#fun fact i wanted to make this one with vulture wings but it ended up looking like crow wings | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strigital · 10 months

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just a small bunch of Alek because he is the babiest of girls 😔

think it's about time i explained who tf he is and why i'm always sad about him so here are a few fun facts about the boi!:

saw his parents get brutaly unalived by Arasaka aged 16 and had to delta the fuck outta there with a toddler sister in his arms

got stranded in the desert outside Night City with nothing to his name but dad's old jacket, enough eddies to buy like one burger and a hungry child to care for

came across some Nomads (the Bakkers) and for a year or two Selita Bakker took the babes under her wing (then she fucken died and he had to leave again)

was forced into a life of crime just to make sure his sis didn't starve

he'd disappear for days or weeks doing gig after gig while Jaxine stayed with Mama Welles, Padre, Dr. Vik or Mama Fabienne (a kind-hearted haitian proprietress of The Birdhouse, an orphanage set up in the ruins of a small theatre tucked away somewhere between Dogtown and GIM) more about her sometime later

because of that Jax basically raised herself and Alek forever hated himself for not being there for her when she needed him most

he called her Jacket all the time and only used her name when she done fucked up and needed an ass woopin' (she was a hooligan who'd get locked up on possession charges aged 14...)

the nickname came from the fact that after they became orphans Jax would only ever shut up and stop crying while swaddled into her dad's giant jacket; she'd even wobble around like a penguin wearing it like a giant ass cape. and so it stuck. Jacket (sometimes it was JJ when Alek was in a hurry)

back in the world of edgerunning he was known as Vulture or V for short. his selling pitch was "got a bone to pick with somebody? Vulture's your man!"

as a side job he also ran an indie rock group "The Vultures". music helped him cope with day-to-day traumatic shit he had to endure. it's through the showbiz that he met Kerry Eurodyne and developed a hopeless crush on the celeb. feelings were mutual AF but both gonks were too shy to say anything. Kerry would only find out about it some years later from his sis when she became a walking floppy disk for Johnny_Silverhand.exe

at some point he utterly peaked in the merc world. every dog at the Afterlife knew his face and everybody wanted to work with him. even Rogue at some point advertised him to her clients as "the" man to do the job

at the pinnacle of his career Alek chipped in some mean mantis blades, top of the line Kiroshis, a Militech-made Sandevistan and a gazillion more enhancements that made him a fucken beast to be reckoned with. he also trained relentlessly and folks even mistook him for an ex-military, even though everything he knew was self-taught. he never stopped improving his body and mind and because of this (or maybe inspite of this?) he started showing the first symptoms of cyberpsychosis sometime around 2070. despite that, he'd keep his illness under control up until his death in 2074

it was also around this time that he klepped a pristine Type-66 Avenger off some corpo rat. he took the beaut to the Nomads to have it juiced up and after some work the wheels came out black as midnight, equipped with CrystalDome tech, guns upon guns, meanest freaking engine and tyres that could cling to walls if need be. don't ask how many people died staring down that bumper approaching them head-on at supersonic speeds, cause the answer is too many. Jax always felt like he loved that damned car more than her sometimes... and whenever she asked to take the beastie for a spin he'd always reply "over my dead body". who knew fucker meant it literally?!

Alek lied to Jaxine her whole life in a desperate bid to protect her from literally the entire world. the story of how they became orphans, what he did as a job, where he went off to for days on end... girl grew up knowing nothing about real Alek. only years later when with the help of a mutual friend she discovers his secret pad in the Glen that she'd start to piece together who he really was

Alek was afraid of his illness taking away his memory, so he scrolled damn near everything. birthday parties, hangouts at the shooting range, hikes into the badlands... every more or less important moment with Jaxie got recorded onto a BD shard and tucked away like a precious little slice of life that he was losing alongside his self-destructing neural links. later, Jaxie would spend hours rolling them over and over again, reliving the life that Arasaka took from them

throughout his career Alek's sole purpose in life (besides keeping his lil' sis alive) was revenge on Arasaka. specifically, he wanted to end Saburo himself with his own hands. any gig that involved messing with 'Saka or allowed him to gather crucial info was an automatic green light for him

he knew his dad didn't die in the assault and suspected he was Soulkilled like many other enemies of the corp (old man did in fact manage a anti-corpo group of vigilantes for like a decade before getting ratted out by somebody). at some point while on a gig to steal some 'Saka intel he got a hold of his dad's engram's copy. not like the Relic which would delete your personality, but the old gen - one that you plug in and talk to like your average hologram. of course, Alek never told Jax that he had their dead father on a shard slotted into his head at all times... and old man Bryce didn't want to traumatize his junior kid even further, either

dad wholeheartedly supported his son's mission to topple Arasaka, which was probably a bad idea... because history tends to repeat itself and eventually 'Saka discovered Alek's true identity and connected numerous crimes against them back to him. Adam Smasher was on his way to smash Alek...

too late did Alek realize that he done fucked up. he got all the crucial info locked away in his pad, the keys from it he left in his wheels and send that mf off into the sunset with a trusted fella. he recorded a sordid confession for Jaxie with a shitton of i'm-sorry's and i-love-you's and sent her away by... lying, again. he told her some drug dealers where coming to collect their due and he wanted her out of danger while he dealt with them. but the metal man Smasher showed up and the epic fight ensued. Alek knew he had no chance but he wasn't gonna make it easy for the dickwipe that zeroed his fam. the least he could do is hurt the bitch. and so as Jaxie was speeding away on Alek's bike - explosion. both Alek and his digitized dad were gone for good. Jaxie was left to fend for herself, not knowing that 'Saka now knew that they didn't wipe all of the Bryces and were looking for the one that got away

eventually she'd learn the whole tragic ass truth. and despite Alek's last wish for Jaxine to leave 'Saka be and just live her life, she made it her life goal to avenge her family. somehow, someway. one Johnny Silverhand would later come in extremely handy in this quest of hers

even though his life was hard and short, he did try to live to the fullest. he put his heart and soul into his music, he tried his damned best to show Jaxine that he loved her, and he looked out for his friends. Rogue would describe him as "the good villain" - a guy who despite having bloodied hands that never dried, always tried to do well by others. there was a short time when he was considered the deadliest motherfucker in town the mention of whose name sent shivers down gangoons' spines. and then he, like many before him and after, died

so if ya wanna honor the legendary Vulture whose flight was cut short, come down to the Afterlife and ask Claire for a shot of The Vulture: Armagnac Massy on the rocks with a splash of Cirrus Cola and a mint garnish. expensive, you say? if you knew him, you'd know he was worth every ennie

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hungry-tum-stuff · 1 year

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Introducing: Bix and Tahir!

These are the fellas from my most recent writing piece on this blog, and I just wanted to write up a little post with some background information on them as well as some fun facts!

Bixita “Bix” Meliaki

Credit to BrightGoat for the picrew!

Bix is a harpy! He’s a humanoid, but there are some key differences. Most notably his wings that are just about as tall as he is, his feathered ears, and his talons that he has instead of feet.

In addition to how different he looks, he’s a bit different internally as well. Harpies are smaller creatures (standing about 5’2 on average) seeing as they have to remain small enough to fly. So naturally have small stomachs, but they also have fast metabolisms so they can digest food quickly both to give them energy and ensure they’re never too full to fly. (Unless they seriously overeat) So in order to stay healthy, harpies need to eat more often than a person would.

Bix is an amputee. He lost his right leg when he was a child, and he has a prosthetic made from a vulture’s leg that he has enchanted with necromancy to act like his own. However, the enchantment breaks when Bix is under too much stress, and it costs a lot of energy to recast. So if he’s too tired or hungry, he simply won’t be able to recast the enchantment and get his leg working again.

Bix is also a trans man. He doesn’t like how ‘feminine’ his full name sounds so he prefers to go by his nickname, and there was no need for top surgery either because. Birds don’t have tits ✌️

He is a huge grump, and he’s got quite the temper and dirty mouth despite his ‘angelic’ features. Tahir likes to think this is because the harpy is ‘perpetually hangry,’ which is mostly true because he seems to calm down quite a bit after a good meal.

Tahir: Crown Prince of the Undercommons

Tahir is a Drow: or a dark elf. He was born and raised in the Undercommons: The land beneath the surface. And due to his title, he’s slated to rule it one day. He’s still quite young, (Only 23) and he’s spent most of his life just learning about the world and how to rule a kingdom. He has very little practical knowledge.

The one real special racial feature that he has is his night vision: His eyes are adjusted for dark environments so he can see very well at night or without the help of a torch or fire!

However, he is very book-smart and he’s naturally curious. He likes learning, and he approaches life with a very open mind. He’s not naive though, the harsh environment of the Undercommons taught him that much growing up. He was also trained to use a sword and a bow to protect himself if the need ever arose, so he’s pretty dexterous and quite good in a fight.

He has a very gentle nature. Despite being trained to fight, he doesn’t like fighting and he’d rather avoid conflict as much as possible. At the end of the day, he believes actions speak louder than words. Sometimes this can create an issue when he fails to speak up for himself. Bix evens him out in that regard, because the harpy is absolutely not afraid to speak up.

He has a surprisingly good sense of humor. While Bix relies on vulgarity, Tahir makes quick-witted jokes that usually take Bix a second to process.

That’s all for now I think!! If you’d like to know any more about them, please feel free to send me an ask!! Otherwise, I’ll try to put out some more writing for these two before classes start back up. <3

#original characters #harpy character #drow character #high fantasy #writing

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iam93percentstardust · 3 years

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aight, i did manage to come up with a prompt after all: ironfalcon, non powers au, tony finds an injured bird (*coughs* redwing *coughs*) and brings it to the vet where he then meets a very handsome vet named sam - cue in funny and awkward meet-cute pls and ty 💕💕💕

Thanks for the prompt! This was fun to write (even if I did have to rewrite it a couple times to make sure it didn't end up winterironfalcon) 💕

This fic is also on ao3 here.

Sam specializes in birds.

He’s always had an affinity for them, ever since he was a kid and his mom had taken him to work with her at the lory exhibit at the zoo. He’d spent many summers as a kid unofficially volunteering with her, helping her take care of the lories, and then transitioning into an official intern position in high school. It had been logical to go into a pre-vet track as an undergrad and then onto vet school once he graduated, specializing in birds.

He has a small clinic about two hours outside of New York City, where he partners with a nearby avian wildlife rescue and rehabilitation center and takes care of whatever ridiculously exotic (and possibly illegal) birds the rich people in the nearby Hamptons bring him. It would be a pretty good life, if not for the frequent visits from people who find baby pigeons in their yard and bring them to him because they “rescued” them or found an injured turkey vulture (not that he minds the injured turkey vultures, other than the fact that they stink up his small clinic something awful).

Anyway, it’s a decent, if predictable, life, and that’s why Sam is so surprised when someone bursts into his clinic just before closing carrying a box. The box is emitting the distinctive o-ka-leeeee song of the red-winged blackbird, which, despite being a common bird in New York, is not one that Sam’s ever looked after before.

“You have to help me,” the man says frantically. He thrusts the box in Sam’s direction. “I didn’t mean to let Alpine get outside, but she did, and then she caught this bird, and she almost ate him, and he’s going to die if you don’t save him, and I can’t let him die, he’s too pretty to die.”

Sam had been blinking confusedly at the rush of words, but at the word “die,” he jolts into action. He takes the box from the man, peeks inside to take a look at the damage (one wing nearly severed and a broken leg), and hurries toward the back room.

The man follows him.

Sam stops just before ducking back and gives him an incredulous look. “You can’t come back here,” he points out.

“But I can help,” the man protests.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you have four years of vet school and five years of practical experience behind you?” he snaps.

“No, but—”

“Then sit your pasty ass back down while I attempt to save this bird you brought in.”

The man looks affronted. “My ass isn’t pasty.”

And since there’s nothing Sam can say to that without actually seeing the man’s (admittedly, shapely from what little bit he’s seen of it), he makes a disgruntled noise, points at the chairs in the waiting room, and disappears into the back room.

Three hours later, he emerges back into the waiting room in a new pair of scrubs. The man isn’t waiting in either of the chairs in the small waiting room, but is instead behind the counter. Sam takes a moment to just look at him. In the chaos of their first meeting, he hadn’t a chance to really look at him, but he is now, and he’s liking what he sees: fluffy brown hair that he’d like to run his hands through to find out if it’s as soft as it looks, a trim body that he kind of wants to run his tongue over, and an ass that really is ridiculously plush. He’s so distracted by the attractive guy in front of him that it takes him a moment to realize that the man isn’t just trespassing behind the counter, but is, in fact, following the list pinned on the side of the modem to finish up the last of Sam’s closing duties.

“Thanks,” Sam says, surprised by the thoughtfulness. The man jumps, clearly startled, and whirls around, pointing at him with one of Sam’s pens.

“You are too quiet,” the man declares. “How’s Redwing?”

“Redwing?”

“Well yeah, he’s got a red wing, doesn’t he?”

“He does,” Sam agrees, amused. He wonders if it would make it better or worse if he informed the man that Redwing’s species is the red-winged blackbird.

“So how is he?”

“He’s a tough little guy,” Sam says, gently shoving the man aside so he can get to the computer. He starts typing in Redwing’s information and drafts an email to send to the avian rescue center tomorrow. “Barring any complications, he should pull through.”

“Will he fly again?”

Sam hesitates. That seems to be answer enough for the man, who bows his head, but Sam still says, “Probably not. If he makes it through tonight, I’m going to send him to the wildlife rescue center just down the road. They’ll be able to take care of him.” He pauses and then adds, “I’m Sam, by the way.”

“Yeah, it was on the door,” the man says distractedly, jerking a thumb toward the entrance even as he continues staring at Sam.

“No, I know, but usually, this is when you tell me your name too.”

The man blinks, seeming to realize that he hasn’t introduced himself, then hurriedly says, “I’m Tony.”

“And you said you found Redwing when…?”

“Alpine got him,” Tony explains as though that explains anything.

“And Alpine is a…?”

“Oh, sorry, Alpine is my ex-boyfriend’s cat. He’s out of town and needed someone to watch her, and, well, I’m the only person Alpine has ever liked other than—”

“Bucky,” Sam finishes, the ideas of an ill-tempered cat named Alpine, Tony with an ass that won’t quit, and an ex-boyfriend coming together to paint a familiar picture.

“You know Bucky?”

Sam grimaces. He knows Bucky, but he doesn’t particularly like Bucky. Well, no, that’s not exactly true. He likes Bucky when Bucky isn’t being annoying, which is very rarely. “He’s my best friend’s brother.”

Tony mouths that to himself and then brightens. “You’re Steve’s Sam!”

“Okay, firstly, I’m not anyone’s Sam,” he corrects, shuddering at the thoughts. He and Steve were college roommates and that’s it. “And secondly, yeah, that’s probably where you know me from.”

“Weird, isn’t it?” Tony muses. “That we’ve known Bucky and Steve for so long and never met?”

Not that weird. Sam got tired of hearing about Bucky’s gorgeous boyfriend—no one could be that attractive—so he stopped showing up to Steve and Bucky’s weekly dinners that they insisted on throwing like their friend group was one big family. It’s really annoying to find out that Bucky hadn’t been lying and that Tony really is that attractive.

He only realizes he’s saying that out loud when Tony winks and says, “You’re not so bad yourself, honeybunch.”

“Um.”

“Don’t worry, I know you didn’t mean to actually say it. But I appreciate the flattery anyway.”

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, like his grandad used to say. “It’s not flattery if it’s true.” It’s a good thing Bucky and Tony had an amiable breakup cause it would be really awkward if Bucky decided to kill him for hitting on his ex.

Tony beams at him. “I meant what I said about you too.”

Which is really nice to hear.

Surprisingly nice to hear, considering they’ve really only known each other for a few minutes.

“So should I get out of your hair?” Tony asks. “I don’t really know how this whole thing works now that I’ve dropped Redwing off and made sure he’s going to be okay.”

Sam can’t really say what makes him say, “Uh, no, you can stay if you want to,” other than he really, really doesn’t want to see Tony leave so quickly, but that’s exactly what he says. “I mean, I’m just going to stay here to keep an eye on him overnight. Some company would be nice. Not that you have to stay if you don’t want to.”

Tony’s smile softens. “That’s a really decent thing for you to do, Sam.”

He doesn’t say that he’d do it for any bird that crossed his path, because as much as he wishes that that’s exactly what he could do, he can’t. Not for a nonendangered species when he’s the only employee he has. If he had a bigger staff and if Redwing was a California condor or something like that, then he absolutely would stay to make sure the bird didn’t die overnight. But with Redwing, truth is, he’s staying in the hopes that Tony will stay with him.

“I’d be happy to stick around with you,” Tony says, jumping up onto the counter behind him. “Least I could do for Redwing after Alpine nearly ate him.”

Something—Sam suspects the spirit of Clint, who’s never met a pickup line he didn’t love—possesses him to say, “Hopefully the company’s not too bad either.”

Tony glances away for a second and when he looks back, his smile has turned shy. “No, I think the company’s definitely worth staying for too.”

#alle writes #alle answers #ironfalcon

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hawksugarbaby · 3 years

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Shinso x reader - Burning sensation

Fluff

Every morning at 7:00 you would meet shinso outside your dorm to head to school "Hey Hitoshi how ya doin this mornin" you asked sideling up to the boy who you had gotten to know quite well through your walks too and from school, and your time in class, and lunch, and training after school, you were never really away from each other actually. He took comfort in the time you spent together and you enjoyed talking to him and being his friend. It was pretty understandable why he didn't want to be friends, to begin with, but there was no way in hell you were letting the boy go through 3 years of school without any friends! So you made it your own personal mission to change his mind about you, and you were pretty chuffed when he actually stopped pushing you away yep this boat was firmly tied to the dock now. "I'm fine just tired" he was always tired.

The gleaming white windows of your school came into view lighting up the area around it like a child shining a magnifying glass on a bunch of tiny ants swarming to their colony. You nudged his side with your elbow getting his attention "SO I heard someone is getting transferred into the hero course next year!" you were so proud of him! This was his dream come true and he was finally getting his big opportunity "yeah it's pretty crazy" it was true he was more than thrilled to be joining the hero course but he felt like he was betraying you in some way, you should be in there with him! You were just as powerful if not more than he was. It didn't feel right leaving you "I can't believe it Hitoshi! I'm so happy for you, we should go get ice cream later to celebrate!" you walked through the door together weaving through the other people dotted around the corridor to reach your own classroom tucked away at the end . the thought hadn't even crossed your mind about how lonely you would be without Hitoshi, and it was coming up for the end of the year, you would have to cherish your time more than ever. "Ice cream sounds nice."

Th day went on rather uneventfully, thankfully it was lunch now so food was on the top of your mind "what should I get today?" you asked your lavender friend, you were determined to have everything on the menu at least once before you left school, you had quite a few options to go "what about a cappuccino and the udon?" it was pretty lucky he was keeping track of what you had and hadn't got yet otherwise you would never get close to finishing the challenge "you just want my cappuccino huh" you stepped up to the counter and ordered your food and drink which was ready in a flash thanks to lunch rush (give the dude some credit he does lunch for that entire school every day!) "maybe" he gave a lopsided grin and you rolled your eyes.

you both set off for a table near the back where you usually sat when a green-haired boy waving his arm caught your eye "hey Hitoshi is that one of your new classmates" you questioned gesturing to the freckled boy who was frantically trying to get his attention "oh yeah that's midoriya" he brushed off the topic and continued off to your table "hey wait you should go sit with them!" you called after the boy who groaned and span round his purple locks dangled in front of his eyes blocking his view fully but he could tell you weren't gonna let him leave. "but... why?" "because they're your classmates silly come on" you pulled him over to the table much to his dismay "h-hey shinso do you want to sit with us?" midoriya asked and everyone else at the table eyed him up like a flock of vultures inspecting there pray "can (y/n) sit too?" wait no what you weren't in that class why would you sit there? That was like... the top dog table right? "Of course!" oh well oh kay then guess you were one with the big leagues now. "Hi it's nice to meet you, I'm ururaka" she introduced herself with a big grin, you noticed she was holding her juice with 4 fingers and had pink pads in the middle of her fingertips "I'm (l/n) nice to meet you too" you sat down next to Hitoshi excited to make some new friends, maybe if you liked them he would like them more.

"So you and shinso are really good friends huh?" you nodded as you took a sip of your cappuccino and ultimately decided it was one of the less amazing things on the menu "yeah he's like my best friend and I'm pretty much his emotional support dog" you giggled and handed off the warm, bitter drink to him which he was more than happy to take off your hands "in all honesty she should be the one joining your class, daughter of the number 2 hero couldn't cut the hero programme" he teased and everyone else gasped "YOUR DAD IS HAWKS!" yep it was true you were the daughter of the number 2 hero hawks and someone else?? Mum didn't stick around long, your quirk was a little HOT TO HANDLE (roll with it) "what's your quirk! Can you show us!" midoriya begged from across the table which Hitoshi was not happy about he didn't like it when people gave you more attention than he did "um no I definitely cannot show you! But I can tell you what it iss" you sang and the boy grabbed a pencil and notepad out his bag "uh it's called Pheonix I have retractable wings... made of blue fire... and I can fly and shoot the feathers and I have the feather blades like dad and all that jazz" "she also has the same dumb personality" Hitoshi added and you gasped looking at him hurt "don't talk about my dad like that he loves you" he did actually like Hitoshi a surprising amount and you were pretty convinced he shipped you like a 15-year-old girl watching 2 boys in an anime about superheroes (-_-)

"But if your dad is the number 2 hero how come you aren't in the hero course" ouch. You gripped your chopsticks harshly "some bitch thought it would be funny to knock me out during the entrance exam and it was too late to get me in by recommendation" the chopsticks snapped splintering off into a bunch of smaller pieces. The lively nature of the cafe suddenly turned to one of concern when 2 mini puffs of thick smoke filtered out from the back of your blazer blanketing the roof and the smell of burning fabric infiltrated your noses "your burning" Hitoshi said from beside you "OH sorry sorry I didn't notice" you said and started to calm yourself down by stealing Hitoshi's lemonade "you must be upset about having to be in different classes after the new year" the boy with the bird head said. Well yeah but he wouldn't be leaving you completely, you opened your mouth to speak but before you could start Hitoshi started "I don't intend on letting her go half a year alone in that class, either she moves up or I go back down" he grit his teeth at the thought of you being alone in that class by yourself, and if it meant he had to give up his dream of being in the hero course he would. You smiled and then sighed when you realised you couldn't finish your udon since your chopsticks had transformed into toothpicks.

Ah yes, finally the end of the day. You and Hitoshi walked out of the nicely air-conditioned school into the dry blistering heat of the outside world "oh god whyyy" you cried and shook your fist at the sun then immediately regretted it as a bunch of white spots danced around in your eyes (FUN FACT THOSE ARE CALLED PHOSPHENES. Y'know, like phosphor) "so ice cream" you stumbled around trying to your friends and jumped when he put his hands on the back of your shoulders "just keep walking dummy" he said and you did so until you gained your sight back. "It's such a hot day this is evil" you crossed your arms angrily as you made your way to your house since you had decided to get changed before you got ice cream so that the sweltering heat didn't melt you both to a puddle of sweat and ew (THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING WITH OKAY).

"HEY DAD ARE YOU HOME?" you shouted into the house and a little red feather shot down to where you were standing "I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES THEN" you and shinso wandered up to your room dumping your bags with an audible thud "crop top and jeans?" you asked holding up your clothes and showing them off to Hitoshi "sure why not," he said and pulled out the bag of clothes in the bottom of your wardrobe that you kept there for him. "Vest and shorts?" he held up the clothes and you nodded and he descended down the hall to the bathroom waving to your dad as he went past. It was such a perfect day, it was too good to be overthinking little things like clothes or how lonely you would be without Hitoshi or what he meant when he said when he wasn't leaving you behind or how he really felt about you or- "how's my chicklet?" (hawk's most defining personality trait is that he likes chicken don't @me) your dad asked ruffling your hair "it is too hot to exist right now but Hitoshi and I are gonna get ice cream" you grinned and cracked open your window hoping a breeze would come through and cool you down a smidge. "Like a date?" "No dad it's not a date" "finneee have fun" he pouted and left you alone to get changed.

"Hey, Hitoshi what ice cream do you want?" you asked looking over the menu on the side of the truck that was parked in the park... "it's a vanilla day I think," you stepped up to the counter ordering your ice creams both with a flake obviously and sat on a cool metal bench which was hidden by the big weeping willow tree, it was your favourite spot in the whole park because it was always shady and the big tree made you feel like little kids again, you were so small in comparison and when the wind picked up the branches whipped around like a carousel and tangled together like a curtain to hide behind.

"hey you'll be okay in the class by yourself for a while right?" he asked and took a pit off his ice cream "I'll have to be won't I. I'm really proud of you you know that" you stole the flake that he was about to bite into and took a bite out of it letting the chocolate bit's fall off and land on your crop top melting almost instantly "I know. But I promise I'm gonna get you up there with me. You won the sports festival I don't know why they're taking me" (ROLL WITH IT) he stole your flake in retaliation and started eating his ice cream "because you deserve it stop doubting yourself" you preached. You listened to the cars drive by and the angry drivers honking at each other, in all fairness there were indicators for a reason. The bustling life of the city drowned out by the calm bubble surrounding the 2 of you "well you deserve it too (y/n)" he argued and you both burst into a fit of laughter knowing that it was almost impossible to be mad at each other and this wasn't even close to a reason.

"Hey I need to tell you something" he whispered taking a bite out of the sugary cone "oooh~ are you going to profess your undying love for me" you giggled not knowing what you were getting into in the next few minutes "yes... I am" ".....WHAT!" WELL, THIS TOOK A TURN "I like you. Like in a girlfriend type of way" he sighed when a big flake of his cone cracked and fell into the dirt under him "oh. This is unexpected" you whispered taking a bite out of your own cone getting crumbs down your top "if you don't feel the same it's okay I just wanted you to know" he pursed his lips and drew little circles in the dry dirt "no I do, I do feel the same I guess I just didn't realise I felt the same... does that make sense?" it probably didn't.

Of course, you felt the same, he had been your best friend for a while now so obviously you caught some feelings but you had never given them a title like, a crush or love or anything like that, they were just there. They would either go away or they wouldn't and now you were here. You were glad they hadn't "yeah it does" he smiled and the wind picked up a bit lacing the branches together to create th perfect veil as he leaned down and kissed you softly, it was nice and filled with love and admiration and your face turned soft pink and matched the heat of the sun beating down right now.

It didn't last long unfortunately as 2 pillars of smoke started coming out of your shirt and burning fabric once again took over your senses "NO NO NO NOT NOW COME ON" you shouted feeling the fabric separating on your back and you held the front of your crop top on your front "okay well we're gonna not do that for now" Hitoshi said calmy and you shot him a panicked glance gesturing to your unfortunate situation with your other hand. The back of your top fell off and you arched your back when it came into contact with the cold rugged bark of the willow tree "OKAY WELL NOT WALKING HOME LIKE THAT" he shouted and took off his vest throwing it to you and turning away.

You put it on quickly after you calmed down a bit and you weren't burning anything. "Okay you can turn around," you instructed focusing only on the branches in front of you "what not gonna look at me?" "nope" "why not?" you cleared your throat and clicked your tongue "because if I do this shirt will just burn off too and then we'll have to phone dad and get him to bring me a shirt and then he'll ask how I managed to burn two of my shirts off and then I have to listen to him go on and on like a 15-year-old girl about how he totally called that we would get together and then-" "alright I get it," he said putting his hand over your mouth 'well you just set yourself up for failure' you thought and licked his hand which he pulled back and wiped on your jeans "your gross" he chuckled and stood up wiping the dirt off his jeans and standing directly in your eye line putting his hand out to help you up. Which you didn't accept since you were rather busy ogling those goddamn washboard abs "well your not burning yet but you might be brain dead" he flicked your forehead and you shook your head slightly accepting his help up.

You started to walk home as the bright blue sky turned to a medley of tangerine and lavenders with pink brush strokes in between. "We should get ice cream more often," he said his honeyed voice cutting the silence held between you "I agree, we train so much we deserve it!" you exclaimed "you just wanna see me shirtless" he teased. It took every ounce of willpower you had to not burn the shirt off by accident but thankfully you didn't "pfft no. I want ice cream the shirtless thing doesn't have to be exclusively an ice cream thing" you pointed out nudging his shoulder with yours as your house got closer and he rolled his eyes wrapping his arm around your waist pulling you next to him like 2 magnets sticking to each other.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow Hitoshi," you said once you reached your door "yeah see you tomorrow," he said pecking your cheek and walking off down the road leaving you astonished at your door. "DAD YOUR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS" you screamed as you entered the house.

4 weeks later

"We have another student joining the hero course" the grumpy teacher announced and you bust into the 1-A classroom with your wings outstretched behind you "PUT THE GREMLIN BACK" shinso shouted from the back of the classroom "GO BACK UNDER THE BRIDGE YOU CAME FROM" you shouted back and took your seat next to him "dad wants to know if you're staying for dinner after training" you whispered, "yeah what are we having?" "chicken"

#my hero academia #bnha #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #wattpad #mha #boku no hero fanfic #shinso x reader #shinso hitoshi x reader #hitoshi shinso x reader #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinsou #hitoshi x reader

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guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom · 4 years

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Hell and Back Pt.1

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warnings: Language, drug use, mentions of death/the dead, parental neglect, mentions of selling hard drugs, brief mention of drugging, self deprecating thoughts, near death.

Word Count: 4.5k

Songs: Trouble Dont Last Always- Rev Timothy Wright, Violent- carolesdaughter, Feel Better- Penelope Scott, Kids- Current Joys, Never (feat. O_super)- Mag.Lo, Weary- Solange, Sleepwalk (Remastered 2010) Santo & Johnny, Dark Red- Steve Lacy, Glitter- 070 Shake.

“‘I wish I could be a religious person. They always seem so happy and carefree. To be able to put that much trust into something or someone. I know you were never religious but your family was. My family isn’t really all that religious but they did always feel like prayer could solve all. I’d been praying my whole life and not one had ever been answered. All my family is a bunch of hypocrites and sinners, but hey hate the sin not the sinner right? Ha yeah right.”

A/N: The part two of this chapter should be out soon and there was only two proof reads sorry for any mistakes.

Series Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

October 13th

‘Dear Rose, This is stupid, this shit is for white people. Wait let me try again.’

I ripped the paper in half. I was trying to do that thing where you write letters to dead people to help you get over their deaths or whatever. I never had a diary and I felt stupid doing this in the first place so it was definitely hard.

I was sitting in one of the queen-sized beds of the hotel room with an empty college-ruled notebook. I heard Bri and MJ go down to get breakfast, but I pretended to be asleep, I wasn’t hungry.

I’d already ripped three pages out but, I was going to do this, I started it and I wasn’t gonna back out now.

‘So I don’t really know why I’m doing this but I miss you, like a lot. I cried last night. For like the first in at least 6 months. I don’t know why I felt that was important, but it was relieving. I’m in the fanciest hotel I’ve ever stayed (legally) at right now. You’d like it. It's just a Marriott but it’s pretty big. I don’t know if I believe in heaven (or a God even), but I truly hope you’re there right now. I know I’m probably not going if it is real. If it is I know you and my mom and everyone else is there and I just don’t want earth to be the last time I saw y’all. I just feel ungrateful because I’m not happy. I’m not happy to be where I am right now. I know I’m better off than almost everyone else in Melrose but I didn’t earn my spot. I lied and cheated my way to where I am.

I remember that one argument we had. The biggest one back when you first started selling. I had the audacity to get mad at you for just trying to provide for your family. Then became everything I despised. I was trying to look back on the “good days”. Which was depressing because looking back at what we thought were goods days were just days that weren’t terrible.

At least when you were selling you never lost yourself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I just feel burnt out.

Yesterday me and Bri were fooling around in the hotel which was fun so I guess that’s good. I’m tryna stick to the positives of my day. Another good thing was that I found one of Jay’s hoodies in my bag . It’s pretty comfortable. I miss him too. I’m trying not to think about all the people I’ve lost because that list could go on for eternity. I might do this again, I don’t know it doesn’t feel so stupid anymore. I’m burning this note though. I know you always said no one lives forever but why’d you have to go so soon, the good ones always do. If there’s truly life after death tell my mom I love her for me and I love you too.

Sincerely Y/N,’

October 14th 9:03am

‘I wish I could be a religious person. They always seem so happy and carefree. To be able to put that much trust into something or someone. I know you were never religious but your family was. My family isn’t really all that religious but they did always feel like prayer could solve all. I’d been praying my whole life and not one had ever been answered. All my family is a bunch of hypocrites and sinners, but hey hate the sin not the sinner right? Ha yeah right.

I remember Ms. Williams with that stupid “Shoot for the moon and if you miss at least you’ll be among the stars” poster. It was tacky and we were always making fun of it. I never realized how much it bothered me until now though. I’d say I have selective memory if I have any memories at all, but that poster is seared into my mind. I think it might be because I felt like it was mocking me because she knew goddamn well none of us were making it out this city. Let alone ever getting anywhere near the stars. Now, I was the closest to the stars and out of everyone who could've been here it was me. The person who deserves it the least.

Sincerely Y/N,’

October 14th 8:57pm

‘I think the reason I’m still doing this letter thing is because I don’t wanna stop missing you because missing you was better than feeling nothing. I don’t truly think I do anymore. Which sounds bad, but I just mean I’ve gone through the grieving process which I guess means, it’s time to let you go. I’ve never actually gone through a full grieving process without someone else dying in the middle of it. I read this thing once about people having favorite people or a favorite person and I think that was you for me. It means you basically can’t function without that person and when they're not around it makes your emotions go crazy. I don’t really want to say goodbye cause I miss the feeling of you in my life, but when it comes down to it I don’t remember it much. So I guess this is the final goodbye.

Love Y/N, ’

I was getting really fucking tired of Thorn. I was getting tired of Y/N L/N too. Why couldn’t I just exist. I don’t wanna have to be anyone. I just wanna get high and eat fruit snacks damn. but I could never have what I want could I.

I was sitting under some storage containers in a warehouse with all these old white men working on weapons and shit. Waiting for Vulture to come in. He flew into the warehouse I could almost see the anger, radiating off of him before he stepped out of the wings. He looked oddly familiar, if I hadn’t killed off all my brain cells I probably would have made the connection sooner but it got made and that’s all that matters.

The Vulture was Liz’s dad.

This is a fact I could and would be using to my advantage. I pulled out my backup phone and snapped a couple pictures of the people around me as a torn up van pulled up.

A man hopped out and Liz’s dad immediately started yelling at the man about something. He seemed to think it was funny though. Like he was high on adrenaline or something. I caught the words Avengers. Then something about Shocker and getting fired. I’m guessing the Shocker had the same idea as me to tell his family about his business. He picked up the closest weapon and fired it at the man. He instantly crumbled to the floor in ashes. That was nasty as hell.

Now these weapons are wayyyy more dangerous than I thought. He stormed out after bestowing another man the title of Shocker. Then it was only me and the guy working on some weird weapon left. I walked over to him and knocked him out. Taking the anti gravity gun with me and some shiny thing I thought looked cool I placed a tracker with a camera and mic on the Vulture suit before leaving.

That was about two weeks ago. Now, here I was, on the back of the truck of some random company following Vulture around like a lost dog. I should be back at the hotel right now, but I’ve never been known to do what I was supposed to.

He was talking to someone about a plan to steal more fuel for these weapons.

I was hiding behind a dumpster and I accidentally hit something on my way to leave.

I know he saw me.

Fuck.

I didn’t have time to think I was just running and running. I didn’t even realize I was practically hyperventilating until I made it back to the hotel. I didn’t have the key to my room. I must’ve dropped it somewhere.

I dropped it because I’m a dumb fuckup who’s gonna get herself and everyone else killed because I could never do anything right. I’d be better off dead.

I knew Bri and MJ were asleep and I didn’t wanna wake them up. I was sitting by the door trying to keep myself from going into a full blown anxiety attack. I pulled the hood of Jay’s hoodie over my head and pulled my legs up to my chest.

I think I might’ve drifted off for a second because I opened my eyes and Peter was standing over me looking concerned.

“What?” I asked sitting up.

“It’s just,” He brought his hand up to his forehead in confusion “Why are you on the floor? Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine, what are you doing up?”

“I was just walking around,”

That wasn’t a very clear answer. Suspicious.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Your eyes are puffy,”

“I’m fine, probably just allergies,” He hummed like he didn’t believe my answer.

“You can go back to your room now,” I added since he was still standing there staring at me.

“You still never answered my question on why you were sitting out here on the floor,”

I just ignored him and pulled the hood back over my face.

He slid down on the floor next to me.

“I’m not leaving until you answer me,”

I didn’t feel like talking and honestly? I didn’t want him to leave.

I turned to face him before saying

“Looks like you’re gonna be here for a while then,”

I ended up telling him eventually and he offered to let me stay in his room saying Ned wouldn’t mind. I was too tired to decline the offer.

“Y/N,” I was awakened by Peter shaking my shoulder.

“Hmm?” I hummed.

“You gotta get up,”

I rolled my eyes and pulled the throw blanket back over my head. I would have flipped over but I probably would’ve fell off the couch.

“Everyone else is already at breakfast c’mon,”

He pulled the blanket off of me reeling back when he brushed against my skin.

“Y/N, you’re burning up,”

“Mhm hm,” I hummed again turning onto my side.

“I’m being serious Y/N get up,”

“Ugh, fine” I exclaimed sitting up.

“Do you feel sick?” He asked, touching my forehead again.

“I feel fine,” I said pushing his hand away. “Thank you for letting me stay here but, you seriously need to learn to stop being so repetitive,”

I went downstairs where everyone else was eating breakfast and let MJ and Bri know I was okay.

Now it’s really fucking stupid to smoke pre-rolls if you don’t want to be drugged but last night when I was watching out for Vulture someone offered them to me. Perks of pretty privilege I guess. MJ was all of my impulse control and she wasn’t with me so I smoked it.

And when I tell you this shit was strong I mean it was strong. I have a high tolerance when it comes to weed because I smoke a lot but this hit hard. Surprised I wasn’t shaking. Maybe I was.

Normally you don’t get full body highs from smoking. It’s usually edibles that do that but this wow. Couldn’t tell if this was Indica or Sativa. I thought it was Indica at first but I had too much energy for that. Maybe it was a hybrid if so, that’d explain the fog over my brain.

I wasn’t thinking clearly I knew I shouldn’t get any closer to Peter than I already was, but I was bored.

Now we were on top of some middle school jumping the roofs. I'm pretty sure he was only here because he wanted to keep tabs on me since he found me on the verge of a panic attack last night and currently thinks I’m sick.

“Are you sure this is safe?” He asked.

“Yes it’s safe, don’t be a pussy,” I rolled my eyes “Besides I do it all the time,”

“So you go to D.C and jump to different roofs of a middle school all the time?”

“You know what I meant smartass,” I elbowed him lightly and he laughed.

I laid on my back and shortly after he joined me.

“How do they get shirts so soft,”

“What?”

“I said how do they get shirts so soft,” I sat up.

“I don’t know probably lots of thr-”

“C’mon let’s go down there,” I interrupted pointing at the building before hopping down. Running through the mall looking through almost every store I’d spent about $1,000 just shopping for everyone who came to mind. Eventually I walked into Zumiez with Peter trailing behind me. I was looking at the hoodies by the skateboard rack.

“I always wanted a skateboard as a kid,” He said coming up behind me.

“Pick one,” I nodded my head towards the rack of decks. “I’ll get it for you,”

“ I can’t let you do that,” He said.

“No, I insist,” I laughed at my word choice “That’s a fancy word” I laughed and he laughed too “No but for real, pick a deck and I’ll buy it for you,” He shook his head “I’m not leaving until you do,” I turned his words from the earlier night onto him.

“Fine,” he sighed walking back over to the shelf.

After picking the rest of the accessories for the board he said.

“I still have no idea how to ride it,”

And with me still not thinking I said

“Ok then I’ll teach you,”

We headed back out the mall but not before I got a diamond chain because why the hell not. We were about to get on a train to head back until I interjected.

“Wait,” I grabbed his arm. “Come with me,”

“Are you sure this is safe?” He asked as we sat under the bridge that the train runs over.

I laughed at his nervousness.

“I do this all the time and I'm still here, aren’t I? Don’t be a pussy,”

Waiting for the next train coming over I put on a song that's been stuck in my head for a while. Weary by Solange. I didn’t realize I was singing along until he complimented my voice.

“You should sing more often, you have a really nice voice.”

“Shh” I hushed feeling my heats heating up at the compliment. Soon I felt the train coming “Just live,”

I leaned back on my elbows and closed my eyes. I guess this was some form of therapy. The rumbling of the tracks traveled through my body. It would’ve been loud but I’ve picked up the ability to block out noises I don’t want to hear on command. After the train passed the sun was already setting. I figure I might as well get food. This would classify as the first real meal I’ve eaten in awhile. I’ve heard of people not being able to eat unless high which I never thought would or could happen to me. Right next to the restaurant we ate at. There was a 7/11. I’m not sure how many people know this but almost every night shift employee at 7/11 is a plug.

“Can you hold my bags real quick?” I asked.

He nodded so I let him know I’d be back quickly and I had to go to the bathroom

I did not.

The employee I ran into proved my earlier statement.

He had about 10 mg of adderall and some xans. I wasn’t really planning on taking the xans, maybe I’d just sell them. I went back and forth adderall because it’d enhance my brain function instead of actually producing a high. I got two slushies and some other bottled soft

drinks.

I put the key up to the door then slowly opened it. They were on the couch and looked up at me when they heard the door open. If I knew they weren’t gonna be mad at me for just leaving and not telling anyone, I’d actually be happy because Bri was getting along with my friends.

“So where’d you go?” MJ asked.

“I just went out mom,” I replied, sitting on the dresser by the door.

“Well you clearly went shopping,” Bri said.

“Yeah and?” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry I had a babysitter,” I rolled my eyes again. “You know you can come in right?” I referred to Peter who was still standing by the door.

He moved in, still not moving any farther than the bathroom door. I moved to close the door behind him before sitting on the bed closest to me.

She moved closer to me and looked into my face.

“Are you high right now?” She asked gazing into my eyes.

“Really?” I asked incredulously “No I’m not, and fuck you, now I’m not gonna give you your shit,”

“No! I’m sorry,” She said and I rolled my eyes, a smile cracking onto my face “What’d you get me?” She made grabby hands at the bags.

I handed her the one from Hot Topic.

“There’s a whole buncha stuff in there but…” I reached into the bag and took out the socks with weed plants on them. “These,” I held them up to her. “These are mine,”

“Alright weirdo,” she said looking through the bag. I went to go over to MJ but Bri grabbed my arm.

“Hey where are you getting the money for this?” She asked in a hushed voice.

“Don’t worry about it,” I waved her off.

I got MJ at least 7 books from a series she was reading and Peter said he had to go back to his room.

I was watching a movie on Bri’s phone while MJ started reading her book.

We heard a knock on the door.

I gave Bri a look that said I’ll get it. Then pushed off the bed. It was Liz.

“Hi,”

“Hey,”

“Me and some other kids are going to go down to the pool, so we were wondering if you wanna come?”

“Yeah just gimme a second I’ll be down,”

I ended up convincing Bri to come with me because I didn’t want it to be awkward.

It was nice. The pool I mean. There was a slight breeze and pretty much the whole team was there. Minus MJ, Ned, and Peter.

I didn’t really think about getting my hair wet. People were playing games toward the end of the pool. Bri was halfway in and halfway out on her phone.

I was floating on my back. It was as if I was drifting down a long river with my eyes closed. The breeze over my body pushing me along. There was a heavy weight on my back that had been building since birth, but the water took a hold of that weight for me.

I just lied there on my back floating and breathing.

Things were peaceful at the pool. They however were not back at the room.

I could not sleep. Believe me I tried. I looked through my bag with “everything” I brought. It wasn’t much since I hadn’t been home in a long time. However I did pack that cart I had in class a while back.

I was scrolling through Tiktok and remembered it was still next to me. I made a tiktok to that one audio with the whistles where you ghost the vapors on each whistle because I thought it looked cool and I can do whatever I want on my account.

I don’t know how long it’d be but I finally felt my eyes fall shut for the night.

When I woke up it was weird because I was already at the decathlon. I’d already been working on whatever problem it was that’d we’d gotten, but I didn’t need to because MJ had already gotten us the answer and we’d won.

I should’ve been more excited.

Why wasn’t I excited?

You couldn’t tell I wasn’t as happy as I made myself seem. I had become quite the little actress over the years and by actress I meant liar, I’m really good at lying.

I didn’t realize Peter was missing until we’d gotten on the bus to go to the Washington Monument.

“Hey,” MJ waved her hand in my face “You okay? You’re doing that thing where you scratch your inner arm, and you only do that when somethings on your mind.”

She placed her hand on mine to stop me

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing much like you said just thinking,”

“About?”

“Everything,” I didn’t want to tell her what I was really thinking about because things would get real awkward real quick.

MJ just wouldn't drop it though.

“There’s clearly something bothering you so just tell me what it is you can tell me anything,”

“I just told you,” I sighed.

“Tell me what you’re really thinking about,”

“Death,” I looked at her, who looked back at me, “There, you happy with your answer now?”

“No,” She said and I looked at her knowing it was a look of exasperation. “Who’s death?” She asked.

“Mine,”

“What about your death?”

“Just wondering if it’d be painful,”

“Oh,”

“Yeah,”

When we pulled up Bri was standing by MJ, she didn’t want to go into the tower because of it being built by slaves. I understood that I didn’t really want to go either but my feet were moving on their own accord.

I could’ve fallen asleep right then and there on that elevator. It was if my brain was checking in and out all day.

I might've. I don’t know. The rip off police officer was saying something but it all sounded like gibberish to me.

I closed my eyes and leaned on Liz’s shoulder. She patted my head and went back to whatever she was doing. Then there was an audible snap.

Followed by a jerk of the elevator.

My shot open and I looked up at the ceiling and there was a circle of singed metal.

“We’re all gonna die here,” The kid who I believe's name is Abe claimed.

And for my sake I pretended I didn’t hear him.

Everyone staring up at the ceiling, another student said.

“We’re freaking screwed,”

To think I was just thinking about death less than an hour ago and here I was about to taste the sweet kiss of it.

“I know that was scary, but our safety systems are working,” The police officer said.

Yeah fucking right that’s what they all say. They just didn’t want us to panic but that’s exactly what I was doing. Panicking.

“We are very safe in here,” she added. That's what they say seconds before everyone dies.

The trap door above the elevator opened and everyone began to move again. I could feel the elevator shaking again. No way was I gonna move and risk snapping the cords.

I was gonna die here.

Most of the team had gotten out already. Then it was Flash’s turn and he just had to put the fucking trophy up with the rest of everyone. The elevator fell farther as he got out. I wanted to move but I couldn’t. My brain power wasn’t stronger than my muscles. I couldn’t will them to do what I needed them to.

Something hit the ground above us and the elevator was free falling.

It stopped second after we were launched to the ground then low and behold Spider-man

I swear it was like he was stalking me. I’d be kinda freaked out if I didn’t know he was Peter.

When he spoke it was in a very poor accent.

He was telling Ned not to move because he was shaking the elevator.

He pulled the metal death box up to the doors and Mr. Harrington, Ned, then Liz got out.

Spider-man or “Peter” said something but I couldn’t make out what exactly I was still trying to process everything.

Then the elevator was falling, I reached out towards Spiderman but wasn’t close enough to reach him.

A web caught my arm but I was still hanging.

Until I wasn’t. My feet were planted on the ground but my brain was moving too fast for me to keep up.

“Y/N?” My shoulder was being shaken.

“Yeah huh?” I said trying to locate and place an identity to the voice it was Bri.

“I was asking you if you needed a ride home,”

Oh yeah she didn't know.

“Uh I don’t know maybe,”

“Alright…” She said turning back over to whoever she was talking to this time.

Since I was the one to almost fall they wanted to check me out in one of the ambulances.

Which I do not trust at all.

The whole medical field is a giant scam so is insurance, ask MJ she’ll tell you.

Once we’d gotten back to the school. Everyone’s parents were all freaking out over them and asking if they were okay. Majority of everyone had already left. Peter had his Aunt. MJ had her parents. Ned has his dad. Bri had her dad. Everyone has someone.

Well almost everyone.

Flash was still waiting too. With Mr. Harrington off in the distance.

Then there were two

I moved over and sat down on the curb next to him.

“You got no one either huh?” I asked.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” Fair enough. The hostility was understandable. I did punch him in the face less than a week ago.

I kept talking though.

“My dad never picks me up from anything either. “ I didn’t really want him to but he could’ve at least asked while I was still living at that apartment and now he expects me to come back like it’s nothing.

A car pulled up and some random white guy who was probably a chauffeur picked up Flash.

Then there was one

I wanted to go home but I had no home.

I guess I had one home in the cemetery. Everyone I love leaves me. That’s something I learned over the years. It applies to many and the sooner you learn that the easier life will be for you. I hadn’t been back here in the longest. I’d normally just show up and clean the graves of the people who I’d known closely.

This was embarrassing but sometimes I’d talk to my mom. Today was one of those days I sent. I stayed talking to my mom and Rose so much for stopping the letters which I did for way longer than I thought I would.

I was already in my old neighborhood and before I knew it I was at my “house”.

I really didn’t mean to come home. I just did before I could stop myself.

Taglist:

@tomdiddlyumptious

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #reader x peter parker #Peter Parker x Vigilante!Reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x black!reader #peter parker x bi!reader #peter parker x bisexual!reader #poc reader x peter parker #peter parker x poc reader #peter parker x thorn #spiderman x villian #thorns prick

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

Text

Darkwing Duck Reviews: Darkly Dawns the Duck Pts 1 and 2

It’s a Darkwing Double Feature! Just in time for his ducktales special, I take a look at the introduction of everyone’s favorite Daring Duck of Mystery. In his daring debut we meet Darkwing Duck, an egositical and attention hungry superhero who soon finds himself having to look after a feisty orphan to keep her from getting nabbed by local kingpin of crime Taurus Bulba with the help of his biggest fan. Darkwing owns the night under the cut with decades old spoilers.

Let’s Get Dangerous.. is tommorow so with that in mind i’m doing a darkwing double feature to refresh myself before the big special. So i’ll be covering both the original series pilot “Darkly Dawns the Duck” and the ducktales reboot episode “The Duck Knight Returns”. Let’s Get Dangerous Itself because I was so wiped yesterday I didn’t get the other review done and unexpectly got acess to the new episode way earlier than usual so i’d rather focus on that. Got it? Good. Let’s continue past me.

As usual with a new show a breif bit about my history with it: I watched it years ago, as a friend of mine lent me the first two discs of the season 1 dvd and never found the third one nor asked for them back, nor cared I had them. I thoughtly enjoyed it, had a great time and then it took me a decade or so to actually watch the series again due to a combination of being too stubborn to just buy the season 1 dvd again, a very darkwing move of me in hindsight, and then when disney plus meant I had all episodes at my finger tips I.. sat on them till now.. though to be fair i’ve sat on a LOT of great shows on there including the mandalorian, gargoyles and boy meets world. I have a bad tendency to procastinate, the fact this is coming out so late in the day should be a giveaway. I did read about half of volume 1 of the comic and all of volume 2, so there’s that at least. Point is this new episode finally made me decide to get off my ass and watch darkwing once again, starting with the pilot and the episodes related to the fearsome four to be ready for tomorrow to see what the differences are (Thoguh I did remember bushroot vividly, so I had that at least). Something to note before I get started talking about the pilot itself though, is the episode order for Darkwing Duck is a Darkwing Clusterfuck. Now I do understand WHY they aired this way: While some episodes do logically take place after other episodes, you can reasonably pop on just about any darkwing and watch it and enjoy it with minimal need to know what happened in previous episodes, kinda like batman the animated series oddly enough. It was also aired between two networks so on some level I get disney’s confusion here.. but on the other hand it’d take ten minutes, they clearly can call up the creator easily as Tad Stones made a cameo in ducktales 2017 we’ll get to so they could easily get a better order from the creator himself, so they really don’t have an excuse for this, or for slapping the pilot in the middle of season 1. Then again both ducktales 2017 and x-men the animated series were sort of a mess order wise when first put up, so not giving a shit about where episodes are placed for re-watching clearly is a pastime of theirs.

Now i’ve got that out of my system we can dive into the episode itself and a breif plot synopsis. Darkwing Duck is the superhero protector of St. Canard, a masked vigiliante who takes out crime but wishes he actually got fame and credit for his work. Kind of like Booster Gold but without taking endorsments or as far as we know coming from the future. He also has nothing else as shown by the fact he fights crime, does a training regimine to prepare his breakfast that’s a delight to watch then prepares to sleep. It’s an intresting concept, a hero who HAD a civlian identity once, as the rest of the series would play out, he just no longer needs it. And it’s also ahead of it’s time as batman would explore this idea both seriously with bruce wayne murderer and comedically and seriously with the lego batman movie LONG after this series aired, meaning the writers here figured out what many probably knew about batman and put it into their parody version: Batman is the real identity and Bruce is the mask. Batman only keeps his old self because the bruce id is useful to him: It keeps people away from his company, puts up a playboy facade that draws attention away from him being batman, and allows him to do various charities and what not and help honor his parents in a way that dosen’t involve swooping in and kicking people in the throat. And as seen with bruce wayne murderer when the option to throw bruce away for good came up Batman gladly took it. This is the same idea: Drake Mallard ONLY cares about crime fighting, has no friends no family, we never do find out jack about his family hopefully if there’s a full reboot series Frank and Matt fix it for their version. He has nothing, and is fine with that. He hasn’t really had a reason to care about anything else than his own glory and works alone not because it’s less efficent but because his oversized ego means he dosen’t want to share credit. IT’s an intresting start and his ego would be a defining bit of who he is and used intrestingly int he reboot but we’ll get to that there.

His life changes forever though when local crime boss Taurus Bulba unleashes his latest scheme: To steal the Ramrod, a gravity manipulating device created by the late Dr. Quackmeyer.. late because Bulba’s men killed him and were dumb enough not to get the arming code for the ramrod first a year ago. Bulba is also behind bars but in one of my faviorite gags of the episode despite the warden’s constnat gloating, Bulba has taken the “Supervillian makes jail into a base” Or “Jail is nothing to a supervillian who can easily get out trope” to ludcrious machines. He has whole meetings with his minions, keeps the ramrod once he gets his hands on it in the laundry and has a ship SHAPED LIKE HIS FACE built into his cellblock. I’ts just so over the top it’s glorious. But yeah since Bulba can’t go after it at first he sends his three goofy minons, one played by eddie “Mandark” deezen in.. love that guy.

THey do end up stealing the ramrod thanks to the help of bulba’s cool, non-anthromporhic condor who he uses as his right hand man and as his link to his minons via a small tv aroudn it’s neck. That.. is awesome. Darkwing spots the condor but fails to stop the three stooges or the condor and gets unknowingly blamed for the robbery..and stopped to get glamor shots not realizing the guy thought he was a criminla which.. fair enough. It is a shadowy disguise after all.

Darkwing ends up grabbing onto the vulture sonic 3 style, but ends up falling off him into a hangar where we meet the original version of Launchpad McQuack, whose apparently quit working for scrooge and has his own hangar now though it wouldn’t be a stretch that scrooge bought it for him.. he does , stingy as he is, appricate hard work and launchpad wanting to start his own buisness and while hte planes were probably all on launchpad, Scrooge would gladly buy a run down buliding for a loyal friend who wants to put in some hard honest work. Plus it’s a free place to store any vehicles he has in the st canard area.. I mean it’s still scrooge. And yes I know the whole “Tad stones said they aren’t the same universe” non sense. I do have the utmost respect for the guy and he seems really, nice but I don’ tlike that, no one likes that and both the comics and the current duckverse with the ducktales reboot entirely ignore that for good reason.While the two shows are diffrent in tone they stil lfit and it’s not a stretch for launchpad to want to spread his wings or failing that scrooge to help push him out of the nest and give him his own buisness or one of scrooge’s to run.

But while Launchpad does help DW with a propeller plane they fail and while launchpad offers to be his sidekick, DW gives him the old I work alone bit. However him being alone won’t last for long as Bulba still needs that arming code and since his only lead is Waddlemeyer’s grandaughter who grew up in his lab, he sends his buffonish minons to go get him. Why he never sends his lone female minon with them is because it’s funnier if she dosen’t I guess. Which it is so fair enough. So thus we enter Goslyn, who the head of the orphanage is fed up with due to her antics. Goslyn is played as most of you knwo by christine cavanagh.. I honestly forgot and it still throws me off a bit she’s using what would later be her chucky finster voice for a character so completely diffrent. Granted it’s not unusual in voice acting, just weird here and only for me personally having grown up with rugrats but not darkwing. The orphanage head is a bit less jarring as she’s played by Marcia Wallace, aka Edna Krabable from the simpsons but A) that show was already running at this point and B), the character is basically a nicer version of edna versus chuckies voice coming out of a tiny if immensly fun to watch hellion. I do like goslyn, sh’es a fun character even in her shadier moments, it’s just something i’d forgotten about i’ll need to get used to is all.

Bulba’s hired goons come in claming ot be friends of her grandpas and we actually get some really heartwrenching context for Gos’ behavior: While she does act out she actually LIKES THE orphanage.. ti’s just her friends keep getting adopted while no one wants someone “full of spirit”. It’s heartwrecnhing to hear.. and only gets worse when the goons try and kidnap her. Thankfully Darkwing.. also kidnaps her, but he kindaps her from kidnappers and while Goslyn naturally takes a second to realize he’s the good guy them shooting at him clues her in. Darkwing, in a rare for the series as a whole moment of reason and not wanting to just power though something himself TRIES to do the responsible thing and leave gos with the police where she’ll be protected.. but given they think he’s a wanted criminal they shoot at him.. and the small child in his motorcycle. Yup that’s the police alright.

So with no other options Darkwing takes gos home, hyjinks insue including her activintg the breakfast thing. But the two genuinely start to bond. While Darkwing dosen’t WANT to keep her around, the whole not wanting connections thing, it’s clear he’s growing fond of the little snot as she holds her own with his trianing course, they have a tickle fight and in the sweetest moment of the episode the two sing little girl blue, a song her grandfather used to sing her to sleep that she teaches darkwing. It’s an utterly heartmelting bit and Cummings and Cavanagh really sell the hell out of it. It also however turns out ot be plot relevant: Turns out just in case Dr. Waddlemeyer hid the code for the ramrod in the song, and when Darkwing sees a photo Goslyn got from bulba’s goons, he realizes this and realizes that depsite thinking she didn’t know it Goslyn had it all along.. and that as long as h’es around she won’t know. Bulba is naturally livid at his minons failure and decides now’s the time to take this into his own hands and while he actually liked the prison hq setup, as it did make sense as it was the perfect cover and the warden was too full of himself to realize Bulba was still active and too convinced the bull was beaten down when he clearly wasn’t, but instead as mentioned above awesomely converts his cellblock into a flying ship in the shape of his own head. Bulba.. is a great villian and I only think the show didn’t use him more because he’s a dead serious, deadly dangerous villian in an otherwise goofy but fun superhero parody show. The show later gained Negaduck, so they had a more dangerous threat for darkwing that fit the show’s tone better while still being utterly terrifying, and likely simply didn’t need him till the idea for the steerminator came up. But I love the guy: he reminds me a lot of the kingpin, a threatning villian who uses his sheer size to beat our hero down, is cool and suave and is an utter mastermind at planning. He also wears a nice suit. And naturlaly he has a plan to take out darkwing since despite the two never having met, as Darkwing disparages when Goslyn assumes their lifelong mortal enmies like in the comics, they know of each other.. and thus bulba knows exactly what trap to spring to get him out of the way and goslyn into his ship: He flashes a message in morris code that he wants to surrender to Darkwing while stroking his ego a LOT. And it works... while i’ts an obvious trap Darkwing’s so full of himself he goes despite Goslyn telling him it’s very obviously a trap. Naturally everything goes pear shaped as a result: Bulba shows up, revealing gos not only to be right but easily pummling Darkwing. Which makes sense: While Darkwing is a vetran crime fighter and secret agent, Bulba’s been at being a villian longer clearly as he’s built up enough of a rep both for Darkwing to know him out of hand and for the warden to be proud capturing him. Given what univese this is, it probably isn’t Bulba’s first round with a superhero and given at this stage St Canard only has one.. yeah Darkwing is outclasssed and the police grab him while Bulba scarpers. And while Gos puts up a good fight using the trianing course, Bulba’s vulture gets her. Bulba has everything he needs. Darkwing meanwhile actually bemoans what a dick he’s been, that the first person he’s cared about besides himself in possibly ever is now in the hands of a murderous mastermind, and that he’s stuck in jail with no one to call on for help. Thankfully.. help arrives.. and by help I mean launchpad backing the ratcatcher, Darkwing’s bike, into the prisoin. He DID come just to bail DW out despite his earlier jerkishness, but backed in and Darkwing not beliving superheroes have time for paperwork, decides to just bust out. And to be ifair int his case he’s probably right as you know, a ten year old might die if they don’t get there in time. So off they go.. but with Bulba in the air they need something with wings to catch him. ANd luckily as Launchpad mentioned earlier he’s been working on something special for darkwing. It’s with this we enter the thunderquack, which is DW”S awesome headshaped plane. It’s just cool it’s got a nice design, goofy enough tof it the universe but cool enoguh to still be fun to watch. Darkwing has really damn cool vehicles, as the ratcatcher is also awesomely iconic. But yeah the thunderquack impresses darkwing and rightfully so and he decides to make LP his sidekick afterall. So now our heroes fly into the danger zone and attack bulba’s airship with Darkwing landing on the bow and a scuffle insues with darkwing and hte minons.. who use actual guns which for a 90′s kids show is a suprise, especially one this intentioanlly goofy, but boy is it nice. However Bulba, being awesomely evil, isn’t dumb and instead of fighting darkwing, which he could win but would win him nothing and having gotten nothing out of goslyn, figures the hero might know the code.. and while Darkwing lies and says he dosen’t, Bulba points out .. he’s right.. but he’s always been a gambling man and has his condor drop goslyn to lure drake into telling him , with DW putting in the code and bulba testing it with a bank robbery.. before predictably having his condor drop the girl because he no longer needs her. Thankfully launchpad catches her in time and then they get revenge on the condor with the thunderquack BITING IT.. which is awesome. Hopefully the reboot version does that.

Darkwing meanwhile saves the day, his new daughter and the city by simply sneaking over to the ramrod and mashign the keys till it overloads, silly, but undeniably awesome and effective. Bulba TRIES to finish off darkwing this time for foiling his plan.. btu the ramrod explodes and while bulba’s minons and goslyn and launchpad are safe... bulba and darkwing are apparently dead and it’s effective. A few weeks later Goslyn’s back at the orphanage utterly distraught and broken at being basically orphaned again. Naturally though Darkwing’s alive, having taken his old identnity back since now he has something worth using it for and adopts her, hinting at who he is so she goes with him. And Drake has changed.. sure he’ll still be as egostical and impuslive as he was here.. but he’s no longer just darkwing.. he’s drake again as he has someone worth fighting for.. two someones in fact. He has a friend, a loyal partner to help him fight cime. And more importantly.. he has a loving daughter. And both needed each other: Goslyn needed someone who understood her despite her manic energy, and Drake needed someone who needed him and not darkwing, a reason to be a person outside the cape and cowl and outside the attention again. He needed a reason to live again... and he’s got it. And it’s going to be great.

Final Thoughts: This pilot is excellent. Well paced, plenty of laughs, tense action and great introductions for everyone involved as well as a hell of a vilian> This is how you do a first episode: it introduces the main themes of the show, both comedically and dramatically, introduces the cast and gives us a one off , or rather two off it’d turn out, villian whose compelling and intresting. IT’s really damn good stuff and I can’t wait ot see what frank does with a simlar story tommorow. Until then, stay safe, and happy hallowen. We’ll be back shortly for The Duck Knight returns and then Let’s Get Dangerous tommorow.

#darkwing duck #reviews #ducktales #darkly dawns the duck #drake mallard #goslyn mallard #launchpad mcquack #tarus bulba #the disney afternoon #the 90's

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lyssismagical · 5 years

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Thought you were human but you're just a ghost, a shield of skin and bone

Febuwhump Day 17 & 18 – Mind Games & Revealed Secret

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Peter’s shoulders tense, keeping his eyes downcast.

“Mister Stark-”

“No!” Tony shouts, slamming his fist down on the edge of the roof. “This is where you zip it. You are not going after the Vulture. Ever. You hear me?”

Peter tries his best to hide his flinch, guilt and self-loathing rushing over him. He failed. Again.

“Mister Stark, please-”

Tony grabs the front of Peter’s stupid I Survived My Trip To NYC t-shirt, crumpling the fabric in his grip.

“If you disobey my direct orders again, I’ll do something more drastic than take your suit, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” Peter chokes out, blinking back the tears that fill his eyes.

Tony lets go of him, smirking when Peter stumbles back a few steps. “Good. Now get out of here. And if I hear that you’ve been snooping around in The Vulture’s business again…”

The threat is heard without being said.

“Yes, sir.”

Peter tries to keep his pace as even as he can as he walks away from Tony, heading towards the door.

What Peter doesn’t see as the door closes behind him and he begins his trek back to his apartment, is the flickering holograms and Tony’s face morphing into Beck’s pleased sneer.

* “I shouldn’t have met him,” Peter says, face crumpling when he finally gets May to stop panicking. It’s a poor explanation but she can’t know he’s Spider-Man. “Meeting your heroes is never as good as you think it’ll be.”

May’s eyes harden briefly, probably preparing herself to chew Tony out for hurting her nephew, but then she watches her kid’s bottom lip tremble as he sits on the couch, shoulders dropping, and her expression softens.

“Whatever he said to you, he’s wrong,” she says, gently carding her fingers through Peter’s curls and rubbing his back. He leans his head up against his stomach, tears slipping down his face. “You’re the best kid I know, baby, and he’s an asshole for hurting you.”

“It’s just- I thought I was doing good, I was trying so hard, and I just- He- I just wanted to do something right and he shouted at me.”

May sighs softly. “You don’t need him, okay? You didn’t deserve that and if I ever see him again, I’ll make sure to give him a piece of my mind.”

That gets Peter to laugh quietly. “Yeah, sure, but I doubt we’ll be seeing him again anytime soon.”

Fingers gentle and careful on his jaw, May lifts his head up to look down at him, thumb running underneath his eyes to catch the tears that fall, and she presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Don’t you go believing Stark that you’re not enough, okay? You don’t need to change a single thing about you for some billionaire asshole’s opinion of you… Well, I could do with you not sneaking out or skipping school, but you know, we can’t have everything, can we?”

Peter doesn’t tell her that because he’s lost the suit, he doesn’t have a reason to sneak out or skip school anymore. He doesn’t tell her that Tony’s been his hero since he was five and Iron Man saved him at the Stark Expo, that he’s been idolizing the hero for even longer. He doesn’t tell her that the words have already sunk into his chest and wrapped around his lungs, planting themselves deep within him.

He doesn’t tell her any of that.

Instead, he settles for a quiet. “I love you, May.”

“Love you too, kiddo. Now, go take a shower and get your homework done. You smell like garbage.”

He laughs quietly and pushes himself. “I know. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, baby. Please get some rest.”

* Homecoming night came faster than imaginable and Peter was happy for the first time in months.

Meeting Tony certainly wasn’t high on his Worst Experiences, but after his uncle, Tony turning out to be cruel and aggressive had Peter’s mental health declining at a steady rate.

But now it’s homecoming and May’s helped him get his tie on straight, and Ben’s old suit jacket is a little too big on his shoulders, and the corsage he bought for Liz is a little bit droopy, but he’s happy.

Her mom is nice and offers to drive them to school, full of kind smiles and teasing jokes. Liz’s father died a few years prior and it’s obvious how much they miss him, but Peter doesn’t bother to make any condolences. He knows how little it means to grieving families.

Before he knows it, he’s in the gym of their school, dancing with Liz and MJ and Ned, rolling his eyes when Flash flips them off from across the room.

It’s good. It’s fun.

Peter doesn’t even miss being Spider-Man right now. It’s relieving to just hang out with his friends like a regular high school student.

Until, of course, his phone rings.

“Mister Stark?” Peter asks, ducking into the hallway for some privacy. “What do you want?”

“I know I told you to stay away from The Vulture, but I need your help,” he says. “I’ll text you the address.”

Anger swells within Peter’s chest where the insecurities are buried. “You want me to drop everything for you when you’ve done jackshit for me?”

“Yeah, I do,” Tony says like it’s obvious. “You can pretend to be the hero that you think you are, but I’ve got a lot of leverage here. I know your identity, Parker. I know your friends and family, and I know which villains and criminals want that information.”

“Are you… Are you blackmailing me?”

Tony just laughs, a cold harsh noise that makes the hurt in Peter’s chest swell and seize his lungs. “I’ll text you the address, Parker. You better be there.”

The phone beeps, signaling the end of the call, just as Ned turns the corner.

“Hey, man, you good?”

Peter swallows thickly, turning to his best friend, knowing the pain is shining in his eyes. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Wait, what? I thought-”

“Cover for me, please. I’ll- I’ll text you when I can.” Peter doesn’t give Ned the time to say no, he turns and jogs down the hallway, pulling up the section of lockers to snap his webshooters around his wrists and grab his mask.

“Peter, wait!” Ned calls.

Peter doesn’t let himself turn, doesn’t let himself face Ned. Tony is blackmailing him, and if things go wrong, Ned will be one of the people in the crossfire.

“Tell Liz I’m sorry.”

As soon as he’s clear of the school, he webs himself as fast as he can in the direction of the address Tony sent him, ignoring the panic that grips his lungs and the fear that settles in the pit of his stomach. He focuses on swinging.

And before he knows it, he’s reaching an abandoned warehouse outside the city.

“Hello?” he calls out, creeping down the staircase.

The stairway opens up into a big room where Tony’s waiting for him, leaning back against a table.

“Hey, Pete,” Tony says, a grin stretching across his face.

Peter swallows thickly, stopping in his tracks. “Where’s The Vulture? What do you want?”

“Oh, kid, how naïve and stupid,” Tony spits, leaning back with a cold laugh. “There never was a Vulture. Or I guess, I suppose there was, but he was hiding in plain sight.”

Tony stretches his arms out and second later, the vulture wings are sliding across his back. He grins at Peter, rolling his eyes.

“You’re- How could you-” The breath catches in Peter’s lungs and he can’t breathe. The man across from him, his childhood hero, was the villain Peter was chasing all along.

“I can’t believe I fooled you for so long, Peter. How else do you think I got all that alien tech? It was right there at my disposal? I’m a war profiteer, I always have been. I’m not the hero you thought I was, but at least I’m more of a hero than you. You couldn’t even catch me when I was right there in front of you.”

Peter takes an involuntary step back, trying not to make it obvious that tears are filling his eyes behind his mask. He gasps for breath, panic engulfing his lungs like a wildfire.

Tony waves his hands and the wings are pulling off his back, facing Peter. “And now, you’re going to die for being stupid enough to ever think you could be a hero.”

* Sobs wrack his body as he stumbles through the sand towards the deserted road ahead.

Tony’s webbed to a few of the crates behind him. He tried to change the course of a plane flying from the Avengers Compound filled with Alien tech and other dangerous equipment, to Stark Towers instead. Peter managed to crash the plane on Coney Island.

But now what?

The only person who knows he’s Spider-Man is Ned, and Tony’s threats are still echoing in his head. The Avengers are away, the perfect time for Tony to strike, Peter supposes.

He has nobody to turn to and he’s so fucking tired.

He’s in the sand before he even realizes his knees had buckled, and he coughs, blood splattering in the sand. The warehouse dropping on him flashes through his head, a cry of pain escaping his throat.

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to fix this.

His phone is shattered, his mask is missing, he’s out of web fluid, he can’t breathe. Everything hurts.

The last thing he’s aware of before his vision gives out is somebody stumbling through the sand towards him.

* He jerks awake, his nightmares of Tony grabbing his shirt, telling him he’d never be a hero, the warehouse falling on top of him, the plane crashing into the sand, the fires, the vulture claws ripping him into him, playing out in his head over and over again.

“Hey, hey, hey, relax, Spider-Boy.”

He knows that voice.

Shoving himself backwards, he tears the IV from his skin, wild eyes locking onto Tony. He’s sitting in the chair beside Peter, relaxing nonchalantly like nothing had ever happened between them.

“No, no, no, please,” Peter begs, trying to get his feet on the ground but his legs won’t cooperate like they should, a haziness settling on his mind. Tony probably drugged him, shit.

“Woah!” Tony says, lifting his hands, palms up in surrender. “I’m not here to hurt you, kid.”

“You tried to kill me, more than once,” Peter says, gasping for air. Tears are blurring his vision and his hands won’t stop shaking. “Please just- just don’t hurt my family. Please- I-”

Tony’s face falls into something that Peter would’ve thought was confusion if not for the fact that there was nothing to be confused about.

“I’ve been on an undercover Avenger’s mission for the past nine months, kid. We just got back last night. We were staking out a whole bunch of Hydra bases across Europe,” Tony explains slowly. His eyebrows furrow and his mouth is set in a frown. “There was nobody at the crime scene last night but you.”

“You think I did it?” Peter asks, jaw dropping. “After everything you did to me, you think I’m just going to believe you? Just like that?”

They’re in a hospital room. Heart monitor flat behind Peter now that he’s pulled off the tracking pads. His ribs are aching, chest on fire, but he still sits up defiantly, glaring at Tony.

“Honest to god, kid, this is the first time I’m meeting you. I wasn’t allowed any internet while on our mission just in case Hydra could track it, so I’ve barely had the time to look you up.”

Peter tries to stifle the sob, but it still rips its way out of his throat, tears falling steadily after it. “If it wasn’t you, then who was with me? Who looked like you, talked like you, pretended to be you for nine months?”

“Fri?” Tony asks after a moment’s hesitation.

“Compiling all video footage with Peter Parker or Spider-Man facial recognition since September of last year,” Friday replies.

A hologram appears in front of them, as Peter draws his knees up to his chest and tries unsuccessfully to get his tears to slow.

There’s a bunch of boring, staticky security camera footage of Peter walking to and from school, of Peter getting a snack at Delmar’s, or of Spider-Man stopping petty criminals, of Spider-Man leaping from building to building.

And then it arrives to Tony picking him up afterschool.

It’s a far away shot, probably one of the school’s security cameras of the parking lot. Tony’s leaning up against a fancy car, arms crossed over his chest.

“Hi, Mister Stark. What are you doing here?” Peter says, offering a timid smile.

“Came to give my favourite young adult a ride home. I got you something, actually. If you really want to pretend to be a superhero, you need a suit, don’t you? It’s in the back, take a look.”

Peter turns to glance at Tony, who’s eyes are surprisingly wide, jaw dropped. “That wasn’t me.”

“I know you think I’m some naïve little kid who doesn’t know anything, but I’m not an idiot,” Peter says.

“No, kid, I swear, that wasn’t me. I was in Europe, without internet, taking down Hydra bases at the time.”

Tony speeds through a bunch more videos until they get to the day of the ferry. The video feed is staticky and the audio is echoing, but it’s obvious enough what’s happening. Video Tony’s hand is grabbing Video Peter’s t-shirt, spitting threats in his face even as Peter tries not to cry.

“If you disobey my direct orders again, I’ll do something more drastic than take your suit, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now get out of here. And if I hear that you’ve been snooping around in The Vulture’s business again…”

The video continues though as Video Peter disappears down the staircase, metal door slamming shut behind him.

And then Video Tony flickers. Flickers.

“Holy shit, wait, Fri, pause it.”

The man standing where Tony once was in the video is not Tony at all. He has longer hair than Tony and a full beard, a smile spreading across his face.

“Facial recognition, Fri,” Tony instructs, sitting up in his chair.

Peter doesn’t care though. He doesn’t care who the man really is, doesn’t care how he managed to look like Tony, what kind of motive he had. He doesn’t care.

He tucks his legs up to his chest, hiding his face in his face in his knees, and lets out a pitiful whimper.

“Quentin Beck, fired from Stark Industries five years ago for aggressive behavior, helped in the creation of BARF.”

“Holy fuck,” Tony breathes. “Kid?” And then his hand is tentatively on Peter’s shoulder.

Peter flinches, drawing in a shaking breath. “I can’t believe I was so stupid! Nine fucking months and he- he-”

“That’s not on you, kid. Anyone could’ve fallen for tech that good, I mean, it’s mine. I just don’t understand why?”

Peter lifts his head. “He wanted tech. Alien tech to make weapons. What better way than to pretend to be you? He had access to your tower, he was taking a plane from Avengers Compound and was going to redirect it here. He was using your labs, your technology.��

“But why you?”

“I was getting in his way,” Peter explains, shrugging and ignoring the spike of pain it brings. “I was going after this criminal. This guy everyone was calling The Vulture. That’s when you showed up, or I guess, when Beck showed up. He kept telling me to leave it alone. Until yesterday.”

Tony runs a hand through his hair, further messing it up. “He tried to kill you?”

“He called me when I was at homecoming… Told me he had a lead. Guess he knew you were coming back and needed to tie up loose ends.”

The silence that follows is thick and tense, nobody says a word, staring at Beck’s smiling image frozen on the screen.

Finally, “I’m really sorry, kid.”

Peter shrugs, trying his best to swallow all of the emotions that threaten to spill out. “How do I know you’re real and not just another hologram?”

A frown crosses Tony’s face. He doesn’t seem to have a good answer, but Friday speaks up instead.

“Inventory showed Beck only stole four projectors from R&D after he was fired. All four projectors were found on Coney Island with the plane debris, destroyed beyond repair. No other projectors have been removed from storage.”

All of the energy leaves Peter’s body in one big rush. He offers Tony a smile, one he knows is weary and painful. “Hey, Mister Stark, I’m Peter Parker. AKA Spider-Man.”

Tony catches on easily. “Hi, kid. Nice to meet you.”

“Could I borrow a phone?” Peter asks. He’s sure Ned’s covered for him with May, but he can’t even imagine how worried Ned must be.

“Yeah, of course. And, uh, kid?” Tony says, voice dropping to a tentative murmur. “You wanna, I don’t know, work with me in the lab sometime? I could get a new suit fixed up for you and you could show me how you make that webbing of yours?”

Peter half-smiles, trying to shove down all of the panic and worry and fear that threatens to engulf him. His brain is having a hard time understanding everything. He thought Beck was Tony for nine months. Tony tried to kill him, except it wasn’t actually Tony.

But now Tony’s sitting across from him, a kind smile on his face like it isn’t the same face that sneered and yelled and dropped a warehouse down on him.

It wouldn’t be fair to blame the real Tony for things Beck did as Tony.

“Yeah, sure, sounds cool, Mister Stark.”

* (Years later, kidnapped by Nick Fury on his European vacation, he sees through “Mysterio’s” disguise within seconds, recognizing the technology for what it is, knowing Beck’s face like the back of his hand, the same face that plagues his nightmares. It only takes a few days to get Beck behind bars with Tony’s help, his vacation back to normal before anyone notices anything is wrong. But Peter doesn’t think he’ll ever forgot Beck’s face and what the villain put him through. He doesn’t think he’ll ever stop seeing Beck’s version of Tony every time he looks at His Tony. He doesn’t think he’ll ever stop looking over his shoulder, just in case the things around him are all an illusion. He doesn’t think Beck will ever disappear from his head.)

#lyss writes #febuwhump #peter parker fic #peter parker #tony stark #irondad #irondad fic #Irondad and Spiderson #quentin beck #mysterio #smffh #spiderman homecoming

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druid-for-hire · 5 years

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new Hadestown au, ICARUS!ORPHEUS, wherein orpheus is not the world’s greatest musician but rather the world’s greatest inventor/mechanic/tinkerer. his creations are wondrous and beautiful and a miracle. Orpheus his mission is to create something that will repair the world--take what’s broken, make it whole.

Orpheus is still very much an artist--only his art in this AU is visual instead of auditory. and he’s still poor! not everything he makes is immediately useful for survival and y’know, hardly anyone has the money to buy things, and he has a propensity to just. give things away, especially the smaller trinkets he makes. and they take a Long Time to make. so he still works at hermes’ bar

SO!!!

this orpheus is body pain solidarity KDSKFJH

he has a fucked up back from all the heavy lifting he does around the workshop, being hunched over while he works on stuff, and being stuck in weird positions for extended periods of time when he’s working on machines and whatever, especially the bigger ones

also he’s got a wrist brace

he has a set of gear he wears a lot especially when he’s in his workshop

1) his wing pack! he built it himself and he’s proud. the pack was also made to help with his back problems. he doesn’t wear his mechanic gear when he’s working at the bar, but sometimes he’ll leave the wings on because back hurty. also, following w icarus, the wings are kept smooth & together and waterproofed w wax, kinda like a gloss. he reapplies every so often

2) his goggles! every part about the design is impractical (the red lenses and the beak) but i like them. they protect his eyes from flying bits and sparks and sawdust etc. when he’s working and wind when he’s flying

3) his boots! they’re sturdy workin’ boots, and have a talon function to clasp onto and lift things up. especially useful for moving bigger things around the workshop, up to higher levels and what have you, and he gets to flit around the whole space with minimal usage of ladders. (yes, they’re inspired by Vulture’s boots from Spider-Man: Homecoming)

(ALSO. the model of his wings are white crow wings, bc of the myth of Coronis)

because in greek mythology, crows started out white and had beautiful voices and the reason they turned black and got croaky calls is because a crow had to tell Apollo that his lover, Coronis, left him to marry a mortal

and Apollo got so upset he burned the crow and then burned Coronis to death, or burned the crow and then turned Coronis into a crow, depending on the version

(thanks to @princessponies81 for helping me figure this bit out)

so there are some... parallels here

also, IIRC crow wings are elliptical-type wings, meaning they’re good for a lot of control and maneuverability in tight spaces. good for the workshop

also he makes automata too! he has this little mockingbird to help him around the workshop. lots of calls for lots of signals, like how a car will have diff beep signals for low gas or parking brake on or door left open or key left in etc... little bird can measure and alert for lots of things

he’s also less noodle-y than canon orpheus because of how much he uses his arms and legs doing lifting, work, and flying

he’s not like. Built or anything. but hes got some strength to him

he doesn’t just make really good machines either; he’s absolutely as skilled in fine, delicate things as much as the big pieces—he sees the details himself, has to make it himself, he’s as skilled in silversmithy or goldsmithy as he is in mechanics, and i imagine he has skills in metallurgy too. maybe even a bit of glassblowing? just for piece assembly. all his pieces will fit most perfectly if he makes them himself

things like the Silver Swan automaton (i’d link a video but external links are illegal on tumblr)

also... i don’t know if they manage to get married this time, but they at least get the wedding bands

lover, tell me, if you can--who’s gonna make the wedding bands?

@supercantaloupe: the river gonna give us the wedding bands -- he draws the mineral, the stones from the silt, and crafts them himself

SO, he charms eurydice with one (or many) of his dazzling creations that also have usages in practicality and survival

as is the youzhe, she leaves when he gets to obsessive with working on something, holed up in his workshop instead of like. Surviving the winter

they last longer into the winter this time though because again, he does have a couple of machines good for tiding over the winter and surviving, and eurydice can operate them. but he’s too caught up with creating something to fix the world to repair them when they break down

when he leaves, he leaves his mockingbird to take care of his workshop while he’s gone. make sure there’s not leaks or fires, etc., keep everything in working order

the trip to hadestown still takes a long time, but less time than in canon, given that orpheus gets there on a pair of wings, though he gets grounded plenty of times due to bad weather. plus, his wings aren’t really meant for long-distance

so in the end the time still matches up; the events underground still happen on the onset of proper spring

he sails over the wall of the Styx on his wings, but it’s a feat easier said than done; it really is high and wide, just... hundreds of feet tall, and i headcanon that the “wall” is in fact seven layers of fortification because some myths say the River Styx wraps around the underworld seven times

and he is not a high altitude flier

uhhhhhhhhh blah blah something something ... i’m not clear on all the details but here are a few things:

orpheus gets the shit kicked out of him in Papers as usual and the fates hold his wings over him instead of his guitar

i have no idea how If It’s True goes

SOMEWHERE there’s Hey Little Songbird II (thank you to @supercantaloupe for authoring this idea);

it's Hades to Orpheus this time. Ironic, as he sings and flies, a real songbird.

and orpheus, that inspired inventor, that mechanic, that engineer, blessed by Hephaestus himself, being tempted to stay. It's a marvel of engineering, those factories. But they're rough around the edges, dirty, inefficient, unrefined. Imagine all the work he could do. Imagine how grand it would be, with just his help. And imagine how much fun it would be to fix it all!

but since he's fallen in love - and lost her once already - he has to pause and think. it's too good to be true, isn't it? Is it true? Can he really stay here forever, with parts and tools and endless projects worthy of his skill and attention - at least, without her?

ok back to me writing stuffs

there is no Epic I / Epic II / Epic III; the titles are now Trial I / Trial II / Trial III, like trial runs of prototypes, and on the third one it has a double meaning as a trial of judgement

Trial III goes as such:

(and thank you to @ferretteeth for this)

Hades orders him to build. An impressive invention in turn for his life – a chance he gives only because his wife is smitten with interest.

Orpheus gets three days and no more, and when he is finally ordered to come before the throne of basalt and steel he brings his invention. And Hades gives a curt, mocking laugh, because all Orpheus has in his hands is a simple box of bronze, cheap and adorably human.

He almost orders for Orpheus' death the moment he sees it, but then the boy lifts the lid and reveals a mechanical flower. Petals made out of metal rusted rosy, nectar of flecks of fool's gold.

Delicate and beautiful; extremely finely spun, as if the metal were only woven fibers. It is as soft as any silk.

"Where did you get that," the king snaps in a hurry. "How did you know–"

And then, with the twist of a key, the invention reveals to be a music box and long lost chords fill the Underworld.

(i originally had the idea that he builds a planetarium that replicates the summer above, a caught snippet of the thing that hades could never make on a large scale. a beautiful thing with flowers that blossomed and played the old song as hades brushed his hands across them, sun above. but i figured it’s probably more in line with the sensibilities of Hadestown if orpheus had created something less... grand)

so eurydice and orpheus are granted their chance to leave.

i’m not sure what the test is, because he’s got to fly out with eurydice clutched in his talons, and i want him to be as much a victim of his doubt as in canon

but he has to follow this flight path with absolute perfection, down to the flap. you fly too high, the flames of hadestown will catch him. he flies too low, the flames of hadestown will catch her.

i think, in his paranoia, he flies too high, and his wings catch fire

his wings are on fire--his arms are strapped in to them. he’s burning up. he’s burning.

he’s slowing down in his ascent. in a moment, he knows that if they’re going to make it, it’ll only be one of them, and... he’s not going to drop eurydice. he can’t do that to her.

when his wings can no longer climb, he throws her the final distance to the surface. she turns around and reaches desperately for him, but he’s too far away.

he falls. a comet.

he breaks.

the fact is, he dies

but he dies in hadestown. so now he’s just... well, one, no chance of going back aboveground. two, now he’s... sitting at the bottom of that long climb, broken and in pain, surrounded by the charred skeleton of his wings, broken and burned feathers, drips of melted oil and wax, and blood

he’s... there for a long time, just suffering, before someone comes to see if they made it out, and finds him at the bottom

hades sees this as an opportunity to bring him back, let him heal, and put him onto projects, perhaps “to get your mind off of it all,” but. orpheus doesn’t want to work. he doesn’t want to do anything

thanks to supercanteloupe again for co-authoring this section:

Hades says he'll squander his god given talents to just sit around all day but Orpheus won't listen

hades has just zero fucking clue how to deal with a depressed human

"have I not given him all he could want, metal, tools, a workbench? Bed, bread, fire? Strength in his bones? And yet he refuses still? The boy must be mad," he cries, angry

@s-aint-elmo: "i got a new mechanist"

“you ruined a perfectly good talented young man is what you did. look at him, he's got depression"

persephone herself is a mess (less so after Trial III) but she has at least some sense—she is more in touch with mortals than him, spending time with them up on the surface and throwing revels, but also greeting those who lost their lovers/sisters/brothers/mothers/fathers in the winter before

persephone encouraging orpheus to build, not for her sake or for Hades', but for his own. little flowers, little birds, wind up toys and music boxes. something to keep him going

s-aint-elmo: she brings him pressed flowers from the surface, little trinkets, tokens of the green. orpheus only lets the first few wilt and rot at the corner of his table.

flowers bloom until they rot and fall apart

it's a sad, painful reminder

he eventually has the resolve to rebuild his wing pack—better this time, because really, he feels crippled without them after living w em for so long

edit: (and the feathers are black, a la the crow myth)

when hades first sees him like, passing by w wings on his back, he turns to persephone like “what have you been saying to him?” “only what he needs to hear, husband”

he has a great fear of actually getting off the ground at first, though

he’ll perch at the edge of a rooftop, but... doesn’t move. it’s a leap of faith he doesn’t feel like he can take

he always saw air as just a medium to move through, that it would support him, as easy as swimming

now he sees straight through it to the ground

he has burn scars across the entire back of his arms, hands, and fingers

it’s a reminder every time he gets to working

rough patchy skin. calloused fingers from work

big sigh

eurydice goes home.

there is the empty shell of his workshop. his many machines and trinkets and tools and his hundreds of unfinisheds and thousands of scraps of plans, and… his bird left to care for the shop after god knows how many weeks or months.

it flies down and greets her, some string of whistles and beeps she only half understands. then it asks for orpheus

she tells it that he fell; he’s not coming back, it’s too late

the bird sticks by her from there on out, the last “living” remnant of her lover, besides his shell of a workshop

ok i haven’t thought farther than this, please have fun with this au i think it’s a new favorite alongside Unswayed AU & Apartments AU

#icarus orpheus au #hadestown #hadestown au #hadestown fanart #my art

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twobitmulder · 4 years

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MCU Spider-Man 3 Pitch

I have not been the biggest fan of the MCU’s take on Spider-Man, but I do think there’s a way that they could close out his trilogy and make up for a lot of what didn’t work while also staying true to what’s been done in the first few movies.

So picture this, it’s been a few months, maybe even a year, since Spider-Man was framed for Mysterio’s death. Stark Industries lawyers have been able to convince a judge that the footage was doctored to put Peter’s face in in it, but that’s only improved the situation a little bit. Half of New York still thinks Peter is Spider-Man and the other half at least think Spider-Man murdered Mysterio and framed this kid. Happy and Stark Industries have had to distance themselves from Spider-Man publicly because even though Peter Parker is technically legally innocent, Spider-Man is still wanted for murder.

Ned and MJ stand by him, but the fact of the matter is that the world is just against Peter Parker on all fronts....

That’s when Norman Osborne shows up. Norman is a tech genius and his company Oscorp has always been a sort of quiet competitor to Stark Industries. Since the Snap (or the Blip if you prefer) they’ve raised their public profile and are doing a lot of work cleaning up the world. Norman approaches Peter much like Tony did. He knows Peter is Spider-Man and he’s offering him a job with Oscorp, a way to save his reputation and earn some money (Stark Industries covered the legal fees, but the constant attention has put a strain on the already sparse Parker family budget). Norman is putting together a new team, to fill the void left by the fracturing of the Avengers...the Thunderbolts.

Now Peter isn’t an idiot. This all feels sort of suspect. After all, Mysterio came to him as a fellow hero too. So he does his due diligence. He checks with Dr. Strange and looks as far back as he can into Osborne’s past, but he can’t find a blemish, what he does find is that Osborne knew his father, worked with him when they were in Grad school, and it leads to a very tender father/son moment between them.

So he agrees to become a Thunderbolt on a trial basis. May doesn’t like it, but Peter is 18 and she can’t stop him. MJ thinks he’s nuts. “You got lucky trusting one billionaire, you’re crazy to trust a second one.” Even Ned, trying to be supportive, can’t help but feel that something is off.

Peter meets the other Thunderbolts. Max Dillion, who can control electricity, Sergei Kravinoff, who has enhanced strength and agility, and Dimitri Smerdyakov, their own personal Black Widow and master intelligence operative. They have an early run in with Mac Gargan, now in possession of a suit of power armor and calling himself The Scorpion, but the real clincher for Peter comes when, responding to an attack by some kind of sand monster, they capture a very alive and well Mysterio.

With the path to fully clearing his name now open, Peter comes to fully trust Osborne who tells him how he wants to do what the Avengers couldn’t. He wants to build a suit of armor around the world.

Meanwhile, MJ and Ned are still suspicious and they break into Oscorp where they find Osborne’s scientists running tests on Dillon, Kravinoff, and Smerdyakov. But worse than that, they find Beck and Gargan free, and getting equipment upgrades from Oscorp scientists. They’re captured and interrogated by Osborne. MJ tells him that she’s got him all figured out, that he’s just running the same scam that Beck was, creating fake disasters to swoop and stop. But Osborne tells her that it’s much more than that. Peter represents the possibility of a new generation of heroes, young and impressionable that he can mold and shape, effectively putting the next generation of super people entirely under his thumb. Luckily for Osborne, Beck’s stunt with the doctored footage helped alienate Peter enough for Osborne to get his hooks in.

Later, Peter is worried that he can’t get in touch with MJ and Ned, but Osborne tells him not to worry, tells him that his destiny as a hero is beyond all that and that he’ll make new friends, friends on his level. Osborne shows Peter files he’s been keeping on other young people with powers (and here we can take an opportunity to show off some upcoming characters, I think Angelica Jones, Bobby Drake, and Sam Alexander would be fun Easter Eggs) that he wants Peter to start training to be the next generation of Thunderbolts.

This starts to rub Peter the wrong way and he wonders if maybe MJ and Ned were right. He hacks Osborne’s computers and steals some files on the Thunderbolt Project and takes them home to sort through them. On his way home he gets a call from MJ telling him to meet her in Central Park.

By the time he gets there it’s dark and he sees not MJ, but Aunt May meeting with someone who looks just like Peter. Before he can call out to her he’s blindsided by a masked man (Kraven, but Peter can’t tell) who pins him down and makes him watch as the False Peter (Smerdyakov) locks eyes with Peter and makes it clear that if he makes a sound he’ll kill May. Kraven asks for the data Peter stole from Oscorpe back. Just as Peter is about to hand it over he sees May wallop Smerdyakov.

We cut to May kicking Smerdyakov’s fallen gun away from him and asking him where Peter is. Smerdyakov’s shapeshifting falters and we see a new form, a blank, smooth white face.

“How?” He asks.

May sneers at him. “You think I don’t know my own son?”

A webline hits Smerdyakov square in the chest and Peter rockets into frame, knocking him onto his ass. Kraven rushes him and Peter yells for May to get clear.

Suddenly an explosion rips through the park. Osborne, in something almost like a cross between an Iron Man suit and and Vulture’s wing harness, swoops down, picks Peter up, and plucks the data stick from the pocket of his suit, then throws him into a nearby building where Peter blacks out.

Peter wakes up in a hazy and brightly lit version of his bedroom. He sits up on his bed and makes eye contact with someone across from him.

“I let you down didn’t I? I tried to...I tried to be better. I tried to...”

“Pete,” an unfamiliar voice says, as we pan to the other end of the room and see, for the first time in the MCU, Benjamin Franklin Parker (I’m imagining Nick Offerman, but Toby Maguire would be fun too). “You could never let me down.”

Peter tells his uncle that he thinks he made a mistake, that he doesn’t know who to trust anymore, and that this whole Spider-Man thing was supposed to be to make Ben proud, to make up for...well, Ben knows...but it never seems to turn out right. It just feels like he keeps getting drawn into other people’s messes and making a mess of his own life and he’s tried to be his own person but it feels like the more he’s Spider-Man the less he knows who he’s supposed to be. Is he Tony? Is he Osborne? Is he an Avenger or a Thunderbolt? Ever since he got drawn into this people have been talking about his potential and he’s afraid that he’s not going to measure up to what people expect of him. And Ben very gently tells him that it’s not about measuring up. It’s not about being the next Tony Stark but better or becoming an Avenger. It’s not about measuring up to anyone’s ideal. It’s about knowing that he’s making a difference because he feels it’s the right thing to do no matter whether the rest of the world sees him as an Iron Man or a menace or an Avenger. And he tells him that he knows he knows he’ll do the right thing, because he can’t not, it’s who he is, it’s in his actions every day.

Peter wakes up to May frantically doing chest compressions on him in the middle of a collapsed public restroom in the park. He almost tells her what he hallucinated while he was out, but he can’t bring himself to. Instead he says they need to get to a computer.

Peter reveals that he made a backup of the data and stored it in the suit’s computer. He opens up the files and they find out that Osborne is planning to release the personal information of his teenage Thunderbolts candidates to every budding super-criminal and news outlet in the world. He’s gonna back them all into a corner the way Peter was, destroy their lives so he can pick up the pieces and turn them into his loyal army.

Following an SOS from MJ Peter find Osborne and confronts him in the Oscorp Tower while Aunt May sneaks in and rescues MJ and Ned. What follows is a climactic fight where Peter takes on Osborne’s Sinister Six while May, Ned, and MJ make their way past Oscorp’s security to stop the data leak.

The fight spills out into the city and Peter shows off his experience as Spider-Man, staying one step ahead of his multiple foes and pulling civilians out of harm’s way.

May, MJ, and Ned manage to stop the data leak from Oscorp Tower but Osborne reveals he can just as easily release it all from his suit. He points out to Peter that as far as the world is concerned, he and the Thunderbolts are new superheroes while Spider-Man’s reputation is still in doubt.

“Keep fighting me and they’ll hate you forever” Osborne says.

“It doesn’t matter if they hate me” Peter says, tearing the computer systems out of Osborne’s suit. “It matters that they’re safe.”

The day saved and the villains defeated and incapacitated, Peter limps to the top of Oscorp tower where he meets May, MJ, and Ned, as they watch as the sun rises over the city.

Cut to a few weeks later and the media is still divided whether Spider-Man is a hero or a menace. Norman Osborne has been taken to The Raft after a data leak from Oscorp Tower revealed business dealings with remnants of Hydra, AIM, and the Fisk Crime syndicate. MJ, filling out applications for a journalism major at ESU, looks knowingly proud and justifiably smug as this is reported.

The film ends as Peter, in his Spider-Man suit, approaches a young girl sitting on the edge of a rooftop, flames dancing on her fingertips. Ned and MJ monitor him from a jury-rigged computer display and talk to him through his suit.

“Hi,” Peter says to the girl, “Angelica Jones?...Can I talk to you for second? I think I can help you.”

Post Credits Scene 1: Peter is visiting Dr. Strange again who tells him that he honestly can’t say if the vision Peter had was anything more than a near death hallucination, but that he should take comfort in knowing that the people we’ve lost can still help us once they’re gone, even if it’s just their memories. Peter presses the issue and Dr. Strange shrugs and says anything is possible. There are infinite worlds after all, different planes of existence, different dimensions.

Peter Scoffs, “That’s just something Mysterio made up to con us”

“Well even a broken clock is right twice a day” Strange replies.

Post Credits Scene 2: Osborne is locked up in The Raft. Footsteps approach. General Ross comes up to his cell and shakes his head.

“Beat down by a kid Osborne. Well, even so, you still put together a damn impressive team. I had some ideas about continuing your little project. I do really like the name.”

#That ended up longer than I expected #I sort of wrote this in a frenzy over two days before the news about Garfield and Maguire broke #I'm not crazy about the idea personally since it's already been done and been done better than the MCU could hope to #spider-man #MCU #peter parker #movie pitch #I had a devil of a time figuring out the Uncle Ben scene but it's too weird to have a whole Spider-Man series without mentioning him #I know it sort or hits some of the same beats as Far From Home but I did not realize that as I was writing it #this ended up as more of a fanfic than a pitch #I realize on the one hand that it might be more fitting for Miles to be the one Peter comes to at the end #But I think Miles deserves a fuller intro than a tag scene #really the best way to introduce Miles would have been while Peter was dead in the five years between Infinity War and Endgame #C’est la vie maybe we get an interquel later

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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 4 years

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The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 31: AMJ #4.3

Previous Part

Next Part

Master Post

Now I’ve torn perhaps the worst set of pages in the entire story a new one, we can continue with the rest of the issue.

Let’s move onto the next page.

So Beck asked Screwball to lay off the drones but she’s still having fun. This ‘fun’ involves continuing to harass the paparazzi. I actually don’t have a problem with that. Turn around is fair play and she isn’t hurting them in this specific instance.

Anyway, the Savage Six show up and explain they share the paparazzi’s interest in Sonny Diperna(specifically because he’s playing the Vulture). The Six cut a deal with the paparazzi. They will provide the paparazzi state-of-the-art military grade photo-surveillance gear. In exchange the paparazzi will use this to bring the Six information on McKnight, the movie and it’s location.

Okay, so presumably Screwball’s drones are fitted with camera to enable her to control them with that in mind wouldn’t she be able to observe the Six? I’m willing to let that pass because the Six might be out of sight of the camera or Screwball might’ve called off her drone between panels.

However, how did the Six find these paparazzi? The answer must be that they were following them. The paps were following Sonny themselves and were only stopped at this point by Screwball. So there is no way for Vulture to have known they’d be at this location at this time without having followed them himself.

That being the case then, why didn’t Vulture (or one of his minions) follow Diperna’s car? Why didn’t they follow the drones? Or this one drone lagging behind? Couldn’t Vulture, being a genius, invent some kind of tracking device to follow the drones signal or plant a tracer on them or Diperna himself?

Why on Earth are using paparazzi journalists the best route to finding the location of the set?

I understand that this is a story steeped in the world of Hollywood, but you still need to justify the logistics within that. If Williams wanted a story wherein paparazzi (an infamous component Hollywood) are integral to the story she should internally justify it within the narrative.

Anyway, what exactly is this military grade photo-surveillance gear?

Well, it’s literally just the Vulture’s wings and flight tech. The paps use it to enter the offices of the potential investors from issue #2. They also use it to emerge from the locker of the actor who was originally going to play Mysterio. Wherever they go they take pictures and ask invasive questions about Cage McKnight, in particular about his aggressive attitude.

‘God where to start’ might as well be my catch phrase for this issue.

Let me start off by saying I get Williams’ intent here. She’s satirizing the invasiveness of the paparazzi. The thing is in an established narrative (which the world of Spider-Man is) if you are going to do a satire you need to do one of two things.

Either you make the satire a self-contained off to the side project (which AMJ isn’t) or you make it work within the verisimilitude of the established universe (which AMJ doesn’t).

In this situation the Vulture wants information on the movie. To an extent seeking the help f paparazzi makes sense to that end, as does outfitting them with technology to make that easier. Butt he technology he gives them is not used logically

I can buy that it’s military grade because S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives (like Peter’s sister Teresa) uses similar technology. But it’s not at all photo-surveillance tech. That’s like calling a jetpack photo-surveillance tech. Even if he was making a weird joke the gear he gives them is not all that helpful.

At best, they could use it to spy on people from high up or follow them. But the Vulture himself could do that or his hired goons could do that. Why does he specifically need paparazzi photographers to do this? They aren’t even using the flight tech for that though. They are just using it to invade private property, presumably from open windows. Then they just harass people by taking pictures and asking annoying questions. Why not have them relay their leads to Vulture prompting him to abduct and interrogate these people? Wouldn’t that be more effective? What does taking photos of them accomplish for Vulture. How could Vulture confirm anything the investors told the paps be legitimate and not something to get rid of them?

Not to mention I don’t even know how that last pap fitted into that locker with the wings…or why he even needed those wings to do that!

Also, this is yet more evidence of McKnight’s reputation being dragged through the mud because of Mysterio.

Also, also this is the first time in story that the name of the movie is actually mentioned. It’s not even the full title either.

On the next page we see Ken holding a press conference, begging Cage McKnight to get the paps off his back as they won’t leave him alone. MJ and Mallorie see the news and realise the Six are desperate and back on their trail. MJ reassures Mallorie that once they’ve finished shooting Ken’s family will be safer.

Meanwhile ‘McKnight’ is telling Deperna about the role of the Vulture. He explains that the Vulture and Mysterio are two sides of the same coin and could’ve wound up the same way. Unfortunately Deperna has to leave for a talk show interview. He figures if he’s being hounded anyway he might as well put the P.R. to good use.

So…Mary Jane is a selfish b-word here.

Instead of ceasing production and finding a way to deal with the threats to Ken and his family she’s content to just keep going and thereby continuing to endanger them. And to be clear the word used is ‘safer’. Not safe. Ken and his family will still be in danger…from super villains.

What.

The.

Fuck.

I shouldn’t have to spell this out. I shouldn’t even need to refer back to part 16. But I will anyway.

Mary Jane would never prioritise making a film over the safety of innocent people.

She especially wouldn’t considering she’s been the victim of stalkers and unwanted press attention herself. Back in ASM #521-522 MJ had her big stage debut, a night that was ruined when a paparazzi started a story about her having an affair with Tony Stark. This slander reduced her to tears.

Compared to what Ken is going through, MJ’s experience pales in comparison. So why is she so unconcerned about him (let alone his kids) when they are being harassed and in the crosshairs of super villains?

Additionally, Ken and these rich investors are being harassed by people in glorified jetpacks. We see that Ken at least has bodyguards. Can this handful of paparazzi shutterbugs really not be handled by the authorities It’s not like they are particularly stealthy, couldn’t the cops see them flying away and shoot them down? They aren’t wearing armour or anything. And given how they are civilians using illegally obtained military grade hardware isn’t that grounds for getting S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Avengers involved?

I grant you neither Ken nor the investors might be aware the tech is military grade but at the same time that technology is not publically available so surely someone would suspect it’s illegal for them to own and use it? They wouldn’t even need to know that it’s technology used by a confirmed super villain like the Vulture. The mere fact that no civilians have ever used tech like that would be enough grounds for the victims to ask the question at least. Additionally, I don’t know the law of L.A. but isn’t it fairly common in America for someone to use gun or force if their property is invaded? Fuck, they aren’t wearing masks can nobody identify them and report them to the police?

How have these paparazzi losers been evading comeuppance for all this time? Shit, Ken in the above page has a racket, just hit them! One of the investors was shown trying to do just that on the previous page.

And if MJ knows these innocent people are in the crosshairs of super villains why isn’t she doing something to protect them? Call Peter, the Avengers or ask Peter to call Cloak and Dagger again. She’s simply content for these people to be mentally and potentially physically harmed provided it’s for a few more days.

Except it won’t be.

They won’t be safe, merely safer. Even if they wrap up filming in a few ore days, how much longer will it be until they finish post-production and then from there actually release the movie. All the people being harassed will still be in harm’s way for all that time; as will the crew. The Six don’t merely want to stop the film being made. I’m sure Vulture is opposed to anyone being paid to play him on principle. I’m sure he’s opposed to a Mysterio biopic on principle too. But the bigger issue for him is that it will be released to the general public. He’s going to want to stop that and has plenty of time to try.

During this time Ken, the investors, the crew, former crewmembers and the loved ones of all of them (like Aunt May or Aunt Anna) are potentially going to be in harm’s way. There is no guarantee the Six will stop after the film is released either. Surely MJ must consider some of the Six are capable of holding a grudge. If they don’t like something about the movie they may well continue to target anyone who worked on it or was associated with it.

The only ways to serve the greater good here is to either placate the Six somehow (e.g. by not making the movie) or by neutralizing the threat they pose (e.g. by capturing them). Instead MJ and Beck are simply running and hiding when there is no reason or justification for them to do that!

Moving on, the stuff with Diperna is dumb.

Beck claims that ‘Mysterio’ could’ve ended up just like Vulture if circumstances had gone differently. Except…they did. They are both bitter, egotistical, selfish criminal murderers who happen to be genius inventors. It makes sense for Beck to not view it that way of course. Anyone reading the script where Mysterio is framed sympathetically might not even see it that way. But I personally have a suspicion that Williams herself honestly views it that way. As in, she honestly thinks there is a huge difference between where Vulture wound up vs. where Mysterio wound up. There is, but it’s a nuanced difference, not a two sides of the same coin sort of deal.

Finally Diperna is going to a talk show to promote the movie. Isn’t that a massive security risk?

The paparazzi are already hounding him, the Six are after the movie and he’s one of their bigger targets connected to it. He knows this. MJ and Mallorie know this. But they are still going to let him leave the security of the set and go to a location where surely his attendance has been recorded. Or at least some people know about it?

But of course MJ isn’t concerned, merely excited that he’s going to promote the film. The film that’s name dropped again, but still not with it’s full title.

On the next page we see Sonny’s interview; with an obvious Conan O’Brien stand-in.

At the interview the host asks Sonny about the rumours regarding MJ. Apparently, an anonymous source claims she’s a terror to work with on set. Sonny dispels these are totally untrue. This enrages the Six in their hideout, who admit sending blind items to the press about MJ was a dumb idea.

I have to concur with Tarantula, it was a stupid idea. What the Hell was it ever going to accomplish?

Best case scenario, MJ’s reputation gets slandered. Then what? The people working with her will know it’s bullshit and do nothing. MJ herself will know it’s bullshit and maybe get very upset.

But anything beyond that relies upon MJ being so upset she (or a representative of the movie) would appear in person publically. Except MJ is aware the Six are after her and the movie, and the Six know she knows. Therefore no one would appear publically in order to safeguard themselves and the film.

Okay, maybe the Six really believe MJ is that stupid or that incapable of controlling herself. But in this day and age why the Hell would she ever need to appear publicly at all? One social media post or a phone interview would enable her to respond to the rumours. Maybe the Six are hoping for that, the plan being to use technical wizardry to then track down the location of the film somehow.

But the film already has social media accounts. We learned that last issue. Clearly if they have been trying that route it’s not been working. So why would they attempt to coax MJ into posting online? And as for a phone call, there is no indication they’re going to use that to find MJ. It wouldn’t even be a reliable plan as they couldn’t possibly know what journalist she’d talk to and therefore not be prepared to trace the call when it comes in.

No matter how you slice it this plan is idiotic (and thereby out of character for Vulture) and accomplishes nothing beyond being petty.

I’ll also add I am personally not keen on MJ being as famous as she’s being implied to be in this scene. I prefer Peter and MJ to at best be modestly famous if at all. It keeps them more down to Earth that way.

On the next page Vulture implies the asinine slander attempt was probably his idea. He then goes on to claim that aweul rumours would’ve forced MJ to surface. I’ve already addressed why this is dumb and OOC for Vulture.

He then tries (and fails) to justify his almost-as-bad idea of arming the paparazzi to find the set for them. Back on TV, Sonny claims the difference between Mysterio and Vulture in the movie is that Beck cares about redemption whilst Vulture doesn’t. This further fuels my theory that this distinction is Williams’ own perception of the characters.

Also, one of the paparazzi approaches Vulture with a picture that delights the old bird.

On the next page we find ourselves with Peter at an ESU lab, where he answers a call from MJ.

He says he’s not great and very confused. He says it might be confusing for her too depending upon the context of the photo she sent earlier. The photo in question is of MJ in Spider-Man’s costume. MJ explains that she’s filling in for the Spidey actor who quit then tries to explain about working with Mysterio.

Unfortunately something important is happening in the lab and the scientists are demanding Pete’s attention. He asks to leave but reaffirms their arrangement for a video chat the next night. Sadly, MJ says goodbye as Peter hangs up. Just then Beck calls MJ over so they can rehearse her Spidey scene.

They begin with the Electro fight choreography MJ learned earlier. Abruptly the fake Electro attacks surprising MJ.

So let me get this out of the way. I do not know if Gomez or the inkers or the colourists were putting extra effort into these pages or not. Regardless, the result is simply stunning. I’m not being ironic or sarcastic in the slightest. Seeing MJ in Spider-Man’s outfit looks superb and I think Gomez was having fun depicting it. It’s something that cosplayers, fan art and covers have depicted to no end for decades and (IIRC) this is the very first time it’s happened in canon. Maybe that was why these pages pop as much as they do.

Or maybe Williams and/or Gomez just found the idea sexy. The dialogue certainly implies Peter might. Much like issue #1 stuff like this is where Williams on AMJ shines. She can capture many of MJ’s personality traits very well and among those is her flirtatiousness and the sexual chemistry she has with Peter. So kudos on that front.

As for the rest of this page, I should fully disclose I’m woefully behind on my comics. The last ASM storyline I read (as of this writing, but not necessarily of this posting) was the 2099 centric one. So I do not know if Peter’s dialogue is reflecting events that were contemporary at the time of AMJ #4’s release. Nor do I know if it made any huge mistakes in doing so. Maybe the dialogue was supposed to just be funny/cute because seeing MJ dressed as him was weird. Or maybe there is some big event in ASM that has thrown Peter for a loop. I just do not know, so inform me if I’m missing something.

Apart from that there is little to say about these pages. It just represents systemic problems with the story by this point. MJ shouldn’t be lying to Peter. It’s stupid for MJ to be playing Spider-Man.

As the rehearsal continues MJ realises Electro was just an illusion. Mysterio begins lecturing MJ on Electro’s abilities and critiquing her fight choreography, specifically her speed. MJ says she’ll just practice until she can do it as fast as Spidey. Mysterio though lectures that she doesn’t understand how frustrating it is to fight Spider-Man. He begins explaining how he dodges before his opponent commits to an action. How his webbing gives him access to another plane of movement (which MJ chimes in on). How his experience fighting the Sinister Six enable him to predict their movements

However, Beck clarifies that Spidey doesn’t always win because he’s noble and virtuous. Rather because ‘he’s good’. He asks MJ to try fighting again as though she wanted to really win. Mysterio continues to lecture, stating Ock is nothing without his suit so MJ shouldn’t be afraid to get up close and personal. They then begin rehearsing to fight one another, with MJ admitting she can feel Beck pulling his punches. Finally Beck tells MJ that if she compromises Vulture’s harness he’s just a vulnerable old man.

Elsewhere Vulture eyes up Charlie as he walks alone at night. The entirety of the Savage Six (which really seems like overkill) confront him. Charlie folds immediately and promises to tell them where the set is.

The positives of these pages amount to Williams demonstrating a good grasp of some of Spider-Man’s fighting technique. Ironically she echoes some of my own points from parts 21-22.

Let’s also be charitable and say MJ wasn’t being strictly serious when she said she’ll be as fast as Spidey. But if Williams intended that to be serious that’s real silly. No human can be as fast as Spider-Man.

That’s where the positives and charity ends though.

Let’s start with the fact that Mysterio has all this knowledge about the skills of Spidey and his foes. Does MJ not think Beck such a good observer is rather dangerous given his history and abilities?

Isn’t she concerned that someone who has tried to harm her lover on multiple occasions (and is demonstrating such attempts right in front of her) has such knowledge of how he fights? Isn’t she unsettled that he is referring to him as infuriating? Does she not even raise an eyebrow that Beck is showing her all this and has yet to express any remorse towards Spider-Man himself? Spidey being the man he framed as one of his first major crimes and whom he nearly killed in very recent history?

Apparently not.

Furthermore some of his assessments are not accurate.

‘Ock is nothing without his suit’???????

Otto doesn’t wear a suit. He has a harness with tentacles attached. And even if that’s what Williams meant it’d still be wrong. I’m not going to bring up obscure stuff like Otto’s long forgotten force field from the 1990s. Nor even the fact he can still throw a mean punch (see his debut). It’s the fact that the guy is dangerously intelligent. That’s one of the most famous things about him and he even tells you that in his name; Doctor Octopus! How many times has he created an invention or outsmarted his opponents. MJ and Mysterio were both witnesses to his formidable intellect in ‘Ends of the Earth’ alone!

And as for the Vulture, his harness really isn’t everything. He too is clever, crafty, nasty, his wings are razor sharp and his current outfit has equally sharp claws. Anyone just looking at him should be able to tell the strength and flight his harness provides isn’t the only thing that makes him dangerous. I’m also pretty sure that Beck would know enough about Toomes’ personality to know he’s not just a harness old man in a harness, but I admit I can’t think of any examples for that off the top of my head.

The foolishness doesn’t stop there though.

Beck’s off base about Otto and Vulture but also arguably about Spidey as well. He says Spider-Man doesn’t win because he’s noble but because he’s ‘good’. This is a contentious criticism because it depends upon how you interpret that line. Beck/Williams’ intent might’ve been that Spidey is skilled, he is ‘good’ at fighting. Which would be perfectly fair. However, if that was not the intent then the dialogue doesn’t make sense. Being noble/virtuous and being good (morally) equate to functionally the same thing. The writing has been so all over the place in this series I honestly wouldn��t put it beyond Williams to make such a mistake. But even with the benefit of the doubt, she or the editors should have tweaked that line so it’d simply read better and avoid all confusion.

E.g. “But Spider-Man doesn’t win every time because he’s noble and virtuous. He wins because he’s a good fighter.”

Moving on, I already talked about how dumb it is for Beck to not simply use his illusions to finish the movie. But this page really brings it home because he is literally using very convincing illusions of Spider-Man to show MJ what to do. Just use those! Why waste time and effort on practicing with MJ so she can do this when you are obviously going to use your illusions to map over her body anyway?

From MJ’s POV though she’s wasting all this time practicing to film the final scene (which still needs to be finished in post-production). Isn’t that yet more time she’s endangering Ken and his family? More time during which they are coming to some form of harm? By convincing him to use his illusions she’ll speed up the process a lot and thus reduce the time they are at risk. But she’s been selfish throughout this whole amn story so why stop now I guess.

And hey, it’s not like the process is taking as long as it realistically should take. Just look at how quickly MJ has learned fight choreography and how to move like a gymnast. That last pose is very impressive for someone with no super powers, no formal training in gymnastics and at best some very basic self-defence classes…God…

If Beck wants someone who can nail fight choreography, move fast, gets what it’s like to fight Spider-Man and is agile why not use Screwball?! She’s been performing gymnastic moves for no reason in almost every one of her scenes. True, she has a female body build, but so does MJ!

Finally, Vulture targeting Charlie is a perfect illustration of what I’ve spoken about before. Charlie was a loose end Beck and MJ idiotically left dangling. Shit, Charlie himself was a moron for not considering he’d be a target.

So all in all this issue was another fine fucking mess.

I’m not even morbidly curious as to how the arc will end next issue. I just want to get it over with.

P.S. Peter still hasn’t shown up in spite of six of his enemies being very publicly on the loose and nearby his girlfriend.

P.P.S. The fact that MJ’s scene as Spidey involves her just doing action stuff further proves how they never needed someone who could really act. Just someone who could pull off stunt work. Making MJ’s role as Spidey even more redundant.

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Master Post

#Leah Williams #Amazing Mary Jane #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #MJ Watson #Carlos Gomez #Mysterio #Quentin Beck #Spider-Man #Peter Parker

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not-a-space-alien · 4 years

Text

Anniversary - or the Horsepersons realise they can get together outside of work

Hi everyone, I just realized today that I never posted my work from this past holiday exchange! Here was my entry, hope you enjoy!

Title: Anniversary

Rating: G

Word Count: 6k

Summary: The horsepersons are summoned for a second attempt at Armageddon, but soon an irritating pattern emerges.

A note about my illustrations: I trace stock photos for a lot of my basic shapes because I’m not good at that and really only enjoy the detail work and coloring, so I consider my “art” more like photo manipulation than original artwork, so just keep that in mind! This one is also partially based in TV canon and partially in book canon fyi

On DW

On AO3

“Who exactly summons them?”

“Not my department.”

************************

The department that did, in fact, summon the horsepersons was not Gabriel’s department, which was the Department of Earthly Affairs. Summoning the horsepersons, overseeing the signs of the end times, the rains of fish, and all that unpleasant business was a job that nobody really wanted. It was thought of as something Hell was supposed to do, but Heaven had to take responsibility for it, roll up their sleeves, and make sure it was done properly. It was shunted off onto whichever angels were unlucky enough to be assigned to the Department of Armageddon, which Gabriel had actually fought tooth and nail to leave.

The Department of Armageddon’s entire purpose was to prepare for the end times: to meticulously plan it out and ensure it went off smoothly. As these things tend to go, the least desirable job got pushed off onto whomever was lowest on the command chain, or at least the one too polite or too much of a pushover to refuse the job. And nobody really wanted to interact with the horsepersons. The DoA was filled with poor souls who had been toughing out a job they’d hated for six-thousand years. It would take a toll on anyone.

The reader can probably imagine that Aziraphale is less popular with the Department of Armageddon than any other angels, who unfortunately already find him quite annoying.

But this story is not about Aziraphale. It’s not even about Ambriel, the angel responsible for summoning the horsepersons.

No, this story is about the horsepersons, who lined up for Armageddon in the year of 1991 with great fervor and excitement, giddily straddling their motorcycles, finally able to run wild. The way that one had fizzled out was quite a disappointment to them all.

Adam had banished them for a bit, and that had been no fun, but it’s impossible to do away with Famine, War, and Pollution as long as humans exist. So they eventually reformed, springing from the minds of men and being unleashed back onto the world.

Somewhere in Europe, freshly spilled blood steamed and boiled, and War rose up, with blood smeared over her naked body like a newborn baby. In Asia, in a field covered by vultures feasting on the carcass of an emaciated cow, Famine sat up, looking around disoriented and missing his fancy suits. On the West Coast of the United States, Pollution washed ashore, having drifted for a while after being spawned from the Great Pacific garbage patch. They picked seaweed out of their hair and took a few moments to orient themselves. The last thing they remembered was staring down Adam Young. And as they realised what had happened, they thought the exact same thing their two companions were thinking at that exact moment:

Aw, man!

*********************************

In August 1992, the brave soul known simply as ‘the deliveryman’ had been contracted once again. The request was again from someone named Ambriel, by whom he had been contracted at this precise time last year, and for the exact same reason: To make four deliveries in various parts of the world to varyingly strange customers.

He didn’t really want to go, but it was his job, so there he was braving the quite literally riotous streets of a war-torn country scouring the chaos for a particular woman.

War had gone back to doing her reporter schtick, but it was starting to bore her. She was interviewing an American soldier as he prattled on and on, pretending to write it down*, thinking about what her next possible career could be. Probably somewhere in the American Military-Industrial complex, she thought.

*******

*She was currently drawing a sketch of him decapitated on the battlefield.

*******

This is how the deliveryman found her. He doubled over panting from the exertion of running up to her, but managed to wheeze out, “Package for you, Miss.”

War turned to him, an intensely puzzled look on her face. “What?”

“Package for you.”

War turned her back on the soldier. “You again? Aren’t you the same…. You have another package for me?”

He held it out. It was suspiciously sword-shaped.

“But... “ She took the package and unwrapped it. It was indeed a sword, long and shiny polished metal glittering in the harsh sun. “But this means Armageddon is near. Again?”

The deliveryman held out the signature pad hopefully.

She looked at him.

“I need you to sign for it, miss.”

“But we just did this.”

“This, ma’am?”

“Receiving our artifacts. Riding to Armageddon. The whole nine yards.”

“I do recall delivering this same sword to you last year. Afraid I don’t know anything about it, though. I’m just the deliveryman.”

“Are we doing it all again?”

“Afraid I don’t know, ma’am. I just need you to sign for it, please.”

War held the sword out in both her hands, seeing her reflection in its length. “That was one year ago today,” she realised. “A year was all they decided to wait? It took six-thousand to get ready the first time.”

Hope fading, the deliveryman stretched his arms out to full length to get the pen and pad as close to her as possible. “Just need a signature, miss.”

War relented and took the pen, ripping the paper under the force of her signature. The deliveryman looked a bit put off and shuffled away, unenthusiastic about his next delivery, which would require him to pick along an extremely dirty industrial oil field.

The soldier waited around to hopefully continue bragging about how brave he was, but War ignored him. She simply continued to stare at the sword. All she said was:

“Huh.”

***************************************

“Here we all are, gathered together at last.”

Famine was the one to made this proclamation. He said this to both War and Pollution, who were uncertainly standing around their motorcycles. This time they had been summoned directly to the barren field of Armageddon, which was, as it had been at this time last year, distressingly empty.

“Just saw you last year,” said Pollution. “Not quite ‘at last’ anymore, is it?.”

Famine gave them a dirty look. “Yes, well, it’s what we said last year. Seems only right to say it again.”

“They’re trying to make Armageddon happen again on the anniversary of it failing,” said War. “Is that what’s up?”

“It is significant, isn’t it?” said Pollution. “I was thinking about having some sort of celebration anyway. One year and all that. Seems like we should commemorate it somehow.”

“That’s stupid,” said Famine. Famine usually hated commemorating things because anniversaries and celebrations always seemed to involve good food and drink. Eat, drink, and be miserable was usually how it went for him.

“Anyway,” said War, “what are we waiting for? The Big Guy’s not here yet, but shouldn’t there be, I don’t know, some sort of preliminaries going on? Wasn’t there all sorts of wacky stuff going on last year, storm in the sky, showers of fish and all that?”

A figure could be seen spiraling downwards from the sky, wings spread wide. Pollution shielded their face with their hand and stared up past the sun. “Who’s’at?”

The figure revealed itself to be an angel, a jaunty figure with a halo struggling to keep up with his erratic motion, floating just behind his head as he ran full-speed towards them.

“And who might you be?” said Famine.

The angel huffed and puffed. “The name’s--the name is Ambriel.” He caught his breath and looked around at the gathering. “Where is Death?”

As if on cue, Death appeared with a small pop of expanding air. I HAVE NEVER HAD TO KILL THE SAME HUMAN TWICE, said Death. AND I DO NOT ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE. NEITHER DID HE. WHATEVER YOU ARE PAYING THE DELIVERYMAN, YOU NEED TO PAY HIM MORE.

“Pay?” said Ambriel. “Oh, that’s right.” He snapped his fingers, and the deliveryman’s bank account balance was suddenly a few digits larger, for all the good it would do a dead man.

“So your name’s Ambriel,” said War. “But who are you?”

“I’m the one responsible for making sure the horsepersons are present at Armageddon!” he crowed.

Famine craned his neck towards the empty, blue, peaceful, quiet, decidedly-not-Armageddon sky. Pollution kicked a rock through the soft grass. War scratched her head.

WE ARE HERE, said Death.

“But where’s Armageddon?” said War. “We don’t start it. That’s the antichrist.”

“Ah,” said Ambriel, sweating. “Yes, well, we’re still working on that. It was supposed to happen a year ago, you see…”

“Yes, you summoned us on the anniversary,” said Pollution. “Are we going to do it again?”

“Turn the seas to blood?” said War, shaking her fists.

“Unleash ourselves upon the planet until nothing’s left but bones and bare rock?” said Famine, a sparkle in his eye.

“Bury humanity in the consequences of its own actions?” said Pollution giddily.

Ambriel grimaced as the three of them crowded in on him, pumping their fists in excitement.

THE FINAL REAPING, said Death.

“Yes,” said Ambriel. “Um, yes, for sure, about that…”

The excitement on their faces began to fade.

“Well, you see, I’d thought everything would be ready to go by now. The timeline they gave me for re-setting the Armageddon fittings was one year! It should be well underway by now, but…”

War and Famine looked at each other disappointedly. “But what?” said Pollution.

“But they’re not done with the paperwork yet,” said Ambriel, crumpling. “There’s been delays and delays and delays. Our field agent won’t cooperate. Hell won’t cooperate. The other departments won’t cooperate. It’s a bloody mess!”

“That sounds like your problem,” said War. “What do you want us to do about it?”

Ambriel wrung his hands. “Well, I...I don’t know.”

War pouted. “All right, well, this was a bust, then.” She spun on her heel and marched across the field. “Call me when there’s some action for me, then, love.”

“Wait!” cried Ambriel. “Don’t leave!”

“I’ll be down by the river,” said Pollution. “It’s been looking a bit too clean for my taste. Too many local community day cleanups, if you ask me.”

Ambriel nervously stuttered as Pollution sauntered away in the opposite direction. Then he looked at Famine. “I suppose you’re going to leave me, too?”

Famine checked his very expensive watch. “Well, my flight back to America doesn’t leave until five o’clock, so I might hang around a bit and see if you can kick off Armageddon in the next two hours.”

*************************************

August 25, 1993

Pollution was the first one to show up this time, bearing a wine bottle and a little party hat affixed in their pale hair. They’d worn the crown this whole time, so their head was starting to get a little crowded on top.

War had kept her sword. It was slung casually over her shoulder as she picked her way across the empty field where Armageddon ostensibly was supposed to take place. Only Famine had returned his artifact to Ambriel, because he thought modern electronic balances were much more efficient and chic than traditional balancing scales anyway, and he stood waiting to meet her empty-handed.

“Back again,” said War. “I just got a letter in the mail this time, no deliveryman. You?”

“The same,” said Famine. “They’re lucky I got it. Our mail gets filtered pretty thoroughly before it lands on my desk. Pretty rude too, I had to drop everything to run on over...I thin heaven should start reimbursing me for the travel costs.”

Death popped into existence beside Pollution. Ambriel was holding onto his arm, looking frightened.

THERE, YOU SEE? said Death. NO NEED TO KILL ANYONE TO GET A MESSAGE TO ME. WE CAN SKIP THAT AND HEAD RIGHT ON OVER TO ARMAGEDDON TOGETHER.

“Right,” said Ambriel. “Sorry.” He straightened his tunic and marched out in front of the semicircle of horsepersons. “Welcome to Armageddon!” he loudly announced. “It begins now!”

“I don’t see any signs of the end times--” Pollution began.

“Yet!” Ambriel thundered. “They shall begin any moment!”

Pollution popped open the wine bottle. “Yay.”

Ambriel, his hands still raised dramatically, began to sweat.

“The paperwork still isn’t done, is it?” said War.

“The paperwork still isn’t done,” said Ambriel, shoulders sagging.

“Then why did you call us here?” said Famine. “Look, I’m a busy man. I run a corporate empire, you know!”

“I thought it would be done!” said Ambriel, wringing his hands. “We’re just… We’re waiting on our field agent, Aziraphale. He hasn’t turned in his forms yet, and he won’t answer my messages.”

“Should we go find this Aziraphale guy and teach him a lesson?” said War.

“A lesson about punctuality in filling out paperwork?” said Pollution. “Are you sure you’re the best one to teach him that lesson?”

“All right, all right,” said Famine. “Look, Ambriel, is there anything we can do to move things along? This is the third time in a row--”

“The second anniversary,” Pollution interrupted.

“--Right, thanks, White--the third time we’ve done our ride and gone to Armageddon. It’s starting to get a bit anticlimactic.”

“That’s his job, not ours,” said War. “Pfft. Black, what’s next? You want to tempt sinners to Hell? Reap souls after death? Who else’s job do you want to do?”

Famine grew red. “I’m just saying--”

“Well, whatever,” said War, slinging her sword back into the sheath strapped across her back. She hooked her arm around Famine’s head and gave him a noogie. “We can kill some time while Ambriel finishes preparing for Armageddon.”

HMMM, said Death. YES...SINCE IT SEEMS LIKE TIME IS THE ONLY THING WE’LL BE KILLING.

******************************

August 25, 1994

Famine kept his scales this time. Their home for the next year was the corner of his desk in his office on top of 666 Fifth Avenue, right next to his extremely slim computer.

Famine played with the chain, strangely delicate and cold, when an email popped up on his computer.

To the Black horseperson of the apocalypse:

Please meet us at the appropriate place at the appropriate time. The end is nigh. The four horsemen shall ride and the world shall end in fire and blood..

Famine started to type a response. But before he could, his computer dinged with a reply: all to the previous email, from [email protected]:

Can I bring a plus one this time?

A few days and a few thousand miles later, Famine trekked over the dry ground of Armageddon with his scales in hand. Pollution and War were already standing in the middle of the field, the exact same place Ambriel had appeared the last three years.

War had a demoness hanging off her arm.

“Ah, Black!” said War. “Just in time. I was just in the process of introducing my girlfriend, Ashtarte.”

“Call me Ash,” said Ashtarte. A smile, too broad and with too many teeth that were too sharp, spread Cheshire cat-like across her features. She wore a punk mesh top, red boots, and had a little pair of horns and forked tail, like she was trying to impersonate a Halloween costume of a demon.

“Uh, okay, Ash,” said Famine.

“The Black horseperson of the apocalypse!” said Ash. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance. Big fan of your work!”

“Big fan?” said Famine. He straightened his tie. “Thanks very much.”

“We met over cocktails in a little bar in Saudia Arabia,” said War. “Making fun of the same reporters.”

Ash held up her hand in a “V” pose.

“None of us have ever really, uh…” said Famine.

“Had a girlfriend?” said War. “You don’t know that.”

Famine fidgeted. “So you have had a girlfriend?”

“Er, well, no, not really,” said War. She hefted Ash onto her shoulder and flexed her bicep; the smaller woman fit snugly into her shoulder. “But you should try it sometime! Armageddon keeps getting delayed, so we might as well enjoy our time here, right?”

“But what’s the appeal?”

“I think he doesn’t understand it,” said Pollution, “because he can’t even imagine how to get a girlfriend.”

Death appeared stormily, his biker boots thumping against the ground a bit too hard. AND WHERE IS OUR SUMMONER?

“Not here yet,” said Pollution, fiddling with the wine bottle they held. “But why don’t we have some drinks first? Enjoy our time here, right?”

They summoned a card table from somewhere, and Pollution pulled up a seat and patted the one next to them in the hope of coaxing Death to sit down. Famine ambivalently sat down next to War, who had Ash on her lap.

WE’RE NOT HAVING A PARTY, said Death. WE’RE HERE FOR BUSINESS REASONS.

“Sit down, big guy,” said Famine. “Nothing wrong with loosening up a little.”

Death remained motionless for a few moments, tense with annoyance. Then, his biker leathers crinkling, he lowered himself into a seat. BUT I WON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DRINK.

“Aw,” said Pollution, popping the cork off the bottle. “Do you not like it?”

Death’s helmet visor reflected Pollution’s face impassively back at them as they poured drinks.

“Have you never drunk alcohol before?” said War.

Death didn’t answer.

“You haven’t, have you?” said Famine. “Do you want to try some?”

Death lifted his helmet off his head, setting it on his lap. Then he removed one leather glove, revealing his bony hand. The white stalk snaked out and curled around a glass, bringing it to his skeletal grin. The wine dribbled through his jaw and onto his leather jacket.

Famine grimaced. Pollution thought his jacket looked better with stains on it, but didn’t say so. They passed the next half hour in jovial conversation, the wine warming their bodies and lifting their spirits. Ash withdrew a deck of cards from her pocket, which entertained them as they laughed and joked.

They were all quite drunk by the time Ambriel arrived. He sprinted over at top speed, careening into the table. “What are you all doing?”

“We’re having a drink!” said Ash, waving her glass in the air and sloshing wine.

“Wh—” Ambriel took a second to look very confused at the appearance of a fifth horseperson, then shook it off and decided it didn’t matter. “Whatever! Get up, put this stuff away! Armageddon is starting!”

“For real this time?” said Pollution.

A second angel could be seen descending from Heaven. “Yes, for real this time!” Ambriel exploded. “The archangel Michael is on his way! Now get ready!”

War rolled her eyes and folded up the table. Pollution disappointedly retrieved the half-empty wine bottle, sipping from it as they walked over to Ambriel.

Michael touched down, his impressive dusky wingspan battering them with dusty clouds. “Ambriel, I was told the armies of Hell are gathering here, yes?”

“Yes!” said Ambriel. “The antichrist is coming. He’s on his way now.”

“He’s…” Michael looked over the the horsepersons. Famine shrugged. War examined her nails. Pollution continued to sip from their bottle. Death very stormily crossed his arms.

“He’s supposed to already be here,” said Michael. “I don’t see any of the signs of Armageddon…”

“I gave the antichrist Adam Young a very stern lecture about his role, and demanded he come to Armageddon,” said Ambriel. “And he said he was coming.”

Pollution cocked their head. “He said he was coming?”

“Yes. His exact words were, ‘Okay, Boomer.’”

Pollution choked, wine shooting out their nose.

***************************

August 25, 1998

“Can we meet at your restaurant next time?”

Famine turned to Pollution, the only other figure with him at the yet again empty field of Armageddon. “What?”

“The next time this happens, can we meet at one of your restaurants?”

Famine sighed. The first few times this had happened, he’d argued that they didn’t know there was going to be a ‘next time,’ but by now, the anniversary of the Apocalypse usually heralded them gathering to stand around for a while and not much else. “I doubt Ambriel would go for that. We’re supposed to be in this spot.”

Pollution shifted from foot to foot. “But the Newtrition corp has expanded, right? It has branches around here now. It wouldn’t be that far.”

“You don’t want to eat at my restaurant,” said Famine, trying to hide his shock that Pollution was so familiar with his franchise. He hadn’t thought any of the other horsepersons had cared about his silly little business. Although it was nice that someone was paying attention. “Why not?” said Pollution. “It seems nice. It produces lots of waste paper. And styrofoam cartons. Love those things.”

“It doesn’t serve actual food,” said Famine. “Just a bunch of nonsense. It has no nutritional value.”

“Well,” said Pollution. “We don’t actually need to eat, do we? Back in the forties, I went a good decade without eating. Too busy with the mills in Pittsburgh to stop and eat.”

Famine opened his mouth to deliver a snappy retort, only to find he didn’t have one.

“‘Course that was before I took the crown from Pestilence, so I was just a minor horseperson then. Well, my point is, it’s not like we’ll be affected by malnutrition. As long as it tastes good, right?”

Famine lit a cigarette. “If you want to look at it that way, I suppose.”

The rumble of a motorcycle filled the air, and War pulled up with Ash perched on the back of her bike.

“We can’t meet at my restaurant,” said Famine. “That’s inappropriate.” He wasn’t sure why the idea made him so uncomfortable, and he turned to greet War. “Red.”

“Black,” said War, dismounting. She put her bike helmet on the saddle as Ash fell off behind her. “Hey, you don’t have to call me ‘Red,’ you know.”

Famine stopped. “What?”

“I have a name.”

Famine bristled. “Whatever. Where’s that stupid little twig of an angel this time?”

“Geez, who pissed in your cereal,” said Ash, dusting herself off.

“I’m just getting a little tired of this!” said Famine. “I have to fly over from America every year in August only to be told to go right back home!”

Pollution opened a bag of crisps, savoring the grease. They looked disappointedly into the bag. “Black.”

“What?”

“Don’t ruin my crisps!”

“I’m not ruining your—” Famine suddenly realised he was ruining the crisps, because he was so damn frustrated by how inefficient Heaven and Armageddon and this whole thing was. He was used to running things like a well-oiled machine, and this….

“Black, stop ruining the poor kid’s crisps,” said War.

“You’ve never appreciated my work,” Famine snapped.

Ambriel chose this moment to appear. “All right, everyone!” he said. “This time I’ve really—”

“Black, I was very much looking forward to my crisps!” Pollution said.

“You all only notice how hard I work when it affects you!” said Famine. “I’m the only one putting real effortinto building an empire—”

“You’re the only one?” said Pollution.

Scared, Ambriel hid behind his clipboard, unsure of how to wrangle them.

Famine suddenly realised that War was gleefully egging on the fight between him and Pollution with her horseperson powers. “Red!”

The tension in the air immediately dissipated, and War slunk back, looking chastised.

His head more clear now, Famine smoothed out his tie. The booted footsteps of Death reverberated in the air before he made his appearance. AND HOW MANY ANNIVERSARIES IS THIS NOW? I’VE LOST COUNT.

“You’re late,” said Ambriel snootily.

Death turned to him. Even though he had no face to speak of, and still had his helmet on, everyone could clearly imagine the expression he would make.

“Seven,” said Pollution through a mouthful of crisps.

A second angel descended from the sky, this one unhurried, dragging its proverbial feet.

AND DO I HAVE ANYTHING TO BE LATE FOR THIS TIME? said Death.

“As a matter of fact, yes,” said Ambriel. “Because I have with me the field agent who was responsible for delaying Armageddon last time. So now he’s going to kick it off.”

A chubby angel with oodles of curly hair touched down, looking around guiltily. “Er, hello...I’m Aziraphale.”

“Oh, you looked nicer in a dress,” said Pollution.

“All right,” said Ambriel. “Let’s go, then. Go on.”

Aziraphale shuffled his feet.

“Don’t we need the antichrist?” volunteered Famine.

“The antichrist is unavailable,” said Ambriel icily. “We’ll have to make do without him.”

“Unavailable?!” exclaimed War.

“He means Adam Young doesn’t want Armageddon to happen,” said Aziraphale, who then shut up right quick at an elbow jab from Ambriel.

“You can make it happen without the antichrist?” said Pollution, crunching through a mouthful of crisps. “Thought was the whole point of him. So how does it work?”

“Ahem,” said Ambriel. “That is none of your concern. Just worry about your own part. Now, let’s begin.”

Ambriel stepped forward to direct the horsepersons. War kept looking up at the sky, noticing Armageddon didn’t seem to be happening. Pollution licked their fingers, other hand firmly stuck in their crisps packet.

“And now Aziraphale will--Aziraphale?”

While Ambriel had had his back turned, Aziraphale had scuttled off, wings drawn wide and flapping erratically like a prey animal running from a fox. “Ahhh! Get back here!”

Ambriel went off chasing him. War stood where she was, sword poised, and watched him go. “Um…”

Pollution finished their packet of crisps and dropped it on the ground, wiping their hands on their shirt. “Is he coming back?”

They stayed there for about half an hour waiting for Ambriel, and decided he wasn’t coming back. Ash sweet-talked War into hitting the bars after that. They managed to convince everyone but Death to come along, too.

*************************

August 25, 2001

“Hey, why does it take an apocalypse for us to get together?” said War.

Pollution picked idly at the tablecloth on the little picnic table they had summoned. They were trying to decide if ketchup or mustard would make better stains on it. “Hmm?”

War straddled the bench, picking at the picnic basket. “I mean, I know not everyone likes to spend time with their coworkers outside of work, but there’s nothing stopping us from getting together outside of Armageddon, right?”

Pollution stopped. “Hmm?”

“She’s saying she wants to spend more time with you guys,” said Ash.

“We can do that?!” Pollution said.

“Well, yeah, I guess,” said War.

Pollution’s eyes sparkled.

“Come sit down and enjoy this little basket you put together,” said Ash. “It looks lovely.”

The weather was fabulous, once again with no signs of the inclement weather heralding Armageddon, and a delicious breeze tugged at them and whipping waves through the dry summer grass. Pollution fished out some plastic utensils and set them out on the table.

Ash took a sandwich from the basket. It definitely had worms of some sort in it, but being from Hell, she was used to such things.

“Where’s Famine, anyway?” said Pollution, setting a pile of napkins on the table and watching them immediately blow away in the wind.

“Oh, he’s coming!” said War. “And he said he was bringing a plus one this year.”

“A plus one?”

“Sounds like he’s got a girlfriend too. Or boyfriend. Or what-have-you.”

Pollution scratched their head. “Wonder who it could be.”

With a rustle of grass, Death stood beside them.

“Come sit down!” said War. “We’ve been waiting for you!”

Death looked at them contemplatively. I DIDN’T RECEIVE A SUMMONS THIS YEAR.

“Huh,” said Pollution, letting their sandwich wrapper fall to the ground. “I just realised, neither did I.”

“Yeah,” said War, waving her hand dismissively. “But after doing this annually for ten years, I think we get the point, right?”

Death stood like a silent sentinel. Death was rarely the type to display any emotion at all, but to War and Pollution, it looked like he was fighting to not indulge in some unconventional display of sentiment.

A smile spread across War’s face. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF I WAS NEEDED THIS YEAR, said Death.

“Well, Armageddon is probably delayed again,” said War. “So you’re not, really. You’re free to leave.”

Death stood still.

“Come sit down,” said Ash, patting the bench. “You’re always so serious.”

Death clomped over and swung his enormous legs over the wooden bench.

“Heard Famine’s got himself a new squeeze,” gossiped War.

OH, said Death. YES…

The grass in the field next to them dried up, swirling brittle pieces making a small tornado, and with a mournful nicker, a skeletal horse materialized. Its emaciated frame was oozing with dripping wounds and festering decay. Atop its back was a figure in a white robe with a long, beaked mask.

Famine pulled up on his motorcycle. “Fellas, good to see you again!”

“It’s been a very long time,” said the newcomer, although no, he wasn’t new at all…

“You brought Pestilence!” Pollution yelled. “He’s not a horseperson anymore! I replaced him!”

“Tsk tsk, you young punk,” said Pestilence, dismounting. “No respect at all.”

Pollution glared.

“He’s not here as a horseperson,” said Famine. “He’s my plus one.”

“That’s cheating!” said Pollution.

Pestilence winked, which was absolutely infuriating.

Pollution crossed their arms as Famine and Pestilence took their seats. “This looks delightful,” said Pestilence, taking a crisp from a bowl.

Pollution grumbled. Famine was a little disgruntled that they had set up a nice meal, but he muttered an echo of Pestilence’s praise.

“It’s just weird,” said Pollution. “It’s like you’re dating my dad.”

“I’m not your Dad,” said Pestilence. “We barely met before you kicked me out.”

“I think you just don’t like Pestilence,” said Famine.

Pollution bristled. “Maybe.”

Famine shrugged. Somewhere in the world, the minor horseperson of Awkward Interpersonal Issues felt their power surge.

“It’s because they’re afraid I’ll wrangle the job of horseperson #3 from them,” said Pestilence. “The anti-vax moms in the United States are making them nervous.”

Pollution’s cheeks went red.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that,” said Pestilence. “I don’t want to be one of the Main Four anymore. It’s quite dull. The humans’ attitude towards smallpox ruined the fun for me. Some of my best work, all down the drain. Feff.” He sipped some cola. “But you seem to be doing a splendid job. I hear nowadays everyone’s mad about straws, of all things.”

Pollution perked up. The atmosphere at the table was much lighter after that.

“Isn’t Ambriel going to show up?” said War. “Usually right about now is when he comes down, babbling about how Armageddon is really going to happen this time, and how we need to get ready.”

Pestilence scratched his head. “Ambriel? He’s the one who had to come tell me they were swapping me out for Pollution. He still works in the Department of Armageddon? Poor sod always got the worst jobs pushed onto him.”

Ambriel did, in fact, show up eventually. He had none of his usual bravado. He dragged his sandaled feet through the dirt and flopped down to join them at the picnic table. The four of them shared a look, then looked back at Ambriel. “Hey, kid, what’s wrong?” said Famine.

“Useless,” said Ambriel. “It’s all useless. Nothing I do ever works. No matter how hard I try, Heaven can’t get its crap together to make Armageddon happen. Oh, pardon my language.”

“Hey, cheer up,” said Pollution. “The first time we tried, the four of us got beaten by little kids with sticks and rocks. That’s way more humiliating than anything you’ve had to go through.”

Famine glared at Pollution. Pollution unwrapped a lolly, enjoying the crinkling of the wrapper.

Ambriel thunked his head on the table, groaning. “No use, it’s no use!”

“Well, we’re all having a lovely time anyway!” said Ash. “August 25 is my favorite day of the year now!”

“It’s supposed to be Armageddon,” moaned Ambriel. “It’s not supposed to be a celebration.”

War stabbed a little cocktail weiner with her Bowie knife. “We’ve been known to celebrate in unconventional ways.”

***************************

Present day

“1845.”

“No, that was you?”

Pollution sucked on their choco-whippy milkshake, eyes bouncing from War to Pestilence.

“Yep,” said Pestilence, leaning back, looking very pleased with himself.

“I thought for sure that was Famine,” said War.

“I wish,” said Famine. “I had been working in Ireland for a few years at that point, but hadn’t had much success.”

“Phytophthora infestans,” said Pestilence. “One of my favorites.

“He refuses to lend it to me,” said Famine. “Greedy bastard.”

“Not your jurisdiction.”

They all shared a hearty laugh.

“Oh, Pollution,” said War, snapping her fingers. “I just remembered. That science project we were talking about the other day, the bacteria that humans were cultivating to break down plastic.”

Pollution’s face screwed up in displeasure.

“I was working on trying to divert some of the NHS’s funding into more bioweapon applications. Maybe if you do me a little favor in return, I can get their funding pulled?”

Pollution nodded happily, sucking through their straw.

“Hey, here he comes!” said War, throwing up her hand.

Death strode over, standing at the edge of the table.

“Sit down,” said Ash, patting the seat. “We’re having a lovely time.”

I HAVE… said Death. If it were possible, he seemed embarrassed.

“What?” said Pollution.

I HAVE ALSO BROUGHT A PLUS ONE.

“What, a boyfriend?” said Pestilence.

NOT LIKE THAT…. said Death. He reached into his jacket and withdrew a small bundle of fur, which blinked and mewled.

Ash had stars in her eyes, putting her hands on her head as though to keep her brain from exploding out. “Is that a kitten?”

I FOUND IT OUTSIDE.

“It’s so cute!” said Pollution.

I HAD NEVER NOTICED THEM BEFORE, said Death. THEY ARE...NICE.

“Well, nothing wrong with enjoying the pleasures of the world,” said Famine. “Since it seems like we’ll be here for a while.”

Death sat down, putting the cat on the table. The minimum wage employees scrambling to make the food didn’t have the time to notice or care.

“We were just discussing some of the other anniversaries we have besides August 25,” said War. “Turns out we have quite a lot of them! We should share.”

Death was silent.

“February 14,” said War. “The start of the first War in Mesopotamia. That was my favorite one. I find the date so deliciously funny with what they’ve done with it now.”

“September 27,” said Pollution. “When the first mass-produced automobile left the factory.”

“What about you?” siad Famine.

“Black’s right,” said Pollution. “You must have one.”

Death hummed for a minute. Then: NOVEMBER 16. THE DAY THE FIRST MAN DIED.

“And kicked all this off,” said Famine. “I’ll drink to that.”

They clinked their glasses against each other’s.

“Hey,” said Famine. “You guys have been calling me ‘Black,’ this whole time, and while I guess it’s technically what I am…. Well, I picked a name. A more human name. You could use it, if you like.”

“Would you like that?” said Pollution.

“I think so. It’s Sable.”

“Raven Sable,” said War. “That’s right. I like it.”

“What about you?” said Sable. “Don’t you have one?”

“Oh, yeah!” said War. “Wouldn’t that just be great! Call me Carmine.”

“It’s such a good name!” said Ash joyfully.

Carmine beamed. She’d never known this would feel good, but it did.

Pollution shyly tapped their fingers on the table. “Chalk, please.”

All eyes turned towards Death.

“Well?” said Chalk. “Only if you want to.”

AZRAEL.

“It’s perfect,” said Ash.

Sable snapped his fingers. “Guys, hold on a second, I just remembered something.”

“Hm?” said Chalk.

“August 25. Armageddon.”

“So?” said Carmine. “That never happens anyway.”

“Well, we were so excited to meet we forgot we were supposed to go to Armageddon first.”

Carmine choked on the pickle she had been eating. “Oh yeah,” said Ash, very slowly. “I guess that’s fine, though. But, oh dear… Did anyone tell Ambriel?”

Azrael grinned, moreso than a regular skeletal grin. I’M SURE HE’S DOING JUST FINE.

“I’ve got it! I’ve finally got it!”

Ambriel, almost tripping over his robes, waved his papers in the air as he sprinted towards Armageddon. “I finally have all the departments in accord, the stars have aligned, the paperwork is signed, the—”

Ambriel stopped and beheld the field of Armageddon, butterflies floating by and flowers bouncing merrily, very conspicuously empty and peaceful and not trodden by the harbingers of Armageddon.

“Oh, dear…”

#good omens #my writing #my good omens fanfic #gohe

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yfere · 5 years

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Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E66(6)

A MASSIVE SHIPPING FEAST ON BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM this episode, hot DAMN. Thank you to @alarnia and @softazelma for helping with data entry. Masterpost here. I just...I don’t even have words, I’m too busy soaring.

-5 to Fjord/Jester unlike Fjord, as these two unfortunately give us a Complete Guide on how to Lose All The Battle Points—Fjord accidentally ditching Jester to get mauled by a winged monster for the third time in a row as he is Contractually Obligated to do, and Jester getting her own back by polymorphing the roc just as Fjord settled on its back, sending our dear warlock plummeting towards an early—and painful—landing. The hemorrhaging to the ship was mostly patched up by both of them being very regretful over the whole situation, Jester saying “sorry” a billion and one times, and so on. Then they dip back into point loss with Fjord Completely Failing To Be On The Wavelength when it comes to disguising as leaves, participating in dance parties, not making people exhausted with a hard ride on the moorbounders through the night, etc etc, but these were largely made up for by Jester’s appreciation for Fjord paying for their inn stay, his continued helpfulness with Sending, and most importantly Jester taking every opportunity to point out how RIPPED and TOUGH and SMART and GOOD AT ACCENTS Fjord is as he flexes for her benefit. Overall, a rollercoaster week, but we at the lab feel it balances to point loss when you factor in the massive physical toll these two took on each other, and not in the fun way. They can do better (the fun way, for instance)

+20 to Jester/Caduceus as these two show us Battle Points Done Right, with Jester casting an insect plague in the most Caduceus of moves, and NOT ONLY THAT, but making them an Oprah BEES gif, recalling the most Iconic of Jester/Cads scenes, and the most Iconic Jester Ship Mascot, comparable only to jellyfish. Caduceus calling Jester a “sugar pea” and making her squeal and hug him, a type of #BodyContact which earns the most possible points without lips being involved. Dancing with Jester and having a grand old time. Them earning Battle Points?????? with their protracted bat-catching session, and Caduceus using literally all of his Banes so that the itty creature never so much as nicks Jester. That’s love.

+10 to Nott/Cat Shaped Creatures Speaking of lip involvement, Frumpkin got a kiss from Nott before being let down!!! Caleb better watch out, or she’ll steal his cat right out from under him!! Massive point loss however for Jannick yeeting Nott off of him for daring to ride alone, because Caleb’s precious pets are nothing if not loyal. (that’s a +15 to Caleb/Cat Shaped Creatures right there!)

+37 to Fjord/Caduceus These two have their strongest week YET, with Fjord—voluntarily! opening up about the Wildmother, and Caduceus giving some amazing advice about meditation which lets Fjord get more peaceful sleep to ASMR ocean sounds! Caduceus talking about a “shining beautiful” destiny (always a point earner!), and opening up about HIS Wildmother dreams and past and quests as well! Caduceus saying he has faith in Fjord—though there’s some point loss as Caduceus seems to have joined Nott’s “There is Evil in the Fjord Club” by implying it’s only his good friendships keeping him on the straight and narrow, smh Caduceus. Cads adorably suggesting that they can ALSO stop in the abyssal temple before they leave town if that’s what Fjord wants, like visiting a gift shop. Caduceus as usual being the first to Fjord’s side for That Good Hjealing and Emotional Sjupport, which Fjord petulantly demands, and Fjord encouragingly saying “C’mon, baby” as Caduceus looks around for the pursuing roc. In the Creepy Tunnels, Caleb gets +2 to Cockblocking as Fjord wanted to be the one to help Caduceus out, but Caleb gets the honor. Later Cads helps Fjord look for magical arms and armor though, that’s pretty sweet.

+42 to Jester/Yasha LOVE??? LOVE WAS SAID????? ANNNND THEY HUGGED?!?!?!?!?! The “we” puts ever so slight a damper on things, but that is a Point Earner right there, with a lovely conversation about being Yasha’s New Family and defending her from anything that would upset her. Yasha getting teary, saying Jessie once more and making a joke about the king’s instrument being a rock harp, like….they are love?? Love?????? AND, annnnnnnd they get the Sexy Points for “Comes more with another person” HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS JESTER I’M LOVsjkajkgakajksakjkasjksajkfukewk;HA;GKJ BKfjkcbdjabkjsdbalkbB SJAK BKJBSAKJK;jkjdasbjksbjkdakasdsfnajdknmbznb

-1 to Beau/Pets While she gets point gains for charming a baby roc with some staff scritches and thrown food, she gets point loss for beaning the poor baby with that same staff, though luckily she doesn’t join Nott in the Baby Killing Club of this campaign. -1 to Caleb/Vulture Culture as despite using all of his spells to Live a Bird-Brained Life, he unfortunately drops his form too quickly to save Fjord, gets bit back to wizard form by the baby roc and told to shut up with the bird screeching by Beau. But Frumpkin gains some points for looking successfully for the pursuing roc.

-20 to Nott/Yasha You get the sense that Nott is trying to mend things with Yasha, but it always falls apart and falls apart horribly. “We’re safe in this smoke” leads to Yasha immediately leaving it, and after Nott has her flask taken she spends the rest of the episode talking about how shady and suspicious Yasha is which even Caleb “Nott is Never Wrong” Widogast can’t agree with. Searching the darling barbarian’s pockets and accusing her until Yasha gets fed up and yells that she didn’t FUCKING take it.

+15 to Beau/Yasha/Jester as they have another stellar week. Featuring Classic Threesome Moments, including “Should I give you some private time alone?” with both Beau and Yasha Very Much Wanting Her To Stay, and Jester sharing the Sugar Momma loveliness she’d been having with Beau with Yasha, in the form of a suggestive ring gifting joke and “dressing Yasha up” in the fancy clothing Beau recovered for the both of them. The three of them touching the stone Celestials and listening to their music

+17 to Beau/Yasha *starts singing Beyonce* she liked it, so she put a ring on it! ‘Nuff said. Beau’s terribly awkward but wonderful “We’ll protect you with our lives” also: goooooooooooooooooooooooood. Beau being incredibly worried over using Yasha as bait, more worried over dead Celestials, but forging ahead because they both know it’s the best option they have at the moment *sniffs* it’s Some Angst Here. Beau saying Yasha has “dope wings” and might be a “dope angel in irons” and suggesting that Yasha may have gotten her name by sleeping with a lot of people, the sheer dumbassery of which makes Yasha facepalm herself in the hopes of getting a Lesbian Amnesia concussion.

+20 to Beau/Jester as Dimension Door gets used once more for an incredibly sapphic and beautiful moment. Beau grabs onto Jester to try to throw her to safety, but stays when Jester asks, and Jester getting them both to safety?? Dare I say, Romance? Dancing together, loving shiny loot together, running their hands along the side of the tunnel and detectiving together. Beau saying Jester is pretty awesome, as always!

+4 to Fjord/Cowboy Vibes as for one glorious moment, he was yeehaw riding that roc. Alas.

+11 to Caleb/Fjord. Although a sincere effort was made, these two did not in fact earn any Battle Points as Caleb’s furious handwringing, running around, and smacking faulty cocoons and tossing feathers repeatedly failed to help Fjord out of his situation with the roc—only acting as a feathery transport to a cleric managed to do the poor man any good. Nonetheless, these two continued to Same Hat on planning as usual, going full speed (or not at all) with the moorbounders, Caleb directing Fjord towards Facely duties but admirably performing on some Facely duties himself when they first roll into town and get the side-eye. Fjord as always being Very Attuned to Caleb’s navigational skills, wanting to know what direction they’re going and wanting Caleb to do translation duty. Being excellent detective partners as they have been since the circus in identifying bodies and bones together. Point loss for Fjord apparently thinking that the best way to get Caleb’s attention is to throw an eldritch blast in the vicinity of his cat instead of, say, shaking him or something. Fjord…….when are you going to be nice to other people’s pets? Will you ever?

+1 to Caleb/Essik “But of course you must know of THIS EXTREMELY FAMOUS AND HANDSOME MAN ESSIK THEYLAS who will ABSOLUTELY VOUCH FOR US, IN FACT PLEASE ASK HIM TO I NEED AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HIM.”

+5 to Jester/Graffiti as she pulls off a difficult prank in changing the sign to the “Ruddy Poon” in full view of the whole community. One of her weaker jokes of the episode, though, so less point gain.

+3 to The Mighty Nein/Oban as he’s apparently super impressed with how quickly and trustworthily they brought Yasha to the area. Compliments Jester on her singing skills. He must be a good guy then, right? Right?

-4 to Nott/Jester for Nott claiming erroneously that rocs eat leaves to Jester, absolutely wanting Jester to “waste” a spell looking for her missing flask (that Jester stole). Point gains for Jester casting lesser restoration on Nott and worrying about her alcoholism and recklessness to a heartbreaking degree….but unfortunately, balancing out to point loss considering the physical and emotional toll her thievery resulted in as Nott panicks and takes out her feelings on the rest of the party. We at the lab live in fear on what will happen once Nott discovers who IS responsible

+14 to Caleb/Jester she…..makes him laugh???? A rare accomplishment for which There Must Surely Be a Medal??? This alone earns All The Points for an Iconic Moment, but Caduceus gets +7 to Cockblocking for being the one Eagle Caleb carts around when the offer was originally extended to Jester. Caleb also catching onto Jessie (thank you Nott for this nickname I despise) and looking soft at everything she does, and dancing, and being the first to adorably compare Jester to a snap pea. Caleb agreeing with Jester that building bridges sounds nice. Point loss for Jester making far too much fun of Caleb for not knowing her demon stories and not seeing the obelisk, prompting him to weakly defend himself that he’s “doing his best.” More point loss for Caleb also pushing to ride the moorbounders to exhaustion, and just ignoring Jester’s “feelings” to talk to Caduceus, showing a lack of trust that is UNACCEPTABLE.

-500 to Nott/Alcohol Which needs no explanation.

+16 to Caleb/Caduceus as these boys get Good Quality Time, with Caleb flying Caduceus around everywhere, Caduceus continuing to think Caleb Magic is the Solution to Everything by suggesting alarms at the cave entrance and seeking out Caleb’s cat-based assistance three billion times. Caleb asking for Caduceus’ opinion and feelings specifically for guidance on what they should do, also thinking Caduceus Magic is the Solution to Everything by asking for a detect magic which Caduceus could not provide. Once more very emphatically forbidding Caduceus from wasting his spell slots on Daylight, because like a #KnightInShiningArmor Caleb wants to chivalrously cast that spell himself with the driftglobe. Caduceus chivalrously picking up the tab and buying incense both for himself and Caleb. Caleb holding onto Caduceus’ wrist for a full minute and proving Caduceus is a favorite for his Special Buffing Spells, because the wizard is too much of a scaredy-cat to just hold his hand, I suppose.

+20 to Everyone/Detective Work for finding gems, bones, maps, emblems, and identifying the precise coagulation of blood to determine when it was spilled! Nothing Conclusive was learned, but boy did it increase the Creepiness Factor of the episode!

-100 to The Mighty Nein/This One Particular Roc who will hold a grudge against them for the rest of time, woe unto them should they ever venture into the Barbed Fields again.

+19 to Jester/Cosplay of the Week for a much-complimented leaf disguise, and for dressing up in the bloody garb of some mauled nobles. Point loss because it was unclear to most of the judges that “leaf” is what she was going for, and not “healthy edible vegetable”

#long post #critical role #fjorester #widofjord #widojest #bashter #beauyasha #beaujester #lavorregard #nottasha #nott the best detective agency #clayvorre #clayleb #jestasha #shipping calculus #cr spoilers #shadowgast #fjorclay

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ourbloodlinesendhere · 5 years

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Guess who’s made a fan-house for FE3H? It’s me! I did!

Welcome to the Roseate Wolves, a house for transfer students from all over the world. I took a lot of the locations in FE3H that haven’t been fleshed out and slapped some headcanons onto them, as well as some fun cameos of other kingdoms featured in the Fire Emblem series. Is there any chance that these places all exist in the same universe? Probably not! But I don’t care.

Now, if you’re interested, I’ll drop some rambling below the cut:

(Warning: It’s very, very long and very, very rambly.)

I’ll be talking about what this house would be like if it were actually in the game!

For starters, since we only have three professors including Byleth, either Seteth or Jeritza would be the fourth professor. I’m leaning towards Jeritza for this because iirc some characters do mention that he was considered for Byleth’s position. It just makes his disappearance a little awkward, but oh well. I imagine he would default to teaching the Black Eagles for every route where Byleth isn’t (for obvious reasons) and after he poofs, maybe Seteth steps in and just makes Edelgard hate the church even more.

Anyways, let’s talk about the actual route and it’s characters, not just the setup.

With the other three routes, I’ve noticed that the house leaders warm up to you pretty quickly. This makes sense for their characters and the situation, but I’d like to imagine for a moment a route in which the leader blatantly does not like or trust Byleth at all until later in Part 1. Aren is cold and somewhat brooding, hesitant to trust and avoidant of social situations. Really, he’s only the house leader due to the insistence of his grandmother, otherwise he would never have wanted the task. When push comes to shove, he’s a brilliant tactician and a good leader, but he’s not sociable in the slightest.

During the conflicts with Lonato, the Western Church, Miklan, and other pre-timeskip Fodlan problems, there’s a persistent theme of “Why are we helping? We don’t live here, it shouldn’t be our problem” which settles over the group. More kindhearted folks such as Julia and Ragnar are less blatant about this, but there is just this general feeling of reluctance.

Now, for Edelgard’s reveal, we have a little reveal of our own. Sreng is a small kingdom with a shaky structure at best, and a low population. The only thing that has kept its sovereignty from Faerghus has been a secret it has kept for a long time. Within the various factions that make up its population, beast blood runs through their veins. Not all Srengese have this (making the trait somewhat similar to Crests in Fodlan) but for those that do, they have the power to shapeshift.

Aren, Liara, and Ragnar are all shape-shifters. Underneath his hood, Aren has wolf-like ears (like Keaton’s in Fates), as does Liara (hidden under her hair, like how... certain someones in FE3H hide their own funny ears), and Ragnar’s horns aren’t actually a feature of his helmet. Beast-shifters in Sreng are known as Orthrus. Aren is a wolf Orthrus, Liara is a snow leopard Orthrus, and Ragnar is a mutated, horned black vulture Orthrus. (He has small, malformed wings hidden under his coat. Imagine how uncomfortable he must be)

There is also the fact that Sreng lacks access to Beaststones. Their beast forms are massive and extremely powerful, but volatile. Orthrus often lose themselves in their transformation, and after battle they often need to be subdued by their allies. Without a beast form to help control their shifted selves, the three Orthrus were strictly forbidden from shifting when away from home, even when their own lives are in danger. Not just to protect Sreng’s secret; also to protect themselves and others from their beast forms.

Edelgard, as the Flame Emperor, attacks Byleth. At this point, Aren has grown very close to his professor, but still struggles in showing it. In an expression of his care for Byleth at last, he breaks the rules he was given and transforms into his Orthrus form. Gameplay-wise, he’s like a demonic beast, with four tiles in his hit-box and even an extra health bar. However, he’s an allied unit with purposefully flawed AI. He will rush right into battle without a thought, and him falling is the lose condition for the map (even on casual mode).

After the battle, with no enemies in sight and wild emotions coursing through his bestial mind, Aren goes on a rampage through the throne room as Rhea is horrified. Once the sacred site is thoroughly destroyed, Byleth finally calms him down, and he shakily reverts to his human form.

Once that map is completed, the Srengese students have had their cover completely blown, and it doesn’t take long for Liara and Ragnar to be exposed as well. They plead with Rhea to keep their secret, but she is enraged at the damage to the room and the throne, and exiles all three of them. They have to leave by that night, and she makes no promises about their secret.

Byleth meets with them in the night, and the rest of the Wolves do as well in order to say goodbye. Surprisingly, Flayn appears, having snuck away from Seteth and Rhea. She offers the Orthrus three beast-stones, unlocking the Orthrus class for them. Thank you Flayn! Wonder how she got those, almost like she knows a thing or two about- I mean, what

This will alter their beast forms to be smaller and a bit less powerful, but allows them full control over themselves when shifted. Now they play exactly like Taguel in Awakening, except they stay in beast form whenever the beast-stone is equipped, not at the start of each battle.

Flayn can’t help them any more though, since she’s ultimately loyal to Rhea and Seteth. For the remaining time until the time-skip, they’re not available for use in your party. If for some reason you’re playing classic mode like some kind of masochist and both Liara and Ragnar are out of your party, they’ll still appear in these cutscenes. However, next moon you’ll be informed that their injuries slowed them down and Knights of Seiros caught them, killing them. Ouch!

The battle of Garreg Mach is a different story. With their loyalty to the church shaken, but with no desire to join up with Edelgard, Byleth and the Wolves are trapped between two clashing armies. The goal of the map is to get your students to safety, through a harrowing path riddled with enemy soldiers attacking anyone in sight. Any students from the other houses you didn’t recruit will be enemy units! But they don’t perma-die when you defeat them here, since lots of them will appear again post-timeskip. When Rhea starts wrecking shop, Byleth hurries all the students ahead, fighting off anyone who comes for them. But they gets yeeted off of the cliff anyways.

Now, I hope to design some post-timeskip designs soon, but until then, just picture that everyone’s a little battered. Fodlan closed its borders to prevent foreign reinforcements from coming in and deserters from leaving, so all of the Wolves have become trapped in the midst of a war. Only small exceptions occur for the purpose of paralogues and such (like if you had recruited Bernadetta and Petra, their paralogue happens the same.) but overall, nobody can go home. Also, Sreng has been strong-armed into fighting for the Empire! Lovely. If Liara and Ragnar are alive, you’ll need to face them in battle and recruit them there, Tharja/Gaius-style.

But where’s Aren? He didn’t return home, actually. He laid low, and upon hearing Garreg Mach fell, he searched desperately for Byleth to find them. He eventually holed himself up in the ruins of Garreg Mach, chasing out anyone who tried to come for it. Essentially like how timeskip Dimitri was, but less murder-y and more just. constantly terrified and lashing out. He became paranoid and desperate, and eventually abandoned his beaststone to remain in full Orthrus form.

When Byleth finds him, he’s fully shifted and tries to attack them. However, upon recognizing his professor, he backs down and manages to return to his human form. His beaststone lays on the floor, now having been attached crudely to a necklace. Byleth puts it back on him, and he regains control of himself.

His personality has become erratic and anxious, even more untrusting than before, but he’s instantly dependent on Byleth and clings to them with uncomfortable desperation. When the other Wolves arrive, he is cold to them, even to Liara, and becomes possessive of Byleth.

The post-timeskip era starts out with the Wolves feeling trapped and simply trying to stay alive, turning Garreg Mach into a sort of hideout for other refugees who wish to escape the fighting. However, after getting to know the suffering of the Fodlan people, the theme shifts to one of empathy. Just because something isn’t our problem, and doesn’t affect our people, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t act when innocents are suffering. Faerghus and Adrestia are at each other’s throats, and the Alliance is getting trampled, but the neutral land of Garreg Mach houses a growing force of fighters looking to put a stop to the war.

Aren’s arc post-timeskip involves him eventually leaning away from Byleth as a crutch, and standing stronger on his own. He learns to trust others regularly, and forms a deep bond with all of the Wolves, reconnecting with Liara again.

Now as for how the route ends... who knows ! ;) I just might write something for this house, so you’ll just have to wait and see.

If people are interested, I’ll also go into more detail about the individual characters! Because this whole thing here was very Aren-centric with cameos from Liara and Ragnar.

#fire emblem three houses #fire emblem #fire emblem oc #fe3h #fe3h oc

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

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Spider-Man v3 2099 #23-25 Thoughts

Some mixed feelings.

There was a lot of stuff I liked, and a fair amount I was disappointed by.

There was some art and dialogue production issues, which I think might’ve occurred because the series was wrapping up and whoever was in charge didn’t catch as they were prepping for whatever the next project was.

But more significantly, I honestly felt that there were several unanswered questions:

· What was the big bad thing Miguel and Liz did that was talked about back in volume 2 #1?

· What actually caused the Maestro’s version of 2099 to happen?

· What caused that future to alter into the Sinister Six’s future?

· What was up with those purple Mohawk mutant people from volume 3 #1 who obviously had something to do with Tempest but it’s never explained

· How was Tempest’s mother involved with the Fist

· Shit there wasn’t any resolution for Tempest’s mother at all was there!

· What exactly did Tyler Stone plan to use Tempest for? Was he really just tempting her to take his treatment so she’d stab Miguel on sight?

· Why should Sonny Frisco be left in the present day? He’s from the future and has some future tech leftover from his Iron Man armour

· What happened to the Sinister Six 2099? Electro is presumably shut down for good but what happened to Venom, Vulture, Doc Ock and Sandwoman? Yeah presumably they’re all going to team up in 2019, but Sandwoman was nowhere to be found and IIRC she wasn’t dead. Moreover they were still around in 2019 under the employ of the Fist.

· How did Tyler Stone travel to the past?

· How did Tyler Stone join up with the Fist?

· How did Tyler Stone rise to what seemed like the leadership of the Fist

· What happened to Venture and Glorianna?

· What happened with Miguel’s fellow time traveller who created the new version of X-Factor? Was that really just very loose and light set up for Secret Wars 2099?

· The payoff for the Alchemax prison facility which was then turned into a terrorist internment facility was...just the place for the final showdown to occur? Really?

Why DID the cure for Tempest’s cancer turn her into an insect monster back in Vol. 2?

Also, not really an unanswered question but the emotional investment into Miguel and Tempest’s relationship is still rather hollow as I talked about back in issue #20. It just kind of feels significant because Tempest has been around since waaaaay back in the backup story from ASM volume 3 #1. Not to mention Miguel’s survival is definitely a dues ex machina.

The harsh truth is the more I think about the resolution of this the more I come to the sad realizing it at best left an awful lot to be desired.

Objectively it’s very problem riddled.

Now that being said...on a pure enjoyment level I did LIKE it.

I don’t think I ever expressed this before, but the reason I started calling posts like this ‘Thoughts’ rather than ‘Review(s)’ like I used to is because, whilst I firmly believe a story can be objectively evaluated, I found it stressful and well...not fun doing it.

Plus I do this blog for me and realized posts like this one are more for me, so I have a record of my thoughts and feelings for these stories.

I’m not saying me liking something or disliking it makes it good or bad objectively. But what I am saying is...well I enjoyed this.

I was disheartened by the lack of pay off to a lot of stuff, but I did enjoy the ride while I was on it.

Let me talk about a few minor things that annoyed me before I end more positively.

So a Pokemon Go parody is intrinsic to the battle to save the future. I dunno, that just feels both on the nose and unearned since Pokemon Go! wasn’t even a thing when this series began. Also Tyler Stone’s motivations were rather underwhelming and Miguel didn’t get enough of a showdown with him. Granted, I guess you could argue said showdown already happened in Secret Wars 2099. He same applies to the Sinister Six 2099, especially Venom given that he is Miguel’s brother from another mother. Furthermore the explanation for who Aisa is, was a tad underwhelming but not illogical as I’ll address later.

Now for positives.

For starters it’s funny that whilst this issue came out in like September 2017, it’s depiction of 2019 wasn’t that far off. The only things it a little wrong was that people aren’t as much into Pokemon Go! as they were in 2017 and Silk to my knowledge doesn’t operate in New York city anymore. But all of those are easily No. Prized so in theory this comic’s depiction of 2019 is actually canon. I think it basically HAS to be or else the Fist’s plan could still happen and Miguel would’ve prevented nothing. Although the Marvel.wiki says otherwise. But they aren’t always right.

My biggest point of praise is in regarding Gabri.

Maybe I was being dense, but I honestly didn’t figure out who he was until he stabbed Tyler Stone with a stinger like Tempest’s.

See, when these issues were coming out I obviously saw the covers of Miguel in his new suit alongside another Spider-Man 2099, one wearing the original red and blue 2099 costume. But I wasn’t paying enough attention to notice the red and blue costume was similar, yet clearly different to the original. I was thinking that it was simply Miguel from another universe, another timeline or another point in time, possibly playing off of the Edge of Spider-Verse issue with the alternate Miguels back in volume 2 issue #5.

But no...this is the son of Miguel O’Hara, the Spider-Man of...well we don’t actually know what year he is from. He’s a time traveller and whilst he’s partnered up with his mother in 2019, he looks to be about Miguel’s age. Giving him a suit similar yet unique to his father’s, with his ‘cape’ evoking his mother’s wings and such was a nice touch. I think PAD in making him a time traveller adds just enough credibility to his powers too as some kind of future technology. I doubt we’ll see much more of this character, but damn I’d like to, even out of his outfit he seems pretty cool.

And if nothing else, I just like that Miguel has a legacy and got to KNOW that.

Another thing I really liked about the structure of the story essentially allowed for there to be two climaxes, one in the future of 2019 where Aisa was the final boss and one in the present of 2017 where Miguel got to settle his business.

Let’s talk briefly about Aisa. So she’s literally one of the Greek Fates. I found this underwhelming, but I can’t say it wasn’t a logical reveal. In fact it justifies the Medea story arc with Elektra as that in hindsight was putting Greek myth on the chessboard for PAD to use later.

In fact these last three issues can be looked at as PAD essentially treating elements across his 2010s Spidey 2099 run (or at least the issues that weren’t mandated events) as chess pieces that came into play here.

· Back in volume 3 issue #1, Miguel referenced Peter, Silk and Miles being around to pick up his slack. Those 3 saved the civilians under mind control.

· The Sinister Six and Tyler Stone obviously all showed up in the Sinister Six arc beginning in issue #10, and in particular Tyler was popping up sporadically since the Secret Wars mini

· Strange 2099 with the help of Cap 2099 ultimately save Miguel’s life and they were showing up before and during Secret Wars

· Tempest’s insect form was introduced back in v2 #11-12 and was critical to the climax of this story. In fact I love the poetry of Miguel and his father Tyler both dying via stingers, stingers passed down from mother to son no less

· Sonny obviously was showing up on and off since Secret Wars

· The Alchemax Prison is something that’s been lingering (and unfortunately was often ignored) since way back in v2 #5

· I already explained the Greek myth angle

· Man Mountain Marko has been building a grudge with Spidey since before issue v3 #10

In a sense it was rewarding seeing all this stuff come back into play for the climax, but it definitely could’ve been done better, in a more satisfying way. Frankly, if the Medea story had been cut to 2 issues tops we might’ve had an extra issue to fix some of this stuff.

The final thing I want to talk about is issue #25 specifically. I don’t know if this was intentional, but to me issue #25 read as PAD delivering a microcosm of Miguel.

In various scenes, organically strung together, we see different facets of his personality. The dives are not necessarily deep, but this one issue, for any faults you might find in it’s plot, speaks a lot to who Miguel O’Hara is as a person.

It’s light, it’s subtle but it tells you the cliffnotes.

He’s sarcastic.

He’s sardonic.

He’s not a murderer, but is willing to be violent, willing to kill.

He is on the side of the angels, but is absolutely not one of them.

He values family but they frustrate him.

He’s far from wholesome.

He’s willing to make the sacrifice play for what’s right, for what has to be done.

He faces his own destruction head on.

He has a cynical streak in him.

He’s got anger in him and acknowledges it can compromise him.

He’s smart, both in terms of scientific brilliance and tactical thinking.

Hell even the use of his powers and gadgets (we could include Lyla in that) get one last ride in this issue.

And it’s all capped off with him saving everyone at the cost of his lover, his child and his own life. Only for him to come back to the world he’s saved, his home and ring in the new yea, the new century in factr. 2099 is OVER at last!

But he doesn’t celebrate. But he also isn’t Peter Parker, so he doesn’t somberely mope. He just gets on with it acknowledging what he’s lost, what it was for and rolling his eyes at the fact that the good times aren’t going to last.

And yet...it’s not depressing.

THAT’S Miguel O’Hara to me.

Over all, this arc 100% could’ve been better. But as a fond farewell to the character, possibly even being the last time his creator will ever write him, it was a Hell of a ride.

And for that ride, I thank Peter David and Will Sliney.

#Spider-Man #Spider-Man 2099 #Miguel O'Hara #Marvel 2099 #Iron Man #Iron Man 2099 #Lyla #Honey Bee #Peter David #will sliney

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theveryworstthing · 6 years

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its time for some downtrodden content: Vulture flavor.

Today’s post is about vulture weddings, and the lovely examples of wedding attire you see here are these moms, Fifteen Stab Wounds and Irresponsible Botany.

Vulture Weddings:

Clothes:

Vultures don’t have specific wedding attire but they do like to get as fancy as they can. Family symbols or signature patterns/flowers are common. For the wedding breakfast, the couple is usually more done up with baubles and veils since there’s minimal flying and more looking pretty for relatives. Red is a customary clothing color for weddings and no one wears white unless they’re a priestess. Dance outfits are sleeker than breakfast outfits and usually involve long sheer trains. Gold dust made from crushed beetle and mollusk shells is painted on the beak and dusted on the hands and wing-paws.

Fun Fifteen and Irresponsible facts: They both wore altered priestess robes for wedding attire. Fifteen also wore a rabbit style Meeting Cloak to her wedding breakfast to honor her beloved step-mom and the rabbit family that embraced her and her dad for most of her life. The patterning is of the mountains meeting the night sky, symbolizing patience and clear paths. Irresponsible, on the other hand, wore the chipped tooth of her favorite hare boxer as a bead pendant on her choker. Its still got a little bit of blood on it. She picked it up off the bathroom floor of an underground fighting ring during a trip to the mainland.

Everyone has their special items okay. Back off.

The Event:

Vulture weddings differ slightly depending on the type of vulture, but all have very little talking and a whole lot of dancing. Wedding parties meet at the break of dawn for a fresh hearty breakfast scouted for by the groom’s family. If there is no groom, then the males in both of the brides’ families or close friends scout instead. When breakfast is ready (and collected in one area if only smaller potions could be found) the rest of the wedding party flies out to the spot. There are two flying formations, one for each partner, lead by them and their parents. If there are non-vulture guest, accommodations for them are made in advance and they are carried to the spot if need be.

Upon arrival, the couple sits together and is usually given an assortment of meats set off to the side of the main carcasses. This includes a slab of meat from the Holy City if their families can get their hands on some. All of the meat is thrown in a ornate pot of boiling hot coconut milk and spices for cooking. Small bits of the best and worst pieces are an exception, as they are to be torn in half and given to the couple to feed to each other at the end of the meal. This symbolizes a sharing of both good and bad times. The best cut is, of course, the Holy City cut. The worst…When I say worst, I mean worst. The scouts purposefully try to find the single most awful piece of meat for this meal. That piece of meat that’s survived on a carcass that’s been so dead for so long and is so smelly that its probably best classified as a very solid wet fart. A piece of meat that could possibly turn a vulture stomach.

Not that the couple should allow it to.

Throwing up or refusing to eat the bad portion is extremely frowned upon and your mate will have to eat a double portion to save face for both of you.

After breakfast there is short rest period to sleep off/clean up in preparation for the dancing. The engaged vultures return to their parents’ nests where they have a small family ring ceremony. Rings are given twice with vultures. First from the family to their child, and then the same ring is gifted from their child to their spouse right before the dances . The rings are always simple, but beautifully crafted, pieces made of wood painted red. The wood symbolizes, well, its difficult to explain. Its sort of like a symbol of how love is taught and nurtured by the family/community, like a sapling. Its evidence of the love they have seen you grow within yourself and shown them in return, now shaped and molded into something to give your spouse. The color red symbolizes life and new beginnings, and as such these rings are only worn for a year. They’re swapped out for more personalized rings on the first wedding anniversary. There’s a lot of crying and mushy speeches when these rings are given out akin to vows.

There are cases when a vultures might not have a family or close friends to make a ring for them, and in those cases they just make them themselves.

Anyway, once all the mushy stuff is over the family flies out to their local dancing grounds. These are usually flat areas where the ground is dusted with glittering iridescent fragments of crushed mollusc shells and bioluminescent (if they’re on the island ) fungi. Musicians (and watchmen if they’re on the island) stand around the perimeter as guests file onto the huge dance floor. When the couple arrives they’re led to the center, where they exchange their rings in front of the crowd. Everyone screeches in approval, and then they all.

Get.

Fuckin’.

Down.

Vultures, are all about dancing and weddings are an amazing excuse to cut every rug in a 10 mile radius. There’s no real rhyme or reason to the dances, everyone just follows the band’s lead. Its quite the sight and it goes on for hours. In the process feathers will be lost. Avian break-dancing will happen. Someone’s rabbit friend will show up halfway through with a cart of boozy fruit and auntie Broken Ladder will get out of control at light speed. You’ll only know things are starting to wind down when the couple gets tired and tells people to start circling up. This is the cue that its time for their exit dance.

The couple’s last dance is partially a group affair. Two circles form, one for each family. The revelers start to slowly dance, wings spread, inching the circles closer and closer until they join and become one large circle with the couple in the middle. The couple dances on the ground only briefly, just long enough for the big circle to make on complete rotation, before they take to the air. As they rise, their guests screech and fan their wings, lifting a cloud of glittering dust behind them. Once in the sky they do the vulture equivalent of slow dancing, flying together in graceful formations as their families watch from the ground. After a while they spiral high into the sky and just leave. No one follows them and where they go after is their business. Everyone left at the party dances the night away, usually picking a safe group roost nearby instead of going home if they don’t have to.

And that’s how vultures get married.

Divorce:

Sometimes its just not meant to be y’all.

Vultures classically divorce by tearing out a few flight feathers and burying them with their rings to rot, then dividing whatever the vulture equivalent to a pile of limited edition beanie babies is up. These days its one feather each, but in the old days it was all the flight feathers of the bird who’s fault it was the most. This means justice for adulterers and abusers if the victim can successfully plead their case to the local elders. It does make divorce just because you fell out of love difficult. Vultures mate for life and wanting to break that bond is extremely rare (because of an actual soul bond or societal pressures? Who knows?). Separating from your mate should only be because they wronged you or they died (so they say). A lot of people stay together because they don’t hate their mate and they don’t have a good reason to leave. Which isn’t the worst, but its not the best either.

Re-marrying for divorced vultures is kinda tough because they’re mostly restricted to dating other divorcees and widows. If you’re a vulture who’s never been married, its seen as real bad luck to date a divorcee (widows get more leeway). Fifteen’s dad had it real rough as he was also a single father (Fifteen’s birth mom got shared custody for a week before the elders saw what a bad idea that was) who was far from home. Fifteen wasn’t old enough to fly back to the Holy City with him yet, so they temporarily settled down near a rabbit trade outpost where he could sell his woodwork. Long story short, he meets the cute owner of the local rabbit bar, they fall in love, town gossip is rejuvenated for the next thousand years, and Fifteen gets a stable and overall better family.

And that’s how vultures get married again.

#rabbits of downtrodden #worldbuilding for days yall #long post #vultures #Wedding

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