#fun fact last semester I gave a straight A student a B on a paper and after class she asked if I thought she was a loser now

[kainebell]

replaying endless summer and it is 100% justified that Grace destroys her professors car. if I ever gave a student a B+ and said “you can do better than this” instead of, yknow, recognizing that a B+ is still good I wouldn’t complain if they decided to destroy my belongings

[angelbabyszn]

I Miss You (Cesar X Reader)

OMB Masterlist

You sighed as you entered a Math help elective class. It was the first day of your freshman year in your first second semester and you were ready to go home and sleep for the day.

The math help class is your new elective and you sit down near the middle of the classroom. You looked around and saw none of your friends here.

"Looks like I'm the only one in here." you thought sadly and made kinda a sad face until Ruby and Jamal sat down in the two seats in front of you at your table.

"Oh my gosh. I'm so happy both of you take this class." you said happily.

"I'm happy too. We are going to have so much fun in here." said Ruby and he gave you your signature smile that makes you sigh happy all the time.

"Yeah, yeah, but guys, remember: Rollerworld. Meet me at my house. I got a new clue." said Jamal as he pulled out a piece of paper.

Jamal slowly unraveled it as you gave him the uncertain look. Ruby quickly takes the folded paper away from him, unravels the rest and slams the paper down on the table.

You look closely to see a picture of children on top and a poem at the bottom. You quickly read the poem and put on a weird face once you look up at Jamal.

"This is a clue? This is literally "Ring Around The Rosie”." you said.

"It's a clue." said Jamal with a grin. A moment of silence happened between the three of you and you and Ruby started to laugh out loud.

"Hey! Don't laugh. I promise you! This. Is. A. Clue!" said Jamal while clapping his hands at saying each word as you and Ruby were still laughing.

"Sorry. I'll meet you there." you said with a smile after you and Ruby calm down.

"I'll be there but still don't believe it." said Ruby as he looks at Jamal.

"You should! It's real!" said Jamal.

"It's not real!" said Ruby.

"Yes it is!"

Your eyes drifted as you looked away from Ruby and Jamal arguing to a familiar figure at the door.

Your eyes widened a bit along with your heart skipped a beat once you realized it was Cesar.

You have had a crush on him since middle school but it kinda drafted away since you guys really didn't know each other but it wasn't completely gone yet.

Cesar sat down by the door with his other friends and they started talking.

You were a bit hurt every-time Cesar flirted with other girls but you quickly got over it since he wasn't yours in the first place.

You haven't told anybody about your crush on Cesar and you want to keep it that way.

"Y/N L/N. Please come to my desk." says the teacher and you quickly went up to the teacher's desk.

Two minutes later, you come back to the table and start packing up.

"Y/N. Where are you going?" asked Jamal.

"Turns out I don't need this class. I'm going to Korean." you said and quickly ran out of the class with your supplies and raced down the hall to get to French class.

As you were pacing your things, Cesar quickly turned to look at you running which got him concerned. You left the classroom and started to run down the hall. Cesar quickly got out his seat and ran out the door and stopped when he saw nobody in the hall.

Cesar sighed sadly and slowly went back into the classroom as he closed the door and sat back in his seat.

"Man, this class is going to be boring." said Ruby annoyed.

"Dude, you have me. Don't worry about it." said Jamal happily and Ruby growled at the fact that he's stuck in another class with Jamal.

-

A few hours later, the final bell ring signaling that school ended. Everybody quickly packed their bags and ran out of the classroom doors before the teachers explained the homework for the weekend.

You walk out of the classroom happily because it was time to go home. You have your earbuds on as you race down the hall. You turn and go through the door to get to the staircase that leads to the first floor.

Cesar was at the top talking to his friends. He saw you going through the door and started going down the stairs. Cesar quickly left his friends and started going downstairs right beside you.

Cesar realized that you have your earbuds on so he tapped you lightly making you turn your head to see him as you took out your left earbud.

"Hi Y/N." said Cesar with a smile.

"Hi Cesar. What's up?" you respond.

"Nothing." said Cesar as he felt his face heating up and quickly covering his face so you won't see him.

You put back on your earbud and turned to go down the last flight of stairs and left the school building.

Cesar stands at the top of the last flight of stairs and stares at you as you were walking home while other students walked past him.

-

"I'm here b*tches." said Jasmine as she went through Ruby's door dramatically.

You, the core four and Olivia looked at her with a straight face.

"Jasmine. Get out." said Ruby with a serious face.

"Whatever. Y'all ain't lit like I am! Haha!" said Jasmine and she laughed as she went out of Ruby's door. Once she closed the door, everybody buss out laughing.

Since Jamal's house doesn't really have enough room, he moved the meeting to Ruby's house.

"So guys, let's talk about Rollerworld." said Jamal as he got serious with his hands clutch together like he's the boss.

"Come on Jamal. It's Friday. Let's chill out and do our regular Friday tradition." said Cesar with a smile.

"But Rollerworld-"

"Jamal, it's okay. We can talk about it tomorrow. Right guys?" you said as soon as you look at everybody sitting at the table.

Everybody talked for a moment to each other having a little argument but then agreed to the idea.

"Thanks Y/N." said Jamal and you gave him a smile back.

"Let's do Truth or Dare!" said Olivia and everybody got excited except for Jamal.

"This is going to be a long night." whispered Jamal to himself as Olivia started to ask Ruby Truth or Dare.

-

"Jamal, you cheated! I am not picking up eight cards!" shouted Ruby at Jamal. You were playing UNO.

"What can I say? You didn't believe me about Rollerworld and now I'm on the road to achieving it." said Jamal in a fake deep boss voice that makes you laugh.

"You guys. I got one more game that we can play." said Olivia and she got up from the table and then went to her room.

Everybody turned to each other and started to wonder what it was. Olivia comes back with a box and slams it on the table.

Everybody got up from their seats and leaned in to take a closer look at the box cover. The box says "The Lie Detector: The Truth Only Comes Out."

"Ight imma head out. Goodnight everybody." said Jamal and he quickly ran out of Ruby's front door and ran all the way to his house.

Everybody laughed as Jamal ran out the door. Olivia gets out the machine from the box and throws the box on the floor leaving the machine on the table.

"Now, who wants to go first?" asked Olivia with a smirk making everybody look at each other knowing that things were about to go down.

-

"Wow. You want to marry me?" asked Olivia surprised. It was an hour later and Ruby just lied about saying he didn't want to marry Olivia.

"Yeah." said Ruby and started to blush really hard.

"Awe." said Olivia and she got up and walked over to Ruby to sit right next to him. Ruby smiled and took off the lie detector from his head.

"Your turn, mano." Ruby said with a smile and Cesar grabbed the lie detector and put it on his head.

"So, have you kissed a dude before?" you asked with a grin making everybody stopped what they were doing and looked at you crazy.

"Y/N, no." said Cesar and everybody started laughing at the way he said it as the lie detector became green on his head.

"I was playing with you. You like hanging out with your friends?" you asked after everybody calmed down from laughing.

"Yes." said Cesar, looking at you with his signature grin and the lie detector became green.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" asked Olivia.

"No." said Cesar and the lie detector became green.

"Are you interested in someone?" asked Ruby and Cesar hesitate for a few moments.

"No." said Cesar and the lie detector became red.

Everybody gasped and leaned in to get closer to Cesar engaged.

"Are they in this room?" asked Olivia quickly and Cesar said no. The lie detector becomes red again.

"Who is it?" asked Ruby as he was eagerly wanting to know who he's interested in.

"I'm not telling you guys." said Cesar as he starts to get scared and concerned inside.

"Why not? We won't judge." said Olivia as she leans closer to Cesar. He started to turn red and started to sweat a bit.

"Guys come on. You are making him scared. Let's just calm down and play a another-"

"It's Y/N." said Cesar interrupting you and everything became silent for a few moments.

"Me?" you said while pointing at yourself and Cesar slowly turned his head to see you and he nodded. The lie detector becomes green on Caesar's head.

"I...I..." you started to speak but couldn't say anything because you were trying to process what Cesar just confessed.

You quickly got up and started to race out of Ruby's front door.

"Y/N!" shouted Cesar as he took off the lie detector on his head and put it on the table. He quickly gets up and starts to run after you.

Right before you got off of Ruby's property, Cesar screamed your name again making you stop running and looking back at him.

Cesar looked at you with confused eyes making you look back at him the same way.

"Y/N." said Cesar as he slowly walked up to you holding his glance into your eyes staring deep.

"Y/N, I miss you." say Cesar making your eyes widened.

"How can you miss me? We don't have any classes together and I don't even know you like that. I just became part of the group not even six months ago." you said softly.

"But we did have classes together in junior high! We were partners!" said Cesar with a soft face.

"Barely even partners at that. You can't miss someone you barely know." you said with an uncertain face.

"You can. Ever since 8th grade til now, I have had no classes with you. I miss the way you laugh. I miss seeing you in the hallways everyday. I miss the way you talk to me. I miss being partners with you. I just miss everything about you." said Cesar confessing, making you look down.

"I want to be my girl so bad but I don't know how to show it. To show that I care and miss you." said Cesar and he pulled you into a hug which caught you off guard.

You were first against it but you gave in and hugged him back. A minute later, both of you ended from the hug.

"I talk about you all the time. I want you to be in my life forever. Please tell me if you feel the same way." said Cesar staring into your soul in your eyes. You hesitated for a moment until you just kissed him right there. Ruby, Olivia, and Monse finally came out to see what was happening.

"Y'all together now?" asked Ruby, making you end your kiss with Cesar. You and Cesar face your friends.

"Yes." said Cesar after going behind your back and wrapping his left arm around your wrist and pulling you close to him.

"She's finally mine and I won't let her go." said Cesar and he puts his other arm around you and pulls you in for another kiss.

[spelling-checked-mostly]

Why High-School Is Harder Than College

I am failing my math class. I have a D in AP Bio. I have a C in AP History. By some miricle i have an A in health, but that is probably because she doesn't have all of my grades in. Thank god i have a solid A in my English class. You may be assuming that i am just caving under the pressure of college level classes. However, if you have read the title then you can infer that i have done college level classes before, and that i found them comparatively easier. So what the hell is going on?

I went to college before i went to high-school. It was what was best for my education at the time. Then my family moved and my circumstances changed and we decided that it would be best for me to maybe actually go to high-school. By the time i graduate i could have my general studies certificate, the governor's seal, my flabotamy license, my cna, my associates in general studies, and a high-school honors diploma. If i make it through the semester. If. I am not saying this to brag. I am saying it to make a point. I can do a lot of shit. I got to where i am by doing as well as i did in college, but i literally have an F in math.  I have a few theories as to why. And, surprisingly, none of them are that i don't like math.

in college, they don't do "busy work." In my history class there were 4 tests total and a short (maybe a page) paper per chapter. In my AP history  class i write a paper each week, there is at least one quiz per week, and there are endless work sheets. Do you see the difference? If each teacher assumes students need more practice work, then students end up with a bunch of what is basically busy work and we can't get it all done. At least, we cant get it all done and have a balanced life.

In college, if there is something due in class B, and class A right before it is going well, generally professor A with let you finish the work for class B. But heaven forbid i try to finish my math work in English. No, no, no. That's not okay. On top of that, i had more time in college. I went to class [i had the same number of classes per day then that i have now] and i did the work and i somehow had more time then. I think it only seems like i had more time, and that is because of how my day is/was structured. My first class was an 8 A.M. lecture every semester. My last was always an elective. My classes ended at 4:30/4:45. In the middle of the day i had a large break. I went to the cafe for lunch, to spend time with some friends and wind down, then i went to the library for a study group each day. I usually got through 3/4 classes per day before lunch. I started out really strong and tapered out through out the day. Now i have four serious classes per day jammed together with maybe a forty five minute break for lunch. I go home and i don't have time to do study groups because there is just too much to do and i am still trying to process my day.

fun-fact about my high-school, each morning we spend 30-45 minutes each morning in a class named "pride time." where we do basically nothing. That's 30-45 minutes of my time each day wasted listening to school politics. take that time and slap it in after lunch. Give us control of that and let us go where we need. Give us the opportunity to form study groups when we have the time to actually go to them, or even just a little time to let our brains catch up to everything that has been thrown at us thus far into the day. Don't restrict the number of times we can go to the library. I am currently only allowed to go to the library twice a week. And we can't do anything on Fridays. and its stupid.

I don't skip classes for fun. I only miss if i have to. I have always functioned that way. My last semester at the college, i collapsed one day and ended up in the ER. Needless to say i missed about a week of school. When i got back i handed in my late work, picked up the one work sheet i didn't get, and got notes from a friend. I got caught up in one day. About a week ago, a cold had me home for one day. I am still getting caught up. Missing one day of my courses fucked me over in high-school. I was out for a week in college and got caught up in one day. that seems a little backward to me. I am pretty sure this has to do with the combination of the busy work and the structure of the day. I feel bad for a friend of mine who will be gone all five days next week for vacation.

I think part of the difference is in how the instructors view their classes. In my current English class, my teacher is super strict. She informed us that she is strict to prepare us for college. In English 102 my teacher showed up 3/4 of the way through class, apologized for being late, thanked us for staying, and told us that her husband would have been very upset if she had missed the sale, then she had decided to stop and get lunch. Then she gave us each a chicken nugget for showing up to class and staying. True story. College professors are the most chill people ever. My 4 credit intensive immersion french professor cancelled class one day because she just didn't feel like coming and she felt like we had done enough that week. They don't care. I have 6 health sheets due this week already and it is only Monday. I don't even want to think about my math worksheets.

A lot of the difference in instructor attitude is likely caused by the difference in maturity of the student body. In college, you can trust your students to still be there 3/4 of the way through class. In high-school at least half of the class is probably high by 1/16th of the way through a lecture. You cant trust teenagers. And it is not that one bad apple ruins the bunch. More like a bad bunch fucks over one or two good apples. Its sad but true. I am pretty sure the girl behind me popped four Oxy in math. not even kidding. I know three people who came in high/drunk/hungover today. I firmly believe that college students are more mature. And i played magic/D&D at lunch with them each day. I am used to being around people who have a legit interest in getting straight A's and staying sane at the same time. People who have to deal with the whole world. I helped them out a bit, but they also helped me a lot and i am very grateful to them for that. I need that sort of environment.

The biggest difference is me. I am tired more. i am sick of this shit. And sick. And dealing with insomnia. And dealing with teenager stuff. and i am just so ready to be done. I am trying to have a life (and sort of failing but succeeding too). And on top of that there is everything else and i am so done with all of it. I don't want to be here.

There are so many differences between high-school & college that it is hard to pin down one reason that high-school is harder. So much has changed and somehow, despite college classes being more intense, high-school is harder. I hate high-school and would do anything to avoid it. Case in point, I just wrote a 3.5 page essay to avoid my health homework.

Decided to write a paper during lunch. Its kinda satirical but also not so like, yeah. Enjoy!

@data-sweet-potata @teaismyremedy

[johnsfirememoir-blog]

fire memoir

John M. Ortiz Professor English 1301 15 June 2017 Ortiz_John_3 I was about 20 years old and already I had worked at least 10 jobs. At this point in life I thought I needed to become financially stable before making my next big move in life. However a big change came when my girlfriend of 3 years left and I was let go from yet another company. I began to see the world as a ravenous place with little stability and a cold heart. My uncle then told me he was a fireman for 10 years. That it was a good stable job that might not make me rich but I would not have to worry about being let go because “production was down” or whatever other reason. Thus began my venture into that world. I started by seeing what it took to apply to be a fire fighter. It would take either being a certified fire fighter for the state of texas via going to college and going through a academy and earning college credit along the way or applying for a big city and having a lot of competition. College seemed the favorable option. Being young and not knowledgeable I thought I was going to have to pay for everything out of my own pocket. I was not one who made the best grades in high school and I assumed most scholarships were for kids who applied themselves a little more than I had. So  I went to the schools and they said classes would cost in the thousands. In my research I found a program. A place that would help someone like me. It was the “Texas Work Force Commission.”   They paid for classes books and even gave me a gas allowance. “Wow! I thought. Maybe this is meant to be” So I went and I spoke with a consultant who and after some paper work and some conversation I had what I needed to begin. Life was making a turn for the better. I felt I had a purpose and found new motivation. The schooling would be 1 semester of EMT and 2 semesters of fire academy. Speaking with counselors it seemed the best option would be to go to EMT first as that was the more academic side and the fire was more physical. I was 20 years old and had played sports through high school and in middle school. I was a varsity starter for a 5a school in Pasadena for 3 years. And after my separation from my ex I found solace by running at parks across Houston. It was settled do the hard then on to the fun. I would start in January 2010 Class starts at Houston community college on the southeast side on town. There I am nervous and not knowing what to expect. This is medical stuff I thought. I was pretty smart in school but I always fell behind. There isn't a teacher who is going to help me because she wants to see me play at the big game Friday night. Im going to be on my own. The instructor begins and starts to tell us how she is happy to see the career choice we have made and that it was honorable and that all that aside not everyone would pass. But she is here to help. There is a group of guys who had just graduated from the fire academy and are doing their EMT part 2nd. They seemed like cool guys but seemed “clickish” so I made friends with a older guy named mark and a young woman Megan. Orientation was over and the hard part began. The book for this class was huge I thought and the words at first daunting. It was just a different subject than what I was used to. I was raised by a family of boys and I was close to my grandfather who was the figure head. He was a mechanic and all 6 of his sons either worked on cars or raced them at some point. I found I was in a different world. I began to read 4 hours a day. Reading was tiresome and I would think about the guys in class talking about going to this bar or that place where they would watch whatever sport. Mark was old in comparison to the early 20 something year old’s in class. He had a wife and 2 daughters. He was about 35 at that time. When those other guys would talk abut going out. Mark would just look at me and say “look at those boys, they ain't even done anything and their already talking like they got this. They better get their heads straight.” I just nodded and agreed. I was pretty shy but I did want to go out and be one of the guys. Megan seemed indifferent. I couldn't tell if she just had a boy friend or was just that focused. Mark and I would talk and I had trade stories through the academy mostly about what motivated us. He was like me looking for work and not finding stability but also he longed ever so much to be a fire fighter for “The city of Houston!” As he put it. He wanted to work where he grew up and have his kids see him as a good man. Me on the other hand. My motivation was different. Along with looking for stable work. I told Mark that the year before  school started my girlfriend whom I proposed to left. A proposal that was I think immature and thoughtless I did love and have feelings for her but nothing substantial I always knew I my heart she didn't love me the way I cared for her. Mark would just say “boy you dodged a bullet.” I just nodded and agreed. Then came the fact I spent about a year roaming around between friend’s and relatives house’s. I didn't even have my own car. My father had multiple cars when I was growing up. He was a bit of a car hoarder. At least that's what I call him and he was not the easiest man to get along with. It was quite often we would fight. Well around this time he was quite stressed about his divorce and was afraid of losing his house. This created tension between us as I think. He never really spoke from the heart or showed emotion other than when he was mad. I am sure he wanted to provide but could not deal with life’s stress. Long story short we fought and he took back his car. I had to leave home. So I had no car to my name. No place that was a home. No special woman to stand beside me and I held jobs sporadically. Well it was sometime in October 2009 when I told my uncle Carlos what was going on that he told me I was going to live with him. The rule was I had to go to school and help out around the house. At this point I had bounced around that nothing seemed sure. However in time Carlos proved true and I had a stable place to stay. The next big help came from my grandfather. He was a mechanic and gave me a car. Not the nicest one but it ran and got me from point A to B. 2010 and I had a cassette player. Man I thought well at least girls won’t be a distraction with a car like this. It was a Suzuki side kick. Quite often I had to put water in the radiator and the paint job was well worn. Now my grandfather was a tough man. He had beliefs and he would stick to them. He came to America from Mexico and would always tell me stories how he was abandoned as a boy and he made it here on his own with no help and being betrayed by people here. He would always say “you if you do good I go with you but you if you do bad you on you own.” In his Spanglish. This is something I had seem him prove when he denied help to some uncles in the past for their own endeavors. He was a hard and stubborn man and I took his help with no expectations of a lasting aide. So it seemed mark and I had a lot to work for. We had study groups and in time even began to run together to get ready for the next phase. The fire academy. Megan came out to study but running was more of a Mark and I kind of thing. Sometimes we would go watch sports at a bar but that was rare and about as rare as me going out. Which I could probably count on 1 hand. I will never forget what it felt like to sit on the bed at home and just read and read and just think to myself if Carlos can have a stable pay check and feed himself then that's all I need. Just something solid until I can move on to the next phase of life. I did well for myself and was a B student. Something I was both really happy about and kind of disappointed. Happy because I passed and was making progress but kind of bummed because I put a lot of time in and thought I deserved more but a piece of paper saying you have your cert is the same for a A student or C student. So I continued with mark and Megan in our groups. Time passed and we all passed together. For the first time in my life I felt I accomplished something. Carlos being the motivational guy he was just shrugged it off and said wait for that fire academy. Though his face showed pride. I learned to read his face not his words. He always wanted better for me. As for my grandpa he just said good job and told me more stories of him struggling as a boy. He seemed to go on tangents a lot. He was retired and I guess he began to reflect on life more. Mark and I continued to run the time came and all we had to do was be ready for whatever physical punishment the fire academy would bring. I remembered Carlos coming home with red marks and bruises on his back when he entered the fire academy for the city of Houston. I did not know what to expect but I knew it would not be easy. Then came the surprising news. Mark my run partner and study buddy who had the same goals as me told me he had asthma. A shocking and concerning thing to hear. But then how have you been running? I asked. Not knowing how asthma would affect him and also so what does that mean if you’re a Fireman. Then came more news. Mark was not going to the fire academy with me. He found a job and decided he needed to work now and take care of his family. I was crushed for him. All that talk about being a fire fighter for Houston and now he had to change his plans. So I told him he was doing what any good man would do for his family. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me “don’t fuck this up” haha I laughed. He always talked like he was a father figure. In his mind he was but to me he was a good friend just older. The time came it was the first day of Houston Community Fire academy. I felt like a kid starting school for the first time again. Once again we had a orientation. The instructors introduced themselves and the whole feel of class was already different. In the last course the instructor was a larger set woman whom spoke of not everyone passing because the course was hard academically. This time I had lean male instructors who broke down their expectations and that physical repercussions would be a thing. Our head instructor captain Mayes his name was. He had a big black thick mustache that seemed to grow out then down and wrapped around the side of his lips down to his chin. I will never forget him standing straight up always stroking it when he went into deep thought. Next was captain Hernandez whom stated our mothers were not here to baby us and that he would be all the love we needed. A thicker guy but still toned but he didn't seem to be a runner but that was alright because lastly there was captain Del La Rosa he was a marathon runner and made it clear we would be running so many miles a day. Also if we did not comply with their demands we would run a tower. Which is a building that is 6 stories tall with access to a roof for a 7th floor. The guys in class were also young kids mostly leaner than me. I felt I had not prepared enough but I came to realize how tough I was mentally in the next few months. We also had 2 females. I found that interesting but cool. Day one and we began by standing up and introducing ourselves and our motivation to be a fire fighter. Some for money others for their family but really it is always about money. Only 2 guys said it was a family tradition. I thought it was cool that of the guys with dad’s and grandparents who were fire fighters that I was the only one who had a aunt fire fighter. She actually paved the way for my uncle and I really believe. Carlos had no ambition for the job like I until she gave him the steady job speech which I started to think he ripped off of her and gave to me. Geez Carlos be original bro. I thought. So my turn came and I said thoughtlessly that I wanted to be like my family and do something good for the community. I honestly had no idea what it took to do the job. In my mind Carlos was a soft handed man who preferred paper work to physical labor. And even with family in the Houston fire department I had little exposure to the world. That was day one. Day 2 and we were already in high gear everyone showed up with their uniforms pressed and starched. I also had my clothes ironed but not because im the type of person to be so prepared or type A. Simply my grandmother said it was a good idea in her way which means she will hound me into doing what she thinks is best. We were all in class early books out and ready to sit and learn like what you would imagine a college class is. That however was not the case. Del la Cruz showed up and said on time to run. We had 10 minutes to run from the classroom to the dressing room change and go do what I considered semi marathon training experiences. First hour of class and I was already soaked in sweat. We ran in cadence to what Del La Cruz called his running play list. Ill never forget them. Motor motor got a lot of motivation. Then we would repeat then dedi dedi got a lot of dedication. Then whatever variance he wanted followed. Push ups, sit ups, and a variety of other workouts would follow along with getting acquainted with the tower. A tall slender building 6 stories tall with access to the roof for a 7th floor was used also and that would become a dreaded place. Running up flights of stairs was exhausting. All the training I did before the academy and I felt like I was not ready for running up those stairs. Most of the other guys did well and we seemed like a solid class as in most guys were prepared. We had 2 girls in class one was married to one of the guys. She didn’t seem so well prepared meaning she looked about 50 lbs over weight and could not do any push ups. Now we had a guy named George who was also heavy set almost as wide as he was tall. But watching him run was like watching a grizzly taking stride. When I finished the runs before him I would like to watch that stride come in. Like a bad version of bay watch but its what I had at the time. After the morning work. It was back to class. That was only for that day. We started having our workouts after class the second week. Compared to the EMT program studying for the fire side was easy. It was interesting and I always just felt like I was reading brochures compared to the large foreign textbook I grew accustomed to using as a pillow. So the weeks went on and the guys got to know each other. Most people fell into clicks which is something I never liked because I never felt I fit in anywhere. At lunch the guys with military experience had one table and the black guys at another and so on. Racism was not a issue I think it is just people finding cultural similarities and their own comfort zones and so that’s how it was a for a little. Of course we all intermingled. But I didn’t find that group of guys I thought I was going to find that would be my drinking going out and having fun buddies. At least not in the beginning of the academy. By the end of the first month things became a little routine class at at certain time and then the end of the day workout. Always exhausting but I handled it. Besides I had the grizzly and the other girl to keep the attention off me. They would always be in the back of the pack. Although George was not as far behind like she was. I have forgotten her name. She only lasted a little over a month before she quit. My grandmother the woman who raised me as her own and is and always will be my mother always made me lunch. The mornings felt like elementary with the food being set aside for me as I went off to school. Well after 2 months I will never forget this day. I forgot my food. It was not a big deal that I didn’t take my lunch. I had money to buy lunch and a little Suzuki sidekick to get me to the nearby subway. But for whatever reason she had spoken to my grandfather that day and they were separated but still would speak from time to time. Well at some point in the morning around11 I see this familiar black truck drive up to the parking lot behind the tower. I thought nothing of it until one of the instructors called me and said someone was looking for me. It was my grandparents with lunch! Now my grandmother is mom but my grandfather was dad just as much although my father is in my life I was always close to grandpa. This brought a tear to my eye. He didn’t have to come but that wasn’t what hit me. I knew he wanted to come and see me in my fire academy uniform. He was a tough man and also routine. My uncle Ramiro once said that dad “has not left the 6 block perimeter of his house” just enough to pay his bills and buy food. We never asked dad to leave because we all knew he didn’t like to leave his house and so on special occasions like birthdays and anything really we had to go to him. Yet here he was at the academy. I felt motivation like I had never felt to do this and have him at my graduation. The first semester ended and I think I lost 15lbs. There is a picture of me and I had fallen asleep at lunch with my head in my chest and arms crossed. I never liked the picture it showed me that I was heavier than I wanted to be with big chubby cheeks and arms thick and you could tell did not have definition. That was clearly changing. The fire academy was a really really expensive workout program and it was working! Before the 1st semester ended we had a physical ability test as well as some academic tests. We started losing people. Both of the girls couldn’t do the physical and we lost one of the guys who although physical did not take the testing serious and came just short of the requirements. David was his name he and I remained friends for a little after that but he had to find other thing in life to do. At times the academy did not feel like school but like guys just hanging out and working out and shooting the shit together. Then when people were weeded out. It was like reality hit and we remembered why we were here. To get our certifications and find work. I sometimes forgot the gravity of what I was doing but always took class serious. We had lost 3 or 4 people the first semester. Semester 2 by comparison was a walk in the park. The tests became easier and we spend more time outside running drills than anything really. It does not take much brain power to advance fire hose. It really brought to life the phrase “getting paid from the neck down” we would pull hose here and there. Load it and deploy it. Semester 2 was all about being outside and sweating. Running around and doing the workouts then playing with fire fighter tools. I recall one day the guys in class were starting to relax and take things easy but the instructors decided to remind us that this is was and made us do 100 push ups. Then someone spoke up out of line. This was a paramilitary organization after all. I mean we did have to be clean shaved. So another 50 was added then another guy spoke up for whatever reason then another 50. All in all the class did about 400 push ups through the day not at once. I don’t think I could ever have done that. But I know this guy named belt a hard working carpenter pushed the envelope and hit 550 that day. I took the burden with him and another guy that messed up so the whole class wouldn’t have to suffer. I hit 600 push ups that day. Far from the 50 I could barely do in a row with the class first started. Towards the end of the semester all we had to worry about was passing the burns. These were training drills where we had to gear up and go into a training building with pallets on fire and we would have to perform whatever task they gave us. Burn 1 was easy. Just gear up and feel the heat inside a Konex box. It is pretty much one of those big metal shipping containers you see on commercial boats transporting goods. Burn 2 a little tougher gear up go inside and advance the hose to the fire then go out. Burn 3 is where things become real but no significant task for any of the guys whom like myself also found themselves in better shape. Conditioning was key here. We would gear up advance hose and pull out the dummy. The last burn burn 4 was a true test of physical conditioning and mental toughness. When you put on the gear. Your skin does not breathe. You sweat and it has nowhere to go and no air to wick it off and cool you. Therefore you stay hot. The gear itself is a heat barrier but works by absorbing the heat and keeping it off your body with its 3 layers. The outside absorbing and the inner 2 for moisture barrier and the inner most the inner lining. Burn 4 we went as a 4 man crew. We geared up in set time then went up to a door prop and used skills to open it. We went and advanced line to the door. Then came climbing up a ladder to the 2nd floor roof with tools in hand. Next we had to cut a hole on the roof using a saw then we went back in and pulled a dummy out and that was it. I think I drank near a gallon of water after we finished that. I sat there and watched other guys go and then fall to their knees and drink up water and their eyes fill with pride because they just did one of the hardest things they had ever done in their life and it is something that is a accomplishment. I think every boy wants to go on a adventure and be that hero. This was like that but set up and no real life to be saved but after it you felt like you could do something heroic should you be called upon. We only had a few weeks left in the academy after that I so I began to seek work as a EMT. I quickly found a job part time while in school that became full time after. I would take people in nursing homes to dialysis or the hospital if it was emergent. That was my time in the academy. I went from a overweight guy to one who had decent tone and had a father show up even though he never left his 6 block radius. Had felt like I had done something to be better and stand on my own 2 feet and support myself and did it mostly on my own. I didn’t need a woman to support me. I felt renewed. Graduation came and my whole family showed up. Carlos showed up in his decorated fire uniform and along with my mother pinned my badge. It was more than enough that my dad showed up. He didn’t have to get on stage.

After thought: these events happened in 2010 and it had been a long time since I had reflected and thought about these events that are significant in not only the path I ended up taking for a career. But as a stepping stone to other aspects of my life. I gained confidence in myself to do things I thought I could not do. I made friends whom I still speak to and even have worked with and fought fires along side. This reminds me of the young boy I was and shows me some of the man I became. Also my grandfather has since passed in may of 2016. Seeing him at the academy that day will forever be with me as one of my most cherished memories. This memoir should make people think that if they just go after something even if things seem against them they should just do it.