#fyodor lets be lesbians together please

[chocolateetatau]

I'm ughhhfhfhfhfhfh drooliginnnnggggggmfmf goodnessss graciouuusssjdldl

[skycas1noregular]

Kinktober/Smuttober 15th: lesbian Sigma + lesbian Fyodor/Nikolai (voyeurism, porn watching)

(🔞NSFW)

Now, since I literally am a lesbian, I decided or rather treated myself with some lesbian Fyosiglai. I presented my co-writer my idea and we somehow ended up with a whole AU and a fic with plot. This is only first chapter. There is so much more. Enjoy!!

What may be even more concerning is that she would be sure what video was playing just by the noises and voices, by the lines that they tell each other, and the spanks that were present in most of the videos. That’s so filthy yet her guilty pleasure that she can’t push back. While knowing that she would never be held at gunpoint in her entire life and forced to name every single title, she was sure she would manage just that. Slutty indeed.

That to aside, back to them – back to Kolya’s tongue on Fedya’s clit, to her trembling of the body and slight little grinds of hips to somehow make the pleasure that vibrator can bring more intense and to Fedya’s hands that went down to push her face right into her cunt, keeping her there while she pants out of own pleasure. Damn, the sight got Sigma to drool without any shame whatsoever.

It seems that Kolya didn’t appreciate such action since she raised her head and looked at Fedya with such lidded eyes even Sigma could feel would get her to melt, even if she could see just her side profile and one eye. If just that could get her to clench over nothing, surely Fedya’s body grew hotter.

’If so eager, why don’t you beg me to continue?’ Kolya voiced her wishes breathlessly, but Sigma knew they were more of demands. It didn’t take a professional porn addict to notice that she had a thing for begging. Yet again, Sigma might just be one of those since most of her free time was spent watching them. She may not be a professional and might not know how sex actually works since she never slept with anyone, but being an amateur was perfectly fine to her.

’Get to work’ Fedya hissed and pressed down onto the controller in her hands, gaining what she wanted from the start. In an instant, Kolya’s hand squeezed her thigh, and she let out a quiet moan that, with the help of soundproof headphones that Sigma bought solely for watching them, didn’t pass by Sigma’s ears.

Kolya leaned down but didn’t lick nor suck, just lowered her voice and answered with a moan, ’C’mon, I need one single ‘please’ baby.’ That even got Sigma mouthing please for the sake of their and her own pleasure just hoping Fedya will give in as soon as possible. Luck was on her side. She did. That single plead was grumpy but wasn’t unwelcome. Sigma was used to that and, therefore, didn’t mind a single bit, could even say that turned her on even more, if possible, and got heat shooting south.

With mouth agape and gasps present, with body trembling in need and pussy yearning, Sigma somehow managed to hold on until Kolya’s lick began to fasten and Fedya’s thighs began shaking, same as her hand that turned vibrations up a notch, making Kolya unable to keep quiet while giving that head of hers that Sigma was sure was one of the best sensations in the world. Her hand moved to Fedya’s tits, squeezed and toyed with nipples while she whimpered out ‘good girl’ for the ninth time in this video.

The sight got Sigma to squeeze her thighs and rub them together in the hope that could provide some kind of pleasure without her needing to throw her head back and fall deep into the hole of bliss and miss these precious seconds of the video. Fedya was coming undone, squirming at the sensation of her clit being licked and moaning so high-pitched that it got Sigma to wish she could hear it firsthand. In the nick of time. Kolya began squirming just as much, cumming on that vibrator Sigma would give a fortune for.

This is just a little teaser, but you can check out the whole fic here:

[lesbianaglaya]

Please elaborate on that The Idiot essay

Okay anon, ask and ye shall receive. Here is my manifesto on why I love The Idiot (1868-1869). Homoeroticism and me crying over Bakhtin under the cut.

Okay from here on out let me just warn you that there will be discussion of epilepsy, sexual abuse, violence against women, murder, and suicide. I never claimed it wasn’t a messed up story.

Let me start off by saying, this is not a good novel. It was written as a desperate cash grab by Dostoevsky after he and his wife Anna had had to move to Switzerland for financial reasons (they were rather continually in debt due to Dostoevsky’s gambling problem. In fact, they’d met when Fyodor hired Anna as a stenographer to help him write down The Gambler, the completion of which he’d bet all his rights to his published works on).  The four separate parts are only loosely linked by narrative threads, things don’t follow the course you would expect from a work of literature, and the protagonist of the novel’s literal schtick is that he was supposed to be “a perfectly beautiful man”. Which, yeah, great in theory but in reality people don’t want perfect protagonists. The morals of the novel tend towards Dostoevsky’s own often troubling views of religion and morality, and it is a distinctly 19th century work.

And yet, it’s still one of my favourite things I’ve ever read. Not only are there some truly insane homoerotic moments in here, but there are some brilliant moments of play with narrative voice, society novel-esque shenanigans, questions about the nature of goodness and what that really means, and, of course, one really hot moment where a woman slaps a guy who’s being a dick in the face with a riding crop.

The loose plot of the novel is that Prince Lev Nikolaevich Myshkin, the eponymous idiot (and a holy fool, or as Dostoevsky once described him, “Prince Christ”), is returning to Russia from a period of many years in Switzerland being treated for epilepsy. On the train into Petersburg he meets Rogozhin, a young man who has just inherited an enormous fortune after the death of his father. They begin talking, and Rogozhin confides in Myshkin about his love for (read: obsession with) a girl known as Nastasya Filipovna. (This seems weird doesn’t it? Just confessing your major life problems to this weird guy sitting next to you on the train? Yea that’s just what people do around Myshkin). Upon arriving in Petersburg, Myshkin goes to meet with his distant relations, the Epanchins, to get to know them and form a family connection. The rest of the novel is these characters cycling through various love (?) plots, more random inheritances, people dying of consumption, going to stay in the country for a while Just Because, and other stereotypical 19th century novel things.

What makes it unique is that each character is their own person with their own thoughts, experiences and world views and the novel is these views interacting and clashing, or as Bakhtin puts it “a plurality of consciousness, with equal rights and each with its own world”. The characters are not there to help prove any thesis or idea; instead the thesis of the novel is how these characters differing views interact with each other. Myshkin is the lens of this, making it a picture of how each different character (or world view) reacts to his inherent goodness.

Of course, that’s all very... meta. Fun to discuss, but it doesn’t necessarily make the book fun to read. That’s where Nastasya Filipovna comes in.

Nastasya Filipovna, the girl that Rogoshin is “in love with” is a young woman who was born to nobility but orphaned and then sexually abused and turned into a concubine by her guardian Totsky. At the beginning of the novel she has escaped the control of Totsky and is in the incredibly tenuous situation of being provided an income from him for not completely destroying his reputation. A marriage has been arranged by Totsky (so that he won't have to worry about her any more) between her and this one asshole Ganya, but she has not agreed to it yet and has said she will announce her decision at her name day party.

At said name day party is where things get Crazy. She goes ham, mocking Ganya (who she knows hates her) for selling himself for the money promised in marrying her, verbally torturing Totsky, and generally saying fuck you to everyone while also tossing in a good amount of self hatred. Myshkin (whom she invited after meeting him once earlier that day for like five seconds seriously just role with it) declares quite earnestly that he thinks she is a good person and if she likes he’ll marry her amd also that he just inherited a fuck ton of money. Nastya is taken aback, and agrees to marry Myshkin. Then Rogozhin shows up (drunk, with the lads) and we find out Nastya has been planning all this. She tells Myshkin that she can’t actually marry him because he’s too innocent and she believes herself to be awful, and then asks Rogozhin for the money he promised her. Rogozhin hands over 100,000 rubles and Nastasya proceeds to toss them in the fire, tell Ganya that they’re his if he’ll reach in to get them out, and then leaves her own party with Rogozhin!!! I said this novel was batshit!!!!

Nastya through out the novel continues to be The Best Character, writing homoerotic letters to Aglaya Epanchina, who I FIRMLY choose to see as a lesbian, smoking cigars, and of course, upon hearing a man say of her “Here you simply need a whip, there’s no other way with this creature”, in return “she rushed to a young man completely unknown to her who was standing two steps away and holding a thin, braided riding crop, tore it out of his hand, and struck the offender accross the face as hard as she could”.  Iconique. Of course, her story ends tragically but we’ll get into that later.

To quickly touch on Aglaya Epanchina, because I love her, she is one of the daughters of the Epanchin family, she and Myshkin almost get married, and she ends the novel by running off with a foreigner and becoming (horrified whisper) Catholic. Anyway she and Nastya have a brief but horribly gay dicourse where Nastya confesses her love (platonic of course. That is definitely how I, a lesbian, read this) for Aglaya and Aglaya refuses to believe her. Aglaya says she wants to marry Myshkin specifically because then she wouldn’t have to be a wife and a mother and could pursue what she wants and continue to learn. Also at one point Aglaya adopts a hedgehog. That’s Lesbianism Baybee. Her ending is supposed to be tragic but I choose to believe that her marriage is a lavender marriage and she and her gay husband are having wild fun around Europe. Let me have this.

Now for what you’ve all been waiting for — more homoeroticism.

Myshkin and Rogoshin’s dynamic is, like, fully insane. After their first meeting on the train, Rogozhin says to Myshkin “Prince, I don’t know why I’ve come to love you. . . . Come and see me, Prince. We’ll take those wretched gaiters off you; I’ll dress you in a top-notch marten coat; I’ll have the best of tailcoats made for you, a white waistcoat, or whatever you like; I’ll stuff your pockets with money”. Slow down lover boy you met this man five minutes ago and you’re already trying to sugar daddy him?? It only gets worse from here.

Part II of the novel picks up six months after the name day party. Rogozhin and Myshkin have in the intervening time “often happened to spend long hours together, and there had even been several moments during their meetings that had left an all too memorable imprint upon their hearts”. Yeah. It’s also said that Rogozhin is jealous of Myshkin maybe holding some of Nastya’s affection but like. It just reads a lot like Rogozhin is torn between Nastya and Myshkin, which he is in a way because being in love with friends with Myshkin and Nastya  (lavender) marrying Myshkin (that’s not an exaggeration it’s basically out right stated that if Myshkin and Nastya married they would not have sex), would mean giving up the weird destructive obsession he and Nastya have with each other. This is supposed to imply coming to Jesus. I take it as accepting your homosexuality because Dostoevsky is dead and I can do what I want.

So Myshkin shows up at Rogozhin’s house and things are a bit awkward (Rogozhin has maybe been stalking Myshkin??) His “affectionate” smile is described “as if something had been broken, and try as he might, he was unable to glue it back together.” Anyway.

They begin actually talking and oh boy. I’ll just present these without comment.

“I’ve come to bring you peace, because you, too, are dear to me. I love you very much Parfyon. And now I’ll go and never come again. Farewell.” “‘Stay with me a little’ Parfyon said quietly, without getting up from his place and leaning his head on his right hand, ‘I haven’t seen you in a very long time.’”

“When you’re not in front of me, I feel spite for you Lev Nikolaevich. . . . Now you haven’t sat with me a quarter of an hour and all my spite is gone, and I love you like before. Stay with me a little . . .’”

“Nobody’s asking our opinion. It got decided without us. And we love differently too.”

“I didn’t want to come here! I wanted to forget everything here, tear it out of my heart!”

Not to mention the jealousy Rogozhin has for the perceived relationship between Myshkin and Nastya. Hmmmm. Anyway after all That, Rogozhin insists that he and Myshkin trade crosses, his golden one for Myshkin’s tin one.

And THEN Rogozhin proceeds to stop Myshkin from leaving again, and takes him to get his mother’s blessing, which is the same thing he did with Nastasya!!!!!! I feel insane.

After this Myshkin returns to his hotel but then Rogozhin follows him and um. Tries to stab him. With the knife that’s been built up as a phallic symbol through the whole novel. But then Myshkin falls into an epileptic fit and Rogozhin flees. Like this is deeply fucked up but What The Hell am I supposed to be thinking rn??

Anyway the next time they meet it’s in the countryside and Myshkin has fully forgiven him for the murder attempt. Indeed “struck by Rogozhin’s sudden appearance, the prince was unable to collect his thoughts for sometime, and a painful sensation rose again in his heart.”

Rogoshin has apparently not forgiven himself for trying to kill Myshkin, to which Myshkin responds “all that you went through that day I now know as well as I know my own self. What you were imagining did not and could not exist.” *jenny slate scream*

Myshkin proceeds to invite Rogozhin home with him, saying “I have some wine, we’ll drink wine, you must wish me something I myself don’t know how to wish for now, and it’s precisely you who must wish it, and I’ll wish you your fullest happiness. Or else give me back my cross! You didn’t even send it back to me the next day! You’re wearing it? Wearing it even now?” and THEN he says “I don’t want to meet my new life without you because my new life has begun! Don’t you know that my new life begins today?” and then they head home together.

Okay skipping over a bunch of stuff because 1) I havent read the novel in a year and while i know there’s more stuff in there I don’t know exactly where and I don’t want to be flipping pages for another hour and 2) this is already insanely long so. For context in the intervening time Rogozhin and Nastya do end up getting married (which everyone including the two of them kind of agree that it’s just a way for them both to kill each other/basically comit suicide. Fun!). So that’s exactly what happens, and Myshkin runs to their house, arriving too late and finding that Rogozhin has stabbed Nastya and she is dead. Thus ensues a scene that makes me so insane I cant... look here just take this:

“‘So let her lie here now, next to us, next to me and you...’

‘Yes, yes!’ the prince agreed warmly.”

And

“‘I’ll make up the bed and you can lie down... and I’ll lie down with you... and we’ll listen... because I don’t know yet man... I don’t know everything yet, man, so I’m telling you about it ahead of time, so you’ll know all about it ahead of time...’”

And

“But two people could not lie on the sofa, and he absolutely wanted to make up beds now side by side, and that way why, with great effort, he now dragged pillows of various sizesfrom both sofas all the way across the room, right up to the opening in the curtain. The bed got made up anyhow; he went over to the prince, took him tenderly and rapturously by the arm, got him to his feet, and led him to the bed”

And

“[Rogozhin was] laying the prince down on the left, better, pillows, himself on the right”

And

“‘What did you use? A knife? That same one?’

‘That same one’”

And

“The prince would reach out his trembling hand to him and quietly touch his head, his hair, stroke it and stroke his cheeks... there was nothing more he could do! . . . and pressed his face to the pale and motionless face of Rogozhin; tears flowed from his eyes onto Rogozhin’s cheeks”

And

“He quietly hastened to pass his trembling hand over his hair and cheeks, as if caressing and soothing him”

And then the cops show up and there’s a brief epilogue talking about how everything is terrible now and Myshkin goes back to Switzerland because he’s incoherent with grief. Insane.

So there’s also a lot in this novel about what is actually good, and how people react when confronted with goodness, etc. etc. but this is five pages in google docs and I need to. Stop. Anyway if you made it to the end cheers this novel is awful and insane and I love it. Dostoevsky do not interact I hate your crusty ass even if your prose makes me feel things.

[theunlimitedskye]

A REALLY REALLY LONG POST OF MY DUMB BSD FIC IDEAS (I am so sorry)

All y'all can ignore this post this is just me thinking out loud at 3:30 AM  (yes, I prewrote this)   What Bungou Stray Bullshit am I gon be writin: •Hanahaki. I don't even know what fucking ship I'd be writing for with this one, but after getting sucked into a certain ship hell on AO3, I may or nay not have, like, 4 ships in mind, •prrrrrrrrobably like, 7 separate Sakaguri things (ranging from drunken comfort cuddles to Oguri following him to work and stealing pocky to "hey what if Oguri was a kitsune") •Oguri. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Nathaniel. Ch... Church. Churchy stuff. Yeeeeeah. •AU where Oguri is a shrine Kitsune and Nathaniel goes there for frequent visits and prayers and shit •Twain... Something something Twain. Don't even care what, honestly. One happy shooty boy. •Ango squeaks when he's scared and now I have no choice but to write about it •Daraaaaannnn...????? God I forgot how much I ship this •Oh look;  Oguri and Yokomizo adopted a cat together like the gays they are, and Oguri got rid of it after Yokomizo's death. Nothing to see here, folks, just a bunch of angst. Scroll past this one why don't you. •I GOTTA WORK IN FYODOR INTO ONE OF MY FICS ONE DAY JUST SO I CAN SPECIFICALLY HAVE SOMEONE EITHER CALL HIM FYOOP OR FYODADDY •shit with my own bsd ocs i have like 37 and it is absolute utter hell. i cant stop making bsd ocs. i am suffering. i will not be satisfied until i have 50. someone please kindly snap my neck •"welcome to walmart thanks for bringing your fucking kids" •cold glass of spaghetti-o's on the rocks (this is way more valid than it sounds but I highly implore that you   d o   n o t    a s k) •how fucked up would it be if I wrote a whole bunch of drabbles and ficlets with Nathaniel all inspired by specific Bible verses? Like, no specific ships or plotpoints in mind. The only constant is Nathaniel and whatever verse I choose that day. Work whatever ships fit with it. Great way to force myself into some good 'ol Bible Discussion and Study Meetings, lemme tell you. •You can't spell Procrastinate without Nate. Not only is it a horrible prompt, but it's also true. •"People's brains slide right out of their assholes the instant they start to sin. At least those that are dumb enough to die for their sins without repenting first get their dumbfuck legs boiled off in the firey pits of damnation." -Possible dialog for Nathaniel????? I don't even know where I'd put this but I heard someone say something relatively close to this sentence in a YouTube video and I absolutely lost my fucking shit •this isnt even a fic idea but it involes writing but fuckkkkkkkkkk ask-nathaniel-hawthorne blog that'd be so fucking lit it'd give me a chance to try writing for him and show off my art nd ghhhhhhhhhh it'd literally just be nothing but church jokes and r/dankchristianmmes •OR BETTER YET, ASK-ANGEL-NATE (@mysaldate you know precisely what I'm getting at here wanna make a joint blog) •*chanting and slamming hands off of table* ACCURATELY! WRITTEN! FICLETS! AND! DRABBLES! WRITEN! BASED! ON! FUCKED! UP! AWKWARD! SERVER! CONVERSATIONS!!!! •911 what is your emergency yes help there's a demon in my church and his name is dazai osamu please send someone before I exorcize this bitch •Bad Apple seems like a really good general direction to go here, considering everything else. Ever on and on, I continue circling with nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony... •this is a callout post to @midwinter-stars and I hope you realize I'm gonna be copypasting both of our RPs into a document and slapping that shit onto AO3 with both our names attached •I had this one really cute DazAtsu-ish RP where Dazai kept trying to drown himself so Atsushi saved him then they ended up frolicking in the park. Sorta. •That one Vocaloid song called Error. I wanna work that in somewhere somehow. •ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN ON MY FUCKING GOD THIS SONG IS UTTER PERFECTION FOR NATE LIKE PICTURE NATE AS CALM AND CLASSY AS EVER BUT HES HOLDING A FUCKING  S H O T G U N AAAAAA I GOTTA ADD THIS IN SOMWHERE I HAVE. TO. WRITE. NATEGUN. •Alternatively - Ginger with a Shotgun. (I DON'T CARE IF THE GUILD'LL EVER TAKE ME BAAAAAAAACK--) •Fitzgegerld is a dumb bitch legend and if I'm not ever gonna find time to draw him I may as well write him at some point • Alternatively, again - that Brandon Rogers video called The CEO but with Fitzgerald. How amazing would that be. Literally just Fitzgerald going through his daily life and I somehow incorporate every line of dialog in there ("Nathaniel I'm walking through a FUCKING FOUNTAIN right now.") •So I saw Unedited Footage of a Bear recently. It was one of those weird, creepy 3 AM commercials on Adult Swim everyone knows about. It really messed with me, to be honest. The website had me tripping balls, and I'm still not certain if I found all the secrets it had to offer. In summary - I'm probably gonna write about Nathaniel having some fucked up hallucinations maybe. •Oguri Mushitarou is a fucking pillow princess send tweet •PoK is really fucked up and I already have like 12 drabbles being written all at once hlep •pLEASE DON'T LET OUR LOOOVE TUUUUURN OOOOUT INTO A TRADGEDY LIKE IT WAs FOR JULIEETTT T  TAKE ME AWAY INTO YOUR AAAARMS IT'S ALL I ASK OF YOOOOu (in summary - Romeo and Cinderella) •Koyou Ozaki - unintentionaly turning straight Canadian chicks with shitty anime tumblr blogs into lesbians since her debut. •I HAVE SO MANY LEMON IDEAS JUST PILING UP YOU GUYS MAY AS WELL START CALLING ME KAJII AT THIS POINT BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD ITS NEVER GONNA GET ANY BETTER, ONLY WORSE