#gale i am sorry. i used to be fascinated with your boss

[knight-of-heart-and-art]

seeing baldur's gate shit is really funny sometimes because when i was like 12 i was really into forgotten realms novels and i had a very large Thing for khelben blackstaff. like it was different from the Thing i had for elminster (envy about the gender swapping thing) but there was something weird going on in my head about khelben. and now there's just people talking about him on my dash sometimes

[cgl1404]

94518–94521

This will be one helluva wall of text.

First off, apologies. Sorry sa mga hindi ko pinapansin kahit paniguradong nasa field of sight ko kayo, lalo na kapag naglalakad. Hindi ako makapag-name drop kasi ginagawa ko iyon sa halos lahat ng makakasalubong ko, and it will then hit me a few moments later na baka kakilala ko sila based on walking pace, attire, movements, shape and dimensions. When walking, I don’t see people. I see obstacles. I tend to simplify humans as complicated obstructions capable of complex social interactions and sequences of conversations, which is far from an effective simplification. 

Contrary to the common impression, I am not a smart person. Comprehension of facial features and emotions that can be implied from speech and nonverbal signals take too much processing power, kaya umiiwas akong tumingin sa mukha ng mga taong nakakasalubong ko (or if it looked like nakatingin ako sa mukha ninyo, napakataas ng tsansang hindi ko naintindihan, gaya ng panonood ng TV nang walang pag-intindi sa kung ano ang palabas). This also explains my apparent fondness of saying ‘sorry,’ which has been a topic of jokes more than once. Kuya Sev, noong sinabi kong walang gyroscopic sensor yung phone mo kaya walang augmented reality sa Pokemon Go mo, nag-sorry ako kasi nagbiro kang itapon mo na lang yung device mo. Don’t worry, no offense taken Kuya Sev hahaha. It just feels safe to say sorry.

To Team CD, sorry for that one email containing profanities, lalo na kay Jem. In my defense, that was a recurring mistake that begs me to correct, but such act of passive aggression is inexcusable. However, while being on that subject, please use rush files instead of rushes. Sincere apologies.

Maaaring wala lang ito sa inyo, pero sorry at nabigo ko kayong buong Team Concord noong Halloween Decoration competition (well, at least that is how I feel). That particular engagement activity feels like both the best and the worst. Memorable kasi naramdaman ko roon ang cooperation ng lahat ng nasa Concord, at kahit nag-contribute lang ng materials ay malaking bagay na (memorable yung lab glassware ni Miss Darlene, pati yung mga x-ray sheets, mga garapon, surgical equipment at yung non-Newtonian fluid). I did not and do not assume a major position or leadership in that event, but I gave my best, limited by time and resources constraints. Nagsalita ako sa harap ng maraming tao (two of which are foreigners!) kahit isa iyon sa mga pinakaayaw kong gawain. Afterwards, some of you congratulated me despite the lack of evident achievement, but I received it warmly. Kulang sa tulog, gahol sa oras, nagmamadali sa paggawa ng files, pero okay lang kasi gusto ko naman. Our team not being in one of the top places felt devastating (paano naging???), kahit wala akong sapat na impormasyon para ikumpara ang gawa natin sa gawa ng iba. Mabuti’t nanalo tayo sa costume category, thanks to Alfie, Fullo, the nurses, yung ilan pang female characters na nag-costume, lalo na rin sa mga naghanda ng props whose names I am unable to recall and enumerate in completion here.

Another memorable engagement activity ay yung OPM singing contest. Amazing na may katukayo ako na may kaalaman sa music theory, kasi interesado rin ako pero wala naman akong nalalaman doon. Okay rin silang kagrupo, FAM West kung hindi ako nagkakamali, kumpara sa groupmates natin pagkatapos noong November event. That regrouping which took effect in December was like a direct stab to a fresh, open wound (again, paano naging???) kaya na-discourage akong makipag-cooperate sa mga sumunod na E2C events.

Here come my expressions of gratitude. As what I have said in my resignation letter, I am immensely thankful for your kindness despite my social ineptitude. Sa naaalala ko, wala ni isa sa inyo ang itinuring kong may malubhang problema sa ugali. Concord felt too good to be true, minsan naisip ko na kung wala sa inyo, baka ako ang hindi maayos ang pag-uugali. Dagdag pa rito, maayos ang samahan ng Concord kaya siguro napag-iinitan. More on that later.

Thank you kay Miss Darlene na kahit mapurol ako pagdating sa pag-process ng files, hindi ako pinakitunguhan nang hindi kaaya-aya. Impressive din na may background siya sa maths at science, kaya nakakalungkot na hindi na natin siya supervisor kahit baguhan pa lang ako. Salamat sa mga nag-train sa amin, sina Ate Anne, Ate Celeste at Ate Clara. Kahit paulit-ulit yung mga mali ko at parang hindi kumokonti, you were very considerate. Team CD, may hiwalay akong post tungkol sa inyo, composed just after that trip to Intramuros, Binondo and National Museum. Sorry na hindi ako nag-volunteer na picture-an kayo para sana may picture kayo na kayo lang at hindi gumagamit ng monopod at front-facing camera. Okay rin yung pangalan ng group chat ninyo, CD Ang Munting Prinsipe. Sa amin naman, CSR Montano. Awful puns. �� 😂

To teams LE, MSR, Set-up and VOE, sorry at hindi ako masyadong nakikisalamuha sa inyo. Again, thank you for being pleasant to be with, despite my lack of interaction with you lot. Salamat din sa mga tumulong sa Parties kapag GG kami sa number of files. Sorry if we’re unable to return the favour. Ate Dhay at Ate Weng, nalilito pa rin ako sa nicknames ninyo kahit nung lumagpas na ako ng 1 year sa ICMS. In fact, tatlo kayo nina Ate Wawie na kinalilituhan ko ng mga palayaw. Email exchange with Team CD helped to turn that from three to two. Thank you Kenneth (at sa pagpapagamit ng piano ninyo. Heto nga pala yung full 360° view nung pumunta kami sa inyo: https://photos.app.goo.gl/fpNNkIYaPXDBVYsk1), Joem (aka Jimboy), Fullo, Annie, Ate Wheng, Ate Dhay, Kuya Nick, Kuya Kin, Ate Bea (sorry Ate Bea kung wala kaming naihanda sa birthday mo kahit ikaw ang active na mag-prepare kapag kami naman ang celebrant), Rob, Ana, pati na rin sa mga hindi ko naman nakakausap na kalilipat lang sa Concord. Salamat din sa mga dating nasa Concord, sina Kuya Sev, Bossing Ryan, Pongz (kahapon ko lang nalaman na Ryan pala ang given name mo), Caroool (say that in Ash’s funny tone), Mel Pedron, Sid, Alfie, Berna, Jessa, Bheng, Mina (or with H? All these nicknames with unnecessary addition of H), Mel, Emon, Ate Mae, and Ate Cecille (salamat sa lahat, sa Spanish bread at sa Kitkat, not a hugging person though).

Kina Ate Khaye at Ate Cy, salamat sa pagiging matulungin kapag may tanong at/o kailangan ako. Comparison is distasteful, pero nagkataong mas maraming instances na kay Ate Cy ako lumapit for help. Sorry sa mga biglaang leave at undertime. Sorry kung may pagkapasaway rin ako. Nga pala Ate Cy, yung tungkol sa pag-consume ng breaks, sabi mo logic ang pairalin namin noong kinuwestyon namin na bakit bawal pagsunurin yung breaks. Kung logic po, walang mali kasi mathematically, hindi po magbabago ang total na time spent sa breaks. Pero siguro ang ibig po ninyong sabihin ay ethics. That’s when the issue of spending break times is actually a debatable one. Thanks din Ate Cy sa vial na may letter. Again, salamat po Ate Cy at Ate Khaye sa lahat ng advice at tulong ninyo, lalo na nitong mga huling weeks ko. Highly appreciated po.

Team CSR... Support! Yaay! I��m not okay with omitting the word ‘Support,’ since we are not customer service representatives. Oh well. To Ash, our team lead. Sorry at hindi ka malayang makapagbiro sa akin. Sorry na nagpapaliwanag ka ng jokes kapag hindi ko na-gets. Ate Celeste made an excellent choice of choosing you as her successor, because doing otherwise would be unwise. You have the knowledge. Pareho tayong galing sa first batch of recent neophytes, pero mas matanda ka (truly, not meant to be offensive. TBH hindi naman halata ang edad mo), at mahusay ang social skills mo. Mami-miss ko yung kilay at facial expressions mo, at yung short, high-pitched na tawa mo. One of the funniest and coolest persons I’ve met. Roma, one of the funniest ka rin hahaha. Memorable yung mga biro mo (Akon, pagtawid, strange landmarks, anyare sa ‘Pinas) at yung mga kwento mo. JC and Kaloy, sabay kayong dumating sa team CSR Support kaya ang tingin ko sa inyo ay duo, and for some reason, tinuturing ko kayong mas bata sa akin kahit ako ang bunso sa service natin hahaha. Mami-miss ko rin yung nakakahawang tawa ni Kaloy at ang pagra-rap pagsasalita ni JC. Matuto na kayong mag-t*rrrent! 😆 Belle, good luck and welcome sa team! Ikaw na ang bagong socially-awkward, out-of-place, tahimik (lately, hindi na ako ganoon ka-tahimik) na bunso ng team, as far as I can tell from my first impressions of you.

Look at me, that’s the face of ‘I don’t do selfies, but no one else will.’

Team CSR Support, baka napapansin ninyo na madali akong matawa kahit hindi naman intended as joke. Siguro kasi I take things literally for most of the time. Kapag sinabing ‘parada ng mga bingi’ ini-imagine ko yung literal na kahulugan nito. I am not making fun of their impairments, but the mere thought of lining them up for a parade is so absurd and lacks rationale that I find it so hilarious. Absurdity is comedy for me. Nakakatawa rin yung mismong interaction ninyo sa isa’t isa. Exchange of remarks, dialogues and even the slightest gestures and facial reactions fascinate me. Feels like something I am unable to be a part of and complicated to comprehend, but fun to observe. Sorry for my impolite imperatives, at sa mga pagkakamali ko na hindi ko maalala. Nag-iwan ako ng maliliit na puzzles sa loob ng Citrix, some hidden in plain sight, some are just plain hidden. Not something reportable to IT Department or a violation of Code of Conduct, don’t worry.

Concord felt too good to be true, minsan naisip ko na kung wala sa inyo, baka ako ang hindi maayos ang pag-uugali. Dagdag pa rito, maayos ang samahan ng Concord kaya siguro napag-iinitan. More on that later follows.

Judging by the anecdotal evidences from my batchmates, I can safely say that I am so, so lucky to be in Concord. May naririnig akong display of synthetic pleasantries and repulsive attitudes sa ibang teams. Sa team Concord, we’re in harmony, and that I think attracts other people’s attention. Well, eating in the workplace, talking and laughing out loud isn’t exactly harmonious and peaceful, kaya tayo napag-initan. But surely, we’re not the only ones. People from other departments loudly talk, no one bats an eye. Concord having fun and everyone loses its sh*t.

Now, for the closing remarks. Initially, hindi ko nagustuhan ang napuntahan ko kasi halos laging lagpas sa oras ng pag-out, but that slowly changed, and other than that, wala na akong mairereklamo. Deepest and sincerest apologies, and utmost gratitude sa lahat ng naging bahagi ng Concord. Walang forever, based sa laws of nature at sa common notion ng ibig sabihin ng forever. Highly improbable na ang initial state ng isang non-isolated complex system will remain the same across time. Centralisation and resignations may physically disintegrate the team, but the relationships that we’ve developed, rapport that we’ve established, and the closeness make up that imaginary cord in Concord that will entangle us together.

[dubredofanfics]

Hit n Run [BONGLENI]

XX. Coffee Coffee

Daphne came to Bongbong's office to hand in some papers. He wondered what is was about, he started to read it.

It was a request form from Leni. It states that she is requesting for his approval for her to be able to transfer another department.

Bongbong flared up and crumpled the paper startling Daphne. "Ano pang hinihintay mo?" He asked her. She was astonished with his response to the request. "Hindi ko pipirmahan yan! Get out!" He slammed the table and yelled at her making her panic to leave right away. He trembled in anger, his eyes glared. He walked towards the small room in his office and punched the wall slightly throwing a tantrum.

He was so mad that everyday, the chance that he'll win Leni back decreases. He hated it. He loathed how much it affects him. He couldn't even focus well on his work because of the pain he was facing due to their issue.

—

Later in the afternoon, Daphne informed Leni about how Bongbong responded to the request form. Leni felt irritated to hear that he crumpled and disregarded it when she was sure that he knew what's going on. She went to his office to hand him another request by herself.

She laid the paper on his table. "Pirmahan mo na, please." She pleaded with demand. His jaw hardened as he glared at her. "Bakit ko pipirmahan yan?" He asked.

"Dahil gusto kong lumipat ng department-"

"Para saan? Para makatransfer kay kay Rodrigo? Para ano? Para landiin siya? Hindi mo talaga mapakalma yang kalandian mo noh?" He yelled.

She scowled at him. "Ano bang sinasabi mo?!" She felt so offended. "Bullshít." He snorted. "Wag mo akong gagühin, Leni!"

She couldn't cope with where his bitterness was coming from as she was sure that in the issue they were facing, it was her who got hurt the most, not him.

"Gusto kong lumipat ng department dahil gusto kong lumayo sa'yo!" She confessed angrily. "Ayoko kitang makita araw araw at kung magste-stay ako dito sa department mo, hindi ko maiiwasan yon!" She continued. He kept his jaw locked and hardened as a sign of his anger.

"Bong! Hindi ako yung babaeng iniisip mo, alam mo yan. Alam mong gusto ko lumipat dahil gusto ko magpakalayo layo sa'yo kase alam mo kung bakit? Kase sa tuwing nakikita kita, hindi ko mapigilan masaktan. Kaso wala ka namang pakielam sa nararamdaman ko 'di ba? Kaya please lang, pakawalan mo na ako dahil ayoko na." She bursted out her emotions.

It somehow made him feel bad and guilty for causing all her pain and he wanted to stop. But then, he grabbed the request paper and ripped it next to her eyes. Her jaw dropped slightly in shock.

"Hindi ko pipirmahan yan." He said coldly. She closed her eyes and held back her tears as she sighed heavily.

She bursted out all her sincere struggles in front of him but she didn't feel any trace of guilt and concern from him. He was like a stone, he was so cold. She was at least hoping he'd apologize or maybe hold her tight but no.

Inexplain ko na't lahat pero di parin niya pinirmahan... I already said I was hurting but he doesn't care. It only proves that I really don't mean anything to him — kahit konti. Why am I still surprised?

She felt so shattered. She just couldn't help but cry over the fact that she is crying over someone who never cared. Someone who never even loved her back no matter how much he meant to her.

Who am I even to make a Bongbong Marcos change or fall in love? It's silly for me to think that I am some kind of, special, to be like a life changing girl character in a movie. I'm not special. I'm just a nobody and I should stop expecting that I could make someone as big as Bongbong change his perspectives and make him settle because it's never gonna happen.

NEVER.

—

It was a typical Tuesday morning. Rody introduced his client to Bongbong and Gina before the meeting began.

Leni entered the conference room and handed Bongbong the necessary papers from Christina.

He looked at her twice. He was fascinated by her the moment she stepped inside the room. He stared at her while she was talking to Bongbong. She was like a magnet and he was a solid steel.

"I'm sorry, what's your name?" He asked. Leni was a bit startled with his sudden talking to her. "Ah... Leni Robredo, sir. Mr. Marcos' assistant po." She introduced.

"I'm sorry. I'm Antonio Trillianes of Pangaea group of companies." He introduced and shook her hand and kissed it making Bongbong, Gina and Rody surprised. Leni felt a bit awkward. She chuckled softly.

"Nice to meet you, Leni." He uttered. Leni nodded and smiled. Bongbong was somehow bothered to see it next to his eyes.

"Ah... Thank you, sir. Nice to meet you too po. Uhm... mauna na po ako." She informed him and left.

Rody smirked at Antonio as soon as she left. "Type mo noh?" He teased as they are that comfortable with each other since they were friends at the first place. Antonio chuckled. "Maganda siya." He replied. "I know. I fell for her charm too." Rody chuckled. "Talaga? I'm not surprised." Antonio retorted and they chuckled.

Bongbong felt irritated to overhear their conversation while Gina felt intrigued with how Bongbong will respond.

"Well, she has a boyfriend." Bongbong cuts in. "Talaga? I don't think so." Rody replied sounding so sure. "Oh? Sayang naman." Antonio chuckled. "Oo, meron siyang boyfriend." Bongbong insisted.

"Talaga lang ha? Hindi ko alam yan ha." Gina joined in while she glued her eyes on the documents.

"Hindi narin nakakagulat, maganda talaga siya e. Malamang sa malamang maraming naghahabol sakanya." Antonio replied. "Exactly." Bongbong stated.

Suddenly, Antonio's phone rang. He went out to pick up the call.

Rody and Gina stared at Bongbong. "Kelan pa nagkaboyfriend si Leni?" Rody asked. "Hindi niyo alam?" Bongbong answered safely. "At sinong boyfriend niya? Ikaw?" Gina snorted.

Bongbong glared at her but didn't reply. That is when Rody and Gina knew that he was preventing Antonio from going after Leni. "Aminin mo na lang kase na nagseselos ka." Rody brought up. "Well." Gina uttered.

"Ang dami niyong sinasabi." Bongbong countered and walked out.

"Okay, sige. Thank you. Bye." Antonio ended the conversation over the phone. He brought down the line and saw Leni from across the place. He couldn't help but be fascinated by her. He smiled at her and the moment she saw him looking, she smiled back softly at him.

—

"Ay!!" Leni mishandled the pile of documents causing it to scatter all over the floor. She immediately kneeled down to pick it up when someone helped her out.

She was stunned for a moment. "Sir Antonio." She uttered surprised. He smiled at her and continued picking up the papers. "Mag-iingat ka" He reminded her and handed her all the papers.

They stood up. "Thank you, nako, ano ba yan. Nakakahiya." She turned red. He chuckled and looked at her. "Okay lang, nagmamadali ka ba?" He asked. "Ah, di naman po sir." She forced a smile.

"May date kayo ng boyfriend mo noh?" He teased making her silenced. "Just kidding." He chuckled.

"Ah... Wala naman po akong boyfriend, sir..." She corrected him.

Antonio was bewildered. "Talaga? Sabi ni Bongbong meron daw." He laughed at the vexation. "Sabi niya po?" She asked. "Oo pero baka hindi siya aware na wala." He replied. "Ah.. Baka nga po... Pero wala po talaga akong boyfriend.." She clarified.

"Actually nakakagulat kase you are really beautiful." He complimented making her blush and shy. "Ah, thank you po..." She uttered sweetly as she stroked her hair towards the back of her ear.

"Well, I hope you don't mind if I ask you out for a coffee?" He asked.

She didn't see it coming. "Uhm... Coffee as in... Coffee coffee po or..." She sounded unsure. He chuckled and found her adorable. "I would be lying if I would ask you out and say it's just a coffee coffee. So... coffee date." He smiled confidently.

"Uh- mm.. Mhmm- hmm uhm..." She made unnecessary sounds in amusement. "Uhm... Osige po." She giggled.

"Really?! That's... great. Okay lang bang makuha ko yung number mo?" He asked. "Ah, osige po.. uhm 0926....." She willingly gave him her number leading them to eventually know each other a little more through some exchange of text messages and calls.

Antonio and Leni's closeness grew upon having the chance to know each other more through constant communication. Eventually, they started going out for a couple of dates, allowing them to explore their romantic and non-platonic sides.

Despite that Leni's heart is still with Bongbong, she didn't close her doors for Antonio. She gave him the chance to go after her and she tried her best to forget Bongbong along with his great company.

—

It was the usual working day, Antonio stopped by to Leni's work area and greeted her a good morning to brighten up her day.

She smiled sweetly and greeted him back. "Good morning." He smiled back at her before he kissed her hand and continued walking to the conference room.

She watched him walk away with a smile on her lips appreciating his little efforts to make her happy.

"You know what..." Gina uttered randomly behind her back. "...Naisip ko lang. Bongbong... Rodrigo... Tapos ngayon si Antonio. Hindi ko alam kugn fetish mo yung mga boss mo pero ang galing ha." She continued trying to make a point.

The smile on Leni's lips faded away upon hearing her. She never wanted people to think she's just using them or they are being dumb over her and it was just a coincidence that they are all Rocos's directors.

"Hindi naman po sa ganon, Ms. Gina..." She countered politely. She snorted and crossed her arms. "Talaga lang ha? So are you saying that these are all coincidence? Enlighten me." She dared.

She looked at her like she was a puppy being pushed away. She, herself, cannot think of a way to defend her pure intentions to her accusations. She just remained silent while feeling bad about the fact that she thinks she is just using the three men to advance in life.

Bakit ako na nga yung nagigive way, ako na nga yung nasasaktan, ako yung naiiwan sa ere pero ako parin yung mali sa mata ng mga tao...