#genuinely do sing riddle of the sphinx to keep track of my meds tho

[thatoctokittenclutchinganotebook]

I normally write bad self-insert fanfiction of me in my favourite fandoms but I just can’t really do that for the Mechanisms.  Like: Ashes threw the match onto the kindling just as Tam rounded the corner. It went up rapidly, a perfectly built bonfire sending up a tower of smoke. The newest Mechanism paled, put her hand over her face, and ran back the way they’d come. Ashes heard them let out a terrible hacking cough as the smoke rose. Later: “Why did you run? What, are you scared of fire or something?” “N- well, yes, actually, I am, terrified, but I ran away because of the smoke? It makes me cough really badly. I reckon it’s asthma but the doctor- my gp, not carmilla- said I was just too fat.” “Doesn’t your mechanism take care of that?” “My Mechanism isn’t my lungs. And I’m immortal, not invulnerable.” “...Right. So why are you scared of fire? Is it just the smoke?” “No, I just don’t like fire.” “Did you have a trauma or something?” “No? It just scares me. Like if I’m holding a sparkler I get really scared it’ll burn me.” Ashes could not comprehend this.  The newest Mechanism scared at Johnny in horror. “You can’t just kill these people!” Johnny paused. “Why not?” “Because- because it’s wrong!” Johnny waited for the real argument, because that one didn’t make sense. No further words were forthcoming.  “...Right. Okay then.” He turned around and continued shooting people. “So what instrument do you play?” Tam looked confused. “I... don’t, really? I mean, I sing-” “No, we already have a lead singer.” Johnny said, gesturing at himself. “What instrument do you do?” Tam bit their lip. “Uh. I played ukulele for a while? But I had to give it up. Chronic pain in my wrists.” Johnny looked at the other Mechanisms. Tim mouthed “Ukulele?” In utter disbelief. “You’d better at least be good at it.” Raphaella commented.  Tam paled. “Uh. I can play Jolene by Dolly Parton?” Nastya facepalmed in a corner.

Gunpowder Tim decided to try and welcome the newest Mechanism by teaching them to shoot. 

They followed along, seeming a little nervous and reluctant.  Tim figured maybe they just thought they wouldn’t be any good at it, until he fired his first shot and heard a yelp next to him as Tam flinched and jumped nearly a foot into the air. “Wh- you knew I was going to shoot, what was that for?” “Sorry! I’m just really jumpy!” “Why?” “I don’t know? I jump at everything. Doorbells, fireworks,people talking when I didn’t expect it-” “But you did expect this. I told you I was going to fire it. You were watching me.” The newest mechanism looked down, abashed. “I didn’t expect it to be so loud...” “Why are you taking so many pills with your breakfast? Are they good ones?” Tam paused. “I guess? They do what they’re meant to.” “Do they make you high, or?” “Huh? No, why would- no, I take these every day. They’re antidepressants, painkillers,   anti anxiety, some stuff for my stomach-” “You’re immortal! Why do you need all that?” Tam stared at him uncomprehendingly. “I... have anxiety? And depression? I’ve been taking antidepressants of some kind or another since I was 14-” “That- can’t be just antidepressants. That’s a lot of pills.” Tam brightened. “Oh yeah! It’s all sorts tbh. Stomach protection, painkillers, antidepressants, antihistamines, vitamins. I did a song to keep track.” They started singing to the tune of “Riddle of the Sphinx” 6 pills in the morning 2 tablets at noon 4 more in the evening-” “You’re immortal!” “But not invulnerable!" 

“But you’re still anxious about everything, do they even work?” “Oh, they work.” Tam’s eyes went very serious. “You didn’t know me before.” The idea of an even more anxious and scared person was a tiny bit intimidating, in a very weird way. 

The crew gathered in the dining hall. Ashes was making cocktails, Johnny was drinking whiskey, and the newest Mechanism was- Sitting in the corner drinking fruit juice? Tim eyed the glass. “Has that got vodka in it or something?” Tam shook their head. “No, it’s just pineapple juice.”

Tim frowned. “There’s loads of alcohol around, as long as you don’t steal Johnny’s whiskey you can grab some of it.”

“No thanks, I don’t really like alcohol. Thanks though.”

Raphaella, a few feet away, made a spluttering noise. “You don’t like alcohol?” “I just don’t really like the taste?”

Enough was enough. Johnny was the Captain, and he called a Crew Meeting. Tam wasn’t invited.  “Is this about Tam?” Nastya asked.  “I’m pushing her out the airlock. You’re not allowed to let them back in.” “Fair enough.”