#fyi I’m going to vent in the tags so don’t read them

[sweetlilbird]

Gender…

[thefreakymunson]

hi! I just read your vessel fic and I loved it so much, it's literally everything I've been looking for! 😭 could I request a vessel or III/reader where him and the reader have a date night (maybe smut implied, totally up to you!)?

(If you want smut, i'm more than happy to write it haha! Just FYI <3)

Vessel was standing behind you, arms on either side as you two looked out over the ocean.  You were able to go out on this tour with them, which was great, but you two severely lacked any alone time.  The other guys were always there, which you were well accustomed to.  But going on 4 weeks of constantly being interrupted, it was the first time you got to be alone with Vessel. It was a warm summers night, a lay over in a beach town.  Once quiet night away from the loud music every night. 

While it was rare you got conventional date nights – there were no reservations to be made when you didn’t know exactly where you were, these nights were your favorite.  Your own version of a date night.  He’d whisk you away to some quiet place he had found, spend a few moments together, and then you two would settle on a restaurant in whatever city, only to come back to the hotel and spend the rest of the night wrapped in each other.

But this night…it was different.

You two had slept in way too late and by the time you were getting your day started, the restaurants were packed for the dinner time rush.  You spent most of the day walking around and sight seeing what little bit you could, but for the rest of the night, you were stumped on what to do for dinner, which led the two of you to standing out on a peer over the ocean. 

You rested your head back against his chest as a warm breeze washed over you and the scent of the salty ocean filled the air. 

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing a little bit down the beach. 

Your gaze followed the direction he was pointing in and he took you by the hand, leading you down to the illuminated picnic table.  When you realized what was happening, and saw the tall dark shadow of iii ducking away from the scene, you couldn’t help but almost tear up.  There were two plates set out with pasta on them, a bottle of champaign, and candles everywhere.

“Vessel…” You stared up at him in shock.

“Hmm?” He asked, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“This is so sweet,” you nearly pouted up at him, “You planned this?”

“No, we’re totally stealing some other guy’s romantic dinner.” He said sarcastically, causing you to chuckle.

“Well, sucks to be them.” You smirked.

You filled two wine glasses with the chilled champaign as the two of you talked and chatted about your day.  It was the best way to spend an off day in your opinion.  Other women might’ve demanded romantic reservations at high end fancy restaurants, but you realized years ago that wasn’t what you needed.  As long as you got time with Vessel every once in a while, you were content. 

“What’s on your mind?” He asked, his eyes nearly bearing straight into you once he realized you had gone quiet.

“I’m just realizing how lucky I am,” you said with a small smile, “Like you’re really getting to live your dreams and I get to tag along sometimes and…I’m just so proud of you.”

He reached over the table and slotted his fingers with yours, his thumb easily brushing over the back of your hand.  “Yeah, well none if it would be possible without you.”

“No, don’t discredit yourself.  You worked so hard for this and I’m not looking for credit, Ves.  I-“

“You think I’d be able to do all of this without you?” He cut you off and furrowed his brows at you, “I owe you so much, Y/N.”

“Huh?”

“I mean without you, I’d have gone insane a long fucking time ago.  How many times have I came to you so frustrated that I hated myself and you always calmed me down? How many times have I vented or just raged to you?” He laughed, “I don’t trust anyone else like that.  None of this is possible without you, baby…you’re kinda like my back bone in a sense…my rock.”

You swallowed thickly as you looked over at him.  He leaned further over the table, pressing a kiss to your lips as he stroked his thumb over your cheek.

“Not discrediting myself, just showing appreciation for the reason I still force myself to keep going.” He said, his thumb ghosting over your bottom lip, “I love you, Y/N.”

“Take me back to the hotel and show me just how much you love me,” you said, pressing a kiss to the padding of his thumb.

[smokedturtles]

Introduction post????

Hi!! I used to be on Instagram as an anime account back in the middle school (idk if y’all followed peppermint.sticks but if you did that’s me!!). I’m back on here mainly bc I want anime art but I am also open to meeting new people!!!

I have a very busy social life (full time college student, pretty outgoing etc.) so my messaging time could be delayed…here is some about me

I’m gonna keep my name out of posting for right now!! If u wanna be friends just dm me lol. I’m 19, bisexual, and majoring in Enviornmental science specifically renewable energy. Pronouns are she/her/hers. I am also in a relationship with my amazing long distance army boyfriend since February 2021!! I have a lot of interests, but public health and urban planning are some of them!! Personality I am a very empathetic kind person (will not be a doormat lol), smart, and ambitious. I joke around a lot and consider myself to be pretty caring. As for hobbies I love hanging out with my friends, partying, writing (I used to write short stories and even books but I always drop them bc I’m lazy), (maybe I’ll post snippets of what I write??), drawing (less frequent now), and tarot reading. I play piano not as frequently though. I’m also quite absorbed in my religion (which now has become modern day spirituality…quite frustrating pls stop white washing my religion) which is Hinduism and Buddhism and a big advocate on eliminating all the misconceptions and trying to bring back the power to it!! Stop calling your crystals, chakras, yoga practices and energy spirituality!! It’s Hinduism!!!

‼️PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL ANIMES THAT HAVE NOT CAUGHT UP TO THE MANGA. PLEASE TAG IF THERE ARE SPOILERS. ESPECIALLY AOT. I DO NOT READ MANGA.‼️

An extensive list of my animes I have watched can be found on my anime list (the website)! My username is andimhome (I’m attaching a link). There you will see my interests. I update it frequently. But… top 3 have got to be (and this was a hard list) Sakik K, AOT, and steins gate!!

My favorite movie is Spirited Away!! I’m trying to watch all of the Studio Ghibli movies!!

I am also into vocaloids, or getting back into them I should say!! Favorite one is Rin <3 I know it’s basic to say my favorite songs are the daughter of evil series, but I don’t care because they are!!

Sometimes I might go into small rants or tangents on here to vent, probably won’t like often, once in a blue moon. But just an FYI!!

I have such a wide music taste and I will always send you my playlists if you need it!! Some artists I like (not limited to at all): Uzi, Travis Scott, Kanye, Drake, Suicide Boys, Lil Peep, TV girl, Mitski, RKS, Eden

That’s it!! I hope we can be friends!!

[amairainherlilbubble]

Okay enough is enough.....I don't know who's gonna read this but I just want to vent out my anger.

First of all, I'm not a kind of person who would stick on to one particular thing for long time. My interests changes every now and then. But I'm still able to stick on to BTS because of JIMIN. Let me make things clear before people misunderstand. I respect and like all the members and love their songs too but I truly adore Jimin more. There are times when I used to hear few BTS songs just to listen to jimin's voice or watch few BTS MV or performances just to see jimin's dance breaks. I know BTS is OT7 and all the 7 members make BTS but I'm strongly JIMIN biased.

So I just adore this guy to hell. Now coming to memories 2020, ofcourse I didn't buy any DVD, I have only watched videos whichever had JIMIN in it which was posted by some twitter accounts. And I have posted all the videos I have watched so far. Except for some JIKOOK moments which I have not posted.

So what is the problem now??? The problem is some people are stupid. I'm actually tired of people talking shit about Jimin. So there was this part where Jimin playfully went close to Jungkook's face and that's it. It just triggered some people or should I just say some nonsense shippers??? They just started their #savejungkook campaign. Like seriously!!!!! They even said Jimin must stop doing fanservice as if you know everything???? And what not I even read a tweet which said even Suga said "he doesn't like it when Jimin goes overboard just to please people!!!!" but if my memory serves me right then Suga never said like this instead he said something like this with a huge smile- "nowadays jiminiee is so funny and sometimes he overdoes just to make members laugh" yes, sometimes he clown himself to make people around him smile/laugh. That's how jimin is. He always try and make people happy and smile. And that's why I like him. He's so pure hearted. He isn't doing fanservice. He's just being himself.

And now coming to Jungkook's being uncomfortable... My question is why would he be uncomfortable? If he was uncomfortable, I'm sure Jimin would have not even touched him. Why people think Jungkook would be uncomfortable with Jimin out of everyone??? Seriously people!!!!! See now it's not about JIKOOK being real or other ship being real. It's about a pure bond which is being dismissed under fanservice tag. I don't know about you people but as I said I really focus on JIMIN most of the times in almost all the BTS contents. And I know this is complete bullshit to say/think that Jungkook hates being touched by Jimin.

First of all, Jimin doesn't clung onto Jungkook all the time. But I agree Jimin always gives Jungkook his full attention and encourages him every now and then. Ofcourse, every member does but not everytime. Jimin has always supported and adored Jungkook. And I have also seen moments where if Jimin doesn't give Jungkook his attention, then Jungkook becomes sulky and he himself approaches Jimin and yeah some stupid people can't see those moments as usual. Jimin is not harassing anyone, so please stop portraying him in that way. I saw a account mentioning bts_twt and telling them what to do like seriously??? She/he is jinkook shipper. That person is telling that she/he knows the truth which she/he got from some inside source that jikook is not real which is completely fine. But what does that have anything to do with Jimin being affectionate with Jungkook???? Why bashing Jimin in the name of fanservice and now it has become too extreme harassment?? Assault??? Do you think your beloved baby kook is still a baby??? Grow up you people...he isn't a kid anymoreeeeee. He knows what is what. People need not poke their noses and go for hash tags.

And most importantly I don't think Jimin needs any fanservice to please his fans. He can just simply sit there and people will still be pleased. He doesn't lack talents you fools. He has got his angelic vocals and dancing skills, ethereal beauty, charm, elegance to attract people. I don't care you who are, but don't drag Jimin down to ease your shipping or to prove your points or in the name of fanservice.

FYI : JUNGKOOK HAS ALWAYS SAID I MEAN ALWAYS SINCE THEIR DEBUT IN ONE OR THE OTHER WAY THAT JIMIN HAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM WHENEVER HE NEEDED SUPPORT/COMFORT.

It's fine if you can't love Jimin but stop hating and spreading hatredness about him. He doesn't deserve this.

[cherryyharryy]

This is not Harry related fyi.

One of my resolutions was to start working out, as it is every year. Obviously, I never follow through with it, or it wouldn’t be a resolution.

But I do feel more determined this year, and I think I have a better grip of what it means to exercise, and exercise in a healthy way. February is almost over, and I’m doing well with the goals I set for myself before the new year.

I was (and still am) so incredibly weak—physically. It took nothing for me to become winded. A few steps, and I’m catching my breath. Lifting something heavy, yeah, not gonna happen. At the end of December I was taking my dog out, and I needed to use an umbrella. I was outside for maybe ten minutes, if that, and I ended up completely soaked to the bone, because I didn’t have the strength to hold the umbrella up any longer.

That was such an eye-opening moment for me. I already knew I wasn’t in good shape, and walking up my stairs every day was the reminder. But not being able to hold an umbrella…that slapped me across the face.

So, I decided to plan out my ‘exercise’, where in previous years, my resolution was just to work out. I knew I needed to be specific, and set smaller attainable goals.

Because I was so weak, I decided to start out the first two months doing those 30 day challenges, that I’m sure you’ve seen on Pinterest (and probably other places but I don’t use any other social).

January was push ups, squats, and crunches, in an attempt to target as much of my body without running myself into the ground. I needed to start off slow and easy, because if I tried jumping into a serious workout right away, I would have either ended up hurt, or simply physically incapable of performing the exercises. Either way, I would have given up by January 2nd.

I almost completed it. I had gastroenteritis the last week of January (NOT fun), and was not in a place to do any kind of physical activity. I didn’t know I had this (is it an infection? Virus?) which means I did things to worsen it—not going to elaborate because it’s not pretty lol. I was irritated that I couldn’t finish the 30 days, but I pushed that out of my head, and looked forward to February.

In February I kicked it up a (tiny) notch. Push ups (again, but for the first half of the month, I doubled the amount), calf raises, some kind of reverse crunch, wall sit, and plank. I fucking got sick AGAIN like at the end of the first week of Feb., I think. But, I kept going (not while I was sick). This time, since it wasn’t the end of the month, I wanted to kind of ‘make up’ what I’d missed. So I doubled up some of the days, meaning I would do one day’s challenge in the morning, and then another later in the evening. I’m sure this had little to no effect on me physically, it was more of a mental need to cross those days off on my calendar.

It is now February 25, and I have just a few days left before I’m finished with this month’s challenges. I’m all caught up, and today I did a 4 minute 10 second plank, same time for my wall sit. I can do 50 push-ups in a row without breaking a sweat. And the other exercises are less of a strain—I don’t have to stop constantly.

I know that working out the exact same muscles everyday by doing the exact same exercises isn’t ideal. This was more of an attempt to gain some strength, stamina, and confidence. On January 1st, I had to do 5 push-ups, and I collapsed to the floor, arms shaking, and had to lay there for a few minutes before I could get up. No, I can’t lift 20 pounds over my head or do a pull up, but I’ve clearly made some improvement.

My goal was to start Kayla Itsines’ BBG workout on March 2nd. I’m terrified that I’ll quit, which is the main reason I’m taking the time to spill out all this nonsense that no one asked for. I want to hold myself accountable, and I want something more physical (this post) to come back to when I’ll inevitably feel like throwing in the towel.

I bought her workout, in 2017 I think. I started it last year in April, and quit by June. I want to finish it. I’m also scared that I won’t see the changes I want to see in the mirror. I know I shouldn’t compare my body/progress/results to anyone else, but looking at other women's before and after pictures is motivational, and the thought of not having an ‘after’ picture that I can feel good about is enough for me to not start this workout.

But, even if my expectations for my body are unattainable because that’s not what my body is supposed to look like, I think the only way for me to truly, finally, find that out, is to reach the end of this workout, and still want to keep exercise in my life no matter what that picture shows.

I know myself well enough to know, that I cannot be happy with the way I look if I’m doing nothing to incorporate physical activity in my life. My arms do not look different between me hardly being able to do 5 push-ups, and doing 50…and then another 50 a few minutes later. But I like my arms more. I like that when I needed an umbrella yesterday, I stayed dry. I like the way they look just a little bit more, even though they haven’t changed, it’s my outlook and confidence that has changed, as corny and cliché as that sounds.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, I wanted to say that if you have resolutions or just goals that you want for yourself, and are having trouble keeping them, starting them, etc., I’d love to hear from you. I’d love to form maybe some kind of tag where we can help each other, encourage each other, offer advice, vent or complain, share struggles and successes. This post, like I said is primarily for myself, but if anyone wants to join in, please feel free to—no matter your goal, it doesn’t have to be fitness related.

I won’t post my before picture that I’ll be taking next week. (In this work out, you’re ‘supposed’ to take weekly progress pictures of yourself). If I feel like it, I will post my before and after pictures when I complete the workout in a few months, God willing I get there haha. I haven’t even shown my face on here, so my body is a bit…😬

Okay, I think that’s all for now. I am going to update this post throughout my time spent doing the workout (I think it’s 8 weeks, but I’ll be doing the 4 week beginner course too. I could be wrong idk, I’ll have to look).

Oh, and I want to say, if you want to know about the BBG workout, you can ask! I did pay for it, and technically I shouldn’t give out the workout for free to anyone—the info for this is on the pdf workout. So please don’t ask me to send you the different workouts, because I don’t feel comfortable doing that.

Kayla’s website 

[flipper-kisses]

🚨

Looks like I need to do one of these again.

I have seen screen shots of asks from here on twitter with people bitching about me and this blog. I have seen people bitching about this blog on other blogs. People bitching that I’ve blocked them. Yes, I have. That exists for a reason.

Look, if you want to come here and say something that’s on your mind and bothering you about Rami or L, and you don’t want to do it on your own blog because you’re afraid of whatever...I’m taking the heat that comes from it for you. Just please be aware of that.

If you’re coming here and reading asks that you don’t agree with, and you don’t like it, please block the tag rami vent and move on. Don’t fucking screen shot it and take it elsewhere to discuss. I feel like this blog has become more of a discussion forum for people to go back and forth and have conversations. If you have a problem with me, take it to my messages and actually TALK TO ME about it instead of behind my back. Funny how I say that I’m open for having these conversations but no one actually does that.

I will post most people’s opinions, and just FYI, just because I post them does NOT mean I agree with them. Anons thoughts do not represent my own unless I say so! I have gotten messages that say I delete asks just because I don’t agree with them, which is not true. You can’t have it both fucking ways. If I agree, I say so. If I don’t, I say so. If I say nothing I don’t feel one way or another.

For people saying I don’t speak up, to put this bluntly, you’re WRONG. People who think this is a lucy hate zone, you’re WRONG. I have posted many, many different asks defending her, as well as saying things in her defense myself. So - no. It’s not a lucy hate zone. I actually went back and looked at a lot of stuff posted over the past few days and there is a LOT in here that is in her defense. It’s been a lot of different conversations. I feel like it’s important not to look at situations from just one side, and I try to make that clear. Sorry if It hasn’t been clear enough.

If you’re disappointed with me, or hate me, or feel some type of way towards me, please don’t follow me or block me. That won’t bother me. I will tag asks as #rami vent so you can add that tag to your block list as well.

[orionsangel86]

So, after a long conversation with super-powerful-queen-slaynna, whom you can thank for me sending this message, so like... if you like it good, if you don't blame them, I do want to apologize for assuming you were saying people can't talk about Destiel, its shippers and how much they dislike it in their group chats. That's what the post came off to me, as if you were policing what people could and couldn't say in these GC about Destiel. Slaynna made me realiza that you meant your post as a 1/2

warning to Destiel shippers who might wander into them. I understand this, because whenever a Destiel shipper follows me, I make it a point to warn them my blog might not be a positive space for them precisely to avoid this sort of unplesant interactions. It also came off as you were invalidating and dismissing the bad experiences people might have had with misbehaving Destiel shippers, which I'm sure you're nice enough NOT to do. My beef is really not with you, or Tink, or any other Destiel 2/?

meta writer, my beef is with shippers who are genuinely hateful and do hateful things. You simply came off as you didn't believe there are Destiel shippers who do these things at all. That say, I won't apologize for venting to like-minded people about my utter dislike for the ship, because we do in fact do that. But I don't think it's fair you walked in on us at that point and extrapolated that's all we do. BTW there is in fact an Anti-Destiel GC and the irony is, if you had walked into that 3/4

one 24hrs earlier, you would have in fact found people gushing about Megstiel and Sastiel, LMAO. 4/4

...

Okay, I’ll give you pointers for being bold enough to come explain this in my ask box, and I commend @super-powerful-queen-slayyna for reaching out to try to calm the stormy seas. I am most likely not going to make any further comments on that post anyway because it has blown out of control and has escalated into a full blown ship war post which I never wanted when I sent it. It’s now Destiel shippers and my friends trying to defend me or people blatantly calling me names and using unnecessary language which I am not even going to acknowledge or give the time of day as I don’t go in for that sort of childish name calling (unless you count my use of the word bronly but some things I think even we can agree are a necessary evil).

My post was a response to my own hurt and irritation at coming across two GCs, one for Sastiel, and one for Megstiel, which were both recommended to me by Tumblr, which were not tagged as anti-Destiel that I could see, that appeared on the surface to simply be places for people to discuss and squee over those ships. In both GCs I saw nothing but hate and lies and other upsetting comments about Destiel and Destiel shippers. It was extremely disheartening to see that in what on the surface appeared to be safe spaces. Because here’s the thing, these shipper GCs should be safe spaces. I have friends that are multishippers, that like Sastiel (and even the odd few who like Megstiel even though admittedly I don’t anymore.) There are plenty of other people out there in fandom that might like all three ships (I’d imagine those people simply want Cas to have all the love in which case SAME). 

To get one point very clear, I don’t actually care if people hate Destiel. I’m not going to preach to anyone about Destiel unless someone comes to me directly or comes scrolling my blog. I always tag Destiel so anyone who uses Tumblr blacklist should be able to avoid my blog completely. I would never intentionally go looking in an anti Destiel chat group. I’ve seen it all before anyway and it’s the same old arguments that really don’t affect my shipping preferences or my beliefs. 

What annoyed me was that those GCs were not anti Destiel chats. They were Megstiel and Sastiel chats. They were places where impressionable young Megstiel and Sastiel shippers could come across, who have zero feelings towards Destiel, and find themselves being told a bunch of lies and nasty crap about Destiel shippers and the ship. They are places where Destiel shippers who like to ship those other ships too might come across and suddenly find themselves isolated and alienated, which only perpetuates retaliation from those Destiel shippers and potentially causes the hate that you stress is so virulent among Destiel shippers to begin with.

My post was a warning for multishippers who are also Destiel shippers or at least Destiel friendly, that those GCs were being used to spread hate about Destiel. It was also an FYI to the people in those GCs that their hatred was very much public, in case they weren’t aware. I tagged the ships because I wanted people who ship Megstiel and Sastiel to see it, especially if they are Destiel friendly, because yeah, I’d want them to avoid those GCs.

Yes I then got snarky. I claimed that this does kinda prove a point because no Destiel GC that I’ve seen includes a bunch of hate and nastiness aimed at other ships. Sure, there is a high chance that there are hateful Destiel shippers out there. There are certainly a lot of bitter people on Twitter who piss me off when they scream queerbaiting at the writers so yes, of course there are bad eggs. I was shocked that from what I saw, there was no squee or shared theories or excitement about the ships, just page after page of hate aimed at Destiel shippers. So yes, perhaps I happened upon both convos right when those topics cropped up (which would be rather coincidental) and perhaps I had just missed the topics that I was interested in checking out - the theories, the meta, the spec... That’s what I was interested in. Since these GCs are a way to keep a finger on the pulse of what the fandom might be thinking in terms of the show and shipping and I was curious. Believe it or not I actually like to keep an open mind even though Megstiel is something that gives me a bad taste in my mouth ever since I sat myself down and truly thought about it. 

I generalised. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but those GC convos pissed me off. I don’t know a single Destiel shipper who would spend hours of their day just ranting about how awful Megstiel shippers are and how much they hate the pairing. I HAVE debated with friends about the suspected infiltration of the Megstiel ship by Bronlies who are using Meg to get Cas out of the way and to be spiteful towards Destiel shippers. This IS something that has been happening in recent years and I think even you admitted that in one of your replies to my post.

I also wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience with hate. I would never do that. The one thing I will say about anon hate in particular is that you don’t know who it is coming from. I occasionally get anon hate but I certainly don’t immediately assume it’s a w*ncest shipper just because I can’t stand w*ncest. Getting a message in your ask box that says “go kill yourself” is horrible, believe me, I know. But if that’s all it is, you can’t assume the sender was a shipper at all. Unless the message was “I ship Destiel and you can go kill yourself” you just can’t assume. If you have had actual Destiel shippers come and attack and threaten you and send you those messages directly then 1. I am so so sorry because no one deserves that kind of abuse, and 2. I hope you exposed them if you could. Because if there is one thing I have learnt about the Destiel shippers in MY circles, it’s that we find that kind of behaviour completely unacceptable and we WILL call it out from our own side if we see it. 

The reason I have such a high opinion of Destiel shippers being the “nice” people in fandom is simply because I have never seen that kind of behaviour from them. I interact with a lot of people. I have seen Destiel shippers get overly passionate, I have seen them get upset and angry when people lash out at them. I have seen them turn bitter and negative and go off on rants about the show. I have seen them dog pile on an anti’s post to provide evidence against a false claim “Kripke said he’s straight” and I thought it was a bit much... but it wasn’t hate. It was a reaction to years and years and years of being laughed at, called delusional, mocked and ridiculed by all other sides within the fandom. Destiel shippers are desperate for validation. They are desperate to disprove the lies. If people actually listened to us, or read the countless posts that have been written clearly providing evidence and sources to disprove every lie and false claim against Destiel perhaps we wouldn’t be so defensive. That’s what happens when you’ve been gaslighted for 11 years. 

But regardless, I’m not here to get involved in shipping wars. You’ll continue going on hating Destiel, and I will continue going on and, well, not hating, but very much disliking Megstiel in canon (though I have read some very sweet Destiel fics where Meg is Cas’s best friend and enjoyed the characterisations there.) 

My post was never to gatekeep and stop you from ranting about Destiel. Rant away to your hearts content. As I said above I really don’t care if people hate it. All I ask, is that you keep that kind of content in places that are clearly labelled as anti Destiel. So that should a Destiel shipper want to check out a Sastiel or a Megstiel GC, they can do, without feeling completely unwelcome and hated on just for enjoying Dean and Cas’s relationship as well. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. All it takes is one tag right? Create your Megstiel GC and by all means rant about Destiel in it, but please just tag it as Anti Destiel.

Thank you for reaching out to me and explaining your side of things. I do appreciate it. 

[sweetlysilent]

Apartment 509 (Part Ten)

Pairing: Roommate!Fuckboy!Tom x Reader

Summary: Just when things were starting to look up, everything came crashing down within a blink of an eye, but the universe has a way of balancing things out.

A/N: Wow hello everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve updated Apartment 509. These past few months have really taken a toll on me, hence why it took me forever to write part ten, but now it’s finally here!! I’m really happy with how it turned out. This is technically the last part of Apartment 509, which is kind of a bittersweet moment for me because I loved writing this series so much, but there will be an epilogue! It’ll be considered part eleven. That being said, I hope you all enjoy this part, I put so much thought into how I wanted it to end, it may cause some tears just an fyi. Also, this is the longest fic I’ve ever written, it’s 7.9k words. Okok I’m gonna stop rambling now, love you all, enjoy. xx

Apartment 509 (Masterlist) | Main Masterlist | Part Nine

If you’d like to be tagged for this mini-series feel free to shoot me an ask, or you can add yourself to the Apartment 509 Tag List + Feel free to add yourself to my personal tag list if you’d like! Happy Reading! :)

You sat on the edge of your bed, blankets hanging off the mattress, tears rimming your eyes as you stared blankly at the floor. The only thing making a sound was your heart thumping wildly in your ears. Your hands were as cold as ice, but you barely even noticed, your whole body being completely numb, even though your mind knew you were shaking.

The sound of a door opening and slamming shut filled your ears, footsteps making their way down towards your room, before your bedroom door swung open. Madison’s concerned expression contorted into one of worry, her eyes raking in your shutdown appearance.

“Y/N.. What’s going on? I got here as quick as I could.” Madison spoke quietly, making her way over towards you, as she knelt down in front of you. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.” She stated, raising a brow as you blinked a few times, your blurry eyes flickering to hers.

“It’s my father..” You whispered, a tear slipping down your cheek as your eyebrows scrunched together, “H-He’s in the hospital..” You paused, your throat aching as you tried to hold back your sobs, “He had a h-heart attack Mads, t-they don’t know i-if he’ll make it.” You choked out, unable to hold back any longer, a waterfall of tears streaming down your cheeks.

Madison’s eyes widened, her face falling at the news about your father, her heart aching for you. She knew how much he meant to you, he was, is, your only parental figure you had left.

“I should have known something was wrong Mads, I should’ve known.” You cried into her shoulder, her arms wrapped around your crumbling figure. “Don’t do that Y/N, you can’t blame yourself for not knowing.” Madison tried to reason with you, she wouldn’t let you blame yourself for something you had no control of, let alone knowledge of.

“I should’ve called him the second the payment for school stopped, it was a sign, and I ignored it.” You sobbed, your eyes now red and puffy as you looked at her. “Y/N, take a deep breath, please.” Madison whispered, a sorrow expression on her face as you inhaled and exhaled a breath, your body growing tired.

“Why don’t I take you to the hospital so you can see him.” Madison offered as you nodded your head slowly in response. You stood up, grabbing a hoodie off your bed, which was actually Tom’s hoodie, but in the current moment you didn’t even realize, too focused on putting on your boots that kept your feet warm. You both exited your room, Madison pulling out her car keys, the sound capturing Jacob’s attention, causing him to look up.

“Madison?” He questioned, grabbing her attention as she turned her head to look at him. “What’re you doing here?” He questioned, confusion written all over his face. “Y/N called me.” She stated vaguely, glancing over at you as you made your way in front of her, your eyes flickering over towards Jacob.

“Oh my god, Y/N, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Jacob immediately questioned the second he saw you walk into his line of sight. You let out a sniffle, a tear trickling down your now splotchy cheeks. “My father is in the hospital, he had a heart attack.” You spoke quietly, your voice monotone, scaring Jacob slightly at how emotionless you sounded.

He didn’t know what to say, he knew you were falling apart on the inside, he knew how important your father was to you. His heart broke for you, remembering the day where you opened up with him and told him about your mother passing away. Now here he was, witnessing you go through it all over again, but this time it was so much worse.

“I’m taking Y/N to the hospital, you’re welcome to join us there.” Madison offered as Jacob nodded silently, before Madison motioned for you to go ahead of her, exiting the apartment.

Jacob chewed on his lower lip anxiously, pacing around the kitchen as he tossed his phone back and forth between his hands, debating on whether or not to call Tom. He knew things were complicated between the two of you at the moment, but this was serious.

He let out a breath, pulling up Tom’s contact name, about to press the call button when he heard keys jingling and the main door opening once more. Tom and Harrison’s voices filling his ears. Now not only did he have to tell Tom, but he had to tell Harrison too.

“Jacob! Mate! Are you home?” Tom called out, removing his coat as Harrison kicked his shoes off, trailing behind Tom. “Kitchen!” Jacob called back, swallowing nervously as he ran his hand across his forehead, going to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water.

“Hey man.” Tom greeted, entering the kitchen, Harrison walking beside him as Jacob smiled. “Hey guys,” He nodded his head towards the both of them, taking a swig of the cool liquid, “How’re you doing Haz?” Jacob asked, wanting to try to get his mind off of you and everything going on.

“Honestly, I’m already doing much better.” Harrison admitted, a faint smile on his lips as Tom patted his back. “As much as I hate going there, it really does help me, I can just vent their and it makes me feel so much better.” Harrison smiled softly, fiddling with his fingers. 

“I also got medication prescribed to me today, my therapist says that’ll help keep me stable, and my psychiatrist agreed with her.” Harrison added on, his eyes a bit brighter as both Tom and Jacob smiled.

“That’s great man.” Jacob smiled, as Tom grinned at his friend. “I’m so proud of you mate, you’ve come such a long way.” Tom congratulated him, giving him a hug as Harrison chuckled at the gesture.

“Thanks guys.. I really do owe it all to you.. And Y/N.” Harrison smiled, his voice a bit quieter when he said your name. He knew bringing you up was a risky move, but it was true, he really did owe you one.

“Speaking of Y/N, where is she?” Tom spoke up, his brows furrowing as he crossed his arms, glancing down the hall to see your door open. It struck him as unusual, it was a Saturday night, you had told him earlier that you had homework that you needed to get done. Plus, you had also agreed to wanting to have a movie night with him, but now, you were nowhere to be seen.

“Jacob?” Tom pressed, turning his gaze to his other roommate, his eyes narrowing slightly as Jacob let out a defeated sigh. “Alright, if I tell you guys, promise me you’ll handle it professionally.” Jacob started, giving both of them a serious expression as they both nodded in response, their attention solely focused on Jacob.

“Y/N’s father had a heart attack, she’s at the hospital right now with Mackenzie.” Jacob spoke cautiously, noticing their expressions fall immediately. “Is she okay?” Harrison breathed out, a worried expression on his face as Tom stood in silence. 

“I’m not going to lie to you guys, she’s broken, I’m not sure if she’s going to be able to overcome this, especially if he doesn’t make it.” Jacob admitted, another sigh escaping his lips as he rubbed his chin.

“Then we need to be there for her, now more than ever.” Tom insisted, pulling his keys back out and heading right for the door, grabbing his coat along the way. Harrison gave Jacob a questioning glance, but let it go, quickly going to put his shoes on as Jacob shut the door behind him.

They weren’t going to let you go through this alone.

- ❁ -

You had gotten to the hospital ten minutes ago, and now you were stuck in the waiting room. You couldn’t sit still, your foot tapping against the white tiled floor, your eyes constantly flickering to every spot in the room while you anxiously chewed on your thumb nail.

Madison glanced over at you, her eyes full of worry, she had never seen you like this before. The only time in her entire life that she had ever seen you upset was during school when you had slept through your alarm and missed class, and then.. With Tom.

She cleared her throat, capturing your attention as you looked over at her, a brow raised. “I know this is the absolute worst time to bring this up, but I just really need to get his off my chest.” She paused, taking a breath as her nerves increased, causing your heart to sink even further down into your stomach. “About Tom?” You spoke quietly, your voice hoarse from crying so much.

You knew you were going to have to have this conversation eventually.

“Yeah.. About Tom.” She nodded, her voice quiet like yours as she focused on her hands. “What I did Y/N.. I know it’s fucked up, it’s haunted me since the day it happened.” She sniffled, the guilt overwhelming her as your face softened.

“I don’t know what came over me that night, I had gone out to a party with Abby and Scarlet, we were having fun, drinking and dancing, and then next thing I know I’m with Tom in the apartment, and then after that it’s all a blur.” Madison explained, the memories flooding her head, tears trickling down her cheeks.

“When I woke up the next morning I was so confused, until I saw him laying next to me, I felt horrible Y/N, I still do.” She choked out, wiping away the tears on her face.

“I betrayed you, I went behind your back and hooked up with your roommate when you told me not to.” She ranted, her breathing becoming heavier the more she spoke. You placed your hand on her arm, causing her to look up at you.

You gave her a weak smile, “I know,” You whispered, watching another tear slip down her cheek. “You should hate me.” She whispered, tears rimming her eyes once more as you frowned at her words. “I could never hate you,” You shook your head, holding her hand tightly, “You’re my best friend.” You sighed, as she let out a broken laugh.

“Yeah.. A best friend that hurt you.” She sniffled, guilt still eating away at her. “Yeah, you did, but I know you regret doing it, and that’s what matters.” You explained, as she gave you a questionable look.

“I forgive you Mads.” You mumbled, a faint smile on your lips as she gave you one back, before she engulfed you in a tight hug. “I love you so much Y/N, I don’t think I could ever go through not speaking to you ever again.” Madison spoke into your shoulder, giving you one more squeeze before letting go.

“I agree, there’s so much that has happened that I need to catch you up on.” You confessed, twiddling your fingers nervously. “Spill.” Madison stated, sitting up straighter in her chair, facing you directly as a sigh escaped your lips. “I’ll start from where I left off with you last.”

For the next hour or so you told Madison everything, you told her about your dates with Harrison, and how much of a gentleman he was and how he always made you feel so special. 

However, you then did a complete one eighty and told her about how Tom had to save you from Harrison, and how he had gotten violent. You then went on to tell her about your feelings towards Tom, and how you ended up sleeping with him, but what really got her was when you told her that Tom confessed his feelings to you.

“I am feeling so many emotions right now, I’m unable to process this Y/N.” Madison spoke, her eyes closed as she rose her hands up in front of her face, her face scrunching up slightly. “I’m just going to unleash everything.” She nodded her head, more so talking to herself than you, before she reopened her eyes, seeing an amused smile on your face.

She took a deep breath, before her eyes widened, “I can’t believe you and Tom fucked!” She exclaimed, whacking your arm as you pouted at her in response, whilst shushing her. “Like I knew you guys would eventually because the sexual tension you both had for one another was intense, and it still is.” Madison winked, causing your face to heat up.

“How was he? Everything you dreamed of?” Madison grinned, wiggling her eyebrows at you as your eyes widened, your mouth becoming dry. “I-I mean..” You stammered, your face bright like a red tomato. “Oh shit, he really did a number on you, he’s got you speechless.” Madison smirked, a brow raising on her forehead as you choked on air.

“It was just that good.” You confessed, your words coming out a bit mumbled, you were already embarrassed beyond belief, so you decided you might as well be honest. “It’s like he knew my body more than I knew it myself, he knew exactly what to do to make me putty in his hands.” You licked your lip, heat radiating off your face the more you spoke.

“He has some magical hands, and his mouth..” You shut your eyes, reminiscing in that moment, before Madison hit your shoulder, causing you to whine and rub it. “I regret ever bringing up your sex life.” She groaned, a teasing smile on her face, before it turned serious.

You knew immediately by the look on her face that she was pissed, which could only mean one thing for the next topic of discussion.

“The next time I see that British blonde haired boy I’m going to kill him.” She seethed, her eyes narrowed as she clenched her jaw. “What he did to you deserves my foot up his ass and my hands around his throat.” She snarled, her eyes becoming a darker shade as you sat quietly, letting her vent out all her rage towards Harrison.

You began to zone out her ranting, a bad habit that you’d grown accustomed to from your late night classes when your professor wouldn’t stop talking. Your eyes focused once more around the waiting room, until your eyes flickered over towards the main entrance of the room, the light brown wooden door opening.

The second you saw the familiar brown curls you felt your heart skip a beat, your eyes softening as they locked with your favorite chocolate brown ones. However, your expression faltered slightly when you saw who followed behind him.

Harrison.

Realization dawned on you immediately, your head snapping over to Madison who was already sending daggers towards Harrison. Her jaw was clenched, hands balled up into fists as Tom glanced between you and Madison, before looking at Harrison, his eyes widening when he made the connection.

Tom motioned for Jacob to move in front of Harrison, Madison instantly standing up, storming over to the three of them. “You’re so dead Osterfield.” She growled, trying to shove past Tom as she attempted to swing at Harrison’s face.

“Tom! Let me go! Right now!” Madison shouted, squirming in his grasp as she continued to fight against him. “Look, I know you’re mad-” Tom started to explain, but got caught off by Madison elbowing him in the stomach, causing him to groan.

“I’m not mad, I’m pissed as hell!” She seethed, attempting to swing at Harrison once again, only to let out a loud frustrated scream, her viewpoint now on Jacob’s and Harrison’s shoes.

You smiled in amusement as you saw Tom holding Madison over his shoulder, her body flailing in an attempt to get out of his arms. Tom glanced over towards you, a smile forming on his lips when he saw you were already staring at him.

He was so whipped for you.

Tom quickly refocused though, due to Madison squirming around more frantically, his grip tightening around her waist. You continued to watch the incident going on in front of you, the sight of Madison fighting against Tom making you forget why you were at the hospital in the first place.

Jacob on the other hand continued to stand in front of Harrison, a concerned expression on his face as he watched Madison carefully.

Harrison however knew why she was acting the way she was towards him. He didn’t blame her for being angry, for wanting to get some kind of justice for you. What he had done to you was unforgivable, he knew that, and he hated himself for even laying a hand on someone as sweet and innocent as you.

Harrison couldn’t help but glance over towards you, a painful expression washing over his face. You deserved so much joy and happiness in your life, not all this darkness and pain.

His eyes flickered back over towards Tom, his brow raising as he noticed Madison had finally calmed down.

“You good now?” Tom questioned as Madison mumbled something in response, as Tom set her back on her feet. She gave Harrison another glare, causing him to swallow nervously before she turned on her heel to go back to you.

You have her a small smile as she sat down next to you, silence falling over the room once more as Tom, Harrison, and Jacob sat down as well. The tension between everyone was thick, nobody daring to break the thin ice.

The silence was soon disrupted by the sound of a knob turning, this time the other door in the room opening, the doctor, James, stepping into the room.

“Y/N, may I speak with you for a moment?” James questioned, his eyes glancing around the room for a split second as you nodded in response, standing up from your seat and heading out to the hallway with him.

“How is he? Is he going to be alright?” You bombarded him with questions before he could even shut the door. Your eyes were full of worry with a mixture of hope, your hands clammy as you anxiously rubbed them together.

Dr. James stayed silent for a moment, his eyes softening as he let out a breath, his expression falling. “Y/N, there’s never an easy way to say this, but, your father.. We did everything we could.. But there’s nothing more we can do.” He explained carefully, his heart breaking at your broken expression.

“N-No.. You’re lying! Y-You’re supposed to help him!” You cried out, tears streaming down your flushed cheeks as you shook your head in denial. “What kind of doctors are you!” You scream cried at him, your voice loud enough that everyone could hear you in the waiting room.

“Y/N.. There’s only so much we can do in these situations.” Dr. James tried to explain, a worried expression on his face as you were having a complete meltdown right in front of him.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, hesitantly placing his hand on your shoulder as you sobbed, your hands covering your mouth as he walked you back into the waiting room. Everyone's heads snapped over towards you immediately, their eyes widening at your shattered figure.

“Oh Y/N.” Madison mumbled, tears rimming her eyes as Tom instantly stood up, engulfing your fragile body in his arms. His hands stroked your hair and back soothingly as he pressed a kiss to your head.

Harrison however couldn’t take his eyes off the way Tom was comforting you. His brows furrowed slightly, a pang of jealousy and hurt stinging his heart.

He turned to look at Jacob who gave him a sad smile, as if answering the question he was already thinking. He gave a slight nod in response, before refocusing on you.

He needed to know, he needed to hear it from you.

Hesitantly Harrison rose up from his chair, slowly making his way over towards you and Tom. He placed one of his hands on Tom’s shoulder, grabbing his attention.

“Do you mind if I uh.. Talk to Y/N for a moment?” Harrison questioned, his voice quiet as Tom chewed on his bottom lip for brief moment. “It’s alright Tom.” You mumbled into his chest, pulling away gently as you wiped your cheeks.

“Are you sure?” Tom questioned, his words coming out more as a mumble as he cupped your face in his hands. You gave a slight nod, placing your hand on his, before motioning Harrison towards the door to talk in the hallway.

You made your way over towards the door, Harrison following behind you, closing the door once you two were alone in the hallway.

You both stood in front of one another, an awkward silence between the two of you until Harrison cleared his throat, causing you to look up at him.

“I’m really sorry about your father Y/N..” Harrison whispered, breaking the silence as you nodded your head, not daring to speak because you knew if you did you’d start crying.

He sucked on his bottom lip, shifting a bit as he let out a sigh, fiddling with his fingers as he looked down at his shoes.

“There’s no easy way to say this, and I know this couldn’t be worse timing, but, Harrison pauses, licking his lips nervously as he glanced back up at you, locking eyes with you, “Is there something going on between you and Tom?” He questioned, his heart beating a bit faster as he watched your eyes widen slightly, taken back by his question.

That right there gave him his answer.

He felt his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach, a pained expression on his face as he sucked in a breath.

“I-I’m so sorry Haz.” You whispered, tears rimming your eyes once more as you hesitantly grabbed his hand. “It’s okay.” He tried to reassure you, giving you a forced smile. “He’s better for you anyways.” Harrison spoke quietly, a slight frown on his lips as he played with your fingers.

You shook your head, not believing his words, “No. No, it’s not okay Haz, I-I cheated on you with Tom, and that’s not okay.” You sniffled, wiping a tear off your cheek as Harrison sniffled also.

“Yeah.. Well.. Cheating is nothing compared to what I did to you.” Harrison frowned as you squeezed his hand gently. “Neither of those things are okay.” You stated quietly, frowning at him.

“But, you’re getting the help you need, and I’m telling you the truth about what happened between Tom and I.” You spoke calmly, looking at him sadly as he nodded his head slowly.

“I guess we’re both even in doing fucked up things huh?” Harrison questioned as you took a deep breath. “I guess you could say that, I think yours is a bit more extreme though.” You admitted as Harrison nodded in agreement.

“Yeah.. What I did to you is beyond words,” He paused, looking down at your hands, “I really am sorry Y/N.” He sniffled, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I know you are Haz, I know.” You whispered, wiping the tear off his cheek with your thumb.

You knew that the Harrison that hurt you wasn’t him, that that was a broken boy that was lashing out in the only way he knew how. The real Harrison was the boy you met in the line to get a cup of coffee, the boy that bought you breakfast so you wouldn’t be late to class.

That was the Harrison you knew and loved.

You gave him a faint smile, as he gave you a sad one in return.

“I think we both know what’s the best choice for us.” Harrison whispered sadly, his heart aching knowing he had to let you go. “I know..” You spoke quietly, a frown on your lips as you wrapped your arms around his waist, a tear slipping down your cheek.

You hated that you had to break up with Harrison, but you both knew it was for the best. “Thank you for believing in me.” Harrison whispered into your hair, a tear trickling down his cheek as he pressed a soft kiss to your hair, causing you to let a few more tears fall. “I’ll always believe in you Haz, always.” You sniffled, before pulling back, giving him another sad smile.

Harrison cleared his throat, wiping away the few tears off his cheeks with his sleeves. You inhaled a deep breath, a wave of tiredness overwhelming you, causing you to lose balance for a split second.

Harrison quickly caught you, his hands on your waist, a concerned expression washing over his features. “Y/N are you alright? Do you need to sit down?” He questioned, his eyes scanning over your face, taking in how pale you got all of a sudden.

“I don’t feel good.” You admitted, your brows furrowing as you held your head. Harrison saw a nurse walking down another hallway, causing his brows to lift up. “Excuse me! Miss!” He called, waving at her as she began walking towards the two of you.

“Yes? What can I help you two with?” She questioned, looking at Harrison before her eyes fell upon you.

“Oh. Sweetheart.” She gasped softly, seeing how pale you looked. “How about we go get you checked out, make sure everything is okay? Is that alright with you?” The nurse asked you, her voice calm, comforting as you nodded your head in response.

“I’ll bring her back once we know she’s alright.” The nurse told Harrison, a soft smile on her lips as she wrapped an arm around your shoulder, helping you down to another room. Harrison watched you disappear around the corner, his bottom lip between his teeth, a nervous feeling washing over him.

He let out a breath, jumping up and down a few times, shaking his arms before straightening his posture and heading back into the waiting room. All eyes immediately landed on him, confused expressions on all their faces.

“Where’s Y/N?” Tom questioned, his heart starting to race as Harrison cleared his throat. “Y/N wasn’t feeling well so a nurse took her to check to make sure she’s alright.” Harrison explained, walking back over to his chair.

“How long will that be?” Madison added on, brows raised as Harrison shrugged his shoulders. “No clue.” He replied, before pulling his phone out, leaving Tom and Madison frustrated.

You on the other hand had just gotten your blood drawn for a few tests. You sat on the examination table, your legs swinging back and forth as you waited for the doctor to come back.

The room was quiet, the only noise filling your ears was the sound of the paper crinkling beneath you whenever you moved. You weren’t sure how long you had been waiting already, it felt like eternity, and you knew you didn’t have time to just sit around and do nothing.

You were about to jump down from the table when the sound of the door opening caught your attention. Your head snapped over to see the doctor walking in, a clipboard in his hand.

“Ah, hello Y/N, my name is Steve,” He began, introducing himself as he took a few steps in the room, but you were quick to cut him off, “Am I going to be alright?” You blurted out, unable to stop yourself, your cheeks heating up as he let out a chuckle.

He set the clipboard down on the counter, a warm smile on his face. “Yes. You’re going to be alright.” He confirmed, making you let out a breath of relief. “The tests showed that you were very dehydrated, which could have caused you to stumble a bit, and you were on the verge of becoming malnourished, which is why you were starting to feel sick.” Dr. Steve explained, lifting up one of the papers on the clipboard as he spoke.

“Overall, the good news is you and your baby are still healthy and in good shape, you just need to make sure your keeping enough food and liquids in your body alright?” He spoke sternly, wanting to get his point across.

You however zoned out everything he said after he mentioned the word baby.

“Y/N? Did you hear me?” Dr. Steve questioned, his brows raised as your eyes widened, your heart beating rapidly in your chest. “D-Did you say baby?” You questioned, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes. I did.” He nodded his head, his brows furrowing as he studied your face. “I’m gathering you didn’t know due to your reaction.” He spoke softly, a smile on his lips as you blinked a few times.

“I-I’m pregnant.” You whispered a faint smile on your lips as tears rimmed your eyes for what felt like the millionth time today. “Congratulations Y/N.” Dr. Steve smiled as you placed your hand on your stomach in disbelief.

“Thank you Dr. Steve, really, thank you.” You smiled, getting down from the table, shaking his hand before you headed back to the waiting room. However, you decided to stop by a vending machine along the way to get some water and some sort of food. You were no longer eating for just yourself, but for the growing baby inside of you.

You eventually made it back to the waiting room, your eyes falling upon everyone’s anxious expressions, before your eyes flickered over towards Dr. James.

“Y/N, can I speak to you for a moment? Privately.” He motioned for you to follow him out the other door in the room. You anxiously left the waiting room once more, standing in a different hallway as you anxiously drank your water, as he let out a sigh.

“Your father is awake right now, but his body is extremely weak, we don’t think he’s going to make it through the night.” Dr. James confessed, a distraught expression washing over his features as you let out a sob.

Dr. James motioned you to follow him, leading you down another hallway until he brought you to what you assumed was your father's room.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” He gave a faint smile, placing his hand on your shoulder before walking down the hallway to another room. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a brief moment before entering the room.

The sight of your father being hooked up to all kinds of machines giving you flashbacks of your mother. You let out a sniffle, taking a seat in a chair next to his bed, taking his hand in yours.

His eyes opened slightly, glancing over towards you, a weak smile on his lips. “Hey lovebug.” He spoke, his voice quiet, making your heart ache. “Hey dad, h-how are you feeling?” You mumbled, wanting to be strong for him as you rested your chin on his hand as he let out a sigh.

“I feel.. Tired.” He whispered, his eyes shutting for a split second until you felt him squeeze your hand gently. “You’re really strong, you know that right?” You told him, tears falling down your cheeks, a few dropping onto his arm.

He let out a weak chuckle, “Not as strong as you bug, you’re following your dreams.” He smiled as you let out a choked sob. “How can I continue to live my dreams if you’re not here with me?” You whispered, your throat becoming sore as you were holding back more sobs.

“I’ll always be with you bug, you know that.” He reassured you, squeezing your hand once more. “It’s not fair..” You squeaked out, your vision blurry as you sniffled, “I can’t lose you too.” You cried, as you heard him sniffle as well.

“It’s the way of life Y/N..” He mumbled, turning his head to look at you, a painful expression on his face to see you so broken. “I-I know… It’s just.. It’s not fair.” You shook your head, brows furrowed as you looked up at him.

“I know bug.. I know.” He mumbled, caressing your head as he wiped away your tears with his thumb.

“How about you tell me what I’ve missed, talk to me as if we’re not in the hospital right now.” Your father suggested, hoping that it’d help take your mind off of all the pain. “Okay..” You nodded, inhaling a deep breath as you sat up straighter.

“I moved into an apartment with two guys, they’re really sweet people, I uh.. I actually like one of them if I’m being honest..” You admitted, seeing your father grin at you, making you laugh quietly. 

“Is he here with you?” Your father questioned, as you nodded your head. “I already like him, the fact he’s here shows that he cares about you.” Your father smiled, as you rolled your eyes playfully.

“Yeah well.. My ex is also here.. He’s friends with the guy I live with, also the one that I like.” You confessed, a weak smile on your face as your father groaned, letting out a chuckle. “Y/N!” He smiled, rubbing his face as you smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry okay! I didn’t know at the time.” You defended yourself, a laugh leaving your lips as your dad shook his head in amusement at you. “Besides boys, I’m almost done with this semester of school, meaning I’ll only have one more year left until I graduate.” You proudly stated, a bright smile on your face as your father clapped.

“That’s my girl.” He grinned happily, ruffling your hair up making you swat his hand away, a pout on your lips. “You sound like you’re doing well sweetheart, I’m so proud of you.” He smiled, squeezing your hand softly as you smiled back at him.

“There is however.. One more thing I wanted to tell you..” You spoke cautiously, watching him raise a brow at you in curiosity. “I actually just found out a few minutes ago, but.. I’m pregnant.” You smiled nervously, watching his eyes widen in surprise.

“Y-You’re pregnant?” He whispered, attempting to sit up a bit more in the bed as you squeezed his hand. “Yeah dad.. I am.” You nodded your head, a soft smile on your lips as he rubbed his face with his other hand. “Well I wasn’t expecting that, that’s for sure.” He chuckled, shaking his head before glancing over at you.

“Are you mad?” You hesitantly asked, fearful of him not accepting the fact that you were going to have a baby at such a young age, you were still a college student after all. Your dad let out a sigh, shutting his eyes for a moment before reopening them and looking at you.

“How could I be mad? You’re bringing a life into this world Y/N. You’re going to be a lovely mother.” Your dad smiled at you, causing all your fears to dwindle away. “Even though I’m still in college?” You tilted your head a bit, as he chewed on his lower lip.

“I think it’s going to be challenging, but I know you’re strong, and you can handle whatever comes your way, even a baby.” He smiled, nodding his head as you leaned up and gave him a hug, a smile on your lips. “I love you so much dad, thank you.” You whispered, before pulling away.

“So who’s the father?” He questioned, raising a brow at you as you gave him another sheepish smile. “Y/N.” Your father spoke once more, narrowing his eyes at you as you fiddled with your fingers. “The father is the guy I like, my roommate.” You confessed nervously, you weren’t sure how Tom was going to take the news, you just hoped he’d feel as happy as your father did when he found out.

“I’m gathering he doesn’t know yet?” Your father spoke aloud, raising a brow at you as you shook your head ‘no.’

“I’m honestly a bit afraid to tell him.” You admitted, your eyes focused now focused on your shoes as your father let out a huff in response. “If he can’t handle the fact you’re having a baby, then he shouldn’t have gotten you pregnant.” Your father stated simply, a smug expression on his face as your eyes widened.

“Dad!” You exclaimed, laughter leaving your lips as he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just stating the facts, young kids these days think having sex is great and all, but the second they get a girl pregnant they freak out and ditch.” Your father explained, as you listened quietly, he wasn’t wrong, you knew a few girls from school that had gotten pregnant and the guy just up and left them.

“I appreciate you looking out for me dad, but I think I’ve got a keeper.” You smiled shyly, as your father nodded his head. “I’m glad to hear that, because my girl deserves the best and only the best.” He declared, a grin on his face as he sunk back into the bed more.

“Are you okay?” You questioned immediately, reality coming back to you within a second. “I’m okay bug, like I said, I’m just really tired.” He smiled weakly at you, even though you both knew what was really happening.

He was dying.

“You know that you’re going to be okay right?” He reassured you, turning his head to look at you once more. “I don’t know dad-” You began but he rose his hand, silencing you instantly, “Y/N, you’re going to be okay. I know losing your mother at such a young age broke something within you, and now all of this is happening and it feels like you’re reliving that moment.” He gave a sad smile, as you sniffled at the memories.

“You’re a fighter, and I know that when the inevitable happens you’re going to shut down, but I want you to promise me that you won’t this time. Let people in, spend time with your boyfriend, spend your time putting all your love and energy into your baby.” He smiled softly at you, grasping your hand gently in his.

“I love you so much Y/N, and I already love my grandbaby already, so use that love, and create something wonderful, just like your mother used to.” He smiled, a tear slipping down his cheek as you let out a sob, tears falling down your cheeks as you held his hand tightly in yours.

But then it was as if time froze, the sound of a single beep going through the room, the noise you knew all too well.

You lifted your head up, your face scrunched up in pain as you saw the line on the machine flat. You shook your head, denial creeping in as you stared at your father. His eyes were shut, his hand still in yours, but his body no longer moved with life.

“Dad..” You choked out, shaking his hand a bit, trying to get him to open his eyes, but you knew he wouldn’t, and that’s what killed you, you knew he was gone.

Tears were streaming down your cheeks uncontrollably, your heart broken to the point where your body physically felt the aching pain. The doctors came in a few moments after, telling you to say your last goodbyes, which was the hardest thing you’d ever done. You told him you loved him, and promised him you’d do what he said, before exiting the room, watching the doctors remove him from the room.

Your body shook with sobs, you could barely stand you were crying so hard, you just lost the last family you had left. There was one thing that put you a little bit at ease though, when you looked at your father for the last time, you couldn’t help but notice how peaceful he looked, not an ounce of him looked like he was in pain. 

A part of you felt like he just needed to get everything off his chest to you, to express how much he loved you and how proud he was of you, that way he could be at peace and move on to reunite with your mother.

At least, that’s what you believed.

You slowly began your way back down towards the waiting room, eventually making it there and opening the door slowly. Everyone stood up instantly when they saw you walk into the room, their arms wrapping around you as you cried your heart out. 

Their hearts broke for you, they knew this was an extremely hard situation for you to go through once more, but this time instead of you being alone, you had them to comfort you in the time of need.

You weren’t sure how long you stood there in their arms, but eventually your cries dwindled down, you were fairly certain it was because you ran out of tears, having cried so much in one day.

You felt exhausted, the only thing you wanted to do now was go get some food, and go to sleep, but you knew you couldn’t do that yet, not when you had a secret nobody knew about yet.

Tom couldn’t help but notice the way you zoned out for a few minutes, causing his brows to furrow, he knew you were upset about losing your father, but the look in your eyes told him something else was going on inside your head.

Hesitantly he placed his hand on your shoulder, snapping you out of your daze as he gave you a questioning look, causing you to let out a shaky sigh.

“C-Can I speak with you for a moment? Alone?” You spoke quietly, causing his heart to start to race. What was so important that you had to speak to him alone?

You both walked out to the main hallway, your hands clammy as Tom studied your actions, his own nerves starting to eat away at him.

“Y/N what’s going on? You’re making me nervous.” Tom spoke anxiously, his eyes glued to you as you rolled your shoulders back. “Okay uhm, so, there’s really no easy way of saying this, but, here I go..” You paused, your eyes shut as you took a deep breath, before reopening your eyes, “Tom, I’m pregnant.” You spoke softly, a weak smile on your lips as Tom’s eyes widened.

His eyes wandered from your eyes to your stomach, his mouth dropping open in surprise.

“I-Is it mine?” He stammered, internally cringing at how dumb the question sounded. You gave him an amused smile, nodding your head in response. “Yeah, it’s yours. At least it should be since you’re the only one I’ve had sex with.” You squinted your eyes a bit, earning a slight chuckle from Tom in response, he always did love your witty comebacks.

“So.. I’m going to be a dad?” He spoke up after a few moments of silence, a grin slowly appearing on his face. “Yeah, we’re having a baby Tommy.” You smiled softly at the brunette haired boy standing in front of you, his heart melting at the nickname you used. “We’re having a baby.” He repeated, his voice quiet as his eyes began to tear up.

“I also uhm,” You cleared your throat, running your fingers through your hair as Tom tilted his head at you, “I told my dad about you, and about the baby.” You smiled softly, watching as Tom’s eyes softened at the mention of your father.

“What’d he say when you told him?” Tom questioned, taking a few steps towards you as you smiled at him. “He was so happy Tom, he believes in me so much, in us.” You sniffled, starting to get choked up once again.

Tom wrapped his arms around you, pressing his lips against your forehead. “I know he never got a chance to meet you, but I know from how he was talking that he approved of you. He only wants the best for me, and I know now that that’s you Tom, it took me a while to figure that out, but it’s clear to me now.” You smiled nervously up at him, your hand reaching up to run through his curly brown hair.

“I-I love you Tom, and I hope that you’ll love us too.” You whispered quietly, as a tear slipped down his cheek, a soft heart filled smile appearing on his lips. “I’ve loved you since the moment you moved in.” He whispered back, his hand coming up and resting on your cheek, while his other rested on the middle of your back.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I wouldn’t want to feel this way for anyone else but you Y/N. I promise you and your dad that I won’t let you down, I’m going to be the best father and be there for you no matter what.” Tom declared, as you gave him a loving smile.

“You forgot something else.” You teased him, your face glowing as Tom’s brow furrowed. “The best boyfriend.” You stated in a teasing manner, watching his eyes widen even more. “You better not be messing with me Y/N.” Tom warned you, a smile on his lips as you let out a giggle, shaking your head. “I’m serious Thomas.” You grinned at him, watching his eyes brighten.

“Then I’m sure as hell going to be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.” Tom grinned, pulling you flat against his chest, causing you to squeal and laugh as his lips connected with yours. Your hands sunk into the curls at the back of his neck, while his arms wrapped around your figure, hugging you close to him.

This kiss was different from your last, before the kiss was hungry, full of lust and craving, but this kiss, this kiss was soft, full of love, full of passion.

You both eventually broke away, your foreheads resting against each others, giggles escaping both your mouths.

As hard of a time you were going through, you remembered your father's last words, telling you to be happy, and create something wonderful, and that’s exactly what you were going to do. Now that you had Tom by your side, and your beautiful baby growing inside you, you knew you’d be okay, just like your father said you would.

“Should we go surprise the others with the news?” Tom grinned, his fingers intertwining with yours as you smiled brightly up at him. “I think that’d be a great idea.” You nodded, the smile not once leaving your lips as he opened the door for you, both of you entering with bright smiles on your faces.

“We have some news everyone,” Tom began, grabbing all of their attentions, their brows furrowing in confusion as Tom glanced down at you, “We’re pregnant!” You announced, watching as everyone's mouths dropped open in shock, before they all stood up to congratulate the both of you.

What once was a dull, dark waiting room was suddenly turned into a loving, happy one. Even Harrison was happy for the both of you, wishing you two the best, while Madison and Jacob were already talking about baby names.

Laughter continued to leave your mouths as everyone began making up baby names, the atmosphere in the room becoming breathable again. You couldn’t help but look up at Tom, he had a bright smile on his face, laughter escaping his lips as his eyes shone brightly as his arm continued to stay wrapped around your waist.

It was in this moment being surrounded by your friends and Tom that you felt something other than pain that day, you felt love.

Your father was right after all, you were going to be just fine.

- ❁ - 

FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED <3

If there’s a line through your user Tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you :(

Apart.509 Tags: @inlovewithmob-tom // @jamiemac26 // @wtfholland // @its-claire-louise // @interstellargeek // @dontstopxx // @kkey1234 // @alaynaadams22 // @mobtomsgirl // @celsiusandcigarettes // @quacksonhq // @broxklynbabe // @ironmanismydad // @alpacawatcher // @xtaylorlynn // @95epitome // @jxckandrson // @morgan0420 // @wintersbitch // @ocean-wave-blue // @txmmyhxlland // @happysynonym // @youreawizardjulie // @fourgraysocks // @bellagrayson-wayne // @grey-raven // @oreo-wonderbatch // @sillyeugene // @vetemenct // @madon566 // @spideybitey18 // @yetitty // @yikesmcdonald // @meyrapp // @fandomsoverlife // @meowstacheo // @toodeeptowake // @tardis-impala-wizard // @starshine4036 // @thors-revengers // @maxineisnothere // @edwina // @ashtons-drummer // @meinebestefreundin // @happdinoblog // @kill-the-stereo // @kayleearney2001 // @quackson-queen // @nillebrein // @sithskywalkers // @mirandamotionless // @tomholler // @tom-hollands-eyelash // @ixchel-9275 // @habaekidah // @holyrose96 // @i-luv-doggos // @lizcrist50 // @lilacyra // @septicquill // @slut4marvel // @stargczing // @stargczed // @tomhollandwho // @ninetypoundsofasthma // @myspideysenses // @lukesbabylon // @Spacelatinaa // @nerdofthehighestcalibre // @jadedjules // @lame128 // @fairydustparker // @wannabeloseraesthetic // @echo-te-gecko // @toxicated-mami // @leasly // @vaguelyfictional // @love-seobby // @sleepy-barnes // @rexorangecouny // @greatbarrierwreath // @thatgirlrowan // @babylsn // @do-it-for-tom // @letthetumblergodsshinedownonus // @misskd94 // @elishamcloughlin // @thelegitgarbagebin // @tshmasterlists // @Lawngnomesandfathoes // @xbesideguitarx // @greenarrowhead // @explosions-in-the-sky // @ashleyhearto // @stressed-and-hungry // @tomofkingston // @graycloudss // @philipshaaayyyy // @sydvicious70 // @perfect-parker // @aesthetic-chan // @muggleings // @gucci-zjm // @harjumus // @spider-tay // @thatmemequeen // @hollandertrash // @theocatkov // @rawrimamy16 // @amielishous // @doit-inspireme // @lukexxdream // @toast-tit // @galpowered // @boundtomyfate // @moodyminter // @me-a-hopeless-romantic // @bethsaly // @thatonewiththefandom // @hbmoore1986 // @all-the-best-people-are-weird // @flowerchild8341 // @m-turnrr // @jasmineelias78 // @peekaboo-parker // @shortiegardngnome // @thenoblenomad // @ccherrycola // @emlemam144 // @topicalanxiety // @sophiecarlsson // @teenagevampirebouquet // @obviouslyoleff // @cahtastrophie // @accalialionheart // @emilyslameblog // @geeky-sydney3 // @i-am-a-fandom-slut // @losersclub808 // @xxxxdelenaxxxx // @a-very-superwholocked-starkid // @hannah-risacher33 // @staygoldspidey // @spideyautumn // @marvelousgab // @erindillon11 // @wtholland // @thoughtfulwaffles // @marvel-ing-at-it-all // @tropicanabeehands // @jng789 //  @savethebabyseals // @Letterbomber // @itsa-meemarieee // @change-my-heart // @helgsss // @typicaltrashbagg // @annathesillyfriend // @chubby-tink // @so-fi-aah // @s0cial-retard // @completefictionaltrash // @mcveysweetheart // @starfulwonderer // @booktvmoviefangirl // @holland-mendes-herron // @lonelylittleslytherin  // @spidermans-puta // @skankskittle // @patdandtop // @Nellie-bellie123 // @theverydramaticcabage // @harringtonmyhusband // @shaygrace825 // @Lordmarvelpotter // @parkerssweb // @evaroseme // @sparklingseb // @fancybrittrash // @ohmypcter // @inneedoftomholland // @childoftheshire // @theflash-trash // @1v-kayla // @tomshufflepuff // @allurasparker // @aussie_holland // @embrace-themagic // @Somethingrosie // @missymariee // @shortiegardengnome // @betternowthanbefore // @jeon-yvng // @spideyautumn // @tomshollandz // @hmu-parker // @stxfxniexreads // @221bspiderstreet // @catereich // @storiesofanotherus // @addalaidehoran // @hugholland // @Myia-mone // @catnolannn // @regigonh // @nebulafading // @imyourdadssideblog // @aggressivetapdancing // @muwish // @thelittlehippy // @tchallaholla // @saturnspideys // @serenitywholockwinchester // @mouthfulofsugar // @girrllllypopp // @allofthebitters // @mischiefmanaged49 // @softboyparkerr // @brrinaaa // @sergantbarnesbitch // @dragonqueendany // @wywholland // @actual-queen-of-hell // @punkladymoes // @thxnderclaw // @hangry-and-sarcastic // @mav703 // @elenapatricia99 // @jng789 // @broken-doe // @farialia // @hibouici // @dramaslut // @practicallylivesonline // @random-fandom-lady // @madeofchlorine // @beyond-the-ashes // @mlh521 // @electricosmos // @regigonh // @brianasyouth // @nobody7102 // @hollandertom2013 // @teenageriotx // @peterpcrker // @obsessionisthekey // @shaydeevee33  // @heavenly—osterfield // @fallen_angel_fangirl // @mindfulwishing133 // @photoloser // @httplayer // @storiesnroses // @ultranikilove @peteryesparker // @headsup-itsmostlypeter // @teenageplayers // @kidensdouble88 // @claryfray101 // @mcu-supernatural-hoe // @freckled-fogarty // @fandomingforever // @tomholzy // @redridingthroughthehood // @rubyy-halee // @skelkitt // @theflurtifly // @cartiasafari // @sweetenerbucky // @bashfullymalum // @daiiybuugle // @elentiya02 // @tomhollanders2013 // @cool107cat // @dashielldeveron // @no-shxt-sherl // @ultrunning // @the-dreaming-girl- // @baileyyrudesal12 // @0-cries-0 // @casuallytumblingdownthestairs // @spacelatina // @dreamingonbed // @lovelymessenger // @o-koffee-o // @juliec427 // @justawildmarebae // @anniebombannie // @thats-what-she-said-or-he // @smol-bean-holland // @eternalnyx // @petallica // @silverpinecone // @laggyphone // @cutie1365 // @hazhasmycoffee // @competativekook // @bughug1999 // @everlastingstyles // @notjustarandomgirl20 // @sherlokihollandbatch // @randommarveler // @elinemay // @kairosisinevitable // @wittyturtlespeedybunny // @w1ttyturtle // @katielbowen // @fancyalienexpertegg // @littlemissegg // @143amberrose // @queen-morningstar // @babybieebs // @hollandertom2013 // @owemzorborz // @no-shxt-sherl // @istartedschooltoday // @skylar-madison // @goldenangelbloodcastiel // @peculiarlittleprince // @the-solvigant-alien // @its-the-unknownspidey // @bookworm0109 // @thearoraappeal // @noaor // @corrupted-lungs-and-lucky-ones // @ramsayalltheway // @kohi-shbe // @herbatnika // @wtf_riverdale_ // @spiderman-n  // @bitchacho25 // @breecandraw // @acceptance07 // @hollymollymomsravioli // @deranged-sewer-rat // @thatsawesomesarah // @hextechqueen // @storiesnroses // @peter-parker-fyeah // @brianasyouth // @minimoonangel // @sadisticfries // @chewymoustachio // @just-a-littlebit-of-everything // @ichigo-ya // @a-fandom-mess-02 // @peterparklr // @who-da-hail-is-bucky // @peter-holland-parker1996 // @mafcoo // @veeshthefrog // @grungenovella // @danni-ka // @musicgirl234 // @spider-mendes // @crayonwriting // @xyoongles // @multifandxm353 // @ispiderdudei // @carolyns14 // @ksmy-99 // @avengersgirllorianna // @50shadesoflaurmani // @missparkers // @makeilaxkay // @pineapplwz // @spidergirl192327 // @0-cries-0 // @venetumx // @sams-hollands  // @sleepybesson // @parkersgalaxy96 // @samwstan // @Runway-to-my-aid // @voidtrixie // @tomxxholland96 // @hansbrak // @sincerelymlg // @excitedpuppys // @valecerron // @sgiathan // @randomfandomgirl17 // @rogue-alien  // @enchanted-tinkerbell // @youshutthefuckupville // @mynamewontwork13  // @katiekinzs // @daisysmith283 // @existingovertherainbow // @caitcaitcaitcait1 // @the-rad-mad // @spooky-haley // @lovely-haley // @sassygaycinnamonroll // @thefollies-blog // @curiouslittlediva // @ispiderdudei // @claire-the-awkward-fangirl // @awesomeaugustina // @t0xic-love // @voidtrixie // @leena-xoxo // @rev-olu-tion-ary // @marvellouspengwing @pineapple-hemmings // @smexylemony // @thomasstanleyparker // @spider-strange-iron-loki // @hollandechart // @you-makemethisway // @racewife2004 // @fangurltrash // @lizziemariejackson // @lily82221 // @longlostwaywardsister // @blvckandboujiee  // @itsmemaiia // @agirlwithpointlessideas // @k-n-e // @multifandomirishqueen // @100acresofwood // @thequeensardine // @blrryyfcee // @woodworthti666 // @byr-67 // @justmesadgirl // @veeshthefrog // @anxiousdesignerdancerbandlover // @spider-strange-iron-loki // @comfiecorner  // @kindadefinitely-fucked // @kristophalis // @dandelionqueen // @crazy-cat-human // @wndrlstvbz // @jackiehollanderr // @summernykole // @fuckyeahfandoms // @desir-ae // @ramen-tically // @quicksoldier // @kay-jordan // @byr-67 // @anxiousdesignerdancerbandlover // @the-queen-procrastinator // @just-a-littlebit-of-everything // @blueevelvt // @ghosthiam // @badhollandfluff // @hollywoodsapphire  // @the-missboss721-things // @dangerousluv1 // @fancyxholland // @winterz-children // @youllbemineandillbeyours // @dancerslifexx // @keithseabrook27 // @txmfvckinghxlland // @jagodaanne // @awsemazingclarabelle // @bludreina // @goddessdreams16 // @hopelessholland // @sadnoelle // @yourwonderbelle // @thirsty-hoes-central // @vanetsu15 // @hollands99 // @emilyle23 // @xchlobox // @mendesmusical // @justbeingemma99 // @ohhman-holyshit // @itsmyownlifestyle // @playinonaloop // @i-ship-it-ironically // @imagine-that-100 // @hardy-s 

[transkieran]

anyway, guarma & colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy (& friends) think abusive ships are a funny way to get under someone’s skin

JUST FYI: I woulda had this conversation in private, but @guarma keeps calling Erin a bitch with a god-complex, even though everything she accuses Erin of is something I did, and she refuses to acknowledge me. So no more private, she called me a pussy for not confronting her. Well here's the confront ig!

background context: people decided to start shitting on the Yehaw Function server again in another server (let’s say ‘A’ bc I do not wish to drag the owner into this, they were rarely online). @ssupeck21 thought it was perfectly fine to mock the gender and race of a two-spirited native trans guy. nice transphobia and racism there! 

considering i remarked on it, they realized i knew him and suspected me of leaking the above screenshot to the YF server. i had already left this server at the end of february over several reasons, including erin’s server becoming my main one. i’m also reasonably sure i have mentioned no longer being in YF at some point. damage done: kate (guarma) and pongo ( @colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy ) now think i’m “a spy” for YF. (ironic because @ssupeck21 let @jennyxbeans into erin’s server bc she was spying for jenn. and more irony later)

as proven in DM to someone later (oh no, a spied image?), they had the amazing idea to bait me and erin with something that is a massive trigger for me (bully/victim ships). some weirdness: by that time, i’d only made about 2 b/k posts on my blog, neither of which mentioned my trauma i’m pretty sure. erin meanwhile, wasn’t even in the original convi from the first screenshot, though she has mentioned she finds b/k gross. 

so whilst this in its entirety is already immature in itself (really? you think someone is sending screenshots and wanna get ‘revenge’ when you constantly rely on getting screenshots yourself? yes i know someone leaked you screenshots of YF, kate). but also: for someone who talked about being abused and having anxiety, she should know better than use an abusive ship to get back at someone. because i’m 99% sure she knows b/k is a trigger for me; whilst not on my blog, i have had plenty of rants and vents in servers about how b/k is not good for my mental health and that it will make me panic. 

conversation #1 (i do not have screenshots of this): someone asked what everyone’s ships are in rdr2. bill/kieran gets mentioned, at some point i put rooWut (a disgusted looking emote) and remark something about abusive gay ships being cute to them. it gets glossed over, i leave. 

conversation #2. the conversation moves to the nsfw channel, where they pin the message in the above screenshot. ha ha , bully/victim ships are a funny joke! conversation moves on to arthur and other things until Pongo clearly feels like she wants to force a reaction out of me and/or erin. (living dead girl is erin, i am dan’s achy breaky heart).

at this point, my anxiety spikes and i put something along the lines of “my fist up your ass would look cute” in the vent chat of Erin’s server. NSFW with b/k is not good for me, at all. it made me flashback to something, i’m basically just trying to not have a panic attack. but ! ofc , why stop now. 

pongo makes another comment, now not under a spoiler tag and clearly with the context of the DM to get another reaction out of me. erin puts a completely unrelated image to try and divert the conversation, because i’m like entirely losing it at this point---but kate and pongo think it’s hilarious to talk about actually shipping it and kate (micah bell’s dumb hair in the screenshots) is all “omg i wanna write a smut now for them”. 

also: my nickname in this server includes ‘trans kieran’ at this point , either as just my url or like “lion ♡ trans kieran”. they all know i am a gay trans guy, even if some of them currently like to pretend they don’t know me. (hi, @morlawny who doesn’t even wanna say my name at this point despite being all nice in erin’s server.)

i can’t entirely remember my own message, nor do i have screenshots of it because i send it and left and they deleted it like straight after it seems (because an older screenshot, from the day itself, also didn’t have my message anymore). i left because at that point, i lost all ability to think straight. because someone can remark on b/k before and they’ll still be all “ha ha funny!”

at this point, in erin’s server, two things happen. one friend of kate, who isn’t in the server this happened in, asks if she ships bill/kieran and kate admits her plan to just trigger me. because of this, kate starts acting like the victim and making me out like the bad guy who’s shittalking her and refuses to talk to her--which, during a panic attack and with my feelings very clear, i don’t need to. 

secondly, another friend of kate decides my trauma is funny and starts to send kate (on request) screenshots of the vent conversation in erin’s server, starting from the goddamn my fist up your ass comment. the conversation also includes details of my trauma. my trauma is being send around like gossip. 

also this happens in the server i left and i get send it: 

i dunno what planet anyone is living on but, apparently my melt down was only good for one thing: getting mocked. “kieran’s coochie” is transphobic as fuck when you’re laughing at a trans guy getting upset over bill/kieran. especially when it’s very clear i hc kieran as trans. yet, pongo, wolfy ( @soulheartthewolf ) and kate seem to think it’s fucking hilarious. 

kate and pongo then try to play the “we were just joking!” card. when everyone i’ve had read those screenshots agrees nothing about it reads as a joke, and we’re now very sure they weren’t joking about, they were being vile and malicious. (but hey, what’s to expect from someone who says they’d fuck a fictional racist if he was real! that’s ... excusing racism, kate).  

(guarma is micah bell? you mean my husband ;; pongo is arthur morgan is an incel. the other person is the artist who drew young micah, idk their url anymore)

“my mocking of the Bill/Kieran ship” I’m so sorry, Kate, but nothing about nsfw b/k and wanting to write a fic about it, reads as mocking. This entire “it’s just a joke!” doesn’t diminish the fact that you triggered a panic attack. Yes, I shittalked you, because I felt like it was goddamn deserved for "joking” about an abusive ship in a way that didn’t read as a joke. because after I left neither of you got the damn hint and just went straight for the transphobia. It’s not get together and hate guarma, it’s “lion has a panic attack and will actually react insanely aggressively about the things that upset him”. You can turn and twist this into you being the victim all you want, but you ain’t. You’re a pathetic example of a 19 year old who thinks it’s funny to trigger flashbacks and panic attacks. I didn’t talk to you, because at the time the only thing I would’ve probably said, which is also what I’m saying now, is: go shove an entire cactus up your ass, you pathetic cunt of a human being. 

Leave Erin out of this, it’s goddamn hilarious you keep going after a cis bi woman instead of after me, a gay trans guy, and god I fucking wonder why. 

You interact with people who think they can just be racist and transphobic towards anyone they like ( @ssupeck21 ), with people who’ll willing send you all the screenshots you want, with people who send anon hate ( @jennyxbeans ), you’re treating trauma and abuse like a joke and then have the gal to be all “i’d never because i have anxiety!” No. Own up to your shit. 

(I could go on in this post about how she’s just as bad a shittalking, leaked screenshot-wanting piece of shit but hey, the post is very long already so whatever). 

edit: i have deleted screenshot leaking accusations towards morlawny bc i can’t actually prove them but i’m keeping up the thing where you decided to be all nice to me in servers, but then turned around and were all “idk kate didn’t say any of that” (i literally know u were there for those conversations, your name in screenshots!) and tried to defend her constantly in a DM with someone. 

[expensiveminimalist]

Tinkerbell’s Cheesy 21st Celly

Hello my lovelies! As long as I’ve done this properly, this should be posted just after midnight (New Zealand time) when it is officially September 22nd and my 21st Birthday! 

So I decided to do this a little while ago to celebrate my 21st birthday. It’s basically a chance for me to express how much all the amazing humans I’ve met on here mean to me, and so my cheesy little ass can be even cheesier 😅 

There’s a handful of people that I have to specially point out because of how much they’ve impacted my life, and I’m just so fucking grateful for every single one of them 

Firstly, my darling @stephisinspace 💕 (i know you don’t use your tumblr that much now so I’ll probably send this to you on insta or facebook) You were the first friend that I ever made on tumblr and I cannot even begin to explain how much you mean to me. You’ve helped me work through so much shit in my life even when you’ve had your own stuff going on, and I know that I can always talk to you about anything. I love how you’re my niece’s ‘Aunty Steph’ who lives on the other side of the world and will probably never met her, but loves her as much as I do 😂💕 I can’t wait to come hang with you in Ireland one day and I’ll drag you back here to hang with my puppy dogs (hey you can even meet our niece then 😂). I love you so much you insanely talented, beautiful, intelligent, loving and incredible babe 💕💕

@floralsmatthews BITCH I LOVE YOU AND I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY IT 💕 I seriously don’t think I’ve ever clicked with anyone faster than I have with you and I just fucking worship you ok, like I swear to god if we don’t fuck up Toronto together then I will be super pissed. Can’t wait to be a bridesmaid at your wedding to Auston 😉 virGANG FOR LIFE TT 💕

@trashforhockeyguys NIC MY BABY TINK 💕 I can’t explain how fucking much I adore you, like you literally make my day. I love how we literally talk about the most random shit and end up forgetting what we were actually talking about because my dumb ass can’t stop talking about having Willy’s babies or sucking Kappy’s cock 😂 You are so easy to talk to and you are like the best hype girl ever and I just seriously fucking love you and I’m SO looking forward to our Zoey 101 marathon and going trick or treating dressed as Tinkerbell since I’ve never got to do that before 😂 I LOVE YOU, MY CHILDREN’S FUTURE GODMOTHER 💕

@squilliamnylander Riley, I have so much to thank you for and I don’t even know where to begin 💕 Thank you for inspiring me to write again and making me fall in love with writing again. Thank you for introducing me to the most incredible group of humans who do so much more than just fawn over Freddie 😂 Honestly, thank you for dealing with my annoying, clingy ass because I appreciate you so much and I can’t wait to come hang with you one day and FOR SURE go to a Leafs game 💕

@thecambridgees MADDY, MY JOLEX SOUL SISTER 💕 Ugh, I just love you and your contagious sweetness, and the fact that I know no matter what happens I can freak out about Grey’s with you 😂 I’m SO excited for when we get our Jolex back next week and can freak out all over again because they’re MARRIED like actually MARRIED 😍 Thank you for constantly killing me with your gifs and edits (including the ones of our royals munchkins!), I love you my sweet, sweet Italian 💕

@thiccthighsandhockeyguys HEY WIFEY 💕 Seriously, I fucking adore you and I know that they day Rielly gets the C, I’m gonna hear you screaming all the way over here at the bottom of the world 😂 But seriously, I love how damn sweet and intelligent you are, and you’re humour is out of this world amazing and I’m just in awe of you. You are literally a fucking GOD-DESS and there’s like a 2000000000000% chance your selfies are gonna kill me with all that perfection 😍 I LOVE YOU 💕

@inthebyf my ‘mom’ friend 💕 you are the BEST person to come and talk to about anything because you always know what to say and you always have the best advice and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you 💕 You’ve honestly taught me so much (that you probably don’t even realise) and I’m so grateful that you’ve opened my eyes to so many different points of views on everything in life. I can’t explain how much respect I have for you, I genuinely just think you are one of the most amazing people on this planet. I can’t wait to go on a date with you and your freaking adorable lil turtle 💕

@psychospeak-blog a.k.a the person that owns my emotions 😂 I don’t think you get how much I idolise you when it comes to writing, like I’m convinced you invented writing and no one can change my mind 💕 You are so amazing for reading my terrible smut and reading my average fics, and I can’t thank you enough for letting me vent about writing stuff, talking me out of stressing like an idiot over writing and letting me freak the fuck out over the perfect Tyler that you’ve made steal my heart (and if I meet him and he’s not like how he is in Won’t Go Slowly, I will sue HIM). Love you, you crazily talented and gorgeous human J! 💕 

@westanaustonsforehead also, the one person that can make me cry when I read your tags on my Willy fic 😂 I really don’t know what else to say other than the fact that you are so fricken sweet and are genuinely one of the loveliest people on tumblr, and I love you like A LOT. I also can’t explain how much it meant to be when you sent me that message to do with anxiety because it honestly helped me so much and you saved me from a massive panic attack that day 💕 Ugh, I totally wanna hang out with you but I live in Hobbit Land so when i win the lottery I’m totally coming over to hang out whether you want me to or not 😂💕

@motoleafs IDA! 💕 My Nylander encyclopaedia who I am constantly in awe of like every second of the day. You are seriously so lovely and I’m so thankful for you answering my many questions (naturally, Nylander related) and for honestly furthering my love of hockey 💕 You are so welcoming towards everyone in the hockey tumblr community and that’s honestly one of the things I love so much about you, and I’m so grateful that we started talking my darling, Leafs Queen 💕

@mystupidlovesongs I NEED A HUG 💕 You have me sold with your humour, your absolute fucking sweetness, your intelligence and of course, your Vogue worthy selfies 😍 I’m still waiting for you to go and get Cash and Marshall so they get the insta love they deserve that Gerry-Whore Tyler refuses to give them 😂 Also expecting an invite to yours and Colton’s wedding just fyi 😉 I LOVE YOU AND I’M SENDING YOU AIR HUGS FROM NEW ZEALAND 💕

And finally, to every. single. one. of the incredible humans apart of @the-andersluts 💕 I love each and every one of you SO much and I’m so incredibly grateful that I get to talk to all of you all day, every day and know that we’re always there for one another 💕 You have all opened my eyes to so many different things going on in the world and in your own lives, and I can’t thank you enough for broadening my view on life and teaching me how to be a better human. You are all such incredibly talented, intelligent, courageous, strong, determined, loving, supportive and beautiful humans and, again, I love each and every one of you more than words can describe 💕 You have all seriously changed my life & can’t imagine it without you 💕

[fangedfaefreak]

TW: Going to rant about Christianity for a hot second, fyi. I will be quoting verses. I just don’t want to put this on my main in case the guy I argued with sends his buddies after that account bc I really shouldn’t have argued but I did, so🤷🏻 Call me a chicken for blocking them, but I am already triggered and on edge and I’m not about to make it 20x worse. Religion is sooo fucky for us and I really don’t need to keep surrounding myself in that pile of garbage. Putting a read more bc I definitely get blasphemous and I know some religious trauma folks follow our sys account and could see this AND some Christians follow us there too. (I love you, I know you’re not like the ones that hurt us.) This post is made by Vivian, btw. Duh, it’s my account lol.

Got in an argument on main with a Christian🙄

“My book of fables that I often take as absolute truth and completely out of context despite it being written and mistranslated so many times it’s not funny AND I will only use the parts that will further MY agenda and ignore the rest. So here you go: witches are evil.”

Okay. But you wear cotton blend shirts, I’m sure? And have eaten shrimp?

And man, I sure know that Christians enjoy ritual prostitution! That’s literally considered ritually offensive! (Kings 14:23) Doesn’t stop them though! :))) Because why would it?

Not to mention in Christianity it literally says that the Old Testament, while it should still be considered, should not be followed. Rather, the New Testament should be followed. That’s why Christianity has the New Testament rather than just the Old like Jewish folks.

“But Vivi! The New Testament talks about witches too!”

Yeah, they sure do.

In Revelations 22:15 it says that witches will not receive eternal life. (Which…why the fuck would they care about the Christian eternal life anyway lmfao) “Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.”

Weird, I sure know a lot of Christians who fall under that category^^ And yet they still preach and use their religion to get what they want. Fucking disgusting!

And this is not bashing on every single Christian ever, there are a lot of good Christians that don’t use their religion to push their own agenda, but it’s just so gross to see these people on tumblr of all places, especially since they tagged their original post as witchcraft rather than fucking Christian tags. Like I’m sorry I don’t wanna see that on my dash, you’re not going to magically convert me by calling me a heathen and saying I’m going to hell and that I have daddy issues.🙄 Get a grip on your fucking ego holy shit.

I can cherry-pick verses too. Easy peasy. We studied the Bible obsessively for years. Then we realized how fucked it all was and how much hatefulness comes from people misusing it. No thank you.

Gonna try to tag the religious trauma tags and tw tags but I’m turning off reblogs in case any assholes try to clown on this vent post.

-Vivi

[pristinepastel]

5 Things About Me Meme!

Tagged by @awakaru ! This time i’ll tag the last few people in my activity- @robtari , @tavros-tardis , and @boundtoanandroid ! 5 Things You’ll Find In My Bag: -My sketchbooks(two of them. same kind but one is vertical and the other is horizontal) -My art supply box, which is pink and glittery and used to be a makeup box that i got for christmas one year -This probly counts as two things, but my plusle and minun plushies! i also have a plusle keychain. -I have a calligraphy pen w/ multiple nibs that I haven’t used very much yet. I’ll hopefully start using it and improving when i start college this fall! -And finally, my tablet with bluetooth keyboard. No mouse or pen for it but that’s fine for now. One day though… 5 Things You’ll Find in My Bedroom: Too many things;; -I have a book bag that I only use when I travel. When I’m at home though, it holds most of my plushies! Including a pachirisu that lost an ear. Which I. Kiiind of fixed? I tore off a scrap piece of a purple scarf and sewed it over the hole with yarn. Maybe I’ll take a pic later, lollo -I keep a cat cube on my bed near my feet. It’s purple and pink, with a leopard print. The outside is a kind of messy texture, while the inside has a soft carpet on the bottom. The cats don’t normally use it but when they do i try to take pictures! -My favorite blanket! I use it to stim. When I was at high school I’d usually take it with me in my bag, as well as my scarves. It was helpful for taking naps during commons, especially after a bad insomnia bout. Also helpful during my depressive episodes- even if I’d still end up going home early sometimes. -I have various posters put up in my room- including some prints from juicyink on youtube, a kingdom hearts 2 poster i got from when borders was still around, a print of Vincent Valentine that I got in the Artist Alley at colossalcon last year, a print i got from a caricature artist i got on my birthday as well as the caricature he made of me, and some old fashioned prints made on corkbord which kind of remind me of lowbrow fantasy art. I don’t know how old they are, I think my mom got them for me at a flea market? -I also have some old drawings of mine on my walls. I used to have a lot more of my older older pics, but i took them down because I wanted to start fresh. These were from my senior year i think? So far it’s just drawings of Osiria and Dahteste so far lollo -I lastly have my desktop computer! It’s a p big screen. My dad got me a new screen, keyboard, and pc box for my birthday, after I told him I wanted mass effect andromeda once it came out. For the specs he said. He’s very enthusiastic about that sort of thing;; 5 Things I’ve always wanted to do in life: -Become a concept artist/character designer -Write a story/Draw a comic about my characters(sadly my imagination is more abstract and my minds not v suited for concrete scripting lollo) -Somehow meet and help my characters in real life. I know that’s impossible, shoosh -Become a side character in someone else’s story/video game. Not physically of course- I mean I want to play as the sort of character that supports the protagonist and helps them get a good ending. -Become a voice actor! I really enjoy the thought of my voice bringing a character to life. I’ve tried auditioning before, but I’m not very confident in online auditions like that cus my mics not the best;; 5 Things That make me Happy: -Philadelphia roll with smoked salmon, avocado, and cream cheese! My fav sushi yums;; -My cat Molly! her purrs sound like a pigeon or a dove coping and she’s so soft -Comforting and emotional characters!! Like Cole, Sandal, and Dog from Dragon Age, Jaal from me:a, Legion from Mass Effect, Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, Lee from Naruto, Dogmeat from Fallout, etc. -My Mom gives really good hugs and she’s really good at emotional support! She understands what I go through cus she has depression and anxiety too. We even take some of the same prescription! I like her more than Dad cus he gets angry sometimes and I can’t really predict when that happens. He’s not hurting me or anything, he just gets loud and that makes me a lil nervous is all! -Conventions! I’m not really equipped for big social events usually, but these are usually the exception. You don’t really talk to people one on one, and you don’t have to be afraid of being the center of attention. Even buying stuff is easier cus no ones judging you for how much you’re buying or how long you’re at one booth! 5 Things I’m Currently Into: -My mutuals/followers may or may not have noticed the posts about witchcraft ehe;; It started with me researching stuff that one of my brain friends, Elisa, is into. She started out with just general tarot reading, which then developed into her actually being a witch, which led to me discovering i really enjoyed the subject lollo -Dungeons and Dragons podcasts like The Adventure Zone and Godsfall. that is too many capital letters;;; -Modern Girl In Thedas fanfics. I especially enjoy the ones where the protag discovers no one in thedas speaks english. Sometimes people write it so english is qunlaat, but my fav is that the protag has to work at learning common on their own. -I’ve gotten into playing more mobile games again, now that i have a phone that can support them;; I now have Love Live SIF, Fallen London, and the new ver of Kingdom Hearts X(fyi the x is pronounced cross in english- in japan its pronounce chi!) -I’ve been watching doodle videos lately. They’re vids where the artist just doodles random lines and patterns and shapes to fill an entire page. Sometimes there are mandalas too! Sometimes the artist talks quietly and motivationally during it like Bob Ross. if you’re curious one of the artists i’ve been watching recently is called Peter Draws on youtube! 5 Things on My To-Do List: -Finish prepping all the paperwork for starting college. I’ve been accepted, but there’s still financial paperwork to fill out lollo -Make a grimoire/book of shadows/book of mirrors. Atm, all my witchy notes are in my phone. I plan to make a cutesy decoden grimoire once i’m actually in school! -Start doing physical stuff like yoga and walking. School has a public yoga class available, and the campus has a lot of places where i can take breaks if i start feeling light headed due to the scoliosis. I’ve downloaded pokémon go preemptively to help w that -Prepare for june’s various activities! This year i’m not just going to colossalcon- I’m also going to volunteer at a convention in DC! ooo I’m so excited and i wanna pack immediately even tho i know it’s not for a month yet lollo;; my mom is also in this mood - Mmmaybe get a spirit companion? Dunno for sure yet. Not sure if my social anxiety also applies to the ethereal. A bit nervous about the constant-ness of the interaction. Need to research the subject a bit more lollo 5 Things People May Not Know About Me: -I’m really disorganized. So much so that i can’t close my closet door due to the clutter in front of it;;; -Physically speaking, I am only 5'6", I have a lazy eye, and mild scoliosis. My right canine tooth is broken as well.Im kind of self conscious about my teeth so my smiles are usually closed mouth. I also have problems with hygiene, for various reasons- for general cleanliness i just forget to shower sometimes/don’t have the motivation for it. As for the teeth, my sensory issues make it so i very much hate toothpaste. That’s why my teeth are so bad;; speaking of- -I have various mental issues. I have depression and anxiety, which has been clinically diagnosed. My psychiatrist also suspects i have mild autism or aspergers, but the test people never got back to us so heck if we know for sure. My mom, a couple of my friends, as well as me all agree i seem to have it. I also believe i have maladaptive daydreaming. This is a condition that makes it so I have very detailed imaginary worlds in my head- so detailed in fact that I get very attached to the characters in them, who I call brain friends. The daydreams get so detailed and involved that it’s sometimes hard for me to focus on stuff like reading or sleeping. Which exacerbates the insomnia i already have lollo. It’s easier for me to read fanfics than published stuff as a result, cus fanfics are basically written dreams in that sense? i’m also p bad at explaining myself with words lo l l,o;; -Despite most of my posts being happy ones, i tend to have p bad depressive episodes. I try not to vent on here though cus i’m self conscious about how others interpret that. It makes me feel manipulative. I also have trouble with asking my parents for stuff for the same reason;; -I started the positivity tag on election night. I was really shaky and anxious, but all of that was trapped inside and i couldn’t cry, so i just felt stuck there(i now suspect i was disasociating at the time?). I started reblogging all these happy posts to cheer myself up, and thanking all the people who were putting them on my dash. That’s why my positivity tag is ‘thank you’! :^)

[unicorns-at-arbys]

ufomisms post (the one you called like u healthy behavior on) wasnt a joke its how people with bpd and other personality disorders feel and often instead on acting on said unhealthy feelings and thoughts, we vent. just fyi

I’m sorry I never answered this, I don’t get notifications/check my inbox often

For anyone reading this, it’s in reference to this post 

I can understand that this is a genuine feeling people have. What I referred to as being unhealthy is when people do act upon it in ways like I described. When this feeling arises, the best thing to do is talk to the person about it. I know that sentiment seems difficult- even impossible for some- but if the person truly means so much to you that you would feel this way, the only other options are to remain miserable or act out highly toxic and unhealthy behaviors like the examples I gave. In either case, all it does is causes even more mental anguish for both parties. If you really feel unappreciated, whether you believe your own feelings to be rational or not, talk to them about it. If you really care about yourself, or, often more likely, if you really care about them, then that’s the only way it’s ever going to get better. The right way to go about it isn’t completely cutting ties because someone needs to sleep, calling the police because someone is busy, starting screaming matches because the two of you have obligations that keep you from spending all of your time together, etc. and then acting as if you’re the victim in the situation. I know that this post wasn’t specifically targeted at that, but sadly I’ve had more experience with people who do play out that side of it than with people who take a responsible approach. That being said, the comment I made was based off of personal experience, and the tag about it being a joke was meant as in “I know this isn’t how the conversation about this topic would actually flow.” I apologize if I came across as putting down anyone’s genuine concerns about life and relationships, that was never my intent. 

Thank you for the ask and if you, or anyone, in this situation needs to talk, never hesitate to message me directly.

[sweetlysilent]

Figment (Ch. Seven)

Requested By: Nobody

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Reader

Warnings: Traumatic Memories, Fear, Swearing, Symptoms of Anxiety, Mention of Pennywise, etc.

Summary:

When is a door not a door? Most people tend to always overthink the question, over processing what the answer could be, when in reality it’s right in front of your face. When it’s ajar. This is a riddle that is constantly in the back of your mind.

Just like your greatest fear, it lurks between the space of the door, showing it’s form like a shadow, always creeping behind you. But you convince yourself it’s just a figment of your imagination, that it’s all in your head, that you’re just seeing things. But, what happens when the Loser’s Club end up seeing it too?

A/N: So, I don’t know how many people enjoy this lil blurb mini series but I really like it so I’m going to continue writing it bc it makes me happy. If you like it too then by all means go ahead and read it and if you don’t then don’t read it :)) I post other content too.

This isn’t exactly based off the movie or the book, I’m just kind of free handing it and I might use bits and pieces from the movie, but besides that I’m basically just flowing with it. Another thing, feel free to send a comment in my ask or below on what you thought of this part! I’d love to see everyone’s reactions, it helps keep me motivated.

Also, comment below or send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged!

I hope this chapter makes sense lmao

The next day Richie and Bill were determined to get the other Loser's to believe, to get over their denial and realize that the clown was indeed, real.

Ben had invited them all over after their swimming day at the quarry, since they were all interested in seeing what other kind of articles he had on the missing kids.

"Wow." Richie commented, walking through is room, his eyes magnifying behind his large thick frames of his glasses, observing the paper's on his wall.

"This is what you do in your free time?" Richie added on, giving a smug smirk at Ben who shrugged his shoulders silently.

"Richie shut up." Eddie scolded, observing a certain news article on the wall, making Richie shrug in response, a grin on his face.

"Whoa, hey guys look at this one." Stan interrupted, causing all their heads to snap over to him, curious as to what he had found.

"It says that all these kids went missing, but eventually were all found, their bodies were all mangled and.." Stan trailed off, reading the rest of the article silently, his face paling at the words.

The others ended up getting the hint, their throats tightening, all those kids ended up dead, they went missing, and ended up dead, alone.

"G-Guys there's s-something we need t-t-to tell y-you." Bill broke the silence, his words getting choked up from what they had just read, he was already on edge from Georgie going missing, but now he was even more concerned about you.

"What's wrong Bill?" Beverly questioned, her gaze now fixated on him as was everyone else's.

"It's a-about Y-Y/N."

"Y/N's been taken guys, IT got Y/N." Richie blurted out, watching as everyone's face expressions dropped, their eyes widening.

"That's why Y/N isn't here.."

"Oh my god."

"Shit this is bad."

"How did this fucking happen Richie?" Stan snapped, surprising not only himself for being so straightforward but surprising everyone else for his sudden outburst.

"I-I -I don't know Stanley! One second Y/N is telling me about their night terror, and how they saw me, and next thing you know I'm having one of Y/N, trapped in the sewers, except it wasn't Y/N, I saw them floating, and yet somehow I saw Y/N standing right in front of me at the same time." Richie vented, his eyes starting to water, this wasn't supposed to happen, why was he feeling so panicked? He hasn't had a panic attack in so long.

"Richie calm down."

"-Hey, Richie breathe."

"C-C'mon buddy bre-breathe, y-you're o-okay."

Richie stumbled backwards into the wall, his chest rising and falling rapidly as his friends tried their best to calm him down, his eyes were tightly shut. He hated this feeling, he felt vulnerable, exposed.

"Richie." Your voice rang through his ears, making his eyes snap open rapidly, only for him to realize he was no longer in Ben's room, he was in the sewers once again.

"Y/N?" He called out, now standing up, his eyes squinting as they adjusted to the darkness.

"How the fuck did I get here?" He muttered to himself, his feet sludging through the murky water underneath him.

"Isn't it obvious Richie? I brought you here. You belong here. With me." You spoke in the darkness, sending chills down Richie's arms.

"This isn't you, I know it's not you." Richie growled out, his hands forming into fists as he searched for the imposter version of you.

"What are you talking about? This is me. It's always been me." You laughed, your voice echoing around him as he made his way into the famous opening once more.

His eyes flickered up to where he saw you still floating above him, except this time you were higher, even more lifeless than when he saw you before.

"Y/N." Richie whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek as he saw you above him, his heart breaking into a million pieces.

"I will save you. I promise. I'm going to get you out of here." Richie choked out, knowing full well you couldn't hear him, but he didn't care, he needed to tell himself that too.

"Nice speech, you done yet?" Your voice echoed throughout the empty space, making Richie's jaw clench.

"Depends, are you going to come out instead of hiding from me? Like the coward you are you fucking psychopath!" Richie shouted, turning around, only to see you standing a few feet before him.

His breath caught in his throat, eyes widening slightly as you stood there, arms crossed as you gave him a small smirk.

 "Now what are you going to do Richie? Looks to me as if you're scared. Are you scared of me? Scared of what might happen to me if I make it to the top?" You taunted, inching your way closer to him as he tried to drown your voice out.

"You're not Y/N." He growled out, his eyes flickering up to yours as you now stood a few inches away from him.

You stood in front of him, a wicked smile on your face as you laughed.

"How do you know I'm not Y/N? Because you see someone up there that looks like me? How do you know that isn't someone else? How do you know that this isn't all just a figment of your imagination?" You taunted once more, now right in his face as his eyes widened, your words messing up his head, before something clicked.

"Y/N wouldn't play mind games with me." He whispered, his face expression growing stern, making you stumble backwards a bit.

"That's how I know you aren't Y/N." He threatened, as he sauntered towards you, making you take steps backwards.

"That's how I know you're the fucking clown!"

He watched as you grinned, before your body started to break down right before his eyes, only for the clown to appear, his evil laugh echoing throughout his ears.

"Beep Beep Richie."

Richie sat up abruptly, gasping for air, startling all his friends who were now looking at him with worried and concerned expressions.

"Richie!"

"Holy shit are you okay?"

"Dude what happened?"

Richie sat there, breathing heavily as he observed his surroundings, he was back in Ben's room, his friends were real, this was all real.

"W-What happened?" He breathed out, looking at Bill who gave him a concerned expression.

"Y-You blacked o-out." Bill explained, glancing over at Beverly who was biting her nails nervously.

"How long was I out?" Richie groaned, standing up as he dusted his shorts off, looking at his friends.

"About twenty minutes." Mike explained, giving him a pained expression.

"Shit." Richie muttered, before his eyes widened once more, his breath disappearing for a second.

"What is it Richie?" Stan questioned, looking at his friend in confusion.

"I saw Y/N, guys, if we don't save Y/N now, they're going to die. That fucking clown is killing Y/N, it tried getting in my head pretending to be Y/N, but I outsmarted it, and showed it's true form, the clown." Richie choked out, rubbing his eyes behind his glasses.

"Fucking shit." Eddie muttered, grabbing his inhaler and giving it a puff as he paced the room anxiously.

"Y-You guys really n-need to b-believe us." Bill joined in, standing beside Richie, who was about to have a mental breakdown.

"I do." Beverly spoke up quickly, her arms crossed, before glancing at the other boys.

"I do too." Mike joined in.

"Same here." Ben walked to stand next to Beverly.

"I believe you guys." Eddie chimed in, using his inhaler once more.

It then all came down to Stan, who was staring at his shoes, not wanting to be noticed.

"Stanley." Richie broke the silence, making his head rise up slowly, a scared expression on his face.

"I-I don't want to believe." Stan choked out, shaking his head as Mike went over to comfort him.

"Stan, we need to do this together, it's the only way were going to defeat IT and save Y/N, just.. please." Richie begged, looking at Stan with sorrow eyes as Stan gave a hesitant nod in response.

"Alright.. I believe you guys." He whispered, before his focus went back to the ground.

"G-Great! So that s-settles it. Tomorrow w-we save Y-Y/N." Bill glanced at all his friends who nodded in agreement.

"Let's kill this fucking clown."

Just an FYI there will be three more chapters after this one, so in total, ten chapters. :))

Tags: @the-crime-fighting-spider @f-b-a-w-t-f-t-2 @mishamgos @winter-fire-and-january-embers @hey-its-bean @theotherschuyler @o-starshine @hiyoreddieaway @upsides-dawn @artsysugg @goawayjules @neerdyreedheead @werewolfbanshee-love