#fun fact i actually started making these bc that scene with mike reminded me of that post(& like half the posts on here remind me of daisy)

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I’m just gonna go ahead and say sorry in advance the man lost his mind with the next ep but 3x04 1/2 ‘He would make great marketing for durex. Remember their covid ads? Funny as shit. Why is she here? Why can’t she take the kid with her to the hospital? I thought i gave Brian permission to hit this fucking kid? Yeah! Eat the chips you little bitch.‘ we got to Mel and Linds picking donors ‘FRESH SPERM?! LINDSAY HE IS 19- What are the-THEY CANT GO TO A SPERM BANK? THEYRE GONNA PICK BETWEEN THEIR FRIENDS?! Girl, what makes you think any of them want a kid at all or better yet with you? There is no way Brian would let that kid get into the ‘vette. JUSTIN! WHY ARE THEY CASUALLY SAYING HEY TO EACH OTHER? oh Justin hates this kid (Mel and Linds pick Mikey) MICHAEL?! THEY ARE PICKING MICHAEL?! MICHAEL?! MIKE? MIKEY?! Because he invited a kid to a comic book store? THAT IS LITERALLY HIS JOB! Thank god the diner doesn’t have more male waiters because she would think someone wants a kid just cause they told her the specials’ ‘WHAT IS WITH THEM MOVING IN SO FAST? I THOUGHT THAT WAS A YOU PEOPLE THING *waves at me*’. ‘Have you noticed that whenever Lindsay and Melly want something from someone they make them a meal? (mikey and Ben are taking a shower and he actually fake gagged) The only shower scenes I like are Brian and Justin’ ‘he’s going through Brian’s stuf- he has a lot of dildos, why am i acting surprised..HE STOLE HIS BRACELET! How dare you, you little shit! BRIAN HE HAS YOUR BRACELET! HE DOES NOT OWE ANY OF YOU ANYTHING ESPECIALLY NOT MONEY! I know I said hit him but this *points to the toilet scene* is WAY fucking better! Do Ethan next!’ He is once again using Shazam to make his playlist even better. ‘Usually when people start doing drugs, they become fun before they ruin their lives, this dude is just hitting the gym? Boring. Oh he’s angry and jealous of Michael isn’t he? Well that’s not healthy’ he is once again using Shazam, this is getting ridiculous. ‘OKAY BRIAN!! Oh damn, I don’t remember him being all 6 packy before. Why is a cop there?’ ‘Why is he surprised that he wont have full rights? Dude, you’re a DONOR! But don’t worry they never hold their word, they force the donors to step up one way or the other. Make sure you have life insurance. THATS WHY THERES SPERM BANKS MELANIE!’ And thee scene is coming up (my cousin thankfully reminded me to record him here bc she knew he’d lose his mind and thank fuck she did. Usually i record him for big moments but i almost forgot here) ‘HE ACCUSED HIM OF WHAT NOW?! *pauses tv* OH FUCK HIM AND FUCK WHOEVER MADE HIM! That is such a horrible and serious accusation to make cause some people, HA, some people..good one (his name), GIRLS! WOMEN! aren’t believed! And boys! Oh don’t even get me started and i know it’s ironic because im yelling at a boy BUT DIFFERENT! WE DONT EVEN GET TO COME FORWARD CAUSE WE SHOULD BE HAPPY WE GOT LAID! And if it was done by a man? Well then we are forced to be quiet because we get mocked since apparently gay is worse than rape. But Brian is gay, so of course he did that and nobody would think otherwise. Because gay means predator in their peanut shaped brain! Meanwhile PRIESTS exist! Or those weird family friends that you have to change outfits for when they come over but nobody calls that out. HOW FUCKING DARE THEY? You know what? FUCK EVERYTHING AND ESPECIALLY FUCK THAT KID! His family better know better, i have no faith in them but they owe him that! Nobody will believe this, he literally hates kids!‘ He then got up and went outside to smoke. I forgot that when the whole Florida gay ban bullshit happened, this man FLEW to florida to protest (we are nowhere near florida) so I should’ve seen this coming tbh. And when he came back inside he just went ‘I do wish they showed him being interrogated because I know for a fact my man was giving sarcasm and anger and funny insults!’ ‘Well look at that, it’s almost as if you shouldn’t move in together after like a week!’

Melanie and Lindsay’s insistence on using known sperm over donor sperm baffles me and must be because for TV reasons because it’s so bananas. LOLing at them making someone a meal… that is so true!

Ben not becoming more interesting with a drug problem IS A MOOD. And true.

His reaction to this storyline is everything. Factually, false accusations are incredibly rare and yes, it’s a double-whammy for boys. The other part of this storyline I hate? Is that Claire is right to believe her kid. So rarely do parents believe their kids and go to the police, when they should. I hate hate hate this storyline with a passion. I get why it happens (Justin still believing in Brian and doing whatever needs to be done to clear his name) but FFS CowLip why why why do you have to create a narrative around a false accusation?

YOUR BROTHER FLEW TO FL TO PROTEST? He gets all the fist-ally’s in the world! I love him.

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1/2 To answer any questions, he stayed outside for 40 minutes. 6 cigarettes and a NAP in the middle of the grass. I had to check up on him twice bc my cousins forced me to check if he’s still alive. Then his alarm clock went off, he got up, came inside, took his pills and then sat down and went to 2x17. Not a single word said. I fear we are slowly witnessing his breakdown.

‘THEY’RE GOING ON A TRIP FOR A WHOLE WEEK! Hallelujah! I was so fucking worried before. Oh thank you fucking hell!’ He visibly relaxed and is now smiling. ‘They’ve been together only for 7 years and yet they act like they wrote the fucking book on couples counseling! Oh are they gonna have a threesome?..oh sweetheart, Melly doesn’t do spontaneous, she does judgey’ ‘oh shit, so Brian’s company is being taken over but he’s still making time for the trip? where are mel and linds now with their bullshit? SEE! I told you my boy cares!’ He just went on his phone and checked his bank account just in case if someone accidentally gave him money too. The second time he looked at it, his bank automatically payed a bill that just came through and he almost had a heart attack. ‘This little baldy is going to ruin my plans for the episode, isn’t he?! MAN FUCK ALL OF THIS SHIT. What does he carry in that briefcase? I want one, i could put my pills in it and maybe like a sandwich or something. BALD MAN IS GONNA FUCK UP MY TRIP TO VERMONT!…*pauses tv* now tell me baldy, why is the fuck is it any of your business where he puts his dick? THATS RIGHT BRIAN TELL HIM! THATS MY BOY!’ ‘PICKLE GUY TOOK CARE OF EMY!! He made sure his baby boy was taken care of! Pickle guy, i miss you so much’ he is once again stressed because of the trip. I had to yell at him because he almost lit up a cigarette inside. ‘I like his assistant! Look at them working together and kicking ass. She knows about his extracurricular activities. I like her. Seems like he gets along with blondes’ he is currently once again on the verge of tears because of George’s tape. He just broke down in actual tears and paused the episode ‘he said he’s off on his adventure, oh Pickle Guy, i hope you have a blast on your adventure. You deserve a really fun one, full of opera and naked dudes and clubs and pickles!’ When George blew a kiss to Emmett this dumbass blew one back. ‘Oh shit there goes the trip doesn’t it? Wait no, Justin knows that Brian has a big boy job, he’s not an idiot. He knows. And he will understand so either he’ll go with him OR they’ll go a few days later. But my boy is understanding!’ He has been completely quiet since that scene up until now when the scene where Brian leaves for Chicago comes up ‘….or not….(brian says the ‘thats exactly who you’re fucking’ line) ohhh that was a nice one. I like being reminded about how badass he is at his job. *pauses tv* justin, my boy. Trust me, i get it, I’ve been rooting for you to go on a trip since like last week but he just told you if he doesn’t go, he loses his job AND you know his company is being sold. MY BOY, cmon, be understanding with me here, i thought i thought you better than this. I get it I’m like 10 years older *starts counting on his fingers* oh god…okay maybe older but my boy, my blondie, youre smart. Stop being dramatic, or be dramatic for 5 minutes but don’t fuck things up for ME, okay? Thank you, now proceed’ *starts the ep again* ‘look Mikey and Justin are friends!! I like this *pauses the tv* MY BOY HE IS NOT DEFENDING HIM, HE IS JUST STATING THE FACTS, wait hold up, i cant raise my voice at kids *takes a deep breath and looks at paused Justin* my sweet sweet oh so sweet summer child, sometimes career unfortunately takes the lead. It fucking sucks but sometimes you have to cancel on shit in order to afford food. Life sucks, especially in America, god bless it whatever. I cannot believe I am agreeing with Mike *looks at Justin in horror* look what you made me do! What else does he want?! JUSTIN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD HE JUST TOLD YOU A SCENE AGO THAT HE COULD BE FIRED. What do you think unemployment is? Do you want me to rewind the episode so you can hear it again? Exactly MICHAEL! Oh for fucks sake Justin, you fit in exactly where you are BUT HIS CAREER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU BUT ALSO EVERYTHING LIKE BABY BOY YOU CANT POSSIBLY BE THIS FUCKING STUPID?! I cannot believe what I am witnessing. This is outrageous. Me me me me, the dude is about to lose his job!’

Oh dear... your brother is falling apart here. He's now on like a death march through the rest of this season.

He blew a kiss back to George? I love this man.

And yeah Justin is a brat about the VT trip. He really is. And also your brother is closer to 20 years older than Justin... sorry Brother.