#gets sam to touch her belly and talk to the baby and that’s when Jack does the whole ‘I’m The Perfect Paradise Baby Love Me 🥺���’ thing on sam

[quietwingsinthesky]

we’ve all said it before but ill say it again, sam should have gotten lucifer pregnant and that should have been the jack origin. if she was jessifer at the time, even better <3

[deans-haunted-baby]

Dadstiel Shoulder Touch Analysis

I want to take some time to discuss something about this incredible father/son dynamic that I don’t think gets enough recognition. And that is their connection. A connection layered in so many different attributes yet primarily based on physical touch. Apologies this is going to be long. Despite my saltiness towards Supernatural as I feel the show squandered them during its run, I really love the amount of attention to detail that was put into Castiel and Jack’s relationship. It kind of has a Terminator inspired vibe going on which I can’t deny enjoying. The bodyguard and the future savior of mankind. And this bond was in development all the way back in season 12; long before Jack was born. 

During 12x19 it’s through his mother Kelly, that the son of Lucifer forges an emotional attachment with the trench-coated angel whom he imprints on to be his surrogate dad. From the moment Castiel puts his hand on her belly, and feels Jack, they instantly fall in love with each other. At first touch. Trusting each other completely without the slightest bit of doubt as they sense the other’s good aura. It’s a devotion unlike anything Cas has ever experienced in his millions of years. Even more than what he’s felt for Sam and Dean. And it happens before he and Jack even get to see each other. Their bond becomes intensely essential that it boosts Castiel’s grace, allowing him to protect Kelly and her son from Dagon as well as cause a rip in time and space.

After Jack is born and in the care of the Winchesters, scared, lost and confused yet curious as an infant in an adolescent body; the child wanders aimlessly searching for Castiel. All he wants in that moment is to be with Castiel because that is who he recognizes as his father. Missing him and needing to feel that same warmth, protection and compassion he felt from inside his mother’s womb. However, following the tragic circumstances that led to the angel’s unexpected death at the hands of Jack’s biological dad in 12x23, these two are forcibly separated in the beginning of season 13. Until Jack instinctively resurrects Castiel out of the Empty through his own will and desire alone at the very end of 13x03. Proving that no matter how far away they are, the tether between them can’t be broken.

These two don’t even need an introduction from Sam and Dean when 13x06 finally reunites them for the first time. Jack immediately knows who Castiel is going off on his mother’s memories. And their reunion comes so naturally. There’s no awkwardness, no hesitation or apprehensiveness emanating from the angel’s presence. Jack just walks right up to Cas, puts his arms around him and tells him how much he missed him. Its as if they’d never been apart. And afterwards they spend nearly the entire episode practically inseparable. Getting to know each other as father and son. And that goes without saying, while Jack did bond with the Winchesters in person first, there is no comparison to the Nephilim boy’s emotional attachment towards the angel.

This special relationship is very significant to both of them. Around each other they’re at their most happiest. Castiel is constantly at Jack’s side; and ALMOST ALWAYS tenderly touching him, namely his shoulders or protectively holding him by the arm and the child wholly reciprocates this. In Castiel’s gentle physical touch Jack is given a sense of security, solace, reassurance and comfort. Same as he’d had as an unborn baby. Not only is this the angel’s way of demonstrating his affection, empathy and devotion towards his son but this is actually how he non-verbally tells Jack that he loves him. Its purely unconditional. And this gesture isn’t one-sided as I will acknowledge later. Jack desires Cas’s tangible nearness as much as his dad does which is why they’re so magnetically pulled together in all of their scenes on the show. 

Even when they’re at conflict with each other or arguing, Castiel never fails to let Jack know that he’s always safe and loved. That he isn’t afraid of him. His son could be in pain, angry, or vengeful in the moment and Castiel’s affection for that child will never waver. He’ll endlessly put his own life at risk in order to reach Jack; who is far more powerful than he is via his archangel half. Like the convivence store scene in 13x23 when Jack attacks a civilian believing he’d killed his friend and Cas does his best to subdue him. Whether Jack wants it or not at the time, he needs his dad’s emotional support; and the angel can’t stand the thought of his son harmed or hurting. He’s easily saddened whenever Jack refuses his touch as shown in 13x21 when he was very upset over Sam’s temporary death and rips away Cas’s hand as he’s trying to console him.

Supernatural really emphasizes the powerful connection Castiel and Jack share using physical communication in nearly every one of their episodes. Its these wonderful details they do onscreen that illustrates the depth of love these characters have for each other. Unfortunately though, they didn’t get to interact much during season 13. Yet the small portions in their four episodes together is exceptionally substantial. While we’re on the subject, the shoulder touches are definitely a Dadstiel thing. It’s their signature sign of affection and theirs’s only. Don’t believe me, let me give you an example of a specific scene in 14x19 between Jack and Sam; which takes place in the aftermath of Jack’s accidental killing of the Winchesters’ mother Mary.

Dean and Sam conspire to trick and lock away the soulless infant Nephilim in a mystical coffin as punishment with the intention of finding a solution that will end his life. Sam is the reluctant main player in this scheme of using his influence over the child in order to gain his trust and sway him into his fate. Just before Jack’s about to be led to the room and put into the box, scared and uncertain, Sam then puts his hand on his shoulder telling him they need to keep him safe while giving him an awkward grin. And look at Jack’s expression as this happens. It reads shattered. He immediately knows something’s wrong. Sam is touching him just like Castiel…except this is nothing like Castiel. His dad’s shoulder touches are always so tender and loving. 

Jack can literally feel Cas’s devotion for him in every tangibility. But here he doesn’t feel that from Sam at all. Its cold, fearful and empty just like he is on the inside. Rendering him even more nervous. Speaking of season 14 the father/son content we get between Castiel and Jack is even better that year as its all about their relationship growing and strengthening into something far deeper than it was in the previous seasons 12 and 13. It’s the year their bond is put through the ultimate test. Where Jack is made human after Lucifer steals his grace and Cas dominantly steps into his role as a father.  

Providing Jack with a certain guidance, boundaries, and stability in episodes 14x01, 14x02, 14x03, 14x09 and 14x10 unlike what he’d received from Sam and Dean. Castiel takes on all the difficult tasks of parenting ranging from scolding to teaching his son about death, responsibility, self-restraint, patience and the tribulations of growing up. He doesn’t raise his voice ever when he speaks to Jack. And is completely there 100% for his son from the beginning…and the end of his life. Although Castiel is an angel he is very much a pivotal link to Jack’s humanity and vice versa as well as a link to his celestial side. While he greatly admires and looks up to the Winchesters, its through Cas’s influence that the infant Nephilim aspires to be a good person. 

Jack never wants to become the monster his biological father was; desperate to break out of that mold once in for all. And he isn’t alone. Castiel is right there with Jack every step of the way. Ready to challenge and encourage his son whenever he does something decent or makes a mistake. He doesn’t hesitate to tell his son when he’s proud of him. And sometimes he’s there to coddle Jack during times of crisis as displayed in the 14x09 showdown with AU!Michael where the angel takes a second to heal Jack’s minor facial wounds. I just love that tiny focal point of Cas in the background, as the Winchesters are talking, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder before using his powers on him. As if to keep him calm; like a parent reassuring their nervous kid that it won’t hurt.

Throughout the first part of season 14 we’re blessed with so much affectionate Dadstiel moments like the after-the-battle angst talk in 14x01 where Castiel reminds a very frustrated Jack “you’ve got me” as he declares he has nothing. Or 14x08 after Jack’s death and they’re bittersweetly reunited in Heaven with Kelly; all smiles, touching shoulders and hugging each other as if they can’t bear to be separated. Followed with that heartfelt moment of Castiel tenderly touching his son’s cheeks, sadly looking at him with so much adoration, as he sends his soul back to his body. Then there was their unforgettable father/son pep talk in regards to the vulnerability of Jack’s soul; Castiel just gives his son’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he leaves the room. Again, this is how these two say “I love you”.

And I couldn’t very go in depth of this analysis without mentioning 14x20′s Jack death scene 2.0; Castiel helplessly touches his son, who’s screaming on the ground in agony, trying desperately to ease his suffering. Yah this was particularly very hard for me to watch witnessing Castiel going out of his mind, completely unable to save Jack from enduring such a painful end to his life. Once was already cruel enough on me. And of course 15x01 continued that vicious trend of Castiel harrowingly protecting his son’s corpse, carrying him over the shoulder in a fireman’s hold as he runs through the cemetery, then gently lays him down on the floor in a mausoleum. I get emotional watching Cas cradling Jack’s head as he positions him comfortably; letting his touch linger unable to let go. He doesn’t even care what happens to him in this moment as long as his son’s body is safe. Very strong symbolism of a parent who will never abandon their child long after they’re gone. 

On a side note I want to quickly call attention to how much I revere the Dadstiel healing parallels in 14x09 and 14x14 plus BONUS: Jack almost-killing Castiel in 15x13 so he can talk to Ruby in the Empty. These just add some nice little textures in their dynamic which compliments their ongoing tradition of showing devotion through physical communication. And both the healing scenes and the temporary death scene are composited very similarly. Focused on Castiel and Jack’s hands in the process of relieving the other’s pain/life. 

Touch is exhibited as being a very crucial element for both of these characters when it comes to their iron-clad relationship. That palpable part of Castiel and Jack’s connection keeps them closely-knit. Its their familial instinct and how they express their feelings for each other. If they aren’t kneading shoulders, the angel duo is often standing beside each other or firmly linked at the arms. And this usually happens during moments of extreme stress, joy, sorrow, pain or fear. Jack relies so much on Castiel’s parental presence. He respects his authority, disobeying only when his actions feel necessary, and will go to the angel whenever he wants to talk or vent. Jack is also comfortable with Castiel enough to confide his darkest secrets no matter how awful they are. That’s the foundation of the everlasting trust built between them. They’re just tethered to one another in such a way that nothing will divide them. 

I’ll begin with the hospital scene from 14x07 where Castiel is being the rock to his ailing son who can barely stand on his feet. There’s so much anxiety radiating off him in this moment as he struggles with watching Jack suffer; holding him so close. Staring at his face you can tell this horrible situation is ripping him apart. Actually, the entire episode is basically just Castiel silently enduring the pain of Jack dying.

The second set of screencaps underneath are of 14x10; Jack is agitated by AU!Michael’s antagonistic claims that his family’s love for him isn’t unconditional. Reading into one of his greatest fears. But then Castiel instantly calls out to his son, grabs the crook of his arm; gently reassuring him none of this is true. And Jack doesn’t resist this as he knows his dad is sincere. He never has to question Cas’s feelings towards him as his physical touch alone is self-explanatory. But when it comes to the Winchesters, that’s a whole other conversation.    

Next, we have one of my favorite emotionally-charged Dadstiel moments in 14x14; where in a fit of panic because the anti venom wasn’t working Jack, going against Castiel’s warnings not to risk burning off his soul, is compelled to use his powers to save his dad. And I love this because this time its Jack who’s the one initiating all the physical contact. Just as the recovered angel demands what he’s done, his son responds with a soft “you’re okay” and the “I love you dad” shoulder touch as well as firmly gripping his arm.  

Finally stepping away from season 14 I’m going to briefly go over the caps from season 15. Let’s begin with 15x11 the Dadstiel reunion scene at the church which is so beautifully poignant. Castiel is so overjoyed to see Jack alive that he takes a second to look over his equally stunned son, touching his shoulders before they embrace. This is by far one of Cas and Jack’s top father/son moments on the show and it’s done so effectively. If you want a more in-depth description for what I love about this scene, you can read my post about it here.

After that is the 15x13 Dadstiel moment where Castiel, suspicious of Jo’s story about the Occultum, had asked Jack to temporarily kill him in order to go see Ruby in the Empty. Two things I really like about this; 1. even though Jack still doesn’t have a soul, is very concerned about and protective over Castiel because of that deal. And 2. again Jack is initiating all the touching in this scene; look at the way he grasps his dad’s arm as he returns him to life. It’s almost as if he’s hoping the touch of his hand will not only speed up the process but also reach his dad so his essence isn’t lost forever.   

And then we have 15x17. We didn’t get much Dadstiel interaction in this episode but the amount of times Castiel protectively holds onto his agonized child, who’d been turned into a cosmic bomb about to go off any minute, having no regard for the danger he’s in is so visually gut-wrenching. There’s a specific moment in the scene where, as Sam and Dean are arguing, Castiel is sitting on the floor just clutching Jack tight. Trying to non-verbally soothe him.

And this is followed up in the first half of 15x18, aka THEIR VERY LAST EPISODE TOGETHER ever on Supernatural. Here is where everything about their connection comes full circle with Castiel refusing to abandon Jack no matter the situation. Demonstrating the extent of his devotion by willing to die for his child just as he’d sacrificed his happiness to save Jack from the Empty. Because that is his son and nothing not even death itself can ever destroy what they have. Much as the young Nephilim boy begs for his dad to stay away, yells that he doesn’t want to hurt him; Castiel kneeling to Jack’s eye-level doesn’t leave his side. Then when Jack disappears to the Empty and reappears back at the bunker reformed, Castiel’s hand remains firmly glued to his son’s shoulder. He doesn’t want Jack to feel afraid or traumatized any further.

This was such an intense part of the episode I mean just look at how stressed out these two were. The anguish in their expressions. Simply put, Cas and Jack cannot bare to live without the other. They’re each other’s home; two sides of the same soul. Castiel loves all of Jack; the good, the bad and the ugly. This is an EPIC father and son’s love that knows no bounds. So powerful and pure that it transcended the loss of Jack’s soul, Lucifer’s DNA, the Empty, Mary Winchester’s death and everything else in between. Oh, and guess what, their “I love you” Dadstiel shoulder touches aren’t limited to just their hands. Its in every single one of their hugs too.  

Notice how their chins or faces just comfortably rest on top of each other’s shoulders. And except for 14x20 their eyes are shut, as if to savor every single second of that closeness. Jack just buries himself against Castiel like he’s never felt safer with anyone else in the whole universe. And both of them hold each other; giving and receiving the other’s love with their whole self. Like I can’t even begin to describe how much Castiel and Jack’s softness towards each other just melts my heart. Their relationship, despite the horror tongue-in-cheek atmosphere of SPN, is surprisingly sweet, healthy and endearing. They are the epitome of true unconditional love and a great contrast to the Winchester brothers. In my humble opinion Castiel and Jack’s father/son dynamic is the best thing to happen to this show in a long while.

For the closing segment of this analysis I want to do something special before I discuss the paralleled-angst driven Dadstiel shoulder touches in 15x15 and 15x18. First off, I can’t shout enough praise from the rooftops about the insanely remarkable chemistry between Alexander Calvert and Misha Collins. Just brilliant casting. They embody these characters heart and soul and make this relationship feel so real, genuine and grounded. The fact that they look so similar in appearance really sells the idea that these two could actually be father and son. Forget the scripts, the quiet subtly these two bring to Castiel and Jack is the true magic of their relationship.

Let me start with the Dadstiel centric 15x15 aka THE BEST EPISODE of Supernatural season 15. This amazing masterpiece of art is everything I could’ve asked for and more; giving me so much precious father/son content that I will cherish forever. I really enjoyed seeing Castiel and Jack in those matching ties, bonding with each other over a case while they save the day. It’s a shame this show never let these two have more solo adventures together because they’re truly a joy to watch onscreen. Fingers crossed for that spinoff.

But I digress, the car scene in question happens at the very end of the episode in which Jack reveals the alarming truth that he has to die in order to stop Chuck and Amara. And Castiel, visibly and outspokenly distraught by this news, has to be assuaged with that infamous shoulder touch by his son; who’s in just as much pain. This is without a doubt one of most emotional scenes between these two characters out of the last three seasons of the show and quite possibly one of Misha and Alex’s strongest acting moments after the Dadstiel church reunion in 15x11. They killed it with the feels here. I like the attention to detail, the shadows and the colors in the shot, the melancholic score as well as how it seamlessly switches from Jack’s perspective to Castiel’s. Seriously watching this scene always makes me cry its so devastating.

 Lastly, we have the Dadstiel car scene in 15x18; and Castiel and Jack’s LAST ONE-ON-ONE together. I’m kind of disappointed by this if I’m being honest. Its not that its bad its just not that definitively great for a final scene between these characters. Especially after four seasons of development. Where are the stakes? Why don’t Jack and Castiel seem as concerned about their situation? Cute as that smile was it doesn’t fit the tone. And where’s that punch in the gut knowing something is going to separate these two any second? It’s too light and doesn’t come off like a goodbye or a cathartic bookend which is what I wanted to take away from the episode considering its title “Despair”.

I mean if they were going to follow up on that heartbreaking car scene at the end of “Gimme Shelter”, the 15x18 scene wasn’t the way to do it. So, the weight of this final interaction feels almost non-existent. Maybe if it had taken place at night and the dialogue solely focused on them not the Winchesters it would’ve faired better. But since this isn’t a rant post I’ll cut to the chase by saying that the only saving grace this moment has happens in the last part. Jack’s in tears telling his dad how scared he is that he can’t use his powers to protect anyone. Coming off very childlike and vulnerable; needing that parental protection that Castiel was always known for. And sure enough, he gives Jack that final “I love you” shoulder touch which I swear had me choked a little. 

Rethinking about it now that the show is over actually makes their final moment together really sad as incomplete as it is. I not only look back on how much these characters were drastically underutilized but how much the Dadstiel storyline could’ve been executed better with all the development that it was given. Well there you have it my full Dadstiel shoulder-touch analysis. Hope you’ve enjoyed!

[onfreckledwings]

hoping you’ll see (what your love means to me)

15x20 fix-it songfic. shameless feel-good fluff. because our babies deserved the world.

When Dean dies on a Thursday in November, Cas is there to welcome him at the proverbial pearly gates. Sort of.

He can’t really even call it a gate. It’s blue skies, sloping mountains, pine trees, and open fields. The sun shines more brilliantly and warmer here.

The air breathes cleaner; the breeze is cool and languid.

He doesn’t realize he’d been walking until he comes to a stop, dirt swirling around his legs. Nothing hurt: not his hip, not his knees, his back, or chest.

Nothing.

“Well at least I made it to Heaven,” Dean murmurs to himself. In the next moment, Harvelle’s appears a few yards away.

“No way.”

He walks the short distance before standing in front of the bar, and he’s smiling so wide and he can feel his laugh lines on his cheeks and the crinkles of his eyes.

Harvelle’s Roadhouse

The same neon lights in the windows, the same sign. Everything is exactly the same.

“Hell yeah,” and then he’s walking up the porch and has a palm on the door before he stills.

Dean shuts his eyes briefly before opening them with a silent chuckle. He knows who’s there. Even before he turns his head.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean turns around to see Castiel standing a few yards away.

He feels his face cracking from smiling so wide, and he feels his eyes stinging with tears behind them. He faces Cas fully now, hands shoved into his pockets, and begins to walk towards him.

He ducks his head, almost shy, and glances up at him through his eyelashes. “Castiel,” he greets with pressed lips, eyes gleaming.

Heaven is strange, he thinks. He feels no sense of unease here. No nerves, no jitters. He only feels contentment. Peace. Joy.

Cas tilts his head in that fucking adorable way he does, and Dean can feel something behind his ribs melt. He stops when they are a few inches apart.

Cas’s eyes are bluer than Dean has ever seen them. Moss green and ethereal blue.

Sky and Earth.

The wind gusts gently around them. The blades of grass dance.

Cas lifts a hand and places it on Dean’s left shoulder. Cas’s shoulder. Dean smiles a small, watery thing.

“Are you...real? How-” and Dean trails off. He somehow already knows the answer. Cas squeezes his shoulder and smiles.

“Yes. It’s me.”

Dean’s eyes well up and his nose starts to tickle. He looks up to the sky and wets his lips in that way he does to hold tears at bay, before meeting blue again.

Dean reaches between them and grips Cas’s always-crooked tie. Cas looks confused at first, maybe even a little scared. But when Dean’s free hand comes to cradle the side of Cas’s neck and lets his fingers brush the strands of thick hair at its nape, Cas’s face smooths out and he stands a little taller.

One lone tear breaks free from the corner of Dean’s eye, and Cas’s thumb is there to catch it as he sweeps it over his cheekbone before cupping his jaw.

Dean tugs him close before snaking his arms around Cas’s waist under his trench coat and hugs him close, face buried in the angel’s shoulder. He melts when Cas envelopes him, cheek resting against his crown, hands rubbing soothing patterns against Dean’s back.

“You’re early,” Castiel whispers.

Dean gives a small chuckle. “Yeah, well...I’m a dumbass.” And then he’s inhaling slow and deep against Cas’s skin. Cas smells like sweet summer rain, the crisp air of fall.

He smells like Cas.

“And I missed you,” he murmurs against the warm swath of exposed skin on the angel’s neck before pressing a feather-light kiss there.

Cas seems to melt at the contact and grips Dean tighter. Dean feels fingers card through the short strands of his hair and Cas’s other hand comes up to cup the back of Dean’s head.

“I missed you too.”

Something occurs to Dean then, and he lifts his head to meet Cas’s eyes. His hands travel up Cas’s arms until they rest on his shoulders.

“Hang on...how did you get out? How did you get here?”

Cas simply smiles and gives Dean a knowing look. “Jack may have had something to do with it.”

Dean unfurls a bark of laughter from his chest before grasping that tie again.

“That’s our boy.”

Cas smiles again, and Dean thinks he’ll never ever tire of seeing it.

His eyes flit between Cas’s and his lips and back again, and he flattens his free palm on Cas’s chest, just over where his heart would be.

“Cas,” he begins, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, “about what you said..before you left-”

“You don’t have to say anything, Dean,” Cas offers quietly. “I don’t expect-”

“Well that’s good,” he cuts Cas off, “‘cause I wasn’t really plannin’ on talkin’. I’m shit with words.”

Cas blinks quizzically. “Wha-” but he trails off when Dean grazes the stubble of his cheeks with the soft pads of his thumbs.

Dean starts to tremble slightly when he cups either side of Cas’s jaw again.

He dives in.

Their mouths slot together perfectly; Cas’s is warm and soft and pliant, and Dean brushes his tongue against the crease of Cas’s lips, and Cas lets him in.

Dean knows then that he’s in Heaven.

*

Everyone’s here.

Dean’s eyes scan the entire barroom from the table where he and Cas sit: at the bar, there’s Ellen, Jo, Ash, Bobby, and Karen discussing their hunting glory days. Charlie and Kevin are huddled with their laptops at one of the booths (because there’s WiFi in Heaven, apparently), and are probably discussing the latest sci-fi series or some other nerdy thing.

John and Mary are sitting at one of the candle-lit tables, holding hands and murmuring in each other’s ears that is always met with soft laughter.

Rufus is there too with Aretha at one end of the bar, Johnnie Walker Blue in hand. Dean doesn’t think he’s ever seen the man smile the way he is right now, so earnest and genuine.

Missouri and Pamela sit at the table nearest to Dean and Cas, talking about when Pamela séance’d Cas after Dean was rescued from Hell.

“I think he was just trying to show off in front of his boyfriend,” Pamela teases with a laugh as Missouri drops her face in one hand.

“Good Lord,” she marvels. “Some first impression there, Castiel. Burning out a woman’s eyes? Oh!”

Cas ducks his head. “It was an accident, I assure you,” and Dean can’t help but feel a little bad for the guy.

Pamela pats Cas on the back. “All in the past, sweetie. No harm done. Well, no permanent damage anyway,” and then tilts her head back in laughter. Dean can’t help but snicker.

Everything is fucking perfect.

Contentedness blooms in his belly, warming his insides until he feels like his body is humming. Everybody he has ever loved and lost in one room.

Sam, Eileen, and the others will be along, Bobby had said. And he feels complete peace knowing that Sam is in good hands, and that they will take care of each other until their times come.

Dean sits back in his chair, glass of wine in hand. They’re a bottle and a half in, celebrating Dean’s arrival, and his head is buzzing in the best possible way.

He glances at Cas from across the table through his eyelashes.

His trench coat, suit jacket, and tie are all draped on the backrest of the chair, because we gotta get you out of this holy tax accountant get up, man, and if he’s honest, Dean wants to feast his eyes a little.

Cas’s white shirt is unbuttoned at the neck, and Dean’s mouth goes a little dry at the naked dip of his collar bone. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and Dean marvels at the ripples of muscle and bone in the angel’s forearms, his fingers itching to touch.

Dean smiles. His cheeks are warm, and something curious blossoms behind his ribs.

“Dean?”

He snaps out of his trance and meets Cas’s eyes. “Hmm?”

“Are you alright?” Cas asks, and Dean realizes that he’s been caught staring.

Dean smirks. “Mhm. Jus’ enjoyin’ the view.”

Dean almost dies (again) when Cas blushes and ducks his chin with a roll of his eyes.

Yeah, he can get used to this.

The jukebox in the corner starts playing a new song, and Dean straightens in his chair with a wild grin.

“Oh hell yes,” he shouts with a slap to the table, wine bottles and glasses clattering. “I love this song. C’mon Cas, you’re dancin’ with me.” He stands and reaches for Cas with an outstretched hand.

Horror flashes across the angel’s face. “Dean, no. I’m a terrible dancer. I couldn’t-”

“Well, that makes two of us then” he says and grabs Cas’s hand and pulls him to his feet. “Come on. My ‘got-dead’ party, my rules.”

Cas groans and throws his head back with a grimace as he lets Dean guide him to the dance floor. “‘Got-dead’ party? Really?”

“Yeah, yeah, shhh,” Dean smirks as he turns to face Cas. “Here, lemme lead.”

Dean clasps Cas’s hand with his own and draws them to his chest, his other hand wrapping around his waist coming to rest on his back. Cas’s free arm mimics Dean’s.

Attached at the...everything.

Their mouths are inches apart, and Dean’s bowed legs go a little weak as he stares into Cas’s eyes. The lighting in the bar changes to ambient, almost candle-like glow.

Lying beside you, here in the dark,

Feeling your heartbeat with mine.

Softly you whisper, you're so sincere;

How could our love be so blind?

They sway somewhat in tune with the rhythm, but Dean’s a little wine drunk and accidentally steps on Cas’s toes. More than once.

“Sorry,” Dean giggles—giggles?— and lets all of his weight lean into Cas, who accepts it willingly. Dean’s lips press against his temple, and Cas hums appreciatively as Dean starts to sing low into Cas’s ear.

We sailed on together,

We drifted apart,

And here you are, by my side.

So now I come to you with open arms,

Nothing to hide, believe what I say.

So here I am, with open arms,

Hoping you'll see what your love means to me,

Open arms.

“‘s how I feel about you, you know,” Dean murmurs as he nuzzles the bolt of Castiel’s jaw. “I’m not good with words, but..,” Dean slurs and sucks a gentle kiss into his neck. “This could totally be our song.”

“Dean…” and Dean pulls back slightly at the crack in Cas’s voice. Tears spill over from those cobalt blues, and Dean’s thumbs are quick to catch them as he frames Cas’s face.

“Hey, hey. None of that,” he says through a smile, licking his lips. “You’ve got me. You always have. And I’ve got you, so…” he smiles and presses the softest of kisses to Castiel’s mouth before resting their foreheads together.

They never stop dancing.

Living without you, living alone,

This empty house seems so cold.

Wanting to hold you,

Wanting you near,

How much I wanted you home.

Now that you've come back,

Turned night into day,

I need you to stay.

“I love you,” Castiel says, and he brings their joint hands to his lips and presses a kiss to Dean’s knuckles.

Dean squeezes his eyes shut and nods knowingly. It may be a little easier to accept love up here, but sometimes old habits die hard. Even in death.

“Me too,” he murmurs, and he wraps his free arm even tighter around the soft, curved line of Cas’s waist for emphasis.

So now I come to you with open arms,

Nothing to hide, believe what I say,

So here I am, with open arms;

Hoping you'll see what your love means to me,

Open arms.

As the song ends, Dean thinks maybe this could be his forever. Surrounded by family, both given and chosen; blissful in his angel’s arms. The love of his life. The one who has saved him more times than Dean can count. At utter peace knowing that Eileen will take good care of Sam, and he looks forward to the day when they can all be together once again.

Until then, he’ll take this. The life he’s always dreamed of but was too scared to hope for. A life of love, warmth, comfort, and peace.

A life after death.

And he’ll think, maybe, just maybe, he deserves it.

fin.

@blacklightguidesnic tortured me this morning and put this incredibly soft scene in my head. here you go ♥️

[tootiredmotel]

He’s 42, and he’s loved

I did it, I freaking did it, here’s the Happy Birthday Dean fic.

AO3

After so many years of living in the bunker, Dean was no longer wired to sleep only four hours a night out of necessity. He was also not a morning person, never had been, so most days he allowed himself the luxury of sleeping in.

Today, however, something deep in his belly– anticipation, excitement– pulled him out of unconsciousness against his will. Eyes still closed and mind still jumbled, he couldn't imagine what it could be about, until the steady thumping underneath him was replaced by a hum and a voice so deep it never failed to send a shiver down his spine.

"Good morning."

Green eyes met loving blue, and Dean didn't bother fighting a smile or the urge. Not today. He reached up to run a finger along Cas's jaw, under his lips, down his neck. He kissed him, a hand cupping Cas's face as he used the other to push himself on top of him. He kissed Cas, whose fingers entangled themselves in Dean's hair, longer than he'd ever let it grow before. He kissed Cas, and by now it was both as natural as breathing and as striking as a blue moon. 

Cas's hands traveled from Dean's hair down the nape of his neck and onto his shoulders. "It's early," he mumbled into Dean's lips. Dean shifted to check the clock, 5:32 am, and caught sight of the duffle bags next to their nightstand.

"Big day," he breathed out, propped up on his hands.

Cas donned a half-smile and a twinkle in his eye. "That it is," he said, and flipped them over. Once settled on top, Cas started trailing feather-light kisses along Dean’s jaw and down his neck, stopping to pay special attention to that one spot just under his ear that Cas knew drove him insane. His hands found their way under Dean’s t-shirt, caressing at his hipbones and traveling up his belly, not as solid as it once was. Dean could feel the love, the reverence, in every touch and kiss that Cas, his Cas, laid upon him. It left Dean a total mess. 

Cas slowly found his way back to Dean’s lips, brushing over them with his tongue and seizing the opportunity Dean’s small gasp gave him. He swept over every crevice and corner of Dean’s mouth, once, a fleeting thing, before pulling away. It generated a whimper from the back of Dean’s throat that Cas had the audacity to smirk at.

“I love you,” he said, low and hoarse like a prayer, as he rested his forehead on top of Dean’s, breaths mingling together and eyelashes brushing against each other. “Happy birthday, Dean.”

42. Wow.

“So far?” Dean brought his hands up to grab Cas’s face like he was his lifeboat. “The best.”

Cas kissed him one more time, short and chaste, before dragging them both out of bed to get dressed. They found the others already waiting in the war room with their own bags. Sam and Eileen were still blinking sleep out of their eyes, but Jack had the energy of a golden retriever puppy and was the first out the door.

They stopped for breakfast at the 24-hour diner in town. They were the only lunatics there at 6 in the morning on a Sunday, and Dean made sure to tip that poor waitress well since she had to tolerate their growing rowdiness and excited chatter as they ate and gained their strength. Dean had to admit though, the energy that other townspeople were walking into was fantastic, especially after Cas went and chose some song by The Temptations at the jukebox (yes, there was a goddamn jukebox), prompting Dean to take him dancing around the place as best they could.

By the time they got back to the car, everyone was in great spirits, any and all morning grouchiness long vanished. They joked around and jammed the whole way, two hours passing by in seemingly nothing.

Warm sand and whispering freshwater welcomed Dean like they were created for him. Maybe they were. Maybe Cas made this particular lake. Dean looked ahead at him and Eileen, signing away at each other in between setting up the towels and chairs. So normal, so lively, so overwhelmingly human. The thought of Castiel, a creature of power beyond all mortal comprehension, molding mountains, and valleys, and lakes; it all seemed so foreign to Dean now. He was just Cas, standing there in a t-shirt and swim trunks, feet sinking into the sand, golden-rooted overgrown hair shifting in the wind. And it was all because of him. Cas was there, and Cas was human, for him. It’s something that hit Dean in waves sometimes, knocking the wind out of him and reminding him how absurdly lucky he is.

There was a chilly breeze in the air, the water was freezing, and they had the whole beach to themselves (because, again, lunatics). None of them ever waded too far into the water (pneumonia was still a very real thing), but none of them escaped un-splashed either. 

Dean watched whatever game was being played without him as he came back from the bathroom at one point, Jack sitting on Sam’s shoulders and trying to avoid the water Cas tossed at them. Eileen was sitting on one of their chairs, reapplying sunscreen, and Dean alerted her of his presence with a hand on her shoulder before sitting on the chair next to her.

“So,” she started after a while, handing Dean a water bottle and opening her own. “Forty-two. How does it feel?”

Dean thought about it. He was alive. He was topside. He was at a goddamn beach, watching his kid fall off his brother’s shoulders as his… whatever Cas was, cackled in pure delight. 

“Like a goddamn miracle,” he finally answered, and Eileen nodded. They tapped their bottles together, drank, and it wasn’t long before they were being dragged over to the water by their soaking wet significant others.

Not long before noon, they'd changed into everyday clothes and were walking back to the car, exhausted and starving. Their lunch stop had been picked out days beforehand, a steakhouse in Ellsworth where Dean made sure to mention it was his birthday before paying.

“Why do you need a discount?” Jack asked, once the waiter was out of earshot. “Aren’t our credit cards unlimited?”

“They are,” Dean replied. “We’ve got our Charlie to thank for that.”

Not that they still had her, of course. But Dean liked to thank her anyways.

“I wish I could’ve met her.”

Dean tossed an arm around Jack’s shoulders, ruffling the back of his head in the process. “So do I, kid.”

Dean decided Cas was riding shotgun on the way back to the bunker. Sam, exhausted from having lugged around both Jack and Eileen on his shoulders for a better part of the morning, had no complaints. He fell asleep not long after taking off, Eileen and Jack next to him following suit. 

Dean turned down the pop station playing on the radio and rolled down the windows as he merged into the highway, letting the soft music and the wind rushing past his ears meld into a single background track. That track was sometimes interrupted, enhanced, by Cas humming along to whatever song was playing. Dean didn't recognize a single one, another reminder of how heartwarmingly human Cas was, developing his own taste in music and sharing it with him just as Dean had done for years.

The first time he hummed along, Dean reached over and laid his arm on the back of the seat, running his fingers through the strands at the nape of Cas's neck for a while. The second time, he placed his upturned hand on the seat and didn't have to wait long before Cas's hand snaked its way into it. The third time, Dean couldn't take the whole reaching over thing anymore, and tugged Cas's arm so he'd scoot closer. He planted his hand on Cas's thigh, and Cas rested his own hand on top of it. They stayed like that the whole ride back, only interrupted by Dean bringing Cas's hand up to his lips, or the other way around.

They only stopped for gas about twenty minutes out of Lebanon. They had enough to get home, but Dean hadn't let Baby's tank run empty since he was 25, and damn him, he wasn't going to start at 42.

They had nothing else planned, but Dean had full immunity and control over the day, and as he pulled into the gas station, he decided: movie night. He gave Cas a quick peck before heading inside and picking up some popcorn, M&M's, and licorice. He glanced outside, saw Sam had woken up and was on the phone, and grabbed even more licorice. He couldn't bitch about it today.

Sam hung up as soon as he caught sight of Dean walking back to the car.

"Who was that?" Dean asked.

"Oh. Uhhh… Jody."

"Oh, uh, Jody?"

"Yeah," Sam stammered. "She says happy birthday."

"Huh. Thought maybe she'd call me herself." 

"She's busy, I guess," Sam said, quirking his head like he couldn't help but do when he lied.

"Right."

Dean slumped against the car as he filled the tank, and as Sam climbed back in, Cas climbed out, settling next to him.

"Is Sam lying to me, Cas?" He asked, studying the car wash sign far ahead.

"No, Dean," he heard Cas reply. "That was Jody he was talking to."

"But he is hiding something."

"Dean," Cas beckoned, and Dean turned to meet his eyes. "Trust him," he said, lacing their fingers together. "We wouldn't be devising anything malicious on your birthday." 

Dean's eyebrows shot up. "We?"

Cas simply smiled and said “I love you,” kissing the back of his hand and then returning to the car.

In contrast to how fast two hours went by that morning, those 20 remaining minutes back to the bunker felt eternal. Sam kept texting on his phone, occasionally showing Eileen something on the screen, to which she'd smile and nudge him excitedly. It was driving Dean up the wall the more he watched them through the rearview mirror, and he was about to say something when Cas placed a hand on his knee and squeezed. Patience, his eyes said. Also I love you. Always, constantly, I love you. It calmed Dean down. At least, enough to reach the bunker without peeking at the backseat again.

Dean stepped through the threshold, formulating the movie list for tonight in his head, when-

"SURPRISE!" 

Dean almost startled out of his skin. Streamers, balloons, confetti of every color imaginable, and a war table decked out in snacks awaited him below, along with a sea of faces of some of the best people he knew. Sam stood next to him and patted his back, wearing a proud grin on his stupid face. Dean turned back to find matching smiles on Cas, Eileen, and Jack, so taken aback that he wouldn't have started down the stairs had Jack not pulled him excitedly along.

Claire tackled him in a hug the second he came down the last step. "Now you're old," she said in his ear. 

Dean didn't argue, just mumbled a quiet "yeah, yeah" as he squeezed her, planting a kiss on her hair before she pulled away.

Jody and Donna followed, then the other girls, congratulations and "happy birthday"s left and right. Garth awaited his turn, and Dean made sure to initiate the hug with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. 

Over Garth's shoulder he spotted some faces. They were vaguely familiar, but one in particular was prominent in his memory, one he hadn't seen in far too long and now looked much older than at their last encounter. "Krissy?"

She smiled that cocky, crooked grin of hers. "Happy birthday, dweeb."

"Krissy Chambers, what d'ya know." He engulfed her in a hug, smiling at Aidan and Josephine behind her. "And you're all still together."

"Duh," Krissy scoffed, pulling away. "We're family."

Dean nodded, looking around as Sam, Cas, Eileen, and Jack said hi to everyone. A damn family alright.

And so the evening began. Everyone caught each other up, told some stories. Claire and Kaia were officially together, Krissy and Aidan were very much not. Baby Sam and Castiel were growing up great, and Garth was ecstatic to finally meet his son’s namesake. Donna brought freaking karaoke machine, so in between stuffing their faces with snacks (yes, licorice included, much to Sam’s disgust), everyone would take turns at the mic. Among the highlights: Alex, Patience, and Claire’s Since U Been Gone, Dean, Jody, and Donna’s Bennie and the Jets, Jack and Cas’s Don’t Stop Believing, and of course, a valiant collective effort for Sweet Caroline. Dean spent the night answering the "how does 42 feel" question. Made sure to give a different answer every time. "Like thirty." "Like sixty." "Like hell, and I would know." "Like heaven. Actually no, not that bad." Eileen smiled at him every time, because she knew. Like a miracle.

Dean was almost (almost) tired by the time the pie came around and the incredibly out of tune Happy Birthday chorus began. He was wearing two party hats at that point. Jack placed the pie in front of him, ‘HaPPy B-daY D!’ written in crust on top and Rice Krispy treats framing the plate. Dean sent Jack a knowing smile before reaching over to ruffle his hair in thanks. 

“Make a wish,” Sam said beside him. Dean regarded him for a moment, then Cas at his other side, then Jack and Eileen and Claire and Jody and everyone around the table, all with a soft smile. He blew out the candles.

---

“I would really like to ask you what you wished for, you know?” Cas said later that night, as he sat down next to Dean in their little library nook, everyone else long asleep. “But they say it’s supposedly bad luck to say it out loud. That it won’t come true.”

Dean pressed play on his phone and stood up. “Doesn’t matter,” he said, holding his hand out for Cas to take. Some Harry James piece filled the air as Dean pulled Cas close, studying every shade of blue in his eyes, every wrinkle that surrounded them, the outline of his lips and the shape of his jaw. He turned for a second to look at the party mess everyone promised to help clean up in the morning, then turned back to Cas. He met his lips, soft and deliberately slow, trying to speak volumes without saying a single word. It’s this. It’s you. It’s us. It’s love and family and peace. That’s my wish. That has always been and always will be my wish.

He pulled away and said, “It already came true.”

Cas happily nuzzled his face into the crook of Dean’s neck as they started swaying back and forth. They lost themselves in the music and each other, hands caressing and lips leaving soft kisses wherever they wanted. After who knows how many songs, neither of them could say, Cas mumbled into Dean’s shoulder.

“I love you.”

At long, long last, Dean finally replied.

“I love you too, Cas.”

Cas’s head shot up, and Dean caught only a brief sight of his eyes turning glassy before Cas pressed their lips together again, wanting and caring and so, so incredibly loving. It was as Cas pulled away that it dawned on Dean: he’d never, in his life, felt as happy, as satisfied, as loved as he did on this day.

“Happy birthday, Dean.”

And it was. It definitely was.

[tintentrinkerin]

Harness & Spears Chapter 6/10

Warning: oral sex

Read below the cut or on AO3

It was a drive of around 6 hours and Sam and Jack needed to take two short breaks to refuel the car and Jack needed some fresh air one hour before they reached their destination. He got travel sick for the first time ever. But they took another car, neither the Impala nor the car Jack drove when he sneaked to Gilead. Jack still felt weird when they arrived at the motel.

Checking in was quick. Jack was surprised which motel Sam chose and Sam just gave him a smirk.

“This is luxurious!”, Jack calls out when they enter their room on the fourth floor.

“Yes, it is luxurious compared to what Dean and I are used to, we lived in really shabby stinky rooms more than once.”

Sam is wise enough to not just start telling tales of the ‘good old times’ with Dean, because that is not what Jack wants to hear right now. Dean is a topic they will avoid for as long as they’re here.

“I would say, I unpack our stuff, prepare some tea and you get better with your sickness, hm?”

Jack turns around. He isn’t that sick anymore, but Sam just offered him some pampering, how could Jack say no to that?

“Are you sure? I can help you with unpacking.”

Sam already opened his suitcase and now starts packing folded shirts and shorts in the cupboard. He turns around to Jack with a grin.

“It’s no bother, just unwind a little, take a nap while I unpack. Won’t take long.”

Jack fills the electric cattle with water and chooses a tea from the tea table. He hasn’t seen any of these so far, it seems very european, at least that’s what Sam told him, when he once was in Ireland. But he is also super curious what Sam packed. While the kettle starts working and Jack chooses fennel tea he looks over to Sam. It looks like he packed a lot for a week trip. Sam is the neater of the two brothers and carries extra underwear, even a hair dryer, three pairs of shoes. They haven’t decided on which disguise yet, but since it was a ghost hunt that had zero body count yet, they would maybe go with the ‘paranormal activity journalist’ thing, even though Jack loved also being FBI. After Cas told him after the teddy bear case he probably wasn’t the best actor in the field, he would let Sam talk anyway. Sam was big and earnest and super convincing.

Jack hears a rustling and how Sam hurries to hide what he was about to unpack back in his rucksack.

“What was that?”, Jack asks with a raised eyebrow.

On their drive here Sam chose to do the whole ride and while riding shotgun Jack played on his smartphone and he did what he always does since he and Sam are together. He educates himself about sex. He knows Sam will show him everything one day and also answer a lot of questions, but some things he just doesn’t spill. Jack is dying for answers, all the time, every waking minute with Sam. And that looked like a foil package of condoms.

Sam blushes and zips his bag, avoiding eye contact.

“Nothing, nothing that’s important.”

The kettle is done and Jack fills a mug with hot water and adds to bags of tea. He likes his tea strong and intense.

“Sam, that looked like condoms.”

Sam looks like caught in the act. And then he lets his shoulders hang.

“Yes, but it’s an old bag, I- I didn’t unpack it completely. They might have expired anyway.”

Jack is a little disappointed. Of course he had his hopes high for a second.

“Hey, baby, please don’t be disappointed.”

Sam shuffles the bag aside and invites Jack on the big king size bed. Damn it would be the perfect occasion. They’re alone and what did Sam just say yesterday? That he wants to be with Jack. And yes, yes, they are together almost all the time and they do the most exciting and thrilling things, Jack is regularly blown away and unable to form coherent statements when Sam is done with him, but… deep inside Jack he is aching for what people call ‘the first time’ and make a big fuss about. Jack reads a lot. He doesn’t like adult movies or porn, though, it’s tacky and he feels like this kind of intercourse in porn doesn’t resemble in the slightest what Sam and him would have. But how could he know if Sam didn’t show him?

Jack follows the invitation after a little hesitation, gets out of his shoes and opens his jeans, his belly hurts and Sam told him reducing pressure would, thus unbuttoning his pants or take them off completely. Sam also is barefoot now, out of his pants and Jack dives in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Jack, I know you want it. And I didn’t want to raise your hopes.”

“Is this all because I’m a virgin and you would be my first? And you have to stay pure and a virgin for as long as possible”, Jack asks quietly.

“Did you browse weird purity websites, Jack? Virginity is just a concept. The human body is made for having sex at one point in their life. That’s why you go through puberty, start having sexual feelings, breasts and penis grow, wet dreams, periods… all of this. Shaming someone for having sex is like shaming monkeys to climb trees. It’s bullshit. It’s sexist. I love being your first, but not because I think you’d be ‘unclean’ if someone else before me had sex with you, I just like the intimacy, being able to get to know you well enough to know what’s the best pleasurable way for you. And I’m very damn glad Hunter didn’t lay a finger on you.”

“But why don’t we have sex then?”, Jack asks with a trembling ache in his chest.

“You might be a virgin, but why I’m going slow is because I like going slow per se. I had sexual encounters that happened on the day the person and I met, and it was passionate and great and all, but… you remember the tacky jokes from Cas and Dean, that my cock is deadly?”

Jack chuckles, then nods. “Yeah.”

“That really happened a lot. I thought I liked someone, and then they were possessed by a demon, were a werewolf, I even had a sexual relationship with someone from whom I knew was a demon and that was even the whole point. I did it when I was mourning Dean. Later Dean stabbed her after-”

Sam swallows deeply.

“She, Ruby, was responsible for Lucifer to be freed from the Cage the first time. She tricked us into opening all the portals.”

“Oh. I don’t know what to say, Sam. I’m sorry.”

“None of this is your fault.” Sam says with a bitter undertone. “Back to the actual topic. I’ve been through a lot of experiences that seemed pleasant maybe, sexually, but in the end they got hurt, or I got hurt. I had a lot of people violate my body.”

Jack stiffens and attempts to get up, protesting.

“I would never-”, he calls out.

“Yes, you wouldn’t . I know that.”

But your maker did , Sam thinks bitterly. But when he looks at Jack, he sees Cas. Never Lucifer. And still he has issues to fully give in.

“But, Sam… I wished we could go further. I know you think I’m just a horny teenager but I feel-”, Jack clears his throat and winds out of the embrace to take a sip of his tea. It’s hot and he burns his tongue.

“I really like you, Sam, I want to be as close to you as possible. It’s a consuming feeling, it’s eating me up. I would say it’s wildly romantic to be so horny for each other, but I’m aching inside for you. Sam… I-”

Jack can’t make himself say it. “I want you so bad. ”

Sam takes the cup out of Jack’s hand and puts it on the nightstand. Slowly pulling Jack in his hug again, this time in his lap. Jack melts everytime when Sam does that and Jack can see in Sam’s face that he knows.

“Jack, believe me, I want you too. I want you a lot. It’s hard to resist you, oh, sometimes I feel like it’s impossible.”

It’s wonderful to hear that, it’s healing the aching, but only for a little and Jack knows it will come back at him even worse. He sighs and enjoys the shivers down his spine when Sam’s hand circles on his back, between his shoulder blades; a familiar motion. Never failing to make Jack either even hotter or calm him down. Sometimes it’s hard for him to differ which feeling is which. With Sam everything is right and upside down at the same time. Secretly Jack envies all of Sam’s lovers. And to hell with it, he is jealous that Dean had to have Sam so close for all these years, see him in puberty, see him maybe feeling lust for the first time-

It takes Jack a second to realize he’s just thinking about brothers, just that with the Winchesters nothing really surprises him anymore. Not even his own fantasy of teenage Sam, in full hormonal rage, humping pillows, like Jack once did when he didn’t know what the feeling he experienced really meant and how to prolong or end it.

“You’re still very victorious of resisting my qualities.”

“You sound like a dandy”, Sam chuckles, “Believe me it’s a daily struggle to not just…”

Jack’s stomach sinks and his groin is painfully hard and hot in a matter of milliseconds.

“Not just what, Sam?”, he whispers.

Sam turns both of them around and Jack lands on his back, squealing a little. It’s such an innocent, young sound that Jack has to recognise himself he sounds young and inexperienced. Sam shoves Jack’s shirt up to his armpits.

“Sam?”

Jack’s voice is shaky.

“I will show you how much I want you, okay?”

“I’m certainly not stopping you, please show me.”

He pushes up on his arms, looking down at Sam, who pulls down Jack’s shorts.

“How’s your stomach?”, he asks, kissing Jack’s abs.

Oh, fuck. Jack has to let his head fall back and he stares on the ceiling, thin blue waves dancing in his eyesight.

“My stomach? Miracle cure” he says with a raw groan.

As soon as Sam touches him in a certain way, Jack just elevates, his senses focus on what they’re doing and probably the motel could just go down in a blast of flames and Jack wouldn’t even notice he’s burning alive.

Sam’s long hair tickles Jack’s skin and he chuckles and winds a little, Sam holds him steady, there will always be one strong arm along Jack’s spine, supporting him, showing him that Sam won’t let go. And that he’s Sam’s. Jack would never ever let anyone else touch him like that. One hand digs deep in Sam’s hair, strong brown streaks, slightly curling. Unsure if to push him further down or pull him back up Jack just holds on, feels for Sam’s lips, his slick and talented tongue, waiting for the next sensation, waiting for his own wishes to form words, then sentences.

“Sam, I want you, I don’t wanna wait any longer…”

The kisses upwards stop and Sam looks up, lips wet and glistening, tongue flicking over his lower lip. It’s obscene as it is beautiful.

“I will make it worth the wait, Jack. Believe me, there are so many unbelievably good things we can do…”

“I want you… really, I want you… inside me.” Jack’s words splatter out of his mouth and he’s aroused yet a little ashamed.

Sam hikes up completely and lays Jack down. Kisses the ‘but’s and ‘when’s and ‘want’s away. Jack struggles, frustrated and horny, mood shifting between whiny and angry.

“You will, Jack. You will get everything you want and more. Please give it a little more time. It won’t be long, I promise. I know how you feel.”

A single mad tear rolls down Jack’s face.

“Sam, I want to be so much closer, I need to feel part of you in me…”

Sam kisses away the tear, tastes the salt. Jack is a shaking, needy mess, legs spread, shirt shoved up under his chin. Nipples hard, goosebumps all over and a raging hard cock between them.

“Are my fingers okay, too?”

Jack nods frantically. He remembers the orgasm that was so mind blowing and got ruined by Dean and Cas running into them.

“Yes, again, please.”

And Sam is a keeper of his promises.

Jack is shaken to the core before Sam even penetrates him. It’s a delight to see, only the sight of Jack’s golden eyes, the slight quakes, he’s so responsive in a unique way and it’s only for Sam. If Jack only knew how hard it really is for him to not just take the boy here and now, thrust in this perfect pale mannequin body, Sam has never seen anything so breathtaking. Of course he wants to feel Jack’s insides, he wants to drain the last drop of cum out of him while Jack rides him, GOD , Sam would do a lot to experience that in a complete guilt free and perfect way, like Jack deserves. Part of him wants to mark the naphil as his, show everyone that Sam is the luckiest man alive, because Jack chose him. Damn, fucking him until he’s loose and barely able to utter anything else than faint moans or sobs, yes, Sam wants to make Jack never forget the sex they’ll have. But he can’t. Not yet.

If Jack only knew that corrupting something so beautiful, so rare, so graceful strikes Sam with such terror -- to do it wrong. To disappoint.

If Jack only knew that Sam isn’t the strong indestructible man he might appear like. That things inside him are just broken and cannot be fixed. And it could destroy what they have. And Sam can’t have Jack shatter on the truth. He wants Jack to shatter on his body, shaking and in extacy. And in perfect bliss.

“Sam, please”, Jack coos.

Sam will not just give Jack his fingers, he’ll give him his tongue and mouth. Jack’s cock is full, red, tip glossy with precum Sam spread across already. He doesn’t hesitate to press the tip of his tongue on the bundle of nerves right underneath the glans while wrapping his lips around the tip. Jack sounds broken, his hips jerk and he simultaneously tries to pull away, his hands in Sam’s hair.

“Sam, so much! It’s so much!”

“Is it good much or bad much, baby?”

“Good”, Jack admits, “it was in a movie and when I saw it…”

Jack covers his mouth with his shivering hand, biting his finger.

“It was good?”

Jack nods.

“I won’t go on if you think it’s too much.”

“Oh, I… I don’t know Sam, it’s really hot, but what if I spill…”

Sam chuckles.

“Don’t worry about it.”

While talking he gently keeps jerking and Jack relaxes a little.

“I don’t want you to stop Sam, I want all of it.”

“Sure?”

“Yes, please keep going. Can I watch you?”

Jack looks down and Sam sees nothing but longing in his eyes. Good.

Sam laughs. “Of course, feel free.”

Jack already tastes a little salty from precum and Sam goes slow, it’s a new sensation and it’s just a matter of time until Jack won’t be able to hold his orgasm anymore. Sam risked it to take two fingers for Jack this time, circling his sweet spot steadily and sucking him in the same slow torturing rhythm. Jack’s hand in his hair clenches and relaxes before also his other hand grasps for some loose strands. His noises are so sweet, Sam’s cock jumps and aches with every new little ‘oh’ or whispered name it’s harder to stay patient and noble. Sam’s primitive part wants to go on without any mercy, suck Jack off, fuck this tight sweet ass with until he’s sore and force orgasm after orgasm out of this beautiful boy.

Jack’s breath hitches and his hips thrust up in Sam’s mouth, not enough to make him gag but enough to make his mouth water even more, make the blowjob sloppy and full of wet noises. Immediate reactions. Moaning. Fingernails scratching his scalp.

“Sam! I’m….”

Jack doesn’t need to finish that sentence, Sam can feel it coming. Jack’s cock grows even harder, a little bigger - or is that wishful thinking? - and Sam can’t resist to swallow as deep as possible, his fingers ramming into that tight hole -- fuck, Sam is about to cum himself untouched just by how Jack feels, tastes and these sounds. Fuck, these sounds should be forbidden.

“Close”, Jack cries, “Sam, so close!”

Sam would love to answer, give Jack some encouraging answers but he can’t stop now. He wants to feel Jack filling his mouth, he wants everything Jack can give right now. It should be painful, how Jack clings onto his hair, pulling and ripping. It isn’t.

With some firm and frantic rubs of Jack’s prostate and Sam moaning with his mouth full of cock the boy arches his back and cries so sweetly, his legs crossed behind Sam’s back start pressing them even closer together, his hands push and pull.

“I’m coming”, Jack’s voice is clear as a bell, no trembling.

And then he shoots his cum, thick hot spurts in Sam’s mouth and while Jack gasps and moans so loud the neighbors might hear, Sam swallows and keeps stroking, keeps sucking.

If Sam only looked up, he could see the molten glowing honey shade of Jack’s angel eyes, wide open, his shaking body and a faint blue light illuminating the face perfectly shaped like marble, Grace surrounding him like a halo.

Light bulbs pop and TV starts crackling -- just seconds later everything turns quiet.

Sam looks up, catching the rest of cum with his thumb from his lips and licks it up. Jack looks down at him, his eyes teary and still shining a little.

“Sam…”, he croaks.

Sam crawls up and Jack immediately snuggles up into an embrace.

“Did you just cause a blackout?”, Sam asks with a grin.

Jack sobs. “I think so... It was…”

“Yes, I felt it. Overwhelming?”

“I still feel like I’m shaking…”

Sam hugs him tighter. “You are still shaking a little. I will hold you.”

It takes a little for them to calm down. Actually, Sam can’t calm down, he is tenting his boxer briefs. There’s no way to hide it. Jack shifts, a hand runs under the fabric. Sam forgets to breathe for a moment.

“You don’t have to”, he whispers.

Jack doesn’t stop.

“But I want to.”

[ladyteacups]

Experienced Part 2

GIF NOT MINE

Summary: It’s been two months since that night and Y/N decides to spite Bucky she’s gonna make him jealous.

Warnings: smut, jealousy, crude words, breeding kink

A/N: As commanded. It’s a bit rushed. I didn’t have much time but ya know what, that’s fine. Be kind, I’m fragile.

Fuck you Bucky Barnes.

It had been two months since their little rendezvous, and Y/N hadn’t heard anything from him. It was radio silence on her end. She left his room that morning with hope. He was gentlemanly enough. Walked her to the door and kissed her goodbye. So what the hell.

She tried to understand. He was older. She estimated he had 10+ years on her. But it didn’t make her feel better.

She gave up waiting for him after two weeks. If he hadn’t called yet, then he wasn’t going to. She’d seen “He’s just not that into you” plenty enough to know that much.

Her run ins with him at the tower were practically nothing. He wouldn’t even acknowledge her. That stung. Knowing how forgettable she was. It was a major blow to her confidence.

Nat tried to convince her otherwise but it was awkward talking with her about it. Y/N knew there was some kind of history there, even if she didn’t know exactly what.

“He’s just confused. Give him time.”

“For a month Nat? That’s not confusion, that’s a clear message.”

Facing Peter had been worse. Danny had been right. She should not have accepted that date. Y/N hated the look on his when she had to tell him she wasn’t interested. She wished she was. Y/N wished she liked Peter as more than a friend, he just wasn’t her type.

After that first month she had promised herself she would forget Bucky Barnes. And at the time she really meant that. Honest.

Now, she was cursing his name as she watched him chat up some women on the other side of the room.

Fuck, she hated these parties. That wasn’t true, but she’d make an exception for this one.

Damn he looked good. His hair was freshly cut. He now sported a short cut with a full beard. He looked so yummy she nearly started crying again at his rejection.

Peter slid onto the bar stool next to her and followed her gaze. Y/N wished on nothing that she could disappear right now. Please, just let the floor swallow her up.

“Why don’t you make him jealous.”

It wasn’t a question, and it had her looking at him with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Make him jealous.” He sipped his jack and coke like he didn’t just say that.

“He wouldn’t be jealous Peter, but thanks for the advice.”

“He keeps looking at you, and you look like a damn bombshell.” He stated it like fact and shrugged. “He’ll me jealous. Especially if you pick the right man.”

“Who would that be? You?” She crossed her arms.

He laughed, “no way, I have a girlfriend.”

Now that caught her off guard. When did Peter get a girlfriend?

“Someone he finds a challenge. Can’t be Steve, they’re best friends. Cap would never touch his girl.”

Y/N blinked at this. His girl?

“Tony and Clint are both married. Sam is a bit too much of a flirt. You wanna make him jealous not a murderer.”

She laughed, and Pete smiled at her.

“Natasha’s a friend of yours, he’d see right through that. Vis and Wanda are off limits.”

She gave him a wicked smile. She knew exactly where he was going with this, and she loved it.

“But Thor’s in town.”

He was right. Thor would be perfect. Tall and masculine. A god. He’d set any man alight with jealousy without needing to flirt with their girlfriends. If anyone could make Bucky jealous, it would be Thor. And that’s how she ended up sitting in Thor’s lap while he rubbed her knee.

“Is he looking?” she whispered in his ear and he chuckled. It was the tenth time she asked.

“It really is a team effort to get you two together.”

Y/N gave him a look and saw him glance up momentarily.

“Yes.”

“Good,” she answered, and ran her hand up his arm, feeling the tight muscle underneath his skin.

“Does he look mad?”

“Why don’t you just talk to him?”

“He avoids me.” She huffed.

Thor nodded. “If you break his legs he can’t leave.”

Y/N threw her head back and laughed. “That’s fucked up Thor.”

She felt the chuckle rumble through his chest.

She couldn’t help looking in Bucky’s direction. He wasn’t there. A quick search around found him slipping out the door and he was gone. Well that ended that.

Y/N sighed. She had spent most of the night with Thor. Dancing and giving him fake and real giggles. Touching his arm, whispering in his ear. All for nothing. Bucky didn’t care. She stood and bid everyone goodnight. She kissed Thor’s cheek in a thank you. Told Peter and Ned bye, and went to her own room. The sliver of hope she had that Bucky would change his mind flew out the window and she flipped it off as it went.

Fuck you Bucky Barnes.

 “Did you have fun with Thor last night? Hope he didn’t mind how much I stretched you out.” Bucky drank his coffee behind her and she lowered her brows in anger.

What did he just say? Oh no, she would show him.

Y/N turned. “Don’t worry about that, he got good use outta my mouth. I even begged him to use my ass too. Just can’t get enough of that man.”

Bucky looked mad. Whew did he look mad! Y/N hid her slight grin as she turned to finish her own cup.

He was behind her in no time, gripping her hair, his lips at her ear.

“Did he fuck your tits too Y/N? Did you let him taste you? Did he take you into the shower when he finished just to do it all again?”

She moved to shove him away but he grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. He leaned in and brushed his lips against her cheek, then her ear. “Do you remember that night Y/N? When I had you begging beneath me, and filled you to the brim with my cock?”

She tried desperately to suppress the groan. Because of course she remembered. It played over in her mind on a loop. The way his hips bruised hers. His tongue dancing across her clit… How could she not remember?

“I know you do sweetheart. Look,” he took her chin in his hand and looked in her eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t call or,” he paused. “I’m sorry I was such a dick to you after okay? It’s different with you. It’s so easy to let you in. To spill my secrets, and I don’t want you to see the things I’ve hidden. I’m not a good guy honey. I’ve done terrible things and you’re far too sweet for me. The thought of corrupting you makes me harder than you’d believe. That alone should scare you away.”

Y/N’s breathing was heavy. He’s such an idiot.

“It’s damn near impossible to resist you.” He inhaled deeply. “Especially when you wear that damn perfume that makes me crazy.” His nose traced her jaw, down her neck. “I can’t stay away, unless you tell me to. I won’t do it anymore” He gripped her arm.

She felt a light kiss against her neck. The same neck he held with his strong hand just two months ago.

“I still jerk off to the picture of us. To the memory of how you look when you cum.”

Bucky pulled her hips closer so they rested against his erection. She gasped.

“Tell me to go, or let me fuck him outta your head.”

She didn’t say anything. Didn’t tell him yes, no, or the truth about Thor. She just kissed him. He returned the kiss with a hunger she had never experienced before. He was craving her and she could feel it in more than one way.

She rutted against his erection and heard him growl.

“Not here Bucky.” She gasped out between kisses. “Take me to bed.”

He did so happily. Letting her wrap her legs around his waist.

“I’m sorry.” He said again as he dropped her on his bed. “You deserve better than me baby.”

“Then be better, and call me in the morning.”

He nodded sadly. She could see the regret in his eyes. Leaning up she grabbed his hand and pulled him over her.

He kissed her deeply and she felt everything that he wanted to say.

Bucky pulled her shirt over her head and stared down at her as he took in her bare chest.

“Still so damn beautiful.”

His eyes took in her belly and he growled.

“Did he cum in you, huh? Did you let him fill your womb?”

She didn’t answer and he narrowed his eyes. He yanked her sleep shorts down her legs and tore her panties from her body.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m gonna have you so thoroughly bred, there will be no question about who’s kid it is.”

He flipped her over so her ass was in the air and she squealed when he bit her ass right over her birthmark.

She lifted herself on her hands and looked at him over her shoulder. Her look of surprise made him crack up in laughter.

“Don’t give me that look sugar, you can’t tempt me with your sexy ass and expect me to do nothing.”

“You’re the one who tossed me around to look at it!” He only laughed again. She wanted to smack him but then he stared taking his shirt off.

Fuck. He’s so hot.

“Lay down.”

She did as he commanded and watched as he jerked his heavy cock in his hand.

“Did you rub your pretty pussy to the thought of me?”

He looked up at the ceiling above his bed, where the picture from the carnival hung and smiled at her.

“Every time I see it I think of how you tasted.” He quickened the pace of his hand, his breathing getting quicker.

“Tell me. Did you touch yourself and moan my name as you came?”

“Yes,” Y/N gasped at the sight of his length, fully hard and ready for her lips.

“Show me.”

Her heart was beating so hard and fast she wondered momentarily if this was a heart attack. Her hand moved slowly down her stomach to her heat. Two fingers coated themselves in her wetness and rubbed against her slit. She looked from his cock to his face, to see he was watching her hand just as she was watching his.

“Bucky,” she whispered as she lightly touched her clit. She wet the rest of her two fingers and inserted them into her opening. Her other hand touched and squeezed her breasts. Bucky’s groan spurred her on. She bit her lip, cursing as she thrust her fingers inside herself and watched him jerk is cock.

He let her fuck herself for a moment longer. Just a moment. Then he grabbed her hand and popped her fingers into his mouth.

“Just like I remember,” he said quietly.

He hadn’t even dropped her hand before she wrapped her lips around his length.

“Fuck baby.”

Y/N bobbed her head and swirled her tongue on his cock. She took more and more, gagging and choking on him, but the sounds he made were heaven and she couldn’t stop. She wanted to find every spot that would make him moan and learn how to flick her tongue to make him curse.

He was close, she could tell, with the way he pleaded and pulled her hair.

Y/N lifted her mouth off of him and opened her mouth as she jerked his cock, ready to swallow his load.

He pulled away, refusing to let himself cum just yet. He took a minute to walk it off before he came back to her.

“Spread your fucking legs for me doll face. I’m getting inside there right fucking now.” It was almost a growl and sent a fresh wave of arousal to her center.

She did as she was told and spread herself for him. He positioned himself between her thighs and lined up at her entrance.

“I didn’t sleep with Thor.”

He paused.

“I wanted to make you jealous. I didn’t sleep with him.”

Bucky nodded and pushed into her down to the hilt.

“Fuck!” she held onto his shoulder.

“Still tight as a fucking virgin.”

All she could say was his name as he started thrusting into her. She gripped the sheets, her chest heaving and her body shaking under him.

“I want you pregnant before you leave my bed. You hear me? You gonna give me a baby Y/N?”

“Yes! As many as you want Bucky.”

“That’s what I like to hear angel. Fuck! This cunt was made for my cock. Made to take my fucking cum.”

He was insatiable. His thrusts were fast and hard, making her squeal in delight beneath him. He flipped them over and she didn’t miss a beat. She rode him like she was born to do it. She was determined to force the orgasm out of him. Determined to take his cum just like he promised.

“God Bucky it feels so good.”

“I know baby. Gonna make me cum just watching your tits bounce.”

He leaned up taking a nipple in his mouth and she moaned.

When he fell back again she grabbed his hand and held it to her throat. He gripped it, giving her what she wants. He loved seeing her take what she wanted. The way she grinded against him was so sexy he tried to commit it to memory.

“Bucky I’m gonna cum.”

He flipped them again and threw her legs over his shoulder as he pounded into her.

“Cum baby, all over my cock.”

She came with a shout of his name but he didn’t slow his pace, chasing his own orgasm and letting it rock through his body as he painted her womb.

“Atta girl,” he praised as they both came down from their shared high.

He didn’t pull out of her, only rolled so she was laying on his chest. He relaxed against the pillow.

When their breathing returned to normal, she rolled off of him and lay next to him, letting him rub her belly.

“I can’t wait to see you grow with my baby in there.”

“Are you still gonna think I’m sexy when I’m the size of a whale.”

He laughed. “Gets me hard just thinking about it.”

Sure enough she felt his cock twitch next to her leg and she smiled.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah doll?” His eyes were closed. He looked so serene. She almost felt bad interrupting with her question.

“What’s the tattoo for?”

He looked down at the bird on his arm, and tugged her closer. “It’s for my sister.”

She smiled and kissed his pec. “That’s sweet.”

He opened one eye and looked at her. “Come on sugar. Let’s do that again.”

He rolled onto her again and she squealed with laughter.

“Now, didn’t you say something about using your ass?”

“Fuck you Bucky Barnes.”

[sams-sass]

Time after Time Pt.2

GIF not mine

Hi guys! Here’s the second part for Time after Time. Let me know if you want a third :)

Read Part One: Part One

Summary: You and Dean finally get to be together again. 

Warnings: Fluff, smut

Characters: Dean, Sam, You, Cas, Jack, Jody, Donna, Claire and Alex-Mentioned

Parings: Dean x Reader

The two of you finally broke apart, still standing in the middle of the living room.

“Dean.” You breathed.

“Y/N.” He groaned, resting his forehead against yours. You smiled.

“Dean, there is something I need to tell you.”

“What is it, sweetheart?”

"It's about Jamie; we should talk in your room."

"Sure." He said, taking your hand and leading you to his bedroom. You both sat down on the bed and faced each other "What is it, baby?" He asked, never letting go of your hand.

"It's Jamie; it's his soul. I can feel it slipping away from me." Dean was serious now. Looking at you with hard eyes. "I am older now than I usually am when I have him."

“Ok, what do we have to do?” Dean asked you

"I need to get pregnant." You said, lifting your eyebrows.

“Ok.” He said, questioning you with his eyes.

“Like right now, Dean.” A smile broke out over his face as realization washed over him.

"Oh, I think we can take care of that." Before you could respond, he wrapped his arms around you and pushed you back on the bed. He kissed your lips before moving down your jaw and onto your neck. You were panting underneath him. The first time with him was always amazing, so full of love and passion. Your fingers worked on the buttons of his flannel, pushing it off his heated skin. His hands slid up your shirt, pushing it up over your head.

"You are so beautiful." His voice was breathy and his eyes dark.

"So are you." You said, unbuttoning his pants. You both smiled at each other as your clothes were quickly shed. Dean's hands ran up your hips, over your waist, and landed on your breasts. His fingers worked your nipples and his mouth left open mouth kisses across your stomach. You were a moaning mess underneath his skilled touch. His mouth descended lower, and you felt his tongue slide into your dripping core. Your hands raked through his hair, yanking occasionally. One hand left your breast and entered you as his tongue made circles around your clit. Your back arched, and his name left your lips as you came. He kissed his way back up your body and gave you no time to come down from your high before slamming into you in one thrust. You both moaned at the feeling.

“I missed you so much.” You mumbled against his shoulder.

"I have been waiting for you my whole life." He said as he pushed the hair off your sweaty forehead.

“I love you.”

"God, baby, I love you so much." He began to move, and both of you were taken higher and higher until you didn't know where you stopped, and he started. You reached your peak together, and Dean nuzzled his nose into the crook of your neck as you both came down. His arms tightened around you, and you crossed your ankles and squeezed your thighs around his waist. You both left kisses on all the skin you could reach. This is what you waited for. All those years of searching, and you finally had him. It was perfect.

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You were in the kitchen looking for food to make for dinner when you felt him press himself into your back. His hands splayed out across your belly, and he kissed your neck affectionately.

"Does he feel closer?" He asked, running his finger through your hair.

“Yes, he does. Much closer.” You said with a smile. You turned in his arms and wrapped your arms around his neck.  

“What are you making for dinner?”

“Well, there isn’t much here. Is there a grocery store nearby?”

"There is, I'll make a run. Make me a list, so I know what to get." His hands were running up and down your back, and your fingers were playing with his hair. He gave you a sweet kiss and reluctantly let you go. You sat down and wrote some essentials down and handed him the paper.

"I'm going to call my friend, Cas, to come over for dinner. He will want to meet you." He said, smiling at you.

“Ok, I always like to meet the people you meet in your new life.”

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Dean knocked on Sam’s door.

“Come in!” Sam said.

“Hey man, I’m going to run into town for some a few things. Do you want to come or stay here with Y/N?”

“I’ll come with. Let her relax a bit.” Sam smiled at his brother.

"Good, you can help me," Dean said with a spark in his eye that Sam hadn't seen in years. The boys took the impala into town and got all the groceries on the list. After putting everything in the car, Dean leaned on the car and faced his brother.

"There is just one more thing I have to get," Dean said.

“Ok, where?”

"Follow me," Dean said with a small smile and a wave of his hand.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They entered the bunker as you were just finishing taking a mental inventory of the entirety of it. It truly was expansive; it almost seemed like it never ended.

“This place is massive.”

“I know, it's awesome.” Dean smiled at you.

You made a quick dinner, some stir fry recipe you remembered from some blog you read once.

"Alright, boys." You said setting the things on the table. "Somewhat healthy for Sam, emphasis on the somewhat for Dean." You smirked. The door opened, and two men walked down the stairs. One had a kind face and blue eyes; the other looked younger with a boyish face and a wide grin.

“Hey, Cas.” Both boys said in unison.

“Hello.” Said the younger one.

"Oh, hey Jack, didn't know you were coming too," Sam said with a smile.

"I got your message; what's the emergency? Is something wrong?" His eyes landed on you.

"Cas, nothing's wrong, man! I wanted you to meet my….well….my Y/N." Dean said, slapping the man's shoulder and smiling at him. Confusion passed Cas’s face.

"I do not understand. I did not know you had a…Y/N." Dean smiled and then wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him.

"I'll fill them in, Dean; you enjoy your meal." You offered to rest your hand on his chest and to look up at him.

"Thanks, babe." He said, leaning down to press a kiss to your temple. Obviously, the action was confusing to Cas as he just stared at the both of you with a furrowed brow. You motioned for Cas and Jack to follow you to the living room where the two of you sat in the chairs.

"I know this is going to be surprising and shocking, but Dean and I are soul mates. He and I have been spending our lives together since 1650. I am a witch; I always remember our lives when I enter a new one. I track him down and bring him back to me using a powerful spell. I gave it to him earlier today, so he now remembers the four lives we have lived together. He is my whole world. The lives we have lived together were full of happiness and love. I could never be without him; he is my home." You were smiling, and Cas and Jack were clearly confused, but you could also see something else in their eyes. Happiness. "Come on and eat; there is plenty, and I will answer any question you have."

“Thank you for your offer, but I don’t eat. I am an angel of the lord.” Cas said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Right.” You said after a long pause. “Do you eat?” You asked Jack.

"Yes, I like to eat." He said, and you chuckled. "Well, come on then, I'm hungry." You all sat at the table eating and drinking. All you could see were smiles, and all you could hear was laughter.

The next morning you and Dean got up. You showered while Dean made some waffles and bacon. You all again sat around the table with full hearts and happy thoughts floating through your heads. After breakfast, Dean asked you if you wanted to go for a walk. You two were in the woods near the bunker, reminiscing on lives and learning more about each other in this life. You stopped by a pond, and Dean pulled you into his arms again.

"I thought a lot about this." He started. "Y/N, you are my life. Everything you are is everything I love about the world. I am so happy you found me, and now my life can finally start. Nothing in my life has ever felt sure but you. You are my world, my home. I was asleep before you, baby, and now that I am awake, I cant wait to spend every moment of my life making you happy. Will you once again marry me?”

"Yes, it will always be yes." You said as he pulled out a jewelry box from his pocket and slipped the band around your finger. You held each other for a long time laughing, crying and sharing sweet kisses. When you entered the bunker again, there were more people there, all of them cheering and clapping for you and Dean. Dean took you around the room and introduced you to Jody, Claire, Alex, and Donna.

"How did you all get here so fast?" Dean asked, so surprised.

"I called them all last night," Sam spoke up. "I knew you couldn't wait to get a ring on her finger again, called them before we even went to the jewelry store." Dean smiled at his brother and pulled him into a quick hug. Sam turned to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him. You wrapped your arms around his waist and mumbled a "thank you" into his chest. He ran his hand down your hair and kissed the top of your head.

The day passed the same as the one before, full of happiness, love, and learning about one another.

Three months later

You ran your hands over your starting to expand belly, and smiled. Jody and Donna entered the room, you turned to greet them.

“Ready, chicky," Donna said, grabbing your hand.

"Nothing I haven't done before." You all giggled. They helped you curl your hair and pin some of it back. You did your own makeup, a light natural look. I mean, you were getting married in a forest. They then helped you into your dress and shoes. You opted for a simple silk cream-colored dress you found when Jody and Donna took you surprise dress shopping. It hugged your curves and had a cowl back that you loved. There was a tentative knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Called Jody.

“Sam.”

“No boys allowed.” You all giggled again

“I just want to see Y/N.” He said as he opened the door. “Wow, you look absolutely gorgeous.” He said with a shy smile.

“Thank you.” You looked him in the eyes and smiled. “What’s up?”

"Dean asked me to give you this." He said, handing you a note. You took it from him, and he bent down to kiss you on the cheek. "I love you." He said.

"I love you too, Sam." He hugged you kissing the top of your head, and escorted Jody and Donna out of the room. You opened the note from Dean.

Y/N,

I know we have done this before, but I am still nervous. I just wanted you to have something of your own on a special day like today. I love you, and I can't wait for all this life, and the next will bring us.

-Dean.

Attached to the note with tape as a necklace. The same necklace he gave you in your last life after Selena was born. How did he? You turned the letter over. There was a P.S., that cheeky bastard.

P.S.- I buried the necklace near a tree in our last life right before the end so that this Dean would have something to give you on our wedding day.

Tears filled your eyes as you placed the necklace around your neck. You dabbed at your eyes and freshened up your makeup. Another knock sounded at your door.

"Come in." You said with a smile. Jack opened the door and gave you a smile that warmed every part of his face. You had gotten to know Jack over the last couple of months, and you thought he was just the cutest thing.

“It's time." He said, and instantly you felt butterflies dancing in your stomach.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go.” You answered with a hopeful grin.  

Jack helped you out of the bunker and escorted you into the forest. Your heart was exploding fireworks throughout your body. Even though you were nervous, this felt right. It felt whole; you were complete once again. You got to the end of the aisle, and Jack stuck out his elbow. You slipped your hand in with a smile. You looked at Dean. He was staring at you just like he had every time. Love seeped out of every part of his body. He leaned back slightly to grab Sam's shoulder for support as you got near. Sam had the biggest grin on his handsome face. You finally reached them and immediately reached for Dean's hand. He took your hand in his and rubbed his callused thumb along your smooth skin. You gave each other one last smile then turned to face Cas. His speech was quick but meaningful, about always finding your happiness and holding on to it with all you have. You exchanged vows and rings.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife; you may kiss your bride," Cas said. Dean didn't miss a beat, leaning in to cup one hand around your cheek while the other came to grab your waist. His lips molded against yours, and cheers erupted in the background. When you broke apart, you both started to laugh as you turned towards everyone. You walked down the aisle again, this time as a married couple.

Your song was playing "Time after Time" by Margaret Whiting, and you were in each other's arms on the dance floor that Sam, Cas, and Jack had built. The trees were lined with Christmas lights and mason jars that had flameless candles in them. It was perfect.

"I can't wait for Jamie to get here," Dean said.

"Me too. He and Selena are just so perfect." You answered back.

"Just like their mom," Dean whispered in your ear, causing you to giggle and roll your eyes.

“Time after time.” You said.

“Time after time.” He agreed.

[shardminds]

okay i know in the grand scheme of things it’s been about 5 minutes since i got into spn and about 4.5 seconds since i started following spn blogs on tumblr but i just want 2 share some stuff re: what i would have liked to happen in my ideal ending. spoilers below.

number 1, sam and eileen endgame. after losing her in 15x18 and trying so hard to hold it together, sam’s quite obviously devvo’d. man’s a mess but he can’t let himself fall apart. 15x19 happens and everyone chuck disintegrated faster than communion wafers comes back and the FIRST thing sam does? calls eileen. high tails it out of there. speed limits who? there’s a heartwarming moment. maybe an ‘i love you’ or maybe not but it’s touching and heart wrenching and everyone cries and it’s nice. there you go, sam winchester. not only did you help save the world, but you got a happy ending in the process. eileen moves into the mol bunker. don’t @ me. she’s also great with miracle. and, in the long run, kids.  

number 2, deancas. my whole thing is, if they didn’t want canon deancas ending, why have cas confess? like i get the empty deal and i understand ‘happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. it’s in just saying it’ but... if u didn’t want people to swarm on the possibility of deancas... why include it at all? especially for it to never be mentioned again. for cas, a man/angel/being of celestial intent that had spent like... 12(?) years at this point in sam and dean’s lives. you’re gonna tell me they just... let him sacrifice himself and then dip? ok. seems we have been watching different shows. or the same show from different perspectives. so, hear me out. dean says it back. maybe not in as many words or he pulls a hans solo ‘i know’. okay so they beat the shit out of The Literal Abrahamic God later to supercharge jack faster than shotgunning three monster energy mango locos ever could and leave chuck belly up in the mud like the invertebrate he proved himself to be and jack is Thee God now and dean just straight up asks. give that to me. give me the “please, jack.” and dean, so close to breaking, holding himself together with nothing but pure strength of will and residual adrenaline. give me jack’s reluctance, give me his admission of not wanting to mutate into the same megalomaniac chuck proved himself to be,using the winchesters as chess pieces in his own game. give me his humanity. the parts he inherited from kelly. give me his humanity and his grief and his loss and—castiel was his father, for fucks sake! he lost a father and a mother and he’s about to lose the only family he ever had. yes, he’ll be omnipresent—a perk of the job—but he’ll never be there in the way they want. so let him do this. there’s like a whole genesis parallel, you know all ‘the lord said let there be light, and there was light’ only not as on the nose as that. jack’s one selfish act before he himself, combined with amara, ascends. he does his whole speech. i’ll be in every drop of falling rain etc etc and then he dips. only, he’s gone and when dean turns around. cas is there. boom. 

there’s no kiss. no explicit ‘hello look at this confirmed gay angel and his human hunter ??sexual friend making out’ because that too much too fast. dean has spent the past 15 seasons trying to unfuck himself from the damage john winchester left behind (the nun hunt on his 17th birthday? lebanon? i will meet john winchester in the pit.) and as close as he is to finally just allowing himself to be himself, he’s not quite there yet. but the relief on his face. the—i’m gonna say it—love in his expression. cas’s confession clearly affected him, just look at 15x18. maybe dean doesn’t know what that means yet. maybe he does. but there’s a hug. an embrace. one of those that says ‘i don’t know why or how i like you, fruity little angel man, but i do and i’m not letting go’. it lasts a beat too long. maybe there’s tears. i’ll leave that up to jackles jacting joices.

number 3, michael sacrifices himself to save adam. OKAY SO THE WHOLE MICHAEL STORYLINE IN 15x19? BULLSHIT. especially with the adamichael scene in 15x08? where it is canonically confirmed that, after spending a real life decade (which is OVER ONE THOUSAND YEARS in hell time. 4 months = 40 years so 10 years or 120 months = 1200 years) trapped in the cage together, they became friends and shared control of the vessel. michael considered adam his guide on earth. michael. MICHAEL. M I C H A E L. seeing how spn painted him as one of, if not, THE most powerful and fearsome angel? man’s whipped. and then he loses adam when chuck has his thanos snap moment. imagine sharing a vessel with someone for twelve. hundred. years. and then being completely alone in a world you don’t know. how maddening for there to be only silence in your head. the fact that they then rammed this bs of him being jealous of lucifer for being ‘daddy’s favourite’ was exactly that. bullshit. no no no, my friends. michael was playing his own game; crossing the winchesters for chuck but actually, crossing chuck for his own gain. he learns of the winchesters plan to utilise the fact that jack is the power hungry equivalent of a shamwow and uses that to his own gain. i haven’t figured out the particulars but when chuck beats the shit out of michael, he kills the angel but leaves the vessel (think like jack at the end of s14). michael the winchesters think michael died a snivelling god fearing soldier. and then, when jack does his whole thing, up wakes adam. the winchesters take him in and explain what went down when he, you know. and adam lets them know that no, michaels not like that etc etc he did it for me etc he did it to save me. michael’s fall was imperative to the destruction of god. and, for that, he will always be remembered. adam’s not a hunter, but he stays at the bunker anyway. he has nowhere else to go. 

number 4, episode 15x20. what do you mean dean and sam both die? not in this universe i carry inside my head they don’t! this episode is just a bunch of scenes from throughout the years. you might think it boring but i think it’s great and this is my post so u can’t tell me what 2 do. dean opens up a bar for hunters a la 14x10 and has pictures on all the walls of all the fallen hunters and friends that have helped them throughout the years. you want a picture on the wall for a friend you lost? sure! just bring a photo and tack it on up there. out of sight, kept to the wall of the office, they keep pictures of the non-humans that helped. it’s private. a reminder. sam and eileen stop by a couple times a week if they can. jody and donna make the rounds with the girls too if work allows. or they come on their own. the girls are old enough to take care of themselves now. claire pops in when she can, always bringing a present for cas (despite him reprimanding her for doing so) and dean is always happy to see her. she doesn’t text enough. 

sam sets up the bunker as a base for hunters again, trying to get a system up and running like before where hunters can check in and get help and use the weapons and resources they have for cases. 

they don’t deal with heaven anymore. they haven’t seen jack since he disappeared but they also haven’t had any angel troubles either. maybe it’s because there are so few. castiel helps a lot as he still has his grace—although he’s still unable to teleport and he seems to be aging, trapped in some kind of space between. not angel and not human and definitely not nephilim. he’s powerful and powerless at the same time. he doesn’t complain about this, knowing what it means. it’s a kindness. 

rowena is also on side, mostly, although she has her own gain in mind always. they have the stray demon that pops up every now and again but she– uh... prefers to make an example of them using her own methods. sam has learned not to question it. she teases him incessantly, as usual. 

also, stay at home dad sam. eileen jumps back into hunting. they’ve had conversations—arguments—about it before. he doesn’t want to turn into his father, driven mad chasing mary’s ghost if something were to happen. she refuses to even entertain the thought of that. yelling “you are a lot of things, sam winchester. your father is not one of them.” and at the end of the day, there’s a mutual trust there and he knows she won’t put herself in unnecessary risk, and he 100% roped dean in to jumping on as backup if and when she needs it. the kid(s) are raised love and cherished and surrounded by family. sam also learns how to sign one handed with a baby on his hip. it’s adorable.

anyway we never have to find out about heaven because no one dies thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[nickelkeep]

The Place Where I Belong

Pairing: Dean/Cas (Background Saileen and Sheriff Wives) Rating: M Word Count: 5,545. (Damn you Ao3, Google Docs said it was 5555!) Warnings: None? Mebbe? I don’t think so. Written For: nickel’s storytime On Ao3

Dean had never been more happy to see the bunker.

Sure, the last hunt was a success, and yeah, he and Cas had figured out why people were being taken. But at what expense? When Sam had given the case to the pair of them, he somehow had forgotten to mention that the case involved couples.

The few days that Dean had spent with Cas had been absolute bliss. They needed to blend into the rest of the population, and the public displays of affection had been everything that Dean had ever dreamed of. Cas' hand felt right in his, Cas' arms around his shoulders in a hug felt like home.

And the scratch from Cas' scruff on his cheek from a quick kiss? Well, call Dean cheesy, but it was Heaven on earth, and that Heaven was named Cas.

Once Dean parked Baby in the garage, the charade was over. Cas was back to his unreadable poker face, the hand holding stopped, and Dean felt cold. He missed the warmth Cas showed him at the resort, he ached for any hint of it. Even if it were fake.

Dean grabbed his duffel out of the trunk, leaving Cas to his own devices, and booked it to his room. The faster he could get away from Cas, as much as it hurt, the better.

Once in his room, he threw his bag on the floor, wincing at the sound it made, thinking that maybe something broke in it. Dean let out a heavy sigh and dragged his hand down his face.

A knock at the door had Dean flinch, and the voice from the other side brought him no additional comfort.

"Dean, are you okay?" Cas' deep, gravelly voice was muffled by the door. "I know you were injured, do you need me to take a look at it?"

Dean shook his head. The injury was minor compared to others he had received before. A sprained wrist that clicked when Dean turned it a certain way? Cas didn't need to look at that.

"I'm fine, Cas." Dean let out a deep breath quietly before picking his bag back up and setting it gently on the bed. He unzipped it and started digging through it, looking for something to stabilize his wrist.

"If you're sure." There was a pause from the other side of the door, and Cas started speaking again. "I have a text from Eileen. She and Sam will be back in an hour or so."

"Are they requesting food or something?" Dean asked before thinking. He closed his eyes and shook his head, cursing himself.

"They wanted to know if they needed to stop before coming back to the bunker." A pause again. "I can check the fridge while you unpack. Tell them what we need."

Dean nodded, despite Cas not being able to see him. "Yeah, Cas. That sounds good." Dean pulled out an ace wrap from the bag and sat on the bed. "Tell them that I'll make whatever they bring home, as long as they don't make me eat rabbit food."

"A salad never hurt anyone, Dean." Cas sighed. "But very well."

Dean waited until he heard Cas' footsteps retreating before he started wrapping his wrist up. He thought of the monster, a water nymph, how it threw him, and he landed on his wrist wrong, how Cas went berserk and took down the creature. Dean thought of Cas doing that because Cas loved him. Not because they were there to hunt the monster.

Dean tested the wrap, finding it passable, and stood back up. He let out a heavy sigh as he walked to the door, a simple wish crossing his mind.

He wished that the past few days had been real, and not a façade made up to defeat a monster.

…

Two hours later, while curled up in the Deancave watching TV, another voice pulled Dean out of his thoughts. "Hey, Dean."

"Sammy." Dean stayed focused on the TV, a wave of anger building up in his belly.

"How'd it go?" Sam plopped on the couch next to Dean. Dean moved over to give his moose of a younger brother more room. "Cas said it was a nymph or something?"

Dean looked over at his brother and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Water nymph. Was jealous of the love between the couples. It kidnapped all of the people to try and figure out how to get that for itself."

"Oh yeah? Did you free the missing people? How? I need to put this on file."

"Shut up, Sammy." Dean curled his knees to his chest. "I'm trying to watch my show."

Sam went quiet for a moment. "Did something happen on the case, Dean?"

"Yeah, hurt my wrist. Go bug Cas." Dean snapped.

"I got Cas' point of view. I'm asking for yours." Sam's voice has an edge of a bite to it, and Dean turned his head to glare at his younger brother.

"Let me guess. You want to know if I professed my undying love for Cas, or some bullshit like that, don't you?" Dean scoffed. "I'm never getting drunk with you again. I'm never playing truth or dare with you again, and for fuck's sake, I'm never letting Eileen make my mixed drinks again."

Sam laughed loudly. "So, you didn't tell Cas how you really feel? I set you up with the perfect opportunity, and you blew it."

"I fucking knew it. You did do it on purpose. You knew the whole time." Dean flipped off Sam, restraining himself from kicking his brother.

"Yep. Figured you could get your head out of your ass." Sam shook his head. "Apparently, you couldn't do it."

Dean pushed himself off of the sofa and left the Deancave, storming off to the kitchen to grab a beer. He paused briefly, finding Cas sitting at the table with Jack, and talking over a folder.

"Dean!" Jack smiled at Dean and waved. "Cas said you two had a successful hunt, so now we're planning a small one on our own."

"Sounds like a plan, kiddo. What's got your attention?" Dean grabbed the drink from the fridge and walked over to the table, pointedly not looking at Cas.

"I'm pretty sure it's just a restless spirit." Jack pointed at a spot in the folder.

"Items have gone missing, people have been injured, but there's no viable explanation," Cas added.

Dean nodded, not looking at Cas. "So, find what they're tied to, or salt and burn. Sounds like good practice for you. When are you two heading out?"

"Now that Sam and Eileen are back, we were going to head out now. It's a state over, so we can drive overnight and be there in the morning to do our research." Jack smiled at Dean. "I've got all my stuff packed and ready to go."

Dean clapped Jack on the back and risked a brief look at Cas. Cas was watching Jack with pride and not even focusing on him. Dean wasn't sure what else he was really expecting. "Did you pack some snacks, kiddo?"

"You bet! I got my candy bars, just don't tell Sam." Jack grinned and stood up before looking at Cas. "I'll meet you in the garage, Cas!" Jack bounded out of the kitchen, smiling.

"We'll be back in a couple of days, Dean."

Dean turned to look at Cas. "Do what you need, Cas. Just make sure you come home, okay?"

"Of course, Dean." Cas stood up and crossed to exit the kitchen, resting his hand briefly on Dean's shoulder, before following behind Jack.

Dean let his shoulders fall, the brief touch of Cas' hand reminding him how far away he was from ever having Cas as his own. He looked at the beer in his hand before turning and putting it back in the fridge. The way that Dean saw it, he had one of two options. He could mope and pine forever, or he could move on, finding company elsewhere.

The latter felt more attainable.

Dean returned to his room and got changed, putting on his nicest Henley and cleanest pair of jeans before grabbing his keys. Moving on was calling, and it would be at Jackson's downtown.

…

The quick drive into town only made Dean more nervous. He parked in front of the bar and slid out of the Impala, looking around. He let out a heavy sigh and walked towards the neon lights illuminating the bar windows. 

"Hey there, Dean." Jackson nodded at Dean as he sat down at the bar. "What brings you in on a Thursday?"

Dean let his head slam against the bar. Of course, it was a Thursday. "Just got back in town from a job. It was a pain in the ass."

"Clearly." Jackson chuckled as he poured a shot of Jack for Dean. "That one's on the house."

"Thanks, Jackson." Dean lifted the shot glass and tipped it in thanks before throwing it back. "Just set me up with two Margies?"

Jackson nodded and walked away to grab the bottles. Dean's eyes drifted up to the ball game on the TV, allowing his brain to wander for a bit. He didn't even notice when Jackson dropped the bottles off, cracking the first one for him until he put the bottle to his lips.

"Hey there, handsome." Dean looked to his right and admired the woman who sat next to him. She had long brown hair and soft blue eyes. "Care if I join you?"

"Open seat means open to chatting." Dean smiled at the woman. "Don't think I've seen you around before." He offered his hand. "Dean."

"Cassandra." She took his hand and shook it. "In town visiting family."

"And they let you come here?"

"I resent that remark, Campbell!" Jackson called from the other end of the bar.

Cassandra laughed softly. "Jackson is my family. He's married to my sister." She rested her chin on her hand. "What brings you here?"

"Looking to forget for a little while." Dean turned on his thousand watt smile for Cassandra. "There's usually good company to be found here." Dean's eyes flicked to Jackson, who was crossing back over. His heart sank, because that good company was usually Cas. "What are you drinking, Cassandra?"

"Please, call me Cassie or Cass. I don't need to stand on formalities, Dean." She winked.

"Dean, where's Jimmy?" Jackson interrupted as his sister-in-law started to move in closer to Dean.

"Out of town."

"Ah, was wondering why my second best customer wasn't here with my best customer." Jackson looked at Cassandra, the pair exchanging a conversation through only looks. "It's not like you to come in without him."

"Like I was telling you. Just needed to forget about life for a while." Dean finished off his first bottle and pulled out his wallet, digging out a twenty and dropping it on the counter. "Apparently, I can't forget it here, at least not tonight." He turned to Cassandra. "Hope to see you around."

Dean headed towards the door and heard Jackson talking to Cassandra about him. He was reasonably sure he heard the words "Jimmy" and "Husband" in the same sentence and restrained himself from slamming the door behind him.

...

The drive back to the bunker was too quiet. Even blasting Zeppelin as he drove didn't fill the strange silence that hung around him. He had tried flirting with Cassandra at the bar, and even if Jackson hadn't of interfered, nothing would have come from the interaction.

She wasn't Cas. Sure, she had the hair, the eyes, hell, she even had the damn name. But she was not Castiel, Angel of the Lord.

Dean pulled Baby back into the garage, parking her and finishing the song that was playing before heading back into the Bunker proper. He stopped in the kitchen, intending to grab the second beer he never had at Jackson's. But another brunette decided it was in their best interest to stop him.

"Hi, Dean."

"Hey, 'Leen." Dean grabbed his beer, cracked it, and set it on the counter before turning to face her. He signed as he spoke, "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"What, and miss getting on your nerves?" Eileen smirked as she took a sip of her own beer, and pointed at the seat across from her. "How was your trip into town?"

Dean shrugged, grabbing his beer before joining her. "Stopped at the bar. Had a whiskey and a beer. Tried to flirt with a woman. Got cockblocked by Jackson." He sipped his beer. "Sounds like a normal time in town."

"Were you actually successful at flirting with the woman?" Eileen asked.

"Nope." Dean shook his head. "I guess I wasn't feeling it."

"What happened on the hunt, Dean?" Eileen asked softly, resting her hand on his arm. "Both you and Cas came back different."

"Cas came back different?" Dean scoffed and shook his head. "He's still Cas."

Eileen shook her own head in response. "No, Dean. Cas is more..." She paused as she thought of the word. "He's brighter. But you appear darker."

"Yeah, well, when I'm darker, I guess everyone looks brighter." Dean finished signing and took a pull of his beer.

"You going to tell me what happened?" Eileen tilted her head, offering a soft smile. "Or do I need to suggest what I think happened?"

"What all has Sam told you?" Dean ran his hand down his face, letting out a sigh.

"Sam doesn't have to tell me anything. It's plain to see how much you and Cas love each other." Eileen leaned forward. "I want to know what happened on the hunt."

Dean shook his head. "It hurts, 'Leen. Cas doesn't love me. Not like I love him." He paled at the confession. "Shit, Sammy got that drunk. How the hell did you get it sober?"

"I'm just that good." Eileen winked. "So, why don't you think Cas loves you?"

"I experienced first hand how he acts when he loves someone. He held my hand, he hugged me..." Dean paused and blushed. "He kissed me." Dean's hands balled into fists as he fought down his emotions. "The moment we got back into the car, he shut off. It was like nothing ever happened."

"Did he shut off, or did you?" Eileen held up a finger. "Did you openly say anything or even imply that you wanted to continue, or did you just go back to how you dance around him on the daily?"

Dean finished his beer and stood up. "Honestly? I'm still stunned any of it happened." He frowned as he took his beer to the trash. Dean turned to face Eileen again. "I'm heading to bed. You should too." He shot off a salute and exited the kitchen.

...

That night, Dean tossed and turned. A distinct sobbing in the bunker caught his attention, and he followed the noise to its source in the Library. Cas was lying on the ground, his wings burned into the floor beneath him. Eileen was sobbing into Sam's chest, and Jack was kneeling next to him.

"What happened?" Dean yelled at the three other people in the room as he rushed to Cas' side, falling onto his knees. "Cas?" Dean gently patted Cas' cheek, shaking him and trying to wake him up. "Cas, buddy, please, wake up." Dean fell forward, wrapping his arms around the fallen angel. "CAS!" His sobbing joined Eileen's, as he kept repeating, "I never got the chance."

...

Dean shot up in bed, feeling around and pinching himself. He was awake, and he was heartbroken.

After digging around under his bed, Dean found and pulled out his emergency handle of Jack Daniels. He grabbed his laptop and leaned back against his headboard. Dean pulled up Netflix, settling on the Great British Bake Off for something to watch as he got himself blitzed on whiskey.

After three - or was it four - episodes, the whiskey was finally running over Dean's brain, and the room started spinning. Dean thought that it was for the best that he put the laptop away. The competitor who had won the last two signature challenges looked an awful lot like Cas, at least to his fuzzy brain.

Dean closed the laptop and set it on his nightstand, knocking his cellphone down. As he picked it up, the picture of him and Cas lit up as his background. Dean smiled and ran his finger along, accidentally opening up his text messages. A message from Sam was waiting, asking how he was. Dean scoffed, typing the first thing that came to mind and sending it, before tossing his phone on top of the laptop and falling asleep.

...

The next morning, Dean woke up, his head thumping from the over-imbibing of alcohol. Even worse, The first thing he woke up to was the thought of Cas. Unlike his nightmare that woke him up first, this dream was soft, it was intimate. It left Dean wanting for more.

Dean reached for his phone, picking it up and cursing when he realized it was dead. He plugged it in and pushed himself out of bed, making his way to the kitchen.

A blur of long brunette hair dashed up to Dean, pulling him into a tight squeeze. "I am so proud of you." Eileen pulled back and smiled, looking up at Dean. "What changed?"

Dean tilted his head and signed. "What are you talking about?"

"Cas texted me this morning. He told me what you said to him." Eileen looked as though she were about to burst. "He can't wait to get home."

"Not to rain on anyone's parade here, 'Leen, but I didn't text Cas last night. I texted Sam."

"No, you didn't." Sam walked past and shook his head in the negative.

Dean shook his head. "But I sent Sam a message. I said that 'I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone.'"

"Clearly not." Eileen shook her head. "I know I can't hear, but I'm sure his phone didn't go off." She pointed towards Dean's room. "Go grab your phone?"

"Uh, it died, it won't have much of a charge." Dean contested, afraid to go grab his phone. When Eileen didn't drop her hand, his shoulders fell, and he slunk back to his room. He grabbed his phone and powered it on.

Eileen had followed behind and sat on his bed. "So, what message did you send?"

"I don't know." Dean turned to face Eileen so she could read his lips as he went through his phone. "Waiting for it to finish booting up." His phone started, and his alert for his text messages went off. Dean pressed the icon, pulling up the inbox. A text from Cas was waiting for him. "'Leen, I can't look."

"You should see who you sent that message to, at least."

Dean looked through his inbox. There was no sent message to Sam, none to any of his other recent contacts. He took a deep breath, trying to ease his shaking as he clicked on his text to Cas. "What did I do?" His jaw dropped as the message loaded. "No... no, no, no."

"What?" Eileen grabbed the phone out of Dean's hand, and smiled brightly as she read the message in full. "Dean, this is a good thing!"

"What's a good thing?" Dean shook his head. "I've ruined everything." Dean took his phone back and read off the screen. "I sent him, 'I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving you.' I fucked up!"

Eileen shook her head vehemently. "No, you typed him the truth. And he responded in kind. I know what it says, Dean."

"It's not real." Dean looked back and forth between Eileen and his phone. "He's just being polite. Or he means it as friends."

"'And I, you, Dean?'" Eileen shot an incredulous look at Dean. "How many times do you have to be told he loves you for you to believe it? And that's from him, nonetheless."

"Like I said, he's being polite." Dean reached under his bed and pulled out his duffel.

"Dean, what are you doing?"

"Leaving." Dean signed, not trusting his voice. He grabbed his laptop off his nightstand and tossed it into his duffel. When Eileen grabbed his arm, he stopped and shook his head.

"Dean. He's coming home tonight. You can't admit your feelings then leave." Eileen chided.

Dean tossed a few more items into his bag. "Tell him I was drunk."

"You're still in PJs." Eileen pointed at his clothes.

Dean looked down at himself. "I'm decent enough." He grabbed his keys and stormed out of his room. Eileen didn't follow, Dean figured she was probably running to get Sam. He entered the garage, grumbling that he didn't get dressed, and threw his duffle in the back of the Impala. He slid in the driver's side and started Baby up, listening to the rumble of her engine and hoping it would calm his nerves.

As he pulled out of the garage, Dean saw Sam and Eileen finally catch up to him, just to be left behind. The look on his brother's face was probably his best bitchface to date, and Eileen looked heartbroken.

At least they matched his inner feelings.

...

Dean had picked a direction and drove. His brain apparently set to auto-drive, as several hours later, he found himself pulling up to Jody's cabin. He pulled out his phone and dialed Jody's number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Dean! Normally, you're supposed to call before you pull up to the front of my house."

"Yeah, sorry, Jodes. I kinda just drove." Dean let out a sigh. "Am I crashing anything important if I ask to stay a night or two?"

"Get your ass in here, Winchester. I'll go set up the guest room." The phone disconnected, and Dean chuckled for the first time since the day before. He parked Baby next to Jody's truck and hopped out, and grabbed his duffel. He looked down at himself and slightly cursed the fact that he didn't take the time to put on actual pants.

The door opened, and Jody welcomed him with open arms. "Casual Friday at the Bunker?"

"Jodes, you have no idea." Dean let himself be pulled into a hug, then pulled into the house. He took a whiff, and frowned. "Are you sure I'm not crashing something? Smells like you're cooking for an occasion."

"Donna's coming over for the weekend." Jody smiled shyly. "Alex and Patience took a girl's trip, and Claire's on a hunt. So we have the house to ourselves."

"With all the hard work you two do, you guys deserve more time to destress. Time with your best friend sounds like a dream." Dean followed Jody to the guest room. "Wait, won't Donna need the room? I can take the couch."

A blush formed across Jody's cheeks. "Yeah, about that." A car horn sounded from outside. "That's probably Donna. You take the room, get... decent, then join us downstairs."

"Yeah, sure thing." Dean watched as Jody left the room and tossed his bag on the bed. He pulled out his phone, finding several missed text messages and a missed call. He set the phone on the bed and pulled out clothes to change and meet up with his favorite two sheriffs.

"Dean!" Donna waved as Dean rejoined the sheriffs, "Been a hot minute. Missed you." She walked over and hugged Dean, bringing another smile to his face. "What brings you out to Jody's neck of the woods, in PJs, nonetheless?"

Dean shook his head. "Really, Jodes, ratting me out like that?"

"What can I say? It's not every day I have a Winchester roll up in PJs, asking to crash." Jody shrugged. "Hell, it's not every day one of you guys comes to see me."

"Sorry, Jody." Dean hung his head. "We've been busy."

"Oh, we know sunshine," Donna moved to sit next to Jody. "You've missed a couple of things, and Jodio here says it's good I showed up when I did."

Dean looked back and forth between the two women. "What's going on? Did something happen? Are you guys okay?"

"We're fine, Dean. In fact, I think we're better than ever." Jody took Donna's hand. "We're together."

"Uh, yeah. You're sitting here in the house. Together." Donna giggled at Dean's response, and two plus two clicked in Dean's brain. "Wait. You two are an item. You're dating."

"Yes. Which is why Donna didn't need the room." Jody confirmed.

Dean rested his face in his hands. "So I am intruding. I'll grab my stuff and keep on going to Rufus' cabin."

"You absolutely will not, Dean Winchester." Donna put on her authority voice and Dean froze. "You came here, you're frazzled, and you were looking for someone to help you. You've got us."

Jody pointed at the chair. "Sit and spill willingly, or know that we're going to drag it out of you eventually."

Dean sat and told them everything. He told them about the case, he told them about the drunk text, and when Jody asked, he told the pair that he's loved Cas for as long as he can remember. Dean knew it didn't help his case, drunkenly confessing his love and running, but at least Donna and Jody weren't judging him loudly.

"I have a question, Dean." Donna had leaned forward at some point during his story, her elbows resting on her knees. "Cas admitted to loving you in return. Why did you run?"

"You're not supposed to fall in love with your best friend." Dean shook his head. "Hell, I'm not even supposed to have friends."

"So, are you saying Donna and I aren't supposed to love each other? What about Sam and Eileen?" Jody glared at Dean, raising her eyebrow in a challenge.

"I'm not supposed to. It's been beaten in my head that I was never meant for that life." Dean shook his head. "Of course, you two can fall in love. It makes sense for you two."

Both Jody and Donna raised their eyebrows in concern, but only Donna spoke next. "Dean, why can't you fall in love with someone? You're human. You clearly enjoyed the feeling with Cas on the case. Hell, anyone can see that you love him when you talk about him, the way you light up." Donna turned to look at Jody when she felt her hand get squeezed. "You're allowed to love Cas. Especially if Cas loves you in return.

"It's not that simple." Dean shook his head. "It's never that simple."

"Dean, where's your phone?" Jody asked, point-blank.

"Back in the guest room." Before he could comprehend what was going on, Jody bolted out of the living room, and Donna was sitting on his lap. "What are you two doing?!"

"What's it look like? Jody's grabbing your phone." Donna smirked at Dean flailing beneath her. "You're more than welcome to join us for dinner tonight. Especially cause I'm sure Jodio cooked for too many, but tomorrow, you're going home and getting your man."

"Got it." Jody walked back into the living room, swiping around on Dean's phone. "Oof, Sam's not happy with you."

Dean poked Donna in the sides, getting a giggle out of her, but not budging her. "How the hell did you get in there? It's protected!"

"Choose an easier pin than 6776, Dean." Jody smirked. "Eileen wants to make sure you're okay. I'm responding to her." She went quiet for a moment as she typed in a response and sent it. "And Cas wants to know where you're at, he'll come to you." Jody looked at Donna before looking at Dean. "Does Cas still respond to prayers, Dean?"

"Don't you dare." Dean froze. "Please, I'll leave first thing in the morning. I'll go back to the bunker. Please, just let me be here on my own. Please."

Jody continued typing. "Just messaging Eileen to not tell Cas where you are, but letting her know you are safe." She paused. "And that you're heading out in the morning to go back to the bunker."

"Are you two done torturing me?" Dean frowned, resting his forehead on Donna's shoulder. "I just don't want to think about this anymore."

Donna stood up and offered her hand to Dean, pulling him to his feet when he took it. "Then, we'll drop it unless you bring it up again." She hugged him. "But, we want you to know that you're not in the wrong for loving Cas."

Dean frowned but acknowledged Donna's comment. "I hear you, D-Train. You too, Jodes."

"Good. 'Cause dinner's almost finished, and I'm not getting yelled at for burning it." Jody made her way to the kitchen, leaving Dean with Donna.

"She's not going to burn it. She never does." Donna hooked her arm around Dean's and led him to the kitchen. "You can help me set the table, and I'll let you pick the beers."

The trio sat down and enjoyed their meal, sharing stories of recent hunts, of how Donna and Jody came to be a couple, how the girls were doing. Dean even let slip that he thought Sam might propose to Eileen soon. Jody and Donna went above and beyond, taking care of Dean, although it was supposed to be their weekend alone.

In the morning, Dean woke up, the smell of bacon and pancakes permeating through the house. He forgot for a half a second that he wasn't in the bunker, before opening his eyes and taking in the sight of Jody's guest room. Dean let out a sigh and rubbed his face with his hand before sitting up in bed. He grabbed his phone, scrolling through his missed calls and text messages. Cas had sent him another one, and Dean's hands trembled as he opened it.

"I am looking forward to you coming home. I miss you, and I love you, Dean."

Dean's heart fluttered. Cas had reaffirmed his feelings for Dean. He hopped out of bed, remembering to change into jeans and a teeshirt and throwing on a flannel, before throwing everything back into his duffel. Dean ran down the stairs with his bag, only to be stopped by Jody before running out the door.

"Eat first, then go home and get your angel."

After scarfing down his food, and leftovers packed up for the trip, Dean gave Jody and Donna hugs before rushing out to Baby. He had an almost six-hour drive that he intended to make in five.

When Dean pulled into the garage, he felt his whole body start to shake. He had taken the five-hour drive to figure out what to say to Cas, to figure out how to make sure he wasn't dreaming, and he wasn't any closer to finding closure. He placed Baby into park, leaving his duffel in the back and grabbing the food to take to the kitchen.

As he padded through the halls, Dean hoped that he could make it to the kitchen then Cas' room without being stopped. He was partially lucky. Eileen was in the kitchen, reading and looked up when Dean entered. She gave him a look, and in response, he held up a finger, asking her to wait a second.

Dean put the leftovers in the fridge and turned back to Eileen and signed without speaking. "Where's Cas?"

"You going to break his heart?" She questioned, also remaining silent.

"I don't ever want to do that."

Eileen nodded. "He should be in his room. He was worried when he didn't get a response from you. We didn't tell him anything."

"Thank you." Dean replied and started heading towards Cas' room. He stopped in front of Bedroom 15, only slightly hesitating before knocking on Cas' door.

A click and the twist of the doorknob, and Cas opened the door. The angel's face broke into a smile when he realized that it was Dean who had knocked and was waiting for him on the other side. "You're back."

Dean closed the distance between himself and Cas, his hands gently cupping Cas' face as Dean claimed his lips in a heated kiss. Cas returned the kiss, and Dean felt himself melt against the angel, every dream of his coming true for real.

"I take it you missed me too?" Cas asked as he pulled away.

"Cas, you have no idea." Dean rested his forehead against Cas' as he softly traced his thumbs over Cas' cheeks.

"Do you feel like you're dreaming, Dean?" Cas rested his hands on Dean's waist.

"I hope not." Dean stole another kiss as he walked Cas back into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.

...

The next morning, Dean woke up in an unfamiliar space again. This time, there was an unusual warmth pressed up against his back. Dean slowly opened his eyes and inhaled through his nose. The smell of Ozone enveloped him, and Dean happily remembered that he had fallen asleep in his angel's arms, in his angel's room.

Dean snuggled back against Cas, savoring the warmth and comfort that came with Cas. Dean felt at peace, he felt content, and most of all, Dean felt home.

[rebelminxy]

Santa Loves Pie

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 1235

Warning: None except cute children moments and loving affection

Trope: Leaving Food for Santa

Rating: Teen

A/N: This was written for the @supernaturaltropecelebration​ Mini Christmas bang. It doesn’t correspond with the current events of the show, so please don’t chew me out because I mention two characters that shouldn’t be mentioned together at the same time, I beg. It's only for the fic and couldn’t help myself! :) And images used here are not mine. Found on Pinterest and Google so credit goes to their creators.

My Masterlist

“DADDY!!!”

You smiled as you saw your girls run towards Dean, wrapping their little arms and legs around his legs as he walked into the kitchen. He had gone out to the store to buy a few extra things for the current baking fiasco going on.

“Hey! What are my favorite bakers doing?” he chuckled as he struggled to reach the kitchen counter to drop off the paper bag in his arms.

“Mommy let us help make cookies,” replied your eldest daughter as she removed herself from her dad’s leg.

“And we gots to paint cookies!” exclaimed your youngest.

“Wow, will I get to see these painted cookies?” Dean asked as he kneeled down to the girl's level.

“They in the oven right now,” they answered in unison.

“Good,” he replied with a wide grin. “Now, why don’t you two go help Uncle Sammy, Auntie Eileen, and big brother Jack decorate the library? We need you two to make sure the tree is perfect.”

“YAY!” they screamed as they ran out the kitchen, still wearing their flour-coated aprons you had made a few weeks ago.

You chuckled at Dean as you finished the final touches on the apple pie you were making. You felt Dean wrapped his arms around your waist, his chin on your shoulder.

“Hmm, bet that’s gonna taste delicious once you’re done.”

“Mhm, but it’s not for you.”

“Who else here loves pie like me?” he questioned teasingly.

“The girls thought that maybe Santa enjoys pie just as much as Daddy does,” you giggled in response as he tickled your tummy. “Now stop before I ruin this beauty.”

“So, if this is meant for Santa….”

“I set up the Santa costume in the Dean Cave and locked the door to make sure the girls don’t see it. I really hope Santa enjoys the pie,” you teased as you turned in Dean’s arms, relishing the warmth he was emanating. 

“Oh, I bet he will love that pie. I know I love your pies,” Dean smiled down at you as he pecked the tip of your nose.

“Now, be a good boy and put this pie in the oven since the cookies should be done,” you beamed as you turned to grab the pie and hand it to him. “And dinner will be ready in another hour so I suggest you go help the four out there with the decorations before Cass gets here.”

Dean chuckled deeply as he took the pie from you, moving to the ovens to take the cookies out to put the pie inside. He placed the tray of cookies on the kitchen counter right next to the already cooling first batch. He walked towards you and pulled you into his arms, placing a sweet and gentle kiss on your lips. Once he broke free from you, he smiled, caressing your flour-covered cheek.

“Love you and Merry Christmas, babe.”

“Love you too, and Merry Christmas.”

After dinner, Jack and the girls went to his room to watch Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer while Cass joined them to see what the excitement was for a cartoon movie. Sam had taken Eileen to rest in their room, her second trimester being a little rough on her. It was just you and Dean in the Dean Cave, you laid across the couch, wrapped in a blanket with your head in his lap at you watched Die Hard, a Christmas tradition you both started after your move into the bunker. Even before Dean asked you to become his girlfriend, you both enjoyed watching the movie on Christmas, both sharing in agreement that it actually was a Christmas movie. Even when you were two months away from popping out your second baby after your marriage, you both couldn’t miss out on the set tradition. 

And once the movie rolled its credits and Cass entered the room, the newest tradition was about to set in motion. 

“The girls fell asleep in Jack’s room before the movie could end,” Cass told them as he sat across the room in the recliner.

“Jack needs help getting them to their room?” you asked as you were about to get up.

“No, he said it’s alright if they stay in his room. Plus, they are far enough to not hear Dean.”

“And, that’s my cue to get dressed!”

You giggled as you sat up, Dean getting up and heading to the closet. Inside was the Santa suit you had bought a few years ago as a joke. But after your first daughter’s curiosity involving Santa, the suit became a permanent member in the bunker.

“At least I won’t be the only one having to wear this thing soon,” Dean grunted as he got into the suit, not removing his clothes since the suit was huge.

“I mean, we may have to get Sam a whole new suit. He is too tall to fit into yours,” you replied as you wrap yourself in the blanket.

“Well, you and Eileen can handle that when the time comes,” he replied with a kiss on your forehead, putting on the beard and hat. “How’d I look?”

“Just like Jolly Saint Nick,” you responded with a giggle.

“Well, not really,” Cass interrupted. “By the images, I have seen everywhere, he has a round belly  and red cheeks…”

“Alright we get it, Cass,” Dean replied in annoyance as he grabbed the velvet bag of gifts, throwing it over his shoulder. “Better had put that pie out because I plan on eating that whole thing.”

“Girls made me cut a piece out onto a plate, but it’s all yours babe.”

Dean walked out of the room with a huff, trying his best to walk quietly in the black boots. You got up from the couch and wrapped yourself tightly in the blanket.

“Let him know I went off to bed, baking and cooking took out all my energy.”

Cass nodded and gave you his typical kind smile.

“Have a good night Cass and Merry Christmas.”

“And a Merry Christmas to you, too.”

It was Christmas morning and you were waiting for the girls and Jack to finally wake up. Dean had made due with his promise about eating the entire pie, and you were thankful you had gotten a picture of it before since you didn’t want your hard work on the pie crust to disappear into his belly. Dean came into the library with two mugs of coffee in hand, handing one to you as he sat next to you. Sam and Eileen joined the both of you, sitting right across. Dean and Sam were in deep talk about a possible case and you were talking to Eileen about her pregnancy when Jack and the girls ran into the library, screaming for joy.

“PRESENTS!”

You laughed as they ran straight for the tree, Jack right behind them like the child he was. But your eldest looked over at the small table you had set up last night with the cookies, milk, and pie for Santa. She walked over and noticed the half-empty glass of milk, the few missing cookies and the empty pie pan and plate. She turned to look at you with wide eyes, the shock clear on her face.

“MOMMY! Santa ate all the pie!”

“Well, it looks like Santa loves pie just as much as Daddy does,” you replied with a wink and grin.

[no-te-lo-voy-a-dar]

Sibling Jealousy - Chapter 2

Fic’s Summary: Reader has known the Winchesters for a long time, almost two years before Cas entered their lives. After that, since Reader was the only one actually teaching the angel about humanity customs and stuff like that, properly, they developed a closer relationship, on the parent-kid way. But it was never verbally acknowledged. Now, with Lucifer’s child on the way, life stabs some sense and realizations onto Reader, but there’s no time for feelings in this house.

Author’s Note: This is mainly a fic with the purpose of developing a family relationship with the characters, of mutual support, and I don’t plan on adding romance for Reader, because that’s not my final goal.

Pairings(?): Castiel/Reader (Parental like), Jack Kline/Reader (Platonic/Sibling like), Dean and Sam Winchester/Reader (Platonic/Friends)

Warnings: Usual canon violence and conflicts, as well as injuries and blood mentions, emotional struggles such as feeling unloved, like an outcast, low self-esteem issues and if you think something else should be mentioned let me know.

<<Last Chapter — Next Chapter>>

Chapter’s Author’s Note: The first chapter (or prologue?) already has more than 20 notes and that’s more than I expected tbh. Within less than a day, @thewnchstrs added my fic to their September Fics Recommendation List, and I can’t be more flattered that even with just one part out, they decided to add me. Thank you so much.

Chapter Two: Such a Rush

Word Count: 1,327

For the next few months, you were sent the address where Cas was staying with Kelly, and you would send him some pictures and stuff “a normal kid” might use or want. You also got on the phone with both Kelly and Cas when the brothers left to do the FBI work and you stayed in the motel to do research or went for food.

Not a lot of words were exchanged, in your opinion, but hearing Castiel’s voice and encouraging words about The Men of Letters issue did relaxed you, and Kelly said it was a good thing for the baby to hear to his family’s voices.

Not sure how you felt about that yet.

Time passed, you found the microphone hidden in The Bunker, you were almost buried alive, then you and Sam went to raid the British Men of Letters base, using how stealthy and small you were as your bargain excuse as to why you should go (which did come in handy, thank you very much), went back to The Bunker to find Mary was on her right mind again and Ketch dead on the floor and then head all the way up north because the brothers had finally found where Cas and Kelly were AND you all learned Lucifer was out there walking on his old vessel.

You didn’t know if warn Cas or not, but with the Impala filled with the Winchester’s family you couldn’t, and praying to Cas might not be wise since angel radio could get hire wired. That’s not how it works, but yes, essentially. You could hear him tell you.

After hours on the road and Sam convincing Dean onto letting him drive for some of those because of his leg, you arrived at the small house you knew those two, three?, were staying in.

You hesitated into entering the house, looking up to see the windows’ lights on. Something didn’t feel right about this.

When you got in, Castiel seemed to already have talked to the Winchesters and Mary was making her way up the stairs to check on Kelly.

You went straight to him and hugged him, hoping he was getting the message on how much you missed him just from the strength of your hug. Apparently he did, because he was quick onto caressing your head and rubbing small circles on your back, all while you felt his grace heal the injuries you had earned on the raid against the British.

You stepped yourself away from him, and noticed Dean was no longer limping, meaning Castiel had already healed him.

“There’s something you need to see.”

—

After the tear on the time and space that led you to an alternative universe issue and Crowley joining you, a plan was made to trap Lucifer, and not much to your surprise, you were told to wait inside the house with both Kelly and Mary.

“So just you veterans can risk yourselves and have fun?” you really wanted to help, something about the whole situation made you uneasy.

“(Y/N) you know is not like that, but we can’t keep risking people into this, keep putting you on the fire line.” Sam tried to reason with you, his voice soft but nervous about whatever was about to happen, and you had to repress a snarky remark about how just living with them put you in said line by itself.

You sent Cas a look, but his eyes were sad and…a silent request was there, but you weren’t sure what was it. You didn’t like it.

Before they went outside and you upstairs, Castiel handed you an angel blade.

“Cas, you need this, as little protection against an archangel as it can give, you need it.” You tried pushing it back to him. “Besides, I already have my own from Ishim. The most recent one at least I mean.” talking about whom you had gotten an angel blade always seemed to be a sensitive topic.

“This one is not mine. I mean it is, but is a different one. I engraved some stuff in it, for extra protection. No demon can grab it and if any other angel besides the ones I allowed to touch it does, they are going to be slightly burned by it.” Now that you were looking at the blade, you could see enochian symbols written in the blade and handle. At the bottom of it, was an enochian symbol you became familiar with while doing research: Castiel’s angel symbol.

You looked at him and wanted to say something, but Dean was already calling for him.

He patted your head and signaled you to go upstairs. And so you did.

Births were always one of the things that made you more nervous about medical stuff, so much stuff could go wrong.

Kelly smiled at you when you got to the bedroom, and started rubbing at her belly while talking to it, to him.

“Look Jack, your sibling is here already. You are gonna be just fine.” The whole idea of Mrs. Kline wanting you to be some kind of guardian yet not exactly to Jack was kind of surreal.

You weren’t as young as Claire, yet you weren’t near your 40’s as Dean was, so they treating you like a kid always weirded you out, yet it made sense. You were closer to Claire’s age though.

You were bringing water to her lips as she kept having contractions and pushing, and suddenly, during one of her pushes, she whispered an ‘I love you’ before a bright light engulfed the room and you just felt energy soaring the entire house.

While you tried to rub the blindness from your eyes, you heard Mary leaving the room and going down the stairs.

When you opened your eyes, you saw Kelly wasn’t moving yet she was…clean. All the sweat and fluids that were covering her mere seconds ago were gone, and she looked peaceful. You arranged her laying form and covered her with the blankets, before starting to follow the shining foot marks on the floor.

They were directed towards what was supposed to be his room, if you took the giant paint on the wall with his name on it as a clue.

Everything was pitch black and when you looked at the floor and followed with your sight the path upwards, you saw golden shiny eyes looking at you.

Part of you was scared, well, more like on edge, and the other was confused, because you weren’t looking at a baby, nor a little kid.

“Hey Jack. That’s your name, you know?” you said as you reached half of the bedroom, as close as your instincts allowed you to go.

“…Father?” Now with your eyes a little more adjusted to the shadows, you were able of seeing how he hugged himself and titled his head a little. Heh, must be an angel thing.

“Uh, no, I’m not your father. My name’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Without noticing, you were sitting on the floor.

“(Y/N)? Mom said (Y/N) would be my big sibling. Are you my big sibling?” oh boy…

You looked at him, and saw…not a trace of a threat, just pure curiosity and he seemed a little afraid.

“Yes Jack, I’m your big sibling. I’m, going to take care of you, as best as I can.” You saw him smile a little, but when you both heard foots inside the house, Jack went serious again, and you pulled your new gifted angel blade out and got on your feet.

It was Sam.

You wanted to relax a little, but you weren’t sure what he was about to do. He noticed, putting his gun away and his hands in the air, which led you to sheath your blade again.

“Father?” there was Jack again, asking the same thing he asked to you some minutes ago but this time addressed to Sam.

When was Castiel gonna show up?

[thecleverdame]

East Of Nowhere - Life, After

Sam x Reader

Series Masterlist

Summary:  You and Sam are strangers trapped in a desolate mountain town where you live alone, isolated from the outside world, for five years.

Warnings: language, violence, smut, talk of past trauma

Beta:  ilikaicalie  

-

Life After

“Come again?” Dean raises an eyebrow. Sam just looks across the table, chugging a bottle of water. He woke up fifteen minutes ago sprawled out in the hallway. He came to just as Dean smacked him hard across the face.

“I know how it sounds, but it’s the truth.” Sam wants to take a moment, just a beat and try to wrap his head around the fact that he’s home, but he doesn’t have the luxury. You’re not there.

“You’re sure it wasn’t a dream, or maybe a Djinn?” Dean places his hands on the table, leaning toward his brother.

“No,” Sam runs both hands through his hair, blinking while trying to shake off layers of fatigue and exhaustion. Whatever pulled him back into the real world zapped every ounce of energy in the process. “This wasn’t like anything we’ve ever seen before. Are you sure it’s only been five months?”

“I’ve been going crazy looking for you. I think I’d know if you were gone for five years.” Dean sets a hand on his hip, the other gesturing toward Sam. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah, I feel ok. Just tired and thirsty.” Sam twists his torso, his back in knots and his shoulders sore. He feels like he got hit by a semi-truck.

“You were there with some chick?” He raises an eyebrow.

Sam sets down the empty bottle on the table and put his lips together before responding. “We’ve got to talk about some things…”

Before Sam has a chance to finish, or for Dean to respond, Dean’s cell phone rings loud in his pocket and Sam’s face goes white.

-

You roll your eyes behind dry eyelids, unable to determine where you are or what’s happening. All the sounds around you blur into one dull droning of blips, buzzes and muffled voices. The first noise your ears hone in on is that of the heart monitor. You know the sound well and, for a moment, you have a flash of waking up in the Shadow Hill Community Hospital.  

Whole thoughts aren’t forming yet; instead it’s just base knowledge as you fight through the fog in your head.

Beep

Beep

Beep

The monitor speeds up as you struggle to open your eyes. There’s a muted chorus of voices as you sort through the commotion. You can’t put the logic of it together but you’re listening for Sam’s voice somewhere in the mix.

It’s the familiar sound of your mother that straightens out first, sharpening from mumbled sounds into crystal clear words.

“I think she’s waking up,” she sounds excited, her voice catching. “Go get the nurse.”

“Just push the button,” Your father joins in. You almost melt as his presence is confirmed.

“Can you hear me Y/N?” Your mom asks. Her question is mixed with the sensation of her hand on your arm. You know her touch. Swallowing, you muster strength, blinking both eyes open. The light burns and you groan, fluttering until you see your mom, sitting in a chair at the right side of your bed.

“Thank God,” your father exclaims taking your other hand. You turn to look at him, weakly squeezing his fingers.

“Hi,” you rasp, then cough as the words set your throat on fire.

“Don’t talk sweetheart,” your mother cries. “We’ll get you some ice chips. For fuck’s sake Clint, go get the doctor!” Even in your altered state, it’s shocking to hear her drop the F-bomb.

A lot happens all at the same time. All the events of the previous five years come back to you in a flood of memories that make your brain feel like it’s exploding inside your head. You shriek, doubling over in pain. The delivery of this remembrance is accompanied by clear thought. The onslaught of the relocation shakes you free from the trauma and the drugs. You shoot from groggy and confused to painfully alert in the snap of a finger.

Your father holds your mother while she cries as you’re surrounded by doctors and nurses. All it takes is a push of a needle into your IV and the sedation lulls you back into a dark sleep.

Twelve Hours Later

When you awake a second time, the transition is smoother than the first. Your mother hovers on the constant verge of tears as your father tries to make awkward small talk. A police detective arrives at the same time as your dinner. Nibbling on the corner of a slice of white bread, you answer a series of uncomfortable questions as your family looks on in quiet judgment.

“So you’re sure that no one held you against your will?” The officer cocks his head as his eyes drift to your parents. “Maybe we should talk alone.”

“It’s ok,” you assure him. “I was just feeling overwhelmed by - life you know? I wanted to get away and clear my head and I guess I kinda panicked. I should have called or told someone I was alright but I...I’m really sorry.”

You don’t even want to look at your parents, if they even buy your story. Which is doubtful. They’re going to be so disappointed that it might break your heart. But the truth isn’t an option. Not unless you want to be committed.

“I keep asking about this because, not only does everyone you know say this disappearing act was completely out of character, but you’re pregnant and the doctors say you’re severely malnourished. That sends up some red flags, you know? Like maybe you were in a situation where you didn’t have access to food.”

“It’s been a hard pregnancy, I’ve been sick a lot.” You run a hand over your stomach.

“You can tell the truth honey,” your mother leans forward from her perch on the windowsill. Her eyes are brimming with tears. She wants so badly for there to be a reason that you so abruptly abandoned the people who love you and you want nothing more than to give her a better answer, but there isn’t one. “You have a man’s name tattooed on your ankle, it’s practically a brand! Someone must have made you-”

“Mom,” you stop her, struggling to sit up straight. “I met a guy, I got drunk...he’s got one too. No one kidnapped me or made me do anything. I just needed to get away for awhile.”

--

“There’s someone here who’s very excited to see you.” You mother forces an upbeat, sing-song tone.

When Jack walks through the door, he’s a wearing a shirt similar to one of Sam’s favorites. For a split second you think that Jack is Sam, your heart swelling and sinking in the same moment. Part of you almost forgot about him. The sight of his familiar face feels like a dizzy memory from a dream.

“I can’t believe it,” he smiles sinking down on his haunches at the side of the bed. “I knew you were out there somewhere.”

“I, um, I’m sorry.” Apologizing has become your new default. Over the last twenty-four hours you’ve found yourself often without a response and ‘I’m sorry’ seems to be your only answer.  

“Oh, don’t be sorry,” His hand is sweeping gently down the side of your face. You close your eyes and shift away from his touch. It doesn’t seem to phase him. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters. We can all move on from here. Together.”

During the time in Shadow Hill with Sam, you thought of Jack and figured he would mourn your loss and quietly go on with his life. This is clearly not the case.

“You waited five years for me?” You whisper is disbelief.

“Five months honey,” your mother pats the back of your hand.

Right. You slipped again. You and Sam talked about this. About all the scenarios of being thrown back into your old life. Sam was one who insisted you go through every possible set of events, including the fact that time might pass differently in Shadow Hill. Five years there could be five days or five decades here.

“Right,” you offer a lopsided smile, things making more sense now. “I meant five months.”

“Of course I waited,” Jack takes your hand into his, you resist the urge to immediately pull away. “I can’t tell you how relieved we all are, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m so thankful you’re both alright.” He reaches out of places a hand over your round belly. You hold your breath.  

He thinks the baby is his, they all do. You look at your parents who yet again are fighting to hold back emotion. You’re almost seven months pregnant, according to this timeline you would have been two months along when you disappeared.

“Please,” you lift his hand away from your stomach, stumbling over your words. “Just don’t...don’t do that.”

“There’s nothing be afraid of,” Jack tries to sooth you. “I’m ready for this. We talked about having a family one day.”

“It’s not your baby.” You clarify, maybe a little too blunt but there’s no taking it back now.

“What are you talking about?” He tips his head, his smile waning.

“Yes,” You mother stands up, her eyes narrowing. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what?” You’ve had enough. You’ve danced the dance for a day now, but you’re tired and exhausted. You’ve pushed Sam out of your mind because you’ve been under a microscope since you woke up, but in this moment you’re done. “I need everyone to get out of my room.”

“Just calm down sweetheart.”

“I don’t want to calm down.” You pick up the remote and hit the ‘call nurse’ button frantically. “I want to be alone.”

As soon as the door to the room clicks shut, you pick up the phone beside the bed and dial the number you’ve memorized like the back of your hand. It’s truth time.

“Hello?” A gruff voice answers. He sounds cranky, thank God. Dean, it has to be him.

“Dean?” You ask.

“Yeah, who’s this?” He snaps back. You hear Sam in the background. Your heart speeds up to a gallop, an idiotic smile spreading across your face. “Give me the damn phone!” You hear him shout.

“Sam?” you confirm, tears spilling in relief.

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice is shaky. “Are you okay? Where are you?”

“Are you alright?” Biting your lip, you contain the urge to squeal. You’re both alive and you both remember. “I’m in the hospital.”

He ignores your question. “Why are you in the hospital? Is the baby-”

“We’re both alright. I just turned up unconscious on my parent's lawn in the middle of the night. The neighbor’s kid said he saw me fall from the sky. I don’t think anybody believes him, but I do. I’m banged up.”

“Dean found me in the hallway. I didn’t wake up until an hour ago. I’m gonna come get you, just stay where you are.” There’s rustling on the other end of the line.

“This is good right? We both remember?”

“It could be a lot worse.”

---

Sam makes the twelve hour drive in a little under ten. Dean protested, pointing out that he needed sleep and maybe a doctor but in the end he took the keys and didn’t look back.

He slips into your room just after the sun comes up. It’s still early enough that your constant stream of visitors hasn’t yet arrived. You’re sleeping soundly, mouth hanging open with a bag of saline dripping into your arm. Your face looks thin, more gaunt than he remembers. He’s grown used to seeing you nearly every moment of every day but being apart, even for forty-eight hours, gives him a new perspective. Your face should be rounder, filling out as your stomach grows. But between the lack of food and plethora of stressors during your last months in Shadow Hill, you went in the other direction. He didn’t realize exactly how much until now.

Your eyelids flutter open the moment he takes your hand, a lazy, happy smile budding at the sight of him. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He squeezes your fingers, before bringing your hand to his mouth.

“I missed you,” you confide. His heart still skips when you say things like that.

“Missed you too, baby.” He kisses your knuckles, wrapping both his big hands around your small fist. “Do you feel good enough to get out here? If you need to stay, that’s fine. But people aren’t gonna stop asking questions, at least for a while. It’s probably better if you get your bearings before you start giving answers.”

“I’m good. I’ve probably already said more than I should have, but I stuck to the stuff we talked about.” You explain.

Sam stands, then leans down to kiss you. Your lips are dry as the desert but he doesn’t care. He rubs his nose into your cheek, nuzzling with a gentle press of his mouth on yours.

“What the hell is going on here?” Your father’s voice snaps you both to attention and Sam stands up straight.

“Dad,” you try to intercede, propping yourself up into a sitting position.

“It’s ok,” Sam takes a step away from you.

“I don’t know who the hell you are and frankly I don’t care, you better get away from my daughter.” Clint has always been an imposing figure but he’s larger than life when it comes to his kids. Your father radiates a ferocious protectiveness.

Sam looks to you and moves away from the bed. “I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“You better pray you’re not the reason my little girl has been missing,” his voice hitches up an octave. You’ve only seen him cry once before.  “Or be the father of that baby because I swear to God I will kill anyone who puts their hands on my daughter-”

“Daddy it’s okay, I’m alright.” You reach out for him. “Sam, I think we need a few minutes.”

Sam doesn’t hesitate, just sets his jaw and nods before leaving the room. Your father is pissed as hell at you and he’s held it back until now.

“You’re a smart girl. How is it you expect me to believe that you would just fall off the face of the earth and turn up five months later, pregnant and with a ring on your finger. Are you married to that man? Someone we’ve never met? I know you Y/N, you wouldn’t do that. Not to your mother and I.”

“Maybe old me wouldn't have, but things happened Dad.” If you had half a shot at getting through to anyone, it was him.

“Then tell me what happened.” He takes your hand just as Sam had, only he clutches it so tight it hurts.

“I can’t. Not yet anyway. You wouldn’t believe me if I did, anyhow. I know this is hard, but you have to find a way to trust me. Maybe you can’t right now, and that’s alright. But I just need a little faith. You know that I’m not influenced by anyone. What happened was unexpected, but if I had to do it all over again, I would. Sam is a good man and we love each other. I fell in love, the kind of love that you and Mom have. I can’t explain it all to you now, but what happened to me wasn’t bad.”

He’s still, looking at his feet. “You’re going with him?”

“You were listening.” You sigh, tipping your head back. “I have to go, for a while at least. Someday, I hope to tell you everything.”

“And he’ll take care of you?” A tear drops from the corner of his eyes and he wipes it away with a cough.

“Oh Dad, he already has.”

“This feels kinda like you’re saying goodbye, kiddo,” he pats your knee, looking away.

With a quivering chin, you watch his eyes close, “Probably because I am.”

The Bunker

The Bunker is depressing.

As the heavy metal door slams shut behind you, there’s a creeping sense of dread that simmers in your gut. It’s silent, deathly silent, no faint chirping of birds in the distance or sunlight streaming through a open curtain. No, Sam and his brother live in a subterranean tomb that’s a far cry from the happy home you once shared together.

“Come on.” Sam takes your hand, winding down a metal staircase as you descend into the belly of the beast. He’s described this place to you in painstaking detail, enough that you thought you’d be prepared for the reality of being here but you were wrong. It’s dark, ominous and frightening.

There’s soft music playing, getting stronger as Sam leads you down a winding hallway. Strains of Simon and Garfunkel greet you as Sam pushes a door open to a small bedroom where you find a man perched on the bed. He’s cleaning a gun, it’s metal parts disassembled and neatly laid out over his bedspread.

This must be Dean.

He looks up, pausing before wiping oily hands on a rag. He doesn’t speak, just looks from Sam to you, then to your stomach as his lip twitches. “Hey.”

Sam’s hand is at the small of your back, pushing you to take a few steps into the room. This feels wrong. You’re out of place, especially in his brother’s private space. You don’t belong here and you’ve got a sneaking suspicion all three of you know it.

“Hey,” Sam’s voice is strained. “Dean, this is Y/N. Baby, this is Dean.”

Dean has a physical reaction when Sam calls you baby. He flinches as his eyes close momentarily, mouth pinching tight. You force yourself to move forward and extend a hand to him.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve been hearing about you for years, so it’s weird to finally, you know…” When Dean doesn’t move, your left standing awkwardly with your hand hanging limply in front of you. He looks from you to Sam again and shakes his head.

“Dean...” Sam fires a warning shot.

“Yeah, it’s pretty fucking weird.” Dean flashes a dry smile, and twists the rag in his hands. “I’m kinda in the middle of something here. Maybe we could do this later, Sam?”

“Alright.” Sam’s word choice is innocuous, but he might as well have responded with fuck you.

Sam ushers you down the hallway and swings open the door to the room you’re meant to share. Everything is cold brick and hard floors, including the metal frame of his tiny bed. He’s nervous, fidgeting as he shows you the few personal items he owns. His life is sort of...sad.

For the first time in a long time, neither of you know what to say. This is a Sam you’ve only heard about in stories. This is Sam the hunter, whose life is hard and rough and scary. A life that you don’t fit into.

-

They’re speaking in hushed tones, but it sounds exactly like the muted arguments your parents had at night when you were younger. Adults trying desperately to avoid innocent ears.

“I need you to do better than whatever that was.” Sam hisses.

“I’ll roll out the welcome wagon when we know for sure what she is, Sam. Until then, I’m playing this close to the chest.” Dean snorts and his fist hits something solid.

“What are you talking about? We’ve been over this-”

“No, you went over it and I told you I’m not buying it.”

“She’s not a monster, Dean, she’s just a woman.”

“Honestly,” Dean’s dry laugh gives way to naked hostility, “For her own sake, I hope you’re wrong. We can’t even keep other hunters alive and your plan is to bring a pregnant high school science teacher into the mix?”

“Dean-”

“No, I get it. You dropped off the grid and fell in love and now you’re having a frickin’ kid. Which, by the way, don’t even get me started on that. You couldn’t wrap it up? What were you thinking? And while we’re on the topic, do you even know for sure that baby is yours? What if she’s been playing you this whole time?”

“I can’t deal with this right now.” Sam’s voice interjects at full volume. “I get that you need some time to wrap your head around this, but I can’t wait around for that. I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do.”

“Fine,” Dean agrees. “You let me know what you and your teacher come up with.”

-

Sam feels larger than life when he wraps around you in his narrow, rickety bed. You pretend to sleep, too tired to talk and maybe a little afraid of what might be said.

‘You awake?” He whispers, resting a hand on your hip. When he doesn’t get a response he sighs, pulling you back into him the way he has a thousand times before. That familiar smell and warm body lull you slowly to sleep in this strange new world.

Two Days Later

“You doin’ ok?” Dean sits across from you, with a beer and a whiskey, alternating between the two. You can tell just by the look on his face that he’s skeptical of the whole situation. Sam keeps telling you Dean gets it, that he’s on board, but it’s clear he’s just trying to placate you.

“I’m just exhausted, but other than that I’m good.” You sip the warm can of coke as the two of you try not to look at each other.

“Sam has a lot to say about you.” Dean forces the conversation.

“I bet it’s nothing compared to how much I’ve heard about you. I feel like I know you.”

“Five years is a long time to be alone together.” Dean nods soberly. “The whole thing is almost unbelievable.”

“Look, I get that you don’t really trust me.”

“I’m not trying to be a dick.” He holds his hands up. “I’m still on the fence. Sam’s gone for five months and when he comes back he’s got a ring on his finger and you’re...friggin’ pregnant. You’ll have to forgive me if I need a little time. Sam’s been through a lot. I’ve seen him get screwed over more times than I can count and until I’m a hundred percent about who, or what, you are, I gotta keep asking questions.”

“Okay.” You concede.

“Okay?” he raises an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“It’s pretty much what Sam said would happen.” You shrug. “‘My brother won’t trust you, it’s gonna take him a while, just gotta be patient and get to know each other.’”

“I got a lot of questions for you.”

“Go ahead.”

One Week

“Hello.” The soft voice is not one you’re familiar with. You turn around to find a man standing in the doorway. He offers a warm smile and takes a step into the room.

“Hello,” you return. There’s something about him you can’t quite put your finger on, but his presence calms you, along with the thousands of thoughts rattling around in your skull since you woke up in the hospital. Your mind narrows down to this moment, able to focus on nothing other than the unassuming person in front of you. “I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are. Sam didn’t say anyone was coming by.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” he chuckles, dismissing you with a wave of his hand. He leans toward you as if he’s letting you in on a secret. “He doesn’t know I’m here.”

“What do you mean?” You should be worried, his confession should send up a red flag, but it doesn’t. Questioning your own actions you invite him in. “Do you want to sit?”

“No, I’m good. But you might want to.” There’s a glint in his eye, followed by a sigh and the exhale of someone who’s exhaustion rivals your own.

“Okay.” Despite having no intention of sitting, you find yourself seated on the bed.

“What are you doing here?” Sam interrupts your private conversation, Dean trailing behind him. They both looked pissed.

“Okay, I get it. You’re upset and you’ve got a right to be.” He responds shrugging casually.

“Does anybody wanna fill me in?” You inquire.

Sam glares, shaking his head in disgust. “This is Chuck.”

Chuck. You thought Sam was kidding or the tales he told were a metaphor...but Chuck’s really just a guy that looks vaguely like your middle school youth group leader.

“You’re God.” Despite your past misgivings, there’s no doubt in your mind that he is exactly who Sam told you about. You can feel it in your bones. “Oh my God, I mean...I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No worries.” His upbeat tone is not what you pictured from the supreme almighty.

“It’s nice of you to show up,” Dean’s disgusted. “I’ve been praying for months now and you’re nowhere to be found but suddenly you decide to grace us with your presence. Thanks.”

“You know I don’t like to interfere.”

“Why are you here?” Sam comes to stand beside you, putting himself between you and, well... God.

“I’m glad you asked,” Chuck clasps his hands together, seemingly excited. “I just had to see her in person. I mean, Sam. She really is a work of art. Beautiful, smart and loves you like the dickens.”

“What do you mean?” Sam reaches back, taking your hand.

“She’s incredibly complex. Near perfection.” He tips his head to the side, eyeing you up and down but you feel him inside you. He’s in your head and your heart, rooting around. “I really have to hand it to her. She’s right up there with Rembrandt and Chopin. Intricate, detailed, and just damaged enough to make it work. I don’t know that I could have done better myself. ”

“What. Are. You. Talking. About.” Sam grits, pulling you to your feet and tucking an arm around your waist.

“I thought you would have at least had some idea.” Chuck looks expectantly from Sam to you and back again. “My sister cooked her up. Her first real creation and she outdid herself.”

“Creation?” you whisper, feeling lightheaded.

“What the fuck are you-”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t have an inkling...” Chuck interrupts Sam. “I mean, she plucked her right out of that fantasy you used to have. You know, the dream, you remember the one you used, enjoyed...Oh no, you thought...you thought it was a premonition? ”

“Stop speaking in riddles and just tell us what’s the hell is going on.”

“Look, you know what my sister is like.”

“This was Amara?”

“She wanted to give you something.” He shrugs. “She gave Dean what he wanted most, your mother, and then she wanted to give you something too. She said she thought about Jessica, but you’re too different now. Too grown up for that to work organically, so she decided to create something, or should I say someone, just for you. ”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.” Dean snorts, apparently the only able to articulate any emotion.

“I am not shitting.” Chuck presents a grim smile and shrugs. “Let’s look on the bright side. She really nailed it.”

“I don’t understand.” You’re wilting into Sam but he doesn’t seem to notice. He’s stoic, save for a flare of his nostrils. It’s a look you’re familiar with. He’s furious. “That doesn’t make sense. Before we woke up in that place I had a life, I had a family.”

“Well, technically you didn’t.” Chuck rolls his hand in the air letting you know he’s not finished. “It’s the beauty of what she managed to accomplish. It wasn’t just you she had to pull out of thin air, it was everything. Your family, your friends. Heck, those memories you have of your dad. I’m impressed.”

There are no words to describe how you’re feeling, but disbelief comes the closest. It’s not that you don’t trust what he’s telling you, just like everything else you know it’s true. But you can’t comprehend it.

“Why Shadow Hill? She just wanted to watch us swim around the fishbowl?” Sam spits, his arm leaving your waist as he takes a step toward God himself.

“Sam, you know as well as I do your life is pretty pathetic. She didn’t think having you meet at a singles’ bar would do the trick. She said she wanted you to have time to be with each other without all...this. She was gonna give you ten years and then zap you right back here.”

“Perfect,” Sam grunts, there’s venom in his voice.

“You said ten years,” you take a deep breath. “We were only there five and the world fell apart. There was literally fire raining down from the sky.”

“That spell the two of you cast cracked the ecosystem.”

“A crack that couldn’t be fixed so we ended up with front row seats for the end of the world?” Sam interjects. “There wasn’t even food at the end. Y/N was pregnant and terrified and I couldn’t even fucking feed her. Where was your sister? Did she get bored?”

“She used to check in on you from time to time to ensure everything was going to plan, but you caught her once. She said you saw her and she had to erase the memory. After that she was gun shy. She took a page out of my book and stayed away. Let things play out.”

He snaps his fingers and Sam can remember the night in the rain. He can see Amara slipping out the front door of the house and into the torrential rain.

“Where the fuck is she?” Sam presses. “Why isn’t she here telling us all this?”

“Because she had a very specific plan. You get ten years of domestic bliss and then you’re back here like nothing happened. You’d have been missing less than a year and life would move on.”

“Like I never existed?” you clarify.

“Exactly. If she turns up now I’m afraid she might reset things. You know I prefer to give you the choice, Sam. I’m all about free will. If you decide you want the slate wiped, I can take care of it.”

“No.” Sam squares off his shoulders and side steps between you and Chuck.

“I realize it’s a hard decision and I’m sorry.” He peaks around Sam to let you know the apology is meant for you. “You should take some time and talk it over.”

“We don’t need time.” Sam shoots back.

“It’s not just your choice Sam, there’s two other people involved. Talk about it, decide what’s best for her and your son. You can let me know.”

And with that, he’s gone.

---

“How do you feel? You know, about what he said.” Sam asks. He’s kept his distance since the revelation, but it’s been a few hours and you’re about as settled with the idea as you’re going to get.

“You mean the fact that I only exist to fill your wants and needs?” You scrunch your nose. “My inner feminist is pretty pissed.”

“You’re deflecting.” He sits on the edge of the bed, giving your thigh a squeeze.

“Because I don’t even know where to start.”

“You’re real, just as I am.” He face is strained, he’s trying but he’s off the mark.

“That’s not even the part that I’m worried about Sam! It’s the rest of it. It’s where we go from here. Are we going to have a baby and live in a bunker with your brother? If by some miracle we aren't murdered in our sleep by a monster or demon or whatever, we’re doomed to fail anyway. You’re the one who told me that the people in your life die. That you and I would never have worked in this world.”

“Things are different now.” He swallows, running a palm over the stubble of his jaw. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“You’ll die trying, Sam.” You want to shake him. “You’ll take a bullet to protect us or have a heart attack at forty from the stress of it all.”

“We can make it work,” Sam blinks, looking at the dead expression on your face. When what you’re insinuating hits him, his anger becomes palpable. “You’ve already given up.”

“I don’t want to. I love you so much and this baby, I...it’s all I want. But it’s not about what I want anymore. How can we bring a child into this? I know you Sam. You’re the guy who leaves because he thinks it’ll be better that way.”

“I won’t.” He’s hurt, and frankly, now pissed at you. “You think after everything we’ve been through, the only options we have are that I abandon you or Chuck snaps his finger and you never happened? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m trying to be practical.” You sputter.

“Well fuck that.” He growls. Sam stands up and looks away from you. He’s so mad that he can’t make eye contact. He rubs a hand over his face, trying to restrain himself. “I’m not leaving and you’re not going anywhere, but I’m out. No more hunting. We’ll just stay here long enough to get something else set up, somewhere safe we can start over. New names, new lives.”

“You really think you can do that? What about your brother? You just got him back.”

“Dean will make it work. We always do. I made a commitment to you in that field, do you remember that? You’re acting like it doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything to me Sam. I just...I hate this all so much. I just wanna go back. While we were there, all I could think about was getting out of Shadow Hill. It felt like a prison. And now… now I just want to go back where it’s you and me and nothing else.” Your voice cracks and the tears follow, running thick and wet down your cheeks. You feel his weight on the bed when he sits, then his arms as you cry into this chest.

“Do you still love me? Now that you know everything,” He asks.

His questions takes you off guard. If anything, you should be the one asking. “Of course,” you mumble into his shirt.

“Good,” he clutches you tight. “Then we will find a way.”

Three Years Later - Just outside Lunenburg, Nova Scotia

If it were up to you, you’d never leave this place.

The ocean shore lies jagged, the rocky outcrops like a torn piece of paper where they meet the rushing waves. The shore is everything at once, every sense bombarded in a way that brings your mind to elevated thought. Eyes open to every shade of blue before you, every shade from white to browns and greys for your pleasure. Eyes closed there is the cool breeze, stealing warmth, giving you the taste and smell of the brine. The ocean's faraway music takes command of your ears with crashing waves and the cries of the gulls. To the right of this little cottage home the cliff face rises sharply, graphite in the autumn sun. Between rock and wave, you sit intoxicated on the breath of mother earth, of nature and all the wonders she holds.

The front door creaks open and Sam slips out, shutting it with a carefulness usually reserved for fine china. He smiles at you, a heavy blanket swung over his shoulder and two steaming mugs of tea precariously grasped in one hand. “I defeated the beast.”

“He went down?” You scooch over, making room on the porch swing.

“It only took two baths, three books and a half hour of me making up lyrics to that Aladdin song he loves, but I did it.”

“Two baths?” You laugh.

“Well, I thought we were home free and then there was puke everywhere.”

“Sorry,” you wince. He wraps the blanket around himself before sitting and opening it for you to join him. Lying back you rest against his chest with a warm cup between both hands. “Thanks for taking over. I don’t have it in me today.”

“It’s fine, I know you’re not yet feeling a hundred percent.” He kisses the back of your head, a strong arm snaking around your belly.

“I just hope by some miracle we haven’t given it to you.” You came down with it first. It’s been a nasty flu season and you’ve spent the better part of three days sweating on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. Just as you started to feel human again, Will crawled into your bed with rosy cheeks complaining about his stomach. Things devolved from there.

“It’s inevitable.” He shrugs, “It’s freezing out here, are you sure we shouldn’t go inside?”

“I like the fresh air. Besides, it’s warmer when you’re here.” You can see the ocean from the house, waves rolling white-caped in the distance. You lean your head back on his shoulder and soak in this still, perfect moment.

“This week is gonna be crazy, I’m having to work late every night since we’re getting ready for the holiday.” Sam’s a manager at the grocery store, it’s boring and monotonous but it pays enough to keep your son in cheerios and dinosaur pajamas. Sam’s been pretty vocal about hating the work, but it doesn’t matter. You won’t be here that much longer. “We’ll need the money before the move.”

“I love it here, I don’t want to leave.” You close your eyes and listen to the gulls squawking to one another in the distance. Sam shifts behind you and then it’s two arms enveloping you as his mouth breathes warm at your temple.

“I know, but we’ve already been here too long. We gotta keep movin’.” Sam’s past may very well catch up with you one day, but until then the two of you do everything you can to play it safe. It’s all about flying below the radar and staying on your toes, blending in before moving on. “You come up with any ideas yet?”

“I was thinking Washington state or maybe Oregon. Somewhere on the coast, I want to stay near the water.”

“Sounds perfect,” he kisses your temple but you feel him tense up. “I’ll start looking tomorrow.”

“What is it?” You turn your head. “I can practically feel you overthinking.”

“Is being with me worth all this?” He’s not really asking, he knows what your answer will be, but sometimes he needs to hear you say it. “You might never see your family again. We’ll never have a real home.”

You choose the most perfect memory of your father and cling to it. Doesn’t really matter if it’s only manufactured, because for you; it was all too real. You choose it because at that moment, he was the person he should and would have always been; had it not been for the stress of life and losing you. In that snapshot his unwarped personality was something so golden and sacred you want to keep it forever. Like an old movie reel, you can play it at will; it's 1987, on the back lawn of your childhood home. He's laughing, relaxed after mowing the lawn and asks you if you want an airplane ride and of course you do. What four-year-old doesn't? In the moment, he has your right wrist and ankle. He spins like a shot-putter, but he never lets go. The garden turns into a green blur; you’re flying. Flying until he can spin no more. The memory has no smells or weather, but the garden is in fine detail: the crab apple tree, the rhododendron bush, the weeds in the flower beds. But the finest detail is his face, creased with love and your joy, not only for the ride but for being with him.

Sam is that father to your son now, and you’ll give up whatever you have to give Will these small, precious moments that are sometimes over before they begin.

“My home is with you.” You cover emotion with jest, “are you trying to get rid of us?”

“No,” Sam chuckles as you pick up his hand, running your thumb over a bluish vein. “Never.”

“It’s always going to be you and me, Sam.” You confirm. “You and me ‘till the wheels fall off.”

The End.

-

Thank you to everyone who read, enjoyed, commented on and reblogged this story. 

-

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[angelstrenchcoat-67]

Leather, Lace and Lullabies

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Just fluff and maybe some angst?

Series Summary: After many years of hunting and stopping the Apocalypse more than once, the chances of something surprising you are pretty low. Until Castiel and Jack reveal something that you never thought you’d hear.

Part 6

“Dean” I call his name as I step into the room Jody assigned us, Sam is sleeping with Jack in the living room so that Dean and I are more comfortable. “Dinner is ready”

I’m a little surprised I don’t see him in the room but then I notice that the bathroom light is on so when I walk deeper into the room, I see he is standing in front of the mirror. “Babe”

Silence follows as he doesn’t move to turn around, not even a slight head nod to acknowledge me. I stare at him with a slight frown on my forehead. “Dean?”

Again, he doesn’t move. That’s when I notice he is just staring at his reflection in the mirror. Instead of calling his name again, I walk over to him, now more concerned than before. “Dean” I place my hand over his shoulders, shaking him a little.

This seems to snap him out because he blinks for a couple of seconds before looking down at me. “Oh, hey babe”

“Hey babe?” I frown. “Why were you ignoring me?”

“When?” He raises his eyebrow before drying his hands on the front of his jeans.

“Are you playing a joke on me?” I clench my jaw, narrowing my eyes at him. “I called your name several times and you didn’t even dare to look back”

“Babe, I don’t know what you are talking about” Dean turns to face me, placing his hands over my bump. “I think this little one is making you delusional”

“No, she is not” I swat his hand plafully before lacing over fingers together. “Are you sure you are okay? How’s the headache?”

“I’m good” He kisses my forehead, noticing how worried I actually am. “I took a nap and it went away”

“Okay” I sigh, not sure of his answer. “Dean?”

“Yes?” He asks plafully as his lips move over to my ear, before nuzzling my neck.

“You would tell me if something was wrong, right?” I ask him, my arms moving around his middle.

He pulls back, a frown settling over his green eyes. “Of course, why are you asking me that?”

“I- I’m just” I bite the inside of my cheek, not sure where I’m going with this. “Nothing, let’s just go get dinner”

“Okay” He mutters before giving me a quick kiss. “I love you”

“I love you, too” I giggle as he kisses my nose next. “Let’s go before you get all handsy”

“You love it when I get handsy” He grins before wrapping his arms around me.

———

“Hey hot stuff” Dean grins as he leans in to kiss my lips, but failing so he ends up kissing my chin. “Ops”

“How many beers have you had?” I laugh as Claire and Patience giggle next to me. Sam, Jody, Jack and Dean went outside to play some cards and drink beer after dinner and since I can’t do that, I decided to stay with the girls inside watching movies. Alex had to work at the clinic so she left as soon as dinner was done.

“About this much” Dean pinches his fingers, placing them so close to my eyes, I have to pull back.

“Somehow, I doubt it” I shake my head as Sam walks by to grab more beers. “Samantha, if Dean ends up puking, you’ll be the one to clean it”

“Yes, Ma’am” He laughs, grabbing his brother’s arm to take him outside again.

“So, have you picked out any names?” Claire asks me as Chris Evans appears on the screen, jumping in the water with Anna Farris.

“No, Dean is always throwing names but I don’t take him seriously because they usually involve the impala or a classic rock band” I try to remember all the times I had to turn down Dean’s ideas.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t trust him to name a kid” Patience laughs as she looks out the window at Dean balancing a beer on his head.

“I wouldn’t trust him to be the father of a kid” Claire jokes, throwing a bunch of popcorns in her mouth.

“C’mon, he is trying his best” I defend him, even though I know the girls are joking. “I know he is terrified, even though he tries not to show it”

“I’m kidding” Claire smiles at me, placing a hand over my belly. “This baby is gonna have the best dad ever”

“Thanks, Claire” I place my hand over hers and give it a light squeeze.

“What’s the best part about being pregnant?” Patience asks me, completely ignoring the movie now.

“Mmm, I get to eat all I want, even if Sam disagrees with me” I chuckle. “And people don’t give me shit when I don’t feel like doing something”

“Maybe I’ll get pregnat so Jody can get off my back” Claire mutters but grins at me when she sees me glaring. “Again, kidding”

“You need to stop being such a little shit” I smack her with my pillow before looking back at the tv. “Now let me enjoy Chris in peace”

After several Chris Evans’ movies, I feel my eyes getting heavy so I announce my departure.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you to bed” Dean stands up, a little more sobered up now. He laces our hands together before walking us back in.

There’s a look on his face that I can’t quite read but when he catches me looking, he tugs at my hand to pull me against his chest and wrap me in his arms. “Why are you so beautiful?”

I blush so hard, not expecting his compliments. Moments like this make me feel like the times were I had a crush on Dean and he would catch me staring and he would wink at me until one day he finally did something.

*flashback*

His eyes keep calling me, pulling my gaze up to him, even though he is focused on the computer in front of him. I should be reading the police report between my hands but today, like every other day, Dean is taking all of my thoughts.

He’s wearing a red and black flannel with a black shirt underneath, which is my favorite look on him because it brings out the green on his eyes even more. He’s holding his chin with his hand but his thumb is slightly touching his bottom lip, tracing it everytime he moves his head. Because he has his hand up to his face, his biceps flexes under the shirt, making my eyes focuse there.

I’m not gonna lie, there has been so many nights were I fall asleep to the idea of those arms keeping me against his chest as we cuddle, of those arms flexing over my head as he holds himself by the headboard, face scrunched and the most elicit groans coming from his mouth.

That’s when I suddenly notice that I was too deep in my head to realize that Dean is no longer sitting in front of me. I stand up and turn around to look for him, in case I was supposed to follow him, but then I bump against a wall. Or what I thought was a wall.

“Where are you going, kitten?” Dean speaks lowly as he holds me against him by my waist. I feel my hands shake as I place them against his chest to gain more balance and I bring my eyes up to meet his. There’s a new shade of green there now, deeper and darker. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to focus when I can feel your gaze on me?”

I feel my cheeks hit up, realizing I got caught. “I’m sorry-”

“Do you now how hard it is for me to pretend like I don’t see you when all I want to do is reach out for you and hide my face in your hair and just stay there?” He doesn’t let me finish, bringing his hand up to tug a hair strand behind my ear. “How many times I wish I was holding you like this?”

“Dean” I breath harshly as I try to wrap my mind around what he is saying.

“Y/N” My name rolls of his tongue in a way that sends shivers down my spine.

“Guys” Sam speaks up from the other end of the table, making me jump in Dean’s grasp. “You do know I’ve been here the whole time”

“I-” I look between Sam and Dean before pushing him away so that I can take a couple of steps out of the room. “Excuse me”

I walk, no, I run towards my room, barely catching the “really Sam?” that Desn throws at his brother. I close the door to my room before pacing around, my heart threatening to jump out of my chest. There’s a couple of soft knocks on the door but I already know who it is. I walk up to the door, opening it with a shaky hand because it’s Dean probably coming to tell me that he was just teasing or something. “Yes?”

“Can I come in?” He asks me, looking inside my room as if he has never been here.

“Why?” Is the first thing that leaves my mouth and for some reason, it makes Dean grin.

“I have a feeling you are gonna let me in, no matter the reason” He bites the edge of his bottom lip as he notices the intense rose color taking over my cheeks. “Please, let me in”

I don’t take my eyes off of him as I step aside so he can walk in. I stay by the door, not really trusting myself around Dean. He seems to notice this so he moves closer to me before bringing a hand up. I think he is gonna touch me but he only steps closer to the point where my chest is pressed against his middle, using his stretch hand to push the door closed.

“Dean” My voice comes out shaky as he places a hand on my hip. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t be scared” He leans in, his breath mixing with mine as our foreheads connect. “This is-I’ve been wanting this for so long”

“What?” I stutter, my eyes now focused on his plum lips that are calling my name like a siren’s cry.

“You” His words come out as a whisper before I finally get to feel the pressure of his lips over mine. His arms grip me tight against him as I grasp the neck of his shirt, pulling his lips even closer to mine.

“Dean” I gasp as he grabs me by my tighs and brings me up to wrap my legs around him. “Wait wait”

“You don’t want me?” He looks a little hurt but stops, settling me over my bed.

“I do” I reach for his hands so he falls down to his knees to be in eye level with me. “But we need to talk first because I’m not sure what’s happening”

“I’m sorry, you are right” He shakes his head, bringing my hands up to kiss my knuckles. “I should explain myself first”

“i’ve always felt a certain pull towards you, a need to protect you at all costs, to make sure you were okay. At first I thought it was just me being protective of my family, like I am with Jody or Jack or Cas, but when I started noticing your gaze on me, it made me feel things that were not normal to the point where I started looking for your eyes every time I walked into a room. I always wanted to do things to get your attention, to make you notice me” He frees one of my hands so he can bring his up to caress my face. “I was drowing in you slowly and I tried to push it off, I tried to pretend it wasn’t there. But I’m only human. Today, when you looked at me so openly, with such a passion, it erased all of my strength”

“Oh, Dean” I pull him closer to me by his shoulders, pulling so hard that our noses bump into each other. “Every time you would hug me or look at me, I would let myself imagine that it was because you felt something, but I knew better not to expect such a things. But now you are here and, and this feels like fire all over me”

“Then let it burn us, babe” Dean grunts, connecting our lips as I pull him over me, my hands digging into his hair. And the rest of the world goes silent, just his beating hard and mine, marking a promise that we didn’t need to say out loud.

*End of flashback*

“You are drunk” I giggle as he nuzzles my neck, pushing the door open.

“And you are still beautiful” He grins against my skin as we step into our room, his hands digging on my sides.

“Deaan” I drag his name, knowing the kind of mood he is getting into. “Not today babe”

“Fine” He gives up but still holds me against his chest. “C’mon, let’s get you into bed”

After helping me change, with several kisses here and there, Dean tucks me into bed, placing a kiss over my forehead. “I love you” He mutters before also kissing my belly.

“And we love you” I squeeze his hand as he pulls away. “Don’t stay up too late”

“I won’t” He winks at me as he walks to the door. “Sleep tight”

———

I wake up to a cold side of the bed, where Dean was supposed to be. The bed covers at his side are not even pulled back so I figured he never came to bed. Sometimes, when he gets too drunk, he decides to sleep anywhere else to not bother me or he just passes out over the first empty space he can find or even just on his chair.

I push my blanket away, looking for my sweater over the nightstand and my feet doing a dance under the bed to reach for my slippers. I walk outside of the room into the hallway where I can hear the girls and Jody in the kitchen. I drag my feet across the wooden floor as my hands try to rub away the sleep off my eyes. “Morning”

“Hey” Jody raises her hand, not looking up from her newspaper as she brings her coffee up to her mouth with the other hand.

“She is getting a little old and therefore, she cannot handle the hangovers as well as she used to” Claire teases, getting a pinch on her arm from Patience.

“Someday, you are going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and you are gonna be in so much trouble” I chuckle as I walk towards the refrigerator to look for some orange juice. “Trust me, I was like you”

“You still are” Jody adds, giving me a side eye. “You can be a little shit when you want to”

“But you love me that way” I grin, filling my glass with the juice. “Where are the other three?”

“Sam and Jack are passed out in the living room” Jody speaks after bitting into the sandwich that Patience hands her. “As for Dean, I don’t know. After you went to bed, I decided it was also time for me to head in”

“He probably went to sleep in the car” I roll my eyes. “He does that when he gets shit faced”

“Maybe we should wake them up for breakfast” Patience suggests as she flips a pancake, making my mouth water.

“Fine but save me some extra pancakes” I wink at her before walking out of the kitchen. As I make my way into the living room I decide to pull a prank on them.

I place my hand over Sam’s shoulder and I start shaking it harshly which causes him to open his eyes slightly. “Sam! My water just broke” After my words come out my mouth, Sam basically jumps off the couch looking over the floor. Even though I’m trying my hardest not to laugh, I lose it when he says reaches for his shoes to ‘take me to the hospital’. I start laughing so hard, I have to hold my stomach and that’s when Sam realizes I’m joking.

“Not funny, Y/N” He glares at me as Jack starts to wake up, too. “You almost gave my a heart attack”

“Breakfast is ready” I grin before walking outside. I wrap the sweater tighter around my middle as I step into the cold breeze, the impala parked near a big tree over the edge of the street. “Dean?” I call out his name before stepping closer to the windows. He is not in the backseat nor in the front, not even a trail of him.

Frowning, I walk back into the house as Sam is still trying to get his eyes to fully open. “Where is Dean?”

“In bed? How am I supposed to know?” He shrugs as he stands up from the couch, tucking his long brown locks behind his ears.

“Well, you guys were drinking with him outside last time I saw him” I place my hands on my hips, not really liking Sam’s attitude. If they wanted to drink that bad, then they can handle the hangover.

“What? No, when he followed you to bed, he didn’t come back” Sam looks at me with a questioning look. “We assumed he stayed with you”

“I watched him leave the bedroom, so no, he didn’t” I start to feel a little uneasy, remembering how he was acting yesterday. “Do you think he is passed out somewhere?”

“Have you checked the bathrooms?” He asks me as we walk into the kitchen, followed by a very hangover Jack.

“Can you check please?” I ask him so Sam nods, walking out of the room. “I’m gonna try his phone”

There are a couple of rings before the bip of the answering machine goes off. “Do you hear his phone?” I ask Jody and the girls so they move around the house as I call again. Once again, it goes to voicemail. “What the hell?” I mutter, bitting the inside of my cheek.

“I found his phone” Patience comes running in the kitchen, Dean’s phone in her hand. “It was on the floor of the hall that leads to the back door”

“He is not in the bathroom” Sam runs his hand through his hair, his face expression now matching mine.

“Sam, do you think-” He doesn’t even let me finish the sentence that we all know is going through everyone’s mind. Last time Dean just disappeared...

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Y/N” He steps closer to me, placing a hand over my shoulder. “He was drinking a lot last time, for all we know, he might me passed out in the woods”

“That is not comforting, either” I bite the inside of my cheek, imagining the worst. We know what can be out there in the woods so the picture is not pretty. “Jack?” I turn around to the boy.

“Yes?” He asks me, looking a little but fresher now that he splashed some water on his face.

“Can you sense him? Or hear him?” I ask hopefully. “Maybe if he is hurt-”

“Don’t think that” Jody reaches for me, grabbing my arm to lead me to a chair. “Don’t get stressed out before you have to. It’s not good for the baby”

“We have to look for him” I try to stand up but Jody stops me once again. “There’s something wrong, I can feel it”

“How about this?” Jody looks back at Sam, knowing that he is just as worried as I am but he is trying to keep it together for me. “Sam and I will go out to look for him into the woods, Claire and Patience can go to the city just in case, and I’ll call Alex in case he shows up to the clinic. Jack will stay here with you to make sure you are okay”

“I cannot just sit around” I protest. “I’ll go with you”

“I’m sorry but I won’t allow that, no matter how much you are gonna hate me for this, but you are not going and Jack is gonna make sure of that. Right Jack?” Jody looks back at Jack but he just looks at me, not sure of what to do.

“She scares me” Jack admits, knowing how hard to handle I can be.

“You are the son of Lucifer” Claire huffs, not impressed by Jack.

“And she is a five month pregnant woman” He glares at her. “You haven’t seen her like I have”

“She could be God, for all I care” Jody steps back. “You are staying and that’s the end of it”

“But-”

“Y/N” Sam looks at me sternly. “I have enough in my head already with this. Don’t make me worry even more about you while I look for Dean. Promise me you’ll stay here”

“Sam-”

“Promise me” He ignores my cry, locking his hazel eyes in mine.

“Fine” I groan, digging my nails into the side of the chair. “But you call me as soon as you know something”

“Yes” He leans in to press a kiss on my head. “I have some gear on the car. Let’s go” Sam and Jody walk out as Claire and Patience run upstairs to change so they can go into the city.

“He is gonna be fine” Jack tries to reassure me. “I cannot hear him in pain or anything” He thinks this is comforting but for some reason, it only makes me feel more on edge.

———

“Y/N” Jack shakes me slightly as Sam and Jody stand in the back. “You fell asleep”

Remebering what was happening, I jump on my feet. “Did you find him?” I look between Sam and Jody but Sam only looks down at his feet as Jody gives me a sad smile. “What?”

“There’s no sign of him, I even ask some cops to look around” Jody steps up, knowing Sam is no better than me right now. “Maybe-”

There’s a loud bang outside before the main door flies open, revealing a certain trenchcoated angel. Cas is frowning as soon as he steps in, looking between all of us. “Where’s Dean?” He sounds almost angry.

“We don’t” I try to speak but the words are stuck on the back of my throat.

“He is missing” Sam finally speaks up, placing a hand over my shoulders.

“No” Cas groans as he stops pacing back and forth. “NO”

“What is it?” Jack asks even though we already know what’s coming.

“You haven’t heard the angel radio?” Cas looks at Jack but he just shakes his head. Jack turned his angel radio when he heard a couple of angels talking shit about Castiel. “He’s back”

“No” I sob, Sam pulling me against his chest to muffle my cries.

“Michael is back in control”

———————————————————————

WHAAT?? I went there. So to make sure you understand this story line, this is after Dean manages to have Michael under control inside of him. I know the timeline doesnt add up but it’s fiction so to hell with that. Hope you like this

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[zmediaoutlet]

conjecture

post-episode, s13e22: Exodus

(AO3)

The bunker's—full. Really full, people bursting out of every doorway. It's weird but it feels—good, too. Kind of good. That first night, Sam and Dean take the Impala into town and buy all the beer that'll fit in the Impala's trunk, and about all of the bread and cheese and bologna at Ladow's, and they stand there leaning against the car in the cool evening in plain, safe, regular Kansas, and Dean's shoulder is crushed up just underneath Sam's, so close against him that their shadow under the streetlamp looks like one long monstrous body. Sam doesn't move away. It hurts, it feels right. He's still wearing the filthy borrowed pullover. It covers the stains on his waistband, and it's warm. Not quite as warm as Dean, who for once in his life seems to be putting out bodyheat like a furnace. "Ready?" he says, finally, and Sam nods. Dean claps him on the shoulder, squeezes it.

They drive home. They distribute beer, and a couple of the refugees start up a sandwich-making station in the kitchen, and Sam talks to who he needs to talk to. Rowena, Cas. Jack, a little, but Jack's quiet. They open up the spare bedrooms, and make up pallets on the floors with spare blankets and sheets and pillows, and one of the women bursts into tears as she sits on the thin, hard mattress in room fourteen. When Sam touches her shoulder she says, barely understandable, "I'm pregnant," and the other woman with her covers her mouth and then wraps her up in a hug, and Sam stands up and moves away, gives them privacy. She's still crying, but he thinks—he thinks, for the first time, clearly, that they did a good thing.

He meets Dean in the hall outside the shower room. "Okay?" Dean says, and Sam looks at him, bone-tired but with his eyes clear, looking up into Sam's, and Sam smiles and says, "Yeah," and it's not true but it's not as much of a lie as it has been, other times. Dean nods, and then tugs Sam in, quick. A hug, again. His cheek a sandpaper scrape against Sam's, his hands curling into Sam's borrowed sweater. Sam sighs, leans into it. More doesn't really need to be said, between the two of them.

"You reek," Dean says, eventually, and Sam huffs. Dean pulls back, and claps Sam's cheek—Sam shoves his hand away, shoves his shoulder, and Dean grins and heads down the hall to his room.

The bunker's full but the noise is quieting down. A long day, a scary day, and with real food (more or less) and alcohol in their bellies the refugees are going to sleep hard. They'll have nightmares, probably, but they'll sleep anyway. Sam's well familiar with those kind of nights.

Finally alone. He turns on the shower, farthest left, the one he always picks. His shampoo, his soap. They're going to have to get more supplies, if everyone stays here. While it hisses down he peels off the sweater, kicks off his boots, shucks his blood-stained jeans, his boxers that are blood-stained worse. A lost cause. His blood, at least. He's never been sure if that's better than the alternative. Under the shower he stands there with it coming down nearly boiling, scalding his shoulders, his muscles at first seizing under the pain of it but then relaxing all at once, so quick he almost falls over. God. It has been a—a long, long day.

He sleeps. He has nightmares, and wakes up, and walks in circles around his bedroom. Dean wouldn't hear of anyone bunking down on the floor in their rooms and Sam wanted to—but he didn't want to, really, and Dean was right. He lays down again, and sleeps, and wakes up. Cavelike, in his room. He turns on his lamp and it doesn't feel much better. He gets a drink of water, and gulps it down, his feet bare and solid against the cool concrete. Porcelain sink. His eyes, in the mirror. His un-torn-out throat.

There's something that won't stop prickling between his shoulder blades. It's always like that, after Lucifer. That feeling of something watching. It isn't as bad, this time. Sam hopes Michael killed him. He hopes, god, he really hopes that's true. Trapped on the other side of impenetrable air, that look on his face—surprise, somehow, that after everything, Sam wouldn't fold. Where has he been, Sam wants to say, and he can't because he doesn't talk to Lucifer when he's not there. He stopped that, a long time ago.

Still, the prickle. He wipes his face, shoves his hair back into place. Changes, into clean jeans, into a t-shirt that isn't bloody, a flannel shirt that's his, that smells right. He'll have Dean turn that pullover into kindling. Out, into the bunker, and he walks extra-quiet through the halls because people are sleeping on the floors of the library, of the map room, in the gym even, and Sam gets into the kitchen to make the coffee—and there's, oh, his mom. Mom. Sitting, with a mug in front of her already, and it takes her a few seconds to look up at him and then a second after that before she smiles and says, "Hey, Sam."

He might never be used to this. The face from the pictures, moving. Here. Sometimes here, anyway. She gestures at the coffeepot, as though he doesn't know where it is, and he goes and pours himself a mug and then sits down across from her, sighing as he does it.

"Couldn't sleep?" she says. Almost bright.

"I got a few hours," he says, with a shrug. He smiles at her, but it falls off pretty quick. Hers did, too. It usually does. He rubs his thumb over the red lip of the mug, and watches her take a quick sip. "You?"

"Few hours," she says, and shrugs, and that time the smile's more sidelong, sly, and feels a lot more real than the one she points at him and Dean when she's trying to be reassuring. She's not great at it.

She only turned on the lights above the island and it's dim in here, shadowy. Caves, Sam thinks, and the prickle between his shoulderblades crawls in an instant down his spine and up his scalp and he shudders, hard, his skin and muscles all rebelling at once. Mom frowns, touches his wrist, and he shakes his head. "Sorry," he says. "It's just—I guess I should be used to it, now." She's still frowning. He licks his lips, and picks up his mug, her cool fingers slipping away from his skin. "Lucifer," he says, and he says it light, too. Like that's believable. "It's—I'm fine. It just, it takes me a while."

"He's trapped," she says. "Behind the door. He can't get out, right?"

Sam huffs. "That's what I thought last time," he says, and it's way more bitter than he meant it to be. Mom's eyes flicker, her lips parting, and he sits back. They haven't… talked, much. Not about anything too hard. It's been her, and memories of Dad, and baby stories about him and Dean—and then easy things, the hunts of here-and-now, the stuff right in front them. The past, the painful stuff, that's been skimmed over. No one needs details. Sam wouldn't tell Dean details and Dean knows the worst of it anyway; no way he's going to lay that on his mother.

She skims her fingertips over the table, little circles. He pauses, looks at the line between her eyebrows, her mouth turned down. "Mom," he says, and she looks up at him. "I didn't mean—yeah, I think he'll, he'll stay trapped. If Michael didn't kill him. You don't need to worry about him, not anymore."

"I'm not," she says, with a small quick smile. Another lie. That's one Sam knows like he knows his own face, or Dean's for that matter.

While they walked through the cold morning toward the camp, Lucifer wouldn't stop talking. He kept pace, two feet behind Sam's shoulder, and he wouldn't shut his fucking mouth. Nattering on, like the worst memories Sam has of that insanity-year. It's nice, he'd said, that we can have these talks. We never talk anymore, Sam. Soft and mocking. He always used to say he was the best boyfriend Sam would ever have—they just needed a little couple's counseling, is all.

Sam's skin ripples, again; he manages to keep it mostly subdued, this time. He didn't touch Sam, much, at least. Not after bringing him back, healing him. He leaned close, his lips too close to Sam's ear, but he didn't touch. Deal or not, dying again or not, seeing Dean one last time or not—Sam probably would've flipped, and Lucifer knew it. After everything, he at least knew Sam well enough for that. A long walk, either way, and all that goddamn talking. About Sam, and about Dean, and Jack, and about Mom, too. All those sly sidelong comments, trying to provoke. Like Sam didn't know better.

Still. He chews the inside of his lip. Mom's silent, hands wrapped around her mug. Dad's ring, dangling in the split v of her shirt. She kept it, somehow. The whole time.

"Mom," he says, again, and she doesn't look up this time. "What happened? After you fell through, back—right when Jack was born?"

"Got captured," she says. She sighs, and sits back, stretching out her arms, her shoulders round. "Have to say, Sam, they weren't very good hosts."

"Yeah," Sam says, dutifully turning up the corners of his mouth. Maybe this is where Dean gets it from. He sits up more, opens his mouth—closes it again. His scalp is crawling. "But—first, um. You were with, with Lucifer, right? For a while?"

She's frowning again. She takes a deep breath. Sam's vision flickers and she looks—entirely like a stranger, some refugee in his house, drinking his coffee—and then his brain clicks back and he sees her and she's Mom. Mary. "For a while, yeah," she says. "We, um. Traveled together. For a while."

He'd been so sure. She was alive, he knew it. He clung to it. If anyone in the world knew Lucifer's motives, it was Sam, and he was right. The thing is, he knows Lucifer. For a few seconds the thought's too big for him even to breathe.

"Gosh, it's—not even five in the morning," Mary says, breathy like it's something to laugh about. "I can't decide, to go to back to bed or just start the day."

She isn't meeting his eyes, looking over the kitchen like there's something there to be seen. Sam stares at her and in the back of his head is the smirking lips riding close against the back of his ear, barbed wire on his wrists, hot pain flashing up inside of him, and that awful constant voice all amused, saying, see? Aren't I nice? Couldn't you imagine something worse?

Sam can, now. He can. "Mom," he says, "when you—with Lucifer—"

He can picture it, is the worst part. He's seen Nick's body, standing next to Mary's. His hand on her wrist. He knows exactly what it would be like. He can't say it. He opens his mouth and the words literally close his throat. Anaphylactic shock.

She sighs. "Sam, it wasn't—it wasn't that bad. He wasn't, I mean. Of course, he was awful, but he was trying to keep me alive. Like you said. Could've been a lot worse."

"Yeah," Sam says, finally, and has to consciously unclench his hand from his coffee mug. They're old, delicate. He doesn't want to shatter it. "Lucky, I guess."

Mary gives him a tight-lipped, small smile. "Anyway," she says. She stands up. Her coffee's not even half-drunk. "Maybe I will try to get back to bed. Didn't do much sleeping the past couple months, I should try to make up for lost time."

Sam nods, and says, "Sleep tight," and doesn't flinch away from her small hand on his shoulder. A victory, there. His skin itches, like a real allergy. That image is stuck, behind his eyes. How many worse things there are, he thinks, than no longer being alive.

[ain-t-bovvered]

Epiphany 5

read first ACT 1

EDIT:  @waywardbaby​

Summary: Less than two years later, you finally passed the men of letters’ initiation and, finally, you now set foot in America eager to be reunited with the Winchesters. But if Dean thought that you spent your days only with your nose in books and hands in monster’s guts, he was dead wrong. Your mission? Something that the British branch tried and failed miserably,  or at least that’s what they told you anyway.

Pairing: Dean X Reader

Characters: Dean, Sam, Castiel and Jack

Warnings: slow burn guys…slow burn. Also, some fluff, humor, feels and angst.

You hadn’t even put down your bags when Jack appeared at your bedroom door.

“…Y/N ?” he called, timidly.

“Hi, Jack!” you smiled warmly. He stood there, shifting awkwardly on his feet, eyes dancing around.  

“…do you need anything?” you asked, busying yourself with unpacking. 

“…” 

You patiently waited for his answer. 

“..H -how was the hunt?” he finally inquired, his voice low and hesitant. You gestured for him to come in.

“It was fine” you smiled and then leaned into him whispering, “I saved their asses,” you added grinning and he mirrored you.

“Dean sent me to ask you if you want some dinner”

“…ah yes, sure, I’ll just jump into the shower and I’ll join you” 

He nodded and left smiling proudly like a child who had done his chores. You smiled sadly at his back because deep inside you knew that there was a motive behind the reason you acted like this with him. He looked some years younger than you but the way he was, made your fake, motherly senses tingle. You had been a mother. A fake one, yes, but the instincts were real and you felt them so strongly toward him. Signing, you jumped in the shower.

When you appeared in the kitchen, hair still damp, Dean was already putting down the food. 

“... Wait…. you cooked?” you asked, amazed.

“Just one of my numerous talents.”

“He really likes burgers,” Jack said with his mouth full.

You sat down and Dean slid a plate to you. You took a tentative bite while he watched, eagerly.

“Damn, this is good!! Wow!!” came your appraising response and he smiled proudly, puffing his chest. A tired silence fell while you ate and you couldn’t take your eyes off of Jack. 

Damn it! Stop looking at him like that, you scorned yourself, but then you saw some sauce in the corner of his mouth and your hand moved on its own. Grabbing a napkin you scrubbed it out without thinking. Jack thanked you and resumed eating thinking nothing of it. Castiel looked sadly at you, Sam and Dean noticed it and connected the dots. You gulped down the, suddenly, dry bite and put what was left of the burger back on the plate. 

“I…I think I’m gonna call it, guys,” you said standing up. “Thank you for the dinner…goodnight!” 

You controlled your face, or so you thought and went to your room.

“Y’all saw that ?” Dean asked. 

Sam nodded slowly and Cass’ eyes simply lowered. Dean stared at him, his eyes suddenly aware. 

“Cass…you knew?”

The angel slowly looked up at them, “Yeah…I knew, I-”

“Son of a bitch!!” Dean threw his half-eaten food on the plate, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“She made me promise not to and before you lash out at me, I’ll remind you that it was her choice and she let me help her only if I promised never to tell you. So forgive me if I kept my word, but I care about her and I wanted to help “

They stayed silent. 

“What are you talking about?” Jack asked, curiously. 

“She told us she’s fine,” Sam said, “…is she really?”

Cass sighed. “Yes … mostly, yes. Remember when I bailed on you that time with the shapeshifters?”

“Yes, …you had suddenly looked scared and said you needed to go and disappeared for three days” Dean remembered.

“Her prayer, when she called me... was distressed. I thought…I thought she was dying or something. I don’t know if I should tell you this…”

“Cass ...if we need to help her in any way, we need to know the true story ok?” Sam begged.

[... flashback ...]

[ Castiel ...if you can hear me ...I need you…I …I don’t know what to do. I’m...I’m not okay. I’m the opposite of okay. I think, I think …I don’t know. Please ]

You prayed between sobs, curled on your bed, face buried in your wet pillow. A rustling of feathers and you felt a warm hand on your head.

“Y/N ...what, what happened, are you okay?” his voice was urgent and alarmed. 

You let out a sob, your whole body shaking. 

“Are you hurt?” 

His hands lifted your head, and you faced his worried eyes, searching your body for wounds. Your eyes were puffy and red, cheeks marked by both fresh and dry tears. Burying your face in his chest, you tried to talk as another sob choked the words in your throat. His hug felt awkward as always but right now it felt like the best thing, as his hands soothed and you relaxed into his touch. Once you calmed down you took his hand and guided it to your temple, silently asking him to read your mind. His eyes glowed and you closed yours.

“How are the munchkins? “

Dean asked, popping his head in your room and resting his gaze on you and the twins. You felt particularly tired that morning so cuddles in bed it was. Little, fat fingers reaching out to you, some tugging at the strands of your hair coming loose from your yes-I-slept-in-this-messy bun, some smacking lightly on your face. You chuckled back at them, bending down to blow on their bellies, making them squirm and giggle happily, babbling nonsense. Dean joined you on the mattress, laying behind you, sneaking an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. 

“I’m sorry, are you really leaving me out of this?” he said fake offended. He kissed your neck lovingly and looked down on the twins that were watching him with those big green eyes full of wonder. He reached his hand to let them grab on his fingers and the little girl was fast to bring his index finger to her mouth. His laugh and theirs was the last thing you heard before everything was ripped from you.

The smell of wet straw and blood replaced the smell of baby powder, fresh linen, and Dean. You panicked and jerked at the rope that was keeping you hanging from the ceiling, the movement causing you to feel a sharp pain in the inside of your tight. The pain flared angry and deep, dark spots shading your vision. You just barely had time to see Tony running to you, yelling your name and everything went dark. 

You woke up later from a dreamless sleep. You smiled, reaching on the mattress to search for them. When you couldn’t, you reached behind you for Dean…but you didn’t find him either. Suddenly, very aware of everything, you sat up quickly and looked frantically around you. This was not Dean’s room in the bunker. You recognized the HQ infirmary. You looked down at your shaking hands and again at your sides hoping to see your family, but hey weren’t there. The only thing meeting your desperate eyes were the cold sheets. Your blood seemed to boil and freeze at the same time, an unbearable pressure gripped your heart and ripped it out your chest as the reality sank even deeper in. 

They were gone…you were safe…but they were gone, forever.

You clawed your face desperately, only your harrowing scream echoed in the empty cold room.

You opened your eyes and new tears began to stream down. Cass’ eyes returned to their usual shade and they were filled with pain and pity, something that made you look away in shame.

“…I’m so sorry”

You gripped the lapels of his trench coat, distraughtly.

“I can’t deal with this…help me!! This is unbearable. I don’t want it. Take it away.”

“Y/N …I…”

“Please Castiel…I want them back…I want them back, I want my babies back…” you sobbed hitting his chest weakly, “... but I can’t. I lost them!! This pain,” you looked up at him, “I feel like I want to die. Please…”

Castiel’s face fell. 

“... If that’s what you want, I can make you forget” he said as he lifted two fingers to your forehead...

“NO!! ” you screamed, shoving him off and crawling to the head of the bed trembling. “Don’t take them away from my mind…I can’t forget them!! Don't want to, forget them!” you breathed deeply and reached a hand to him. He took it gently and you crawled back to him. Your forehead pressed against his chest, your words barely above a whisper now. “Just take the pain… can you do that?”

You felt his chest rising when he sighed.  “...I can do that. But with the memories still there, it won’t be easy. I need to be very careful. Maybe we should call De-”

“NO!! Please, don’t!!!” you begged. “ I can't ...he can’t know”

“But…”

“Please Castiel, I want your word on this. You can’t tell them…not now.” you pleaded with him, gripping tightly at his jacket.

The angel stared at you and you held his gaze. His eyes softened in surrender.

“Very well ...but I’ll need to do this slowly and gradually and it could take a bit”

“I don’t care…” you lowered your gaze feeling exhausted, “just …take it” you whispered.

“GODDAMMIT!!” Dean’s hand slammed on the table and the chair toppled over. Jack flinched “So you were her ‘therapist’,” he said passing a hand on his face, tiredly.

“Cass that’s not healthy”

“You think I don’t know that, Sam?” Castiel’s tone was rigid “…it appears that I was too involved and I, I should have thought about it more carefully”

“Damn right you should have,” Dean said harshly.

“You know what Dean? If you had seen her like that and had the power to make her feel better, I think you would have done the same. Both of you!” he said looking at the brothers.

“Yeah but…Cass, she needed to get some help anyway. Don’t you see how she’s been with Jack?”

“Like what?” Jack asked genuinely not understanding.

“….she treats him like a child “

“She’s kind and warm. I like her” he said with a big smile.

“That’s not the point Jack. You trigger her memories and that can’t be good”

“... I’m hurting her?” he asked worried now, standing up slowly.

“It’s not your fault Jack,” Castiel said gently, laying a hand on his shoulder and he relaxed.

“Let's…let’s just think about it tomorrow. I’m beat and I need to clear my head,” Dean said stiffly and threw his plate in the sink.

You were laying in your bed, looking at the ceiling. Sleep just wouldn’t come and you were trying to count sheep. Huffing you swung your legs and sat up. Reaching down and grabbing your laptop you searched for a film to get your mind off things. You were just setting up your back to the headboard of the bed when you heard someone knocking. Great, of course! They knew now. I’m sure they pressured Cass into spilling the beans.

“Yes..?” you asked, cautiously

“...It’s…It’s Jack. Are you sleeping?”

You giggled. “No…Jack come in. I’m not sleeping yet.”

You watched as he carefully opened the door and looked at you sadly. Oh boy, here it comes.

“I - I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“I… I don’t know, but it must be something I do, they said” 

Oh, those big dumb lumberjacks!!!

“... Jack …” you called softly, “that’s not true at all…here...would you like to sit next to me?” you asked shuffling to make space, patting the bed beside you. He nodded and sat stiffly. 

“I can imagine what they told you, but you don’t have to worry. Yeah, you remind me of things and that makes me sad sometimes but it’s not your fault, ok?” you said bumping your shoulder in his. He nodded but his face stayed worried. “How about you keep me company? Want to watch a movie?” you asked smiling.

“I ...would like that” his face brightening immediately.

“Great, let’s see what I have here “

“Do you…do you have any movie of the Disney?” 

Dean felt caged in his room. After what Castiel had told them he spent hours trying to analyze every single moment since you showed up poking him with needles. He had noticed something different in you, a different kind of maturity but he would have never guessed all of that. Nothing in your behavior had suggested that kind of trauma, so what Cass did must have worked. But now that you were here and had spent time with him, and Jack acting all sweet and pure like a child, must have taken a toll on you. Cass said that you didn’t want a complete memory wipe. You remembered bits and pieces, but he hadn't gone deep on the whole Dean being the father thing. How much of that you didn’t want to delete? You had made it clear that you remembered your …fake activities, but you had never said anything about a relationship and a family. 

God, this was frustrating! 

He had to do something. Angrily, he opened the door of his room and stormed down the hallway. In the semi-dark, he noticed that your door was ajar and a weak blue sliver of light was coming out of it. He slowed his pace and gently pushed the door, peeking inside. You were sitting with your back against the propped up pillows at the head of the bed, Jack’s head slumped against your chest, he looked like he was sleeping. You were absentmindedly caressing his head, your fingers running slowly in his hair in a repetitive motion that probably lulled him to sleep. He watched as your gaze was on the laptop screen, but your eyes looked distant. He must have made some kind of noise because the same eyes looked at him alarmed before your smile could reach them.

“Hey…” you whispered.

“Hey,” he said back, taking a step in the room. 

“Kid’s sleeping?” he asked, surprised.

You looked down and Dean saw the sweetest smile appearing on your face. He remembered that smile. His mum used to smile like that when she looked at him and Sam. It took his breath away. Your smile was just as sweet as hers and he suddenly felt a violent need to have that smile in his life forever.

“Yeah, I think so. He told me he didn’t sleep much but during the movie, he just ...”

“… I’ll wake him up if you want to go to sleep..” he began, coming closer to your side.

“Oh no, It’s ok!” he saw you blush slightly, “It’s nice.”

“What are you watching?” he asked, diverting the conversation.

“We started with Mary Poppins and he was getting all excited, saying that he could do those things too. He wanted to show me by tidying up your room in the same way but then the Pigeon lady came and he forgot about that. Now we are in the middle of Tangled and he passed out just a couple of minutes ago.” You looked down again and slowly freed his face of some untamed curls. “I think Rapunzel’s mother reminded him of you” you chuckled.

“What?” he said almost offended “I’m not like-”

You lifted an eyebrow at him. “Well, anyway…” he took out his phone, “... about those contacts… here I’ll send them to you”

“Thank you. I’ll start first thing tomorrow”

“Ok, but first, you need to work on those gun skills.” 

You started to protest, “No buts”  and you pouted exhaling, which made Jack groan a bit. Gently shushing him you resumed stroking his head, pulling him back into a deep sleep. 

“You really are good at this...” he said finding an opening. Your hand faltered a bit, your eyes suddenly on him.

“Don’t make me talk about it…not now “

“Hey, kid, listen, “ he said opening his arms, “we just have to know you are alright here. Jack is not helping and …I don’t know if my presence is a problem too. Cass didn’t exactly explain .”

You were silent for a moment, before patting the mattress beside you. 

“Want to watch the rest..?” you asked. He sat eagerly but careful to keep his body from bumping into you, his long legs stretched beside you.

“Were you mean to Cass when he told you ?”

“Whaaaat? I’m not mea - ok we were upset, but could you blame us?”

“Well, it’s not that you all are fans of dealing with things the healthy way either, so you don’t have any right to judge mine,” you said more harshly than you intended. He said nothing and you sighed “I know I have a lot to explain, especially to you...” you blushed, lowering your voice. “... and yes maybe I’m having a lot of complicated feelings towards Jack, but it’s nothing that I can’t work out”

“How much you remember?” he asked, suddenly.

“Enough“

“What about …” he said gesturing between you two.

“Yeah, I remember some of that too but it’s almost like a memory. You know it’s there but you can’t really see it…if that makes sense” you peered at him “..well you know...it didn’t seem right having those kinds of ... and it wasn’t really you”

“But you stayed …you stayed and went that deep anyway…”

“I did,” you said flatly. 

Hell no! He wasn’t going to rip a confession out of you now.

“Why...” he began and you were ready to change the topic “... why me?”

“...huh?” you looked at him blinking. He was looking ahead, blankly.

“Why me…? Why would you want something like that with me? Why not Sam?”

“What do you mean ?”

“I—I’m…I mean …” he was trying to find the right words “... you are so … why would you live that with someone like me?”

You were at a loss for words. Was he serious? How could he think like that of himself? 

“Dean…if I didn’t have the devil’s son sleeping on my boobs, I swear to God, I would punch you right now.” You looked at him angrily. “God, you are stupid!”

“Err…”

“You are so brilliant, Dean. It pains me that you don’t see that”

“Sam’s the one tha-“

“You are both incredibly, equally, smart men, I don’t understand why you constantly put yourself down when compared to Sam. Yeah ok, he went to Stanford and you didn’t finish high school, so what? Sam lacks something that you have and you lack something he has. You both have your own intelligence. The one that doesn’t come from books. You know what?” you straightened and turned slightly toward him, “I can’t shoot well with guns, I can’t build a frigging EMF from scratch, and don’t get me started on engines and cars. I can’t hack for shit, and you did all of that while I was probably still figuring out I was alive and breathing. So do me a favor Dean Winchester, don’t ever put yourself down in my presence, ever again” you gradually raised your voice and Jack slowly opened his eyes, roused by the commotion.

He sat up quickly apologizing and after a quick glance at Dean, he said he was going to join Cass in the library. Once the door closed the room fell silent again. When you felt Dean shifting, you turned to him. 

“…and besides…” you began and he halted “... you are brave, and selfless…you have your way of being kind, and I swear to god... you are such a dork.” He looked at you scandalized, “oh yes, you are… also, your bone structure is pleasing.”

He looked taken aback for a moment then that smug smile appeared again “My what..?”

Your eyes shifted to the movie again, “Your genes…good quality.” He bent down to peek at your face and you watched him sideways. He was waiting so you crossed your arms and snorted. 

“Yes Dean, you are one hot piece of American meat. And you know it.”

He stroked his jaw, looking pleased. “I don’t know what you mean”

You rolled your eyes at him. 

“Yes, yes! Your babies would look gorge-” you bit your tongue, shifting your gaze back to the screen. You felt Dean shifting closer to you on the bed, his warmth radiating into your skin, giving you comfort.

“Would you tell me about them…?” he asked softly and you stiffened. “... if you can…I would like to know.” He continued but your eyes were fixed in front of you. He gave you time to think and then you let out a shaky breath and leaned back into the pillow, brushing his shoulder. You held your knees against your chest and started talking.

“I already told you they were twins…” you felt him nodding “…a boy and a girl.” 

His breath hitched.

“What…what were their names?” he asked, whispering.

“...I don’t know. I asked Castiel to get rid of those… less personal that way, it helps.”

“…right” he simply said.

You put your cheek on your knees, looking at him. Your eyes roamed his face and you saw them there, so very clearly…

“They were not identical…” you began, your hands lifting to softly trace his features, “...they had your eyes, such a light green color, so beautiful...” you looked into his, your hand sliding down to his cheekbones. 

“The girl had freckles like yours, the boy light olive skin. He had your lips and nose and she had mine. Both had light brown hair.” 

Your hand reached his hair behind his ear, “Mmm no, I think the boy had a slightly darker color”, before sliding down to cup his cheek and he leaned into it, transfixed by what you were telling him, almost as he was picturing them in his mind.

You chuckled, “The girl definitely had your character. She was a fussy one. Always waking up her brother complaining about something. Most of the times, it was food. The boy was quieter and sweet. He reminded me of Sam. He always had this frown when his sister woke him up… ” You tried to mimic it and Dean let out a breathy chuckle.

“You…well fake you, always told me that despite that, they had my attitude when they didn’t get what they wanted. Sam, fake Sam loved them. He moved room to the one next to us in case we needed a break and Cass? The first weeks, he would spend hours watching over them all night just to make sure they were breathing. I caught him singing to them in Enochian. More than once.” Dean’s eyes shot open amused. “Yeah, he had a gorgeous singing voice, and you always joked about buying him a harp for real!” you laughed and let your hand fall.

“How long before…”

You scooted closer to him, laying your head on his shoulder

“Almost 5 months. They were learning to roll over. You and Sam made bets on who would do it first”

“Who won?” He asked re-adjusting himself so you were both leaning on the headboard and both your legs were stretched out.

“I don’t know…” you made a long pause, “... never had the chance to…” 

His hand brushed yours and you grabbed it with both of yours. “But the girl probably, if I had to guess.” 

You made a strangled sound that was meant to be a laugh and Dean’s hold tightened. “God she was so like you, it was scary” You peered at him and his face was a storm of emotions. 

Regret, wonder, longing, rage…

Sensing your gaze, he looked down at you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I never wanted this for you.”

“My choice. A calculated risk I chose to take. I was in no real danger, I knew Tony would come back…” you felt his arm stiffen.

“...and this Tony? Was he the one you switched places with?”

“Yes. Tony was my partner.”

“Oh…”

“-on the field. Every team is made up of 3 or 4 couples of partners. Everyone with a different specialty. His was witchcraft and spells.”

Dean turned to you, disentangling your hands and you mourned both the loss of touch and his warmth.

“... did you just - You worked with witches!?” he looked horrified, and you were not surprised.

“Remember Thalia? We are friends and colleagues. She usually just helps us with defense protection spells. Nothing dark or demonic, don’t worry. I’m not particularly gifted but I can do some spells”

“What kind?” he asked nervously

“Some defense ones, nothing much. I’m, honestly, more talented in growing plants or not making them die. Anyway, Tony is my partner so I trusted him completely and he did come”

“yeah…after days!”

“The djinn did move me, constantly. That barn was just one of its hideouts, on rotation. Once they knew that, they decided to not chase it but wait for it there” you saw him opening his mouth. “And it was the right choice, Dean. Actually…” you said turning to look at him, “...he is the one who will come to check on me.”

“…come?...as in, come here?  At the bunker?”

“ Of course not! I told you, they don’t know I’m with you guys. No, I’m going to stay in a motel and I’ll meet him there.”

“I thought you could trust him”

“Oh I do, but you are more important,” you said blushing, “and besides, we trust each other’s choices as long as they don’t endanger the mission”

“…Uh, sounds like you have a unique work relationship...”

You bit your lips, and your hand began to fidget and sure as hell, he didn’t miss that. “…well…we did have a…thing…”

“No co-workers rule?” he asked sarcastically and that was a really, salty question, you thought smiling.

“Nah…it’s encouraged. Helps with the bonding of the team. Obviously, when things go south not in a peaceful way, then the team is dismantled.” He stayed silent, waiting for you to go into details without having to ask, “…yeah we had something, nothing deep but it was fun and fresh. But after the Djinn thing, I had to tell him about the dream, for my evaluation. We both came to the conclusion that we were better off as friends so that’s what we are.”

He nodded without saying whatever was passing through his mind and you fell into a comfortable silence, watching the rest of the movie. 

“You want to watch something else?”

“It’s late. Aren’t you tired?”

“Jet lag’s still kicking my ass. Stay If you want. Just choose something and I’m gonna go grab some popcorns I bought yesterday”

Once you came back with beer too, you saw that Dean had made himself more comfortable on the bed and was waiting for you, ditching his shirt, his black t-shirt clinging in all the right places. You pushed the door with your foot, leaving it ajar, and smiled at him. 

“What are we watching?” you asked handing him a beer and the bowl while sitting next to him.

“Never saw the end of that western, Trinity right?”

“Hell yeah!” 

You snuggled slightly beside him and used your foot to press play. As the film progressed, you started to doze off, hand abandoned in the popcorn and your answers to Dean became slurred, incoherent strings of words. You felt him moving your hand out of the bowl and trying to get up to leave you alone.

“Don’t go…” you whined in your sleepy state.

“…Y/N…”

“Please”

He sighed and grabbed one of the blankets to cover you, and letting you snuggle against him again, sighed contently at his warmth. 

“Thanks. Once I'm asleep, you are free”  you chuckled weakly. He didn’t answer. Dean felt your body growing heavier and your breath slowing down. He shifted to let your head be more comfortable and you mumbled something.

“What?” he whispered in your ear.

“…Thank you for last night.”

“…last night?” he said confused and then his eyebrows shot up. So you did remember! “Oh…sure…”

“ -for stopping,” you said and nuzzled his chest.

“Yeah well, you were drunk and I figured you wouldn’t want the regret. Even if you weren’t exactly helping.” he chuckled.

“I would have regretted it …if it'd  happened...like that…”

“…wait …what?” he said, but the only thing he heard was your soft snoring.

[angelkurenai]

She was - Dean Winchester x Reader - Part 2

Title: She was

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Season 13 spoilers

Word Count: 4,025

Summary: When the vamps attack you in the tunnel, you are the one that ends up getting killed and Dean can’t cope with losing his wife. Set during 13x21.

Read Part 1 here!

A/N: It’s been some time since I wrote the first part but since you guys insisted and since I felt like it needed a continuation, I did one! Besides, following the storyline of those episodes (21&22) I already knew that there should be a happy ending to the story.

Dead silence had filled the room, despite all the growls and angry sounds that the monsters only a couple feet away from you made. A couple feet away from your dead body at least, giving an entirely different meaning to the first word altogether. Not even a heartbeat could be heard until-

A deep inhale ripped through your lips, your eyes snapped open and for the first time in hours you actually felt your heart beat in your ears, probably because it was beating so fast to begin with. Your entire body jolt up as if electricity shot right through it, your hands were shaking and soon your entire body started trembling as well as you looked frantically around you. You blinked several times, trying to take deep breaths in as you tried desperately to remember what had happened. And when it all came back to you, a choked sob left your lips. A hand went to your throat, only to realize that your throat was intact without any bites in it. Blood covered your clothes on that side, verifying your thoughts that you had in fact... died.

“No” you whimpered, your hand instantly jumping to touch your belly “No, no no.” tears made your vision blurry “No, no baby.” sobs started breaking from your lips. It took only seconds for the tears to start streaming down your cheeks as you curled into a ball. You couldn't find a single reason to be happy that for some reason you were alive when you couldn't know if your baby had survived or not, not that the chances of it surviving were anywhere near high to begin with. You were barely showing to begin with, so there wasn't any way that you could tell if it was alright by waiting for a kick or something.

“Well, talk about a plot twist.” a voice, a very familiar one at that, said right behind you and you jumped in your place; instantly turning around to face him as he stepped out of the shadows “Hey, (Y/n).”

“No” you shook your head in shock, stumbling backwards.

“Yes” he nodded his head with a grin “I- I mean we could do the whole pinch yourself, rub your eyes thing, or you could skip forward to the part where you realize that yep it's me. Unless of course you think very often of me anyway, so that's well-” he said with a wink but you only glared at him

“Y-you-” your sobs were still preventing you from talking “You- you brought me back.” and it was a statement as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yep.” he gave you a sickly sweet smile “You're welcome for that by the way, death doesn't suit you that much you know.” he shrugged “Besides, I uh I guess Dean-bean might be pretty freaked out about the whole thing too. Did he watch you die too? Because, ow that must have stung, losing you and being unable to do a thing. Both his wife and baby girl, oh uh congratulations on that by the way! Have you thought of baby names? I mean, if you're looking for a godfather too, I would gladly volunt-”

“Shut up!” you screaming, cutting him off but even if the smile didn't fade away from his lips you could see the way he still smirked “Shut the hell up.” you growled, the tears streaming down your cheeks “I don't want to hear you say a single thing about my baby.”

It was a girl, the mere realization crushed your soul and heart into a thousand pieces. Dean wanted a little girl so bad. You always said you wanted a boy just to get a little on is nerves and have playful fights that would just end up in sweet love-making just to see who would end up win. But deep down you loved the thought of a baby girl more than anything. A little girl with his eyes, hopefully your hair, his insanely beautiful smile and maybe your nose, with all of his freckles dusted over it of course.

“Sure, but lemme- lemme ask you a question there, sweets. How did you ever get Dean Winchester to let you join him in such a dangerous mission while pregnant?” he crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow at you.

But you didn't give him a verbal answer, only glared at him with red and watery eyes.

You were only a few weeks old and you had found out a couple days ago but didn't tell Dean a single thing for fear of putting another burden on his shoulders, because for better or for worse it was another person to stress about no matter how happy it made you to find out you were pregnant. He was constantly worried about saving his mother and Jack, you'd spent many nights comforting him about it and you were sure he'd spent even more sleepless nights worrying about it on his own without bothering you. You'd always tell him how much you hated that. You'd always tell him how he should understand that things didn't work out like that anymore, that he wasn't alone. From the moment you took your rightful place on the side of his bed and put that ring on your finger, you would always be there for him, you vowed to be. You were his wife after all.

Plus, you knew that if you told him about the baby he'd flip out. Sure he would be happy, ecstatic even, or maybe you hoped so because you had both been trying for some time to have a baby and had talked about it quite as many. But in the end, his overprotectiveness would kick in and he wouldn't let you step foot out of the bunker, not to mention follow him into an apocalyptic reality where everything could kill you within seconds. And if not kill you – which had already happened – then hurt you so bad that you could very easily lose it.

And that would be worse than death, for the both of you.

His eyebrows raised as realization downed on him “Oh” he breathed out, nodding his head “Unless he didn't know. Unless... you actually kept it a secret from him just so that he would let you join him, just so that you could make sure he'd be alright despite how your baby should be a priority. And you didn't even think what danger you were putting it in! Wow, (Y/n), and there I thought you'd be getting an award for mom of the year but now- ouch, you are the one actually responsible for her death just because you were so irresponsible!”

“Stop” you choked out, no more strength left in you because you knew very well just how right he was.

But he still continued “And Dean? He's mourning your death, probably crushed to pieces that he couldn't help you, and that's only half the truth! You hid from him the fact that he would be a father, can you imagine what it will be like when he finds out he didn't lose just you but your baby too? That he lost her before even getting to know her and all of that because of you? Whoa, that must suck.”

“Go to hell.” you hissed, turning around ready to leave but you stopped dead on your tracks when you spotted the numerous thirsty vamps that were ready to tear you to pieces once more. Not that your heart would feel the difference anyway.

“What? You're gonna go just like that? Not even a little interested on how I ended up here? Come on (Y/n) don't be rude!” his voice was heard behind you but you didn't care anymore about his words, you felt empty and broken on the inside “Oh come on, not even what I want I am planning for you? You see, I didn't come all the way here, spent all the extra juice I got, to bring you back and just let you walk outta that door which isn't exactly a piece of cake as you see. I'm holding them back, for now, and if you agree to listen to me. See it will take just a snap of my fingers and they'll come loading in todevour you just like before.” he shrugged casually “But I'm not gonna do it if you listen. No, I want some things in return.”

“So?” you asked in a hoarse voice “Do you think I care? I hate myself more than Dean will hate me when he finds out about this. I blame myself more than Dean will blame me for what happened to our little girl. Do you think I will mind it? Maybe it's better this way, he'll learn to live and be happy again. And I will never help you achieve anything, so burn in hell.”

“With another woman? Nah I highly doubt it, he will forever be hopelessly in love with you.” he kept speaking but you kept walking “Besides...” his voice got more serious “Aren't you a little curious to see what color your daughter's eyes will have in a couple months?”

“What?” your voice cracked as you stopped dead in your tracks.

“Yeah, sort of forgot to give you the memo on that part. Uh see the whole thing about bring a person back from the dead is making every cell of your body alive again including the-” he winked, pointing at your belly “Little Winchester in there.”

~*~

“Dean, where's (Y/n)?” Mary's voice had been so calm and light, filled with happiness to see her sons again “She's with you, right?”

She pulled away from the hug to look at him only for a frown to set on her features, when a single tear rolled down his cheek. He had his lips pursed and his jaw clenched as he willed himself to be strong, even if on the inside he was brokeninto a thousand pieces.

“Dean? Dean are you listening to me?” Sam's voice sounded distant at first, until he waved a hand in front of his face and brought Dean back to reality.

“Wh-what?” he blinked, his voice hoarse as if he had not said a word in years.

“I was saying...” Sam started but trailed off when he saw his brother's eyes lower to the duffel bag he had in front of him, both in deep thought and grief. A kind of grief Sam had never seen his brother experience before and that broke his heart even more when he thought about what he'd just found out that Dean had no idea about.

“What are these for?” he asked instead, although he knew the answer already.

“I'm gonna-” he started, the lump in his throat along with the background sounds preventing him from speaking, even more so when he had to say those exact words.

“Jack, I-” he heard Castiel say.

“Couldn't you bring her back? Why didn't you bring her back!?” the nephilim stammered, desperation and pain in his voice as well because of how close you'd come to be, but none of it could compare to all the pain Dean himself felt. All those dreams you'd made together, all those sleepless night spent talking about how you wanted your babies to look like and all those mornings spent playfully arguing about how you'd get a dog whether he liked it or not.

“I have to go back, get her body. She-” he closed his eyes, resting his hands and all of his weight on the table he had the duffel bag on, a trembling breath left his lips before he took in a deep breath and clenched his jaw “We need to give her a hunter's funeral. We should-” he pursed his lips, shaking his head with unshed tears in his eyes.

“Dean, are you-” Sam felt his throat go dry at the thought of having to burn your body, let alone face your lifeless cold body that usually was so much of life and only brought happiness in both his and his brother's life for all the while they knew you “Are you sure you wanna do this?” his voice was soft and compassionate “Even more, are you sure you can do this?”

“No I'm not fucking sure!” Dean's voice roared, making Sam flinch and close his eyes for a second. The pain was crystal clear in Dean's voice, it was obvious in his red-rimmed glossy eyes and it was obvious in his shaky hands.

“Hell, I'm not fucking ready!” Dean yelled, his voice cracking “Son of a bitch!” he threw the duffel bag off the table with a swift move before running his fingers through his hair “I'm not ready!” his voice was hoarse and it came out with a mix of sob and whimper “I never was. I never wanted to be.” he closed his eyes, gritting his teeth as a tear finally broke loose.

“I know you didn't, Dean. I know.” Sam's voice was low as he felt the weight on his chest get bigger. He knew he should tell his brother the whole truth but he couldn't bring himself to. If losing you killed him on the inside then he couldn't imagine what losing you and your baby would do to him.

“She's my wife, Sammy.” the older Winchester choked out, meeting his brothers eyes with his bloodshot ones “My wife. The woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the only woman I could imagine my life with. The woman I watched walk down the aisle because she was ready to share her life with mine. The woman who I knew loved me more than her own life. The woman I- I promised I would protect with my own life and now she's- Damn it!” his hissed “I let her down, just like everybody else in her life before she met us. I had promised I wouldn't and she trusted me so much as to marry me... She told me that she saw the rings as my promise to make her happy but... I didn't, Sammy.”

“And now it's only burning my fucking finger in an excruciating way.” he admitted, dragging a hand down his face.

“I know it's hard for you but y-you- you need to be strong now.” the younger Winchester said in a hoarse voice.

“Strong? Sam she was my strength. She was the one that helped me stand on my feet, she was my rock. And she's gone because of me, because I couldn't be a good husband and keep one fucking promise.”

“Don't say that, you know she considered you to be the best husband she could ever have. She loved you more than anything and anyone and she wouldn't want you to-”

“Wouldn't.” a bitter and strained laugh left his lips “You're only guessing though. Because she's not here to say so or to tell you otherwise, is she? And that's how I'm gonna keep livin' my life, only guessing what she'd want or- or remembering the things we promised we'd live but never got the chance to. I-” Dean ran a hand through his hair as another tear rolled down his cheek, and he smiled despite not being able to feel the same way he did when he smiled at you when you were alive “Did you know she was trying to convince me to get a dog too?” he choked out and Sam's eyebrows raised in surprise.

“She did?” he breathed out and Dean nodded his head, looking down at his feet.

“She-” he let out a trembling sigh “She and I had so many arguments about it, playful of course. And it was only because I knew I was slowly giving in and didn't want to admit it. Honestly I- I think she saw it too. She could always get me to say yes to whatever she wanted, it's like it was already a lost fight when she looked at me with those eyes and kissed me.”

“Or threatened to never let you touch her again.” Sam noted with a barely visible smile that only hurt him more than it comforted him and his brother. It hurt because he knew he'd never get to see it happen again, as much as he complained you were making him sick with all the PDA.

“Or that.” Dean nodded his head with a bitter smile “She- she said we should wait a little before- before the kids were at least a little old so that they could help pick one or two. The kids-” he licked his lips, tasting some of the tears that had started to run down his cheeks freely “She said she wanted a boy first and I insisted on the girl. I think she was only saying it to get to me, only so that I would end up tickling her until she couldn't breath from all the laughter. Her laugh.” he closed his eyes “Brother, I will never be able to hear my wife laugh again and it hurts so fucking bad.”

“I know, Dean. I know.” a tear rolled down Sam's cheek as well.

“It should have been me.” Dean said bitterly, shaking his head “Damn it should have been me! Me not her! It should bemy dead body, mine, not her! It shouldn't be her turn for a hunter's funeral, not before mine! Son of a bitch.” he yelled, gritting his teeth before he angrily punched wooden door once. Then twice. Then three times. And four. And five. Until his knuckles turned bloody and he couldn't hold back the sobs anymore, his eyes closing as tears rolled down.

“Dean” Sam choked out, his own eyes filling with tears. But he didn't get the chance to say anything more as something else caught his attention, both a noise like bells ringing and then a figure from the corner of his eyes. He turned his head and a gasp left his lips, his eyes widening before he shakily said in a hoarse voice his brother's name to get his attention.

“(Y/n)” Jack breathed out, a smile spreading on his lips and following everyone's line of sight, Dean felt all air get knocked out of his lungs. He doubted his heart was in one piece after everything he went through, but when he felt it leap to his throat the same way it always would when you smiled at him. Even after all these years, even if you were married, he still felt like the first time he me met you. You smile didn't reach your eyes and he realized why when the man- no, the devil came into view right behind you.

Sam, with the most hopeful and optimistic look in his eyes, he approached you; Dean following more hesitantly behind as if he couldn't believe what was going on “(Y/n), is it really you? What happened?” he asked with a frown.

You wouldn't take your eyes off Dean, trying to show him all the love you held in you through them, in a way that you hoped would convince him it was really you “He uh he brought me back.”

“Brought you back?” his eyebrows raised and this time you finally tore your eyes from your husband, whom you were literally craving to hug right now, to look at your brother in law.

“Yeah, Sammy he brought me back. I am here, it's really me.”

“You... are back?” he asked again, glancing down at your stomach, making you give him a perplexed look curious about how he knew, before you gave him a small nod.

“Yes, back.” you breathed out a small laugh and a grin broke one his face before with two long strides he was in front of you and enveloped you in his arms in a heart-warming hug.

“It's so good to have you back, (Y/n/n).” he said with all the brotherly-love he held for you, and you smiled warmly at him.

“Yeah, sort of what I do.” Lucifer said with a smile, making Sam glare at him before he let go of you and walked towards him, making sure to push him away from you and Dean, giving you this very-much-needed moment.

“Sweetheart” Dean's voice was rough and laced with emotion, his bloodshot eyes making your heart ache; but you still managed to give him a loving smile.

“Hey, honey. I'm home.” you whispered and he gave you a half smile, recognizing your way of saying hello, before he strode to you and wrapped his arms around you like Sam had done. But for Dean it was more tight and more urgent, desperate even, because he wanted more than anyone to believe that you were actually there and not a fragment of his imagination.

“Oh baby.” it came out muffled as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, lifting you off the ground. When he finally set you down and pulled just slightly away to look at you with wide green eyes you could swear you felt your own heart stop beating. A tear rolled down his cheek as a sob left his lips, but you were fast to wipe it away before cupping his cheek. He mirror the action but it only brought a frown on your face.

“What happened? What is this blood?” you whispered but instead he shook his head, offering you a warm smile. He didn't say anything, only leaned in to crash his lips to yours. The kiss was desperate and urgent, just like his hug, and his hands gave you a squeeze as if to emphasize his actions. It wasn't sloppy but it was hungry, as if he had not kissed you in years, his nose pressing against yours as bit down on your lip before kissing again sweetly yet passionately.

“You scared me so bad, baby girl.” he choked out, the both of you panting once he pulled away.

“I'm sorry. I-” you rested your forehead against his “I want you to know I'm so sorry for everything, D. I- I only wanted to make sure you're alright, if something happened to you then I would never be able to forgive myself. You're my husband and much like you, I wanted to keep you safe. I vowed that I would.”

“I-” he licked his lips “We'll talk about this later. You're not off the hook with this, ok? Not even for these pretty eyes.” his eyes moved back and forth, looking at you with a small smirk that just made a giggle leave your lips.

“I wouldn't expect anything less. That's why I married you... that's why I love you.” you pressed your lips on his once more, the both of you taking a deep inhale.

“I love you too, (Y/n). I want you to know that, and remember it every day we're together.” he said in a hoarse voice, his reasons behind the words making your heart ache, but despite the patching that his heart would need after that, you were ready to spend as much time as it took for that to happen.

“I do, I really do.” you whispered, your fingers playing with the short hair at the back of his head.

He held your gaze for a moment, almost looking at you in disbelief, as his thumb rubbed over your cheek before he gave you a half smile “Good, and once we're out of here I'll get to say it to you in a new bedroom... I think it's time we really got that house you were talking about, the one you liked so much.”

“R-really?” you blinked, your voice shaky as he nodded his head at you, before you spoke up again “Then-” you bit your lower lip “How about we start with the nursery first? Painting won't be that hard, even for me.”

“What?” he frowned for a second, but his eyes widened when they casted down and he saw you place, with a smile, your hand over your belly.