#fun fact i guess if fun fact wasnt fun for those involved

[skyeoak]

Omg y’all it’s 1987 on the 9 at 9

Jessica McClure fell down a well apparently 🫣

[sanguinechaos]

cant believe i was so fucking delusional about Flamebringer and Enforcer interacting in some way that it came into existence

actually can we talk about that

listen i already Hortus de Escapismo would be a treat because its a Laterano related event and it involves my wife. actually he got an alter even i knew it i KNEW IT I WAS AN EXALTER TRUTHER AS SOON AS I SAW THAT BOUJEE WINCHESTER 1887 MY FUCKING WIFE IS HOME MY WIFE

and then they dropped the operator records for the Notarial Hall trio and for anyone who has not read those yet tl;dr from somewhat dubiously google translated chinese text:

in Insiders oprecs theres almost an all out brawl over a family heirloom donut recipe. its so funny to me that we all made fun of him cause his halo looked like a donut and he really is Donut Man™

actually his personal donut recipe is so sweet and greasy that the doctor nearly chokes to death on it. im pretty sure if you eat it you can physically feel your arteries popping shut

apparently he likes sweets so much because when they picked him off the streets in some small town bordering siracusa and brought him to laterano they gave him some candy and it just left such an impact on him

do all of you have dead parents is that like a requirement

he has donut pajamas

Executor oprec is kinda cute honestly. this guy is autistic. he has joined the war on autism on the side of the autism. anyway what we learned is that apparently his lack of empathy (as in the sanktas 6th sense) is something hes had from birth and not in fact due to his job as an executor

and also he has always had a black halo and wings. according to the manhua they also dropped his entire extended family has black halo/wings it has absolutely fuck all to do with him being willing to kill sankta if his job necessitates it its just genetic

he doesnt actually have that much of a problem recognizing what people are feeling, its more that he has trouble piecing together cause and effect or what those emotions mean to people. and his parents (before their tragic demise) taught him to like draw shapes on paper matching different emotions to parse it? cute

anyway the other executor that was on a mission with him when he was still a rookie bites the dust and Executor takes it so so so seriously and fucking tries to eat 100 scoops of ice cream because his senpai made a joke and he was just like "okay so that can count as a last will and testament i guess" like babe. babe. he applied for executive gelato funding

and they leave us hanging but i genuinely wonder how many he managed to eat before he probably vomited and couldnt see gelato for the next 3 months

Federico Giallo? no. Federico Gelato

also hes only around ~25 as of Exalter

Enforcer goes around asking various sarkaz about Kazdel cause obviously hes intending to go look for Cecelias dad with her

actual live reaction as soon as i saw 炎客 BEYONCE?! FLAMEBRINGER?!

Flamebringer is a wanted criminal the Notarial Hall has his mugshot on the office notice board (which tells me that there is NO WAY that Executor doesnt KNOW him or about him please i am so delulu rn Lowlight i fucking beg you let them interact kiss. violently suck face, even. "Dino wasnt this a 炎见 post?" if you were paying attention to my Twitter youd know i really like 葬炎见 in that exact order but ill take any combination of just two of them) and also he absolutely does not give a shit he just keeps watering the plants while Enfocer talks at him

Enforcer gets slammed against a wall and maybe choked a little unbelievable and Flamebringer is like "go bug someone else, blood is not for watering flowers" like oof ouch the edge on this guy

Mudmud helps Enfocer in the end tho :)

also he might be like 19 while my conservative estimate was at least 25 i THOUGHT the Notarial staff had law degrees now i get why everyone in Guide Ahead was like "waow, so young :o and already an executor!"

[pansexualkiba]

i love how utterly fucking abysmal The Wild (2006) is. it's a horrible movie, and not even in a fun way. it's agony to watch. literally don't watch this movie. it's like. okay hold on.

so we all know how Disney's business plans worked in the late nineties to mid oughts, right? here's the big three:

appeal to the teens. because, ysee, word on the cool cat street was that disney just wasnt jivin with those rad hip youngsters, the teens. this was because then-CEO michael eisner learned his teenage son thought disney was like, soooo whatever. so in order to appeal to a wider demographic that potentially had money to spend on disney, Eisner would purposefully have things appeal to teens. or, at least, a 40-year-old's idea of what teens were like in the 1970s.

one-up Dreamworks Pictures. any disney fan will tell you that Michael Eisner and Jeffery Katzenberg were BEEFING, and this was reflected in the Disney-Dreamworks feud, not LEAST of which was that Dreamworks was created because Katzenberg was passed up for CEO in favor of Eisner.

jealousy. the most famous examples of this are Disneyland's California Adventure (a famously California-themed area in the California Disney park in the middle of the California-themed California) and Animal Kingdom (an entire third zoological park built just thirty minutes away from the famously safari-themed Busch Gardens (complete with live giraffes!) in Tampa, FL). if someone else did an idea, Eisner would try to have Disney do it better.

we caught up on that? good. most of you will be pointing something out by now: Eisner left disney in late 2005! The Wild was released in 2006! there's literally no way he could have been involved! which, ignoring how long movies take to make, COULD make this whole thing not an issue... except for one little event that happened in 2005. a little Dreamworks movie that was taking america by storm. the little-known snuff film... Madagascar (2005), released by Dreamworks to insane success. kids LOVED Madagascar, they loved King Julien, they loved the funny talking animals, they loved the use of old songs for fun interstitial plot beats, and they ESPECIALLY loved those silly little spy penguins. critics thought it was juvenile, however, so Madagascar now sits at a middling, but still positive, 55% critical reception on RT.

for a fun game, imagine for yourself what The Wild, released by Disney in 2006, could have a rating of. Go ahead, without looking it up, guess. we'll come back to that.

now, what i'm saying here isn't substantiated and the timeline doesn't exactly work, but hear me out. The Wild was often criticized for ripping off not only similar to Madagascar, but also The Lion King. Disney and Dreamworks's little pissing contest wasn't exactly subtle, and Eisner's jealousy when he saw how that stupid little animal movie was going over like gangbusters would've been enough for him to greenlight a similar idea, but with that little disney twist. and then he left, like a rat on a ship.

let's discuss the plot of The Wild.

we hear Samson the Lion start with telling someone a story about a previous fight he had had in The Wild, which is apparently just Africa. the logo is happening, yknow with the little firework line making an arc over the castle? except the much-younger teenage son then keeps interrupting by saying he's heard this story, and the firework keeps getting pulled back to the start in Comedic Fashion. the story is about how Samson, who apparently has sonic fucking roars, sent a bunch of wildebeests flying into the horizon, but then they had a big beefy furry wildebeest in the background who was like 46 feet tall. the son, Ryan the Lion, says he can feel the roar coming up, and Samson tells him to let loose, and Ryan does an alley cat soundbite because they didn't want to go to the Central Park Zoo and record actual lion cub noises.

By the way, this movie IS, in fact, opening in the Central Park Zoo. because we couldn't be more obvious. Samson the Lion is appropriately very famous, but not more famous than Nigel the Koala (voiced by Eddie Izzard), who is the basis of "the most popular doll in america", a pullstring plush koala that has two phrases: "I'm so cuddly; I like you!" and "I'm having a really nice day!". anyways, similar to madagascar, when the Central Park Zoo closes for the night, all the animals just get out and mingle. every single animal has a very distinct accent for some reason, as well??

anyways we're at this point introduced to the other main characters and their running jokes: Benny the Squirrel, whose joke is that he can't take a fucking hint; Bridgette the Giraffe, who is every sitcom woman in one and the unwilling target of Benny's affections; Nigel, who is extremely surly and the worst character in the movie; and Larry, a burmese python whose running gag is that he's stupid but sometimes he says something smart.

i'd like to just take an aside here to tell you all that Larry, despite being the idiot comic relief, ended up being my favorite character in the entire movie because the movie keeps forgetting he's supposed to be stupid?? like he'll just keep being very observant, but because every so often he'll drift into a nonsequitor all of his friends will angrily tell him to shut the fuck up, but it's like - bro he's the only one who's making sense. like at the end of the movie he puts forward an idea and before anyone can respond he goes "yeah, yeah, i know, shut up Larry :(" and it's like. bro get better friends.

anyways through a wacky series of events, Ryan's attempts to stop his friends from causing a Gazelle stampede cause the gazelles to stampede, and despite all of Ryans efforts to stop the stampede he caused, they run through the Turtle Curling competition the Samson is trying to win, costing Samson the Big Game, which means we gotta have Samson and Ryan having a big fight. i should mention that Ryan is insecure that he can't roar despite literally being prepubescent, and Samson is just like "are you acting up all because you can't roar?!" like DUDE THAT IS YOUR SON AND HE IS EIGHT. HIS VOICE HASN'T EVEN CRACKED YET.

Ryan then runs off to the green shipping crates that are being sent to New York's Harbor, and Samson and Benny go off to save Ryan after the workers somehow fucking miss the lion cub sleeping in broad fucking daylight. the dynamic duo is then joined by Bridgette (who knocks Benny off the truck), Nigel, and Larry. we then get a montage set to, and i am not fucking kidding, Clocks by Coldplay, where the animals experience the mysteriously-empty Times Square for the first time. more uhhhhh Wacky Hijinks ensue, and the rescue party are too late to get onto the cargo ship heading to africa, so they COMANDEER A PONTOON and tail the ship - after Benny rejoins them.

and here's where it gets to the point where i realized this movie was trying TOO hard to be dreamworks. if you'll recall, dreamworks likes to sneak in adult jokes, like famously Shrek looking at Duloc and going "do you think he's compensating for something". yknow, little innuendos like that.

Benny, having ridden in on a flock of Canadian Geese that mysteriously vanish after this scene after being hired as navigators, turns to Bridgette and, in an attempt to flirt with her, says that he's an expert goose rider, and that he rides bareback, and then slaps his flank.

it was becoming clear to me that every character was slowly becoming unmanageable to feel sympathy for.

after what would be, realistically, a few months - much too long for a pontoon to remain fueled, and WELL too long for a ship with passengers and sans supplies to remain populated, they reach the shores of Africa, which is... well it's not the shores of Madagascar, despite it literally being exactly like that scene in Madagascar where the animals are beholden to the rich jungles of madagascar. but for some reason this area of Africa not only has rich jungles, but ALSO an ACTIVE VOLCANO centrally located in the jungle. this is the purpose of the green transport crates: the wild animals are being rescued from an impending eruption. this is never brought up, but Ryan confuses the situation despite spending LITERAL MONTHS on that ship and potentially- actually

now that i'm writing this out, HOW DID NO ONE ON THE FUCKING SHIP. NOTICE THEY HAD AN ADOLESCENT LION CUB ON THE- THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE EMPTY CRATES. THEY WOULDN'T HAVE. NOTICED THE. LION CUB???? PROBABLY MEWLING FOR HELP???? IN A CONTAINER WITH OPEN-AIR WINDOWS????? BRO????

anyways Ryan runs into The Wild, and Samson and friends run after Ryan but lose him somehow. Samson, whose main character trait is that everyone else is saying that he always talks about being a real child of the Wilderness (notice that Samson himself never backs this up), eventually comes clean about his past after a scene with a hyrax that goes WAY too long in anyone's opinion - Samson was sold to the zoo after being raised in the circus. Samson was Ryan's age, as in like eight years old, when he was forced to attempt to roar in front of an audience, and when he couldn't because he was eight, he was SOLD TO THE ZOO. and his father's parting words were "if you had been born in the wild, you would have been able to roar" LIKE SIR YOUR SON IS STILL A CHILD DOMESTICATION DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T FUCKING- HELLO???

anyways everyone treats this as some Big Betrayal, and Samson goes off on his own to find Ryan. meanwhile Nigel gets kidnapped by wildebeests.

yes, there are wildebeests living in this fucking jungle.

Nigel is then brought to the ACTIVE VOLCANO, where the WILDEBEESTS HAVE STARTED A DEATH CULT. they are led by William Shatner Wildebeest whose name i have forgotten because despite being the main antagonist he was revealed fifty minutes into a seventy-minute movie. turns out, one of those Nigel dolls fell off of a cropduster plane over this nondescript african jungle, interrupting a lion hunt against this wildebeest despite the fact that neither of these animals live in the jungle. the pullstring then scared the lions into fleeing, and Shatbeest took this as an OMEN FROM GOD to START A DEATH CULT where ALL WILDEBEESTS WILL BECOME CARNIVORES AND ALL LIONS WILL BECOME HERBIVORES. also he made a whole song out of the "I'm having a really nice day!" voiceline complete with choreography. this is somehow not only plot important but also instrumental in his downfall.

anyways Nigel immediately gets drunk with power because he has no morals and is the worst character in the movie.

the wildebeests kidnap Bridgette and Larry and knock Benny out. have you noticed Benny just keeps getting put offscreen so he can solve the plot later? anyways Samson hallucinates dr seuss colors because he's activating his "predator instincts" to find his cub, which - red flag - but it also works. and then the wildebeests kidnap ryan after throwing Samson off a cliff, and you would not believe how much i wanted him dead so the movie would be over.

it was around this time that i realized i would much rather watch cars 2 again. my girlfriend had long since admitted that.

Benny wakes up in the middle of a bunch of German scarabs (who are all like. yodelling milkmaid types?????) who thought he was shit, and tbh yeah good call, but anyways Benny wakes up Samson who is somehow completely unharmed from being dropped off a cliff with an entire tree on top of him. Samson then has a tangible hallucination pointing them to the volcano, which he and Benny both see.

Nigel meanwhile actually has to weigh the pros and cons of siding with the wildebeests and watching them cook and eat his friends, or saving his friends. Shatbeest meanwhile REALLY wants to eat a LITERAL COWERING CHILD.

outside the volcano, we find out that Samson's hallucinations are a LITERAL LEGION OF SECRET AGENT CHAMELEONS who are trying to get people to defeat the wildebeests - which, like, WHY DID YOU NEED THESE TWO YOKELS???? YOU'RE LIKE. THERE'S A WHOLE JUNGLE OF POORLY-PLACED ANIMALS. THERE ARE OTHER LIONS IN THE JUNGLE SURELY. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIONS IN THE FLASHBACK??

anyways the chameleons can make benny and samson invisible by covering them and going transparent. obviously.

the finale is incredibly like. it's such a nothing finale. the chameleons barely factor into it?? like Benny and Samson are just suddenly there, and Shatbeest keeps physically overpowering Samson and later Ryan, but Shatbeest angers the other wildebeests because one of them couldn't get the choreography right and so he's kicked towards the sacrifices as one of them. and then Ryan is like "aw dad... i wish you had the father i had. :(" which like. WHEN was it explained to you what happened with your dad. you were JUST told that your dad was born in captivity you don't know WHAT HAPPENED you just IMMEDIATELY went to being mean to him. and that inspires the wildebeests to turn on Shatbeest because this is the lion king so we gotta have that hyenas eat scar scene. but then the volcano, the LITERAL ACTUAL VOLCANO EVERYONE'S BEEN INSIDE OF THIS WHOLE TIME, starts to erupt, and Shatbeest is crushed under rocks.

everyone gets to the pontoon, and Samson, Ryan, the group, the wildebeests, and for some reason the chameleons all escape just as the island erupts, and it's like, fuck all the other bitches right? anyways then we have a heartfelt moment immediately undercut by the animated movie dance party ending where Nigel the koala just starts twerking. Benny stops being sexist out of complete nowhere despite never learning his lesson and this is completely undercut by Bridgette kissing him and revealing she was into being objectified this whole time, she just wanted Benny to be Woke about it. every single character in this movie was awful (except Larry i just feel bad for him) and in my mind the movie ends with that fucking pontoon sinking in the middle of the atlantic for exceeding its weight limit.

it's such a nothing movie. every scene feels like it's from something else. my girlfriend maintains that everyone who defends this movie is a corporate shill. my experience with this movie was i watched it multiple times as a kid, and i had somehow convinced myself this WASN'T a disney movie and was instead made by one of those low-budget studios that makes a single animated film before vanishing forever. it feels like a parody of itself, like someone had made a prior movie that doesn't exist that they then warped with ten consecutive funhouse mirrors.

it feels like michael eisner's teen son tried to make madagascar but Edgy.

and now we come back to the fun game from before the cut. what was the number you came up with on rotten tomatoes? what would rotten tomatoes rate this movie that has effectively been scrubbed from disney's records? Madagascar has 55%, what could its ugly step-reflection be?

...well that's not good.

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

Do you also have a favourite Stage 1 boss? And a Stage 2 fav too?

the stage 1 boss i probably think about the most is Larva. Firstly, her boss theme, A Midsummer Fairy's Dream, is my favourite among all stage 1 bosses, without contest. The mysterious tune of it goes hand in hand with the intrigue and implication that she is not just some butterfly fairy, but is or used to be a god who has beef with Okina who presumably came out on top in whatever old conflict they had.

I also really like her design. Embarrassingly, it must've taken a year or something after I first saw her before I realised her design incorporates an the entire lifecycle, featuring the aspects of a larva, a pupa and the butterfly all at once. That's really really cool...

It is the kind of thing where I think its actually totally for the best that she never really gets elaborated on ever, and its just up to the fans to fill in whatever gaps and decide how much truth there is to all those implications? In my mind, the fact that she can be either or both "colourful bug friend of cirno" or "depowered diety now making by as a bug" is really interesting 🦋

If I think really quickly among stage 2 bosses, the ones that pop to my head as potential fav the most is Kogasa. Hardworking but kinda pitiful cute umbrella who sucks at being scary and is liked by children... A character that makes me happy to just know she exists ☂ Close second might be Mystia, who i've been consistently fond of ever since she was fleshed out with both her lamprey stand and being in a band with Kyouko (also a stage 2 boss, funny enough). Also I really like the Mystia Izakaya game on steam n_n

tangent but its fun to think about the various stage 1 and 2 dorks collectively. Their role is often just some 'average' or random fodder/locals of whatever location the protagonists are passing by that day (sometimes the stage 3 or 4 boss is also that, while 50/50 chance of it being someone actually relevant to the plot). I think the biggest exception to that has been ufo (only one who wasnt part of the myourenji crew was stage 2 boss kogasa) and lolk (everyone is directly involved in the incident in someway, even if doremy's role is maybe tangential). And i like the general consensus that the first (windows) boss, Rumia, is the go-to example of a youkai 'some guy'. If some story needs a random youkai attack or some definitive example of a dangerous wild youkai, you use rumia. Cirno also used to be the 'some guy' for fairies, though now she's also a mascot for the whole series, which i guess is not mutually exclusive.

anyhow TLDR, my fav stage 1 boss on the basis of rando with a lot going on is Larva, and fav stage 2 by that same standard is probably Kogasa.

[thedreamyperidot]

Very much new to tumblr, so I'm not entirely sure how all this works yet. I don't exactly know how to respond to reblogs yet so bear with me. First off, your ramblings are totally fine, don't have a problem with it at all. The reason I'm responding to you is to explain my perspective on the game and how it was handled. This mostly concerns you calling the devs lazy. (Note: I don't fault you for thinking this, nor am I upset about it. Sorry if this ends up being a super long reply lol)

I'm not going to go deep into the details of my life and who I am, but I think it's important to know that I've been taking game development classes for about 2 years now. I'm not an employee of GameFreak, or the Pokemon company, so I can't give any definitive answers on why the game came out the way it did, but I am almost certain that it isn't because the people involved were being lazy.

I'm not exactly sure how to best explain this, but from my experience with the game, it seemed like the team behind it genuinely cared about the project. The art direction completely shifted, pokemon are much more detailed now, there is an overabundance of things to see and do, and the core game is actually really fun. Character designs are great, the writing is well done, and there are so many creative ideas at play here.

Now if that is the case, why is it such a mess from a technical perspective? There is the chance that their game engine needs an update, and there is also the fact that this is their first fully open world game, but I don't think either of those are the main culprit. The two potential reasons why I think the game ended up the way it did is either a lack of time, or a lack of money.

First off, let me explain my reasoning for time. Breath of the Wild was the first Zelda game to attempt an open world. It's development started not to long after the release of Skyward Sword in 2011 with a planned release date in 2015, but got delayed to 2017. This left that team with a development time of 6 years. The dev time for Scarlet and Violet was presumably 3 years, with SwSh dlc, and Legends Arceus being developed at the same time. When you are making an open world game that has a strict deadline, some corners are definitely going to have to be cut. This deadline is set by the Pokemon Company to keep sales up while pumping out more merchandise.

My second thought is that there is not enough money going around. Before anyone says that Pokemon is the largest franchise in the world, yes I am aware, however, Gamefreak doesn't get to decide how much these games are funded; the Pokemon Company does, and they also have to balance out things like the mobile games, merchandise, the card game, the anime etc. Gamefreak only gets a small small portion of that cut. Because of this, they can't just quadruple their team size just to pump out higher quality games quicker, because The Pokemon Company wants to turn a profit.

As unfortunate as it is, this stuff isn't completely in the hands of GameFreak, and as such they don't really have much control over it. This is mostly speculation on my part, but it is a fairly educated guess. Sorry for the long winded post, but I think that the devs get treated quite unfairly by fans who think that they are the sole reason that the games won't improve in quality.

I hope my own rambling at least gave you some insight on game development, and it's many challenges and I hope this helped you understand my point of view on the subject a little bit better!

oh my god! yeah maybe saying lazy wasnt the best way to go tbh, it was 2am when I made those tags so my word choice wasnt the best (Also why I mentioned how if you disliked the tags you could let me know sjdhjfj)

I think that the points you make are completely true! Game Freak mightve cared a lot for the game but due to factors out of their control the product ended...like that. It's honestly such a shame as someone who was a huge pokemon fan since they were 8, seeing the series suffer due to capitalism has been incredibly disheartening.

Thank you for this ask! I appreciate your thoughts in this and I understand my wording might not have been the best.

[yellowbluemoonshine]

The Wrong Way to Put Out Fire

I wanna talk about some details about Touya, Todoroki family and the different situtions Touya and Shouto had.

Touya is introduced us as innocent, nice kid who just wants to enjoy his father.

Thats actually first difference we saw between Touya and Shouto. Sometimes children fond of one of their parents more than other one. For Touya, he was daddy’s boy. Shouto is more like mommmy’s boy. (Even their clothes are parallels. Fire, ice. Daddy, mommy.)

And let me say this;

This marriage was wrong to begin with. Quirk marriage, the fact that Endeavour decided to put his ambitions on his children is wrong.

But as a first born, for Touya, his family was normal. Children dont magically understand what is right or wrong.

He simply saw that he got his father’s attention and it made him really really happy. Training was the bond he had with his father. Touya’s thoughts probably like; I am daddy’s son, my father is really happy when i become more strong etc etc.

Even he realize his family is different from other people, he probably simply thought that it might be different but its their thing. This is why we saw Touya as happy. Touya felt special when he got his father’s all attention.

And Touya saw his mother is okay with it. He probably saw that many times even when father being disrespectfull, mom doesnt seem to mind that much. This is probably why he starts to looks down on his mother too. Its just children dont respect adults who dont respect theirselves. If child think he can get away with it, they would simply do it. Mommy allows daddy to be the boss of the house, mommy allows daddy’s to be disrespectfull to herself so its ok to disrespectfull to mommy too. Thats how children think in those situtions.

What was Shouto’s difference then?

Shouto as last born, he never think his family is normal or this sitution is okay cause when Shouto is born, everyone in family already starts to break down. Mommy wasnt okay at all.

Endeavour put his own ambitions on Touya’s shoulders, he gave him impossible expectations which is literally name of the chapter. Wrong way to put out the fire. Those impossible expectations is abuse, btw.

Everything started cause Endeavour put out fire on wrong place, his family.

And after Touya failed, he was thrown away. Touya probably felt like; his father took him to the highest hill of the building, made him feel special but then threw him down.

Touya started to get the attention he had at first place to the point he started to burn himself over and over again. Look at how terryfying he looks when his brothers were born...

At this point, he understand he is replacable which made him question why was he born at first place.

Of course, Touya wouldnt listen Endeavour when he said ‘there is a life outside of being a hero’ cause Endeavour himself doesnt live his life like that. Children arent stupid, they observe adults’s actions too. Endeavour’s words condract with his actions thats why his words didnt reach out to Touya.

Touya was in a lot of pain to the point his heigh stopped growing (Look how he is shorter than his siblings), burns himself, his hair starts to change probably cause he used his quirk too much, he even starts to pull his hair which is sign of suicide. He was literally small kid who was mentally breaking down and he expressed his pain every way he can do but he was ignored.

Fuyumi-chan didnt understand him. Natsuo-kun doesnt listen him either. (Touya thought Fuyumi-chan didnt understand her cause she is girl but the reason she and Natsuo doesnt understand is they didnt have the same expectation at first place.)

And mommy is at fault too cause she is the one who allowed daddy to raised him like this at first place. She is the one the accepted this marriage, she is responsible too.

For a child, to be understood is very important thing but they didnt get it. He realized his siblings dont understand him. Even though, Touya was so mentally unstable to the point he attack his baby brother, his parents still didnt get him help or didnt specifically take care of him, instead they constantly ignore him. They kept telling him to forget what happenned and look other way.

This is exactly why Touya couldnt hold on something else cause in deep, he knows only way to be seen is prove himself.

For Touya, his mother didnt there for him. His mother allowed this to happen too. This is why his situtions are opposite of Shouto’s.

Touya thought family is normal, his daddy loves him, this is why training was fun.

This is why he end believing everything Endeavour taught him. Even he uses same words, literally in same chapter.

‘I live in different world from others.’

Shouto realized family isnt normal and father is the one who make everyone unhappy. This is why he hated training cause he realized father is forcing him.

For Touya, mother wasnt there for him and ignored his pain.

For Shouto, his mother was there for him, this is why she became his emotional support.

This is also why Shouto tried to protect mom cause Rei at this point was really in pain and she was reaching her breaking point. Mommy is there for me, i love mommy but dad make mommy upset, dad is the bad guy here.

Meanwhile for Touya, he didnt really see his mom as sad, he saw her being okay with sitution, thats why he probably think that the way Endeavour treat her as normal cause she accepted this sitution.

All those opposite situitons made them think opposite way. Not because one is good or bad, its just they had different kind of abuse. (Also hair symbolism is nice parallel too).

Though despite opposite situtions, they were also similar too. They were so cold child soldiers who only think about getting revenge from father, just opposite way cause Shouto has.

Touya waited his father to come forest to watch him but Endeavıur didnt come until Touya was burn to death.

Touya’s death wasnt just an accident but its both also suicide and murder. Touya was suicidal, he kept burning himself but parents didnt look at him and Endeavour is the one who push him this mental state. Even Touya says himsef;

 ‘After all, the only  thing he taught me was how to turn up the heat’

Touya had to burn and reborn to get daddy’s attention again but even after his death, he was hardly mentioned by his family. I mean if Dabi never become a villain, they wouldnt even discuss this case as family.

And i honestly dislike how Todoroki handle this sitution.

Rei says everyone is responsible but Shouto, Fuyumi and Natsuo were children, its not their fault. Rei is at fault for not being there for Touya and Endeavour is the most at fault for making Touya mentally unstable. I hate how children carry the mistakes of Endeavour, it wasn their fault.

And with their talk, they made it sound like Shouto is better than Touya cause look, he became a hero and he forgave them!

I mean, Shouto didnt have much choice cause Endeavour forced him to be a hero. Even Endeavour wasnt there, Shouto had emotional support (mom) and inspiration (allmight) to be hero, he also has strong qurik so no wonder he can be hero, you know. But Touya didnt have any of it. He didnt have emotional support, inspiration to be better or strong quirk.

Not even need to mention how both Early-Shouto and Dabi obsess with revenge, cold child soldiers who dont pay attention to people around them. Just Shouto was in better environment and then he met Deku and he started to heal.

Even Shouto saw himself in Dabi, how he could be like him but he was lucky to be saved. Even their wound smbolically shows their pain. For Shouto, it was boiling water but for Touya, it was very strong fire that will burn him to dush.

Yeah, Dabi is villain but even so. To Deku, Shigaraki is completely stranger but he still thoguht that he needs to be saved. Meanwhile, Todoroki family knew what happenned to Touya. They are personally involved with him but i found it weird it how they didnt mention about ‘saving him’.

I mean maybe thats what they will try eventually but still....i think heroes are good, villains are bad sitution contnues even in this sitution cause they say Dabi is the one who needs to be stopped and Endeavour is the one who take a hand.

Shouto needs to offer that hand to Dabi, not Endeavour cause the one who needs to be saved is Dabi/Touya, not Endeavour. 

Not to mention how Best Jeanist and Hawks coldy listen sitution.

I guess, even after this, they still dont really look at Dabi’s pain cause if they saw it, at least they would talk about helping him more than stopping him...what a tragedy.

Touya, after everything he had been through is still ignored, even by his own family, remind me of Tenko’s sitution :’))).

[pocketramblr]

Many people claim second is either time traveling Bakugou or like fore father or smth because... Well look at him. Whats your take on it?

The worst thing about Tumblr is that the search blog function is so non existent that I can't even be sure you didn't try to see my opinion about this before asking, so I can't even blame you, but... Well:

This was my reaction to people continuing to suggest Bakugo was Second after we learned Yoichi's name

This was my reaction to a "reincarnated second" Bakugo ask

This was me making fun of the time travel theory by explaining that Ponytail Uraraka could actually be Third

And this was a post where I mentioned that I'm basically neutral on Bakugo as a whole because I really like some of his arc and his interactions, especially the remedial course arc, but that I really don't like him involved with the OfA plot line and feel it detracts from both he and Izuku

Ok. Let's go deeper then, and hopefully make this the last post I have to make on this subject.

tldr of the read more: I don't like Second as Bakugo and I actually think that the chances of Second as Bakugo's ancestor went down after the events of this week's chapter

So, I did see a lot of bak-u-go and I finally put my finger on why I hated it so much, (BESIDES the fact that I just do not think Horikoshi has done the set up for time travel in general or Bakugo in particular. Look, izuku should have told us already if Second was Bakugo. It just doesn't make sense for him to be, functionally) and instead of posting it on tumblr and dealing with people actually, like, seeing and reacting to it I just told two friends why I didn't like it thematically in a group chat. The text of my message is pasted bellow:

"So, like, even if Bakugo grows up and yeets back in time and somehow izuku doesn't recognize him with a little face scar which seems VERY UNLIKELY to me EVEN IF, then it COMPELETELY makes First's supposition pointless

the thing WASNT "second extended a hand to someone connected to and hurt by afo and freed first even tho he was nemisis, which is why izuku should extend a hand to tomura"

INSTEAD it was "Baku2 extended a hand to first because he ALREADY KNEW afo's brother was a hero and it would help all might and co and there was ABSOLUTELY NO FAITH, NO GOODWILL, NO OPTIMISTIC COMPASSION involved because baku2 KNEW what would happen and wasn't even really making a CHOICE so much as following the plan"

ahem. anyway thematically it is bad As Well as being functionally bad

is,,, bad theory,,,, i have nine very good Seconds, why would i want no Second and just dealing with bakugo more,,,

So yeah, that's my take on Baku2- it replaces the potential actual character of Second (who is someone I love exploring in many different ways) with a character we already have. And I don't hate the character, but when I'm thinking about OfA Stuff? I don't want him there! I just can't bring myself to care about Bakugo as Second. If I want to have fun with Bakugo, and I sometimes do, I have him go train and develope menteeship with Nejire. I give him some Dadzawa. I have him develop friendships and better himself with the remedial team. Getting rid of a character I like to cast Bakugo in Second's place? The least fun thing I can think of! I just don't want to do it. Have fun, write it yourself, and tag it properly so that I don't have to see it.

Ok. You also mentioned Bakugo as Second's descendent. Honestly, it's possible, but I think it's less likely now. Second has spikey hair but it looks just as much like Dabi's as it does Bakugo's. It's just how Hori draws spikey hair. They don't even have the same style, since Second has an undercut and his hair is shaded darker than Bakugo's. I also don't think that Second is going to have an explosive quirk, because Third just got one! Third's Fa Jin quirk "builds up kinetic energy and use that energy to release an explosive burst of power."

What would be the point of Izuku getting an explosion quirk from Second? It wouldn't make sense with the actual quirk lineage Bakugo has from his parents if they were trying to go that route, and frankly it's just like the Baku2 Problem: I already know how Explosion works! It's not interesting to me! I don't want to miss out on a new fun quirk just to see one I already know again.

I want Second to have a mental quirk, that's my first pick. A lighting quirk would be fine too since I really wanted Sixth to have one but then he got a stealth one so I guess I don't need Second to have a stealth quirk anymore. *Glances at Vaneer.*

Anyway so maybe Third with spikey hair that actually matches Bakugo's color is his ancestor. Maybe Second is. They both have the build of their costumes in a way that reminds of Bakugo's summer and winter hero costumes. Maybe neither of them are. I don't really care that much, because... I don't think Second likes Bakugo. I don't think he liked him at the start, and I don't think he likes him now. I'll quote a friend who actually brought this topic up before I could, and whom I agree with:

Friend: Someone asked me "Okay but what about Second being Bakugou's ancestor?" So, I had to refrain from answering "Well, if you want, but Second would probably be disgusted by Bakugou. He is a guy who sacrificed everything so some asshole with a strong quirk wouldn't do whatever he wants. What do you think he would think of Bakugou?"

Me: you're stronger than me i would have answered that and then gotten a dozen angry messages back like 'uhhhh but but hes CHANGED now if second can 'forgive' a toothpick of a man who never actually did anything to hurt him and was only considered a target because of a relative, aka bc of his genetics, then surely he'd forgive bakugo for uh activlely harming izuku bc of his genetics and openly mocking the past holder's pain, fight, and strength in a meeting he acted too good for!'

So I don't think Second would like Bakugo for those reasons, but also another one- he's naïve. Second didn't like Izuku trying to "save to win" Shigaraki, he thought it was foolish. I don't think he'd like Bakugo's "fight to win" focus either, because to him it wasn't "fight to win." It was "fight to survive" and I don't think that for a single moment he thought he'd 'win' because he was 'a hero' and 'heroes always win and villains always lose and that's why I want to be a hero.' there's a reason he didn't want Bakugo to keep OfA either, and it wasn't just because of a very circumstantial theory some vestiges have based off a sample size of two with absolutely no way to check other variables said that maybe it would kill a holder if they had another quirk.

Has Bakugo grown since those views? Sure. Do I think he's still naïve? Yeah. Do I think Second would see that growth of his, or even care? No. I don't.

I don't think Second hates Bakugo. I just don't think he likes him either. His opinion, I think, probably is similar to my own: "he's a kid who can really grow and be great... And I just don't want him anywhere near OfA buisness."

[twopoppies]

hi gina! i hope u're having a good day today!! and i hope its not a bother that im abt to go on a small rant - tad bit annoyed is all

got to school today(im 18 turned a few months ago actually, i waited a few months to follow the 18+ rule!!) anyway i ended up roped into a conversation abt harry, and for some background: at my school we have a hotties wall in the yr 12 common space/room/area and basically it just has a bunch of ppl on there who we(yr12s) think are hot and its fun and cute and ppl just stick photos up there of ppl they think are hot

harrys on there which makes perfect sense (so is louis lol multiple times each ;) )

but the convo i got roped into basically involved holivia and it started with us discussing how hot harry was and somehow turned into omg holivia is so cute nd when that happened i laughed bc i cant keep my mouth shut ugh but i ended up just trying to casually be like ye i dont believe it bc how tf did the paps find them on a yacht in the middle of the god damn ocean yk? and i like let it in there that i didnt believe in most celebrity relationships especially if they were this public bc that just makes it obvs they're being used to promote smth etc etc. and almost everyone there was like oh ye that makes sense (there were abt 6-8 ppl total actively participating in the convo but like alot more around us)

anyway for the most part most ppl were agreeing with me and were talking abt how it makes sense - someone even bought up dwd and was like it would make sense they have a movie to promote

but there was this one girl who took it upon herself to say that she thinks im speaking gibberish bc wtf do ik abt the paps and what the hell do ik abt hollywood and ofc harry's dating olivia bc he looks so in love and hes dancing with her and they're so romantic and why would he kiss her if he didnt want to he could've just stood there on the yacht or smth along those lines? idk gina she said smth incredibly stupid as an explanation for him kissing her it made 0 sense but girl just went off and then she said smth along the lines of "just because he wears dresses and paints his nails doesnt mean hes a faggot" and i-

no one even bought that up??? like she fully just? for no reason? out of nowhere? it was so quiet and i didnt even know what to say but the worst thing abt what she said was 1. her tone she sounded so genuinely disgusted at the idea and 2. the fact that im out, she knows im gay and she just fully said that to my face and she is so lucky the bell went off for class i swear to god i wanted to throw hands at her

at the same time i lowkey feel so defeated, like what on earth is wrong with her? that wasnt even part of the conversation, i didnt even mention his sexuality as a reason for him not being with olivia!! no one did!! it was never bought up!! and she just out of nowhere bought it up??

anyway sorry for the rant gina i hope u're doing alright and that u're days been better than mine lots of love 💖

Oh, love. I'm so sorry. That's such a shitty thing to experience. I guess, at least, now you see what sort of person she really is. It does go to show how there are absolutely people who only like Harry (or Louis, or whomever) if they fit their fantasy. The fact that she clearly wouldn't be a fan if he were queer is her loss, but it's sad fucking commentary on the state of the world.

By the way though, try not to feel defeated because you clearly opened people's eyes to the idea that PR romances do exist. That's a huge step in dispelling any of the bullshit around Harry (and really any celebrity).

Sending you a hug. I wish someone had told that girl to STFU.

[taliaquinn]

Why Me!? Chapter 19

Authors Note:                                                                                            Hiya peeps and geeks, I finally published chapter 19. I hope you Peeps like it. Dont forget to reblog, comment and like!! (They make me happy)

“Think about it, why would she want to talk to you,” Chloe mumbled struggling to shake off the sleepiness “Right now she only sees you as the boy who refused to stand up for her, Against the girl that threatened her in the bathroom”. 

Adrien was silent at the other end of the phone. “She told you about Lila threatening her in the bathroom?” Nonono. That was the worst thing that could happen. Now rumors are going to spread.

Chloe could only scoff in response. She knew exactly what Adrien was worrying about.

“Pfft uh yeah, Mari told us everything, gotta say Adrien I wasn't that surprised when she told us, Kagami on the other hand….”

“SHE TOLD KAGAMI!?!?!?” Adrien shouted upset. Upset at Marinette for telling everyone, even Kagami. He’s noticed that Kagamis been blowing him off and sometimes even downright refusing to talk to him at social events they both attend. 

Marinette told Kagami and Chloe everything about Lila, Adrien, and Alya when she called them a week ago. Chloe's heart broke at hearing the girl sob. Kagami was enraged, in fact, that was what spurred her into starting to plot revenge. Karma would wreak havoc on everyone who dared hurt the bluenette

“Yes Adrien Kagami Knows and before you go off and get all flustered, No we haven't spread rumors or told anyone. At Marinette's insistence." She spat. Adrien didn't deserve to be protected. But poor Marinette still refused to take any drastic actions.

“Thank you, Chloe” The Model still had the nerve to thank her and ignore Marinette's kind act. She's had enough. Sitting up straighter in bed Chloe opened her laptop and started typing an email to Marinette.

“You know who else she’s been helping Adrikins?” she said in a honey-laced voice, sickeningly sweet. 

This familiar voice caused a sense of growing dread in Adrien's stomach. He wasn't talking to P. M Chloe aka “Post Marinette” Chloe anymore, he was talking to the old Chloe Bourgeois, and Plagg help him if he somehow pissed her off. Swallowing down the sense of dread he asked.

“Who?”

“Nino, you remember him right? The guy you claimed was your best friend? But then again you turned your back on him, that seems to be a trend with you these days”

Nino. Of course, he remembered about Nino. Nino called him tearfully seeking comfort from his best friend after his breakup with Alya. Adrien could only weakly offer some comfort. HEY! He was dealing with his own stuff. Ladybug stole Plagg from him. He wasn’t Chat Noir anymore. Also, he didn't want to get dragged into the conflict. Plus he thought that Nino was overreacting. Alya deserved a second chance. Right?

“W-we’re still best friends” he stuttered out. Nino has Marinette's number!? That's great he can get her number from him!!!!

“Hmmph yeah sure whatever helps you sleep at night.” Chloe had the right to speak her mind. She was tired and grumpy. A deadly combination. If she had eye bags in the morning because of him she was going to block the boy,

 “I'm beginning to think that you’re new bestie is Lila” she mentioned

“That's ridiculous, we're just friends”

Chloe scoffed. “Your standards for friends are ridiculously low. But whatever apparently sleazy Liars are your type”

Adrien was starting to get upset at all these sly remarks he was getting from Chloe. He called her for comfort. Who did she think she was? If he wanted sly comments he would have called Marinette, but he still didn't have her number. Wait a minute. She's been talking to Nino!!! He could just call Nino and get her Number from him!!! He didn't need Chloe! 

“Fine Chloe, you know what? turns out I don’t even need your help anymore,” He said smug, happy to have the upper hand. To be honest he half expected Chloe to beg him to not hang up on her.

“Why even bother calling me then?” that....was not the response he was expecting. Fine, it was probably all an act.

“I needed Marinette's number but then I realized that my bro Nino probably has it, so yeah I don’t need your help”

“But he b-” Ha now she was going to beg him not to hang upon him. Well, he wasn't going to give her the chance. 

“Goodbye Chloe” 

Hanging up he quickly tried to call Nino. After only receiving a dial tone, he shot him a few texts, expecting Nino to respond quickly. He always has.

After receiving none Adrien couldn’t help but be slightly annoyed. Nino probably forgot to charge his phone due to him still being sad over the breakup. This is why Adrien needs to convince Nino to get back together with Alya. He was a mess without her! His phone suddenly binged. Quickly checking, he was disappointed to see it was Chloe. Probably to try and get back on his good side. Ha.

Queen Bee: Nino told me to tell you that he is uh not in “The mood to deal with you and your b.s” tonight.

What!? No Chloe was obviously lying in some weird attempt at getting Payback. Adrien NEEDED to talk to Nino right now because Adrien was going to the states for some gala for the weekend! 

Adrikins: Chloe stop fooling around

Queen Bee: Trust me I'm not kidding around, I'm here trying to get some sleep and instead I'm serving as Nino's secretary apparently

Queen Bee: Leave him alone, if you had listened to me earlier you would have realized that Nino added your number to a nice Lil ol place known as the ~block list~

Adrikins: CHLOE YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM PLEASE DON'T LET HIM DO IT.

Queen Bee: hmmm let me think about it

At that Adrien let out a sigh of Relief, Chloe will talk some sense into Nino and everything will be back to normal between him and Nino. Even Marinette once he got her number from Nino!!

Queen Bee: I thought about it

Hope bloomed in Adrien's Chest, everything is finally going to be back to normal again!!

Queen Bee: N o

Queen Bee: You’re getting muted for the rest of the night, consider that payback for waking me up so early, I have a trip this weekend. I need all my beauty sleep, you should consider learning about it

Wait a minute if she is going where Adrien thinks she is then there's hope for him after all!!!

Queen Bee: Toodles~

Adrikins: Wait a minute where are you going this weekend

Queen Bee: None of your business

Wayne Manor                                                                                        Gotham, USA                                                                                                8:00 a.m

“Marinette, I’m just happy you managed to leave that toxic situation before it got worse,” Dick said as he engulfed Marinette in a hug, although not as strong since his ribs were still in pain. Dick slightly grimaced in anticipation of the humongous lecture he was going to get from Bruce later.

“Trust him, Mari, here in Gotham I always see..” Jason trailed off at Dicks pointed look “I mean WE always see....uh in the news how those situations escalate quickly," Yowch talk about a blunder. He still needed to get used to having a sibling who wasnt involved in the nightly adventures. "only not everyone is lucky enough to have Batman swoop in and save the day” Jason quickly added. He threw a prayer of thanks that his adorable baby sister was now safe in Gotham, well as safe as Gotham gets anyways.

Dick racked his brain looking for something to cheer up his little sister in his arms. For once his big brother instincts were being slightly overwhelmed. All of his siblings have gone through awful stuff. This isn't the first, and he doubts it's going to be the last time that he's been there to comfort one of his siblings, or friends for god's sake.  

“Wait!!! Dick, doesn't Bruce have that trip in a few days?” Jason piped up.

Oh, Crap. Dick almost forgot about that. Oh god, he couldn’t possibly subject Mari to that disaster….on the other hand it WOULD be a good distraction for her. Hmmm. 

“Fine, Mari, pack your bags, You’re not even going to school yet so you won't miss anything,” Dick announced.

“Pack my bags?” Marinette couldn't help but get a bad feeling at the sight of Dicks smirk.

“Yeah no, you’re right. Don't pack your bags make your dad pay for new clothes.” Jason teased. It's what he always did. Billionaire Brucie wouldn't even gawk at the price of a new pair of jeans. Heck, He was paying for his New Truck!!! 

“Wait where are we even going?” She asked slightly disturbed at the sight of Dicks growing grin.

“New York City”

Authors Message:                                                                                        I hope you guys enjoyed todays chaoter. Next chapter some new characters are going to enter the fray. Can you take a guess as to who they may be ;)                                                                                           Also Happy Belated Birthday to Our Beloved Timothy Jackson Drake  Fun fact I was listening to Hamilton was writing this chapter and its given me the idea to possibly create a Hamilton AU involving the Batfam and slight Adrinette, What do you guys think?

Taglist:

@purplesundaze @silvergold-swirl @k-poplunardreams @pepelachanel @laurcad123 @maribat-is-lifeblood @kass-is-weird @another-fan-of-anotherplan @damianette-is-life @amayakans @parallelparabox @miukiiu @valeks-princess @toodaloo-kangaroo @vixen-uchiha @thezestywalru @dreamykitty25 @pirats-pizzacanninibles @mochinek0 @shamefullove @mochegato @souleateralicestein @thestressmademedoit @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @aestheticnpoetic @mysupporthyperfixations @itsmeevie01

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

[squarecarousel]

Challenge 144: 10 Years, Looking Forward: Looking ahead

For this challenge I was attempting to obtain an optimistic forward looking perspective as this season ‘life’ of Square Carousel comes to a close.

But every artist and illustrator that has been a part of this collective has inevitably come through this ‘reborn’ and better than before. 

I believe myself to be a little bit of a thinker and I rather enjoy the idea of dueling contrasts. Beginning/ending. Life/death. Happy/sad. Student/master. I just believe these things are incredibly powerful and beautifully signify the human condition. Not necessarily literally but on a deeper level. The level the presumably separates us from other animals on this planet. In our minds. We have the opportunity to make the decisions that directly affect how we pursue each of those contrasting pairs and an endless amount more.

If I wake up tomorrow, I am reborn to a new day. The me of yesterday has presumably died through the slumber and there is a brand new me that gets to live in the here and now. And maybe that is naive and optimistic but I live to think of it as inspired.

Which is where I come around to the real point I believe I am attempting to make, the impact of Square Carousel. 

I dont know what inspired the idea of Square Carousel for Elizabeth and Caitlin but if there is such a thing as karma, they have paid that inspiration and those kinds of ideas forward, tenfold. 

When transitioning this idea from a thought to an action, the idea wasnt to spark unlimited sources of inspiration. In fact, id guess that it was to create inspiration amongst a small group of individuals. But sticking to the road that this idea paved, created compound interest that i feel needs to be put into writing and conveyed to both Elizabeth and Caitlin and anyone other person who may be reading this.

I have decided that there is no possible way I can come up with numbers for my little experiment of how Square Carousel has impacted the world. Better yet, ill let your mind go down this rabbit hole as mine obviously already has.

As I continue to type, I have realized that this will be my long winded way of saying ‘thank you’.

Back to number of people impacted and hopefully in a cliff notes version. Caitlin and Elizabeth have a network of ‘x’ people when starting this venture. As they began following through with this, the 2 of them started learning new things. Ever wonder how it is managing a bunch of artists? Go ahead and reread this long post and see what kind of shit show is going on in my mind. Now multiply that by a handful of artists. So, Caitlin and Elizabeth’s network reaps the benefit of them learning all this knowledge that is doubtfully super fun to go through but when they start taking on all of the artists that will be a part of this collective they then impact all of the artist that they are taking on and those artists network as well. But wait there’s more. as the world wide internet grows along with social media, all of the above continues to be impacted but now everyone involved is growing their network. And as you are growing your network, people continue to be impacted by these initial steps of creating this collective. Now, since these are all artists and are creating work, what about the viewers of the art that has beern directly affected by this? Then what about the people who become impacted by these items and then go on and impact others. Yeah, this gets out of hand quickly... That’s cool... Now multiply that by 10 years. Fucking nuts.

Elizabeth and Caitlin, thank you for letting me be a small part of this impact you have created. I apologize for the pain in the ass I can be, but respect you both so much. I hope that with the time that the both of you are gaining without having to manage this, the next venture is just as fruitful. 

Sayada, obviously you deserve a little individual call out for bringing me on board. Awesome for me but probably regretful for you. Thank you. It sucks that there arent any words that I can come up with fully encompass my appreciation for you and what you have done for me by inviting me to join Square Carousel for the time that I did. Congratulations on your recent Childrens book and I am hoping there is plenty more where that came from. Thank you again.

This is crazy long and will give high fives to all the artists that have been part of this collective during the time I have been on here and I appreciate the feedback and optimism shared with me to get stuff done!

I graduated from SCAD in March 2012.I am currently coming to terms with what I enjoy making and the processes that I enjoy working in and I have been really steering towards making more gallery art and hope to really start reaping the benefits of that soonish. 10 years from now I see myself continuing to draw and paint nonstop while hopefully using it as a pretty big part of my life and continue to use my art to impact others.

-Brett

[lilatreus]

All of my thoughts on Assassin’s Creed Valhalla!

Of course there are major spoilers for the game and ending. I know it’s been out for like three months now but you never know so I’m putting it all under the cut. And yes this is pretty long. A summary is at the end of the entire text.

also pls don’t send me hate like y’all did for what I said about odyssey literally these are just my opinions on the game if u dont care for them pls just skip I have a lot to say about it and there is actually quite a few things that I really enjoyed when playing the game and if u do read it pls don’t hesitate to shoot me messages and talk to me about the game bc I really enjoy the franchise and I need some more people to talk to in this fandom.

What I enjoyed about the game!!

The blending in with the monks/prayers in the streets to get pass the guards!!!!! Dude!!!!! I know it’s like a really small detail but it just made me so happy because it reminded me of when you had to do that in the first assassin’s creed game. It’s a nice touch of nostalgia and really liked it.

The “glitches” (while some were annoying) I’m super super happy that they were kind of bringing back the glyphs from assassins creed two. I loved doing them because I loved trying to get the little movie. It was really nice of them to bring that back so we can get another little movie like the one from AC2 again.

I think we can all agree: Hytham was a great character. I wish he was more involved in the story than already but that’s just me. I really liked his character so much he’s my favorite from the game.

Desmond having some Easter eggs and basically coming back into the series again was great. It was also a nice touch to see the vault from assassins creed three (the place where des dies). It really makes me miss connor and his band of assassins. I miss assassins creed three :( I want more about Connor please put out some more comics with him in it or some easter eggs please I’m begging you. Also fuck u haytham kenway I hate u.

Shaun and Rebecca being back and now it’s canon that they’re together is fucking awesome. I’m actually really happy about that and I missed them so much. I’m glad they’re in the story again. (Rebecca dude I was so worried that she died like no fucking joke I was so upset I thought syndicate really killed her off).

The game itself actually did very well keeping with the lore we were given from assassins creed origins and was actually doing pretty well trying to connect it to the first assassin game.

Speaking of lore I do think they did the best they could to expand upon the not so well liked lore from odyssey and try and fix it but also it did feel a little confusing but I guess that’s just because i didn’t finish the Asgard missions yet so who knows.

The scenery was very very beautiful and I throughly enjoyed walking around and just admiring the view no matter where I was on the map.

Reda just becoming immortal is so funny and the fact that he was just sitting there telling stories about Aya and Bayek.. please my heart. I love them so so much. The letter Bayek wrote??? Soulmates I’m telling you.

Also I did like that they fixed their plot hole for why Bayek and Aya aren’t known for anything history wise in the story (or mainly why Bayek isn’t in the assassin’s history books and Aya, as Amunet, is really the only one written down). I’m very glad that they explained it and I really think I’m just super happy that Bayek was brought back for some easter eggs within the game.

Basim is very handsome and I liked him but I don’t know how to feel about the ending with him. Yes I do love his character and it was super cool to hang around him and do a couple of missions with him but also it felt weird that now you’re technically playing as the bad guy.

Eivor was really cool to play as. I enjoyed running around as them and doing missions. I like the fact that Eivor was basically like “yo you guys [ pointing to the brotherhood ] are fucking crazy but you guys [ pointing to the templars/order of ancients ] are really fucking crazy and weird.” I really loved basically being an assassin and using the hidden blade again. (Yeah I know they technically aren’t an assassin but yknow just an honorary one).

The Canterbury Tales!! The fucking pardoner’s tale!! That was super cool to do I loved those stories and being able to do them in the game made me super happy. I know it doesn’t actually fit the timeline given it wasnt written until like centuries after the game took place but I just thought that side mission was neat!

Fulke was a very cool templar and I thought her character was really really interesting. I wish they did more with her honestly.

What I didn’t like about the game:

So! Speaking of templars! Boy oh boy I have a lot to say for that subject. So for “the order of ancients”:

— I think my biggest problem with this game (as well as odyssey) is that the templars (“OOA”) aren’t actually important to the game anymore. They’re barely in the story now like out of all 20 or so people you have to kill within their order only like 5 or 6 are actually important to the storyline and that’s my biggest problem with it, because now killing the templars is just like a “well since you’re in the area you can kill this dude” and I really hate it. I truly believe that’s why I didn’t like odyssey that much solely bc they made doing the most core part of the video game series a damn side mission and that also goes for Valhalla.

— Also so many of the templar stories, like scenes we get after you kill them, were just so bland. They don’t make them like they used to and that’s another big core part of the series lost.

— They’re straying very far from the main plot of the series and that’s why these last two games didn’t feel anything like an assassin’s creed game. (And you can’t say that “it’s just different because they’re taking place in a time way before the templars were called templars” bc assassins creed origins did very well to changing their game and how they play but also keeping the main goal from previous games: To be an assassin and kill the templars.)

— Also they need to not show us the outline of who the templars are because I could tell who “the father” was as soon as I was able to see the order tab. Please Ubisoft do better.

I know I said this before however the fucking Beowulf mission. My God Did I Hate That. I was really looking forward to the dlc and to see what they did with the story sucked. In Odyssey we got actual Greek monsters and gods and I expected to be given that in Valhalla for the norse deities. And it didn’t happen. (As of right now I can’t comment on the Asgard missions because I haven’t finished them but I’ll probably edit the post and put them in later)

As of right now with the ending and lore shit I’m really kind of indifferent with it. On one hand they are trying to fix the lore that they kind of fucked up in Odyssey by adding more things to explain it better but also that means they added on unnecessary stuff that makes no sense. On the other hand I really hate that Layla is now technically canonically dead because shes now in the grey and basim now has the one thing that would’ve kept her alive. I really wanted them to do more with her like they did with Desmond. I genuinely enjoyed her as a main protagonist and it sucks that she is now dead. Layla deserves so much better honestly!!!!

Also on des: While I don’t want to smack away a fan service gift that includes desmond; it did kind of feel weird that he’s back in the series. Honestly I don’t know how to go about this. I’m super excited that technically desmond is back in a way but on the other hand I wanted them to focus on Layla more and :( Idk man it’s complicated. They have to stop changing the story’s main protagonists Layla deserved to be in more games and hopefully she will be because her “death” felt so cheap. I also wish they explained what happened with her during the year apart from odyssey and Valhalla.

The side missions I have no problem with except for the fact that the little side mission icon just stayed in the place you first show up to to get the mission. I miss the old side mission mechanic bc this new one felt really really confusing and it made me get lost quite a few times.

This one might just be me but I guess they’re expanding more on the gods reincarnating but they’re not focusing on the sages anymore? Like when will Elijah Miles (the newest sage) be shown?? Odyssey fucked up that lore bit but now they’re not even talking about it because any isu god can reincarnate or can take ahold of anyone if they interact with a piece of eden or something. Idk this one little bit is super confusing for me right now and I don’t like that it’s confusing so I will be doing more research on the isu (again) to understand what the fuck is going on with this damn part of the lore.

I know that this is a game where you kill people but this whole game felt so gore-y that I like had to drop it for a bit. Like dude I didn’t really expect that. This one I really feel like is just me. I did not expect to like hear bones breaking when I played it.

The storyline felt kind of all over the place like yes I could understand the big part of the story but also it was all over the fucking place. I just miss the old plot I really do that had a system that was so good it caused several games to follow it’s lead. (I miss AC1 please remaster that damn game)

Also maybe it’s just me but the story felt so slow at the beginning when ur going to England. Literally I hate to say this bc I love this whole series but I was more happy about finally finishing the main storyline than I was while playing the game.

All in all: I did like the game. I did have fun even though some parts were rough. I’m super glad that they got rid/fixed the ship mechanic because I hated every fucking naval battle in assassins creed and that’s something I was worried about doing when I saw that we had longships in the story. The game was enjoyable and it had a lot of great side characters like Hytham, Gunnar, and Yanli. Basim was a treat, though I hope they explain more about him bc I’m going to be honest he’s a bit confusing with this whole loki thing. But yeah this is all I have so far on the game. If you actually read all the way down here comment or like shoot me message to talk about it bc I really really want to talk about the game. Pls pls pls.

[keai]

in the off chance that you see this...

will you let me know if you do?

my little 12 year old heart fell for you stupid fast. it was literally love at first sight and it wasnt because you were cute (bc lets face it you are good looking). looking back, its crazy how much i loved you, or thought i loved you. we didnt really know each other at all, but i was SO obsessed. i still cant explain why, but as a 20 year old i think that was the time i was beginning to show signs of anxiety/depression and honestly, needed something else to focus on. you also know i just have an addictive/obsessive personality. 

i remember we talked about those stupid young times and you said you were sorry for how you treated me back then. but i have to say you never did anything explicitly wrong. i didnt know how to handle my emotions and thoughts, i mean i still dont and thats why this even exists right? 

i remember crying myself to sleep over you, i remember hiding in school toilets because of you, i remember SO MUCH. i was truly in so much pain!! 

it wasnt just you of course. i didnt get much sleep bc i was always talking to this other friend that i never really talked to you about. i was also really struggling with the whole popularity thing at that time, and just wanted to quit being a popular girl at school. i know that sounds dumb, but being popular really wasnt fun, at least for me. i could never say what i truly thought because i had to care for so many people. i would always accidentally exclude people if i got closer to one friend because everyone wanted to be that one close friend, and that made me feel like i had to keep a distance from everyone. i could never be sad because other people thought i had everything. and i know that sounds pathetic but those are the things 12 year old girls think about i guess. anyway back to us

i tried a lot of things to ‘get over you’. it was so fucking stupid. i wore rubber bands and snapped myself every time i thought of you. would you laugh if i said that my arms would be COMPLETELY red in an hour? i also tried to like other guys who were genuinely sweet to me, but for some reason just thought they didnt measure up to you, even though you were giving me absolutely nothing (no hate just stating facts)

but eventually i did. and i just didnt think anything of you anymore - not in a bad way, i just didnt have an opinion. we didnt interact in school, i think til h3, because of math class. 

i had no fucking clue that your ex girlfriend minded me. honestly if i knew i wouldnt have sat next to you!! i thought i would be the last person she minded - after all, you broke my fucking heart without even trying, you know? if i liked you so much and still couldnt get you to like me, why would i think she would mind me? i dont know, sometimes im bad at logic i guess

anyway, i still didnt think anything of you. we had nice chats, but that was it. i think you would agree. ive actually spent a lot of time reflecting - were we flirty? did we ever cross boundaries? i remember how you told me you wanted to break up with your girlfriend. i remember thinking it was cuz of christina - it had never crossed my mind that you would like me. but it turns out it was me!?

now. this is the part that has bothered me the entire fucking time we dated again. does this mean we betrayed eliza? was she right in being mad? was this emotional cheating? i really dont know but i know now to not get involved in a relationship with someone who has just gotten out of one, because my mind will not stop thinking.

i hope you would agree that we had a good relationship. i wasnt cutting much anymore and generally gave less fucks about other people - something i have REVERSED back into now. but theres this part of me who wants to suffer. sounds dramatic but its true. if im honest, i was always torn between being a cool, chilled girlfriend and picking random fights, and making you upset on purpose. because thats what i did with MY exes and i knew doing those things would make me better feel your love. i also knew i was fucking crazy for even thinking about doing those things, but having a good relationship just wasnt...i dont know. i dont know how to receive love without it being fucked up in some way.

i would say the final 8 months of us dating was us being so careful with one another. i dont know what happened actually. maybe we just grew and changed. maybe i fucked up. i dont know. but it was fucking weird. sometimes we were fine and sometimes we werent. i really didnt know if you still loved me

coming back to taipei for the 2nd time, i got hit by this big wave of anxiety and panic about the future. something i learnt recently in school is that depression and anxiety often come back in relapses. like 70& of patients experience episodes again. of course, i chose not to open up to you. i knew you wouldnt understand. i know this is just my mind thinking stupid things, but in my brain youre perfect and never upset. you never overthink and never look back with regret on things. i guess thats the impression youve made on me since year 8. but me? i think back way too often and hurt myself. i dwell on past things, and now suddenly im dwelling on future things as well.

this is getting too annoying. long story short, i went to therapy and they referred me to a psychiatrist. i got medication. and that was still in the time we were together. i didnt tell you and im sorry about that. i dont know if im feeling better now. but i do think about how things could have been different if i wasnt me. if i wasnt so anxious and DEPRESSED would we have worked? if i wasnt so depressed in year 8, would i be different?

im not kidding when i say i dont want to be me. do you like being you? of course you do because youre you. but im me

you know that cheesy line where it goes something like ‘maybe in another universe, we would have worked out’. its fucking cheesy. but i really hope that there is another universe where hannah is different and is someone who can truly accept love from you, knows how to handle it and not let it go to waste

[canonicallyanxious]

Previous anon! I think you mentioned a literature degree in a post a while back. (But the tags you left on the ask certainly showed evidence of it haha). I was curious and wanted you to talk about it but wasnt sure if i should straight up say "pls talk about your degree i am very interested and curious"

lollll i mean as a lit major i feel like i’m morally obligated to drag myself for it bc like i deserve it but yeah i’m down to talk about my degree!! uhhh idk if you have anything specific in mind, feel free to ask me whatever you want to know bc it turns out when asked to talk about my degree i don’t even know where to start rip also if you’re looking for someone who can advise you on what you can do with a lit major i am the wrong person to go to sdkjfnsdkjsnfd what i do for work now has basically nothing to do with what i studied but i’m honestly good with that bc it was always something i studied more because i wanted to than because i wanted to turn it into an actual career

Trying to remember what lit classes i liked the best... off the top of my head: contemporary women novelists, modern english lit, black literature in europe, post-colonial lit [by far my favorite lit class ever, that reading list fuckin slapped]; there was also a class that i don’t remember what it was called anymore but i loved it bc we read a lot of more nontraditional writing that also focused a lot on intergenerational trauma [so like Maus and the Photographer which are graphic novels were on the reading list, and we also read a poem called Zong! and experimental plays and things like that]

hmmm not knowing what specifically you wanna know about i guess i’ll just give some general thoughts about being a lit major [and tossing a cut here bc i got rambly... i’m sorry... you asked a lit major about being a lit major this is what happens i guess]

as one might expect it involves a fuckton of reading and writing literary analysis which might be a con for some but definitely not for me. but like i am the kind of asshole who actually likes reading three books in a week and writing a 7 page close reading comparing the roles of Persuasion’s Ann Elliot and the Bride of Lamermoor’s Lucy so, you know, i certainly don’t expect what works for me to be a one-size-fits-all kind of thing lol

One thing I really liked with the classes i took was the opportunity to push back against the typical canon of the Dead White Man that i feel like was really prevalent in public school. tbf there was still quite a bit of that in some of my classes [James Joyce meet me in the fucking pit] but if you’re strategic with the classes you sign up for you really get the chance to get exposed to a lot of unique and diverse perspectives, i feel like the foundation i got in those classes helped me form a baseline for where to start in finding more literature like that

Although as mentioned i did still have a lot of issues with that in my department. like idk if that was just my school or being in undergrad or whatever but i feel like a lot of lit majors I knew had a very prescriptive view of what “counts” as literature, we got into so many discussions about what qualifies as ~art~ [which if you know me i think is such bullshit like who are we to judge what is more artistic than something else particularly when for so much of history what has been deemed ~proper literature~ was written by white men but anyway we don’t have to get into it right now lol] and while i got the sense that the culture was slowly changing while i was part of it i do still feel like there’s a lot about the lit academia world that still kinda has to catch up, like it can be a field rife with elitism and narrow-mindedness depending on where you are in it. but of course that’s just my own take on it! ymmv and all that

i feel like this major taught me way more about how to read than about how to write, like at my school at least especially in a lot of the upper level classes there was basically no guidance for how to write your papers you’re kind of already expected to know how to write good literary criticism? also tbh i didn’t always love writing papers, in fact sometimes it fucking sucked having to write long analyses about topics i didn’t give a shit about and sometimes you have to do a FUCKTON of writing about shit you don’t care about [especially during finals week rip college Sarah you will not be missed]. but i think the analysis skills i developed while studying lit are genuinely really valuable even if i don’t really do anything directly related to my field of study career wise, like they help me be more thoughtful about pretty much everything i read and watch from the news to fiction and also be more thoughtful about my choices in my own creative writing all of which i really appreciate esp since it’s stuff i’m interested in just in general so I definitely don’t regret this choice of study!

sidenote but big rip to anyone who goes into this major and likes reading for fun in their downtime sdfknsnf i had way too much reading always to do any of my own reading outside of class [anthro is a very reading/writing heavy major too BIG rip to college Sarah] and when i did have breaks i was like fuck no i’m not thinking about words until i ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO [by going back to class] [god i’m so glad i’m not in school anymore]

Lord that got rambly skjfnskdjfnsd idek if any of that is anything you’d be interested in but yeah feel free to ask me more specific questions if you feel like it! then maybe i won’t go off on a million tangents [disclaimer: i probably still will]

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[seaquestions]

Moar Thought excerpts

- maybe their processors are considered physical health? and as such the concept of "mental health" is odd and non-existent, because glitches and errors and the like are considered to be issues to be Fixed. - anything "wrong" with them is to be patched out, updated, written over. empurata is an extreme form of lobotomy, but cybertronians engage in casual alterations of their brains all the time. - i think it's interesting to think about how cybertronians may consider mental health and physical health to be the same thing, and how maybe there are certain aspects of their bodies that contribute to that way of thinking

- imm............. i ljust ove gestalts and just thinking about individuality vs uniformity within those groups and how it affects them and their combined form - i just feel like.. combiners are such a cool transformers thing that goes way too unexplored. like, how much do they feel of each other, what is it like to be in that headspace, even when you're not combined - i really want the combiners to like. interact w/ each other outside of combat. i think it'd be interesting to see the level of, i guess, awareness the components have and the level of personality development. - superion is superion. he's messy and he's unstable, but he is still superion. menasor..... is not yet menasor. menasor is still motormaster-dragstrip-deadend-breakdown-wildrider. - the constructicons are the constructicons, and they turn into devastator, but the aerialbots are the aerialbots but they'r Also superion. meanwhile, the combaticons don't identify as bruticus at all and the protectobots think of defensor as like a job or something. - the combaticons have some fun dynamics, and maybe the right-hand thing feeds into blast off need to be seen by onslaught, wanting to be of use to him and wanting to be loved by him, but feeling like he's just a tool

- (fic idea outline that i never got around to making anything of) the fic is blaster/soundwave, blaster is a journalist for the iacon newsfeed service and soundwave works in a space airport as a comms mech - they meet each other by chance while blaster is travelling for a story. and they hit it off! blaster is taken by soundwave's quiet mystery and soundwave likes how cheerful blaster is. - but things start not adding up. the thing that blaster's reporting on becomes more and more convoluted, with document leaks happening, assassinations and just a whole Lot of drama. he has a hard time just keeping up w/ his social media account - and soundwave is getting distant and weird. he starts talking about these radical ideas and (he's an underground musician in this fic also) putting out music that's very subversive - the crux of the fic is blaster finding out that this is who soundwave was the whole time. soundwave wasnt tricking him or anything, blaster just had a shallow and willfully narrowed view of his boyfriend. - but on the other hand, soundwave has Been shady, and he has Been keeping certain things vague. the two of them don't live in the same city, so a lot of this takes place in chats and calls. - soundwave himself has gotten himself involved in decepticon sympathising forums, and...... he's the one who leaked the documents. - blaster struggles between keeping his job, his ideals, and his world view vs. soundwave. but it's So complicated and So nuanced! soundwave isn't a knight in shining armour, he isnt a perfect revolutionary. and blaster isnt a perfect journalist and he is also still a pawn of the senate - their relationship is teared apart by the fact that they just Cant reconcile these things about each other. little by little it becomes too much!! - there's a scene i have in my head. of soundwave reaching towards blaster's audial and yanking a wire out and crushing it in his hand. "they record you, dont you know? i've been the one keeping you safe this whole time." and then he leaves. - fast forward. millenia has passed. the war has ravaged the planet. by some coincidence blaster and soundwave cross paths in the same city that they met. - they reconcile, slowly. they cant, and wont, ever get to the wavelength they had when they first met but... the reconstruction of the city keeps them close. - the ending is open, and hopeful. but it also acknowledges that they are standing in the wreckage of the city where they used to be in love. - their pre-war relationship was riddled with holes, and based solely on liking who they thought the other was! - listened to kavinsky - nightcall too many times and this is what my brain farted out