#gabriel was a selfish SOB until his last dying breath lmao

[theluckiestlb]

[projectsoleil]

letters to the goddess of love | gabi morningstar | trial 3.6

[♪♫♪♫]

Dear Venus, 

So that sorta blew, huh?

Legit don’t know how else to, like, describe that without wanting to cry again LOL.

Sorry. At the end of it, I really meant to kill you. Think one of the harder parts of all this is knowing I’d do it again, y'know? If it had happened again, or played out differently, I’d of still done it. 

What else was I suppose to do? 

-Moon 

•••••••••••

Dear Aphrodite,

What a shitty way to learn someone’s name, lol. Guess introductions are in order, even if this is all in my head and you can’t, like, hear me. 

But.

Gabrielle Morningstar. Sorry, again.

They just found Pap’s body. Me and Ro-Pap and Nate are sitting on the ground by the Jeep. It all feels so final. Sitting here. All three of us. I mean, it is, LOL, but still bites. I don’t know what to say, but Nate thinking Pap is gone needs to be genuine, otherwise they won’t believe it. 

Kinda a shit-friend move, y'know. For Nate. He’s always been there day one, yeah? Pap too. Really thought we could be like, the three musketeers or whatever. I’ve never had friends like this before. Never had friends before. And I’m greedy, y'know? I get that taste and I want the rest of it. All of it. All of them. 

…Ah, Nate’s heading up to our room. I can’t decide if I’m lucky I can experience these last things, or if you’re lucky you left before you could.

Anyway. See ya soon, Gabi 

•••••••••••

Dear Aphrodite, 

You weren’t really trying to kill me, were you? It’s just. I’ve been thinking. Trial’s going on and it’s hard not to replay everything, y'know? It doesn’t make sense. You teleporting me and then leaving me there, or not finishing me off when I was knocked out. It’d be so easy. So, so easy.

…You were only ever after Ro, weren’t you? 

Did you think that would’ve counted? As a death? He’s not really alive, y'know. I wish he was too. Not to kill him, obviously, lol, but as, like, a friend. 

You died smiling, so I think you really only wanted the storm to end. Would you have been willing to be voted and executed for? If Ro counted? I wish Ro would’ve counted, too. I have blueprints for him. There’s not blueprints for you.

See ya soon,  Gabi 

•••••••••••

Dear Aphrodite, 

They know now. Depends on if they accept it, but they know now. Nate’s crying, but I’m glad he knows Pap’s okay. I’m glad I managed to make him Hati before all this.  

…What’s it like, wherever you are? I’m not gonna know anyone but you, so I hope we can get along. Ro woulda liked you. 

…

Er.. I guess, I mean, I woulda liked to know you. …I’m still working on it, lmao. The.. not-using-Ro-to-hide thing. Try, fail, try, fail–y'know the shabang. I think I’m getting better at it. Artemis says so. Pheo too.

Lots of people’ve told me there must be some Ro in me, if I’m the one playing Ro. I think they’ve got it backwards, yeah? It’s never been using Ro as a magnifier of the quiet parts of myself, it’s using Ro as somethin’ to chase. A goal, y'know? And if I have him fly that high in the sky, then maybe I can too. 

Could’ve. 

Lol. See ya soon,  Gabi

•••••••••••

Dear Aphrodite, 

Tsu says he hates me, and I really, honestly, coulda sobbed. Which is like, hilarious, I think. Not a good hilarious, the sort of hilarious where it just sort of makes you look pathetic, y'know? I’ve just like. Never heard him sound like that before. But I guess I’ve really only known him for a month, so there’s loads of stuff I don’t know about him. Dunno.

Bet everyone used to ask you for relationship advice in school, yeah? Did it get annoying? I think you’d probably find it fun, maybe? Like, neighborhood hero Venus, giving out love advice on the corner of Westwood and Broadway! Get it from the goddess of love herself! Lololol

Y'know, when Tsu and I first met he threatened to shoot me in the head, and pulled out this like, really freaky doll of Nate, and made me swear to help him or else he might do something to Ro. I had the worst panic attack after and Nate found me all curled up and had to calm me down lmao

…Funny how things work out, yeah? He’s really honestly the best. Tsu. That sounds sarcastic after that last thing, but I swear to god I’ve never loved someone like this before. I wish we could’ve visited his hometown. I wish I could’ve spoiled him. 

…but at least I get to wish those things. I’ve got no idea if you had someone important to you. Or really close friends. Family. I really don’t know anything about you. Maybe I can eventually? Don’t think I believe in the afterlife, or whatever, but it’s nice to think about.

See ya soon,  Gabi 

•••••••••••

Dear Aphrodite, 

Did you have any regrets? Like, when you were dying, did you think back and wish you did stuff? I wish I ate more junk food. Like, there was so much junk food in our kitchen, but I was too scared of the chef to sneak in and swipe any, y'know? I regret not burning that house down when I left, ‘cause I just kept going back when it was still standing. I regret not sending my stupid, baby, prototype gear for heroes on the news instead of tossing them in a parts pile for later. 

I regret not loving them harder. Pheo, Gale. Told them they felt like parents to me, which like, in hindsight, maaaybe shouldn’t do when you’re on a killing island? But I’ve never had that feeling before–like being a kid and doing stupid crap and having someone scold you for ripping your new clothes, or wrapping your wounds after you’ve fell. I wasn’t asking them to adopt me, lmao, but I wouldn’t of minded calling them home. 

What was your home-life like? You were a neighborhood hero, so I’m sure you could step outside and people outside would wave at ya. Have you ever done those, like, slip-n-slides? On your front lawn? Remember those stupid commercials about them with a dozen kids having the time of their life? Always wanted to do that. I know we’re adults now, but if we can, somehow, we should lay one of those bad boys out on the front lawn of the maybe-afterlife and hang out. 

See ya soon,  Gabi

•••••••••••

Dear Aphrodite, 

Voting’s started, so times just about up. How’s it going, wherever you are? Hope you can’t watch this, cause tbh that’d just sound like you’d be back in Hell.

Been thinking bout what it’s like being selfish in the last few minutes. Like, what it means, and for who. I told Min I thought it was okay to be selfish here, given everything. You don’t know how long you have left, y'know? So if it’s selfish of me to die, to not have to deal with the aftermath of all this, not have to face anyone here, then it’s okay for them to be selfish and cut ties before I go. 

I don’t have to carry that feeling for much longer anyway, so I think I can hold it up until then. Sucks, but, like, you know how it is. Can’t blame 'em. I just hope they’re okay with how they choose to feel after this. 

I’ll see ya real soon,  Gabi

•••••••••••

There is a shift in the air. It’s not a pleasant one, but it feels more comfortable to Gabi. Like being on set with a bunch of strangers, where only the director and a few others knew why a young man decked out in Moon Rover merch was sitting in a corner playing on a video game controller. 

And yeah, it hurt. Stung like a bitch. Worse than when his parents left for the day, and he got that burn three times a week. 

He inhales, exhales, and takes a step away from Abe’s podium. The furby is left there, because despite the small moment he held it warmly with Artemis, it still didn’t belong to him. He takes a step back, fingertips brushing over the crown of Abe’s hair, fond and tender and lingering, before he drops it and begins walking. 

He takes the long way back. Around the outside of the circle, studying the backs of the strangers he’d known for a brief period of time. Smaller than he remembers them being, but the backs of strangers nonetheless. As he walks, he breathes, tipping his chin up and up and up, until there’s a fire in his eyes and flame in his chest. 

Dear Aphrodite, he thinks, think I get it now, y'know? That whole confidence thing they’ve been telling me about. Making a choice and owning it, y'know? I don’t think that makes it any easier, doesn’t make that shaking stop, doesn’t make me any less scared, but it’s like when I left my house that first day. Freedom? Something like that. 

With gentle touch, Gabi guides Nate and AI-R to let him get back into his spot at his podium. He stands between them, and presses in a vote. It’s a different feeling, looking out at everyone like this–not behind a screen, not sitting on the floor. Just being present and there with everyone. 

“…" 

Hey, Aphrodite? 

I know it wasn’t on purpose, but thanks for picking me from the crowd. 

With love,  Gabi.