#funny pi day 2023

[scampthecorgi]

The sweetest pie is at the head of the table! Happy Pi Day!!

[petit-papillion]

Happy Pi Day!

What can I say - I'm easily amused...

📸 Reddit/zelgadiss44

[positivelyghostlycomic]

Happy Pi Day, everyone! 🥧🎉

In honor of this mathematical holiday, Milly and Oliver are here to explain the importance of Pi in the most delicious way possible. 😂

Something about Milly being so nerdy and excited, wearing her Pi symbol pink shirt and Oliver completely not understanding Pi day made me giggle when I drew it in my sketchbook. 🤣😋

And of course Oliver could never let us forget the most important part of Pi Day: the pie! Reminding us all that Pi Day can be both educational and tasty. 😋

Thank you for taking the time to read today’s comic and for celebrating Pi Day with me and the PG crew. I appreciate each and every one of you! ❤️

[johnnydany]

Rainbow Happy Pi Day Math Teacher Boys Girls Pi Day T-Shirt

Get yours now: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/40525333-rainbow-happy-pi-day-math-teacher-boys-girls-pi-da

[bones4thecats]

2023 Halloween Special; TWST

A/N: Part 2 of the Halloween Specials, my special announcement in regardance to my Request Form will be posted later today, enjoy~~

Their Favorite Thing To Do With Their S/O During Halloween

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🧁 Trey loves baking year round, and during Halloween, he would decorate the pastries in special frosting in themes of pumpkins, ghosts, witches, etc.

🧁 But spending this year with you? He doubled down on it all.

🧁 This vice housewarden definitely does candy corn bingo with Riddle whenever he was done with his duties

🧁 And it was quite funny watching as you spun the cage, seeing them both sweating since they both needed different numbers to win

🧁 Trey also enjoys going outside and trimming the roses with you, since they did it year round, but seeing you munching on a treat he made got him smiling

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🐍 This Viper boy loves to test new recipes of pumpkin or other squashes during the spooky holiday

🐍 He never really had to do many things in regards to Kalim before attending NRC, as his family had the day specially planned for him

🐍 But when they came here, he basically has to watch him constantly, but with you by his side, it’s easier to enjoy

🐍 Jamil has helped Kalim plan his costumes every year, and when you came into the dorm wearing the kitsune outfit, he blushed and hide himself in the kitchen until you ranted on how cute he was

🐍 That reminds me, cider.

🐍 He loves making cider with you, doesn’t matter what apple or whatever else it used, he makes it taste good

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🏹 Our hunter boy here adores doing anything in regards to Halloween

🏹 You wanna go to the pumpkin patch to find a certain squash to carve? Okay.

🏹 Wanna go to a haunted house? Yes, he wants to see the gorgeous costumes and makeup!

🏹 This guy literally doesn’t care where you go and can find the beauty in anything

🏹 Like watching a horror movie like Saw? He finds something so minor and rants about it forever, successfully distracting you from it all

🏹 But, he really enjoys corn mazes, or rather, watching people do them, he always wins in the end, they’re easy for him, he has an amazing sense of direction, but seeing people struggle remembering directions makes him laugh

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🍎 Anything that has to do with apples and Epel loves doing it

🍎 His family always made apple pies, drinks, and just anything in general, since they normally had so many leftover from that year’s harvest

🍎 When his grandmother sent him a box of amazing fresh apples, he smiled and went to the school’s kitchen to make treats with you, we don’t want Vil getting mad at a mess again, huh

🍎 Epel mainly makes ciders and cobblers, which was something he always remembers how to do on the top of his head

🍎 It’s quite impressive how amazing of a baker this guy is

🍎 The treats always end amazingly, ngl

🍎 Epel also enjoys costumes, but he also complains on how ‘girly’ the Pomefiore’s looks on him

🍎 This guy needs more confidence in his manliness

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🦁 This lion, oh sweet Seven

🦁 Leona doesn’t really do much when it comes to the holidays, but Halloween, he considers doing some things

🦁 Scaring his dorm members is something kinda fun

🦁 But watching you dress up in a pirate’s outfit like him made him quite flustered, though he is good at hiding it

🦁 Leona enjoys doing Halloween-themed bingo with you or Ruggie, as he normally wins by watching the board, his pieces, and hearing the numbers spectacularly

🦁 For someone as lazy as him, he’s quite fun to spend the day with

🦁 He doesn’t enjoy trick-or-treating very much because he normally has to take Cheka, but having you there made him more bearable

[fordarkisthesuede]

Fangs of Ouroboros - Chapter 3 - The Carrot and the Stick

I meant to say this in the beginning of the year, but as usual stuff kept getting in the way, so I'll say it now:

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT IN 2023!!! ｡･+ﾟﾟ(うд´｡)ﾟﾟ+･｡ 💖💖💖💖💖

Last time on The Snake Goes Round 'n' Round:

Tiffany and John worked together to investigate the explosive that destroyed the office of a PI with a connection to Lady Arkham, discovering the bomber is connected to a very publicized 5-year-old murder. Deciding to see if they can get a firm ID out of a short list of candidates, they head to Blackgate Prison disguised as lawyers...

And now, we rejoin Bruce as he heads off to see what The Agency wants with Wayne Enterprises...

[ start ] | [ prev ] | [ Read on Ao3 ] | [ next]

Bruce drummed the steering wheel as the motor idled in the early morning traffic. It would get worse in twenty minutes, when everyone left for their 8 o’clock shifts at the same time.

His mind kept drifting back to the explosion. How Oz didn’t seem to know one of his men was dead. How strangely well-timed it seemed with the weird murder-game Joker had made upstairs. Those stupid notes. How in his own words John had said he would do that kind of thing just to mess with him…

Not that he actually suspected John of being behind it. If he had used real bodies in that room, then… But of course he hadn’t. And he couldn’t picture John, who took pride in putting his own ‘Joker’ signature on everything he made, not making the bomb himself. Let alone not taking credit for it. Or putting glitter in it.

And it made Bruce wonder:  if it wasn’t the world’s greatest coincidence that a detective linked to a nefarious terrorist would have an attempt on his life botched horribly - or else just his work destroyed - then could someone have been following John to make it seem like the two things were related?

He could feel the locker key he’d gotten from Joker’s “crime scene” burning a hole in his breast pocket. It felt like a longshot, but if that was true, then whoever had followed John to the old building could have followed him elsewhere. They might know the next step. They might know the whole game. Which meant either of them could be waltzing into a trap.

Bruce clenched his teeth and turned sharp enough to barely avoid the curb as he sorted through his mental map of Gotham. St. Dymphna’s was close to a Skyrail station, which was the best bet for John’s choice…

But technically, it was the victim’s locker he was looking for. The crime scene was closer to the red line, but it was possible. Bruce recalled seeing a gym around the same area, but it would be harder to get to.

That said, he didn’t really see the joke in choosing a gym locker. It was rare, but it was logical for a normal person who took the Skyrail often to rent out one of the lockers for longer than a day. Or else they had gotten a copy for a locker they’d rigged to no longer open. And there was something funny about keeping valuables locked up in a public space.

After years of studying the city’s maps and acting as Batman, Bruce knew every back-route in Gotham big enough for his car. Weaving into alleys and side-streets came second-nature.

The Skyrail station was surprisingly quiet for the early morning, with only a few bleary-eyed people hauling up and down the stairs and only one using the old elevator. Bruce suspected that much like regular traffic, it would get a lot busier in about ten or fifteen minutes. He slipped on the pair of aviator sunglasses that John had once again left in the car, hoping no one would recognize him. At least the lockers were at the bottom level.

The little key didn’t have a number stamped on it. There were only so many lockers available, and the station had elected to get rid of the availability lights to prevent theft. Not that it always helped, as evidenced by the obvious dents. He’d have to guess.

John’s choice would probably be 8, as the lockers didn’t go past 30. The crime scene took place in room 12 on the third floor. And the invitation had been stamped on the 19th, the day before yesterday. (Or was it that today was supposed to be significant?)

He decided to try 8 - the key didn’t budge. It would look suspicious to try them all… Since it was truly the victim’s key, it would have to be something they could remember easily. And since Bruce didn’t have so much as a name to go by…

Locker 12 opened with a ka-dink. It was small and square, holding a plain plastic shopping bag with a folder advertising funeral services peeking out on top.

Bruce saw no harm in going through the bag’s contents. He pulled out a thin stack of paper from a manila folder - it looked like the owner (likely the male victim from the crime scene) had sold up most of their stock portfolio over the past few months. The names’ acronyms stood out to him as if he’d dealt with them before, but he couldn’t remember the context. 

The name on the trades was different from the bank statement showing some hefty withdrawals from a joint account named for a group. Why ‘Arnold Palmer’ needed another two-hundred thousand dollars from ‘Three Lime Twists’ was an easy thing to guess - he was going to run away.

The paper trail John had laid out was just that; if the ‘Three Lime Twists’ group were set to get revenge and their money back, then they must’ve discovered where it all went. The natural thing would’ve been to put it in the wife’s account, but that normally wouldn’t be accessible to anyone else - and it would be quite difficult to check, despite the number and bank looking legitimate…

The folder from The Balm of Our Hearts held flyers for different services and plot availability in Gotham’s cemeteries, including maps. Nothing was circled, but the significance of including them at all made Bruce’s synapses spark.

Of course… The extracted funds could all be physical. It would be so much like John, who loved finding hiding places, to create such an elaborate one in a place where few people walked and where any shovel work would seem natural.

As for what exactly was buried and in which cemetery… I’m going to have to do some digging, he thought, feeling a smile tug on his lips. Heh… John would’ve loved that.

The only other item in the bag was a small black jewelry box with Noir Velours stamped on it - a top of the line jeweler that Bruce had used himself. 

He was half-surprised to see an actual ring in it. A sapphire almost as large as his fingernail shone in-between what may have been black spinel on a platinum band that seemed too thick and large for a woman's hand. In fact, it looked like it would fit him.

Could the male victim from the apartment have been planning on running away with a man? Maybe that was why the killer didn’t stop by the locker - the wife didn’t know about it. Outside of the fact that they couldn’t have been able to anyway, as they only existed as an idea in this game… The idea of the male vic’ planning to kill his wife wasn’t off the table yet.

Or maybe the killer was some kind of third member of the relationship who decided he’d had enough…? But then again, the dinner table would’ve been set for three…

Maybe he was overthinking the ring’s purpose. It could be a clue just by itself:  an expensive piece of jewelry kept out of the way from the apartment. Which meant it would have had to go elsewhere, and the most convenient place for it was the stop along the way.

And considering the few leads he had, it was likely the same cemetery Bruce would have to go dig in.

Bruce shut the locker and began the short trek back to the car, bag in hand, feeling a buzz of excitement still prickle in his brain despite knowing he’d soon have to face the reality waiting for him in his office.

🜃

The Agency were being subtle this time, at least. He would’ve hardly recognized Iman’s old partner in the casual business suit if it weren’t for his shoes; hard caps for the toes were difficult to slim down in any design.

“Mr. Wayne, glad you could join us,” Agent Vernon Blake greeted as Bruce shut the conference room door behind him. Iman Avesta was seated at the large conference table in a navy blue pantsuit. The room was otherwise empty.

“Looks like this is a private party,” Bruce commented dryly, “Where’s our security personnel? The other department heads?”

“We’ve already discussed the necessary precautions to be taken with your security teams,” Agent Blake said, “This debriefing is just for you and Miss Avesta. She insisted on briefing everyone else separately.”

Thank Iman for small favors, Bruce thought, mouthing ‘thank you’ as he walked around Agent Blake’s back. He’d hate to have the rest of the company side-eying him for what he presumed was another by-product of a criminal association. He could practically hear the clucking about low stocks and bad publicity from the board, who already were tempted to axe him for his engagement announcement alone.

“To get straight to the point,” Agent Blake said, swiping his tablet (from one of the Wayne’s own tech divisions, Bruce noticed) to cast the projection of his screen to the television on the wall, “we’re here because of your association with Victor Fries.”

The meeting room’s extra-wide screen showed a screen-capture of security footage taken from the basement of the SANCTUS facility, where Bruce could be seen talking to a newly-infected Victor behind the glass of the temperature-controlled chamber. 

“Since you effectively saved him from the LOTUS virus, Mr. Fries had been in our custody.”

Had. The word stuck out like a clean window in the Narrows. Bruce knew exactly where this was going. “And now he’s escaped.”

Agent Blake glanced at him. “Yes.” The image changed to footage of what looked like a laboratory. Victor Fries, still clad in his red goggles and metallic low-temperature suit, bore a familiar collar around his neck that was undoubtedly fitted with explosives. “We allowed him to continue working on the cure for his wife’s illness in exchange for us studying his body’s incubation of LOTUS. At approximately 1:05 this morning -”

In the video, everything happened at once:  the chemical vials on the table in the background exploded, causing another scientist and the armed guard in the corner to scramble to put it out while Victor made a dash for the door.

“- Mr. Fries caused a lab accident.” 

The bubbling beaker Victor had been working with exploded with something white-hot, and the camera footage switched to a hallway, showing Victor throwing his collar aside and slipping into a large door.

“He somehow managed to fix the features of his suit we’d disabled and froze off his restraining collar. He broke into the testing room, froze two of our technicians, and escaped with a prototype freeze-ray and Nora Fries’ cryo-tube.”

Bruce watched as a group of security personnel dashed down the hall, only to get frozen in place by what looked like a ray gun straight off a 50’s pulp novel. Victor wheeled his wife’s frozen holding tank behind him.

“How did he leave the facility?” Iman asked as the image was replaced with an aerial map of Gotham.

Agent Blake tapped his thumb on the edge of the tablet and pursed his lips. “He stole one of our transport trucks and froze the controls for the doors on his way out. He ditched the truck and stole a rental van from a gas station while the driver was getting a lottery ticket.”

Bruce studied the map. All of the city’s warehouses, factories, and laboratory buildings with cold room storage were marked with red dots. Naturally, Wayne Enterprises’ had their pharmaceutical manufacturing facility in the mix, but Wayne Tower was also marked. “Why do you think he’d come here?” Bruce asked, already knowing the answer.

“Victor Fries is not in his right mind anymore, Mr. Wayne. The LOTUS virus has affected him the same way it affected Edward Nygma.” Agent Blake met Iman’s gaze with a look Bruce could only attribute to regret and comradery through the memory of their last case together. “You may have betrayed him in the Pact, but you practically saved his life. He might try to get your help.”

Bruce wasn’t so sure of that. The man was a natural-born loner, only working with the Pact out of necessity. Much like Bruce himself. And he knew Victor was too intelligent to try to seek him out. He’d be far more likely to leave him alone out of gratitude.

“And I’m assuming The Agency would like my help.”

Agent Blake avoided looking at him or Iman, but stared down at the tablet as he typed something. “We’d like your cooperation, Mr. Wayne. If Victor Fries makes any attempt at contact with you, we’d like to know about it. And naturally,” he added, his focus returning to Bruce’s hard stare, “we’ve already negotiated all necessary access with your security team for the suspected locations under your name.”

“What about the other Pact members?” Iman asked, keeping her hands folded on the table. “Do you think he’ll try to engage them at all?” 

“They’re not a concern,” the agent waved away, “We’ve already checked with Blackgate Prison. Dr. Harleen Quinzel and ‘Bane’ are in secure wings and haven’t received any correspondence from anyone besides their legal representation - which we’ve naturally crosschecked. Even if he could contact them, we can’t see any reason to. We don’t feel any sufficient motive for him contacting John Doe, either.”

“Napier,” Bruce corrected. “And he betrayed the Pact, too; by helping me.”

“We’re well aware of your relationship, Mr. Wayne.” The meeting room monitor reverted back to its default image of the Wayne Enterprises logo. “As I’m sure you’re aware of how precious time is in these cases. If you or any of your associates find Mr. Fries before we do,” he emphasized with a hard stare back at Bruce as he slipped a contact card on the table, “it’s in everyone’s best interest to alert us first. The battery powering his suit only lasts so long; and when it runs out, he’ll become highly infectious.”

Bruce knew what would happen if he rejected any of this:  he would not only get tailed anyway, but Amanda Waller would have another reason to spill his secret at the nearest opportunity. He ignored the childish urge to tear up the card, sliding it into his breast pocket instead. He’d have to check it and his car later for any tracking devices.

“Vernon,” Iman added with an unexpected softness, “I know you can’t tell me any details, but… Just how useful is Victor Fries to the Agency?”

The agent lost the firm look he had with Bruce. He didn’t answer straight away. “It depends on who you ask,” he said slowly. “If you went to Waller, she’d say he was top priority. Anderson and Duchovny would say differently.” Agent Blake closed the tablet case with a sense of finality. “You know where you can reach me,” he said, directed far more at Iman than at Bruce.

The door clicked shut. “Those names mean anything to you?”

“Two associate directors in the Agency,” Iman explained, propping her chin on her folded hands. “They were never Waller’s biggest fans, but they keep quiet when she gets results. The fact that she’s desperate to have Fries back says whatever research they have into the incubating LOTUS isn’t conclusive.”

“That freeze-gun he had was different from the one he had before,” Bruce added, “They must be reverse-engineering his weapons, too.”

“That wouldn’t be worth hunting him down over.”

“No, but it might be part of it. Waller’s not one for letting things go.”

Iman leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms in thought. “I’d be surprised if she wasn’t in the city, at least. I doubt she’d give someone the opportunity to slip up on re-capturing one of her projects if it was this important to her.”

That was if they could really take Agent Blake at his word. Iman seemed to trust him, but how much of that was an old sense of comradery versus actual reason? 

“Oh, speaking of,” Iman added, turning to him, “you got here later than I thought you’d be. Did something happen?”

Bruce didn’t see any reason in telling her the truth. He wasn’t sure how much she or Tiffany knew about the game John had created, but he couldn’t picture either of them encouraging it in any way. “Sorry. I just had to make a quick stop,” he answered, unable to banish the image of Joker grinning at him from the old television screen.

“Oh. I thought you might have been dropping off John. I doubted he’d want to be alone at the manor with the Agency in town…”

Bruce brought up his own map of the city on his phone, marking the same locations the Agency had marked as potential hideouts for Fries. “He’s hitching a ride to work with Tiffany. Can you give me a patch into the camera system for WE RX?”

“You want it direct? I could just get you a web login.”

“Direct is easier if I’m going to be watching several locations at once,” Bruce explained, standing to retreat to his office for a few moments before he would get stuck at the next meeting on his calendar. “We need to find him before they can.”

“Not that I don’t agree, but for which reason in particular?”

The Agency had already been treating Fries like a captured animal; and while it was true Bruce didn’t want to know what they would do to him upon his recapture, true that he didn’t want the virus he’d worked to eliminate have a chance to return, and that there may have been a crumb of truth in not wanting to be beaten to the punch by the likes of them…

It was the sticking point about Fries that Harley Quinn had summed up rather succinctly, once. “Because as someone once put it, the only thing he gives two hoots about is his wife,” Bruce quoted, mimicking Harley’s voice without her clear tone of disdain. “Either Victor found a cure for Nora Fries, or he’s missing something to finish it. And Waller won’t care what happens to her if they take him back.”

“I’m glad we’re thinking alike,” Iman said with a slight smile, “It reminds me of why I volunteered for the Pact case to begin with, Batman.” Iman tugged her suit straight. “I should be able to patch you into the camera feed in about fifteen minutes. Robin’s cracking program should make quick work of the other feeds; I’ll take half of them if you want.”

“That’d be a huge help,” Bruce said honestly, “I’m going to check for any abandoned cold rooms that weren’t marked on that map. I doubt Fries will want to make too much of a scene.”

Iman gave a single, sardonic little hah. “Between our team and this city’s penchant for themed criminals, that would certainly make a nice change.”

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Notes:

I really wanted to finish this piece before the end of 2023. That did not go as planned. (Then again, that last third of the year took a weird-ass turn, and I’m still trying to navigate myself back to the road.) I have a little over half of the next chapter done because it was originally going to be here, but then I realized I hated having to backtrack scenes and then skip around, so it was easier to just make things in the proper order, even if the sudden character switching would be a little weird to “play”. Season 4 sure was easier!

Onto funner stuff: Bruce has no real choice in following Joker’s game. He just pretends he does. At least his reasoning in the villainous path makes a tad more sense... And speaking of, “your” choices at the end could lead to telling Iman about Joker’s murder-game, regardless of his status with the Bat-fam. The villain!Joker path would naturally cause Iman to be concerned about both you and the city, but in our vigilante!Joker path, you’d get a special relationship notification: “Iman Avesta is judging you pretty hard right now.”

And lastly, a super-special-awesome thank you to @spring-roe on tumblr for this sweet fanart! ( ͒ ́ඉ .̫ ඉ ̀ ͒)

[peachypede]

OC-tober 2023 Day 26: Fear

My wrists hurt so I’m taking a break from drawing and doing some writing instead. This was yesterday’s prompt but I had a funny idea I wanted to finish.

“Go away go away go awAY PLEASE.” Pecha cries as she pushes herself as far up on the subway seat as she can. Despite her escalating tone and obvious fear, the Pidove on the ground only cocks it’s head in befuddlement at the woman’s actions.

Meanwhile, Pecha is almost crying. Usually a Pidove encounter isn’t enough to jostle her this much, but this little guy seemed very persistent. It had chased Pecha from the street to the tunnels down below and now was even following her on the subway train home.

“P-please go away…I-I don’t have any food. I know I smell like it but-“

She doesn’t have time to finish because the Pidove shakes it’s little butt before hopping up to the seat right next to her.

Pecha screams before toppling off the seat and dashing to the nearest pole and doing her best to hide from it. The Pidove turns to follow, only to have Pecha put up a shaky hand.

“N-n-nO. Stay! Right there! Good birdy…”

“Pi.” It says before sitting. It’s legs splay out on either side. It’s eyes stare almost adoringly at Pecha, which instantly makes her regret how she’s treating the bug-murdering bird. It obviously has been released or abandoned and wants to be caught by a trainer again.

It’s not like Pecha can catch it, though. First of all, she’s terrified of flying bird types. Secondly, it’d be awful for her other pokemon since there are three small and vulnerable bugs at the house that would possibly be eaten by it. Maybe she could just catch it and give it to someone else? She rustles through her bag and finds an unused ultraball. It’ll definitely catch in this…

But then Pecha would feel like she’d be abandoning it…it’s kinda cute and has it’s own charms. It listened to Pecha when she told it to stay…No, she shouldn’t catch it. Catching will lead to attachment and then she’d never be rid of it-

“Dove!” The Pidove hops up, spying the pokeball in Pecha’s hands and chirping happily as it runs at her again.

Once again, Pecha screams and in fear she chucks the ultraball accidentally at it, the force of which conks the small bird upside the head and makes it practically faint. The ultraball opens and with a red light, it sucks the Pidove into it. The ball only shakes once before clicking in confirmation.

A critical capture.

Pecha stands holding the subway pole in both relief that the Pidove is no longer out but also in horror that she now has a bird registered to her trainer ID.

[lorifragolina]

Fourth entry for Mungrove Summer Bingo 2023!

Prompt C2 Summer breeze It’s probably the one I had more fun writing! @mungrovebingos

Sweet Pies

Those summer nights

Eddie Munson didn't believe in love at first sight before last may.

He believed in his dick quiver and in his arousal, although he had a few relationships that didn’t last long, to be honest. He was always busy, on tour or in the studio, his fame was growing quickly and he was always crowded with people he could enjoy, and that all didn’t favor a relationship.

But when he met Billy Hargrove, his dick had twitched in a very good way and, oddly, his heart had twitched too, so now he was madly in love with his boyfriend and, for the moment, things between them were working. Billy Hargrove was People Magazine most beautiful man of the year, and honestly Eddie didn’t think he could ask more. Besides, Billy wasn’t only stunning beautiful but also kind, lovely and funny, and apparently was also crazy in love with him.

The circumstances didn’t help them at the moment, though, because Eddie was in Europe for summer festivals all over the continent for a month now, they could only talk by phone, and although Billy was always available in Eddie’s time zone, it wasn’t the same.

They started dating for real two months ago, Eddie had a little pause between the USA tour and the festival season in Europe and they spent some days in Malibu, where Billy lived, then went for a weekend in Vegas and generally Eddie followed Billy in the cities he had to work. He spent more time than he expected under a beach umbrella watching hours of makeup, dressing and photoshoots waiting for Billy, extremely bored and amazed because Billy seemed always ready and professional despite the hours he was forced to stay still or pose.

But all the waiting and the boredom was repaid by the dates he could have with Billy after that. They went to little restaurants and cafes, almost always with baseball caps and sunglasses, but Billy was so incredibly shining that he could barely hide himself from the tabloids. There were some photos on the Internet of them kissing and holding hands, and there were some speculations about their unexpected relationship but they kept going out together and having dinners eye to eye, and things were smooth now, after Eddie’s assistant had a little nervous breakdown, nothing serious though.

But now he was in Paris, and he was on the edge of a breakdown himself, that only a huge quantity of scotch could control.

All he did was eat and sleep and sing, have hot calls with Billy that unfortunately couldn’t last forever, and drink in the tour bus, after the soundcheck or before sleeping. It’s only two days before they would return to the USA and he was trying to breathe deep and relaxing at the pool with his drink. He fell asleep in the sunset, they didn't play that night, they had another festival the following day and then finally a flight home.

He woke up to the summer breeze that came up later that night, the sun was down but the light was still intense, the air smelled of thyme and sunset and tequila, and he heard a soft water noise.

He looked around, he was alone in the beach chair and it took a little time to adapt his vision to the low light.

Someone was swimming in the pool, he couldn’t see well but apparently was a single person, he also saw a pair of flip flops on the edge. He sat in the chair and drank the last sip of scotch and melted ice, and lit a cig, watching.

After a while, the person decided to emerge to the pool. Eddie found himself holding his breath for a while against his will.

The young man pushed with his muscled arms on the edge and lifted himself solidly to the pool edge, shaking his dark honey hair and splashing droplets around. His chest was wet and hairy and his stretch Speedo didn’t leave much to imagination. He appeared to be fully stocked and his round bottom was a feast for the eyes.

He grabbed his towel to dry his head, and he saw Eddie staring mouth open only at that moment.

“Oh” he said. “I’m sorry, I think I was alone” said tilting his head to you. Eddie moved a little to hide his hardon in his trunks.

“No problem” said with a dry throat.

[miatsai]

We're three days out from the one-year anniversary of BITTER MEDICINE being published and . . . I don't know how to feel about it. I'll be real honest. I think 2023 has been exhausting, frankly, so maybe I don't have the emotional bandwidth to process anything, except I did just throw down a disgusting number of words for two stories that made me deliriously happy.

Part of it is that once books make it to the bookstore, we've been done with them for a while. And so in some ways, marking the first anniversary of a book being out feels disingenuous, because I've already been counting the years since I wrote this thing and laughed my ass off at Luc and Elle being funny together (the number of dick jokes I had to strike from this manuscript . . .). And Tony, of course, but he's just funny as a matter of course.

But yeah, in three days, on Pi Day, BITTER MEDICINE will celebrate its official first birthday. It's walking! It's talking! And it's been all yours for a year. I'm grateful for everyone who has read it, enjoyed it, found something in it that connected. This book was basically me throwing bits and pieces of my life into it--the multiculturalism, the code-switching, and, though it's not super present, the brain scramble that happens when you're trying to think in multiple languages and you come up with static. I'm happy to have put a book out in the world with a love like Luc and Elle's, which is totally goals.

There are further adventures for everyone. I've had it all in my head for a while! But first, I'm taking a detour to handle some other books.

[cheolism]

thank you for tagging me @highvern and @kwanisms !!

who is your favorite group(s)?

seventeen, zerobaseone, &team, ateez

when did you discover them?

svt: january 2020 zb1: august 2023 &team: september 2023 ateez: december 2023

which member sparked your interest?

svt: seungcheol zb1: matthew andteam: kei and maki ateez: hongjoong

who was your first bias?

svt: seungcheol zb1: matthew andteam: fuma ateez: jongho

who is your current bias?

svt: dokie~ zb1: gunwook/gyubin andteam: fuma ateez: jongho/yeosang

why are they your current bias?

svt: sooooo a few years ago i had a revelation that i wanted to be remembered as a kind person. i was looking at a post talking about jiang yanli from the untamed, and they talked about how she chose to be kind. and seokmin reminds me of that. seokmin is just so kind, despite him believing he isn't. he is kindhearted and gentle, and that's the sort of person i want to be. besides that, he is an amazing singer and performer. seeing him perform live just made me aware of this. he is just a beautiful person inside and out, and i strive to one day be like him. zb1: they're cutie pies what can i say! gyubin reminds me of seokmin, in a way. he is kindhearted and genuinely loves his members and his friends. he's also funny and cute, dedicated to his passions. gunwook is also really cute and funny and passionate. but he's also extremely clever and eloquent, and i admire that! andteam: oh god don't get me started. oh god the fuma brainrot is taking over -- okay so. he has worked so hard for his dreams for years. he's pursued them endlessly, wanting nothing more than to perform. he reminds me that it is never too late to do what you want, to follow your dreams. he is also so fucking selfless. whenever they take pictures of all nine of them he's always on the side so the other members can take center. he's one of the best dancers on the scene, his flexibility and gymnastic skills are amazing. he's also kindhearted and sweet, and his maturity, dependability, and love is so so refreshing adn lovely. ateez: jongho is absolutely amazingg!! his vocal talents are amazing. he comes off as mature, but he's clever and impish. i love how he's always searching to pull out the rug from his hyungs. and yeosang! i was watching ateez content and yeosang utterly charmed me!! he's so cute and sweet, and i love listening to him talk.

who is your bias wrecker?

svt: seungkwan! zb1: matthew! andteam: harua keke he's just so fucking c u t e ateez: wooyoung. i can't help it. his impishness charmed me.

which members are you currently obsessing over that aren't your bias/bias wrecker?

svt: seungcheol is always at the back of my mind. i'm always looking for him first zb1: yujin! he is just so cute. ik he doesn't think he is and wants to be seen as mature, but he's just naturally adorable. also! ricky. when i catch you ricky. andteam: nicholas/ej! i love their dynamic sm ateez: seonghwa. he is just. i want him and hanbin to have a cunt-off

what are some of your favorite songs?

svt: hhhnnnngg rock with you, super, what's good, still lonely zb1: good night, in bloom, back to zerobase andteam: they have only perfect songs imo! road not taken, war cry, running with the pack, dropkick, under the skin, buzz love, the final countdown, scent of you, firework -- oh shit i think i named most of their songs oh shit -- ateez: HALAZIA SUPERIORITY ! i also love bouncy, and i really like wake up and dune.

have you ever been to one of their concerts?

yes! i've been to svt's "be the sun" concert in chicago ^^ it was my first ever kpop concert!!

tagging: @seokgyuu @vernblr @shuadotcom @horanghater @onlymingyus and if anyone wants to do it just say that i tagged you!!

[rsadelle]

The best books I read in 2023

I read 85 books in 2023, which is about two-thirds as many as I read last year. If you want more, shorter recs, I kept up an ongoing Twitter thread where I recced things as I read them. I've provided content notes where I remember them; as always, feel free to comment or message/email me if you want more information.

Top 11 fiction books/series I read in 2023

Major Bhaajan series (Undercity, The Bronze Skies, The Vanished Seas, The Jigsaw Assassin) by Catherine Asaro - This is a very fun sci fi in space series about a woman who was in the army but is now a PI who also leads her looked down upon people. It's a spinoff from the Saga of the Skolian Empire, but you don't have to read that (or remember anything about it if you have read any of it) for this to make sense. Also, you can skim a lot of the technobabble. My mom also read them and was irked by the gender politics of the world; they make more sense if you know that they're part of the established Skolian Empire, which Asaro started publishing in the mid-90s. Content notes: genre typical violence, somewhat of a military is good vibe.

Before She Finds Me by Heather Chavez - This is a really good thriller with alternating points of view between a pregnant assassin with a moral code whose husband took a job without telling her and a woman whose daughter was shot (but not fatally). Content notes: gun violence, murder.

Alias Emma by Ava Glass - This is a very well done action thriller about a spy taking an asset across London in one day - without getting caught on any of London's cameras. It would make an excellent movie.

The World We Make by N.K. Jemisin - This is the sequel to The City We Became, which was one of my best books of 2020. Jemisin originally intended this to be a trilogy but made it a duology instead, so you no longer need to wait to read the whole story. I loved everything, but also cared absolute most about the Manny/Neek romance. Content notes: eldritch horror, real-world racism and injustice.

Wild Massive by Scotto Moore - This book is ultimately a little forgettable, but it is also a super fun read. If you have watched or know about any long-running sci fi/fantasy TV series (Supernatural fans, I'm looking at you), you will probably enjoy the meta of it all. This was a sci fi book club choice, and people's responses ranged widely from loved it to couldn't finish it and included everything in between.

The Kingdoms by Natasha Pulley - This is a very enjoyable book that plays with alternate history and time travel and is also queer. I loved it and when I was thinking about what I read this year that was definitely going on my list, this was one I immediately thought of. It also helped me develop my theory that "genre bending" in the description of a book actually means "this is a very specific type of story, but telling you the specific kind is a spoiler." Content notes: death/disappearance of people in different timelines, war-related violence, off-screen/past sexual coercion

When the Sparrow Falls by Neil Sharpson - This is more or less a thriller, and also funny. It's set in a future repressive anti-AI state in an otherwise benevolent AI-governed world, and has one of the funniest navigating bureaucracy scenes I've ever read. Content notes: repressive state violence.

Lay Your Body Down by Amy Suiter Clark - The book cover calls this "a novel of suspense," which I disagree with. This is a solid mystery in a small town with a megachurch and a former member of the church both investigating and confronting her own past. Content notes: all kinds of harm to women and girls in that kind of environment

First, Become Ashes by K.M. Szpara - This is a completely compelling queer story. The worldbuilding and the place of kink within it are much better done than in his first book, which I read two years ago and still occasionally think about. I loved the ambiguity about whether or not the magic was real. Content notes: cults and all kinds of physical and sexual abuse, including rape. It also has some Harry Potter references, which made me twitch. Szpara is trans and in the acknowledgements, he talks about fandoms, not necessarily creators/original stories: "To Drarry but not to JKR."

Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh - I loved this book. This is another one that immediately came to mind when I was thinking about this list. I thought Tesh did such a good job of putting the reader in the character's worldview, the worldbuilding was interesting, and parts of it were funny even inside a serious story. The rest of my sci fi book club disliked both the main character and everything else I liked and thought worked well, so it may or may not be your thing. Content notes: all kinds of fascism related horrors

This Might Hurt by Stephanie Wrobel - This was a completely engrossing story. It did a good job building the characters and their stories, and I did not see the ending coming (in a good way). Content notes: a cult, self-harm as performance art, death.

Top 5 books/series I read and then thought about a lot in 2023

Godshot by Chelsea Bieker - This was so well-written, and I got completely absorbed in it. It is also about the sexual assault and forced pregnancy of young teenage girls (the protagonist is 14) in a cult in a drought in central California, and I kept thinking about it after I read it.

Adrift by Lisa Brideau - This is a thriller involving amnesia set in a climate change-devastated near future. It starts out a little slow, but I kept thinking about it after I read it and I enjoyed the building a new life aspect of the story. Content notes: climate change, storms, genre-typical danger.

Constance by Matthew FitzSimmons - A big part of why I kept thinking about this is that I had a lot of complaints about it that I was prepared to share at book club, and then everyone else liked it. The plot had potential, but what I found most annoying about it was that the author seemed to smugly think his ideas were new and revolutionary, which they are not.

Captive Prince trilogy (Captive Prince, Prince's Gambit, and Kings Rising) by C. S. Pacat - This was on my best books of 2021 list. This year, I watched all of Black Sails and wanted to read some other twisty plotting, and ended up rereading this whole trilogy twice. I still love it, and reading it closely twice means I started to see that some elements of both the worldbuilding and writing style start to fall apart if you think about it too hard. Content notes: Ancient Greece-style slavery, consent issues, war-related violence, explicit sex scenes.

Cover Story by Susan Rigetti - This is an Anna Delvey-inspired story that's built around diary entries, emails, etc. I don't know how much I enjoyed reading it in the first place, but the final reveal at the end recontextualized the parts I thought were boring enough to skim and made me keep thinking about it.

Top 2 nonfiction books I read in 2023

"You Just Need to Lose Weight" and 19 Other Myths About Fat People by Aubrey Gordon - I sat down on a Saturday morning planning to read just the beginning of this and finished the whole book by lunch. I found it much more accessible than her first book, while still being grounded in facts and pointed toward justice. I highly recommend it if you have any interest in social justice and/or the science behind weight. I do have two criticisms: 1. There's a heavy reliance on the implicit bias tests, which in my understanding are not fully scientifically validated as useful. 2. The last chapter is dedicated to pointing out all the other kinds of discrimination that are alive and well in our world today, which is great! Except she leaves out antisemitism, which seemed like a bad thing to leave out.

Burn It Down: Power, Complicity, and a Call for Change in Hollywood by Maureen Ryan - I was glad I bought a copy of this instead of trying to get it from a library. It's very good and also very intense, so I needed time to recover between chapters and it took me almost four months to read. I greatly appreciated her voice as a fan of TV wrestling with some of the same issues I've been working through, and her turns from thoroughly reported facts to conversational opinions. I do think she lets Damon Lindelof off too easily - sure, he says the right things now, but has he changed his behavior? Content notes: All kinds of interpersonal, institutional, and systemic injustices, harms, and crimes.

The authors I read the most in 2023

There wasn't anyone whose books I read in large amounts this year. I read four or six books by a few people, and they're worth mentioning because they're representative of the kind of easy reads I read a lot of this year.

Jessie Mihalik - I read a total of six of her books in two trilogies. They're sci fi romances with political intrigue and space adventures. I liked the Consortium Rebellion trilogy better than the other one I read. The content notes for these sound very serious, but they're mostly just adventures with space ships. Content notes: genre typical violence, past intimate partner violence, results of nonconsensual human experimentation.

Annabeth Albert - She was one of the authors I read the most in 2021. This year I read the four books in her Hotshots series, which are m/m romances about smoke jumpers in Oregon. I continue to appreciate the diversity of relationship dynamics in her books. One of these deals with disability issues, including sexual functioning after a spinal cord injury, in a way that seemed respectful to me. Content notes: grief/mourning, injury.

A.M. Arthur - I read four of her books this year, and I've read several others before. She writes basic contemporary m/m romances, which is sometimes all I want to read. Content notes: explicit sex, various past traumas.

[scampthecorgi]

Happy Pi Day!!

The pups helped prepare a shepherd’s pie for dinner with a mint cookie pie for dessert!

[consistentsquash]

5 Quotes from 5 Fics

Got a day off. Catching up with fic. Read some really memorable lines today so got to quote rec!

The Afterlight update from @perverse-idyll !!!!! This chapter had a lot of rollercoaster moments. Starting from the opening scene of Harry's retro. Honestly I am really living the funny fucked up vibe of this fic. Before the angst starts because it is PI. <3

He rolled onto his back and stared blearily at the ceiling. Black leather gloves. Pyjamas. Orgasm. Not necessarily in that order. He'd - oh bugger, he'd brought Severus Snape back to his flat. Practically abducted him, in fact. He observed a strict policy of never bringing sexual partners here, never. Certainly not for the hell of it. And there were no hazy feel-good doubts about what had happened afterward. Snape's fingers in his mouth. Snape's hand manipulating his cock. Harry had been about as drunk as one of Aberforth's goats horns-down in a Hog's Head beer barrel, and he'd still come like a garden hose with Snape whispering in his ear.

2. The Ice Cream Man & the Potions Master by @squibstress. This is probably my fav fic of 2023 so far!!! Snape making ice cream. I mean. Magical ice cream. The best ice cream. I really need to rec this fic but meanwhile I am going to rec this quote about Florean checking out Snape doing what he does best <3

Florean watched as he moved it through the mixture in slow, generous arcs, his wrists seeming to undulate in concert with his elbows. His face seemed to relax, brows parting slightly, jaw unclenching, eyes losing their darting, avian alertness to focus on the task at hand. He was, in short, graceful and, Florean thought, happy.

3. Ossuarium's epilogue!!!!! from eldritcher. Loads of angst/bittersweet literary stuff which deserves a real rec to talk about but this gem of a line needs to be on a coffee mug or something!

Only teenage boys name their cocks.

4. A Much-Needed Kneading from anonymous. This is a Snapecase fic. Normally I don't go for Snamione. But this one was super cute. Snape naming their cats just like that!!!

"Hickory, Dickory, and Dock seem to be eating well enough."

5. Post Mortem by @inarticulateimbecile. Got the rec from Danni and omg love this fic. It's 100% Snarry. Loads and loads of characterization quotes but this one really stuck with me!! <3

(Whose hand did he last hold before him? Lily's, on a humid summer day? Albus's, as it rotted away under his touch?)

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: IMustBe Leonardo

IMustBe Leonardo is a Berlin-based songwriter who has been making his oddball songs since around 2016. His latest album, Not To Be Scared of Weekend, is a self-recorded delight, entirely unfettered by commercial considerations — with one song that asks the eternal question, “Why should...you need god…when you have Kim Gordon?” Writing about it, Jennifer Kelly said, “About half the tracks are hand-made rock songs, bolstered by clicky drum tracks and ravaged guitar tones. The other half are the maddest, most surreal campfire songs you ever heard, gently strummed but extremely odd.” Leonardo wrote us one of the nicest — and longest — thank you notes we’ve ever received at Dusted, so of course we asked him for a Listed.

Nina Simone — An Artist's Duty

What she says in these 51 seconds, the way she asks that question at the end — everything is there.

Typhoon — Sympathetic Magic

This album was released in January 2021. Kyle Morton is a poet and a great songwriter. His notes to the album tell all you need to know: “The songs are about people — the space between them and the ordinary, miraculous things that happen there, as we come into contact, imitate each other, leave our marks, lose touch. Being self and other somehow amounting to the same thing.” He played a solo gig in Berlin, on June 17, 2023. I asked him to play my favorite song, “And So What If You Were Right.” He did it. He said it was the first time he played it in public. That was a gift.

Maryam Moghaddam and Behtash Sanaeeha — Ballad Of A White Cow

There is almost only love in this movie, and all that love leads only to suffering. It terrifies me to see how often “doing the right thing” and well-intended lies destroy good people’s lives.

Emma Ruth Rundle — Engine of Hell

This album is a pulsing heart in the shape of a songwriter sitting in front of us, playing piano or classical guitar, and singing her story. “I wanted to be close to the listener and be whispering to you. I wanted to be close on an emotional level. Because I wanted to connect with myself on an emotional level, ” she said about this record. It takes courage to do this. It also takes a little bit of courage to stay in front of her and look at her fragile, invincible grace. Sonny Diperri, who recorded and produced this terrific record, is a great sound engineer and a lucky guy.

Christian Petzold — Undine

Art is proof that people can find infinite ways to create beauty, as long as they believe they truly need to love. Undine is a work of art. It not only is a truly original, touching movie about love. It is an act of love, made by people who can’t stand living in a society willing to humiliate and lose it.

Vic Chesnutt — At The Cut

Maybe one day our species will ignore what anguish is, and we will not even be allowed to mention the word. Someone will consider this “progress.” I don't see any progress in not feeling moved by what Vic Chesnutt — and every person involved in those sessions — did in this album.

Aki Kaurismaki — Ariel

I love Kaurismaki's cinema. I’m mentioning Ariel here just because it is probably my favorite... today. (For the record, it contains the best bank robbery scene in the film history.) If I ask myself why I love his movies so much, one reason I can put into words is that all his characters are condemned to the tragic and funny punishment of knowing what truly makes human beings happy. They are such stuff as the Tramp is made on.

This Mortal Coil — Blood

I put this album in my CD player recently, after several years, and started listening to it with the state of mind of someone who’s going to meet an ex-lover and is scared of not feeling anything. I was wrong. It still asks me the same beautiful question: “Did you really think you knew which kind of songs you like?”

Hirokazu Kore-eda — Shoplifters

I see Kore-eda as a sort of photo reporter who goes around and, almost by mistake, takes poetic pictures of fragments of happiness that — tomorrow — will not be there anymore. Laws were supposed to be instruments by which people pursued well-being. This movie shows how society rules are sometimes not ready to handle real life. They can end up killing what they should preserve, and it looks like a frighteningly stupid scenario.

New Pollution — Kiss The System

New Pollution is not just a band — it’s a no-filter attitude. They're the most contemporary group I know. I cannot imagine someone attending a New Pollution gig and not getting captured. There is spontaneity and freedom in everything they do — on stage and online. They keep releasing whatever they record (concerts, demos, soundtracks, studio sessions) and mocking all the show business rules. Nowadays musicians — indie ones more than others — are like bank clerks, each one with their daily plans: x hours of social media, x hours emails to labels, x hours emails to magazines... Music seems to be the last thing you should care about — and you're supposed to be a musician! New Pollution they don't care. “Revolution was your spare time,” they sing. I think Patrick Jessop has an instinctive awareness of how ephemeral existence is and I hope he never loses it.

[goo-stew-4-you]

Sorry it had to end this way

Originally posted September 11, 2023

Names changed for privacy

I paused as I entered my building, and I sobbed. I ended things, why do I have a right to be sad? You never shed a tear the entire time, not once. I had only seen you cry once before. I'm sorry things had to end this way, I said, as I retreated to my apartment.

John will always be fall. He will be Shelburne Falls, Glacier Potholes. John will be sweaters and jeans and boots. He will be making pies out of blueberries and toasty wood fires. The peak of our relationship was the beginning. We were both scared people, and it showed as we approached the end. The most distinct memories I have are of the early days, the first few weeks and months of our official relationship. He was only in Shelburne Falls for a few months, but it seemed fitting for him. John wasn't the bus, he wasn't the Heartwell Institute, he wasn't even the Firehouse or the Gogo. He was, in theory, all these things, but he never embodied them.

I'm sure the tears that I shed for John will become a distant, unpleasant memory. I'm sure that the tattoo that he gave Annie and then lied about will always be a funny story for her. I'm sure that he will talk shit about me to his friends, and even the ones that I'm close with will grow to hate me.

I'll hold onto cold mornings in that old house. The smell of fresh, strong, black coffee. The only time I liked black coffee. Sinead's unique sense of design, not my taste, but something that I could appreciate. Eggs and toast in the morning. Lazy days where we did nothing but sleep and eat and cuddle and fuck. Our favorite things. We would walk around town and point out houses that we liked, think about the people who lived there. I was always sick, for some reason. Remember when we had our friends over and played house? It was the weekend before Thanksgiving, and I was the only one who made food, a delicious veggie pot pie. We got drunk off of gin and tonics with elderberry syrup that I made from the bush in my garden. I yelled at you to not smoke in the living room, but you guys did, and you regretted it and apologized. You guys tripped on shrooms and you argued with Brynne. When I broke it up between you two, you told me the next day how incredible it was. I know that it wasn't incredible, but it still felt good to hear. We had sex in front of the fireplace on a sheepskin rug, twice. It wasn't even that good, but it was just fun to say we did it. I wrote you love letters in the living room when I was supposed to be doing my work. I wonder if you held onto them. We gently loved each other during that time, it was pure and sweet and felt just right.

There were other times that were nice, too. Our best sex didn't come until the spring of this year, and we topped out in Ottawa, at the end of the summer. That was the best sex of my life, and I don't remember half of it. I remember Baby Driver on in the background: B-A-B-Y. Montreal, too, was always fun, but it felt like we had experienced separate spheres, and were trying to fill the other in on our ideas.

John, I think we could have been really good, life-long friends. That's what sucks most about all of this. I feel like I let go of my best friend. I wish that things didn't have to be so serious, or that we could just fall into place outside of a relationship, but I understand that that's not meant to happen. You will always hold a place in my heart, and I will always worry about you.

I love you, John.

[bellevvalencia]

Sick

October 16, 2023

My left ear was ringing with pain the other night when I told God that I’d take any other pain rather than physical pain at that moment. It was nowhere near the level of pain of my leg injury from three months ago, but I had to get up in five hours, my room was cold, my brain was fried, and my body was limp from the gym. It was already a limit that I was facing everyday, so having a sudden additional burden was slightly an overkill. I wouldn’t have minded, but I was at a really tight spot that week.

I whined a little. Took the deepest breaths I could and thought back to all of my previous greater pains to invalidate it and strip it of its power. I’m nothing if not a drama queen. I just had to sleep, I repeated to myself over and over again, because then the feeling would go away.

It was very similar to when I cried myself to my parents because I had no idea where the pain in my leg was coming from or going to.

It was similar to when my retainers were fucking me up so bad I stopped wearing them in my sleep.

It was similar to when I got a bruise from jokingly egging a punch from a boy and I couldn’t react because I let it happen.

And it was similar to me saying “No, it’s okay, I’m used to body pain” when he apologized about it the morning after.

It was similar to when I ignored my conscious working brain for weeks and trusted the words of another boy who left as soon as he got me.

It was similar to when, after swearing off caffeine for two years, I started taking it again just so I could show up and pretend that everything was absolutely amazing.

There’s always some kind of premium when your tolerance to pain is high—obviously to yourself, because who the hell wouldn’t want to stay unscathed—but also to the way that people perceive you: Oh, she’ll be fine. She’s been through more and she can do better.

It’s always fine because you can fix yourself on your own, you need no apologies, and in your head you’re thinking that you probably deserved it anyway.

After how I acted and after what I said and after where I went?

After the way I felt?

I probably deserved that.

When my ear hurt, I knew that I would feel a lot better the next day, but it was very hard to believe. At that level, I doubted that I could ever forget the pain. I called a doctor after a few hours. He gave me meds and said I should feel relief in three days.

It was too long. But whatever it is and why, I probably did it to myself. I could do three days.

I can do three more. Maybe.

When my body doesn’t align with my mind, it should be easier to accept that it was something that I did. It’s true most of the time. I got a cold because I partied too hard. I got a fever because I stayed out too late. I got a sprain because I pulled too fast. I got a chest pain because I expected too much. I got a headache because I wasn’t stopping and I wouldn’t stop, because I had to go out and do something before it all eventually breaks me. It should all be logical.

Isn’t it so fucking funny how it’s not?

Sometimes you deal with the wrong people and you go to the wrong places and you let your heart take you even though you’re aware that none of it makes sense. And sometimes you’re wrong and you’re making mistakes. And sometimes you don’t want what’s good for you. And sometimes you want what’s bad for you.

Sometimes you let your heart take the lead...and then, more often than not, you just sit back and watch it fuck you up like a little fool.

It’s always only the greatest story of all time.

I have a very low tolerance to pain. I’d like to believe so, at least, because it doesn’t really get better. My body is sore every single day. I tire it out and I have all these outlets but when it hurts, it doesn’t get any better. It just becomes the norm that has to be endured. And when the norm is endured, you grow bigger and bigger around it, until it feels smaller and smaller and it doesn’t feel different than before anymore.

But that’s the big, ideal, birds-eye-view picture. At the end of every single day, while walking home from the gym at 10 PM, for example, it only fucking sucks ass. The pain eases for a while and for a bit but in my lone idle moments, I want to either kill myself or run to a door to pound my fists and ask why. I want to shut down and numb the constant ache in my chest down, because I blame myself and I shouldn’t, but it’s the only way I can get out of it alive. It’s the only way I can forgive—knowing that I’ll find my way through eventually.

So when I was on the verge of trading my life for a sense of relief, when my ear hurt, my brain just insisted that it could be so much worse. At least that one’s always true.