#fun fact: this used to be one of my middle school “cry songs”

[sylyl-grg]

「 Kokoronashi - Chouchou-P 」 (Translation)

Say, if everything were to be thrown away,

Would we easily live with a smile?

Once again, my chest is starting to hurt

Say nothing more

Say, if everything were to be forgotten,

Would we also easily live without crying?

Though, I don’t know this function

Show me no more

No matter how close you get to me,

I only have a single heart

How terrible, how terrible,

Please, I’d rather you

Break my body, tear it up, do as you wish

Even though I cry, I struggle,

Until my eyes are swollen

Still, you hold my body together

That’s enough

Say, if all my wishes were granted,

You and I would share the same desires

However, because that function is false,

Just come here

No matter how much I am loved by you,

I still only have one heart

Stop it, stop it, don’t be so kind to me

No matter what, I cannot compute it

It hurts, it hurts, teach me the words

I don’t know them

Don’t leave me alone

How terrible, how terrible,

Please, I’d rather you,

Break my body, tear it up, do as you wish

Even though I cry, I struggle,

Until my eyes are swollen

Still, you hold my body together

That’s enough

Say, if I had a heart,

How might I be able to find it?

Softly smiling, you say,

“Well, it’s right here”

TN: I took some creative liberties with the translation; since the song is about a robot/android, I changed some things to reflect that! Some examples:

でもそんな事出来ないから -> Though, because I cannot do this -> Though, I don't know this function

でも僕には存在しないから -> Though, this doesn't exist for me -> However, because that function is false

どうしても僕には理解ができないよ -> No matter what, I cannot understand it -> No matter what, I cannot compute it

Another interesting thing this song does is showcase the distinction between 心 (kokoro) and 心臓 (shinzou), a concept that doesn't really translate that well into English. They both mean "heart," but 心臓 is the physical heart while 心 is the emotional/mental heart. When the lyrics say "I only have one heart," they are referring to 心臓. You may notice that the title has "kokoro" in it. The kanji it uses, 心做し, means "somehow" or "somewhat," but, interestingly, 心無し (without a heart) is pronounced the same way!

[unfixablebabyyy]

so i just read You and was obsessed w the perspective and also i just love getting a lil peak into dennis's brain so this is a something i wrote idk (also slightly inspired by that one meme of that anime girl lol)

(nsfw, minors DNI)

Dee's taste in... well, everything is absolutely abhorrent, but her taste in people is especially repugnant, which is why I can't fathom why such a striking creature would ever consider her a friend. What do you see in her? She's annoying and rude and abrasive, but you, you're none of those things. And I knew that the second I met you, but I had to be sure. So for the last week or so I've been doing a bit of research and it turns out, you really are just perfect- kind, smart, fun, absolutely stunning. Your only flaw lies in the fact that you're so incredibly naive. You leave your doors unlocked, your windows open, you always walk around the city with headphones on and your face in your phone. You're such an easy target. Don't you know how sick the world can be? But it's ok, it's not your fault- you're prey. Good thing I've got my eye on you. I'll protect you, even if it means you never go outside off leash again.

And now, as you sit across the bar from me, I can smell your perfume and I just want to drown in it, in you. You're half turned away, joking with Charlie as he throws darts, and from your side profile I can make out the tiny bumps of your nipples under your shirt. The past three nights you've come with Dee to the bar, you haven't worn a bra. You're clever, but not subtle. It's beyond cute. When you turn to me, I make sure my gaze lingers on your chest a second too long. I want you to know that I noticed.

"Hey!" I could never get tired of your voice. I need to know what it sounds like after a long night of crying.

"I.D., please."

You giggle. I've been carding you since the first night you came in, it's become a joke between us. Really, I just love reminding myself how young you are. When you hand it over, I brush my fingers against yours. I pretend to examine it and nod approvingly before handing it back. You grin, and this time, you brush your fingers against mine.

"Alright, what can I get you?"

You bite your lip, "Surprise me." Of course you want me to decide for you. I smile. I could surprise you. I could slip you something and we could have a night full of surprises. But not yet.

"You got it." And I know exactly what I'll make you- I saw the cranberry juice in your fridge and the vodka on your counter while doing my research. You were at work.

"Just don't make it too strong." Don't worry, I won't start making them strong until you're at least three in. Your eyes go wide as the song playing over the jukebox changes from some Dire Straits Mac had put on to Depeche Mode. "Personal Jesus". Kind of on the nose, but you won't notice.

"Oh my god I fucking love this song," you're so bubbly, and I know, I saw the album sitting on your record player. That's why I queued it up when Dee mentioned you'd be stopping by.

"I saw them when I was in middle school," don't forget, I'm old enough to be your daddy. I was in my twenties when you were born. You like that- I can tell by the way your cheeks get a little more pink.

"Ugh you're so lucky, I would love it if they toured again," I slide you your drink and smile.

"Well, if they do, I'll take you." Did your dad ever buy you concert tickets? I bet he did.

"Then it's a date," now you're really blushing, "or whatever." You're so sweet it's making me lightheaded. 'Or whatever'? So submissive. I imagine if I were to take a bite out of you I might get a toothache.

"It can be a date," of course it's a date. You bring your drink to your lips and sip and god I wish I could just reach over and taste you. You smile as you set it down.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think maybe you like me," Like you? Last night I was looking at custom dog bowls for the cage I'm going to put you in. I can't sleep at night without touching myself to the thought of cumming inside of you, marking you, making you mine. I don't like you, I want to cut you open and crawl inside of your ribs and hold your heart in my hands.

"You're adorable," I could rip you apart with my teeth. You cross your legs and readjust in your seat. Again, not subtle. I wonder just how wet you are. I mean Jesus Christ, all I have to do is look at you and I can practically hear that little lamb heart beating in your chest, and I can only wear this wool for so long. Sooner or later you're going to see the teeth and the claws. Maybe they'll scare you, maybe not. Either way, it won't matter when they're making you bleed, and judging by how red your face gets when I speak to you, I think you'll bleed easy. Bruise easy, too.

"Do you flirt with all of your sister's friends?" you're starting to get a little bolder. I lean in so that my face is inches from yours, like I have a secret. Your eyelashes flutter.

"No. Only you," I won't play your games, I want my intensity to bring you to your knees. The last couple of days have been fun- toying with you, making you wonder whether my charming smiles and compliments and gentle touches were platonic or not. But it's time to show you who's in charge. You bite your lip. I swear to god I can smell the pheromones on you.

It doesn't take me long to get you drunk enough to slip out the back door with me while everyone else argues over a game of pool. You really are such a lightweight. As the door swings shut behind us, I cup your little face in my hands and press my lips to yours. I don't want to. What I want to do is rip your clothes off and pull you to the ground and watch as the panic begins to rise when I slap my hand over your pretty mouth to muffle you. But that could be dangerous and I have to control myself. You kiss me back and slip your hands under my t-shirt where they roam across my chest, up my shoulders, down my back. It's giving me goosebumps and making it harder not to hurt you. I decide to test my limits. When I push you up against the rough brick exterior, I shove a little too hard and you yelp. But it only seems to make you want me more. So when I lean in to kiss you again, I bite down on your bottom lip, and you moan. Of course you're one of those girls. You love the abuse.

My hand finds your neck and you gasp even though I don't tighten my grip- I just want you to know I could- I want to. Someday I will- I'll choke you so hard and for so long you'll pass out, and then I'll smack your face until you wake up, just to do it again. I'll make you beg for the privilege of breathing. But not tonight. If I ever want to get to that point, I have to stay focused. Besides, just the feeling of my fingertips on your throat is turning you on- I can feel a wet patch forming on my knee where I shoved my leg between yours.

The heat of your body is making your perfume stronger and I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm on the verge of doing something depraved. You push your hand into the waistband of my jeans, then my boxers, and I can't help but growl when your fingers wrap around my cock. As you start pumping your hand up and down, I lose myself for a moment and dig my fingers into your neck. You whine, and when I release, I notice the dark red crescents my nails left on your soft skin.

It's best if I make my hands busy, so I work on the button of your pants as you continue to play with me. I groan into your neck as you squeeze me hard. Pretty soon I'm going to have to pin your wrists to the wall. When you do it again I bite your neck hard enough to serve as a warning and you quickly soften your grip as your jeans inch down just enough. Good girl.

You shiver as the night air breathes down the alley. I can feel your pulse in your cunt as I touch you over your panties. You're so pathetic, you easy little whore. I haven't even bought you dinner and you're already about to let me fuck you stupid next to a dumpster behind my bar. But I won't. I'm gonna make you beg for it. I want you to be so achy and needy for my cock you'll let me do anything to you. I can't fuck you tonight, you haven't earned it.

I sigh and retract my hand. "You're drunk," I press my lips into the crook of your neck and practically feel you deflate against the wall. "Why don't I take you home?"

"Oh," your voice is so sweet and soft, "ok."

I pull away and brush a loose strand of hair from your face before planting a kiss on your lips. Relax, angel. I'm not done with you. You pull your hand out of my pants and the absence almost hurts.

"My car's just down the street, I'll tell Dee you got sick," I brush my thumb across your cheek and peck your forehead before snaking my arm around your waist and leading you down the alleyway. At the end, before we step onto the sidewalk, you stop.

"Did I do something?" Your eyes are so big.

"Consent is really important," I lie, "I just want you to feel safe with me," it'll be all the more enjoyable for me when you realize you're not. My answer seems to satisfy you.

When we get to my Range Rover, you raise an eyebrow, "Nice car."

"Thanks, Frank bought it for me when I got into Penn," it doesn't matter if it's true, now you think I know how to take care of something for a long time. I've established my ability to commit.

"Jesus, isn't that Ivy League?" And just like that, you see that I belong to an elite community of scholars.

"Yeah."

In the Range, you begin looking through my CD collection, pulling out albums you recognize, asking about ones you don't. You like old music, old cars, old men. You mention that your dad introduced you to Christopher Cross, so of course I slip it into the radio and skip to Sailing and tell you it's my favorite, which is true, but I happen to know it's yours, too.

I pretend to be lost and ask you where to go even though I've made the drive at least 20 times in the last week. When we get to your place, I park the car right outside of the familiar front doors and look up at your dark window.

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" you spread your legs ever so slightly. So obvious.

"How about I cook you dinner tomorrow night," you'll act like a whore when I say, first I've got to teach you some manners.

"When?" you don't want to leave.

"I'll call you." Get out.

You step out onto the curb and wave.

"Goodnight," I say and you turn and head in. I don't leave until I know you're inside, safe. In fact, I don't really leave at all. I park the Range a block away and walk back. Your light is still off, but even in the darkness, I can see you up there. You really should close your curtains, especially when you're inside, naked and panting, humping your pillow like a bitch in heat.

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Tagged by my darling @glassangels <3<3<3

1. Are you named after anyone? Im named after a kinks song which is a massive win for me personally. They almost named me rosa after the pixies album (which wouldve made sense bc we do in fact surf) but one of my moms friends was already knitting a sweater with the kinks-name on it and she convinced them to keep it. My middle name is also my paternal grandmas middle name so i guess that counts too

2. When was the last time you cried? No idea tbh. That thing where you lie down on your side and then your eyes start leaking happens to me a lot but a proper sadness-induced cry hasnt happened for months. I will say that sometimes i say something made me cry, and although it technically didnt due to no tears falling, it did make my soul hurt and crying is the closest phrase that expresses that <3

3. Do you have kids? Thank god no

4. What sports do you play/have you played? Soccer, ran track for a bit, ultimate frisbee, swimming, fencing, fighting (mma, kickboxing, cage, etc), equestrianism (im including my brief and unimpressive time vaulting here), did some stuff with a circus briefly (contortionism, aerial arts, lyra), and then the usual outdoorsy shit (surfing, bouldering, hiking, skiing, and since caving is technically a sport, caving). Also danced for a bit (ballet, contemporary, and jazz). Yeah man idk either

5. Do you use sarcasm? Technically yes but its less "sarcasm" and more "inability to express a truth about myself without making it into a joke". A bit of sarcasm when the time calls for it is always fair game though and i will indulge

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone? The way they carry themself says a lot about their temperament and emotional state and whatnot so thats typically where my eye is drawn. Second place goes to wherever theyre keeping their valuables on them and how expensively theyre dressed though

7. Eye color? Blue but ive got a bit of yellow central heterochromia so they tend to look green if its bright out

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Kill them <3 scary movies 4ever

9. Any talents? Party trick-wise i did retain some contortionist ability and so thats always a good one to break out. Also can spit water up to 30 ft for tooth gap reasons. I am the type of person whos just naturally good at a lot of things (sorry) so i consider that a talent too

10. Where were you born? The top left corner of the USA, not including alaska

11. Hobbies? Writing, journaling, watching movies, reading, various textile arts, going for walks, playing assorted instruments, and occasionally traditional art (im particularly fond of ballpoint pens and oil pastels). Would say listening to music but thats a job to me and i clock into that shit like i get paid

12. Any pets? Maeve the most anxious dog in the world who i love very much <3

13. Height? 5'8/172 cm

14. Favorite school subject? I was a school hater so it really depended on the teacher... in high school i did have the same teacher for like three years in a row (she taught me english in freshman year, history in sophomore, + health in junior) and she was totally awesome so all those classes were great. Typically the classes i had the most fun in were english and history just bc there was more room for fucking around. In the single semester of college i took i did have crazy amounts of fun in my film class though which i will say was mostly because my professor rocked and i got him on my side early so i could kind of do whatever

15. Dream job? Due to the Issues and also common sense mainly i just wish the government actually took care of people and i wouldnt need to work. But if i have to chose a job than itd be a) writing a book or two that are good enough i could live off the royalties and film rights and whatnot for the rest of my life or b) pulling an enya (dropping some widely beloved and largely incomprehensible music and then disappearing totally from the public eye to live in a castle in the middle of nowhere)

Idk whos already done this so ignore me if you have lol @supersonic1994 @nothingrhymedwithcircus @hauntedwoman @halogenstreetlight @evebabitzgf @serethereal and anyone else who wants to <3<3<3

[somanywords]

15 questions tag

Thank you so much for the tags, @ohhsodebonair @tessabennet @buckrogers @booksandabeer and @between-a-ship-and-a-hard-place!! It's been super fun seeing everyone's answers go around :)

Are you named after anyone? >>> No. My dad picked out all of my siblings and my names because he liked the sound of them. But our middle names are all music pieces!

When was the last time you cried? >>> Hmm...I can't remember, which is a nice thing, but it was within the last few months--I cry when I'm angry, when I hear a particularly good song, when I've had a rough day and someone's nice to me...

Do you have kids? >>> Nope! But I am the oldest of four sisters so...

What sports do you play/have you played? >>> I was not put in any sports as a young child, due mostly, I think, to my parents wishing to keep me away from competitiveness and the concept of "winning" so my talents are limited to a backyard game of baseball or football.

Do you use sarcasm? >>> As a defense mechanism :(

What’s the first thing you notice about people? >>> I think how genuine they are in the moment. Are the self conscious? Nervous? Or having fun and being themselves?

What’s your eye color? >>> Dark brown.

Scary movies or comedies? >>> I never want to spend a nice movie night scared, so comedies!

Any talents? >>> This is badly phrased question, in my opinion. But I guess I'm good at picking out melodies and harmonies, I'm good at seeing a craft and learning how to do it myself, and leading really productive and quick grocery runs.

Where were you born? >>> On the East Coast of the USA

What are your hobbies? >>> Reading, writing, drawing, musical theatre, dancing, singing, gardening 🌳

Do you have any pets? >>> My little sister (number 3) has two guinea pigs!

How tall are you? >>> 5'4"

Favorite subject in school? >>> Fun fact: I was homeschooled :D

Dream job? >>> If all my financial needs were taken care of magically, I would be a writer. That being said right now I work on landscape jobs in the great outdoors, getting paid to exercise, with short hours for pretty good pay. It's not so bad ;)

I know I'm on the tail end of this one, so if I tag you and you've already done it, please tag me in the comments so I can see! And also if you're not comfortable sharing, no worries. <3

@dharmasharks @piedoesnotequalpi @blurglesmurfklaine @turtle-steverogers @smfstump @hipsterdiva @xoxobuckybarnes @solittles @greyhavensking @into-a-ship-or-2 @allofthebeanz and anyone else 🌈

[icyfox17]

3, 4, 9, 11, 15, 20, and 21 :D!!

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with -fucked up by racoma -car lights by james marriott -iris by goo goo dolls

OUGHOGUHGOGHOGHOGUHOGUHOGGHOUGHOGUH i have been looping these three SO MUCH LATELY along with allez les blues by los camps

fucked up jumpscares me bc theres swearing in the literal title and it sounds so intense and i mean the bridge aka my fav part of the song IS intense bUT ITS SOOOO GOOD AND SOSOSOO PRETTY AND I CANNOTTT GET OVERRR IT RAHHSHSHDFJSDK

car lights is a funny one bc the first like 3 years of me listening to james' music i never got into it for some reason?? i always loved grapes and gold n stuff but then tommy covered it during his karaoke stream and HOLYSHITT i was like wtf this is so good? and then i listened to the original and went HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD??? its now been like 2-3 months and i still. am looping this shit constantly like BRO BR O BRO BRO BRO BRO ITS SO GOODDFDOWEJFIAWFEJAWFELJAWEFIJWEFLWE I LOVE CAR LIGHTS SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHH

iris is one of my long time fav songssss, i grew up on 90s alt rock so anything from that era is just soo <333 fkjdsdjflsj EPXLODES !!! but like the last two years ive gone in and out with listening to it. i'll listen to 90s for like a month and then go back to modern music. but yeah january i started megaaaa listening to 90s alt rock again and i remembered how much i love iris so that shit has been on loop as well. it is genuinely one of my top five fav songs of all time. also extra fun fact for you !! my mom used to loop it while she was pregnant with me <3 so it is just kinda like. my song lmao ever since before i was born lmaooooo

okay gonna provide a cut bc this will be a long one ^-^

4 i already answered and i would answer w diff ones but this ones gonna be long so i'll skip it for now eheh

9. three songs that get you in the Christmas Mood -Auld Lang Syne by Andrew Bird -Carol of the Bells from the Home Alone soundtrackkk -Rocking Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

the first album is such a lovely one grgrgrkjrjgk i have nice memories of listening to it while sitting in front of the (real wood !!) fireplace and drinking tea and just enjoying my family's company during xmas time <333

i just fucking love carol of the bells so much i have like five billion diff versions of it saved ONE OF MY FAVS BEING A MANDALORIAN THEME SONG CROSSED WITH IT ITS LITERALLY THE BEST THING EVER CREATED IN EXISTENCE LIKEEEE MY TWO FAV SONGS EVER BEING COMBINED??? YES PLEASEKEKGHRGJKHRKJ

and the last one is just a classic:D also reminds me of home alone which is ofc my fav xmas movie ever (way better than elf FIGHT MEEE)

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack (i think this means like soundtrack so regular songs rather than ost but if u wanna know my three fav ostsss pls send and i will tell !!! i love film osts so much omg 😭😭😭) -Heroes by David Bowie [Perks of Being A Wallflower] -Lake Shore Drive by Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah [Guardians of the Galaxy] -Spirits by The Strumbellas [Middle School Worst Years of My Life]

goddd this movie changed my life honestly and the scene this song is from genuinely is just. it rewired my brain chemistry. i want to feel infinite man its soooooo i love this movie sosososooso much and this song is just so lovely and just RAHSHSFJDKSKJFKLAKJS i cannot english properly lmao i think im losing steam but just. yes. this song + movie are both. yes

I LOVE GOTG SOUNDTRACK SO MUCH IT IS PEAK EVERY SONG IS FUCKING AMAZINGGGGG but this is one of the songs that i found from this movie and idk !! i think it's underrated it's so vibey it makes me feel so happy:))))

this is another movie that literally changed my life. like. it's such a silly movie? but it genuinely makes me cry everytime and and this songggg this is the beginning of me looking into my own taste of music that's not just generic top 60 from the radio or my family's taste. i found this song from this movie and found the rest of the band's music and and and it was one of the first steps of me finding out who i am. it's a really big part of my personality (both the movie and the song) and i just :(( this band makes me sooo emotional. they helped me out during my first bout of mental health issues and i just got to see them in concert a couple months ago and sobsobsobsosbsobosbsobsososbsobsobsossbososssssssss SORRY i'll start rambling now i just GODDD the strumbellas mean so much to me :(

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to -Come on Eileen by Dexy Midnight Runners -Coming Home by Leon Bridges -Starting Over by Chris Stapleton

the first two are just CLASSICSSSS you have to dance to themmm and i have in the past and its literally the greatest feeling in the world. literally nothing compares. the last one is more targeted towards my partner:))) she's from tennesse LMAOO and loves country music buuuuttt besides that i also just like. my dad and his wife listen to country music a lot and it's soooo?? it's so lovely idk this style of country music is just pure vibes. but yeah the lyrics r also super lovely and just remind me of my partner so badly grjgkjrgkjrg i need to listen to alllll the country and soul (heh pun unintended) music with them. this song in particular is so comforting i just feel like it'd be nice to dance in the kitchen to <3

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one -Morning Rain by Adam Torres -Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson -Home Is by Kanaya

you just give me very soft pretty rainy day vibes <333 ur a very kind person and you hold so much positivity. these songs are all so very comforting and i just !! think they suit u very well ^-^

21. three songs of your childhood -Upside Down by Jack Johnson -Could You Be Loved by Bob Marley -Clocks by Coldplay

goddddd this songgg this song is nostalgia in a nutshell. used to love the movie but also my mom and i used to dogsit for this one person and they had 3 cds. jack johnson, barenaked ladies, and adele. i used to play those and just run around the house acting out the songs. so all of those are very nostalgic but upside down takes the cake bc it just. sounds nostalgic. idk its such happy vibes and its so innocent and wholesome and i justtttt sobsss its so lovely

my half-siblings' dad had a record player before it was cool and the two records he used to play all the time were bob marley and michael jackson. bob marley reminds me more of my childhood though. its just !! its bob marley man. certified classic and good vibes. i love this song so much <3 i love all of his music a lot but this one just ??? makes me feel super intense emotions

this one is NOSTALGIA KING i dont know if there's any other song that sounds like nostalgia like this one does. it was always on the radio in the car and its also in several movies and just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa its so gorgeous i love this song so much <3333

[honeysuckle-venom]

🍄🦷🍷<33

Thank you so very much for the questions!!

🍄 - when did you realise you had a complex dissociative disorder?

When I was 19. I'd had suspicions/semi-realizations for a few years leading up to that, but then I would immediately forget bc I wasn't ready. I had a friend with DID, we first became friends when I was 16. One of my other friends, when I was 19, was questioning if he had DID, and so I offered to introduce him to my friend who did have it so they could talk about it. I listened to their conversation and the whole time internally I was like "Hold on. That applies to me. That also applies to me. And that. And that. Fuck. Fuck. What does this mean???" I went to my friend with DID a few days later and was like, "Hey so I have this voice of a little kid in my head who's crying all the time. That's normal right?" And my friend was like Ummmmm. I mean. And they gave me some resources. And I looked at the resources and went "Yikes!" And as soon as I startly seriously looking into it and questioning it it was like it wasn't able to stay quiet anymore. I started noticing a lot more symptoms, and certain alters (Looking at you Cricket) did their best to make sure I didn't forget/write it off like I had in the past. They would do things like front and explicitly tell a friend they were fronting, leave notes for me, stuff like that. So that made me pretty sure I had DID lol. I brought it to my therapist from there.

🦷 - what’s a fun fact about the current fronter(s)?

Hmmm. I don't really have many fun facts? Let's see. I was really interested in medieval European society as a kid? Is that a fun fact? I spent a lot of time reading about feudalism for a 9 year old. I think that counts as fun lol

🍷 - does your music taste differ from alter to alter? how?

It definitely does, though there's overlap and we will sometimes listen to each other's playlists. The kids like kids' music: Sandra Boynton albums, Elmopalooza, specific Disney songs, Jewish kid's music, etc. Eloise likes classical, jazz, show tunes, and sometimes swing and cabaret, and some pop. Cypher likes a lot of darker/angrier stuff, lots of disturbing imagery. Genre matters less to her than lyrics, she likes dark lyrics. Silver likes Charlotte Martin, Tori Amos, and other music we associate with middle school. The Dolls like creepy music box style music, or like creepy lullabies, things like that. I like a LOT of different genres, including everything listed above, as well as lots of indie, steampunk, dark cabaret, folk, bluegrass, singer-songwriters, Jewish music, folk songs, and probably lots of other stuff I'm forgetting. Lyrics matter more to me than genre as well, though occasionally if I really really like the music I'll let lyrics I don't love slide. Out of everyone else's playlists I probably listen to Cypher's the most often, she has good taste in fast angry stuff which I like a lot. Most of us have a preference for women's voices; I'd say around 80% of the music we listen to has women as the vocalists.

Thank you again for asking!!!

[danpuff-ao3]

15 Questions

Thanks for the tag @sitp-recs & @billsfangearring!! 😄 These are always fun!

Tagging: whoever wants to be tagged, I'm too shy to tag rn 🙈

Are you named after anyone? My middle name is Denise after my great-grandfather Dennis! I'm the oldest of 7 and all of us are named after someone, though with all but one it's a middle name. (Just some extra fun facts!)

When was the last time you cried? Oh lordy. Sometime during the week I think I vaguely remember working myself up in my head and getting teary over it 😬 Though full on sniffling and sobbing and tears falling was Sunday because my partner played the song "Traveling Soldier" (he really likes songs that make me cry which is rude.)

Do you have kids? absolutely not nor do I want them. I'm the oldest of 7 remember? I did my time.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? bahahahahaha.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their energy/vibe. Which sounds weird so my next thought was "voice" 🤔 Which also seems weird so...um. Probably mouth because I can't hear very well so I use lip reading to help. Which also sounds weird so...Eyes? Perfectly not weird answer. Except apparently most people I know don't pay attention to people's eyes which ??? So potentially still a weird answer but maybe the least weird of them 😂

What’s your eye colour? Brown!

Scary movies or happy ending? HAPPY ENDING.

Any special talents? I want to say "no" but my therapist would not be best pleased with that. Um...I pick up new skills pretty quickly. I'm pretty good at self-learning and figuring things out. I can bake very well! I've been told I'm a decent writer 😄

Where were you born? born and raised in the friggin' BIBLE BELT. In the good ole U.S. of A. Born in Mississippi which is only just marginally worse than where I am now. 😂 (Never thought I'd say anything nice about Louisiana, but here we are.) (Just kidding we have crawfish and king cake.) (Also New Orleans alone makes up for everything else imo.)

What are your hobbies? reading, writing, commenting on fic!, listening to music, dancing, organizing (yes it's a hobby please leave me alone), baking, collecting (100% a hobby), refreshing Reddit for new AITA posts 🤣, Tumblr nonsense, pestering my friends on Discord, Wikipedia rabbit holes, pacing (please don't ask), gazing admiringly at my partner (listen...don't judge me) uh...that's it? Oh wait! Also makeup. ALSOOOO...trying to make new friends :) (When I'm not feeling too shy/anxious, that is!)

Do you have any pets? no :(

What sports do you play/have you played? what is this "sport" of which you speak?

How tall are you? 5'6"? ish?

Favourite subject at school? art! Which is funny because I have 0 art talent now but it's still fun and I loved my teacher! English was a close second though.

Dream job? idk I work administration now and I actually really like it?? My specific current job is not the best, but in general I like it. I like data entry, organization, paperwork, etc. But also working at a bookstore would be neat! So maybe doing admin work related to books would be the ultimate dream! But really nothing super fancy or prestigious or anything. I'd never want to monetize anything I'm actually passionate about, so as long as I can make money keeping to myself and staying busy I'm fine!

[casspurrjoybell-24]

My Mate - Chapter 4 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Mom walked past the kitchen with a basket of clothes but backtracked upon seeing me sitting at the island.

I looked away from her and took another bite of my apple pie.

It seems I'll be the only one enjoying it this year.

"What are you doing? Why are you home?"

Confused, I looked up at mom.

"Ugh... school doesn't start until next week," I reminded her.

Maybe she forgot?

"No, why are you in my house? Don't you have friends to go play with?"

I stared at her with a blank expression for awhile.

Did she want me to admit that I have no friends?

Like none.

Not even an acquaintance that I can say hi to in passing.

Not even a human friend.

It's embarrassing and sad really.

We heard Calvin coming long before he actually entered the kitchen.

He was dressed in his usual plaid shirt and worn jeans and mom looked at his outfit with distaste.

"You should shave, sweetie," Mom suggested as Calvin opened the fridge for a bottle of water.

His beard wasn't messy, at least not to me.

It looked like he kept it trimmed and there was never food in it.

Calvin just shrugged in response to mom and I ate the last piece of pie on my plate.

"Torin go get dressed, you're going with Calvin."

"What?" we said together, Calvin saying it a bit more angrily.

I hesitantly looked over at him.

We've never really intentionally hung out. In fact, I would go as far to say he avoids going out in public with me.

A fact that I use to cry about actually.

"He can't come with us," Calvin grumbled.

"And why ever not?" Mom snapped.

We all knew she was going to get her way.

Biting my lip nervously, I put my dirty dishes in the sink before going up to my room.

I was hopping into a pair of jeans when I heard the now familiar rumble.

Pulling back the curtains, I watched Robby pull in front of the house, ignoring the driveway.

He stepped out in all black today and leaned back against his car with his arms folded over his wide chest.

When he removed his glasses and looked up at me, I stuck up my middle finger and laughed when he clutched at his chest as if in pain.

Backing away, I pulled on my converse and ran back downstairs to where Calvin was still grumbling to mom.

"Bye, have fun," Mom said, waving for Calvin to bend down so she could kiss his cheek.

She didn't have to do that with me and instead had to bend down herself to kiss my cheek.

I smiled and waved bye as I followed a grumpy Calvin.

Robert pushed off his car when we made it to him and raised a thick brow in question, looking between the two of us.

"Mom made me bring him," Calvin said gruffly while walking around to get in the passenger seat.

"That's okay, little Torin can tag along," Robert teased.

"Thanks, Robert," I said with a cheerful smile that became genuine when his jaw ticked.

"Get in," he said, opening the door and pulling his seat up so I could climb in the back.

It was a good thing I'm small because there's barely any room back here.

After I was seated, Robert fixed his seat and got in.

"Buckle up," I told the both of them while buckling myself in.

They grumbled but listened anyways.

"So where are we going?"

Truthfully, I was always excited when mom made Calvin take me with him.

I finally got to hang around my big brother and I'd never say it aloud or tell him but Robert was pretty cool too.

More than a few times they'd end up ditching me somewhere but I take what I get.

"Town," Calvin said shortly.

Robert chuckled and opened the glove compartment, pulling out a cassette tape.

"We're going to the fair."

"Really?" I gasped, bouncing a little in excitement.

I liked going to the county fair, for the food of course.

Its not so fun when you're by yourself.

Maybe it'll be different with Calvin and Robert there with me.

Some slow rock song started playing and I sat back and looked out the window.

Robert and Calvin would talk between each other but the twenty minute ride to town was mostly quiet.

Robert parked in front of the small ice cream parlor and I handed him his leather jacket when I climbed out.

[sunshine-and-pink-skies]

Have I even talked to y'all about this school year?

No?

Okay well, I did get to switch to the older kids SpEd class (3-5) like I wanted. My teacher friend who teaches the class fought to get me. We've worked together before and she knew we'd get along great.

And we do. We're like peanut butter and jelly. She let's me teach some and treats me like an equal and she takes care of all the paper works and it's the best of both worlds. And if your like ??? I have a middle grades teaching degree but chose not to teach but be a Special Education (SpEd) aide. I loved the teaching but all the paperwork on top of it was overwhelming. So my job is perfect for me.

And we communicate wonderfully. And I can trust that she'll listen to me and help when I have concerns and deal with them. And she doesn't get annoyed when I randomly burst into song or whatever bc of my ADHD. She's completely understands. I rarely feel the need to apologize for my randomness. And even if I do apologize she like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "its okay, I'm use to it." Hey, sometimes my random singing gets the kids singing too. And its all fun. 🤣

And most of the time I feel like this is exactly where I'm meant to be. And if you haven't found that yet in your life I hope you do.

As far as my best aide friend, she's across the hall in the Littles class still, but we start and usually end the day together. I miss working in the same class with her though. Maybe one day.

And if you remember we added 2 Emotional Disorder SpEd classes to our school this year. That's been . . . Interesting.

We had a LOT of problems in the beginning of the year with their aides not doing their jobs properly (not being on time, not showing up for their kids, not helping with the mornings/dismissal duties) and me and my BaF would have to pick up all the slack. So we felt like we were doing our jobs AND theirs. And their teachers REFUSED to talk to them. And would get told "you need to be team players" by our team lead bc she was overwhelmed and didn't want to deal with it either. 🙄 we spent August to November completely frustrated and annoyed. I might have (okay, totally did) have a angry outburst about it. but my teacher stepped in and we finally managed to find a balance.

And we got a new assistant principal this year and she's literally THE BEST! If anything happened to her I'd cry. She's so great with the kids. And deals with ALL the behavior problems and she's solid and dependable.

Anyway back to my class we have one child who causes constant chaos, CONSTANT. It's the biggest challenge. And it makes the days SO HARD. But team work makes the dream work. We're trying hard to get them the help they need. And a couple weeks ago we were given ANOTHER problem child. Who does NOT get along with the other one. And currently their bad behaviors are rubbing off on all our other students. Bc they were already overwhelmed with problem child 1. The fact there's another one is too much. 😐 So it's taking a LOT of patience to find a peace. Note my SpEd class consists of NORMAL children who need extra help to learn. Behaviors are literally another class.

And if you made it this far send good thoughts/prayers to the teacher of the Littles. They're currently out sick. And it looks like they're not going to be coming back this school year. The school is currently trying to hire some one for the position. Hopefully they will find someone as you might know SpEd teachers are in short supply.

[onmyyan]

Hi!! Your answer to my last question about Cas and his family made me so softt-

I have a question if you don't mind? But are there any types of people that the Delmont family kinda wouldn't approve of for their family members? Or are they sure that the men of the family can handle whatever kind of darling they desire?

Also I love the image of teen Caspian in the kitchen! I kinda imagine him in there with his Ma just humming a little tune and jebeksnwk, I just love him sm! I bet his mom is super kind and sweet! I wanna just dance around with him in the kitchen while things bake while belting some silly little song-

Sorry for sending so much! I just really enjoy your writings and the way you tell things! Have a good day or night and it's okay to take a break and eat a snack in case you haven't today!

A/N: Omgggg sweet anon you never have to apologize for sending in asks I love writing its so much fun!!! And his family is a riot I adore them so much🖤❤ also im sorry if I'm posting too much Caspian content (EDITED 12/16/22)

T/W: Yandere shenanigans, Cas fantasizes about a future family

Fun fact! He still does this cute humming thing while he cooks! Most of the time he doesn't even notice he's doing it until he sees you've paused what you're in the middle of to smile at him in a way that pulls his focus from the stove. If he catches you singing it's a whole thing, he'll turn up the song and take your hand, the way he fully committed to his role made it impossible to feel embarrassed. Seeing such a large, imposing man, belt out ABBA with full seriousness is a sight.

The first time you meet his Mother you're shaking like a leaf, terrified to make the wrong impression and scare off Caspian (something that was quite literally impossible.) He's both incredibly touched you were so worried but also lived in a constant state of needing to assure your happiness, so he tried everything he could to convince you she'd love you, that no matter what happened he'd be leaving this place just as in enamored as he came in but you couldn't be pacified, that is until you met her and the small woman threw herself around you with the warmest smile.

She'd gush over you to Caspian as she greeted him the same, her warm welcome wouldn't stop there as she, like her son, showed her love through food and had made a feast for what looked like an entire family.

Caspian barely got a word in the way you two talked and laughed with one another, he could really cry at the sight, especially when she hopped up asking for your help finishing the desserts she'd made just for the occasion. It was like a filter had gone over his eyes, he could see it now, a few kids running around the house the same way he and his brothers did, his mother would be sitting there giving pointers and stealing bits of the fruit you'd have brought from your garden back home. He'd have his youngest on his hip, the other hand would be feeding you from a spoon for the obligatory taste test. He was only pulled out of the fantasy by the sounds of your combined laughter.

Now as for if they have approval issues with darlings.

There's this unspoken rule, that while they'll share the most base-level things about them, they are not to interfere with each other's darlings unless specifically asked.

If they didn't strictly follow these rules, disaster would strike. Take the time in High school when Gabe and Ricky found out they both had their eyes on the same girl, they were on each other like dogs, both bloody and bruised because while Gabriel was much bigger, Ricky had this scary state he'd fall into where he just wailed on someone or something until he wasn't angry anymore if the others tried to step in they risked getting pulled into the scrap, it only stopped because their Mother came home, she rushed inside once she heard the commotion and snatched both of them up by the ear.

After their shared punishment of cleaning the whole house, they'd come up with the system they still used today, all in an effort to keep the peace. Both agreed to share the names and photos of their darling in their brothers-only group chat from that point on, that way if anyone had something to say they could before said brother got attached, Caspian had always found the system stupid and only ever agreed to it to get the younger two off his ass, he followed his heart and wouldn't stop until he had you securely in his arms. Damn what anyone said.

And yet, that first night after he met you he found himself sending over the most recent selfie you'd uploaded, he found your socials seconds after finding your full name and waited on bated breath for their response.

Gabe: 'She's cute, you meet her in that class you took today? Need any info?' Gabe was always the best at getting information fast, people loved him which meant he had connections.

'No thanks- I wanna do it myself.' He shot back, the second he sent that picture your fate had been sealed with him entwined.

Marcos: 'Took you long enough, any problems?'

That was Marcos for "Does she have anyone in her life in the way you want me to handle?"

'So far so good, no rats on the runway.' His two youngest brothers had a taste for violence and often enjoyed the process of clearing off those rats. He knew if he needed something done messy and mean, Marcos was the man.

Ricky: 👍

Caspian rolled his eyes not expecting much more from his enigma of a sibling. And lastly, he waited on his hardest to please family members.

Manny had yet to respond, instead, about fifteen minutes passed then Caspian received a call.

"You serious about her Cas?"

"As a heart attack little man." The nickname was a cheap play but he knew it soothe his violently protective little brother. "I gotta wait a minute before then but when she's ready for it I'd love for you to meet her Manny." He heard a shaky inhale before a deep sigh, ever the unpredictable one, he soon flipped his tone, now sounding like the 22-year-old he was, "You gotta' tell me everything Cas! What's she like? Does she smell good? Do you have a ton in common or is it like opposites attract kinda thing??" He'd spend the whole night on the phone dishing to his brother, the weight off his chest gone.

All in all, they play it safe!! Although in a fucked up timeline they all want the same Darling- Oh baby you are gone.

[tyongxnct]

𝑹𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔 - 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑳𝒆𝒆

pairing: Mark Lee x fem!reader ft. Lee Jeno

special guests: Haechan, Jaemin

summary: you and your boyfriend are deeply in love with each other. After highschool, you move in together and you get pregnant. Mark is the best boyfriend ever, until he breaks up with you. But once Mark realizes that you’re moving on, he also realized what a huge mistake he made.

genre: babydaddy!Mark, bestfriends-to-lovers-to-exes-to-lovers!au, angst, smut, fluff

warnings: smut just one scene, i’ll mark it as smut so you can skip it if you are a minor, swearing, alcohol consumption, rollercoaster of emotions, jealousy (sorry if i forgot anything)

wc: 18.7k

song rec: reckless - madison beer

IMPORTANT NOTE: hi, i am going to cry, i accidently deleted reckless because stupid tumblr didn’t let me post my newest fic, it wasn’t showing in the tags, and i made a huge mistake and deleted reckless instead of another post. i almost had 1k notes, but it’s alright. I’m just so sad i lost so many nice and kind comments. I’ll post my new Jeno fic a couple days later, i am so sorry. Well, at least i can post this on Mark’s birthday, i love you Mark Lee.

taglist: @jenosdaemi  @ahgastayzen @chitaphrrrr @cosmiclatte28​ @daftsuh @aesthetichrj @bitchenderyy​ (i think that’s it?)

this is fiction!

© tyongxnct on all platforms

You watched your boyfriend and your daughter Yoona sleep peacefully with a smile on your face. You came home later than usual, your shift at the restaurant took longer than excepted, but coming home to this helped you forgot about your problems at work. You tried to be as quiet as possible, you didn’t want to wake them. After changing your clothes, you slowly got under the blanket. Your daughter was between you and Mark and Mark’s arm was wrapped around her. You couldn’t stop yourself from taking a picture of this cute moment. No matter how hard and exhausting your day was, in the end nothing mattered. You had Mark and your beautiful daughter and that was all you needed.  

You met Mark on your first day of middle school. The poor boy was so lost and didn’t know how to interact with others. You noticed the Harry Potter shirt he was wearing so you got extremely excited about the fact that there was another kid who liked Harry Potter. You approached him at lunch break, the boy was sitting all alone and eating his sandwich.

“Hey! I’m Y/n. I love your shirt.” You smiled softly.  

“You like my shirt?” he asked shyly.  

“Yes, I love Harry Potter! My favorite is actually Hagrid, but I also like Hermione. It changes every time.” You giggled.  

“I think H-Harry is cool.”  

You giggled again, “You kind of look like him,” you pointed at his round glasses, “Can I draw his scar on your forehead?”

Mark didn’t know why but he nodded and let you draw Harry’s scar on his forehead.  

“Perfect! Do you want to play Harry Potter? I’ll be Voldemort and we can fight!” Mark thought you were cute. It was so cute how excited you got.

“But we don’t have any wands.”  

“You are right.” You thought for a second, “Let’s use this stick! We could also paint them and design cool wands!”  

And that was how you started spending every lunch break with Mark Lee, the boy who was shy and cute. The boy who just wanted to eat his sandwich, the boy who loved Harry Potter as much as you did.

Your parents also got close, Mark always came over to play with you or watch movies, which was your favorite thing to do. Watch movies and act like you were a part of it. It didn’t matter if it was Narnia, Charlie and the chocolate factory or the lion king. You also celebrated Halloween every year together. The first time you dressed as Harry and Hermione, the second time as Spiderman and Thor (he let you be spiderman because he knew how much you loved him and he was Thor, and he looked so funny with his blond wig that you made fun of him for two years). You became best friends and your promised each other to stay best friends no matter what.

It was also a Halloween party when you two shared your first kiss. You were sixteen and you went as Tinkerbell and Mark was Peter Pan. You looked so pretty dressed as a fairy, Mark couldn’t keep his eyes to himself. He didn’t know why he was feeling that way about you, why his eyes were glued to you and he got so nervous around you.  

“I- uh, I’ll get something to drink” Mark actually didn’t want to leave your side, he wasn’t the only one staring at you. He entered the kitchen to fill two glasses with ice tea, but Haechan came and stopped him from doing so. “Drink a beer or something, man, you gotta loosen up a little. She’ll notice.”  

“Notice what?” Mark asked his friend.  

“I don’t know. Maybe your big fat crush on her?” Haechan said sarcastically.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. W-What crush?” Mark blushed hard. Was he that obvious?  

“Dude, come on. I can see right through you. And you should stop staring at her,” Haechan gestured at his chest, “She’ll think you’re a creep like the other 10 guys in the room.”

Mark blushed even harder, “I-I wasn’t staring at her,” he pointed at Haechan’s chest. “I-I was just- s-she had some fairy dust and-“  

“My brain hurts listening to you. Just go and tell her. It’s also obvious that she has a thing for you, I also don’t know why don’t look at me like that.” Haechan was about to take a sip of his beer, but Mark was faster and gulped the last bits of the beer down. He scrunched his face in disgust, “This tastes like piss.”  

“How do you know that?” Haechan teased.  

Mark ignored his comment and opened another can of beer, gulping down. “Dude, slow down.”  

Another beer can later, Mark finally found you. You were talking to one of your friends, Mark couldn’t remember her name, he couldn’t even remember when he walked up to you.  

“Mark? Hello? Dude, are you okay?” you asked him worriedly. You excused yourself and took Mark’s hand to bring him upstairs. You entered the bathroom and helped him wash his face. “You’re scaring me. Wait- d-did you drink? You smell like beer.” You looked at him and Mark couldn’t stop himself and leaned in to press his lips on yours but he bumped his forehead against yours.  

“Ouch, what are you doing?” you laughed at him as you rubbed your forehead.  

“I just- I don’t know how, but I want to-“ he stopped talking.

“What? Tell me.”  

“I want to kiss you so bad.” He blurred out, he was slightly red from the alcohol but after saying that he blushed and became even redder.

“You want to kiss me? Me?” you pointed at yourself. Mark nodded, “Why?” you asked.  

“Why? You are seriously asking me why I want to kiss you?”  

You nodded, “Yeah, I mean, there are so many girls downstairs. Mina just asked me to give you her number. You can have every girl you want Mark, so, why do you want to kiss me?”  

“I don’t want any of them, I don’t care about them. I want you.” He said softly, wrapping his arms around your waist.  

Your heartbeat increased, you could feel the tears forming, were you dreaming?  

“I think I’m gonna cry.”  

“Me too.” Mark chuckled.

You’ve been staring at each other’s lips for a couple seconds, “Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m waiting for my kiss.”

“Oh shit, right. I just got lost in your eyes.”  

“You got lost in my eyes?” He nodded. “Since when are you so romantic?”  

“Come on bro, don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not making fun of you bro.” you emphasized on the word bro, did he seriously call you bro?

“Don’t call me bro!” he complained, “You called me bro first!” you pouted.

“Don’t do that.” He said, his eyes on your lips, “What?”  

“Don’t pout.”  

“You mean like this?” you pouted again, looking at him with puppy eyes.

“I said don’t do that.”  

“Yeah? What are you going to do about that?” you challenged him.  

Mark softly squeezed your hip with his one hand and the other hand found your cheek, softly caressing with his thumb. He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. Your hands found his neck, pulling him closer to you. Your eyes were closed and you thought that was it, just a kiss on the lips, but you felt his tongue asking to enter your mouth and when you let him, the soft and gentle kiss became messy and wet. Mark sucked on your lips and played with your tongue, and the way his hands roamed your body felt so good, you accidently moaned in his mouth. He was about to lose his mind, he was finally kissing you and you were kissing him back. Before you realized, Mark placed you on top of the sink.

“M-Mark-“ you moaned again, his lips on his way to your neck. You titled your head to give him more access. You felt him suck and lick your soft skin. He also left little kisses on your neck, down to your breasts. His lips found your again, and he kissed you with so much passion.  

“Oh shit dudes- use protection!” Haechan just wanted to pee. But he caught you and Mark making out and it was so embarrassing and he literally destroyed your moment. Mark was breathing heavily, lips bruised and cheeks red.  

Haechan closed the door again and you stared at Mark with the same look on your face as his. Your lips also bruised from kissing and chest going up and down.  

Not even a second later, you both started laughing and hugging each other. That night changed everything. Best friends who fell in love with each other. After you told everyone about your relationship, you were surprised that nobody was surprised. Everyone excepted you and Mark to get together one day, even your parents.  

You smiled at the memory, falling in love was a beautiful adventure with so much love and passion. After graduation, you decided to move in together. Mark applied to a college to study architecture and you still didn’t know what you wanted to study, so you took a year off and worked to gain some experience.  

“Baby? You need help?” Mark giggled as he entered your kitchen. You were sitting on the floor and eating some cookies. All of your guests left half an hour go. The party was fun but cleaning up was not.  

“Sit with me!” you smiled drunkenly at your boyfriend, who was also really drunk.  

Mark plopped down next to you and stole one of your cookies. “Don’t eat my cookies!” you took your cookie back and accidently cracked it in the middle. “Your cracked my cookie.” Mark whined.  

“I’m sorry, can I give you a kiss instead?”  

Mark nodded and you kissed his cheek. “Just on the cheek?!” he pouted.  

“I’ll give you a kiss on the lips If you carry me to the bedroom. Deal?”  

Mark nodded and carried you to your bedroom, softly throwing you on the bed. “You know baby, we still didn’t use this bed.” Mark wiggled his eyebrows. “What do you mean? We slept here last night?”  

“Babe, I mean the other way to use a bed.”  

“What do you- oh, oh! You mean sex!” you grinned at him.  

“Don’t say that word!” he said as he took off his shirt. “Mark you fucked me dumb so many times, you still get shy when I say sex?!”  

“It’s just weird, let me be.”  

“Fine, can I use the word fuck instead?” Mark struggled to take off his jeans but you saw him nod. “Okay baby, let’s fuck!” you said as you jumped on your bed.

SMUT BEGINS  

Mark climbed on the bed, pulling your shorts down while you were standing on the bed and stopping you from jumping around. He softly kissed your thighs up and pulled you down to your knees. He connected your lips and he didn’t want to waste any more time. He pulled away for a second to get rid of your clothes, leaving you completely naked in front of him. He was just in his boxers and you could see his boner.  

Mark spread your legs and stroked your entrance with his finger, slowly going up and down. “Babe, you’re so wet.” He said amazed, he barely touched you and you were this wet.  

You felt his tongue on your entrance licking up and down, his finger slowly entering you. You closed your eyes and enjoyed the moment. Mark loved teasing you, but he was so impatient, he ate you out like there was no tomorrow and he fingered you so good, you were close. “Mark- baby, I’m so, so close. Fuck.” You moaned out, trying to keep your legs wide open but every time his tongue came in contact with your clit, you clenched around his fingers.

“Taste so fucking good. Cum for me baby.” Mark added a third finger, and when he hit your sweet spot, you couldn’t stop yourself and came all over his fingers, his chin glistening in your wetness as he looked up at your face.  

Mark didn’t waste any time and took off his boxers. He leaned in and pressed his lips on yours, playing with your tongue and leaving wet kisses on your face, neck, and breasts. His lips found your nipples, pinching them and licking them with his tongue. “Fuck me please, Mark please fuck me.” You cried out in pleasure.  

Without thinking twice Mark entered you, ramming his cock deep inside your pussy, your legs wrapped around him to have him deeper inside of you. Mark’s grip around your waist was so tight, he was going to leave bruises, you knew it, but you also loved it. Your hand wrapped around his forearm, holding him tightly, “Feel so good, you fuck me so good.” You moaned out. Mark felt you clench around him, making him moan and let his head fall into the crook of your neck. Leaving love bites and kisses.  

Not even a second later, Mark switched positions and fucked you from behind. You arched your back as he gripped your hips to fuck into you. “Fuck, you’re so perfect. Feel so perfect around me.” His hand found your ass, softly squeezing it. You clenched around his length, leaving him breathless. “I’m c-close Markie.” You moaned out, motivating him to go faster and harder. Your walls clenching around his length pushed him to his climax. Not even seconds later, you came at the same time.  

SMUT ENDS

Mark collapsed on top of you. He kissed your bare shoulder and slowly pulled out. “I love you so much.” He whispered. With a soft smile you replied, “I love you too.”

That night changed your lives. Too drunk to think of protection, but you never regretted  that night, you never regretted having a baby.

“It’s positive.” You looked at the pregnancy test in your hand, your other hand between Mark’s.

“Okay, okay. Okay. Let’s breathe first.” Mark said nervously, but you couldn’t stop yourself from crying. “Do you hate me now?”

Mark’s jaw dropped. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly, “I love you, I will always love you. I could never hate you, especially not because of this. I was also a part of this. I’m with you, no matter what happens now. Everything is going to be alright. We are a team, remember?”  

You nodded as you tried to hide your sobs. Mark was right, you’re a team and everything is going to be alright.  

“B-but we’re still so young and you just started college and I don’t know what to do.”  

“It doesn’t matter if we have a baby now or in a couple years. I always wanted you to be the mother of my kids, it’s just a little earlier than we excepted, but we’ll make it. You trust me right?”

You looked up at him, “Yes.”  

“Then you have to trust me when I say that we’ll make it work.”

And Mark never left your side, after you found out about your pregnancy. It took you a while to get used to change, but you were thankful that you had Mark by your side and even both of your parents were supportive. You never thought you’d become a mother at the age of nineteen, but Mark was right, you made it work and now, five years later, you had your daughter and your boyfriend by your side and you were happy.

You started working as a waitress three years after giving birth. For the first three years, Mark worked day and night to pay the bills and your parents were also a big help at that time. When Yoona was old enough to go to kindergarten, you decided to start working and go to nursing school. Mark supported your decision to start studying nursing and you were more than happy when you got a part time job at the restaurant. You hated staying home and doing nothing while Mark was at work and Yoona was in Kindergarten, so you worked while your daughter was in Kindergarten, even though you had a late-night shift sometimes. You were almost done with college and you couldn’t wait to start working in a hospital.  

You were really happy. Your daughter was the best thing that happened to you and Mark. She’s like a little star who always shines brightly and lifts your moods up. Mark always says that she looks like you, but she definitely has his big head and his love for watermelons.  

“Mommy Daddy wake up!”  

You couldn’t remember falling asleep, but it felt like you had your best sleep- in months.  

“Mommy! Daddy! Why are guys still sleeping the sun is already shining! Wake up!”  

And not even a second later, she jumped on Mark, scaring him, but successfully waking him up.  

“Did you just jump on me?” he looked at his daughter, eyes squinted.  

“I’m sorry daddy but you wouldn’t wake up and I want a cross ant.” She said with a pout.  

Mark laughed at the way she said ‘croissant’. Mark turned to you. “Why didn’t you wake me up when you came?” you both leaned in for a kiss and Yoona let out a disgusted sound as she saw her parents kiss.  

“You were sleeping so tightly with her in your arms, I couldn’t wake you. But today is Sunday and we have the whole day for us.” You said happily, pulling Yoona back between you and Mark and attacking her with kisses.

“Stop! I want a cross ant.” She said between giggles.  

“Okay, let’s go get you a cross ant.”  

The three of you got ready to spend the day outside. The sun was shining brightly and it was really warm outside.  

“Babe?” you said as you helped Yoona wear her shoes.  

“Markie?” no answer.

You entered your bedroom with Yoona in your arms and saw Mark still half-dressed playing with his phone. “Why aren’t you dressed?” you asked him, but again, no response.  

You snaped your finger right in front of him and he realized that you were talking to him. “What did you say?”

“Hurry up, your daughter is hungry.” You told him. “Yes daddy, my stomach is rolling.”

“You mean growling?” he giggled and kissed Yoona’s cheeks. “I said that too. Rolling!”  

While you tried to pronounce growling with Yoona, Mark got dressed, but his eyes were still glued to his phone.  

“Daddy, hold my hand.” Mark immediately put his phone away and held Yoona’s hand.  

The entire time in the bakery, Mark was on his phone, ignoring you whenever you talked to him. You didn’t say anything about it, you focused on Yoona and helped her eat her croissant. The entire day was tiring but you were happy to spend some time with your family. Yoona fell asleep and Mark carried her back home and tucked her in her bed after changing her clothes.  

When you were finally in bed with Mark, he was back on his phone, sometimes laughing out loud. “What’s so funny?” you asked him with a smile. You loved your boyfriends laugh.  

“Oh it’s nothing, you wouldn’t understand.” He said and you were taken aback.  

“Why wouldn’t I understand?” you asked, trying not to show him that you were a little hurt.  

“It’s just an inside joke from work. I can’t explain it, you know.”  

“Oh. Okay.” You smiled at him and an idea popped in your head. It’s been a couple of weeks since Mark and you did it and you had to admit, he looked so good today and you were horny.

So you leaned in and kissed his cheek, his jaw and down to his neck. “Babe, what are you doing?” he asked you.  

You looked up, “Isn’t it obvious?”  

Not a second later, you sat on his lap, your hands on his abs, slowly going up and down.  

“I’m not really in the mood, is that okay?” he said, shocking you. It was usually Mark who did the first step when it came to sex, but you missed him so much that you took the first step this time.  

“Oh, yeah sure.” You crawled back under the blanket.

“Good night.” He switched his bedside lamp off and so did you.  

“Night.”

You noticed a change in Mark’s behavior the following weeks. Well, he was still the same when it came to Yoona, but the way he was so distant to you was new. Yes, you were really busy the last couple of weeks due to your assignments and work, but Mark understood and was there for you. Now that your busy season was over, he was always on his phone and staying longer at work.  

“Sorry, I’m really busy here. Tell Yoona I love her. Don’t wait for me.” And before you could say anything back, he hung up.  

That was the fifth time in two weeks that he came later home than usual. You missed one of your late shifts at the restaurant because you couldn’t find a babysitter, but thanks to Haechan who helped you out last minute, you rushed to work and got an earful.  

“If this happens again, we’ll have to fire you.” The manager said.

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”  

You came home and instead of seeing Mark, you saw Haechan still sitting on your couch.

“I’m really sorry it took me so long. I owe you big time.”

“Nah, I love that little monster and we had fun. Where’s Mark? I thought he was coming home earlier today?” Haechan asked.  

“What? Are you sure? He didn’t tell me anything. Let me call him.”  

“Hello?” Mark yelled.  

“Mark? Where are you? Why is it so loud there?”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. I’m with a couple colleagues, we went out to eat something together.” You could hear a couple voices in the background.  

“When are you-“

“I’ll text you later I gotta go.” And he hung up.

“He said he is with a couple colleagues. They went out to eat together, I guess he forgot to tell me.”

Haechan looked at you suspiciously. “Is everything alright between you two?” he asked.  

“What? Of course. I mean, yeah it’s been a couple weeks since we spent some time together, but I was busy with college and then he was busy with work, you know.”

“Okay. Uhm, are you going to be alright alone?��� he asked you. You nodded, “Yeah don’t worry. Thank you so much for babysitting her.”

“I told you before and I’ll tell you again. I’m always here, I’m just a call away.”

That night, you wanted to wait until Mark came home, but your body was exhausted and you fell asleep at three a.m.

The following weeks were the same, and today everything fell apart and you lost everything at once. Yoona got sick and you had to pick her up from kindergarten. It wasn’t anything bad, the doctor said, she had to rest a couple day and she’d be fit again. You cooked her favorite soup and while she was napping, you called and texted Mark to tell him about Yoona’s condition, but he never replied.

Mark was still distant. You can’t remember the last time he kissed or touched you. The last time he said I love you or the last time you spend time with him. He came home late and he spend all of his free time with Yoona. You were glad that he was spending so much time with Yoona, but it felt like he came home just to play a couple rounds with her and then leave again.  

You tried many things to make him look at you, touch you and just talk to you, but it was like talking to a wall. One time you were alone while Yoona left the living room to bring her favorite toy, you asked him how his day was, why he was working so late and if he was alright, but Mark got mad and ignored your questions.

“What do you want me to do? Quit my job and stay home 24/7? I’m working in a big company and they need me. Am I also not allowed to spend some time with my friends? Jesus.” He said annoyed.  

“No, Mark. Of course you can spend time with your friends, but what about me? Do you remember the last time we spend some time together? Just us?”

“I’ve spent my whole life with you, is that not enough? Can’t you let me breathe for one fucking time?”  

“Don’t curse. Your daughter is going to hear it.” You reminded him.

You were hurt, but you had to hide your tears now that you daughter came back running to her dad with her favorite toy in her hand.  

That conversation died that day and you never bought it up.

You called at the restaurant and asked for someone else to take your shift since your daughter was sick and she needed you, but your manager was heartless and fired you on the phone. “You don’t have to come back anymore. You’re fired.”  

“But Mr.-“

“I told you one more time and you’re fired.”  

You tried to hold in your tears, you tried to stay strong but everything fell apart when Mark came home.  

Mark rushed to your daughter and kissed her cheeks, “My baby.” He was so close to tears. Yoona rarely got sick, but every time she was sick, your hearts broke and you tried everything to ease her pain.  

Mark slowly closed her door and let her sleep peacefully. He saw you on the couch, but he avoided eye contact. “She’s going to be alright, don’t worry.” You smiled softly.  

Mark sat down on the other couch, playing with his hands nervously.  

“I need to tell you something.” You said at the same time.  

“C-Can I go first? I don’t think I can hold it in any longer.” He said, bouncing his leg up and down.  

“Sure.” You looked at him with curious eyes. Those eyes Mark had lost himself in, those eyes he had loved so much.

“I-I don’t think I can do this anymore.” He blurred out and looked at the floor.  

“What do you mean? Is it work? I knew you were working too hard-“

“It’s not work. I mean… I mean us. I can’t do this anymore.”

You felt your heart getting ripped out of your chest. Your heart was crushed and broken into million pieces. Maybe you were imagining things, but why would you imagine Mark saying those horrible words to you?

You looked at him and he didn’t dare to look at you. “What?” was all you could say.

“I-It’s just, fuck, couples grow apart- t-that’s normal. And we grew apart, we’re not the same anymore, we changed in the last couple months and I don’t want to continue this, whatever this is. We’re just together for Yoona, you know it too. I’m not happy with you. I-I didn’t come home early b-because you were here and I didn’t want to see you. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

Thousand tiny needles stabbed your chest,  

I’m not happy with you

I’m not happy with you

I’m not happy with you

Kept replaying in your head. The love of your life wasn’t happy with you anymore. He didn’t want to be with you anymore. He was just with you for the sake of your daughter, but that wasn’t enough for him to stay.  

“I-I think I just don’t love you anymore.”

You thought your day couldn’t get worse. You thought, it was just a phase you were living in, a stupid, painful phase but you loved each other so much, you could also fight this phase. Together. Just like he had promised you. Mark promised you that you could fight everything together. Together. What an ugly word now if you think about it.  

“I’ll move out as soon as Yoona feels better. I found an apartment a couple weeks ago. T-That’s also where I’ve been.”  

I think I just don’t love you anymore

I think I just don’t love you anymore

I think I just don’t love you anymore

“S-say something.” Mark was scared and nervous.  

You breathed in and out and closed your eyes. Every moment of your life with Mark replaying in your head. Your first Halloween, your first kiss, your first time, your first I love you’s. When you found out about your pregnancy. Giving birth to Yoona with Mark right next to you.

It was too good to be true. You were a fool, you believed his words every damn time. You fell even harder every time he said I love you, you felt stronger every time you were going through something together, you needed him now more than ever but he didn’t need you anymore.

“What do you want me to say? It’s not like you’re going to stay. It’s not like I can force you to love me. I just have one question.”

You opened your eyes and looked him straight in the eyes.  

“Is there someone else?”

You were scared of the answer but you needed to know.

“I promise you, I never cheated on you. I was faithful to you, trust me. B-But…”

You balled your hands to fists and your nails dug into your skin, the pain you felt was the worst pain ever. Your heart was broken. The person who promised to love you forever, to make you happy forever and to stay by your side forever, broke all of his promises.

“She’s a new colleague and we instantly clicked,”

You thought your heart couldn’t break more but it did.

“She’s just a friend, we never crossed any lines, but I found myself enjoying her company. I found myself looking forward to work, I was happy when I had to work longer and could stay there with her. She’s like a fresh breeze of air, she makes me laugh and I can’t remember the last time I felt this alive. She makes me feel alive.”

He confessed, without any shame.  

“We’ve been dating for so many years, I bet you feel like this too. It’s boring and so plain and every day is the same and I am sick of it.”

Is he doing this on purpose? Does he want to kill you with his words? Did he let you suffer the last couple months because he hated you? Why was he doing this to you? What did you do to deserve such pain?

You stood up, making your way to your bedroom. You even forgot what you wanted to tell him before he started talking.

“Where are you going?” he asked as he watched you stand up.  

“I’m going to sleep. You can take the couch or just go home, I’ll text you if Yoona feels better.” You talked with so much venom in your voice, so much hate and pain. The light in your eyes was gone, you looked like a soulless, broken girl and it was all Mark’s fault.  

Yes, maybe you could’ve done things differently, but Mark was a blind man and falling for his colleague was definitely not your fault. Your love for him never changed, he was the one who chose to be with her and not you, he was the one who ignored you and focused on her. Mark was the one who fell for her teasing words, her sexy aura, and her young and free mindset. Mark was blinded and it would take him a long time to see the mistakes he made.  

Mark stayed that night. He slept on the couch and you were wide awake balling your eyes out and blaming yourself. Mark took care of Yoona the next morning, you just checked her temperature and cooked her another soup. She was feeling better but you felt worse every passing second, especially after seeing that Mark was still there.

He saw your puffy and broken eyes, he saw how distracted you were and he saw how you tried your best to hide your pain when you were with Yoona.

Mark thought he made the right decision, telling you sooner is better than later. Breaking up with you was the right decision, he wasn’t a cheater, he would never cheat on you. But after kissing Yoona goodbye and looking at you one last time, he found himself in his new apartment, calling Areum over.

He didn’t waste any second when she entered his apartment, he pulled her in and pressed his lips on hers. Now that he finally broke up with you, he was ready to open his arms for her. When he kissed her, a little voice in his head told him that he was making the biggest mistake in his life, but he ignored that voice and deepened that kiss.

It’s been a year since your breakup and even though it took you months to get back on feet, you tried your best to stay strong for Yoona. Yoona didn’t really understand why her daddy wasn’t sleeping next to her mommy anymore. She didn’t understand why she had to sleep in another bedroom whenever she stayed with her dad. Yoona didn’t understand why her mommy was crying silently. Yoona also didn’t understand who that other woman next to her daddy was. But after a year, she got used to everything and you and Yoona graduated at the same time. Well, you graduated from nursing school and she graduated from kindergarten, now she was going to elementary school and you found a job as a nurse in a hospital, which you loved. You never told Mark that you got fired from the restaurant, you only told Haechan who helped you find a job in the hotel he was working at and your best friend Byul who was always on your side. Haechan and Byul were always there for you and helped you go through that horrible time.

After getting the job in the hospital, you left the hotel which you started to love after spending a year there. Haechan was really mad at his best friend. He tried everything to help Mark realize that he was making a big mistake and that he was going to regret leaving you. Also Haechan hated Areum, it was like Mark was wearing rose colored glasses. He was blind and didn’t see how much she manipulated and used him. But Mark told Haechan he was happy so Haechan gave up and let him be.  

Whenever you picked Yoona up from Mark, you saw Areum watching you with a look you couldn’t really describe. She looked like she wanted to punch you right across the face, rip your hair off and dig her fake nails into your skin, but you never bothered to make conversation or look at her any longer. Your relationship with Mark, well if you could call that a relationship, was weird. You said your hellos and goodbyes, you talked about Yoona and that’s it. He never asked you about your wellbeing and you never asked about his.  

Yoona secretly told Haechan when he was babysitting (she was staying at Mark’s but Areum wanted to go to the movies so bad that he called Haechan to babysit her), that she was kind of scared of Areum and that she rather spend her time with you and not her daddy and Areum. Haechan loved Yoona, he wanted to be happy and when he talked to Mark about it, he was too stubborn to see that Areum wasn’t very fond of Yoona.

Today was Yoona’s first day in elementary school and you and Mark decided to go there together as her parents, to support her and be by her side.  

Yoona was very scared at first and shy, but after she found one friend, she was happy and excited. You promised her to pick her up after he first day and when you came back (Mark had to work, but he promised Yoona to pick her up tomorrow) you saw her playing happily with a couple kids.  

“Yoona baby, it’s time to go home.” You called for your daughter.  

“You must be Yoona’s sister. Nice to mee you, I’m Na Jaemin, her teacher.” A guy, your age walked up to you with a one-million-dollar smile.  

“Actually, I’m her mother, Y/n. It’s nice to meet you too.” You smiled. Did you really look like her sister?

“Her mother, wow, you just look so young, I’m sorry.” He apologized.  

“No need to say sorry. I was nineteen when I had her, so I guess I am young.” Yoona run up to you, “Mommy can I stay longer? Please?” she pouted.  

“Baby, you’re coming back tomorrow, you can play tomorrow okay?” you took her hand.  

“Okay, mommy. Oh, hi Nana.” She smiled at her teacher. “Nana?” you asked confused. “That’s my nickname, kids love to call me nana.” He smiled softly and patted Yoona’s head.

“That’s cute.” You blurred out, “I-I mean that the kids call you that. Anyways, it was nice meeting you Mr. Na.”  

“You can call me Jaemin and also, I hope to see you and Yoona at our summer school festival next weekend.” He handed you a little flyer.  

“We’ll be there, Jaemin.” You smiled.

The next day, Mark picked Yoona up and Jaemin was confused. “Who’s that Yoona?” he asked the little girl. “That’s my daddy.”

“Daddy!” Yoona run up to her dad and jumped in his arms. “Daddy this is Nana.”  

Mark laughed at his little daughter and shook Jaemin’s hand. “Nana?”  

“That my nickname. My name is Na Jaemin, but Jaemin is fine.” He smiled at Mark and pinched Yoona’s cheek softly. “She was really active today, I think she’ll sleep really good tonight.”

“Daddy can we go to McDonald’s” Yoona asked as she put her head on Mark’s shoulder, “Okay but don’t tell your mother. It was nice meeting you. Say bye Yoona.”

“Bye nana.”

“Bye Yoona.” Jaemin chuckled.

Today was your first official day at the hospital. You didn’t meet many colleagues, there was just this one woman, Nari, who was a couple years older than you and she was super sweet and welcoming. She showed your around the hospital and invited you to have lunch with a couple other nurses.  

“And this is the cafeteria-“  

When you turned to your left, you bumped into someone and this someone was holding a cup of coffee in his hand, which of course landed on your fresh and new uniform.  

“Oh my god I am so sorry.”

You looked down on your shirt, it was stained with coffee but it didn’t burn, it was an iced coffee but it was still a big stain and you had to remove it.  

“It’s okay.” You looked up and your eyes met this black-haired guy with glasses.  

“I am really sorry, uhm, i-is there anything I can do?” he asked you, eyes going back from you to Nari.  

“Oh no, it’s alright. Uhm, I think I should change.” You said awkwardly.  

“Oh right, don’t worry Y/N, we have extra clothes in the lockers. Do you remember where it was? I should look for a place to sit for us.” She said looking through the filled cafeteria.  

“Yeah, I remember. I’ll be right back.”  

That guy was still standing there and listening to your conversation.  

“I can accompany you,” He blurred out, “I-I mean to the locker room, not like inside the locker room.”

Nari was long gone and since you actually didn’t remember your way back you nodded with an awkward smile.  

He let you enter the elevator first and you thanked him.

“I’m Lee Jeno by the way. I’ve never seen you here before, I guess you’re new.”  

“Yes, today is my first day. I’m y/n.” you looked at him and saw the white coat he was wearing and the nametag. Dr. Lee Jeno. So he was a doctor but he looked so young?  

“I’m sorry I had to ruin your first day, I really didn’t see you coming in.” he apologized again. “Don’t worry, it’s alright. I also didn’t see you.” You smiled at him to assure him that it was alright.

An awkward silence took over and you didn’t know what to say next. On your way to the locker room, Jeno tried to say something, but he was so shy, he didn’t know what to say and before he could realize you arrived at the locker rooms.  

“Do you want me to wait for you?” he asked with a soft smile.  

“Yeah sure. I’ll be right back.” You smiled back. You were scared that you couldn’t find your way back to the cafeteria.

You changed your shirt and looked at yourself on the full body mirror.  

“Oh my god, what’s wrong with my hair.” You cursed at yourself for looking like that in front of Jeno. Well, your hair looked not that bad, you just had to redo your ponytail.  

Jeno smiled when he saw you, he thought about ways to start a conversation with you while you were changing.

“I still feel really bad to ruin your first day. Let me treat you for lunch today.”  

“Oh don’t worry. It’s really fine, you don’t need to treat me for lunch.” You said shyly smiling at him.  

“I insist. That’s the least I could do.”

And that’s how you found yourself sitting right in front of Jeno and eating your lunch. You don’t know how, but suddenly you talked about everything. The awkward tension was gone and you enjoyed your lunch with him.  

You got to know him a little bit better. He was the same age as you and it was his second year working in the hospital. Jeno loved helping people and it was his dream to become a doctor and save lives. You told him a little bit about yourself, that you worked at a hotel before you started working in the hospital, that you have the cutest daughter on this planet.

“How old is she?” he asked with a smile.

“She’s five but her birthday is soon.”  

“Hold up how old are you?” he asked your curiously.  

“I’m 24. I got pregnant with nineteen. I know, I was really young but I don’t regret it. She’s the best thing that happened to me.”  

“She can be happy to have a mother like you. I can’t imagine how hard it was. What about her dad?” he asked you, “Oh no, wait I’m sorry. I’m sorry- it’s your private life.” He apologized.  

“Don’t worry, it’s alright. Her dad was there for me, but he broke up with me almost a year ago. H-he found someone else.” You smiled at him but Jeno saw the pain in your eyes.  

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked.” He wanted to punch himself.  

“It’s okay. I just need my daughter, you know.” You assured him that it was alright that he asked you about Mark. You talked with Jeno until your lunch times were over and you were happy that you made a new friend on your first day.  

Today was the summer school festival at your daughters school and you were getting ready with Yoona. “Mommy do you know when daddy’s coming?”  

“Daddy is coming?” you asked her. You didn’t think he’d come or that he knew about the festival at all.

“Yeah, didn’t he tell you?” she said as she changed to her cute purple dress, “Look mommy! I dressed myself!” she said happily.  

“Good job baby!” you kissed your daughter on her cheeks, but you mind was wandering. You didn’t want to go there alone so you called Byul.

“Mommy can I go and play with my friends?” Yoona tugged at your dress.

“Sure baby, have fun.”  

“Holy shi-“

“Language.” You whispered to her.  

“Holy macaroni. Who’s that?” she pointed at Jaemin.

“That’s Na Jaemin, Yoona’s teacher.”

“Oh my god he is so hot- oh my god he’s coming over.” Byul said as she tried to look somewhere else.  

“Hello ladies, I hope you’re having fun. Y/n who’s this beautiful lady next to you.” He flirted with Byul.  

Byul smiled shyly at him and giggled like a little schoolgirl. “That’s my best friend Byul, Byul this is-”

“Na Jaemin, nice to meet you.” He smiled at Byul and before you knew it, they stared talking and you were third wheeling.

Jaemin and Byul got to know each other better and even exchanged phone numbers.

You looked through the crowd and when your eyes stopped at the familiar face, you wanted to run away and hide under your bed. Mark was there and he wasn’t alone. Next to him Areum, busy with her phone while Mark greeted your daughter.  

It wasn’t your first time seeing Areum, but you would never get used to her face.

Suddenly Yoona pointed at your direction and Mark looked to you, meeting your eyes. You looked away, ignoring his gaze on your even though he caught you looking.  

Mark walked over to you and you actually didn’t want to talk to him.

“Hey guys.” He greeted, but Yoona was ready to cut his throat.

“Lee.” She said coldly.  

“Hey Byul, how’s it going.”

“None of your motherfu-“

“Language!” you and Jaemin said at the same time.  

“So your husband is finally here! If you want to I can take a couple family photos-“

“Babe, my feet are killing me, when are we going home?” at the same moment, Areum pressed herself against Mark and intertwined her fingers with his.  

Jaemin looked at Byul, then at you, then at Mark and then at Mark’s and Areum’s hands.  

“We just arrived. Look there’s a chair-“

“Babe. I can’t sit in this dress.” She said again, looking him in the eyes. She was wearing a tight red dress, as if she tried to capture everyone’s attention. “Okay, you can go to the car, I’ll say bye to Yoona and we can go home.”

Without saying anything else, she left and Mark looked at you awkwardly before he excused himself to go to his daughter.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you are, you know, not together.” Jaemin apologized.  

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it, you didn’t know.”  

“So you’re single?” he asked you and you looked at Byul. “Oh no no, I’m not asking for me, I have a friend who’s also single and he needs to go on a couple dates you know, maybe we can go on a double date, what do you say?” he looked at you and then at Byul.

“That’s such a good idea! It’s been ages since she went on a date, wait no, she never went on a date, right y/n?” Byul asked.

“I went on dates with Mark.”

“Yeah but like, you were dating already. That doesn’t count.”

“But daddy you promised!” you heard your daughter as she walked up to you.

“I know, I’m sorry, but Areum doesn’t feel good. I have to take her home.”

“I don’t care! You said we would play and then we would go to McDonald’s!” Yoona was about to cry but you squat down and hug her. “Baby, you are here to have fun, right? You can go to McDonald’s with your daddy another time. I can play with you.” You smiled softly at her.  

She nodded and looked at her dad, “I want two happy meals next time!” she told him and he promised her.  

“I love you so much.” He hugged your daughter tightly, looked at you, silently thanking you and excused himself to leave.  

You and Byul played with your daughter until her tiny feet hurt. She fell asleep in your arms as you carried her to Byul’s car.  

“So you and Jaemin huh.” You teased Byul.

“Oh my god, I never believed in love at first sight, but damn y/n, I think I’m in love.”

You giggled, “You looked cute together.”  

“I’ll tell you about the details for out double date and don’t you even dare to say no.”  

“I really don’t know. Isn’t it a little too early to go on a date? I mean, it’s not even a full year since we broke up and Yoona has another person in her life already.”

“You mean that bit- I mean, witch. Oh come on, Yoona loves you and wants your happiness, and you are allowed to fall in love, you are allowed to be happy and feel loved.”

You thought about it for a couple days and you decided to go on that double date. You were excited and scared, your heart told you to do whatever you want but your brain told you to stay at home and watch how I met your mother for the nth time.  

“Hey what’s up? Is Yoona alright?” you called Mark to ask him if Yoona could stay at his place. Yoona was actually staying with you today but there was no other way to go on that date.  

“Yeah she’s alright don’t worry. I just wanted to ask you if you’re free tonight?”

Mark gulped, he was laying on the couch, watching some tv. He sat up and got nervous all of a sudden.

“Y-Yeah I’m free. Why?”

“Can Yoona stay at your place tonight?” you asked.  

“Oh, uhm, yeah sure. Why though I thought she’s with you today?”

“I’m busy tonight. Could you come and pick her up?”

“Right now?”

“I’ll have to leave at 6:30, so could you come and pick her up at 6?”

“Okay, I’ll be there.” He wanted to ask you where you were going, but he didn’t.

Byul came over to help you get ready for your double date, she helped you with your make up and choose your dress. Byul chose a simple white with little flowers off shoulder dress that reached your mid thighs. Byul straightened your hair and you couldn’t remember the last time you dressed up. Jaemin told Yoona that they’d go to a restaurant at the Han river and then they’d take you to a fair. It’s a little cliché, but it’s been years since you’ve been to the fair so you were happy about it.

“Mommy you look like a princess!” Yoona said as she saw you dressed up.

“Thank you baby.”  

“Byulie you look like a princess too! I also want to look like a princess!”  

You helped her change to her favorite princess dress and she giggled happily as Byul took pictures of you and Yoona. The doorbell rang and interrupted your little photo shooting.

“Daddy!”  

You opened the door and Yoona jumped into Mark’s arms, stopping him from looking at you for a second, but when his eyes finally landed on you, his heart stopped beating. Where were you going looking… looking this beautiful and breathtaking.  

“Hey, thank you, I hope you weren’t busy.” You handed him Byul’s bag.

“Huh? Oh, no I wasn’t busy.”

Mark just stared at you and you stared back, you didn’t know why he was standing there and looking at you.

“Come on y/n, our dates are waiting.” Byul said that to provoke Mark.

Mark looked at you, “Dates?”  

“Yeah I’m going on a date and I’m going to be late so-“ you said harshly, you didn’t really mean to be harsh but he started to annoy you.

“Oh. Cool, I guess. Uhm, do you know when you’re going to be home? I mean for Yoona, she wants to facetime with you every time before she falls asleep.” he just wanted to know how long you’re going to be out.  

“No facetime tonight, he’ll probably stay the night anyway. Right y/n?” Byul’s words shocked Mark. “Byul.” You warned her. “What? I’m just saying.”

“Daddy you promised me two happy meals.” Yoona said suddenly.  

“Yeah right, let’s go get some McDonald’s.” he pressed his lips on Yoona’s forehead.  

“Bye baby, I love you.” You kissed your daughters cheek, accidently getting really close to Mark’s lips with your cheek.  

“Love you too mommy.”

Mark walked to his car with his daughter in his arms, still in shock and feelings slightly… annoyed?  

“Daddy, mommy looks like a princess right?” Mark looked at Yoona and smiled softly before he said, “Yeah. A beautiful princess.”

“How do I look?” you asked Byul for the nth time. You were about to enter the restaurant, but you got extremely nervous.

“Perfect. Can we go inside now?”  

You breathed in and out as you entered the restaurant, this was your first official date ever, what if he won’t like you? What if he is an asshole? What if he-

“Y/n?”

“Jeno?”

“You guys know each other?” Jaemin asked.  

Your eyes widened as you looked at Jaemin and Jeno. What a small world.

“Yeah we work at the same hospital. She’s the girl I accidently bumped into.”

“Wait- you mean y/n is the ‘cute girl with the pretty smile’ you were talking about?!” Jaemin spilled and you looked at Jeno shyly, who was as red as a tomato.  

“I think we should take a seat and order.” Jeno ignored Jaemin’s comment but Byul highfived Jaemin.  

After ordering Jaemin and Byul started talking with each other and completely forgetting about you and Jeno.  

“So, what a small world right?” Jeno said shyly. You’ve become friends, but he never thought he had a chance to go on a date with you.

“Yes, did you work today?” you asked him.

“Yeah I had an early shift this morning, just a couple patients-“

“No talking about work, you can talk about work at work.” Byul interrupted Jeno.  

After that you and Jeno talked about different things. “How’s Yoona?” Jeno asked.  

“She’s really excited these days, she loves going to school -thank you for that Jaemin- and she’s happy to spend the day with her dad.” You told him.

While you were having a nice dinner with Jeno, Mark was acting really weird at home.

“You know I don’t eat fast food.” Areum said as she looked at the hamburger in disgust.  

“Come on babe, it’s just a tiny burger.” Yoona was chewing on her fries as Mark tried to make Areum eat something.  

“Do you know unhealthy that is- and she’s going to get fat if you keep buying her McDonald’s.” Areum looked at Yoona and back at Mark before she walked into the kitchen to make herself a tea.  

“Is it yummy?” Mark asked his daughter and she nodded happily.

Areum came back with her tea and at the same moment, Yoona dropped her apple juice on the carpet.

“What did you do?! Do you know how expensive this carpet was?!” Areum placed her tea on the coffee table and ripped the bottle out of Yoona’s hands, startling her and making her cry after she also scared her when she started yelling.

“Calm down Areum, it’s just a carpet.” Mark said as he lifted Yoona up. “Shh, it’s okay. Don’t worry about the carpet baby.”

Areum hysterically tried to clean the stain on the carpet with a couple tissues. “Just a carpet?! I told you to eat in the kitchen and you two didn’t listened to me! What am I supposed to do with that now?!”  

“Areum stop yelling, you’re scaring her.” Mark said as he tried to calm Yoona down.  

“You’re unbelievable Mark.“ Areum left the living room and entered the bathroom angrily, she needed to take a hot bath to calm herself down.

“I-I’m sorry daddy.” Yoona sobbed.  

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s just a carpet. It was really boring and plain anyways, it looks prettier now. Come on, let’s finish our fries.”

It wasn’t the first time Areum yelled at Yoona for no reason. A couple months ago accidently dropped her pen, and there was a light red line on the table. Areum scolded Yoona, making her cry and it didn’t even take Mark two minutes to clean the table. And a couple weeks ago, Yoona didn’t want to take a bath and hid herself in the apartment, making Areum loose her mind. Mark left that day to buy a couple things from the grocery store and when he came back, Areum yelled at Mark for having an undisciplined daughter who never listens.

“She’s just five, don’t be so harsh on her.”

“I wasn’t like her when I was five. My parents did a great job raising me.” Areum yelled again.  

“Are you trying to say that I’m not a good dad?” Mark got mad.  

“I didn’t say that. And also, I think y/n’s doing a couple things wrong.” Areum hates you, and she would insult you whenever she could.

“Y/n’s a great mother!” Mark was really mad, but he stopped yelling as soon as he saw the look on Areum’s face, “I’m sorry I didn’t want to yell.”  

“Go and find your daughter, I’m done playing hide and seek.”

Areum was under the covers, texting as Mark entered their bedroom, Yoona was sleeping already.  

Areum ignored Mark and Mark knew that he had to step back before he said something wrong. He also got under the covers and turned his back to her. He scrolled through Instagram and stopped when he saw Byul’s story. Yes, he was still following her. Just in case.  

Byul took a selfie with- Jaemin? He asked himself what Jaemin was doing with Byul, but he stopped thinking about that as soon as he saw you looking up to a guy he had never met before. He zoomed in, you were a little far away so you looked a little blurry, but you still looked amazing. You were holding onto a big stuffed animal panda and smiling and there was a big Ferris wheel behind you, you were at the fair and you looked happy. Were you happy?

The next picture was a selfie of you and Byul, you looked so pretty and you were smiling brightly. Mark smiled unknowingly, but his smile dropped when he saw the next picture. It was a picture of you all, Jeno on your left right, his arm wrapped around your waist, his hand resting on your hip. Your head was on his shoulder as you smiled.  

Isn’t this your first date? When did you get so close? Do you like him-

“I want to sleep, turn the lights off.” Areum said before she closed her eyes with her blindfold.

Mark turned his phone and the lights off. He closed his eyes and all he saw is your face smiling brightly.  

“Daddy.”  

No answer.  

“Daddy, wake up.”

Again, no answer.

“Daddy!” Yoona yelled now, waking Mark and Areum.

“Princess? Why are you awake?” Mark switched the lights back on, making Areum growl angrily.  

“I had a bad dream but I can’t remember, can I sleep with you?”  

“Of course baby.” Mark scoots to the middle as Areum stood up annoyed.  

“I’m sleeping in the guest room.” She mumbled before she left Mark and Yoona. Mark didn’t care and wrapped his arms around his daughter.  

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“Does she hate me?”

Mark’s heart broke. How could his little girl think that someone on this planet was able to hate her. But then again, Areum doesn’t have the best relationship with Yoona. It hurt Mark that his daughter thought something like that, that she felt hated.  

“Of course not, you’re an angel, nobody could hate you. Everyone loves you, don’t ever think that someone hates you.”

“But she hates mommy.”

“Why would you think that?” Mark asked curiously.

“She said that mommy is alone because nobody loves her, because everyone hates mommy. Daddy do you hate mommy too?”  

Mark didn’t know what to say. He was shocked, how could Areum tell his daughter something as cruel as that. Mark felt guilty. It was his fault that you were alone but everyone loves you, how could anyone hate you? You have the most beautiful and caring heart.  

“That’s also not true. Your mommy has you, she has Haechan and Byul and your grandparents. S-She has… me.” Mark felt himself tear up. Were you lonely? Is that why you went on that date?

There was no way he’d let Areum get away with that.  

Yoona fell asleep but Mark was awake the whole night, thinking about Areum, Yoona and you.

Your date went great. You had so much fun and you couldn’t even remember the last time you had that much fun. Hanging out with Jeno outside of work was great and you were excited to see him again- outside of work.

Jaemin offered to take Byul home and Jeno took you home.  

“Thank you for tonight and thank you for taking me home.” You smiled at him as you stood in front of the building.  

“Thank you for coming- Jaemin told me you weren’t really sure but I’m glad you decided to come. I hope we can do this again, maybe just the two of us.” He smiled shyly.  

“I’d love that.”

Jeno watched you enter the building before he went back to his car.

You were really happy and you smiled like a fool when you closed your eyes in bed and thought about the date.  

After a couple more dates with Jeno, you introduced him to Yoona. It was amazing how good they got along, Yoona loved playing with Jeno and Jeno adored her so much. You were scared, scared that she wouldn’t like him, scared that it would be too much for her, but Yoona liked Jeno the second she met him. He was funny and a dork and he even played hide and seek with her, even after an exhausting day at the hospital.  

Today was date night and Jeno picked you and Yoona up. Yoona was staying with Mark tonight and she was so excited to show her dad her new toy Jeno bought her.  

Jeno parked in front of Mark’s apartment and you helped Yoona to the door. Mark opened the door with a soft smile, but his smile dropped when he saw you dressed prettily with your cute dress. You looked like you were going out and when he saw the car, Jeno’s windows rolled down a little showing his face, his heart dropped.  

“Hey.” He said as he lifted his daughter up.  

“Hi, she ate dinner already, you can give her a couple snacks but not too many and she’s a little bit moody today so just let her watch frozen. ” You told him and he just nodded.  

“I’ll see you tomorrow baby.” You kissed your daughters cheeks and left. Mark watched you enter Jeno’s car and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like seeing you with someone else. He didn’t like seeing you dressed prettily for another guy.

Not even three hours later, your phone rang. You just finished the movie and walked to Jeno’s car. Mark called you and you started to panic. It’s almost midnight, why would he call you that late?

“Is everything alright?” you asked Mark nervously.

“Yeah, no, I mean it is but like, Yoona won’t sleep. She doesn’t’ stop crying and I- I don’t know what to do, she says she wants you.” Mark rambled.  

You looked at Jeno who smiled at you softly, “I’ll be there in twenty.”  

“Thank you.” Mark  

Yoona was crying and running away from Mark and Areum.  

“Princess, come here it’s really late, do you want me to read you a bedtime story?” Mark asked his daughter as he looked for her behind the couch.  

“No I want mommy!”

“Mommy is on her way.”  

Areum wasn’t having it, she was so close to explode.  

“Make her stop Mark.”

“I’m trying, she won’t listen to me.” Mark was also annoyed, but not because of Yoona, he was annoyed because of Areum. Areum should know that things like that can happen with five years old and after months of being together, she should know that the changes in Yoona’s life were too much for a child.

Not even five minutes later, the doorbell rang and Yoona ran to the door in excitement. Mark opened the door and Yoona hugged your legs. As soon as she saw Jeno, leaning against his car, she ran to him.  

“Nono!”

Jeno lifted her up with a smile, “Hey princess, shouldn’t you be asleep?”  

Mark watched his daughter interact with that… with that guy and he got jealous before he realized Areum stormed to the door.  

“Something is clearly wrong with your daughter! It’s 12 am and she’s not sleeping like normal kids would and here you are going out at night and not caring about her!” Areum said harshly, shocking you and Mark.

“Excuse me? What did you just say?” you asked shocked, eyes wide.

“You’re clearly doing something wrong, she never listens and is naughty! You can’t even raise your own child!”  

“Areum stop it-“

“No let her Mark, seems like she knows how to raise a kid. You don’t get to talk about my daughter like that, your parents clearly did something wrong with you.” You bite back.  

“Something wrong with me? Look at you, you are the problem, I know that it’s not Yoona’s fault that you’re her mother, but have you ever asked yourself why Mark never married you? Because you are a stupid weird bitch who looks like a bag of potatoes. Mark was only with you because he felt sorry, he would’ve left your ass earlier if it wasn’t for Yoona-“

“Areum I said stop it!” Mark yelled one more time, “Yoona is also my child and I won’t let you talk shit about her or her mother, get the fuck inside. Now.” Mark was furious, he harshly grabbed her wrist and signaled her to get inside with his eyes.  

Jeno was already in the car with Yoona, trying to distract her from the mess going on outside.  

Mark looked back at you with sorry eyes, but as soon as he saw your broken eyes, he wanted to punch a wall, he wanted to do everything to turn back in time, he wanted to stop your heart from breaking but every time your heart broke a little more, it was his fault.

“Y-Y/n-“ he stepped forward but you took a step back, making him stop. “T-That’s not true, you know that right?” his voice trembled.

You looked at him with so much disgust and pain, but maybe Areum was right, you thought, maybe he was with you because he felt sorry, not because he loved you once.

You slowly shook your head, a tear rolling down your cheek as you blinked, “I don’t want to see her near my daughter ever again.”

And with that you turned around and left.  

Mark wanted to wipe your tears away, he wanted to take your pain away but he was useless and watching how Jeno smiled at you when you entered the car, he watched helplessly as Jeno intertwined your hands and pressed his lips on your hand.

After that fight, Areum avoided Mark. She locked herself in the guest room and left earlier than she should. It took him three days to finally talk to her.

“What were you thinking, Areum?” he said.  

“I don’t want to talk to you, Mark.” She said as she took a sip from her tea.  

“You think I’ll just let you talk like that about y/n and Yoona? Do you really think you have the right to judge her parenting skills? Let me tell you this, you have no right to judge her, you are the one who treats my daughter like shit, no matter how many times I told you to act like a fucking decent human!”

“I’m treating her perfectly, you guys raised her wrong! It’s not my fault she never listens.” Areum scoffed. Mark breathed in and out, trying to calm down but it didn’t work, Areum was fucking with his patience.

“Why did you tell Yoona that everyone hates y/n?”  

“What are you talking about?” she looked away.  

“Yoona told me that you told her that. That y/n’s alone because nobody loves her. Why would you say that to a five-year-old kid?” Mark was getting angrier every passing second.

“She lied to you.”

“Areum!”  

“Fine! Yeah I said that but it’s the truth, isn’t it?! She should know that her mother is problematic!” she yelled back.

“What is wrong with you?! How could you?! Problematic? Y/n’s not any of your fucking business, you don’t know anything about her and stop telling my daughter stupid lies just because you’re fucking jealous!”

“Jealous? Me?! Of what?! Y/n’s lonely, ugly and a bad mother, Yoona should be happy that she has me or she’s going to end like her mother!”

“What the fuck did you just say?!”

“It’s the truth! You left y/n because you don’t love her, because you started to hate her, she’s weird and she doesn’t know how to raise her own child!”  

“I didn’t leave y/n because I hate her! She’s an amazing mother, she deserves the world and unlike you, she knows how to raise her child. I’m not stupid, Areum, I know that it makes you mad that I have a child with someone else, I know that you hate me, y/n, and Yoona for that. I told you about that before we started dating and you said you were going to treat Yoona like your own daughter, and I really thought you would. I really believed you. I thought you’d get along with Yoona and be nice to her, but you are horrible to her, to a child who didn’t do anything wrong!”

Mark felt relieve. He finally had the guts to say what he really thought.  

“You think I need you or your stupid daughter?!” Areum screamed at Mark, she was furious.

“Watch your fucking mouth! Don’t you fucking dare to talk about my daughter ever again. Get the fuck out of my apartment and take you fucking shit with you. I don’t want to see you near me or my daughter ever again.”

Areum scoffed, “You think you can break up with me and kick me out? Me?”

“I should’ve done it earlier.”

Mark turned around and stopped in his tracks before he left, “I don’t want to see any of your things here when I come back.”

And with that, Mark slammed the door shut and let out a breath of relieve, it felt so good to break up with Areum, the weight he carried around was gone now, and now he needed a drink with Haechan.

“You’re a fucking idiot, I told you that she’s a fucking bitch, it was about time you broke up.” Haechan said as he took a shot.  

“I’m sorry.” Mark mumbled after he took a shot.

“Better late than never I guess. Can’t believe you were with her for almost a year. What were you thinking?”  

“That’s the problem. I wasn’t thinking.” Mark closed his eyes, “I wasn’t fucking thinking.”

Suddenly Haechan’s phone buzzed.

“Who is it?” Mark asked curiously. “Just y/n.”  

“What did she say?”  

“She asked me which dress she should wear for her date.” Haechan said casually.  

Mark’s heart stopped beating. You were going on another date?  

“Show me.”

At first Haechan didn’t notice how Mark’s leg bounced up and down, something he did when he was nervous. Haechan showed the three pictures you sent, “I told her to wear this one. It’s the shortest and that means, easier access-“

“Why the fuck would you do that? Access? Access for fucking what?” Mark blurred out angrily.  

“Do I really have to explain how to fing-“

“Shut the fuck up Haechan.” Mark grabbed Haechan’s phone and typed.  

Haechan: Wear the blue one, it looks better on you.

The blue dress was the longest.

Y/n: are you sure? I look like a grandma lol

Haechan: no you don’t, trust me y/n. The blue one is the one. Where are you going?

Y/n: I told you already that I was going on a date with Jeno

So Jeno was his name.

Haechan: it’s raining, maybe you should stay at home.  

Y/N: yeah you’re actually right, maybe I should invite him over to my place and order some food, what do you think? Yoona is with her grandparents anyway

To your house? No fucking way.

Haechan: I just checked the forecast, the rain is going to stop any minute, you can go out. Don’t have too much fun

“What the fuck?” Haechan asked Mark, even though he knew what Mark was doing.

“What do you mean?” Mark sipped on his beer.  

“What was all of that about?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“She’s not yours anymore, Mark, you can’t interfere in her life like that.” Haechan reminded him.  

“I-I know, okay?! It’s just-“

“Just what?”  

“Forget it, I just wanna get drunk.”

Haechan knew exactly what Mark was feeling. Mark started to regret what he did to you, he is jealous and there’s nothing he could do. Mark couldn’t go back in time and stop himself from doing a big mistake.  

Today was Yoona’s birthday and you organized a big party for her. You invited all of her friends from school and their parents, Jaemin and Byul (they started dating and they’re madly in love with each other), Haechan, Jeno and of course Mark.

It was awkward after what happened with Areum to stand next to Mark. You never talked about that night again, it’s been almost three weeks already. Mark was acting weirder than he normally did though.

Mark only talked to Haechan the whole time and sometimes with Jaemin whenever he wasn’t with Jeno. Mark watched Jeno secretly helping you with the cake and he was about to jump from his seat but Haechan stopped him.  

Yoona dipped her finger into the cream and put it on Jeno’s nose. She giggled and Jeno gasped jokingly. He also put a little bit of cream on Yoona’s nose and took pictures with her.

“I hate him.” Mark mumbled.

“He’s a nice guy, he’s good to y/n and he gets along with Yoona.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t care. She’s my daughter.”  

“You’re acting like a bitch, shut up and enjoy your daughters party.” Haechan said as he punched Mark on the shoulder.  

“That hurt.”  

“You deserve even more you idiot.”  

“Could you stop- hey princess do you enjoy your party?” Yoona interrupted him as she walked up to him.  

“Yes daddy. We want to listen to music now!”

When the music started playing, the kids started jumping around and giggling cutely. You were busy with the parents, talking to them and offering them some food. Mark watched you, how you smiled cutely and how you and Yoona were wearing dresses in the same color. He was interrupted by a tissue which Byul threw on his face as she caught him starring.

He looked away shyly and decided to go to the kitchen to get something to drink.  

Nothing changed, he noticed. It’s been a year since he walked through this apartment, but everything was the same and he smiled softly as he remembered how he helped you bake cakes for Yoona’s and his birthdays. One time he tried to bake a cake with Yoona for your birthday, but that was a total disaster.  

But at least he made you happy, he still remembers the way you cried because you were thankful and touched, even though they failed. He remembers how you wrapped your arms around him, pressing your body against his and kissing his neck.

“best boyfriend ever.” You whispered.  

Boyfriend, not husband.

Maybe that was Mark’s first mistake. The first mistake of many to push you away and lose you.

Mark gulped his water down as Jeno entered. That was actually first time they were that close, and alone.  

“Hey, I never had the chance to introduce myself properly. I’m Lee Jeno.” Jeno extended his hand towards Mark.  

Mark looked at his hand and then back up to Jeno and slowly shook his hand. “Mark, but I guess you know that already.”

Jeno looked at Mark and wanted to start a decent conversation with him, but Mark had other plans.  

“Look, Jeno. Yoona’s my daughter and she is the most important person in my life. I just want you to know if you ever hurt her or y/n I’ll-“

“Everything alright here?” you interrupted the two.

“Yeah, we were just talking about sports you know, football and stuff.” Jeno smiled at you softly.  

“Since when do you like football?” you asked Mark.  

“I, uhm, started watching recently.” Mark lied.  

You looked at them suspiciously but decided to ignore whatever was going on. “The guests are leaving, come with me to the door.” You told Mark who just nodded and followed you.  

Yoona’s school friends were all gone and Haechan also left since he had a date. Jaemin and Byul were in their own world, cuddling and giggling like teenagers. Jeno started to help you clean but Yoona asked you to bring her to bed with Mark. Yoona hugged Jeno, Jaemin and Byul goodbye and thanked them for the presents she got before she got under the covers.

“Mommy and daddy can you tell me a bedtime story?”  

You looked at Mark and Mark at you.  

“Which story do you want to hear? Snow-white? Cinderella?” you asked.

“How did princess mommy and prince daddy meet.” Yoona giggled as she called her parents princess and prince.  

Mark looked at you awkwardly, you smiled at your daughter and started telling her the story how you and Mark met. Mark listened to you and smiled but you were close to tears.  

“That’s so cool! When can I watch harry potter?” she asked, interrupting your thoughts.  

“When you’re a little bit older, baby. Go to sleep now, you had a long day.” you kissed her forehead.  

“Daddy can you stay with me until I fall asleep” Yoona asked Mark before he could stand up from the floor. He looked at you and then back at Yoona. “Sure princess, now close your eyes.”

You quietly left the room and entered the kitchen. Jeno was cleaning the mess already and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. “You don’t have to do that.” You said as you leaned against the counter.  

“It’s nothing, I’m almost done.” He showed you his cute eye smile. “Did you have fun today?” he asked you.

“Yes, thank you for helping me out and being here. She really likes you.” You told him.  

“I like her too. I also really like her mother but don’t tell her that.” He said, making you laugh.  

“What if her mother likes you too?”  

Jeno dried his hands and also leaned against the counter, looking straight into your eyes. “Then she would kiss me back right?”

Before you could realize what he just said, Jeno slowly leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. He kissed you slowly and you kissed him back, carefully. It’s been so long since you kissed someone and you weren’t sure if you were doing a good job.  

Jeno pulled back just to look at your pretty face one time and then he kissed you again, his hands on your waist now, pulling you closer and deepening the kiss. After weeks of dating and getting closer to each other, you finally kissed and it felt good but there was something deep inside of you telling you to stop kissing him.  

Not only something deep inside of you, but Mark was also asking you to stop kissing him in his head as he accidently caught you kissing Jeno. Mark’s heart clenched at the sight, there was another man kissing you, kissing the mother of his daughter, his girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend, his brain corrected him. Mark formed his hands to fists and tried everything to stop himself from jumping on Jeno and punching him on the lips. The lips that were kissing you right now.

Before he could do something he might regret, he stormed out of the apartment, surprising Jaemin and Byul who were still on the couch.

You heard the door slam shut and pulled away, breathing heavily.  

“Mark just left are you guys alright?” Byul entered the kitchen right after you pulled away.  

“Yeah he was in Yoona’s room.” You told her.  

“Uhm no, he said Yoona’s is asleep and he came from this direction.”

You knew that Mark saw you and Jeno, but you obviously didn’t do it on purpose. You didn’t know how to feel. Why was he mad? He has no reason to be mad that you and Jeno kissed, you weren’t together.

Mark slammed his car door shut and grabbed the steering wheel tightly as he tried to calm his heart down.  

“Fuck! Fuck what is wrong with me?! What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

Mark knew what was wrong but he wasn’t ready to admit that. He couldn’t sleep that night, or the next days. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw you and Jeno, being happy and kissing each other. His hand on your waist and lips on yours. It was driving him crazy.  

Mark scrolled through his phone, looking at old pictures and videos of you. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t stop.  

“Stop filming me.” You giggled as you tried to hide from the camera.

“But you look beautiful.”

“I look like a mess, don’t film me.”  

“A real hot mess, baby. Come on, pose for the camera.” Mark said.

You posed funnily for the camera and you looked absolutely adorable. “you’re looking amazing, so sexy.”  

“Stop making fun of me!” you warned him. “Making fun of you? Me? I’m telling you the truth, babe. You’re hot whatever you’re wearing or doing.”  

“Mark, I’m six months pregnant, I’m not sexy, I’m round.”

“You’re perfect, the most beautiful girl on this world and I love you to death. You carrying our baby makes you even more beautiful.”  

“I love you too.” You said shyly, “Now turn the camera off and kiss me until I can’t breathe.”

Mark was silently crying as he watched that video. You looked stunning, you were glowing and you looked so happy. He can’t remember the last time you looked this happy. Mark started sobbing and he hid his face with his hands and cried his heart out. “I love her, fuck. I love her so much what the fuck did I do?!” he asked himself as he kept crying.

A couple nights later, Mark was so drunk, he knew it was a fucking mistake, but he still called you at 3am.

“Hello?” you mumbled still half-asleep.

“H-Hi.”

“Is everything alright? Who’s that?” Mark heard Jeno’s sleepy voice and his grip on his phone tightened.

“It’s Mark,” you told him, “Mark is everything alright? Why are you calling at this hour?” you asked him, your voice filled with worry.  

“Are you sleeping with him in our bed?” Mark blurred out angrily.  

“What? Mark where are you? Are you drunk?”

“No, I mean yeah I think I’m drunk.” He admitted.  

“Do you want me to call Areum?”

“I broke up with her. I don’t love her and she’s mean, she’s not good. She’s not nice to you or H-Yoona. She’s not you,” he stopped for a second, “I don’t love her.” He said again.  

“Okay Mark, I’ll call Haechan-“

“No! Not Haechan, h-he’s angry with me.”

Mark and Haechan had a little fight earlier that day because Mark complained about your relationship with Jeno.

“Mark, tell me where you are. Are you at home?”

“No I’m not home. This apartment isn’t my home. You and Yoona are my home.” He started crying.  

You didn’t know what to do or to say, you were shocked.

“Do you want to sleep here on the couch in the living room?” you asked him after a couple seconds.  

“No! I don’t want to be there when he’s also there,” he wiped his tears away, “I’ll just sleep here in this apartment until I’m back home. Good night y/n. I’m sorry.” And with that he hung up, leaving you overwhelmed and shocked.  

“Everything alright?” Jeno asked again, pulling you closer.

“Yeah everything’s alright.” You snuggled up to him.

Nothing’s alright.

Mark cried until he fell asleep and you couldn’t fall asleep anymore.  

You decided to ignore the call, he’d probably never remember it, he sounded too drunk. You called Haechan the next day and asked him about Mark and Areum.

“Yeah he broke up with her after the whole fiasco. I told him he’s too late but better late than never, right?”  

“I guess. I-It’s just, why now? Why not a couple months ago, she was always like that, why did he break up with her now.”

“The answer is simple, y/n and I think you know the answer. He realized that everything he did was a mistake. He realized that it’s you and it’s always going to be you after seeing you with someone else.”  

You tried to hide your sobs but you couldn’t stop and let everything out. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, y/n. Focus on yourself, he fucked up.”

“Y-You guys shouldn’t fight because of m-me. You’re best friends.”  

“You’re my best friend too and you suffered for months, I just want the two of you to be happy.”

After you calmed down with Haechan’s help, you changed the topic. He invited you to a Halloween party at his apartment in two weeks and you asked Jeno if he wanted to go with you and he said yes and kissed you. It was weird kissing someone else, someone who wasn’t Mark. After Yoona’s birthday you and Jeno grew closer and that night Mark called, he slept over for the first time, but nothing more than sleeping happened. You weren’t ready for more and that was okay for Jeno.

Haechan’s Halloween parties were always fun. You and Mark loved your Halloween tradition to dress as a couple ever since you went to your first Halloween party together. Halloween had a special place in your heart, but Mark broke your tradition and now you were dressed as Harley Quinn and Jeno was dressed as Joker. It was weird to wear a couple costume with someone who wasn’t Mark, but Jeno looked really good with his green hair and the tattoos.  

Yoona was with her grandparents and you didn’t know if Mark was going to the party. When you entered the apartment, you could smell the alcohol and Haechan, dressed as the devil greeted you and Jeno.  

“Now let’s get you guys something to drink!”  

Jaemin and Byul were also there, dressed as Mickey and Minnie Mouse. You didn’t notice that one person in the room, who’s eyes were burning with jealousy as he watched you and Jeno wearing a couple costume. You didn’t notice Mark standing there in the other corner of the room since he wasn’t really wearing a costume. He was dressed in all black, a black shirt, black jeans, and black converse. Mark thought there was no point in dressing up when his partner wasn’t with him but seeing you with Jeno hurt him. He wanted to leave, he wanted to ruin Jeno’s costume with the cup of vodka coke in his hand. He gulped down his drink before he could do that though.  

Jeno pulled you closer by your waist as Byul took a picture of you two.  

“You guys look so good!” Byul said, “Look there’s batman!” Byul pulled that random guy to the picture and he just posed with you and Jeno.

Mark remembered how much fun you had whenever you went to a Halloween party, how good you two looked as a couple and how much everyone loved you together. It was his own fault, he left his partner in crime, his soulmate, the love of his life. Mark regretted letting go of you so much and every time he saw you and Jeno, he hated himself even more.

Mark needed another drink.

You danced with Byul and Jeno and you had so much fun, it’s been so long since you just danced and had fun with your friends, months of crying and crying were over and you were finally having fun and being happy. But of course there was something going to happen tonight.  

Jeno was busy talking to Jaemin as you danced with Byul, but you drank so much that you needed to pee, so you told Byul that you’d be back.  

Mark, of course, saw you leaving the dance floor and then he followed you. You closed the door and did what you had to do in the bathroom and when you were done and about to leave, Mark entered, closed the door and locked it.  

“What are you doing?” you asked him.

Mark looked at you and he suddenly couldn’t remember what he wanted to tell you.  

“Mark, open the door.” You said softly, you didn’t want to fight.

“That was our thing.” He blurred out.  

“What are you talking about?”

“I-It’s our tradition- Halloween, I mean. I-I should be Joker and you should be my Harley Quinn.” He mumbled as he looked anywhere but at you.  

“Mark, come on, you can’t say things like that-“

“Why not? You know it’s true! Y-You shouldn’t be here with him, you should be here with me!” he was drunk enough to raise his voice a little even though he tried to stay calm.  

“Why?! You are not my boyfriend, Jeno is my-“

“Don’t finish that sentence y/n!” Mark stopped you from saying anything that could hurt him. His eyes were teary and he was about to cry. “I- I know you still love me.” He whispered.  

You scoffed, “What if I do? Do you really think I’ll forgive you just like that. Do you think I forgot everything you did to me? How much I suffered because of you?!” you pressed your hands on his chest to push him away.  

“I- I did a mistake.”

Mark was crying now, the last time Mark cried in front of you was when Yoona had her first birthday. His eyes were red and the tears didn’t stop rolling down his cheek.  

“I miss you so much, I miss us, I miss our family. I love you, I love you so much y/n, you k-know that I love you. I always loved you, just you. You’re my everything, please tell me you know that.” He sobbed.  

“S-seeing you with him- it breaks my heart. That should b-be me, I should be the one next to you, holding your hand and fucking kissing you. W-when I saw him kiss you, I just lost it.” He admits, “It hurt so fucking much and it still hurts.” He wiped his tears away but they kept on rolling down.

“You have no right to say all of this! Do you know how much you hurt me?! How much my heart hurt?! Mark, you left me for another woman, you left me! You told me that you don’t love me, you told me you weren’t happy anymore and that you’re just with me for Yoona! Do you know how much I suffered when you just pushed me away l-like, like I didn’t mean anything to you, like I was never important to you, like you never loved me? You left me like I was just a piece of shit! You don’t know anything about pain or suffering, when you were happily fucking around with Areum, I was all alone and now that I try to move on, you have to destroy that too.” You yelled angrily, you didn’t care about your make up anymore, you just let the tears roll down.  

Mark looked at you with apologetic eyes, he knew that you were right and hearing all the things that he did coming from your mouth, stabbed his heart with thousand knives, he would never forgive himself for making you feel that way.

“I’m sorry, y/n, I-I am so fucking sorry, you mean the world t-to me, please believe me. I-I did a big mistake and I’ll never forgive myself, I’m so sorry.” He cried out.  

“I was alone when you were with her, I-I had to watch the love of my life with s-someone else because I wasn’t enough. Even Areum knew that you didn’t love me, you didn’t even want to marry me, because you didn’t love me.” You whispered, looking him finally in the eyes, “I wasn’t enough for you Mark.”

Mark hid his face behind his hands, “No, no, no! I wanted to marry you, Areum doesn’t know a thing! Believe me, please! That’s not t-true. ” Mark cried out and shook his head, he was crying hysterically now, he couldn’t breathe and his eyes burnt. “That’s not true.” He kept on saying.  

“You’re unfair, Mark. I let you be with Areum, now you should let me be with Jeno.”  

“No, no, I can’t. I can’t let you go again, please. Please don’t leave me.” Mark wrapped his hand around your wrist and pulled you closer as he fell on his knees. “I’m begging you, y/n, don’t leave me please, stay with me. Please come back to me, be mine again, please.” He sobbed as he wrapped his arms around you. “Please.”

You looked down to him, Mark cried and cried and begged you to go back to him but when you heard Byul’s voice at the other side of the door, you thanked her for her perfect timing.

“I think Mark’s in there Haechan.” You heard her, “Y/n are you guys alright?” she asked.  

You were close enough to unlock the door since Mark was still on his knee, “Don’t go to him y/n, please stay with me.”  

Byul and Haechan looked at the scenery with wide eyes.

“Come on, dude, let her go.” Haechan helped you to unwrap Mark’s arms around you and pull him to the side.  

“No, Haechan, p-please no, I can’t let her go.”  

Byul wrapped her arm around you and walked out of the bathroom, you couldn’t handle the party and Mark crying, everything was so loud and you vision was blurry, you can’t remember Jeno looking at you in concern and helping you to the car, all you could remember was crying until you fell asleep.

“H-Haechan bring her back, please I need her.” Mark sobbed as he held onto his best friend.  

Haechan who was overwhelmed with the situation, just hugged Mark, and let him cry everything out.

“I can’t lose her. I love her, I really love her Haechan. You believe me right? You- you know that I love her right?”

“Yes, I know.” He patted Mark’s back until Mark fell asleep, eyes heavy and red.  

Jeno knew about your history with Mark and he also knew how much he hurt you and how much means to you. Seeing you cry like that hurt him but he tried his best to help you.  

A week later, on a Sunday when the sun was shining brightly, your doorbell rang.  

“Yes- Mark?” you didn’t expect him to stand in front of you with his hair styled back and a white button up shirt and your favorite flowers in his hands.

You didn’t talk to Mark since the incident at Haechan’s party.

“Daddy!” Yoona saw her dad at the door and ran towards him to jump in his arms. Mark lifted her up with a big smile on his face.  

“Hey princess.”

“Are we having a sleepover today?” Yoona asked you and Mark.  

“No baby, I-uhm, I thought we could go to the Zoo today. You, me, and your mom. You know, as a family.”

“Yes! Please mommy! Let’s go to the Zoo!” Yoona said happily but you actually thought that it was a bad idea.  

“I don’t know-“

“Mommy, please, I was too little the last time we went to the zoo, I can’t remember anymore.” She protested. Mark prayed that you’d say yes, and when you gave in, he kissed Yoona’s cheeks happily. Mark had a plan. He had to win your heart back and he’d do anything to do that.

You called Jeno to ask him what he’d do.  

“He’s still Yoona’s dad, I think it’s good for her to see her parents get along. I think you should give him a chance to become your friend.”

Jeno has the biggest heart on this planet and you thanked him for everything. He was currently busier in the hospital and it was hard to spend time together even though you worked at the same place, but he was always there for you and you for him.  

“Look daddy a Lion!”  

You held Yoona’s left hand and Mark her right hand, you looked like the perfect family from the outside.  

“I want some cake daddy!”

“Do you want some too?” he asked you. You nodded softly. Mark ordered one piece of cake for the three of you and you sat down at a little table, waiting for your cakes to arrive.  

“One chocolate cake, one cheesecake and one strawberry cheesecake for this lovely family.” The waiter said as he placed your orders on the table.

Mark smiled brightly and you just looked away awkwardly.  

“Thank you. Say thank you Yoona.”

“Thank you!”

And after that Sunday you spend almost every Sunday with Yoona and Mark. He’d organize trips for the three of you, and after a month, you started to enjoy spending time with him and Yoona. Jeno often cancelled your plans, but that was alright, you knew that he was busy at the hospital.  

Today Mark invited you and Mark to his apartment to bake a cake and watch movies. You watched every Shrek movie together and had fun baking a cake, which was a success.  

Yoona fell asleep while watching the last part, and your eyes were also about to fall asleep. “Just stay over, I’ll tuck Yoona in. You can take my bed.”

“N-No I’ll just sleep on the couch.” You insisted, you’d never sleep in the same bed as Areum. Mark knew pushing you was wrong so he just nodded and gave you a pillow and a blanket. Mark tucked Yoona in and came back, you were asleep already. Mark decided to take the other couch, because that was the closest he’d get to sleep next to you.  

You woke up the next morning and saw Mark sleeping on the other couch, without any blanket. He looked like he was freezing, it was November already, of course he was freezing. You gave him your blanket and when he felt your presence above him, he opened his eyes.  

“I can’t remember the last time I woke up and saw your face. I missed it so much. Just let me look at you a little longer.” Mark whispered. It was awkward to stand there like that, so when he scooted over, you didn’t think about it and laid down next to him, looking him in the eyes.

Mark hesitated but he couldn’t stop himself from stroking your cheek with his thumb.  

You stopped breathing and you could feel your heart racing against your chest.

Mark came closer, and you thought that he was going to kiss you, you didn’t know why, but something deep inside you wanted him to kiss you. But Mark was scared to push you away and just pressed his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. You also closed your eyes, but your little moment was disturbed by your little daughter.  

“Hey! You guys can’t cuddle without me!” she pouted as she jumped on top of you, “Now we can cuddle.”

You loved this moment. Being close to Mark and having your daughter between you, seeing her happy and smiling, this means the world to you and you’d do anything to make your daughter happy.

You felt guilty.  

So fucking guilty.  

Whenever Jeno cancelled plans, you just asked Mark if he was free and spend time with him instead. You didn’t do anything with him, but your heart jumped around every time he came over or whenever you saw him.  

“Hey Jeno, I know you’re really busy right now, but can we meet up whenever you’re free? Please don’t forget to drink and sleep, good night.”  

You sent him that message, you knew that sooner or later the day would come. Being with Jeno was great so far, but there was something missing and the days you spent apart pushed you more into Mark’s arms even though you didn’t really notice that.  

“Hey you good?” Mark asked you as he paused the movie.  

“Yeah, everything’s good.” You assured him with a smile and continued the movie. Mark was sitting so close to you, his arm was around your shoulder and you tried to ignore that feeling.

Finally, after three days, Jeno was free and you met up at a little café.  

“I know what you’re going to say, and it’s alright y/n.” Jeno said softly.  

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to feel sorry, our schedules aren’t working out and we work better as friends. And I know how your heart still belongs to him, and I get that, I really do. I just hope you had great time when you were with me.”

“Of course! You’re a great person, and a great friend. And you’ll meet the perfect girl one day. Thank you for everything.”

Breaking up with Jeno was simple, just like his personality, and you didn’t know if you should tell Mark that you broke up with Jeno. What would change? Breaking up with Jeno doesn’t mean you were going to jump back into Mark’s arms. You heart was still broken and it would take you a long time until you could trust and forgive Mark again.

“Do you want to spend Christmas with us?” you asked Mark.  

Mark smiled brightly and you looked at you with his big deer eyes. “Are you sure?”  

You nodded, “Yeah I think it would be nice for Yoona to spend Christmas with her parents. Last year, uhm, wasn’t that fun for her.”  

Yoona spend last year with you and your family for a couple hours and the rest of the day  with Mark, it was her first Christmas without the two of you and she didn’t understand why.  

Mark’s memory of his last Christmas was horrible. His parents were mad at him for leaving you and they didn’t like Areum, they actually hated her, she was disrespectful and seemed like she was manipulating Mark whenever she could. That’s why Mark spent Christmas with an annoyed Areum who wasn’t a fan of snow and the cold and Yoona who cried because she was bored and hated the food Areum cooked, she also couldn’t watch Home Alone, her favorite Christmas movie because Areum wasn’t in the mood.

“Yeah, I’d love to spend Christmas with you.” Mark’s cheek hurt from smiling, he was so happy.

In the past months, Mark tried his best to be better for you. He knew he wasn’t going to win your heart back that fast but spending time with you and your daughter meant the world to him. He loves you and he would do anything, no matter how long it’ll take, to gain your trust back.

Christmas Eve.  

You’ve been in the kitchen the whole day. After cooking dinner, you, Mark, and Yoona baked cookies and decorated them. It was so much fun and Yoona was happier than ever.  

“Daddy do you like my snowman?” Yoona pointed at her snowman shaped cookie.

Mark was busy with Yoona as the doorbell rang. You weren’t expecting any visitors though and when you opened the door, you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.  

Haechan was dressed in a sweater with blinking red lights and Santa’s face on it. “I have a couple presents for my favorite humans.” He said as he entered, ignoring your laugh.  

“Uncle Haechan are these presents for me?!” Yoona asked excited.  

“Yes, of course princess. Y/n, Mark put the presents under the tree.” Haechan ordered.  

Haechan had a plan. He wanted to hang up a mistletoe and when you helped Mark with the presents, he took the opportunity to hang it up.

“No come closer.” He told Mark and you as you entered the kitchen, “Stop right there!” he yelled suddenly. You looked at Mark in confusion.

“I think you guys are standing under a mistletoe and I think you guys know what that means.” Haechan teased.  

You looked up and then your eyes met Marks. It was so awkward and you could feel Mark tensing up.  

“I don’t think-“ you interrupted Mark as you kissed him on his cheek. Mark’s face burned and he was blushing so hard.  

“Well I hoped to see a little more action but I think that also counts as a kiss. Yo dude are you still breathing?” Haechan teased Mark, who was as red as a tomato. His heart was racing and he just wanted to press his lips on yours.

Haechan left after dinner, he had other plans for Christmas and he wanted to leave you alone and have a family Christmas.

Yoona fell asleep while watching the second Home Alone movie and you helped Mark as he carried her to her bed and tucked her in. It was almost eleven and Mark thought it was time to go to his apartment.  

“Thank you for dinner and for letting me spend Christmas with you. I should go now.” Mark said awkwardly.

“You’re going home? I thought you were going to stay the night?” you said in confusion.

“S-Stay the night?” he stuttered. “Yeah, I don’t want you to go home this late and it’s still snowing, it’s not safe to go. I also thought you’d stay so Yoona could spend Christmas morning with you.”

“Okay I’ll stay.” Mark blurred out, he was trying to hide his excitement, but you could see right through him.

“I still have your clothes in the closet. You can change into them.”  

“Y-You didn’t throw my stuff away?” he asked you as he followed you to his old bedroom.  

“No, I couldn’t.” you mumbled.  

Mark looked for his pajamas and he was about to cry. You didn’t even touch any of his clothes. He suddenly took off his sweater as you stood next to him awkwardly. Mark changed right in front of you and you just watched him, you couldn’t even look away for a second. He caught you staring and couldn’t hide his smile but his smile dropped as he saw you walking to the bathroom. “I-I’ll get changed. I’ll be right back.” You said.

Yes, you felt uncomfortable. Mark saw every inch of your body already, but after everything that happened, you became insecure and you didn’t want him to see your body. You didn’t want to disappoint him.

You came back and Mark was sitting on your bed, you could hear him sniffle.  

“Mark? Are you alright?”

“You’re uncomfortable around me aren’t you?” he asked you without looking up.

“Mark- y-yeah I am. It’s just, fuck. I don’t wanna disappoint you.” You admitted.

“Disappoint me? How?”  

“I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that you left me because… because I look like this. I don’t like my body and I don’t want to disappoint you because I’m not… not sexy anymore.”

Mark’s head shot up in disbelieve. His suffering would never end.  

“What? I made you i-insecure about your own body?” his bottom lip trembled, “You think that I’ll be d-disappointed? That I left you because of that?”  

You just nodded and looked down.  

“I left because I’m stupid, because I’m blind and I don’t deserve you. Y/n you’re perfect, inside, and out. You’re the most beautiful woman on this planet and just an idiot like me could do something as dumb as that.” Mark cried again, “Fuck I don’t fucking deserve you, I can’t b-believe I made you doubt yourself.”

“I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve you.”  

“I-It’s okay.” You tried to stop him from crying.  

“No it’s not. It’s not okay. What I did, what you had to go through is not okay and I’ll spend my entire life suffering. Your beautiful face is forever going to remind me of how fucking stupid I am. Please don’t ever doubt yourself, you did nothing wrong.” Mark stood up and walked up to you. He cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears away and you did the same with him.

“I love you y/n. I know I hurt you, I know I broke your heart, but I’m ready to do anything to get you back. I’ll do anything to gain your trust again. I’ll do anything to make you happy and smile, your happiness is my happiness.” Mark looked you deep in the eyes. You could see that he was genuine and that he regrets leaving you and hurting you. You saw the pain in his eyes and the desperation.  

You waited months for Mark now and you took the opportunity to press your lips on his. It was a desperate kiss with so much longing and desire to finally feel each other close again. He pulled you closer by your waist and you could taste your and his tears while you kissed. When you pulled away to catch your breath, you pressed your foreheads against each other.  

“I love you and I’ll wait for you.”

You found yourself in your bed with Mark’s head on your chest, slightly in the crook of your neck. He wrapped his arm around you and tangled his legs with yours, he hugged you and inhaled your scent he had missed so much.  

Mark couldn’t believe that this moment was real and he couldn’t stop his tears from falling. He cried as he hugged you tightly and you stroked his head and tried to calm him down.

“I-I just can’t stop crying. I can’t believe I’m here with you again. I can’t believe I’m holding you like this again. I will never let go of you again. I’m so sorry y/n. I hope you can forgive me one day and love me like you did before I broke your heart.”

One year later, Mark asked you to marry him.  

Everything changed after Christmas. Mark organized dates, just for you and him and with every passing day, you got closer and closer. Mark did everything to make you happy and Yoona was also happier than before. She was so happy to see her parents together again, even though she never understood what was happening and why you and Mark were apart. You even went on vacation with Mark and Yoona. Everything was going perfectly fine, your heart was happy, and you were surrounded by so much love.

When Mark asked you to marry him, you said yes before you even realized. You knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Mark. It was always Mark for you. You two cried that night after his proposal and fell asleep in each other’s arms. Mark apologized for the things he did once again and hugged you tightly as he fell asleep.  

Your wedding was six months later and Mark never stopped crying. He cried when you organized your wedding, when you bought the wedding cake, when he got dressed, when he saw you walk down the aisle and when you said yes.  

When you were alone after the wedding, Mark cried once again.  

“I-I can’t believe I didn’t marry you earlier. I’m so stupid.” He said as he looked at you. You were in your wedding dress and you looked like an angel to him.

You kissed his tears away. “Stop crying baby. It’s in the past, we’re married now. I love you Mark.”

“I love you, I love you so much you have no idea how much I love you.” Mark’s bottom lip trembled again, as he tried to hide his sobs. You pressed your lips against his to help him.  

“There’s something I need to tell you.” You whispered as you pulled away.  

Mark looked at you curiously.

“I’m pregnant.”  

And Mark started crying again. He was the luckiest man on this planet.

“I love you so much.” Mark said as he hugged you tightly.  

[dreaming-of-the-end]

lessons in fire, lessons in hate: Marella

A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts for too long. Comments/reblogs are better than the satisfaction that comes with being right!

Summary: Marella was fourteen when she began to hate fire.

What happened was this: she woke up engulfed in it.

TW: self hate, fire, swearing, tell me if I should add more!

Taglist: @steppingonshatteredglass @real-smooth @sunset-telepath   @stardustanddaffodils @jaxtheoraliestanner  @song-tam @turquoise-skyyyy @skycourthouse @silveredviolets @wu-marcy  @b-blurryyfacee  @rune-and-rising @lavender-and-rainy-days @chasteliac @confusedamphibian @hellomyfriends @cadence-talle @kai-i-guess @callas-starkflower-stew @a-harmless-poison @professionalwhalewatcher @theogony @keeper-of-the-jew-jew @gay-otlc  @confuzzled-fox @almostfullnerd  @athenswrites @synonymroll648

Marella was nine when she learned to fear fire.

The lesson was this: fire burns, and so do you.

Simple enough when everything in her life was so complicated. Complicated like when you take a step too far and feel your body start falling; complicated like how lemon juice squirts in your eye when you try to make lemonade; complicated like watching your mom cry from the staircase when she doesn't know you're looking.

So this was a simple rule.

Fire burns, and you will with it.

(unless...)

She learned to fear it, scribbling down the lesson in her mind, taking notes on what not to do and what to do. She learned so well that it was written into her very being. DNA is unchangeable? Well, she changed it to be afraid of fire, like everyone told her to, because every else didn't really have to learn to hate it.

Lack of self-preservation was a shitty side effect of being unique.

Yes, she memorized, watching her father's lips move as he taught his lessons and rules. Yes, fire is bad.

(...unless you're smart enough to avoid it. unless you're quick enough to run. unless you know not to love it, not to like it, not to look at it like that, Marella stop looking at it like that—)

...

Marella was eleven when she decided to fear fire.

She'd learned her lesson two years ago (about how things are complicated, and fire is simple), but never once had she believed it.

Rules were hard, and not following them was easy. Rules were hard, like when you shake out your clothes after a night on the floor because your mother isn't there to tell you to pick them up, like when you give up on lemonade and sprinkle sugar directly on the lemons wedges and eat them like that to savor the puckering sweetness, like when the girls at school make fun of you for having messy hair and messy braids and a messy life.

Rules were hard, especially the ones about fire and how she had to stay away.

She'd learned to follow the easy rules: show up to class, don't talk to the Vackers (especially the youngest), help your mother on her hard days (even if she couldn't quite adjust to letting her mother help her), and don't complain.

The last one was the hardest. But she learned well.

But this was worse than that. This wasn't a rule, this was a fact: fire is bad, and so is anyone who can use it, anyone who loves it, (anyone who looks at it like that Marella please stop looking at it like that—)

So, she decided, it was time to fear it.

First, she lit a match. Then, she set her favorite shirt on fire.

It burned faster than she'd expected. There was more smoke than she'd planned for, fanned into her face and making her eyes water, swallowed with the gulp of air she tried to take, sending her into a coughing fit. By the time she remembered to pour water on it, it had already spread to her carpet, growing until she drowned it with her ready bucket.

More smoke went up. She coughed. The fire went out. The smoke drifted out the window lazily, turning the pure sky briefly gray.

Her shirt (pink, with sparkles around the edges) was crumbled to ashes. A portion of her carpet (blue, fluffy, with a pattern of scattered purple petals) was blackened with fire.

Marella sat down in the middle of her ruined carpet and let her tears clear the smoke from her eyes. She waited for the smell in her room to go back to normal. Then she shoved the ruined remains of her favorite shirt into a bag and threw it away, cleaned her floor as well as she could with the water and towels from her bathroom, cut away the burned part of her carpet, and went downstairs like nothing happened.

Another thing she learned that day was that fire was hungry. It spread faster than water could reach it.

That was the day she decided to fear fire.

...

Marella was fourteen when she began to hate fire.

What happened was this: she woke up engulfed in it.

That was the simple answer, the easy answer. The complicated, the hard, the dangerous answer took longer to say. It's the danger of not looking before you leap, the danger of tilting your face to the sky and staring straight at the sun as long as you dare, the danger of taking a breath and another and another and smelling smoke instead of air. The danger of fire.

So the answer was dangerous, and it was that Marella imagined herself crumbling into dust like the shirt she'd burned. She imagined the carpet catching (she had a new one now, one that didn't have a big section at the ends cut away) and spreading to her parents and the rest of her house without her bucket of water there to stop it. She would be ash. She would be burned. She would be—

Warm.

She was so warm.

The only thing she could do was roll around her room to put out her fire, and scream. Scream from the pain that didn't exist, scream at the top of her lungs, the ones that weren't giving out from the smoke.

Something thudded, and then she was choking, losing her air, clutching at her throat, burning and dying and she couldn't breathe—

Air flooded her lungs and tears flooded her eyes as she gulped down air, knees stinging on her ruined carpet.

Her clothes were steaming.

"Marella—" Arms encircled her, flinched back. "Marella, you're burning hot. Boiling. Are you all right?"

"Does it look like I'm all right?" she forced out, a tear dripping down her cheek. She tried to wipe it away, but it had already evaporated. Her skin didn't feel hot to her. Her throat was the only part of her still on fire.

Her dad's face appeared in front of her, creased. "Look around you."

She did.

Her room was ruined. Blackened, charred, smoky. Her bedsheets, her closet, her carpet. The door to her bathroom had blackened, but was far enough away to be fine. Everything on her desk was in ashes. She would have to think of new excuses for her half-finished homework.

Heat swirled around her.

She could feel it in the air, in her very blood. It wanted her to touch it, wanted her to let it spill from her hands, to dance and twirl around her destroyed room with her. Hungry, hungry, hungry.

"Where did the fire come from?" Marella asked dully, staring at her hands.

Durand brushed a finger down her cheek, wiping away a tear. He winced like she'd burned him. Maybe she did. "I don't know."

But he did.

He did know.

And so did she.

"Your mother called a Regent when we realized there was a fire, Mare. They're coming now." Durand placed a hand on her knee, protected by a layer of still-hot pajama pants. They were an old pair, sparkly and pink from when she liked that sort of thing. His eyes searched hers, matching blue finding each other in the remnants of smoke. "They're coming here."

She sucked in a quick breath, choked, coughed. "Can you get rid of the smoke?"

"I took away your fire's air to put it out. I could blow away the smoke, but they're still coming here. It wouldn't dissipate in time."

Your fire, he said. Yours.

The doorbell rang from the end of a tunnel. "Where's Mom?"

"Waiting," he answered softly. Waiting for you to be safe. Waiting for the Regents to arrive. Waiting, waiting, waiting for it to be okay.

Marella stood on shaky legs. Durand stood with her.

The Regent had dark, deep eyes, like staring into an ocean. Dark skin, curls flopping around her head. Her ears were curved, but angled ever so slightly in a way that showed her age.

"What was the issue?" she was saying as Marella got close enough to hear.

"A fire," Caprise said, her voice strong. So this was a good day. Not a dangerous one. Not a hard one. Not a complicated one.

"Was it an accident?" This one knew who Caprise was. Knew what she was.

Was it an accident?

Marella started forward, but Durand placed a hand on her shoulder. "Yes."

"Of course. Where did it occur?"

Caprise looked at Durand, at Marella, her windblown hair, her unmarked skin. Her mouth tightened. "I set it. It was an accident, but it's out now."

Marella's eyes widened.

"How did you set it?" The woman wasn't surprised. Marella decided then and there that she hated her.

"During one of my moods." Caprise emphasized the last word too much, widening her eyes, making her bottom lip move when it shouldn't have.

Crazy Caprise. Where's your mom? Why isn't she here, Marella? Big talk from someone with a crazy mother, Redek. Why don't you let us come over to your house anymore? My dad says your mom is dangerous to be around. He says I can't sleep over unless she's not there. She might hurt me because she doesn't know what she's doing.

The woman nodded.

That was when Marella began to hate fire.

...

Marella is sixteen, and she doesn't know how she ended up here.

Here: hating herself like this.

Of course, she can trace every step that got her to this point.

She knows that Caprise falling off that balcony wasn't at fault any more than the person who pushed her. She knows that Sophie Foster didn't make Stina bully her after their friendship tore apart, and she didn't make Marella ostracize herself and hate every girl for being who she couldn't. She knows that Forkle didn't make her a pyrokinetic and Fintan isn't the reason she's dangerous and it isn't Biana's fault that she's too fucking beautiful.

Making everyone else at fault was an accident, and accidents happen all the time.

Accidents that she can count. Accidents like her mother's tumble, like Stina tripping her in the hall, like forgetting to flatten her uncombed hair before class or setting another fire or Gisela getting away for the millionth time or Keefe getting taken because Marella convinced Linh to take him underground.

If she burns the world down, it won't be an accident. It'll be the kind of burn that comes when lemon juice gets into a cut, when the sugar you tried to add turns out to be salt, when you aren't trying to catch yourself anymore because you fall down the stairs and land running, when you hear your mom crying and leave the house so you don't have to remember that you can't help anymore.

(she's crying because of you. because she found your plans to burn the world down. why'd you leave them out like that?)

She counts everything in her life, so why not mistakes? Why not dreams that never came true? Why not faults and blames, fires and flames, burned plans and lemons squeezed dry and flamed to charred bits of fragrant peel?

Fintan tells her that she shouldn't hate the fire erupting from her skin, that he doesn't hate his power even after everyone he's killed.

She can see it in him. How unafraid he is of himself, how proud he is of her power. Sometimes, she doesn't know if his satisfaction is in her or in the power constantly simmering in her veins.

"Don't be afraid of it, Marella!" he shouts constantly at her whenever they train. "Don't be angry! Fear and anger, this is how you lose control, of the fire and of yourself."

But fear and anger are all she has ever known. Fire burns, and she has to be ready to burn with it—

"It's everywhere!" she screams back, something in her voice breaking. The smoke is making her eyes tear up, and she's too afraid of crying to keep going. She puts out the flame with a twist of her wrists and falls to her knees on the ground, clothes steaming. She wishes Linh were here. "It's everywhere. All the fucking time. It's all over me."

"That's your burden. And your gift." Fintan's anger is clear in his voice. She's failed again. No fake pride today. "Start feeling the sun instead of wishing it was night."

"The sun shouldn't feel like fire ants when I use it." Her nails dig into the skin on her arms. "I can't forget it. I can't ignore it. I can't use it. Fintan, it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad."

"If you can't ignore it, then stop trying to. You are not afraid of your gift, you are not afraid of me." He's stone-cold like she's not on fire. "What are you afraid of?"

Her tears steam up as they fall. "Everything."

[fragglerockopinions]

I said "the AIDS crisis" and my dad said "There wasn't a crisis"

My dad said AIDS was just like COVID-19 in that it wasn't a very big deal and only killed a certain tiny insignificant part of the population (read: queer, poor, elderly, non-white, immunocompromised)

My dad said Tiana from Princess and the Frog doesn't experience racism; she experiences classism. And they called me racist when I said black people fucking jim crow america could not experience upward mobility on account of The Everything

My mom calls my antidepressants "psycho pills"

My mom got me a prescription of vitamin D pills because they don't believe in depression and think I just don't go outside enough. I work outside in a barn btw.

My mom said my chronic pain is a result of the devil trying to keep me away from god

My mom makes fun of my PTSD triggers. She sang the song I was singing when I was assaulted as a child and laughed when I covered my ears.

During wisdom tooth surgery recovery, she told me to shut up and quit whining while my only form of communication through the gauze in my mouth was whimpering.

She said I was disgusting for bleeding so much.

After I randomly started crying during wisdom tooth surgery recovery (because the process was extremely difficult, I couldn't eat anything at all even liquids for almost an entire week, and I felt helpless and ugly because of the dark purple bruising on my entire lower face, but I couldn't tell them that) my mom said I needed to get off my "psycho pills" which I hadn't even taken for a week.

She replied "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CRY. WOMEN CRY AND MEN DON'T CRY THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU A WOMAN."

I have been a trans man since age 11. I'm 21 now. They are in deep, deep denial.

Oh yeah every time she looked at me during that time for like three weeks and saw the bruising, she made a face and said I looked horrible.

They both always yell at me for having short hair. One time my sibling said "um he's almost 21 he can do what he wants with his hair" and my dad said "I DON'T GIVE A CRAP IF YOU'RE THIRTY SEVEN YOU OBEY ME"

They tried to throw away my favorite pillow. I found it outside on the ground and I said "um. Why is my pillow outside were you trying to throw my pillow away" and they said "no" and I said "are you sure" and they said "YOU'RE DISGUSTING WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET A NEW PILLOW"

I was telling my mom fun facts about etymology and trees and she said "Did You Know you remind me of a two year old? Did You Know you're the most annoying person on the planet?"

I told my mom I blacked out from a sudden pain in my spine and she said "that sounds a little dramatic"

The same night I said I got a bad sunburn and she said "oh my god you're so needy"

I told her I was worried because my cat was bleeding anally and she said "oh my god why are you never happy after all I do for you"

My mom said "you know you need to find something to do this summer and stop being so lazy" and I said "oh my bike has a flat tire or else I would probably be doing that" and she said "why are you so useless"

One time I hugged her and she gagged and said I smelled bad

I stopped smiling at her during high school because every time I did she would make a face and tell me I looked gross and to go brush my teeth. Even if I had literally just come upstairs from brushing them in the bathroom.

I dropped a cup of gatorade and mopped it up before she got home (agony btw that's the most painful thing I can do with my back problems) but the floor was still wet when she got home and she yelled at me and said it was my fault they had ants (they do not have ants). I said "mommy, I think my fine motor skills are getting worse and I can't grip things and everything always falls out of my hands" and she said "have you tried paying attention" 😐😐😐

She used to force me to do kegels with her when I was 13

In middle school I was assaulted and I came home crying and ran to my dad's arms and she said it was my fault it happened because I was being annoying

Of course when I brought it up recently she did not remember that.

I should start a list of outlandish shit my abusive parents say so everyone else can suffer along with me

[chaoticparker]

Trip

Peter Parker x fem!reader

summary: Peter invites you and some of your friends to a cabin for his birthday, teasing from your friends is ensured; and maybe, you’ll finally get together.

warnings: suggestive jokes, fear of growing up

w/c: 3.8k

a/n: originally i started writing this as a ‘end of summer/ last chance to be young’ fic that would have angst, but i realized i could write in peters b-day so i made it fluffy :) ALSO RETURN OF MJ x GWEN BC I LOVE THEM AND TONY ISNT DEAD BC I SAY SO

anyways happy b-day pete <3

masterlist

You really miss four hours ago when you were not stuffed to the brim into a car with your friends surrounding you. Traveling in the middle of nowhere, far from the city, with only the GPS to guide you. Constant yelling and screaming with the additional music playing in the background made you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And there was one person responsible for your little journey. 

Peter fucking Parker.

Tomorrow was his birthday, and he used that fact to guilt all of his friends to go on an impromptu road trip to a cabin that was owned by the Starks. Texting the group chat at three in the morning and said that's what he wanted to do for his birthday. Harry offered his car for the trip and no one was opposed. He came around to pick everyone up and when Peter gave him the top-secret location, they headed south, away from the city and further into isolation in Fairburn, Georgia. 

“Pete, are you sure you’re not gonna kill us out here.” Harry joked as he loosened his grip on the steering wheel. Ahead of him were nothing but clear roads and everlasting trees surrounding the highway.

Peter scoffed, taking another bite of the animal crackers he was eating right from the box. He was sitting in the middle row, he offered you, who was in the passenger seat, some, and when you shook your heads he turned his head around and offered some to Mj and Gwen. 

“I’ll take some.” Gwen chimed as she took the box and started pouring out a few in her hand.

“How much longer do we have?” Mj complained. “Feels like we’ve been driving for ages.”

“Only been driving for less than an hour-”

“An hour!” Mj shirked, taking her headphones off to listen more clearly. “My playlist only has three hours worth of songs and I don’t want to listen to it five more times.”

“You could listen to my playlist.” Harry offered, but Mj just scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Because it's shit.” Mj sat back down in her seat and leaned her head on Gwen's shoulder. Gwen gave a little kiss on her head. 

“How is it shit?” Harry asked, his voice a little offended. 

“You have One Direction and Cupcakke on the same playlist.” Mj deadpanned. “You could be crying your eyes out to one song then getting horny the next.”

“And that just how I like it.”

Everyone groaned, and you made a small vow to never let Harry get the aux cord. “Pete, what made you wanna do a roadtrip for your birthday?”

“Dunno.” Peter shrugged. “Thought it would be fun.”

In reality, when Peter was out doing his nighttime patrol when he passed over his school is when he got the idea. This upcoming school year was going to be his last, along with you and the rest of his friends. It all just hit him right at that moment. That this time next year, you all will be drifted apart, only mere memories of each other. 

Hell, it's already started.

Betty has been looking at universities out west. Her dream was UCLA, and her grades were good enough already to get in. Ned had his heart set out on CalTech, already looking into scholarships he could apply for and how expensive plane tickets are. That's why they weren’t even here, they were off touring campuses. 

Mj and Gwen planned on staying on the east coast, but both wanted to leave New York and its madness. They entertained the idea of Yale, it had a good english programme for Mj and a good art school for Gwen. 

Harry planned on getting away from his dad as quickly as he could. He wanted to get out of his grip, but still make a difference. Recently, his dad planned on opening up a new branch of Oscorp in Europe, and Harry was the frontrunner to lead it. 

You, on the other hand, still had your plans up in the air. You are still undecided on what you wanted to do. You refused to ever talk about plans, still living in the fantasy like ignorance that your adult life was years away.

Peter hoped that you would stay in New York. He had to stay in New York for Spider-related duties, but it would be so much better to have someone that he knew, that he trusted around. The only person who Peter truly trusted was you. He would only confide in you, knowing that you could help him with whatever problem he had. 

And of course, you confided within him too, it's where the deep level of trust comes from. It couldn’t be this deep of a connection with it only being one sided. Being able to rely on one another for comfort and an untalked about love that made your relationship so perfect. 

And of course, any love-sick fool would want you to stay with them.

“Dude, wake up.” You nudged Peter on his shoulder. Peter just groaned. “Wake up!” you punched a little harder, causing Peter to sit up and rub his shoulder.

“The fuck was that for?”

“You’re fine, you’ll heal in like two seconds.” Peter scoffed and blinked his eyes. Everyone else was out of the car, stretching and getting ready to go into what looked like a rest stop. 

“Where are we?” Peter asked. Rubbing some of the sleep out of his eye.

“Outside of Richmond in Virginia.” You answered. “Now come on.” You patted Peter on the back. He opened the door and both climbed out, immediately squinting their eyes at the harsh sunlight.

“Oh, so he’s finally awake?” Mj teased. She was holding hands with Gwen, the most amount of PDA she’ll normally show. “Thought Sleeping Beauty was gonna need a wake up kiss.”

“I’m sure Y/n would be more than happy to do it.” Harry joined in.

“Shut up Harry.” You groaned. “Now come on, I wanna grab some gummy bears.”

Inside the rest stop was not as disgusting as what you thought it was going to be. It was clean, or clean enough for everyone to use the restroom. And it wasn’t busy at all so you could easily pay for your snack without too much trouble. 

You stood with Peter as you waited for the others, reluctantly sharing your food with him. “Ayo, lovebirds!” Mj called, close to the exit. “We’re getting ready to go!”

He took some of your gummy bears as you both headed for the car. Everyone was already out, slowly getting into the car and into their old seats.

“Y'all ready?” Harry asked and a series of ‘yes’s’ was heard. You set up the GPS on his phone and positioned it so it was in the perfect view for Harry to see. A few minutes of silence passed, but it felt like an hour for Harry so he might as well stir the pot and help Peter out. “Don’t you think that Y/n and Peter looked cute standing back at the stop?”

Peter’s ears perked up and he hit Harry from the back seat. “Dude, what the fuck-”

“They really did.” Gwen chimed in from the back. “Looked all sweet, standing there sharing their food like couples do.”

“I’m not sharing my popcorn with you.” Mj mumbled. Gwen rolled her eyes and leaned forward so her face was near Peter’s. 

“Are you gonna make your move on the trip?” She whispered, softly enough for only the boy could hear her. 

“What?” Peter looked over to you and you seemed to be preoccupied on your phone with your music. “She doesn’t like me like that.”

“Are you serious?” Gwen blurted and looked over at Mj. “Is he serious?”

“You’d think with his genius level IQ he would be able to figure it out by now.” Mj joked, causing her and Gwen to laugh. Peter on the other hand was dumbfounded.

“Hey Pete.” Gwen spoke up, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Isn’t the cabin right by a lake.”

“Yeah? I told everyone to bring a bathing suit-”

“And you got your swim trunks.” Gwen smiled. “Good time to show off your impressive abs.”

Peter went red, “What? It’s nothing-”

“I’m just pointing it out in case anyone-”

“Y/n” Mj coughed, interrupting Gwen’s sentence. You whipped your head back to her and gave her a death glare. 

“-was interested.” Gwen finished.

You turned to Mj and mouthed, ‘I will kill you.’ And she just mouthed back ‘I’m helping you!’ You rolled your eyes and looked at your phone.

“Speaking on Y/n, did you bring that bikini we got a couple weeks ago?” Gwen asked. Her voice was sweet but you have never wanted to strangle her more.

“Yeah, why-”

“You looked so good in it, it really made your boobs look amazing.”

“Mhm?” Giggles spread through the car, and heat rose to your cheeks and gave another death glare.

“That purple one you wore to my pool thing a few days ago?” Mj asked. You slowly nodded your head. “Girl you looked good in that! And Gwen’s right, your boobs did look amazing in it-.”

“Your ass too!” Gwen interrupted. You sank further in your seat, and your eyes went wide from embarrassment. You took a quick glance at Peter and he was beat red, while Harry had a concerning smirk on his face.

“You know, I’m sure your tits looked-” Harry started, but you hit him before he could finish his sentence. 

The car went quiet, which you were internally grateful for. Peter groaned and layed back in his seat, trying his best to sleep. He tried to stop his thoughts drifting over to you, memories and his brain finding a way to romacize them. He tried his best to never indulge in them, only thinking about it if he needed to calm his brain from the frightening and worrying thoughts that came with the superhero gig.

You on the other hand put the volume all the way up on your headphones so you could drown out whatever anyone else is saying. You stole one last glance to Peter, you saw his eyelids drop and eventually shut. It made you smile whenever he was sleeping, knowing that his mind is safe in whatever dream he was having.

And though you would never say it outloud, you hope he dreamed of you.

~~

Eventually, you were woken up by Gwen poking you and she told you that you arrived. You got out of the car, took your bag, and entered the cabin. You all went upstairs into your respective rooms. In Stark fashion, the rooms were spacious with their own connected bathrooms. 

You heard a knock on your door, and went over to open it. “We’re all going out to look at the dock now if you’re ready.” Peter announced. He was wearing a different pair of shorts and a different sweatshirt; curls better than ever. 

You glanced behind you to look at your unpack suitcase on your bed. Either explore the million dollar cabin or start unpacking? “Yeah, I’m ready.”

You shut the door behind you and walked next to Peter downstairs and outside where everyone was already waiting. “Hurry up lovebirds, I wanna check out everything” Harry yelled. You rolled your eyes as Peter blushed as you ran over to the group. “You two took forever.” Harry groaned. 

“Thought you two finally fucked.” Mj mumbled. 

“MJ!” You and Peter shrieked. 

“Kidding, kidding” Mj smiled, interlocking her hand with Gwens. “Maybe.”

Continuing to walk with the group you eventually got to a wooden shed with a lock on it. Harry tugged on it, but it didn’t budge. “Don’t suppose anyones got a key?”

“Let me try.” Peter volunteered. He stood weirdly in front of the lock, you peaked your head and didn’t see any key, but Peter’s hands were ready to break the lock. No one else here knew about Peter's secret life, and knowing how stressful it could be, you always did your best to help him out.

“Hey, look at the view.” You pointed away from the shed and when everyone's attention was away from Peter you heard metal break and fall to the ground. 

“It’s really beautiful.” Gwen commented, swinging her hand that was entwined with Mj’s, who hummed in agreement. “Wanna go down to the dock?”

Everyone nodded and headed for the water. Harry stayed and turned around and saw Peter with the shed door open. “How’d you do that?” Harry’s jaw dropped.

“I used a rock.” Peter shrugged and went into the shed and Harry behind him. They admired the surprising amount of water guns that looked a little bit too high tech to be only Morgan’s. As well as some high tech scuba equipment that had to be worth at least a couple thousand dollars. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but I think you should really ask Y/n out soon.” Harry mumbled. “Or else, someone is going to make a move on her and she’s not gonna wait around for you.”

Peter sighed. “I know, but it’s hard. I don’t know how Mj and Gwen did it.”

“They did it because they have enough common sense to see how the other liked them.” Harry wrapped an arm around Peter. “Besides, I know for a fact that she’s in love with you.”

“You don’t know that-”

“Yes I do-”

“Dude, stop.”

“I’m not gonna stop telling you to-”

Peter put his hand over Harry's mouth, “No, I mean stop talking.” Something didn’t feel right and it was coming from all over. He felt the hairs on his arms stick up and a strong compulsion to go down to the dock. Then, they heard a scream and some shouts. 

The boys raced out of the shed and sprinted to the dock. He saw Gewn and Mj, pulling you out from the water and back onto your feet. You looked absolutely freezing. Shivering and crossing your arms and rubbing your hands over them, trying to warm yourself up. 

“Fuck, Y/n what happened.” Peter quickly took his sweatshirt off and gave it to you to put on to get you warm. He then wrapped his arm around you. 

“Mj slipped and almost fell in but I grabbed her arm and I ended up trading places with her.” You gave a sad laugh. Peter still kept his arm around you and you buried yourself closer to his chest. 

The others, of course, felt their hearts melt at the sight. 

“Let's go inside and get you dry.” Peter decided. You nodded your head. “We’ll be back in a few.” He told the others and you both headed back up to the cabin. 

After walking in silence, you eventually made it into the house and up the stairs as Peter guided you to his room. You walked to the connecting bathroom and Peter turned the shower on. “I’ll be waiting outside.”

The way Peter hugged you and held you close made you feel all warm and fuzzy, but when Peter left that shiver came back. You hopped in the shower and turned the handle so the water was burning nicely on your back. Making sure to use enough body wash to get rid of any remnants from the ocean. 

As you turned the water off and grabbed a towel, You felt guilt creeping in. It is his trip for his birthday, he should be hanging out with his friends; not dealing with you. You looked at your clothes, your shorts were dry but your shirt that you were wearing was still damp, leaving you in Peter’s sweatshirt. 

You walked out of the bathroom, Peter looked up and cleared his throat, he blushed briefly and stood up. “You look nice.” He smiled.

You looked down. “Oh, I’ll wash your sweatshirt and give it back to you soon. I just didn’t have any other clothes-”

“You don’t have to do that!” Peter said, a little too quickly for his liking. He would never want to admit what you wearing his clothes does to him, making him feel like he’s with you. “You -uh- you look really nice wearing it.”

“Really?” You were shocked to say the least. “This is your favorite one, you never let it out of your sight.”

Peter blushed but quickly tried to cover it up. “It’s nothing, you look too good to change.”

“Are you sure, ‘cause I can always change if you want.” You offered again. 

“I’m sure.” Peter pursed his lips together and sat back down. You sat down next to him.

“So, why did you want to come here for your birthday?” You admired his face as you asked. His cheeks had a soft blush to them with freckles sprinkled over them and across his nose. His eyes always caught you off guard from the rest of his face though, the dark circles just begin to show how tiresome he is and his eyes always look like they’ve seen too much.

“Thought it would be fun-”

“No, don't give me that, we’ve been friends long enough for me to know when you’re lying.” You wrapped an arm around him, giving him a much needed hug. “You can tell me.”

Peter sighed, giving into your hug. “It’s our last year and I don’t want more things to change y’know?” 

You nodded your head. “Everything’s gone by fast, huh.” You agreed. “Pretty soon we’re gonna have to be making decisions about college and I don’t even know where to start.”

“Do you think you’re going to stay in New York?” Peter asked. You gave him a glare. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just everyone has plans and they’re all telling me that I shouldn’t have regrets.”

You quirked an eyebrow, “what would you have regrets on?”

Fuck. “Just, you know.” Peter stuttered. “Normal stuff.”

“What, like asking someone out?” You laughed. Peter’s eyes got a bit wider and your smile dropped for a second, you were right, there was someone. “Pete, if there is someone, tell them.”

Peter sighed, clearly thinking to himself and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. He looked up to you and tried to say something, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. All he could think about was the way you looked in his sweater, the way your eyes looked at him with hope and your lips, just there and looking like they need a little-

Peter closed the gap between you and gave you a kiss. He pulled back instantly, and stood up pacing in his room. “Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck.” He mumbled, pulling his hair and trying not to look at you. 

You on the other hand were stunned. Did that just happen? Did you both really kiss? Did he mean you? You stood up and made your way over to Peter and grabbed Peter’s hands. “Y/n, I’m sorry, I know you don’t feel the same-” 

You shut him up with a kiss, slowly moving your hands away from his hands and to his hair, deepening the kiss. Peter couldn’t believe what was going on, this had to be a fake. No one could love him, especially not someone as ethereal as you.

You both pulled away, your hands still in his hair and his were now respectfully on your waist. Peter gasped a little, a mixture of needing some air and feeling like he was going to faint. “I love you.” You spoke quietly. 

“Oh my fucking god that is the sexiest thing you have ever said.” He blurted out, then immediately regretted it. Thinking to himself that he has been hanging out with Harry too much.

“I just confess my love for you and you go and say that.”

“I’m sorry!” Peter tried, looking up and giving you a sheepish smile. You, although, didn’t look that impressed. “But, I love you too.” Your eyes softened and you went in a little closer, not to give him a kiss, but a hug. 

“Do you still love me after I said that?”

“Yes.” You sighed, pulling him away and giving him another kiss. It was supposed to be just a little peck but Peter seemed a little desperate for a little more, but you pulled away. “Just never say it ever again.”

~~

The rest of the night went by quickly, everyone went out to a fast food place to get dinner, and after a movie everyone suddenly yawned and claimed they were too tired, insisting that you and Peter should stay up. You looked over at Peter who blushed, and immediately knew that he told someone -most likely Harry- who told everyone else about the kiss. 

“How are you doing?” You asked. “Feeling any better about the future yet?” You combed your hand through his curls and he just smiled.

“Better now that I know I won't have any regrets on my love life.” 

“Mhm.” You hummed, sat peacefully with each other, snuggling closer and closer as you got sleepier. 

An alarm went off, jolting you both awake. “Whas’ that?” Peter groggly asked, raising his fists a little. 

You laughed as you reached over to the coffee table and took your phone, stopping the alarm. “I set an alarm for midnight so I could be the first to wish you a happy birthday.” Kiss. “So, happy birthday, Pete.” You gave him another quick kiss on the lips, pulled away, and got up.

“Where are you going?” Peter whined, making grabby hands at you to come back.

“Just grabbing your birthday gift.” You went to grab a small box with a bow from a drawer that you hid in there earlier, and walked back to the couch. “Here.” He took the box from your hands and slowly opened it. He gasped a little when he saw it.

“It’s... it’s just like in the photo.” He mumbled, pulling out the watch. Only touching it with his finger tips, scared it would break.

“I know you were sad when you lost Ben’s old one. I showed the picture around some shops so it’s the same model too.” You said sheepishly. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Peter shook his head and put the watch on his wrist. “I love it.” Peter smiled again. “Thank you.” You leaned into him and he leaned into you. You gave another peck on the cheek and he smiled again. 

“Thanks for the best birthday.” 

“It’s only been your birthday for five minutes.”

“I know.” He smiled, holding you a little closer. “But this is my first birthday where I’m not hiding my love for you.”

You kissed his lips. “That has to be the sexiest thing you have ever said.”

[theswarmanthology]

Em, 21, Ohio

"i was big into the bandom scene in the years following the break up. the 2012-2016 middle school emos riding the coattails of the elders. i then rejoined the fandom most heavily this year following along the tour almost every night with the tumblr crew. which has been one of the if not the most fulfilling fandom experience of my life."

Fast Facts: How long have you been a fan?: 5-8 years Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: No, this tour was my first time seeing MCR How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 1 Favorite album: I have more than one favorite album Show experience out of 10: 10 Did you cry at your show?: No

Which date of the tour did you attend? 09/13/22, Little Caesars Arena, Detroit

When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab? i got super lucky and managed to snag mine within minutes of their initial release !! i had three devices set up with my family and one of them got queued in with around 400 people ahead of us. i was able to score 2 GA tickets. i was even luckier then because my grandma paid for it and called it an early birthday gift for my nineteenth birthday. ended up actually being an early birthday gift for my 21st haha :')

Did you attend with anyone else? i brought my little brother !! this was special to me because my first concert was seeing frank perform with the cellabration in 2015 at the height of my initial interest in mychem, and my brothers first concert was seeing my chemical romance this year. just felt a little full circle to me :)

If you camped out, how was that experience? Was it worth it? i didn't camp overnight, but i shows up eleven hours early and was 33rd in line. so i was in it for the long haul haha. it was genuinely an amazing experience. the people i met and interacted with were some of the most kind and welcoming people ever. i played uno in line with some people and that passed the time like nothing else hahaha :)

What did you wear? the main part of my outfit i want to point out is the shirt i painted with bleach with vampire teeth on the front and "keep the faith" on the back. this concert, this tour, feel like a culmination of the faith kept by the band and everyone who has been impacted by them.

Where were your seats? barricade on frank's side !!

What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show? the world is ugly !! there was something so special about the band that changed my life forever singing the lyrics to a crowd of 22,000 screaming them right back.

What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it? i was hoping for vampire money or burn bright ! i got neither and i can't complain at all !!!

What was your favorite moment from the show? god, all of it ??? maybe when mikey stepped out to play on the box right in front of me :)

What was the most unexpected moment from the show? THE NURSE OUTFIT ?????

Did you snag any merch? What pieces? i got the haunted house shirt and the stone lovers shirt !! :)

Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show? i was betting on crying for over two years. instead i was in a state of absolute awe. when i was screaming the words to songs my face was stuck like this :0

If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be? i don't think i would. my brother did get a stomachache during the openers sets, so maybe i would let him not have a stomachache hahaha

Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way? i think now as an adult i can understand them and their message better. seeing them perform and their growth over the years has been very moving and inspiring

What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future? talk to the people around you, they're all worth it. and just have fun. rock out

Anything we didn't ask that you feel obliged to share or talk about? shout out to the massive gravel pit at little caesar's arena you were not fun to sit in

Thanks, Em!

[mayyourshipsbewithyou]

Things I loved about In the Heights

-The sounds of the city are part of the music of the opening song

-The frame story is the only way this story should be told; the story only works if it shows the results of Usnavi's decision to stay

-Anthony and Lin shaking hands

-Yay to random mixed race couple asking for directions

-“I hope you’re writing this down I’m gonna test you later” only makes sense with kids

-Showing different residents of Washington Heights provides scale

-I’m not sure about the decision to cut Camila, but if it means less Nina drama, then I love it

-I love how Usnavi has his friends’ orders all ready to go

-LOVE how Usnavi announces Benny’s entrance

-Everything about Vanessa in this movie is perfect=> she’s given so much more depth, her beauty is downplayed, she’s kind of a nerd, but has a beautiful smile

-Nina’s heels=> metaphor for her reaching for the stars

-I love the actress that plays Nina; she’s the right age and her singing voice is so sweet

-Nina’s hair is straight when she’s at school; as soon as she comes home, it’s curly=>she can be herself at home

-When Nina turns around and sees the crowd of people counting on her=> I felt that

-I love seeing Nina get her acceptance letter; I remember what that was like for my brother

-Camila must have died while Nina was at college in this version; Nina lost her mother recently which helps explain her different reason for dropping out; she feels lost

-I don’t know why Sonny is using this deep voice, but I love it!

-Whoever decided to have 96,000 take place at the pool is a genius

-The graphics at the beginning of 96,000 are good for helping regular people understand the rap

-Pete just put his arm around Sonny=> are they dating?

-Sonny yelling 96,000 as he enters the pool=> the sound design

-Pete nodding along to Usnavi=> sucking up to the family

-Usnavi is such a proud cousin-uncle during Sonny’s part in 96,000

-Vanessa making her “I'll be downtown” walk down a ramp

-The dancer doing flips is now a diver doing spins into the pool

-On stage, the lighting was dark; in the movie, it’s underwater

-The circles of people in the pool reflect the zeros in 96,000

-Lin and Chris being rivals is perfect; their bromance is everything

-Nina and Benny being together before the events of the movie means they are the beta couple and have less drama than Usnavi/Vanessa which is how it should be

-Benny joins in during “on that fire escape”=> like West Side Story

-Benny’s “Let me in” against the fence is hilarious

-Nina and Benny are FUN, not angsty like in the original

-Nina following the little girl=> following herself, following her dreams which eventually lead her to the sea; all of this is done while she’s talking about her past

-Nina and Benny instrumental™ part 1 in the middle of “When You’re Home”, Benny interrupts=> their story isn't complete yet

-Benny says he believes in her without discounting her feelings

-Everyone loving Nina=> I finally get it

-Nina is home geographically and with people who love her

-Benny is Nina’s home

-In the Heights is about how dreams are great, but the life you have now can be so beautiful

-Nina’s hair during the dinner/club scene is great

-Usnavi is wearing his dad’s hat for his date with Vanessa; he knows that she is to him what his mom was for his dad

-Family dinners are the same in every culture

-Awkwardness of long-time friends going on a date

-Vanessa offers Usnavi his first drink of the night; he thinks that’s what she wants; because why would she want him and only him?

-Usnavi whispering in Vanessa’s ear is so sexy

-Love that Benny is on Nina’s side instead of being mad at her

-I wonder if they thought 5 years of Benny working for Kevin was too much or too little since they changed that line to "all these years"

-Benny’s reactions to Vanessa dancing at the club are hilarious

-Vanessa laughing at Usnavi dancing with someone else

-Nina is always smiling and laughing at the things going on around her; not as self centered

-Nina and Benny dancing at the club=> all of the yeses

-Usnavi is too nervous about being alone with Vanessa that he un-dated himself; he wasn’t quite ready

-Love that they consciously cut all the “Usnavi, help me” parts=> Vanessa is not a victim

-Fireworks are a romantic setting for Sonny and Pete, just saying

-Usnavi/Benny/Nina talking about the fourth member of their square gives me feelings; I need more of these four in fanfic, my dreams

-“I got to wait for Vanessa”=> the stuff dreams are made of

-Benny is such a good person; he’s even better than the original which is what he deserves

-Usnavi is relieved to have Vanessa call his name

-“Don’t walk away from us tonight”=> great addition

-To give Usnavi and Vanessa some of Nina and Benny’s original lines is to see the face of God

-The first time I saw this, I’m ashamed to admit, I thought Benny was going to steal money from the dispatch; I was a fool

-Dancer with fireworks on his shoes

-Benny is smart and good; he isn’t doing this for Kevin or Nina but for the people of New York

-Abuela was able to see stars again on the last night of her life

-I’m sad Blackout isn’t exactly the same but the orchestral parts that cover up what is unsaid is so beautiful it makes up for it

-Abuela’s family is her “fireworks”; they are what light up the Heights

-Sonny came to Usnavi instead of being with his dad during the blackout; his real family

-Abuela’s smile as she looks at her family while reflecting on her childhood is the most beautiful thing there will ever be

-Paciencia y Fe as a dream sequence is how it was meant to be

-The transition on the subway from reality to memory

-Paciencia y Fe is a mixture of cultures; like Abuela’s memories

-“Wide awake”=> stepping off the subway

-The same actress played Abuela on Broadway and in the movie

-Abuela may be in a musical, but she’s still an old woman

-“As I feed these birds”=> back to the present

-Calor means heat in Spanish but in English it sounds like color

-Abuela dying during the night of the blackout is perfect

-Usnavi saying “she was just here” twice: when she was literally just there and many years, maybe a decade, after the fact

-Usnavi’s daughter is the life that goes on after Abuela is gone

-Usnavi and Nina crying together

-Those closest to Abuela are inside and everyone else is outside

-Iris was sitting on the outside and now she’s in the middle; needed comfort from her friends

-“Should we take a break?”=> we’re past the point of an intermission

-“No daddy, keep going”=> does this look like a stage production to you? It’s a fucking movie

-There isn’t a clear point for an intermission; the action stays strong over where the intermission should be; this is a movie, not a play, and movies don’t have intermissions

-Everyone’s holding candles; like the stars Abuela loved so much

-Iris called Usnavi Daddy for the first time because that was the point in the story where he needed to hear that the most

-“I thought about the people I care about the most, I thought about you”

-Anthony makes Usnavi sexy in a way Lin never could

-So many people love Vanessa, but no one better than Usnavi

-Abuela paid to have Camila's napkins cleaned after all

-Usnavi is the kind of parent that doesn’t sugarcoat life

-Vanessa listed no emergency contacts even though she had people

-“That’s senorita to you”=> yes girl, get it

-Love Daniela for getting everyone out of their asses

-“Tonteria” means foolishness=> the more you know

-How fast Carla says no to “ask me why” shows how quickly she wants to please her love

-Usnavi’s Nueva York t-shirt=> I need it

-Daniela’s first effect being on a woman whose hair is terrible

-Carla pushing that man away from her woman with a bullshit excuse

-My friend was laughing at the parts that were meant to be jokes

-Usnavi’s entrance being announced in Carnaval del Barrio; just like Benny in the opening song

-“There’s nothing holding me down”=> assuming he was rejected

-The different communities dancing with their flags

-Nina being part of Carnaval del Barrio is great

-Even Kevin, kind of an old man, can get down

-Since Nina and Benny sex scene wasn’t shown on screen (praise Jesus), I have to assume Nina told Daniela even though she knows she’s a huge gossip

-Everyone stops because Sonny, a kid, starts singing

-Vanessa and Sonny are so powerful together

-Vanessa’s hand on Sonny’s shoulder

-A kid providing Usnavi with the “flag I’ve got in my hand”

-Usnavi and Vanessa dancing together is muy romantico

-Everything about Nina’s appearance in “When the Sun Goes Down”

-“Let me just listen to my block”=> peak Nina

-Abuela wrote “for Usnavi” on her lotto ticket 😭

-They cut so many songs but kept Champagne=>I love their priorities

-The pause before “you outta stay”

-Everyone has such great chemistry; especially Usnavi and Vanessa

-The choreography in Champagne is what I’ve always imagined

-Usnavi didn’t have time to cash in because Vanessa came over

-Vanessa and Pete friendship for the win

-“Best days of my life” is said thrice=> good things come in threes

-Usnavi staring at the room where Vanessa kissed him

-Iris knows he stayed; she loves her dad so much

-Usnavi looking out his window in Washington Heights and seeing his friends on his dad’s beach

-When Usnavi talks about Kevin at the dispatch, the camera flashes to an abandoned building

-“Vanessa at the salon”=> Usnavi sheds a tear

-Vanessa being front and center during Usnavi’s decision to stay

-Hearing the sounds of the beach during the unveiling

-It’s all about Vanessa=> perfection

-Lin being at the ending is perfect no matter the context

-“Say it so it doesn’t disappear”=> the sad reality is your neighborhood probably will disappear

-Usnavi telling his daughter “you’re it” is everything

-Iris understanding all of the little details of her father’s store now that she knows his story

-Iris is the goddess of the rainbow like the light that appears when water appears on a sunlit day

-“Man, you talk forever”=> that’s so “How I Met Your Mother”

-Iris has a necklace of seashells, like the islands

-Vanessa would sooner get wet than let go of Usnavi’s hand