#gajahagzgysus

[elysianluv]

[no specific character mentioned, imagine your faves lovelies <3 character's pronouns are he/him, g/n reader, death mention; not angst, reader's relationship w/ character is vague]

1:02AM — ( you are the light )

he comes to you, as he always does.

the whistle of wind that rises and dies down, a rushed knock against your window, and suddenly he is there. waiting, patient until you slide open the balcony doors that are never locked.

this is frightening. he prays to the night that you do not hear the screeching of his heart, the way it pounds against his ribcage when the comforting familiarity of your home hits him. this is frightening, and yet here he is, back to you.

back with you.

the tenderness with which your fingers curl in his hair is one he could almost call love; it may very well be, something akin to fondness, at least — or perhaps he knows nothing of love at all.

but this could be, he thinks — sitting side by side on your bed, your hand tracing up his back and finding itself buried in his hair so naturally — whether or not this is love, he knows that even among all the chaos of the world, you were always supposed to find each other.

"is it heavy?" you ask, your voice dazed and slightly disoriented, on the verge of a trance. you speak of the burdens of humanity and of death; of the very ghosts haunting him enough to bring him to your door as often as they do. "are you strong enough to carry them?"

he turns, allowing your head to fall onto his thigh. he would like to provide you with similar comfort, a hand gently massaging your scalp, the sweet gesture lingering enough to bring you pleasant dreams and an eased mind. but his hands are harsh and unforgiving, and with their touch comes the suffering he has both endured and brought onto others. he is undeserving of you and of this moment of peace you have given him; you were never meant to be his partner this delusional dance of companionship and vulnerability he loves so much, not when you could find love elsewhere, in someone's else's embr—

"are you lost?" you ask once more, prepared for the silence that will follow. you are both aware of the answer, after all. "are you losing yourself?"

you shift your weight on him, and perhaps that is what gifts him the strength to form a reply — perhaps the only weight he was meant to carry was yours. "what if i said yes? what would you do then?"

you will never be able to fully understand his mind — we are all swords forged from the metal of our experiences, after all, and you have not lived his life, just as he hasn't yours — but you know that the tip of the iceberg, the bits of vulnerability he shares in these moments of safety, all begin with uncertainty swirling within him, an uncertainty that dissipates once your fingers lace through his. and so you do, keeping his hand firm in yours, hoping your sincerity is conveyed. "i would ask you to breathe, and breathe again, and continue until you remember that after a life such as yours, you have woken up another morning without letting this world poison you, as it has so many others. i would ask you to breathe until you remember your pride."

there is an end to everything that begins, just as quietly as he entered he will slip away, under the cover of darkness, out past your door and into a world that seems slightly softer than he had left it.

and in a few days' time there will be an identical knock on your door, another gentle evening, and the game of cat and mouse will recommence.