#genuinely this is what it feels like to be drunk as hell desperately trying not to throw up 😭😭😭😭 please let him rest

[cuckoo-on-a-string]

Paper Pirates (Conclusion)

MDNI

Shanks x f!reader

Summary: An unconventional member of an unconventional crew, you finally solve your captain's equation.

Warnings: Smut, fingering, piv, swearing, smoking, allusions to power imbalance

A/N: Merry Christmas and happy holidays! - Ya filthy animals. Thanks for all the support! I have another Shanks piece brewing (a genuine one-shot, even!) that will hopefully see the light of day in the coming week. Til then: stay tuned, drink water, kiss someone you like, and survive the holidays!

Shanks is, as ever, a bonfire on a winter night. Blazing bright and beautiful. A human beacon with a smile so bright it made his hair dull by comparison. He should be ridiculous, maybe even an object of pity with his scarred face and missing arm, but he’s confidence given legs – legs in ridiculous printed trousers, even.

He holds court in the bar closest to the docks. He’d swaggered ahead with all your worldly possessions under his arm, chatting up passing locals. You’d followed, drowning in his wake. The storm inside you didn’t touch him.

You followed him here, met up with the crew after picking open you scabs so he could see how deep the infection ran, and now you’re once again ducking under too many waving hands and wondering how the hell these killers and thieves smile so readily. As he guzzles sake and laughs with Lucky Roux, he feels farther away than ever. Memories are easier to hold close. Now you can only calculate the gulf between your understanding and his plans.

The sea between your feelings and his easy charm.

This must be what a cuckoo chick feels when it realizes it has the wrong feathers.

Cheering voices shake the tavern walls, and you sit among the merry-makers, pretending to enjoy yourself. But you know your voice would come out wrong if you joined in. There’s a reason you never fit the atmosphere aboard the Red Force. Even when they were trying to be kind, your comrades must’ve sensed something strange had hatched in their midst. An intruder in the crow’s nest, so to speak.

You sit, stewing in your own self-pity, taking the barest sips from your glass. You can’t afford to be drunk. Not tonight. Not after your conversation with Shanks.

Maybe things have never been easy between you and the Red Hair Pirates, but everything spiraled after you revealed yourself on a tide of rum and fatigue. Drinking is a solitary activity now. No way in hell will you make things worse. You still hope, a little desperately, for an amicable separation.

You spill your drink twice, fetching refills to keep up appearances.

That game ends when Beck joins you. He lands across the table, filling the corner where you settled with the excuse of eating away from flying elbows and table dancing. The stew smelled so appetizing every other time you passed the place, but you’re struggling to do it justice. Doesn’t help that it gets colder with every bite.

Still makes a marvelous diversion from Beckman, though.

Until he opens his big, stupid mouth.

“Hongo seen the wound yet?”

Which wound? The time you shot yourself with your own big, stupid mouth in his company or the bullet you caught during your year or isolation?

“No wound.” You shovel a spoonful in your mouth, buying a moment of peace. “Just a scar. And he’s threatened me with a thorough exam tomorrow.”

“Shame. Earned your first major scar of on your own.”

He makes it sound like your fault somehow, and that grates. Your tolerance is growing thin, and you haven’t spent more than ten minutes in each other’s company tonight.

It isn’t your fault they left you behind. As always.

It wasn’t your fault the Marines fucked up a good thing. As always.

It sure as hell wasn’t your fault that you got shot in one of the most chaotic battles you’d ever seen.

The world turned and you clung on where you could.

You wonder if Beckman even remembers what it’s like to have no one at his back, no ship to rely on.

He taps out a fresh cigarette. “Would’ve been an opportunity to celebrate.”

You laugh as he lights up, almost genuinely. “Like you’ve ever needed one.”

If the crew celebrated every first scar acquired on the sea, they’d never stop drinking. But maybe they do. It would explain some things.

“Hn. It will be good to have you back on the ship. Never enough good crew.”

“Oh please, we both know I’m average at best.”

“Do we?” Beckman didn’t take his eyes off his match. “Captain talk to you about his plan yet?”

Your spoon circles the bowl’s rim. The vibration shakes into your fingers as metal drags over rough crockery, but the men are too loud for you to hear the chime.

“We talked about a plan. Wasn’t really his.”

One more bite. Just to soak up the drip of booze you’ve choked down. Nothing’s ever as good as you hope these days, and you’re starting to wonder if it’s your own fault.

You push the meal away, hoping no one asks why there’s so much left. The folks behind the counter work hard, and you’d hate to insult a family recipe.

Beckman shakes out his match, and his cool eyes fix on you. For all the bodies in the room, his attention carves out a private space. You might as well be back on deck, drinking in the dark after they party’s over.

You lean back. Cross your arms.

“I do sometimes look up from the books, you know.”

If the Captain agrees to your plan, it will impact Benn’s role most. And you’re comfortable with him. He doesn’t ask for much. So long as you meet his expectations, he doesn’t demand a sunny smile and a performance. You’re grumpy bastards both, the eyes in the back, assessing and measuring. You don’t know what answers he’s looking for at your table in the corner, but you can guess a few questions.

“Shanks only brings aboard people who’ve already… become what they’re gonna be, I guess.” Just saying his name pushes your gaze to find him across the room.

It’s no wonder you fell in love. Doesn’t make you any less of a fool. “It’s why he doesn’t take on apprentices, I think. He knows he’d protect them. They’d get hurt. They’d have to, at some point, or they’d never push themselves. So, he always turns the young ones down.”

Benn doesn’t interrupt. Doesn’t twitch. He blinks, slowly, like a cat, and a ribbon of smoke fades into the rafters. You look him in the eye.

“That’s how I know. I am what I am. Good at numbers. Entirely average in every other respect.”

“Tsk.” He looks away. Uses his boot to grind out an old cigarette that’s been cold on the floor since before you arrived. “You see the numbers, but you’ve put ‘em in the wrong places. A transcription error. Get out of your own way.”

Your arms cinch tighter around your chest, and the eye contact slips up and away. The rafters offer an escape. You study graffiti carved by a thousand daggers over endless decades by happy drunkards. Maybe they’re a map to sanity. A star chart of curses, confessions, and promises.

Are you even having the same conversation? It feels like everyone is pushing you to the brink of madness.

Nothing adds up anymore.

“You’re smart,” Beckman says. “And you’re strong.”

He kicks you under the table to reclaim your attention from the ceiling, and you jump, yelping. You regard him with a hint of shock. It’s minor violence, yeah, but it’s friendly violence. It’s a new level of engagement. The routine mandates sitting and snarking over more booze than you want to drink. Beckman isn’t the touchy sort.

The cigarette dips as he grins.

“Let yourself believe in something, girl.”

“I – I don’t – what?” Your tongue is too big for your mouth, and your teeth keep getting in the way.

Beckman glances away, and you follow his line of sight through the shouting, and the drinking, and the rowdy delight to your captain.

Shanks.

He’s in the middle of a story, slapping the bar for emphasis. Part of you wishes you could sneak closer. Hear his tall tales and measure them against his usual bullshit. Bask in his presence. But your overwhelming common sense tells you it would burn to sit beside him. Bonfires can catch.

Seas. He really is beautiful.

You remember who you are sitting beside.

The first mate chuckles, and your face burns.

Flailing to your seat, less graceful than most of the drunks, you cough up an excuse.

“I’m going for some air.”

Cigarette smoke chases you out the door, and you march away from the windows, turning the corner into an alley where you can breathe.

Fuck’s sake.

You press cold palms to your cheeks, horrified by the heat. Did your feelings show? Beckman clearly spied something to amuse himself with in your expression. Who else? How many witnesses to your shame would cackle at your expense in the morning? Maybe they’d just assume you stepped out to throw up. Because you had good manners, unlike the rest of them.

Not a bad thought, actually. You feel like hurling.

Night has settled over the town, and the locals are giving the pirates their space. Normal people have normal work to do in the morning, and even Shanks can’t chat the stars still. A breeze carries whispers of the sea into your hideaway, and you ache for the clean smell of deep water far from shore.

Your resolve cracks like an egg.

Slumping against the brick wall at your back, you accept your truth. It doesn’t even take half a bottle of rum this time.

You love Shanks. You crave life aboard the Red Force. The captain shared a taste of his world and instead of thanking him for the experience, you’ve gotten addicted. Demanding. It will never be enough. Given the chance, you’d die happy at sea, listening to the ship groan creaking lullabies.

You might die if they agree to your proposal.

If Shanks leaves you forever.

Even though that would be safest. That would be reasonable.

That would be good for the crew. For him.

“There you are.”

Think of the devil.

Shanks, framed in moonlight, invades your sanctuary. “Thought you might be sneaking off.”

You freeze. Your mind goes blank with the fear of being caught and the contrary urge to impress. Something spews out of your mouth, but you have no control over it.

“Just breathing.”

What a fucking stupid answer. Might as well tell him there was no air in the tavern when you noticed how his eyes sparkle when he laughs.

“Well.” He picks a spot on the wall across from you, mimicking your position. “Can’t have you stopping that, can we?”

An obligatory smile. You’ll give him whatever he commands, but there’s no joy here.

Believe in something.

Sure. Just like that. Drop all your defenses as you waited for the executioners’ spears.

Shanks smiles at nothing and glances towards the sky.

“Your thoughts aren’t too far from mine,” he says. “The old system needs adjustments. Can’t have you catching any more bullets with just your skin.” His eyes flick back to you, fixing you in place. You aren’t sure whether it’s your nerves or his haki.

“But we have very different ideas about your future with the crew.” His captain’s voice rings between the broken crates and empty barrels surrounding you. He’s found something he doesn’t like and he’s working out a solution, gearing up to state orders and fix his will on the future.

It’s a challenge. You rise to it.

“And what’s your great idea, then?” If he thinks he’s solved the equation better than you can, let him prove it.

“No more layovers. You stay on the Red Force like every other crewmate. The Den Den Mushi aren’t a bad idea, and I agree we’ll need new eyes and ears on shore, but your place onboard is essential.”

If people keep telling you things like that, you’ll start to believe it. You shake your head, knocking the warm fuzzies away before they rot your perspective like mold.

“I kind of doubt that. No offense.”

His eyebrows rise. “You think I’d have brought you on if I didn’t think you could cut it?”

“I mean,” you gesture broadly at the crew that isn’t there, “anyone can do the numbers with a little time and training.”

“Sorry to ruin your rosy view of the world, but they really can’t.” That captain voice is gone. He’s all smiles again. Teasing almost. Like he knows a secret and is watching you walk into a trap. “Not like you. Mathematics are strategy in your hands, and we need more of that. You have no idea how many times Building Snake complains when you aren’t around, or how often Lucky Roux moans about larder management. Your work touches everything.”

He leans forward, eyes glinting in the distant streetlights, and props his arm against the wall just over your head. Heat radiates from him and that stupid unbuttoned shirt he always wears. Can he feel the warmth curling out in answer from your own skin?

“And I agree with Lucky, by the way,” he croons. “You’re very scary.”

Your breath physically stutters. It’s entirely involuntary, and you bite your tongue, eyes wide as you struggle to read him. He still wants you on the crew. Alright. But what else?

Logic strains under the pressure of his regard.

You force yourself to breathe. Hopefully that will help you think. Unlikely, though, with the way Shank’s scent fills your head. It’s dizzying.

“It would still be a problem.” This isn’t reasoning. This is pleading.

His smile flicks to life, and like the helpless little moth you are, you prepare for it to scorch you.

“I don’t have a problem with it.”

One of his feet slides forward, not quite invading your space, but close. His toes linger in the gap between your feet, suggesting a path of navigation you know will take you past whirlpools and monsters.

He doesn’t get it. A quick pity fuck won’t fix this.

“It’s easy to ignore feelings you don’t have, Captain, but it would be a problem for me.” There’s nowhere to look but his eyes or his pecs, so you swallow your jagged anxiety and focus on his face. A strong twitch would bring you together, you’re that close. He deserves a punch. But that might just be an excuse to touch him. And you’d rather do that softly. Fuck.

“If we’re going to talk about it, then let’s get to the point.” There isn’t much space to draw yourself up, but you try, and you don’t miss the way his lips twitch. You want it to make you angry, but the rage just won’t kindle. “I caught feelings. That’s my fault, and you’ve been more than gracious about it, but I meant what I said, and if the best thing for the crew – for you – is to peel off, that’s what I’m going to do.”

That’s it. You’ve said your piece. Now he can make his move as captain. Chide you. Dismiss you. Laugh. Your eyes shut, and you brace for words you don’t want to hear. If he’d just cooperated with your plan and let you distance yourself, maybe you could’ve –

Hair whispers over your face, and Shanks’ temple presses to yours.

Your eyes pop open. He’s right there. Right here. He wasn’t supposed to come closer.

He chuffs, and his breath rolls down your collar.

“So stupid.”

He kisses your forehead as you stand dumb and amazed.

The…fuck?

What?

His little chortle cracks into a hearty laugh, but it isn’t mockery or a mere diversion from your shame. He laughs all the time, for all kinds of reasons. But this one’s real. His shoulders shake with it.

“So smart. But so stupid.”

There must be a proper response to this. But it feels like your first meeting all over again. Your decisions have been upended, and it’s all his fault.

But it’s a good thing. Isn’t it? Wasn’t it even back then, when he arguably ruined your life and turned you into a pirate?

It isn’t bad.

But it can’t be real.

Even though he’s filling your senses, and you’d never dare hope for something like this, let alone imagine it.

But –

Cigarette smoke wafts down the alley with Beckman’s shadow as he turns the corner. “You both are. Makes you well suited.”

The glowing tip of his cigarette is shockingly grounding. The bright red is familiar. It isn’t the romantic, pale moonlight or the dim yellow streetlights that cast everything in chiaroscuro. That’s really Beckman. This is really happening.

Your soul and mind slam back into your body with the violence of a shipwreck. Your defenses splinter, and it feels like your whole chest cracks open to put your heart on display, leave it pulsing and naked for a careless pirate’s strike.

Oh, holy shit.

You have absolutely no idea what your expression is doing at the moment, but Shanks leans even further in, letting his cloak block you from his first mate’s view. His lips hover by your ear.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Do you trust me?”

Trust. Beyond his role as captain. Shanks the man. Shanks the man who said he doesn’t have a problem with your feelings. Shanks the man who doesn’t have a problem with your feelings and dropped a kiss on your head while crowding you against the wall in a dark alley.

Simple answer, really.

“I guess I do.”

He pulls back and grins like a gods damned shark.

“All I needed to hear.”

For the second time that night, he rips the ground from under your feet and flips your world on its head.

Fairly literally, this time.

Between one fluttering heartbeat and the next, he’s ducked, thrown you over his right shoulder and launched out of the alley. Straight into the air. Wind rips tears from your eyes, and your hair stings where it lashes against your skin.

Backman and the tavern shrink below, and gravity yanks on your stomach.

“Shanks!”

His laughter rumbles through his shoulder into your belly. He must’ve been expecting to sacrifice an eardrum to your shriek, and whatever he’s getting from this must be worth it. To him at least.

You’ve only seen him sky walk once or twice, one of many abilities he stores under good humor in case of bad weather. Since the Red Force practically demands fair weather by its very presence, you haven’t seen him break out the weatherproofing often.

Nails sinking into his cloak, your mind blanks on adrenaline. There are no equations in freefall.

Just as you begin to lose altitude, he steps again, and you howl, trying to sink into the man’s flesh. You’re like a cat frantically trying to cling to a human raft.

He touches down on the deck of his command ship, and you can’t unlock your knuckles from where they’ve knotted into his clothes. Just as well, because he doesn’t take his arm from around your knees. A few steps bring him to the captain’s quarters. A kick opens the door. A second kick closes it. And then – finally – he helps you slide down from his shoulder.

Your legs are boneless. You refuse to let go. Your dignity hangs by the thread count of his clothing.

“I thought you trusted me?”

Looking up, you meet his shit-eating grin, and you pant in lingering terror and growing rage. “Fuck you, Shanks.”

He’s practically glowing, he’s so happy. Cackling in glee, he falls back into a wide chair, pulling you to sit across his lap, your back supported by his remaining arm.

Shaking the hair from his eyes, he beams at you. Like you’re finally in on the joke.

“I think I need to keep you closer. Hard to take care of me from so far away, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” He isn’t wrong. The distance between you swelled like an ulcer, a terrible little fear you couldn’t help worrying as you scanned the newspapers and bounty posters for an update. For proof he was alright. Safe. Well.

But as the ringing fades from your ears and you take stock of where you’re sitting, you’re afraid to add up the final sum.

“Captain – Shanks.” You catch yourself. His hand rests on your knee, and because you have no idea where to put yours, you clutch one fist to your chest and let the other settle over his wrist.

What is happening? A black and white answer is all you want. You can set a course if you can just find the difference between north and south.

“What is this?”

His nose traces your jaw, and you turn into the contact as eager butterflies cannibalize the anxious moths banging around in your gut.

“What do you think?” He’s lured you close enough, and he steals a kiss. A satin brush of desire that conjures a sigh from his chest. Warm eyes find yours as they blink open, like sunset at sea. “It was never your problem. It’s my fucking problem, too.”

Whether or not he’s lying, there’s only one good response to that.

You know what to do with your hands now.

Taking his jaw, you pull him into another kiss. A proper one that delivers on all the restrained promise of the first. His grip rises to your waist, pulling you into his chest as his lips tattoo his feelings over yours. You’re far from a blank page, but you doubt you’ll ever be able to read old notes under the bold script he prints.

He pulls back to breathe, and he smiles under the little pecks you pepper over his face. Skilled fingers explore everything he can reach, and you know you’ve gotten too close to the bonfire. You’re starting to melt.

“I didn’t mean to leave you for so long,” he murmurs.

When his hand wanders over your chest, firm enough to spark every nerve to life, your head falls back, and he takes advantage. He mouths along your neck, around your ear as he continues.

“At first, I wanted to prove to myself that I could be good, that I wouldn’t take advantage of you. Be a responsible captain.”

He squeezes a breast, and the jolt rushes down your spine, trapping itself between your legs. Red hair twists between your fingers as you desperately explore him in return. He’s too busy talking and tasting to kiss.

“Wanted to give you room to breathe. To come to your senses.”

The wandering hand drifts. Smoothing over your sternum and down your belly, spreading over your trousers’ fastening.  

“But then one thing led to another, and Beck handed me your bounty poster.”

It shouldn’t surprise you that Shanks has a motormouth, even as a lover. His words touch as skillfully as his hand, though, and you’re drunker than you’ve ever been on rum. He doesn’t have to be good. Whatever he wants, he can have. You’ve been a cold pile of kindling for an age. He’s set you blazing to match his heat.  

His touch lingers on the buttons, and you kiss whatever parts of him you can reach. The crown of his head. His temple. You map his shoulders with curious fingertips, pushing under the collar of his loose shirt. He listens to your cues.

The first button pops free.

“I have no doubt you could go out on your own.”

The second button.

He slips his hand under your knee, pulling your leg to straddle him, your back to his chest.

“Make a name for yourself as a pirate. Terrify the world with your numbers and your revolver. But I couldn’t bring myself to be happy for you if you did.”

Back up your thigh, over your hip. He lets you simmer, anticipating his next move. Even as he finally moves under your clothes, he pauses short of the goal, and you whimper. Your head rests against his shoulder, allowing him every piece of you he desires, and he nips your earlobe.

Drunk off him as you are, he wants you to hear every word that comes next.

“I want you to be my pirate.”

Calloused fingertips creep between your folds, and you immediately roll your hips, chasing him the way you’ve wanted to for so long.

He grazes your clit in passing, and your back arches. “I am. I’ve always been yours, you idiot. Please, Shanks!”

Boyish giggles trail over your flesh as he finally touches you, strokes you, finds the proof of your unquenchable infatuation. He hums, beyond happy with himself and the task in hand.

“Poor thing. Have you been aching for me like this all year?”

You gather enough breath to pant, “Longer.”

He croons and licks the first dew of sweat blooming along your throat.

“Poor little pirate.”

Quick circles over your most sensitive spot push you staggering towards the precipice in record time. You’ve never gotten yourself off so fast. No partner has ever managed it, that’s for fucking sure.

But it’s him.

And he’s holding you, and all but purring as you flutter and jerk against him, and you want to…

One finger pushes in, and you buck, crying out. You’re still riding the cliff’s edge, and you aren’t sure if this is better or if you’re going to give him another scar for abandoning your clit. You whine, and the finger pulls back. It returns with a friend at a fresh angle that grinds his palm exactly where it belongs.

“Fuck.”

“Exactly.”

He searches, stretching you as he goes. When he finds what he’s looking for, your eyes all but roll back into your head. The both of you groan as you clench. He shoves you over the border, and you lose yourself. The orgasm rips your mind away, and you float, convinced you’d drift to the ceiling if he wasn’t holding you. Wasn’t still knuckle-deep, drawing out the fall.

By the time you settle back into your own skin, your toes and the tips of your fingers are tingling. He removes his hand and it only makes you want to cry a little.

Until he brings it to his lips. Sucks his fingers clean. Winks as you stare.

“To the bed?” He isn’t even trying to hide how excited he is. You can feel him, long and hard under your thigh, but the roguish glee in his eyes reveals more.

Once you’re in that bed, he won’t be letting you up for the rest of the night.

“Just a minute.” You pet his face, almost slurring as you explain. “I need to catch my breath.”

“Mn. Take your time then.” He nuzzles into your neck, and without the distraction of his fingers curling inside you, it tickles. A lot. His stubbly little beard rubs into your flesh, and you realize he’s doing it on purpose when you flinch and the hand resting over your belly squeezes. He draws his cheek over the sensitive spot behind your ear.

“Hmm? Something wrong?”

“N-no.” Fuck that. You can win this game. Even though you’re already biting your lip to keep the giggles locked in.

His whiskers move down your neck as he aggressively cuddles into the tender skin, hunting for the spot that will break your resolve. He finds it in the gap between shoulder and neck. Laughter tears out of you, and the hand on your belly dances to your side, setting you writhing on Shanks’ lap.

“Alright! Alright!” You go to stand, but his arm keeps you pinned.

“Thought you needed to catch your breath?” He doesn’t move away from your neck as he speaks, using his lips and breath to continue your torment.

“I yield,” you gasp. Tears gather in your eyes as you wriggle, trying to push your way free. “Let me go.”

The tickling fingers smooth flat again, and he stops attacking your neck. Only to place a chaste kiss there. “Never.”

But he does, letting you rise, sliding his grip down to hold your hand. He looks up at you, his heart in his eyes, and everything inside goes still.

It’s like sailing through a Calm Belt after passing through a storm. It’s the same ocean, but everything looks different.

Right.

This is it.

Safely at anchor, the ship barely moves, but there’s always that subtle sway that keeps the light moving. Your sea legs find it a thousand times firmer than shore. A dance that lulls and leaps. Home and heart.

His thumb rolls over your fingers.

Here’s the solution to the equations that never quite fit.

The solution brings your knuckles to his lips for a kiss, holding your gaze until you blink back to yourself.

“Take off some of those layers for me.” He’s all suggestion, in every sense, and nodding, you step back, letting your fingertips slide free of his hold.

You have no idea how to perform a striptease without making yourself ridiculous, so you stay practical. His attention keeps you safe, and you don’t look away as you shed your jacket, pull off your boots, tug away your socks. When your hands drift to your trousers, still unbuttoned from Shanks’ good work, his eyes dip to follow. The fabric falls, and his tongue runs over his lower lip, almost like he’s caught in thought. But his eyes are dark, pupils blown wide when he meets your eyes again, and you doubt there’s anything left in his head besides visions of what he’s about to do to you.

You begin working on your shirt buttons, and he stands. His shirt pulls smoothly over his head, a feat he performs gracefully even with a single arm, and your fingers shake, stumbling in their task as you appreciate the view. Golden skin and a warrior’s build. It isn’t even the first time you’ve seen him shirtless. Damn.

He basks under your appraisal, shaking back his hair and leaning his hips forward so there’s no mistaking his interest as he unbuckles his belt.

It dawns on you, as you struggle with your buttons, eyes lingering over inappropriate places, that it has been a very long time since you got this far. Romantically. With a man who’s clearly well endowed.

Math can be a cruel mistress. Even if physics isn’t your specialty, you understand some things about pegs and holes. Laws of volume and stretch. That sort of thing.

“Stop calculating.” He’s caught you. As usual. And he’s laughing you both past any anxiety. Easy as a strong wind under blue skies. “I can feel those damn numbers stealing your attention from me, and I’m a greedy, greedy pirate. I need it all.”

Your own grin catches, spreads.

A greedy pirate you can trust. Do trust.

Equations be damned. Shanks has always found a way to get what he wants, and you know he wants your pleasure as much as you want his.

He kicks off his sandals as he swaggers up to you and pulls you tight, banishing your calculations and concerns with a kiss. When his tongue begs entrance, you oblige, hurrying to meet him, eager to feel and touch and play in thrilling new ways.

You find the bed together. Or it finds you. Maybe, like Beckman, it has some secret understanding with the captain. A conspiracy to place you somewhere soft and vulnerable. Regardless, you fall back, never leaving your lover’s embrace.

Shanks is more than happy to finish with your shirt, making a show of slipping each loop free with his one hand. Everything else comes off in a rush. The man’s an octopus, groping, squeezing, and surrounding you like he has twice as many limbs as most men.

He has you on your back, bare, one leg hoisted over his shoulder. As he takes his time coating himself in your slick, a moment of clarity breaks through the crush of sensation.

“I really do want to take care of you.”

There’s no pause. He lets your words soak in, rumbling in satisfaction as he slowly breaches your entrance. He falls forward to rest on his forearm, covering you as he rocks in and out, creeping deeper like an incoming tide.

“Oh, you are. You’re taking such good care of me.”

He seals any further complaints away with a kiss, moaning and lapping into your mouth. There’s too much to parse into individual feelings. You’re so full, and he’s so warm. Pleasure thrums through you, and everything tangles into the press of bodies, the unspeakable intimacy of the act.

Some unknown time later, when you sneak a breath and a thought, you gasp, “Not fair.”

Wicked laughter answers, and he pushes deep, grinding up against your clit to chase away any idea of the world beyond how good he feels.

 “I’m your captain. Nothing about this is fair.” He bites your lip and moves faster, gleefully driving you to the brink of insanity once again.

Your body delights in his, and it fights to keep him as resolutely as your mind tried to escape. Every time you flutter and clench around him, his eyelashes flutter over his cheeks. The muscles over his back roll under your grip.

It’s strange and wonderful. A day ago, you expected him to abandon you to your sensible plans. Now, well, it’s a whole new world, isn’t it?

Whispers of his name pick loose strings from his control.

When you crash through your orgasm, burying your scream in his shoulder, he pounds you through it. His mouth moves, full of words he’s beyond articulating, and a groan from the depths of his soul shakes through the both of you as finds his own release.

He falls beside you, hair damp with sweat, meeting your pleasure-numbed eyes with a lazy smile.

“C’mere.”

His arm loops around you, pulls you back to his chest, and the afterglow hums over you like music.

Distant voices remind you of the crew outside Shanks’ quarters.

“I hope you know,” he mumbles, “you don’t have to worry about finding a spare hammock below decks ever again.”

He snuggles into your neck, and you stroke the arm anchoring you.

This dickhead.

How many crewmates saw the captain’s little show? How many put the pieces together after you both disappeared? How many heard you chanting his name?

Gods. You’ll have to find some energy to worry about that tomorrow.

Might be a good reason to get drunk, actually.

[mrsriddlenott]

<<Prev FIVE Next>>

[Series Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

Ex-Sneaky Link!JJ Maybank x Kook!Reader

After months of hooking up with JJ in secret, you both began developing deep feelings for each other, but when his friends, Kie especially, learn of your relationship and plot on it's downfall JJ leaves you reeling and confused as he enters a relationship with his best friend leaving you to wonder what you did to push him away so quickly. Unbeknownst to you however. the blonde was struggling more than he let on, wanting nothing more than to go his own path but feeling trapped with those who used to make him feel free. The only person he can think of now that makes him feel as open as he once did is.... you.

Warnings: Emotional Cheating, Flirty Rafe, Fighting, Alcohol Consumption(JJ gets drunk), Fighting and Lying.

~~~~

The second you exited the office JJ was hot on your heels, catching up to you before you could even reach your car. “Rafe is one of Barnes’ clients? Seriously?”

“Well technically not yet but he wants to be.” You answer, avoiding his eyes with the excuse of finding the right button to unlock your door. Before you can however JJ snatches the keys from you, raising his eyebrows challengingly and making you finally turn to look at him.

“I didn’t think he was actually going to show up for the meeting Jay I’m sorry,” You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh, “He’s been canceling the meeting for months now and I genuinely thought he would again, and again until Mr.Barnes finally said no. I wouldn’t have suggested the job had I thought he would actually be coming in.”

“Why didn’t you tell me it was even a possibility?” He snaps, staring at you as you began to shrink before him.

“I don’t know Jay, I wanted you to work with me so I didn’t tell you because I’m a selfish idiot. Mr.Barnes didn’t even want to meet with him after everything and I genuinely thought it would never happen. I’m sorry.” You sigh, staring up at JJ, you had never seen him as angry as he was right now and as your eyes glossed over JJ seemed to notice. His walls breaking, staring down at your slightly scared eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a dick.” He sighs, handing you your keys slowly before he continues, “I just really hate Rafe, he’s one of the worst people I have ever met and I guess I just got jealous.”

Your eyes meet his and JJ swears he can see something in them, something telling him you’re scared. Like you’re hiding something. He needs to remind himself he has no right to pry but something nags at him as he watches you avert your eyes away from him once again. He grabs your shoulder gently getting your eyes back on him before he starts speaking slowly.

“I’m sorry, really. You don’t owe me anything.” Guilt rushes through you at his words and you desperately try to keep eye contact with him while he speaks but ultimately you fail.

“I should probably get home Jay. It’s not right that you’re getting jealous about me of all people when you have Kie. Maybe we should start keeping our distance from each other.” You state simply trying to maintain a neutral voice as JJ’s eyes furrow in confusion.

“What? What the hell happened to “I want you to stay”? I thought you wanted me in your life now y/n?” JJ snaps, stepping closer to you even though you don’t say anything, you cant.

You stand still facing away from him, listening to the pleading tone in his voice. JJ watches you, scoffing when you walk forward again getting in your car and driving off. Leaving him confused and upset where he stands in the parking lot.

Luckily JJ made it easy to ignore your feelings for him. He didn’t text you as you made it home and even though you kept checking his contact while getting ready for the evening you knew it was for the best. Part of you even wanted to be woken up with a call from him, asking to be let in, but it never came. So you dealt with the pain you caused yourself alone.

JJ wanted to call you that night, wanted to beg you to rethink but he couldn’t because he knew you were right. He couldn’t bring himself to choose. He couldn’t bring himself to lose you or his friends. And if he couldn’t pick he couldn’t expect you to stay around and just wait. But the thought of you and Rafe had him tossing and turning in Kie’s bed all night, and when he walked into work that next morning a feeling of total dread was settled in his chest. He knew what he wanted, he just had to be brave enough to take it.

And it turns out he just wasn’t.

You ignored him expertly throughout the morning hours, telling yourself your feelings for him were selfish and heartless of you to pursue. Egging yourself on to push everything down further and further by remding yourself of Kie and how you would feel if you were in her place instead. But it didn’t make it easy. It never would.

Despite you wanting your distance JJ found excuses to be near you all morning, coming to clean the floor he already cleaned yesterday just to try and force eye contact to no avail. JJ knew he was acting desperate but he just couldn’t imagine himself ever being able to stay away from you. He knew he had no right to he so angry but when the moment he had been dreading finally came and Rafe’s giant shiny new truck pulled up to the office JJ was already fuming at the sight.

All he could do was watch with barely hidden rage when Rafe sauntered his way through the office doors, making his way to your desk with a smile JJ knew too well. He was early and JJ knew that had to be intentional. He was suddenly early after canceling for months, something about it just didn’t sit right with him.

“Hey y/n, I almost forgot you worked here for a bit,” Rafe remarked with a smirk, leaning against your desk with a nonchalant air about him, “I’m early I know but I was hoping Mr.Barnes could squeeze me in, I had something come up for later”

“Mr.Cameron, I can ask in a few minutes but he’s on a private phone call at the moment.” You try to keep your annoyance out of your tone, expertly avoiding his eyes too as you needlessly stare at you work tablet.

“You’re so professional Y/N, might have to try and steal you from Barnes to come work for me.” JJ scoffs, eavesdropping on your conversation as his eyes burn holes in both you and Rafe.

“I’m not quite sure what I’d do at your club Rafe, I’d much rather stay here where I’m comfortable. But thank you.” Rafe laughed softly, watching you with his deep eyes you had grown to hate.

“I know you can be fun y/n, you may be all professional now but don’t think I forgot our party days.” JJ almost snaps as he listens to the sultry tone Rafe uses with you, the way it comes to him so easily like he’s used it with you before.

“Yeah well not everyone is proud of the worst days of their life Ray.” The name slips from your lips without thinking, and you curse yourself, avoiding Rafe’s eyes again and trying to ignore the burning gaze of JJ.

Are you fucking kidding me? JJ thinks, his teeth gritting together trying to control himself.

“I forgot how much I like when you call me that.” Rafe’s voice takes on a deeper tone you knew very well, forcing your eyes up to his just as it always used to.

JJ watches how you look at him, like you were in his trance, like you were a deer caught in headlights. He could feel the anger bubbling over in his chest, he knew he couldn’t, shouldn’t, feel this way. But he couldn’t stop it. He hated seeing him anywhere near ypu.

“Weren’t you supposed to have your business partner with you?” You ask, your voice shaking slightly as your eyes meet JJ’s dark gaze from the corner where they lock onto you immediately. Rafe’s eyes shoot to JJ for a split second, a dark smile painting across his face when his eyes meet yours again. He was having fun.

“Once I remembered you worked here I came right over, Top’s busy today so it’s just us.” You hear the teasing hint to Rafe’s voice, ignoring it the best you can while at the same time desperately trying to ignore JJ’s intense, blue gaze.

“Actually it will just be you and Mr.Barnes, I won’t be needed for the meeting,” Letting your voice take on a sweet, customer service esc voice to let him know you wanted to keep it professional you stand and make your way to knock on your boss’ door.

“Mr.Cameron’s here early Sir, he’s ready for your meeting together if you are.” Mr.Barnes takes note of the annoyance in your tone eyeing the look on your face with a raised eyebrow. You were in fact meant to be a part of the meeting, taking note of the arrangements needed and readying his schedule for future meetings but Mr.Barnes was quite perspective and took your hint quickly.

“Let him in, I’ll update you after.” You flash him a thank you smile as you return to your desk, waving Rafe into your boss’ office quickly before he can speak to you again and shutting the door behind him.

The second you could stop to take a quick breath JJ’s shadow blanketed you entirely. Forcing eye contact with you, raising his eyebrows questioningly while you avoid him expertly. You take your sest at your desk, acting as though JJ wasn’t following quickly behind you, starting to speak angerly.

“What was that?” He asks, his tone clearly trying to hide his annoyance. You roll your eyes, keeping quiet and focused on your tablet in front of you despite his insistent eyes.

“Come on y/n that was definitely something.” You could hear his exasperation, leant down onto your desk, his biceps flexing in anger. Your eyes meet his quickly before dropping back down to your screen, trying to ignore the heat running through your body at his anger.

“You shouldn’t even be asking me that,” You sigh giving him a glance before continuing, “What would Kie ask you if she saw how you talk to me huh?”

“Okay so there is something going on?”

“Why would you say that?” You turn in your chair, facing him fully and staring at him exasperated.

“Because you just compared it to us and you can’t deny there is definitely something going in between us still.” JJ moves forward quickly, grabbing the arms of your chair, staring into your eyes intensely and making you swallow out of fear of telling the truth. Moving forward quickly you grab random papers meant to be mailed out today, shoving past JJ’s muscular frame quickly practically running away from him to the mailbox just outside.

Thankfully he doesn’t follow, watching you with a pinched brow, anger flowing through him as he feels his face heat up. JJ lets the day continue as normal, not missing how you run off to the bathroom as soon as Rafe starts to exit Barnes’ office with a smile on his face.

As Rafe’s leaving he takes the chance to approach JJ for the first time in a year. His tongue poking into his cheek while he suppresses a smile making JJ’s teeth grit in anger.

“Hey Maybank, didn’t think I’d see you here,” Rafe laughs slightly between his words, looking off as if checking for you, “Y’know you take your girls for granted, it’s like they’re always itchin’ for someone else’s attention.” Rafe laughs as JJ refrains from jumping at him, watching him leave with a scowl on his face.

~~~~

You make it home quickly, avoiding JJ like the plague for the rest of the work day. Even going as far as leaving from a different door to avoid his accusatory tone and glances.

Your chest tightens every time you think of JJ for the rest of the evening. Taking your time in the shower to enjoy the warmth of the water and the fragrance wafting around you. You almost feel empty as you accept the cold of the bathroom once you step out, dressing in your night clothes as fast as you can before being shocked out of your feelings by a crash in your room outside the door to your bathroom.

The sound of someone seemingly crashing into your bedroom sends you panicking. Alone in your bathroom you find the closest thing that could cause bodily harm before cautiously opening the bathroom door and stepping out wielding a hair dryer. Your window was open fully, the cold breeze reminding you of your uncovered nightgown as you look around. JJ laughs cutely behind you and you almost scream, turning to him exasperated, breathing heavily as you drop the almost useless hair dryer. “Oh….it’s you.”

JJ smiles at you, but somethings off as you notice the sight was less comforting, the smell of liquor hitting your nose. He had been drinking, you thought. The lack of the noise from his motorcycle and the stumbling suddenly made sense when you took note of his inebriated state.

“What are you doing here, arent you supposed to he at Kie’s?”

“I’m not supposed to be anywhere y/n,” He snaps, making his way around your room looking at all the photographs on your wall, unbeknownst to you looking for any sign of Rafe.

“Did you guys get into another fight?” You ask, quickly moving to stand beside him.

“Why do you care?” He spits, a look of disgust on his face when he walks towards you, “What’s going on with you and Rafe?” JJ asks ignoring your question entirely stepping towards you as you stutter, breathing in quickly and turning to walk away from him.

“Nothing, why would you ask that?” Your chest tightens, watching him step closer to you, stepping away from him while watching his bloodshot eyes.

“I saw the way he looked at you, and I heard what he said, what did he mean your party days. What the hell is he talking about y/n.” JJ’s voice rises unknowingly coming close to yelling, so close to you now you he’s practically screaming in your face.

“It was just a rebellious phase, I went to some of his parties and we had fun together.”

“The way we had fun together?” JJ snaps, an accusatory tone filling his voice as he slurs at you. He was so close you could smell the alcohol on his breath, and against everything you knew of JJ you felt scared of him.

“No JJ why would you think that? We never did anything like that, it wasn’t that serious.” Your voice turns to begging and he senses the shift in your demeanor, stepping back slightly.

“I’m sorry y/n,” JJ breaks down slightly, his voice breaking and sounding so desperate it almost broke your heart. You move up to him, grabbing his shoulders in an attempt to reassure him. Rubbing them softly with your hand as you speak, making eye contact with him and keeping it.

“It’s okay JJ, I get it,” You sigh watching him while you continue, “I can’t control my feelings for you so I can’t expect you to either. It’s seems like no matter what I do I’m being selfish towards someone.” JJ slowly starts to lean into you, his drunken and seemingly heartbroken state making you jump away just as he gets closer to you.

“Jay we can’t, you can’t. And you really need to stop trying.” JJ comes even closer despite your hand coming up to rest on his chest, he comes so close that his lips almost brush against yours before dropping his head to your neck. You can feel when his tears start to fall, wetting your shoulder while his arms wrap around your waist tightly.

“I’m sorry, I just miss you,” JJ says through broken sobs, “I miss you so fuckin’ much it hurts.” Your heart breaks for him as he speaks, mumbling into your shoulder. “I hated seeing you talk to Rafe, I hate the idea of him being anywhere near you ever again.”

“If he and Mr.Barnes come to an agreement I won’t need to interact with him okay,” You say softly, reassuring him while rubbing his back, “Some of Barnes’ men will be sent to his club on the agreed days and then that will be that and we can forget all about him.”

JJ’s bloodshot eyes meet yours, his tear streaked face sending a pang of guilt directly to your heart. You wished everything was easy, that you could just be each others first everything so you wouldn’t have to go through moments like this. You wished you could have him like you used to. You wished you both could just be happy no matter what. But you could tell it would never be easy now.

“I should probably get going, I shouldn’t stay another night if we’re supposed to be keeping our distance.” You scoff as he turns to walk towards your window, walking around him quickly and pushing him back down your bed with a small laugh.

“Hell no JJ, you are absolutely shit faced and it’s almost midnight. I am not letting you stumble around this island looking for a place to stay just because we can’t control our feelings.” You laugh at his awe struck look he gives you while staring up at you desperately, “Imma get you some water and aspirin for the morning when you’re inevitably hungover. Get comfortable Jay, because you’re not leaving.”

“Thank you.” JJ whispers so quietly you almost didn’t hear him just as he begins to settle into your bed. You enter your connected bathroom without a response, getting him his water and painkillers before returning to find him already entirely knocked out.

And you knew in that moment as you watched JJ’s sleeping figure, comfortable and safe on your bed that he could never find out how close you and Rafe once were.

~~~~

Some serious drama starting here 🤭

~Taglist~ (ask to be added❤️)

@slut4-gojo @cali-888 @marley1773 @agnxstic @apeachtea @juno2369 @bee-43 @definitelymentallyderanged @smokahontas-113

[hanlimz]

midnight thoughts: [heeseung + drunk words]

synopsis: real sweet, but you wish he was sober (alternatively, you take such good care of heeseung while he's drunk that he decides to tell you how he really feels). pairing: heeseung x gn!reader genre/warnings: hurt/comfort (?), f2l (ambiguous but still cute i promise) / EMETOPHOBIA TW (nothing happens but throwing up is mentioned, be cautious <3)!!!, drunk heeseung lol, tiny skz mention (my worlds colliding), um alcohol consumption (?), sunghoon is the dd don't worry there is no drunk driving! wc: 1.4k (el oh el)a/n: inspired by model student heeseung in the first couple en-o'clocks who is unreasonably attractive but also ? a dork . that is all. (love u hee stans this one's for u hope u're doing okay lately w ur man acting the way he is.)

[1:16AM] six shots of tequila and a raspberry smirnoff ice deep, and lee heeseung is gone. strong surges of heat rush to his cheeks to create a dizzying push and pull effect, rivulets of sweat are beginning to drip from his temples, and he's trying his best not to vomit up the fried chicken jake and sunghoon made him eat earlier. heeseung finds solace on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor; he clutches the crisp fabric of his white button down and attempts to will away the waves of nausea that are crashing against the walls of his stomach. breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, heeseung's thoughts begin to drift back to a familiar place. he can almost feel the phantom sensation of your fingers carding through his hair; the tips of your fingers are refreshing and imbue him with a tranquility that he isn't often privy to.

"holy shit, dude—did we really let you get this fucked up?" heeseung vaguely registers jake's voice as two warm fingers reach under his jaw to check his pulse. inwardly, heeseung chuckles—leave it to biomedical engineering major, pre-anesthesiology track jake sim to presume death over everything else. glancing up, heeseung watches the genuine concern that flashes in the younger boy's gaze. "c'mon heeseung, we gotta get you home, bro. good god—[y/n] is actually gonna murder us …”

heeseung curls in on himself at the sound of your name, hiding away from the prodding of jake’s fingers into his upper arms. he wants to press his face into the crook of your neck, he aches to feel your hands cascading up and down the length of his spine, he yearns so desperately for a chance to indulge in a tender moment of unity with you. heeseung closes his eyes to relish in the way the memories seem to envelop him in a ghostly embrace, and he swears he only blinks once. the bass-boosted music and headache inducing strobe lights become mere background accompaniment to the movie playing behind his eyelids.

he swears he only blinks once, but the familiar aroma of your perfume begins to permeate his senses—bergamot and vanilla, his favorite. voices come into focus, his head starts to pound, and the reality of being splayed all over the backseat of sunghoon’s benz is setting in at the speed of falling molasses. "what the hell did you let him get into?" there's a certain venom in the question that bites at his jugular. he recognizes the cadence of your voice and the way you suck a sharp breath through your teeth with ease. "sigma kappa zeta is so out of hee's league—you couldn't have taken him to alpha tau zeta or tau chi tau or someplace that bang chan doesn't run?"

"he said he could handle it!" sunghoon counters.

you let an incredulous scoff escape your mouth as you berate the two boys in a hushed whisper, "and, you believed him? he obviously wanted to impress you idiots. god, i'm starting to think jongseong is the only one of you with a functioning brain ... "

"[y/n]!" jake exclaims, "so not chill."

"no—what's really not chill is tweedledumb and tweedledumber letting heeseung get wasted at his first frat party." you scold, voice cold as ice while jabbing an accusatory finger in their faces. jake and sunghoon hang their heads like dogs being told off for chewing up furniture; in any other situation, you might have had the inclination to chuckle, but you don't. "now, help him up to my couch and leave before i get even meaner."

everything is blurry as heeseung stumbles his way up the stairs to your apartment; sunghoon and jake are bickering with one another while supporting each side of his body—who is tweedledumb and who is tweedledumber, who let heeseung drink this much booze, who will have to recount tonight's escapades to jay, and who will have to give pity laughs to his impending dad jokes? they curse at one another until you mention the possibility of a noise complaint, and all the incessant chatter stops. in the midst of a spring night, only cricket song remains. heeseung focuses on the quiet chirping until the cool leather of your couch cushions begins to soothe the molten liquid that seems to course through his veins. goodbyes are exchanged and a door is closed somewhere far away, but heeseung's head is too heavy to lift.

he blinks again and opens his eyes to the rough fibers of an old washcloth running over the peaks and valleys of his face. the fabric brushes along the deep circles carved beneath his bloodshot eyes; concentration knits your forehead into a multitude of different creases, and heeseung can't help the pitiful chuckle that tumbles from his mouth. an airy sensation overtakes his being as he realizes that he's right where he had wanted to be all evening—with you. embarrassment still settles like an indestructible boulder in the pit of his stomach, however; shame's spindly talons sink into heeseung's flesh as he realizes just how much of a fool he's made out of himself.

"just—just wan'ed to be cool, [y/n]," heeseung slurs out, voice plagued with exhaustion. bringing his knees to his chest, heeseung attempts to keep his tears at bay. "just wan'ed to show you that i c'n be cool 'nd awesome 'nd sexy! but, now 'm just looking stupid on your couch ..."

placing the washcloth on the arm of the sofa, you move to rest heeseung's head in your lap. he gladly accepts the comforting gesture, cuddling into the soft cotton of sweatpants he realizes are his. combing your fingers through his roots and scratching at his scalp, you whisper, "for the record—i already think you're cool and awesome."

heeseung glances up at you, face swollen and eyes puffy. "really?" he asks, "so, you don't think i'm a stupid, un-sexy idiot that can't hold his liquor?"

"well, you can't hold your liquor," you muse with a hint of laughter in your voice, caressing the supple skin of his cheekbone, "but, no. i don't think you're a stupid, un-sexy idiot."

basking in the reality he was just confronted with, heeseung's drunken mind can only focus on one thing. his desperate need for clarification tempts him; desire's forked tongue beckons him towards the truth. the question repeats over and over again in his brain until it spills out—an unwilling victim of an inebriated perpetrator. "so ..." he drawls, attempting to wink but closing both eyes instead, "you think i'm sexy?"

and, you laugh. it's a euphoric sound—a beautiful melody reminiscent of spring picnics, gingham blankets, and the fragrant scent of blooming tulips. for a moment, heeseung loses himself in it; coherent thought escapes his grasp as he is overtaken by you. your touch, your warmth, the bleary image of your smile as it comes in and out of focus. you wash over heeseung in waves, an ocean of calm in a world that only seeks to burn; alluring siren song floods his mind as you call out to him over the sound of the blood pumping his ears. the cool tips of your fingers are beginning the quell the heat beneath heeseung's skin as consciousness begins to slip away from him, and a dopey grin is woven onto his lips.

"heeseung," you murmur, the ghost of a bout of giggles hiding behind your words. "hee, baby, you should really let me get up to grab you some advil."

the term tumbles from your mouth before you can help it, and you freeze. having revealed yourself, you're overcome by the desperate urge to run—but, heeseung has given you nowhere to go. his weight traps you, holding tight and pressing harder by the second. half of you wants to hear him say it back, while the other hopes for the couch cushions to swallow you whole. heeseung—though not a man of many surprises with his perfect grades, perfect attendance, perfect everything—manages to stun you tonight.

"wan' you t'call me that again, [y/n]," heeseung mumbles through sleep, "please."

"you want—" your voice catches in your throat, "you want me to call you baby?"

there's a beat of silence so long that you're almost sure heeseung has fallen victim to the salivating jaws of sleep, but he groans. the utterance is low and deep—dripping with what seems to be a concoction of mild annoyance, exasperation, and endearment. "'s all i've ever wanted, [y/n]," he replies, eyes closed and nose buried into your sweater, "you're all i've ever wanted."

another pause.

"okay," you say, meandering through the quiet for a moment, letting yourself wade towards him in this new sea of possibilities, "baby."

[felice-jaganshi]

Send Me An Angel

Stolas×m!Reader

Chapter 1

Stolas was sitting alone in his study, trying to read a romance novel… but every time he tried to picture the love interests, he kept seeing Blitz and himself. He groaned and set the book down, “How does one make this feeling end?!”

Just as he felt another sad serenade begin to form in his throat, there was a knock on the door.

“Sire? You have an unexpected guest.”

“Ugh, send them away! I am in no mood!”

“Aw come on now Stolas, is that any way to treat the king of hell?” A grinning face forced his way past the butler. Stolas stood immediately before swiftly bowing.

“Your majesty, I apologize, I hadn't known it was you! Why the sudden visit?” He smiled nervously, mentally cursing himself.

 

“Oh, I have someone who was desperate to meet you, and I owe them a favor. So, I figured the best way for them to see the real you, was a surprise visit!” Lucifer was grinning, but there was no kindness behind it. Like he hoped this meeting would show Stolas in a bad light. And well, given he was lounging in a barely held shut robe and nothing else in the middle of the day… let's say Stolas felt he was off to a bad start.

“Someone who wanted to meet me? And who would that be?”

 

Lucifer lowered his voice to a whisper, and turned to the door, “A new Sinner.” Stolas looked over and saw a demon helping his butler back to his feet and fussing over him for any injury, despite the imp's quiet protests that he was fine. As if feeling the extra eyes on them, the demon turned their head, giving a sheepish smile before it switched to an awed gasp as they locked eyes with Stolas, their pupils dilating.

 

As they slowly stood, Stolas took in their form.

Their hair was a pastel gradient from sea green to baby blue to lavender. They had large canine ears atop their head that were the same sea green at their base, fading to white at the tips. Their clothes were formal, but simple, a white button up, with a dark blue vest, though their green overcoat was covered in yellow flower designs. He held a red covered book in his arms. As he examined the demon's jawline and deep blue eyes, Stolas realized they were a man. He also noticed a large bushy tail swishing behind him. It was mostly lavender with white at the tip similar to his ears. He finally made his way down to the man's shoes, and was surprised to find cheap sneakers. They didn't match the rest of the outfit in the slightest, and it made Stolas question if this was the man's usual state of dress, or if he dressed up for their meeting.

 

The man took three steps into the room and gave a half bow, “It's a true pleasure to meet you, my name is Zachary, but my friends call me Zachie.” He turned his face back up and gave a dazzling smile, full of genuine happiness. His tail wagged excitedly.

“Oh, well it's a pleasure to meet you too. So what made you so desire to meet with me? Most human souls lose any interest in the Goetia once they learn how little power we really have in the pride ring. I didn't make you some kind of promise while drunk at a summoning, did I?” Stolas was nervous, he avoided Sinners at all cost, given how volatile and violent they typically were. One poisoned cup out of ten after all…

 

Zachary's expression fell, looking down at his feet. His ears drooped and his tail swished across the floor anxiously, “Well no, I never tried to summon you. All the rituals in the book required multiple people to summon any demons… but it said you loved astrology, botony, and knowledge in general, so I imagined you enjoyed reading… and I love reading and stargazing, so I thought maybe I could share some of my favorite books with you.” His head popped back up suddenly, “Oh! I almost forgot! Here!” He held out the book in his arms. “This is for you. A gift. I… had someone get it for me, it's the first book in my favorite romance series. I hope that's not too weird of a gift…” 

 

Stolas was taken aback, “You… are correct, I do enjoy books.” He hesitantly took the book, reading the title, “What kind of romance is it?”

“A love story between a fallen god and a demon king.”

Lucifer cleared his throat, “Welp! That sounds like my cue to leave! Zach knows his way back to the hotel easily enough, so just kick him out when you're bored of him. And Zach, remember to text Charlie if you're going to be late getting back, or she'll worry you got lost or something.” And with that, Lucifer disappeared in a shimmering gold and red mist.

 

There's a nervous silence between the two for a moment, Zach fidgeting and looking around the room. It's then Stolas noticed his robe had fallen open a little. He tightened it, “Ah well, have a seat while I go change. I'll have tea and snacks brought for you while you wait.” Stolas quickly stepped away from the room to change into something more fitting for having company.

While he was in his closet, he looked the book he'd been gifted over again. It was a paperback with beautiful art on the cover, red being the predominant color. Reading the back of the cover, it certainly sounded like an interesting story. A fallen god, a ghost risen? Well, perhaps it would be better than the romance novels he'd found in hell.

 

Once dressed, he returned to the room, finding Zachary sitting in one of the chairs and typing speedily on his cellphone. Stolas couldn't help his curiosity and peeked over his shoulder to see who he was messaging. It was self preservation, he reasoned. What if Zach turned out to be an assassin?!

But what he saw looked like- “Are you writing a story?” Zach yipped and jumped an inch at the sudden awareness of Stolas.

 

“I um, yes… it's not very good… but I'm trying to be a writer. I tried to get a book written when I was alive, but couldn't get past the ‘rough draft’ phase.”

“Mind if I read what you've written?” He asked, holding out his hand.

Zach's ears perked up, “You're interested in my story? I can read it to you, if you'd like! I've been told I have a good voice for it.” His tail flicked a few times, hopeful excitement, Stolas guessed. 

“Hm, I suppose that would be fine…” He sat down and picked up a tea cup.

Zach smiled and started reading from chapter one…

His voice was soothing as he fell into a reading cadence, and Stolas found himself relaxing further into his own chair.

 

As he finished chapter one, Zachary looked at him expectantly. “What do you think so far? Do you like it? Or am I boring you?”

Stolas opened his eyes, he hadn't even realized he'd closed them!

“Oh, it's quite nice. Your voice is rather soothing. My apologies, I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I suppose I nodded off a bit.”

 

“Oh, no need to apologize! That's a compliment in and of itself.” Zach smiled and put away his phone.

“Oh? How so?” Stolas was curious, how was falling asleep on a guest a compliment?

“Because you're comfortable enough to fall asleep around me. That shows trust. And you found my voice relaxing enough to soothe you from whatever was bothering you. I'm happy I was able to help, even if just for a little bit.”

 

“Ah, I suppose you're right…” Stolas blushed at his reasoning, it was rather sweet… “You know, I think you should keep writing.”

The canine's ears perked up, “You do?” Zach's eyes were practically sparkling with hope. How cute!

 

“Indeed, in fact I'd appreciate it if you came by regularly to read to me, perhaps weekly, if that wouldn't be too much of a strain on your schedule?”

“I'd love to!” He smiled wide,tail wagging aggressively. “How about every sunday? I'm sure I can convince Charlie to let me have every Sunday off from the hotel, especially if I lie and say it's to pray or something holy or religious sounding.” 

Stolas chuckled, “My my, lying to the princess of hell to see me? Sounds like you're making me a dirty little secret~.” 

Ah, what was he doing?! Don't flirt with a sinner, Stolas! They're dangerous! 

 

“Oh, huh… I didn't think of it that way. Yeah, it would be better just to say I want to meet up with my new best friend! Then I'm not potentially hurting anyone!” He had such an innocent reaction, Stolas had to stop and just… blink.

Was he turning down his advances?... Did he call Stolas his “best friend”? 

Stolas smiled, “Yes, I think best friend is the correct title for us. Zachie.”

[snorkling-in-sodasea]

Moments of Stupidity 17

Here we go. Apology Tour. Just... there are so many moments that are flat out nonsensical from a writer's viewpoint but, as previously established, I'm just going over the decisions that don't make sense story-wise.

I guess for starters, Blitzo for going out of his way to talk to Stolas. Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome or he's getting so desperate for someone to be there to care that he dies and thinks he's not really having that with Loona or Millie or Moxxie and he's burned so many bridges that Stolas managed to be the one that Blitzo will settle for, but I cannot think of any logical reason otherwise that Blitzo would try talking things out with Stolas. After all, Blitzo's got a crystal now; he's even used it in this episode a few times. Blitzo doesn't have to do anything with an owl who coerced him into a sex deal, constantly demeaned and belittled him, and is actively acting like he never did such things or that he's off the hook just because of the initiative to call of the deal. So why the fuck is Blitzo wanting to patch things up with Stolas? He could get another hookup to have angry sex with or have a transactional relationship if that's what he wants, and it'll actually be on his terms that time. (Again, I got my theories but I got no indicator in the show if I'm right on either one and it's the most improbable thing ever that the show will actually go any other route than romantic endgame).

I also don't get why the fuck Blitzo doesn't bring up some damn good points in that argument with Stolas, either. Striker has never been a fucking friend, especially not when Millie and Moxxie, imps that Stolas should at least know are associated with Blitzo, fought Striker to save his fucking life. Why the hell would Blitzo want his declared family to around a guy who wouldn't think twice about killing them? Blitzo's not that callous. Plus, there's also the fact that Stolas was entirely blasé about being kidnapped, gave no useful information on how to find him and Striker, and Blitzo talked about how Loona, his daughter, is finally getting a shot she needs and she can't afford to miss it. Where is that very good memory you gloated about having, Stolas? But again, I don't get why Blitzo never brought any of that up, like how Husk didn't bring up that Angel harassed him and pushed his boundaries when told by Vaggie to go get him. (Is the hellaverse a world you're allowed to sexually harass people if you're not as bad as certain other people and so there's no point even bringing up that you're sexually harassing people like it's anything important, especially when you're upset about something?) But I digress

Finally, I don't get Blitz's fucking apology list. Martha because not only she was a hit, meaning that Moxxie is just as guilty and Millie, too, but also that the bitch tried to kill them. I agree with Millie. You don't have to feel too bad about killing people if they try killing you (I just would rather it was self-defense than killing you back). The Dhorks agents make even less sense because they were the ones who started shit first, with the kidnapping and the later attempted murder. There's also Brennan Ragers, since Octavia is actually the one to kill him even if it was just an accident. Oh, and I rather don't like that Moxxie's name was on that list but there was a question mark next to it, like Blitzo is genuinely unsure if he ever did anything to Moxxie to be sorry for

Finally, there's Blitzo's just showing up at the party where all his exes are. Considering that he apparently has broken up with so many people who thoroughly hate him to the point where they get together every year to hate their mutual ex, then why the fuck would Blitzo not bother with a disguise right from the get go? Maybe to an extent, the partygoers, unless drunk or whatever shit, are too stupid to notice their most hated ex just being at the fucking party

Of course, there's goddamn fucking Stolas. His moments are mostly more subdued but they're still noticeable and it has lasting power. Like I said above, Stolas is actively acting like he was never a condescending prick and it's not entirely his fucking fault that Blitzo sees him the way he does. Like... Stolas... if you mean to tell me you truly never thought you were behaving badly in the sense of looking down on Blitzo... then what the fuck did you think you were doing? There's missing social cues and stuff and then there's fucking social braindead-ness. How the fuck does someone end up this socially inept? Even though Stolas was isolated in childhood save for some imp servants, but then he got to be around more people when he became an adult. Considering how eager for friends he was when Blitzo was bought to be his playmate and how Stolas is stuck with an angry woman he doesn't even like, you'd think Stolas would be eager to try talking to other nobles at the very least. We know that he attends parties even if they're by Stella's design and there's no literally no reason to think that Stolas can't go to other events hosted by others. Yet Stolas remains just as socially inept even when surrounded by more people, even if it's just in comparison to his childhood. So how the fuck does Stolas live his life around others and think that it's flattering to be called a plaything? In fact, just the way he handled breaking off the deal in Full Moon was stupid but I'll get to that when I talk about the post exclusively about the Stolitz relationship (And holy fuck, do I have a list over how much I think it sucks and why and to think, the show's not over yet)

[mars-ipan]

hiii mars 😇 i have something to say☝️. if you feel like it, id kind of like to hear more about the “tests of faith” you mentioned a while ago. idk if youve gone into depth about it already, mighta missed something, but i was rereading some of the priest au info and was reminded. im very fucking interested 👁️👁️. would love to hear more

also just fyi the last thing you wrote was fucking insane to me. i really like hearing about sinner hajime “giving in” (MASTURBATION MENTION 🫵) and komaeda being a subtle creep to him.. you already know i felt targeted. i had a very good time reading it. “he can handle hard things” yeah im sure he can dude

hca

ok so the tests of faith are basically just an excuse for komaeda to play kink games with hajime with some level of plausible deniability (aka an excuse for me to depict them). plays heavy into their dom/sub relationship, with a certain level of pred/prey and whatever they’re up to. i’m a little freak so maybe i’ll indulge my cnc kink a little (although it’s kinda dubcon from the start with this au). i’ve actually been thinking abt komaeda getting hajime drunk on communion wine but maybe we could turn that idea into one of their later-on tests of faith. could an inebriated hajime remain in the glory of god when faced with temptation, or would he stray from the light? idk i’m kinda spitballing, i don’t have too much in mind with regards to the tests of faith rn bc i’ve been focusing on trying to get hajime’s backstory properly fleshed out lately. dw though i ABSOLUTELY will be getting to the tests of faith eventually they are like. a routine thing for them once they get settled into their dynamic. komaeda explains them away as a straightforward way to check on hajime’s progress, and hajime buys it because the alternative is much much scarier.

as for the thingy i wrote. HEEHEHEE thank youuuu i don’t really consider myself a writer so it’s very affirming to see so many ppl respond to my writing well. extra thank you for picking up on the “you can handle hard things” euphemism— i was worried it was a bit too subtle actually. i was gonna have it be something like “you can take it when things get hard” but i couldn’t phrase it in a way i liked so i settled for “handle” instead lmao. and yesss komaeda being a subtle creep is a huge part of this au. bc it’s from hajime’s perspective his actions are going to be excused and depicted in a rose-tinted manner but if you actually look at what he’s doing he’s like objectively being creepy (who the hell comforts someone who’s fallen to the ground crying by pressing their face into their hip?) but hajime is both too whipped and too caught-up in his own self-loathing to really notice. he’ll accept anything and everything komaeda offers him, due in part to his desperation to be saved and in part to the thoughts he fears will drag him screaming into hell 👍, but i really like the idea of komaeda’s actions being genuinely inexcusable and fucked up when you take the time to look at it objectively. i <3 unreliable narration

[i-think-i-did-it-again]

Confession II

Warning: swearing

A/N: there will 100% be another part to this but I wanted to make this chapter a big angsty with some fluff, so enjoy! Smut to follow 😉

“Oh no, oh no, oh fuck,” you mumble to yourself over and over again.

You stumble out of the bed to pull your jeans on, the room spinning. You’re pretty sure you’re still slightly drunk or your chaotic mind is just causing your body to spiral. You listen carefully for any sounds outside your door but hear nothing but silence. You hold your shoes firmly in your hand, making sure you can make a completely soundless getaway. Whether you’re still drunk or hungover, you know for a fact that you’re not ready to face Colson right now.

You peer out into the hallway as you slowly open the door, ensuring the coast is truly clear. You can hear the soft sounds of snoring coming from behind the door opposite you and you’re glad you don’t have to face any of your friends either. You’re not sure if Colson would’ve told them what you’d said and you’d really rather not know. Ignorant bliss is definitely the vibe you’re going for.

You pad quietly to the stairs and haphazardly glide your way down them. You’re fairly sure you’ve succeeded in escaping your hell on earth, when the sound of someone clearing their throat smacks you as you reach the front door. You turn with a cringe and come face to face with your worst nightmare. A very bewildered Colson stares you down, catching you again trying to sneak away. You try your best not to look like a deer in headlights.

“I think we should talk,” Colson declares in a confident tone of voice and your stomach drops.

You nod and bite your bottom lip, following him to the backyard. The sun hasn’t quite risen so you’re greeted by the most beautiful sunrise, the worst backdrop for the conversation you’re about to have. You want to make the whole situation less awkward by taking back everything you said last night but you just can’t bring yourself to say it.

“You’re awake early,” you speak for the first time since he caught you and you know by the look on his face that Colson is not in the mood for small talk.

“I never went to sleep,” he admits with an edge to his voice. “I had a lot on my mind.”

You flinch because you can definitely hear the accusation in his tone. You want to apologise and try to blame it on the alcohol but you know that won’t help the situation. You don’t know how to make it better but you’re desperate to try.

“Can we just forget the whole thing?” you beg, trying to hide your desperation. Colson’s eyes soften slightly but his jaw stays tense.

“We can’t do that and you fucking know it Y/N,” he scolds you disapprovingly. You let out a puff of air you didn’t know you were holding and brace yourself for what is about to come. “I’ve spent so much of my adult life being used by people. People that want me to help boost their career, their ego, their hunger for recognition. I’ve tried so hard to work out the users from the real people in my life and tried so hard to surround myself with people who genuinely care about me and I thought you were one of those people.”

“I-“ you start but Colson holds up his hand to silence you.

“I thought you were my friend, one of my best fucking friends, because you wanted to be. It turns out that you only wanted to be around me so you could feed some fucking sick fantasy you had of us being more than friends. You used me for your fucking hormones, to get yourself off in a fucking toilet cubicle. Do you know how dirty that makes me feel!?”

You don’t know what to say to him. He took what you said in such a twisted way that you’re not even sure how to defend yourself. Then again, in your drunken rambling, you’re not really sure how well you actually explained yourself. You’re pretty sure you used the word ‘love’ but then you did stumble into a rant about masturbating after the concert that you could’ve probably left out entirely.

“I’m sorry,” you hang your head in shame as the ramifications of your confession hits you like a tone of bricks.

In what you thought was a cute, albeit dirty revelation, you do remember saying that being friends with him was ok because it just meant to got to be around him. In what you thought was a sweet compliment, was actually a sick way of saying ‘I’ll pretend to be your friend because I like creating fantasies of us in my mind after I hang out with you’. Not the most glowing endorsement for what you treasure as a truly fulfilling friendship.

“Just fucking leave,” he mumbles, turning away from you to look at the sunrise. Your cheeks heat with shame and you stumble to your feet, collecting your belongings as quickly as you can. “You know what the worst fucking part is?” he asks you with humourless chuckle. You shake your head at his question. “If you’d told me how you felt, I probably would’ve just let you down gently and we could’ve just been really good friends because, let’s be honest with each other, you and me would never work.”

Well that fucking cuts deep.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you feel your blood boiling but you’re trying your best to stay calm.

“Oh come on honey, be serious for a moment. I’m an international musician with albums and awards and sold out stadium tours and you’re a scrappy misfit who wiggled your way into our group because we felt sorry for you.”

“Jesus Christ, Colson! You can be pissed off at me but you don’t have to be fucking cruel.”

You can feel the tears burning in your eyes. Your whole life you’ve just wanted to fit in and find your people. You finally thought you’d achieved that with your friends. He can’t really mean what he’s saying, can he? He’s just lashing out to make himself feel better about what’s happening right now. He’s not really this heartless. You know him well enough to know that he’s not a nasty person. He’s the kindest, gentlest person you’ve ever met, he’s just hurt.

“I kept you around because I felt sorry for you and I made everyone else be nice to you because of it.”

“Bullshit,” your voice cracks and you sniffle. “No, I don’t believe you.”

“Why not, silly girl?” he laughs but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Ashleigh and Sophie would never pretend to be my friend just to keep you happy.”

Suddenly, Colson is on his feet and right in your face, mere inches separating the two of you.

“Yes, they fucking would because that’s what real friends do for each other.”

“No, you’re just scared.”

“Scared? What the fuck do I have to be scared about?”

“Losing me.”

Colson scoffs with such fake indignation that it finally dawns on you exactly what he’s doing. He’s protecting himself to keep from feeling exactly what is happening. He’s losing a best friend that he believes completely betrayed him and spent their whole friendship pretending to be something it wasn’t. You see the frightened little boy behind the bravado and fake ego. You see what he is truly feeling behind those deep eyes. You immediately feel burdened with this unbelievable guilt that you’re willing to do anything to make it go away. You want to hold him, take away all the sadness he’s feeling. Literally transfer it from him to you to lessen all of his pain.

You ease yourself forward slightly, not really sure what your full plan is but relying on pure instinct to get you through. Colson eyes you suspiciously but doesn’t move himself away from you. Curiosity undercutting the frown that has taken over his face. You lightly place your hand on his cheek and he flinches away from your touch. You try to not let that bruise your ego or diminish your confidence. You lean closer to him and lightly feather your lips across his cheek, trying so hard to convey everything you’re feeling in that one small gesture. As you pull away slowly, the temptation of his lips being so close to your own is so hard to resist. You feel as though you may win the battle until his lips part slightly and you’re drawn to them like a moth to a flame.

You press your lips to his, a fire igniting inside you as your fantasy meets your reality. Your lips graze Colson’s for a few moments before he abruptly pulls away. You drop your hand and bite your bottom lip as he stares at you for a moment. You expect him to blast you again, yell at you for trying to take advantage of him in a vulnerable state but instead he reaches for your hand and pulls you flush against him.

“Do that again,” he begs you and you can’t believe what you’re hearing.

You place your hand back on his cheek and you lean up on your tippy toes to slowly close the gap between your lips again. You brush your lips against his and he parts them slightly, allowing you deeper access to explore. You run your tongue along the seam of Colson’s lips and he moans into your mouth. You run your hand up his cheek and into his hair, locking your fingers into the locks of hair at the base of his head. He moans again as you tug slightly, taking the lead.

Colson wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly close to him. You feel his whole body, every ridge, every line pressed against you. He grabs your thigh to lift your leg so that it’s against his hip and he grinds into you. You groan against his lips and he smiles, repeating the motion which drags the same response from you.

You’re so caught in the moment that you’re not even really sure what’s happening right now. First he’s hurt by you, then he’s cruel to you and now he’s pressing his hardened cock against your core because he enjoys the animistic sounds it causes you to make.

“Wait…” you moan between kisses. “Kells…can…you…” it takes every piece of your soul to pull away but you have to. “Stop!”

Colson immediately lets you go, panting and confused. He’s watching you with a look in his eyes you’ve never seen directed at you before. Need. You want to explore of depth of his need for you right now but his mood swings are giving you whiplash.

“Why are we stopping?” he pants and you can’t help but feel your heart swell at his simple question.

“Because I have no idea what that fuck that was. 2 minutes ago you were kicking me out of your life and now you’re kissing me like your life depends on it. Call me crazy but that’s a pretty quick change in direction, even for you.”

“First of all, ouch, I’m not that indecisive. Secondly, why are you complaining? Isn’t this what you wanted? And thirdly, I…well I don’t know why. When you kissed me, something inside me just flicked and I…No woman has ever turned me on with just a kiss before. Everything just made sense for a second.”

“You like when I kiss you but you don’t think we’d work?”

“Ok, I’m not saying this to be a dick but I really only ever saw you as a friend. Up until last night I didn’t even register that you were a female until I saw you dancing on my coffee table-“

“Ouch!” you place your hand on your chest in hurt.

“You know what I mean. Like I saw you as a friend not as this sexy, woman. I didn’t really notice those big seductive eyes and sultry curves until suddenly they were right in front of me and I had to hide my boner before anyone noticed. I don’t know, something click and then you told me what you told me and I freaked.”

You look at him with your ‘big seductive eyes’ and bite your bottom lip. You like this vulnerable, sexually charged Colson. It’s such a turn on to hear him talk about your body, to know you can get that kind of reaction from him with just a look and a wiggle of your hips. You can see him watching you, trying to read you, drinking you in like a man in the desert. You want so desperately to explore him, roam your tongue and your lips over his flesh but you don’t want to overwhelm either of you. That conversation was such a roller coaster of emotions and confessions that you need to let it all sink in. You’re pretty sure Colson is thinking the same as he leans back against the table.

“Spend the day with me?” he asks softly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

“Of course,” you smile and run your fingers across his cheek. His eyes flutter close at your touch and you can’t help the grin that takes over your face.

[lovelywingsart]

🦀💔🕊️

For the OCXCanon thing uwu Because I'm desperate to talk lmao

🦀 'How did they handle realizing they were in love?' - They didn't ALDKALDKSLFJ- Ok, but seriously, neither of them took it very well.

Karl realized way before she did, when she was taking care of him after he had gotten near blackout drunks after a bad meeting, and it actually took him a few days to realize that 'love' was exactly what it was. Emelias realization is actually a story here, 'Rainy Day', followed by 'Dear Mother' that happened only week later.

Both realizations were met with straight panic and fear- Karl tried to convince himself that it wasn't actually what it was, that he didn't deserve it if it was, and he was genuinely afraid both for himself and her if it ever came out; Emelia was genuinely terrified because she wasn't sure he'd even understand, and given the fact Miranda already hated her, she knew that that information ever getting out would spell tragedy as it had with a prior instance. They both completely ignored that realization in hopes that it would go away, when in reality it only made it worse.

So basically, they handled it by NOT handling it. At all.

💔 'Do they have an past relationship experience? How does it effect them?' - Strap in. 😂😭

Karl never had a 'proper' relationship beforehand- a one night stand here, a week or two long fling there, but nothing he ever fully considered a relationship. But also given the skewed view on 'affection' from Miranda and the others, he really didn't want one, nor did he ever learn exactly what went into one. Mirandas abuse severely kinda fucked him up on what to expect, plus he was too busy for one so he never searched for it.

Emelia DID actually have a relationship- not while human, but with Regina. As a kid she always dreamed of having that nice happy family, and still held onto that hope despite everything- and she genuinely thought she had found what she wanted in the village girl once she got to know her-

And then Regina got sick.

Upon Regina getting sick, she was exposed to Mirandas vileness when offering herself to be an experiment to try and live to be with Emelia, because the woman very quickly picked up on the fact that Emelia truely loved her and therefore denied any chance to save her; literally because Emelia was what she considered her 'greatest failure', and she despises her with a passion and will work to make her life a living hell if she shows any kind of happiness (hence Dear Mother). Mirandas denial and jabbing allowed Regina to die, and therefore rendered Emelia absolutely terrified of feeling any kind of affection- which is why her realizing she loved Karl afterward was such a huge issue. She was afraid both of his reaction and Mirandas if she were to ever find out, and it fucked her up a little more than she already was.

Going off the Survival AU, when they actually HAVE a proper relationship, they're both still unlearning toxic behavior even with a constantly growing family. Emelia needs to unlearn being so closed off (and takes to it pretty quickly when given the chance) and Karl need to unlearn.... alot. Specifically his tendency to be unnecessarily possessive and defensive both of himself and Emelia. They make it work given the shared trauma, but it IS a struggle sometimes.

🕊 'Give a general domestic tidbit' - Probably one of the sweetest things- when Karl eventually feels so tired he's about to fall over, he will purposely look for Emelia, or will radio her with a code word they have for that specific scenario. Reason being, simply put, he doesn't like sleeping alone, and finds difficulty doing so. He's actually afraid of sleeping, and is incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of just passing out where he's standing like he used to before she came along.

If she's working, she'll drop what she's doing almost immediately either to find him or if he finds her, and attempt to lead him away to a safer place, be it either the corner of the Foundry, one of the rooms they have with a cot, or up to her room on the surface. She'll get him comfy how she can, make sure he's the one close to the wall (corner bed ftw) and he is promptly little spoon while she relaxes him enough to actually sleep either by singing/humming, rubbing his back/shoulders or playing with his hair. It usually knocks him tf out pretty immediately, and she might also fall asleep as well. Its also the only way he can sleep relatively peacefully for a bit before the nightmares fully kick in, which also helps that she's right there. She wakes up pretty easily if he starts moving, so she can in turn wake him up before it gets bad, and the cycle continues if he needs more sleep.

There have been times where they just lay there for an entire day, if not moreso, until he's rested enough to keep working. Its always followed by a good amount of food as he's fully waking up to regain that energy, and she takes special care in picking what's needed. 💙 Its a small routine that doesn't haven VERY often with how little he sleeps, but its one that they figured out quickly that was the most effective and let them both be the most productive otherwise.

[strlstd]

[ @lustbcrne ⸻ ★ ]

It was almost pathetic, really. How easily he allowed himself to be sat down on the couch by Kaeya. This surely couldn't be the same emboldened, adamant, stubborn man. Whose will wouldn't break for just about anything or anyone. The same brash and reckless outlaw, who'd kept the remnants of his phantom heart firmly encased in layer upon layer of iron, honestly terrified of letting anyone get as close as Kaeya was at this moment. To think he wound up marrying the man in the end, making the most intimate decision to even ask. Scaring himself with how right it all felt to him, after years spent roaming the galaxy, being the walking dead man he considered himself to be, living solely for the sake of his family's memory. Not much of a life.

Yet, yet... now? This was a life worth living. No longer needing to lug around the weight of his grief, closure finally received, no longer having the ruthless urges of revenge plaguing his every thought. His family could rest, and he could live for himself after all that time.

Crosshair was blown wide, crimson dot in the center expanded as well. All in order to completely and entirely take in every last detail of the handsome sight before him. Hazy gaze trying hard to remain sharp, never once wavering in its focus on the man before him. One could make the assumption this was the same way a seasoned hunter would assess its target. True enough. But Boothill's remaining eye was not regarding Kaeya with the same seething bitterness he reserved for a certain corporation. Reverence, devotion, tenderness.

Sensors throughout his body flared like at Kaeya climbing onto his lap and held him, arms swiftly encircling in return to keep him in place. "Close as two damn hibernatin' rattlesnakes... still ain't close enough for me." Voice was deep, low, rough.

This new sensitivity, sensations, were still something to adjust to. But, hell, if he didn't absolutely relish in it all. Having someone who showed such genuine and true affection to his body born of rage and desperation, created only to bring destruction. Even after everything they'd been through, it still left him stunned.

Eyes grew half-lidded, gladly (or maybe was it greedily) responding to each and every kiss, always mindful of his sharper teeth, arms pulling him closer against his chest. Aeons, if this was what getting drunk felt like back in the day? He'd get absolutely wasted to the point of no return on the feeling, whether it be made into a whiskey or a wine. Hangover be damned.

Kaeya really did know him too well, didn't he? Enough to know the sensation of a hand tangling in his hair would bring forth an adoring sigh and Boothill smiling into their current kiss. With his ability to well and truly feel being limited to only above his neck for so long before the sensory upgrade, even the slightest touch would be enough to melt him or catch him off guard. Effortlessly.

Only just beginning to close his eyes, they snapped open once the kiss was just barely broken. Being just enough for him to narrow his eyes and Kaeya to earn an irritated growl. Did he like the pull on his hair? Yes. Was he still gonna act all upset? Oh, absolutely.

"Now, sweetheart, I don't take too kindly-"

Oh... oh-

Every urge was telling him to duck his head away, avoid the beautiful gaze that was freezing him solid. Old thoughts rising back up. He didn't deserve this, such loving words that always threw him out of whack. More metal than man, a machine made for carrying out dangerous chaos. Yet, he remained still, rapt. He always did like the night sky, and Kaeya's blue eye may as well be a galaxy full of stars.

Managing to bite back any remark of refute, even with how difficult it proved to be, he relented. "You're wreckin' me here, you handsome as hell rascal..." Head leaned into the devastatingly gentle touch, tilting it to give more access to the remainder of skin along his neck. "Only... only for you. You're the only one that gets me all like this."

Oh, he was hopeless. Never would he admit such a thing so openly. The vulnerability, the intimacy of it, not to mention the trust. Three concepts he'd once closed himself of to. Previously striving to always be seen as this roguish, tough hunter. Who knew metal could be worn down so easily?

However. Not all the fire in him was completely put out.

A smirk gradually took over his face, eye flickering red, a hand rising up to grasp the brim of his hat. "Don't you go forgettin'..." A raspy chuckle left before he firmly placed the hat atop Kaeya's head, mouth right beside his ear with a gruff, "you're mine, too."

Hand then came to rest against his cheek, fully ready to meet him when he returned to kiss him again. Showing a gentleness unfitting of him, but that certainly didn't mean the affection was devoid of any passion. Leaning back against the couch, both arms winding around him in a grip that was perhaps enough to leave indents on Kaeya's skin, but not enough to cause harm.

[your-regina]

I just had a pretty nice cocktail of benzos. At first I genuinely just wanted to have a very deep and pleasant sleep. Simply not dream and not hear or feel myself existing for some hours. But then I felt tempted to take one more pill, just to make the effect a bit more pleasant. You know how nice it feels, like your body becomes a bit lighter, your head spins and your eyes don't see anymore. I thought that was way too nice, I really like how that feels. I also liked how it felt to have some marihuana some time ago, not knowing shit about what's happening, the lent ability to truly not care at all. I want it so much. I don't want to feel, I don't want to ache anymore.

So I took more and more pills. Let's call it a little experiment, to see just how good it feels to live like this. I know for a fact that it feels good, it's always good to not know, always better than being present. I want this, I want more.

I know the things we have at home are so strong. We are all crazy, not the quirky and fun type, the annoying, paranoid, detached and delusional type of crazy. The type of crazy that can't be marketed or even belong to the working world. We're outcasts, truly out of the normal to the point it becomes imposible to exist comfortably along with our loved ones. Sometimes, even knowing they might be the cause of my hell, I can't help but feel sympathy and relief in the fact that there are more people like me desperately trying to elude reality.

As I kept taking pills I knew full well that It wasn't enough to kill me at all. But I know I have ways of making it more extreme. I know all the tools are available, closer than ever. I have the trust and the means, I can do it.

I'm so drugged now I no longer fear death and all I want is to keep acting like an exemplary person, acting like I seriously need very strong meds until I can get myself a truly deadly cocktail. If it doesn't kill me, at the very least I will forget about you for some hours.

I no longer see the letters, so excuse any 5ypo. I'm not.evem fully alive anyway. This is so much fitter for the kind of person I am..when Im gone I wish someone would find this and tell you how much you messed upy poor nerves

I can't see anything, the screen looks warped and double now. Kate bush is playing in the background saying she's looking into the big sky. IT mitht be a sign of support. Something must be waiting for me. Something pleasant. I wish to sleep and never see the light again.

I wrote this drunk

[5lu7]

A game of: SMASH OR PASS, regarding my alters, in chronological order of their first appearance (that I remember)

(excluding littles… OBVIOUSLY)

1: ON THE BED, IN THE CAR, ON THE STAIRS, IN PUBLIC, IN PRIVATE, ON VIDEO, TOPPING, BOTTOMING, DOMMING, SUBBING, WHILE EATING, WHILE STARVING, WHILE DRUNK, WHILE SOBER, UNDER THE STARS, OVER THE TABLE, ETC ETC HE’S SO FUCKING HOTTTTTT

(though he’s absolutely the worst most toxic attachment in this list. He was an adult and I was like 13 when he took over my body forcefully, almost committed murder with it, and then raised me to be a soulless, unloveable bastard. He also violated me sexually at least once. I need him so bad though I need him so bad)

2: No. Pass. I was literally him under five years ago, I hate myself too much to fuck a dude who is essentially a different me, but is way more judgemental than me, way less chill than me, and even less morally sound. At least he was more ambitious and hopeful though!

3: Neither, she’s too ethereal and pure… I’d just stare at her in awe for three hours straight and then work up the courage to snuggle with her and weep while she pets my hair

4: Maybe? Idk my parents would definitely approve of him

5: Imagine doing the nasty with a robot xenomorph thing… (that means pass. I’m not like some of you absolute weirdos)

6: SMASHHHHHHH YES YES YES!!!!! (He’s the same dude as #1 at least 30% of the time due to merging, and when he’s not, he’s still really similar and he currently has the same face claim as #1 rn (Fugue Harvey Dent from Gotham Knights, episode 10 “Poison Pill”… **moans and arches back**), so SMASH. But I’d slap his face and spank him a LOT more and a LOT harder than #1 because he’s a lying piece of SHIT which annoys the hell out of me because I’m tryna figure out the truth of what caused all of this and I do NOT appreciate people who get between me and my goals, which is unfair because #1 is actually WAY worse and WAY more toxic)

7. SMASH!!! He’s spooky and kooky and I liked him a lot in the very short time we had together! Also his face claim was Christian Bale’s Gorr, so… (twirls hair and bites lip)

8: PASS PASS PASS she’s lovely I’m sure but that’s Jesus’s MOTHER I need to take a shower in holy water just thinking abt it…

9: Idk depends on which iteration of Barbie she is. If she looks like Margot Robbie then 100% SMASH

10: Pass… They weren’t unsexy per sé but they had 0% sexy energy and 100% emergency situation energy. Like a person sitting next to you under a desk in an active shooter situation telling you to shut tf up

11. PASS. She’s absolutely batshit insane and a cunt… Though I’d prolly hit her up if I was self-loathing and felt like I wanted to be genuinely abused and violated (/nonsexual, /nonhyperbolic)

BONUS!!!! THEORIZED ALTERS:

Theorized alter 1: wow PAAAAAAASSSSSS. I hope I never hear from him again. He makes me feel like absolute SHIT whenever he’s around and he NEVER shuts up!

Theorized alter 2: Hell no PASS I was him like less than nine months ago and he’s pathetic and erratic and insane. Like peak BPD behaviour but not in a tumblr sexy way. Just in a desperate train wreck way. Everyone was right abt him being cringe. Though I do feel bad for him because his behavior was a result of being in so much pain that he was literally being driven insane by it and had to go to the emergency room multiple times for actual physical health issues that literally manifested from the emotional pain itself. He felt like his organs were rotting and/or being lit on fire for like at least nine hours a day, and would do ANYTHING to try and avoid it, even if it meant being horrible and doing horrible shit to try and summon alter #1, who doesn’t feel emotional pain. He didn’t deserve allat he was just tryna succeed

Theorized alter 3: SMASH!!!! I’d be absolutely honored, I could only wish to be worthy of such a gift from his holiness! I suspect he’s prolly (based off of?) the same guy as #1 & #6, though I’ve never met him personally nor do I know much about him. He’s the alter at the top of the entire system hierarchy, I think.

And that’s all the (non-little) hoes in my brain I feel like putting in the effort to remember for this post, though I think I have more.

[sevlawless]

Ok then top 5 versions of Arabella!!!

PLSKSKSBDBDNDM thank u for actually sending this ur so real <3

under the cut because this is literally insane who reuses an oc this much .. but u could also ask WHY she fits SO well in everything i stick her in

ask me my top 5 anything!

1. infamous!arabella - LIKE ?????? i've said it before on here but i genuinely do feel like arabella was meant to be in this if she fits SO WELL it's baffling and in my mind arabella has ALWAYS wanted to be a musician so ofc i would put in here yk ? she fits perfectly and i am so brainrotted about infamous and this version of arabella i feel like in some if's i have to like . tone her down see twc but for this one she can fully be what i always imagined her being and it is SO FUN to explore that 🥺

2. twc!arabella - mostly because as much as i hate it arabella wouldn't exist without twc . AND I HAD HER ROMANCING ADAM AT FIRST CAN U BELIEVE ?? it still boggles my mind as if her n morgan aren't soulmates but anyways <3 and because the bobby n arabella lore in my brain is TOO MUCH i have a whole playlist for them i have wips abt them collecting dust ! anyways she is like ... a pg 13 version of herself in twc i feel LMFAO i can't have her be as mean n funny as she is but that is her origin story sadly i owe m*shka something ig (also arabella would never in her life stay in wayhaven she would have bolted as soon as ub came into her office let's be real and she would have NEVER been promoted to detective)

3. bodycount!arabella - this was before i stuck her in litg (love island the game) and just didn't feel like making a new oc but she adapted ! if there is one thing abt arabella she will have a dead end job she does not care abt and will desperately try to get out of lol and you know she would be the BEST reality show contestant bc of how messy n funny n flirty she is! people would love to hate her and vice versa! is she coping with all the murder? hell no but we will persevere LMFAO

4. when twilight strikes!arabella - this is partly because her n rylan are a match made in heaven and i love their interactions <3 also the supernatural aspect this girl can NEVER stay away from vamps! yk she has a motorcycle also LMFAO this version of arabella is what i desperately wanted for twc but u know that shit always falls short.

5. chop shop!arabella - THIS IS ONLY IN THE LAST SLOT BC THERE R ONLY LIKE 2 CHAPTERS OUT LMFAO BUT JUST KNOW I LOVE CHOP SHOP and again .. arabella with a dead end job that she can't escape >>>>> yes she punched maz in the face. yes she tried escaping through the window. yes she got so drunk she threw up on four's shoes. she is a MESS but that is fine! this version of her is also interesting bc she actually has a good relationship with her mom and you know she can't be arabella without mommy issues but it works! and it's actually refreshing LMFAO

honorable mention to litg!arabella because that was when i REALLY started having prophetic visions abt her being a singer and working that into her lore and it's not an if so </3

[unboundtravels]

𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝑠𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑙𝑦 when he watches the man cough and spasm. However, he remains firm in keeping the drink away from the man, though he winces at the sight of what he's going through. The man presses the back of his hand against the man's forehead. The coughing was a telltale sign that simulated fatigue had reached him. Nobody could remain within a simulated environment in blissful ignorance for as long as this gentleman had. The mind reaches such a state of intense ignorance of its surroundings, that the body actively starts to combat the brain through signs such as physical wear and tear. Hence the coughing, and the iron in his throat and his lungs. "Oh, I'm so sorry..." The man mumbles honestly,

"This poor place... it must've been hell on the senses." He let a moment of silence pass before the purple-clothed hand patted Arthur's back softly. "Listen to me, I'm called 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳—" The man introduces, trying to help Arthur back up to his feet. Although it's difficult. Based on the way he's wobbling, whatever simulated anesthetic they've been pumping into him must be what's wearing the brain down enough for the body's warning signals to catch up. It must feel a whole lot like being drunk. Supporting him was a little bit difficult, but The Doctor tried his best to help. He wasn't so weak to where he couldn't help another man to his feet. Stabilizing him was another challenge, "Look, listen— can you... can you tell me your name?" The stranger— this... This Doctor spoke. As if he was genuinely trying to help. 

The Doctor suddenly heard a clicking, his head snapping to the side. Some of the waitresses had stopped... as if they were thinking. The Doctor bit the insides of his cheek in frustration. "Oh, that's not good... I've never been inside an environment this long... but you were the hardest one to find..." The Doctor, attempted again, to Hoist Arthur to his feet— now even ignoring any protests. "The last one in the simulated toybox..." They needed to get on the move, get outside of this bar. Some of the cowboys were finishing their card games, and even the bartender looked to be resetting. They were going into a type of containment mode. Anti Virus software. The Doctor again cursed lightly, "Okay! Listen, listen... I need to get you out of here. You need to come with me!" The Doctor cries, desperately. 

"I do have some answers! But I can't give them to you, here!" He starts to wrangle into his pocket. He's trying to shake Arthur's adrenaline system into pumping the anesthetic toxin out of his body. Flushing it all out and charging the brain into alert mode. A shock to the system might help. The Doctor finesses a cylindrical device out of his coat pocket. Resting his finger on a silver ball bearing on the side, the device whirred suddenly. The waitress in front of Arthur suddenly ERUPTED into a burst of sparks and flame. 

Underneath the skin was wire and metal... the skin and flesh seared off to reveal a glowing red eye and speaker grills where a mouth should be. The Doctor looked at Arthur and suddenly shouted, 

"MOVE!!!"

he’s  in  a  dream  .      he  has  to  be  in  a  dream  .      or  else  ,      maybe  ,      he’s  in  some  delusion  .      eaten  the  wrong  plant  ,      drank  the  wrong  water  ,      not  been  careful  and  taken  a  breath  of  something  he  shouldn’t  have  .      he  shouldn’t  have  anything  ,      that’s  for  sure  ,      but  he  can’t  remember  what  it  is  he’d  been  doing  before  this  ,      although  he  should  .      something  blocks  his  mind  from  working  ,      something  else  keeps  his  fingers  sluggish  .      the  air  itself  .      the  world  is  slow  .      or  maybe  he’s  thinking  too  quickly  for  it  ,      though  he  doesn’t  move  at  any  quicker  a  pace  than  the  bartender  or  the  men  at  the  poker  table  .

at  the  very  least  ,      his  drink  in  a  welcome  sight  .      historically  speaking  ,      a  good  deal  of  this  might  put  him  back  down  .      or  it  might  wake  him  up  .      he  would  so  like  to  wake  up  from  whatever  this  is  .      but  before  he  can  make  his  move  ,      the  man  appears  right  out  of  nowhere  ,      looking  completely  out  of  place  ,      speaking  completely  out  of  place  .      not  of  this  place  ,      if  he  can  make  it  out  correctly  .      he  can’t  make  anything  out  correctly  right  now  .

❝        you            ❞        his  voice  is  hoarse  and  his  lungs  itch  and  he  coughs  and  coughs  to  scratch  them  .      as  usual  ,      every  bit  of  that  hurts  him  in  ways  he  never  thought  he  could  be  hurt  inside  before  .      vague  aching  pulses  from  his  limbs  ,      his  neck  ,      his  head  .      at  least  he  knows  that  much  hasn’t  changed  .      when  at  last  he  catches  his  breath  from  his  sudden  bout  ,      he  continues  .        ❝        i  need  that  drink  .        ❞        voice  and  phlegm  rattle  wet-like  ,      eternal  twins  locked  in  a  fight  for  dominance  .      he  clears  his  throat  ,      swallows  the  iron  before  it  seeps  from  his  lips  ,      and  tries  again  .        ❝        i  need  …  somethin’  .      gi'me  somethin'  to  drink  then  …  you  ain't  the  one  bought  it  for  yourself  .        ❞        did  he  even  buy  this  drink  for  him  ?      everything's  all  hazy  ,      veiled  like  there's  some  sort  of  fog  in  his  mind  in  spite  of  his  clear  vision  .      now  ,      anyways  ,      each  blink  like  a  rag  to  wipe  away  the  condensation  across  his  eyes  .      he  reaches  up  to  rub  a  finger  along  his  bottom  lid  .

he  straightens  up  ,      all  of  the  sudden  and  without  announcement  ,      forearms  pressed  into  the  corner  of  the  countertop  .      his  gaze  ,      cruelly  clear  ,      doesn't  waver  from  this  other's  .        ❝        what'chu  know  'bout  this  drink  ?      why  you  warnin'  me  ?      you  part'o  this  ?        ❞

[fettuccin-e]

Steve Harrington Fic Recs (Part II)

Hello!! Gang, Steve has a chokehold on me (i wish i was being literal), so here is another collection of AMAZING Steve fics made by some fantastic authors. Please give these authors a ton of love!!! (and if you are one of these authors and you'd like to be removed from this list, please let me know!!)

Part I of my Steve Harrington Fic Recs

Tales of a Love Between the Lines by @robiin-buckley

>> Steve shows you he loves you in different ways, and waits for you to realize that you love him too. (Ugh, he’s so sweet in this i want to marry him)

Perfect by @gothbitchshit

>> You and Steve are friends with benefits, but when Steve is pretty much the perfect lover, it’s hard not to fall in love with him. (The pining??? The angst??? The SMUT???? So good I reread this fic constantly)

Love on You by @sinclaiirs

>> After a long day at work, you really just want to feel close to your boyfriend. As close as possible, in fact. (Our dear Stevie boy takes your virginity. That’s it, that’s the fic, and what more could you possibly want??)

You Belong With Me by @peterbenjiparker

>> Steve constantly has another girl hanging off his arm, and it gets harder and harder to watch as you fall more and more in love with him. What happens when your jealousy finally comes to a head? (The pining is off the charts with this one and I am not complaining)

Stand By Me by @once-upon-an-imagine

>> After what occurred in the Upside Down, your boyfriends, Steve and Eddie, are constantly fighting, angry at each other for acting recklessly. You’re trying to hold it together, but when your home has turned into a war zone, it suddenly becomes too much to bear. (I LOVE poly!Steddie, and this fic is so angsty and wonderful omg —there are descriptions of nightmares and panic attacks though!! So read with caution!!)

Everything Has Changed by @starryeyedstories

>> Yesterday morning, your best friend, Steve, picked you up for work like always. This morning, Steve is picking you up for work again, but now he’s your boyfriend and everything has changed. (literally squealed while reading this i love soft!stevie)

And I Snuck in Through the Garden Gate by @upsidedownwithsteve

>> You've loved Steve for what seems like forever. Through summer after summer, party after party, stolen kisses and lingering touches, you have loved Steve Harrington. (this work is genuine art. i reread it as a comfort fic and i cry every time. please read it omg please)

Hard Candy by @upsidedownwithsteve

>> You're a little drunk and a lot jealous of the girl Steve's talking to. An outburst brings long-buried feelings to light, and Steve is all-too-eager to act on them. (it's a little series and it's wonderful!! besties to lovers is my vice)

Put Away My Pride by @wtfsteveharrington

>> Your vibrator died and it seems like all of the batteries in the entire apartment have disappeared. In your desperate search for some batteries, your roommate Steve offers an alternate solution. (roommates to lovers with a healthy sprinkling of perv!steve hell yeah)

Baby, Baby, Baby by @pixiemunsons

>> Steve has resolved himself to knowing he'll be using condoms until you both get married. But when you come home and tell him that you've started birth control, that he can finally fuck you raw, Steve doesn't know how to handle himself. (holy fUCK BREEDING KINK BREEDING KINK YEAH)

Oops, I Love You by @earthgirl616

>> The four times you are reminded of how desperately in love you are with Steve Harrington and the first time you're able to show him. (4+1 fics babey they'll always get me and when you mix it with mutual pining?? say LESS)

[juicycoutureheaux]

“Cleo”

A Chris RedfieldXReader fic

A/N: This is the epitome of self indulgent. I was listening to “Cleo” by shygirl and had an idea for this. Chris goes through a breakup and meets a beautiful stranger in a club. You know the rest. Set in the spring of 1998, before the mansion incident

This fic is intended for readers 18+. Minors please do not interact. Thx.

“Seriously guys, what the hell are we doing here?”

Chris was irritated. He had been dumped by Laura, the cute secretary of the RPD, for another officer and everyone knew.

Not only did rumours spread around the RPD like wildfire, but the town itself was small. His pride was hurt; because he was Chris Redfield, a member of STARS and the envy of his coworkers, or so he thought.

“Chris, I’m tired of you moping around. We’ve gotta get you laid, I’m tired of you acting like a little bitch, it’s embarrassing man.” Joseph laughed.

The corners of Chris’s mouth twitched; he wanted to smile.

“Yeah dude, this place is the hottest club in town, I mean it’s the only club in town.” Forrest chimed in.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for mass socialization yet.” Chris said honestly. Usually when he was dumped he would just chase after anything with a pulse; this time was different, he had never actually been dumped for another dude. It was Chris that girls would leave their boyfriends for, not the other way around.

“Let’s just get this over with, I’m ready to go home already.”

“Awww Chris is it past your bedtime?” Forrest said mockingly.

The group stepped foot into the club, the thumping of the music was reverberating through the building; He could feel the vibrations in his chest.

He did a scan of the crowd, it was mostly college girls and young men like himself. He doubted anyone over the age of 30 was in this place; he thought of Barry or Wesker stepping foot in a place like this, the thought alone made him smirk.

The group of men saddled up to the almost empty bar, seeing as everyone was either in booths or on the dance floor.

He scanned the room and that’s when he saw her: Laura, with Kevin fucking Ryman. She was all over him and he was soaking it all up. He had been in a professional

“competition” with Ryman since joining STARS. However, this time he had won this round of their unspoken rivalry.

Apparently his friends had seen him tense up and they followed his stare as well.

“Of course they’re fuckin’ here.” Forest spat. “Just make the most of it, you know the ladies can’t resist you.”

Chris just sighed and ordered a shot of whiskey and threw it back. He was just going to get belligerently drunk if nothing else.

That’s when she walked in, she was tall in the strappy heels she walked perfectly in. The dress, if you could call it that, left little to the imagination. It was a tight backless, bodycon dress that hugged all the right places.

She looked like a skimpily clad angel, Chris had never seen anyone like her in Raccoon City before. It was evident, she captured everyone’s attention, even douchebag Ryman.

“You’ve gotta go talk to her .” Joseph said to him still in awe at the goddess that walked through the door.

“Yeah me and every man with a working dick is gonna try. Just let me be miserable in peace.”

While Joseph and Forest tried their luck with the girls on the dance floor, Chris just sat at the bar nursing his drink. He suddenly felt a presence next to him, it was the eye catching girl from earlier.

“Is this seat taken?” She gestured at the stool next to him. She smelled delicious, Chris thought.

“No it’s not, you can go right ahead.” Being the gentleman he was, he pulled it out for her to sit.

“You’re too kind, what are you doing up here alone?” She asked genuinely curious.

“Oh you know, I’m just babysitting those two man-children over there.” He gestured over at the two men he came with, who were trying desperately to score.

She laughed, it was perfect and light; almost musical.

“You’re doing a pretty good job, looks like they’re happy.” She said genuinely.

“What are you doing here all alone?” It was his turn to ask.

She sighed a deep sigh. “I guess that’s valid of you to ask. My friends dragged me out here, I’m visiting from out of state. I really should be at home working on some of my syllabus work, but why waste a visit?” She smiled at him again. She had one dimple on her left cheek that revealed itself when she smiled.

“Syllabus? Are you in college?” Chris asked as he took a sip of his drink.

“Yeah I’m a junior at a university in Florida, I’m studying behavior therapy. “she said proudly.

“Damn you really are far from home.” Chris said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, it’s actually my first time being this far from my hometown, but my best friend decided to complete grad school out here. She was my big in our sorority back home.” She admitted. She suddenly seemed a little anxious.

“Hey good for you for getting out there and seeing the world, I’m just sorry it was Raccoon City first.” He joked with her.

She smiled a bright smile and showed off that dimple he was a sucker for.

“Can I buy you a drink miss sorority girl?” He asked confidently.

“Oh it’s fine, you really don’t have to.” She said politely.

“Are you sure? I’m sure I’d seem a lot more interesting if you had a drink.” Chris laughed.

“I think you’re very interesting regardless.” She winked at him, “but if you insist I’ll take an amaretto sour.”

“Oh a woman who likes dark liquor, I’m intrigued.” He joked with her.

“Oh don’t flatter me, it’s so sweet you can barely tell it’s liquor.” She playfully pushed him on the shoulder.

The bartender brought over her drink and the two were getting along a little too well. It was noticed by others, because Chris suddenly felt the stare of his ex on his back, he didn’t think anything of it until Y/N mentioned it.

“Who’s that girl staring daggers at you? Don’t tell me that’s your girlfriend.” She laughed nervously.

“She’s my ex.” He said as he set down his drink.

Y/N laughed a little bit. “No way and she’s looking at you like that? Who dumped who?”

Chris swallowed hard, he really didn’t want to discuss it; but the beautiful, young woman in front of him was genuinely curious. “She dumped me, for that asshole next to her; he’s also my coworker” ’he said bitterly.

She took a second glance and looked the pair up and down. “Seriously? That guy looks like a wannabe Tom Cruise.” Chris nearly spit out his drink, he didn’t expect her to be feisty; he guessed it was the liquor.

“Yeah, we kind of have this weird fucking rivalry going on.”

“How so?” She asked, her attention piqued.

“Well,” he scratched the back of his neck. “We both applied to the same position to a special forces team. I got in and he didn’t.”

“Ooh bummer for him.” She said sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

“Yeah I guess, we both competed in the same competition at our agency. I just so happened to place higher than him; I guess this is his way of getting back.” Chris said in a bored tone.

“Sounds like he has a hard on for you and not that blonde who likes the Clinique counter a little too much.”

“I guess it seems that way doesn’t it?” Chris laughed.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he wants to be you. You should watch out, he might try to pull some serial killer shit.” She said jokingly.

That made Chris laugh out loud. He was genuinely having a good time, he wasn’t used to her sick sense of humor; but he liked it.

“You know what would be really fun?” She said with a devilish twinkle in her eye. “We should say hey.”

Chris was appalled, this beautiful girl came out of nowhere and was suggesting they go talk to his ex, which ripped out his heart and stepped on it. Not a chance in hell.

“Now why would we do that?” He asked, irritated.

“We could make them jealous! You seemed like you really liked her and she fucked you over, I mean she just up and leaves you for another guy that you work with? Not to mention the guy that you literally have some weird thing with? Come on now Redfield I know you’re not a pussy.”

The liquor was definitely hitting her, she was using some pretty strong language and it was turning him on.

“We’ll if you’re challenging my manhood how can I say no?” He winked at her.

“Let’s go and have some fun.” She said and looped her arm around his.

“I used to do this all the time with my friends at parties; I always use a fake name. Tonight I’m Cleo, so remember that.” She shot him a playful look.

“Alright, Cleo.”

The two approached the other couple casually.

“Christopher, were these the coworkers you were talking about? It’s so nice to finally meet you!” “Cleo” said , putting on her most sincere smile.

Chris��� ex, Laura, decided to play into her game.

“Yes we all work together at the RPD, this is my boyfriend Kevin.” She said snidely.

Chris tensed up a bit, but Cleo seemed cool as a cucumber.

“Oh that’s so sweet! How long have y’all been dating? Chris and I have been seeing each other for a couple Of months!”

Chris knew what she was insinuating. He thought it was evil, but he liked it. Laura seemed to catch it as well, as her face started to redden.

“Is that so?” Laura said the pitch in her voice heightened.

“Yes, you know it was more of a casual thing, but you know things change. Cleo said not even attempting to hide the smile growing on her features.

“Well I’d imagine it’s hard to get together when you only work nights, I mean I’d assume since you’re obviously a stripper of some kind.” Laura was flustered. She didn’t realize it, but she was exactly where Cleo wanted her.

“Of course babe, what other job can you be every man’s fantasy and get paid as much as I do? I mean this dress is Versace, the same one Naomi Campbell was spotted in Milan; but bless your heart, you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?” Cleo smiled a wicked smile.

Laura just glared at her.

Cleo continued, “I mean you’re wearing Ann Taylor in a place like this, which is definitely a choice.” She made sure to over exaggerate looking her up and down.

Check and mate. The other woman was fuming, Chris could feel it.

Damn, he almost felt bad for being entertained by Laura being so obviously pissed off; but then he remembered how she made him feel, and his guilt went out the window.

“Cleo” started stroking Chris’s hair in an overtly intimate way. “We should probably get going though, Chris and I have some plans we wouldn’t want to miss. It was nice meeting you and the guy who at least placed in a competition.” She turned to Kevin. “Better luck next time, right?”

It was Kevin’s turn to be flustered, the whole time the girls were in a standoff, Chris had noticed Kevin just staring at Y/N. “What a pig.” Chris thought to himself.

“Cleo” just patted Kevin’s back and winked at him, she didn’t even acknowledge Laura’s existence. Kevin just stood there watching as “Cleo” and Chris walked off.

Laura definitely noticed and was fussing at Ryman for looking at “another whore”.

“Looks like there’s trouble in paradise.” Y/N said to Chris playfully.

“Y/N, that was incredible. I thought shit like that only existed in movies.”

“Well you know, people like that are so predictable; and it was so fun seeing her so angry.” Y/N laughed.

“Do they teach you that kind of stuff in University?” Chris asked half joking.

“Nahh, I grew up in a small southern town. You learn it over time.” She said truthfully.

“That was incredible, I’ve never seen them out of sorts like that. I could kiss you right now.” Chris slipped.

There was an awkward silence between them for a second.

It was probably the liquid courage taking over but y/n finally replied with “why don’t you?”

Chris took that as an invitation, and pulled her in for a kiss. Y/N held the back of Chris’s neck to deepen the kiss. Chris let his hands wander down her back and grasped her bottom.

She let out a surprised giggle, it was music to Chris’s ears.

“Should we take this to a more private place? I’ve got an apartment nearby if you want to.” Chris said suggestively.

Suddenly Y/N's face reddened and she seemed anxious again. It’s as if a whole new person was in front of him; as cliche as it seemed, he felt pleased he could make her squirm like that.

“I should probably tell my friends where I’m going. I’ve never really done this before.” She admitted.

“It’s totally cool if you don’t, we can stay here or I can meet your friends and give them my info so they know who exactly you’re going with.” Chris ever the gentleman gently placed his hand on her lower back assuringly.

Y/N thought it was sweet to offer that, most guys would just bully her into going with them. She took a glance back and saw her friends, they were talking with another group of guys their age.

“Let me go over there and let them know where I’m going, so they don’t worry.” She said, patting Chris on the shoulder.

She went over real quick to tell her friends, and they seemed to squeal in delight from what Chris could tell.

Y/N came back over. “Alright, they’re excited for me, let’s go before we disappoint them.”

Chris looked at her with a smirk. “Excited? Has Miss sorority never gone home with a guy before?” He said jokingly.

“I actually haven’t, but I think you’re about to change that.” She winked at him.

Chris felt his ears start to redden.

The two of them left for Chris’s apartment, the night was cool and there were stars shining in the sky.

“I’ve never seen a sky this clear in a city before” she said off handedly.

“I guess that’s what’s special about Raccoon, it can be special sometimes.” Chris said.

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek, it felt like they had known each other for a long time.

“Here’s my building.” Chris said as he grabbed his keys. They had walked up to a nice sized brick building. It had some age to it, but seemed well kept.

“It’s nice.” She said truthfully. “Definitely better than my freshman dorm.” She joked.

Chris' apartment was on the third floor of the building, they walked up the steps in comfortable silence. When they reached the plain door with a worn out doormat Chris used his key to unlock the door.

She was surprised when she saw how tidy it was; sure there were beer cans on the side table next to the couch, but the rest of the apartment was clean considering Chris was a bachelor.

“Do you live here alone?” She said surprised. “The STARS unit must compensate you guys pretty well.”

Chris laughed. “I guess, I mean it’s nothing special.”

“Don’t say that, it’s your apartment, so it is!” She said genuinely.

He just leaned in and kissed her. The two began to melt into each other.

Chris began to let his hands wander. He slowly began touching underneath her shirt at her abdomen, stroking her soft skin slightly.

Y/N shuddered at his touch, he must have done this several times before.

“I should probably take this dress off, if I’m being honest. It is my friend’s and she’ll kill me if anything happens to it.” Y/N said awkwardly, breaking the kiss.

She was nervous, Chris could definitely tell.

“We can stop if you want, I can also grab you a shirt if you want to wear one of mine, if you’re not comfortable in the dress.” Chris said assuringly.

“I’ll take the shirt, thanks.” She said winking at him.

Chris returned with one of his clean RPD training shirts, and she quickly went into the bathroom and changed.

Chris hung up the dress for her and placed it on a doorknob.

“Thanks Chris, why are you so considerate?” She said half jokingly.

“I guess raising a sister has its perks.” Chris said.

“Oh Chris I’m so sorry, how old is your sister?”

“She’s actually a little bit younger than you. “

“Really? What happened to your mom and dad?

“They passed away when I was a teenager. He replied bluntly.

“Chris I’m so sorry. I couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been for you two.” She said, rubbing his back.

“It’s okay, it’s not ideal, but it taught me a lot.”

She leaned in to kiss him again and he gladly leaned up to her. The two of them had found their way to Chris’ bed.

“Chris, umm I’m not sure how to say this without freaking you out, but umm..”’she trailed off playing with the bottom of the shirt.

He stroked her hair gently looking her in the eyes. “It’s okay, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, I really do enjoy your company.” Chris said assuringly.

“I don’t want to stop, but I’ve never done anything like this before.” She finally said.

“Like go home with a guy from the bar?” Chris said, puzzled.

“Like go home with a guy, or like anything in general.”

The gears started to turn in his head.

Chris, I'm a virgin.” She said quickly. Her face was bright red.

Chris was shocked, it was bold of him to assume the gorgeous girl in the bar was experienced just because of how she looked; the signs were there, he scolded himself internally.

“We don’t have to do anything, we can just hang out, I can drive you home-“ y/N cut him off.

“Chris I didn’t come home with you to just hang out, I mean I think you’re interesting and really funny; but I think you’re very attractive as well.” She said, looking at him. “If I lose it to anyone, I’d want my first time to be with you.”

Chris moved his hand to cup her cheek and used his thumb to stroke the soft skin of her face.

“If you’re ready, I’ll gladly do this with you.”

She just answered with a passionate kiss.

Chris let his hands wander again and push her back to the bed, he assumed his position on top without breaking the kiss.

She began playing with his hair, which he loved.

Chris began to gently stroke her breasts underneath the shirt and eventually stripped the thin piece of clothing off, revealing her full breasts.

“You’re beautiful.” He said and kissed her on the neck.

He started kissing her neck harder and she let out soft moans.

“Chris..” she moaned out softly.

“You like that baby?” He said in between kisses.

“Mmm you’re perfect ahh-“ she squealed as Chris took her nipple into his mouth, gently rolling it with his tongue.

She had never gone this far with a guy before, she had a guy feel her up at a frat party once, but it wasn’t nearly as intimate or enjoyable as this.

She was completely exposed to him, only wearing her panties. She wanted to see more of Chris, it was only fair.

“Take your shirt off!” she said laughing awkwardly. He obliged happily and ripped the green crewneck off. He had a defined chest, like a hero out of an action movie or on the cover of those cheesy romance novels her mom loved to read.

She couldn’t help but feel him up. She was hesitant at first; never being in a moment like this, she felt self conscious. That soon was diminished when Chris grabbed her hand and placed it roughly on his chest playfully.

“I like to be touched too, cutie. I don’t do all this hard work to not be admired.” He said with a grin growing on his handsome features.

She blushed. “Aren’t we cocky? What happened to that poor heartbroken soul I met at the bar?” She stuck her tongue out playfully.

Chris pressed his weight on her. She could feel his cock through his pants; it felt long and thick. She felt nervous and excited at the thought of him thrusting it into her.

���What happened to the expensive stripper I met at the bar?” He laughed.

“I guess we were both fooled, huh?” She laughed and leaned up to his face for another kiss.

Chris started to kiss on her neck, slowly at first; then he trailed down her neck, past her breasts and tummy. He reached her panty line and felt Y/N shudder at the sensation.

She started to squirm out of anxiety. “I don’t think anyone's ever seen me naked,” she said nervously.

He rested his hand on her thigh and tapped it assuringly.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No, I just was thinking out loud.”

“Relax if you can sweetheart, I’ll take good care of you.”

With that Chris gently removed the thin fabric from her thighs and revealed her most intimate area.

“Everything about you is just fucking beautiful isn’t it?” He said.

She laughed, “You really don’t have to keep buttering me up, I mean I already agreed to sleep with you.”

“I’m serious Y/N. You really are beautiful all over.” He kissed her inner thigh and grabbed her, to position his head between her thighs.

Before she could protest, he began pleasuring her with his tongue.

“Oh my goodness-“ y/n gasped.

She was writhing at the pleasure, she couldn’t help but grasp his hair.

“Chris, mmmmnnnhhh, that feels so fucking good. Oh my god.” She kept moaning and he fucking loved it.

He decided to try to warm her up a bit more and inserted a thick finger into her virgin pussy; she was so tight, even around one finger.

This made her squirm.

“That’s only one finger, imagine my cock babe. I’m going to make sure you take it all.” He said, gripping her thigh tightly.

Chris decided it was time to stretch her limits a little bit.

He inserted another finger and thumbed her clit. It was a tight fit and he heard her moan slightly in pain.

“It’s okay baby, just try to enjoy it and relax.”

He felt her pussy spasm around his fingers and could only imagine how his cock would feel in her tight hole. He wanted to make sure she was ready for it.

He pumped his fingers in and out of her, while tonguing her clit until her felt her walls loosen a little bit.

“Fuck Chris, I think I’m going to cum.” She moaned breathlessly.

She had never felt like this before, the warmth in her belly had crescendoed into an intense fire. She felt so full; she came quickly and felt empty when Chris pulled his fingers from her.

Chris held up his fingers and stuck them in his mouth. She blushed, he was dirty and it made her hot,

“You made a mess baby.” He said to her, “You still doing okay?”

“I think I want you inside me, please.” She said shakily.

“Only because you said please.” Chris winked at her,

He undid his pants and freed his member. It was long and thick, just as she imagined.

He grabbed a condom from his dresser drawer. He held it up to her. “Now remember, don’t ever let a guy fuck you without one of these unless you’re married.” He said jokingly.

“Thank you for the advice, Officer Chris.” She laughed.

“It’s my duty to serve and protect the public. Especially when it’s reminding pretty girls to not get knocked up before they graduate.” He smirked at her.

She just rolled her eyes at him. He was such an ass, but she loved it. She couldn’t get enough of him.

She laid down on her back as Chris positioned himself on top of her. He grabbed her legs and held them up by the back of her knees. She was still blushing and he thought it was sweet.

He leaned down and kissed her again. “Let me know if I need to stop, if it becomes too much I understand, okay sweetheart?”

“Of course.”

He lined himself up with her entrance and slowly started to push himself into her. The head of his cock was just barely able to fit.

“I know you’re the one with all the experience here,” she said stroking his arm.”but I'm more of a rip the bandaid off kind of girl.”

Chris smiled down at her. “If you’re sure.”

She nodded.

Chris sighed and put her legs over his shoulders so he’d have more leverage. He positioned himself again and entered her, he was unintentionally rough; but she was too tight to be more gentle.

She squealed in pain. “Oh my god!”

He leaned down and showered her in gentle kisses. “I’m so sorry, it’ll feel better soon I promise.” He wiped the tears starting to fall on her cheeks and remained inside of her while she adjusted to his size.

When she began to squirm uncomfortably underneath him he started to move inside of her. Eventually the moans of pain became moans of pleasure. Chris wanted to be selfish and thrust roughly in her; her pussy was so tight and her moans just made him feral.

“Can I try something sweetheart?” He asked.

“Of course.” She mewled. It was starting to feel good for her.

He pulled out of her and helped her get positioned on top of him. Her hair was messy, but it framed her face perfectly.

“This is different from what I imagined.”’she giggled. She helped him get aligned with her entrance again. Chris had a tight grip on her hips and without warning thrusted his length into her.

She moaned loudly, Chris was bouncing her on top of his cock and she felt every thrust deep inside of her.

“It feels like you’re in my stomach.” she said in between thrusts.

“Does it feel good? Do you love this cock in you?” He said as he kissed in between her breasts.

“Yes, I love it.” She said breathlessly.

“I’m going to make sure you think of me when you go back home.” He said as he picked up the pace. He felt like she had adjusted enough and she was a very fast learner.

“Chris, please don’t stop. Fuck me hard.” She moaned.

“I want to hear you beg for me baby, since you’re such a good girl.” He said as he smacked her ass.

“Please, please!”’she kept moaning.

He couldn’t help but give her what she wanted. He thrust roughly into her until he came and rested inside of her.

She collapsed on his chest and he began to stroke her hair. They laid there in comfortable silence for a few moments.

Eventually y/n decided to get off and head into the bathroom to clean up.

“How was it?” Was it everything you imagined?” Chris asked when she came back into the bedroom.’

“It was perfect!” She answered happily and laid next to him. “What about you? I hope I wasn’t too bad.”

“You’re a natural.” Chris said groping her breast playfully.

She smiled and blushed, she still wasn’t used to not being a virgin anymore.

“My friends are not going to believe me, this was like something out of those cheesy romance novels.”’she giggled and snuggled into Chris’s chest. He happily pulled his arm around her and pulled her close.

“Well not everyone is lucky enough to lose their v-card to Chris Redfield.” He said with fake confidence.

She just laughed that musical laugh that he loved. He wanted to make her laugh all the time just to hear it.

“I guess it would be even cheesier if I asked you to stay the night then?” He turned to her.

“I couldn’t think of a better way to end the night.” She said with heavy lidded eyes. “You tired me out.”’

It was Chris’s turn to laugh. “I’d love to tire you out anytime babe.”’ He kissed her forehead.

Y/N fell asleep on Chris’s chest and Chris held her tightly not wanting to let go.

The next morning the two exchanged numbers.

“Here’s the address of my sorority house too, in case you want to write to me or maybe visit.” She winked at him. “I see you like making the other girls jealous.”‘Chris playfully rebutted.

She just punched his bicep playfully.

“Ow!” He feigned injury.

She just rolled her eyes.

Chris kept his word and drove her back to her friend’s apartment, the two not wanting to seperate; because they knew they wouldn’t see eachother for at least a long time.

“I know it’s silly because of how we met, but Um,” she started to say hesitantly.

Chris just held her hand looking in her eyes searching for what emotion she was having.

“I really liked our time together, and I hope maybe one day we could see eachother again.”

Chris smiled at her and kissed her lovingly. “I’d like that a lot y/n.”

She returned his smile, but her eyes started to water. He gave her one last hug and let her go into the apartment building.

He made a mental note to stop off in her neck of the woods someday, it wasn’t like him to disappoint a girl like her.

They called each other maybe a couple times after that, then ceased all contact.

Y/N had lost her dear friends in the Raccoon City incident in 1998; she was devastated. She often thought of the young man she shared her first intimate experience with and what had happened to him.

She did end up graduating; albeit a bit later than planned, due to the grief and loss she suffered.

She had found work with Terrasave, a non profit assisting survivors of bio-terrorist attacks.

She found herself buried in her work out of survivors' guilt; she had only visited Raccoon city once, but in that short time she had made a lifelong bond with someone who was likely dead.

She also thought of her best friend; was she scared in her last moments? Did she turn into one of those monsters? She pushed that last thought out of her mind.

She was busy delivering her reports to her supervisor when she almost ran into him.

She panicked and dropped the reports on the ground, she didn’t even look up at who she almost ran into.

She was flustered and scrambled to pick up the papers while blurting out multiple apologies.

“I am so sorry, I was lost in thought. I’ve just been in my office all day, this is what I get for not getting out much.” She stuttered, she definitely was embarrassing herself.

That’s when she looked up at the man and she froze. His expressive blue eyes were the same, and although age had definitely graced his features; he was as handsome as ever.

“Oh my god.” She said in a low tone.

“I thought that was you.” He said bending down to help her pick up the stack. “I didn’t mean to freak you out, I was just visiting my sister, she works in the PR department.” He said casually.

She couldn’t even get the words out. Was she hallucinating? Was he a ghost?

“I thought you were dead.” She stammered out. “I thought you had died in Raccoon City '' her voice shook. Her breath was stuck in between that uncomfortable place between her chest and throat.

He met her eyes. There was a new sadness in them. “I wasn’t there, but I should have been.” He said sadly.

“Chris, I’m so glad to see you’re alive. I know it’s hard, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it ! There’s nothing you could have done.” She said emotionally, she thought of her best friend, Sarah.

Chris' jaw clenched up. What did she know? Surely she had a general knowledge, had she lost the girl who’s apartment she was staying with? Chris had a lot of questions for her as well.

“I think we should maybe catch up; do you know Claire?” He asked genuinely curious.

“I’ve heard of her, we just haven’t met yet to be honest!” She said more enthusiastically. Suddenly, It felt like they had never separated.

“I’ll introduce you two, I think she’d like you a lot.” He said as he took the rest of the papers from her hands.

“I’ll also carry these for you, I can’t let you do all the heavy lifting.” He winked at her.

She blushed, she felt 21 again. “Well I can’t challenge your manhood again, you might have to teach me a lesson.” She stuck out her tongue.

It was Chris’ turn to blush. “You haven’t changed.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It definitely was.” He laughed. “Come on, I know you’re ready to clock out.”

The two walked down the hallway to Claire’s office talking light heartedly. Y/N didn’t know, but this was the most normalcy Chris had experienced in years. He didn’t believe in coincidences or a higher power since the Raccoon City incident; but the fact he was reunited with Y/N in such a way, he really couldn’t deny it.

He was thankful and maybe she was back in his life for a reason. He was excited to find out.

[delicatlueur]

                      the   thing   is   ,   elias   truly   loves   mimi   ,   and   he’s   been  grappling   with   these   feelings   ,   desperately   trying   to   avoid   them   ,   keep   himself   in   check   .       he   believes   he’s   learned   from   his   experience   with   larissa   ,   from   the   pain   of   being   friendzoned   and   losing   a   part   of   their   friendship   in   the   process   .       since   then   ,   larissa   and   elias’   friendship   hasn’t   been   the   same   .       and   he’s   terrified   that   the   same   could   happen   with   miyeon   .       what   he   doesn’t   see   is   that   there’s   a   fundamental   distinction   between   these   two   relationships   .       while   elias   cares   about   lari   ,   he’s   not  even   sure   if   his   romantic   feelings   for   them   were   genuine   .       they   were   his   first   friend   ,   his   first   brush   with   genuine   love   ,   the   first   person   who   accepted   him   just   as   he   is   .       (  growing   up   without   much   love   from   your   parents   can   truly   fuck   you   up  )   .       and   the   moment   he   felt   larissa   slipping   away   ,   the   second   he   felt   he   was   losing   importance   in   their   life   ,   he   lost   it   .        so   when   he   had   a   shot   at   possibly   reclaiming   that   sense   of   normalcy   ,   he   jumped   at   it   .

                     and   this   is   where   the   stark   contrast   between   what    he   felt   for   larissa   and   what   he   feels   for   mimi   becomes   evident   .       what   he   feels   for   miyeon   is   untamed   ,   unfiltered   ,   and  unequivocal   ,   and   it   fills   him   with   shame   .       their   friendship   was   pure   and   simple   ,   and   he   managed   to   taint   it   by   falling   so    desperately   in   love   with   her   .       god   ,   he   can’t   seem   to   have   a   single   nice   thing   in   his   life   without   fucking   it   up   .       everything   he   touches   ends   up   falling   apart   due   to   his   obsessive   need   to   be   noticed   ,   validated   ,   cared   for   ,   and   loved   .       but   to   hell   with   normalcy   .       he   tried   ,   really   fucking   tried   ,   to   make   that   happen   .       putting   in   every   ounce   of   effort   to   revert   to   their   previous   dynamic   ,   wanting   things   to   go   back   to   normal   with   her   .        he   pretended    he    was   too   drunk   to   remember   their   kiss   ,    ignored   his   feelings   ,   and   went   so   far   as   to   encourage   her   to   date   other   people   .       but   that   kiss   …       that   kiss   changed   everything   .        he   can’t   just   be   friends   .       he   wants   her   ,   and   every   second   he   denies   himself   that   is   excruciating   .

                     yes   ,   he   shouldn’t   have   admitted   to   his   feelings   via   text   ,   and   he   most   certainly   shouldn’t   be   snooping   around   her   room   .       (  if   you   can   call   that   snooping   ,   the   pictures   were   ,   quite   literally   ,   just   sitting   there   on   her   dresser  )   .       but   ,   as   he   tightly   clutches   the   evidence   that   she   ,   too   ,   can’t   forget   their   kiss   ,   he’s   not   thinking   straight   at   all   .       “   you   kept   this   ?   ”       lips   curve   into   a   foolish   grin   as   he   draws   nearer   to   her   .       “   i’m   such   an   idiot   .       why’d   you   have   to   let   me   go   and   be   all   stupid   like   that   ?   ”       hand   ,   the   one   still   grasping   the   set   of   pictures   ,   now   gently   encircles   her   waist   while   the   other   rests   upon   the   side   of   her   face   ,   fingers   cradling   the   contour   of   her   jawbone   .       he   leans   in   slightly   ,   eyelids   fluttering   shut   ,   but   just   as   lips   are   about   to   meet   ,   one   eye   abruptly   springs   open   ,   and   he   pauses   .       “   uh   ,   w - wait   a   sec   ,   this   means   you’re   into   me   too   ,   right   ?        i   mean   ,   seriously   ,   i   don’t   wanna   jump   to   conclusions   ,   even   though   …       i   am   jumping   to   conclusions   …       —   but   you   do   like   me   ,   right   ?       like   ,   you   know   ,   like - like   me   ?   ”       //       @lovesues

                     somehow   what   had   been   such   an   exciting   moment   for   the   girl  ,   had   wound   up   bringing   her   nothing   but   stress   and   confusion   for   weeks   .      the   moment   elias   had   kissed   her   so   much   had   made   sense   in   her   mind  ;   all   her   feelings   began   to   come   together   and   there   wasn't   really   any   denying   it   anymore   .  .  .      but   what   had   been   something   special   to   her   had   seemed   like   nothing   to   him  ,   something   to   forget   so   easily   and   never   bring   up   again   .      all   his   weirdness   couldn't   be   explained   and   the   mixed   signals   were   enough   to   drive   her   insane   .      his   constant   insistance   on   her   going   on   dates   yet   never   seeming   to   like   anyone   she   spoke   to   had   her   questioning   everything   but   she   figured   it   was   just   all   in   her   head   or   just   her   making   it   into   more   than   it   actually   was   because   maybe   she   just   had   feelings   while   he   didn't   .  .  .      but   then   his   text   had   gone   through   after   her   date   with   a   sort   of   annoying   prince   and   there   was   some   hope   again  ,   like   maybe   he   really   was   interested   more   than   he   let   on   because   why   else   would   he   want   her   to   not   go   on   a   date   with   anyone   but   him   ?      there   wasn't   a   chance   to   get   more   from   him   after   being   left   on   read   but   now   that   she's   home  ,   she   intends   to   get   her   answers   .      she   quickly   makes   her   way   to   her   room   just   to   get   her   things   put   away  ,   planning   on   seeing   if   elias   is   home   afterwards  ,   but   what   she   doesn't   expect   is   to   see   him   standing   right   in   her   room   as   she   opens   the   door   .       “   i   feel   like   i   should   be   asking   you   that   question   .      actually  ,   i   could   be   asking   you   so   many   questions   —   ”       her   gaze   drops   to   the   photo   in   his   hand   and   she   instantly   knows   what   it   is   he's   holding   and   stops   short  ,   wondering   why   she   had   to    have   left   it   out   today   of   all   days   .       “   what   are   you   doing   with   that   ?   ”       //       @delicatlueur