#getting my actually licence is gonna be a whole fucking thing because my dad wants me to get a general permit

[archivedjuice]

nevermind the fact that ive been driving for seven years i can actually drive legally now and therefore more often because i got my learner's yday

[lihikainanea]

Lei I feel like I’m never going to learn how to drive. I’ve gone out to do it late at night, with someone ofc, but I just feel so hopeless. It’s scary.

oh bubs, lemme tell you something about big sis Lei alright? I got my licence at 16. I passed the road test by one point.

16 years old, and you know how old I was, the first time I drove on the highway?

Like, 26. No lie.

I was terrified of driving, I was a nervous driver, I was a bad driver, all of it. Before I ever went anywhere, even just to a store a few blocks away, I literally used to plan out the route. I would visualize it, visualize at what point I had to put my blinker on, visualize when I had to switch lanes to be in the proper lane to turn right at the corner. I would get heart palpitations when a driver pulled up beside me, because I wasn’t very good at angles and thought I would accidentally side swipe them. I got into 4 accidents, at least two of which were completely my fault.

One time at the end of one of my work shifts at Staples when I was like 17, I was driving home a coworker that I had a massive crush on. And as I was turning, I hit the curb on the sidewalk and he shrieked. I kept driving, and when I pulled in and he got out he walked around the other side and told me I had a flat. And like a moron, I just giggled and said I’d take care of it and then drove away.

And I drove all the way home, like 10 miles away, on a fucking flat tire. My dad still tells the story of how he heard me coming down the street, totally fucking lopsided as if I had a square tire, the fucking metal of the rim sparking against the road because I had DRIVEN ON A FLAT FUCKING TIRE AND BENT THE RIM.

It took me forever to drive on the highway, and I was terrified the whole time.

I don’t know what clicked for me eventually, but something did. I think it was my independence--I wanted to be able to drive without fear so after awhile I just thought...fuck it. Practice as much as you can. And while I somewhat regret having my dad teach me how to drive (it’s fine, I’m sure he’d say the same thing. It scarred us both.) I will say that he imparted some incredibly wise points that I still carry with me to this day. And when I was helping a few of my friends learn how to drive a few years ago, I not only finally understood my dad’s sheer terror and conviction that he was gonna die at any moment on the road with me, but I also imparted that wisdom to them. If you do nothing else, follow these 5 rules and you will be a good driver:

1) Fucking SPEED UP as you merge onto a highway. Hit the motherfucking GAS, not the brake. Speed up to match the flow of traffic, check your blind spot, then merge.

2) Drive with authority and make decisions. The reason why I never had any qualms driving in New York City is because I’m an authoritative driver and I take my place on the road. I’m not talking road rage, but I’m talking like...don’t hesitate. Merge. Switch lanes. Do it with the tiniest hints of aggression. Be firm. Be decisive. Know that any wrong turn can be undone--all roads lead to somewhere. so if you're about to take a wrong turn and you know it, just TAKE THE FUCKING TURN and do the detour. Don’t hit the brake and hesitate.

3) If you live in North America, the left lane is for passing. NOTHING ELSE. Do not get into the left lane and coast (I specify North America, because in some parts of the world the left lane IS actually the coasting lane and the right lane is to pass. Moral of the story: don’t fucking coast in the passing lane.)

4) Never assume that a green light means go and a red light means stop. Never assume people abide by these. When your light turns green, do a quick glance around to make sure other cars have stopped before you go. This has saved my life at least twice.

5) There will come a time where you will either drive in heavy rainfall or heavy snow or deep darkness and you will not be able to see very far in front of you, or see the lanes. The road that you are on will not end spontaneously or drop off the face of the earth, I promise you. The road is there in front of you and will reveal itself as you go along, metre by metre. Keep the wheel as steady as you can, go at a comfortable pace, and know that the road is still there.

[manawhaat]

What's your best vacation memory? ❤️

Oof… there are a couple that stand out from my childhood but I have to go with the Vegas/Pioche trip I took with my dad and my middle sister in 2015.

This is FUCKING LONG so if you feel like reading about it for 6 hours then there’s more under the cut and I’ll throw in some photos at the bottom because this trip really did just make me so happy. 

I had joined a photography scavenger hunt group and participated in a couple of rounds (and got some rad photos!) when they decided to hold a meet up. It was held in Vegas and they had classes and photo shoots and group trips out to different places in the surrounding area. I decided to go and booked a hotel room fro the last day of the meet up, but then my mom died. The meet up was about 2 months after that so when I was trying to figure out if I should still go, etc, my sister and my dad said they’d go with me.

On the way there we drove through the desert because we always do and my sister and I played the Alphabet game. It was the most intense game she or I have ever played. We were on x by the time we got into the middle of no man’s land and I managed to get it on a random XTRA semi truck that was parked in the middle of a salt flat. She got it as soon as we got back onto the main road on a car licence plate that was ‘xmasgft’. We went back and forth getting one only for the other to get the same letter seconds later. It was crazy. I was on Z when she was on Y and at one point she started saying ‘oh shit oh fuck oh shit’ and I started to panic thinking we were about to get into a car accident or something… when she stopped panicking I asked her what her problem was and apparently we’d passed a billboard for Zoomanity and she was panicking that I was gonna win. Her panicking distracted me and I didn’t get the Z. She ended up getting her Y and immediately after I found another Z on a sign that said ‘construction zone’ and it was the best ‘fuck you’ and the most victorious win of, like, anything that I’d experienced up until that point. It was fantastic! 

When we got into town I never did make it to the meet ups lol. I saw one person I know from the group while walking out of the hotel, but that was about it. I didn’t really have it in me to branch out and go to the meet up functions by myself so I didn’t. Instead I hung out with my family. We went zip lining over Freemont street and walked around, we went to the Mob Museum (which was fascinating), we did the Mandalay Bay Aquarium, and went out to the Hoover Dam. I’d never been and it was really cool, it was a gorgeous day and it we took a bunch of cute pictures there.

We’d all made a pact that we were going to do the controlled free-fall that they offer at the Stratosphere but when we got up to the top and watched a few people do it we all collectively noped out lol. We ate at this restaurant near the Stratosphere called The Peppermill that is FUCKING FANTASTIC. The food was good but the ambiance. Holy shit. It was like Vegas in the early 80s threw up in there. It was so good. Just neon lights and mirrors and tacky carpet and too many potted plants. The waitress was your classic sassy waitress, which only added to the experience, and my sister ordered the ‘mammoth pancakes’. It came with two and the plate weighed like 4 pounds! 

We did a few other things but I remember just being in a good mood the whole trip. I had gotten a throw pillow with Dean’s face on it before the trip and I took it with us so we could sleep in the car comfortably and I remember taking pictures with the Dean pillow like everywhere we went and it became a funny sort of adventure with him. I was also talking to a guy on my dating app that I was like, legit in love with. Everything about him felt so perfect and I remember telling my sister that if he magically transported to Vegas while we were still there that I’d 100% marry him.

This was also the first time being in Vegas since I’d turned 21 (that Vegas trip was a fucking nightmare!) and this really made up for it. I got drunk downstairs at the hotel and won like 80 bucks on a machine, which was the most I’d ever won at that point, so we had to stop and play that machine at every casino we saw it at. My sister and I had also been on a Ghost Adventures kick before that and there’s a very specific sound that one of their devices makes and the elevator at the hotels all made that sound, so we were constantly making it and giggling at it. All in all, it was just a lot of fun and a lot of like, solid bonding and enjoyment of the experiences we were having and who we were with.

Keep in mind, ^^^^THAT’S ALL STILL JUST VEGAS! ^^^

Since we’d been on the Ghost Adventures kick, we stayed in Vegas for a couple of days and then drove out into the desert toward Pioche, Nevada. The Ghost Adventures Crew had done a paranormal hunt there at the Overland Hotel that is notoriously haunted (rooms 10 and 14, specifically).

I remember the drive being a nice clear day and the type of desert started to shift a little from what we’re all used to so there was some cool scenery. Now, we were on this trip in like April so I packed for desert weather in April, but what they failed to mention to me was that Pioche was in the HIGH desert, which didn’t really mean anything to me until we made it around a ridge and saw fucking snow!

We pulled over and played in it a little bit and then finished the drive and, lo and behold, it got more snowy. So when we finally arrived in Pioche I had to walk my happy ass through snow in leggings and sandals and a tank top with only a light jacket. And the next day, I only had shorts or a different pair of equally as thin leggings! It was terrible, but in a funny way.

The town of Pioche is fucking TINY! The population is literally barely over 1,000 and even when we were there we couldn’t figure out how it even held that many people! So we checked into the hotel and managed to get room 10 (one of the most haunted ones) and walked around. It was an old mining town so we checked out the remains of the tram, we went down to the Boothill Cemetery that had wicked old graves that were like, really old western graves of people who’d died in like the early 1800′s in saloon shootouts.

We had food at the only diner in town and while we were walking up a truck drove by goin’ extra slow. The driver was a good ole country boy- he was super hot- and in the back of his truck bed were…. idk, 15 or so fucking BEAGLE PUPPIES! I fell in love, I legit chased his truck down the street lol. It was like, the most amazing thing I’d ever seen.

So we hung out in the tiny place and when night fell we went downstairs to the bar at the hotel and hung out. We talked to one of the hotel staff who actually appeared in the episode of Ghost Adventures and we talked about the guys on the show and she was just really down to earth and funny.

Then, I got shitfaced.

I remember sitting at the high table watching my dad play pool with some locals while my sister was talking to some guy who’d also been on the show (and was a regular at the bar). At that point, I was really drunk and really lovey, so I decided to drunk dial everyone I knew to tell them I love them. Only, I didn’t get reception in the hotel, so I walked my happy ass out into the freezing night, and kept walking almost two blocks down to a little bench outside of the run down fire station and sat outside for over an hour, in the snow, in leggings and sandals, calling everyone I knew to tell them how much I loved them.

My sister finally came looking for me and dragged me back to the hotel while I was still on the phone, and I was able to make one more call to a friend. Drunk!me thought it would be a GREAT idea to finally confess that I had a crush on him and wanted to make out, so I told him that, and when he asked ‘uh, what?’, my dumb ass said it again, clearer and louder so he wouldn’t miss it!

Before he could respond my sister figured out what I’d just said and snatched my phone away and hung up. We went back inside to get my dad and then we walked up the street to the other bar in town and while we were walking my dad started throwing snowballs at us, so I fuckin’ took off. In my entire life I’ve never run as fast as I did that night lol. I ran so fast that  only stopped after my drunk brain could register the flash of neon I’d passed. So I turned around and was a few buildings away from the bar and when I looked for my sister and dad, they were still at the other end of the street a good 2 football fields away!

We went in and played shuffleboard and hung out. They paid the bartender not to give me anymore drinks and I then crawled on the bar and tried to convince him to give me more lol. I ended up going to the bathroom and the signs didn’t say ‘men’ and ‘women’, they said ‘John’ and ‘Mary’ and I freaked out because, Supernatural, duh!

When we left the bar later that night, with me even more drunk than before, my dad started throwing snowballs again and we ran down the street. There was a kind of boardwalk that we were running on and we didn’t realize it ended with a staircase so I jumped into the road and ran down the asphalt but my sister ended up, in a full sprint, leaping off the end of the boardwalk and crashing into me. She was so graceful and when she was in the air it was like she was  in slow motion. So when she landed we were howling with laughter and then we rounded the building and there was a big ass dog right in our faces! I freaked out just because I was shocked but it ended up being friendly and sauntered off, but drunk me was already laughing at my sister’s majestic leap so I started laughing even harder that I’d gotten so scared.

I ended up peeing my pants and we went back into the hotel and I tripped going up the stairs, resulting in more laughter and more pants peeing. We finally got to the room and I changed and we went to sleep. The room (and hotel, itself) were pretty creepy, and because we knew it was haunted I was already on high alert. They went to sleep but when I tried to, and every time I closed my eyes, I could feel someone standing at the side of the bed staring at me. I kept smelling and feeling little gusts of wind in my face, as if someone was sitting by the bed staring me down and was smoking a cigarette/cigar and blowing the smoke in my face. It was incredibly unnerving because it didn’t stop not once all night, so I ended up staying up all night watching tv, hoping I didn’t see anything or feel anything else.

The next day when I showered I couldn’t shower fast enough because it felt like someone was watching me shower and we thanked the hotel staff and left. I slept on the drive home and at one point when I woke up my sister asked if I’d heard from my friend. I said no and was really confused and then she asked if I remembered calling anyone last night and then it all struck me and I was mortified the rest of the ride home. When I got home I decided to just be straight up so I texted him saying that I’d meant what I said and was open to either going that route, if he was also interested in me, or just staying friends. He ended up ignoring me for weeks and I had to talk to a mutual friend about it. Now it’s just water under the bridge, but a hilarious memory. I even wrote a fanfic about the whole trip to Pioche! (I think some of the details in the fic are wrong/exagerated, and I’m not totally clear on some of the details that I’ve recounted here as they differ from the details at the end of that fic, but it’s all as accurate as I can remember without asking my sister for more clarification.)

All in all every part of the trip was just FUN. We didn’t ever have a moment where things went wrong, we didn’t have bad experiences. We weren’t stressed. It was exactly what my soul needed after spending years watching my mom battle with cancer. It was a bonding retreat and everything about it just soothed me and filled me with so much joy and the memories I have of that trip will last a lifetime.

[the-umbrella-academy-ff]

The family’s little secret - Part 2

The end of the part 1 was cut when i made some change. I’m putting it back there with part 2. Enjoy !

“The Police. They owned me one. Now, are you staying there ? I mean, it's been years, maybe she doesn't even live there anymore but it's up to you if you want to try.”

He didnt' have to ask twice, Klaus took his jacket and pushed Diego out.

“You need to drive.” “I know. My car is waiting.” “You're my favorite brother.”

He ignored Ben's hurtful look.

Two hours on the road and Diego was really close to killing Klaus now.  He loved his brother and all, plus it was kinda normal that he felt like talking about all this, but he could never shut up.

“Oh god, I remember trying to climb the wall and join her but failed so she did it herself, and she was actually smaller than me. It was both embarassing and hilarious at the same time. Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! And this time when we almost got caught by dad you know ? So I just pushed her under the bed but I hit her head and she had a bruise for a week.”

Diego sighed heavily.

“Yeah, nice friendship you guys used to have. I may start being jealous now.” “Oh ! Come on ! She wasn't even mad.” “But she was crazy to go through all this shit for you.” “You're absolutly right. Can't you go faster ?” “I'm already driving too fast 'cause I can't stand you anymore.” “Thanks !”

Finally. Diego praised the Lord they finally made it. It was a big nice house, with a garden with many trees behind. No wonder, Dad must have gave them a lot of money, Diego thought. Klaus ran out of the car, jumped the barrier and started knocking on the door. When no one answered, he started to panick.

“Oh my god, what if she left ? What if I could never find her again ?”

Diego joined him and hit him on the head.

“It's her family name on the door. Even if she may not be living with her parents anymore, you could still ask them.”

“Oh damn you're right.”

A sudden bark made them look to the left and they saw a big german sheppard running toward them. The dog was probably mad they came here without being invited in the first place. Diego couldn't believe his eyes when he saw his brother starting to climb the wall.

“What on Earth are you doing ?” “Visiting.” “Wait, what ?” “I'll be right back !” “Klaus ! No way, get back here !”

It wasn't the first time that Klaus was doing something like this, he could see it. Diego ran back to the car, while Klaus made it to the rooftop and screamed with joy.

“(Y/N) !”

You didn't expect that. Especially since you were taking a bath with some chilling music in the background. This idiot almost made you have a heart attack. Through the window you could see a cheerful guy waving at you. You panicked, grabbed a towel and start yelling.

“What the hell ? Who are you ? Leave or I'll call the cops !”

The guy must have been a psycho for climbing that high.

“(Y/N) ! It's me !”

Wait. That voice. It was incredibly familiar.

“Oh god. Klaus ? Klaus fucking Hargreeves ?” “It's me sweetie ! Will you let me in ?”

You couldn't believe it. For sure, you missed that guy for years and dreamt about him coming back to you, but you grew up knowing it was impossible. You knew everything, how he forgot about you because of his dad and number 3's powers and after that, you tried your hardest to move on. You really did. Dated a few guys, traveled a lot to see new places. You even did some stuff you should never had but you were desperate. You never succeeded.

“It's been years, and you have to just come through the window, don't you ?”

You started opening it though, still clenching your towel with one hand. He jumped in and started hugging you. With absolutly no shame of the situation.

“Damn, you're red. Was that bath too hot ?” “Klaus. Let me get dressed.” “Alright.”

He wasn't moving at all. You sighed and pushed him.

“Get out ! I'll be right back.” “Oh, by the way, my brothers are downstairs. Ben doesn't need an invitation but can I open the door for Diego ?” “Sure. Just... Don't touch anything. It's not my house.” “Sure thing sweetie !”

Klaus helped Diego to come in, he opened the door and shouted for him to run in. Diego was already tired of this shit but felt like he didn't want to stay in his car anymore. He ran in front of the dog and  they both crashed on the sofa.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened there ?”

Ben was laughing his ass off. Klaus never saw him like that.

“What is wrong with you ?“ “Poor girl, she didn't see it coming.” “Hey ! I'm sure she's happy too ?”

Diego punched him in the arm.

“That's rude ! You're ignoring me to talk to Ben and I don't understand anything !” “This idiot is laughing and I have no clue why, I want to know !”

Somehow, suddenly, Diego could see Ben.

“Klaus just interrupted the girl while she was taking a bath and wasn't ashamed at all to knock on the window.” “So what ? I missed her ! Well. I didn't know before today, but I did !”

Diego put his head in his hands.

“I don't even know how you could make friend in the first place.” “Hey ! I'm very lovable.” “In a weird way, he his.” Ben saied before vanishing again.

You took five whole minutes to catch your breath and think. Then you got dressed and waited to calm down. The very best friend you could never forget was back. He came all the way here to see you. How and why, you didn't know, but right now, you were struggling to stay sane. You wanted nothing more to go downstairs and jump in his arms but it's been a long time. What if you’ll never be friends like you were before ? You took a few more minutes to think about it before you decided you'd never get any answers if you stayed in your room. Your heart was beating really fast but you still made it to the kitchen, grabbing some stuff to eat and drink.

“Guys. You've come a long way, want anything ?”

Klaus answered first, excited as a kid.

“Coffee ! With a lot of sugar !”

 You came through the opening of the door.

“Not sure you need sugar. You're already very... You.” “Thank you ! Coffee is disgusting without it though.” “Fine, you're still such a kid. Diego ?” “Same. Without the sugar please.”

You came back with the drinks and sat with them. After a few minutes of silence, Klaus finally started to talk.

“So ? How are you doing ? Still living with your parents ?” “I'm fine I guess. And no, they're on holidays, they needed someone to keep the dog.” “Which dog ?”

Diego almost spat out his coffee.

“Are you fucking kidding me ?”

The dog started barking outside, as if he was offended himself.

“Oh, that one !”

You started laughing. You got scared for nothing, you realised that. Klaus could never change, that was a fact.

“And you guys ? How've you been ?”

Diego wasn't sure why you were being so friendly with him too. He knew about everything, like his others siblings. They kinda felt responsible for what happened and never tried to make up for it sooner. He could understand why Klaus used to be very found of you and still was now.

“To be honest, I'm tired of this guy. Had to spend a few hours with him in the car so I might leave you two alone to catch up ? I'll get him back tonight.”

Klaus had the saddest look on his face, Diego was pretty sure it was just the same as a kid who was disappointed for Christmas. You smiled.

“It's ok Diego, that was very nice of you to bring him here. Not sure 4 hours or so will be enough though, I have many questions as well. What about you go back to the Umbrella Academy and he'll spend the night here ? Got my drivers licence, I'll drop him off tomorrow.”

Klaus was really close to jump in excitement. His brain didn't remember you, but his heart did, he was sure about it. It felt like being whole again. He hugged Diego, genuinely happy that he made all of this for him. He wasn't sure he could forgive the others this fast.

“Thanks.” “I'll see you tomorrow. You better behave !“ “Always !” “You mean never.” “Maybe.”

You gave him a nod. Number 2 could definitly see that you were happy as well but not really comfortable around him for the moment. That, he could understand. So he left, pretty proud of himself. “(Y/N) ?”

“Yes ?” “You didn't try to find me again after... The thing ? ”“You mean, when they made you forget about me ?” “Yep.” He didn't expect your reaction at all. You were smiling and laughing the second before and now, you had tears in her eyes. He felt guilty but didn't know why. “How can you ask me this ? I mean. I came back, you asked me who I was you know ? Damn, Klaus, that was fucking hard. I didn't even know how Allison's power was working. If I could help  you to remember or if you just never could. I didn't even think it'll be possible that one day you'll come here ! I thought I'd never see you again.” After a few minutes of silence, he put an arm around you, suddenly very serious. “What a shitty dad I had.”  You smiled. “Indeed. So. You must have plenty of stories and I want to hear every single one of them !” He started to think. “Mh. I need to tell you about the end of the world, oh and about Ben ! I can do stuff I never knew I could ! Oh and Dave. I wanna tell you about Dave.” “Was he your new bestfriend ?” “He was my bestfriend and my boyfriend !” You tried really hard to ignore that pain in your heart. For your friendships' sake, you had too. But he must have knew,  because he added something.“But that was very different. You were my bestfriend and my girlfriend. I could paint my nails with you, he never agreed to that.” You punched him slightly in the arm. “What ?” “I was your girlfriend ?” “Oh. I thought you knew.” You were dumbfounded. “Klaus, you're an idiot.” 

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x10 “Nihilism”

i can’t think of a summary but i watched the thing and here are my thoughts

03:43pm

hokaAAAAAY i’m severely magnesium deficient so i haven’t slept, feel very sick, and i can barely see but LET’S DO THISSSSSSSS

i just wanna see cas, i miss him

too bad he’s probably gonna be sad all episode

AT LEAST LET US SEE HIM CRY pls

-

03:48

is that pamela? or does she just look exactly like pamela

-

and what does the table say? “darn love free”???? i can’t read it D:

-

03:50

istg i want to eat all the symbolism here and i don’t even know what 98% of it means

but there’s “cosmic cowboy”, “ghost”, and “the fox rye” lager on tap

and DEAN HAS A SUPER SOFT VOICE WHAT IS THIS

-

03:52

the texan star sign always looks like the bi pride flag to me

plus if you look from red/pink lights at the top, purple on the right, blue on the bottom, ................. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

cOINCIDENCE.........PROBABLY

-

03:54

a girl in glasses comes in and dean’s like “welp” ;)

is this dean’s heaven

are the girls gonna make out

i feel like that might happen

edit: noooope and i’m glad about that tbh

-

pamela confirmed

okay good it’s not just super weird casting where everyone looks literally exactly the same as other people

-

03:57

pamela: “besides, you don’t want me, you just like to flirt”

yeaaaah and he knows it

i love seeing dean this content tbh <3

and yeah that’s pretty much how i think dean sees most girls nowadays

edit: this was one of my favourite parts from this episode

-

04:02

guest starring someone called thunderbird dwindle??? and lisa berry

okay i’m game

-

04:04

jessica got replaced by violet and violet has the most wonderful smile and i love her already

“we have shifts now because you mess up so, so many things”

this lady’s style and script delivery makes me feel like she’d be right at home in ‘the good place’ (which is an amazing show i recommend to everyone)

-

04:07

how the hell does he heal like that

did jack heal him

if he heals himself, why doesn’t he heal during battle? there must be reasons and explanations but i don’t know them

-

04:13

i’m really enjoying michael’s smug sarcasm

-

04:15

I FUCKIN LOVE DEAN IN HIS LIL REPEAT FANTASY THING

HAppy dean is my fave, no other dean is allowed

-

04:17

i love that in order to get the repeat shot of “ghoul thing in wichita with cas, they should be back tonight” to follow into “huh, just had some serious deja vu” they had to shoot the long version and just cut it for the first 3 times, then play the long one the 4th time

it’s so simple but it makes me very excited

also wooooooooooooow, personal note, i feel so goddamn sick and dizzy rn WHY IS MAGNESIUM SO EASY TO BE DEFICIENT IN, SO HARD TO REPLENISH IF YOU HAVE CELIAC DISEASE, AND SO UTTERLY VITAL FOR BASIC FUNCTION

i mean it’s a little tmi but taking more supplements actually makes it worse since if you take too much you lose it in diarrhoea, which makes you more deficient. and taking not enough also makes it worse. and getting exactly the right amount means i’m constantly on the borderline of deficiency. ;~;

-

04:27

cas remains to be the single more beautiful and compassionate creature in existence

-

04:28

literally cannot handle this shot i’m squealing ;~;

also michael is like HEY I HAVE DADDY ISSUES remEMBER YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES TOO

-

it got worse

-

04:29

also beautiful but NOWHERE NEAR AS BEAUTIFUL AS CAS AT THIS MOMENT and i can’t even figure out how or why

probably the lighting and the acting

cas is all nice n stuff and michael is like EVERYONE MUST DIE sooooo

-

04:31

“my world, this world? nothing but failed drafts. and when [god] realises they’re flawed he moves on a tries again”

now look here

i literally wrote this concept

in my destiel fic “hart of the storm”

four years ago

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2669921/chapters/5968742

(skip to chapter 21 if you don’t wanna read the whole thing. but also do read the whole thing pls thank)

-

04:39

i cannot handle

i love this and hate this 

i am inexplicably thrilled by his expression

and the way he says “coool science project. i give it a b minus”

also this seems super gay to me and i really couldn’t say why

maybe it’s the flirty “ah! ooh” when cas touches michael’s face, which i only heard after i said it was gay

i guess michael also thought it was gay

-

04:44

cas: “so much..........so much trauma in dean’s mind..........so many scars”

:c

not a surprise but still

:c

-

sam: “if i wanted to distract dean, i’d give him something he’s never had before”

cas: “contentment”

this hurts. SO . MUCH

but also i love seeing them figure that out and talking about that shit so openly

-

sam: “let’s look through his good memories”

vaguely violating but I WANT THIS SO BADLY YESSSS

-

one of dean’s fave memories is saying “i think i’m adorable”

he enjoys moments of self-love

aS HE FUCKING SHOULD AAAHHHHHHH

i’m so emotional about this

i just want to hear about panties and cas somewhere in this

edit: to be fair there was no mention of sam in there either?? intrigued by this episode saying dean doesn’t actually care about his family, which i find incredibly hard to believe, but there’s something about the way michael says it that makes you kind of wonder if it’s true

-

cas says pamela is designed to distract dean

pamela: “you really know how to talk to a lady, don’tcha”

hurr

cas just stares and squints

i have decided this is gay and i like it

-

04:53

the impala’s licence plate in the background (top left) ^

and the cowboy cutout things from the tombstone episode

BOTH THE GUY AND THE GIRL WHOO (note that the guy cowboy is BEHIND CAS)

-

04:56

pamela: “get me a shot. with your braaaain.”

i love her

-

04:58

when cas’ eyes go big it makes me have emotions

-

05:11

dean: “my mind, my rules. i’ve got him. i’m the cage”

NICE

-

05:13

cas: “you cannot AFFORD that kind of accident”

aw man be nice to jack

-

oh and then he is <3

cas is the best dad

<3 <3 <3

-

05:16

OH HEY IT’S MY FAVE

-

05:19

all of dean’s death journals say he dies because of michael......

“all except one.”... “that’s up to you”

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy he looks like a scared lil kiddo

~

05:20

it’s over WHOOOOOOOO THAT WAS GREAT 10/10

one of the best episodes in a long time but that might just be because of the hiatus :P

i feel too damn sick to think about things but THAT WAS SOME GOOD SHIT

love seeing women of colour with names and speaking roles and purposes and actual characters

and seeing dean was very, very nice

<3

michael is fun to watch even though he’s the Worst

and maggie’s continued existence just makes me happy

kudos to steve yockey and amanda tapping. this was a good way to spend an afternoon when i cannot do anything else.... and nor would i have wanted to, really ~

[coalessscence]

one of my favorite worst things to Think About are the ways herb’s casually neglectful childhood sometimes just....surfaces in the every day world of his life now. and since his whole shtick is my childhood was perfect my father is basically god and i have absolutely no parent issues idk what ur talking abt, he winds up having to flail, having to learn on the way down, and try to keep up a cover that he knew all along. which, usually, doesn’t work, and just makes it all the more sad. here’s a few examples i’ve thought of because i don’t love myself:

someone around the station gets stuck with something metal and comments they might need a tetanus shot. herb was definitely never taken to the doctor’s for a checkup and regular vaccinations as a child, and since he works daytime hours lucille takes the kids while he’s at work, so he literally has never had a shot and he doesn’t fully understand what vaccines are, aside from cultural osmosis, so he asks in telling confusion, “what’s that supposed to mean?” @piper-aileen-lenox specifically, thnx for making me think of this and ruining my life xx

when herb and lucille moved in together (i imagine they were engaged but maybe not married just yet) lucille made it clear to her rather sexist fiance that she was expecting him to tow the line around the house just as much as her, which he agreed to, except when she asked him to do the grocery shopping thinking that was a harmless thing he could do (not like she’d trust him to actually get the dishes clean or fold her clothes so they don’t wrinkle). they almost never had food consistently in the house growing up and if they did eat full meals, they only had the food for THAT MEAL around because 1. herb sr. and ruby (herb’s parents) lived an erratic lifestyle of little to no money or a whole lot of money but only for a second because it was burning a hole in herb sr.’s pocket, and because 2. ruby quickly learned spending money on food ahead was pointless because either herb sr. hecked off somewhere w/o warning and it went bad, or his deadbeat friends hung around and ate it all, so she only bought for that day if they had the money for anything. but since no one was ever around to TEACH herb anything and he figured most things out on his own, herb doesn’t understand all this and he literally thinks you’re not supposed to by food until you run out or that you have to throw out whatever you have left at the end of the week because....... who knows ???? that’s just what he thought. it caused multiple arguments early into herb and lucille’s relationship before she figured it out and explained it to him because he didn’t know well enough to ask.

when herb and lucille’s first child, bunny, was born, he had to be shown how to hold a baby by the doctor. he had literally never held or even interacted with a baby before until that moment. he had no siblings (that he knew of), he had no friends as a child because if he wasn’t the bully he was the target and he was an ass just like dear old dad so no one liked him anyway, and he had 0 other family. lucille realized in that moment as she watched his palpable confusion when she extended their newborn child to him that he was going to have a lot of learning and growing to do. she hoped he was ready for it.

god that time there was a station fam barbecue early into herb’s wkrp career and someone, maybe mr. carlson, is like ‘WHO WANTS TO BE THE GRILL MASTER’ like its a big deal and everyone is like oh it has to be herb bc he’s the newest out of us and hes aware all the men see it as a status symbol and he CAN’T be less of a man than another man bc Ego (tm) so hes like of course im the grill master !!! and then panics for the next thirty minutes because he’s literally never even stood next to a grill let alone used one HOW DOES IT WORK the first fifteen minutes he doesnt even have the gas on rip

when herb was, like, 15, he taught himself how to drive a car because one of his “friends” (peers who was a bully that he called a friend and hung out with to stop also getting bullied but who was still bullying him anyway, herb was just brainwashed into thinking that’s what friendship is) wanted them to go out cruising and herb wanted to be a Cool Guy and not look like a chump so he lied and said he could drive. they got pulled over, because of course they did, and herb got in big trouble for you know, driving w/o a licences. the kicker though is that herb didn’t fucking know you can’t drive without a license or that licenses and road tests and drivers ed were even a THING because he literally raised himself and no one ever  t a u g h t   h i m   a n y t h i n g. anyways his dad got called home to deal with it from wherever he was away at at the time and he got in big trouble for interrupting dear old dad’s work anyways so :) what a healthy family

surprisingly, herb DID know how to cook the basics. grilled cheese, pasta, stir fries, a couple casseroles. lucille asked him about it because he was always such a Gender Roles (tm) type of man who wouldn’t even wear a brighter shade of red than like. maroon. in case it got loosely contaminated with the concept of the color pink and he’d have to change his name and move to alaska. so why was he doing a “ womans job “ (cooking) and herb just looked confused and said “what, guys don’t cook?” she told him that no, they usually didn’t and would have laughed at her if she tried to make them, and he laughed awkwardly and absently stirred the pot on the stove and shrugged in mild confusion. “that’s weird. if i didn’t cook i’d have... starved, i guess.”

the bad news is his cooking wasnt GREAT and lucille was happy to take over because again.........self taught. and he has one (1) brain cell so. not Great

LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW ALL CLOTHES DON’T HAVE TO BE DRY CLEANED. his dad literally wore clothes that had to be dry cleaned Every Day (and we wonder why the tarlek family was short on the food budget god) (and they were ugly clothes too akdhfjfg) and ofc if ruby washed her clothes, it was while herb was at school. he dry cleaned so many clothes that do Not Make Sense to dry clean in college before he slowly figured that out.

did not know what an allowance was. bunny asked him for one and not willing to seem stupid to his swift daughter he told her to ‘ask her mother’, who thought it was hecking weird that her money obsessed husband would say that, so she asked him why and after several long minutes he just shrugged helplessly and said “what’s an allowance?”

don’t even get me started on herb and lucille planning their wedding ( ‘what kind of stuff should we put on the gift register?’ “put on the WHAT?”  ‘what are we going to put on top of the cake?’ “there’s gonna be CAKE?”  ‘i can’t wait for daddy to walk down the isle with me, it’ll mean a lot to him’ “your DAD is gonna walk you down the isle....?? but you’re marrying ME, right?”   ) also herb not knowing the wedding look of the bride is supposed to be a Secret and barging into the room w a question or smth while lucille and her bridesmaids are getting ready, and everyone is hella miffed and he’s like WHAT i’ve seen her naked before and theyre all like THATS NOT THE POINT HERB

herb did Not Know about seasonal allergies. he just........didn’t know. he just thought god hated him and every spring and fall his head sprung a leak. and the whole time he was growing up no one A. listened to him complain about them and put 2 and 2 together, nor B. just taught him about basic first aid stuff in general for that matter he doesnt know shit. anyways, then lucille was like why are you such a tough guy just stop complaining and take some medicine for your stupid allergies and he was like take some what for my what now

ANYWAYS herb’s mom left while he was v young and he doesn’t remember much about her. herb’s dad was literally   n e v e r   home. the people herb’s dad left him with would work for obscenely low amounts of pay or owed herb sr. money and largely used all the money for their own food, drugs, alcohol, or other more unsightly business, and left herb alone to fend for himself. this is the disaster human that that produced, thanks, family dynamics! don’t abandon your children, kids, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[chocobanyana]

god a lot happened today

have some long winded rambles and rants

SO WHERE THE FUCK DO I BEGIN.

gonna probs put them in bullet points just so i can keep track of my words

Younger brother (17 years old) wants to move out. Okay. Sure. Learn the hard way that moving out sucks and whatnot. Okay, have fun. WHAT ISN’T OKAY IS THE FAMILY TRYING TO COMPARE THIS SITUATION TO THE HELL I ENDURED WITH THE EX WHEN I TRIED MOVING TO TENNESSEE LAST YEAR. WE WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR TWO WEEKS, NOT TWO MONTHS. WE WERE STUCK DOWN THERE BECAUSE THE EX WAS SO FUCKING STUPID AND DIDN’T CHECK TO SEE HER LICENCE WAS GONNA EXPIRE THE DAY WE WENT DOWN THERE. I WAS PRETTY MUCH HELD AGAINST MY WILL. I WAS MENTALLY ABUSED CONSTANTLY BY THE EX-ROOMMATE’S MOTHER, THE EX-ROOMMATE HIMSELF, AND MY FUCKING EX AT TIMES. WHY MUST I REMIND MY FUCKING FAMILY THAT ALL THAT (AND MORE!) FUCKING HAPPENED AND RELIVE THAT BULLSHIT???

Also to add to the whole “brother wants to move out situation” gma of course Freaked The Fuck Out™ and had a panic attack/mental breakdown, blaming herself for my brother to want to move out (it’s not just her, it’s literally the entire family in a collective causing problems sighs.) Anyway, she was raised differently and goes by hispanic standards (which means family practically all live together no matter what, family is important, blah blah blah) and just??? Look I get it, family is family but just like??? moving out is super important and just, honestly even I myself don’t want to live with family for the rest of my life....like she was a wreck when i tried moving out apparently and just she brings this up constantly....which...just...fucking messes me up in so many ways... (for instance, it’s VERY hard for me to be motivated to look for a job when i have everything essential i could ever ask for already. i honestly hate that my friends are the one pushing and helping me to get a job when i should do it myself...like i’m honestly fucking grateful for them but just i feel useless to myself in a way) it sucks to have a child move out, I know, i get that, but just, how else are we supposed to grow, mature, and actually live our own lives?

in brighter news i was actually able to tell dad that i’m polyamourous and that I have a fwb AND a bf owo” (i’m sure mother knows now too by now since i’m assuming dad told her) Either way called it, dad was totally okay and perfectly understanding of it. Though now I’m sure they’ll want to meet the bf hella soon......I mean they already met Austin, why not Ethan right? Though I doubt we’ll tell gma about the whole polyamourous thing and just keep it to “hey i have a boyfriend”

tbh i kinda want to go my brother’s route and just be out of the house the entire weekend, sleeping over his gf’s place and whatnot...

hella tempted to do just that saturday-sunday with ethan....augh...