#gaiaspoken 15

[wingherc]

@gaiaspoken

｢𓆄｣ There's no point in going back home to Cotes now, not when he's already in the Archimedes ward, actually. Though he was tempted to turn his phone back on, anxiety for what messages might load onto his phone when it goes back online creep into his mind. Hawks really didn't want to deal with that right now. He just...

Wanted to go home. And one statement rang through his mind.

'You are home, silly.'

Once he recalled that statement, that was when the heartache and longing had really set in. Hawks missed her more than he initially realized, even.

Shaky legs picked up to a brisk pace, muscle memory being the only thing dragging him to the residential area of Archimedes. Her home is tucked away in a private corner, the porch light indicating she was indeed inside. Which...Typically meant the front door was unlocked, at least, that's what he could recall from when he stopped by with flowers for her that first time he came over.

Well, hopefully it was unlocked, if not, he was about to scare the shit out of her by slamming into a locked door...

In one fell moment, Hawks pressed his body weight against the door as he pressed down on the handle, effectively swinging the door open. He looked a mess, those windswept wild curls were wild for all the wrong reasons. His eyes heavy with bags indicating he'd been sleeping like hell, and just in general how disheveled he looked, he just looked totally different from the last time she had seen him.

"Aerith!!" He called out, not that he really needed to, given he might've accidentally scared her with how loud his entrance was. But, just shouting her name was enough to make him realize the weight of it all, the weight enough to bring him to his knees at her front door. "Aerith..." Her name spoken in succession, like it was the only thing that could escape his tongue...And for the moment: that was true.

Hawks couldn't even vocalize anything further, as he felt his arms that were bracing him from the floor, begin to shake as he could only choke out some sobs. Tears welling up, and crashing against the hardwood floors. He couldn't even remember the last time he cried like this, let himself be exposed at his rawest and most vulnerable.

"I'm....Sorry." He starts, as he slowly drags his head up to meet her gaze, he didn't deserve her eyes on him. Yet, here they were. He felt like he put her through so much of his drama, and she asked nothing of him. It wasn't fair to her, no one should have to deal with that. But, she stayed anyway, dealing with his heroics and whatever else that entailed. Which, unfortunately: included this. "It felt wrong to just keep up with what we've built here. I had to run. Not to escape it..." As he spoke through his tears, eventually, he was able to at least bring himself to his knees, wiping at his eyes with his forearm. "It all hit me at once. The reality of what's going on. It was...Too much."

Then, flashes of Nagant's story align with his own in his mind, effectively: he was raised with the intention of being a weapon for the Commission, not much else. While that has no bearing to him in Spirale, it still weighed on his mind.

And that beckoned the question.

"Are you really okay with loving someone who was raised to kill?"

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "Datecation? That's cute, I like it!" He could tell she was starting to drift off with how she spoke, there was a certain lightweightedness to her words when sleep was threatening to overtake her.

So, while she cozied up to him, he gingerly brought her closer and tucked her head under his chin, "Good night, Aerith, glad to be back..." This earned a yawn from him as he could feel sleep wanting to take him as well.

"I'll be here. And I'm looking forward to it..." As his own words were starting to lull him to sleep, he wanted to give her reasons to look forward to getting out of bed in the morning, and if that meant just yapping on until he eventually fell asleep himself: so be it.

"Maybe I can make us some breakfast in the morning too..."

"Guess that's true. And fair. Okay fine, I'll decide everything then! Don't you worry, we're gonna have a good time whenever we go!"

"It'll be our very own...datecation!" is that even a word? It's not, but it is now if Aerith had anything to say about it. She's pretty tired though because after a little more prattling on about whatever, she can feel herself drifting off. That's her cue to snuggle in closer to him. "Hm...night Keigo. It's so nice to have you back."

"I'll see you in the morning, I love you."

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "The desert is probably more appealing at night when it's cooled off by like twenty degrees."

"It's your trip, dove. I'm the one trying to make it all up to you. So duh you'd get to pick!" Idly, his hands found their way to her sides, gently embracing her as they both began to yap. "Ooh, sounds just like an onsen, I've never gotten to do one of those, maybe we'll find those hot springs then!" She wouldn't be safe from him splashing her playfully!

"Consider it a date, I look forward to it."

"It does, doesn't it? Yeah, I think I like the sound of that! I was just thinking the desert might be quieter...might be better for you. Super dry though, ew." The more she talked about it, the less appealing it sounded. Maybe that'd be for a second trip if they ended up liking the first.

"How come I have to pick? I'm trying to give you options!" she huffs, shaking her head as he pressed his nose against her cheek. "Gotta say, roasting marshmallows, skipping some stones, watching the stars...I'm excited just thinking about it. Oh, maybe we can find some hot springs too...that'd probably be good for you!" she's just yapping now.

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ And once they're cozied up in bed, he's already peppering her in kisses, though, they're a little more shy than the both of them were used to at current.

"Camping, huh? Can't say I've done that before. But, a picturesque cabin tucked away in the forest sounds awfully dreamy, don't ya think? Besides, sand gets stuck everywhere." As he thought about it, Hawks pressed his ose against her cheek, "You pick. It's your trip."

"Even better then! That sets me at ease just fine." Though she's certain he'd find a way to do some casual patrols every once in a while despite everyone's protests.

As his feather took care of their mugs, Aerith moved to her bedroom, with him following soon after. Once they're both cozy in bed and snuggled up close, she finally feels peace for the first time since his accident. Having him beside her made everything feel right again. "Mhm, so who's talking? I'm talking?"

"I'm thinking for our trip: camping. Have you ever been camping? I've never officially been but I sure would like to experience it! Question is...desert or forest? Which do you think would be better? I've got a bunch of brochures for both."

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "Uh, given circumstances, I doubt they're going to let me on the field for awhile." Just because he was the boss, didn't mean anything, he'd probably be bullied into clerical work for acting so headstrong

"I think I just missed being in bed with you." Upon her suggestion to get ready for bed, he was already standing, a stray feather taking care of their tea mugs, dragging them to the sink.

"Let's do what we do on the phone. Talk until one of us inevitably drifts off to sleep?"

Aerith hums, content with his agreeance. There are still a few worries she has though... "Just don't push yourself too hard, okay? I know you wanna try to get back to work, but I'm gonna do my best to take care of you 'til you're all good. I'm gonna tell Lucia to keep an eye on you too, make sure you're not straining yourself."

"Why wouldn't it be?" That he just wanted to be with her, that is. "We should probably get ready for bed though. I'm sure you miss being in an actual comfortable one."

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "Just say the word, I'll drop whatever I'm doing to take you wherever you want to go." And, just to seal the deal, he placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles, "I'm at your beck and call."

"I do really like those clowns, I promise!" He slinked back off the table and back into his seat proper. "Yeah, I'll make an appearance in the office in the next couple of days. I just think I want to be with you right now."

"That's okay, right?"

Aerith watches, chin in hand, adoringly at her boyfriend as he makes faces at his tea being too bitter even when she'd done her best to make it sweet! Well, some things would never change, and she's okay with that. It's the little things that endeared him to her, after all.

As he leaned over the table, offering to do whatever he needed to ease her heart, she blinked before laughing again. It may have been his way of showing that he was being earnest, but he did look a little silly. She appreciated it though, "How about when you're up for it, we go somewhere? Just the two of us. Maybe...away from the city for a couple days?"

"...Pfft, hey, be nice to those clowns!" she knows he's only joking, which is why she says it too. "They were really worried about you! You've got some good employees and friends."

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "I'm glad! A wide smile suits you way more." And those wide innocent eyes he shot her way probably weren't helping. How could she stay mad at hiiiim!

"I figured as much, but I wanted to put it out there!" He took another long sip of tea, still making faces at the bitter drink, he'd just have to get over it. "I'm here now! To stay!"

"You're giving me all I could ever need and want, consider me satiated for the time being." Once his tea was through, he took her hand in both of his, and had basically his whole upper half on the table. He was trying to look romantic, but really: it just looked silly. "If I can do anything to make up this heartache, let me do that for you. You ask almost nothing of me and I don't feel that's fair."

"...Oh yeah the agency, huh..."

He blinked.

"Those clowns are future me's problem." Affectionate.

"I hate when you do that, it makes me so much wider than I usually want to!" she's laughing now too, darn him.

"Are you kidding? I think space is the last thing I need right now! Kinda been having my own space for the past two weeks and it felt weird. And empty. Don't wanna go back to that!" Not that she minded being away from him, but she'd at least had some sort of contact to tide her over. For a while, it'd been nothing at all!

"If anything, you tell me what you need, Keigo. You're the one who just went through an entire situation! Oh yeah and...you should probably see about your agency, too."

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "Tell me about it. I can still use the smaller feathers as daggers if need be. But...Also, I just have swords now." Her cracked smile earned its own smile from him, "There she issss." And he couldn't help but coo over said smile!

"No need to apologize. I was the one who kind of caused this distress anyway." Not that it was all his fault either, he'd just been thrown into a situation. "If you need time and space, I'll give you whatever you need. Just tell me."

She knew that things had been bad, critical even, but hearing him say it so casually is...well, it's something. Maybe she should expect all of this by now, but she'll never get used to it. It's a relief that he can still fly though, seeing as she knew how important his wings were to him.

And when he used the feather to brush against her cheek, she couldn't help but crack a smile to replace her prior solemn expression. "Aw, your feather blades are gone? Those were seriously cool. I mean, katana are also cool but there was just something about blades made from big feathers, y'know?"

"As long as you're okay. I know there's lasting damage but you're alive at least. That's what matters to me." she reaches forward, sliding her hand across the table to place it on top of his own. "Sorry if I'm a little...distant. I think I'm just...thinking. Taking it all in, adjusting--not that anything's going to change for me but. I'm not sure how to put it. I don't even think I'm making sense."

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "Yeah, who knew lungs and black smoke don't mix very well! Had trouble breathing for a little bit. So I had a text-to-speech app open on my phone." And the raspy quality he still had to his voice backed up his story.

"My wings still function the same." As he thought about it, he extended them out to what their full wingspan was now, which was a little less than half what they used to be at. "It's hard for me to reach my old speeds, but I have prosthetics to mitigate that loss and help me get close to said speed."

And, as a way to show he still had feathers to work with, one flew out from his wing and pressed against her cheek. "I'm down to smaller feathers at my diposal too. RIP feather blades. I've got dual katana, at least, so that's neat."

"Portable oxygen mask?" eyebrows raise as she sets down her cup. It's no wonder he was so strict about there being no visitors. The nurse had been scarce about what exactly his condition had been, too, other than giving out general status updates.

"Uh huh, that sounds like you. Work without actually officially working." Even at his worst, it seemed as though he had been trying to go back to his usual. Well, as usual as he could get with going no-contact with everyone anyway. "Your wings though...you can still fly? Does it hurt for you to fly?"

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "D'aw, thanks, that'll sweeten the deal for me." As she joined him at the table, he was already working on doctoring his tea, peering over at her when she asked him that.

"Well, I felt like they couldn't do much else for me. I stuck around for physical therapy. But once the portable oxygen mask came off, I could talk again, so, didn't see the reason to be stuck at the hospital." Hawks answered in earnest, taking a sip of the drink that was bitter than he'd normally like.

"Uh, as far as where I ended up." He was growing more sheepish and shrinking in his seat, "I didn't have time at the hospital to really understand what was going on, so uh, I kindaaaa. Stayed up high where no one could reach me."

"Kept an eye on the city from up above." AKA: working, but he wasn't going to brazenly admit that.

As good as it was to have him back, a small part of her can't help but feel quiet hesitation in everything that she does regarding him. After running his bath, she's in the kitchen starting on tea for the both of them. It doesn't take long to make and soon enough, she's idling at the table waiting for him to finish up.

Soon enough, he joins her and she retrieves the kettle to start pouring him a cup before sitting across from him. "There, some nice honey and lemon. Good for a cold night, too!"

"I feel like I have a lot of questions but...I know you've been through a lot, mentally at least. I have to know though, why did you discharge yourself from the hospital? Where'd you even go from there?"

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "Knew I could count on you to take the good stuff, dove." He shot lopsided smile her way as they both rose. Though, he was going to rummage what clothes she had taken from him and borrow those for the evening.

"Nah, if I'm gonna drink coffee, I want the full effect. Besides, isn't it just nice to share a cup of tea with a loved one?" And Hawks by no means disliked tea! It just wasn't his drink of choice, he could add sugar and milk to it if he really wanted to. "Besides, my throat is still kinda screwy, I think tea with honey will help with that unlike coffee."

"You being here is enough for me." As they parted ways to do what the other needed to do, reassuringly, he squeezed her arm, plucking out an outfit to wear to bed.

"Sure did! Feel free to use whatever you'd like." It was all his to begin with anyway and at least it was being put to good use.

"I have decaf coffee stashed away too, if you want some of that. I know it's not your favorite, but..." She knows tea isn't his drink of choice and she'd rather be accommodating than have him settle for less. "I can put a lot of creamer and sugar just like the store-bought kind you like." Not the same, but close enough.

"You say that, but I'm not really sure I've done anything at all." Not yet, anyway. She gives him one last kiss on the cheek as she rises to her feet to start on running his bath.

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ "Not at all." It's a nice change of pace, hearing his name spoken with a fondness rather than vitriol or malice as he'd just remembered having his identity thrown in his face. "But, it's kinda raw still, and uh to put short: gross. It'll be fine once it heals as well as it can."

"You rummaged through my bathroom and took the bougie stuff you wanted, right?" There was no harm in reborrowing his own things, right? "I hope you picked some lotions out of that stash."

"While I take a bath, do you want to get some tea going?" While it wasn't his drink of choice it may soothe the pain, and he knew she liked it.

"As far as the materia goes, I don't personally think it's worth the effort. If only cus it's already slowly starting to heal. I'll just let nature run it's course. You've done enough already, anyway."

His explanations don't make a lot of sense without context, but Aerith can surmise that he had undergone the regaining of crucial memories he'd been missing prior. She understood the feeling of it being too much, wanting to self-isolate, and needing time to think everything over. It was how she felt when she had went through essentially the same thing, after all. Still, it didn't change how it made her feel when he did so. There was going to be a time and place to express that though, just not now, not when he needed her.

He sheds his clothing to give her a better view of what has changed physically, Aerith can't help but feel a little sorry for him. The scar that lined his face along with the once full set of feathery wings that were now noticeably not so. It hurt to see him like that. "Oh, Keigo..." A hand moved to caress his cheek whilst the other gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"What, afraid a little scarring is gonna scare me off? Not a chance. If you want, I could try my materia again, don't know how much it'd help but...it's worth a shot. That, and we have to get you out of these clothes. A bath would probably help too, probably."

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ She wasn't accepting any of his apologies, which felt wrong, when he basically upended how they both lived on the island together, as well as his friends. It didn't feel right.

"At least let me apologize for disappearing so suddenly." He blew his hair out of his face as they both began to rise to their feet. "I just haven't had a chance to think about the gravity of the situation, because I was thrown into a war immediately after." Hawks grimaced, casting his gaze downward, "But, there's no war here, so it all kind of hit me at once, so I just needed some time to myself."

"Which, I'm sorry, I really tried to make it as short as I could."

They held each other as they made their way to what was basically their shared quarters, only letting go so she could fuss over his new physical state.

"It's still searing pretty bad." The phantom pains would take forever to go away, he already knew this much. Easily, he shrugged off his flight jacket, the collar that was obscuring the newly scarred part of his face now revealed that to her.

"I got roasted really badly. The flames I was caught in a couple of weeks ago didn't do this. But, it triggered something. I know that much." Weakly he folded what remained of his once proud plumage as neatly as he could behind his back. "My back is the worst of it. I don't really think you should see that." Hawks didn't want to be the reason she lost her dinner. It was pretty gnarly and fresh still...

"Be lying if I said that I didn't," How could he expect her to do anything but wait for him to come back? "Didn't completely abandon my life though, I did have things to do but..." Doing them felt pretty joyless, in the end. It was hard to feel much about anything these past couple of weeks. Aerith doesn't let him apologize again, just shakes her head as a silent way of conveying that there wasn't any need.

"Not miserable but I sure was feeling blue without you, Keitori." She lifted his head, finger underneath his chin, as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. "If that's what you want, I'm not going to say no." she missed him so much, after all.

"I really mean it though. I love you for who you are, doesn't matter what you've done." gentle reassurances continue as she helps him to his feet, closing the door behind him as she walks him to her room and leaves him sitting on her bed. Hands moved to take hold of his own as she knelt down in front of him, eyebrows furrowed as she assessed, "...How do you feel though? Like, physically?"

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ It's not that he's ever doubted his own moral compass, he'd been the one assigned to do the hardest tasks that no one else had carried out, that was his condition. Which, he didn't feel it would be fair to keep such a thing from Aerith and potentially jeopardize her own morals, but, she had made her resolve to stay.

And it's her who embraces him first, as it was all a little too real for him at the moment, but, she was able to ground him enough for him to throw his own arms around her, whispering nothing but 'sorry's and 'love you's like his life depended on it

Once he got himself pulled together a little more, his arm scrubbed across his eyes to rid of any tears that hadn't fallen, feeling a little more like himself. At least, the most he's felt like himself the last couple of weeks.

"You haven't been waiting here for me everyday, have you?" Because usually around this hour she was either at his office, or they were over at each other's place...Without needing her to answer, quiet realization struck as guilt etched into his features. Hawks slid his arms down her back as he gently rubbed his hands against her, "I'm sorry, I thought...You didn't have to. I said I'd be back." Though one may argue his texts weren't really much to begin with, and he'd be inclined to agree.

"Please, tell me you haven't been super miserable..." Hawks cast his gaze to the floor as he thought, "I'll spend the night with you, if you'll let me."

Worried would be an understatement for how she felt about Keigo's sudden disappearance after he had been discharged from the hospital. Though it may have seemed obvious to some, it just hadn't hit her how integral he'd become to her life. These two weeks had become more monotonous to her than they had ever been, little and less joy without his uplifting presence. A part of her felt like something was missing again, something she had no control over getting back.

It was hard to socialize and give her all at work, with no passion in her arrangements nor idle conversations. As cheerful as she was, everyone around her could tell that there was something wrong, that though she smiled, she wasn't all there entirely. Every time she had a free moment, fingers idly typed away at her phone waiting for something--anything--of a sign from him that never came. Days spent sitting at her kitchen table with the red feather he'd given in front of her wishing that it'd move even just an inch, but never did.

And those days soon turned into weeks, one into two. It's another day that she comes home to an empty house but unfailingly turns on her porch light as she always did, hoping that it'd serve as some sort of beacon to him. With her heart heavy and an even heavier sigh, she settled into the kitchen again, feather placed on the table as she sat down. Another evening of disappointment inbound, as all the others had been.

She was just about falling asleep in her chair when the front door swung open all of a sudden, making her shoot up. A hand moves to her guard stick before hearing the sound of a familiar voice--his voice--call her name. A myriad of emotions hit her all at once; disbelief being at the forefront. For a moment she wondered if she had dozed off and this was a dream, but her body moved on its own before she could fully process that thought.

As she stood in the doorframe of the kitchen that overlooks the front door, Aerith felt her breath catch in her throat as she saw him. Red wings that were once so vibrantly full were now noticeably different. What felt most alien to her though was his crying face as it lifted to meet her gaze.

It felt...strange to see him be so vulnerable. She had always known that there were things he held back from telling her, truths that he couldn't bring himself to vocalize for fear of what she'd think. The first words out of his mouth are an apology, but that's not what she cared about.

"Are you really okay with loving someone who was raised to kill?"

Aerith doesn't hesitate in finally throwing her arms around him in a protective embrace as he continues to cry. "I love you," she says, and it's both a confirmation and a comfort. She'd resolved to stay by his side a while ago. All had been forgiven the moment it happened.

"You're not a bad person, Keigo. Do you hear me?" only then did she pull away, hands now gripping at his shoulders as she looked into his eyes, expression firm. "I can't tell you whether or not those people deserved to die, but I do know that you deserve to live. You're not a bad person, you've just done bad things."

"I love you, I'll stand by you. You're not a bad person," she repeats the last portion as if it's some sort of lifeline. And maybe it is, as she holds him as he cries in her doorway. For the first time in two weeks, a feeling of relief washes over her as she gently starts to rub at his back, pulling him in close again. "You're okay, I've got you. I love you, welcome home..."