felt like a lifetime during but now that I'm 4 weeks away from one goal, time has flown. I just hope it continues to fly, my faith and support stay in tact, and I finish this journey in an everglade of joy and success.