#fuckwherearemysocks approaches

[patchworkofravens]

fuck you too

[The episode opens on a picturesque view of a lake surrounded by small islands. The scene is being shot from a t-shaped dock. Then, Chris pops up in frame to address the audience.]

Chris: Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario! I'm your host, Chris McLean! Dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television... right now! Here's the deal, 22 campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame. Take a ride on the loser boat, hehe... and leave Total Drama Island for good!

[The camera cuts to a campfire area populated with 11 seats and a firepit. Chris stands in the foreground.]

Chris: Their fate will be decided here, at the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week, all but one camper will receive a marshmallow.

[Chris takes a break to eat a marshmallow prepared on a skewer.]

Chris: In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle black flies, grizzly bears, disgusting camp food...

Worm on a Plate: Hey, now.

Chris: ...and each other. Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here, right now on... Total... Drama... Island!

[INTRO]

[Theme song]

Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine, You guys are on my mind. You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see, I wanna be famous.

I wanna live close to the sun, Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won, Everything to prove, nothing in my way I'll get there one day. Cause, I wanna be famous!

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na! I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous. I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous (Whistling in tune)

[The episode opens back up with Chris standing at end of the Dock of Shame.]

Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama Island. Alright, it's time to meet our first 11 campers. We told them they'd all be staying at this five star resort, so if they seem a little T.O.ed, that's probably why.

[A fancy yacht pulls away from the dock. When it is gone, Beth is shown giddily running up to Chris to envelop him in a massive hug.]

Chris: Beth, what's up?

Beth: It's so incredulous to meet you! Wow, you're much shorter in real life.

Chris: Uh... thanks.

[The boat drops off the next camper. DJ carries two duffel bags, and looks pretty pleased to be here.]

Chris: DJ!

DJ: Yo, Chris McLean! How's it going? ...Hey, you sure you got the right place here? Where's the hot tub at?

Chris: Yo, dawg, this is it. Camp Wawanakwa!

DJ: Humph. Looked a lot different on the application form.

[The next camper to disembark is Gwen. She looks very annoyed.]

Chris: Hey, Gwen.

Gwen: You mean we're staying here?

Chris: No, you're staying here. My crib is an Airstream with AC. That-a-way.

Gwen: I did not sign up for this.

Chris: Actually, you did.

[Chris produces a massive stack of papers, which Gwen promptly takes and tears in half.]

Chris: The great thing about lawyers is... they make lots of copies.

Gwen: I am not staying here.

Chris: Cool. I hope you can swim though, because your ride just left.

[The boat is already leaving to pick up the next camper, honking its horn all the way.]

Gwen: Jerk!

[When the boat returns, Geoff is jamming out on the roof. As the boat stops, he hops off and does a handstand move, landing on the dock. His bag gets thrown off after him and the boat speeds away.]

Geoff: Chris McLean! 'Sup man! It's an honour to meet you, man!

Chris: The Geoff-ster. Welcome to the island, man.

Geoff: Thanks, man.

Gwen: They say "man" one more time, I'm gonna puke.

[The next camper to arrive is Lindsay. She is introduced with dreamy-sounding music.]

Chris: Everybody, this is Lindsay. ...Not too shabby.

Lindsay: Hiiiiiii! Okay, you look so familiar.

Chris: I'm Chris McLean... the host. Of the show.

Lindsay: Oh, that's where I know you from!

Chris: Uh... yeah.

[The next camper that steps onto the dock is Heather. And she already looks like trouble.]

Chris: ...Heather.

[Beth excitedly runs up to Heather.]

Beth: Hi! Looks like we're your new friends for the rest of the next 8 weeks!

[As Beth speaks, she sprays a bit of saliva due to her braces, much to Heather's disgust. They are interrupted by heavy rock music blasting out over the lake, the source being a speaker on the boat. The speaker is being stood on by Duncan, with a scowl etched onto his face. He throws his bag onto the dock, then hops on himself. He looks pissed.]

Chris: Duncan, dude!

Duncan: I don't like surprises.

Chris: Yeah, your parole officer warned me about that, man. He also told me to give him a holler anytime and have you returned to juvie.

Duncan: *sniffs* Okay, then.

[As he makes his way to the other end of the dock, he passes by Heather.]

Duncan: Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous.

Heather: Drop dead, you skeeze!

[Heather walks to the end of the dock.]

Heather: I'm calling my parents. You can not make me stay here!

[Chris just gleefully holds up a copy of the contract Heather signed. The boat honks from across the water and everyone sees Tyler waterskiing behind the boat.]

Chris: Ladies and gentleman... Tyler!

[Tyler waves to the dock, then has his skis ripped out from beneath his feet. He skips across the water and flies over the dock, and everyone present and crashes into the pile of everyone's luggage.]

Everyone (wincing): OOOHHHH!

[One of the bags flies high and drops into the lake. The splash ends up soaking Heather from head to toe.]

Heather: Ugh, my shoes!

Chris: Wicked wipeout, man!

[Tyler shoots an arm out from under the bags and gives Chris a thumbs-up. Heather trudges back to the group, dripping wet. Chris snorts with laughter. A loud sigh is heard, and and Chris turns to greet Harold.]

Chris: Welcome to camp, Harold.

[Harold looks around at the campgrounds.]

Beth: ...What's he looking at?

Harold: ...So, you mean this show is at a crappy summer camp, and not on some big stage or something?

Chris: You got it.

Harold: ...Yes! That is so much more favourable to my skills.

[Chris shudders. The boat drops off another camper.]

Chris: Contestant number nine is Trent.

Trent: Hey, good to meet you man! Saw you on that figure skating show, nice work!

Chris: Hey, thanks man! I knew I rocked that show!

Beth: I saw that! One of the guys dropped his partner on her head, so they got immunity that week.

Harold: Luckyyyy. I hope I get dropped on my head.

Lindsay: Me too!

Trent: ...So, this is it?

[He looks at the group of campers situated on the dock. Heather is still wringing the water out from her hair.]

Trent: ...All righty, then.

[Trent goes to join the rest of the campers. He stands next to Gwen, who turns away with a scowl at first, but then glances with a smile. The next camper the boat drops off is Bridgette, who carries a surfboard.]

Bridgette: Hey, what's up?

Chris: Alright, our surfer chick, Bridgette, is here!

Duncan: *snorts* Nice board. This ain't Malibu, honey.

Bridgette: I thought we were going to be on a beach.

Chris: We are!

[The camera cuts to a... beach? It's populated by old tires, empty cans, metal waste barrels, and a seagull with a six-pack ring stuck around its neck, which is quickly washed out of frame by the waves. It's... better than nothing.]

Bridgette: *sighs* Great.

Chris: All right! That makes-

[Bridgette bends down to get her luggage, and unknowingly whacks Chris on the head with her surfboard.]

Chris: Owwww, darn it! That hurt!

Bridgette: Hey, guys.

Geoff: Heey! I'm Geoff.

[Geoff feels the need to move behind Bridgette to greet her, and as she turns, she almost knocks the campers with her board.]

Bridgette: What's up?

Harold: Dang! Watch the board, man.

Beth: Hi! I'm Beth!

Bridgette: Hey!

[Bridgette turns to greet Beth and almost knocks the campers again.]

Heather (impatient): Okay, we've all met Surfer Girl. Can we get on with the show, please?

Duncan: Someone missed their double cappuccino macchiato this morning.

Heather: Get bent.

[The boat drops off Noah next, and he just looks like a massive bummer. Chris is still rubbing his head from where Bridgette hit him.]

Chris: Our... next camper is Noah!

Noah: You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?

Chris: I'm sure someone did!

Noah: Good. Is this where we're staying?

Duncan: No, it's your mother's house. And we're throwing a party.

Noah: Cute. Nice piercings, original. Do them yourself?

Duncan: Yeah, you want one?

[Duncan grabs Noah's lip and holds out a needle.]

Noah (mumbled): Uh, no thanks. Can I have my lip back please?

[Duncan lets go of Noah.]

Noah: Thanks.

[The next camper to arrive is Leshawna.]

Leshawna: What's up, ya'll? Leshawna's in the house!

[Harold is positively starstruck by Leshawna.]

Leshawna: Yo baby! Hey, how you doin'? How's it goin'?

[As she walks to the end of thewdock, Leshawna gives Chris a high five.]

Leshawna: Feel free to quit now, save yourselves the trouble, 'cause I came to win! Oh, what's up my brother, give me some sugar, baby!

[Leshawna gives DJ a high five.]

Harold: I've never seen a girl like you in real life before.

Leshawna: Excuse me?

Harold: You're real big... and loud.

Leshawna: What did you say to me?! Oh, no you didn't! You have not seen anything yet! I'll show you "big", baby!

[Leshawna moves in on Harold, and has to be restrained by DJ and Bridgette. Harold retaliates by making some sort of Karate Kid-esque move.]

Leshawna: Oh yeah, you want some of this?! Well, come on then!

Chris: All right, campers! Settle down.

[DJ and Bridgette let go of Leshawna, who fixes her shirt. She shoots a look at Harold, who just smiles back. The next contestant, or rather, contestants to be dropped off are Katie and Sadie. They wear matching outfits and carry matching luggage.]

Chris: Ladies, Sadie, Katie. Welcome to your new home for eight weeks.

[The camera cuts to the cabin grounds. Flies buzz everywhere. But Katie and Sadie don't care. In fact, they're ecstatic.]

Katie: Oh my gosh, Sadie, look! It's a summer camp!

Sadie: Okay! I always wanted to go to summer camp! Eee!

[The next camper off the boat is Ezekiel. He looks very unkempt.]

Chris: Ezekiel! What's up, man?

[Ezekiel actually looks up into the sky.]

Ezekiel: ...I think I see a bird.

[Trent laughs.]

Chris: Okay, look dude. I know you don't get out much. Been home schooled your whole life, raised by freaky prairie people... just don't say much and try not to get kicked off too early, okay?

Ezekiel: Yes, sir!

Gwen: That's just... wow.

[The boat drives off once again, leaving Cody standing on the dock.]

Chris: Cody! The Code-ster! The Codemeister!

[Cody walks to take his place at the end of the dock.]

Cody (confident): Dude, psyched to be here, man! I see the ladies have already arrived. Alright.

[Cody goes to talk to Leshawna, but...]

Leshawna: Save it, short stuff.

[The next camper lands on the dock with a *THUD!* Eva doesn't look like she's smiled once in her life.]

Chris: Eva. Nice. Glad you could make it.

[Eva stands with the rest of the campers and drops her bag down, which lands on Cody's foot with a *CLANG!*]

Cody: Ow! What's in there? Dumbbells?

Eva: Yes.

Duncan (to DJ): She's all yours, man.

[The next camper to arrive exudes happiness. Owen is the only one who looks genuinely excited to be here.]

Owen: Wooohoooo! Chris! What's happenin'? *laughs* This is awesome! Wooohooo!

Chris: Owen! Welcome!

[Owen picks up Chris in a rib-crushing hug.]

Owen: Awesome to be here, man! Yeah! Man, this is just so...

Gwen: Awesome?

Owen: Yes! Awesome! Wooooo! Are you going to be on my team?

Gwen (sarcastic): Oh, I sure hope so.

Owen: Woooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Chris: You about finished?

[Owen puts Chris back down.]

Owen: Sorry dude, I'm just so psyched!

Chris: Cool. And here comes Courtney.

[The next camper to arrive is Courtney, who looks very proper as she waves to the dock. Chris gives her a hand off the boat]

Courtney: Thank you. Hi, you must be the other contestants. It's really nice to meet you all.

[Owen grabs Courtney's hand with two hands and shakes it.]

Owen: How's it going? I'm Owen!

Courtney: Nice to meet you- ohhhhh... wow.

[The boat crosses the water with the next camper on board. You can practically see Justin's muscles through his shirt. And everyone notices how good he looks. Sadie even faints.]

Chris: This is Justin! Welcome to Total Drama Island.

Justin: Thanks, Chris. This is great.

Chris: Just so you know, we picked you based entirely on your looks.

Justin: I can deal with that.

Owen: I like your pants!

Justin: Thanks, man.

Owen: 'Cause they look like they're all worn out. *laughs* Did you buy them like that?

Justin: Uh, no. Just... had them for a while.

Owen: Oh, cool. *facepalms* Stupid!

Chris: Hey, everyone! Izzy!

[Izzy stands near the top of the boat, and is dressed in what appears to be a green loincloth looking thing. As the boat pulls to a stop, she runs to the bow of the boat.]

Izzy: Hi, Chris! Hi! Hi- Whoa!

[Izzy trips over the railing on the bow and falls off the boat into the water, bouncing her face off the edge of the dock as she goes.]

Tyler: OOOOH! That was bad! *laughs*

Courtney: Guys! She could be seriously hurt!

[Courtney runs over to pull Izzy out of the water. Izzy shakes herself dry, similar to a dog.]

Izzy: That felt so… good! Except for hitting my chin. This is summer camp? That is so cool. Do you have paper maché here? Are we having lunch soon?

Owen: That is a good call!

Chris: First things first. We need a group photo for the promos. Everyone on the end of the dock!

[Everyone walks to the opposite end of the dock to pose in front of the Camp Wawanakwa sign. Chris hops onto the bow of the boat with a camera in hand.]

Chris: Okay! One, two, three...

[The camera only gives a half-hearted snap.]

Chris: Oops! Okay, forgot the lens cap!

[Chris presses a button on the camera and the lens opens up.]

Chris: Okay, hold that pose. One, tw-. Oh, no wait, card's full. Hang on.

Leshawna (rolling eyes): Come on, man. My face is starting to freeze.

Chris: Got it! Okay, everyone say "Wawanakwa!"

Campers: Wawanakwa- AHHH!

[Chris captures a perfect promo shot... just as the dock collapses underneath the collective weight of all the campers and sends them all into the water.]

Chris: Okay, guys. Dry off and meet at the campfire pit in ten!

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

[The episode comes back with all the campers looking much drier than the last time we saw them. They all sit at the campfire area while Chris stands before them.]

Chris: This is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks. The campers sitting around you will be you cabin mates, your competition, and maybe even your friends. Ya dig?

[Harold looks over at Duncan, who threatens him with a fist.]

Chris: The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win $100,000!

Duncan: Excuse me? What will the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her. *jams a thumb at Heather*

Heather: They're not co-ed, are they?

Chris: No. Girls get one side of each cabin, and dudes get the other.

Lindsay: Excuse me, Kyle? Can I have a cabin with the lake view since I'm the prettiest?

Chris: Okay, you are. But that's not really how it works here, and it's Chris.

Katie: I have to live with Sadie, or I'll die.

Sadie: And I'll break out in hives. It's true.

Gwen: This cannot be happening.

[Owen pulls Gwen and Tyler into one arm hugs. But it looks more like a pair of headlocks.]

Owen: Awww, come on guys! It'll be fun, it's like a big sleepover!

Tyler: At least you don't have to sleep next to him.

[The camera cuts to Duncan who is in the middle of noogie-ing a deer while rock music plays.]

Chris: Here's the deal. We're gonna split you into two teams.

[Chris pulls out a master list of the teams.]

Chris: If I call your name out, go stand over there. Gwen. Trent. Heather. Cody. Lindsay. Beth. Katie. Owen. Leshawna. Justin. And... Noah. From this moment on, you are officially known as... the Screaming Gophers!

[Chris throws Owen a large green banner which unfurls to reveal a gopher baring its teeth and looking for a fight.]

Owen: Yeah! I'm a Gopher! Woooo!

Katie: Wait! What about Sadie?

Chris: The rest of you, over here. Geoff. Bridgette. DJ. Tyler. Sadie. Izzy. Courtney. Ezekiel. Duncan. Eva, and... Harold. Move, move, move, move!

Sadie (protesting): But Katie's a Gopher! I have to be a Gopher!

Courtney: Sadie, is it? Come on, it'll be okay.

[Courtney gently leads Sadie away to her teammates.]

Sadie: This is so unfair! I miss you, Katie!

Katie: I miss you too!

Chris: You guys will officially be known as... the Killer Bass!

[Chris throws Harold a red banner that unrolls to show a bass looking ready to get violent.]

Harold: That's awesome! It's like... amazing!

Chris: All right, campers, you and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition.

[*STATIC*]

Chris : You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries anytime you want. Let the audience at home know what you're really thinking. Or, just get something off your chest!

[*STATIC*]

Gwen (confessional): Um, okay... so far, this sucks.

[*STATIC*]

[Lindsay is looking at the back wall of the confessional stall, with the camera pointing at her rear.]

Lindsay (confessional): Um... I don't get it. Where's the camera guy?

[*STATIC*]

[Somehow a loon has made its way into the confessional, and gets caught on camera applying lipstick. Where the lipstick came from... is a different question.]

[*STATIC*]

Owen (confessional): Hey everyone, check this out. I have something very important to say.

[Owen rips a noxious fart and laughs to himself.]

[*STATIC*]

[Back to the main show.]

Chris: Alright, any questions? Cool. Let's find your cabins.

[Chris leads the campers to the cabin grounds, filled with two cabins.]

Chris: Gophers, you're in the east cabin. Bass, you're in the west.

[The Gophers open the door to their cabin and enter.]

Heather: Bunk beds? Isn't this a little... summer camp?

[Gwen bumps Heather as she moves past her.]

Gwen: That's the idea, genius.

Heather: Ugh, shut up, weird goth girl!

Cody: You're so smart, I feel that.

Gwen: Shouldn't you be on the boy's side?

[Cody just smiles. And as he gets thrown out, he narrowly avoids hitting Leshawna. He crashes in front of Trent and picks himself up with a clod of grass in his mouth.]

Lindsay: Where are the outlets? I have to plug in my straightening iron.

Chris: There are some in the communal bathrooms. Just across the way.

Lindsay: Communal bathrooms? But, I'm not Catholic...

Chris: Not Communion, Communal.

Gwen: It means we shower together. Idiot.

Lindsay (whining): Aww, d-- no! C'mon!

Owen: I'm glad we're in our own cabin with just guys. Know what I mean? *laughs*

[Trent and Noah look at Owen, unamused. Crickets chirp in the background.]

Owen: I mean- no! I didn't mean it like that! I love chicks! *laughs* I just don't wanna sleep near them. *incoherent noises* I mean-

[Trent and Noah walk back into the cabin, while Owen races in behind them.]

Geoff: Excuse me, Chris? Is there a... chaperone of any kind in this facility here?

Chris: You're all 16 years old, as old as a counselor in training at a regular summer camp. So other than myself, you'll be unsupervised. You've got a half an hour to unpack and meet me back at the main lodge, starting now!

Geoff: Nice!

[A piercing scream, courtesy of Lindsay, rings out through the entire campground. Gwen, Tyler, DJ, Harold, Heather, Duncan and Leshawna stick their heads in the door of the Gophers' cabin.]

Leshawna: Oh man, that white girl can scream!

Lindsay: What is it?! Kill it, kill it!

[Lindsay is cowering from a cockroach skittering across the floor of the cabin. DJ gasps, then screams like a girl before jumping into a bed, reducing it to splinters. He shakes and shudders in the ruins of the bed.]

Gwen: That... was my bed.

[The cockroach crawls around the floor, and the campers either try to stomp on it or get away from it, all the while screaming their heads off. As it tries to get to the door, it finds its path blocked by Duncan, who raises an axe into the air.]

Cockroach (high-pitched): Help me!

[The screen cuts to black as the axe is buried into the floor, bisecting the cockroach.]

Gwen: Well, that's one way to kill a cockroach.

Harold: Awesome.

Tyler (to Lindsay): If you ever see one of those again, just let me know, 'kay? Cause, *sniff* you know, I can do that too.

[Love music plays as Lindsay and Tyler look at each other with a light in their eyes.]

Duncan: *scoffs* They always go for the jocks.

[The camera cuts to the dining hall/main lodge, where the campers line up to receive their meal from Chef Hatchet, who is a person you do not refuse.]

Chef: Listen up! I serve it three times a day, and you'll eat it three times a day! Grab a tray, get your food, and sit your butts down NOW!

Beth: Excuse me, but will we be getting all the major food groups?

[Chef scoops what appear to be... sloppy joes? ...onto a few trays, which are taken by Harold and Beth.]

Harold: Yeah, 'cause I get hypoglycemic real bad if I don't get enough sugar.

[Chef gets a look in his eye.]

Chef: You'll get a whole lot of SHUT THE HECK UP!

Owen (to Noah): Have a cow!

Chef: What was that?! Come closer, fat boy! I didn't hear you!

Owen (nervous): Oh, I didn't really say anything important...

Chef: I'm sure you didn't! You! Scrawny kid, gimme your plate.

[He gives Noah another scoop of the dubious food, but it latches itself back onto the scoop Chef used. Chef remedies this by throwing onto Noah's tray harder, and Noah leaves with his tray. Leshawna stands in line next to Eva.]

Leshawna: Yo, what's up girl?

[Eva turns to glare at Leshawna without a word, then she leaves with her tray.]

Leshawna: ...Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?

Chef (screaming): NEXT!

[Later, Lindsay and Gwen step up to get their food.]

Lindsay: Excuse me? My nutritionist says I shouldn't eat any white sugar, white flour, or like, dairy.

[Chef grabs a fly out of the air while glaring at Lindsay.]

Gwen: I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

Lindsay: Cool.

[Gwen's sandwich jiggles in a way that food shouldn't ever do.]

Gwen: Okay, I hate to be predictable and complain on the first day, but I think mine just moved.

[Chef produces a large wooden mallet and slams it on Gwen's food, sending it spraying all over himself and Gwen.]

Gwen (nervous): Right! Okay, then...

[As the campers eat, something that... was food slithers across the floor. Chris walks in the front door. ]

Chris: Welcome to the main lodge!

Geoff: Yo, my man. Can we order a pizza?

[Chef responds by throwing a cleaver across the dining hall and embedding it into the doorframe.]

Geoff: Whoa! It's cool, G! Brown slop is cool! *laughs nervously* Right guys?

[The rest of the campers fearfully nod in agreement as Chef brandishes another knife.]

Chris: Your first challenge begins... in one hour!

[Chris leaves the dining hall.]

Katie: What do you think they'll make us do?

DJ: It's our first challenge, how hard can it be?

[They are shown just how hard when the camera cuts to the campers standing in their swimming uniforms atop a cliff... which extends hundreds of feet above the rest of the island.]

DJ: ...Oh, sh**.

[FADE OUT]

[TEASER]

Chris: Next time on Total Drama Island...

Chris (voiceover): Your first task is to jump off this 1,000 foot high cliff into the lake.

[*STATIC*]

Geoff (confessional): I'm looking at this guy and thinkin' there's no way he's gonna make it.

[*STATIC*]

Gwen (confessional): I actually thought, "If he jumps this... he's gonna die."

[*STATIC*]

[In a teaser clip of the next episode, Owen steps up to take a run up to the jump off of the cliff.]

'Owen (flashforward): I'm going to die now. I'm going to frickin die now.

[The audience is shown clips of vicious looking sharks swimming through the lake, and of Owen taking a belly flop from a very high point while he screams the whole way down. A massive splash is heard as Bridgette, Geoff and Eva all flinch from the event, and the impact sends a flock of birds flying.]

[CREDITS]

get total drama'd loser <3

mmmmwow interesting tell me more props chin in hand and takes popcorn

[buthowaminotdeadyet]

Every time i see you on my dash I always confuse you with @/fuckwherearemysocks

But since I associate with boona I dont think youre intimidating. youre like a 1 or 0 :))

ah yes! that was the point of the matching pfps :) (we live for the chaos lmao)

ah yay! I really try to be as approachable as possible and if boku helps with that then so be it!

[patchworkofravens]

ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY??? AHHH THATS SO COOL :]

YEP !!!!!!!!

THE CAT !!! :,) IT LOOKS LIKE ITS READY TO QUASH EVERY BIT OF LIGHT IN THE ROOM ! I LOVE IT !/gen TY SOCKS

[patchworkofravens]

Why r u leaving for so long? :(

Also here’s my sofa cat she just kinda exists there

OH MY GOD CAT !!! SEEMINGLYTINY CAT !! :,) also i mean less than three months isnt that long ! Just think of it as slightly less than thirteen point six three weeks ! :D

[patchworkofravens]

you hit the post limit? lmao get rekt

[patchworkofravens]

chris: Last time on Total Drama Island… Twenty-two campers arrived and learned that they’ll be spending the next eight weeks at a crusty old summer camp. The campers were faced with their first challenge, jumping off a cliff into shark-infested waters. And while most campers took the plunge, a few were forced to wear the dreaded chicken hat. At the campfire ceremony, it all came down to two campers. Courtney has experience as a C.I.T. in summer camp, but refused to jump. And Ezekiel managed to tick off every female contestant at the camp win his sexist comments about women. In the end, the first camper voted off Total Drama Island was Ezekiel, proving that homeschooling and reality TV don’t really mix. Who will be voted off this week in the most dramatic campfire ceremony yet? Find out tonight on Total. Drama. Island!

[air horn blasts]

[clunk]

Leshawna: Ow! It’s seven in the morning! Do I look like a farmer to you?

[heavy metal music playing over headphones]

Eva grunts and growls after Cody tries to grab her mp3

Chris: Morning! Hope you slept well.

Heather: Hi, Chris. You look really buff in those shorts.

Chris: I know. Okay. I hope you’re all ready because your next challenge begins in exactly one minute.

Owen: Oh, excuse me. I don’t know if that’s enough time to eat breakfast.

Chris: Oh, you’ll get breakfast, Owen. Right after you complete your twenty kilometers run around the lake!

Eva: Oh, so you’re funny now? You know what I think would be funny?

Courtney [hushed] :Eva! Try to control your temper

Eva [to Chris] :You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?!

Chris: A little. You have thirty seconds.

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: Okay, that girl Eva has got to get a handle on her temper. She’s only been here one day and she’s already thrown her suitcase out a window and broken the lock on one of the bathroom doors.

(Confessional Off)

Chris: Okay, runners! On your marks... get set... go!

Owen pants

[birds screeching]

[panting]

Harold: Do you know how much longer?

Bridgette pants

Gwen: Don’t walk beside me.

Heather [to Noah] :Do you mind?

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: I don’t run. And I definitely don’t run in high heel wedges.

(Confessional Off)

Owen: Can’t… Catch… Breath. Must… Have… Condition!

[splash]

Heather: Yeah. It’s called overeating. Look into it.

Leshawna [out of breath]: What’s your excuse, you skinny… Annoying… Ooh… I’m too tired for insults.

Chris [through megaphone] :Pick it up, people! If you’re not back by dinner time, you don’t eat!

Heather: Mmm… I hate him so much.

bones crack and Chris files his nails

Owen: Clear a table, stat!

Leshawna: Oh… We made it!

[pat pat pat pat pat pat]

Courtney [to Harold] :What took you so long? We just lost the challenge!

Harold [inhaling heavily] : I think I’m having heart palpitations.

Gwen: Hey, wait a minute. If they lost, that means we won the challenge!

Heather, Noah, Owen, and Trent cheer

Chris: Whoa there! Hold your horses, guys. That wasn’t the challenge!

Gwen: What did he just say?

Chris: Who’s hungry?!

glorious music as a buffet table is revealed.

(Confessionals Onn)

Gwen: After a whole week of brown sludge, I almost cried when I saw that buffet.

Owen: And then I saw it, the buffet table. It was beautiful. There was turkey and Nanamo bars and baked beans and maple syrup! Ha… [choked up] Can I have a minute? [crying effeminately]

(Confessionals Off)

Campers groan with their stomachs full

Chris [through megaphone]: Okay, campers! Time for part two of your challenge!

Owen [with his mouth full] :I thought eating was the second part.

Gwen: What more do you want from us?

Heather [ after she groans]: Weird goth girl is right. Haven’t we been through enough?

Chris [through megaphone]:Um… Let me think about that. No! It’s time for… The Awake-a-thon!

Owen: The what-a-thon?

Chris [through megaphone] :Don’t worry! This is an easy one! The team with the last camper standing wins invincibility!

Gwen: So, what you’re saying is the 20k run and the turkey eating frenzy were part of your evil plan to make it harder for us to stay awake?

Chris [through megaphone] :That’s right, Gwen!

Gwen: Man, he’s good.

Chris [through megaphone] :Move, move, move!

Trent: So, how long do you think it’ll be before everyone’s out cold?

Gwen: ‘Bout an hour, give or take.

Owen groans while passing by.

Gwen: Maybe less.

birds squawk and Heather yawns

Chris [speaking softly] :We’re now twelve hours in with all twenty-one campers still wide awake.

Owen: Woohoo! Stay awake for twelve hours?! I can do that in my sleep! Woohoo![passes out with a thud]

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: The Awake-a-thon was definitely the most brutal thing I’ve ever done in my life

(Confessional Off)

Gwen yawns

[ding]

Gwen: This is the most boring thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Trent [yawns] : Could be way worse.

Gwen: Oh yeah? How?

Trent: I could be stuck here without you to talk to.

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: So my strategy is to get two other campers to form an alliance with me and take to the final three. The only question is, who can I find that is either desperate or dumb enough to do whatever I say?

(Confessional Off)

Gwen [to Lindsay]: What are you doing?

Lindsay: Trying to get the blood to rush to my head. Heh… I think it’s working.

Beth: Can I try?

Lindsay: Sure!

Heather: Perfect. Lindsay, Beth, can I talk to you for a sec?

Lindsay: Sure!

Heather: Okay. I have a plan to get me and two other people in the final three, and I chose you guys.

Lindsay: Really?

Heather: You should know that this is a very big deal. I am placing my trust in you. And trust is a two-way street. So you’ll do everything I say then?

Lindsay: Sure! [squeals] We’re going to the final three! [squealing]

(Confessional: Beth)

Beth: Oh, my gosh! Heather is taking me into the final three! [gasps] I’m going to the final three! I’m going to the final three! I wonder what will happen then.

(Confessional Off)

Lindsay: Speaking of alliances, you know who I think is really cute? [the camera pans to Tyler, who sitting near a rock]

Heather: Oh no. No no no. You can’t date him.

Lindsay: Why not?

Heather: Because he’s on the other team!

Lindsay: Uh-huh…?

Heather: You can’t inter-team date. It’s like… Against the alliance rules.

Lindsay: There are rules?

Heather: Remember what I just said about trust, Lindsay? Of course, you could always leave the alliance. If you do though, I can’t protect you from getting kicked off.

Lindsay: No, I-I wanna be in the alliance!

Heather: Good. Then it’s settled.

(Confessional: Lindsay)

Lindsay: Heather said I couldn’t date him. She never said I couldn’t like him.

(Confessional Off)

heavy metal music plays over Eva's headphones

Eva: I’m going to the bathroom. [ her footsteps can be heard as she leaves]

Eva Drops her Mp3 and Heather catches it while pretending to stretch.

Lindsay: Um, isn’t that Eva’s MP3 player?

Heather: Yup.

Lindsay: Well, isn’t she gonna get like, really mad when she realizes it’s gone?

Heather: That’s exactly what I’m counting on.

Bridgette snores

Izzy snores

Campers snore

Courtney pants

[dreamy music]

[bear growls]

Tyler screams

Katie and Sadie gasp

Chris: Congratulations, campers! You’ve made it to the twenty-four hour mark. Time to take things up a notch! Fairy tales!

Gwen: Oh, he’s not serious!

Chris clears his throat

[harp plays]

Chris snickers

Chef: Grrr…

Chris [reading softly]: “Once… Upon a time… There was… Inside this boring kingdom…”

Beth yawns

Chris: “A boring village. And inside this boring, sleepy, village… Filled with very boring children… that did very… Boring things.”

harp music plays and sheep bleat

One sheep farts.

Cody: Huh? [ wakes up coughs whe he notices that he slept on Owen's butt]

The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy plays and Chef dances in a ballerina costume.

[sparkle]

Duncan, Eva, and Geoff yawn

sparkle

Cody yawns

sparkle

DJ yawns and snores, still tied into the tree wich crashes

[tree crashes]

[ding]

[squirrel chatters]

Gwen [tired] :Timber!

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: I figured that if I kept moving, I could outlast all of them. I just had to keep my eye on the ball.

(Confessional Off)

Katie and Sadie sigh

Courtney pants

Beth snores

Heather: We should talk about our strategy.

Lindsay: Huh…? [snores and falls back]

Heather: Beth?[Beth's already asleep]

[ding ding]

Gwen: Okay. Favorite song?

Trent: “She Would Be Loved”. Favorite color?

Gwen: Um… Midnight blue.

Trent: Ooh, mysterious. I like that. [Gwen yawns] Aw, don’t fall asleep. Okay, quick. Favorite movie moment?

Gwen: You’re gonna think it’s cheesy.

Trent: I promise I won’t.

Gwen: Okay. The kiss at the end of that road trip movie. You know, the one with the guy and the three girls?

Trent: I know the one! [laughs] You like that movie?

Owen sleepwalks by then, naked.

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: Did I mention that I ate the entire dish of baked beans and maple syrup? Funny thing about baked beans, they make me sleepwalk.

(Confessional Off)

Katie and Sadie snore in perfect syncrony.

Trent [within a yawn] :Oh, cool. They even fall asleep together.

[guitar playing]

Trent: You still awake?

Gwen: Yeah. It’s weird, but I think I’m so tired, I’m not tired anymore. Does that make sense?

Trent: I really have no idea. Where’s the Little Dipper again?

Gwen: See the Big Dipper? Follow the handle to that bright star, the pole star. And it’s right there.

Trent: Ahh… Cool.

Owen snores and walks into the cliff.

[big splash]

Gwen: Look at him. He’s like a statue. He hasn’t moved in over… Fifty hours! Hello? Yo!

Trent: Yip! Yip! Yip yip yip yip yip!

Gwen: Amazing. Look at the concentration. [gasps]

Eva: His eyelids are painted! I saw it!

Chris: Get out! Oh, I’ve gotta see this. [runs to Justin]That is so crazy incredible! But, you’re still out, dude.

[ding]

[splashing]

Harold sighs

Duncan [laughs] :Gross, it works! Dude peed his pants!

Harold gasps

Noah kisses Cody's ear then screams in horror.

Cody screams in horror

Gwen [after she yawns]: I’d kill for a coffee right now.

Chris: What is the matter with you people? [sips coffee] Come on, fall asleep already!

Gwen: You’ve gotta hook me up, man. I’ll even eat the grinds! Anything!

Chris: All right, you five stay with me. The rest of you go get a shower, for heavens sake. You stink! [sips coffee] I didn’t want it to come to this, I said that to Chef Hatchet last night, I said, “Chef, I don’t want it to come to this. But darn it, these campers are tough.” And so… I’ve come up with the most boring, sleep-inducing activity I can find.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: Oh come on! What now? Okay, you know what? Bring it on!

(confessional Off)

Chris [soft-spoken]: “The History of Canada,” a pop-up book. “Chapter One: The Beaver” National symbol and a “dam” fine hat.”

Duncan, Eva, Gwen, Heather, and Trent groan

Gwen: Stink.

[tail patting]

Chris: “Which of course, was the precursor for the discussions…”

[ding]

Chris: “…leading to War”

[ding]

Chris: “…of 1812.”

Gwen: Trent! [ he falls in slow-motion] Noooo![thud, ding] Don’t leave me!

Chris: Time for a bathroom break! Any takers?

Duncan: I’ve held it this long, sweetheart! I can go all day!

Gwen: Yeah, but can you hold it for another ten chapters?

Chris: You’ve got five minutes. Long as you don’t mind a little company.

Duncan: Fine. But stay out of the stall.

the cameraman nods.

Gwen groans

cut to the bathroom

Cameraman: Duncan! You in there, man?

[door opens, flies buzz]

Duncan snores with his pants down

cut to the camping area.

paper rustles as the cameraman gives a note to Chris

Chris: And we have news! It Looks like Duncan’s taken a dive on the can! Which means the official winner of The Awake-a-thon is…

Gwen falls with a thud

Chris(raising Gwen's wrist): Gwen! The Screaming Gophers win!

Eva [screaming frantically while throwing things out the window]: Where is my MP3 player?! One of you must’ve stolen it, I need my music! No one is going anywhere until I get my MP3 player back! [grunts]

Courtney [hushed]: Okay. Whoever took it better give it up now before she destroys the whole camp.

Heather: Hey, guys! Wow, this place is a real mess.

Courtney: Someone stole Eva’s MP3 player.

Heather: You don’t mean this, do you?[shows the mp3] I was wondering who it belonged to. I found it by the campfire pit. You must’ve dropped it.

Eva: Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you!

Heather: Sure thing.

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: Turn a team against their own member, easiest trick in the book.

(Confessional Off)

Eva: So… Sorry about that little… Misunderstanding. Guess no one stole it after all. Okay. Maybe I overreacted a little. [chuckles awkwardly]

cut to the elimination cerimony.

Chris: You’ve all cast your votes and made your decision. There are only 9 marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return to the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers, and leave. And you can never come back. Ever. The first marshmallow goes to Duncan. Bridgette. Courtney. Katie and Sadie.

Katie and Sadie squeal

Chris: Tyler. Heh. DJ. Geoff. Campers, this is the final marshmallow of the evening.

[dramatic music]

Chris: Harold! Eva, the Dock of Shame awaits.

Eva: Nice. Really nice. Who needs this stupid TV show anyway?! (Kicks Chris in the shin)

Chris: Oof! Owww! Have a good sleep tonight. You’re all safe.

(Confessionals Onn)

Courtney: See, I told you. You can’t act like a total raging psychopath and then expect people to just forgive you! No matter how tough and strong and fast you are, she’s never gonna have a career if she doesn’t get her act together.

Heather: So Eva was one of their strongest players. And now she’s gone. I am so running this game.

(confessionals Off)

Courtney: Buh-Bye, Eva!

Eva grunts and throws a wood stick at them.

[whoosh, sproing]

Courtney: Touchy!

[boat motor runs, taking Eva away.

Eva: I guess my temper got the better of me. Again. But whatever. They just lost their fiercest competitor, I hope they realize that.

Courtney: To The Killer Bass! And to not ending up here again next week.

Owen snores on a beavers lair.

Owen farts

[Sasquatchanakwas sniffing]

[thud]

[fart]

ur welcome <3

OOOOA DRAMA

thank you <3

[patchworkofravens]

<3

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Island... 22 campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp, then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers.

DJ (flashback): It's our first challenge. How hard can it be?

[The camera cuts to all of the campers standing atop a cliff, hundreds of feet in the air.]

Gwen (voiceover): I did not sign up for this.

[INTRO]

Chris: Okay. Today's challenge is three-fold. Your first task is to jump off this 1,000 foot high cliff into the lake.

Bridgette (confident): Piece of cake.

Chris: If you look down, you will see two target areas. The wider area represents the part of the lake that we have stocked with psychotic... *laughs* ...man-eating sharks! Inside that area is a safe zone. That's your target area, which we're pretty sure is shark-free.

Leshawna: Excuse me?

Chris: For each member of your team that jumps and actually survives, there will be a crate of supplies waiting below. Inside each crate are supplies that you'll need for the second part of the challenge... building a hot tub. The team with the best one gets to have a wicked hot-tub party tonight. The losers will be sending someone home. Let's see... Killer Bass, you're up first.

Bridgette (looking down): Oh, wow. So... who wants to go first?

[The Killer Bass silently look among themselves as crickets chirp.]

Owen: Hey, don't sweat it, guys. I heard that these shows always make the interns do the stunt first to make sure it's survivable.

[The show flashes back to before filming started. Chris and Chef stand at the top of the cliff, with Chef dressed like he's about to swim.]

Chris (flashback): We need to test the stunts first. You know that.

Chef (flashback): Do I look like an intern?

Chris (flashback): No, but the ones we had are all in the hospital. C'mon, just jump it, you big chicken. *clucks like a chicken*

Chef (flashback): ...I don't get paid enough for this, man.

[Chef pulls on a pair of swimming goggles and throws himself off the cliff. He lands outside of the safe area, but he doesn't look hurt.]

Chef (flashback): Hey, I made it! I made it, man!

[While Chef floats in the water, something swims up from beneath him.]

Chef (flashback, frightened): Something just brushed by my foot! Hey, Chris, man, something ain't right down here!

[Something in the water pulls Chef below the surface, and when he comes back up, he practically runs across the water back to shore, narrowly avoiding getting chomped on by a shark.]

Chris (flashback, unconcerned): Well, that seems safe enough.

[The flashback ends, and we are shown that no one has jumped yet.]

Eva: So, who's up?

Duncan: Ladies first.

Bridgette: Fine, I'll go. It's no big deal... just an insane cliff dive into a circle of angry sharks.

[Bridgette jumps off the cliff with a majestic dive, and lands directly in the centre of the safe area. A rickety-looking boat comes to pick her up.]

Tyler: She did it! Yeah, yeah! I'm next!

[Tyler moves back to get a running start, and jumps off the cliff.]

Tyler: Cowabunga!

[Tyler's landing isn't great. He... crashes into one of the metal buoys with a sickening *CLANG!* as Bridgette watches from the boat.]

Bridgette (wincing): Ooh!

[Tyler slides off the buoy into the water. He still makes it into the safe area, though. The next people to jump are Geoff, Eva and Duncan.]

Geoff (falling): Wooooo! Hahaha!

Eva (falling): Look out below!

[Duncan doesn't make a noise as he falls. He just stays still with his arms crossed and frowning at the camera. Next up is DJ, who watches the landings with a look of fear plastered on his face.]

DJ: Unh-unh. No way, man. I'm not jumping.

Chris: Scared of heights?

DJ: Yeah, ever since I was a kid.

Chris: That's okay, big guy... Unfortunately, that also makes you a chicken. So you'll have to wear this for the rest of the day.

[Chris places a hat on DJ's head that looks like a rubber chicken.]

D.J.: Aw, man. For real?

Chris: *Bawk bawk bawk!* That means the chicken path down is that-a-way. Next!

[DJ dejectedly takes an escalator back down the cliff. The next one to jump is Ezekiel.]

Ezekiel: Yee-haw!

[Ezekiel bounces off a rock outcropping on the cliff and goes spinning into the water. He manages to make it into the safe area, though. and is met with cheers from his tam when he resurfaces.]

Harold: Yes!

[Harold jumps off, doing a mid-air splits motion as he falls. When he hits the water though... his pose makes for a painful landing as he does the equivalent of a belly flop with his crotch.]

Harold (pained): AHHHHH!

[The campers all wince at Harold's plight. Even the sharks look uncomfortable as Harold slowly sinks below the water, moaning in pain.]

Chris: Oh, hate to see that happen!

[Next up is Courtney.]

Courtney: Excuse me, Chris. I have a medical condition.

Chris: What condition?

Courtney: A condition that prevents me from jumping off cliffs.

Chris: You can chicken out if you want, but it might end up costing your team the win. And then they'll hate you.

Courtney: It's a calculated risk. I've seen the other team, and I don't think nine of them will jump.

Chris: All right, here is your chicken hat! So let's tally up the results. Hold on... that's eight jumpers and two chickens. We're missing one.

Sadie: I'm not jumping without Katie!

Katie: We have to be on the same team, Chris!

Both: Please! Please! Can we? Can we, Chris? Can we? Can we?

Izzy: I'll switch places with her.

Chris (annoyed): All right, fine. You're both on the Killer Bass now. Izzy, you're on the Screaming Gophers.

Katie and Sadie: Yes!

Chris: That means you're up, girls!

Katie and Sadie: We're coming, Killer Bass!

[Katie and Sadie jump off the cliff hand-in-hand and land safely in the safe area.]

Chris: Okay, so that's nine jumpers and two chickens. Screaming Gophers, if you can beat that, we'll throw in a pull cart to put your crates on.

Trent: Nice! Okay, guys, who's up first?

Heather: I'm sorry, there's no way I'm doing this.

Beth: Why not?

Heather: Uh, hello? National TV! I'll get my hair wet.

Gwen: You're kidding, right?

Lindsay: If she's not doing it, I'm not doing it!

Leshawna: Oh, you're doing it.

Heather: Says who?

Leshawna: Says me! I'm not losin' this challenge 'cause you got your hair did, you spoiled little daddy's girl!

[Lindsay backs off from Heather and Leshawna.]

Heather: Back off, ghetto-glamour, too-tight-pants-wearing, rap-star wannabe!

Leshawna: Mall-shopping, ponytail-wearing, teen-girl-reading, peaking in high school prom queen!

Heather: Well, at least I'm popular.

Leshawna: You're jumping!

Heather: Make me!

[Leshawna happily obliges by picking up Heather with both arms and throwing her from over her head over the edge of the cliff.]

Heather: Leshawna, you are so dead!

Leshawna: Hey, I threw you into the safe zone, didn't I? Now I just hope I can hit it, too.

[Leshawna jumps off and lands next to Heather. Lindsay looks nervously over the edge of the cliff.]

Lindsay (nervous): I thought this was going to be a talent contest!

Chris (laughing):Yeah... no.

[Lindsay goes off the cliff, flailing, followed by Gwen, Cody, Izzy, and Justin. Justin lands gracefully in the water, but outside of the safe area. A pair of sharks stalk up behind Justin while Gwen, Leshawna and Cody desperately try to warn him. Before they can eat him, though, Justin turns around and hits the sharks with a dazzling smile that leaves the sharks lovestruck. So much so that one shark carries him back to shore with hearts in its eyes. Beth looks down from the top of the cliff.]

Beth (nervous): I... I can't do it. I'm too scared. I'm sorry!

[Cody and Leshawna makes noises like chickens while Chris gives Beth a chicken hat.]

Lindsay: That is, like, so lame. Right?

Heather: Fully lame.

Trent: Let's do this!

[Trent gives Owen a high five just before he runs off the edge of the cliff. He lands in the middle of the safe zone.]

Trent: Yeah! Whoo!

[The final camper to jump is Owen.]

Chris (into a megaphone): Okay, campers, there's only one person left. You guys need this jump for the win. No pressure, dude. ...Okay, there's pressure!

[From the beach below, the Screaming Gophers all cheer Owen on.]

Heather: Jump! Jump! Just do it, Owen. Do it!

[Owen pulls on a pair of water wings, for all the good they'll do him at a moment like this, and prepares himself.]

Owen (confessional, voiceover): Oh, I was pretty darn nervous.

[*STATIC*]

Owen (confessional): See, the thing is... I'm not that strong a swimmer.

[*STATIC*]

Geoff (confessional): I'm looking at this guy and thinkin' there's no way he's gonna make it.

[*STATIC*]

Gwen (confessional): I actually thought, "If he jumps this... he's gonna die."

[*STATIC*]

[Owen walks a few steps back.]

Chris: Take a good run at it, buddy. You can do this!

'Owen: I'm going to die now. I'm going to frickin die now.

[Owen clenches his fists as the rest of the campers watch with nervous looks on their faces. Trent and Noah watch from the water below.]

Leshawna: Come on, big guy...

[Owen steels himself and takes a running start at the cliff.]

Owen: YEEEEEEAAH!

[Owen leaps off of the cliff, and immediately settles into a belly flop position, which likely wasn't the plan.]

Owen (falling): OOOOHHHHHHHH, CRAP!

[Owen seems to approach terminal velocity as he falls, screaming the whole way down. Miraculously, he lands in the safe zone, but the resulting tidal wave that follows washes the boat, the sharks, and the campers on shore away, and sends a column of water that tops out at almost halfway up the side of the cliff. However, as he resurfaces, Owen doesn't look any worse for wear.]

Owen (triumphant): Yes! Yeah! Oh, yeah! Who's the man?!

Beth: Woo-hoo-hoo!

Leshawna: Yes!

Chris (announcing): The winners... the Screaming Gophers!

Trent: That was awesome, dude!

[Owen appears like he's looking for something in the water.]

Trent: ...What's wrong?

Owen: I, uh... think I lost my bathing suit.

[The campers all complain about Owen losing his bathing suit.]

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

[The episode opens back up to the Screaming Gophers singing "99 Bottles of Pop On the Wall" while pulling their crates along effortlessly due to winning the pull cart. Team morale is very high. The Killer Bass, on the other hand, are stuck having to drag, push, or otherwise move their crates by hand, and none of them are happy in the slightest.]

Courtney: Ow! I think I just got a splinter.

[Eva walks over to Courtney, picks up her crate in both arms and throws it down in front of her.]

Eva: Shut up and pick up your crate... chicken.

Courtney: Hey! I'm the only one with C.I.T. camping experience here, you need me!

[DJ and Eva look at each other, unamused. The camera cuts back to the Screaming Gophers singing "99 Bottles of Pop On the Wall". Lindsay briefly stops to listen to the ocean through a seashell, but quickly runs to rejoin her teammates.]

[The episode cuts to Tyler carrying his crate over his head, but he abruptly puts it down.]

Tyler: Ugh, I've gotta take a whiz.

Eva: Hurry up. We're already behind.

Katie: Ooh, I have to go, too.

Sadie: You do? Oh, my gosh, me too!

[Sadie and Katie follow Tyler into the woods. The camera cuts back just in time to see Courtney killing a fly, however the proximity of it results in her hitting herself in the eye.]

Courtney: Ow! I think something just... bit me.

[Back to the Screaming Gophers singing "99 Bottles of Pop On the Wall".]

Beth: Hey, look! There's the campgrounds!

Owen: That was pretty easy.

Cody (pleased): I'm pleasantly surprised.

[Cut back to the Killer Bass. Katie and Sadie return from the woods, while Courtney still holds a hand over her eye.]

Eva: All better?

Katie: Yup.

Courtney: Can we go now? I think my eye is swelling up.

[Sure enough, Courtney's eye can be seen turning pink and swelling a bit under her hand. Katie and Sadie start pushing a crate. As they push, their bottoms begin to flare red.]

Sadie: Ew, something's itching me. Are you itchy, too?

Katie: Totally itchy. Really bad.

[Cut back to the campgrounds. The Gophers are hard at work... gnawing on the crates.]

Chris: Remember, you guys can only use your teeth to open the crates. I came up with that one.

[Izzy has her teeth locked around a rope connected to one of the crates and is pulling vigorously.]

Izzy (through clenched teeth): Hey, I think I got it open!

[The crate pops open, sending parts spilling out onto the ground.]

Izzy (pained): Ow, ow, rope burn on my tongue!

[Izzy does, in fact, have a mark across her tongue where the rope was. Cut back to Sadie and Katie, who are still pushing their crate.]

Sadie (uncomfortable): Ooh, it's really itching now.

Katie: Mine feels like it's burning.

Sadie: Okay, I have to scratch!

[Kadie and Sadie both start scratching. Chris pulls up next to them in an ATV.]

Chris: You guys are way behind the other team. Like, way behind. What's the problem?

Courtney: Their butts are itchy.

[Chris turns to look at Courtney, and sees that her eye is almost completely swelled shut and twitching.]

Chris: Gah! Oh, my boxers, that's bad!

Bridgette: Did you guys squat down when you peed in the woods?

Katie: Yeah.

Bridgette: Did you happen to notice what kind of plants you were squatting over?

Sadie: They were kind of oval shaped and green and all over the place.

Bridgette: Were they low to the ground, about this big?

[Katie and Sadie both nod.]

Bridgette: You guys squatted on poison ivy.

Katie and Sadie: ...What do we do?! Oh, no!

Chris (laughing): No way! That's awesome! *laughs*

Katie and Sadie (freaking out): Somebody, help us!

[Cut back to the Screaming Gophers. They've gotten more of their crates open and are inspecting the contents]

Owen: Hey, check it out, I got wood!

Trent: I got some tools here, and what looks like a pool liner.

[Heather and Lindsay walk over to Leshawna.]

Heather: I just wanted to say I didn't mean that about you being a ghetto, rap-star wannabe, and I love your earrings. They're so pretty.

Leshawna: Straight up? Well, I'm sorry about pushing you over the cliff and all.

Heather: No worries. I needed a push. Truce?

Leshawna: Yeah, yeah, you got it.

[Heather and Lindsay walk away.]

Lindsay: Did you mean all that stuff you said to Lefonda back there?

Heather: Leshawna. Hah, no. She's going down. And P.S. those are the ugliest earrings I've seen in my life.

Lindsay: Oh. So if you hate her, why were you being nice to her?

Heather: You ever seen one of these shows before? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Lindsay: Oh. ...I'm your friend, right?

Heather: Oh, yeah, for now.

[Cut to Izzy, Trent, and Noah, starting to assemble their hot tub. Harold, Courtney and Ezekiel all arrive with their crates at the campground.]

Harold: Finally...

Trent: Hey, what's up, guys?

Leshawna: Hey, aren't you missing a couple of white girls?

[The Killer Bass that are present look around the area. Cut to Katie and Sadie with their pants down in the lake. Both sigh with relief. Bubbles come up behind Sadie.]

Sadie (embarassed): Oops.

[Cut back to the main campgrounds.]

Courtney: They're... getting a drink.

Harold (aside, to Ezekiel): Yeah, if they drink with their butts.

Ezekiel (amused): Ha ha, that's funny...

[Courtney walks up to Leshawna. Leshawna stares at her eye in horror. Courtney covers her eye.]

Leshawna (concerned): Ooh, what happened to your eye, girl?

Courtney (brushing it off): Nothing, just an allergy.

Ezekiel: Think it's getting worse.

Courtney (whispering): Shut up! We don't want them to know that.

[Cut to Geoff standing before the Killer Bass on a bunch of crates.]

Geoff: Okay, dudes, it's not too late. We can do this.

[The rest of them aren't convinced. Harold is fast asleep with a string of drool hanging out of his mouth, Courtney looks absolutely demotivated, and Ezekiel is picking his nose. Courtney notices this and is disgusted.]

Courtney: Ew.

Ezekiel: What?

Bridgette (equally disgusted): That's really gross.

Courtney: Okay look, guys, we have a hot tub to complete, and we need a project manager, since I've actually been a C.I.T. before, I'm electing myself. Any objections?

Duncan: Where do we begin, Cyclops?

Courtney: Open the crates. Bridgette, go find those itchy girls. We need all the help we can get.

[Begin building montage. Beth and Justin hammer in the sides of their team's hot tub, co-operating with each other. Meanwhile, Harold and Geoff haphazardly place boards around the ring of their hot tub, only for it to completely fall to pieces. On the Gophers' side, Heather calmly hands Trent a hammer to secure the top ring in place properly. While on the Bass' side, Duncan and Tyler fight over their hammer, only for it to go flying and strike Harold between the legs. At the same time, Bridgette picks up a plank and accidentally whacks Harold upside the face and over the head as she carries it away. The Gophers make a line carrying a bucket of water to their hot tub to fill it up. While the Bass... plug another leak with duct tape.]

[At the cabin grounds, Chris begins to examine the two hot tubs. He starts with the Gophers. Their hot tub is immaculate. Everything fits together properly, and it looks like it works just fine.]

Chris (impressed): This is an awesome hot tub!

[The Screaming Gophers cheer, and Owen pops out of the water in their tub out of triumph. Then, Chris inspects The Killer Bass' hot tub. Compared to the Gophers... it's got a catatonic seagull floating in it, there is no indication the tub is running, and it's made of at least 70% duct tape. As Chris looks at it, the tub springs a leak, shudders, and falls apart completely, flooding most of the cabin grounds.]

Chris: Well, I think we have a winner here... The Screaming Gophers!

[The Gophers cheer for their victory.]

Chris: Gophers, you're safe from elimination and you get to rock this awesome hot tub for the rest of the summer. Bonus!

[The Gophers cheer even more.]

Chris: Killer Bass, what can I say? Sucks to be you right now. I'll see your sorry butts at the bonfire tonight.

Lindsay: We won! We all get to stay here for another three days!

Heather, Beth, and Lindsay: Oh, yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo!

Owen (dancing naked, singing): Woooooooooo! Ha ha ha! Yes! We get to stay! We get to stay! We are so awesome! We won the contest!

[The episode cuts to the main lodge. The teams are sitting at their individual tables. The Bass discuss among themselves.]

Katie: So--uh... what do we do now?

Courtney: We have to figure out who we're gonna vote off.

Duncan: Well, I think it should be princess or the brick house here. *jams thumbs at Courtney and DJ*

Courtney: What?! Why?

Duncan: Because, unless I'm mistaken, you two are the only ones here wearing chicken hats, and if we ever have to lift a truck, I like our odds with the big guy.

Courtney: You guys need me! I'm the only one--

Bridgette: We know, who used to be a real C.I.T.. So would you pick?

Courtney: What about him? *pointing at Tyler*

Lindsay (from across the hall): No!

[The dining goes totally silent.]

Lindsay: I mean... no s-salt, there's no salt on the table, bummer.

Duncan: Hey, hey, at least he jumped off the cliff, chicken wing.

Courtney: Shut up!

Geoff: Okay, let's just chill out. This is getting way too heavy.

Duncan: I've had enough prison food for one day. I'm gonna go have a nap.

[Duncan gets up to leave.]

Courtney: You can't do that! We haven't decided who's going yet!

Ezekiel: Well, I just don't get why we lost, eh? They're the ones that have six girls.

[Sadie and Katie gasp. Cody, Noah, and Harold have their mouths stuck open in shock, as well. Bridgette and Eva get up close to Ezekiel.]

Bridgette: What's that supposed to mean?

Eva (banging her fist on the table): Yeah, home-school, enlighten us.

Ezekiel: Well, guys are much stronger and better at sports than girls are.

[Sadie and Katie freeze in place. Harold, Noah, and Cody wisely decide to back away slowly.]

Geoff: Oh snap, you did not just say that!

Ezekiel: My dad told me to look out for the girls here, eh? And help them in case they can't keep up.

[Eva picks up Ezekiel by the throat and lifts him out of his seat.]

Eva (threatening): Still think we need your help keeping up?

Ezekiel (nervous): Uh, not really.

Geoff: Okay, guys, let's give him a break. I mean, at least he doesn't think that guys are smarter than girls.

[Eva drops Ezekiel to the ground.]

Ezekiel (on the ground): But they are.

[If one listens closely, they can probably hear Ezekiel's grave being dug.]

[The episode cuts to later at night. The Killer Bass are all gathered at the campfire.]

Duncan (to Ezekiel): Dude, you've got a lot to learn about the real world.

Chris: Killer Bass. At camp, marshmallows represent a tasty treat that you enjoy roasting by the fire. At this camp, marshmallows represent life.

[Geoff pretends to hang himself for Bridgette, who giggles.]

Chris: You've all cast your votes and made your decision. There are only ten marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers. That means you're out of the contest, and you can't come back... ever. The first marshmallow goes to... Geoff. Tyler...

Tyler: Woo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! Place at the table!

Chris: Katie, Bridgette, DJ, Harold...

Harold: Yes!

Chris: ...Sadie....

Sadie: Oh, yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Chris: ...Duncan. Campers, this is the final marshmallow of the evening.

[The dramatic music ramps up. Only Courtney and Ezekiel are left. Chris makes a big show of choosing between the two of them, and Courtney and Ezekiel begin to panic a bit. Then, as the music reaches its peak, Chris finally settles on...]

Chris: ...Courtney.

[Courtney breathes a sigh of relief and quickly runs to claim her marshmallow.]

Chris: Can't say I'm shocked. I saw you picking your nose, dude. Not cool. Dock of Shame is that way, bro.

[Ezekiel trudges down to the dock where the Boat of Losers is waiting for him.]

Chris: The rest of you, enjoy your marshmallows. You're all safe. For tonight.

[*STATIC*]

Gwen (confessional): Yep, this camp pretty much still sucks. But now that I'm here, I guess I might as well actually try to win.

[*STATIC*]

Cody (toasting): To the Screaming Gophers.

Screaming Gophers: To the Screaming Gophers!

Leshawna (dancing): Go gophers, go gophers!

[Noah and Owen join Leshawna in dancing and chanting while the rest of the Gophers enjoy their hot tub party. Some of the remaining Bass walk back to their cabin, but Courtney stays to address the camera.]

Courtney: Are you recording this? Good. They can enjoy their little party all they want, but I am gonna win this competition, and no one is gonna stop me!

[CREDITS]

goddamn ezekiel picking his nose :(

[patchworkofravens]

my dashboard is having a seizure

thank you <3

JSSJSJSJSJSSJ

[patchworkofravens]

uhh if ur bored in the void you should watch my sweet tyrant :) its really cute and is only like 75 minutes all together

HDBQIDIWJD TY FOR THE SUGGESTION I MANAGED FIVE EPS BEFORE I HAD TO GO TO THE LIBRARY IT WAS PRWTTY CUTE