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Finances 101: 3 Ways to Fix Your Credit
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#Benefits of building a stocks profile#boost your credit#disputes or marks on your credit#evaluate your credit#Financing 101: 3 Ways to Fix Your Credit#fix your credit#fix your credit score#fix your credit without hurting your checkbook#get a copy of your credit report#huge increase in your credit#increase in your credit in a short time#paying off your creditors a little bit at a time#someone stole your identity#starting to repair your credit#Take time to look over your bills#Use Experian Booster
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Itâs because due to the specific alchemy of daemonAUs, any picture of trans femme Laios Touden is inherently and inescapably a picture of human AU Palinode Touden!
However, Palinode would mostly wear this top for the specific purpose of hyping up her brother.
They would go out like this together and do this at every opportunity.
Bee doesnât know them.
saw this post
#his delicious materials#Palinode#human AU Bee is a tiny hot butch with an undercut I had already decided that#to explain this a bit. his delicious materials is a dungeon meshi daemon au which means each character has an external soul represented as#another character.#daemons are copy pasting the character transing their gender and assigning them an animal.#the resulting animal companion represents your soul.#thus: trans femme Laios and Chilchuck and trans masc Falin I guess#but its human AU Palinode Elafros and Bee.#also daemons end up being a bit different from their people so I feel like Elafros is unexpectedly energetic#and has a scattery vibe#while Bee is very very expressive and talks a lot even if she doesnât talk about herself much#in my head#a modern human AU Bee would be wasting about 40 minutes of her time a week trying to get Palinode how to understand how credit scores work.#palinode is not equipped to understand how credit scores work.#Bee is not equipped to allow that.#how do you arrive at adulthood without understanding credit scores Palinode. you can get a free credit report right now.#palinode how do you propose to pay off your student loans with your minimum wage job.#palinode why do you pay for everything from a bag of quarters that you just fucking carry around. PALINODE
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iâm FINALLY done with that stupid âgroupâ paper it got up to 3600 words before i edited down to 3200 and every damn word was written by me
#donât worry i ratted my lab partner out not only for not helping but also for plagiarism#get fucked! no one gets credit for my writing but me#and if you piss me off enough to contact the instructor then you bet your ass iâm talking about EVERYTHING#including asking me to send a lab report before the due date and copy pasting whole paragraphs into our paper#which i had to change ofc which made more work for me#i even told the instructor about how heâd started harassing me and my friend over the phone trying to use us as chemistry tutors#like i went allllll out you REALLY have to piss me the fuck off for me to go to the prof about it
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PERVERT ROOMMATE | back
starring: bottom male reader
summary: your roommate being a total pervert who wants to fuck you
nsfw, minors dni, donât report
Pervert roommate who jerks off to you everyday and night whenever heâs alone. He just imagines you bouncing up and down on his cock.
Pervert roommate who purposefully roams around shirtless or just in his underwear to entice you. Especially if heâs hard, during morning times heâd show his morning wood. He obviously has eyes on how you keep looking at him
Pervert roommate who secretly takes your underwear and spills his cum all over it leaving you wondering why your underwears have gotten stiff or sticky.
Pervert roommate who lies and asks you to sleep with him because heâs scared of a nightmare. He takes this chance to cuddle you shirtless
Pervert roommate who pulls you closer and makes you feel his hard clothed dick. Heâd start tracing his hands all over your body making you erect too
Pervert roommate who would start sucking on your neck and pumping your cock with one hand while fingering you with the other
Pervert roommate who would kiss you and rejoice because finally heâs getting to do the thing he wants to do to you.
Pervert roommate who says this is what all roommates do and slams his cock inside you and starts fucking you. He doesnât even last long cause heâs been so pent up. You moan and enjoy the feeling of a big cock fucking your tight hole.
Pervert roommate who cums inside you and pulls you towards him and starts round two and makes you bounce on his cock. Your insides tremble and you shoot your load all over his abdomen
Pervert roommate who cums inside your hole once again as he leaves hickeys. He loves seeing and hearing you moan his name.
Pervert roommate and you now turn into fuck buddies and fuck the whole day and night in every corner of the house leaving your cum everywhere
Â©ïž flowerbunnyboo 2024. all rights reserved to me. please don't copy my work or reshare without my permission and credit
#flowers fics#bottom male reader#male reader#male x male#x male reader#bottom male reader smut#oc#oc x bottom male reader#oc x male reader#oc x reader#oc x Male reader smut#Male reader smut
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"i love hearing your voice first thing in the morning."
you roll your eyes, resting your phone between your cheek and shoulder. nevermind it's mid afternoon. "aventurine, listenâ"
as expected, he does no such thing. "don't care why you're calling. just that you're calling."
you can practically hear that smug, handsome grin on his face. "about your assignment in penaconyâ"
"oh yeah, sorry i had to take a rain check on our date. i ran into a few bumps along the way."
"what date?"
"the one i'll be dropping by in ten minutes to finally take you on." you hear chatter in the background now. he must have just entered the building.
you quickly check your reflection in your office window. "with an explanation for your expense report i hope."
"so you do get my messages! did you see the picture i attached?"
you did see the shirtless hotel selfie he'd attached to the report. you'd done him a favour and removed it (and saved it) before sending it off to your colleagues. "you gave that trailblazer hundreds of thousands of credits for unapproved 'bribery costs,' as you've called them."
"yep," he confirms, popping the 'p.' there's a few beats of silence as he pulls the phone away from his ear. your phone vibrates with a notification.
e-transfer: AVENTURINE sent you credits!
500,000 credits, to be specific.
"seriously?" you ask, shaking your head.
"don't worry, it's not ipc funds," he assures you. "i won it fair and square. use it buy yourself something to wear on our date. something gold."
"i'll be using it to pay rent for the next few months," you inform him, opening your banking app to deposit the credits. "but maybe i'll blow a little on something fun first."
"oof. speaking of blowingâ"
your office door is suddenly thrown open, aventurine strolling inside with his arms wide open.
you stand, rounding your desk. aventurine kicks the door closed, then leans in for a hug, only to be stopped by a printed copy of his expense report pressed into his chest. "we need to talk about this."
"nah."
"nah?"
he takes the report, ignoring your protests as he throws it over his shoulder. "heyâ"
he quickly closes the distance between you, cupping the back of your neck to pull you into a kiss.
and youâ well, you kissed him back, letting him crowd you up against the wall. annoying as he was, you couldn't help but want him a little too.
when he slides a hand under the hem of your pants, you grab his wrist, pulling back to look at him. bright eyes watch you curiously.
"oh no. you first, hot stuff."
"hot stuff, huh?" he grins, already pulling his shirt over his head. you try not to stare at his spectacularly toned torso for too long and inflate his ego anymore. "i like it."
he moves back in for another kiss but you lean back, gaze flicking to his pants.
he quickly undoes them, pushing them down to his ankles and leaving him in just his boxers.
only then did you let him kiss you. again and again and again.
"okay, that's enough," you tease, leaving him with one last kiss to the corner of his mouth. you're breathless, flustered, face warm in the aftermath of your office makeout.
"hey, hold onâ" he's quick to groan, shuffling after you with his pants still around his ankles. "where could you possibly be going right now?!"
you turn to face him once you've pulled the door open, holding up your phone. "i'm going to buy something gold to wear for our date."
#he has to hide in your office for a while bcs he's bricked up LOL#aventurine x reader#hsr x reader#aventurine x you#aventurine smut
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how to be a latin lover ⥠h.js (m)
âĄÂ synopsis: the dreadful semester has started â meaning your summer vacation has come to end, and so has your summer flingâŠor has it? âĄÂ genre: summer fling au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers ; ta x student dynamics. âĄÂ pairing: spanish ta!joshua hong x chaebol!fem!reader | side pairings: lee chan x jung haerim (weki meki) ; wen junhui x lee saerom (fromis_9) âĄÂ word count: 26.8k âĄÂ rating: 18+. minors do not interact, i beg. âĄÂ warnings: honestly, a little toxic if you squint. lots of pining. hella slow burn. lots of suggestive commentary but no smut because i'm ass at it (sorry if you wanted some, maybe during the lore drops for this fic later this year i'll add some) and very, very toxic mother-daughter dynamics [official warnings: joshua and y/n are absolute idiots. iâm talking the dumbest mfs youâve ever encountered, youâll want to scream at them through the screen.] âĄÂ what to listen to: otro atardecer - bad bunny, the marĂas ; get to you - mac ayres ; sky full of stars - coldplay ; brave enough - leehi ; quĂ© locura enamorarme de ti - eddie santiago ⥠a/n: it's finally here! thank you to @camandemstudios for allowing me to be a part of such a wonderful collab (and i promise hoshi will be out by next week!) thank you to @tomodachiii , @wqnwoos and @highvern for betaing this stupid behemoth and telling me to stop being a little bitch (no one said that). hopefully i will see everyone soon with the hoshi version! thanks for reading!
Monday, August 29th.
Summer is over.
A sad fate deemed inescapable, despite your sunkissed glow and endless array of swimsuits begging you to stay on the beach â you were forced to return to reality after spending six weeks in Mexico, away from the shackles of your mother's constant nagging and the fall semester of impending doom. Your trip was all-expenses paid, of course â thanks to daddy's big, fat wallet.
You had no worries â your skin was clear, your hair was bouncy, your belly was full of delicious food as you pranced the streets of Puerto Vallarta with your best friend, Lee Saerom. Your father didn't even know he'd footed the bill for her, too. He didn't check the credit card report after you booked your trip â just nodded absentmindedly and waved you off, his voice echoing the walls of the office. "Have fun, honey."
Well? The fun you hadâŠis now here to bite you in your sweet, sunkissed ass.
Summer flings have been your thing since you were eighteen â so since your parents finally let you out of their grasp to 'explore.' Whatever the hell that meant, you didn't know, but you gladly took the plane tickets and went off to wherever they sent you. One year, it was Greece, and your summer sweetheart grew a bit too obsessed with you â leading you to change your number and start using burner phones for vacations.
You covered all your tracks. You didn't even give this guy your social media accounts, you gave him your burner numberâŠyou didn't even tell him your last name. Yet, you are so undeniably screwed.
"Hello, everyone!" He scans the room as he takes a sip of his coffee, glancing at the door. "I'm unsure if you all received the email, but Professor Lee won't be in today." He's still scouring faces, taking in new ones and recognizing old ones. He hasn't seen you, and you're sure if you just sink a bit further down, he won't. "I'm Joshua Hong, and I'm Professor Lee's teaching assistant this year. She asked me to review the syllabus with you, in lieu of her absence." He taps the stack of papers on the large oak desk, clicking his tongue. "I'm gonna put the digital copy up on the projector, and you guys can just pick one of these up on your way out. Sounds good?" The class seemingly nods simultaneously, and you find yourself sliding down your chair as he walks to dim the lights. "That being said, welcome to Beginning Spanish Conversation! I took this course last year, and Professor Lee is super nice so you won't have to worry about getting into any scuffles with her."
He's speaking to himself as he connects everything, the home screen of his laptop popping onto the projector screen. It's him and two other guys dressed as the Powerpuff Girls. He giggles to himself before using the laser pointer. "Not that you guys care, but these are my friends." He points to the one dressed as Buttercup, tied to a moving dolly with a sour expression on his face.
"This is Jeonghan. He's another TA on the East Campus, and the secretary of my fraternity! If you ever see me off campus, I'm likely with him and this guy." He points at the one dressed as Bubbles with a tiara on, a guy you recognize but can't seem to place. "This is Seungcheol. He's President of Beta Tau Omega, in case you're wondering where you've probably seen him before." You freeze as he opens his Safari, hoping that comment wasn't directed at you. It opens to the syllabus, and you feel your lips twitch at how cute Professor Lee made it. There is a floral border surrounding the page, and he points the laser on the screen again.
"Okay, so. Again, I'm Joshua Hong and your professor is Lee Hyori. This is Beginning Spanish Conversation, so we'll be learning a lot of vocabulary and common phrases. Enough to get you by in case you're ever stranded in the middle of Guadalajara with no phone and no money." He smiles, and someone raises their hand in the front.
"Are you speaking from personal experience?" It's Jung Haerim, a girl from your World Cultures class last semester.
His smile only grows slightly wider as he shakes his head. "No, and yes. I got lost in Denmark. Copenhagen, to be exact, and I had to flirt my way onto the train. Not as fun as it sounds, trust me." He returns to the screen, carefully going over what the students could expect in the coming weeks. He reiterated that Professor Lee loves pop quizzes, so stay prepared. It was only then when he finally stopped speaking, flashing yet another award-winning smile.Â
"Any questions?"
Your hand is crawling to cover your face as people start asking questions, further prolonging your suffering â when you feel eyes on you. Peeking through your fingers, you see him peering at you over the rim of his tumbler. They hold a mischievous glint, and he casually continues answering questions.
Where are you from?
"Los Angeles. I moved here when I was aboutâŠnineteen? Yeah." You already knew this.
How was your summer?
"Pretty good, I spent eight weeks in Puerto Vallarta. I got back maybe three days ago, and only then did I find out I got this position." You knew this, too. He probably remembers you.
What's your major?
"I'm a Music major, with a minor in Jazz Studies." He told you this on your third night together, over an IPA and a shared basket of chips and salsa. You burned your tongue on your food that night, you couldn't taste for days.
Oh? Why that?
"I've always been passionate about it. Funny, I took Spanish to broaden my horizons for it. I'll hopefully be a producer after graduation."
Your impatience begins to show as you bounce your leg irritably, and it's almost like he can hear your thoughts. "Alright, alright. I'll literally be here every time you guys are, so save your questions about me. Or, find me after! We can hang, I'm usually at the frat anyway." He shrugs, gesturing to the pile of papers on the desk.
"Syllabus, take one!" His smile is bright as you scramble down the steps, snatching the piece of paper off the desk and just about sprint to the door. You can feel your cheeks heating in embarrassment as you barrel down the hallway, deciding to skip your next class in hopes of drowning in your shame.
You spot Saerom a few feet down the hall, smiling and talking to one of your other friends, Chan. He was rushing that stupid fraternity this year, so if your math was right â you wouldn't be able to avoid Joshua at all this year.
"Saerom, I'm so fucked." You call, and she immediately spins around, a look of discernment on her face.
"Y/N, what are you on about this time? The last time you said that, it was because you left your Dior lip oil in Morocco." She deadpans, and you scoff. "Maybe it's about her classes." Chan reminds her coolly, and you sigh as you slump your forehead against his chest, earning a pat on the back from him.
"For once, the twink is right." Groaning, you bury your face further into Chan's chest. "I've got to transfer out of Spanish, or the University. I cannot be on this campus."
Your words are muffled against Chan's shirt, earning a sigh from Saerom as she places her hands on your shoulders. "Get a grip, Y/N! It's the first day of your last year, it's not the end of the world. You will not see any of these people next semester, trust me."
She's not understanding the severity of your issue, and only when you hear someone stop behind you, do you attempt to explain. "Saerom, you're not listeningâ"
"Saerom, is that you?"Â
She looks up, her eyes lighting up as she gently gestures for you to hang on, pushing past to envelop whoever it was in a hug. You look over your shoulder, eyes wide as you see him looking down at your best friend.
"Shua! Oh my God, it's been so long! How's your mom?!" Shua. Oh, you feel sick.
Your breath hitches in your throat, before Chan's amused face comes into your line of vision as he drapes his arm over your shoulder â effectively hiding you from Joshua. "We'll let you guys catch up. See you later, Saerom?"
He tugs you away without getting an answer from her, and you almost make it out of the hall when you hear your name slip from Saerom's lips. "Oh, Y/N is my best friend! I'll have to introduce you sometime, you'd love her."
You barely catch Joshua's response as Chan makes a left out of the hall.
"I'm sure I will."
Friday, September 2nd.
"SoâŠanything you want to tell me?"Â
Saerom is standing next to you, placing forks next to slices of cake. The two of you had missed three birthdays on your trip, and you'd invited said birthday buddies over for a celebratory movie night to make up for it. You'd bought a cake on your way home from your first Organic Chemistry lab, and Saerom had set up the apartment with the small gifts you'd brought back from Puerto Vallarta.
To your luck, Saerom had pulled you aside while you were cutting the cake to talk to you.
"Uh, no? I skipped Spanish today? I used the last of my face wash?"
She rolls her eyes, crossing her arms as she turns to face you. "You were never gonna tell me that you slept with someone this summer?"Â
"I don't know what you're talking about? Obviously, you knew I'd find someone."Â
You try to hold in the heat of embarrassment, but Saerom's like a dog with a bone. "Right, of course. How would I, your best friend, not know that you, my best friend, slept with a guy over the summer?" Soonyoung, Junhui and Nagyung were playing Mario Kart on your television, and couldn't hear the conversation being had in the kitchen. You felt your cheeks warm as you stared into the cake, a bit of chocolate frosting smeared on your knuckles. "Sae, it was just some random guy I met when you slept in. Why does this matter?" "It mattersâŠ" She huffs, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, and you give her a look of get on with it. "It matters because he's my cousin, Y/N."
Your grip on the spatula tightens. You can feel your stomach drop, eyes wide as you look back at her. "He's your what?"
"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking. I'd never be mad at you for thatâŠeven if it is weird for me." She says quietly, and sighs as you feel panic set into your skin. "I justâŠWhy didn't you tell me? I transferred to this university for you, I tell you about all my hookups, and I had to find out through him that you guys were sleeping together for the last three weeks of our vacation?"
"How could I have possibly known the two of you were related? Better yet, why does it matter? It was just a stupid fling, Sae. I'm not trying to marry into your family, God." You mumble, placing the spatula in the sink and covering the rest of the cake with the plastic lid. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't think it would come back to bite me in the ass." "It doesn't. I thought you already considered me family, Y/N. It seems I've been under the wrong impression for a while." Her eyes are cold as she moves the cake slices onto a tray, and you feel taken aback. "What the hell does that mean?" "What the hell did you mean? As if marrying into my family would be so fucking bad? We're a great family. We're loving, open, and honest. Nothing like you, it seems!"Â
You gape at her, before you feel a bit of anger claw at your throat. "Saerom, I didn't think I'd ever see him again! Of course I'm going to hope he doesn't expect anything more from me, because I can't handle that. I want a career, I want to own my parents' businesses after graduation. I can't let a guy tie me down, no matter who he is to my friends. You have to get that." Her eyes are hurt, contrary to the furious tug on her brows. She knows what you want out of life, she always had â at least, what you would let her believe. Your parents had expectations, and you, as their only daughter, had to fulfill everything. Taking over your father's companies, inheriting your mother's properties, continuing the bloodline. It was all on you.
God forbid a girl have a little fun on vacation.
"It's always about you and your career, isn't it?" She mutters, grabbing the tray and walking towards the living room. She stops in front of the doorway, looking over her shoulder. "I thought I could trust you, Y/N. It seems that being a Risk Analyst may not be my perfect fit, after all."
You kind of hate that this is happening.
No, scratch that. You hate that this is happening. You don't even really understand what just happened, or how Saerom could have possibly interpreted what you said as something bad. Despite these horrible circumstances, you knew that Joshua couldn't possibly be a bad guy. Granted, you'd skipped your Spanish class twice now, doing everything in your power to convince Chan to enroll into it so you wouldn't have to face Joshua alone. You even said you'd pay his stupid fraternity dues if he got in, no matter how bad you hated Beta Tau Omega.
Joshua was sweet on vacation, but everyone has their vacation persona, and their normal life characteristics. At home, you were serious, studious, and even slightly uptight.
On vacation, you wereâŠflirtatious, unhinged, a bit wild. You took shots from strangers and stayed out in clubs and bars until the wee hours of the morning. You'd play games of chicken with cute guys, letting them kiss you in bathrooms and put their hands up your skirt.
Joshua did none of that, he didn't indulge your behavior. At least, not right off the bat.
He'd caught your eye at a restaurant, speaking perfect Spanish to the waitress. He lookedâŠrefreshing. Sweet, different from your past romances. He looked like someone you'd actually date, but you were on vacation and you weren't looking for a long-term, potentially long-distance boyfriend. A quick fuck, a cum-and-go, if you will.
You'd bought him a mimosa, ignoring his line of vision as you befriended a few girls you'd met at the pool of your hotel. Saerom decided to sleep in that morning, and almost every other time you managed to catch Joshua alone â she wasn't in your presence. Maybe that was the universe protecting the both of them, while scorning you.
He'd sent a glass of white wine to your table, also avoiding your gaze and continuing his breakfast conversation with his friends. Jeonghan and Seungcheol, now that you can put a name to the faces. You didn't bother then, it didn't matter.
Not until now, of course.
You remember walking past his table on your way to close out your check, slipping your name and burner number on a napkin. You remember his friends teasing him, even hearing one of them give a low whistle. You remember said burner phone buzzing in your pocket less than an hour later, and meeting up with him that night at a salsa club down the beach.
You also remember cuddling on a hammock with him, pointing out stars you'd memorized as a kid because you wanted to be an astronaut. You remember him kissing your fingertips as you talked about your life back home, leaving out details of where you lived, where you went to school and who your parents were. You remember his eyes scanning your face, lingering on your lips as you sighed, voicing your unhappiness.
You had truly opened up to a stranger faster than you had anyone else. Even Saerom didn't know you felt this way about your life. How could she? She was under the impression that you loved it, you loved feeling important, you loved the money your lifestyle was funded by. That you didn't care about your parents' emotional absence, and the overwhelming amount of nannies being rotated in and out of your childhood in place of them.
Some things are better left unsaid, you remind yourself. You have to remind yourself that this façade needs to be upheld. You have to make your parents proud. You have to.
Right?
You're still standing in the kitchen when Nagyung appears in the doorway, her voice soft as she calls out to you. "Y/N?" You jump, a hand to your chest as you look up. She apologizes, "Sorry! It's justâŠthe movie is starting. Are you coming?" "Yeah, sorry. I'll be right there." You gesture at the mess of cake crumbs and frosting, and she gives you a quick smile before scurrying back to the living room. You turn to wash the spatula, your mind just reminiscing as you grab the soapy sponge.
"So you're going to take over your father's business?""Yeah, I'm an only child, so I don't have much of a choice. If I don't take it, it just goes to the highest bidder. In my mind, it wouldn't be the end of the world if that happened, I'd get to pursue my own path."
"If you think that, why are you taking it over? Why not tell your parents that you have dreams you want to pursue? I know it's easier said than done, but office jobs are not good for the soul in my opinion." He spoke confidently, his fingers twirling your hair.
"I'd be ungrateful, I'd be throwing away hundreds of properties and investors. I'd be throwing away this lavish life I live, funded by my father's money. I'd be throwing away a secure futureâŠand I'd be letting them down."
You didn't want to be an astronaut anymore. You'd long let that dream go, along with an eight-year-old you that had posters of Yi Soyeon and constellations plastered all over your room. You remember your mother standing in the doorway of your bedroom when you got your first poster of a supernova, a glass of Merlot in her hand as she sighed. "You'll never be like them, you know? Going into spaceâŠeating peanut butter on crackers and floating. It's not possible." She had been right, anyway. You had put all of those posters up in your attic, along with your rocket models when you moved for college. The only thing you kept and brought with you to University was the orrery your last nanny gifted you for your fifteenth birthday. It sat pretty on your desk in your room, mocking your every move.
You were getting a business degree. You were majoring in Marketing. You're taking Spanish for the same reason Joshua did, to broaden your horizons, and make business boom. To feed the greed that festered in your parents, and give them what they want.
ButâŠunbeknownst to them, you were also majoring in Physics. You wanted to give yourself the sliver of hope that they wouldn't actually want you to take over the firms, that you'd get to continue your education and get your doctorate. That you'd be a plasma physicist and watch everything happen in real time for space research, without having to leave Earth's surface.
Delusions, all of it.
"Welcome. You missed the first fifteen minutes." Soonyoung scoots over, offering you the lit joint between his fingers as you sigh. Taking it, you plop down on the couch cushion, your leg draped over the armrest. "Takes time to have a clean house, Hoshi." Saerom glances at you from her spot on the floor, her eyes unreadable as she blinks. She frowns slightly, returning her attention to the television. You can tell she feels uneasy about the entire situation. She's probably asking herself how she didn't catch on, or why she didn't ask.
And the truth is, you're kind of glad she didn't. Had she done so, you probably wouldn't have slept with him. You probably would've found out they were family and completely ghosted him, or at least told him that you were her friend. You would've let him down much more easily, instead of leaving Puerto Vallarta without saying goodbye and throwing your burner phone in the garbage at the airport.
Everything would have been different, you would have acted differently.
Nonetheless, you can't dwell on the past. You can't keep skipping Spanish, and you can't let your grades slip over some stupid summer hookup. What you can do is pretend it didn't happen. Pretend you've never seen him in the nude, pretend you don't know what his lips feel like. Pretend like he didn't affect you deeper than he did, because it wasn't just sex.
And you hate that it wasn't.
Monday, September 5th.
"You love me, Lee Chan!" You'd done it. You'd convinced him to join your class so you wouldn't be subjected to Joshua's nonexistent wrath alone. Seeing Chan leaning on the wall next to the door was a sight for sore eyes â even if he was trying to subtly flirt with Haerim.
"Y/N, you're going to scare the hoes!" He speaks through gritted teeth, allowing you to envelope him in a tight hug. "Ugh, you've saved me from a world of misery." "You're so needy." He mutters into your hair, making you pull away with a smug look on your face. "Well? Why is everyone out here?" "Professor Lee isn't here today. We're waiting for Joshua to get the door open." Haerim speaks as she locks her phone, shoving it into her pocket. She eyes you up and down, noticing the slight frown on your lips. "Why did you skip twice already? The semester just started." Grimacing, you make up a lie. "Prior commitments. Couldn't miss 'em." "RightâŠ" She gives you a look of discernment before fishing her phone back out of her pocket. "I'm gonna skip, actually. You still have my number, right? Can you forward what you guys do today?" Upon seeing your nod, she gives you a lazy smile and worms her way through the crowd of students forming around the door. Everyone is whining and complaining, but you're now searching the hall to see if you can also make a run for itâŠ
"Hey! So sorry, guys. Professor Lee just called me." A slightly disheveled Joshua appears behind a group of girls, holding up a set of keys. You look away, meeting eyes with Chan â who is squinting at Joshua as if he knew him. "Is thatâŠIsn't he the Vice President of Beta Tau Omega?"nk
"Leave it up to one of my best friends to befriend the enemy." You scowl, before looping your arm in his to tug him into the classroom. The front few rows are already filling out, with Joshua regaining his composure at Professor Lee's desk. You and Chan make a beeline for the back of the classroom, taking the last two seats in the third row.
"I'm rushing this year, I need to know my higher ups." Chan whispers back, and the two of you whip your heads towards the front of the room at the sound of Joshua clearing his throat. "Sorry again, everyone. Unfortunately, a late start will be followed by a quiz." He winces as a collective groan follows his announcement, and you feel your stomach flip. You don't know enough Spanish to pass this class by the seat of your pants. You barely retained how to introduce yourself from high school. "Don't worry, since this is the first quiz of the semester, I'll go easy on you. Just some general conjugation, and it's to see where you fall on the scale." Joshua speaks confidently as he walks around the room, handing stacks of the quiz to the first person in the row. You feel your eyes glued to the floor as he holds the stack out for you to take, and you hate how your hand shakes as you do so.
What you hate even more?
"Nice to see you in class, Miss Y/N." He whispers, before crossing his arms behind his back and walking down the steps. Chan snickers next to you, earning a smack. "Not funny!" You grit, whacking him again with the stack of quizzes.
"Once you are done with your quiz, I will grade it. You may then leave for the day, because I really do not have the energy to think of anything else to be done." He's rubbing his temples, and you hear a few people sigh in relief.
"Easy money." Chan whispers to himself, before clicking his pen and beginning the quiz. You glance down at it, your lip tucked behind your teeth. The quiz seems standard â a few conjugations, a few multiple choice. One short answer at the bottom, asking you to describe what you did over the summer in Spanish.
"Fuck." You mumble.
You can't lie to yourself, you probably fucked yourself over by skipping those last two classes. They probably reviewed, took notes. Maybe even engaged in actual conversation with each other, with Professor LeeâŠwith Joshua.
Nonetheless, you feel your skin crawl when you notice that you've spent so much time agonizing over this, that you're one of the last students left. Chan finished at some point and you didn't notice, because now he's waiting by the door for you. You feel your throat tighten, forcing you to zero in and just scribble an answer at the bottom of your quiz.
Grabbing your backpack, you fling it over your shoulder before trekking the steps, noticing Joshua giving you a warm smile.
"Miss Y/N." He greets, taking your paper. You give him a tight nod, before spinning on your heel to leave. You're barely two steps in the right direction when you hear him again. "Ah, ah, ah! We need to speak, Miss Y/N. Turn around." You're semi-grateful that the classroom is nearly empty, because you know you look embarrassed as you turn back around. "Yes, sir?" His smile drops as you stand in front of him, and he taps his pen on your quiz. "You missed two classes consecutively. Per the syllabus, you can only miss six classes per semester, and we don't accept late work. You can't excel in this course if you're not physically here, you know." He's not being a douche. You know he's not, but you can't help and slightly bristle.
"I had other matters to attend to, sir. I'll be on time for the remainder of the semester."
This doesn't seem to satisfy him, and his brows furrow slightly before he shakes his head, sighing. He turns your quiz over, the capital C minus grade in red ink.Â
"I know you don't want to be here, it's clear in your attitude. However, if you intend to pass this class, you have to show up. My tutoring hours are on the syllabus, revisit them and send me an email when you get a chance so we can get you back on track."
Your mouth opens slightly, and Joshua gives you a rather stern look. "Don't. I'm trying to help you." "Yes, sir." You mutter. He tilts his head towards the door. "You can leave." Huffing, you storm out of the room and nearly shove Chan out of the way when you reach the door. "Woah, hey! Don't kill me, Y/N!" He grabs your elbow, and you groan loudly. "Dude, what's your deal?" Chan asks, taking hold of both your shoulders as the two of you round the corner out of the hallway.Â
"My deal, Chan, is that I fucking slept with the TA over the summer! That's my deal, dude!" You throw your arms up in exasperation, and a lightbulb seems to go off in Chan's head as his mouth forms an O-shape. You lean against the brick wall of the building, slowly sliding down and covering your face with your hands.Â
"You..fucked Joshua Hong." He speaks, and you let out another groan, similar to that of a goat. "Yes, Chan. I fucked Joshua Hong in Puerto Vallarta in a random villa on the beach." "Spare me the details, will you?" He grimaces, running a hand through his hair. He squats next to you, making you look up at him with his hand. He gives your look of defeat a laugh, a concerned smile remaining on his lips as he touches his head to yours. "Don't worry, Y/N. He won't be anything but professional, I promise you."
"How do you know?" You whine, Chan's smile of concern turning into one of reassurance. "He clearly takes his job seriously, and he could've told the entire frat by now. Joshua Hong banged the biggest chaebol on campus, Kang Y/N. Crazy." You can tell he's trying to make you feel better, but you already knew Joshua wasn't the type to kiss and tell. Tell anyone other than Saerom, of course â but the two of you didn't speak much over the weekend so you felt a bit down in the dumps anyway. You didn't have dinner together or even go on a morning coffee run like you usually did â choosing to rot in your own rooms until hunger forced you out.
"He's Saerom's cousin, Channie." You pout, allowing him to tug you up off the wall and fling his arm over your shoulders. He sighs, resting his head against yours before he speaks. "Well, it can't get any worse than this, can it?"
â â âÂ
You scribble a reminder on a sticky note to kill Lee Chan for his earlier words â it has gotten worse.
You had forced yourself to review the syllabus upon returning home, especially after your Organic Chemistry professor informed everyone twenty minutes before class started that it was canceled. You then forced yourself to type out a concise and polite email to Joshua Hong, and you forced yourself to press send.Â
Ten minutes later, you forced yourself to read his reply.
And now, fifteen minutes after reading it, you were parked in the lot, your head resting against your steering wheel as you repeated some positive affirmations. "I can do this, I can do this. He's gonna be professional, I'm going to fix my hours, and I'll be on my way home."
Hopping out, you make sure to press your keyfob twice to hear it lock. Breathing in deeply, you made your way towards the hallway, seeing a few stragglers still on campus. It was nearly six in the evening, so they were probably also in office hours. Seeing the small office come into view, you stare at the names on the bronze plaques. Wow, you think. How important.
Kim NamjoonâŠWED. 3PM-7PM.
Jennie KimâŠTHURS. 4PM-8PM
Joshua HongâŠMON/TUES/FRI. 2PM-6PM
Jeon SoyeonâŠMON-FRI. 10AM-1PM, OCHEM II ONLY.
Sighing, you grabbed the doorknob and twisted, pushing it open to reveal Joshua speaking on the phone. His eyes dart to you, a hand to his chest before gesturing to the table in the corner. You roll your eyes, before shutting the door and flipping the sign that reads In Session.
"Yes ma'amâŠmhmâŠI will get that done." Joshua is pinching the bridge of his nose, making you snort to yourself as you sink into the surprisingly comfortable chair in the corner of the room. You set your backpack on the floor, pulling your laptop out and a notepad. Clicking a pen, you fold your hands in your lap, waiting for him to finish.
"Yes, I will see you on Monday, Professor. Alright, take care." He hangs up, taking a moment to process. He blinks twice, before shaking it off and opening one of the drawers. "Good to see you, Miss Y/N. This is the review that you missed on Wednesday, and you missed an oral introduction on Friday." Standing, he holds up a packet. "This is just verb conjugation. I was originally going to use this for extra credit, but seeing as you got the highest grade out of anyone in the morning session, I think it's safe to say you probably won't need it." You're silent as he hands it to you.
"You will have to make up for lost time here, so you can stay forâŠan hour today, and then you can make up the other two on Friday." He's checking the calendar by the door, taking a pen from his pocket to write it in. "Sounds good?" You don't answer, just nodding your head. He raises his brow at you, "Cat got your tongue?" Grimacing, you glance up at him. "Sounds fine, sir." He smiles a bit, before clicking his tongue. "Actually, just take it. You can go, Miss Y/N."Â
He walks to the desk, shutting his laptop. Confused, you look at him. "You want me to go?" "I don't want you to be anywhere you don't want to be, even if it's for your own benefit. You can leave." He nods, sliding his laptop into his bag, zipping it up and hiking it over his shoulder. "I have a prior commitment I can't miss, so consider this a favor." Snorting, you just shake your head as you put your things away. "I don't need any favors from you." You mutter to yourself, and Joshua smiles brightly as he holds the door open for you. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Miss Y/N. Have a good night." "You too." You grumble, pushing past him to see Jeonghan and Seungcheol leaning against the wall. Seungcheol is holding an extra cup in his hand, and Joshua just lets out a sigh before greeting them warmly. Unfortunately, they're walking in the same direction as you, so you reach into your hoodie pocket for your headphones â but not before you hear a low whistle. "She looks familiar."
You just shove your other hand in your pocket, wondering if they'll keep talking. Does the other one remember you? Do they know you slept with Joshua? Did he tell them? "It's funny to think you'd remember anyone, when you're one of the biggest whores on campus." One of them speaks, and you can hear Joshua laugh lightly. "She's my student, so shut up. Anyway, how'd things go with the new OChem professor? I heard he's a mess, canceling classes back to back." You decide to tune them out as you reach the end of the hallway, not wanting to entertain them as the parking lot comes into view. You can see from where you're standing that there is a ticket stuck under your windshield wiper, and you groan. "Son of a bitch."
Jogging over, you take it off and see that it's not actually a ticket, but a note from someone saying they hit your car. Gasping, you round your car and see a huge dent in your bumper, black paint scraped off and your tail light broken. "Motherfucker!"Â
You can hear the trio of men getting closer, hearing the beep of the car next to yours as it unlocks. Scowling to yourself, you take your phone out to call your father. He should know what to do..right? His assistant picks up on the second ring. "Kang Enterprises, Gyuri speaking."
Sighing, you speak to her for a moment. She tells you he's in a meeting, and can't come to the phone at the moment. It's nearly seven at this point, what could he possibly have a meeting about? She says she doesn't know, but that your mother is also at the office and she's available. You reluctantly agree to speak to her, leaning your forehead against your rear windshield.
"Y/N? Why are you calling?" She sounds disinterested in whatever matters you may have, and you feel Jeonghan skirt past you as he rounds to the driver's side. "Sorry," He mumbles, and you scoff before moving out of the way. He grimaces before hopping in, and you can hear Joshua speaking to Seungcheol as he also rounds to the driver's side.Â
"Hello, Mother. Someone hit the beamerâ" You barely get the words out before she starts responding. Yelling, actually â and so loud you have to pull the phone away from your ear. Joshua is unfortunately hopping into the passenger seat, and he can see the look of defeat on your face. He gives you a sympathetic smile, and you frown before turning away.
You're still standing there as they pull out, but you've put her on speaker now. She's yelling about how irresponsible you are (and let's not forget you weren't the one who hit a car here) and that she can't believe you expect them to send you another. "I don't want another, I just want Daddy's advice on where to take it to get it fixed." "I don't care, Y/N. We'll get another one down there tomorrow. JustâŠbe more responsible, will you?!"Â
She hangs up, and you tongue your cheek so as to not cry in frustration. You don't want to drive the car home in this condition, you could get pulled over and then it's worse. Pulling up your messages, you scour who you could call. Chan is at a stupid pledge thing, you're not speaking to Saerom. Sighing, you quickly shoot Soonyoung a text, before calling the local towing company. They towed Chan's car last year when the two of you accidentally swerved into a fire hydrant trying to teach Nagyung how to drive.
Msg From: Soonyoung đŻ
[7:01PM] tf you mean someone hit ur car
[7:01PM] your PARKED car??? i'm literally in the shower, y/n
[7:03PM] ok uhh i think jun is on his way, if you wanna wait for him? if not i can finish up here in like 10 mins
Great.
Wednesday, September 7th.
"Shua." You hear Haerim speak from the front of the room. Your mother had angrily called you last night and said Gyuri would be dropping off your replacement vehicle today, so you were anything but focused until you heard the nickname slip from her lips.
"Haerim." He speaks, not taking his attention away from the corkboard he's putting up on the wall. It has Polaroids of all the students in your class and a few others you don't recognize. They probably took those on the days you weren't here.
"If you don't mind me asking, are you single? My friend drops me off on her way to French with Professor Bae and she thinks you're cute." Haerim is very casual with her conversation, making Joshua laugh lightly as he turns, holding a few thumbtacks between his fingers. "I am single, but I am unfortunately not on the market. Sorry to your friend, Haerim." She shakes her head, about to speak when you hear another person pipe up â Kim Myungjun, a guy you hooked up with at a sorority stoplight party your sophomore year. "How come? Did you get your heart broken or something?" Joshua smiles gently, sticking another Polaroid onto the board. He sighs, before turning back to face the room. "Something like that. I met a girl over the summer. Didn't end very well."
You can't believe your ears, and you can feel your eyes narrow as Chan shifts uncomfortably in his seat. You're willing to ignore it, until you hear Myungjun speak up. "Man, don't let that deter you from finding your soulmate! Love is everywhere, if we let one person dictate our confidence, we give their opinion value. I read that somewhere." Joshua nods, his smile never wavering, when he meets your eyes. His head tilts to the side, but he speaks while looking at you anyway. "I dunno, man. Something about that girlâŠshe was different." Chan coughs awkwardly next to you, and you welcome the distraction as you tear your angry eyes away from Joshua's mischievous ones. You pat Chan's back, offering him a sip of your water bottle when Joshua returns to his conversation with Haerim (and apparently, Myungjun.) "AnywayâŠyeah. I'm alright for now." You spend the rest of the class with your face hidden behind your hair, studying the stupid Quizlet link Joshua had sent out last night. Professor Lee would finally be in this Friday, and she was expecting all A's across the board that day. You watch the clock on your phone, willing time to go faster with your mind.
The moment the clock strikes noon, you're out of your seat â only to hear Joshua call after you.
"Chan, Y/N, if the two of you could hang back for just a second." He says, as the students shuffle out. You glance at Chan, who has an unsettled look on his face. The two of you take the steps down quietly, waiting for everyone to file out when Joshua holds up the pink Instax camera. "You guys weren't here for class photos, so I just wanted to get those out of the way. Professor Lee uses them to remember names." Chan engages quickly, and you feel your phone buzz in your pocket.
Msg From: Jang Gyuri (K. Ent.)
[12:05PM] Miss Y/N, I am outside with your new vehicle. It seems I am on the West Campus.
Shit.
The panicked look on your face doesn't go unnoticed by Chan, even as he's blinking away the effects of the camera flash. "Are you okay?" "Gyuri is here, and she has my keys." You respond, clicking away on your phone when Chan covers the screen, wiggling his eyebrows at you. "I'll get them for you! Please, please, pleaseâ" "You're only asking because you think she's pretty." You roll your eyes, and Chan flashes you a mischievous smile. "Correction, I think she's beautiful. C'mon, I literally do everything for you!" "Fine, fine. Only because you make me feel guilty." Chan beams at you as he hitches his bag over his shoulder, the both of you completely forgetting this meant you'd be alone with Joshua. He calls over his shoulder that he'll wait for you in your new car, making you snort.
"You can stand right here." Joshua points at the small piece of tape on the floor. You grimace, sliding your bag onto Professor Lee's desk and fixing your shirt. "Your necklace is twisted," He speaks again, and you feel around for it.
"HereâŠcan I?" He sets the camera down, and you give him a rather sour look before agreeing. "Fine." "No need to act like this, Y/N." His breath is minty, and it's softly hitting your skin as he works the clasp to the back of your neck. Your grandmother gave you this necklace. He knows, you told him about it tipsy off a mango margarita.
"She got me this on my tenth birthday. I have never taken it off.""She believed in you.""What a shame, right?"
His fingers linger on the glittering pendant, before centering it on your blouse. "Ready?" "What did you mean by different?" You blurt, and his eyes widen as he reaches for the camera. "What?" "You said IâŠnevermind. Just take the picture, I have somewhere to be." You force a smile, and Joshua gives you a questioning look. He positions the camera, but sighs. "Too forced. Just relax, Y/N."
Huffing, you soften your face, letting your cheeks reach your eyes as you smile gently. "Much better." He whispers, taking the photo quickly. You blink a few times, before reaching for your bag. "And Y/N?" "What!?" You gripe, and he smiles. "Not everything is about you, pretty." Rolling your eyes at the slight lurch in your stomach. Pulling your bag over your shoulder, you stop as he huffs. "Wait, it came out wrong. Can you stand here again?"
He flicks the faulty picture onto the desk, and you quickly position yourself in front of him again. You clear your throat, smiling again as you move your hair to your face â when you see him smiling tenderly behind the camera. "Why are you looking at me like that?" "Hm?" He snaps the photo, taking it as it prints and covering it with his hand from the light. "Nothing, you look a lot nicer when you smile." You don't reply, waiting silently to see if the photo develops nicely. He doesn't speak either, before flipping the photo. You're smiling back at him, and he holds it up. "Satisfied?"
"Yeah, whatever." You shrug, and he nods. He hands you your bag, and gives you a warm look. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hesitate, but take your bag. "You too."
â â âÂ
"Hey, Shua."
He looks up to see Saerom standing in the doorway of his bedroom, her arms crossed as she drags the tip of her shoe against the hardwood.
"Hey! What are you doing here? And if you say you're here to see any of these perverts, I'm going to escort you out myself." She just laughs, shaking her head as she enters his bedroom. It's a bit larger than the others, and she flops onto his bed. "Why did you tell me you slept with Y/N?" Joshua chokes on his spit, coughing harshly in his desk chair. Saerom looks slightly amused as he regains his composure. "Just right out with it, huh?" "Well, she's my best friend. I don't know how I didn't know you were in Mexico, too. I literally watch your Instagram stories." Saerom pouts, and Joshua laughs. "Maybe because I like to live in the moment? I don't document every part of my life, Rom." "I mean, yeah, but still. And how did you guys even have time to meet? I was with her all the time." Saerom wails, making Joshua just shake his head. "She did mention she was on vacation with her best friend. She never mentioned your name, and we also hung out mostly at night. I'm assuming if you guys didn't share a room, you wouldn't have been able to notice, anyway." "We never share a room when we go on vacation together. We like our privacy." She rolls her eyes, and Joshua smiles knowingly. "I know, I was there with Cheol and Han, and I practically begged the front desk to get me one of the beach villas. I did not want to share a room with them, or whatever girl they managed to tag team."
"As your cousin, this is a weird conversation to have. As Y/N's friend, I feel awkward. We fought a bit, and I can't really talk to her knowing that you guysâŠdid it."
"You're soâŠOkay." He snorts at her theatrics, before opening his laptop. He sees the photo he took of you in the corner of it, your smiling face peeking out at him. He shuts it quickly, having forgotten he took it with him. The photo developed after you left, so it's not like he lied.
"Anyway, she's such a cold person normally. It's hard to get in there." Saerom sighs, and he feels a pang in his chest. You'd opened up very quickly with him, but Saerom didn't know that â nor did she need to. "I guess it works, though, she can be personable when she wants to. Can't believe she wants to own that big ass company her father has. I'd cry myself to sleep if I had that much pressure on my shoulders." You're living such a double life and your best friend doesn't even know it. How can you hide those things from her? Do you fear being judged, or being seen as less than? Someone who can't handle the pressure of being the golden child, someone who can't hold a candle to her parents? Someone who disappoints.
"Yeah, me too."
Saerom keeps talking about you, but he can barely hear her. His phone is open in his lap, and he's staring at the message thread with your burner number.
Msg To: Y/N (PV)
[06/29] hey, this is joshua. [06/29] you left your number at my table.
Msg From: Y/N (PV)
[06/29] hi handsome ;) [06/29] are you free tonight?
He had been free.
He remembers the stupid white dress you wore when you met him at the salsa club. He remembers the confidence radiating off you when you asked the bartender for your drink. You made it evident you didn't need him, that you weren't looking for anything serious â but you slowly dropped the act. You let him in just a bit, you danced with him and you let him walk you down the beach to your hotel room.
You were the one who asked to sit on one of the hammocks on the beach. You were the one who asked him about himself, wondering what his own life was like. You encouraged him to dig deep and tell you his darkest secrets, assuring him you'd share your own as well.
Your life was much more intense than his. He was studying music, he was living it, breathing it, enjoying it. He wanted that, more than anything, and nothing was going to get in his way. But youâŠyou wanted so much more than what you were told you could have.
You wanted to be more than your parents. You wanted to explore, you wanted to live. He remembers how sweet you were when he told you his dreams. how gentle you were when you voiced your opinion on them. He appreciated your honesty and your kindness, and he enjoyed your presence. YouâŠwere more than just the intimacy. More than just the makeout sessions you initiated, including that night in the hammock. More than the way you made him chase you just enough. About as much as one can for a vacation fling, anyway.
"...And she makes the best bolognese, Shua. You'd love it." Saerom sighs, making him nod quickly. "I'm sure." "Anyway, I gotta go. I was supposed to pick up dinner, so I can extend the olive branch." She chuckles, getting off the bed. "I'll see you around, Shua." "Bye, Rom. Be safe, let me know when you get home." "Will do." Saerom exits his room, closing the door behind her. He opens his laptop, fishing the photo of you out of the corner and shoving it into his wallet. He should feel weird about keeping it, but that means a perfectly good photo is going to waste! It'll be safe in his wallet.
Unlocking his laptop, he sighs as he sees his email pinging him.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Office Hours
Sent: 10:32PM
Hello. I hope this email finds you well.
I am not able to attend Friday's office hours. I will also not be able to attend office hours next week, as I have prior commitments I must tend to. I know it is rather unorthodox, but would you be available tomorrow? I do not have classes after 1PM and I frankly don't need a language class to tarnish my perfect record.
Let me know if this works for you. Thanks.
Best,
Kang Y/N
010-1230-1995
Thursday, September 8th.
From: [email protected]
RE:Subject: Office Hours
Sent: 11:21PM
Thank you for reaching out. I understand prior commitments can make attending office hours difficult.Â
I am not able to promise availability for Thursday. Jennie Kim has the office, she is the TA for Professor Lee Chaerin in French II. This being said, I can accommodate in two ways.
I can give you an assignment to be turned in on Friday. You will have to come by the classroom to retrieve it. Or, you can get a study room in the library and I can offer two hours of my time for your use. Please email me back before 10AM if the latter is your choice.
Best,
Joshua Hong
010-9999-8212
Bad idea, Y/N.
Very, very bad idea.
You should have gone to pick up the stupid assignment. You should have picked up the stupid, fat packet he was going to torture you with to make you regret being a douche to him despite basically making the guy fall in love with you over the summer.
Instead, you suffer here. You suffer inside these four walls, with a freshly showered Joshua Hong standing in the doorway, his friends bidding him goodbye. Jeonghan and Seungcheol peer in, their eyes twinkling with something devious â making Joshua roll his eyes as he shut the door with his foot.
"Sorry about that, they're nosey." He's holding a basketball under his arm, backpack hiked over his shoulder as he walks around the room to settle at the table.You haven't spoken yet, just eyeing him down. "Your hair is wet." "Damp, not wet." He corrects you, opening his bag for his sweatshirt. "It's freezing in here, Jesus Christ." "Maybe wear a proper shirt next time." You roll your eyes, opening your laptop to see the digitals you had developed from your vacation. Saerom took a lot of them â you drinking out of a fresh coconut, you wearing a pretty pink dress to the beach, you in a new swimsuit you bought specifically for the trip. There were photos of the two of you together â one a little girl took of you having a picnic on the beach, another of the two of you getting matching tattoos on your ankles.
And one you took of Joshua.
You were sitting on him, right after the two of you woke up in your hotel room. The photo was taken from an odd over-head angle, but his smile was wide and so natural. You were making him laugh, you remember.
"Come on, just one picture!"
"You literally just pinched my leg to wake me up, give me a second!""God forbid a girl wants to wake you up. Come on, I leave in two days!"
You'd lied, you left that night. You dumped your burner in the airport trashcan, not bothering to read the few texts he'd sent you only moments earlier to your arrival there. They were gone forever â and you hadn't felt guilty then, not really. You knew you'd miss him a bit, you knew yourself that much.
You wouldn't have missed him at all if you knew that you'd see him againâŠfor sixteen consecutive weeks. And possibly for the rest of your time on this campus. And possibly, the rest of your life, since you were best friends with Saerom.
The pictures haunt you a bit, you notice.
You're staring at them in silence, feeling a bit of anxiety crawl up your throat when you hear Joshua clear his own. "I brought a few assignments, in case you don't want to doâŠthis." He gestures to the room, and you just shake your head.
"Paying for the class, I might as well try and get along with you." You mutter, clicking your tongue when the photo of Joshua comes back into circulation. "I'm going to the vending machine, do you want anything?" You abruptly get up, grabbing your wallet out of your bag and stalking to the door. He looks up at you, a soft look in his eyes as he shakes his head. "I'm okay." Nodding, you retreat to the vending machine down the hall. You're staring at the ground as you walk, fully expecting to have an uneventful trip not even ten feet away.
However, it seems that even that can't go right for you.
"Hey. You're Y/N, right?" Your head snaps up, seeing Seungcheol and Jeonghan at the vending machine. Your eye twitches a bit, and you clear your throat before nodding. "And you are?" Jeonghan gives you a knowing look, but entertains you. "I'm Jeonghan. This is Seungcheol." With pursed lips, you nod. "Uh, nice to meet you. You guys are inâŠBeta Tau, right? My friend is rushing it." You stand awkwardly, and Jeonghan gives you a slight smirk. "Yeah? Good luck to your friend, Y/N.' "Yah, don't be like that. Did you want the vending machine? We're still deciding." Seungcheol tugs Jeonghan back a bit, and you quickly feed in your change, pressing the buttons to get what you want. In your frenzy, you get two bottles of jasmine tea.
"Say, Y/N. How was your summer?" Jeonghan asks gently, and you feel your shoulders tense before you glance over with a scowl. "Is it really on your mind that much? I fucked your friend, so what?" "Wow, no need to get so feisty! Kitty has claws." He smiles, elbowing Seungcheol, who just pinches the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, man. God forbid a girl has fun on her summer vacation." You turn on your heel, walking back down the corridor and hearing Seungcheol scold Jeonghan behind you. You nearly rip the handle off the door of the study room, seeing Joshua standing in front of the whiteboard with a textbook draped open in his hand. He looks back to see your furrowed brows, and the two teas in your hand.
"Are you alright?" "Did you have to tell all your friends that we slept together? Because I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell my best friend, you told her. I'd appreciate if you would stop ruining my fucking reputation." You slam the bottles on the table, and Joshua gives you a surprised look. "What the hell are you talking about, Y/N?" "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Joshua. Your stupid friend just cornered me at the vending machine, asking me all these stupid questions like he knows something about me. Newsflash! He doesn't, and neither do you!" You sit with a huff, and Joshua's ears are slightly red as he tongues his cheek. He glances down at the textbook in his hand, closing it and sliding it onto the table. You don't bother looking up at him, hearing the jingling of the door before he speaks. "Excuse me."
The door shuts behind him, and you look up to see that he didn't take any of his things. Meaning that he'd be back, after doing God knows what, and you'd have to deal with it. Sighing to yourself, you rub your temples, wondering how things got like this.
The semester just started. You didn't have time for this.
Silently, you begin to pack up your things. Your laptop goes in the designated slot, your extra tea gets packed snugly into the front pocket. You click your tongue, about to get up when the door opens and Joshua emerges with Jeonghan in tow, looking like a kicked puppy.
Your brows nearly reach your hairline as Jeonghan shuffles forward. Joshua gives him a hard look. "Apologize."
Sucking his teeth, Jeonghan gives you a once over before speaking quietly. "I'm sorry that my assumptions and behavior made you uncomfortable, and it won't happen again." The hand gripping your backpack loosens a bit, and Seungcheol pops up from behind Joshua with a sheepish look on his face. "I'm also sorry, Y/N. I know this is an odd situation for the two of you, and our instigation doesn't make it any better." Your jaw is a bit slack, and Jeonghan looks at Joshua. "Can I go now?" "Did you hear her accept your apology?" He asks, and Jeonghan sighs. "I guess not." Blinking, you just give Jeonghan a thumbs up. "You'reâŠyou're good, yeah. Uh, don't worry about it. You either, Seungcheol." You look over Joshua's shoulder to the older man, who smiles in response.
"We'll get going, then. We've got a party to plan." Seungcheol says warmly, and Jeonghan turns on his heel to exit the room. "I don't want to hear this shit from you guys again." Joshua mutters, all but slamming the door after them.
"You didn't have to do that." You mumble, and he looks at you with a scoff.
"Yes, I did. Whether we slept together or not is none of their business, and the only reason they know is because they were there. I don't need that being spread around campus or them being douchebags to you." He grabs the textbook again, uncapping the dry-erase marker before glancing at you. "Sit down, you've got me for two hours." You don't like the slight flutter in your stomach, or that your body involuntarily does as he says. You silently unpack your bag again, and he finishes writing example problems on the whiteboard. Feeling your stomach a bit uneasy, you uncap the tea to take a sip.
"Conjugation is very important. When I was grading your quiz, I noticed that was your biggest problem. I don't know how you got a B, really, when most of that quiz was conjugations, but I digress. Can you do these for me?" He holds out the marker, an expectant look in his eyes.
"Sure."
Friday, September 16th.
It'd been a little more than a week since you met with Joshua in the library.
And since the two of you officially acknowledged that you'd slept together. What you didn't know was, while he was having his own feelings about the history that weighed the two of you down, he wasn't going to force you to return his affections. In factâŠhe even felt a bit silly, liking you so much off of three weeks of getting the full experience ofâŠwell, you.
Better yet, he wasn't even going to tell you there are any residual feelings on his end. If he knew anything, it was you and your type. If he came off too strong â flowers, a date, chocolates and the like, he'd scare you off even more. You were skittish, like a deer, and he had to either slowly gain your trustâŠ
Or irritate the living hell out of you every chance he got.
Subtle flirting, double entendres, maybe the occasional lingering look. He knew that if he wanted a chance, and man did he want it â he was going to have to work for it. No problem, though. You were definitely worth the wait.
"So, as you can see, the proper conjugation is hablar, not hablando." His laser pointer is steady at the bottom of the projector screen, and he looks up to see half of the class staring intently and the other half jotting down notes. You were neither of the two â your head was resting on Chan's shoulder, eyes low. He cleared his throat, your head jumping up and a wince crossing your features.
Joshua knew Chan was really no threat. The fraternity really liked him, and he was set to move in this weekend. According to Chan's Instagram story, you'd been at his dorm the night before helping him pack up. Saerom had also been there, and Soonyoung â another Beta Tau member. You had been holding a can of Red Bull and in one of the following videos, you were shotgunning another.
"Any questions?" He calls out, and Haerim shoots her hand up. "Yes, Haerim?" "Since this is a conversational class, how would we ask someone out? Or, for their number?"
The classroom fills with childish snickering, and Joshua just smiles as he shakes his head. "Well, I-" "I don't think this is an appropriate question, to be honest." Your voice is heard from the back of the classroom, and Haerim turns in her chair, a wicked smile crossing her lips as Joshua rounds the desk, perched on the edge of it. "And why not, Y/N?" She asks, and Joshua can see you shift uncomfortably in your chair.
"This is Beginner Spanish Conversation, not Coffee Meets Bagel. Flirt on your own time, at your own pace." You scoff, and Haerim's smile only grows wider. It's like she knows something about you, and Joshua notices you begin to bristle slightly. "Why are you so uptight about it, Y/N? It's just a question." "I'm paying for this class, as is everyone else. I think I'd like to appreciate my money's worth by learning something I'll actually use." "Alright, ladies. Honestly, Miss Y/N is partially correct. This is not CafĂ© y Rosquilla, but I do think that this isâŠa learning moment. Asking someone out does involve conversation, you know." Joshua attempts to diffuse, but he can see your subtle annoyance at his siding with Haerim. "So, for example, if I wanted to ask outâŠ" He looks around the room, before a flash of diablerie crosses his eyes. "If I wanted to ask out Miss Y/N, I'd have to make conversation. I'd sayâŠeres muy bonita." "Yeah?! What else?!" You hear Myungjun shout from the far left side of the room, and you can feel Chan's knee bumping yours. You scowl at him, earning a smile as he hides in his hoodie. "I'd sayâŠ" Joshua scans your face, and he knows you're probably embarrassed. Embarrassed, but enjoying his subtle attention. He pushes off the desk, pacing in front of the students. "Hm, I'd probably say I like her dress, or me gusta tu vestido."
He watches you cross your legs, tucking the extra fabric of your black dress under your thighs. "Okay, but how do you ask her out!?" Haerim interrupts excitedly, and Joshua is on the first step of the stairs before he catches your eyes again.
"You don't just ask someone out flat out like that. You build repertoire, you make conversation." He rolls his eyes playfully, and you think you're about to get off without any further embarrassment when you hear Chan speak up next to you. "How much repertoire can you even build at this point? Psychology says it only takes two minutes to decide if you like someone." Joshua sees you gape at Chan, before pinching his bicep. Chan pouts in your direction, rubbing his arm as Joshua holds back a laugh. "Psychology also says that there are five components to figuring out if we will have a crush on someone. Physical attraction, proximity, similarity, reciprocity and familiarity. Miss Y/N is very pretty, so physical attraction is checked off. Proximity is also checked, as we see each other three times a week for this class." "What about similarity?" Myungjun pipes up again, making you sink lower in your seat. Joshua is enjoying making you squirm a bit, and he steps up a few more. "Hm, I think that's something I'd have to figure out. Tell me, Miss Y/N, do you enjoyâŠlong walks on the beach?" Your eyes are full of fire, and you'd be almost scary if he didn't notice the way your lip wanted to twitch into a smile. Haerim shouts for you to answer the question, making you send her a scornful look â and she just sticks her tongue out at you like a child. "I doâŠenjoy long walks on the beach."
"What a coincidence, so do I! Now, we have a similarity. Miss Y/N is familiar, because again, I do see her quite often. Now, it's about reciprocation. This is when you ask the question, this is when you try and make a move." "Shua, how do we make the move!?" Chan asks, and you kick his shin, about to tell him to shut up when Joshua finally reaches your row. He's looking you dead in the eyes, his hand gently wrapping around the edge of your desk. He leans forward, and you can hear the stupid woo-ing of your classmates. "Señorita Y/N, Âżle gustarĂa salir conmigo?"
Somehow, this all feels like some stupid romcom for the both of you. The class is egging you both on, and Chan is next to you with the most idiotic smile you'd ever seen. You huff, the class is now chanting for you to agree to saidâŠ"fake" date.
"No." You say quietly, and Joshua feigns pain. He holds his hand to his heart, a pained expression on his face. "You wound me, Miss Y/N."
He turns to the class, all of which are giving you the dirtiest look ever. "Now, now. This was just an example, don't look at her like that." He scolds, and the class turns back to face the front as he barrels down the steps, checking his watch.Â
"Shit, it's already ten past noon. You guys are free to go, and if any of you are taking Psych with Professor Seo Jungkwon, tell him I fulfilled his lecture for the day." This earns a laugh from the class, except you. You're angrily stuffing your laptop into your bag, the class eagerly exiting the room. Chan is holding your arm, apologizing most likely, but you don't seem like you want to hear any of it. By this point, Chan looks a bit like a kicked puppy as he quickly takes the steps down, with you following slowly behind him.
Chan is out the door by the time you make it to the last step, and the classroom is empty.
You arms are crossed as you approach the desk, where Joshua is quietly shutting down the projector. His eyes don't meet yours as he disconnects the machine from the wall, winding the cord up to tie together. "Y/N." He calls gently, and you huff angrily. He bites back a smile.
"Why do you insist on embarrassing me? The first week, it was you running your mouth to my best friend. Last week, you practically held Jeonghan at gunpoint to apologize to me. Today, it's putting me on blast in front of an entire classroom with people I will continue to see for the rest of the year."
"Oh? Was it embarrassing?" He's nonchalant as he looks up, tucking the wrapped cables behind the projector. Your eyes are narrowed, and it seems you've caught onto his little game. "Do you get off on this or something? Knowing you fucked one of your students?" "Hm, not necessarily. And none of what was done was done to embarrass you, per say. It's just decent honesty, and we both know you deserved an apology for Jeonghan's behavior." He states matter-of-factly, making you purse your lips. "What about your behavior? You asked me out in front of all these people!" You gesture to the empty room, and Joshua gives you a small smile. "And you rejected me in front of all of those people. The way I see it, it's a teaching moment."
He's on the same side of the desk as you now, resting against it as you complain. HIs smile seems to be getting under your skin, because you grab his shirt by the collar, pulling his face close to yours before you speak through gritted teeth. "Use someone else as your stupid guinea pig. I don't want to be with you, Hong." You're holding him so close, your lips just barely brushing his. He can't help but scan your face quickly, his hand reaching to brush a stray curl off your face. Your eyes follow his fingers, feeling them tuck the hair behind your ear before he swallows carefully. You can feel your stomach flip slightly as his hand drops, ghosting over your hip as he pushes off the desk, making you slightly stumble back. His fingers grab you gently, pulling you flush to him before his nose is touching yours. "Tell me you don't want me," He whispers, his breath hitting your lips making your lashes flutter closed as you press your lips to his. A whimper escapes his throat as he kisses you back, his grip tightening as your hand lets go of his shirt, your palm resting against his stomach as your other hand holds his waist. The kiss is slow but desperate, your tongue licking into his mouth in the way that drove him crazy over the summer.Â
He can't help himself, his hand moving to tangle in your hair, moving his lips down your jaw and exposed neck. A sharp inhale from you as he reaches one of the many sweet spots he'd discovered, a soft whine sounding in his ears making him feel dizzy as he nips at your skin. Pulling back, he holds your face close to his as he speaks again. "Tell me you don't want me, and we can stop this right now. I'll be nothing but professional for the rest of the semester."
He can tell that wasn't what you were expecting. Your eyes are wide and full of mixed emotions, but overall, they flash with a bit of fear. "IâŠ" Your hands move to rest on his hips, a frown on your lips as you let go, and he does the same. His arms cross with an expectant look on his face, and you grimace.
"Stop embarrassing me in front of people, and if you don't have a good reason to talk to me or be near me, don't engage at all."Â
He gives you a nod, his smile reappearing as he reaches to wipe your lip gloss from his lips. "That being said, I'm guessing you will not be attending office hours tonight?" Huffing, you look away. "No. I have to help Chan move into the frat house with you and your hooligan friends."
"So I'll see you tonight anyway." He speaks with a grin, and you tongue your cheek. "Leave me alone, Joshua."
You spin on your heel, but his arm is on your elbow before you can walk away. He pulls you back, pulling you into a hug, pressing his lips to your hairline as you hesitantly wrap your arms around him. He speaks against your hair, "One more. For the road."
"Joshua." You groan, trying to hide the giddy feeling spreading in your stomach. He smiles at you, planting a kiss to the tip of your nose. "Just one, and I'll let you slam out of here like we were arguing."
You roll your eyes, but let him slot his lips with yours, the minty taste of him still lingering from the previous kiss. This one is much gentler, the warmth of his body against yours comforting as he pulls away with a chaste kiss. And another. And another.
"You said one." You grumble, swatting at his side to make him let you go. He smiles, his thumb coming to wipe at your lips. Your lipgloss is gone entirely, just glitter remaining. "Mmh. I'll see you later." "Whatever." You pull away from him, and he watches as you slam your way out of the classroom, a few students from your class still lingering in the hallway catching his eye. They look questioning, but he just shrugs as the door closes. He sighs as he looks around the empty lecture hall, a glimmer on the third step up calling his eyes.Â
Making his way towards the steps, he sees the gold plating of a seven-pointed star, a message engraved in the back.Â
For my brightest star, Y/N.
Picking it up, the diamonds mock him.
He feels slightly stupid to think this is fate, while knowing that once you realize it's gone, you'll be panicking. It seems nothing is really going right for you these days â your car being hit, fighting with Saerom, not being able to stand your ground against himâŠand now your necklace is 'gone'. He wants to be selfish and say it's because you're being a bit of a jerk to him.
So he'll believe that.
â â â
"Chan! It's not here!"
Your hands feel disgustingly dry, having practically ripped apart every cardboard box you helped him pack. You'd managed to haul everything from his dorm to the fraternity house a few blocks down, having begged Saerom and Soonyoung to help you steal a flatbed from the construction majors. The three of you were helping Chan unpack a box of his underwear when you swiped your hair back from your neck, not feeling the chain of your necklace on your skin.
The four of you had stopped unpacking the moment you started panickedly patting yourself all over, and even standing up to shake off your shirt and hair. Now surrounded by a few of Chan's blankets, you were doing all but ripping up the carpet in the bedroom to find your cherished gift.
"It's not in the hallway! Going downstairs!" You hear Saerom call, and Chan is emerging from the bathroom with his flashlight on. "I swear you had it on when we fought earlier."
"Fuck, what if it fell off there?" You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to remember if you felt anything off after leaving the room. People stared at you as you barreled out of the language hall, you kissed JoshuaâŠ
You kissed Joshua.
"I'm pretty sure I had it on when I left! Remember, I even changed clothes when I got home so I wouldn't dirty my dress helping you move. I swear I felt it!"
At this point, you're shaking your hair out once more and Chan is throwing ripped cardboard into the hallway, hitting a passing Joshua. "Ouch!"
"Shit, sorry!" Chan winces, and Joshua scours the room, before his eyes land on you. Your hand is gently patting at your chest, where your necklace would usually sit as you shake out your sweater. He gives Chan a look, making him look back at you. Joshua glances at the cardboard boxes on the floor, and Chan gets the hint.
He clears his throat, garnering your anxious attention, "I'm going to take these down to recycling, and I'll check outside, okay? Just keep looking in here, it's gotta be somewhere."
Your eyes are slightly wild, and you just nod as you begin to shake Chan's blankets. A pair of underwear falls out, making you huff as Chan exits his room. Joshua leans on the doorframe, watching as you move around calculatedly. "What's got you so frantic?" You look over your shoulder, now squatted over a pile of shirts. "Why is it any of your business?"
He sucks his teeth, hands resting in his hoodie pocket. "Maybe I can help you? Ever think that I'm not out to get you like some sort of Boogeyman?" Your shoulders sag in defeat, and you just beckon him into the room. "Shut the door." You mutter, and he does just that before squatting in front of you, his ringed fingers splayed across the shirts in your hands.Â
"Shake these off."Â
"For?" He asks, but takes the first one and does as you ask. You feel a tear threaten to escape, but blink rapidly as he takes the next shirt. "Just do it." He does, but by the fifth shirt, he looks up at you. "You knowâŠif you tell me what you're looking for, I may be able to help further." He says it like he knows something, and you just roll your eyes as you move onto the stack of Chan's sweatpants. "I lost my necklace, okay? I can't find it."
Stopping his movements, he smiles at you. "Hm, any idea where?" "No." You sigh, shaking off another pair of pants. A dollar bill floats out of the pocket, but neither of you bother to touch it as it floats down to the carpet. "I think you're wasting your time looking in here, actually." You look at Joshua, who is now moving to stand up. Scanning his face, your eyes narrow. "Where is it?" Stretching, he extends a hand to help you up. You scowl, getting up on your own as he shrugs. "Come on." He walks towards the door, flinging it open as two of the members run past with a basket full of eggs. "You better not be throwing those in here!" He barks, and their giggles only get louder as they barrel down the stairs.
He leads you to his bedroom, leaving the door ajar for you to close as you enter.Â
Your eyes scan the bedroom â it's veryâŠserene. It's bigger than Chan's, and the bed is right under the window. There is sheet music pinned up to a corkboard above his desk, a few guitars propped up against the wall. His walls are covered in photos of him and his friends, and you spot one of him and Saerom as kids pinned higher on the wall than the rest. There is a small bookshelf, with a Bible and a few candles on top of it.
You're standing at the foot of this bed when you feel his hands on your neck, making you jump slightly. "Relax." He murmurs, the cool metal of your necklace making you shiver slightly.
"I found it on the steps in the classroom. Your clasp broke, so I took it to my friend in town. She's a jeweler, and she fixed it. I have the original clasp, in case you wanted to keep it." He holds up a plastic baggie, no bigger than the palm of his hand. You turn to look at him, your hand ghosting around for the star that hands in the middle of your chest.
"I should have texted, or emailed, at the very least. I just figured, I'd see you anywayâ" "Thank you." You interrupt, your arms instinctively enveloping him into an embrace. You squeeze slightly, his own hands hovering over your back before touching you gently. "You're welcome." Without moving away, you speak into his sweater. "I'm sorry I've been such a douche to you lately."
He laughs a bit, his chest moving against your cheek. "YeahâŠyou have been. I'll send your parents an invoice for emotional damage." His fingers are rubbing circles in your back, and you hate that he knows you joke about your parents' emotional unavailability. Biting back a laugh, you push off him. Your hands linger at his sides, and he tilts his head.
"I meant what I said, you know." He states, and you glance up at him with a quizzical look on your face. "What?"
"That if you don't want to doâŠwhatever this is, I'll leave you alone. I'll be professional for the rest of the semester." He gestures between the two of you. You don't look as taken aback as you did in the classroom, but a scoff does escape your lips as your arms fold across your chest.Â
"Okay? What does that have to do with now?" He steps a bit closer, making the back of your knees hit his bed. You sit out of instinct, watching as he runs his hand through his hair. He's so handsome.
"It has everything to do with you, and your general existence. Your best friend is my cousin. You're friends with Soonyoung, Jun and Chan, and they're all members of my fraternity. You're a student in a class I assist, we're going to be around each other no matter our feelings about each other." He's not really giving you an out of this conversation.
"I know you don't like that I told Saerom about what happened between us during the summer, and I want to apologize for telling her in the first place. It just slipped out, and I am sorry." He speaks sincerely, and you blink up at him before scooting slightly back on his bed, crossing your legs. He takes this as a sign to continue.
"I also want to say that what happened between us doesn't have to mean anything to you, at all." He shifts uncomfortably, making your eyes narrow. "I know it was just a fling, and I'm probably just confused about my feelings."Â
You hate the way tears prick at your eyes, before he spins his desk chair out, sitting down and leaning forward.
"I wanted to ask if you want to be transferred out. I have the transfer form ready, there is a spot in Professor Yoon Mirae's class. She said she'd gladly take you if that was the case." Your head snaps up at this, his eyes boring a hole into the pictures on the wall. "YouâŠwant to transfer me out?"
He stares at his fingers, toying with one of his rings as he replies. "I think it would be best for you. It only meets twice a week, and you'd probably get along better with Somin." He looks up at you, and you don't know what expression is on your face for him to immediately soften. "You don't want to?" "I think youâŠ" You swallow thickly, scooting towards the edge of his bed, moving to stand up. "I think we need to forget that anything even happened between us." You whisper, and you can see hurt lace his eyes before he clears his throat, looking away from you as he nods. "Right." "I don't want to hurt you, Joshua." You fake confidence, noting the way he blinks rapidly, before standing up. "You're not hurting me, Y/N. We fucked over the summer. It's not like we dated."
You wince at his use of words. "Yeah, butâ" HIs hand pushes the baggie with your clasp in it into your hand, "Don't worry about it, Y/N. I'll see you in class on Monday." Your fingers instinctively close around his, moving to squeeze his hand before he pulls it away. You stare up at him, feeling your face slightly burn in humiliation. You know that he's sensitive, and that the kiss earlier today probably meant a lot to him. Why is he acting like this? Like you didn't open up to him and tell him everything you couldn't even tell your best friend, like you didn't sleep with him for three weeks straight before leaving Puerto Vallarta.
You remember Chan's wordsâŠsomething something forming a crush in two minutes.Â
What can happen in three weeks?
"Was that all it was for you?" You ask gently, watching as he turns away from you. "I really don't want to have this conversation right now." He mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose and walking towards the door. He tugs his hoodie off, the white muscle tank showing off his broad shoulders. Shoulders you dug your nails into that summer, and you can see the remaining faint lines from you trailing down his back.Â
"Was it just sex?" You ask again, and he sighs. "No. It wasn't."
He hangs the hoodie up on the hook behind the door, and you take a step to him. "Then why are you acting like this?" He turns to look at you, eyes wide with incredulity. "Me?! Why are you acting like this? For almost a month you couldn't keep your hands off me, you couldn't stop talking about hating your life here, and suddenly, through whatever force of the universe, we're both stuck in this life that you dread. Excuse me if my best effort isn't enough for you." Eyes narrowed, you can feel your stomach bubble with a bit of anger. "There's no way you're the same guy I fucked for three weeks, Joshua. We were on vacation in a foreign country. I was telling you everything about me because I wasn't worried about ever seeing you again." "No, you did that because you're a liar." He mutters, making you suddenly feel a lot smaller than usual. "I am the exact same person I was then, Y/N! I'm not like you, I can't just flip-flop between two personalities. I can't lie to everyone that I care about just because I'm too afraid to stand up to my parents. You're doing yourself a disservice."Â
He's breathing heavily, and you can feel the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. Your pride is stronger, though, and you let out a humorless laugh. "I'll see you on Monday."
You shove past him, throwing his door open and slipping out before you slam it with all your might. You see Jeonghan carrying a basket with Chan's name on it down the hall, his eyes wide as you storm past him.
"Are you o-" "Fuck off." You spit, not bothering to swing back into Chan's room for your stuff. Saerom could bring it home, or leave it there, you don't really care. All you really know is that this place has got to be the most suffocating you've ever felt.
Wednesday, October 12th.
It'd been almost a month since you'd last spoken to Joshua.
You weren't in class the following Monday, having instead driven out to one of your mother's properties. You stayed the weekend there, and only drove back in the middle of the night on Tuesday. Professor Lee emailed you, and so did Joshua â though his was very much a copy-paste email. You didn't seek him out, you didn't speak to him. He didn't even attempt to make eye contact, almost always being the first to exit the classroom. You didn't even really talk to Chan or Saerom since you'd helped him move into the frat house, and you could tell they were growing worried about you.
Especially Saerom, as she heard Wherever You Will Go by The Calling play through your speakers almost everyday since. You played this song the first time the two of you went on vacation together, you were nineteen and your grandmother had just passed away that past November.
You didn't have time to worry about their feelings, though, as you parked your car in the lot, Chan silently unbuckled his seatbelt. It was nine-forty-six in the morning, and the two of you sighed simultaneously. "Want to take the long way? We've got fifteen minutes." You check your watch, and Chan gives you a slight nod. "Sure." The long way was walking around the language building into the technology hall â and Chan decided now would be a good time to update you on how Jeonghan and Seungcheol had an ongoing prank war with Mingyu and Wonwoo. It apparently wasn't going to end this weekend, and the reason? Beta Tau Omega was notorious for holding the best Halloween ragers. They held the largest one every year, with the other frats on campus stumbling to be pre-game parties and sororities simply giving up and going to the parties instead of hosting. The problem here was sourcing â Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua planned the party every year, including the random Jell-O wrestling and drinking contests. The liquor was never-ending, and the clean-up after was a mess (and at the hands of the newest members.)
This year, Mingyu insisted that he and Wonwoo could plan an even better party than the trio â hence, facing the wrath of practical jokesters Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Joshua insisted he wasn't involved in this, and would help either duo with the planning if necessary. Â
"Are you even listening?" You hear Chan snap his fingers in your face, and you blink at him. "Yeah, sorry. Planning?" He begins to speak again, allowing you to loop your arm with his and rest your head on his shoulder when you look up â and see Joshua leaning against the wall, twirling a strand of Baek Hyejin's hair. She was the Organic Chemistry TA, you got your labs graded by her. She was always very sweet.
You can feel eyes on you as you and Chan walk in lockstep down the stairs, and you see Joshua staring at you as Hyejin speaks to him. Nodding along as if he's listening, as if he cares. You scoff inwardly, shaking your head as you force your eyes forward, ignoring the sinking feeling in your stomach.
It doesn't even matter. You don't like Joshua, and you wouldn't date him, either. You had too much to lose.
Seeing as you drove down to one of the properties, you met with your mother, as well. Your Saturday was spent in your mother's office, designing a new building with her to place on one of her newest properties down south. "You're going to manage this one first. The other tenants don't know you yet, and you'll have to ease into getting them to like you."Your father wasn't around the entire weekend. Your mother sighed repeatedly over dinner, before ultimately abandoning her plate at the table and whisking herself away with a bottle of Merlot. You didn't ask many questions, but you do remember walking by her study before going to the guest bedroom and hearing her on the phone, presumably with her sister.
"I wonder when she's going to get married. He can't be some random guyâŠdo you still keep in touch with the Mins? Maybe Yoongi is willing this time." You hadn't even graduated yet, and she was already trying to pawn you off. Your father had stated strictly that he didn't want you to marry until you were firmly situated within the companies he owned, and your mother constantly bickered against it. No one ever asked you what you wanted.
Not that it mattered, anyway.
"...And so, Mingyu had to wash flour out of all his bedsheets. I think we'll have to get a new washing machine." Chan sighs as the two of you turn into the language hall, and you grimace. "You probably will, that shit sticks like glue." "Yum, gluten patterns." Chan laughs as you shiver, walking into the classroom. Somehow, Joshua is already there, making your grip on Chan's arm tighten a bit. He gives you a concerned look, but allows you to pull him slightly closer to you as you climb the steps to your regular seats in the corner.
"Good morning, everyone!" Joshua calls with a smile, and you hear the majority return the greeting as you and Chan situate yourselves. Crossing your legs, you face forward to see Joshua holding up a three-page packet. "There is a quiz!" A collective groan echoes the room, and Joshua gives a sorry grin. "I know, I know. However, it is an open-note quiz! Feel free to use your notes, and there is no time limit, even if you go over the noon end of the class. Take your time, and you can leave right after you're done." The class just fills with murmurs as everyone begins fishing through their bags for their notebooks, but you made no effort to do so as Joshua began walking around to distribute the papers. He hands two to Chan, who passes you yours and you notice the way Joshua's eyes linger to Chan's jacket on your shoulders before going back down the steps.
"I'll be grading these tests over the next two days, and I'll submit your grades by Thursday night. That way, we can review on Friday and you can attend office hours later that day if you're not satisfied with your grade or just feel like you need a little more help. Sounds good?" He asks, and earns a resounding yes from the class.
Time seems to be dragging on as you carefully read and re-read every question, hoping that your lack of notes won't fuck you over. You remember Chan giving you shit last week for only taking notes on your laptop â and you probably should have listened to him when he told you. Why? Because now you're without notes and you're possibly a little more than screwed, you've only been studying for your other classes.
Your 'how hard can it be?' mindset was now biting you in the ass.
You glanced up to the clock, seeing that there was fifteen minutes to noon â and three students remained aside from you and Chan. Clearing his throat, Chan inched his notes closer to the edge of his desk, making you kick his foot to move them back. He huffed, closing the notebook and standing. He tucks it into his backpack before hiking it over his shoulder, whispering that he'd meet you at the cafe as you'd planned last night. You nod, blowing him a joking kiss before hearing Joshua clear his throat.
The two of you look up, seeing the assistant with a raised brow, beckoning Chan towards the front. Chan gives you a small smile, before making his way to the front. You can hear them whispering at each other, and another two students stand up. You can feel a bit of nervousness sinking into your stomach as the last student stands as well, her bag on her shoulder as she drops her test on Joshua's desk. They chat for a bit, and you hate how you can hear his smile.
"B plus, way to go, Jiwoo. Keep this up, you'll get an A on the final!" He cheers, and she gives him a thumbs up before prancing out of the room. You feel small in the giant room, and Joshua sighs as he leans back in his chair. His laptop is out, and you assume he's going to start inputting grades.
Instead, you hear soft music flowing from the laptop as he starts moving around, grabbing the broom from the corner of the room. "Let me know if it bothers you, I'll turn it down." He speaks, and you just wave him off without looking at him.
You're staring at the stupid question for five minutes before huffing, not knowing why the difference between the subjunctive and the indicative mood even matters for this class. (Yes, you do. You're just being stubborn because you don't know the answer and it bothers you.) "Having trouble?" Joshua calls from the front, a smile on his face as he texts someone back on this phone. Probably Hyejin.
Probably planning a stupid date at a stupid restaurant where they'll order stupid dishes. Probably staring at each other like idiots and liking each other so much that nothing seems to satisfy their carnal needsâ
You stop scribbling on your paper, blinking at your sudden train of thought. Why do you even care? Why does it even matter who he's texting, and what he's doing after this? Why? "Y/N?" He calls gently, and you look up to see a worried look on his face. "You okay? Thinking kind of hard, aren't you?" You huff, grabbing your bag by the strap and slightly crumpling your paper as you grab it. Your anger seems to radiate off you as you rush down the steps, nearing the desk with a sour look on your face. "So much for taking my time, huh?" He gives you a small frown, holding his hand out for your quiz. "I wasn't rushing you, just asking if you're alright. Your face was scrunched for twenty minutes." You know it was. You can still feel the tension between your brows as you rub it gently, a pout on your lips as you hand him the paper. "Yeah, wellâŠyour job isn't to stare at me. See ya."
"Hmm, but I like staring at you." He hums, uncapping his pen with his teeth as you make your way to the door. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hate the sing-song of his voice.
â â â
The cafe had been super packed, so you and Chan decided to take your drinks to go. Unfortunately, Saerom was holding a study group at the apartment, so your only option was Chan's room at the frat house. You begrudgingly let him try to cheer you up as you sulked up the stairs to his room, holding your drink as Chan carries your bag for you.
"You know, one of the brothers thought we were dating? They asked me after I left Spanish earlier." He ponders aloud, and you snort. "Yeah, I can see why. I do getâŠpretty affectionate." You reply sarcastically, taking his hand in yours for extra emphasis.
He rolls his eyes as the two of you reach the top floor, and he fishes his keys out as you continue to tease him. "I'd never date you, you're a snotty-nosed brat. I bet you don't even know how to kiss." He sticks his tongue out at you, making you gape.
"I may be a snotty-nosed brat, but I'm a great kisser. Not that you would know, you've never felt the touch of a woman." You bite back, making him gasp. "I have too felt the touch of a woman! You literally took my-" He cuts himself off, looking over your shoulder down the hallway. You furrow your brows, looking over to see Joshua whispering sweet nothings in Hyejin's ear as he hugs her, and her giggles as she brushes her nose against his.
"I'll see you later?" He mumbles, eyes low as he nearly kisses her. She giggles again, before placing her manicured nail on his chest. "Bye, Joshie." "Bye." He smiles, letting her spin out of his arms, watching as she walks down the hall to the stairs. Only then does he notice that you and Chan are standing there, and his face flushes lightly. "Hey, guys. Sorry you had to see that." "Don't be." Chan nods awkwardly, his hand finding your hip to pull you into his bedroom. You grimace in Joshua's direction, before skirting into Chan's room. Chan lingers at the door, before sighing, and entering his room.
"Don't be upset, Y/N." He murmurs as you kick your shoes off, setting your drink down on his desk and shrugging off his jacket. "I'm not upset." You mutter, grabbing your bookbag and pulling out your laptop.
"I can tell you are." He sighs, slipping his shirt over his head, and opening his drawer to reach for a new one. "He's just our TA for a little longer, then we'll both pass the class and get the hell out of there." You look over your shoulder as he pulls a new shirt over his head, rolling your eyes. "It doesn't matter. He's gonna fuck who he wants to, so all I can do is the same." "Y/N, I am only a man." He gives you a warning look, and you snort. "Not you, you rabid dog." "Hey! I've gotten better! I even invented a stroke, I call it the helicopter." He moves his hips in a circular motion, making you shriek out a laugh. "You're a fucking freak."
"I'm just saying, I'm available. If not, I heard that Myungjun is still into you." He shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. You wrinkle your nose, taking a seat on his bed. "Hell no. He likes to talk about his hookups, I don't like blabbermouths." "Then you're fucked, Y/N." He smiles, taking a seat at his desk. "But, I have a proposition." "Chan, if it involves your dick anywhere near me, I'm going to kill you." "You liked it the first time!" He throws an eraser at you, and you snicker. "I didn't know any better then. Anyway, I see the way you look at Haerim. You're not slick." You wag your finger at him, and he flushes lightly.
"So my plan is, I let you act a fool in here and make it seem like we're fucking, and you have to help me get Haerim. Tit for tat." He points his pen at you, and you scoff. "That is so not tit for tat! Haerim is a distinguished young woman, she'd never go for a gremlin like you." "Hurtful!?" He slumps in his chair, making you snicker. "I appreciate your help, Channie. But really, I don't care. It's his life." You shrug, and Chan knows you're lying. "I'm gonna get some water, I'll be back."
You hop off the bed, smoothing your skirt as you open the door. "Can I also steal snacks?" You ask, and Chan nods. "Go for it, Seungcheol buys them." He snorts, and you give him a grin as you close the door behind you.Â
You take a deep breath as you brace the stairs, hearing a few of the frat brothers speaking quietly in the den. Peering over the banister, you see a card game strewn on the coffee table, with Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Joshua holding cards. They're all dressed comfortably, and Seungcheol has an ice pack on his knee. He looks up, seeing you peering over the banister. He doesn't speak as you smile at him, only returning it as you continue down the steps. You make it back down to the first floor, giving them a curt nod as you walk past them into the kitchen. "Gentlemen." "M'Lady." Jeonghan replies without looking up, and you look over his shoulder to see that he's got a dirty deck of cards, and he's about to win. "Don't mind me." You skirt into the kitchen, grabbing two cups out of the cupboard and helping yourself to the ice machine. You mind your business as you move around, grabbing a bag of chips and a packet of Gushers, before you see a woven basket on the counter with an assorted amount of condoms. You grab a rope of them, holding it between your teeth as you tuck the chips under your arm and the glasses in your hands. You move back across the den, once more greeting the men. "Gentlemen."Â
Joshua looks up to see why your voice is different, seeing the blue foil packet reflecting the light. Seungcheol snorts, "Have fun, don't be too loud. Minghao is sleeping across the hall from you." "Will do, Cheol." You reply, carefully trekking the stairs. You can hear a soft Ow! What'd you do that for!? as you reach the top floor, hearing the front door slam. You put the cups down on the windowsill next to the stairs, and look over the banister to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan snickering. "Did he leave?" You call, and Jeonghan gives you a thumbs up. You rip the top condom off the thread before tossing down the rest. "Thank you, Beta Tau Sluts!"Â
"You're welcome!" Seungcheol calls back, catching the condoms before they land in his drink. You grab your drinks again, carefully opening the door with your elbow and Chan looks up to see you. You set the glasses down on his desk, holding up the condom between your fingers.
"Use this with a really special girl, I just pissed off the Vice President of your frat with it." You snicker, and Chan just shakes his head. "Get in here, idiot. We need to study, or OChem is going to eat us for breakfast." "Oh, me first!"
Friday, October 14th.
Joshua put in grades the night before, and you were one point shy of a B minus.
You pretend it doesn't bother you.
Chan was sick, so he'd texted you that morning asking to take notes for him. You took the opportunity to invite Haerim to sit with you â and talk him up. Luckily, there wasn't much talking to do â she already thought he was very cute, but didn't make a move because she thought the two of you were together. You were honest about the past between you, and she just snorted, admitting she'd done the same with a friend of hers.
Msg To: Channie âĄ
[10:33AM] mission haerim x chan is a go! [10:33AM] i gave her ur number soâŠdon't fumble.
"Hello, everybody." Joshua calls from the front, and you and Haerim snap your heads up. He starts setting up the projector after everyone replies to his greeting, and she glances at you. "I wonder who broke his heart over the summer." She sighs, and you nod.
"I don't think she meant to." You shrug, your heart warming a bit at the memories. You really regretted it, of course â and it bothered you that it didn't bother him more. You'd been spending a lot of your nights just thinking about it, about him, about opening up to him.
"Well, I hope he heals. She definitely messed up, I've heard he's an absolute sweetheart." She nods, and you smile tightly. "Yeah, he is. His cousin is my best friend. Saerom?" She nods again, "I have Psych with her." "Alright, we're reviewing today." He sighs, and you notice how tired he looks. Eyes are a little swollen. Maybe Hyejin dumped him.
You don't like the giddy feeling you get at that thought.
The review goes by quietly, with Joshua's voice growing more and more tired as he speaks, and he wraps the class up with almost thirty minutes to go. Students walk by and say they hope he feels better, and he just nods at them. You linger, telling Haerim you need to talk to Joshua about office hours, and she leaves without a second thought.
The door closes behind her, and you clear your throat.
"Sick?" You ask, holding out a bag of cough drops. You'd bought them that morning, after Saerom complained of sore throat. He glances at you, and the bag, before shaking his head. "I'm good." Frowning, you step closer to him as he puts his laptop in his bag. "Then what's wrong?" Your voice is gentle, and he stiffens at the sound of it. "Nothing is wrong, Y/N. Thank you for worrying, but I'm fine."
He looks up at you, his eyes lightly rimmed red. You go to speak, but he pulls his bag over his shoulder, moving away from you. "I'll be at the house today, Chan is sick. If you need to talk." You say, before spinning on your heel to leave.
He doesn't respond, only turning away with a frown. "Have a good day, Joshua." "You too, Y/N."
â â â
You were standing in front of the Beta Tau house, waiting for someone to come open the door. Jun was at a study session with Saerom and Soonyoung was out teaching a class, so you were at the house alone. Hearing the doorknob jingle, you look up to see a sleepy Seungcheol opening the door.
"Hey, Y/N. Come in, Chan is in his room." He yawns as he opens the door wider, and you just shake your head in amusement. He and Jeonghan had stopped being a problem after Joshua called them out, and it wasn't long for you to figure out they were friendly based on their treatment of Chan. Very brotherlyâŠveryâŠteasing.
"Hey, Y/N." Jeonghan gives you a curt nod as he stands in front of the mirror by the stairs, giving himself a once over before turning to Seungcheol. "I look okay?" "Yeah." He nods, and you look at Jeonghan over your shoulder. There is a silver packet sticking out of his pocket, "Might wanna tuck that in a little further." You call, before turning back around and trekking the stairs.
"Thanks!" He calls, shoving his hand in his pocket with wide eyes. Seungcheol laughs as you reach the top, before you hear the door open and close with Jeonghan's departure. "Boys." You roll your eyes, before reaching Chan's door. You carefully open the door, trying not to let too much light in.
Chan is draped across his mattress, a fever patch plastered on his forehead. There are half empty bottles of electrolyte drinks all over the floor, and a bowl with Jeonghan's name printed across it. You look inside, seeing broth lingering.Â
They're taking care of him.
"Y/N?" You hear him croak, and you almost coo. "Oh, Chan. You're a mess." You set the bag of goodies down on his desk, fishing the thermometer out. "Open." You command, peeling the patch off his forehead and sticking the thermometer in his mouth.
You pick up a bit before the thermometer beeps, and you stare at the numbers. "Pretty mild, you've got a 101° fever." You grimace, shaking the thermometer off before skirting around to unpack the bag.
"I'm going downstairs to make you some tea, okay? I'll be right back." You mumble, before peeling the plastic off another fever patch and sticking it to the back of his neck. He shivers a bit, but nods as he closes his eyes.
Exiting the room just as carefully, you sigh. Taking the stairs quickly, you spot Seungcheol on the couch, "Hey." "Hey. He took some Advil a bit ago, and we've been alternating." He informs, and you can feel warmth spread across your chest. "Aw, you guys really care about the pipsqueak." "He's a good kid." Seungcheol nods, taking a sip of his water before eyeing the ginger root in your hand. "Cutting board is in the bottom cabinet, to the left." "Thanks." You smile, making your way to the kitchen. You see Joshua standing against the dishwasher, arms crossed and eyes closed. There is a popcorn bag in the microwave, likely his. You don't bother to say anything, just quietly opening the cabinet and retrieving the stone cutting board, rinsing it with water.
"He's also thrown up everything we've given him the past twelve hours." Joshua murmurs, his eyes still shut as he nods. "Oh. Sounds like viral gastroenteritis." You sigh, opening the drawer for a knife as the microwave beeps. He doesn't move towards it, but fills a pot with water for you and puts it on the stove. He watches silently as you slice up the ginger root, your shoulders tense.
The water starts to heat up, and you move to find a mug and honey. "Here." Joshua pulls one out from behind him, water droplets still on it from being freshly washed. You take it, "Thank you." "Can we talk when you're done? I'll be in my room." He murmurs, and you nod slowly. "Yeah, sure. I just need to feed him, something is something." He nods, opening the microwave to pull out the bag. He turns, opening a cabinet to retrieve a bowl and pour the popcorn in. He gives you a tired nod before exiting, and you peek around the corner to see him hand the bowl to Seungcheol, who thanks him quietly.
You sigh, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand. You strain the boiled ginger tea, pouring it over three cubes of ice and a hefty amount of honey. You clean up quickly, and organize things in the kitchen before exiting again, a spoon in your hand in case they didn't give you one for the porridge you bought.
"Good luck." Seungcheol smiles at you, and you give him a soft laugh. "Thanks, I'll need it."Â
Trying to get Chan awake proves to be most difficult once you get back to his room. He rolls over lazily, and you have to prop him up so he can drink the tea. You also carefully prepare his porridge, even going as far as spoon feeding him.
"It's so bland." He whines, and you just shake your head at him. "It's supposed to help your stomach, Channie. Just eat." He gets halfway through the bowl before he decides he doesn't want anymore, asking you to just leave it. You nod, putting the lid back over the top and choosing to clean up the mess in his room. Bottles, plates, cups, all in your arms as you exit the room once more, carefully walking down the stairs.
Seungcheol sees you, and quickly gets up to take them from you. "Woah, I didn't realize it accumulated so fast. Here, I got it, pretty." He grabs everything in one hand, before taking it to the kitchen. You follow, rolling up your sweater sleeves when he waves you off. "You're a guest. I got it, go." You find yourself floating back into Chan's room one last time, just peeking in to make sure he's sleeping. You call out, telling him to call you if he needs anything, that you'll be here for a bit. He just gives you a thumbs up. You take a deep breath, seeing Joshua's door slightly ajar. You walk over slowly, knocking on the door gently and poking your head in. He looks up from his desk, his laptop open to six different tabs and a drafted email. "Come in."
"Hi." You greet, closing the door behind you. He sighs, rubbing his palms on the fabric of his sweatpants. You inch toward him, looking at his screen. It's full of drafted projects, and the email is addressed to a certain Kwon Jiyong, DMA. You reach over and gently close the laptop, his tired eyes watching you do so.
"What's wrong?" "I'm sorry." He confessed, and you tilt your head. "Hm?"
"I was a jerk to you, the other day." He blinks up at you, and you stand for a moment, thinking back. "You mean when you called me a liar?" You smile, a soft laugh escaping. "I'm not mad anymore, you're weren't wrong. I am a liar." Shrugging, you point to the bed. He nods, and you take a seat. "Whether or not you are oneâŠdoesn't give me the right to treat you the way I did. I blew up on you, and I never do that, and it's frankly been eating away at me." He admits, and you nod, trying not to let your eyes go too wide. "Losing sleep?" "Unfortunately." Muttering, he opens the laptop again, typing in his password for the tabs to pop up again. "This isn't helping, either." he spins the mouse all over the screen, and you nod.
"Maybe you should take a breather. Go for a walk, find a muse." You offer, and he looks at you with a pained expression. You think this is the smoothest conversation you've had since your reunion. "Come on, let's go on a walk." You stand, offering your hand. He looks at it, and you wiggle your fingers.
He stands, taking it cautiously as you walk forward, grabbing his sweater off the hook and handing it to him. You open the door, seeing Haerim in the hallway with a bag in her hand.
"Haerim?" You call, your hand tightening around Joshua's, and she jumps. "Shit, Y/N. You scared me." She holds her hand to her chest, before holding up the bag. "I bought him some stew, Mingyu told me he's been really sick." Joshua peers over your head, making Haerim's eyes widen like saucers. "Shua?" "Hey, Haerim." He nods, and only then does she see the tight hold you have on Joshua's fingers. "I can explainâ" You start, and she just smiles widely. "Damn, I didn't recognize your game. Respect." She nods, holding her hand over her mouth. You wince as he shrugs, tugging you slightly forward.Â
"Text me." She whispers as he walks past you, and you nod quickly. The two of you walk down the stairs, and Seungcheol is now sitting on the couch again â and he gives you a lazy smile. "Damn, Y/N. You've got hella game." You laugh embarrassedly, as Joshua fixes the way your hands are intertwined. He slots his fingers between yours, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door and opening it. "Ladies first." He murmurs, and you wave goodbye to Seungcheol before stepping out into the cool October air.
"Where to?" He asks, closing the door behind himself. You shrug, shivering slightly as you start down the path. "Wherever you need to."Â
The two of you walk aimlessly, before you spot the hill you used to visit during your sophomore year, before you finally convinced Saerom to transfer to your university. You'd lay on this hill with Jun, staring at the sky and talking to him about the stars. He was always surprised about how much you knew, but was kept in the dark like everyone else.
Everyone but Joshua.
"Here. I used to come here all the time." You point at the lavender-covered hill, and he lets you lead him up, before standing amongst all the flowers. "Look at the sky."Â
You tilt your head up, watching as the evening sunset looms overhead. He does the same, before speaking quietly. "I'm not dating Hyejin." Your head lolls to the side, a knowing look on your face. "I know." You lie, shrugging nonchalantly as you turn back to the sky. "How?" "You like me. Hard to move on so fast." You hesitate, and he inches closer. "Yeah?" "Yeah." You breathe, feeling the warmth of his body radiating onto you. You shiver a bit, and he sighs, tucking you into him. His sweater is open, and he lets go of your hand to wrap your arms around him. He does the same, wincing lightly at the cold feeling of your hands on his back.
"I'm still very sorry, you know." He laments, and you give him a tight smile. "I shouldn't have said any of it, especially not about your parents." He looks down at you, your eyes peering up at him already.
"My parents suck, don't take back what you say about them." You shrug, scanning his face. "I am confused about the Hyejin thing." "Right, that." He sucks his teeth lightly, a slight blush coating his cheeks. "SheâŠasked for my help, and I have a really hard time saying no." "Of what nature was this 'help?'" You make air quotes, and Joshua can see a glint of the green-eyed monster in your demeanor. He smiles, moving to card his fingers through your hair gently. "Making an ex-boyfriend jealous kind of help." "Doesn't explain why you two were about to kiss when Chan and I got up the stairs." You say pointedly, his fingers toying gently with your earring. Another gift from your grandmother, he remembers these, too. A sun and a moon. "Let's just say I could recognize your voice from a mile away." You quirk a brow at him, before scoffing. "You're obsessed with me." "Since I saw you in that white dress." He nods, making you roll your eyes. You bite back your smile, "Can I kiss you?" "You're asking?" He tilts his head, and you snort. "Some of us don't like to assume things." You say with a tinge, and he shrugs. "I know when someone wants me." "I don't want you." You shake your head, a frown on your lips as you run your own hands through his mussed hair, peering over his shoulder to see an empty campus. Odd, for this hour. "Oh, you don't?" He entertains your shenanigans, before tilting your chin up to look in your eyes. "Nope." You pop the 'p', nuzzling your nose with his. His fingers are gently tracing your jaw before he presses his lips to yours. You melt into his touch carefully, his other hand softly holding your hip, squeezing before he pulls away, touching his forehead to yours. You blink up at him, "I don't want you. I need you."
"Did you sleep with Chan?" He asks, a bit roughly as he adjusts his hold on you. His hands move to rest on your back, and you shake your head. "Not recently, no." "Recently?" His eyes widen, and you snort. "Once, three years ago." You roll your eyes, and he nods. "No plans of sleeping with him soon?" "None." You murmur, and he bites his lip, a smile threatening to take over. "Plans of sleeping with anyone else?" "Don't know, there is this one guy." You pretend to think, pulling his hands to the front and lacing your fingers with one, taking him further down the hill slowly. The flower field comes into view, and you look up at the sky to see it's darkened remarkably. "Do you know the story of Altair and Vega?" "The story of Altair and Vega?" He echoes, allowing you to sit him down, plopping down next to him before clearing your throat. You nod, placing his hand on your inner thigh. "For warmth." You roll your eyes, before leaning back on your hands. "It's an old Chinese legend. Altair is the brightest star in the Aquila constellation." You search the sky for it, before spotting it overhead. "There." You point, and he nods.Â
"You told me about those three stars over the summer. Vega, Altair and Deneb." He recalls, and you feel your smile take over your face. "You remember that?"
"We can talk about that later." He shrugs, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you nod carefully. "RightâŠso, out of the three, Vega is the brightest. In their story, Altair is nothing but a shepherd. He herds cows after being abandoned by his family, and he yearns for love. His only love is music, and he plays lovely melodies on the flute."
Turning slightly to face him, you shrug. "Vega was said to be a goddess, from the Heavens that was forbidden from interacting with mortals, but she heard his song and it was love at first sight. She would leave the Heavens at sunrise and sunset to be with him. They even had children together. Her mother grew suspicious, and demanded she return to the Heavens. She did so."
"The shepherd had a beautiful ox with thick skin. Seeing the way his owner yearned for the love of the goddess, he offered his skin as a sacrifice to reunite them. It didn't work."Â
"Why?" Joshua asks gently, his eyes still staring up at the stars overhead. "Her mother was enraged. She created a band of stars to separate them. Their love can't be, not the way they want it." You sigh, and he glances at you.
"So what are you saying?" His voice holds no malice, only curiosity. You feel his hand tighten around your thigh slightly, prompting you to remove it and swing your leg over his lap, adjusting yourself to sit on his thighs. He gives you a look of confusion, but you just lace your fingers with his before taking a deep breath. "I'm saying that I'm a coward." You admit with a mutter, not able to look him in the eyes as you blink back the sting of tears. "I'm saying thatâŠI want to, you know. I want to be brave, I want to tell my parents that I'm not their puppet, I want to pursue my own dreams." "What's stopping you?" He murmurs, his thumb rubbing small circles into your skin. "Fear." You sigh. "Fear of failing. Fear ofâŠnot being good enough." "Good enough for what? You're smart, you're passionate. You love this." He gestures at the sky, and you look into his eyes, his face blurry behind tears as you whisper just loud enough for him to hear you. "Good enough for you."
He sighs at this, reaching his fingers up to wipe at a few fallen tears. "There is another story in your legend, but in Greek mythology." Your head tilts to the side, and he smiles. "Lyra, means lyre. Orpheus was a musician in mythology, and a renowned poet. He even went down to Hades' hell to try and save his wife." "Eurydice." You murmur, and he nods. "He loved her more than anything, alongside his music. The story of how Lyra came to be, is that Eurydice died. She was bitten by a venomous snake and had long died by the time Orpheus found her. He was so heartbroken, he played the saddest melodies known to man and it affected everyone else just as much as it did him. He loved her so much, he went to the depths of Hades' hell to beg for her back, to live her full life, to enjoy her time."
He scans your face, feeling your fingers trace shapes into his abdomen. "Hades broke the rule, one time. He sympathized with Orpheus, and since they were both mortals, he knew they'd eventually return to him once their lives were over. The catch?" He took a piece of your hair between his fingers, twirling it through nimble fingers.
"Eurydice had to follow him out, and he wasn't allowed to look back at her until they got back to Earth, lest he'd send her right back." He said with a hum, watching as your lips pursed in discontent. "He turned back, didn't he?" "He feared she'd get lost in the dark. Just before they got back, just before they made it, he looked back and the gates to Hades' darkness were shut. He wept for her, for seven days and seven nights outside of those gates, but he never saw her again." He sighed, tucking the strand of hair behind your ear. "He was beaten to death by drunk women four years later, during a celebration for Dionysus. He never moved on, and was deemed a woman hater because he consistently rejected any and every woman for his Eurydice. His lyre was thrown in the river, and Zeus sent an eagle for it. That's how you got Lyra."Â
Pointing at the sky, the two of you watch how the sky slowly turns.Â
Without looking back at him, you whisper, "What are you saying?" "I'm sayingâŠI don't want you to be Eurydice. Lost forever because I can't let you go." He splays his large hands across your thighs, the cold of his fingertips making you look back down at him. "But, I know that Orpheus and Eurydice deserved a happy ending. And I know that three weeks is a very short time to get to know someone, but I thinkâŠI know you better than almost anyone in your life." You stifle a laugh, nodding. "Nobody knows me like you, Joshua. Saerom doesn't even know I'm a double major." "Bad girl, very bad." He scolds you teasingly, before his thumbs press lightly into your thighs. "I want you to be happy. And if it means that thisâŠwhatever, we areâŠis a secret for a while, I'm okay with that." He shrugs, and you glance down at him.
"You know you deserve better, right?" You murmur, and he sighs. "It's either you or that lunch lady from my freshman year that's been after me for ages. Please, please save me." His tone is joking, but the look in his eyes is serious, solemn.
"Are you sure?" Your thumb pads his slight under eye bags, and he leans into it. "Yes, but don't give in to me so easily. I like the little mind games you play."
Snorting, you flick his nose gently. "What, so you want me to keep being defiant?"
"It's kind of hot." He crinkles his nose at the admission, and you let out a laugh. A genuine laugh, unlike your normal ones. "You're soâŠ" He trails off, tilting his head to the side before sighing.
"I'm so what? Annoying? Stubborn? A snotty-nosed brat?" You prod, and he just smiles. "Yes, all of that. ButâŠI don't know. You're soâŠeasy to love."
"YouâŠlove me?" The confusion in your voice makes his chest ache. "I can't, uhm, I can't say I'm super well versed in the topic." He clears his throat, seeing your eyes become slightly glossy. "I justâŠI know that you feel right. I know that seeing you makes me less stressed. Nobody has been able to pull me away from my desk all week, Cheol had to physically drag me out earlier to eat something. I keep thinking back to our first night together, because the stress of some deadlines I have coming up is just driving me mad. But closing my eyes and just thinking about you, and knowing that you're not really this person you've painted for ages, I know. I think I feel closer to you, knowing that you've confided in me to keep this secret of yours, and I'm honored. I want to make you feelâŠwanted, needed. I want you to know that you are so much more than 'good enough.' If anything, I will never be enough for you, and I could spend the rest of my life working to earn you and your love." You're silent for a moment, taking in his words as your hands ghost over his. You give him a small smile, toying with the ring on his finger. "I should get you home." You murmur, and he smiles as he straightens, placing his hands on your back so you don't topple. "Anywhere you are is home, Y/N."
You don't respond, choosing to give him a chaste kiss. "We really need to get you home, I have to check on Chan." You speak against his lips, and he nods. "Fine, fine." The two of you get up, and Joshua files your lack of response into the back of his mind. Was it too much? Did he cross a line?Â
The walk is quiet, but you're holding his hand tighter than you had on the stroll earlier. You're holding him closer, even holding onto his arm with your opposite hand and resting your head slightly on his shoulder. When you reach the frat, he unlocks the door to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan debriefing about Jeonghan's date on the couch. Jeonghan almost calls him over when he sees you float in after him, a loud whoo! from his mouth.
"Shut up!" You groan, gesturing up the stairs. "Chan is sleeping!" "Woo!" Jeonghan cheers again, albeit quieter, and you roll your eyes. Joshua takes your sweater off your shoulders, and you allow him to do so as he hangs them on the rack by the door. "How was your date, Jeonghan?" "Good! She was very sweet, good taste in music." He smiles softly, before glancing between you and Joshua. "Did youâŠtalk?" He clears his throat, and you feel Joshua's hand on your back, his eyes looking up the stairs.
"We can debrief what happened between usâŠat a later date." You smile, and Jeonghan gives you a knowing look. Seungcheol sips his beer with a smirk, shaking his head as the two of you climb the stairs gingerly. "Check on Chan." Joshua whispers, kissing the back of your neck before turning to his room.
Knocking gently, you open the door to see Haerim watching him carefully. She's holding the thermometer in her hand, shaking it as she sighs. She doesn't startle when she sees you, a warm smile on her face as she holds it up. "Still mild fever." "No vomit, right?" You ask, closing the door behind you. She shakes her head, pointing at the empty stew bowl she brought. "He practically inhaled it." "Traitor, he didn't want to eat the porridge I brought him." You scoff, and she laughs. "How wasâŠyou know." She gestures in the direction of Joshua's room, and you feel yourself get a little giddy. She notices the wry smile on your lips, giving your arm a soft smack before nagging you. "What happened!" "He likes me." You shrug, biting back your squeal as she bounces on her toes with a toothy grin. "He likes you?!"
"Yes!" You giggle, bouncing with her, and Chan groans behind the two of you. You both clench your teeth shut, lowering your voices. "I'll update you some other time, okay? I'll be at his beck and call, so don't worry about Chan." Haerim nods, not bothering to probe before she hikes her knapsack over her shoulder. She leans, pressing a soft kiss to Chan's hairline, telling him she's leaving. He nods weakly, squeezing her hand before she pulls away. "Should I get one of the guys to walk you home?" You ask, and she shakes her head. "My roommate's been waiting for ages for me to call her. I'll see you on Monday?"
She walks towards the stairs, and you nod. "See you, Haerim."Â
"Chan, I'm going home. Call me, or have one of the guys call me if you need anything." You call into the room, and he groans in response. You snort, grabbing your purse off his desk and carefully shutting the door, sighing as you take a few steps down the hall to Joshua's room. You knock lightly, opening the door when you hear him hum.
He's sitting in front of his laptop again, a frustrated look on his face as he connects a soundboard to his laptop, before feeling your presence. You smile at him, arms crossed before you speak, perching on the edge of his desk. "I'm going home."
"I know, I asked Cheol to walk you because I really need to focus." He says, a bit of sadness peeking through. You nod, "Thank you." "Can you text me when you get home?" His question is more of a demand, but you can see he's not trying to push it. "Yes, sir." You push off the desk, reaching to wrap your arms around his neck as he leans into his computer.
"Don't work yourself too hard, lover." You whisper in his ear, pressing a kiss to his temple before feeling his hand on your wrist, twisting his head to look at you. There's a soft blush coating his cheeks. "What'd you say?" "I said I'm going home." You change your expression to a stoic one, and he almost chokes on his laugh. "I'll see you on Monday."Â
"Yeah, for sure." He gives your wrist a gentle squeeze, "Let me walk you out, at least." "Don't kiss me in front of your friends." You warn, and he snorts. Standing, he watches as your arms drape to your sides before you clasp your hands in front of you before walking out into the hallway. You both barrel down the stairs, and hear Jeonghan whining over a bottle of tequila about his date. "She's so hot, Cheol, you don't get it." "I get it, I get it." Seungcheol replies distractedly, his eyes flickering up to you and Joshua reaching the foyer. "Ready to go, Y/N?" He stands, going to the closet to rummage for a jacket. "Yeah, thanks for doing this." You smile sheepishly, and Jeonghan looks up. "Oh, you're going home?" "Yeah, Chan's sleeping andâŠ" You clear your throat, giving Joshua a quick glance. He catches on, "I'm busy. Doing shit. Important, you know."
"Tell us more about how you wouldn't be able to control yourselves, why don't you?" Jeonghan grimaces, and you snort. "This is why you're here, yearning for your date instead of being back at her apartment." "The hell is that supposed to mean!" He pouts, and Joshua snorts as he helps you pull your jacket on. "It means you're a bitch, Han."
"Don't make me tell Y/N all your dirty little secrets, Hong." Jeonghan tilts the shot glass in his direction, making you go wide eyed as Seungcheol returns, a blue and white varsity jacket draped over his shoulders. "Alright, let's scoot. The night is young." He stretches, and you smile at Jeonghan.
"Hope you get the girl, Hannie." You say softly, and his eyes soften. "Thanks, Y/N." "Bye, Joshua." You murmur as Seungcheol steps outside, muttering about the cold under his breath. Joshua looks to Jeonghan, who has his eyes closed, before pulling you into him. "One for the road?" You roll your eyes, "One for the road."
Thursday, December 29th.
The past two months had been a mess. Your parents had continuously dropped by randomly (and they dropped by the night of the Beta Tau Halloween rager), making both you and Saerom annoyed. She'd recently started seeing Jun (which kind of makes you grateful you're not in the apartment for their study sessions, who knows what freak shit they're on) and neither of you could study or rest in peace without feeling like they'd drop by.
Missing the party was the least of your worries, because you knew Joshua wasn't going to be involved in it anyway. He sent you a text from his desk, his guitar needing to be restrung because he couldn't pull himself away from his work. You'd told him to go for a walk.
Message From: Joshua Hong (TA) [11/03] What use is a walk if you're not there to kiss my worries away? You hadn't replied, opting to choose to scream into your pillow like a giddy teenaged girl.
In this time, you'd also managed to sit Saerom down and really speak to her about yourself. You told her that you didn't feel like yourself, and when she asked why, you broke out a bottle of wine and the two of you broke down the last few years of your lives. You admitted that you didn't want any part of your family's business, and Saerom had only given you a softened look.
"Don't pity me, Rom. You know I hate that shit.""I don't, my love. I don't pity you at all."
You'd cried quite a bit, and she'd just watched quietly and wiped your tears as they came. She understood, and she voiced that she thinks she would also do the same â the lying, the escapism, the misunderstandings. She apologized, saying she was sorry that she ever made you feel like you couldn't confide in her â smiling slightly when you said that she was never the problem, it was knowing that you'd be admitting to failure. She understood that, too.
The apartment felt more homey after that â Saerom took the time to go out and buy a few things she thought you'd like â a few constellation posters, a Lego set for you to build together of the Milky Way. She built the astronaut and NASA shuttle herself, placing those in your room when you texted her a few days after she bought them saying you'd had a rough day. She heard you crying in your room, only entering to comfort you when she heard you call her name.
These weeks were also particularly difficult because you'd seen less and less of Joshua. You never considered yourself the clingy type, and the Beta Tau brothers were definitely becoming more familiar with you as the days passed. You saw Joshua outside of class maybe twice, and it was once during office hours and once by going to the house to check on Chan right after Joshua admitted his feelings for you. He'd gotten a lot better, but you'd picked up his assignments from classes you didn't share so he wouldn't fall behind. He'd asked you what was going on between you and Joshua, and you just shrugged.
"We're taking it slow."
"Please don't fuck while I'm still sick, I don't want to hear it."
You and Joshua seemed to have no plans of doing so, it seems. Your schedules did not line up, and you could see him become slightly more stressed every time you saw him. Your classmates noticed something different about him, and you and Haerim just giggled in the back when he'd steal a glance at you. She never said anything to anyone, either.
Once school let out for the winter break (and you disappointedly passed Spanish with a B minus), you did everything in your power to avoid going home. You told your parents any lie you could grapple at â Saerom was sick, you were sick and didn't want to get them sick.
The truth? You just wanted to ring in the New Year with yourâŠboyfriend? You didn't know what the two of you were, and you weren't afraid to admit that to yourself. He was graduating soon, and possibly taking a gap year before continuing his studies. You knew this much through texts â the one thing the two of you did have time for. He sent you voice notes on his way to anywhere, he'd send you pictures of the night sky before going to bed â asking if you could point out any constellations for him.Â
Message From: Shua <3 [11:32pm] Are you home? [11:33pm] Before you answer this, is Saerom home? I don't feel like explaining myself, I just want to lay the fuck down.
You snort at his message, giggling to yourself at his new contact name. You don't know if you'll ever get used to it.
Message To: Shua <3 [11:33pm] Saerom went home for the break. Something about introducing Jun to her mom.
His reply is almost instant. Message From: Shua <3 [11:34pm] Open the door, I'm freezing.
From your seat on the couch, you hear Joshua groan behind the door and you laugh. Tossing your phone to the side, you quickly get up and unlock the door. You see a pouty Joshua holding a bag of takeout, eyelashes lightly coated in snow as he enters the apartment. "You hate me." He whines, and you snort.
"I can make you go back out in the cold, if you'd like." You shrug, making him scoff as you carefully unravel his scarf. He closes his eyes as you take his jacket, and yank his beanie off his head with no care. "When do I get my kiss? I haven't seen you since finals, I deserve a kiss."
"It's like, twenty minutes until your birthday. You can't wait?" You roll your eyes, feeling a ball of fabric hit your back. You look down to see his pink glove on the floor, making you scoff out a laugh. "Now you're definitely not getting a kiss." "Oh my Goooood, you hate me!" He pouts, grabbing your arm and pulling you close to him. You shake your head, gently nuzzling your nose to his cold one. "Not one bit." You still hadn't told Joshua you loved him. Granted, the two of you were not dating and hadn't properly seen each other in literal ages â as much as 'ages' can be for two idiots in love.Â
"Why are you dressed like this? And why have I never been here before? This place is cool." He looks around, spotting the astronomy figurines Saerom had started getting for you, the walls covered in photos of you together and he spots the photo of you and your parents gathering dust on one of the shelves. He doesn't mention it.
"Dressed like what? My pajamas?" You look down, and he tugs at the seam of your shorts. "RatherâŠprovocative." "Shut the fuck up, it's almost bed time." You roll your eyes, swatting his hand away from the bare skin of your thighs. He smiles amusedly, planting a soft kiss to the tip of your nose, before peppering them all over your face. His lips meet yours lightly, a chaste taste of his strawberry lip balm lingering on your plush lips as he pulls away.
"The bag is just mochi. I already had dinner." He says sheepishly, and you shrug. "I did, too. To be honest, I wasn't expecting company." "I didn't think you'd stayed on campus." He nods, and you sigh with a sad smile. "Don't wanna see my parents." "Right. How's that going?" He asks, pulling you to the couch with one hand. You let him lay down, pulling you on top of him. Your knees hug his hips as you straddle him, his hands resting high on your thighs. "It'sâŠgoing. I should call them, but I really don't want toâ" You hear the doorknob wiggle, tensing in Joshua's hold as you turn. The lock turns, and your muttered whisper of fuck makes all the alarms in Joshua's mind go off. You climb off of him as the door is pushed open, and you can feel your skin heat in embarrassment as your mother scoffs, stepping into the apartment. Joshua carefully slides off the couch, stepping next to you.
"Jesus, she keeps this place a mess." She groans, looking at the bag of takeout on your dinner table. She hasn't seen you yet, placing her giant designer bag on a chair as your father comes in behind her. "All you do is judge the girl, no wonder she doesn't want to come home." He rolls his eyes, but they land on you â standing with beet red cheeks and an equally embarrassed Joshua by your side. Your father's eyes dart to the link between you â Joshua's hand gingerly interlocking your fingers. You don't speak, and he looks at Joshua's eyes filled with slight worry.
"Can you go get her? She's probably holed up in her room, looking at those stupid moâ Who the fuck are you?" Your mother has turned now, her narrowed eyes on Joshua before landing on you. "Who the fuck is that? You said you were sick, and you have company over?" Your throat is dry, and you feel frozen when Joshua steps in front of you, shielding you from your parents' view. "You must be Y/N's parents. I've heard a lot about you, I'm Joshua."
He extends his hand, and your father eyes it before taking it, shaking it firmly. "Nice grip you got there, son." Your mother scoffs, tugging her scarf off her neck with a visceral anger. Joshua can feel you cower behind him, your fingers gripping onto the back of his shirt. "Joshua what? What do you do for a living?" He clears his throat, watching as your mother walks around the apartment without taking her shoes off, taking down stuff from the walls. "Joshua Hong. I'm a producer." He lies through his teeth, and your mother scowls as she sees the Lego version of the Milky Way hung right by your bathroom. She takes it down, tossing it carelessly on the couch.
"A producer? You won't make much money."Â
"That's enough." Your father speaks up, and sees you peer at him from behind Joshua. "What are you to Y/N? Boyfriend?" "Not allowed!" Your mother announces, her hands now occupied by your opened mail. Bills, bills, a credit card statement, billsâŠand your summer internship at the Korea Astronomy and Space Institute.
"I amâŠher boyfriend." Joshua whispers, losing a bit of confidence as your mother angrily walks back to your foyer. "What's this?" She holds the acceptance letter up, your eyes shutting closed as you see it in her hand. "Fuck." You murmur behind Joshua, and your mother begins to read it aloud.
"Esteemed Miss Kang, it is with great pride that we award you with the July KASI internship studying plasma physics." She crumples the paper slightly in her fist, and your father pries it from her hold as you step out from behind Joshua, and she really lays it on you.
"We told you from the start that these silly little dreams about space and stars were not going to happen. You are the sole heir to the companies, the properties, you have to continue the family business. Don't you care about that? Don't you care about paying us back for everything we've given you, and continue to supply you with? Don't you get that this is not an option?" She's not yelling, but her words cut deep as you nod slowly, the words tumbling out before you can stop to think about them properly. "I don't care." Your mother looks taken aback, and you feel your stomach flip as you clear your throat. "I don't care about properties, or companies. I don't care about money, or marrying for wealth. IâŠ" You breathe in shakily, and Joshua instinctively puts his hands on your shoulders, an act not unseen by your mother's beady eyes.
"I don't care about being part of a family that is fueled by greed. I can't do it anymore. I hope thatâŠyou find another fit." The last part comes out as a bit of a sob, and you cover your mouth quickly. Your mother is fuming, and she turns to your father, who is silently reading the letter in his hands.
"I didn't know you liked plasma physics." He murmurs, and you feel Joshua's fingers squeeze your shoulders lightly. "I didn't even know what you were studying, if I'm being honest." Your father admits sheepishly, smoothing the crumpled edge of the sheet carefully.Â
"This is a very hard program to get into. I would know," Your father holds the letter out to you, and you reach to take it, holding the corner gingerly in your fingers. "You would know?" Joshua echoes, and your father nods.
"I applied. I got the June internship for aerospace engineering, my best friend was so jealous." You don't know the last time you saw your father smile. "I'mâŠproud of you. I know it's a little late in saying that, I've been quite the absent father.I guess, I can't even really say father."
Your mother is tapping her foot, garnering your attention again. "Whatever rebel strike you're on isn't cute, Y/N. I've got investors waiting to meet you, wanting to draw up contracts, to build new properties with your name across the front." Your father sighs, shaking his head as he looks at the two of you again. "Joshua, could you give us a moment?"Â
You turn to look at him, your eyes pleading him not to leave. He gives you a sorry smile, squeezing your shoulders before kissing your hairline. "I'll be in your room." He murmurs, and you nod, watching as he walks away, slipping into the only open door in the hallway. He shuts it behind him.Â
Your father sighs, leaning against the door frame. "Your mother and I are getting a divorce."
You can feel your eyes widen as far as they go, your mother flushing furiously. "Can I ask why?" "It's none of your business." She grits, and your father scoffs. "I'm selling the company. I'm tired, Y/N. Being in business is not what I want to do." He shakes his head, and you try to bite back a smile.
"It's not?"
"No. I'm donating the money to the Aerospace Engineering program here, actually." He gestures around you, indicating the University. You feel your lips tug into a smile, your father's warm eyes matching yours. "I don't understand why you can't just leave the company in Y/N's name so she can take over when we're both dead and gone. At least it sets up a stable future for her!" "She won't be happy, Bora! That's why I can't do that. Nothing in this life means anything if we're not happy." He groans frustratedly, and you feel almost taken aback by your father's words. He'd always been a silent man â a bit cold, with two friends and love for one thing: baseball.Â
And space, you now know.
"This is fucking ridiculous. I cannot leave my investors hanging, and I refuse to hand over my properties to someone I don't even know!" Your mother is exasperated, and you almost want to laugh at how you and your father shrug simultaneously.Â
"Whatever." She grumbles, snatching her purse off the chair, pulling it over her shoulder. She gives you a nasty look, "I assume this means you will also bail on meeting the Mins' youngest son? Yoongi has been waiting to meet you."Â
"Yoongi can shove it." You shrug, and she just shakes her head in disappointment â but for onceâŠyou don't care. She slams out of your apartment, her scarf flung over the back of your couch. Your father gives you a gentle smile, and you return it.Â
"I'm sorry for not being a better father to you, Y/N. I should have tried harder." He laments, and you see his eyes begin to gloss over with tears. You step forward, enveloping him in a loose hug. "I thinkâŠstanding up for me and what you believe in, is a step in the right direction. I haven't been a very present daughter, either."
He laughs shakily, giving you a tight squeeze. "How about you and I get dinner in the next few days? You can even bring Joshua, I kind of like that kid." He mumbles, and you feel your stomach flutter at the mention of yourâŠboyfriend's name. "I'll check our calendars and shoot you a text, okay?" "For sure, kid." He pulls away, softly patting your head. "I'll see you, okay?" "Yeah. See you." You nod, opening the door for him. He leaves with another word, your mother's scarf in his hand as he exits your apartment. You feel a wave of relief wash over you, but bite back your tears as you lock the door and march to your bedroom. Opening the door, you see Joshua flopped diagonally across your bed, phone in his hand.
It's twenty minutes past midnight, and the date reads December 30th.
"Hey, you." He looks over his shoulder, and watches as you pin the acceptance letter to the corkboard above your dresser. You put your hands on your hips, staring at it with a bit more content in your heart.Â
"Hey, boyfriend." You say, turning to face him. His ears turn pink, and he sits up. "It just came out, okay? I'm sorry, I know I haven't even taken you out to dinner or anything but I really, reallyâ" You crash your lips to his, pushing him back onto your bed as you straddle him. "Yeah, yeah. No need for explanations." You peel your shirt off, tossing it to the side as he looks at you with wide eyes. "Are you sure?"
"Happy birthday, lover."
Saturday, May 6th.
"Joshua Hong."Â
You cheer loudly from the stands as he crosses the stage, watching his cheeks tinge pink as he hears you over the clapping and yelling from his fraternity. He smiles as the photographer takes his picture, before looking up at the stands to find you. You wave excitedly, and his eyes brighten all the more. I love you, he mouths.
I'm proud of you, you mouth back. Wimp.
â â â
"Hey, gorgeous. You a tourist?" You're standing at the bar of the same salsa club you and Joshua danced at last summer when you hear Joshua's voice behind you, and you struggle not to roll your eyes. The two of you only stayed at the graduation long enough to watch Jeonghan cross the stage, before Cheol texted the group and said he was sneaking out.Â
The three of them had booked a last-minute tripâŠback to Puerto Vallarta.
"The city where you fell in love!" Cheol teased as the group loaded into the car, with you sitting on Joshua's lap in the backseat. Saerom was sitting next to you, and Junhui was giggling at the redness of your cheeks as the pair of douchebags teased you to no end. It didn't matter though â you felt Joshua smile into your shoulder as the group pulled into the airport.
"Yeah, I am. Are you?" You played his game, waiting until he finally came into your line of vision with the same baby blue guayabera you first saw him in. Your stomach flutters lightly as his hand ghosts your back. "Nah, I've been here before. Got my heart broken by a cute thing, she looked a little like you." "Alright, that's enough roleplay you weirdo." You scoff, shoving his hand away from you as he laughed, He stepped slightly closer, ignoring your faux annoyance. "Right, rightâŠI know some cool places here, if you'd care to join me." His eyes twinkle something mischievous as the bartender slides you your drink. You take it with a thank you, before sighing and linking your arm with Joshua's. "Do you, now?" "I do. There's some pretty hammocks down the beach, you can see all the stars right now." He glances up at the sky as the two of you leave the club, your shoes clutched in his hand as your toes sink into the warm sand. You smile up at him, "What do you know about stars?" "Someone very special once told me a story about two lovers who couldn't beâŠand they reside in these very stars." He points at the sky, and you nod. "You know, I once heard a story like that, but they were involved in Greek mythology." You stare up at the sky, when you reach the hammock the two of you shared that first night.
"Really? Was it about Orpheus and Eurydice? I love that one." He smiles as he helps you on, fixing the skirt of your dress to cover your legs more. "Your star-crossed lovers, were they Altair and Vega?"
"So you do know stars." He slides in, and you rest your head on his chest. "I do. Love them, actually." "You're my brightest star." He murmurs, kissing your forehead lightly as his hand maps out the Lyra constellation. "It's so pretty, isn't it?" Looking back down at you, he sees the gloss over your eyes and sits up. "Babe! Don't cry, oh my Godâ" "I love you." You blurt, watching as his brows raise, his ears tinging pink in the low light of the moon. He lays back down slowly, and you scrunch your face before sitting up and looking down at him. "Hello? Big moment here, asswipe?" "Just a second." He smiles painfully, and your brows only furrow more. "What the hell is wrong with you?"Â
"I'm hard." He whispers, making you glance down. "Don't look at it! What's wrong with you!" He pouts as you burst into laughter, your hand resting on his stomach as you muffle your laughter with his shoulder. "It's not funny."
"You're such a LOSER!"
Pulling back, you wipe at your eyes, catching your breath.
"But you love me too, right?" You ask, peering down at him as he rolls his eyes, smiling widely. He brings you closer to him, his lips ghosting over yours as he speaks softly.
"I love you so much, I'd bring down the stars if you asked me to."
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#seventeenTAcollab#joshua x reader#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#joshua imagines#svt imagines#seventeen imagines#joshua x you#svt x you#seventeen x you#joshua scenarios#svt scenarios#seventeen scenarios#joshua fluff#joshua angst#svt fluff#svt angst#seventeen fluff#seventeen angst#joshua fanfic#svt fanfic#seventeen fanfic#joshua hong#kvanity
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That's My Girl || Charlie Bushnell
synopsis; charlie is proud of his girlfriend who happens to be red bull's golden girl
warnings; none
note; reqeuested
fc; Amna Al Qubaisi
note2; I decided to use Amna Al Qubaisi, who's RB's Academy driver and is Emirati
I know it says academy. It's all I could find. Let me live đđ
To everyone who's requested a Smau, I'll get them out as soon as I can. This is my first smau, so it's not as good as I want it to be and it's not funny
Main Masterlist | Actor Masterlist | Charlie Masterlist
I do not give anyone permission to change, copy, or put my work on any other platform. It will only be on top, so if you see it, please report it. Or let me know.
redbullracing and ynln1
liked by iamcharliebushnell, maxverstappen1, and 248,100 others
ynln1 Thank you to everyone who watched and supported me during the F2 Bahrain GP! I hope I made it worth your time ;)
user1 Red Bull's golden girl!
userz Mini Max Verstappen
maxverstappen1 congrats, kleine zus* â€ïž by author ‷ynln1 Thank you ŰŁÙŰźÙÙ Ű§ÙÙÙÙŰšÙÙ۱!** ‷usert @/maxverstappen1 the way they call each other little sister and big brother đ ‷userf @usert Ikr!! It's so cute!
iamcharliebushnell congrats, babe! â€ïž by author
userdeez since when was Y/n dating Luke ‷youeb @userdeez who the fuck is Luke ‷jobelubr @youeb his name isn't Luke. It's charlie bushnell. he plays Luke in the pjo show
ynln1
liked by iamcharliebushnell, maxverstappen1, olliebearman, and 200,123 others
ynln1 Thank you Harper's Bazaar for having me!
havehd god, she's so beautiful đ
noobsucker do you need a dog? I can be a very convincing dog!! ‷cxckslobber @/noobsucker Girl... ‷noobsucker What?
maxverstappen1 simply lovely â€ïž by author
iamcharliebushnell my girlfriend is so prettyđ â€ïžby author ‷ynln ŰŁŰŰšÙ â€·iamcharliebushnell I love you too, gorgeous
olliebearman go best friend, that's my best friend â€ïž by author ‷ynlnfan OMG Ollie đ
iamcharliebushnell
liked by ynln1, dior.n.goodjohn, walker.scobell, and 233,621 others
iamcharliebushnell What my shirt says
tagged: ynln1
hgad Lord, when will it be my turn?
ynln I love you! ‷iamcharliebushnell I love you too â€ïž by author
ynln Wait, who took these? ‷dior.n.goodjohn I did and that would be know if SOMEONE gave me photo credits ‷iamcharliebushnell @/dior.n.goodjohn Photo creds to Dior or whatever đ
walker.scobell your girlfriend is cooler than you ‷iamcharliebushnell @/walker.scobell I can't even argue with that ‷ynln1 @iamcharliebushnell You better not disagree with that
gooesd If you look close enough, you'll see me lying on the track in the back
Deeznutz They look so good togther ‷adicktion @/deeznutz learn to spell, fuckwad ‷deeznutz @/adicktion leave me the fuck alone, Janice
ynln1 and iamcharliebushnell
liked by iamcharliebushnell, dior.n.goodjohn, landonorris, and 145,897 others
ynln1 Yeah, my boyfriend's pretty cool but he's not as cool as me.
dior.n.goodjohn charlie, I'm stealing your girlfriend đ€€ â€· iamcharliebushnell no, you're not ‷ ynln1 I'm all yours, Dior ‷ iamcharliebushnell What?
walker.scobell Yep, so much cooler than Charlie
hornyidot the third picture đ€€
landonorris I think he's much cooler than you ‷ynln1 No one asked you, Norizz ‷landonorris I-- ‷danielricciardo I taught you well, Y/n
gloop-8j She's so pretty and for what
#charlie bushnell x reader#pjo x reader#pjo x you#pjo x y/n#charlie bushnell x you#charlie bushnell imagine#charlie bushnell smut#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan fluff#charlie bushnell#charlie bushnell smau#pjo smau#f2 x reader#formula two x reader#poc!reader#Amna Al Qubaisi#f1a#f1 imagine#f1 fluff#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 x driver!reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 grid x reader
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MĂ©lange
Pairing: Okkotsu Yuta x gn!reader
Synopsis: Sometimes humans are not above animals. Sometimes they burn to fulfill the same basic needs and not strive for more in the moment. A full belly, safety, procreation. What happens when all three of them need to be satisfied? Tinged with spice. Under the influence of an unknown substance.
CW: aphrodisiac, dubcon, slight somnophilia, feral and animalistic Yuta, he has cannibalistic thoughts, licking, lovebites, scratching, biting, slight pain, handjob, premature ejaculation, fingering, Reader can feel Yutaâs ring during fingering, slight dacryphilia if you squint, implied multiple rounds, porn with feelings, good old unprotected sex + creampie, both Reader and Yuta are ultra possessive in their own toxic way <33
WC: 3.6k
Credits: my dearest @notveryrussian for proofreading this mess and doing a bit of rework on the tenses <33 the cannibalcore pics are from pinterest
Song rec: needles and pins by deftones and gibson girl by ethel cain both give a nice vibe to the fic as we slowly transition from Yuta's POV to Reader's POV
A/N: Can't believe I'm posting my first one shot here đ„č After so many unsuccessful attempts to wrap up multichaptered fics, at least, this one messy smut got finished. My first ever finished fic đ„č And the first to get completed in a relatively short time. Yes, a week is a short time for me. And happy holidays to yâall, this is gonna be the last fic in this year so expect only shitposts from me from now on lmao.
Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated <33
Minors do not interact or else I'm gonna go apeshit, also a seperate warning for heavy dark content as usual. If there's anything mentioned in the tags that you're not comfortable with, this is not your fic.
Many sorcerers envy the title of special grade. Yuta thinks these people deserve a separate Naraka in Hell. They donât realize the immense responsibility, they canât fathom the challenges, the danger of the missions. The threat those curses pose. They only care about the power he carries.
During todayâs mission, Yuta realized heâs not entirely an unstoppable force. Even someone like him is weak to certain fighting styles, he canât counter everything with his wide range of copied techniques. This curseâs grade was well deserved. Whenever the katana slashed deep into itâs skin, a strange kind of gas was emitted from the wounds. Though he eventually exorcised the curse, he did breathe in the weird, sweet-smelling substance. The scent was hard to resist, it felt like the perfect mixture of all his favorite smells, inviting and comforting. However, he trusted his body to withstand the temptation, reinforced to near perfection with cursed energy and the usage of reversed cursed technique.
There was no problem until he finished reporting back to the higher ups and was on the way home. Maybe it was just the fatigue, the late summer heat, the humidity of the night but something made him feel weird. Almost sick. A thin veil of sweat glistened on his skin, his cheeks, ears and upper body were flushed. His chest was heaving, a burning, aching sensation tormented him between his legs, throbbing with a synced rhythm to his heartbeat. All his thoughts narrowed down to one single, inherently primal thing. A need. A hunger.
Shame and confusion swelled inside his chest. How can he lose his composure? How can he want it so badly? If he wasnât so wired for monogamy, he would have fucked anyone who moved. And with every passing minute the feeling was getting worse. Descending slowly to the brink of madness. Hell, he was close to wheezing and growling like a rabid dog. He already had no patience to find the right key to the door. He could break that shit, he definitely could. He had no idea why, but he could stop himself from doing that. Maybe the insane price to get it fixed.
But the comfort of his home isnât helping him. He canât calm down, he canât unwind. On the contrary, everything intensifies the strange urge in him to act territorial. But itâs only natural when he grew up feeling like he didnât have anything he could call his own, whether itâs a material possession or a person. Every comprehensible thought vanished from his head. Leaving only the instincts. The need to claim. He immediately goes to the bedroom, not even bothering to have a quick shower or a light meal.
He gazes at your sleeping form, unknowing and peaceful. Innocent and vulnerable like a newborn lamb and heâs⊠he wouldnât compare himself to a wolf, heâs a more vicious predator than that, all starved and keen on capturing its prey. Your limbs are thrown in every direction on the mattress, a thin, silk blanket barely concealing your body, but youâre hugging a some of it to your chest. Like youâre missing him, finding solace in the way the material is touching you. The windows are wide open, hoping that the night air can cool you down.
Yuta caught himself almost drooling at the sight. He canât stop himself, he canât fight the shameless thoughts plaguing him. The need, the want is stronger than what he deems right in the moment. His steps are quiet, that part of the floor that normally creaks is now completely silent. He looms over you, like a sinful, ungodly spirit, your very own kanashibari thatâs bound to you. His weight is pressing down on the mattress ever so slightly, caging your form between his arms. He breathes in the smell of your freshly showered skin. A mixture of heady vanilla, milk and honey. He mindlessly licks a stripe up your thigh, wanting to taste you, to bite you, to tear out a big chunk of your flesh with his teeth to satisfy this torturous hunger he feels for you. More than anything he wants to devour you. Completely. Have you all for himself. The thought alone makes his dick so hard itâs outright painful.
He ascends towards your hips, leaving soft yet wet kisses that make you twitch in your sleep. Yuta swears that heâs more sensitive to all stimuli, his senses are working at their maximum capacity. Heâs able to feel every morsel, every particle of you. The soft peach fuzz, the bumps, the ridges of your stretch marks, their pearl-like glistening texture flowing on the surface of your skin like a river. The material of your shorts, loose and thin, he can feel the seams on the band of your underwear through the fabric. Where the bones bend, where flesh folds. Your smell. Not just from the shower gel and the laundry detergent but your natural scent, so strong he believes itâs some kind of weird pheromone thatâs driving him wild. To the point he almost considers nudging his nose between your legs, just like dogs do when they smell blood there.
Maybe itâs not entirely wrong to claim you this way. He can spare you from this more primal side of him, you wonât get to see it and despise him for it. Itâs enough if he deals with the shame alone, self-deprecation is his ultimate talent afterall. But that can wait until after he finished soothing this excruciating itch. Because now the last remnant of his resolve goes out the window.
He pulls up your shirt all the way up to your chest. His shirt to be exact. It makes his heart flutter, a piece of him enveloping you, makes the boundaries between your sense of selves blend and blur. The thought of you using his stuff as your own feels so right, so promising.
He practically glues his face to the expanse of your stomach. The flesh is so soft between his teeth, feels so good to bite on it, so easy to suck on it until the skin turns a deep purple.
And maybe⊠maybe he can lower his crotch onto your knees. Just a little. Just for a little frictionâŠ
You stir, opening your eyes slowly, tiredness and confusion are still heavy on your expression. And then you feel teeth nipping at your stomach, fingers digging into the dips of your hips firmly, some wetness here and there along your leg.
Your first response is fear.
You start to squirm and fuss, kicking your legs up in the air, not even thinking about whoâs doing this to you until Yuta grips your shoulders and pushes you back into the sheets, keeping you still by the weight of his own body, shushing you. You can feel his nails penetrating the skin, branding the crescent Moon itself into your flesh.
âItâs me, donât panic.â
Youâd recognize this voice anywhere, but you blinked a few times just to clear your vision. The striking white of his coat is easy to spot, even in the dimly lit darkness of the room.
âYutaâŠ?â
Your voice is an ode, a blessing. Even when itâs hoarse and faint after waking up. He bends down and kisses your temple, nuzzling into your hairline, breathing in your scent. His body feels oddly warm, almost overly so, radiating through you. Through your spine, to the very center of your being and thatâs when you notice that youâre a little bit⊠hot and bothered. What has he done to you while you were asleep?
âIâm so sorryâŠâ he whispers an apology. But his voice is just⊠itâs like his mind is not entirely here. Something is hurting him and heâs trying to conceal it. Barely. You can hear his voice is hitched from the deep breath he takes, in a futile affort to calm himself. âHave you been sleeping for long?â
He asks you for the sake of it, thereâs no genuine interest behind it. Even if you were sleeping for hours, it wouldnât stop him. He couldnât stop. He genuinely feels like heâll die if he canât get it out of his system. He snuggles his face into the crook of your neck, listening to the rhythm of life coursing through your veins. The thought of puncturing your jugular with his teeth is so irresistible. He must do it⊠Itâll drive him insane if he wonât.
âN-not really.â your answer is weak, all your strength is used to move your arm freely, trying to locate your phone on the bedside table. The light coming from the screen almost blinds you as youâre checking the time. âI went to bed about⊠half an hour ago.â
He dips his fingers right into the hollow dips between your ribs, he kneads the skin in a way that has his nails slightly scratching you. And then you realize that youâre almost entirely topless.
He traps your earlobe with his teeth, sucking on the soft tissue.
âY-YutaâŠâ your voice is more reprimanding that you want it to be. But your patience is starting to run thin. You want to know what the fuck is wrong with him, he never did anything like this before. Even if heâs horny as hell he would ask for your permission because thatâs the way he is.
Instead of giving you an answer he bites your neck. Hard. It hurts, it makes you yelp. Shit, thatâs gonna leave a mark. And he growls, just like a wild animal.
You squirm, you jolt, trying to get away from the source of your pain with a prolonged hiss. Only one hand of his is enough to stop you from fussing while the other fondles your chest. Your nipple is caught between his fingers, he twists it slightly. You canât see it getting red, hard and swollen. His moves are awkward and tactless, but somehow they help with soothing the sharp pain in your neck. Your tensed body eases up a little.
He kicks the inner side of your knee with his own, creating a little space in between them, then forces your legs apart with one smooth movement. As he tries to settle right under your core, you feel him brushing the apex of your thigh.
Heâs so painfully hard.
Youâre sure he can read the instinctual reactions of your body. The rush of adrenaline, your pulse, how your heart is almost breaking your ribs with every beat. Youâre getting more and more aware of your surroundings because you have no idea what will happen to you. He pins your wrists down on the bed. He doesnât want you to escape.
What has gotten into him? Whereâs your shy and gentle man, your sweet little angel? The one who needs so much guidance, who gets so awkward about his lack of experience compared to you. The one you need to encourage to talk about what he likes since you wonât judge him for it. Well, angels shouldnât be benevolent and sweet, right? Theyâre the soldiers of god after all. And the depth of his psyche is still very much a mystery to youâŠ
âI donât want to hurt you⊠I just need you.â
He has no control over his own thoughts, everything on his mind gets blabbered out. Not just that he needs you, but that he wants to fuck you (he rarely uses that word so youâre even more baffled), that he wants to eat you up, bite for bite, digest you so nobody else can have you.
It sounds devoted yet utterly terrifying.
âYouâre-â
Heâs scary. Well, you knew this prior to crawling into his life. What people thought about him, one rumor more unhinged than the other and you have no idea how much truth there was to them. Everyone has some sort of admiration, respect for him or repulsion of him. You just tend to forget sometimes, how malicious his cursed energy feels, how his eyes never reflect the light, looking outright dead. But itâs all so contradictory to his personality⊠you know that youâre dear to him, heâs willing to risk everything for his friends, heâs so starved for connection, to carve himself a place within peopleâs hearts. You blamed the whole phenomenon on Rika. And you took pride in yourself, for taming a monster.
âI feel soâŠâ he suspires, trying his best to contain himself. â⊠weird.â
And heâs a kind monster indeed, even now, controlling his impulses as he humps your thigh like a feral dog.
âI donât know if Iâm able to hold back, so I need to knowâŠ.â
His voice is desperate, almost a plea. Heâs afraid of himself too. With the last bit of his sanity, he wants to make sure that itâs alright for you, whatever he has in store for you.
You donât protest.
His lips crash into yours in a violent, hungry kiss. Your teeth clang together, he shoves his entire tongue in your mouth. He grabs the hem of your shorts, peeling off anything that covers you below the waist. You hear the fabric tear. Itâs the same with his own clothes too, in a few blinks of your eyes heâs already stark naked.
He takes your hand, pulls it towards him, you can feel him in your palm. So hot, hard and swollen to the touch. He closes your fingers around him and his hips start moving back and forth, fucking himself into your grip. You smear the precum along his length with your fingertips, squeezing lightly when you feel the base. It has him moaning, breathily, more vocal than he usually is. Heâs so sensitive, his pace quickens and his voice is thinner, almost like a whimper.
And he groans. Unexpectedly. It bursts deep from his throat. You feel his cum pooling in your palm. Though you may be surprised, you donât make a big deal about it. You search for tissues on the bedside table to clean your hand like nothing happened.
âFeelinâ okay?â
Your voice is calming, tender, it warms his heart but the mere sight of his cum on your hand makes the blood rush to his dick again.
You sit up to caress his face. You open your mouth to question him, but he wonât let you start your aftercare routine.
âItâs⊠not enough.â
He grabs your thigh, hooking your leg over his shoulder, giving him better access to your naked core. Your back falls onto the mattress again.
âIâll take care of you.â
Itâs a promise, youâre sure of it.
His fingertips sink into your folds, relief ripples through him when he finds them already wet. He goes all out on you, his thumb circles your clit and two fingers dip in at your entrance, waiting to loosen you up so they can be pushed inside. His nails gently caress your inner thigh, itâs a tickling sensation, goosebumps dot your skin, a sigh dies on your lips. Treating it as a sign, his fingers start stretching your walls. They curl and curl inside you to the point of the cold band of his ring touching your folds, your essence soiling the stainless metal. The symbol of the haunting spirit of his first love. Childish love that it is, unserious, all just a game. The promises⊠the word forever holds no weight. Or maybe it does but they have no idea how hard it is to maintain those vows.
Can you ever compare to Rika in his eyes? Have the same effect over him? You donât dare to talk about it just yet. No, the nature of your relationship is not the same. Childhood love is not like adult love, you just want some reassurance. You want to feel important.
And your reassurance is soaking that wretched finger with your juices. Make that wretched ring yours. He spreads his fingers inside you, scissoring you apart, eagerly working to prepare you. Youâre holding onto the sheets and the pillows desperately, your body feels so volatile you might as well float away.
When he pulls out you feel hollow, incomplete. But he wonât keep you waiting long. The head of his cock feels like salvation. Scorching hot and wet with the mixed arousal. And he completes you with one smooth thrust. Youâre whole, fulfilled, a merged existence worth suffering over. Heâs throbbing deep within your walls, pulsating through your nerves. You canât tell if the noise coming out of him is a moan, a whine, or a growl, you only know that itâs bordering on bestial. Filled with need, an ache, coupled with something beyond your comprehension.
He drills into you, thereâs so much strength and resilience in him, it almost makes you scared. But something else also swells inside your chest. An unknown kind of excitement, a thrill, it makes you feverish, wired. The dissonance between his absolutely feral state and the fact that heâd never hurt you. Or maybe he would, in a way that youâd like it. Nobody could bite through your throat with such force that your windpipe breaks, only him, him and no one else.
He holds you at the back of your pelvic bone, lifts you up in an utterly perfect angle. You mewl him that it feels so good, so perfect, so raw. You love this feeling so much. You get completely lost and immersed in it.
ââŠit?â
His voice is faint yet his broken self-worth shines through it. Poor soul⊠You didnât pay attention to his most important desire. Heâs a parasite living off of your kind words, but nothing can make him as blissful as knowing you love him, despite everything he despises about himself. And youâll feed him. Prove it to him that he matters more than the things he does to you.
âOh Yuta, my sweetâŠâ the rest of the sentence gets stuck in your throat as you open your arms and he crashes into your embrace like a lost, lonely puppy. You hug him tightly, brushing through his locks with a free hand. The sweat makes the strands stick together. âOf course I love you, donât be silly.â
He might as well have been a puppy in his previous life. And now your words eased his guilt about his temporary condition. He gained your forgiveness.
What he does next is much more instinctual. He folds you in half, where your knees bend, is pressed right against his traps, your heels graze the middle of his back. Now his thrusts have weight, uncovering spots that even you had no idea that existed inside of you. Tears of joy prickle in your eyes, calling upon whatever deityâs name you can think of, off the top of your head. You can swear his pace increases at the sight. Itâs so intense a broken cry erupts from your throat.
He thrusts right into a sweet spot, which has you melting and trembling. Please is the only word your lips can form. At this point, you couldnât care less about the lewd sounds of your skin slapping together or the squelching noises that make the whole act sloppy, shameless and primal, you only want to reach  your peak, and youâre not far from it as youâre clenching around him with a rhythm that you have no control over.
It crashes, it ruptures, sudden, sharp and hot like an electric spark. A scream empties your lungs, but Yuta muffles it with sealing his mouth onto yours. You feel yourself getting filled as youâre convulsing around his length.
After he fucks you through your orgasm you feel yourself shaking, your whole body is limp, numb, drifting slowly to sleep. Youâre both soaked in sweat, your bodies stick together but thereâs a need to bond further in each otherâs embrace. You plant a kiss between his locks, praising him, telling him you love him. Satisfaction clouds your mind, like a soft, pillowy pink mist.
However, his cock is still not soft.
âI have no idea what has gotten into you.â you tell him, marveling, as youâre still catching on your breath. âI like it though, but you owe me an explanation.â
He handles you gently, like youâre some precious thing, made from glass, fragile. Your body is like a ragdollâs, he has you lying on your stomach, lazily, flatly, you might as well fuse together with the mattress. Calloused fingers are drawing nonfigurative shapes on your shoulder blades.
âIâll tell you right after we finish.â
Your blood runs cold for a moment.
âAgain? Yuta, for the love of god Iâm exhausted.â you whine.
He apologetically kisses your spine.
âJust this one, okay? Please? Iâll do all the work, Iâll make it quick. You only need to relax, you can sleep even.â
You want to tell him that sounds a little bit creepy, but you donât have the strength to talk. He kisses the two shallow dimples right above your tailbone. His gaze lingers on your folds, admiring how red and swollen you are.
âIf you manage to make me cum again, you deserve a fucking award.â you comment, face nuzzled into the pillow, your voice is obviously snarky.
You can feel teeth sinking into the flesh of your asscheek. The mark that is burning on your neck found itâs pair. He presses down your overly sensitive clit with his thumb, balancing the pain out with pleasure. But it gets overstimulated so easily, you feel the need to bite the pillow.
You brace yourself with a deep breath through your nose. Youâre going to pay him back next time, you promise yourself that youâll make a begging, crying mess out of him, and the thought makes you chuckle.
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk smut#yuta okkotsu x reader#okkotsu yuta x reader#okkotsu yuuta x reader#do not perceive me please idk how I came up with the whole cannibalcore pipeline#yuta okkotsu x you#jjk x reader#meesa writes
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Plagiarism Alert
A user named carmelcoco has been copying my post on âsun in house.â Her post is eerily similar to mine because she literally copied almost everything. The lines have the same meaning, and even the same structure, with just a few small edits here and there to make it look different.
Whatâs even more frustrating is that she blocked me, so I canât even see her posts to report them myself. I found out about this from a friend, and it honestly left me feeling really disheartened. Iâve put so much effort and care into creating my content, and seeing someone else just take it and pass it off as their own is incredibly unfair.
Imagine spending hours working hard on a post, putting your heart and soul into every word, only to have someone else copy it without giving any credit and act like itâs their original work. Itâs not only frustrating; it feels like a huge betrayal. I try to write posts that are helpful and meaningful, and itâs upsetting to see someone else take advantage of that effort.
I know some people might think Iâm just trying to get sympathy, but thatâs not what this is about. Iâve been going through a lot lately. Itâs not easy to balance everything, but I still try my best to create genuine and valuable content. When someone copies that hard work, it feels like all of my efforts are being dismissed.
Here is the side by side comparison
Girl, please learn to give others credit for their work. Itâs not fair or respectful to copy someoneâs hard work and then pretend itâs your own. If youâre going to draw inspiration from someone, the least you can do is acknowledge them. Itâs about basic decency and respect for the effort and creativity someone else has put in.
When you take someone elseâs work without giving credit, itâs not just lazy, itâs dishonest. It undermines the trust in our community and discourages others from sharing their ideas openly. Remember, thereâs enough room for everyoneâs voice, but not if we donât respect each otherâs contributions.
So please, next time, give credit where itâs due. Itâs not just about following the rules; itâs about supporting each other and building a community where everyone feels safe and valued for their original work.
EDIT
She has deleted the post and apologized. My only intention was to call out the issue, nothing more.
I kindly ask everyone to refrain from sending her any hurtful messages. That's not what our community stands for. Letâs focus on spreading kindness and keeping things positive.
#tarot reading#pick a card#tarot cards#free readings#free tarot#tarot#pick a pile#tarotblr#pick a picture#pick a photo#venus astrology#vedic astrology#astrology readings#astro notes#astrology#astro community#tarot readings#tarot deck#tarotcommunity#tarotcreator#spiritual community#astroblr
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Happier.
Pairings: Casey Novak x reader, Past Olivia Benson x reader.
Summary: The moment reader met Olivia, she knew it was over for her. Two 'straight girls' loving each other behind everyone's backs was meant to be cute and the perfect love story, but it doesn't always work that way. And then, there was Casey Novak.
A/n: Here is the winner of the poll! Once again, bestie here @saurgaeee giving me the ideas. I really do have to give her most of the credit because this amazing girl is pushing me to write all this great ideas and keeps me writing everyday and I love every moment of it, so please thank my bestie here. I gotta say that...I kinda feel bad for Olivia, but if you ask me...I'll always choose my wife Casey Novak. If you got any requests, please don't be shy and drop them at my ask box or message me, Iâm kind of getting over the requests and ideas and I do wanna write more haha! Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciatedđ«¶đ»
*not my gif*
âHey! Y/n is here!â Elliot smiled as y/n walked to them.
âHi guys.â Y/n smiled softly as she stood beside Olivia.
âWhat brings our favorite therapist here?â Munch said as he sat on his chair, offering a smile.
âDonât let Huang hear you or heâll be hurt.â Fin joked.
Y/n rolled her eyes. âWe have different but similar professions. I donât think Huang will mind.â She grinned as she looked at Munch. âI was on my way to court, but I thought youâd need a copy of my report from the Lopez case. I have some time before I need to be there.â She placed the file on Elliotâs desk. She then smiled as she looked back at Olivia. âCan I talk to you?â She whispered softly, enough for Olivia to hear.
Olivia nodded as she offered a small smile. âSure.â She looked back at the guys and smiled. âBe right back, gonna walk y/n out.â She placed her hand on y/nâs back and walked with her.
Truth was that y/n had not only stopped by the precinct to drop off the file, but also because she has been wanting all day to go visit Olivia. They had been secretly dating for a whole year and whenever they had a chance, theyâd visit each other, Olivia more often than y/n since they had not told anyone about it. The moment y/n met Olivia, she knew she was screwed because Olivia was in her mind 24/7. Y/n sighed softly as they walked to one of the offices that were pretty much empty, and the squad wouldnât be able to see that they had gone in there. As soon as the door closed, Olivia placed her hands on y/nâs waist and pushed her against the door, kissing her lips softly. Y/n sighed against her lips as she kissed her back, her hands going to Oliviaâs neck to pull her closer, but when she felt Oliviaâs hand going under her shirt, she pulled away and looked down, placing her hand on Oliviaâs chest to stop her.
Olivia furrowed her brows as she looked at y/n. âIs something wrong?â
Y/n shook her head as she huffed a chuckle. âLivâŠwe really need to talk about us.â She looked up at Olivia.
âWhat about us?â Olivia asked softly as she took a step back.
Y/n nibbled on her lip as she looked away for a moment, shrugging as she scoffed. âThe fact that after a whole year togetherâŠyouâre still pulling me into empty offices so you can kiss me, but whenever weâre out of the apartment or the office, itâs like you barely know me.â She looked back at Olivia. âI donât want to pressure you into coming out. I donât want to be that person that pressures you into telling everyone that youâre dating a girl, because I am not that person. But LivâŠhow long is this gonna keep going?â
Olivia took a deep breath as she looked away. She shook her head softly, trying to find the right words to say. âI- I donât know. I justâŠIâm not ready.â
âOlivia is not like Iâm asking you to put it on the papers. Iâm not asking you to tell the whole precinct that weâre dating. But I just cannot be a secret anymore. I want to hold your hand, I want to be able to hug you without you being tensed, I want to take you out on dates, I want to be your person. I want to tell you that I love you without being cautious of who is listening to us.â Y/n sighed as she walked to Olivia and held her hands. âOliviaâŠI hate to be this person, I really do. But how much longer are we gonna keep pretending that weâre nothing to the world?â
Olivia sighed as she looked down and shook her head. âI just canât do it.â She looked up at y/n and shrugged. âIâve told you before why I donât want to go public.â
âI know the risk of your job. But we both know thatâs not the real reason.â Y/n smiled sadly. She then sighed as she leaned in and kissed her cheek softly. âIâll call you later.â She turned to leave.
âYouâre not coming over today?â
Y/n turned to look at Olivia as she opened the door. âI donât know.â She stared at Olivia for a moment and then left the office.
Y/n knew better than to pressure someone to come out, she had treated so many people before who had told her about how hard it was for them to come out to their families or friends, how it could ruin their life or their jobs, sheâs had so many people asking for advice on what to do, and sheâs heard of others who have admitted that even if it would affect their lives, they could and would come out. She herself had been hiding who she truly was since she could remember, and the reality was that Olivia had been the person that made her break that idea that she was straight.
She knew what she was getting herself into when she started dating Olivia, she had been in denial of falling for the âstraight girlâ when she herself had considered herself to be one, but the more she spent time with her, the more she wanted to be with her and the fact that Olivia flirted with her every possible chance, gave away the fact that neither of them were straight. So, she gave them a chance. And no, she didnât regret it, she had fallen for Olivia, and she somehow knew that Olivia felt the same, but lately, it had been more obvious that Olivia had no intention of mentioning that y/n was her girlfriend. She hated the position she was in, asking Olivia to not be a secret anymore, but she had lived in the dark for so long that she didnât want to be stuck in there more time.
********************
Olivia knocked softly, looking around as she waited for y/n to open. Once she heard the door opening, she smiled softly as she looked at y/n. âHi.â
Y/n offered a small smile. âI figured youâd come.â She said softly.
âI couldnât just leave our conversation like that.â
Y/n nodded and stepped aside to let Olivia in. âI know.â
Olivia walked into the apartment and waited for y/n to close the door. She turned to look at her and offered a smile. âHave you eaten?â
Y/n nodded. âI just finished. I have some leftovers if you want some.â
Olivia shook her head. âIâm good.â
âAnything to drink?â
âIâm good.â Olivia cleared her throat as she looked down at her hands. âY/n, I-â
âI canât do this anymore, Liv.â Y/n whispered softly as she looked at Olivia, her eyes watering.
Olivia looked up at y/n, feeling a pressure in her chest. âY/nâŠplease donât do this.â
âIâm sorryâŠâ Y/n bit her lip as she tried to hold back her tears. âOlivia, we canât keep this going. I donât want to be the reason you push yourself to come out. I hate to be that person, and earlier I figured out that I was, and I felt like a hypocrite. I donât want to pressure you, I donât want to push you to do that. But I cannot do this. I canât be hiding again, not when I did it for a long time, I cannot go back to that.â She sobbed softly as she shook her head. âYou made me realize who I truly was, and maybe it was me that I just felt safe enough to put it out there, and I donât blame you for not wanting to do the same. YouâreâŠyouâre amazing, Liv. I donât want us to end up in bad terms. So Iâm setting you free.â
Olivia shook her head as she walked to y/n, her hands going to y/nâs cheeks and kissing her forehead softly. âNo. Y/n, please. Donât do this. I justâŠI canât. Iâm just figuring out who I am, and what I want. This jobâŠI need you, y/n.â She pulled away enough to look down at y/n.
Y/n closed her eyes as she tried to avoid Oliviaâs stare. âYou donât have to do anything, Olivia.â She looked at Olivia as she sobbed, tears now rolling down her cheeks. âYou can do this at your own pace, and Iâll be here if you need me. But I cannot be part of it anymore. I cannot go at your pace anymore. I need to go at my own pace. And if we keep pushing, if we keep tryingâŠweâre just gonna keep hurting each other, Liv.â
Olivia closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks. She shook her head softly. âIâm sorry.â She whispered softly.
Yn smiled sadly, kissing Oliviaâs forehead softly. âIâm sorry too.â She whispered and pulled away to look at Olivia, her hands grabbing Oliviaâs and kissing the back of them softly. âIâll be here.â
Olivia nodded as she took a deep breath. âI should goâŠâ
âOkay.â Y/n nodded as she let go of Oliviaâs hands.
Olivia opened the door and stood there for a moment, looking back at y/n. âYou know I love you, right?â
Y/n smiled sadly. âYes.â
Olivia nodded one last time before she walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind her.
********************
Casey groaned as she looked down at her watch, waiting for the doors of the elevator to open. She thought she had more time to get to court but it seemed like destiny was not on her side that day and the traffic had been worst than it usually was. So now, here she was, standing right in front of the elevator, hoping that she could make it up in the next 5 minutes. As the doors opened, she went inside and pressed the buttons to close the doors and to the floor she needed to get to, but before the doors closed, she heard someone yelling to stop the doors, and even if she wanted to be selfish that day, she knew that sheâd want someone to hold the doors for her if she was the one yelling, so she did just that.
âThanks.â Y/n breathed out as she literally ran into the elevator, offering a small to Casey.
Casey nodded as she returned the smile. âFloor?â
Y/n looked at the floors and smiled. âGoing to the same one.â She looked at Casey and for a moment felt her heart stopping as she noticed the redhead. She cleared her throat and looked at the doors, trying not to look at the redhead again.
Both of them fell into silence as they waited to get to their floor, but again, it seemed like destiny was not in the mood to be nice that day, and suddenly they heard a loud sound coming from the elevator, and suddenly it stopped. While y/n pressed herself again the wall grabbing her cellphone, Casey cursed under her breath and tried to press any button, but nothing was working, groaning as she realized that sheâd not get to her arraignment in time. She pressed the emergency button and then got her cellphone out, calling someone to let them know that she was stuck in the elevator, and she wouldnât make it.
âGuess destiny is not on justiceâs side, huh?â Y/n joked as she looked at Casey, a faint grin on her face. âUnless youâre here for the defense?â
Casey huffed a chuckle. âThe first one sounds right.â She turned to look at y/n and smiled. âYou?â
Y/n shrugged. âI was supposed to testify butâŠguess that wonât be happening today.â
Casey chuckled softly as she nodded. âYep.â She put her cellphone back in her briefcase and sighed. âWellâŠguess weâll be here for a while.â She offered a smile and extended her hand. âIâm Casey.â
âIâm y/n.â Y/n smiled softly as she took Caseyâs, for a moment her breathing stopped again as she held her hand for a little longer than she expected, noticing Caseyâs faint smirk on her face. She let go of her hand and cleared her throat, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. âSoâŠuhâŠADA?â
âYeah, actually. I recently started in SVU.â
Y/n scoffed as she looked down at the floor. âIâm familiar with it.â
Caseyâs smile fainted a little as she looked at y/n. âOh. Iâm-â
Y/n looked back at Casey. âNo! No, I meanâŠIâve worked with them. IâmâŠIâm a therapist. I used toâŠto treat some of the victims.â
âOh! Yes, IâŠheard Huang mentioning you once. They really miss you.â Casey grinned.
Y/n shrugged as she grinned. âCanât say Iâm not better than Huang but.â She chuckled softly.
Casey chuckled as she nodded. âWell, Iâd definitely love to work with you if you ever think about going back.â She grinned.
Y/n stared at her for a moment, a smile appearing on her face without her noticing. âTo see me or to actually work with me?â
Casey shrugged. âMaybe both.â She nibbled on her lip as she tried to hold back a smile.
Y/nâs eyes landed on Caseyâs lips, suddenly she was left speechless. Her eyes went back to green ones, her smile widening. âWe can always go for a coffee, orâŠlunch?â
âI was thinking the same thing.â Casey smiled, looking into her briefcase, and getting a small card along with a pen. She wrote something on it and then handed it to y/n. âThatâs my personal number. We can arrange a day and time.â
Y/n looked down at it and smiled softly, nodding her head as she looked back at Casey. âSounds like a plan.â
Before they could say anything else, the doors to the elevator opened, making them turn their heads and look at the officers that had forced the doors open. Casey mentioned that she had to run but that sheâd see her again soon and then exited the elevator, leaving y/n with a smile on her face as she watched her go. She walked out of the elevator and looked down at the card in her hand, smiling as she saw her name and the phone number. She had told herself that she would only focus on herself after the heartbreak that she had gone through 6 months ago, but she was not about to lose a chance to go on a date with a pretty redhead. Maybe after all, destiny hadnât been as bad as she thought.
********************
âDo you really need to go to that conference?â Casey pouted as she looked at y/n.
Y/n chuckled softly as she walked around the desk and pushed Caseyâs chair back, so she was able to sit on her lap, wrapping her arms around her neck and pecking her lips softly. âItâs just for 2 days, and I wonât be too far away. Iâll just be in Chicago.â She ran her hand through Caseyâs hair. âIâll be back before you know it.â
âYeah, well, I got a lot of work so thatâs good.â Casey smiled softly as she looked up at her girlfriend. âI can take you to the airport in the morning, I got some time.â
Y/n smiled softly. âIâd love that actually.â She chuckled as she leaned down and kissed her lips softly. âAre we still on for dinner tonight?â
âYou know we are, wouldnât miss it for anything.â Casey whispered against her lips. âBut, I do have to go to court right now. I got some motions and need to pay a visit to Petrovsky.â
âOf course you do.â Y/n chuckled as she stood up.
âYou wanna come with me? We are going the same way anyway.â Casey stood up and grabbed her briefcase, looking back at her and smiling.
Y/n smiled softly and nodded. âSure.â
It had been a whole year since Casey and y/n had started dating. Y/n had been more than nervous once things started getting serious with Casey to say the least, after their first date, y/n thought that maybe Casey would want to leave it there and they wouldnât go for a second date, but Casey had been so sweet and charming, looking at y/n in a way that made her feel butterflies in her stomach and she was pretty sure that the whole date, she had been blushing like a teenager. The date had been longer than she had expected, they had stayed at the coffee shop for so long, and then they walked around for a while until they got back to y/nâs. The second date, Casey had taken her to a fancy and beautiful restaurant, and y/n felt like she was in heaven by the way Casey was treating her, everything was just perfect.
Y/n really found it pretty hard to think that she had someone like Casey in her life, things seemed too good to be truth and when Casey confessed she wanted them to be more, y/n felt so scared to be a secret again, but there was not turning back now, not when she was falling hard for Casey, and she wanted nothing more than to give their relationship a chance; and she had taken the best decision ever. The first time she thought Casey would only introduce her as a friend, was one time that Casey had invited her to the batting cages; y/n had told Casey that she wanted to see her play or at least practice, so Casey had invited her to come with her after work. What she didnât expect was to find some of Caseyâs colleagues that also happened to practice there, and when Casey had greeted them, she had thought about stepping aside and wait until she was done talking to them, but to her surprise, Casey grabbed her hand and pulled her to her side to introduce her as her girlfriend.
Y/n remembered the way her heart almost burst out of her chest at the love and happiness she felt, for a moment she believed she was dreaming, but when Casey wrapped her arm around her waist and pulled her closer, she knew it was real. Thatâs when y/n figured out that Casey was not ashamed of showing her off and that she really meant it when she said she was in love with her. She had told Casey about her failed relationship with Olivia but never told her it had been with her, just told her what had happened, so she thought maybe Casey wanted to show her that she was willing to make their relationship work. That was the first time that y/n had felt truly free, not afraid to show who she was and to show the person she loved, it was when she figured out that she couldnât imagine her life without Casey, and that sheâd do anything to keep her in it.
âPlease call me once youâre in the hotel.â Casey said as she placed y/nâs suitcase on the floor, wrapping her arms around y/nâs waist and smiling. âAnd please be safe.â
Y/n chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around Casey. âI will be, Novak. Iâm a big girl.â She smiled.
âYouâre still my baby.â Casey grinned as she kissed her forehead softly.
Y/n blushed slightly as she looked up at Casey. âIâll miss you.â She grinned.
Casey smiled, leaning down to kiss her lips softly. âJust 2 days, and then Iâll pick you up and weâll go for dinner.â
âAnd dessert?â Y/n raised her brow playfully as she smirked.
Casey chuckled as she leaned down. âThat one will be when we get home.â She whispered in her ear and nibbled on her earlobe.
Y/n bit her lip and pushed Caseyâs back enough to look at her. âCase!â She chuckled softly. âI cannot wait.â
Casey smiled and pecked her lips one more time. âI love you.â
Y/n smiled softly. âI love you more. Be safe yourself.â She pecked her lips and then grabbed her suitcase. âTry not to miss me too much!â She yelled as she walked away.
âIâll try my best.â Casey chuckled as she watched her girlfriend go.
*******************
âThanks for coming for a drink with me.â Olivia said as she looked back at Casey, offering a small smile.
Casey shrugged. âOf course, I knew you needed one, and I never say no to one either.â She grinned.
Olivia chuckled as she looked down at her drink. âElliot told you what happened in there, huh?â
âYeah...â Casey offered a sympathetic smile. âI donât blame you for going off on him.â
âHe was so proud of wanting to marry a fifteen year old.â Olivia scoffed. âFifteen, Casey. And he swore that because he offered a good life, it was okay. And he called me a bitter bitch.â She chuckled as she took a sip of her drink. âThoughâŠhe might be right.â
Casey frowned. âWhat you mean?â
Olivia sighed. âI had my chanceâŠto have a good relationship. Someone who really cared about me, didnât mind my job or hectic hours. They looked out for me, always. They made sure I was okay and made sure I knew I was loved.â She smiled sadly as she looked up at Casey. âI lost it, because I was stupid enough to let them go.â
Casey tilted her head as she listened to Olivia. âWe all make mistakes, Liv.â
âI was an idiot, Case. Iâm sure theyâd have done everything for me and, I justâŠblew it.â Olivia sighed heavily as she played with her glass, staring at it. âIt took me a while butâŠI figured out that they couldâve been the one.â She looked at Casey and smiled. âYou got someone waiting for you?â
Casey smiled as she nodded. âWellâŠsheâs on a trip right now butâŠI do.â
Olivia smiled. âCan I ask you something?â
âGo ahead.â
âWould you give up everything for her?â
Casey smiled softly as she looked down at her drink. She nodded softly then, looking up at Olivia. âI would.â She said softly. âI cannot imagine life without her. Itâs the first time in years that I actually feel loved and the first time in years that I actually am willing to give everything for her.â
Olivia smiled. âSheâs a lucky girl.â
âIâm the lucky one.â Casey chuckled.
âAnd whoâs the lucky girl? Someone I know?â
Casey tilted her head. âActually-â
Olivia looked down at her phone and groaned as she picked up. âBenson.â She sighed as she stood up. âIâm on my way.â
âEverything okay?â
Olivia shook her head. âApparently not.â She was about to reach in her pocket to get some money.
âHey, itâs on me. Go.â
Olivia offered a smile. âThank you.â She said before she left the bar.
********************
âSo, we have nothing?â Casey looked back at them.
âItâs bull. Heâs not mentally ill. Heâs trying to trick us.â Elliot said as he looked back at Casey. âLetâs wait for Huang and heâll tell us that heâs manipulating us.â
âHuang said he asked for a favor, he canât come.â Cragen said as he walked to where the squad was.
âWho is it?â Olivia asked but before Cragen could answer, they all looked at the doors.
Casey smiled. âBaby, what are you doing here?â
Olivia turned to look at the person that Casey was greeting, and she felt her heart dropping as her eyes laid on y/n. Did she hear Casey say baby? Was thatâŠshit. After Olivia and y/n had broken up, y/n had decided to not accept any more cases from SVU, she had asked Huang if he could find someone else because she wanted to fully focus on private practice, and SVU cases were taking a lot of time from her, so she never really saw Olivia again. Even though she had said that she didnât want them to end on bad terms, y/n couldnât bear the thought of seeing Olivia and working with her when her heart was completely broken. As for Olivia, she had tried to call y/n a bunch of times, but she never answered again and after hearing that she wouldnât go to the precinct anymore, she knew then that y/n wanted nothing to do with her. So seeing her here after so long, almost 2 years later, and now knowing that she was the girl Casey had been talking about, broke Oliviaâs heart even more.
Y/n stared at Olivia for a moment but then decided to walk to Casey who was already walking to her. âHuang called me. Asked me if I could cover for him.â She smiled as Casey kissed her lips softly.
âYou and Novak. That is unexpected.â Fin grinned as he looked at both women.
âWhat can I say? I won the lottery.â Casey said as she kissed the side of y/nâs head.
Y/n smiled as she looked at Casey. âWe both did.â She said softly as she kissed her cheek. âAlright. Anything I need to know?â
Olivia only stared at both Casey and y/n as they updated y/n with the case, giving her some information so she didnât walk into the room in blank. She knew she had to focus on the case, and that y/n was here for the perp, but the fact that she was dating Casey pissed her more than she expected. She was sure that sooner or later, y/n would find someone who could fulfill y/nâs needs, that would love her and that would look out for her the way Olivia was not able to. But the fact that it was Casey Novak who made her happy, who was able to kiss her, hold her, go back home to her, it was pissing Olivia off. Y/n then walked into the interrogation room, and they all stood in Cragenâs office, looking through the window and focusing on their conversation.
âItâs been a while since weâve had y/n here. Itâs nice to have her back.â Elliot said as he smiled.
âMy girlfriend is good at what she does.â Casey said softly as she grinned.
âCould you not talk? Weâre trying to listen.â Olivia suddenly snapped, looking at Casey and then back at y/n and the perp.
Elliot frowned and looked at Casey who looked back at him, but right after they shook it off, focusing on the conversation. 20 minutes later, y/n had gotten more information than they had done in the last 2 hrs, Casey turned to Elliot and asked him to check his phone record and make sure to find anything at all, leaving Casey and Olivia alone in Cragenâs office. They both stayed quiet for a little longer, y/n looking at the window a while after to let them know that she was about to finish with him.
âShe only needed 20 minutes to get him to talk. Isnât she amazing?â Casey said proudly as she looked at Olivia, a smile on her face.
âYes, Casey. We know how she works. We have no doubt that sheâs good. Or she didnât tell you that she used to work with us?â Olivia snapped as she turned closed the blinds and turned to leave the office.
âDo you have a problem, Olivia?â Casey frowned as she walked to Olivia.
Olivia turned to look at Casey. âNo. I have no problem.â
âYou justâŠcompletely changed in an instant. Is there anything bothering you or-â
âLook, Casey, weâre really not friends for me to tell you about my problems or go to you to talk. So, donât pretend like you want to know if Iâm okay or not.â Olivia scoffed as she shook her head, turning to walk away.
Casey scoffed as she shook her head. âOh, now weâre not friends? What happened to that night weeks ago when we were having a drink and talking?â
Olivia shrugged. âWeâre colleagues, colleagues do that.â
Casey nodded as she looked away. âGot it.â She offered a smile. âIâm sorry that I thought we were friends.â She passed Olivia and opened the door to walk out of the office.
Olivia sighed heavily as she looked up and found y/n going to Casey, giving her a kiss on the cheek, and smiling at something Casey told her. If she thought she had a chance to get y/n back, now it was long gone. She had found happiness, she had found her personâŠand OliviaâŠwellâŠshe was wishing she was in Caseyâs place.
********************
Olivia knocked on Caseyâs door and leaned against the door frame. Casey looked up from her notepad and offered a small smile. âCan I come in?â She showed Casey the bag of food she had in her hands and smiled a little. âI brought Chinese.â
Casey huffed a chuckle and nodded. âCâmon in.â
âI thought you might want a little help in the Duvall case.â Olivia smiled as she sat down and placed the bag in a place where it wouldnât mess with Caseyâs paperwork.
Casey nodded. âYeah, just going through notes.â She sighed. âBut thatâs not the only reason youâre here, right?â
Olivia shook her head as she smiled. âIâm sorry about what happened a few weeks ago. I never got to say I was sorry.â
Casey nodded. âI figured you were just going through something, and I made you snap.â
Olivia shrugged. âMaybe, I still shouldnât have reacted that way.â
âWell, you brought me dinner, so youâre forgiven.â Casey smiled.
âY/n is not coming?â Olivia asked as she grabbed the bag and looked inside to get the boxes of food.
âUh, no. She was invited to present a class in Columbia, so I told her Iâd meet her at home.â Casey smiled.
âGood.â Olivia looked up at Casey and smiled. âYou really are lucky, Case.â
Casey frowned slightly and then smiled. âI know.â
Olivia knew it was not her place to talk about the relationship she had with y/n, not if y/n had not told Casey anything about it. As much as she wanted to tell Casey that y/n had been the person she was talking about back in the bar, she knew that if she mentioned it, it might cause problems between Casey and y/n, and the last thing she wanted, was to have Casey coming after her or y/n getting hurt, so she decided that the best option was to continue as if nothing had happened, and be in good terms with Casey, after all, they were working together.
After an hour or so going over Caseyâs notes and the files, Olivia decided to go get some coffee, seeing the hour and realizing that they would definitely spend more time in Caseyâs office than they wanted to. She knew that because of the hour, sheâd have to walk for a bit to find an open coffee shop, taking her around 30 minutes to get the coffee and go back to Caseyâs office. Once she was back, she frowned as she noticed the lights in Caseyâs office were now off, for a moment believing that Casey had gone home.
âCasey, I had to go three blocks to find the open coffee shop, if you went home, Iâm gonna kill you.â Olivia huffed a chuckle as she opened the door but then she noticed it was completely dark and quiet, frowning again as she reached for the switch of the light and turning it on, finding Casey passed out on the floor. âCaseyâŠâ She whispered softly as she dropped the coffee and knelt on the floor to check Caseyâs pulse. She got her phone out and dialed 911 asking for a bus and to be quick cause Casey was not responding. She put her phone back in her coat and tried to check if Casey was bleeding from anywhere else, panic suddenly taking over.
After the ambulance and the police arrived, she told Elliot that sheâd ride with Casey and to call y/n if he had the chance. The whole ride to the hospital, Olivia kept staring at Casey and hoped that sheâd wake up, but she kept hearing that she was not responding but there was a pulse. She held Caseyâs hand the whole ride, mumbling a prayer, or anything at all for Casey to wake up and to be alright, she felt guilty for leaving her there and taking so long to find the coffee shop. Once in the hospital, Â they got Casey right into surgery and they asked Olivia to wait in the waiting room. She kept pacing around as she waited, her mind filled with thoughts as she tried to remember if she saw someone or anyone that couldâve hurt Casey, and then it hit her that they had sent flowers, and for a moment they had joked that maybe y/n had sent them, which in all honesty, it made Olivia feel a little jealous, but she didnât say anything. So, if it hadnât been from y/n, someone else went to Caseyâs office and attacked her. As was lost in thought and pacing around the room, she didnât notice y/n walking into the waiting room, calling for Olivia until she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up to find y/n right in front of her.
âY/nâŠâ Olivia breathed out.
âWhereâs Casey?â Y/n asked almost out of breath.
Olivia took a deep breath as she tried to focus back on the present. âSheâsâŠsheâs in surgery. She has a concussion and I thinkâŠbroken ribs. I donâtâŠI donât really know.â
âWhat happened?â Y/nâs voice trembled as she looked at Olivia, her eyes filling with tears.
âWe wereâŠwe were going over the case, and we were just talking about it and going over the options, and I offered to go for coffee. I left forâŠfor 30 minutes. And I came back, and she was passed out on the floor. I donât know-â
âIs there a suspect? Is there someone that wanted to hurt Casey?â
Olivia looked at y/n and shook her head. âI donât know, y/n.â
Y/n sobbed as she turned away from Olivia, her hands going through Caseyâs hair. âI shouldâve gone to her office instead of home.â
Olivia sighed as she tried to place her hand on y/nâs shoulder. âY/n, we didnât know this would happen-â
âYou left her alone.â Y/n turned again to look at Olivia, tears rolling down her cheeks. âWhy did you leave her alone?â
Olivia was taken aback by the question, looking at y/n with disbelief. âY/nâŠI didnât know this was gonna happen.â
âAre you sure?â Y/n snapped.
Olivia scoffed. âWhat? You think that because I found out youâre dating Casey, that I decided to, what, let a perp or a random person go to Caseyâs office to attack her? Are you even listening to yourself right now?â
âOh, please. Casey told me the way you acted the day I went to the precinct. You were rude when she doesnât even have any idea about you.â
âI called you. A million times. I regretted so much to let you go so easily. And you never answered!â
âI moved on, so what, Olivia? Itâs been almost two years. You thought Iâd sit around and wait until you were okay with coming out and telling people that you had something with me? You had no right to treat Casey like that, she did nothing to you. If you wanna take it out on someone, it should be me. Not Casey.â Y/n started to raise her voice as she stared at Olivia.
âI should be the one making you happy and holding your hand! I should be the one loving you, not Casey!â
âYou had your chance! I gave you a chance and you took it for granted! I moved on, and I met Casey, and you know what?! Casey is the best thing that has happened to me! I love her like I have never loved anyone! And if I lose her, this will be on you, Olivia!â
âThatâs enough!â
Olivia and y/n turned to look at Elliot standing just a few feet away from them. Suddenly they both remembered they were in the waiting room of the hospital and a few people that were there were now staring at them. Y/n swallowed hard as she looked down at the floor, trying to calm down as more tears rolled down her cheeks. Elliot then walked to them and placed a hand on y/nâs shoulder.
âIâll go ask for Casey, to see if sheâs out of surgery.â Y/n whispered softly, walking out of the waiting room.
Elliot stared at Olivia and placed his hand on her shoulder. âWhat was that about?â
Olivia looked at Elliot with tears in her eyes. âI blew it. I lost y/n a long time ago, and now itâs too late.â
Elliot sighed as he nodded. âYou two were dating back when she was helping us, huh?â Olivia nodded. âWhy you never told me?â
âI was not sure of who I was or what I wanted, I was confused. Iâm not twenty anymore. I was just-â Olivia shrugged. âI donât know.â She sniffled as she shook her head. âAnd I blew it. And now sheâs happy with Casey, and Iâm still here wishing that it was me.â
âLivâŠyou need to let her go. She was out of line, what happened to Casey had nothing to do with you, itâs not your fault. But you need to let her go.â
Olivia stared at Elliot as she tilted her head, more tears rolling down her cheeks. âI know.â She whispered softly.
********************
Casey opened her eyes slowly, turning her head as she noticed y/n leaning over her arm fast asleep. She smiled softly and slowly moved her other hand to run her fingers through y/nâs hair. Y/n took a deep breath as she opened her eyes and looked up to find Casey staring at her. âHi sleepyhead.â Casey whispered softly.
Y/nâs face softened as she smiled. âWelcome back, baby.â
Casey smiled. âI fell asleep as soon as I talked to Olivia.â
Y/n nodded softly. âYou did. But thatâs okayâŠyou need all the possible rest.â She smiled softly as she got up and leaned down to kiss Caseyâs forehead softly. âDo you want some water?â
Casey shook her head slowly. âIâm good.â She sighed. âCan I ask you something?â
Y/n sat in bed and brought Caseyâs hand to her lips, kissing the back of it softly. âAnything.â
âIt was Olivia, wasnât it? Your heartbreak.â Casey said softly, almost in a whisper as she looked at y/n.
Y/n sighed as she looked at Caseyâs hand and then up at her again, nodding softly. âYes.â
âWhy didnât you tell me?â
Y/n shrugged. âI didnât think it was important. Olivia and IâŠwe broke up and after that, we tried to continue working together but it wasnât easy. And I stopped talking to her and going to the precinct. We lost contact until that day when I went to the precinct again.â She bit her lip softly. âI didnât mean to hide it from you, Case. If I wouldâve known that Olivia was going to act that way-â
âYou have history with her. I donât blame her. I canât say that I wouldnât react the way she did.â Casey grinned.
Y/n huffed a chuckle as she shook her head. âStill, she had no right to treat you like that, Casey.â
Casey shrugged. âI can handle it.â She smiled. âSoâŠare you really over her?â
Y/n tilted her head. âYou really asking me that?â She smiled. âCase, Iâve been over her since the moment I met you. Even before that. Yes, what I had with OliviaâŠit was something. She was the first woman I was with, but things didnât work with her. And I have you, Casey. And no, youâre not a rebound or replacement or anything. I love you, Casey. And Iâd do anything not to lose you. I canât imagine my life without you.â She felt her eyes getting teary as she spoke, afraid that Casey would tell her that they had to break up.
Casey sighed softly as she pulled y/n closer, signaling her to lean down. âIâm not going anywhere, my love. I love you too much to let you go. ButâŠI just needed to know.â She smiled once y/n was resting her forehead against Caseyâs carefully. âYou cannot get rid of me.â
Y/n chuckled softly. âI better not. I mean it, Casey.â
Casey nodded. âAnd I mean it too. I love you, and Iâd do anything for you. I cannot imagine my life without you either.â She grinned. âWeâre too cheesy.â
Y/n laughed softly. âWeâre disgusting.â She smiled as she kissed Caseyâs lips softly. âPlease, never leave me.â
âNot planning to.â Casey smiled as she kissed her lips again.
********************
Y/n took a deep breath as she walked to Oliviaâs desk, thankful that the rest of the squad was gone. She cleared her throat softly, making Olivia look up at her. âHi.â
Olivia sighed. âHi.â
âI uhâŠI wanted to talk to you. Iâm sorry if I didnât call before.â
Olivia shook her head. âItâs okay. You want to go somewhere else?â
Y/n shook her head. âI just wanted to tell you that Iâm sorry. I shouldnât have snapped at you like that. I was stressed and worried about Casey.â She sighed. âI really didnât mean to tell you all those things.â
âBut you were right.â Olivia stood up and leaned over her desk. âI shouldnât have snapped at Casey. I shouldnât have told you all those things. You had every right to move on.â
Y/n nodded. âYou meant so much to me, Olivia. You really did. And you always will.â
Olivia smiled. âBut you found your person.â
Y/n smiled. âI did.â She whispered softly.
âI can see that now. And I am so sorry. Iâm happy that youâre happy. I truly am. And I hope we can move on from this andâŠmaybe start over.â Olivia smiled as she extended her hand.
Y/n nodded as she held Oliviaâs hand. âIâd like that.â She smiled.
Olivia let go of her hand and smiled. âGood. Iâm really happy for you, y/n. And I am sorry about what happened to Casey.â
âIt wasnât your fault. It was never your fault.â Y/n smiled. âI know youâll find the right person, Liv. JustâŠlive your life as you want it. Donât overthink it too much.â
âI will.â Olivia smiled. âTake care.â
Y/n smiled. âYou too.â She squeezed Oliviaâs shoulder before she walked away.
Y/n knew that what she had with Olivia had been special, she had helped her figure out that after all, she had been living in denial her whole life and she had been hiding her true self. Sadly, what she had hoped to have with Olivia, had not worked out the way she wanted, and she believed that somehow, it couldâve been fate telling her that Olivia was not the right person. As cheesy as she thought it was, she knew deep inside that Casey was her person, and the one that she wanted to spend her whole life with. Olivia would always hold a place in her heart, but Casey was her person, and she wouldnât change it for anything in the world.
#casey novak x reader#casey novak#olivia benson x reader#olivia benson#svu fic#svu#law and order svu
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alright, i... didn't want to do this. i didn't want to have to do this. especially with all the hate ive been getting in my inbox recently. but i don't have a choice.
hi. im lulu. im a 21-year-old autistic immunocompromised queer person. i currently live with my mother (senior) and my little sister (10 years old). i need your help to get out.
(context and avenues to help below the cut)
as some of you may know, my stepfather died on august sixth from a heart attack. we lived in his parents basement, as it was all we could afford, and we depended on his income. he had a stable job, and mom decided to become a housewife and sell some things from the buisness they created together. when he died, the buisness was dissolved, as it was an llc partnership. his parents are extremely controlling, and as such, he was only able to finally start building up credit when mom came along, and we were almost at the point where he could qualify for a home loan so we could get out and get away from his parents.
that's gone now.
mom cannot qualify for a home loan because of her student loan payments and the credit card payments. we do not have the money to pay these off, and mom is trying desperately to get a job. we need the money to get out, as my stepfather's parents have been trying to get my sister away from my mom and shove both her and i out of the family for years. things are only getting worse now as we have reason to believe they are spying on our conversations and even going so far as tracking us (for example, they found a spare key to the car and went and took it and "cleaned it out" without mom's knowledge or permission, as it's her car now). they have been trying to circumvent mom and go behind her back during the entire process with the funeral home, coroner's office, all the legal documentation, and they are extremely infuriated that they cannot decide anything or push mom out because they are not the next of kin and have been trying to circumvent this. we have reason to believe that they're going to attempt to sell the cars that are still in my stepfather's name to collect on the money and never give us a dime, like they had with almost all of the money my little sister received as part of the college fund we set up at my stepfather's funeral as well as any money that my little sister had won in the past. we will never see a dime of it, and it's extremely upsetting that they are doing this. they have been running scams for years, and they have been nothing but hellish towards my mother, claiming she's withholding information from them when she has offered more than they've asked for and they have done nothing but take my little sister out and about without ever telling mom anything (for example- they screamed that mom was withholding information when she said she didn't copy the tox report for them because it was empty and claimed they needed to know his cholesterol levels [which doesn't even show up on a tox report- they didn't run his blood, either, and they didn't check his cholesterol levels anyway because they know that's what killed him, they could see it] and would not provide reasoning why [it does not affect them anyway just by nature of it being cholesterol], while on sunday they took my little sister out the whole day and failed to communicate with my mother that she would be with them and would be home after dinner).
they have been screaming at mom for collecting social security as though she was stealing their money and demanded that she doesn't get a job, and we have more than enough reason to believe that they are trying to get her to default on the bills so they finally have legal grounds to take my little sister and kick us out, leaving us with nowhere to go and no options. they have even gone as far as to threaten to take my sister away using force in the past, and, as they have firearms, that is a terrifying threat. they are unhinged and extremely upset that they cannot control us and make us do what they want, how they want, when they want, and they are up in arms over it.
when we move out, all hell is going to break loose, but the longer we wait, the worse it's going to get.
my stepfather, being 37 when he died, did not like thinking about his own mortality, so he didn't have a life insurance policy, a 401K, a will, nothing. we have been left high and dry by his death, and that is pushing aside the grief. we do not have the money to pay off the bills, pay for a lawyer, pay to have the car re-keyed to keep them from stealing it again, or to even flat-out buy a house to circumvent needing a loan, and on top of it all we have to deal with stepfather's parents not allowing us to grieve and implying that mom is a tramp and a heartless bitch that will blow any money given to her when she is more financially responsible than them. we also have to worry about them stealing our things, especially with how much they complain about how messy the basement is when most of the things here are theirs (stepfather's parents are hoarders- more specifically, his father hoards cars, and his mother hoards everything else, going out and shopping frivolously almost every day).
we need help with money, and i hate to ask, especially with the requirement of revealing my legal name and in light of the harassment i have been receiving for over a month now, but we need to get out of here, and we need to get out of here soon. it's only going to get worse the longer we stay. we need money to help with the bills, my mom's student loans, getting a lawyer, and getting a place to move into.
im posting this because im the only one my stepfather's parents won't find on any platform that i choose to use. my current goal is $9,000 USD, if only just to get enough money to get a cheap plot of land to move into, or one of the really cheap houses out here. this won't cover the loans or bills in addition, or the cost of getting a lawyer or anything else we need, but it is enough to get us a cheap place to live. i know it's a lot of money, but we are in a dangerous situation and need the money to escape. if we were to pay for everything, the goal would be in the hundreds of thousands, and i feel horrible just asking for this much. if you can't donate, please reblog, even the visibility might help and please do not spread my legal name. please remember to put "payment" or something generic in the reasoning box if it's required so that i will actually receive the funds instead of having my account purged from the site. i didn't want to ask for this, but i have no other options. please help.
c*sh*pp: $lulunightbon
v*nm*: @Lulilial
Goal: $0/$9,000
#im sorry#i don't know what else to do#please forgive me for this if you ever can#financial aid#autistic#trans
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no body, no crime
â m.s
chapter 1 . . . denial
in which. . . you and matt are private investigators, trying to figure out an unsolved murder from years ago.
warnings. . . mentions of murder, death, suicide.
written by @delilahsturniolo. do not copy, steal, or modify my works. do not take inspiration without asking permission first and please credit me if you are taking inspiration from my writing. happy reading! :)
(this is based off of the book series a good girls guide to murder!)
âi think he did it but I just can't prove it.â
âno, no body, no crime.â
âbut I ain't letting up until the day I die.â
the cursor on your computer moved quickly as you scrolled through different articles. you were sat in your office, your eyes glued to your laptop screen. you read the headline of the article you opened, it was published in 2015.
EMILY JONES, 17 year old girl brutally murdered by her boyfriend on June 17th, 2015.
you scoffed in disbelief as you read this.
everyone knows the story. emily was at a party with her boyfriend justin, they got into an argument and he shot her, a few moments later killing himself.
blah blah blah, you were tired of hearing that. you donât think thatâs what happened, you refused to believe it.
and why exactly? you didnât know. but what you did know, is that you had every desire to find out what truly happened.
everyone in the detective agency thinks youâve gone insane. there was no way you were so intrigued by a murder that happened years ago, you wouldnât stop digging into it.
it was just all so weird, nothing added up. the police refused to investigate further, closing the case without explanation. it was suspicious, really suspiciousâŠ
and you were going to figure out the truth. what really happened to emily and justin that night?
you bit your lip, abruptly shutting your laptop and getting up. you walked out of your office and through the headquarters, entering the office of the only person you knew could help you.
detective matthew sturniolo. one of the best investigators in the company. well, to you not really. you thought he was just like any other detective. either that, or you refused to believe he was better than you. you sighed, knocking on his door.
âdonât come in!â he grumbled from the other end. you only rolled your eyes, entering his office. he turned his head to look at you from his desk.
âdidnât i just say donât come in?â he narrowed his eyes at you. you just chuckled sarcastically. âoops.â you shrugged, taking a seat on the chair opposite of him.
âokay so what ever happened to askingââ matt began to speak up, you cut him off though.
âi donât need your sarcasm right now, i need help.â you interrupted, your voice laced with a pleading tone, which matt was a little taken aback by.
âyouâre asking me for help? thatâs a first.â matt crossed his arms, but leaning a little closer to hear your request.
you werenât amused by his response. you took the file you were holding and placed it down in front of him. mattâs eyes furrowed in confusion, he looked up at you, his blue eyes meeting yours.
âwhatâs this?â he questions.
âopen it and youâll see.â you replied, gesturing to the file. matt huffed, opening the file. his eyes widened slightly as he looked at what was inside.
ây/n, really? the emily jones case? you still wonât let this shit go?â matt scolded you, his eyes analyzing the old police reports and statements inside the file. he closed the file and pushed it back toward you.
âif youâre asking me to feed into your crazy delusions and help you solve a case thatâs already been solved years ago.â matt mocked you, making air quotation marks with his hands. however, you only shook your head.
âyou donât get it, i donât think justin killed emily, it had to have beenââ
ây/n, stop! everyone knows the story. justin killed emily, and he killed himself after. his DNA was on the gun. just let it go.â mattâs voice softened at his last few words.
you grabbed the file, opening it and taking out a few of the papers. you looked up at matt.
âdonât you find it weird? how the police did absolutely nothing? they didnât even try to investigate further, they jumped to conclusions and were so quick to close the case. emily and justin were in a happy, healthy relationship. why would he just shoot her? you donât find that a little odd? all of the suspects have different stories, something else happened that night. and, someone out there knows.â you explained to matt, his eyes locking with yours.
âmatt, i donât care if this happened years ago. people deserve to know the truth. itâs our job, we need to re open this case.â you pleaded.
matt took a long, deep breath. âalright.â he spoke casually, your eyed widened in surprise.
âwait, what?â
âalright. iâll help you, but on one condition.â matt leaned in closer.
âjust know that this doesnât mean i donât absolutely despise you anymore, you better not be wasting my fucking time with this shit, okay?â matt crossed his arms, you eagerly nodded.
âi promise, pinky promise.â you held out your pinky for matt to take, he chuckled lightly and connected his pinky with yours before letting go.
âalright then, letâs do this.â
âyouâre on, sturniolo.â
© delilahsturniolo
join the taglist here! đ€
a/n đ: WOOHOOO first series! what do you all think?
#sturniolo triplets#the sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo#matt sturniolo angst#matthew sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo imagine#matt x reader#sturniolo angst#angst#sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo fandom#sturniolo series#fanfic#alternate universe#sturniolo x you
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some etiquette tips for quotev migrants
If you enjoy a post (piece of art, text post, writing, gifset, etc) interact however you would have on quotev!
Reblogging is like reposting an activity, but with a permanent link to op, and you can add your own thoughts in the tags or on the post itself. Very nifty. It's that little đ symbol at the bottom.
Likes are a good short-form validation, and also a way to save posts so you can find them again later.
Comments are good for sharing your thoughts without having the post on your account for whatever reason.
Tags are optional, but useful for both organization and extra commentary that will stay on your blog (unless someone likes your tags. Then they may copy/screenshot and add to the post, or copy them in their own tags.)
if you trigger tag something, don't censor the trigger. That will only make it harder for people who have that tag blocked to avoid it.
"Copying is ok" rules for tags don't apply to art; art is to be reblogged, not copy-pasted, unless given permission from the artist. It's also polite to credit an artist if you use their art for a header/pfp, and/or ask beforehand!
That said, gifs are free game pretty much, since they have built-in credit to whoever uploaded them.
When posting images it's helpful to use the alt text feature to add a description, or add one in the body of the post below or above the picture, since A; it's helpful for those who use screen readers, and B; sometimes pictures don't load and the description is sometimes vital to tell what the heck's going on, screenreader or no.
Ask boxes are for things you don't mind being publicly viewed; messages are for private discussions.
Anonymous asks are optional, meaning some people may have them turned off. Anon hate is unfortunately common and many people opt to avoid it.
Block and report bots on sight. Report for spam/bot violations; even if they're an nsfw bot, reporting for sexual content won't do anything to get rid of them. Bots are pretty recognizable when you know what to look for, as their blog will either be blank/have a insta model pfp and generic URL, or...be full of untagged porn.
Bots come in waves; there'll be a lot at once, then they'll die off to a handful, then eventually come back. It's a neverending battle!
You can block tags to avoid seeing content you don't like. To do this you go into "account" in the settings menu, and type whatever you wanna block in the content filters section.
Turn on timestamps! That way you can know if info is outdated, or just in general have a time frame for when something was made.
Block rather than argue. You'll be happier in the long run. Hell, even if someone just kinda gets on your nerves or yucks your yum, but especially if it's serious, since reporting does next to nothing and arguing just won't change someone who's stuck in their ways, and it's not your job to fix everyone who's wrong. Block their account and if you want, block their name on the filtered content. Chances are they won't even know or care so don't worry that it's rude.
Most of all, have fun!
That's all I can think of for now. My askbox is open if there are any questions!
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POSSESSIVE BULLY | back
starring: bottom male reader
summary: possessive bully
nsfw, minors dni, donât report
possessive bully who would get possessive of you. He would get very angry if he would see you with anyone else, any other male especially
possessive bully who would bully you only when youâre happy cause he would like to see you cry. Seeing your puffed cheeks and swollen lips would turn his dick on
possessive bully who would secretly say sorry to you after every bullying by putting gifts that you like in your locker. Heâd also put ointment for you
possessive bully who would threaten you to come watch his game. Heâd bully you into coming and obviously youâd go. Seeing you seated, his confidence would boost up and heâd win that game, for you
possessive bully who would invite you to his house for parties but youâd refuse. Heâd try to get you to his house and heâd be successful when heâd offer an apology
possessive bully who would eyes only on you throughout the party. Heâd make sure you have everything and indirectly give it to you. He doesnât want any other guy talking to you
possessive bully who would pull you and bring you to his room. Youâd be confused. Thatâs when heâd try to talk to you, flustered as he doesnât know what to do
possessive bully who would attack your lips and start making out with you, seeing that you didnât pull away, heâs gonna fuck you on his bed
possessive bully who would thrust his cock into you as youâd moan on his pillow with your hole being stretched open with his big cock. Heâd make you moan his name which would send his ego flying
possessive bully who would not leave your side after your first fuck and now youâd be unofficial boyfriends but heâd be too shy to confess
in your mind, you know youâre dating and he loves you, but heâs just to shy to say it. So he just shows his love with gifts and his cock
Â©ïž flowerbunnyboo 2024. all rights reserved to me. please don't copy my work or reshare without my permission and credit
#bottom male reader#male reader#flowers fics#male x male#x male reader#bottom male reader smut#oc#oc x male reader smut#oc x male reader#oc x bottom male reader#oc x male#oc smut
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Iâm curious as to your honest thoughts on the show? Like I love pjo and all but the show was a bit of a let down writing wise. Thereâs always the point of âitâs an adaptation, not a carbon copyâ like yes but this new writing isnât exemplary better than the book just because itâs rewritten by the author himself
I think the show is well-written not because Rick is attached to it, but because I actually like the way the writers are approaching adapting the source material. I have a lot of issues with the original books in terms of writing quality because frankly speaking, I donât think Rick is a very good writer. He has a lot of interesting things in those books that he never explores or drops within the first two and this fandom gives him and the books too much credit imo.
This is why Iâm not very moved when people try to ascribe meaning to a certain scene or choice he made in the books to get mad at the show for changing. As an example, one of the main things people were upset about was the kids âknowing everythingâ in the show when they were getting tricked left and right in the book. Many posts were dedicated to how the book version is superior because it illustrates how theyâre just twelve years old kids so of course theyâll make mistakes and get tricked by monsters.
Thatâs a perfectly fine interpretation but I was twelve years old when I first read tlt and I was able to anticipate almost every single trap, despite being pretty gullible and naive at that age. My knowledge of Greek mythology consisted of Disneyâs Hercules, maybe two Google searches, and my second grade teacherâs reading of the kid friendly version of the Odyssey. No where near the level of Percy whoâd been learning for a whole year in an established class on the topic with Chiron or Grover who was literally a satry born into the world or Annabeth, who spent the majority of her life dedicated to studying specifically quests and Greek mythology and was also on the run fighting monsters for a good portion of her childhood. Like twelve year olds can be dumb but those three stumbling into every trap was asking me to suspend my disbelief too far. I remember being upset that they werenât able to figure it out because it was obvious that Rick wasnât making that choice to show any personality flaws or character dynamics (because he wouldâve had them learn and grow but they never did they just kept being not smart), he just wasnât able to figure out a way for them to fall into those traps organically so he had to dumb them down.
I think the show was able to get across the charactersâ childishness without compromising their established backstories. Yes, Annabeth knew it was Medusa right away because that makes sense for a kid who has experience with running into monsters. But, she still acted very much like a child in her interactions with her (and throughout the episode and season). She lashed out and called her a liar and wouldnât listen to her side of the story because it painted her mother in a bad light. Thatâs peak twelve year old behavior.
Yes, Percy figured out Kronos was behind everything, but it makes sense because Percy knows Greek mythology and where Kronos resides. He still very much acts like a child when he asks Hades to give him back his mom in exchange for nothing because itâs the right thing to do.
There are dozens of examples like this for a lot of complaints of the show. And this is not me saying that the show is perfect: every single show has flaws. For me, I wasnât the biggest fan of the dialogue or the exposition dumping. It didnât hinder my enjoyment though because I donât think it was egregious (and wrt the exposition dumping, I expected it because the book did it and thereâs really no way to âshow not tellâ Greek myths). I also didnât like that we didnât get to really see the huge clashes between Zeus and Poseidon in the weather (we got references to it through news reports but I wouldâve liked something more). I was able to look past it because I really liked the storytelling and the themes the show was pulling out of the original source material.
I loved Medusa-Sally parallels and Medusa-Annabeth parallels. I loved the juxtaposition of Panâs quest to manifest density. I loved Percy and Annabethâs opposite trajectory in respect to their relationships with their godly parents. I loved exploring Sallyâs choice to send Percy to school instead of camp. I loved explicitly coding Annabeth as autistic. I loved Lukeâs backstory being brought earlier into the story. I loved the deadline passing and Poseidon surrendering to save Percy. I loved Persues-Andromeda and percabeth parallels. I loved fleshing Grover out. I loved glory vs home seeking being the central theme of the show.
And lastly, I was able to understand that with a limited number of episodes and run time (due to the nature of child labor laws!), they did the best they could and I feel like they did a pretty good job for a first season.
These are not ALL of my thoughts on the show because that would be a very long post. I gave one detailed example of why I think the show succeeded in something the fandom tries to ascribe the books and it was like three paragraphs lol. Anyway this is not the post to try and convince me that the show is bad for whatever reason you have cooked up. Iâm not going to change my mind and I doubt Iâll change yours. Hereâs to a season 2 that builds on a solid season 1!
#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackson#pjotv#pjo tv show#pjo tv series#pjo adaptation#pjo disney+#pjo season 1#pjo season 2#annabeth chase#grover underwood#sally jackson#poseidon#luke castellan#the lightening thief#walker scobell#leah sava jeffries#aryan simhadri#virginia kull#toby stephens#charlie bushnell#rick riordan#rr crit#rick riordan critical#my asks
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Sad Girl (Part III)
Read Part I, Part II
Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader
Warnings: Sappy confession. Happy ending.
Author's Note: I'm alive.
GIF Credit
As you joined the street-level crowd from the subway, you pulled your scarf higher as the bitter wind swept over your face. You quickened your pace in the hope of getting out of the cold sooner as if you could catch up with the darkening sky. The interview had taken longer than you anticipated, and you still had to write up the report and have it on your boss' desk by 9 AM the next morning. He had been a thorn in your side, consistently pushing your buttons. He always insisted on having paper copies of every report. "It makes your report more meaningful," he said, "otherwise you're just repeating someone else's words." It took all the professionalism in you not to reach across his cluttered desk and slap him then.
By the time you reached the office, the sky had dulled into a dark grey, and the lamp posts cast their warm glow onto the street. You said goodnight to the exiting coworkers and rushed through the doors to see that Gwen, the receptionist, was leaving, too. She called out to you as you walked past the reception.
"Hey! There's something for you on your desk."
You nodded.
"Thank you."
"Doesn't say who it's from though."
You thought for a moment; a small smile crept onto the corner of your lips.
"I think I might have an idea."
Gwen gave you an understanding look and headed out. You approached your cubby in anticipation and were greeted with a sweet floral smell emanating from the bouquet that sat next to your keyboard. You took it in your hand and marvelled. It was a peculiar combination, one you couldn't really find at flower shops, held together by a simple ribbon of blue cloth. No crinkly wrapping paper. The light shade of blue hyacinth went so well with the bluebells, coupled with orange peonies and a single olive branch, which created a harmony pleasing to the eyes and nose. The piece of paper nestled in the bouquet only indicated your name in a neat font, but other than that, nothing. Still, it brought a smile to your face, a speck of joy on an arduous day. You pulled out your phone and typed out a quick text before sending it off.
Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful.
You still had a soft smile on your face by the time you got ready to write the report. Your phone vibrated, signaling a text message.
What flowers?
Your brows scrunched together in puzzlement. You took a photo and sent it off. Not a minute later, you got a response.
Wasn't from me.
A slight hollowness carved itself into your throat. You texted back.
Oh. Are you sure?
The response came quickly.
Dead serious. You might have a secret admirer ;)
Never mind then.
You set your phone down only to have the phone vibrate again.
Wannna go out tonight? Me and my buddies are going to this new club on Fifth Ave.
You sighed, dreading the idea of having to stay at work late. But you didn't like the sound of going out either.
I'm alright. Just a little tired tonight. Have fun though!
The read receipt and a heart popped up on your last message. That was it. You turned your phone to silent mode before opening a new document; your recorder and notepad were ready by your side.
By the time your report was put on your boss' desk, it was already 9:30. You exhaled heavily, feeling the weight on your shoulders chip away. You took the flowers with you and nodded to the security guard on your way out. It was late, and you didn't feel like cooking, so you made a detour to the soup and sandwich shop around the corner and placed an order. You sat down on the bench by the window, allowing the gush of heat from the radiator to warm your legs. There was music coming from across the narrow street; its volume changed as people filtered in and out. People were smoking outside, chatting animatedly with one another. It stirred something in you. You worked late on a Thursday night, getting takeout by yourself because you couldn't even fathom the thought of whipping up a simple meal. You opened your last message with Andy, wondering if it was too late to change your mind.
You met Andy through Mindy when her workplace went out for happy hour. It was just shy of two weeks after you cut things off with Matt. He was a nice, easy-going guy who tried to include you in conversations throughout the night. Mindy's forms of suggestion came in the subtle look of her eyes, the slight inclines of her head, and often, a jab of her elbow. It annoyed you how much she tried to look out for you even though you didn't need her help, but at the end of the night, the triumphant was hers. Andy asked for your number, and you agreed out of an obligation you felt for Mindy's relentless effort for you to move on. It had been two months since the first date, with many dates between then and now, and all you could say about it could be summed up in one word: fine. You didn't feel a spark. Andy could be charming at times, funny, and generous. You liked him, but your heart didn't beat wildly for him. He wasn't anything like Matt. Andy was the one you should want.
So why did you still feel a sense of hesitation?
You looked at the bouquet, your curiosity piqued. Taking out your phone, you typed in the flower combination laid on the narrow counter. Scrolling through the array of articles, you noticed the keywords they shared in common.
Apology. Ask for forgiveness. Wrongdoings.
You read and read, and the realization seeped in. The clarification didn't give you any relief, only mild irritation. Matt fucking Murdock. Who gave him the right to remind you of his presence when it still lingered around? It was an undeniable indication of how much you were still so helplessly captivated by your history with him, thinking about him like he was an old wound that ached every now and then to remind you that you had always had it and that you could never be rid of it. Memories of Matt, just like the pain, were a part of you now, and you couldn't bury them or try to forget them. You had to live with them, and hopefully, when it was finally enough time had passed, you could look back at the memories with fondness, a sweet bitterness over someone you couldn't have, but you had long accepted the fact.
For the moment, the fondness was replaced by irritation. With dinner in your hand, you walked out of the door, leaving the bouquet in the trash can of the quaint restaurant.
Over the next six months, so much changed, but the one constant thing that did not was Matt's attempts to reach you and still give you the distance you needed. Once a week, on the same day, a bouquet of flowers was delivered to your desk. They never included the sender, only the recipient, and always had the same connotation.
I'm sorry.
You had to admit it was sweet. It also earned you looks of admiration and teasing from your coworkers, who were cooing over the fact that your boyfriend was such a sweetheart. For the few times someone mentioned it, you had to clarify. Andy wasn't your boyfriend anymore, and he hadn't been for the last two months.
When you broke up with Andy, it came as a surprise to him. He thought everything was going well, but your perception of the relationship was the opposite. You weren't into him; you were into the idea of having him as a placeholder for Matt. It was the cruel truth. Being with Andy didn't make you happy, and you doubted it would be any different if you were with someone else. You wanted more. You wanted the thing that you couldn't have with Matt, and at this point, you had settled for the fact that it would never be yours. But for now, you were okay with being by yourself. You wanted to be alone in your own existence and accepted the fact that when the right time came, it would come with the right person. For the first time in a long time, you felt the burden that clouded your head fall away like a crumbling infrastructure.
You quit your job despite your boss's pathetic attempts to stop you from leaving, promising you a promotion that would make you his right-hand woman. It was more work for just a little more money, and it wasn't worth it. To your luck, shortly after leaving the newspaper, you got hired as a junior staff writer for an independent publishing house. You still got to enjoy parts of the work you liked before, with better pay and a more relaxed schedule. You had more time to enjoy what you couldn't before.
Gwen still kept in touch with you, telling you about the bouquet of flowers showing up a few days after you left. And then, after that week, none at all. You figured Matt had a way of finding out about your new workplace since, shortly after the change, new bouquets were delivered to your desk promptly as if nothing had changed only except for the fact that you stopped throwing them away. You had started to enjoy them. Who knew there were so many ways to apologize to someone with flowers?
You thought you would cross paths with him eventually, but you didn't know it would be a peculiar chance encounter like this.
The gloomy sky haunted the skyline of New York City all day, teasing with little drops here and there. The air was heavy, as if it was holding itself in anticipation of a great storm. You prayed it wouldn't rain before you got home, but as you were halfway there, the sky parted, and the downpour was vicious. You couldn't see too far in front of you, and out of desperation, you ran up the stairs of the nearest shelter. You stood awkwardly on the small porch of the building as heavy droplets railed on the pavement in a frantic rhythm. You leaned a shoulder on the wall, exhausted and drenched, looking helplessly out into the downpour that showed no sign of stopping soon. Water dripped from your lashes, and with each blink, you saw a moving silhouette formed in the misty veil. Your heart beat faster and faster as the silhouette approached until he became someone you knew too well. Emerged from the rain was Matt, his breathing heavy, but you doubted it was from running from the rain, for his footsteps slowed, hesitant as he sensed that the porch he was approaching wasn't vacant. And the space was occupied by none other than the woman that haunted his fitful sleep and waking daydreams.
For a long moment, you could only stare. The water clung to him like how every piece of your existence that used to long for his approval and touch did. And Matt seemed to do the same thing. You couldn't bring yourself to break the silence. Your eyes were wide open as if you were afraid his presence was only something your mind made up. That he wasn't real. And just like that, you were starstruck again. Just like the first time you saw him after you realized that you loved him. In the gradual slip of the initial shock, you took in the newness in his familiar appearance. His hair was a little longer than when you saw him last, prompting the little curls at the nape of his neck. His dripping briefcase did its best to shield his face from the rain, but you could see the strays followed the slopes and rises of his handsome features. His lips parted, pulling in a deep, slow inhale. He looked like a man who was in disbelief, and truth be told, you felt the same way. Only now did you realize how much you'd missed him.
"What are you doing here?"
You croaked and cleared your throat when you realized your voice was barely a notch above a whisper. Matt shook himself out of the trance, clearing his throat.
"This is, uhmâ my office."
"Oh!"
In a fit of panic, you didn't realize that it was the Nelson, Murdock and Page office. What kind of cruelty had fate forced upon you? You sighed, an apology on your lips as you put your bag above your head.
"I'm so sorry, I will goâ"
Before you could launch yourself into the pouring rain, Matt stopped you with a hand on your elbow.
"No, please. Stay."
And because he knew you so well, he could sense your hesitation.
"You can get warm upstairs and wait until it's better out there."
You watched the way the tips of his ears had turned into a darker shade of pink. This anticipation reminded you of the time when, with just a look, you knew you had fallen for him. You swallowed and managed to croak a soft "okay." Matt nodded, a little breathless himself, as if he was relieved that you agreed to stay. He pulled out the key and unlocked the door before holding it open for you to step inside. You walked the stairs, remembering the last time you were here. Your heart was in fragments, barely held together by your nerves, by the time you reached the final steps.
You roamed your eyes around the office as Matt turned on the old heater along the wall. It looked about the same, but now there was a monstera adding a touch of green to the space. You shrugged off your damp coat, and Matt took it out of your hands. The gesture felt so natural, you thought to yourself as you watched him hang the coat next to his by the door. He had stripped down to a simple white dress shirt and black slack, and you averted your eyes at the sight of his torso visible under the wet shirt as if you hadn't seen him naked before. He threw his tie on the desk and came out of his office with a throw blanket. He held it out until you took it. It looked handmade and felt soft to the touch. Matt pulled a chair out for you in front of the heater. You thanked him and put your bag by your feet after taking the seat. A brief moment of silence followed, and Matt immediately assumed his position as the gracious host.
"Do you want some tea? We have the kind that ⊠that you like."
A shiver ran through you. A cup of tea didn't sound too bad.
"Please. If you don't mind."
He waved his hand dismissively and walked towards the kitchen. You listened to the sound of him rummaging around in the small room. Feeling awkward just sitting there and not being useful, you called out.
"Do you need some help?"
"I got it. You stay warm."
You settled against the chair, wrapping yourself in the blanket. Feeling the gentle and warm brush of the radiator on your legs, you shivered slightly. Your heart was hammering in your chest, and you tried to calm yourself down by focusing on the monstera leaves instead of the presence of the man who once broke your heart.
Matt came back to the room with a steaming mug, and you took it gratefully. It looked like he didn't make any for himself. You took a sip, allowing the tea to burn your tongue.
"How have you been?"
His question knocked at the mutual understanding of your situation. You weren't exactly friends, and you were long past the point of lovers. But it didn't have to be awkward. With so much history between you, all the memories twisted and turned and took off, swirling furiously like the storm outside. But there was a blessing in it. The storm was out of your reach, and right here, right now, you were safe. The person who lapped up crumbs of attention from the man who never explicitly gave them was a part of you. But not anymore. You could start fresh.
"I'm fine. I figured you knew about my new job?"
Matt dipped his head sheepishly as if to hide his expression of being caught.
"I did. Are you enjoying it?"
"I am. It's a lot less stressful when I don't have to answer my boss' unreasonable demands. I get more freedom in what I do. The pay is much better, too."
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
"I'm glad. It seemed like you had a bad time at the newspaper."
"Yeah, I did."
You nodded, feeling a brief wash of melancholy at the mention of your old job.
"I know the flowers come from you."
There was no point in avoiding the subject. Your heart was on the verge of exploding, but you had to. You both knew it was coming.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for overstepping. Just say the word, and I'll stop any kind of contact with you."
When you didn't respond, he continued with his face angled towards you. The window behind him cast sharp shadows on his face, and from this point of view, you could see the agony on his face.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I just ⊠I had to try to show how sorry I was. How sorry I still am."
"I know."
You sighed.
"As much as I would like to blame it all on you, it was on me as well."
At that, Matt sat up straighter and protested.
"That's not trueâ"
Your hand sprung out to hold his hand, keeping him there. Matt stilled as if your touch had paralyzed him.
"Please, listen to me."
You went on despite the slight shake in your voice.
"I let my expectations run wild even though we were clear from the start. It was a mutual benefit arrangement."
His other hand came to rest on top of yours. Warmth seeped from the palms of his hands, and you wished you were enveloped in his embrace instead.
"I stepped over the line myself. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. I gave you mixed signals and lied to you about my own feelings."
You inhaled deeply.Â
"What feelings?"
"I really thought it was better to keep you at arm's length and not let myself ⊠feel things for you, but I did anyway. I should have been honest with you. But I thought I wasn't deserving of someone like you."
Your heart rattled in the cage that was your chest.
"What are you saying, Matt?"
A sorrowful relief caressed his face.
"I love you. I regret not saying that to you every day we were apart."
You felt as if all the air was pulled out of your lungs.
"Don't lie to me, please. I don't want you to justâ just say what I want to hear. I'd rather never have you than to have you unwillingly."
Matt placed your hand on his heart, letting you feel the rhythm underneath your palm. Erratic, wild and uncontrollable, just like yours.
"I only want you. I think about you all the time. I'm miserable when you're not around."
"I don't know what to say âŠ"
He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it with a tenderness you had missed dearly.
"That's okay. Take your time. I'll wait for you as long as you need."
He paused briefly, then continued as if it took great strength for him to utter the words.
"Even if you no longer feel the same, it's okay, too."
You couldn't conceal the wide smile in your voice.
"I mean, telling a girl that you love her before going on a first date with her? Mindy wouldn't like that."
Matt chuckled, the sound warm like the honey he put in your tea.
"Was Mindy the one �"
"Yup. She doesn't like you at all."
"I deserve that."
You caressed his face, feeling the stubble along his jawline. There was a feeling you thought you would never get again, but now, you were basking in its glow.
"Can we ⊠can we take it slow?"
His lips found the palm of your hand, kissing it tenderly.
"Of course. Anything you want."
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