#fucknemies

[coeluvr]

Fucknemies this, casual hook up that. Call them what they truly are: Fucknstupid

So true!! 🙏

[muse-oleum]

Fucknemies part II

Long time no see! This is part two of my series Fucknemies, following Harry Hart and Agent Kay (haven’t named her; don’t think i will at this stage). 

You can find part I here. 

Enjoy! 

Summary: Agent Kay wakes up after being shot. Harry and her have a heart to Hart. 

Word count: 1.2 k

Warnings: none 

Kay woke up with the disagreeable sensation of having drunk too much. The feeling was so unnatural that she laid there for a few minutes, wondering why she had broken her lifelong promise to never drink. 

“Who’s the moron who got me drunk last night?” she moaned pitifully, the pain in her body becoming more of a background lull as she heard someone fidget with something by the side of her bed. 

“No one mate, you did this all by yourself.” 

A brief silence.

“Eggsy?”

“Yeah. Welcome back to the world bruv. Happy you’re not dead.” 

“Why would I be dead?”

“Cuz you took a bullet, you moron. In the thigh. Brushed the artery and it wasn’t pretty. Ya should have heard Harry swear.” 

“Well, fuck.”

“You don’t say. How are you feeling?”

“Like a train hit me and then decided once wasn’t enough.”

“Rox said the same when she was shot. Said it felt like a really, really bad hangover except you didn’t even have the blessings of oblivion.”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Kay cleared her throat. Immediately, someone had a glass of water ready. She hadn’t noticed the shadow on her right. Opening her eyes slightly and wincing against the brightness of the room, she could just about make out who it was. 

“Harry?” 

Eggsy shot him a questioning look. He’d never heard Kay call Harry by his name. She’d always made a point of using his code name, always with the same slightly sarcastic tone which infuriated him. Now she was almost… shy? Unsure?

“You need to rest. We just came in to see if you were stable.”

That was a lie and they all knew it. 

“And the monitors couldn’t tell you that?” 

“Couldn’t stop him, bruv.”

There was another silence. Eggsy stood up, clearing his throat. 

“I promised Merlin I’d pop by. He’s got a new contraption to test and I pissed him off.”

“Thought I did that.”

“Yeah well you’d already paid enough for that, I reckon.”

Kay heard the infirmary door close softly. Harry shifted in his sit, toying with the end of his tie as he took in Kay’s pale face. her features were tight, no doubt controlling the pain. He’d upped the morphine as much as he dared and was frustrated he couldn’t do anything else for her. 

So he said the only thing he felt was appropriate at this moment.

“I’m sorry.”

At that, Kay opened her eyes fully, trying to focus on him. He could see her wince and then force her eyes open to stare at him. 

“Whatever do you have to be sorry for? I wasn’t careful enough, and you know that.” 

“I should have been there. We should never have split up, it was too dangerous.” 

Kay breathed out, reminding herself that this wasn’t Galahad patronizing her or taking too much upon his own shoulders, but her partner feeling guilty that he wasn’t by her side at the right moment. 

“Wasn’t your fault, Harry. It was a risky move and the com with Merlin cut off at the worst moment possible. I also should have checked that I wasn’t being followed, but I didn’t do it.”

“If it wasn’t my fault, it certainly wasn’t yours.”

“I was reckless -”

“No, you were determined. And brave.”

“And reckless.”

Kay felt more than she saw the slight smile form on his lips. 

“Alright, and maybe a little bit reckless. But that’s why you’re better at that sort of mission than me.”

“You over analyse everything.”

“I don’t” he said, on the defensive again, before understanding her meaning. “Maybe I do. I’ve just never seen it as a problem before.”

“It can be.”

Kay let the double-entendre hang in the air. She hoped he would understand what she was trying to tell him. She didn’t have the energy to try harder. 

Harry held his breath. He remembered what Merlin had told him after he’d brought Kay in: you’re mad about her, she’s mad about you, so you fight because none of you can see how much you mean to each other. 

Did he mean something to her? And what did she mean to him? 

She was willful, strong, reckless and beautiful. He was calculated, poised and calm. Or at least he liked to think he was. She probably didn’t perceive him as such. She’d called him cold on many occasions; told him he needed to understand where she came from and why she made her way through life as she did. She’d told him it was because she knew that each moment of freedom was precious. She was tired of being careful. Tired of tiptoeing around other people. 

He was the opposite. Tiptoeing was his speciality. He was careful around others, had trouble understanding them sometimes. At least outside of his work, where understanding could mean either life or death. But he felt that calm was necessary to him and caution something not to be taken lightly. Death left too many behind, and he couldn’t help but be afraid of how reckless she could be. 

During her moments of lucidity and reflection, Kay had come to grips with the differences existing between them. She knew it would take work, but what in this life didn’t? What was worth it always did. 

He meant something to her. He meant a great deal. But she didn’t know what she meant to him. 

“I know.” 

She looked at him, surprised. He leaned in closer. Hesitantly, he took one of her hands in his, holding it gently. 

“I don’t mean to sound snobbish. It’s just my way of protecting myself.” 

“Why?”

“This… this job, this life … you can lose so much if you care too much. I appear distant because I prefer to keep my feelings at bay.”

“That can’t be healthy.”

Harry chuckled, squeezing her hand.

“It’s not.” 

She focused on the feel of his fingers caressing her bruised knuckles. He palmed one bruise gently, as if to test if it hurt. When she didn’t wince, he resumed his caresses. 

“But it’s easier for you?”

Her question surprised him. He hadn’t expected her to understand so quickly. 

“Yes.”  

“But is that appearance of calm and detachment what’s easier, or is it simply not feeling? Or not allowing yourself to feel?”

He knew a lot depended on his answer. If he was honest with himself, he knew he wanted more. He wanted more out of life than his work. For nearly thirty years now he’d been so consumed by it; so afraid to care. He’d lost many friends. Lately, he’d lost Lancelot. That had been a blow. But he had never allowed himself to care more deeply for another agent. He’d never allowed himself to hope for love, not once. Until he met her. 

“I know I’m fooling myself, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

She laughed, a delightful sound after so much silence. 

“Yes, you are.” 

She was right and there was nothing he could say in his defense. 

“So where does that leave us, Harry?”

She brought his hands closer to her body, lacing her fingers with his own.

“I can’t promise to be less myself, just like you can’t simply let go of your fears. What do we do with that?”

He paused, contemplating. 

“We can try?”

She smiled in response. 

Stay tuned for part III!

Taglist: @justawriterinprogress; @tonystrksslut; @emilyyblackkk; the-sea-belt; @flybi91; @persephonehemingway​; 

[mackenzielovee]

u write asshole!bucky so well??? love the fucknemies vibe so much

thank you so much!!💗

[randomingoftherandomness]

Kylux 🖤🧡 for the ship ask.

Legitimately, they're horrible people who deserve each other enemies to fucknemies situation 👌🏼😌

[send me a ship]

[coeluvr]

You know what, you're right. I'll be able to give a better name to this thing after Chapter 3/4 🙏

Fucknemies

It's not even enemies like they just don't get along because he's stupid 😓

[muse-oleum]

Masterlist

Getting organized before it starts getting messy. Below is a collection of my writings. 

For your info:

❦ = smut

☁︎ = angst

Harry Hart

One-shots

❀ The Usual? 

❀ So Beautiful ❦

❀ Not that kind of ride ❦

❀ I’m sorry ☁︎

❀ What did you want to show me? ❦

❀ Quiet ❦

❀ Guilt

❀ Alright

Imagines

❀ Imagine Harry Hart as your sugar daddy

❀ Imagine Harry Hart comforting you when you’re down

❀ Imagine Harry Hart buying lingerie for you ❦

Series

❀ The Flower Shop: Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; 

❀ Fucknemies: Part 1; Part 2; 

Elijah Mikaelson

❀ NSFW Alphabet ❦ 

One-shots

❀ Need – Elijah x Gia ❦

❀ Always & Forever – Elijah x Elena

❀ Blooming Nympheas - Elijah x OC ❦

❀ Beloved: Part I - Elijah x OC ❦

Lady Victoria Crawley (OC)

❀ Blind Date OC Challenge: an Introduction to Lady Victoria

[muse-oleum]

Fucknemies (fuckbuddies but with angst)

Yes, I’m aware I have an appalling sense of humor. 

Kingsman - Harry Hart x fem!OC

Based on this lovely anon’s request: Hi! Can ya write Harry with a Kingsman agent, enemies to lovers?

Summary: the mission agents Kay and Galahad were on goes to hell, where they finally stop bickering and start appreciating what the other has to give (*cough cough*)

This is going to be two parts, because I got carried away, so stay tuned for the smut! I toned down the ‘enemies’ to more ‘frenemies’ but I hope it’s still what the nonnie wanted. 

Word count: 2k85

Warnings: violence, swearing, prostitution, heavy themes, mentions of human trafficking

Also, my inspiration for this was this song, it’s badass, sexy and fits the theme of the underworld agencies pretty well. 

Agent Kay landed at Kingsman in the most uncharacteristic manner. She was, first of all, the illegitimate daughter of a wealthy tradesman based here in England; and her mother was an upper-end prostitute. 

Now, that shut up all these snobbish Kingsman boys alright. They didn’t know where to look ever since she had dropped the “w bomb,” as Merlin liked to call it. Her attitude, that of one raised between Soho and the up-end, was so ambiguous that most men were terrified by her. 

Most didn’t include agent Galahad. But then again he was rarely terrified by anything. Kay suspected he didn’t know what fear was. 

Little did Kay know that Galahad, or Harry, as she refused to call him, thought the exact same of her. Such lovely pet names as “hothead,” “idiot” or the more colorful and incontestably heartfelt “fucking imbecile,” were some of Harry’s favorite ways of nicknaming his feisty partner. 

For some reason, Merlin and Arthur absolutely delighted putting these two together for dangerous missions. It was almost as if their constant fighting in-between near-death and near-misses were their Sunday evening football gig. 

They loved it; and Merlin really couldn’t wait for his two friends to get their heads out of their own arses, and end that intolerable sexual tension once and for all. It was hanging over every curtain and curled up in every teapot, sizzling and unmistakably there. 

On that particular evening, Kay and Galahad were on an undercover “recognition” mission - the word had been stoically stressed by Merlin, the painful hitch in his voice the only indication that he already knew that shit was about to go down. Bad. 

So, an undercover mission. At some oil titan’s mansion somewhere in Italy. About two hundred guests and three different pools in which to drown Galahad if he became too irritating. Perfect. 

As Kay was exploring various creative ways to make him shut up if needed, Harry was troubled. 

He was troubled by the fact that he had a hard time focusing on anything else than the way her shoulders shone in the light of the chandeliers, or how her breath caused her chest to rise up, or how the thigh-high split in that godforsaken dress caused his mind to blank. 

It was all really infuriating. She was infuriating. 

Hot-blooded, compassionate, high-strung but cool under pressure, stunning, with the mouth of a sailor. She was delightful and sinful, all at the same time. And the older agent simply didn’t know what to do with himself every time he was near her. 

No doubt she thought him arrogant, snobbish and probably too old-fashioned. 

Little did she know all he longed for was to do very un-old-fashioned things with her. 

So, everything he said came out wrong, and with her quick wit, she absolutely murdered him with every comeback. He wasn’t sure what made her so enticing, apart from all the above, but he knew that virtually everyone was either terrified or drooling after her. Or both. 

Most of the time, both. 

A movement on her left caught Kay’s eye. Galahad was beckoning to her. They were posing as a couple, a little hint amongst the billions Merlin had already worked very hard to give them. 

Eggsy said he never face palmed as much as when his two favorite agents were out in the field together. 

“Do you see him?” Galahad whispered, his eyes unfocused but trained on the far corner of the room. 

Kay followed his gaze, immediately spotting the armed goon, one arm under his vest, no doubt cradling a gun, scanning the room in a would-be subtle manner. 

“They know someone’s there.” 

“On a scale of one to ten, how fucked are we?” Kay asked, her tone all that was innocent. 

Harry shot her a look. Her neck was craned towards the bar, avoiding looking in the direction of the armed man, although he knew she was following his every movement. 

He couldn’t help but notice how the slope of her neck met with her right shoulder in a sensuous curve. Her breaths were coming more rapidly now, and, as ungentlemanly as it was, Harry simply could not take his eyes off of her. 

She caught him staring, arching her eyebrow, and he realized he hadn’t answered her question.

“If they find us out, a solid seven.”

She scoffed, “we got out of a nine before, seven’s a joke.” 

Harry glared at her. 

“Last time, the nine was because of all issues locked, here the seven is because we’re clearly outnumbered. We weren’t outnumbered last time. So let me rephrase that: it’s a nine and a bit and we’re fucked.”

It was her turn to glare, sending him a look that plainly stated that she didn’t see the need for making such a fuss. 

“So what’s the plan now?” Kay asked, eyes going around the room. 

Three more armed agents had shown up, but nobody else here seemed to have noticed them. Wearing dark suits and all-too visible earpieces, Kay wondered how people could be so unobserving. 

“Get the fuck out ‘s the plan,” came a strong Scottish voice, a little too strained for her liking. 

“But we’ve achieved nothing,” she whispered, angry that the mission would be fruitless. 

She knew that oil trader had another, much more unpleasant, and definitely illegal trading business. Involving humans. 

As the daughter of a prostitute, she knew too well what exploitation was like. Her mother had not coddled her, but had shown her the ugly truth of her world. She could not stand by as others suffered a similar, sometimes worse, fate. 

“I agree,” Galahad said, causing Kay to look up sharply, surprised to hear her oh so careful partner agreeing with her. “Kay’s right, there are lives at stake here that we can’t ignore.” 

Kay blinked once, properly stunned. 

It’s not that Harry was unfeeling - he was doing this job to save lives too, after all - but he was sometimes too cerebral and restrained for her liking. 

Although, weirdly, she had to admit she liked that too. They were complementary; one was always there to catch the other. Perhaps that was Merlin’s scheming all along? The annoying Scot had something of a knack for psychoanalysis. 

Galahad’s brow was set, lips pursued and eyes hard. The traits of a man hellbent on seeing at least part of this through. She noticed how handsome he was, and how his charisma came not from his appearance so much as his demeanor. 

“So what do we do?” she asked, a little breathless, “do we keep snooping around and pray to all the gods and goddesses above to make it out in one piece?” 

“Pretty much.”

“You know what, Harry, for once, I won’t call you an arrogant upper-class jerk.” 

Kay left him standing there, a small smile on her face. She could hear Merlin grumbling something about murdering the two of them once he got them back at HQ. 

Nobody really cared about Merlin’s grumbling, as a rule; it was his default communication method. 

“Kay, take the upper floor and search for a door locked with a code. I’ll hack it. Galahad, take the gallery, you two keep an eye out. They know you’re here.” 

“I’m the soul of discretion, Merlin.” 

Kay heard Harry guffaw through her earpiece, earning him a smirk. 

“Ye, I’ll believe you if you come back without a hole through your head. Get to it.”

Always the picture of optimism and positivity, Kay thought, amused. Oh, let’s see what you’re hiding there...

She’d come to a locked door requiring a code. Patiently, Kay waited for Merlin to send her the code through her glasses. She waited a few seconds, before asking:

“Merlin? I need the code now, not in three hundred years.” 

“Afraid you won’t get it, princess,” came a voice that was decidedly not Merlin’s. 

Kay whirled around, face to face with a rather grumpy looking armed guard and his equally grumpy companion. 

Shit. So much for discretion. 

Without leaving her much time to deliberate, he attacked, slashing her arm with a knife she hadn’t noticed. It was painful, but bearable. His friend looked on, a small smile pasted on his face. 

Don’t you worry, sweetheart, I’m going to wipe that smile off your face in no time. 

Her retaliation came swiftly. 

If people had been praising Black Widow on screen - and she had to admit Scarlet Jo had the moves down - she was a Black Widow. That man never knew how his neck broke, or indeed how her legs were suddenly wrapped around his throat at all. 

His friend had stopped smiling, a moderate improvement to his otherwise average features. He looked much better grumpy. 

Your turn, sweetie. 

Too bad Kay had failed to notice another armed agent - not her armed agent, unfortunately - because it really could have ended here and there if she had. 

Instead, she felt the bullet slice through her thigh even before she registered the sound of the trigger. It tore through muscle and lodged itself in the bone, causing her to scream out in pain. Blood was gushing out; all she could hope for now was that Harry was near and that the bullet had missed the artery. 

Somehow, she wasn’t too hopeful. 

“Nice little trick you got there. With those legs, it’s hardly surprising. Too bad I had to aim for them, eh?” 

That was the last thing he ever said. 

A disheveled, very angry and murderous looking Harry ended his life here and there, sparing him the pain he had inflicted on Kay only because his conscience told him so. 

A very flimsy, very tiny part of his conscience. 

“Too bad, indeed,” he said, before rushing to Kay’s side. 

Her vision was blurred and even though she tried to stem the blood flow, she knew the bullet had at least scraped the artery. 

“Merlin, what the fuck were you doing?” 

That caused her to chuckle slightly. Hearing Harry swear was one of the most entertaining things in her life. It was so out of place, so opposite his brushed-up, gentleman front. 

“Those bastards cut the connection!” came the angry voice of the Scotsman. “Get her out of here, I’ll send the car. It’ll be a bumpy ride, so you better hold on to her, and whatever you do, don’t let her lose consciousness ye hear me?” 

The car ride was one of Kay’s worst experiences ever. 

She wanted to throw up, almost did, refrained herself from emptying her stomach right on Harry’s impeccable waistcoat. The shivers arrived just before they reached HQ, where a literal battalion of nurses took over. 

Harry, covered in blood, made a move to go after her, when a hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

“Wasn’t your fault. They got us clean.”

He turned towards Merlin, jaw set. 

“She’ll be furious, she really wanted to take him and his human trafficking gang down.” 

“And someone else will, I promise. For now, ye need a drink, and a strong one. You also need to finally get it off your chest because I swear, if having her nearly die is what’s gonna take to make the two of you fucking focus again, I’ll do it again.”

Harry turned a disbelieving look towards his friend. With narrowed eyes, he took a step towards him. Merlin held up his hands.

“This one wasn’t my doing, but I hope it’s helped you realize how much of an idiot you’ve been. She’s a keeper, but you keep pushing her away with you high-almighty attitude. Stop being a goddamn idiot.” 

This time, Harry was quite simply speechless. 

“Ex-excuse me?”

Merlin ran a hand over his eyes, sighing deeply. 

“You’re mad about her, she’s mad about you, so you fight because none of you can see how much you mean to each other. Honestly, it’s exhausting. Get it over with.”

Merlin walked away, leaving his friend ruminating the reproaches over in his head. 

That he loved her, he had no doubt. The feeling of utter helplessness and fear that had gripped him when he heard her scream was sickening. 

Yes, she drove him mad. He wanted her desperately; wanted her to like him and want him, need him. Until tonight, when she had snuggled against him, whimpering in pain, he had not thought a woman like her would ever need anyone. 

And she had called him Harry. 

Perhaps Merlin was right and it was time he put the record straight. 

If you guys didn’t notice the subtle hint of Darcy/Elizabeth in there idk what to say to you. Stay tuned for part II!