#getting captured by an evil turtle king who then takes a shine to him is very on brand with Luigi's luck

[istadris]

Consider : mario movie AU where Luigi is a slippery little thing who keeps escaping from his lava cage...only to keep getting into more trouble, again and again.

Everytime a guard comes running to Bowser about the human prisonner escaping, Bowser stresses first about the escape (he can't make the perfect wedding gift without the kin of his enemy !), then he stresses twice as much about how the prisonner keeps running into danger.

So far in his various attempts at escaping Luigi, in his glorious and terrible mix of good and bad luck, has :

Hid into the piranha plant greenhouse right before mealtime

Ran into the Bob-omb quarters with a lit torch

Tripped into a corridor with abruptly awoken Thwomps

Dropped a Dangerous Mix of potions in Kamek's lab

Crashed a clown car twice

Climbed an used rope that had snapped right above lava

Somehow caused the staff to unionize and riot (on the plus side, Bowser gained a lot of Dry Bones staff that day)

Ripped off a Shy Guy's mask by accident

Stolen a Koopa Troopa spear only to stab himself in the foot with it

After too many attempts, Bowser has enough, grabs his cage and puts it in the throne room, because if Luigi keeps trying to give Bowser white hair, might as well do it under the king's watch. Koopa knows Bowser could use a stress ball right !

...Luigi makes for a very soft stress ball, actually.

[fly-pow-bye]

What’s Airing On Cartoon Network? (July 2021)

While we’re in a rather empty spot for the network, Cartoon Network decided to add another show that was made for HBO Max to its television lineup: Looney Tunes Cartoons! Also, The Fungies continue their airing on television, and there’s new episodes of Total Dramarama and DC Super Hero Girls. More after the break.

Craig of the Creek

For completion’s sake, I’ll list the Craig of the Creek episodes here too.

June 28th:

Capture the Flag Part 1: The Candy - When mysterious circumstances cause issues at the Trading Tree, Craig tries to save the day! (10:00 AM)

June 29th:

Capture the Flag Part 2: The King - The Creek gets help from an unlikely friend. (10:00 AM)

June 30th:

Capture the Flag Part 3: The Legend - Craig goes in search of answers, and finds a legend. (10:00 AM)

July 1st:

Capture the Flag Part 4: The Plan - Craig puts a plan into motion to save the Creek. (10:00 AM)

July 2nd:

Capture the Flag Part 5: The Game - It all comes down to this, the fate of the Creek is at stake! (10:00 AM)

DC Super Hero Girls

July 4th:

#AngerManagement - When Jess coerces Kara into addressing her anger management issues, Supergirl's superhero abilities become seriously compromised! (8:00 AM)

#HappyBirthdayZee - Zatanna makes a birthday wish that forces her to confront the dark side of her magic. (8:15 AM)

July 11th:

#TheGreenRoom - When Jessica is faced with a Green Lantern Corps disciplinary hearing, Hal appoints himself to be her Peer Advocate. (8:00 AM)

#EnterNightSting - Karen is given a mission to prevent the apocalypse by DeathSting, a super-cool future version of herself. (8:15 AM)

July 18th:

#WorldsFinest - When PR whiz Max Lord tells Batgirl and Supergirl he can improve their image by doing publicity stunts, the two friends forget what being a hero is really about. (8:00 AM)

#WorkingStiff - After Babs hooks Karen up with a job at the Burrito Bucket, the two heroes encounter a new villain, the scourge of the fast-food underworld, the Condiment King! (8:15 AM)

July 25th:

#MultipliciZee - Zee magically duplicates herself so she can shirk work and watch TV. Things get out of hand when her copies start to make copies of themselves! (8:00 AM)

#TheMinus - Diana receives her first ever A-minus and becomes convinced that she needs to work harder, however, in order to do so, she resorts to rather drastic measures. (8:15 AM)

The Fungies

July 9th:

Sir Tree's Boy - Seth agrees to take care of Sir Tree's wooden boy, Boy Joy, but quickly pawns him off on Mertha. When Seth discovers that Sir Tree needs his boy back in order to survive, he must stage a heist to steal Boy Joy back before it's too late! (8:00 AM)

Commander Beefy - Seth, eager to explore the stars and find a fellow explorer, sends a signal to space. But the explorer who receives the message, Commander Beefy, has his own shady plans for Earth... (8:15 AM)

July 16th:

The Fanciest Fungie - Seth, frustrated that the Fancies are too caught up in the Fanciest Fancy pageant to listen to his warning about a fungus-eating bacteria, enters the pageant to get his message out. But when he gets sucked into the pageant, he'll have to face the consequences of getting distracted. (8:00 AM)

Snake It to the Limit - When Seth agrees to let an athletic snake replace his arm so he can finally be good at volleyball, he learns he doesn't need a fancy snake arm to make his teammates happy; he just needs to try. (8:15 AM)

July 23th:

Nevin's Cocoon - After a beautiful statue makes Nevin self-conscious about his own looks, Seth helps seal Nevin in a cocoon so that he may turn into a beautiful butterfly. (8:00 AM)

Cool Kids - When Pascal becomes obsessed with a group of cool kids, Seth promises to use his science skills to help Pascal become cool. But is coolness as cool as it seems? (8:15 AM)

July 30th:

Mermove Out - Seth is having a hard time sharing a room with messy Pascal and needs a change. But instead of being honest about the situation, Seth makes Pascal a mermaid tail so that his brother can finally move out-into the ocean! (8:00 AM)

Happy Birthday Nancy - Seth wants his mom to have the best birthday ever, so he creates his own currency in order to buy her an expensive gift. But he learns a little too late that counterfeiting is a crime, putting Nancy's birthday at risk of being ruined. (8:15 AM)

Looney Tunes Cartoons

July 5th:

Curse of the Monkeybird/Marvin Flag Gag: Deflating Planet/Harm Wrestling - Daffy Duck and Porky Pig search for hidden treasure. No one messes with arm-wrestling champ Yosemite Sam - until Bugs Bunny comes along. (9:00 AM)

Big League Beast/Hole Gag: Mini Elmer/Firehouse Frenzy -When Bugs overstays his welcome, an evil scientist unleashes Gossamer to get rid of him. Daffy Duck and Porky Pig make lousy firefighters. (9:15 AM)

July 6th:

Boo! Appetweet/Hole Gag: Plunger/Bubble Dum - Sweet victory turns into a nightmare when Sylvester fears he's haunted by Tweety's ghost. Daffy Duck faces off with a pesky piece of gum. (9:00 AM)

Pain in the Ice/Tunnel Vision/Pool Bunny - A hungry Sylvester sets his sights on Tweety, the ice skater. On a scorching hot day, Bugs Bunny makes himself at home in Elmer Fudd's pool. (9:15 AM)

July 7th:

Pest Coaster/Rhino Ya Don't - Bugs tries to ride a roller coaster, but Yosemite Sam is determined to stop him. At the zoo, Sylvester's lunch plans are foiled by a rhino. (9:00 AM)

Buzzard School/Marvin Flag Gag: Giant Alien Mouth/Wet Cement - Bugs Bunny enrolls Beaky Buzzard in Rabbit Hunting 101. Daffy wreaks havoc on Porky's wet cement. (9:15 AM)

July 8th:

Siberian Sam/Hole Gag: Fishing Pole/Fleece and Desist/Marvin Flag Gag: Mirror/Split Screen Marvin - In need of a new hat, Siberian Sam feasts his eyes on Bugs Bunny. Sam Sheepdog protects his herd from a hungry Ralph Wolf. (9:00 AM)

Grilled Rabbit/Cactus if You Can/Shower Shuffle - Elmer Fudd interrogates Bugs about a theft. Wile E. Coyote's plan to catch the Road Runner gets prickly. Daffy and Porky have shower troubles. (9:15 AM)

July 9th:

Overdue Duck/Hole Gag: Bees/Vincent Van Fudd - At the library, Porky Pig tries to silence a troublemaking Daffy Duck. Bugs Bunny interrupts Elmer Fudd's attempt to be a great artist. (9:00 AM)

Hare Restoration/TNT Trouble/Plumbers Quack - A self-interested Bugs gives Elmer Fudd dating advice. Wile E. Coyote runs into some dynamite problems. Elmer's leaky sink is no match for Daffy. (9:15 AM)

July 12th:

Daffuccino/Hole Gag: Moving Hole/Kitty Livin - Before his new coffee shop goes from grand opening to grand closing, Porky must impress an influential customer. Sylvester may have swallowed more than he can chew when he manages to trap Tweety... inside his stomach! (9:00 AM)

Chain Gangster/Telephone Pole Gag: Sylvester Car Jack Lift/Falling for It - Two bank robbers need Bugs' help to break out of jail. Daffy convinces Porky to go skydiving but forgets one important little thing... (9:15 AM)

July 13th:

Taziator/Marvin Flag Gag: Little Martian/Climate Control - Bugs faces off against Taz in a Roman coliseum. Wile E. Coyote orders a weather control kit, but his chances of catching the Road Runner remain cloudy. (9:00 AM)

Lepre-conned/Flag Won't Stay Straight/Brave New Home - Bugs is looking for Hawaii but finds Ireland and an angry leprechaun instead. Porky's new home has all the modern amenities anyone could hope for, including a computerized assistant - but the voice recognition software could use an update. (9:15 AM)

July 14th:

The Case of Porky's Pants/Fully Vetted - Detective Daffy takes on the case of Porky's missing pants. Tweety's trip to the veterinarian's office gives Sylvester the perfect opportunity for a lunchtime treat. (9:00 AM)

E-Rabbitcator/ Planet Split in 2/The Sales Duck - Bugs must outsmart a new technological foe. Elmer is ready for bed, but persistent salesman Daffy stands in the way of a good night's rest. (9:15 AM)

July 15th:

Pitcher Porky/Cherry Picker/Duck Duck Boom - Benchwarmer Porky finally gets his chance to shine on the pitching mound. With the game on the line, he needs all the help he can get - even if it's from Daffy. Elmer sets his sights on Daffy, but who's hunting whom? (9:00 AM)

Postal Geist/Anvil/Fudds Bunny - Porky and Daffy deliver packages to a haunted manor. Elmer's plan to disguise himself as a bunny to lure Bugs out of his hole doesn't quite go as planned. (9:15 AM)

July 16th:

Shoe Shine-nanigans/Multiply and Conquer/Parky Pig - Elmer visits Daffy for a quick shoeshine. Porky is running late for movie night but finding a parking spot is easier said than done. (9:00 AM)

Shell Shocked/Daffy Dentist - Bugs races against Cecil Turtle for the "fastest thing in New York City" title. The only thing more painful than Porky's sore tooth is a visit to dentist Daffy. (9:15 AM)

Total Dramarama

July 5th:

Breaking Bite - Beth becomes the big dog on campus after she bites Duncan, but being the big dog is a dangerous thing, especially when you didn't actually bite anybody! (5:00 PM)

July 6th:

I Dream of Meanie - When Cody keeps screaming in his sleep Gwen and Duncan take a trip into Cody's dreams to see what is scaring him. (5:00 PM)

July 7th:

Squirrels Squirrels Squirrels - Courtney's attempt to make Chef a better teacher fails when a squirrel gets his hands on her mind-control device. (5:00 PM)

July 8th:

Say Hello to my Little Friends - After telling the kids he will not miss them over the long weekend Chef locks himself into the school and finds out he was very, very wrong. (5:00 PM)

July 12th:

WaterHose-Five - The hottest day of the year and a broke air conditioner leads to a water battle of epic proportions to determine who controls the garden hose. (5:00 PM)

July 13th:

Cody the Barbarian - Cody is set to inherit a video game empire from his long-lost uncle, but only if he and his friends have what it takes to conquer a fantastical live-action video game. (5:00 PM)

July 14th:

TP2: Judgement Bidet - When the city experiences a toilet paper shortage Beth and Harold investigate and discover it's their old rival Sewer Mike who is the mastermind behind it all. (5:00 PM)

July 15th:

Dial B for Birder - Harold uncovers a secret plot that Chef's new parrot is hatching and tries to save his teacher only to discover that Sugar figured it out before him. Or did she? (5:00 PM)

July 19th:

A Hole Lot of Trouble - When rain derails an outside game of catch someone suggests they play it inside. This prompts Izzy to lead the group through her wildly imaginative worst-case scenario. It's an adventure so scary that the kids many never play again. (5:00 PM)

July 20th:

A Tell Tale - After Owen's BBF, Noah, goes through a growth spurt, Owen fears losing his friend and takes drastic action. (5:00 PM)

July 21st:

Chews Wisely - When the floor ends up covered in gum on the day of a big bubble blowing contest, Sugar decides she might help herself win by helping her friends get stuck to the floor. (5:00 PM)

July 22nd:

A Dingo Ate My Duncan - When all their classmates are replaced with well-behaved Australian doppelgangers in a school exchange program, Lightning and Cody start getting suspicious. (5:00 PM)

[room666]

Top 10 Memorable Scenes Of 2016

Along with great films comes sometimes ever greater scenes. This year I broke down 10 of my favorite. These are all my personal favorite and are on this list because I haven’t stopped thinking about them since I saw them in the dark room with the giant shining light where I do my worship. These scenes are Heaven and film is God.

10. Morris From America (Car Ride) Of all the films I saw this year, Morris From America was one of the best surprises. Chad Hartigan’s coming of age tale about a young American boy growing up in Germany with his single father played brilliantly by Craig Robinson is the perfect examination of the loneliness of growing up and being grown up. In a key scene from the film Morris, played by Markees Christmas, has gone out of town with some new friends and gets stranded when he no longer wants to follow the group and starts getting taunted. His father has to come pick him up and the car ride in which Robinsons character explains to Morris all about his own loneliness and sense of sadness with being out of place in Germany is a beautiful revelation for both characters. It’s one of the best things Craig Robinson has done. The sadness and loneliness that we all feel but never can convey is brought out wonderfully in this conversation. As children we assume our parents could never understand our loneliness and as parents we aren’t sure how to connect with our kids but this scene shows that conversations can move mountains and break down barriers.

9. American Honey ( Star Grows Up) American Honey is like if Andrea Arnold was able to capture the wild excitement and the unstable emotional state of the youth of America. Throughout the film you follow Star, played by newcomer Sasha Lane, who is a young Midwestern girl who isn’t exactly living the best life. She and her younger siblings dig through trash cans for food while she also deals with sexual advances from her absent mothers boyfriend. It’s a situation you want her to get out of but what way out is there? Star comes across a van of misfits and lowlifes lead by king rat tail, Shia LaBeouf as Jake in an unusually good performance, who go door to door selling magazines. Star joins this merry band of arm pit stains and sets off on a literal journey to self discovery. The final scene displays the group dancing around a camp fire like some tribe of young stoners who worship Rihanna and it’s a mesmerizing site. Jake and Star and the rest of the group dance around the fire and sing songs as if it’s their most natural state. Jake pulls Star to the side and hands her a little turtle. Throughout the film Jake has been giving Star gifts but it’s mostly to disguise the fact that he’s really taking more away from her. The mind games he plays with himself and her are leaving Star emotionally confused and scarred. She takes the turtle and sets it back in the lake and even taking a dip in it herself. The scene plays like a baptism of sorts, allowing Star to let go of the childish games and relationships and start to become herself, whatever that may be.The scene doesn’t guarantee that Stars life gets better or that she even learned what she needed to from her interactions with Jake and the rest of the crew but it shows one persons internal growth in a masterful way.

8. Swiss Army Man (One Last Fart) Throughout Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert’s brilliant Swiss Army Man you are subjected to Daniel Radcliffe as a farting corpse named Manny and Paul Dano as the miserable loser Hank who finds his body washed up on the shore of a random island he choose to kill him self on. After Hank uses Manny as a speed boat he ends up in the wilderness with the need to survive and the only way he can is with the help of Manny and his many uses. He can chop wood and shot bullets out of his mouth and everything else like some ummm… Multi Purpose Dude?…. NO! Like a Swiss Army Man! Throughout the film Hank displays an unhealthy obsession with a female character named Sarah, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, we only see in flashbacks or pictures. You come to find out that, even though he has a picture of her as his screen saver, Hank has actually never talked to her and has been too scared and shy to really function as a socially expectable human being. When we get to the end and Hank ends up in Sarah’s backyard and finally on a beach where he’s already been outed as an obsessive stalker he lets out a fart and declares very proudly it was him who farted and in a lesser film Sarah’s reaction would be one of Joy and maybe she would have even entertained dating him seeing that as his self discovery but not in this film. Sarah and her husband a long with the rest of the crowd gathered on the beach watch in horror and never excuse the behavior. It throws the whole idea of all you have to do is be yourself and you’ll get the girl right out the fucking window. Sarah and the audience know Hank has a problem and regardless of how whimsical and cute it is, it’s a problem and he needs help and she or any woman of your dreams for that matter isn’t the answer and shouldn’t be forced to be your savior. Hank is off but he’s growing and watching Manny smile and fart his way up the ocean waves as everyone watches in disgust and horror and Hank,who stares and smiles knowing he saved a life,was one of the funniest and heartbreaking moments I’ve seen all year.

7. The VVitch ( Unholy bond with Black Phillip) Robert Eggers delivered one of the best horror films to come out in a long time. A slow burn of a film that deals with a family living out in the woods in 1630s New England. The family is cast out of their community and forced to live out in the woods where an evil presence lurks. The Witch is about liberation. It’s about freeing yourself from the shackles of society with all their religion and rules for how one should act. It is especially a tale of liberation concerning Anya Taylor-Joy’s character Thomasin. She’s carried down by the weight of her responsibilities within her family. A role she didn’t ask for but is expected of her since she is a growing young woman. She must watch after the kids and clean the house and cook and do all the things her families religion and society has assigned to her. Throughout the film an evil lurks in the woods in the form of a witch. You know you’re in for some fucked up shit when the film starts with a naked lady cutting open a baby and bathing in its blood. You don’t see all the gory details but you get the feeling that living out in the woods in New England during the 1630s was a pretty stupid idea. The scene I want to talk about is the ending of the film. An ending that pretty much will make or break what you thought of the film up to that point. The ending in which Thomasin pledges an alliance with Black Phillip, the goat who Thomasins younger siblings claim to be the Devil earlier in the film and Thomasin brushes it off, and follows him into the woods to find a camp fire of witches laughing and screaming until all at once they start to lift towards the sky in what is one of the best visual representations of liberation I’ve seen. Now, I’m not saying this movie got me to denounce God and start worshipping the Devil but it did.

6. Jackie ( Assassination Scene )

Pablo Larrain has knocked the biopic on its head with this amazing psychological horror film and Natalie Portman gives the performance of her career playing Jacqueline Kennedy in her most vulnerable and fragile moments. The key scene in question is the sun in which this film revolves around. The assassination scene could have been done in a very exploitive and classless way in the hands of a lesser film maker. The fact that we can actually see footage of the event only adds to pressure surrounding the scene. We all pretty much have watched the film footage. It’s morbid and violent and chaotic and it satisfies the worst of our voyeuristic tendencies. This could have been done in a way that glorifies the scene as some action set piece head shot but Larrain films the scene with a real heavy grace, dropping you in the car with a loud BANG! we are chaos and panic and we’ve landed right on Jackie and you feel as she pushes and struggles with us as we tear through the scene like a bullet creating uncertainty and dread. Every awkward movement and confused look is captured perfectly in this scene and it’s like we are seeing it for the first time and really feeling the weight of it.

5. La La Land ( Traffic Jam )

The opening scene of Damien Chazelle’s spectacular film La La Land is pretty much the opening scene to your life if you live in LA. Being stuck in traffic is hell but almost everyone of those people, honking and shouting, are here because they have a dream and trying to successfully realize that dream can make life one huge traffic jam. This glorious musical sequence is made all the more spectacular by being done in what is made to look like one unbroken long take that slips and glides up down the 105 as morning commuters dance and sing as if though Los Angeles is the casting director for Hollywoods latest big budget musical. They don’t make them like this anymore and Chazelle makes the case that as long as you know what you’re doing and you have a passion for film musicals can still be relevant and fresh but still remind us of the optimism and joy of early Hollywood. The scene encompasses everything about the film. Ambition, talent, and guts. You gotta have them to make it in La La Land and you gotta have them to think you can open a film like La La Land with a musical number as ambitious as this.

4. Captain America : Civil War ( Airport Scene )

The Russo Brothers snuck into my brain and unlocked my comic book geek dreams and wildest fantasies and used that collective knowledge to create not only one of the greatest superhero films of all time but one of the all time greatest superhero film scenes ever put on screen. I can write pages and pages about this scene and every little detail that was done correctly and with such care that it made me cry but I am just going to remind you that Spider Man is the best he’s ever been on screen in his brief moments in this film. Ant- Man and Paul Rudd as Ant Man is the superhero we didn’t know we needed. HE FUCKING TURNS INTO GIANT MAN! Just go watch the scene. As a matter of fact I’m going to stop typing and you should stop reading and just GO WATCH CIVIL WAR NOW!

3. Moonlight ( End of act 1/ Closing Shot )

What can I say about Moonlight that hasn’t already been said? It’s considered one of the best films of the year and for a very good reason. This beautiful film about self discovery and connection in a world that doesn’t give you a chance to do either of those things for yourself is a master class in subtle filmmaking. Barry Jenkins creates a giant effect with small intimate moments and although he is the cook it is his main ingredients that really bring this dish together. All the actors playing the 3 stages of Chiron’s life are pitch perfect and are supported by an array of brilliant performances. One of those performances belongs to Mahershala Ali, who plays Juan the drug dealer, and gives one of the best performances of the year. The scene in question puts us at Juans home where he lives with his girlfriend, played by Janelle Monae, and it’s the end of act one. We’ve just experienced Juan coming across a young Chiron ,who was being bullied and chased by older kids, and eventually forming a bond. This bond allows young Chiron to not have to go home to his crack addict mother, played by a fantastic Naomie Harris, and use Juans place as a safe haven from her addiction and verbal abuse but what Chiron doesn’t know is that Juan is where his mother gets the drugs that are sending her and his life spinning out of control. In an emotional gut punch of a scene young Chiron walks up to Juan who is sitting at his kitchen table and asks him if he is the one who sells drugs to his mother. What follows is one of the most heartbreaking exchanges I’ve ever seen on film and Mahershala Ali as Juan quietly figuring out in his head what to tell Chiron and eventually telling him the truth is an automatic Oscar in my opinion. Juan’s reluctance to tell Chiron and his eventual feelings of disappointment and anger towards himself are all shown in Ali’s eyes and body language. He never goes for the big scene and makes it larger than life because of it.

2. The Lobster ( David picks up on the Heartless woman while biscuit woman dies on the floor next to them ) In Yorgos Lanthimo’s brilliant relationship satire we follow David, played by Colin Farrell, as he is forced to live in a hotel for 45 days because he is single and being single is outlawed and in order to avoid being turned into an animal after 45 days he must find a partner and create a relationship with them in the hotel. Sounds like every other fucking day, am I right? In this brilliant comedy our characters find love with each other by finding certain traits that each can relate to. For example, a young woman has constant nose bleeds and instead of trying to win her over with a personality, another character decides to bang his head or stab a sharp object into his nose in order to give the impression that he also has constant nose bleeds and wins her over. It’s the perfect metaphor for the way people court each other and try to win each other over with surface and artificial things like being into the same bands or having the same fashion sense. In this key scene David decides he needs to find a partner soon and that he will also need to fake something in order to find her. David finds himself being attracted to The Heartless Woman, played by Angeliki Papoulia who was also in the directors previous film Dogtooth, who is given that nickname because she is mean and has no heart. The scene that really brought this film together and makes it stand out above the rest is a scene where one of the hotel guests has just jumped out of a window in an attempt to kill herself. She lays on the floor all crippled and screaming in pain when David sees this as an opportunity to try and court the heartless woman, he walks up behind her as she sits in a hot tub not very far from the attempted suicide and say’s out loud how he hopes that the lady will die soon so that she stops screaming because it’s really disturbing his day and with that heartless statement he gets a glance from the heartless woman and from there they are a couple. It’s doomed from the start and he knows it but with the pressure on us everyday to find a partner we are willing to go against ourselves to please others and even willing to complain about a dying woman’s screams. It’s hilarious and heartbreaking and dark in ways that give me joy beyond comprehension.

1. Green Room ( Patrick Stewart vs. Anton Yelchin )

Jeremy Saulnier’s punk rock horror film Green Room stands above the rest this year when it comes to thrills and twists you never see coming. It’s a master class in suspense and tension. This isn’t some free for all shoot ‘em up stab 'em frenzy, it’s a calculated cat and mouse game that requires our characters to think before acting. A punk rock band has just witnessed a murder in the green room of the venue they just played that just so happens to be run by a menacing skinhead gang. The bands bassist, played by the late and talented Anton Yelchin, was able to dial the cops on his cell phone before it’s grabbed from his hands and this creates a problem for both parties. Now that the band has seen what they saw the venue can’t exactly let them go but after having the cops called on the venue they can’t exactly just straight up murder these kids so they have to figure something out and they get their help in the form of their quiet but menacing leader Darcy, played by a brilliant Patrick Stewart, who figures out a way to get rid of the band and save face. At this point our band is locked up in the green room holding one of the skinheads hostage while they have his gun and figure out how the hell to get out of there. One punk suggests shooting his way out but this isn’t that movie and our characters know that they could have more guns on the other side and at this point the band believes the cops are on their way to the venue. Enter Darcy who shows up to clean the mess by promising that they will let the band go without harming them as long as they hand over the gun and the person they have in the room safely but the band as well as the audience knows that isn’t the case and it isn’t going to be that simple. What follows is one of the most tense stand offs in cinema history. It’s Anton Yelchin trying to figure out if he should unlock the door and hand over the gun to Patrick Stewart on the other side but it’s a back and forth that has both actors matching wit and verbally trying to knock the other out. It isn’t until the end of the scene that we get a burst of violence and chaos but leading up to that is a strategy game that leaves you at the edge of your seat and asking yourself “ What the fuck would I do in a situation like this?” and then showing you there is no right or wrong answer and you can’t always just go into action hero mode because the situation calls for it. For the most part you just die.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Happy 70th Birthday Stephen King: The 10 Best Horror Adaptations

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Happy 70th Birthday Stephen King: The 10 Best Horror Adaptations

Today our father who art in horror Stephen King turns 70! And I for one thank Maturin, that great big turtle in the sky, every single day that Stephen was born. Just ask yourself “Where would we be without him?” In fact, what would horror be without him?

Stephen King was born in 1947 in Portland Maine. He sold his first professional short story “The Glass Floor” In 1967 while working in an industrial laundry. In 1971, King started teaching high school English, while at nights he continued to write short stories and work on his novels. In 1974 Doubleday published Carrie.  The resulting income allowed him to leave his teaching job to write full-time. Over the next 40 plus years King went on to shape the horror landscape by releasing many genre defining novels including The Shining, Cujo, IT, Salem’s Lot and many more. King has amassed sales of over 350 million books to date, and thankfully isn’t showing any signs of slowing down.

Stephen King is also responsible for some of the most horrifying and nightmare inducing movies ever made. Many of his novels have been adapted into some truly iconic and recognisable horror movies in modern cinema; The Shining, It, Carrie, Christine, and countless others. To celebrate his birthday, a sacred day on my horror calendar, lets countdown my our 10 Stephen King horror movie adaptations.

Selection Criteria

a) Only Horror Movies: – I will only be selecting Stephen’s scary sh*t, so there will be no Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption or Stand By Me. We’re a horror site.

b) The rankings are mine, and are based on how much I liked the film- Not the scope of the cinematography or the maturity of the score blah blah bah. My list. My criteria.

c) I have only ranked movies I have seen. For all I know, Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror could be the greatest movie ever based within the King-verse, but I haven’t seen it so it’s not on the list!

And without further ado, The List!

  10 – Carrie (1976)

Hi Carrie, rough night?

Carrie White is a shy and sheltered girl, who after a particularly cruel prank unleashes her deadly telekinetic powers to get vengeance at her high school prom.

Let’s face it. This film is bleak. Sissy Spacek plays awkward so well that you grimace at her every interaction. Add to this the fact that she has clearly been systematically domineered and abused by her religious mother whom I’m pretty sure is the most evil character since Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. In fact the most uplifting moment in Carrie is when Mrs. White gets graphically and ironically killed; impaled on her own symbolism.

Anyway, Carrie kills everyone and lives happily ever after or something.

For me this film boils down to three scenes ranked by how much they terrified me as an 8-year-old boy.

3. The prom scene = mildly freaking out.

2. The hand out of the grave scene = big jump scare made me close my little eyes.

1. The pig murder scene = didn’t sleep for a week. Every time I closed my eyes i heard that poor piggy crying.

  9 – Secret Window (2004)

Wait, what?

Uh oh, early controversy! This probably won’t be a popular choice, but I loved this movie, and remember: My criteria.

Secret window is a psychological thriller about an author named Mort. Recently divorced, he moves to his upstate New York cabin to work on his writing. While there he meets John Shooter, who accuses him of plagiarism and proceeds to torment him seeking justice.

Johnny Depp and John Turturro are easily two of my favourite actors named John. I will eat anything these two dish up and probably ask for more. Their chemistry really carries this film and Turturro’s accent is just plain fun. The mystery aspect of this movie however is the weak point and by the time the twist is revealed, you’ve probably already guessed it. But the way it’s handled is so entertaining that I didn’t begrudge it at all.

  8 – The Dead Zone (1983)

Whoa Chris, Your sex is on fire!

5 years after a car accident leaves him in a coma, Johnny Smith (Christopher Walken) discovers he has the ability to see people’s secrets through any physical contact. With some deeply unsettling visualizations of his premonitions, we follow Johnny as he attempts to navigate his “Dead Zone” and prevent the untimely deaths of those around him.

If you need more incentive? (ahem, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN) it is also directed by David ‘freaking’ Cronenberg! Don’t even bother with the rest of this list, if you haven’t seen The Dead Zone. Cancel your plans for the evening and watch it now.

  7 – 1408 (2007)

Should’ve got the suite upgrade.

*This movie has two endings and while both versions are good, I only have eyes for the darker ending.

Mike Enslin (John Cusack), a paranormal debunker decides to stay in the Dolphin Hotel’s infamous room 1408.  Not long after checking in Mike learns that the stories surrounding room 1408 may not be as embellished as he first believed.

SPOILER ALERT! this hotel room is really f**king haunted! After he ignores the hotel manager’s (Samuel L Jackson) extremely convincing and rational speech, it doesn’t take Mike very long to realize his monumental error. This movie is tense and unnerving from start to finish. 

  6 – Christine (1983)

Dope ride bro!

A nerdy teenager (Arnie) buys a vintage car (Christine) that has supernatural abilities and a sinister, violent nature. As Arnie’s obsession with Christine develops, his friends notice that the car’s not so pleasant nature is starting to influence its owner.

John Carpenter directs a movie about a kick ass red car, that actually seems possessed by a demon, but don’t let this seemingly campy premise put you off. This movie is awesome as Christine is evil. The badass Red Plymouth Fury owns every scene it’s in with its larger than life presence, deep rumbling voice and inherent menace.

  5 – Pet Sematary (1989)

I’m never making waffles again.

Behind a family home, in Maine, there is an old cemetery that holds the secret to life and death. When Tragedy strikes the Creed family, the lure of this power becomes too tempting to ignore.

Pet Sematary (spelt wrong on purpose) is a movie about a family who move into a new house that’s on a surprising busy road. Soon after they lose their small child in a tragic accident. Louis (Dale Mikiff) learns of the old pet cemetery and it’s apparent ability to bring the dead back to life (yay!) but they also seem to come back a little evil (boo!). This movie is full of fantastic nightmare fuel. I still cringe every time I think of sweet little, creepy AF child, slicing open poor old Jud’s Achilles tendon.

  4 – IT (2017)

So much happiness in one place…

The newest film on the list, and it was only through sheer force of will it wasn’t number 1. For those of you who live under a rock, IT is about a group of kids called ‘The Losers Club’ who are taunted by a monster in the form of an extremely disturbing turn-of-the-century era clown.

This movie is so much fun. Sure, its full of terror. Sure, I haven’t slept in a week. But, it captures the innocence and humour of being a kid so perfectly, it almost made me wish I grew up in Derry….except, of course- for the evil clown trying to eat everyone.

  3 – The Mist (2007)

Oh God, no!

You guessed it- This one is about a strange Mist that descends on a small town (probably in, Oh I don’t know- Maine). Along with the unexplained weather pattern come terrible monsters that pick off the town folk one-by-one. No one knows where it came from or how to get rid of it.

We spend the majority of this film in a grocery store, where the monsters outside are not necessarily the biggest threat. A great creature feature, The Mist is fun, action packed and dramatic (especially that ending!). Actually, maybe you should just press stop once they drive into the mist near the end, because the last 5 minutes is so dark,  it will definitely break your heart.

  2 – Creepshow 2 (1987)

UNCONFIRMED photo of Miley Cyrus at the kids choice awards.

I’m sure this one needs no description, but Creepshow 2 is a horror anthology of tales based on Stephen King stories. The first segment follows a cigar-store Native American statue coming to life to avenge the death of the shop owner and his wife. The Raft features a group of sexy teens travel to a secluded lake to swim and have fun. Problem is there is an evil organism living in the lake that is hungry for some nubile flesh. The final installment follows a woman who hits a hitchhiker with her car and decides to flee the scene, but the victim isn’t inclined to remain dead.

This was my favourite movie growing up! A brilliant collection of twisted, and timeless vignettes. The wrap around animation is a lot of fun too, telling the story of little Billy and his bullies.

  1 – The Shining (1980)

You could’ve just knocked, Jack.

There is no other number one.

In The Shining, Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) takes a job as winter caretaker at the isolated Overlook Hotel in Colorado, hoping to cure his writer’s block. Psychic premonitions plague his son Danny. As Jack’s writing goes nowhere, young Danny’s visions become more intense. Jack discovers the hotel has dark secrets and he begins to unravel, terrorizing his family as he spirals downward into madness.

The pamphlet for the Overlook Hotel should just read: Overlook Hotel, where a bunch of jerk ghosts live. Poor Danny, his “Shining” ability along with a childish love of exploration, open him up to some serious spectral harassment. This movie builds tension to perfection. In fact one of my favourite characters in the film is Dick Halloran. When Dick is on-screen there is usually a slight respite from the heavy tension. 

This movie is a classic that every horror fan needs to see at least once.. no, twice.

  Honorable Mentions

Misery, Creepshow, Silver Bullet and Cujo

  Thanks for making my life more entertaining Stephen! And please, keep the nightmares coming! Let us know in the comments below your top Horror Adaptations from Stephen King!