#fully prepared 4 tumblr 2 garble the screenshot that is this poem so i recommend right clicking and opening in new tab

[lunarpleurodon]

「Grieving Period: first sentiment」

When exactly was it, that I realised I couldn’t stand my friends?

You know, I could have shut it down the moment it started When I met you, I first thought ‘geez, this person’s annoying’ I could have avoided you on purpose I could have never been your friend

But I didn’t

And so this is your gratitude?

Between the photos of myself and the photos of my friends,  Something had gone wrong Even when I knew the difference between right and wrong, I pretended not to

I’d realised that, and still wanted more

People change People change a lot between thirteen and eighteen, And you think there’ll never be an issue Because you’ve survived that thing before, but,

Eventually it reaches a point where you realise If you want to keep growing up yourself, You’ll have to leave something behind Go take an upgrade

「I’m sick of being the loser」

I’d thought that California would be different And I got lost on the way to Santa Monica, I guess ���We met the end」 I’ll be busy romanticising my misery if you need me

But I can't do anything until you leave, so,  I'll let this fever render me helpless

I took a cig, lit it up, Coughed on that smell I’m not yet too fond of If it kills me, I’ll come back to life It’s not a problem

What’s your humanity defined by? Other people’s kindness?

Please,

「I don’t need him anymore」

Don’t make me laugh

I mean, it’s growing up, isn’t it? People walk in, people walk out, People leave mud, you do or you don’t clean it up It’s nothing to be proud of,

But added sentiments of ‘I’m doing so much better!’, Like I’m supposed to hate myself Over someone else’s success,

Just feel a little childish to me

I’ll become a fully-fledged adult

I wouldn’t be telling anyone About my good news or bad news I’d be heading to school alone again And eating by myself in the bathroom

Don’t come crawling back to me with ‘are we still friends?’ Like some fourth-grader with a difference complex Well, I don’t know, 「Are you still an asshole?」

I’d been thinking Are you really going to drop Friends you’ve had since you were thirteen For a guy you’ve known for a couple months?

But I’ve known you all this time, so, I should have realised your answer long ago Yeah, you have that guy, So I don’t compare

Some sort of sick sentiment with bared teeth like ‘Oh how the tables have turned!’ Or whatever, Oh well,

That storybook was finished a long time ago,

I’m going home

「Honestly, I’ve known it for a long time now」

I wonder how much time I wasted In someone else’s house Just getting drunk, just saying words, Just getting nothing done

Ah, I’ll never have a chance like that again, And I already wrote about that To the sound of cicadas, To the sound of everyone else being in love

Someone leaves

Someone always leaves

It starts when they walk out of the room

Like it was punishment For not valuing them enough But evidently, they didn’t like me, Why should I feel guilty?

Man, I always get pissed off over relationships that I make happen I give people a gateway, Because honestly, I’m excited to share with my friends, And then they leave me behind on the ground

「I shouldn't have said it」

We have nothing in common That matches up between us But memories better left forgotten And a past we’d both rather leave behind

How many more chances am I going to give you?

And, after six or seven years, I realised I didn’t fit in with my own friends I was going to be replaced 「With a newer, cooler version of me」

It’s like you guys don’t even want to entertain the idea That I know what I’m doing, That I’m a least a little intelligent Ah, it’s always been like that, hasn’t it

I never thought I’d have to ask my own friends To be nice to me But I just kept quiet And endured it

「Aren’t I a good kid?」

I bet it's much better all the way in California California is different, huh?  Yeah,  California is different 

Words like

「I’m well aware I write too many songs about you」

And

「You didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me」

Whirled around in my head Until all I could hear Was the distant memory Of a thousand

dying

screaming

cicadas

And that summer had already come to an end.

「Oh. Summer break was already over.」

「sentiment」

well overdue

Loser, Geek, Whatever, Joe Iconis Additional Memory, Jin, cov. JubyPhonic Ajin: Demi-Human, Gamon Sakurai: chp. 24, 25 Mean Girls, Paramount, 2004 bullshit, SJG Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Kikuo Michael in the Bathroom, Joe Iconis Falling, Harry Styles drivers license, Olivia Rodrigo