#gang leader crockett

[crownrots]

R, O, and/or V?

RENO STEELE — best caravan player that ever lived, small time swindler and all around trouble maker hailing from the fictional town of gecko springs. he’s quite a hit with anyone he hasn’t pissed off over years and is in a ‘sharing is caring’ relationship with his best friend, richard, and @queennymeria ‘s, soledad. And RICHARD STEELE — is the resident and community appointed sheriff of gecko springs. he only got the job because he and reno were successful in chasing the things off almost indefinitely.

RIAN MCCORMICK — the most useless and hottest dilf the apocalypse has ever seen. he constantly screws up and somehow always survives by the skin of his teeth (and by sheer dumb luck). he and @queennymeria ‘s, mari cross, had a FWB thing going on after she saves him from the brink of death but … feelings and egos got in the way and before they knew it she was hiding something from him and he had gone off on a suicide mission to see if jackson was a real. Fast forward nearly a year later and they’re reunited, he finds out he has a kid (they very quickly have another one 😑) AND gains a new enemy in tommy miller. he’s done well for himself, all things considered, but it hasn’t been without major, life altering obstacles.

OPHELIA COHEN — my midnight m** baby 💚 she’s an author, divorced three times, dog mom with major trauma and clairvoyant. during a depressive episode (and to get away from her third EX husband) in boston, she found a listing for a house for rent on crockett island and booked it for at least a month. in the midst of all THAT SHIT ™ she ends up meeting a priest, @queennymeria ‘s dana, and the two confide in one another and end up falling for each other 💞

VIANNA SALVATORE — she’s a socialite and former heiress to a cyberware company (mom used to be a pretty relevant pop sensation in NC) she’s very uninvolved with the actual game, if we’re being honest! she ends up going on the run after she gives the maelstroms off market and prototype cyberware in order to get her best friend out of debt with them. the guy (her late father’s bestie) who took over her the company finds out and he’s up snitching to their parent company and she’s forced to go on the run from both the gang and the corporate feds. she’s lucky enough to have crossed paths with jackie at one point or another as he helps her out and she ends up becoming misty’s roommate / new best friend while she tries to navigate being BROKE and a slow burning relationship with @queennymeria ‘s jamie valentino. she also learns that her dad isn’t actually dead and that sends her down a huge rabbit hole 💀

VANESSA LENNOX — my main ‘V’. her mother is a gang leader still operating in NC, her older sister works as hired muscle and she herself was an enforcer / hit woman for her before her departure several years before the game starts.

[king-crockett]

Crockett Marcel, leader of Chicago’s biggest gang, you name it, they’ve done it, their empire came from money laundering, everyone knew it.

Crockett was unpredictable, He has been treated at Gaffney for multiple injuries, gunshot wounds, stabbings, he was even poisoned once but nothing ever gets the man down, not even the cops.

Talia had met him a few months ago, not long after she had started at Gaffney, she had moved from Boston after a particularly messy break up.

“Dr Ramos, it’s for you.” Maggie says, a worried look over her face. ��It’s Crockett Marcel.”

Talia took the phone, her face showing an equally as worried look.

“H-hello?” She whispers, “How can I help?”

“My buddy, Freddie.” Crockett says, his gruff voice sending chills through her body. “He’s in a rough way.”

“If y-you bring him down to the ER, we can take a look at try and help.” Talia says slightly more confidently than before.

“I can’t do that T.” He sighs, “You see, those pigs are on my case, they’re just waiting to pounce.”

“What would you like me to do?” She asks, shooting a quick glance to Maggie before mouthing ‘PD’

“You need to promise me that you won’t tell anyone where I am, because you know what will happen if you do.” He states.

“I understand Crockett.” Talia says, a thumbs up from Maggie signalling that the cops were informed.

****

Talia stood outside the run down car wash on South Morgan Street, her medical bag in hand, unsure of what she was about to walk into.

The grime covered glass door opened ajar as she raised her fist to knock, almost as if he was watching her.

“Come in.” Crockett says, as he ushers her in hastily. “They are looking for us.”

“What happened?” Talia sighs, as she followed Crockett towards the back room

“They shot him.” He says, his anger palpable, “The fuckers from the East side.”

Stepping into the dull, dank room, all Talia could see was blood.

“Get me the cleanest rags you can.” She shouts, as she runs to the victim, laying on the floor. “Is this all his?”

“I got nicked by a bullet but it’s not bad.” Crockett says, sounding somewhat flustered, which she noticed.

“These are too dirty.” She says, frustrated at the man’s unwillingness to take his friend to the ER.

Tearing at the sleeve of her undershirt, she began to pack his wound. “There isn’t an exit wound, this will last until we can get him to surgery.”

“Do it here, you’re a doctor.” He frowns.

“Crockett.” She says, as firmly as she could, given the situation. “He has a bullet in his chest, we need a whole team of people.”

“We can’t, the cops will be there.”

“How do you know that?” She asks, worried she’d let slip on the phone.

“Cops are always around” Crockett says, exasperatedly. “They have shit on me, but they can’t prove that it was me so they never have enough to arrest me.”

“He will die if he doesn’t go to the ER.” Talia states. “Your friend will die.”

“Take it out.” Crockett shouts, making Talia jump. “You know what will happen if you don’t.” He adds, placing a gun on the counter.

Talia gains a sudden burst of confidence before saying “You won’t shoot me, you need me.”

Crockett frowned before putting the gun away. “Do it.”

***

The music at Molly’s pounded in Talia’s ears as she sat at the bar, alone, the whisky burning her throat as she drank.

“I owe you one.” A familiar voice sounded next her, snapping her out of her trance.

“I hope your friend is okay.“ She smiles, taking another sip of her whisky.

“He’ll be fine.” He laughs, signalling the bartender for another drink. “I know how to ask for if I need help.”

Talia laughs, a breathy laugh. “I’m an ER doctor not a surgeon.”

“You removed a bullet from a man, and stitched me up in a few hours, in a car wash.”

“I won’t be your personal surgeon every time you get into shit.” She sighs, drinking the new whisky in front of her in one. “I have to go.”

“I got a visit from Jay after you left.” He says, calmly.

“Halstead?” She says, her heart dropping.

“You know who I meant.” He sighs “And we both know who called him.”

Talia remained silent, as to not get herself into anymore trouble.

“Never pull that shit again.” He says, his gun pressing into her side. “Or those friends of yours will have a new murder to solve and I won’t make it easy.”

“Understood.” She whispers.

Talia had a feeling this wasn’t the last time she was going to see Crockett.

[cardest]

Washington DC and the Baltimore playlist

DC Sound Attack! Well, if Biden is waiting in the wings to move in to the White House and well, gets a bit bored or just has some spare time, he can totally tune in to my Washington DC playlist! And Baltimore! Maybe he and the new VP can grab a crab cake from Lexington Market! Anyway, what a town DC is, the bands, the songs, the TV shows and who can forget the Exorcist? So I just had to put a list of songs together from DC, from Virginia, Baltimore and surrounds. You may have see my Philadelphia playlist added a few days ago below. I wonder what Ian Mackaye would think of this list

WASHINGTON D.C 001 Clutch - D.C. Sound Attack! 002 Foo Fighters - The Feast and the Famine 003 Rollins Band - Change It Up 004 NCIS-Theme Song 005 Bad Brains - Pay To Cum 006 Prong - Banned In Dc 007 Parliament - Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker) 008 Fugazi - Bulldog Front 009 KMFDM - Stars and Stripes 010 Dead Kennedys - Stars and Stripes of Corruption 011 Vlado Kreslin in Hans Theessink - Bourgeois blues 012 TROUBLE FUNK  - Spin Time 013 Ministry - Ass Clown 014 Marvin Gaye - What's Going On 015 X Files - Theme Song 016 Clutch - How To Shake Hands 017 The Rolling Stones - Sweet Virginia 018 Pig Destroyer - The Adventures of Jason and JR 019 Experience Unlimited - Da Butt 020 The Evens - Dinner With The President 021 Steppenwolf - Draft Resister 022 The Blackbyrds - Blackbyrds Theme 023 Oneness of Juju - African Rhythms 024 Pontiak - Ignorance Makes Me High 025 Ex Hex - Rainbow Shiner 026 Parliament Chocolate City 027 Bill Hayes - The Ballad Of Davy Crockett 028 Staple Singers - Washington, We're Watching You 029 The Razz - You Can Run (But You Cant Hide) 030 Criminal Minds TV theme bits 031 Clutch -  White's Ferry 032 Incredible Bongo Band -  Apache 033 Jimmy Newman - Washington, DC 034 CHUCK BROWN & THE SOUL SEARCHERS  - BUSTIN LOOSE 035 Weird Al Yankovic - Party In The CIA 036 Overkill - King Of The Rat Bastards 037 CANNABIS CORPSE - Zero Weed Tolerance 038 Funkadelic - One Nation Under a Groove 039 the coup - piss on your grave 040 Primus -  Electric Uncle Sam 041 Pocahontas OST - The Virginia Company 042 OFF! - Elimination 043 THE HONEY DRIPPERS - Impeach The President 044 Roy Ayers - D.C. City 045 Chain & the Gang - The logic of night 046 Pentagram - Walk Alone 047 Duke Ellington - Caravan 048 Clutch - Son of Virginia 049 The Messthetics - Serpent Tongue 050 House of Cards - Main Title Theme 051 Windhand - Old Evil 052 While Heaven Wept - Hour Of Reprisal 053 Genocide Pact - Induction 054 Nation of Ulysses ~ You're my Miss Washington D.C. 055 Minor Threat - Betray 056 ILSA - Cult Of The Throne 057 Stop the World-The Clash 058 The Dismemberment Plan - The City 059 Les Baxter - The City 060 America - Old Virginia 061 Talking Heads - Don't Worry About The Government 062 Gwar - The Reaganator 063 Junk Yard Band - Loose Booty 064 Chicago - State of the Union 065 Clutch - I Have The Body Of John Wilkes Booth 066 Carol Leon -  Washington, DC song 067 Rollins Band - Icon 068 COUGH - Crippled Wizard 069 The Magnetic Fields - Washington D.C. 070 Washington DC's new State Song, John Oliver 071 Alice In Chains - Never Fade 072 Animals as Leaders - Another Year 073 Deceased - Mrs. Allardyce 074 Tru Fax and The Insaniacs - Love Love Love 075 the hidden hand - someday soon 076 Sourvein - D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. 077 Pig Destroyer - Alexandria 078 Drugs of Faith - The False War 079 Ex Hex - Diamond Drive 080 The Exorcist OST - Main Theme Tubular Bells 081 the slickee boys - gotta tell me why 082 Ministry - The Dick Song 083 Egg Hunt - We All Fall Down 084 Trouble Funk - Drop the Bomb 085 Q and Not U - End The Washington Monument (Blinks) Goodnight 086 Foo Fighters - Arlandria 087 Die Cheerleader - Washington D.C. 088 The Jesus Lizard - Queen For A Day 089 King Giant - The One That God Forgot To Save 090 Gil Scott Heron - Washington D.C 091 Unrest  - Bavarian Mods 092 Rites of Spring - For Want Of 093 American Dad! TV show theme 094 Readeez Presents The U.S. Presidents Song 095 Darkest Hour - No God 096 Fugazi - Facet Squared 097 Rollins Band - Wreck-Age 098 R E M - Don't Go Back To Rockville 099 Dag Nasty - Trying 100 Bad Brains - Rise 101 Municipal Waste - Masked by Delirium 102 Escape-ism - Bodysnatcher 103 Tilt - Arkade Funk 104 Nonchalant - 5 O'Clock 105 Jawbox - Savory 106 The Staple Singers - Long Walk To D.C. 107 Teen Idles - Fleeting Fury 108 Burnt by the Sun - Washington Tube Steak 109 Chain and the Gnag - [Ive Got] Privilege 110 Priests-  Ice Cream 111 Lamb of God - Checkmate 112 Lonnie Liston Smith - Sunburst 113 DEVO - Secret Agent Man 114 Duke Ellington - Money Jungle 115 Butch Willis - Flashback 200 William DeVaughn - Be Thankful for What You Got 222 Peabo Bryson - D.C Cab 666 Get Smart Original Theme

Baltimore 001 Divine - You Think Youre a Man 002 Bill Callahan - Javelin Unlanding 003 Clutch -  Pigtown Blues 004 Cry Baby Soundtrack - King Cry Baby 005 PIG DESTROYER - Baltimore Strangler 006 Loo Reed - Edgar Allan Poe 007 The Fleshtones - The Girl From Baltimore 008 Gram Parsons - Streets of Baltimore 009 Prince - Baltimore (feat. Eryn Allen Kane) 010 Mr Bungle - Carry Stress In The Jaw 011 george harrison - baltimore oriole 012 George Brigman - Jungle Rot 013 Primus - DMV 014 Strawberry Alarm Clock - Barefoot in Baltimore 015 Nina Simone - Baltimore 016 The Obsessed - Punk Crusher 017 Scott Walker - The Lady Came From Baltimore 018 Clutch - The Great Outdoors! 019 Frank Zappa - Whats New In Baltimore 020 Mother Freedom Band - Touch Me 021 Misery Index -  The Calling 022 Internal Void - Window to Hell 023 Trapped Under Ice -  Stay Cold 024 Agathocles -  Blatimore Mince Meat 025 FULL OF HELL - Deluminate 026 Dirt Woman - Fades to Greed 027 Wormhole - Nurtured in a Poisoned Womb 028 RHCP - Millionaires Against Hunger 029 Swell Fellas - Placebo 030 Clutch - Hot Bottom Feeder 031 Black Lung  - Ancients 032 Dying Fetus - Fixated On Devastation 033 Motorhead - Civil War 034 NOISEM - Deplorable 035 The Brandos - Gettysburg 037 Visceral Disgorge - Fucked into Oblivion 043 SECRET CUTTER - Trampled By Light 044 Cemetery Piss - Such the Vultures Love 045 Pig Destroyer - [Head Cage #04] Circle River 046 Pockets - Come Go With Me 047 War On Women - Confess 048 Horse Lords - Against Gravity 049 Cry Bay OST - Doin time for being young 050 Clutch - Earth Rocker 666 Locrian - Two Moons

And what a way to meet up in the middle with Clutch teaming up with randy from Lamb of God. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y6EVouZm-I

[detectiverickitubbs]

“You’re lucky I came by when I did, or else you’d be dead.” Vin studied his friend from her position in the pool. "Right now you're just more fish 'en anythin'." All things considered, he was taking the news that his friend had fallen in a pool and sprouted a tail fairly well. Looking at her again and then looking at the scene, he added. "Was this Vice related or somethin' else?"

She’d been wrestled forcefully to her knees before Maximillian LeFonse Legba. A well known Haitian gang leader who, by all accounts was supposed to be dead. She and Crockett greeted his remains as they went through customs. They had both borne witness to the body enclosed in the casket and even signed papers to attest to it. Ricki had even half-jokingly checked for the nonexistent pulse. Last time Tubbs checked, Legba wasn’t in possession of resurrection powers. What had he stumbled upon? Love potion number 9 where the ol’ hag Madame Ruth with the golden tooth got her viles crossed? Whatever the answer, it sure did beat the hell outta the undercover cop now at his mercy.

Perpetually watchful hues follow Legba as he descends forebodingly upon her like a hurricane. A needle of a questionable substance is displayed before her and his other minions- both the witting and unwitting. “Don’t do it.” She tersely urges, straining to keep her voice calm. She shrugs and fusses with all her strength, trying to seize the upper hand from the guards keeping her down. But the efforts are to no avail, allowing for a terrible pinch in the side of her neck.

The drumming of her heartbeat swells, raising rhythmic alarms in every corridor of her mind. Her evergreen and coffee hues which, had attentively been seeking out an exit since the moment of her capture, falter in their mission. The vibrant array of colors surrounding her grow hazy and dim until they all out cease to exist in a river of darkness.

Suddenly, her body is enveloped by a chilling cold. Lungs that had been effortlessly recycling air began to burn horribly causing Tubbs’s eyes to snap open. Water?! How in the world had she gotten there?! She can not recall. Struggling hands began to flail, eagerly pulling about for the surface. Her legs attempted to kick but there is a tangible resistance as if, she had become entangled in a tight net or hell even rolled in a carpet. The more she struggled, the less progress she seemed to be making towards reaching fresh air. Grasping a rope that had been lowered to her by Vin, Tubbs uses what little remains of her strength to emerge. Trembling hands grip the side of the pool as tightly as possible as she begins to sputter out chlorinated contents. He wasn’t wrong. Without his presence and the rope he’d thrown her, she would have drowned. She forces several sharp inhales to try and quiet the choking sounds.

“Fish!” Tubbs hoarsely bellows, brushing sopping ebony strands out of her face. Batting her eyes a few times to rid herself of clear crystalline orbs, she turns to gaze at the lower half of her own body. Sure enough, Vin’s assessment that had been interpreted as an ill-timed joke, happened to be correct. Where her legs had been there was now a long trail of aquamarine and pink scales connected to two oversized fins. She gives them an exploratory kick just in case her eyes were playing tricks on her. To her astonishment, she discovers that the fins are all too painfully real. This was definitely going to be fun to explain to Castillo, Crockett, and the rest of the Vice department when she couldn’t comprehend the change herself. ‘Legba’. Her semi-coherent mind offered. Her clouded hues turn upwards towards Vin with the introduction of his inquiry. “I know y…  you won’t believe this,” Tubbs gulps, bouying herself as best she can. “Legba injected me with something before I blacked out.” Voodoo that had been a joke to her at the start of this case seemed far less humorous; given the surprising twist of circumstances. She doesn’t even mention that there could have been shady science or magic at play. Tubbs figures he is smart enough to arrive at that conclusion himself. Though internally, she personally preferred the shady science route because it could be more easily explained. Or could it?

She lowers herself in the water slightly, becoming aware that her expensive suit-jacket had been stripped from her and was probably discarded. Her blouse though it remained, clung clumsily to her dark skin. While the scales underneath the now transparent fabric concealed most of the important parts, it still exposed more of her figure than she was comfortable with. Whatever happened to her designer bustier- that was another mystery. One Tubbs was DEFINITELY going to kill Legba for.

Still, in spite of having more than ample oxygen being drawn into her lungs. Something is miserably awry!!! The Chlorine’s poison gradually sinks its white-hot tendrils into her veins, spreading deeper and deeper with every pumping of her heart. The shimmering scales extending halfway down her body feel as though they are shriveling, and to her horror and wonderment, some are drifting lifelessly to the bottom of the pool. Just to be sure she wasn’t imagining things, Tubbs allows herself to dive down to inspect the collection. Dismayed she returns to the surface, semi-awkwardly adjusting to worming her legs in unison.

Hating to cause more shock than the appearance of a tail already had, Ricki peers up at him entreatingly. “Hey, man. I’m no expert, but I don’t think I’m supposed to be…shedding and wrinkling up like this.” Her words escape her far more calmly than they ought to. She can only vaguely recollect childhood fairytales involving mermaids but she is fairly confident that the scales serve a purpose. She props her arms up against the side of the pool so that she can rest her chin on the sun-scorched pavement at Vin’s feet. Tubbs really doesn’t want to inform him that everything feels like its burning because it seems absurd when she is quite literally surrounded by frigid water. Maybe, if she keeps her fins moving, she’ll get rid of the feeling of death. So, her flipper slowly bobs up and down and occasionally side to side.

[blockheadbrands]

I Lived It: I Went To My First Day of Work Stoned

Connor Douglas of High Times Reports:

Did Connor make a lasting impression on his new coworkers by showing up for his first day blazed out of his skull?

I’ve always been an awkward person. Like a lot of people, I’ve never felt that I belonged to any particular social circle. I love prog rock, horror films, video games—my interests have thriving communities and usually are fairly inclusive. Yet in spite of this, I always feel like a sore thumb. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fortunate enough to have some amazing close friends, with whom I’ve had many adventures and good times. But in nearly every job I’ve had, I’ve never been able to fit in with the rest of the staff. Maybe it’s because I hate working, and never really want to be at the place that employs me. 

Or maybe it’s my crippling anxiety disorder, something that has caused me a great deal of distress and dismay in my life. 

I have to suspect it’s a combination of those two elements. It’s not for lack of trying; each and every time I start a new job I attempt to be part of the gang. At this stage in my life, I’ve accepted that I’m an awkward guy, who will never feel quite comfortable in social situations. Living in a city as social as Los Angeles, this can be a challenge. I’ve struggled to hold down a full time job since moving here, and I’ve come to suspect this is largely due to my awkwardness, and general inability to settle into a clique. 

And so it was one fine spring day in LA that I was offered a producing position at a prestigious marketing agency. I only got the job through a close friend who knew people at the company (hooray for nepotism!), and I only accepted because I was desperate. I needed money to pay the bills, which were piling up significantly, and even though I was sure there were far more qualified candidates out there for the position, I needed to survive. Classic LA, am I right? So anyway, I reluctantly agreed to the position, and after telling many-a-lie in a rigorous interview process, I landed the gig. I largely bullshitted my way there—which is how I imagine most producers in Los Angeles get their jobs—and I prepared myself for my first day as a producer at a fancy-schmancy marketing agency. 

Almost immediately, my nervousness began to rear its ugly head. What if they saw through the façade? What if I had to go back on unemployment? What if I couldn’t handle the job’s simplest responsibilities? Worst of all, what if they don’t like me? I was panicking, even beginning to regret accepting the job. I knew I’d have to make a great first impression for my first day, and I have a track record of horrible first impressions.

I picked out a professional, but slightly casual outfit, and I was careful to shave my face and brush my teeth a couple of times. I wanted to be taken seriously, and after a series of disappointing jobs, I wanted to do my best to make this one stick. But even as I prepared myself for success, my stomach knotted with fear, and my heart raced. No matter what I did, I could not get myself to calm down. I knew that when I was this nervous, I was also at my most awkward. I needed a quick solution, and as I scrambled to think about what I could do, I remembered I had just made a trip to the dispensary. I had picked up some flower of a strain I had never tried before— Strawberry Banana. A buddy of mine, Johnny, had recommended I try it out for my anxiety.

Spending The First Day of Work Stoned and Cosplaying Sonny Crockett

It was in that moment I hatched a genius plan: I would take a hit or two from my pipe, three at most, and then I’d call a Lyft to work. It was the perfect plan! I’d get just buzzed enough to calm my nerves, and no one at the new gig would be able to tell. Mind you, I had only just started smoking weed, and was very ignorant to the many factors that come into play when you’re getting ripped. For example, I hadn’t eaten breakfast, and although a couple of hits normally wouldn’t do too much, the two tokes of this strong strain on an empty stomach hit me like a sledgehammer. 

It was too late. The damage had been done and I needed to leave the apartment immediately or I’d be late. I called a Lyft and wolfed down some food, hoping it would sober me up a bit. It didn’t. I arrived at the office, my eyes blazing like hellfire. I was also starting this new job on the same day the company held a full staff meeting in the main plaza of the building. To make matters worse, the weed had the opposite effect in that it made me panic more as I was paranoid that all of my new coworkers would be able to tell I was baked out of my mind.

I quickly conjured up yet another brilliant solution—I wouldn’t take my sunglasses off the whole day. Bono does it, and he’s very successful and talented. So I kept my Ray-Bans on and didn’t take them off as I entered the staff meeting on my first day looking like Sonny Crockett. Other than the paranoia, I felt like a million bucks. My muscles and body were light as a feather, and for the most part I was in a good headspace. Everything, and I mean everything was hilarious. I kept thinking how weird it was that we all gathered like herded cattle for company meetings. How stupid it was that we all corralled around our overpaid leaders and listened to nonsense about making ads, something that truly could not matter less. At the same time, I giggled at the guy’s bowl cut in front of me, and smiled at the people staring at me for wearing my Wayfarers indoors.

After the meeting I was whisked away along with some other fresh meat to a guided tour of the office space. I was blitzed out of my mind for this entire tour, and remarked that each and every room I was shown was “dope.” I occasionally received an odd glance or two from my fellow new recruits, who probably thought I was insane, or were well aware that I was blasted with the sweet leaf. I felt like I was floating on clouds as I meandered around the office, letting out a “woah” or “nice!” with each new room. Finally I arrived at my desk, and had to begin my training. The woman I’d be replacing stared blankly at me.

“You can take those off if you’d like,” she said, motioning to my sunglasses. 

I immediately panicked. I hadn’t planned for someone confronting me about my glasses—what would I say? I have photophobia? That seemed like an awfully big commitment, and one I’d have to keep up for the indefinite future. I have bad allergies! This one was actually true, I do have horrible seasonal allergies which sometimes cause itchy and red eyes. Mind you, while this was running through my head I was sitting there in silence, staring back at this poor woman through my cool sunglasses. It must’ve been a pause for her that lasted an eternity. Finally a wide smile cracked across my face. I was so high, I was wearing my “a-ha!” revelation on my face like a grinning doofus. This only enhanced how weird I appeared. 

“I have really bad allergies, and it causes my eyes to get really red and itchy,” I said.

“Oh, I totally get that, I do too,” she responded.

She bought it—or at least, I assumed she did. And so, I removed the glasses, revealing my blood-red eyes. The woman seemed a little taken aback.

“Woah, you weren’t kidding,” she remarked. 

Getting Through The Day In A Haze

And so I continued to stumble through my first day, eventually getting through the training (none of which I actually retained), and assisted by many trips to the kitchen to down glasses of water and snacks in my struggle to sober up. The worst was not yet over however, and I was told that I would be taken around to the offices of the executives so I could meet them all. The paranoia hit me the worst at this moment, as my stoned ass was paraded around the office and as I awkwardly shook hands with each executive. My eyes were half-open with a lazy, shit-eating grin on my face. I also kept darting my eyes back and forth to avoid eye contact, which only could have made things ten times worse. 

Finally, by lunchtime, I had begun to sober up. I attempted to undo the chaotic first impression I had undoubtedly left, and much to my surprise the people I had encountered hadn’t actually noticed much of anything. Or if they did, they simply didn’t care. The job ended up royally sucking, and before long, I had decided that I wasn’t a good fit for it and parted ways from the company. On the day I quit, I went home, took several massive bong rips, and fired up a video game. Is there a better feeling than that? Needless to say, this is perhaps my most triumphant first impression, and one I will not soon forget.

TO READ MORE OF THIS ARTICLE ON HIGH TIMES, CLICK HERE.

https://hightimes.com/news/chronically-il-man-fired-using-marijuana/

[spynotebook]

You'd better stock up on cheesecake: all seven seasons of The Golden Girls will be dropping on Hulu on February 13, 2017. For those of you who were too young to watch the show when it first aired, many of the topical references might seem like ancient history. Hopefully, with this handy reference guide, those reruns will be twice as funny in the future.

1. DANNY THOMAS

“I’ve never known any personally, but isn’t Danny Thomas one?” “Not Lebanese, Blanche, Lesbian.” — Dorothy, to Blanche, "Isn't it Romantic?"

VIDEO

Danny Thomas was born Amos Muzyad Yakhoob Kairouz in Deerfield, Michigan, but grew up in Toledo, Ohio (also the hometown of fellow Lebanese-American actor Jamie Farr). When Thomas was struggling to make a name for himself in show business, he prayed to St. Jude, the Patron Saint of Hopeless Causes, and pledged to make a shrine in his honor if he found success. Not long afterward, Thomas landed several regular roles on network radio shows, which ultimately led to his own long-running TV sitcom, Make Room for Daddy. Thomas went on to produce several other successful TV series and also founded the St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee.

2. ISHTAR

“Let me tell you girls the three most important things I learned about life: Number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there's no such thing as security; and number three, don't go see Ishtar. Woof.” —Sophia, "The Audit"

VIDEO

Ishtar is a 1987 comedy starring two box office powerhouses of that time, Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, as two untalented songwriters who get a gig performing in Morocco and somehow end up involved in some Cold War shenanigans. Directed by Elaine May, the film received a lot of negative press before it was released due to its enormous budget and reports of fights between the stars and director. It went on to become synonymous with “expensive box office bomb” and ended up on many “Worst of” lists.

3. DOUG HENNING

“Well Rose, do I look like the Mayor of Palm Springs?” “Doug Henning is the Mayor of Palm Springs?” —Rose, to Sophia, "An Illegitimate Concern"

VIDEO

Doug Henning was a Canadian-born magician/illusionist who gained fame in the 1970s with his World of Magic TV specials, and eventually a Tony-nominated Broadway show.

4. FESS PARKER

“Rose, you know how uncomfortable I am in front of a camera. Besides, I always come out looking like Fess Parker.” “Don't worry, Dorothy. This is a documentary; it's okay if you're not good looking.” —Rose, to Dorothy, "Whose Face Is This, Anyway?"

Actor Fess Parker was actually considered to be ruggedly handsome, but that’s probably not the ideal look for a woman. Parker played both Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett on two different TV series in the 1950s and '60s.

5. HEE-HAW

“Rose, I've never met anyone quite like you.” “Check the cornfield on Hee-Haw.” —Sophia, to Rose's boyfriend Miles, "Triple Play"

VIDEO

Hee-Haw was a long-running (over 20 years in first-run syndication) comedy/variety show that was a rural version of Laugh-In. Each episode was filled with hayseed humor (a recurring skit featured cast members trading one-liners in a makeshift cornfield) and the top country music stars of the day.

6. SUSAN HAYWARD AND ANITA BRYANT

“This is more moving than Susan Hayward's climatic speech in I Want To Live!” “You're ready to fly right out of here, aren't you?” “Well excuse me for living, Anita Bryant!” —Caterer, to Blanche, "Sophia's Wedding: Part 1"

Susan Hayward won an Academy Award for her portrayal of Barbara “Bloody Babs” Graham, a former prostitute and small-time crook who gets involved with a gang of men that commit a murder. Badgered by the press and represented by poor legal counsel, Graham was ultimately sentenced to the gas chamber.

A former Miss America finalist, Anita Bryant became the spokeswoman for the Florida Citrus Commission in 1969 and appeared in a series of TV commercials singing the praises of orange juice. Then in 1977 she led a highly publicized campaign to repeal a Dade County, Florida, ordinance that prohibited discrimination based on sexual orientation. Her statements equating homosexuals with child molesters resulted in a national backlash that, for many years, made “Anita Bryant” a common insult directed at any person displaying an intolerance for homosexuality.

7. BURL IVES

"That child over there is trying to steal my daddy away. She ain't better but a tick on a slow moving hound dog.” “Why is everyone around here talking like Burl Ives?” —Dorothy, to Blanche, "Big Daddy's Little Lady"

VIDEO

Burl Ives wasn’t born in the south, strictly speaking, but rather southern Illinois. However, early in his career, he gained fame as a folk singer with such homespun hits as “Bluetail Fly,” “The Foggy, Foggy Dew,” and “Big Rock Candy Mountain.” He later acted in films and on television, and is probably best remembered today for his holiday hit “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” and his narration of the annual TV special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

8. SHINOLA

"You know, back in Minnesota, I was known as the Sherlock Holmes of St. Olaf.” “Figured out which one was Shinola, did you, Rose?” “The hard way.” —Rose, to Dorothy, "The Case of the Libertine Belle"

Shinola was a brand of shoe polish. In the 1940s, a popular colloquialism to describe someone’s naiveté was, “He doesn’t know sh*t from Shinola.” Perhaps that’s why the brand eventually went out of business; the Shinola folks couldn’t come up with an advertising slogan that was more memorable than the insult. 

9. THE PLO

“Maybe you ought to join an organization that is a little less fanatical in its devotion, honey.” “Oh, like what, Blanche, the PLO?” —Dorothy, to Blanche, "Sophia's Wedding"

VIDEO

The Palestine Liberation Organization is a paramilitary organization founded in 1964 and was considered by the United States and Israel to be a terrorist group until the Madrid Conference in 1991.

10. YASSER ARAFAT

“You grow a beard, Dorothy! Believe me, I woke up one morning, I looked like Arafat!" —Sophia, to Dorothy, "End of the Curse"

Getty Images

When Sophia discussed the effects of menopause, she name-dropped Yasser Arafat, the longtime leader of the PLO, who was also known for his distinctive chin stubble. (Even younger viewers should probably understand this one.)

11. DAVID HOROWITZ

VIDEO

“I'm sorry, Dorothy, it's all my fault. I misunderstood the brochure.” “'Fun in the buff at a mountain retreat! Hike, swim, and play volleyball while the sun beats down on your fanny!’ Call David Horowitz; I mean, how can they get away with this misrepresentation!” —Dorothy, to Rose, "Valentine's Day"

Consumer advocate David Horowitz used to host a TV show called Fight Back. He specialized in exposing false advertisements, shady business practices, and outright rip-offs.

[detectiverickitubbs]

@thewhirrlwind Auri’ell (liked for a starter with Mermaid Tubbs)

When Tubbs had been tasked with the investigation of Maximillian LeFonse Legba, a Haitian gang leader, who was by all accounts supposed to be dead, she scoffed. He was long gone and with him, the threat he posed to the greater Miami-MetroDade area. She and Crockett had greeted his remains as they traveled through customs. Hell, she had even signed the declaration of death after feeling for a nonexistent pulse. One thing she was certain of, his voodoo did NOT leave him in possession of resurrection powers! 

So what in the hell had he stumbled upon?!!! It is the million-dollar question that floods every inch of her cranium and pounds through her veins with every thundering heartbeat as her eyes lock on this very human, very ALIVE form. Huh? Dead men walking back to life? What are the slim odds? Zero to none, in her book. Yet, here was Legba four weeks later appearing as though he’d never seen the inside of a casket. Something hinky was definitely going on......

His henchmen wrestle Tubbs firmly down to her knees before Legba’s makeshift throne which, might as well been forged out of the bones of all his victims, instead of an actual chair. The mild terror bleeding into her adrenaline system intensifies when a needle full of questionable fluid is produced and brought forth by none other than the enigma himself. His dark eyes radiated something exuberant, though Tubbs can only hazard a guess as to what his gift contained. Arsenic? Other toxins? “No.” The first utterance is shallow, fearful. Swallowing sharply, she struggled all the harder to break free of the strong hands holding her steady. “No!” The second time the word is issued as a command rather than an entreaty. “Let’s think about this,” Tubbs starts to reason but her words are met with no avail. Legba stayed his course of action and a sharp pinch radiates painfully through the side of her neck. The rest of her logic-based argument is lost, her tongue ties hopelessly in a knot.

The vibrant lights contained within the pools of her evergreen and coffee hues grow dim and eventually surrender to the darkness. Series of long ebony lashes collide, crash landing against the subtle curves of her cheekbones. Consciousness becomes fleeting, sliding none-too gracefully into the shadows till time stands stock still. 

The first sound to trace through the deep haze of the mental fog is the roar of the ocean. To Tubbs, the sound became notable, even with the receding and advancing of waves. To and fro, just like her return to a state of consciousness. Was the ground shifting beneath her? Surely, she thinks that it is. Tubbs cracks her eyelids open sliver, but not a single discernible shape registers somewhere in the blueprint of her mind against the horrendous throbbing of her head. Warmth and muscle memory seems to urge her to rouse from the depths of her gut. Danger! It practically screamed. Yet, its cry is glossed over as heavy lids seal shut again. Everything- every sense, every feeling, every shape, every color seemed to bleed together. 

Tubbs grew comfortable in that state of blissful ignorance until it is abruptly shattered by an unexpected fall. Or was it merely the sensation of descending? She isn’t immediately certain but the answer comes with a harsh resounding slap that reverberates against every inch of her skin. The impact was unforgiving enough to break the drug-induced haze, bring her back to vigilance several seconds too late. The bubbling of water in every which direction teases at her ears before filling them. Salted waves envelop her, her body sinking downwards as if weighted down. Instinct compels her eyes to flash open, her dark curls swirling about her face and shoulders in a dizzying manner. Her hands grapple furiously for leverage to stop or even slow her fall but nothing lent itself for her assistance. In maddening desperation, she begins to kick with her legs but something has caught around them, holding them fast to one another. Her fingers prepare to rip at the binding, imagining they are ropes. A downwards brush attests to a different conclusion. Frustrated by her lack of vertical progress, her gaze pulls downwards in spite of the stinging sensation. FINS?! She has to be gravely mistaken! Her chest heaves violently, the edges of her lungs feel scorched for want of air. Tubbs gives another series of panic-stricken kicks that are not more than clumsy efforts towards achieving her goal of reaching the surface. Much to her despair, the resistance persists. 

There is something swiftly approaching her vicinity. A blurred outline of a shadow is all her straining eyes can discern. Floundering she struggles for another few minutes, her mouth and air passages filling full with the ocean when she goes to let out a cry for help. With the last remaining flickers of strength, Tubbs gives an experimental pump of her fins. The scaley appendage then falling lifelessly beneath her, the rest of Tubbs’s form following thereafter. It would seem her sea lungs and gills were taking an exordinate amount of time to form in comparison to the sprouted tail.