#gale keeps a long row of books next to his bed

[ruushes]

Clive????? 😭😭😭

[yehet-me-up]

Remote

Pairing: Jinyoung x reader 

Word Count: 2,817

Rating: (F) for fluff 

Summary: Feeling overwhelmed by the busyness of the city you book a weekend getaway by yourself to a remote island in the San Juans for some peace and quiet. Strolls on the chilly beaches, perusing the quaint local bookstore, quiet breakfasts alone; all are things you’re looking forward to. Until you meet a handsome man on the ferry and decide to throw out all your plans.

Part 5 of the GOT7 colors series of oneshots! 🌈 Color: Blue.

The October wind whips your hair into your face as you walk up the steps to the top deck of the ferry. It's freezing now that it’s turning into evening. 

No one else is out here but you and the thought makes you smile. You don't mind that the wind is blowing in every direction and a light rain has started to fall. With a glance back at the main passenger cabin you see a few families getting set up at the tables inside. 

Couples are finding adjoining seats to lean together for the three and a half hour ride. A few lone souls are seated with books or cups of coffee, preparing for the evening.

Despite the weather you refuse to break your tradition of standing on the back deck whenever the ferry takes off. You’re disinterested in watching the city you've come from, always preferring to look instead at where the ship will take you. 

You pull your wayward hair behind your ears and consider pulling it back with a hair tie for a moment before dismissing the idea and letting it free. The railing is shockingly cold beneath your palms so you slip your sweater down over your wrists before resuming your post.

The twilight blue of the night sky makes the land around Seattle take on a mystical glow. It's this frantic city you're so desperately escaping this Friday evening. Too many people, pushing and shoving and existing near you had started to make you feel trapped.

With a groan you'd looked up from your desk at lunch time, taking in the hustle and bustle of the busy crowds, and decided you needed a weekend off. Somewhere quiet where you could hear yourself think and feel yourself move without dozens of people in your personal space.

Your family had taken trips to the San Juans several summers growing up. A slice of heaven only a short ferry ride away. Homey boardwalks with cute little shops selling driftwood art or stained glass creations. Ice cream shops, staffed by friendly married couples who retired to the islands. Local bookstores with small selections that felt like a relief after rows upon rows of selections in the stores on the mainland.

Pulling up google you'd found a small bed and breakfast on Whitman Island. You'd never heard of it before, but Wikipedia listed the local population at 765. Perfect, you’d thought and booked two nights. A quiet weekend getaway with nothing to do but write and explore the town and walk on the (hopefully) deserted beach. 

You'd dashed the few blocks home from work to your apartment to fill a small bag with a few clothes, toiletries, and your notebook. One of the benefits of living downtown was that the ferry terminal was just a few blocks away. The six o’clock ferry was easy to board as a walk-on. 

The loud horn of the ship makes you flinch and you laugh to yourself. You see the dark water churn below as the ship starts to make it's way out from port. 

With a deep breath you feel yourself start to relax already, as if you were leaving all your worries and cares behind for good, instead of just a weekend. Normally this trip is only made once a day, in the morning, but it looks like popularity had caused them to add a once-weekly Friday night trip as well and you were thankful they had.

Two families with kids brave the cold to come out and join you on the deck for take off and you give them a small smile as they squeal excitedly. 

They abandon their post after a few minutes, slowly trickling back inside leaving you once again alone out in the almost complete dark. Well, almost alone. A movement in your periphery startles you and you turn your head to see a man standing at the other end of the deck. 

His thick, long wool black jacket and shock of black hair make him nearly blend into the night. He's not looking at you, but straight ahead at the landscapes moving by quickly, now that the ferry is up to it's fully speed. A messenger bag is slung over his shoulder and a long black notebook is held protectively in his hands as his shrewd gaze, framed by strong brows, takes in the scenery.

He turns around to look back at the ferry itself, lit up by warm yellow beams casting their glow out into the night. He's devastatingly handsome, you admit to yourself, before turning your attention back to the water ahead of you. Before you lose consistent service you pull out your phone and text your best friend and your mom about the trip, just to give them a heads up.

Both reply within minutes, telling you they hope you enjoy yourself. You smirk, feeling the concern that underlies both of their messages. You can practically hear them, worrying about how little you go out. How single you are. How long it's been since you dated anyone. 

You sigh and roll your eyes before lifting them skyward.

The ferry is almost far enough past the city for you to really be able to see the stars, but the little taste you can see past the light pollution is a balm to your soul. 

Is it really such a crime that you prefer the quiet? You enjoy simple pleasures like a good cup of tea in the morning, an evening spent with your laptop toying around with the beginnings of your next novel, and a nice stroll through the city on early Sunday mornings when it's blessedly quiet.

It's not that you hate company. On the contrary, you love your colleagues in the publishing world and relish the work that you do. You and your best friend passionately spend your lunches talking about the latest books you're representing. 

But when the day is done, you want your time to yourself. And that, apparently, is a fate worse than death according to your mother, you think with an amused sigh.

'I didn't think anyone else would be crazy enough to be out here,' comes a low male voice, shouted to be heard over the noise of the wind and the churning waters of the Puget Sound.

You turn around at the sound, battling the wind and your hair to look at the handsome man. Up close he's even more stunning, his lips tugged up into an friendly smile, his deep eyes meeting yours with a spark.

'I never miss the chance to be out here,' you reply loudly over the wind, returning his smile. 'Crazy is definitely the word for it.' With a shrug you wrap your arms around your chest against a surge of icy drizzle.

He tucks the notebook he's holding inside the fold of his jacket and flips up his collar against the rain. 'Want to grab a cup of coffee?' he asks with a motion of his head back to the appealing warmth of the indoor cabin.

You nod and lead the way back inside. When you're halfway across the deck a huge surge of wind almost knocks you sideways. You'd forgotten how tempestuous the storms out on the Sound can get. 

You stumble a step and collide with the man next to you who's also trying to find his footing in the gale. His warm eyes are crinkled as he laughs and tries to right himself. His hand finds yours and you both steady yourselves and hurry inside, bodies jostling each other in the rain.

The two of you emerge into the bright main area with a relieved sigh. You pull your hair back and twirl it around your finger, throwing it over your shoulder to see clearly. He's shaking droplets of water from his hair, huffing out a laugh.

'Well, that escalated quickly,' he quips, pointing over to an empty booth facing out to the water with a raise of his brows.

You nod and follow him, taking off your overcoat and laying it on the bench to dry along with your bag before sitting on the bench with a sigh. He follows your motions, dropping his notebook onto the table as he slides into the seat opposite you.

'So how do you take your coffee?' he asks, pulling a wallet from his back pocket.

'Oh, you don't have to buy it for me, I can-' you start but he waves you off and stands up again.

'It's my treat, please,' he replies, his tone decisive, his eyes bright and daring you to challenge him.

'All right then, thank you' you concede with a laugh. 'Cream and two sugars please.'

'Coming right up,' he says, tapping his wallet to the table before walking off to the small cafe on-board the ship.

When he disappears around the corner you turn, resting your elbow on the window ledge, watching the seas and the night sky with interest. Something unwinds within you as you take in the wild weather and the raw cliffs of the small, uninhabited islands the ship passes. You feel the stress and anxiety drain from you the farther you get from the city.

He returns after another minute, setting two steaming to-go cups of coffee on the table and sliding back into the booth. After offering him another thanks and a warm smile the two of you settle in to drink your coffees in amiable silence, watching the world pass by out the window. 

You do your best to keep your attention off of him but eventually give up and let yourself notice him. The warm-looking grey knit sweater he's wearing. His thick, long lashes. The mysterious notebook on the table. You wonder if he's perhaps an artist, coming to the island to find inspiration.

'So what brings you to Whitman island?' he asks before taking another sip, turning to you.

It occurs to you that you're a woman traveling alone to a remote island, and you consider for a moment telling him that you're meeting family or a lover. 

But the way he asks is friendly and not pushy, and you find none of the warning in your gut that you can always trust to tell you when something isn't quite right. So instead you take another sip and figure out how to word it, eventually just settling on the most straightforward.

'Just taking a weekend to get away from the city,' you eventually reply with a shrug.

He nods, reaching out a hand to tap a finger to his notebook. 'Same. I've been so slammed at work I've been too drained to make anything that I want to.'

'Are you a writer? An artist?' you ask. Perhaps far too eagerly, you think as he lifts an eye and smirks at you.

'Graphic designer by day, artist by night,' he says in dramatic voice that draws a laugh from you.

'I'm a writer myself. Makes sense that the two crazy people out on the deck are both artists,' you reply. 'What kind of art do you make?'

'Mostly charcoal,' he says, pursing his lips in consideration. 'I've tried my hand at water colors and some other mediums. But the rough, dark lines of charcoal always feel the most natural to me.'

Your eyes dart back down to his sketchbook, your curiosity rising. For a moment you think about asking him if you can see some of his work, but immediately rule it out as too presumptuous and private.

As if sensing your question he speaks again. 'I'd be happy to show you some of my work.'

'If I can read some of your writing, that is,' he continues with a grin.

Your eyes go wide at the challenge. You normally don’t let anyone read what you're working on except for your editor and your best friend. The first novel you published was well received and you’re excited to have time to find inspiration for the next.

'I'm not really sure it would be up your alley,' you laugh.

'And why is that?' he counters in mock offense, drawing his hand to his chest dramatically.

'It's a romance,' you answer with a grin.

'Are you seriously telling me that you think someone who has a soft spot for charcoals isn't a romantic?' he rebuts with a smirk, his deep brown eyes fixing on you over this rim of his coffee.

'Okay, you got me there,' you say, reaching a finger down to hook in the back of your shoes. 

You slip out of them and fold your legs underneath you, desperately willing warmth back into your frozen toes. 'I haven't written much yet, I mostly just have an outline though. Sorry to disappoint.'

'Don't worry, I'm a patient man,' he replies, quirking up one of his brows. 'I can't wait to read some.'

Your cheeks heat in response, at the implication that he'll be around by the time you'll have written something. True, the two of you are going to a small island and it would be incredibly easy to run into each other this weekend. Even easier if you plan to meet, you think with a small smile. But there's at least another two and a half hours of this ferry ride, so you're in no rush.

He acquiesces 'for now,’ to show you his work on the promise that he can read yours as soon as you have a sizable chunk. You lean your heads together as he flips through his sketchbook. He's incredible, you can tell right away. Portraits, landscapes, abstracts; everything he creates is infused with his unique style. Raw, blunt lines, somehow rendered sweeping and cohesive by his blending.

You mention an exhibit you saw last year at the Seattle Art Museum, an artist you can't quite remember the name of, who also works primarily in charcoal. He immediately lights up in recognition, telling you the artist is a friend, and the conversation flows easily into discussions of your favorite artists in the Seattle area.

All too soon the horn for the ferry blows and you realize it's nine thirty and time to dock on Whitman Island. You lean back up, just now noticing how close the two of you had been over the table while you spoke. The distance between your hand and his on the smooth surface of the table is easily less than an inch, you notice with a flush as you quickly pull it back so you can slip on your shoes.

'Time to go already?' he echoes your thoughts as he grabs his coat and shrugs it back on.

'Yeah, wow. That went by insanely fast,' you say softly with a shake of your head as you throw on your coat and grab your bag.

'So, where are you staying?' he asks with a furrow of his brow, motioning you to go ahead of him to make your way to the dock that is fast approaching, lit up through the inky black night.

'Why?' you ask, perplexed. Yes, there's obviously an attraction between you two, but he can't seriously think you're going to take him to bed tonight.

He laughs and rests his hand on your waist while you walk, leaning down to speak close to you. 'It's late. I want to make sure you get safely to where you're staying,' he says in a low voice that sends heat down your spine. 

'My intentions are pure, I promise,' he says with a grin, leaning up and putting his hands in the air in mock defense.

You laugh, tilting your head back. When you look over you meet his eyes and feel something inside you melt, something frozen and solid you weren't aware of until this moment. Even after a full day of work and a long evening of travel your insides feel electric at his nearness. 

'It's the Country Inn Bed and Breakfast,' you answer, pulling out your phone to open your email and find the address.

When you meet his eyes again he's closed his own for a moment and a wry smile is gracing his full lips. He holds open the heavy door out to the walkway off the ferry for you and joins you a moment later. 

'Well, that will be very easy, since that's also where I'm staying,' he supplies with a laugh.

'Perfect,' you say, meeting his gaze.

Your hands brush against each other as the two of you walk together down the narrow ramp to the pier. Without a trace of awkwardness he gently slides his palm against yours and you clasp your hand in his. 

This was supposed to be a solo getaway from the crowds, you think. But looking at the adorable way the wind throws his hair across his forehead you find you don't mind in the least. You’re willing to make an exception for him.

[emospritelet]

Kiss of Life - chapter 5

I’m taking a break from the Rumbelle Angst War to post KoL.  Just recharging my batteries you understand...

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

AO3 link

#

Belle had Tuesday off, and she spent her time exploring the town, sharing an iced tea with Ruby at Granny’s and picking through the book selection at the local thrift store.  She walked through the park in the afternoon, smiling at the sounds of local children playing on the swings, bundled up in scarves and gloves and colourful hats.  The sun was out, frost sparkling on the ground, and she had her hands deep in the pockets of her coat, a scarf wrapped around her chin to keep out the cold.  An old man was making his way towards her, wrapped in a long coat with a black felt hat on his head, white beard twitching as he approached one of the benches.  Belle watched as he reached into the pocket of his coat, pulling out a book and promptly dropping it.

“Oh, let me get that for you!” she said hastily, trotting over, and bent to pick it up.

The old man smiled, bowing his head.

“Thank you, miss,” he said, in a low voice.  “Not as limber as I used to be.”

Belle turned the book over in her hands.

“Lord of the Rings?” she said.  “It’s been years since I read this.”

“I read it once a year, in winter,” said the man.  “Sort of a ritual, you see.  On sunny days like this I like to take some exercise around the park, sit on the bench until it’s too cold and then get a coffee at Granny’s.  When you’re retired, it’s good to get out of the house.”

“What was your work?” she asked, and he smiled, his eyes crinkling.

“I taught at the elementary school,” he said.  “Oh, years ago now, but I enjoyed it.  I’ve seen the kids I taught grow up and have kids of their own.  Makes you feel old.”

“Must have been rewarding, though, sharing knowledge and encouraging children to read and grow,” said Belle.  “I had plans to be a librarian when I left college.”

“Oh?” he said, interested.  “What happened?”

She shrugged.

“Life,” she said, a little gloomily.  “Couldn’t find work, and had to move back with my dad.  I’m working up at the hospital at the moment.  Just helping out, but it’s enjoyable.  Worthwhile, you know?”

“Ah,” he said.  “I was in there not so long back with my hip.  Wonderful staff.  A little lacking in reading material, though.  Mostly magazines.”

He lifted his book, with a somewhat rueful smile, and Belle chewed her lip thoughtfully.

“Well, maybe I could do something about that,” she said, an idea starting to take form in her mind.  “It was lovely to meet you.  I’m Belle French, by the way.”

He touched his hat, his beard twitching as he smiled.

“Alfred Prentice, at your service.”

#

The sunny weather didn’t last, the rain returning by Thursday and turning to sleet, but Belle was busy at the hospital and barely noticed.  She had decided to take Mr Prentice’s comments about a lack of reading material on board, and so she had returned to the thrift store and bought all the decent-quality novels they had.  Getting them to the hospital had meant persuading her father to give her a lift when he was out making deliveries, but as flowers were ordered for patients on a regular basis, they were able to kill two birds with one stone.  The locker room now had three boxes of books stacked in a corner, and Belle had hunted around for something that she could use to transport them around the wards, eventually borrowing an old cart from the janitor.  She hadn’t bothered to discuss the book collection with Zelena, instead going straight to Glinda South, who was Zelena’s senior.  Glinda was a warm, pleasant woman, who could see the benefit to patients being able to access reading material, and was only too happy for Belle to run the scheme.

Belle was in the process of arranging books into genres in the patients’ waiting area, separating romance from fantasy, horror from history.  She chewed her lip as she looked over the titles she had managed to gather together.  I need more children’s books on this thing.  The kids are sometimes in this place the longest.

“Here you go-o!”

Ruby’s sing-song voice made Belle look around, and she smiled as she saw Ruby standing with a wide grin on her face and a paper bag swinging from one hand.

“Pastrami with tomato and hot mustard, just as you like it.”

“God, you’re an angel,” sighed Belle.  “I’m starving!”

“Figured you’d forget to eat lunch if I didn’t remind you,” said Ruby cheerfully. “Too much dedication’s a bad thing.  You make my half-assy waitressing look bad.  Take a break.”

Belle smiled, nodding, and stacked the pile of books she had been sorting on the cart.  Ruby looked them over with interest as she handed Belle her sandwich.

“You running a library in this place?”

“Well, kind of,” said Belle.  “I bought a bunch of books from the thrift store, and added some of my own - the patients don’t get to read unless someone brings in material, so I figured this would help.”

She bit into the sandwich, mouth watering, and let out a tiny moan of pleasure as the heat of the mustard and the salt of the pastrami bathed her tongue.

“That’s so good,” she said, in a muffled voice.

“Hey, Belle.”

Dorothy’s voice made her look around.

“When you’re done with lunch, could you bring some fresh linens to the kids’ ward?” she asked, flicking dark braids back over her shoulders.  “Grace threw up again, and if I have to clean up another pile of vomit I think I’ll kill myself.”

Belle giggled.

“Not a problem.”

Dorothy sent her a grateful smile, eyes flicking to Ruby, and she nodded a greeting before stomping off in the direction of the children’s ward.  Belle took another bite of her sandwich, noticing that Ruby’s eyes had gone very wide in her face.

“Who’s that?” asked Ruby.

“Oh, that’s Dorothy,” said Belle carelessly.  “Nurse Gale to you.”

She gave Ruby a cheeky grin, and Ruby shook her head, huffing out air as she fanned herself with a hand.

“She could check me for a fever anytime,” she remarked.  “How come I haven’t seen her before?”

“New in town,” said Belle.  “I could ask her out for you, if you like.  Couldn’t go any worse than the date you arranged for me.”

Ruby sighed.

“Okay, I admit Isaac was a disaster,” she said.  “Don’t lose heart, okay?  We’ll find someone who’s perfect.”

“And in the meantime I can pass on your fondest regards to Dorothy,” said Belle, with a grin.

“Oh no, don’t do that,” said Ruby hastily.  “What if she doesn’t like me?”

“Only way to find out is ask.”

“You’ve never asked a girl out, have you?” said Ruby dryly.  “It takes at least two years of politeness and mutual pining before one of you gets brave or drunk enough to make the first move.”

“Sounds way too complicated,” said Belle.  “But have it your way.  Maybe I can see if she wants to come on a girls’ night.”

Ruby perked up.

“That would be okay.”

#

Belle found that she had to bow out of the Friday night get-together when she was asked to work a double shift that weekend.  An outbreak of flu was spreading through the town, and several of the hospital staff had been struck down, leaving everyone else overworked.  Belle rushed along the corridor, carrying an armful of fresh linen and trying to ignore her aching feet.  She had worked four days in a row, and hoped that no more of the staff would succumb to the illness.  They were short-handed as it was, and things were only getting worse as the weather turned colder.

For most of the residents of Storybrooke, staying in their own homes and drinking plenty of fluids was enough, but this strain of the flu had been particularly nasty, taking its toll on the weak and sick, the young and the elderly.  She bit her lip as she saw old Mr Prentice being wheeled along on a gurney, eyes closed above his white beard, looking drawn and tired.  Wishing him a speedy recovery, she hurried along to the children’s ward, pushing open the door and almost knocking Dorothy on her back.  Belle apologised quickly,  but Dorothy shook her head.

“It’s okay, we’ve all been here too long, I think,” she said wearily, and glanced over her shoulder.  “Especially him.  Do me a favour and see if you can get him to go home and get some rest.  The guy’s been here eighteen hours at least.”

Belle peered over her shoulder.  Dr Gold was reading a chart at the end of little Grace Milliner’s bed and frowning.  He looked exhausted, but she knew full well that he was always the first to arrive and the last to leave.  Getting him out of there wouldn’t be easy.

“I’m done for the day, anyway,” added Dorothy.  “Gonna go home and try to get a whole six hours of sleep before we do this again.”

She patted Belle’s shoulder and wandered off down the corridor, and Belle hurried over to Dr Gold’s side, setting down the armful of linen.

“You look like death,” she said, not unkindly.

Dr Gold glanced up.  His eyes were dark hollows in his face, his cheeks drawn, but he smiled briefly.

“Miss French,” he said.  “I had no idea you were still here.  Shouldn’t you be at home?”

“You’re one to talk,” she said, and he shrugged.

“There’s too much work here.”

“Yeah, and it’ll still be here after you’ve actually had some rest,” she said firmly.  “You know Dr Whale’s on shift now, right?  Let him take over.”

“With new patients coming in every hour?” he said dismissively.  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

He turned away, hooking the chart over the end of the bed and reaching over to feel Grace’s forehead.  He frowned again, and Belle sighed.

“Look, you know you have to sleep sometime,” she said reasonably.  “Sleep deprivation can lead to mistakes, everyone knows that.”

“I just need more coffee,” he said repressively.  “If you want to be useful, why don’t you go get me one?  And then you can go home, you look dead on your feet.”

He walked to the next bed, picking up the chart and fumbling it.  Belle caught it before it hit the floor, and he sighed and ran a hand over his face.

“Go.  Home,” she said firmly.  “Eight hours, that’s all I ask.  If you don’t rest, your immune system will be throwing a welcome party for that flu virus, and you know it.  How much good is it gonna do your patients if you’re too sick to tend to them?”

Dr Gold’s face appeared to go through the five stages of grief, but eventually he sighed heavily.

“Fine, you win,” he said, in a defeated tone.  “Get your coat.”

Belle blinked.

“My - my coat?”

“Well, if I’m leaving, so are you,” he said tersely.  “Or are you too stubborn to take your own advice?  I’m driving you home. Meet me outside the main entrance.  Ten minutes.”

He stomped off with an air of irritation, and Belle gaped after him.  He was driving her home?

[aresaphrodites]

Hey but sorry to bother u but could give me those book recs? Relying on u girl

of course!! sorry bout the long wait, dear x

you said you preferred trilogies or series’ (which i don’t read much of tbh) so here are a few of my favorites: (( some of these will have full on summaries and some… not so much, i got lazy lol ))

The Lux Series by Jennifer L. Armentrout : Meet Katy and Daemon! Katy is a funny, down-to-earth book blogger who has just moved to West Virginia. And Daemon? Well, he’s her hot and arrogant next-door neighbor. He’s also an alien. This one is cheesy, yeah, but it’s so FUN! Follow along as Katy and Daemon try to figure out what they mean to each other while trying not to get killed by the Arum; the Lumen’s enemy. In this world, the DOD is well aware that aliens exist and that they live on Earth. However, they are unaware that the aliens known as Luxen actually possess powers that make them.. well… powerful beyond means. This isn’t just a romance story; it focuses on family and friendships and it has a bunch of kick ass action and the entire plot with the DOD is so interesting. 

The Pine Deep Series by Jonathan Maberry ; I’m only on the first book but this one is a bit more mature in terms of horror and things like that. If you like scary books or feel like being spooky in time for Halloween, you should definitely check this one out! 

The Mortal Instruments Series by Cassandra Clare : I’m sure you know about this one, but if you don’t! Angels, demons, warlocks, vampires, faeries, werewolves? What more could you want? When Clary Fray discovers she’s actually a Shadowhunter; an appointed warrior of the Angel Raziel and has angel blood coursing through her veins, her life is about to change forever. Join her and the rest of the Shadowhunter gang (and even a few others) as they team up to rescue her mom and stop an all out war from happening. 

The Darkest Minds Series by Alexandra Bracken ; I’m only on the first book but I absolutely love it! It’s an intense read that has me on the edge of my seat constantly. I adore Ruby and she’s easily become one of my favorite female characters of all time. 

Dorothy Must Die Series by Danielle Paige ; Okay. I know, I know. Really? Dorothy Must Die? Hear me out! This book is FUN. Trashy? Perhaps, but fun! The first book is really fast paced and honestly? I am living for a world where Dorothy is evil. So basically our main character is named Amy and she is the other girl from Kansas. She’s sent to Oz to save it from Dorothy Gale who has become power hungry and is now pure evil along with the Tin-Man, the Lion, and the Scarecrow. The rest of the series doesn’t really live up to the first book, but I would say you should read the first one anyway. It’s a lot of fun. 

Did I Mention I Love You Series by Estelle Maskame: Sixteen-year-old Eden Munro decides to spend the summer with her father in Santa Monica as her parents are divorced now. Once there, she meets her father’s new family and that includes Tyler Bruce; her new asshole step brother with a short temper and a huge ego but as she gets to learn more about him, she finds herself falling for him. This trope isn’t for everyone and I know the whole step sibling thing is super taboo but this series is awesome and I read it during a huge reading slump and it really helped me get though it. 

Perfect Chemistry Series by Simone Elkeles: When Brittany Ellis walks into chemistry class on the first day of senior year, she has no clue that her carefully created “perfect” life is about to unravel before her eyes. She’s forced to be lab partners with Alex Fuentes, a gang member from the other side of town, and he is about to threaten everything she’s worked so hard for―her flawless reputation, her relationship with her boyfriend, and the secret that her home life is anything but perfect. Alex is a bad boy and he knows it. So when he makes a bet with his friends to lure Brittany into his life, he thinks nothing of it. But soon Alex realizes Brittany is a real person with real problems, and suddenly the bet he made in arrogance turns into something much more. (Each book in this series focuses on a different Fuentes brother.)

Fighting to Be Free Series by Kirsty Moseley: Jamie Cole has just been released from juvenile detention. Determined to go straight, he tries to cut ties with crime boss Brett Reyes - but Brett has no intention of letting him go. Jamie’s life is already more complicated than it needs to be, yet it’s when he meets a beautiful stranger at a bar that Jamie knows he’s really in over his head. Ellie Pearce has just come out of a terrible relationship and isn’t looking for anything serious; until she meets Jamie. Their attraction is overwhelming and intense - she can’t seem to shake her growing feelings for him, even though she’s trying to keep it casual. But when fate goes horribly wrong and Jamie’s family is faced with ruin, he’s forced to strike a deal with Brett. Despite his struggles, he wants nothing more than a future with Ellie. That’s until Ellie finds out that he’s been hiding more from her than she could ever imagine. 

Mind if I drop in a few stand alone’s? I’m trying to read more series’ but I’ve always been more of a stand alone kind of girl, so here are some of my current favs: 

#MurderTrending by Gretchen McNeil : WELCOME TO THE NEAR FUTURE, where good and honest citizens can enjoy watching the executions of society’s most infamous convicted felons, streaming live on The Postman app from the suburbanized prison island Alcatraz 2.0. When seventeen-year-old Dee Guerrera wakes up in a haze, lying on the ground of a dimly lit warehouse, she realizes she’s about to be the next victim of the app. Knowing hardened criminals are getting a taste of their own medicine in this place is one thing, but Dee refuses to roll over and die for a heinous crime she didn’t commit. Can Dee and her newly formed posse, the Death Row Breakfast Club, prove she’s innocent before she ends up wrongfully murdered for the world to see? Or will The Postman’s cast of executioners kill them off one by one?

One Small Thing by Erin Watt : Meet Beth and Chase. Beth is entering her senior year and is still trying to move on from the death of her older sister three years ago. In a small town with parents who have suddenly become her wardens; that seems nearly impossible. And then she meets the mysterious and hot Chase who immediately draws her in. Their attraction is instant and he’s the first person who makes her feel like Beth Jones and not Lizzie; the young girl who lost a sister and is somehow broken by it. But as she falls harder for Chase, she’s hit with the reality of the part he played in her sister’s death. It’s about forgiveness, love, and moving on. It’s sad and sweet and such a fun, quick read. Definitely good for trying to get out of a slump! 

Autoboyography by Christina Lauren :  Fangirl meets Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda in this funny and poignant coming-of-age novel from New York Times bestselling author Christina Lauren about two boys who fall in love in a writing class—one from a progressive family and the other from a conservative religious community. If you read one book off of this list, PLEASE let it be this one. This book is so… amazing. It’s been months and I still think about it constantly. 

Fault Line by C. Desir : Trigger WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS A RAPE. It is not shown, but it’s the main conflict in the book. Over the years I have struggled with if I liked this book because it was good or if I liked it because of how much it fucked me up. I read this book in one sitting and when I finished, I sat in my bed for a good hour and just…. didn’t move or do anything. You will NOT be rooting for the main couple. The narrator is unlikable and you will HATE all the characters in this book. The ending is NOT happy and I don’t know why I’m recommending this but GOD. This book, after so many years, just stuck with me because of how fucked up it was. It deals with the whole “recovery” process in such a dark way that we normally don’t see in YA fiction and I think that’s what makes it stand out so much. If you want something darker, read this. But read it with caution. If this isn’t something you like then please, don’t bother reading it. It’s not happy and it’s sure as shit not fluffy. Summary : Ben could date anyone he wants, but he only has eyes for the new girl—sarcastic free-spirit Ani. Luckily for Ben, Ani wants him too. She’s everything Ben could ever imagine. Everything he could ever want. But that all changes after the party. The one Ben misses. The one Ani goes to alone. Now Ani isn’t the girl she used to be, and Ben can’t sort out the truth from the lies. What really happened, and who is to blame? Ben wants to help her, but she refuses to be helped. The more she pushes Ben away, the more he wonders if there’s anything he can do to save the girl he loves.

Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero : If you like Scooby-Doo or Archie’s Weird Mysteries this book is probably for you. 1990. The teen detectives once known as the Blyton Summer Detective Club are all grown up and haven’t seen each other since their fateful, final case in 1977. Andy, the tomboy, is twenty-five and on the run, wanted in at least two states. Kerri, one-time kid genius and budding biologist, is bartending in New York, working on a serious drinking problem. At least she’s got Tim, an excitable Weimaraner descended from the original canine member of the team. Nate, the horror nerd, has spent the last thirteen years in and out of mental health institutions, and currently resides in an asylum in Arhkam, Massachusetts. The only friend he still sees is Peter, the handsome jock turned movie star. The problem is, Peter’s been dead for years.The time has come to uncover the source of their nightmares and return to where it all began in 1977. This time, it better not be a man in a mask. The real monsters are waiting. 

Fatal Throne by Candace Fleming ; A book about Henry VIII and his six wives. If you like historical fiction then this book might be for you! It’s told through the perspective of his six wives (and even Henry himself) and it’s a really fascinating read. 

Okay, I think I’m going to stop here. Let me know if none of these speak to you and I’ll give you some more recs! I didn’t know what kind of genres you liked, so I tried to throw in a little bit of everything.

[gabzep]

A Marriage That Was Never Meant To Be (5)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4

7 YEARS AGO

I folded a piece of paper into a triangle.  I place one tip on the table with my finger.  I scan the room real quick for the teacher; ok her back is to the class.  One, two, three and flick. Score!  Direct hit to the back of Peetas’ head, I stifle a giggle as I watch him flinch.

We use to sit together all the time but the teachers started to separate us for disrupting the class.  Mostly me, not that my grades were ever effected, I ace everything without even trying.  Class is so boring.  My mom’s medical books are more interesting then what they teach us here.

Peeta sits in the row next to mine two seats up.  I watch as he unfolds the paper reads the note, writes something on it and folds it back up.  Instead of throwing it back to me he passes it down the row.  Hilda hands it to me under the desk.  I unfold it to see his answer.

‘R U sure it’s K if I come over 2moro morning?  I won’t B cutting in2 UR play time w/UR BFF Delly?’  KE

‘OMG of course it’s K & how many times do I have 2 tell U she’s not my BFF U R!’ PM

I smile smugly at his reply.  It’s not that I’m jealous of Delly.  Well, ok maybe a little but he was my friend first.  When I met Peeta he didn’t have any friends.  His whole family’s life had changed when he was born ‘abnormal’.  The weekend he and Mr. Mellark came over so Peeta could be measured for his firstleg, Mr. Mellark had told us that when Peeta was born all their friends and some family started to distance themselves from them.  No longer inviting them to any of their social gatherings nor coming over to any of theirs.  So they just stopped socializing with most people from town.

Peeta said that once he realized they were being shunned because of him he felt guilty and would rather hide from everyone hoping they would forget he existed.  My dad told him there was nothing wrong with him, that it was the nonsense the capital was spewing and the people who bought into it that were the problem.  Mr. Mellark said he was so nervous for Peeta when he finally started school, thinking he might be bullied, how happy he had been to see Peeta had make some friends.

The day Delly became our friend, was also the first time I went over to Peeta’s house for a play date.  My dad had dropped me off at his house when we went into town to trade.  It was also the first time I met Mrs. Mellark.

She looked down her nose at me, turned to Mr. Mellark and said “Seeing as he’s going to have to live in the Seam one day, he might as well make friends with them now.”  She then shoved colored chalks into our hands and ushered us out the front of the bakery saying “Make as much noise as you want” she then went back inside with a smirk on her face.

Peeta had already mastered the use of his new leg and you almost couldn’t tell he was ‘abnormal’.  We ran around playing tag for awhile, and then sat down in the front of the bakery with our chalks to draw on the floor.  I saw Delly staring at us from across the way and could tell she wanted to play too.  I motioned for her to join us and as she was walking over her mom came out, grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back into the shoe shop.  Delly dropped to the floor and threw an epic tantrum right in the middle of the square.

“Why can’t I play with Peeta?” legs flailing, “I’ve always wanted to play with him but you never let me” fist pounding, “how come it’s ok for Katniss but not me, it’s not fair” and so on and so on.  It seemed to go on forever.  Delly’s dad finally came out of the shop and told Mrs. Cartwright to leave her alone.  That was it; Peeta had a second best friend.

Right as I was about to flick another paper at him the bell for lunch rings.  I grab my lunch bag and go over to Peeta.

“So what do you have planned for us tomorrow that I need to miss hunting with my dad?” I ask.

“It’s a surprise” he tells me.  I scowl at him, I hate surprises and he knows it.  He just grins at me.  “Come on Katniss you’ll love it, I promise.”

We sit down at our usual table; Madge and Delly are already there.  Mrs. Undersee and my mom are best friends so Madge and I grown up together.  We start to unpack our lunch.

“You girls know what he has planned for us tomorrow?” I ask them.  They shake their heads.  Peeta lays out slices of bread.

“I was going to ask you the same thing” said Madge “We thought you might know”.  I place pieces of sliced turkey meat and goat cheese on the bread.

“Nope, he’s being secretive” I say with a frown.  As he brings out the cookies and hands one to each of us.  I look at mine and it’s decorated with a Katniss flower.  “Wow Peeta, you’re getting really good at this” I tell him.  He beams at me.  I can’t help but smile back; he has such a passion for decorating.

Halfway through our lunch hour the sirens go off.  That can only mean one thing a mine accident.  My heart sank as the realization hits me dad.

“I have to get Prim” I yell.  I run to her class, Peeta right behind me.  She’s sitting at her desk, looking so tiny and pale, just waiting for me to get her as per our moms’ instructions if the sirens were to ever go off.  She jumps up, grabs my hand and the three of us run off to the entrance of the mines.

Our mom and the rest of our family from the apothecary are gathered around the district doctor as he coordinates the triage area.  Prim, my cousin Jasmine and I are assigned the minor injuries area.  My aunt Gina, my uncle Reed and my cousin Sage are assigned the urgent care area and my mom and grandparents get the priority miners section.  Peeta, Gale and several other volunteers work among us, handing out supplies as we call out what we need.

After what feels like hours my dad and Mr. Hawthorne are brought into the urgent section.  My mom trades places with my uncle so she can tend to them herself.  I let out a sigh of relief and go back to stitching Mr. Jones’s leg.

“There you go Mr. Jones, keep it bandaged and dry for 24 hours, after that wash it twice daily with soap and water and apply some ointment to help minimize infection” I hands him a bag of extra bandages and a clay pot of ointment. “Keep an eye out for swelling, redness, pus or bleeding which may mean it’s infected.”  He nods his thanks and his wife and kids come over to help him home.

I see Gale sitting by his father’s side as they work on him.  I wish I could be there too but I’m needed here and I don’t want to be in the way.  After a few minutes Mrs Hawthorne has to send Gale home with Rory and Vick.  He doesn’t want to but Vick is to upset and he won’t calm down.  I catch a glimpse of Peeta and notice he’s limping as he moves around gathering more bandages and supplies to take to my mom.

“Peeta” I call out to him “Come here when you’re done.”  He hands my mom the supplies and heads over to my area.  He keeps wincing as he puts pressure on his leg.  I feel tears stinging my eyes.  I can tell he’s trying so hard to hide the pain as he walks towards me.  He pulls me into his arms when he reaches me and takes me completely by surprise with a quick kiss on the lips, a kiss to comfort.  I blink away the tears.  This is the first time he’s ever initiated a kiss.  He usually tries to fight me off whenever I try kissing him.  Huh I have noticed that for the pass month now he hasn’t been trying that hard and then he’ll smile instead of frown when I manage to get one in.

“Was that ok?” he asks shyly.

“Yes, of course” I smile up at him. “But you need to rest your leg; you have been standing on it for far too long.”  I say as I direct him to a chair and have him sit down.  I guess Mr. Mellark thought the same thing because I see him walking to us and he has Peeta’s crutches.  He glares at his dad when he sees them.

“It’s either these or I carry you home” his dad threatens.  Peeta shakes his head and grabs his crutches. Mr. Mellark goes to talk to my mom and check on my dad.

“Thank you for all your help” I say.

“I just wish I could stay longer” he said.

“No, you have helped a lot, now you need to rest” I tell him and give him another hug.

“Goodnight” he says “I’ll stop by tomorrow to see how your dad’s doing, Ok?”

“Ok, Goodnight Peeta” I say and peck his cheek.

About an hour later I finally get a break and go over to Prim.  I’ve become a pretty good healer it’s taken a lot of hard work and determination.  But Prim at 7 and just starting on her training, is a natural.

“Katniss, you take over this area, since there are less miners coming in.  I’m going to go help in the urgent section.”  Jasmine said.  By the time Prim and I are finished we’re dead on our feet.  We grab a couple of blankets and go to a corner where we aren’t in the way.  My eyes close the minute my head hits the ground.

When I wake up I’m back in my bed.  At first I think it must have been a bad dream but as I pull back the covers I’m still in my school clothes and they are covered in coal dust and specks of blood.  It was real.  I get out of bed slowly trying my best not to wake Prim.  I rush out of the room; my dad and Mr. Hawthorne are on cots in the living room.  Mom and a very pregnant Mrs. Hawthorne, have fallen asleep on the kitchen table.

I tread softly over to my dad taking in all his injuries.  Several bad burns, cuts, and as my eyes drift down his body I spot his legs.  One ends above the ankle “Oh daddy, no” I whisper as tears start to roll down my face.  Just for a few minutes I will allow myself to cry.  They are alive that’s all that matters.  I look over at Mr. Hawthorne and one of his arms has also been amputated.  I take a deep shaky breath to calm down; I wipe the tears off my face, no more crying I tell myself.

The front door opens.  Gale, Rory and Vick walk in and come over to see their dad.

“You kids need to be quiet” said Mrs. Hawthorne.  I see my mom is awake too.

“We need to go hunting Catnip” Gale said. He’s looking at his dad with sadness.  “They are not going to be able to work for a while and we need to keep things up until they can.”  I look up at him even at 11 Gale it a lot taller than me.

“Ok, let me go get changed” my healers training is going to have to take a backseat from now on.  I go into my room and start to undress and pull out clothes from the dresser.  “Prim, wake up” I say as she starts to stir.  “You’re going to need to help mom”

“But your better than me” she said.

“You’re catching on quicker than I did at your age.  Dads in bad shape Prim.  I’m going to have to concentrate on hunting for now.” I tell her, as I feel the weight of responsibility drop on my shoulders.  He’s not dead I remind myself it won’t be forever. “Get up, get dressed and see if mom needs anything” I say.  She nods her head and starts to do as I say.

This is the first time Gale and I have been out in the woods alone.  We trek along working the snarl line.  Shooting at every rabbit and squirrel we find.  We’ve been out since dawn so by mid day we have a decent haul.  Not bad at all seeing as it’s a bitter January day.  As we make our way to the hob we talk about how we’re going to make this work.  We will go hunting before and after school and as much as we can on the weekends.  It’ll be hard work but we’re determined to keep our families fed until our dads get better.  The hob is packed today.  Some people ask about our fathers but since most have their own family members to worry about we’re able to finish up trading quickly enough.  We’re starved and tired by the time we get home.

Peeta’s here, I had completely forgotten he was coming over and he’s using only his crutches.  He must be in a lot of pain.  A wave of guilt washes over me. On the rare occasion that he over uses his leg he has to forgo the prosthetic and use just the crutches until his leg gets better.  He’ll normally stay home when he needs them like this but he must have been more worried about us than any embarrassment he might feel at being seen without his prosthetic on.  I should have made him stop earlier yesterday.  He’s about to get up from his chair when he sees me and I just shake my head and hurry over to him, bending down I give him a quick hug.

“Oh Peeta, I’m so sorry.  We should have been more careful” I say.  “Did mom take a look at it?” I ask.

“She’s been busy with your dad and Mr. Hawthorne plus others that have been stopping by” he tells me.

“Let’s go to my room” I say.  Dropping my game bag on the table and handing my mom the coins I made today.

“Katniss you need to eat” my mom says.

“Let me take care of Peeta first.  We’ll be right back” Peeta was about to say something but I just shake my head no.  He knows not to complain when I’m in healer mood.

I have him sit on the bed and I unlock and pull out the bottom drawer of my dresser.  I have extra jars of salve for Peeta saved in here.  I make these myself and learned never to leave then in my moms medicine cabinet because they’ll get all used up and only replaced when I make more.  I had my dad install a combination lock when I realized my mom was sneaking some.  I’m the only one you knows the combination.  No one messes with Peeta’s medicine and get away with it.

He has already rolled up his pant leg and I kneel down and start to massage the salve onto his stump.  “It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, just a little redness and some swelling should be fine by tomorrow.  Do you need more to take home” I ask.

“Ya, I hadn’t realized I had run out” he said sheepishly.

“How many times do I have to remind you that when you’re down to one jar to let me know?  I have 5 in here I’ll give them to you before you go home.” I say.  “Did you bring back any of the empty ones?”

He nods.  “You’re always taking care of me”

“Of course, you’re my best friend.  I’d do anything for you”

“Same here” he said with a smile.  I grab a towel and wipe off my hands.  I’m too tired for anything right now so I climb and lay down on the bed.

“Katniss, you need to eat” he reminds me.

“I need a nap first” I say with a yawn. I feel him shift on the bed and he takes me in his arms.  I rest my head on his chest.  The beating of his heart is lulling me to sleep.  “Stay with me?” I ask.  As sleep takes me under I hear him whisper.

“Always”

Also on FFN  AO3

[thatcookingfat]

Extreme Makeover: Dizzy Edition!

So we left Dizzy and Dotty about to embark on an adventure. Which is a diplomatic way of saying we were to battle bureaucracy, encounter homelessness and discover what a complete ass the law could be!

(Dizzy has asked that I keep real names out of the blog, she’s happy being ‘Dizzy’ or ‘Dotty’s mum’, but doesn’t trust this internet thingy and wants to remain incognito!) 

The first night of our epic journey was spent at Mum’s friend's flat!   I was thrilled, this was going to be just like a Blyton blockbuster!  In reality, I should have realised that the smell I woke up to the following morning would sum up the experience! Anyone who has ‘experienced’ the aromatic. ammonia ridden, ambiance of a baby’s morning nappy can never ‘unsmell’ the eye watering, gut wrenching stench!  

Excited that I wasn’t going to school for the foreseeable future, it was like the summer holidays, but just for me!  All my friends would be in assembly by now, I was just getting up! I was going to be spending the next few days, weeks, could even be forever playing with this baby and school was done!  And to top it all, Mum and I were going into town (which usually meant, Mum’s gonna buy me something) Haha, it was like Blackpool all over again, the reality was a far throw from the dream!

The trip into ‘town’ turned into a day of drudgery sat in ‘The Council House’ and then ‘Social Security’. I had never experienced boredom like it and bored kids make bratty kids! We then had to walk, what felt like a million miles, in gale force winds, driving rain and sheer misery.  And just to top it off, we arrived at a guest house that made flea pits look like a 5 star hotel, even the cockroaches were leaving! We had one single bed and one blanket for the two of us! Mum, back then was ‘wholesome’ shall we say? A size 18 lady and a child ain’t meant to sleep together in a 3 ft bet. So, huddled, sorry superglued together, scared to move in case the blanket moved and the arctic air blasted away any hint of heat, we spent the first night of our ‘adventure’.

Waking up the following morning, I discovered mum was already up.  She didn’t have to get dressed, all we had were the clothes we stood in! And whoop whoop, I didn’t have to clean my teeth, ... we didn’t even own a toothbrush! Well, I say mum was ‘up’, i discovered years later that she hadn’t slept! Once I had drifted off, she had gotten up.  Without her body mass in the bed, she had been able to tuck the blanket in, ensuring I was warm. She then sat in the single chair in the room, leaning over onto the desk and had managed minute naps that were punctuated with gnawing cold. Ain’t nothing like a Mother’s love for her young!

Tantrum number one came when I realised that this guest house ‘didn’t do breakfast’ I was STARVING. Tantrum number two followed when I discovered it was going to be another day at the council house and social security. And I finally pushed mum to breaking point when I realised we were going back to the guest house again that night! As an adult, I don’t blame her for the good hiding I got.  She had no money, no home and didn’t know when we eat or sleep again.  The only way she could ensure that I had a bed for the night and food in my stomach was to sit it out at these offices for hours on end and all I could do was ‘spit my dummy out’. It was the only time I saw the feet paddling frantically below the water of this gracious swan!

This daily routine of waking up cold and hungry, battling arctic weather to ‘prove’ we were homeless continued for weeks; because the family ‘home’ was in his name, the council were powerless to force him to allow us into the flat. Mum couldn’t afford a solicitor, hell she couldn’t even afford food for herself, so she grabbed the first offer of Legal Aid assistance she could get! With hindsight, describing her solicitor as “as much use as a chocolate teapot” would he unfair on chocolate teapots! There was so much frantic paddling going on with this graceful swan it was unbelievable.  In a time when the education system was very ‘open plan’ and laissez faire, mum was being threatened with legal action for keeping me away from school! It didn’t matter that she was given a daily allowance to feed us that was only enough for one meal in a cafe (my meal). Nor did it matter that to get me to school would take a four mile walk, each way, as the daily ‘allowance’ was gone on feeding me, there was nothing left for bus fare! A compromise was reached, my cousin was at the same school, so she would bring home work for me, which was passed to Nan & Grandad for me to collect on a Sunday, when Nan insisted we stay for sunday dinner!  I then had a week to finish the work, for her to return to the teachers! Years later, she apologised to me for, “putting me through it,” but she had no choice. If I wasn’t seen to be in the guest house every night then there would be NO assistance, NO daily allowance, basically NO help for us!

The only good night’s sleep I got was on the eve of my 9th birthday. Nan didn’t give Mum a choice, “That wee waine is gonnae wake up on her birthday, with her family” Oh my goodness, that was the BEST birthday present ever! Clean sheets, so many blankets I couldn’t move under the weight and I could take my arms from under the covers without the fear of frostbite! And the luxury continued, bacon and egg sarnies for breakfast (with gallons of tomato sauce), ‘Stovies’ for lunch and a full roast dinner for tea!  I genuinely don’t remember what presents I got, I just remember the heat, comfort and the experience of my first ‘Food Coma’!

I don't remember falling asleep or being carried up to bed, but I do vaguely remember being woken up with a strange man leaning over me! I also remember feeling like an elephant was on my chest and I was hotter than I’d ever felt! It turns out, the strange man was a doctor and hot elephant on my chest was in fact Bronchitis! The next few days were a blur, I just remember waking up coughing, being given this sweet syrup, spoon fed chicken noodle soup or stovies and drifting off into another drug induced slumber! My first experience of ‘Codeine Linctus’ was like “WOW MAN, this is goooooood shit!” 

Whilst I was being spoilt rotten by Nan, mum was back to the daily drudge of the council house and social security! Armed with a note from the doctor, I was given a temporary reprieve, but there was no respite for mum! At least, whilst I was gone, she was allowed the luxury of the single blanket and 3 ft of bed space! Honestly, ‘the ambassador was spoiling us” (Sarcastic? Moi?). She battled on and eventually, with the assistance of the NSPCC and a Probation & Welfare officer, Chapter One of our nightmare ended. We were going home! I was going back to MY bed, MY books, MY toys and MY beloved puss cat, Smokie Charlie! If you haven’t guessed by now, my dreams were nothing like reality, my middle middle name should be JONAH! 

So the first night at ‘home’ began! Dotty ‘Lucky Jonah’ discovered she no longer had her own room! The past few weeks had taught me to be grateful for what I got, I was still silently pissed off though! For a change, I was going to be sharing a room with Mum! At least this time it was double bed and there was an electric blanket! And I was allowed to rescue my Famous Five collection, I would be able to read myself to sleep again!  Haha, Cue Chapter 2 of the Nightmare!

Sitting there, Smokey Charley making up for weeks of being unloved, the awkward silence was broken. Now what do you think a ‘father’s’ first words to his daughter would be? “Sorry?” “I’ve missed you?” or even, “How are you?” ... Go on, have a guess ... .... .... ....

Did you get it? 10/10, gold star and go to the front of the class if you guessed,

“You’re going into care and that cat is being put down!”  

WOW! Please step forward Father of the Century!!!

Mum ‘lost it!’ All size 14 of her (Yup I said 14, not 18) landed on his lap, fists flailing in all directions and language her Scottish relatives would have been proud of, she finally released some of the pent up anger and frustration she’d endured over the past few weeks! I just ran out of the flat in panic! I must have been making a helluva noise as the next door neighbour came rushing out of their door. Although all she heard were loud wails and sobs, she somehow realised there was something wrong and flew into our flat. Feeling safe with another grown up, I followed her in. I have impeccable timing! I saw his fist hit Mum’s jaw and she slid down the door, unconscious! It was his signature move, Mum’s jaw was dislocated AGAIN! The neighbour just picked me up, (I was stood stiff and silent, as if the ‘pause’ button had been pressed) and bundled me into her flat.I will be honest, I don’t remember what happened next, my next recollection is waking up in Mum’s bed, with all the lights on and an almighty row going on ... for a change! He’d dragged her out of hed and was going for round 2! My high pitched screams must have halted him, the next thing I remember was being cuddled up to Mum, it was dark and the only noise was the involuntary sobs that continued long after my tears had dried.

Not surprisingly, I didn’t return to school the next day, as had been planned! That evening, Round 3 began! Apparently Mum had stolen his wallet!. Unfortunately for him, his luck had run out! As I had failed to return to school as agreed, the authorities had been called! We were unaware at the time, but I had been put on the ‘At Risk Register’! And, as I ran out of the flat in fear again, who should be walking up the stairs but the Probation & Welfare and the NSPCC officers! Demanding the police were called, for the theft of his wallet, he couldn’t understand that his raised fist to Mum was wrong! When they asked him where he last saw his wallet, he nonchalantly replied, “In the freezer, where I left it!” Yes, dear reader, I said the FREEZER!! 

I’m not sure if it was because they HAD to or out of sheer curiosity, but they emptied the freezer! Loe and behold, there was the wallet, wrapped in a plastic bag and hidden in a bag of frozen peas!! Stop rubbing your eyes ... you DID read, the wallet was in the FREEZER, wrapped in a plastic bag, hidden in a bag of frozen peas! You couldn’t make it up, could you!

He was given two options, leave the flat for the evening or spend it in the cells! He tried to negotiate a third option, Mum leave and I go into care! Oh this ‘man’ was a ‘real catch’, wasn’t he? Now the Probation and Welfare Officer was his nemesis, a woman AND she wasn’t even considering option 3! He threw a tantrum that even a two year old would have been proud of! Clearly a mother, she knew the best thing to do was ignore the tantrum! Eventually, he was able to comprehend, that this woman was ‘not for turning’ and he left the flat. Mum was told to call the police if he returned that evening, and I was going to be driven to school the next day!

Good to her word, I WAS driven to school the next day and so was mum! I was greeted like a long lost relative by my friends and I experienced something new! For the first time, I didn’t understand ‘the work’! I was used to sitting at the Top Table, diligently getting on with my work. That day I was STILL on the Top Table, but I was lost!  Our table had always been competitive, to finish first was more important than getting the answers right! I set myself up for ridicule, because I regularly finished first AND got the answer right! And, as any parent knows, kids can smell weakness from a mile away! The hunters were enjoying circling and toying with their prey! Already raw with emotion from the last few weeks, I experienced another ‘first’ ... RAGE! I ‘flipped out’ It was MY turn to release some frustration and anger! I was picked up by my ‘giant’ of a teacher and taken into the reception area and he just held me tight! As much as I tried to move, he had me in a death grip! The angry tears merged into sobs, loud, heartfelt sobs! I couldn’t stop, the floodgates had opened and there was no holding back the tide!

I was unaware that Mum and ‘The Officer’ had been in the Headmistresses’ Office discussing the ‘situation’ and, on hearing my meltdown, had come rushing out! My teacher, apparently, put a finger to his lips to silence mum, as I struggled with my emotions. The sobs silenced and I was back to the involuntary sighs that a body does after a ‘good cry’! Apparently I started snoring, yup I had cried myself to sleep! Needless to say, the Top Table left me alone after that.  I worked so hard to catch up and was soon finishing first, with the right answer again!  OH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Normal working had been resumed! (sorry, it’s a term I’m used to, from my railway days, basically everything was returning to normal, with any disruption improving)

At the end of the last post I explained that I had a choice of going with Mum, or going to my Aunt’s across the road from the school. My Aunt, HIS sister and guess where he went to live ... Yup, you got it, honestly I’m not making it up! It was amazing how often he was, ‘just walking down the road’ at hometime. Soon,I was leaving school via the office again, being escorted home by my cousin (from Mum’s side of the family) to avoid confrontation. Monday’s were always a good day for me.  I only did ‘half a day’! My Probation and Welfare Officer, (I’m going to call her ‘Hannah’ from now on, it’s quicker to type) would pick me up for ‘lunch’.  We would go to a local cafe and have tea and cake! OMG, I was soooooo grown up! It was her way of ‘softening me up’ to open up.  it worked for a couple of meetings, only I soon realised that the quicker we stopped talking, the quicker I was taken home, and there’s nothing like being at home when you’re classmates aren’t!  I was authorised to ‘Wag It’

It must have been such a scary time for Mum.  She’d swapped a bossy dad for a bastard, so she’d never been in control of her own life!  She’d believed for as long as she could remember that she was stupid, useless and a lost cause! And it took her LONG time to discover that she was a very strong and clever lady. OK, so she couldn’t read or write, but she’d had a more valuable education! She had graduated with Honours for the School of Hard Knocks, completed her Masters at the University of Life and she was a Doctor of Resilience! Mum was now a very ‘svelte’  size 12, she’d discovered make up and, when she could scrape the money together, she would treat herself to a trip to the charity shop for new clothes. A very talented, self taught, seamstress, she could turn a potato sack into an evening gown. So whatever she bought, bore little resemblance to the outfit she would wear.

Things seemed to be calming down, I was back to being ‘Top of The Class’ at school, thanks to my Minder Cousin there were no more ‘accidental’ meetings and Mum & I settled into a new routine. Money was tight, pocket money even scarcer, but there was peace, something I had learned to cherish! You’ve probably guessed that it wasn’t going to last, whereas I had been lured into a false sense of security, ever the optimist!!! To begin with I was unaware of a ‘visitor’ at the front door.  But having the living door closed on me and told not to open it, I became inquisitive, I was learning Mum’s favourite childhood word, “WHY?”

Like many flats, there were two exits from the kitchen, on which was next to the front door, the other accessed from the ‘other’ living room door that led to the bedrooms.  So I learned to sneak out the ‘other’ living room door, silently open the second door to the kitchen, and eavesdrop! I couldn’t hear much of what was being said, but I knew the voice, it was the voice that told me I was going into care and that my cat was going to killed!  He was back! Mum’s told me a lot more since I learned to ‘Adult’ and apparently he kept coming back in the hope Mum would forgive him! Like many of us, he could see the ‘Ugly Duckling’ transformation happening before our very eyes! What we couldn’t see was the new invisible ‘lodger’ The one that told her she was still fat, she was ugly, the one that taught her that the only control she had in her life, was the control she had over her eating; her new best friend Anorexia. And her, soon to be, ex-husband found himself in a position he was alien to, he was powerless ... and a powerless abuser is a dangerous abuser!

Next time, more about Dizzy and her transformation. How ‘He’ managed to turn my thinking around and how we all coped with a HUGE change. Enter stage left, ‘MR RIGHT.’ The man, that no matter how much I pushed him away, pulled me closer. The man, who’s life I made hell. The man that after a long hard battle, finally wore me down.  The man I am proud to call my Dad, my boys’ Grandad, the Man that showed me what a REAL Dad was! ... Call the plumber, the eyes have sprung another leak!

Until next time, Dotty x