#genuinely from the bottom of my heart rot in hell you disgusting fucking creep

[infinite-mirrors]

popping on here to say i hope that man's entire body of work fades into obscurity and no one remembers his name except to spit on it

[theotomewriter]

And So Shall He - Unknown (One-Shot)

A/N: Ahh it’s been a while since I last posted a fic up! I’m fairly nervous and excited but this was in my drafts for a long, long time and I’m glad I finished it!~ I hope you guys enjoy it and I’ll leave the rest of my thoughts/notes at the bottom of the story c;

[Also! Do take note that this fic is somewhat like an “alternate secret end/story” and thus, if you either haven’t read the secret ends yet or dislike any sort of tiny hints or spoilers, I’d recommend not reading this! ;v;) ]  

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Character death.

04. Fulfillment.

A powerful rush of emotions coursed through him he watched his brother’s body slowly go limp; The way his lips turned pale, eyes closing and his breathing eventually coming to a stop. There were no words that could describe how Saeran felt because the moment he had been waiting for for nearly 5 fucking years was finally here. He finally avenged his ownself, finally ended the life of his wretched brother who had the damn audacity to spit out words like “I love you” and “We will always be together”.

Bullshit. Bullshit. 

So much fucking bullshit.

If he really loved him, he would never have left him in the hands of their abusive, drunken mother; If he truly wanted to be together forever, he would never have left him all alone in this horrible, disgusting world to rot.

Saeyoung was once his everything— his saving grace. The light in this dark world and the one who would give him the faintest sight of hope but now… He was nothing but a heartless, selfish liar. A filthy part of him that he wanted to get rid of forever.

“You can’t hurt me anymore, brother.” He whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks as he stared at the lifeless body. 

You can’t hurt me now. 

03. Dissatisfaction

He was supposed to feel complete, fulfilled, powerful even but why… Why did he still feel empty? Where did he go wrong again…?

As Saeran slammed his hands against the desk, he gritted his teeth with anger and frustration. He wanted to finally be at peace, feel the weight from his shoulders disappear and  be free from the pain that Saeyoung gave him but why… Why did everything feel even heavier now that he was gone? Why did it feel like his life was more of a disgusting wreck than it ever was before?  

Why did it feel like it was he who lost?

“Maybe… Maybe I shouldn’t have killed you.. Maybe that was the wrong choice. I should have tortured you instead, kept you in my grip.. Maybe I’m feeling this way because you… No, no.”

No.

It was the right choice. What was he thinking? Saeyoung, that vile brothe— no, monster, was meant to die from the start. This was how it was all supposed to go down and he was going to be happy with it. 

“Yes, happy… I’m… Happy…”

I am happy. 

I am happy. 

i am happy.

I am not happy. 

02. Desolation.

Saeran stared at the ceiling quietly, his mind hazy and blank. It’s been exactly 40 days, 21 hours and 3 minutes since his brother’s death and yet, still nothing.

No feelings of the happiness and freedom he craved creeping up into his soul; only a strange feeling of.. What? Guilt? Annoyance? Emptiness? Sadness? But what was there to be sad about? He did what he had to. He finally fulfilled his life goal of causing the same pain he went through to his beloved Saeyoung but…

“It hurts…” He muttered bitterly, hand gripping his chest tightly. “But why? I did everything I needed to… I killed him and I hurt him and I… I… Why… Why does it still hurt…?!”

In a feat of sudden anger and frustration, he threw his things onto the ground and stood up; his hands gripping his hair tightly. He couldn’t comprehend why he wasn’t feeling that joy he so longed for, he couldn’t understand why Saeyoung’s death only brought him more pain.

Saeran couldn’t understand why after all this time, he still longed for his dead brother’s love.

“Why. Why, why, why, wHY, WHY?!” His loud, painful screams resonated within the silent room as he collapsed onto the floor, his body instantly curling into a ball. Saeran wrapped his shaky arms around his legs as hopeless cries left his lips.

“Why did you have to leave me back then…? Why didn’t you come back..? Why…?”

You are still free and I’m still not. 

I’m still bound to you.

Like I always have been.

01. Void.

Saeran didn’t know what to call this feeling; he didn’t know whether this was the feeling called “acceptance” or whether this was him realizing that he was just… Empty.

He remembered hearing or reading that everyone is alive for a reason and that they were all special and loved but could he still be considered a human when he murdered his own beloved brother in cold blood? Could he still say he has lived when he was never alive to begin with? And special… How could he be ‘special’ when that word was never in his vocabulary to begin with?

The notion of being ‘special’ was simply reserved for the people who were talented and different.

The idea of being “alive” was for the people who truly fought and lived.

The word “love” was for the ones who had a soul and a heart.

Those words, those thoughts and ideas… they weren’t for everyone. They were for the ones who roamed this earth with a zest in their step and a glint in their eye. It wasn’t for people like him. It never was.

Unlike others, Saeran was damned the day he was born because the thought of being special was just another fleeting dream; the hope of being alive was just a fairytale and as for love… Love was the genuine smile on his brother’s face at 2am when he secretly fed him. Love was his brother patching him up after their mother had beaten the living hell out of him. Love was his one and only brother but now, love was gone.

Love was already slowly withering away the day his brother walked away but love was truly gone the second Saeyoung let out his last breath.

Saeran was damned to hell the day he killed his brother because love was the only thing going for him but now, love is gone. And so shall he.

A/N: Wow! What a feeltrip that was! ;v;)/ Let me first apologize for writing such a morbid fic lmfao I think this idea first stemmed from a group chat I was/am in but I doubt anyone really thought I’d actually do it haha! It was just an idea that stuck to me and thus, I couldn’t help but write it out in the end. ;;;

And also, I decided to make the ending pretty ambigious in the sense that the sentence, “And so shall he” can be taken in either a figurative or literal way. It’s really up to you and how you’d like to interpret it! is it bad I’m hoping that some people would either write in the tags or reblog+reply on what they interpret it as fudhskjfdd

[ineedtotestthisthemepls-blog]

And so shall he - Saeran (one shot)

A/N: Wow, there’s honestly so much I’d like to say about this whole thing lol! But I think I’ll leave it at the bottom of the fic since I wouldn’t want to clutter this section with my mindless rambles lol! xD I hope you enjoy reading this!

Rated: G Genre: Angst

04. Fulfillment.

A powerful rush of emotions coursed through his veins as he watched his brother’s body slowly go limp; The way his lips turned pale, eyes closing and his breathing eventually coming to a stop.

There were no words that could describe how Saeran felt because the moment he had been waiting for for 10 fucking years was finally here. He finally avenged his ownself, finally ended the life of his wretched brother who had the damn audacity to spit out words like “I love you” and “We will always be together”.

Bullshit. Bullshit.

So much fucking bullshit.

If he really loved him, he would never have left him in the hands of their abusive, drunken mother. If he truly wanted to be together forever, he would never have left him all alone in this horrible, disgusting world to rot.

Saeyoung was once his everything, his saving grace. The light in this dark world and the one who would give him the faintest sight of hope but now… He was nothing but a heartless, selfish liar. A filthy part of him that he wanted to get rid of forever.

“You can’t hurt me anymore, brother.” He whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks as he stared at the lifeless body.

You can’t hurt me now.

03. Dissatisfaction

He was supposed to feel complete, fulfilled, powerful even but why… Why did it still feel empty? Where did he go wrong again…?!

As Saeran slammed his hands against the desk, he gritted his teeth with anger and frustration. He wanted to finally be at peace, feel the weight from his shoulders disappear and  be free from the pain that Saeyoung gave him but why… Why did everything feel even heavier now that he was gone? Why did it feel like his life was more of a disgusting wreck than it ever was?  

Why did it feel like it was he who lost?

“Maybe… Maybe I shouldn’t have killed you.. Maybe that was the wrong choice. I should have tortured you instead, kept you in my grip.. Maybe I’m feeling this way because you… No, no.”

No.

It was the right choice. What was he thinking? Saeyoung, that vile brothe— no, that monster, was meant to die from the start. This was how it was all supposed to go down and he was going to be happy with it.

“Yes, happy… I’m… Happy…”

I am happy.

I am happy.

I am happy.

I am not happy.

02. Desolation.

Saeran stared at the ceiling quietly, his mind hazy and blank. It’s been exactly 40 days, 21 hours and 3 minutes since his brother’s death and yet, still nothing.

No feelings of the happiness and freedom he craved creeping up into his soul; only a strange feeling of.. What? Guilt? Annoyance? Emptiness? Sadness? But what was there to be sad about? He did what he had to. He finally fulfilled his life goal of causing the same pain he went through to his beloved Saeyoung but…

“It hurts…” He muttered bitterly, hand gripping his chest tightly. “Why does it still hurt? I did everything I needed to. I killed him already so why… Why does it still hurt?!”

In a feat of sudden anger and frustration, he threw his things onto the ground and stood up; his hands gripping his hair tightly. He couldn’t comprehend why he wasn’t feeling that joy he so longed for, he couldn’t understand why Saeyoung’s death only brought him more pain.

Saeran couldn’t understand why after all this time, he still longed for his dead brother’s love.

“Why. Why, why, why, wHY, WHY?!” His loud, painful screams resonated within the silent room as he collapsed onto the floor, his body instantly curling into a ball. Saeran wrapped his shaky arms around his legs as hopeless cries left his lips.

“Why did you have to leave me back then…? Why didn’t you come back..? Why…?”

You are still free and I’m still not.

I’m still bound to you.

I’m still bound to this hell called earth.

Like I always have been.

01. Void.

Saeran didn’t know what to call this feeling; he didn’t know whether this was the feeling called “acceptance” or whether this was him realizing that he was just… Empty.

He remember hearing or reading that everyone is alive for a reason and that they were all special and loved but could he still be considered a human when he murdered his own beloved brother in cold blood? Could he say he has lived even when he was never alive to begin with? And special… How could he be ‘special’ when that word was never in his vocabulary?

The notion of being ‘special’ was simply reserved for the people who were talented and different.

The idea of being “alive” was for the people who truly fought and lived.

The word “love” was for the ones who had a soul and a heart.

Those words, those thoughts and ideas… they weren’t for everyone. They were for the ones who roamed this earth with a zest in their step and a glint in their eye. It wasn’t for people like him. It never was.

Unlike others, Saeran was damned the day he was born because the thought of being special was just a another fleeting dream, the hope of being alive was just a fairytale and love… Love was the genuine smile on his brother’s face at 2am when he secretly fed him. Love was his brother patching him up after their mother had beaten the living hell out of him. Love was his one and only brother and because of that, love is gone.

Love was already slowly withering away the day his brother walked away but love was truly gone the second Saeyoung let out his last breath.

Saeran was damned to hell the day he killed his brother because love was the only thing going for him but now, love is gone. And so shall he.