#furthermore we don't know how certain rooms are 'supposed to' look and we don't know how cities are 'supposed to' be laid out

[miku-worldwide]

Our entire system has a bit of an issue with this ourselves, so here's a kind of niche positivity post

It's okay if your inner world is hard to access/visualise. It's okay if your inner world lacks realistic structure - if the layouts don't make sense, if everything is both infinitely spread out but also close together, if the way things look changes each time you check, etc. It's okay if you struggle to visualise first person, if you end up visualising in any of many kinds of third person. It's okay if these things change over time

If you want to work on changing these things, that's fine too. But it's fine to just accept them as well. Everyone is unique, and experiences things in their own way

[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

It’s been one of those days. It’s Time for me to violently defend stephanie brown on the internet beyond what should be considered reasonable or good.

I saw an older anti stephanie brown post which blamed Steph for Robin #87 (when Bruce reveals Tim's secret identity to Spoiler and offers to train her) and all the comments and reblogs and whatever were ragging Steph and it pissed me off and it made me sad so I'm going to break down why being mad at Stephanie for something Bruce Wayne did is insane, why Stephanie is genuinely in the right, and why having the same opinion as Alfred "boy mom" Pennyworth is embarrassing.

This ones gonna be more rambly and less analysis like than my other Steph posts for the record, I just kinda need to get this off my chest.

Let's break it down.

When Batman first brings Steph onto the team as Spoiler he tells Steph Tim's secret identity. When Tim finds out his secret was told to her, he freaks out. Tim's perspective is super understandable. He feels betrayed by Bruce, because he didn't even consult or ask Tim first, a clear betrayal of Tim's trust and the supposed equality of their partnership. Especially in light of how much Tim feels he has sacrificed to keep Bruce's secret.

But lets look at the situation from Stephanies perspective. Because she is just NOT at fault here.

Here are the facts: Stephanie is approached by Batman, who has in pretty much every interaction beforehand been cold and dismissive, and who she expects to tell her to quit being Spoiler again.

This man has only ever shown an ounce of approval towards Steph's vigilantism one time before this, for like one line in Stephs very first appearance. For him to be asking her for help sets off serious alarm bells. Steph is "really scared" when Batman asks for her help to find Robin.

Robin #84

Furthermore, its important we don't take Batman at his word here. Bruce is withholding information, something he does with Steph a LOT. He says "no one" knows where Tim is, and in Robin #87, he clarifies that Robins transmitter went dead.

Robin #87

"No one" is an exaggeration of epic proportions, given that Batman has not checked Tim's boarding school, or contacted Alfred, the location which it is overwhelmingly likely he is at, and the person who would be able to check extremely easily.

Robin #87

Because Bruce didn't want to go to Brentwood himself and run into Alfred, or have to speak to Alfred, on account of their fight in Officer Down, he sends Steph.

While the fear and worry Steph is portrayed with in Robin #84 doesn't really carry over to #87 (one of the numerous inconsistencies between these two issues) the fact of the matter is Steph is misled by Batman about the stakes of Tim being missing, which she is led to believe are much higher than they are.

In addition to this, Stephanie was under the impression that Tim was only ever holding back his secret ID soley because of Batman's wishes, that Tim was just waiting on Batman to change his mind.

Robin #56 #75 #82 #62

Tim will assert this is true later, and he certain says this is true beforehand.

If he's telling the truth, he doesn't have an issue with Steph knowing his identity. He has an issue with Batman telling her without checking with him first.

How is Steph supposed to infer this?

Steph has no reason to think it's important that Batman checks with Tim, because Tim has made it abundantly clear to her that he does want her to know but has just been waiting on Batman's approval.

Let's look how Steph acts when she meets Robin knowing his identity for the first time.

Robin #87

Steph enters the situation seeming to believe Tim will feel happy for her and relieved that their relationship no longer has to be as one sided as it has been. She still leaves room for Tim potentially having conflicted feelings, by mentioning she "hopes" that it's okay with Tim that she's finally on the main team. Tim, as mentioned early, freaks out.

Again, Tim's frustration is understandable. But let's look at Steph's dialogue for a second.

Robin #87

She says "we can be together now". This is weird and really interesting choice, because Tim and Steph have been dating for the entirety of No Man's Land and over the course of her entire pregnancy. This is a substantial amount of time. So what does Steph mean by "now"? There are two explantations.

Steph and Tim were not on speaking terms before this, because Steph was under the impression Tim had been cheating on her. He isn't cheating, but it surprisingly never gets resolved. Like the many other threads which were brought up in Robin #84, it gets completely ignored in Robin #87 and onward. Steph could be referring to the fact that she believes they couldn't be together because he was supposably cheating, but now that she knows his secret identity, he has no reason to cheat anymore. This is a super flimsy idea however, and given the fact that no character brings up how Steph believes Tim was cheating with Star after Robin #84, the logical conclusion is that it was either resolved off screen, or retconned.

The second explanation is much stronger. Steph says "now" because despite the fact that they have been dating for so long, their relationship has been extremely unbalanced. She's been closed off to half of Tim's life, something she agrees to when they first get together, but clearly has taken a toll on her. To the point she says "now" because, to her, the relationship never really truly started.

Robin #80

This isn't a stupid or petty complaint, for the record. Tim has seen her at her worst, he was there for there immediately before and after childbirth, but she doesn't get to know anything about an entire half of his life. This is especially true when you consider much Tim was in control of their communication.

He can show up at her house anytime, but if he doesn't initiate contact Steph's on her own. In Robin #80 for instance, Steph is presumably just hopping around rooftops hoping to bump into Tim, because she has no other way to find him.

Robin #87

And after Steph expresses excitement that they can finally be in the balanced relationship, a real relationship, she is rebuked with a violent "No!" that she seems to lean away from. And in the next panel, she asks, confused: "What?" in a small speech bubble which gets entirely ignored. In fact, neither Batman or Robin speaks to, or even addresses directly Stephanie for the rest of the encounter.

When Robin storms off without even a look to Stephanie, Stephs reaction is (big Shocker) to blame herself. Batman uses neutral language to place the blame on Tim, stating that Tim feels betrayed. In direct contrast, Steph actively disagrees, clarifying that Tim was betrayed, and more than that, she directly places the blame on both her and Batman's shoulders.

Robin #87

But Stephanie is a prop in the plot. Tim doesn't yell at her, he runs from her. Because she isn't Stephanie Brown, his girlfriend who has been in a massively unbalanced relationship, who is overjoyed at finally getting to be in a "real" relationship with him, she's the person Batman told Tim's identity to. He's not angry at her, he's angry she knows his identity and Bruce didn't bother to ask if Tim could tell her. He's angry at Batman. This conversation, this whole drama, is about the partnership between Bruce and TIm.

Stephanie Brown, who believed Tim was just waiting for the Batman go ahead, had no reason to think Tim would be anything but as happy as she was. Importantly, Stephanie Brown is seriously just not to blame in this situation, even if she blames herself (which as I've discussed before, is a running theme with her characterization, her low self-esteem and occasional tendancy to blame herself for the actions of others).

Not to mention, Tim doesn't blame Steph either. So if you're reading Robin #87 and somehow coming to the conclusion that Steph is a monster, please reassess.

Robin #92

How does Alfred factor into this? I'll make it quick.

Robin #88

Oh no Alfred, I'm so sorry that your loyalties to Master Timothy run so deep that you HAVE to yell at the teenaged girl who was more of a prop than anything in that encounter and had no reason to think Tim would be hurt. Oh no, really that must be so hard for you. Well, at least we know he's consistent, I'm sure if he's this mad at Stephanie, he's fucking fuming at Bruce Wayne, right? Right? Right?

No, of course not. Alfred Pennyworth, hypocrite extraordinaire is out there actively defending Bruce to Tim. Which no one asked him to do.

It's all "in his defense" and "you knew the perils" and "master bruce's crusade ill afford the delicacy of privacy required in affairs of the heart" and "stop feeling sorry for yourself"

I cannot believe he has the gall to yell at Steph for this. Talk about wounding Master Tim deeply bro, just wait until its Tim's 16th Birthday Party and Alfreds applying his stupid latex mask with a smile on his face. Sorry Alfred, you’re not always wrong, but when you’re wrong you’re really wrong.

That’s all. Goodnight 🌙

[aenemix]

MY QUEEN / a Nanami Kento x f! Reader.

❙Contains mature themes(first time writing one too),fluff, praising stuff, and some swearing??, OH MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, 18+. ❙

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

It has been several hours since the meeting with the other government officials started, and it has been several hours since Nanami sit on his chair with a painstakingly headache from all the heated arguments his supposed helpers and supporters would have solve instead they screamed at each other, pissing each other's saliva until one decided to reach for his sword and resort to violence, if it wasn't for the emperor's presence that is, his highness Nanami Kento, himself.

The tension in the emperial meeting room was heavy, when the government officials noticed that their majesty has been silent for a while their voices went stiff.

Nanami furrowed his brow.

"What's wrong? I thought all of you would engage to war like this? " he taunted with a deep voice.

Everyone's muscle went rigid, and they sweated.

One official decided to speak up.

"Y-your highness, f-forgive us for our unrefined behaviour, we didn't intend to disrespect his majesty! " the man stuttered, lowering his head.

His voice echoed throughout the room yet none of his fellow officials back him up.

Nanami gazed at them with amusement, however, his eyes were rather cold sending chills down their spines. They couldn't speak up! After all, it was their fault for disregarding the presence of the emperor and suddenly waging fights like mongrels.

Knowing the emperor's temperament, they were dead for.

They suddenly want to congratulate the other party for speaking up despite the tension arising.

Nanami wanted to spill blood at that instant if it wasn't for the door opening revealing an important guest.

"Did I interrupt something? " she grinned while looking at everyone's apalled faces.

Speaking of good timing. She walk elegantly towards the silent man.

"My emperor, lower your temper down or you'll make someone faint" she poke his cheek.

"EVERYONE OUT" he commanded.

And to everyone's luck, they immediately run out from the room leaving the two couple.

"Awe~and here I thought I could witness some fun" she pouted.

"This is not a place for playing Y/n" Nanami sighed before massaging his temples.

"Who says I came here to play? Am I that childish in your eyes? " she dramatically gasped.

"Certain occasions, yes. " he nodded, smirking at her scowling face.

"W-well atleast... At least.. " she tried to fight back with words but couldn't find any.

Nanami stood up from his seat and trudge towards his lovely wife.

He glance at her with a bemuse expression before caressing her face softly.

"Continue... My Queen?.. " he teased.

"I'm thinking about it! " she tried to swat him.

Nonetheless, Nanami's hand was too fast and pulled her arms behind her back.

"This is not fair! How can you easily trapped me like this?!" She whined.

"I don't see you struggling though? " he chuckled, nuzzling his nose towards her nape.

"You smelled nice" he complimented.

At this point Y/n gave up from his antics and let him do whatever he wants. After all, her dear husband was such a man who will take great amounts to pamper her.

Thinking about it makes Y/n madly flustered. She was supposed to give him a special treatment after working so hard, she felt bad looking at his husband, the father of the nation, who everyone relies on, works without a day/night rest. His dark bags underneath his eyes was evident that he could be mistaken for a panda.

"Nanami" she whispered softly.

"Yes, my queen? "He responded while nuzzling furthermore in her neck.

"I missed you" she confessed.

There was not a day that she didn't missed him, without him by her side while they sleep and eat meals during day/noon/evening makes her heart aches, she understand that he was busy, but his long absence makes her crave for his attention.

"I missed you so so much that I just want to be by your side"

Hearing her sincere words, Nanami knew it was his to blame for making her long like this. He was supposed to give her what she needs and yet he was busy dealing with complicated matters that there was not a single day where he could meet his dear wife freely.

He embrace her tightly. He was sorry.

"I'm so sorry my queen. "

"Don't apologize, I understand that you have a huge responsibility as the emperor, all I need is your attention and not ignore me completely. Did you know how lonely I am without you by my side in our bedroom? Or even meals? My dear Nanami, I am your wife and the mother of this nation. You don't have to shoulder everything, I can help you too" she told while accepting his embrace.

Nanami breathed deeply.

"My queen, what am I gonna do without you? " he said before leaving kisses in the back of her neck.

Y/n gasped from the sudden contact.

"Let's take this in here shall we? " he said with a suggestive tone.

"W-wait... What do you m-mean h-here? " she gulped. She hopes he was not thinking the thing she just assumed just now.

"Exactly what your thinking, My Queen.. " he smirked before diving into her mouth.

It was not a soft kiss but Y/n returned the same energy Nanami has divulge in while ravishing her tongue like there's no tomorrow. Both of them fought for dominance, biting and licking. Yet in the end, Nanami was successful.

He managed to pinned y/n down to the table, removing her upper clothing and revealing her smooth (s/c) skin. He left traces of kisses to her neck down to her collar bone.

Y/n was gasping too much from the intense stimulation the man in front of her gave. She could feel his hands wandering around her clothing and removing it until she was left naked.

Nanami proceeded to attack her breasts, biting at it while massaging the other with full attention.

"Nghh~"

"Sensitive aren't we? " he teased.

"P-pleaseee.. Just take me~" she begged, arching her back when she felt his hand touching her wet slit.

"Ahh! ~"

Nanami used his finger to make a circular motion, he continued to attack her breast whilst entering 1 middle finger in her hole and a thumb in her clitoris.

"T-that... Ahh.. N-nanami!.. S-sensitive! " she cried in pleasure. Her legs closed in an instant but Nanami immediately pried them open.

"Spread your legs for me my queen. " he demanded

Y/n obediently did as told, at this point her breasts was so bruised from his non stop attack, not that she minded. It was pure bliss.

Nanami continuesly thrust his middle finger while stimulating her clitoris at the same time. He knew she was sensitive but he likes to see her writhe under neath him. Knowing he was the cause of it all. Satisfaction laced on his face as he witnessed her rolling her eyes from such pleasure.

"That's it my queen. You're doing good" he praised.

"Mhmm.. M-more" she pleaded while gripping the ends of the table for support.

"As you wish" he nodded and thrusted with haste speed. He added another finger, she was already wet and soaked the table with her cum.

"Y-yes please! "

Y/n could feel something in her stomach and she knew she was at her limits. Sensing this, Nanami slowed down his speed.

"Not yet, My queen" he gritted. After all he has his own dilemma.

His cock that has been constrained in his pants was already hard and leaking pre cum. With a rustle, his pants was nowhere to be seen and the sight of his huge member standing at its full 10-inch pride.

Y/n swallowed a huge amount of saliva. Even until now she was still not used to seeing that such huge member.

Without wasting time, Nanami lined up his swollen cock towards her dripping c*nt. He didn't even need adjust when her slippery wet pussy has already invited his huge cock without problems.

"Nanami~" Y/n moaned. She was so full of him.

"Fuck. My Queen. " he hissed, pleasure building up the moment he thrusted himself in.

"Nghh~" Y/n bit her lip.

Nanami proceeded to thrust slowly before going rough.

The room was filled with their grunts and moans, the smell of sex lingering as more moans echoes.

(Should I continue for part 2.?)

[notjustjavierpena]

Hey! I was- still am obsessed with Switch and tbh, I kinda began yearning for something a previous anon mentioned. What if reader ends up pregnant and both agree on an abortion? I know it's a sensitive topic and you don't have to write anything like it at all if it's a nono, but I wish Joel would have been with me when I went to the clinic. I really missed the comfort and reading something like that would kinda heal a big wound for me, I haven't seen auch a fic anywhere. Again, no pressure, I think anon had a good idea there.

A/N: I made this very short because I wanted to do it tastefully and without too many details. I debated whether to write it because this author (it’s me, i’m the author) got a full hysterectomy three months ago and I still feel a little puzzled by the whole hospital experience. Additionally, this is a continuation of Switch, but it won’t be a canon part of my DBF universe since my Joel would never continue the relationship with reader after this. It would be a deal-breaker.  Furthermore, I wasn't completely sure that this suited the mood of my blog :')

Tags: Angst, hospitals, implied abortion, dbf!joel 

Word count: 472

Dbf!Joel x f!reader

You wake up in a hospital bed with eyes so tired that they make your eyelids sting, nausea present in your empty stomach. It’s all a blur of white, painful and sterile, causing you to look around with slight confusion and panic. 

“You’re awake, let me get a nurse,” Joel’s voice makes you instantly cry from relief. He is just about to leave the tiny hospital room, but stops dead in his tracks as soon as he hears the same sniffles as he had on the phone not long ago when you had told him you were pregnant. 

Were pregnant.

He hates to be the one who makes you cry. 

Whipping around, he goes to stand by your bed. Instinctively, he reaches out to run a hand over your hair in the most parental of ways and it soothes you whilst you push away the thought of how twisted this is. 

“Shh,” he coos, using his knuckles to wipe away a tear that’s on its way down into your ear, “S’alright, baby girl. Everything went according to plan. Nothing to be scared of anymore.”

“I’m so sorry, Joel, I didn’t know who else to bring,” you sob, certain that the pain meds have upped your emotional reaction because your crying turns absolutely uncontrollable. 

Joel feels worse than after any gut punch. He leans down over you, but only slightly so as to make eye contact. His voice is firm but soft, “Listen. It’s okay. Alright? Breathe. You’ll be okay. What were you supposed to do? Go alone?”

You shake your head, fresh tears running down your cheeks so fast that Joel cannot catch them. You avoid his eyes.

“No no, look at me.”

You force yourself to stare up at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he tells you, and oh fuck, does he mean it, “This— this, us, can’t happen again. We don’t have to ever speak of it.”

That hurts you more than you thought it would, and you frantically shake your head, “No, no, Joel, no. I don’t want you to leave me hanging.” 

How do you tell him that he had made your loneliness a distant memory when you had been in his arms?

He says your name with a sigh, but you pull him down for a kiss suddenly. You hadn’t kissed during your meeting (You aren’t sure what else to call it) in your room. It takes Joel by surprise, even more when he finds himself kissing you back ever so softly. 

“No, we can’t,” he pushes gently at your chest to stop himself from feeling anything more, and you untangle yourself from him with disappointment. He swears under his breath, fist clenched by his side.

“But Jo–”

“Let me get that nurse.”

You stare down at your hands from where you are lying, not knowing where this’ll go.

[thegeminisage]

now it's time for a proper star trek update. i am sooo behind. monday we did voy's "the q and the grey," made it about 11 minutes in before quitting and switching to ds9's "the ascent" and then did ds9's "rapture," and then later that evening i finished "the q and the grey" on my OWN, then on tuesday we did voy's "marcocosm" and "fair trade" which means we accidentally went a little out of order (we were supposed to hit another ds9 ep first).

the q and the grey (voy):

as mentioned above, we got. 11 minutes. into this episode. rough!

there's normally very little sexism on this show which is like. despite this show's tone being similar to tng's, a better cast and less sexism put it MILES ahead of tng in my opinion. but for some reason you put q in a room with janeway and WOW. the harassment, the casual "kathy," the belittlement...like, it was kind of funny in CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES when it was picard but it looks sooo different when he is doing this to a woman. like, he wasn't trying to have picard's baby, was he

not to mention he's always a little racist to chakotay, which is even more unfunny than him being fantasy racist to worf. him stealing the tattoo wasn't like. funny or quirky. jesus

also. CIVIL WAR COSTUMES? REALLY? REALLY??? they cast q's side as the yanks but like...he's rebelling against the government, so............

anyway, this episode had two redeeming moments for me. first was when chakotay was jealous i did holler. second was when janeway decided to "watch" the two qs procreate and then it was just a little zap, which i did think was really funny. other than that, it was ALL bad. i checked and we have one q episode left and then thank god i don't see his ass again until lower decks

the ascent (ds9):

THE MOST EP EVER. i'm normally "eh" on quark/odo but i really enjoyed this episode mostly because even when they were trying to survive they could NOT stop arguing

also, it did wonders for quark, like...he's the reason odo's leg got broken and he made it to the top and saved him. furthermore, he hates root beer, but bought some for nog. i love when quark has little hints of having a soul. like when he sold food at cost for bajorans. we don't need much, just more than we got in season 3

also, rom was in this ep :')

going from like the existential mountain climb back to the silly little odd couple b plot was INSANE whiplash, by the way

i do love how much of an artist jake is. he wants to wake up at 1pm have junk for breakfast and spend all day working on his fanfic while cleaning never. maybe he wanted to move out so sisko wouldn't nag him to clean so much

ALSO, AWW, JAKE MOVING OUT...my best friend sisko was so emotional. please. i love him so much

i did also like that the solution to the odd couple problem in both the instances of jake and nog and odo and quark was to simply invent a bigger problem. for odo and quark it's the mountain but for jake and nog it's not being roomies anymore. they were so happy when sisko forced them to get back together they instantly forgave each other's flaws which is heartwarming but also extremely fucking funny

rapture (ds9):

the title, i know, i know, i KNOW. i almost typed "THE rapture" like twice, nobody say anything, fuck

did not love this episode BUT i made it through the entire thing without calling kai wynn a bitch

i actually liked the depth they gave her in this ep, though it's not enough to make the character fun for me. she just takes such relish in being cruel for the sake of her faith, i can't stand it

kira also wearing blinders this episode :/ it's not that i don't think she should have a faith but i wish it didn't make her stupid. like, oh let's let sisko die from his visions! let's be an artist instead of a soldier! because some guy said to! come on

poor kassidy having just got out of prison and now she gets back to sisko being like. totally fucking crazy. i do like that she and jake have bonded though. i hope she makes him a great stepmother someday

i feel like this plot is gonna come back later...? i've read Some Things about sisko. i will say i'm curious to see where it goes. at the same time, i can't believe he chose his visions over JAKE when we all saw how jake was in the visitor and i'm kind of mad he didn't so much as apologize for putting jake in that position. it doesn't really feel like he ever came back to his "right mind." i hope he's not like that for the rest of the series lol

macrocosm (voy):

JANEWAY HOT!!!!!!!!!! this is so rough for me because i've never found her like stupid attractive before but wow the laura croft look really did it for me. i wish chakotay could have seen it 🫡

sorry i know there are other things to say about this episode. ummm it's much funnier post covid. the giant viruses. i wish they hadn't made them so buglike though

very fun that the doctor had gone full apocalypse mode. it makes absolutely NO sense how he was able to infect everyone if he wasn't real though...that's the whole reason they sent him down

the prosthetics in this were very cool. the cgi effects were very silly

fair trade (voy):

SSSSSSIGH

the conceit of this episode was so fucking stupid. like, what about any of them makes neelix think they're gonna toss him out for being useless. kes is also useless, they don't NEED a nurse, but they're not throwing her out. a single conversation could have solved all of this

i thought that guy wix looked so familiar i was struggling to remember what he did in voyager, but no, i made that up.

on the other hand, i did like seeing vorik again! i remembered him from tng because of how fucking good his spock mannerisms were. like, not his name or anything he actually DID on tng, just how good he was at being a vulcan. i hope he comes back trek DESPERATELY needs more vulcans. maybe he and tuvok hang out and find peace in nobody pestering them about having emotions lol

anyway, i do love that janeway gave him hell at the end for it though. like that time she lectured b'elanna and tuvok and they wanted to die. AND she did it to chakotay once too. one thing she will do is shame somebody for being fucking stupid <3 may everyone on the cast get one before the series is over

TONIGHT: voy's "ater ego" and ds9's "the darkness and the light"

[chaotic-txt]

Flowers and Thorns [Hanahaki AU]

— Loving you is like living and dying at the same time. Won't you please love me back?

Yeonjun x Reader | One-shot | Angst

Warning/s: Mentions of blood, surgery and death, implied death

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

All it took was one look.

All it took was one smile.

You didn't even have to do anything, and yet he fell. He fell so deeply, madly in love with you.

Yeonjun never knew when and he also never knew why. All he knew was that he could not stop himself from loving you, and he won't be doing so.

Slowly but surely, he felt it. That fluttering feeling of being hit by the Cupid's arrow made his heart beat so fast, and heat would always rise up on his cheeks. Those sensations were unfamiliar, but it feels so natural for him.

As if he was destined to feel that way.

His love for you grew over time, like a new blossomed flower in the time of spring.

Yet it never occured to him that someday it would happen...literally.

He should've stopped himself while it was still early.

· — ✦ — ·

"Yeonjun, are you alright? You've been having coughs lately."

The blond boy flinched away at your touch. He never wanted to, but he did, afraid that you would find out the truth. He knew you could be so persuasive, and so he never took the risk of letting you know.

It would only worsen his state. It would hurt his heart furthermore. Yeonjun loves you, but he's sick of the pain it brings that were much like thorns that encircled up and around his throat.

It stung, but what could he do? He could only hide it behind his smiles, so that you'll never suspect of it.

"I'm– I'm fine, Y/N...Just let me walk you to your class now."

"Are you really sure though?" you asked while rubbing his back, "We can go to the clinic now while there's still time."

Yeonjun didn't answer, instead he pulled your arm and began to walk towards your classroom.

"Oh– hey, Soobin-ah!"

No wonder you suddenly stopped walking.

The two of you came face to face with a tall boy whose features resembled those of the rabbit's. He approached you two with a beaming smile and dimples that adorned his round face.

If only you knew he was the reason for Yeonjun's misery.

He was the thorns to his throat, the thorns on his flower.

"Junie-yah, just go see yourself to the clinic, okay? I'm worried for you. I have Soobin to walk me to our class anyway, so it's fine."

As much as he wanted to fight back, to insist and be with you, he surrendered in defeat and obliged with your request. His eyes followed the two of you walking away from him.

No matter what he'll do, he would always be weak for you.

· — ✦ — ·

"Hyung, mom's worried about you."

"...Did you tell her?"

The younger one shook his head side to side as a response, "No, you told me you'll tell her yourself."

"I don't think I will," Yeonjun croaked, with blood slightly dripping from his lips, "I don't want her to know."

Beomgyu could only offer a look of sympathy towards his older brother. He knew of his condition, and it pains to see him getting weaker day by day, coughing out petals with the occasional metallic fluid splattered on it.

He realized that love was beautiful like a flower, and deadly like thorns at the same time.

In this harsh world they're living in, if it's not reciprocated, it could lead to losing that certain feeling—just to save yourself, or worse;

It could lead into inevitable death.

Beomgyu doesn't want that. He doesn't want to lose his brother. But Yeonjun was just so hopelessly into you that he really turned a blind eye from what it does to him.

Beomgyu was tired of seeing his brother be a martyr for your love that you won't be able to give him someday, or any day for that matter.

It's why he keeps on insisting the only way that he could think of saving him.

"Why don't you just go into surgery?"

Yeonjun gave a warning glare towards the boy. He was not having this conversation again.

"Why don't you just have that flower be taken out of your system and–"

"Because I don't want to!"

It's funny how he could still raise his voice despite the pain that was still scratching inside his chest. Yeonjun was honestly tired from keeping track of the times his brother had asked that same question.

"I don't– I don't want to lose my feelings for her. You just don't understand how it feels!"

"But what you feel—that's what's going to kill you!"

Tears welled in Yeonjun's eyes as he faced the truth again. The truth that never failed to crush his hopes every single time that it haunted him.

"Believe me, I don't want to say this to you, Hyung," the raven haired boy sighed out, "but I don't think she'll ever love you. You have to stop this, before it gets worse."

With that, he left the room and closed the door, leaving Yeonjun alone within the confinements of those 4 walls, alone with his thoughts.

"...Did you really think I haven't told myself that for so many times, Beomgyu?"

· — ✦ — ·

The days went by quick, they turned into weeks, then months; and so has the suffering that grew even stronger. Small coughs here and there became worse. The condition came to the point of vomiting more blood and petals of what Yeonjun could tell were pansies.

Your favorite flower.

He could feel that flowering plant inside him bloom. The thought may have sounded so figurative, but it was real and a bittersweet experience for him.

Who would've thought that loving someone may cost his life if the feelings were not returned?

Surely not Yeonjun.

He was too busy from torturing himself, thinking of the non-existent chance of you returning his affections. Yeonjun was too busy from hoping that someday, you'd finally come to love him and heal the growing illness inside him.

But you never will, for your heart belonged to someone else now, and that wasn't Yeonjun.

He doesn't hold your heart.

That mere fact had proven itself for so many times, but what did he do? He stood still on his ground, even if he already knew that it's going to hurt him even more.

The prickling pain was tolerable, but the idea of losing what makes him feel barely closer to you wasn't. It's why he kept on pushing himself on the edge, just for you.

Yet all of those finally died—like a withered flower deprived of its basic needs—as he saw you mutter a soft 'yes' to Soobin, who threw a surprise to ask you to be his girlfriend in front of everyone else to see.

That moment had killed him, as the flower inside him painfully grew. It was truly ironic of how it lives on from the pain itself gives.

Yeonjun couldn't bear to watch it any longer, and so he quietly walked out from the scene, with his mind telling him countless of thoughts.

But only one from those was finally clear to him now.

· — ✦ — ·

First thing in the morning, you found yourself opening your eyes to a complete and absolute nothing. You were met with the vast darkness above your head, and it covered the entire area. It left you with nothing but a flower field beneath your feet, just to keep yourself accompanied.

The place you woke up to was truly lovely as you began to realize, with different sorts of flowers in various colors that grew all around you.

The flowering plants extended up to the horizon, where a soft glow of light illuminated a strange figure from afar. The area seemed to be surrounded with much more of nature's blooming treasures in shades of purple, bubbling up an odd excitement from within you.

It reminded you of pansies.

This was too good to be true, but you intended to seize the moment while you still can.

Your eyes lingered upon that sight for far too long. A foreign feeling tugged at your chest, as if it was calling for your name.

As if it was pulling and luring you close to it.

And it successfully did.

You were enchanted by the magical place, and it almost had you wishing to stay there forever. Your legs began to bring you towards where your eyes were fixated, wanting to satisfy the curiosity that flickered inside you.

Each step you took mirrored the pounding feeling of your heart. The unknown suspense rattled through your bones, turning your hands cold and sweaty.

Slowly, you began to see it clearly.

And you wished you hadn't.

As you approached the figure, your vision was immediately clouded by tears. You couldn't tell why, but for some strange reason, you felt like your heart was being squeezed by a fist, squishing and crushing the poor flesh until it could beat no longer.

Your breath hitched with the sudden contraction of your chest due to what you saw.

In the distance, there ᎻᎬ sat still. Eyes closed, head hung low and his arms hang loosely by his sides. His white clothing was severely stained by a dripping purple substance that came from a slash on his neck.

You were shaken by the sight.

Was that supposed to be...blood? You couldn't bring yourself to find out.

Your glance then finally caught a look of his face.

Every little detail never missed your gaze.

Yeonjun's eyes were closed as if he was resting peacefully. He showed no signs of movement at all. With his skin and soft lips looking so pale, he looked utterly lifeless under the light you two basked in. Plenty of flowers adorned his head and some petals littered all over his body.

The sight was picture perfect. A beautiful tragedy was brought to light.

Was this a reality? A sad dream?

What was it telling you?

· — ✦ — ·

Hanahaki disease is something that was truly enamoring. Its beauty—for an illness such as itself—was not like any other, seeing that it feeds and grows from the pain of its victim. Unrequited love therefore must be avoided, for you not to have it and suffer from its slow and painful death.

The chances of surviving from it, however, could be possible. The patient must go through surgery, enabling the excision of the flower's roots from the lungs.

The process was terrifying, but if it saves another hopeless being, then it wouldn't matter so much. At least the patient would still be alive and breathing.

"Yeonjun-hyung,"

The disinfected smell of the air burned through the said boy's nostrils. The cold atmosphere nipped at his skin, leveling with the coldness brought by his nervousness.

"You're aware of what the results might be once it's finished, right?"

"Why do you seem so against this now?" Yeonjun teased with a playful smile displayed, "Aren't you the one who kept on telling me this?"

If only he could joke his way out of this pain.

"Hyung, I'm serious. You heard what the doctor said as he went over the process."

Oh he did, he heard it so loud and clear.

"Should I ever survive from the surgery...these feelings for Y/N will be erased—even those of my memories of hers might be, too."

The impulse to cry came at him again. Yeonjun felt so disoriented with the thought of the surgery. The urge to vomit and cough out blood and petals was way stronger though, so he had to maintain his composure, while Beomgyu rubbed his back soothingly.

"I'm happy now that you're doing this for yourself, Hyung. You've been in pain for too long...it's time to let go now."

The siblings shared a hug with each other as they waited for the time of Yeonjun's surgery. The light contact might be suffocating for the blond boy, but it made him feel better and stronger for what he's about to face.

And as for you, while you were there in your own room, still pondering about the strange dream you had for so long...

...little did you know that the boy who suffered from the excruciating pain, had finally given up.

Yeonjun did not make it through the surgery, for the flowers had caused complications amidst the process.

And you...you just had no single clue about it.

[casually-inlove]

Hello. In one of your responses, you wrote: "I also have things that I don't necessarily agree with." Can you tell us about it? I am very interested in your representation of this manhua. What do you think is written well in the story, and what is not? What would you add or remove? What is missing and what is too much in history? I would very much like to know your TianShan headcanon. I have too many "wants". I'm sorry if I was rude.

Dear anon, this was not rude at all. Indeed, you have many questions, so much as I try to be concise in my posts, this one is going to be very lengthy. Let me start with a little disclaimer. Everything below is entirely subjective. It is in no way meant to undermine anyone's enjoyment of the series, nor is it supposed to be an attack against the author. I value the comic's episodic nature and light-heartedness myself, otherwise, I would not have stuck around. It is also true that for the past half a year my interest in it waxes and wanes. Besides, I am well aware that certain groups of fans grow dissatisfied with the manhua direction. That said, I must state once again, OX has every right to write the story as they please, while the fans, no matter how displeased they may be, do not have the room to make demands of the author. So then, without further ado, some of my quibblings follow below. Beware of the wall-of-text.

1) The plot and characters get stagnant at times — these two go hand in hand. I suppose it is a prevalent gripe with 19 Days, and I am sure everyone has experienced it at least once. Some of it stems from the very way the story is told: the manhua timeline moves slowly in comparison with the readers' timeline. It works for depicting slow-burn relationships and subtle changes in the characters' outlooks. The problem is, more often than not, the latest chapters are inconsequential to either plot or character growth. They do not have the substance or the conflict to them. When OX had introduced the characters, while undoubtedly charming and loveable, they were practically walking tropes. Jian Yi, the bubbly airhead. ZZX, the stoic childhood friend. HT, Mr Popular. As time passed, OX did the clever (and the right) thing — they have subverted these stereotypes, by showing us that the characters are not who they appear to be. Thus, we learned that Jian Yi is a lonesome, affection deprived kid who on occasion dreads going back home because it's empty; his bright grin is there to hide his sadness.  We also learned that HT had a dysfunctional family and had been exposed to violence since a tender age; we also learned that he used to lead an empty life devoid of close interpersonal connections and passions, etc. I am not going to write about Mo because it is obvious and self-explanatory.

That sudden change in the perspective is what made those characters fascinating. A few of these developments co-occur with the addition of the “darker” mafia/gangster subplot. Indeed, the introduction of the criminal legacy theme (which is true for Jian Yi, He Tian, and Mo to an extent) allowed to show the wounds and troubles these characters had to face. It also dangled the prospect of an intriguing plot direction — a mafia-related story that is disguised as a school-themed slice-of-life. It was the underlying gangster plot-line that hooked me up; I kept asking myself: Are they connected (the Jian family, the He family)? Were they responsible for what happened with the Mo family restaurant? Will their backgrounds converge at some point? How does Jia Yi's kidnapping fit into all this? That sort of stuff. Alas, right now that subplot seems to be put on a backburner, which is a shame because this is the plot-line that leads to future events, such as Jian Yi's disappearance. The kidnapping is still going to happen and the threat looming over Jian Yi is still real, yet OX does very little to explain anything about it. Naturally, revealing everything at once is out of the question, but if it were me, I would have opted for unveiling bits and pieces now and then. To start with, it would have propelled the plot forward. Apart from that, it would have given the readers some food for thought and kept the intrigue fresh — they would have been cracking their heads to piece the puzzle. Finally, the characters' darker backgrounds provide the opportunity to give them development. For instance, how would Mo's view of He Tian change, if he learned that the latter had to face his warped father to save Mo (ch. 245 and further on)? Or how would Mo react, if he learned that He Tian lost his mother (presumably) due to his family shady dealings? Would it make him understand the other boy, relate to him on some level? Etc. 

The comedy and fun, light moments are precious, but I miss those moments when the manhua challenged my impression of the characters. Right now, the plot stagnates in the sense that we know that someone is threatening Jian Yi, but we aren't being given any clues or updates on the matter, as if the whole thing wasn't important. So, in response to your question “what would I have removed”, I would say that I would probably drop quite a few school-centric chapters in favour of “criminal” subplot. Just a bit: maybe show Mr Jian's messages, or Jian Yi's mother discussing the situation with him, or He Cheng receiving some reports on the situation.  

The character recent portrayal also disappoints me on occasion. They started as stereotypical manga characters, then they were given some depth, and now they are close to becoming yet another set of stereotypes. Yeah, I get that Mo is a tsundere and enamoured He Tian is an idiot in love — OX has been depicting them as such for the past year. It would be cool to take a look at other facets of their personalities now and then too. While it’s understandable that only a few weeks have passed since the beginning of the story, OX should remember that years have passed for the readers; keeping the audience engaged should be among their priorities.

I suppose I do have a bias here because as an adult I have little interest in all things school-related, and in general, I am not too fond of slice-of-life (I typically avoid reading it).19 Days attracted me because it had some universal themes, like dealing with past and legacy, finding your path, healing from the old scars, learning to handle difficult relationships within a family, and of course its low-key “mafia” subplot. It could be that OX truly doesn't have a meticulously chapter-to-chapter thought-out plot, hence why the manhua meanders at times, or it could have something to do with Mosspaca's internal agenda. Perhaps, it is the latter and the company somehow insists its artists stick with simplistic plots for the sake of keeping their target audience. Even so, there's a catch here, which was brought to the attention by @agapaic: the original reader audience has aged up already so to keep them hooked it would be wise of OX to “mature up” the comic as well. Not in the sense of 18+ content, but in the sense of introducing more mature subjects alongside the comedy and slice of life. Perhaps, they are not looking to keep the fans but to attract the new, younger ones. Who knows.

2) Drama and comedy imbalance. It is a pet peeve of mine which I consider to be one of the prominent manhua flaws: there is lots of slapstick comedy which ends up being out of place on occasion. I do realize the comic is humorous, however, there is no denying that OX introduced themes and topics that are no laughing matters. Jian Yi's and He Tian's loneliness, bullying and ostracizing, extortion racket, absentee parents, youth gangs and violence — just to name a few. There is a lot more, but you get the picture.

It is also obvious that three out of four main characters carry the remnants of childhood trauma with them, which directly affects their present selves. All the same, these topics practically fizzle out as soon as they get introduced, or get swept under the rug with comedy. Considering the humorous nature of the comic, it is given that dispersing some grimmer topics with playfulness will be used now and then. To my mind, however, OX relies on that abrupt drama-to-comedy switch too heavily, which makes the transition steep and often out of place. At times, it creates an impression that the author does not take these issues seriously. There have been numerous episodes when emotional moments were subverted and then dropped, without gaining climax and closure. For instance, the moment that sticks out to me the most is when He Tian attempted to tell Mo why he liked him. The visuals made it clear that it wasn't easy for He Tian to say out loud, yet OX never gave the intense moment the needed closure.

Mo brushed He Tian off and the latter just rolled with it, as if it never took him any courage to say those words, and then everything was swiftly engulfed by slapstick humour (the ball-slapping scene). A panel showing a glimpse of He Tian's face sinking to indicate he was somewhat let down by Mo's nonchalant response would have been appropriate — in fact, it would be natural for someone to get hurt when their confession is taken lightly. Likewise, I half-expected OX to show a bit more of He Tian's reaction towards Mo's story about his meeting with She Li. We got to see his expression darkening when he learned that She Li gave Mo the ear piercings, yet this time — mind you, when Mo suggested that She Li might have murdered someone — we never see He Tian react much. For the record, it was He Tian who asked She Li a rhetorical question about being able to take responsibility for taking a life.

Furthermore, I believe that someone romantically invested in another human being would have naturally shown more inquisitiveness upon hearing a story like that. Sure enough, some would say that Mo would not have liked talking about a traumatizing event, and that is fine as well — just show it. A single panel of He Tian being concerned and trying to inquire further and Mo refusing to talk would have been a very neat detail that could have potentially smoothed the transition into humour, while keeping our heroes in character.

3) Sometimes there is too much focus on the couples. The manhua has introduced several reoccurring supporting characters which are directly linked to our main quartet. For example, Mo had bonds before meeting our boys: his henchmen, the Buzzcut. Likewise, He Cheng was the one to raise He Tian; he shaped the boy's outlook on life.  These characters all played important roles in making our boys the people they are today, and yet we know so little of their bonds. Maybe the Buzzcut is unimportant in the larger scheme of things, He Cheng, however, is not only linked to He Tian, but he also plays a part in the underlying mafia/gangster subplot. It would have made sense if he was the one to shed some light on the situation with Jian Yi and He Tian's traumatic past. I would have loved to see our boys interact with other people as well — it would have served to show the variety of relationships out there: friendships, familial bonds, mutual respect between the leader and underlings, etc.

Anyway, I am going to stop now. I could name a few more, but this text is already more than 2000 words long. I have made some posts with my nitpicking before, so if you wish you can read them here.  

link & link 

Once again, this is all entirely subjective and it is not meant to be perceived as me saying that the manhua is poorly written and no one should enjoy it. Writing and creating compelling plots is a tough job, especially when it comes to long pieces. It also goes without saying that the author should keep their target audience and marketing goals in mind. 19 Days appeals to a great number of people of all ages and that means that OX succeeded in creating something compelling. Their writing is indeed flawed at times, but there is no way around it. It is impossible to excel both at being a great artist and a good writer. While there may be things that each of us would want to change (when comes to characters or the plot), it is still important to remember that it is not our creation. We can only decide whether to keep reading and enjoy what we get or move along. There is no point in attacking the author or generating constant pessimism.