#gbssucks

[outrunmyself]

Love my new shirt from @bejuststrong ! Be Strong - Be Fearless - Be Beautiful

[turnerstokens]

GBS ranty bullshit whiny post~ beware. Had a moment of realizing I am coming up on 7 years since GBS hit me and just feeling defeated. I build my way towards all these goals, hit them and then crash so hard it is like starting back at year three until I build back up again. Yarg. I have a sneaking suspicion this feeling is being brought on by dropping the sleeping pill a few days ago as it works out of my system. No less frustrating. I just get so tired of trying to keep the momentum moving forward. And with GBS you have to keep moving to retain your recovery. When you slip, even a little it knocks back your recovery by weeks, months, or a year of progress. I’m just so tired. I enjoy the challenges I set for myself. The 5k’s, the half marathons, helping to run a convention. But then in the months that follow meeting those goals it is always welcomed with 3-6 months of exhaustion, sickness and just frustration before I start a new cycle towards the next goal. Every step is so slippery. I’m working more hours now than I ever have since getting sick and I love my job and the work I can offer people. But I look at the 7 years since being hit and the chance to make a full recovery just keeps getting slimmer and slimmer. I tell myself I am ok with where I am. I have to be. But the fight in me just gets more angry and frustrated at the fact I may be stuck like this in this cycle. And it isn’t because my body has not recovered more so it is because it feels like I am personally too weak to stick to it and keep driving myself forward after the big events/challenges I meet. If I were a stronger person maybe I could keep pushing consistently but I just get so damn tired of fighting. When I get like this I feel like I am talking in circles to myself and just shoveling excuses to my situation which I loathe. Blarg. Just feeling exhausted. Picked up an upper respiratory infection after RevelCon and just been exhausted. But I should be happy!! I made a point to take in how I felt post-RevelCon and physically, aside from sickness, I have been doing so much better. Last year I had to take two weeks off work aside from an hour here or there a day and then when I got back to work I was still dragging. I already feel good for doing a solid 4-6 hour shift on a daily basis (aside from trying to fight for air with this stupid respiratory crap.) Blargle, so again, guessing this is just a mood swing from the sleep Med since it was in the realm of an anti-depressant like cymbalta. And occasionally I get like this a few times every other month or so. Just feeling it hard when I realized I am 7 years out from GBS. What the doctors tell patients about only 3% of GBS patients not recovering all the way is a load of shit and gives false hope. To give hope is one thing but to lie, repeatedly and then act like it is the patients fault for not meeting the statistic is crap. Grrr… Ranting and venting over. I’ll feel better tomorrow.

[outrunmyself]

New gear (unfortunately) has not come in yet, but that’s ok. It’s not Capri weather outside, but inside it doesn’t matter! Nice, easy walk on the treadmill.

[outrunmyself]

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[outrunmyself]

And this is what it was all for. The blood, sweat, and tears. The pain. Everything. November 4, 2018...I will see you at the starting line. #tcsnycmarathon #gettingbetterslowly #GBSsucks #gbssurvivor #fuckGBS #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

4.26.2016 to 9.17.2017 The day I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome, I didn't believe that I'd ever run again. I was paralyzed from the waist down, I had facial paralysis, and weakness in my arms. Though I do still have some residual effects, I am back on my own two feet. This past Sunday, I ran my longest distance since my diagnosis. I ran 18 miles in training for the Marine Corp and New York City marathons, and I did it the day after running a 10K race. #gettingbetterslowly #fuckGBS #GBSsucks #guillainbarresyndrome #guillainbarresyndromesurvivor #guillainbarrerecovery #guillainbarreawarness #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

#medalmonday my finisher’s medal from the 42nd Marine Corp Marathon yesterday! 18 months, almost to the day, since I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome. This marathon is something that, even before my diagnosis, I never thought I’d be able to finish. They have 3 different time checkpoints, that you have to reach by a certain time. I managed to beat all 3, which was my only goal for this race. #personal #instagram #longdistancerunner #mcmarathon #runwiththemarines #marinecorpsmarathon #gettingbetterslowly #fuckgbs #gbssucks

[outrunmyself]

People wonder why I did, and will do again this year, 2 marathons in 2 weeks. This is exactly why. #mcmarathon #tcsnycmarathon2017 #marathontraining #gettingbetterslowly #fuckGBS #GBSsucks #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

So, I realized something after finishing this run. Not only is this my fastest pace for a long run after diagnosis, it is the furthest distance I've done since diagnosis. #progress #personal #instagram #fuckGBS #GBSsucks

[outrunmyself]

Tanya was tired! Short runs are better than no runs! #mcmarathon #tcsnycmarathon2017 #marathontraining #fuckGBS #GBSsucks #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

Dirty Sock 10K! 5th year in a row! #gettingbetterslowly #GBSsucks #fuckGBS #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

That was fucking BRUTAL!!! 10 disgusting miles. #mcmarathon #tcsnycmarathon2017 #marathontraining #thisisgonnasucktomorrow #fuckGBS #GBSsucks #gettingbetterslowly #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

Our whole group this morning! Some did 7, I did 10, Tom did 12. #mcmarathon #tcsnycmarathon2017 #marathontraining #gettingbetterslowly #GBSsucks #fuckGBS #fallmarathons #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

Don’t remember if I did this one last year, but I have done it every other year since 2013. #dirtysock10k #mcmarathon #tcsnycmarathon2017 #marathontraining #gettingbetterslowly #GBSsucks #fuckGBS

[outrunmyself]

Tom and I after my run! I did 10, he went right back out for 2 more. #mcmarathon #tcsnycmarathon2017 #marathontraining #gettingbetterslowly #GBSsucks #fuckGBS #fallmarathons #personal #instagram

[outrunmyself]

#Mini10K #instagram #personal #fuckGBS #GBSsucks #longdistancerunners #cantstopwontstop