#gahh im afraid to post this

[robthegoodfellow]

So a part of me is kinda conflicted about having decided to include the HIV/AIDS crisis so heavily in this fic. Anyone willing to be a sounding board would be verryyyy much appreciated.

At first, it seemed obvious to reference, since I headcanon Billy as being from San Diego (Point Loma Heights, if you wanna get real specific), where the gay community was already seeing alarming numbers by the very early 80s, so it felt weird to have a character grappling with his sexuality and not also have him grappling with this mysterious terrifying illness so publicly billed as “gay cancer.” But now...

...but now I’m arriving at this point where on the one hand, he has to confront that there’s this very real threat to his health, his life, and it’s poorly understood, and there’s no way to know for sure whether you even have it until it’s already killing you (the first test was approved in March of ‘85, and it was primarily used to check the blood supply, apparently... it seems more widespread testing wasn’t even available until ‘87. which is just... horrifying)--and on the other hand, there’s this, like, sci-fi eldritch monster that’s also already invisibly preying on him... this thing that’s poorly understood, with no easy way to tell whether it has you until it’s too late, no known cure... And both just lie in wait and slowly weaken your defenses, infecting others all the while, until you die.

And so I’m just wondering--is this in poor taste, to draw out the metaphor? To be clear, the Billy in my fic is negative, but he doesn’t know that, and the not knowing is haunting him quite a bit.

Has the parallel between HIV/AIDS and the depiction of the mind-flayer/Vecna ever been discussed before? Because it seems like a pretty devastating parallel. And I genuinely did not notice it until I was elbows deep in this fic.

...Urgh, and then there’s also the fact that Vecna couches his targeting of victims as punishment, as something they deserve for supposed moral wrong-doing, which is... also how the epidemic was presented for so long...

This is hurting my head and my heart.

[theinkchild]

I’VE OVERINDUUUuLGED IN JUST ABOUT EVERYTHINNG

I wouldn’t say I accomplished everythin just yet.

I schmoozed on over.. being comfortable in these two groups of people i’ve been meaning to talk to in years... ONE FOR AN ENTIRE TWO MONTHS LIKE WHAT!! i can’t really say everything that happens or else i sound like a creep.. but!! i wish i had time to write down all my feelings as they happen...b ut that’s not the same as experiencing them and just letting those feelings settle in... I have been full assimilated.. but not quite.. they don’t follow alllll me back on twitter. and hey that’s totally cool if they ain’t reading this why am i even saying this i can just like.. hrrnngnn tell em to follow meeee gahhhhh

OH SPEAKING OF G ROUps, I just got into my first study group?? first?? no aughh. i mean, i have been, but these are the craziest bunch of group of people i’ve ever met with enough energy to rock an entire apartment complex. i’m afraid, but hey, new experiences are cool.. and if i’m gone from the internet, i have probably assimilated more with those crazy hacks.. maybe THIS blog post will be my final one.. lol any of my blog posts might be my final ones this green dolt cant last forever

BORING STUFF but i’ve been working for an entire year now. like, i’ve been reading my past tweets just to see if i said anything significant from that time around.. but i was just being.. weird?? and vague.. and sad.. ghh.. but then i kept scrolling, averting my eyes from all that gross negativity i kept venting... and yes.. i guess i was happier once i spent more time on the job. and without it, i wouldnt have my switch, this great laptop that i still havent used to its full extent and mY MIC BABEEEEyyy

yknow i dont even know why im making this last bullet point but ive been working for so long, i can sleep on the job and get away with it. as long as i smile, scan them items, and thank them, im cool. i made this blog post at work even. and here i am tip tapping away finishing it up

gahh and well, i feel like sleeping since it’s so rainy..

sorry but also NOT SORRY for this mega big blog post.. friendship delayed my time into splitting this into smaller pieces SO U GET WHAT U FOLLOWED ME FOR... more squid gibberish and moss. and water. and my cute (hopefully contagious) passion to continue prolonging my life and recording it forever.

[strawberry-selfships]

GAHH IM SOOO HAPPY YALL LIKE MY PV AND CHAUNCEY DRAWING good news is I have so many sgkhsjdc I was just afraid to post them but wAAA thank u for the support I love y’all