#fucking whatever. man. i have to go to the doctors the day after my birthday

[sangfielle]

i hate my fucking father so much it is unreal annd i hate my mother and i hate my family and i hate every fucking person i grew up around for letting any of them fucking touch me. i know that shit was obvious and no one gave a fuck at all if they weren't actively encouraging it.

[blue-bujo]

Bowled Over (Roy Kent x Reader): Chapter Two

You work at a bowling alley and a young girl named Phoebe has a birthday party there. You catch her uncle's eye.

Roy Kent x female reader

Will try to update roughly every two weeks

Chapter Two: Being Better

Words: 1.2k

Warnings: Roy Kent-level language (you know what you're in for), discussion of mental health, past medical trauma

Author's note: A short one this time around, but I'm quite proud of it. They get longer after this. Enjoy getting a look inside Roy's head!

Roy Kent, the whistle-less manager of AFC Richmond, was done thinking about women. And he was happy being friends with Jamie Tartt, and he wasn’t at all hurt that Keeley Jones was now back into women after he was her last man. Doctor Fieldstone had helped him figure all that out, and she had pissed him off doing it. He respected her for that. Roy Kent told himself that he could handle being Just Roy.

So why was he still mad, a week later, that he had been Just Roy at Phoebe’s birthday party, and that fucking Just Roy had been distracted by an incredibly fit woman at the bowling alley? Why did it matter so much that her hand had brushed his?

The team had noticed that something was off. Beard, Nate, Higgins, and Will had even convened the Diamond Dogs to address it, but Roy had firmly shut it down. Only Jamie was close to figuring it out, bless him, and that was only because the little prick had been at the birthday party. He had the full context. Once he put the pieces together, Roy knew it was only a matter of time until he blabbed it to the other Greyhounds, so he had to get himself under control before then. If he had to be a bit more brutal in training to wear them out, then so be it.

After a particularly rough training in which Isaac was on the verge of attacking Roy, Beard pulled the manager aside.

“Whatever you have going on, Roy, you need to cut it out. Your opponent is the other team, not your team. These boys are about to break.”

Roy growled. If only Beard knew! But then he looked at the pitch, and his team being dejected all over it, and knew Beard was right.

Fuck.

“Oi! Circle up!”

The players did so slowly, cautiously. They looked at him like they were expecting him to blow up. He hated that.

“I’ve forgotten that this is a game that we’re supposed to play. For fun. That’s on me, and I took out my shit on you. That was… wrong of me, and I’m… sorry.”

“Is it shit we can help you with?” asked Dani Rojas, the only player who wasn’t quaking in his boots expecting Roy to snap. He was such a golden retriever, it was unbearable.

“You don’t know what’s going on in my life for a reason, and I’d like to keep my shit my shit,” said Roy, because he didn’t want to have a repeat of his team’s involvement in his relationship with Keeley. Not that the girl at Phoebe’s birthday party was even an option. He’d never see her again, and he didn’t care. “Just deal with your shit, and I’ll deal with mine, and I won’t get carried away at training again. Deal?”

All of the guys rumbled their agreement. They looked relieved, Roy noticed. Then he noticed Sam Obisanya’s hand up. “Yeah?”

“Coach, I think in this situation, we should all remember what Coach Lasso used to always say was the happiest animal.”

Joining in, Nate added, “Sam is right.”

With a roll of his eyes, Roy allowed the smallest of smiles “I will try to be a bloody goldfish. Now get out of here. We’ve got Brighton in two days, and I don’t need you lot dying on the pitch before then. The bus leaves tomorrow at half-ten. Dismissed.”

AFC Richmond all parted ways there, and Roy eventually found himself sitting on the sidelines alone. He enjoyed his life – of course he fucking did – but he was reminded of what he’d had before he’d started managing the club and trying to better himself. He’d had people. They hadn’t been perfect, but he’d had places to hang out other than his empty house. Now he was technically above them, and it would probably be inappropriate to hang out with his players.

Trying to be better made you feel like shit.

He had to go inside; sitting out here alone was too depressing. But he didn’t have to face the team if he stayed out here, and he didn’t have to go home to the empty house that was too big for him. At least here, he was on the pitch, even if he wasn’t playing.

Although, why did he have to keep from playing? Now would be the perfect time, with nobody out here but Will, who was cleaning up the drink station.

“Oi! Will!”

The young man looked up. “Yeah?”

“Bring me the fucking balls, will you?”

Grabbing the mesh bag full of training balls, the kitman jogged up to Roy and held it out uncertainly.

“Not a word to the boys,” growled Roy as he took the bag.

“No, not at all, Coach Kent,” Will promised, backing away.

Now left to his own devices, Roy dumped the bag at the penalty marker and nudged one of the balls into place. He hadn’t shot a penalty, or kicked a ball at all, in a long time. Even when he’d played, he hadn’t had many opportunities on goal as a wide midfielder.

He stretched quickly, then squared up at the box. After taking a breath to steady himself, he backed up three steps and charged.

The football flew up into the top right corner of the goal, ricocheting off of the side post with a clang. An ugly shot.

Roy repeated the process four more times, hammering the ball into the net. On the last show, he planted his leg a little too abruptly and felt his knee twinge painfully. Fuck. It hadn’t slipped out of position, but it was close. He’d have to ice it tonight, alone on his couch or in his bed. He hated that; being laid up with nobody to talk to and distract him. He’d have to start a book and hope it was good.

He packed up the balls, limping slightly as he brought them into the training facility and stowed them in the equipment room. It was a disorganized mess; someone had dumped some old things from the upstairs offices to store in there. His old standee was there, randomly, from his first season with Ted, his last as a player. The cardboard Roy Kent was only from a few years ago, but the real Roy had a hard time recognizing him. The cardboard Roy had been miserable. He’d been younger, yes, and he definitely looked it, but in addition to the general lack of aging on his face, he lacked the smile lines that had started to appear more noticeably around his eyes and nose.

Maybe he was better than he’d been then. He was older now, yes, and he had a shit knee, but he wasn’t as miserable.

“Dr. Fieldstone’s turned me soft,” he muttered. His knee hurt, and he was immediately turning to all of the work they’d done on the way he thought about himself rather than sulking about it. It was fucking annoying. He wanted to be mad. He was going home to stew about being old and alone with his fucked knee in his empty house, he decided.

But first, he hobbled out the long way, through the locker room and to his office, to place a hand on the sign. Because he had to Believe that things would be better eventually.

[baratiddyappreciator]

I’d love to see some kureha headcanons from you!! (And maybe even some that involve Jack??) I’ve been really enjoying seeing ur headcanons in my feed!

I don't really know if you meant this as in a ship/friendship way, but I just decided to go overboard and put effort in to explore their weird ass (gay) dynamic lmao

Kureha HCs:

Kureha speed-reads. It's a habit he developed in elementary school so he could spend more time protecting his brother, and it was a fantastic help during his studies to become a doctor.

This man has a flawless memory. You mentioned something to him three years ago about something you liked but it was out of stock? Guess what, he bought it at it's lowest price point and is now giving it to you on your birthday. Surprise!

His handwriting is the WORST for non-professional things. You got a prescription from him? Yeah, you can read that just fine! Patient charts? The most flawless writing you have ever seen. He left you a note on your computer? You think that says coffee, but it could also say chicken, so now you're confused.

Claims to be against workplace gossip and against participating until he gets home, because then he's telling you all about how Ayumi from the front desk is fucking the neurologist and his wife just hired a PI, but apparently she's been messing around with the janitor at her job.

He has favourite patients. Jack is simultaneously his favourite and least favourite patient, the man will just sit and let him do whatever he wants as long as it's in the name of improvement, but he's TERRIBLE at recovery. Kureha says "bedrest for three weeks with mild exercise", and Jack hears "Don't push yourself until the point of passing out for three days".

Speaking of patients, he absolutely takes meticulous notes. Is the patient being difficult and rude? Oh it's going on their chart in meticulous detail. They called him a name and refused to take their meds? It's on the chart in the most professional but still passive-aggressive way.

Jack HCs:

Uncannily good at math. If you ask him, offhandedly and as casually as possible for an answer to a math question, he'll almost instantly get you an answer, and most of the time it's either spot on or really close. Baki has tried to get Jack to answer the questions for his math homework before, and it took a while before Jack realised what was up.

He learned about Baki a while before he actually met him, but he still hasn't processed that he's an older brother, so occasionally Baki will call him brother super casually and Jack will just [dialup noises] for a solid minute until he remembers "oh right yeah, that's actually my little brother."

Forever tired and hungry, but determined enough to get away with a chronic lack of sleep for months on end until he finally crashes. Healthy? No. He knows it too, but he's got things to do, and sleep can wait until he's kicked his father's ass. If he keeps being such a strong favourite too, a nice comfortable mattress is in store for him.

He knows he can beat bears in a fight (as with most wild animals that he grew up knowing) but the problem is that he doesn't like bears, he grew up knowing that you don't mess with bears, because they'll ruin your day. He'll deal with them no problem, but he won't like it.

He doesn't wake up very fast at all, most of the time he just gains conscience like two hours after waking up and he's doing something. He's "woken" up before after having an hour long conversation with Tokugawa about his hometown after Father Samuel called him.

He sometimes (when he's very tired or just waking up) will forget just how big he is. He has slammed his head against doorframes many times. He will continue to do so most likely.

Jack and Kureha HCs:

Jack and Kureha as friends are two weird mfs. For starters, Jack is quiet and stoic, so most people that see him assume that he's either some sort of bodyguard for Kureha, or that he's annoyed by him. In reality, Jack's just a quiet person, and Kureha takes every chance to talk his ears off because he won't interrupt unless it's important.

Sometimes it's painfully aware just how much more experienced and educated Kureha is in everyday matters. Jack didn't even go to high school, and Kureha managed to become a practicing doctor. Jack isn't stupid by any means, but sometimes Kureha absolutely loses him because he's talking about something Jack hasn't ever learned about before.

While Kureha can go off about medical jargon to Jack and lose him after just about five minutes, Jack can just start talking about the, quite frankly weird shit that happens out in the Canadian wilderness near his home, and Kureha just doesn't have any idea how to process the fact that at least some of what Jack tells him is true and has happened within Jack's direct line of sight.

Jack and Kureha dating, however, is very different. They're such bitches to each-other because they're so in love that they're at the "I fucking hate you" stage of their relationship, but only when they're out in public. It's a lot of Jack cleaning up the absolute mess that is Kureha's apartment, and Kureha making a mess out of the apartment the second Jack steps out.

Kureha absolutely tries to pull a whole dominant/submissive thing, with Jack being submissive, but mans was legitimately too chill to really care and it ruined the whole thing for Kureha, who legitimately pouted for a whole week. Jack had no idea what he did wrong either, he thought that Kureha wanted to be dominant, so he submitted. He's not really one to fight for dominance, if he wants it he'll just take it.

Neither of them being able to cook for shit, other than Jack being uncannily good at breakfast foods, so they either eat pancakes at 6pm or they go out to eat. It means less dishes (usually) so Jack doesn't complain, since Kureha could never do those.

A lot of Kureha saying that Kosho is being annoying and Jack being like "That's nice, Baki's chill, an angel really. Anyways, do your parents want me to come over?" Just so he can flex on Kureha that his little brother is the better one.

[medusapelagia]

Steddie Week Day 6: The Party

May 27: True / Misunderstandings / You Looking At Me Looking At You by Ozzy Osbourne 

Rating: Teen and Up Relationship: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson WT: angst and feels, misunderstandings, angst with happy ending, alcohol WC: 2791

It’s not that Steve thinks that his birthday is a big deal because it’s not. He doesn’t even remember the last time he actually celebrated it. When he turned six, maybe? It’s that Robin told him that she would have made sure that they celebrate it this time. 

But they will not. 

She is going with her parents to see some relatives for Christmas.

Because, obviously, Steve's birthday is the 25th of December.

She said that it was easy to remember.

The truth is that it's easy to forget.

Too many things to think about.

Presents, trees, families.

Steve's birthday is not on anyone's calendar.

It never was.

He used to get drunk with Tommy when he was younger.

They used to raid his father's liquor cabinet, even when they were far too young to drink, and they drank what seemed the more expensive bottle. The day after Steve was usually in a hangover so he didn’t really miss the celebration, either for his birthday or for Christmas.

For the first couple of years, his parents used to send him some stupid presents. Things that he didn’t like or he already had, then they stopped.

“You got money. You can buy yourself what you want.” His father told him the one time when he asked why they didn’t send him any presents.

It was true.

He had money.

He could have bought whatever he wanted, but he really wanted a present.

He wanted to have something to open. Something that someone chose for him, even if it was his father's new secretary.

He took a lot of time making presents.

For Nancy, for the kids, for Robin.

They just assumed that he was loaded and he went in a fucking shop and buy something, but he wasn’t like that.

He took an entire week to choose the new camera for Byers, asking for every detail until he found the perfect one.

He took note of everything that Nancy looked at and then, for her birthday, he bought her that dress she looked at in the window shop for at least one month.

For this Christmas, he has bought her a beautiful necklace with a black tourmaline for protection. She probably didn’t even know.

He has a pink quartz bracelet for balancing the heart chakra ready for Robin. He will have to give her the present before she leaves.

“What are you thinking about Harrington?”

Steve shakes his head and looks at Eddie.

He just drove Dustin to Eddie’s new house and he is still parked in front of the house.

“Sorry man. I got lost in my thoughts. I’ll leave you to your game. Call me if the little shrimps are too much for you. If not, I'll come back at eight, ok?”

“You could stay with us.”

“It’s not my thing… but thanks.”

“So, please tell me, what is your thing?”

“Not complicated games with too many dice and too much math. I’m still the stupid guy with the bat if you forgot.”

“And I’m the stupid three-time senior.” Eddie replies with a cigarette in his hand.

“You should quit. Your doctor said that it’s bad.”

“Are you going to rat me out?”

Steve shakes his head.

“That’s what I thought.”

Steve puts the reverse but Eddie stops him “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“I have the morning shift at Family Video but I can be free at five. Why?”

“I’d like to go shopping with you.”

Steve snorts.

“What?”

“I don’t think we like the same kind of staff. Maybe you should ask Gareth or Jeff. Even Dustin could be more helpful than me. I could drive you both if that’s the problem.”

“Is it so unbelievable that I’d like to spend some time with the guy that saved my fucking life?”

“You did the same for me in the lake.”

“Nope. I followed the girls only because I couldn’t stand the thought of being called ‘The Coward’. ‘The Freak’ is good enough.”

“Eddie! Have you finished flirting with Steve? We have a game to play!” Erica calls from the door.

“Sorry, my people need me.” Eddie winks at him “Tomorrow at five. I’ll wait for you. Don’t make me wait.”

“It’s a date.”

It’s a date?! What the fuck is wrong with him?! Jesus…

***

Five fifteen, and he is still waiting for Eddie.

When he finally comes out of the house his face is white and tired.

“Did something happen?”

“The usual nightmares. I must have fallen asleep after lunch. Sorry for making you wait.”

“No problem. We don’t have to go shopping. We could just stay.”

“Are you proposing to pass the afternoon in my bed, Harrington?”

Steve blushes “That’s not what I meant!”

“I know. Come on. I have some shopping to do. Are you good at thrifting?”

“I… I have never been in a thrift shop.” He admits.

“Oh! That’s great! I’m gonna show you an entire new world!”

When they enter the thrift shop the owner, a woman in her forties, greets Eddie, and Steve takes a deep breath that he didn’t know he was holding.

“I have some t-shirts that you are going to like. And maybe we can find something for your friend too. What kind of music is he into?”

“Pop music I supposed, any favorite group Stevie?”

“Uhm? No, not really.”

Steve leaves Eddie and gets closer to the jewel section. 

“So you are a jewel kind of guy? You are quite full of surprises, Harrington. So, what are you into? Bracelets? Necklaces? Rings?”

“Oh, not really. I’m looking at the crystals.”

“You know a lot about crystals?”

“Not really but I did some research. I bought a necklace with a black tourmaline for Nancy, for protection. And I’m going to give Robin a pink quartz bracelet, for the heart.” But he has seen something between the jewels. A dragon claw ring with a Tiger Eye. It would be perfect for Eddie. He should have to come back.

“Seen anything that you like? I’m actually searching for some presents for Christmas but I really don’t know what I should buy for you… so if you see something that you like I’ll be happy to buy it for you.”

Steve doesn’t say anything but something inside him breaks a little.

Eddie knows exactly what to buy for the kids, probably even for Robin and Nancy, but he has no idea of what he could buy for him.

“You could just give me the money.” He answers too harshly.

“Steve…”

“Sorry. I have to go home. Did you find what you came for?”

“Steve, I’m sorry if I said something that offended you. I didn’t mean it.”

“I’m good. I’ll wait for you in the car.”

It was presumptuous to pretend that Eddie knew him well enough to know what to buy for him. He should be grateful that he even thought about making him a present.

“Shit…”

He hates this stupid present thing. He should just give money to everyone. Not spending time searching for the perfect gift.

They are just objects after all.

Eddie comes back and they drive back in silence.

“Steve. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I did to upset you but I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. We are good. Really. I just… I have to go home. That’s all.”

Eddie nods, unconvinced, and then he leaves the car with his bags.

***

“So, are you coming?” Dustin asks him while he is driving him back home.

“Where?” 

“To Eddie’s place. On the 24th. We are all going to spend Christmas with our family but we wanted to spend some time together so we decided to make a campaign on the 24th, Robin and Nancy are coming too. It will be just a one-shot. You should come.”

“I don’t think so. You know that is not my thing.” 

“Come on! Eddie even gave me these, for you.” Steve looks at the little package with three black dice “It’s his lucky set! You should come!”

“You know what? I don’t want to come and I don’t want a fucking set of used dice for a game that I don’t know how to play!” he snaps giving him the dice back.

Dustin looks at him perplexed “Why are you so angry Steve?”

Because no one gives a fuck about him. No one took the time to understand what he likes and the only person that maybe gives a shit about him forgot about his fucking birthday when she said that she wouldn’t have.

Fuck them.

Fuck everyone.

He is fine.

He doesn’t need them.

He doesn’t need anything at all.

***

On the 24th he doesn’t drive Dustin to Eddie’s place, but he drives there nevertheless.

He has a big bag full of presents.

Presents that he chooses with love and care.

That he collected throughout the year.

He is not the kind of guy that goes to the first shop the day before Christmas.

He leaves the bag in front of Eddie’s house and then he goes back to his place.

He unplugs the phone and starts to drink, as tradition.

He doesn’t care if it’s just six in the evening.

He will keep drinking until he falls unconscious on the stupid Persian carpet.

“Steve? Where the hell are you, dingus? Your line is always busy!”

Robin is here.

Shit.

He tries to say something but he is so drunk that he can’t even think.

He hears the sound of something that falls to the ground and then the feeling of cold hands on his face.

“Oh my god… Steve… what have you done?! Nance? Can you keep the kids in the kitchen? Eddie, please come here!” she sounds worried.

“Robs…”

“Oh god. Dingus. You scared the shit out of me! What the fuck did you do?”

“I’m celebrating…”

“No Steve, we were going to celebrate, you are just wasted. Eddie, can you help me? The bathroom is the last door on the left.”

“Come on big boy. Too much alcohol is not good for you.” He said to him, helping him on his feet.

“I’m fine…”

“No, you are fucking not.” The metalhead replies while bringing him toward the bathroom “Come on, Harrington. You know that that was too much alcohol, uhm?”

“I’m fine…” he slurs.

Eddie and Robin look at each other “Buckley, would you like to do the honors?”

“Nope. I think that your long fingers are perfect for this kind of situation.”

“Ok, ok, please don’t bite me.”

Steve is still trying to understand what they are talking about when Robin takes his head and Eddie sticks his fingers in his throat.

After a few seconds, he finds himself throwing up while Eddie makes some soothing caresses on his back and Robin keeps his hair away from his face.

When he is finally able to breathe again he looks at them with anger “Why that hell did you do it! And why the fuck are you here?!” he asks.

“Steve, you drank an entire bottle of whiskey on your own, I thought that you were going to die of alcohol poisoning!” Robin scolds him.

“It’s my way of celebrating…”

“Yeah, I know. But I thought that this year we were going to celebrate differently.”

“You are leaving. With your parents. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, dingus, let’s suppose, just for a moment, that that was an excuse? I knew you were going to sulk but I didn’t think that you were going to drink yourself to death!”

“An excuse? For what?”

“Maybe, and I say maybe, in your kitchen there are the kids and we made a little birthday party for the most lovely party boy. And maybe Eddie did an entire campaign just for you. And maybe, we convinced our family to spend Christmas’ afternoon at your place. And maybe you are a fucking idiot who left the biggest bag of presents on the fucking steps!”

Oh.

Oh.

“I thought…”

“You thought I forgot. Didn’t you?”

Steve nods still confused.

“I told you! Christmas day! Easy to remember! Now, you can’t go back into the kitchen like this. You are totally wasted. So I’ll say to the kid that you had company, they will not ask for details, and tomorrow afternoon we will be back to celebrate your stupid birthday. Ok?”

“Are we?” he asks, astonished.

“Of course, we are, dingus!” Robin looks at Steve and then at Eddie “Eddie do you mind driving the kids back and then come back to keep stupid Steve some company? There are too many expensive bottles in this house.”

“Sure, no problem.”

“You don’t have to. It’s Christmas Eve…”

“And Wayne is going to work all night. They pay double, so…”

“Sorry for being a dick, Rob…”

“Not a dick, just a dingus. As usual. So, go back to your room, drink plenty of water, and wait for Munson, ok? No more drinks. Promise me.”

He nods, waits to hear them all leaving, and then he goes back to his room.

An hour later he hears the familiar sound of Eddie’s van, then the boy enters with Robin’s key and goes directly to Steve’s room.

“I’m awake.” He says when the other boy waits too long.

“Sorry. I thought that maybe you had fallen asleep…”

“Thank you for tonight. And sorry if I was a dick the other day.”

“Everyone has bad days. I just don’t understand what I have done to piss you off.”

“It’s the present thing. It’s stupid.”

“Let me judge if it is stupid.”

“Well… you asked me if there was something that I liked. You offered to buy it for me. But that’s not what a present is. I… I love making presents. I try really hard to buy the perfect one. Sometimes I buy things months ahead to be sure to have the right present for that person. While my parents… my parents always said that I had the money and I could buy what the hell I wanted but… I just wanted someone to take the time to choose a present for me. And you were kind and I was a dick. And I’m sorry.”

“Steve… I understand what you mean. And I actually had a present for you. But I didn’t know if you would have liked it so… I wanted a backup present if that makes sense. Something that I know you would have loved.”

“What was your present?” he asks with curiosity.

“Are we exchanging presents now?”

“I left mine on your doorstep so…”

“I didn’t open it. Would you like to exchange our presents?”

Steve nods, still a little bit drunk.

“Ok, ok. But if you hate it it’s ok. Dustin told me you didn’t like my dice so…”

Eddie takes a notebook from his bag and shows him a picture.

It’s him, under the Lover Lake, with no shirt and a fucking bat in his hands.

“I draw this for you, to show you how fucking badass you were… but then I thought that maybe a picture that remembers you how you almost died was not the best present ever, but you don’t like music, don’t like games, you just like girls and I’m no girl so…”

“I like you.” He says, too honestly “And I love the picture. And I love that it took time and dedication and you did it for me.”

Eddie smiles “Good. Can I open mine now?”

Steve nods and Eddie opens his little package revealing the ring with the Tiger Eye.

“The Tiger Eyes gives strength, luck, and positive energy. And the ring is a dragon claw so… I thought you might like it.”

“I love it. But maybe you should take me on a real date before proposing with a ring.”

“I didn’t mean…”

“I know, I was joking.”

“But I’d like to.”

“Sorry?”

“I’d like to take you on a date. A real one. See a movie, eat something, maybe even kiss you goodnight.”

“You are drunk Harrington.”

“I am… but that doesn’t mean I’m not honest. Maybe I’m just too honest…”

Eddie laughs a little “Let’s make a deal. If tomorrow you will remember what you said tonight and you still want to take me on a date, I’ll say yes. If not, my lips are sealed and you secret it’s safe with me.” 

They remain in silence for a long moment, then Eddie looks at his watch “Oh. Look. Midnight. Happy birthday, Steve.”

“Merry Christmas, Eddie.”

They fall asleep like that. Steve in his bed, and Eddie over the blankets, waiting for the little shrimps to come back and celebrate Steve’s birthday.

[the-invisible-queer]

First dream was the most out of pocket

I was back in the hospital and Kev, Joe, and Nick were every single fucking staff member in the hospital

Not multiple

They'd just switch out between being a mental health worker, nurse, clinician, and doctor

And I still had the laminated photo of Joe in my notebook

Kev took my vitals and he was asking me what kind of music I enjoy and I'm like 😳

I said I like Demi and Logan

And he said those are great picks and talked about Logan and we both talked about how excited we were for his album

Then Nick caught me looking at my photo of Joe when he brought me my morning meds and said "you should show him he'll get a kick out of it"

And I got so embarrassed and flustered

Nick asked me if I'm okay and when I told him I was embarrassed he replied "whatever helps you get through the day"

AND THEN Joe showed up to take me to the private doom to chat and discuss how the meds were doing

And man asked me what do I have to look forward to

And I mentioned Bean's birthday and then mentioned Joe's new album

And he smiled and said "I'll send you a signed album"

And I replied "isn't it illegal to stay in contact with patients after discharge"

He said "well you won't be my patient once your discharged. We could go get coffee or something"

LIKE HELLO?!?

Then we ended our meeting

I went back to the TV room and it was Joe's turn to babysit so he came in and kept checking on us taking notes on our moods and body language

He saw me looking at the photo and asked me about it - he couldn't see it

And in my shame showed him and he made a face and said "of all the photos that exist why that one?"

And I said it's my favorite because he's on dad mode left out the part that I like when he looks scraggly

He chuckled and nodded as he went to check on other patients and I was like so awkward around him the rest of the dream

I woke up in the middle of one of Kevin's groups and I'm mad about it

[justcallmered]

Introduction as told by Red

❝ My name? Doesn't matter and if you must, just call me Red. Here's the story. I was born the youngest to seven other siblings and two.... unique.... parents. They were alright, you know bought us all up to be ambitious. Dad's a celebrity doctor, you know the type that appears on tv as an expert? Mom's an actress. Shakespare, stage plays, always the biggest prescene in the room. They've been divorced several times. It's always been a turblent affair between them. ❞

❝ My siblings? All wildly success. Some took after Mom, some took after Dad. Big business, this and that. One of my sister's has a fitness cult in Texas; you heard right, but we'll get to that and all the details about the rest of them later. Me, on the other hand? Not so much, much to Mother's disappointment. I have a day job, it pays the bills, fits my set of skills. Not ambitious enough for the family name, but I was an oddball. ❞

❝ Who I am in my day life doesn't matter, and I really don't want my family finding out it is ME whose up to what I am about to be up to. Secret identity and all. You've read about it in comics. ❞

❝ So who is me? Who's Red? Red's not an alias, not some hero name, it's a lack of name. I... wouldn't be doing this if I didn't get dragged into it and I don't know if I'll keep doing this, I.... I see injustice daily, so if I'm any good at this, maybe I'll keep it up. ❞

❝ I have talents, maybe call them powers. Sound mimicry, wind manipulation, really cool trick of knowing when someone's about to hit me, I can copy cat people. It's pretty good, since a natural born fighter I was not, except mybe these talents were always in me waiting to wake up. I wouldn't have the answers, I killed the thing with the answers. ❞

❝ Alright, Red, enough suspense; look I love exposition, my day job is mostly paperwork and research I love it; anyways. So on the eve of my 27th birthday, I was visited by.... I still don't really have a clue, but a little alien demon man-thing; who was looking for my closest sister, Vivian. See Viv and I look a lot alike, we aren't twins, she's a year older and was coming to tell her that our family was only three years shy of the prophecy of world destruction was upon that, that they were this close to becoming gods. ❞

❝ Apparently, my entire family is evil with special talents; used for manipulating the world or people, that's the gist. The prophecy goes something like "On the eve of the eighth child, that's me by the way, take her life and she will become the key to the universe and your family will become gods of the new world. Something like that, except, I'm the eighth child. I'm 27 now. That's three years from my birthday. My sister was suppose to be the messenger of some universe destroying prophecy my family was going to achieve. ❞

❝ The alien-demon man fucked up and when he realized that he just revealed a HUGE family secret to the eight child, the dud child... He attacked, I don't know if he was going to kill me, considering I'm a key or whatever... We got into a struggle, it was going really badly but ... Uh... I managed to kill him, I didn't want to. I was simply trying to get away, protect myself, scream bloody murder for anyone, someone. ❞

❝ His body fell limp on top of me and... he didn't look human, I didn't know what to do, who to call. My day job, I know some of the ins and outs of legal system; I'd probably be fine, I mean it was NOT human but that's also the trouble. Most traumatizing night of my life, but what I figure out later? That's gonna be more traumatizing, spoiler warning, sorry. ❞

❝ After he died... I killed him, holy shit, I killed someone even if it wasn't human, which am I even human? Is my family? I felt different like.... stronger, faster, I... My voice started changing, the air felt like something I could grasp, like I could pull on like reigns. I remembered everything I read, honestly, some of these talents made my day job easier. ❞

❝ Eventually the thing's body just... disappeared. So one problem solved, but the next was figuring out what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck... Does my family know? Does Vivi? Should I say somthing, I definitely shouldn't say anything. They... They wouldn't kill me on my thirth. I could be hallucinating this maybe, did I drink too much... Weeks pass, my talents I start being the little nerd I am and research, test, see the extent and limits. ❞

❝ I start getting ideas... I... you hear about people trying to be a hero, what if me? I mean... if I have these powers, what if it's real. What if I'm doome to die at thirty by the hands of my family so they can dominate all of mankind. So... I start trying things, little things. Comic book things. I need to start making a plan, because I think it's real, all of it, cause the next time I visit my sister Vivian... ❞

❝ She doesn't just run a fitness empire; it's an empire, it's a cult. She gets her high, commanding people, telling what to do with with their body, with how they look. She's a bad person. It's sick. It's disgusting and... I think she'd kill me when I turned thirty. What about the rest? ❞

❝ So I start digging, into my family, carefully. I've... I've already started trying to solve injustice problems on the West Coast, from San Francisco. Vigilante. Hit the news, or trying not to is the goal. The ability to change my voice has been helpful in protecting who I was. I don't want too much noise around me, but I start digging into my family and they are all bad people. I mean, they are rich, but... but they don't see people as people, they only see them as pawns, toys, dolls, tools, underlings. They are hiding things, definitely not US or UK legal things. ❞

❝ I have to stop them, without them knowing its me. Without... I may have to kill them, if... If I can't work out how to stop them, stop this prophecy. I have to assume they have powers too, or something; that they are dangerous and I am going to have to get good at being outnumbered, at fighting, and solving problems... and preparing myself, stopping them before I turn thirty and... worst happens. ❞

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 357

The Star Beast

“The Star Beast”

Plot Description: the Doctor lands in London to find an old friend, a new enemy, and aliens wreaking havoc

I’M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

I get we have to do this recap opening for new comers or whatever, but DID WE HAVE TO???

God, they miss each other so much. And it’s nice to have these three episodes of (potential) closure for them after seeing two other companions get closure from their Doctors last time

Am I mad FOR Ncuti that the Doctor didn’t go from Jodie to him? Yes. But man…….it’s hard to be mad to see David as the Doctor again

Of course the first person he runs into and tries to help IS Donna…and then tries to back out of helping because what if she remembers him?

Of COURSE Donna is continuing her streak of missing big alien happenings in London 💀

The nostalgia!!! The first of likely more than a few Allons-y’s!!! ❤️❤️

Donna’s daughter Rose also got Donna’s last name. I’m a Donna Noble fan til I die. She gave away nearly ALL her lottery winnings??!

Ohhhh Donna’s mom vehemently denying the existence of spaceships (…one’s not made here) to protect Donna 😭

Fuck yes!! Donna being a trans ally for her daughter l, being the kind of loving, affirming parent she deserves. Donna’s mom is imperfect but trying

YOU LOST YOUR BEST FRIENNNNNND, DONNA!! That’s what you lie awake at night thinking should be there in your life

I know the meep is supposedly super dangerous but it’s SO SO SO SO CUTE

SINCE WHEN CAN THE SONIC SCREWDRIVER MAKE PROJECTIONS

He CALLED DONNA HIS BEST FRIEND AND ACTUALLY SAID HE LOVES HER!!! You know what that is? Growth

All these seasons and I think this is the first time I’ve seen a young but still adult actor in a wheelchair. Good that it’s happened, took too long…and took too long for me to realize that

Meep talks like Gollum but us still so cute

Oh no oh no oh no oh no…I can’t believe I’m about to say “poor Sylvia Noble,” but poor Sylvia!! She’s got too many crises to handle that are really just one, and she’s NOT DOING IT WELL AT ALL

How many alien races are looking for this meep?!?!

Nooooooooo because watching this ON BERNARD CRIBBINS’S BIRTHDAY KNOWING HE IS NOW DEAD but I swear to all that is good, if this is another “great big outer space dumbo” moment. Donna just said Wilf “isn’t with us anymore,” and the Doctor’s gonna go waxing poetic…he just doesn’t live with the family anymore, right? He’s in a retirement home or something??

I was right. And both Donna and Sylvia called him an idiot for it 💀

Not to say poor Sylvia again, but like…their home is now being attacked and invaded by two different sets of aliens (well, one is humans being possessed by something alien), and she just wants to keep her daughter alive!!! But she keeps saying all this doesn’t exist. There’s no way to deny it now

Look, I’ll overlook the slightly hamfisted “did you assume the meep’s pronouns?” But I cannot abide by the sonic screwdriver 3D printing a barrier to protect the group from all the blasts happening in this house

You know the movie Cats Don’t Dance? The meep just took a turn more drastically evil than Darla

I mean…if you’ve never heard of the meep, you would one hundred percent fall for its cuteness

Donna’s heart is so good. She gave away her lottery money because it was a way she could help people living in danger, pain, and fear

Excuse me?? Did you just say “sounds like the kind of thing you would do”?? Like she’s starting to remember the Doctor? Maybe???

I kind of wish the meep had kept its cute docile demeanor while still being super evil. That would have been a little more interesting, but I recognize this is not a creature of my creation

SHE CALLED HIM THE DOCTOR

I love that he thinks telling Donna she can’t get involved actually means anything, actually means she won’t. You traveled with her before. She cannot be told no

Omgggg Donna’s “okay” when the Doctor told her that they could save London together but it would mean she would die. Like, on one hand, believable that Donna would be okay with dying to save her daughter, but imagine the pain of the lengths Sylvia has gone to for 15 years to keep HER daughter safe and alive.

He’s waking her like a sleeper agent?? Like the Winter Soldier??

Pffffffffffft, she’s so mad at himmmmmmm for being the inspiration for giving away all her lottery moneyyyyyy I’m dead

Fuck, Donna is so cool. Earlier sh said if anyone gave her daughter trouble she would DESCEND. And as she ruins the meep’s plans to destroy London she just yells “DONNA NOBLE IS DESCENDING,” explosions behind her and everything

Oh! Hello Rose!!

Wait…wait…wait…are they trying to say that the metacrisis of the Doctor Donna would eventually make her daughter transgender???? The implication does seem to be there (I can’t wait to unblock the Doctor Who tag)

She also passed down some of her memories of the Doctor and part of what made her Doctor Donna onto Rose…that part does kind of seem very wibbly wobbly biology

And they’re just able to let go of the metacrisis energy or whatever?? I mean, they had to get around it somehow to be able to do two more episodes and I’m glad Donna and Rose did it and not the Doctor…but I can’t help but feel like there could have been a more interesting way. I dunno…

Donna’s husband is so chill. I’m glad she found him

Ok I was gonna be a party pooper about the all white interior for the TARDIS but it’s got color changing lights which is cool

What a heartfelt conversation cut short by Donna spilling coffee in the control center of the TARDIS, making it go haywire, taking them WHO EVEN KNOWS WHERE

Ok Disney+…just because I watch ONE show with a man with some magical powers and artifacts with the title Doctor also starring a character who is a strongwillled red haired woman does not mean I want to watch Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness

[buckyownsmylife]

Cherry Bomb - Sebastian Stan smut

The one where your mob boyfriend will do anything to get you pregnant - including fucking you in front of his friends

Warnings: smut, exhibitionism, kind of praise kink, breeding kink, mob au, daddy kink, mention of diabetes in dirty talk? I swear it makes sense, squirting, 

A/N:  Thank you to my love, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ for reading this over for me. This is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them, instead of on Thursdays, which are my usual one-shot posting days. Hope you guys like it!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Baby, come here.” The sound of his voice surprised me, almost making me drop the tray of cookies I was carrying. When Sebastian told me he’d have a meeting in his office for the better part of the evening, I’d anticipated a pretty boring day by myself - hence the idea of baking to try to occupy my mind with something.

I definitely didn’t expect to be called into said meeting, and couldn’t think of a good reason why that was the case. Still, I didn’t have any reason to disobey him either. In fact, I knew it better than to do that, by now.

So my feet took me in the direction of the only room in the house I didn’t get to spend much time in: his office, my curiosity driving me as much as my eagerness to see him again. It didn’t matter it had only been a couple of hours, I was always desperate for him and his touch.

Thankfully, it seemed like he felt the same. Upon seeing my face appear on the threshold of the door, his usually mean demeanor changed to welcome an excited - if not slightly mischievous - smile, and he reached out to me, almost anxious to feel me near again.

“There you are.” Once on his lap, I relished on the sensation of feeling safe and cared for. This man, who was the cause of so many people’s nightmares and shivers, only ever meant peace and bliss to me. “Where are your manners, honey? C’mon, greet my friends like the good girl I know you are.”

Startled, I took my face out of its preferred hiding spot - the crook of Sebastian’s neck - to finally take notice of the other men in the room: Chris and Anthony, my boyfriend’s closest associates.

“I’m sorry,” I was quick to retract myself, opening up a smile that I hoped would be enough to get me to be forgiven. “It’s nice to see you guys.” The men in question chuckled, and thankfully my minor misbehavior didn’t seem to have affected the atmosphere in the room too badly.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Anthony nodded towards me, his eyes glinting with something I didn’t quite understand. “We all know how you can get when Sebastian calls for you.” My face warmed up with this acknowledgment, and I fought the instinct to hide it against my boyfriend again. Meanwhile, said boyfriend just chuckled lightly, rubbing circles on my back as if he knew it eased my embarrassment somewhat.

“You know I’m just as crazy when you’re around, princess.” That did make me feel a little bit better, and the comments from the other men only helped me further.

“Crazy, possessive, insane…” Anthony counted, his head tilting from one side to another with each word that fell from his lips.

“When she’s around and when she isn’t,” Chris added. I didn’t have to look at my boyfriend to know that he was steaming as he stared his friends down - the fingers that were possessively pressing down on my hips told me as much.

“If you’re done trying to get a kick out of me…” He warned, finally turning his attention completely to me. “Baby, it’s almost time.” I glanced at the clock before realizing that he was right.

Ever since Sebastian decided he wanted to impregnate me, he’d been fucking me around the clock, paying attention to what the doctors said about fertility cycles and prime mating hours, never letting me spend more than sixty minutes without his cum deep inside of me.

“Okay…” I agreed, trying to understand what was his plan, since the other mob bosses’ stances made it pretty clear that the meeting wasn’t over and Sebastian didn’t seem to intend to call it off either.

“Then I think we better start now, huh?” His hand squeezed my thigh, just as a pang of arousal went straight to my already overflowing cunt when his words finally made sense. “Get to work, honey.”

It was an order I’d be stupid not to follow - but I didn’t want to disobey it either. With trembling fingers, I slowly unbuttoned my dress and let it pool down on the floor until I was standing in my underwear in front of my boyfriend and his closest friends, trying to unclasp my bra despite my nervousness.

But Sebastian wasn’t a patient man. Which is why I was hardly surprised when he pulled me to him again, quickly getting rid of my undergarments as he chuckled upon seeing just how damp my panties were from the mixture of both of our cums.

“Such a good little whore,” he whispered, almost to himself - but I heard it, and it prompted a new wave of wetness to flow from me. I made it a point not to look at Anthony and Chris, even though I knew they were staring at me, taking in my body with all of the bite marks and love bites that my boyfriend kept me decorated with, but as I was climbing Seb’s lap, it quickly became clear he wouldn’t allow me the blissful ignorance of his friends’ presence.

“No, no, princess,” he spoke, quickly manhandling me into turning around so I’d sit on his lap with my body turned towards the other men in the room. “Like this.” I gasped when I took in the way Anthony and Chris were looking at me, their eyes dark and lustful - I couldn’t deny that.

My entire body tingled, and I knew my wetness was now dripping from me, running down my thighs. I could feel it. I’d never been this aroused, as humiliating as it was to admit it. Absentmindedly, I started rubbing myself against the head of his member, my eyes glued on both men in front of me, but quickly, Sebastian made sure to get his way again.

“Now it’s not the time for teasing, baby.” That was all the warning he gave me as he started to pull me to sit down on his cock, the thick member stretching me even after all of the times I had it inside of me.

“She’s so wet already,” Anthony commented, eyes glinting dangerously as his tongue swiped over his bottom lip. I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully, my boyfriend took over for me, letting me focus on his cock and the way it was filling me completely.

“Yeah.” He squeezed my hip, and I could hear the pride just in that word, making me melt against him. “You’re always this way for me, aren’t you, honey?” He wasn’t wrong, so I wasn’t about to lie to him.

“Y-yes.” My fucked-out voice had all three men chuckling. Sebastian took advantage of my sitting position to pull my head back and press a kiss to my temple. I relished in it. I loved the gentle caresses he gave me whilst doing the nastiest things to my body.

“Yeah, I fucked her nice and deep already,” my boyfriend informed his friends, the tone sounding almost nonchalant, like it was no big deal. “Besides, she’s always ready for daddy to take, huh? Whenever I want to, you’re always wet for me, aren’t you, princess?”

I must have babbled some sort of agreeance, since he didn’t push me to say anything else. He had started to move me by then, forcing my hips up and down to ride his dick, and my moans took over the silence of the room.

“I bet she’s sweet as candy,” Anthony’s voice broke the tension once more. Behind me, Sebastian laughed, much to my surprise. I was used to his possessive persona, the one who couldn’t deal with anyone staring at me for too long, much less exploring my naked body with their eyes while commenting on the way I tasted.

“Oh, yeah… could make a diabetic die of pleasure between these thighs.” The comment, paired with the hand that found my clit and started rubbing, had me whining in need, already so close to cumming.

“Shit, the sounds that she makes…” That’s when Chris finally joined in on the debauchery, his hand curling over the prominent boner poorly hidden by his slacks. “And here I was, thinking she was this innocent little thing…”

I wanted to say something. I really did, anything to defend myself - even if I wasn’t really being wrongfully accused. It just felt like I should - like, for whatever reason, there was something wrong with me, if I allowed my boyfriend to do this, fuck me in front of his friends, take me for their eyes to see.

But I didn’t. Because one thing was obvious, and I’d never be able to deny it: I liked it. So when Sebastian answered, keeping the conversation going like I wasn’t even in the room, like he wasn’t buried balls deep inside of me, I just kept moaning and mewling, trying my very best to keep myself from orgasming before he allowed me to.

“Oh, but she is,” my boyfriend informed his best friend, and I could feel his proud gaze settling over me once more. “She gets so shy about what I ask her to do, still. But she does it anyway, don’t you, baby? You’re the best girl for daddy, aren’t you?”

I could only nod, particularly since his arm snaked to the front of my body, easily locating my clit so he could start rubbing it. “You know you need to get off first, honey.” His tone was almost disappointed, like he was scolding me. “It helps with the conception.”

I knew that, and as much as I could feel it - the orgasm rising inside of me, threatening to take over and take me to bliss - I didn’t feel like I’d be able to stumble over that edge. Not with so much happening, so many gazes settled on me. It was too much pressure.

“C’mon, you can trust them,” Sebastian tried to convince me, his stubbled jaw rubbing against my naked back. “Show them how cute you look when you cum all over my cock.” The words made me whimper. 

I wanted to, I really really wanted to. And I was so close, but I could feel it slipping away, almost out of reach - “Don’t you want to start our family, princess?” He pressed on, trying to get me to tip over the edge. “Gimme my baby, c’mon.”

And just like that, he coaxed an orgasm out of me. Wetness flooded from where we were joined - he’d always been able to make me squirt so easily, I didn’t even know I was able to do that before we got together.

I could hear Anthony’s “damn” and Chris’ “oh, shit”, but they sounded distant, almost underwater somehow. All I could focus on was the feeling of Sebastian’s fingers bruising my hips as he filled me with his cum, making me moan out loud at the warmth that took over my lower half upon feeling so stuffed.

“There ya go, baby.” I felt my boyfriend press a soft kiss on my temple, as he tucked me against his chest. “Go to sleep now, honey. I know how tired you get once I fuck you throughly.” He wasn’t wrong, I was already yawning. “You’ll stay here for the night.”

And as I felt his cock keeping me plugged, his hands caressing my back while he went back to talk to his partners about business deals, all I could think about was how happy and safe he made me feel.

Especially in front of everyone else.

[miekasa]

any spare levi headcanons tonight????? 😁😁😁😁

Sure, why not, he is the love of my life after all. These are pretty random, and fit in some sort of generalized modern boyfriend au. Hopelessly domestic, as that is the nature of nearly everything I write for Levi, anyway. Also still terribly obsessed with the idea of him with a motorcycle, so there’s that.

He owns at least six black blazers. They’re nearly identical; slight differences in texture and cut, one with lapels, one that’s boldly all leather that you swear you’ve never seen him wear. They’re kind of his go-to staple, other than a sweater.

That being said, he doesn’t exclusively wear all black. His closet leans towards more neutrals, sure, but he’s not allergic to color. You might not catch him wearing neon orange on the average day, but he’s not averse to a nice shade of green, any shade of purple that suits his mood, even a softer pink.

He has towels and rags he sets aside especially for you when he comes over. He always washes them and put them back in place when you leave so that they’re ready to go for next time.

Claims to not have any attachment to the shows/dramas you watch, but he’s totally backseat watching. Halfway into every single series, he starts sitting down when you turn it on, and scoffs at dumb decisions the characters make.

He splurged on one of those frame TVs that look like a painting when they’re idle. It was a good investment in his opinion.

He doesn’t hate Starbucks drinks—there’s worse things out there in terms of quality of tea. What he despises about the establishment is the way they call out names for you to pick up your order. He’s learned that mobile order ahead is the way to go.

Has slippers for around the house, so consequently, you have slippers for walking around his house. He keeps both pairs (and a few extra for friends and guests) tucked neatly beside the door for easy access; yours always go next to his.

Does not understand the purpose of a robe. Buy him one tho and he will suddenly find an excuse to wear it: making breakfast, lounging around watching TV, doing some light cleaning and dusting. It’s comfy, alright, he can admit that much.

The little puppy you got him that he swore he was not going to warm up to now gets the royal treatment. The best doggie goods and treats, top rated shampoos, cutest drying towels, even a miniature couch he constructed just for the pup. They’re best friends, there’s no breaking that bond now.

Speaking of the puppy, affectionately named Captain, Levi can be found walking him every day shortly after work. They have a few different routes, but they always pass by the local vendors/market, who enthusiastically anticipate their appearance every day. Some of the older ladies running stands have even taken to bringing a few treats with them for Captain—after bundling up some goods for Levi, too, of course.

Captain also has a special doggy backpack Levi uses for when he’s on his motorcycle. If you follow anybody on TikTok in his area, you’re bound to see at least one video of the pup while Levi’s out riding. He’s become viral on social media without even knowing it.

(When you show him a video someone posted of him and Captain with well over 100k likes, and a million views, he only rolled his eyes. But remembers that particularly day; remembers the folks had a kid who politely asked to pet the dog, so he let him. He also maybe asks you to send the link to him).

On the subject of the motorcycle, there was a good few weeks he wouldn’t let you on it. Always found an excuse, a smart reply that was punctuated with gentle push on your forehead and calling you too clumsy for it. Later, you found out it’s because he’d ordered you a helmet; didn’t want to risk you riding without one.

He always keeps it in the storage compartment should he make a stop to pick you up while he’s riding; and he usually wears at least two layers to have a spare to wrap you in before you get on.

When he cooks, he always makes sure there’s enough for leftovers and/or to give you some later. He also bakes frequently, and at least once a week, he stops by with some kind of treat for you—“Trying out a new recipe, let me know if you think it’s missing anything.”

On the subject of food, he won’t police what you eat to annoying extent; he knows that not everybody has the time or will to make pasta from scratch like he does. But, he will smack your wrist if you consider ordering fast food when you’re over at this place. Give him 30 minutes and a single pan, he’ll make something much better than whatever you can find on Uber Eats.

Really, though, he doesn’t mean to obnoxious about the homemade food thing, it’s more habit for him. Growing up, he had to learn to be resourceful, so buying fast-food isn’t ever at the forefront of his mind. Cooking for you also turns out to be something somewhat intimate that he enjoys, so just let him.

Once bought an Apple Watch because he liked the look of them, it wasn’t insanely expensive like other high end watches, and it could connect to his other devices, so why not? A week later he returned it, the ping of his notifications were in one too many places for his liking.

You tried to convince him to keep it—“At least for when you’re jogging! It can track your activity and calories!”—but he clicks his teeth. He’ll survive without keeping track of them.

He learned the hard way that jogging with Captain is no good. His legs are too tiny and Levi ended up carrying the puppy the entire time. Captain is more of a walk dog… or ride on the back of his bike dog.

If you changed anything in his phone settings—like the ringtone for you contact, or the sound his keyboard makes—he wouldn’t go back in and try to figure out how to reset it. Unless it was something obnoxious, like adding an autocorrect shortcut to say something lewd.

He doesn’t really listen to music when he’s just walking. When he’s on a run, that’s fine, but he somewhat prefers to just… hear the environment around him when he’s on a stroll or a break from work. The only reason he’d have headphones on in public is to take a phone call, but even then, he’d prefer to wait until he’s somewhere more private.

He likes having you over at his apartment and has contemplated asking you to move in. He doesn’t want to rush anything, though, so he’s content with your sleepovers for now. (Though he really cannot fathom that you call them “sleepovers” like you’re 14. Please).

He speaks to his mother at least once a week, and she always asks about you. Levi tells her that you’re fine, gives her small updates about you, but Kuchel really just wants to know when the wedding is. He pretends to be busy whenever she starts asking and conveniently ends the call.

Occasionally, he’ll stop by and take you out for lunch. Depends on how much time he has during the day for himself, but he always enjoys sharing a meal with you.

Whenever you’re out with your friends drinking, Levi will pick you up. Even if you already told him that you’d Uber home; as soon as you text him that you’re going to leave soon, he’s already on his way.

He makes pretty good cocktails himself. Teases you for running his alcohol supply dry when the truth is he has more of your favorites in his cabinet than his own. He secretly likes the way you flirt with him when you’re tipsy.

You don’t always cuddle on top of each other when you sleep together. You can just lay by each other and that’s enough; but sometimes, you catch Levi turning towards you in his sleep, reaching for your hand. His body seems to search for yours subconsciously, and you swear there’s a hint of a smile on his sleeping face when you put your hand within reach.

Do not try to pay for dinner when you’re out with him. He’ll pull the “I’m going to use the restroom” move and pay the bill behind your back if he needs to. Open your own doors, maybe; pull out your own chairs, sure if you want; but not this.

He flosses very diligently every night. Mostly because he fucking hates the dentist, so if he takes the extra steps and is extra careful with his teeth, he doesn’t have to go as often, right?—Wrong, it’s the one time the roles are reversed, and you and Hange have to wrestle him into the doctor’s office.

On the flip side, if there are any doctors you routinely avoid and/or forget to schedule check ups for, fear not, because Levi will do it for you. He’ll drive you there, too—the only caveat being, that he usually doesn’t tell you where you’re going until you’re almost there. You think he’s doing the mysterious man surprise date thing and then boom, he’s pulling up to the ophthalmologist. Good luck.

He’s purchased a physical, paper copy of the news on every one of your anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions. He keeps them all neatly tucked away in a drawer. Sometimes, he looks back on them—sees what was happening in the world around you on that day. Maybe someday he’ll cut them up and bind them together in a book for you.

He doesn’t like having headphones in when you’re home with him, and preferred if you didn’t either—unless it was for work or school. He welcomes you to use his speakers and play your music aloud; he likes listening to what you listen to. If you look closely, you can catch him humming along or tapping his foot when he really likes a song.

Saves pictures you send him in an album in his camera roll. Occasionally can be found scrolling through them—particularly if you’ve been away on a trip, or he hasn’t gotten the chance to see you because of conflicting schedules.

He takes relatively short showers and doesn’t have a strong preference for the water temperature, so he lets you shower first. Unless you want him to join you, of course.

It’s not hard to tell when Levi wants you. He becomes noticeably more touchy, even if that margin isn’t too wide by anyone else’s standards; and he rarely tries to hide it. It only happens in the privacy of your apartments; but he’ll come on to you—leaning a bit further into conversations, a hand on your knee, a kind of cloudy look in his eyes.

Sometimes he forgoes the attempts at being subtle, just kisses you out the blue, carefully backs you up against the wall, puts his hands on your hips. He can be awfully direct when given the opportunity.

[safertokiss]

Through a Different Lens

A/N: Well, well, well. Lookie what we have here. New content wowza. I’d say I’m surprised it’s been a while, but I simply am not. Luckily another fic swap has arrived to get my creative juices flowing once again. The gods have gifted me with another perfect opportunity to write sub spence because I was given @writing-in-april as my person yet again. Hooray! Anyways I hope you enjoy and thanks all you cool cats and kittens for the support (we almost to 1000 yeet skrrt). Also, it just happens to be my birthday today so as a gift to myself I thought about subby Spencer for a while.

Pairing: SPENCER x READER

Category: SMUT and can’t forget that fluff

Word Count: 3.2k

ENJOY:)

~~~

It all started completely by accident.

There was no possible way that she would’ve been able to predict just how much they would affect the poor kid. 

She could remember, clear as day, the first time she was forced to wear her glasses to the bureau due to her ongoing frustrations with the torture devices that were also referred to as contacts. There were only so many headaches and eye-waterings that she could take before the insecurity of wearing her frames to work shriveled below the point of caring anymore. 

But none of those previous insecurities held a flame to the amount of confusion she felt when she entered the bullpen and waltzed over to Spencer’s desk to say good morning with a shy smile adorning her face. Y/n hadn’t even been able to get a complete sentence out before the young doctor had turned to her and froze, his mouth hanging open like a fish, his eyes widening to the size of dinner plates, the harsh red blush she had seen before, just maybe not to this extent, engulfing his boyish features. 

Before she could even attempt to ask him what she had done to warrant such a response, he was spouting out a meager, “H-hey Y/n” whilst simultaneously scurrying off in the direction of the nearest bathroom.

Completely and utterly perplexed over what had happened, she had shrugged it off and made her way back to her desk, silently mulling over the interaction periodically throughout the rest of the day. 

It was a couple of the same type of interactions later that Y/n began to take notice of what was actually happening with the boy genius. The stiff and unnatural posture. The stuttering, granted that wasn’t something new, just much more frequent and severe. The audible heartbeat always accompanied by rosy cheeks and goosebumps. 

Spencer Reid was fucking turned on by the glasses.

And he didn’t even try to hide it. Or maybe he did and was just really, really bad at doing so.

Either way, Y/n quickly discovered just how much fun it was getting these reactions to pour out of the kid...so of course she kept wearing the glasses even after she was able to wear contacts again. He didn’t need to know that. 

It was so fucking easy too. 

She would just be sitting at her desk, occupied by some particularly troubling pages of a case file that makes her have to readjust her frames out of stress, when she’d hear a high pitched squeak across the bullpen, followed by the pattering of frantic footsteps she had familiarized herself with in former few weeks. 

While she felt some kind of guilt for putting him through this, it was nowhere near enough to overtake the genuine excitement and gratification that came with knowing she could have such an effect on the adorable doctor.

Of course she found him attractive...how could she not with his perfectly sculpted cheekbones and nerdy slicked back hair. Ultimately Y/n could understand his apparent infatuation with her wearing glasses as she had caught herself, on more than a couple occasions, openly ogling his own specs. 

Maybe they were both weirdos...the whole situation was almost as strange as the Converse kink that she secretly harbored for years. Although her intuition was quick to suggest that, just maybe, both of her unique infatuations stemmed from the same noodle-shaped source.

Perhaps her favorite reaction of his, though, came about during the little office birthday party that the entire team had thrown for him.

He looked so adorable in the gigantic birthday cake hat they had bestowed upon him, Y/n could hardly contain her giggles at the giddy smile adorning his face. She watched on in amusement as Spencer tried desperately to get the candles on his cake to extinguish, to no avail, at least until someone felt bad watching his struggles and decided to give him a hand.

“They’re trick candles Spence, they’re gonna come back on every time.”, JJ chuckled, subtly smirking at Morgan who was also enjoying Spencer’s ongoing struggles. 

A couple “happy birthdays” later and the rest of the team slowly began to disperse, leaving just Y/n and him alone in their own little space. He must’ve noticed this too because the blush that had already been present throughout the celebration beforehand seemed to deepen even further as he visibly swallowed down his nerves.

Slowly stalking towards the rouge kissed boy, she dragged a couple of her fingers across the surface of the desk, noting the way his eyes briefly flicked down to follow the movement before hesitantly returning his gaze to match her own. 

She also noted the way his knuckles were basically turning white from the amount of pressure he was using to grab the sides of the chair.

“You have a good birthday, Spence?”, Y/n drawled with a teasing smile, now standing directly before the trembling young man.

Seeming to snap out of whatever sort of trance he had been in, he hastily cleared out his throat before responding with a bit of trepidation. “Hmm...yeah-yes uh yes it was v-very good, than-thank you.”

She couldn’t even attempt to conceal the smirk that had made its way to her lips listening to the genius stutter through his words. Such a nervous, nervous boy. So adorable. So fucking hot. 

“Well that makes me happy. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself pretty boy.”, she paused her thoughts soaking in the little hitches in his breath surely from how close she was standing near him and the added nickname. Deciding to play a little bit dirty, she leaned over directly into his line of sight to reach for the cake set before him.

 “Now how about I take this away and cut it up for all of us to eat? Hmmm?”

His eyes darted immediately to the cleavage that was so graciously presented to him as she bent over to pick up the dessert, a sharp little gasp escaping his pretty, pink lips as his pupils dilated carelessly. 

Y/n inwardly smirked at his reaction and began walking towards the kitchenette, but only made it about three or four steps before being interrupted. 

“Did you know that in some instances birthday candles are safe for wax play?”, he exclaimed before seemingly realizing what had just escaped his lips, his hands flying up to cover his traitorous mouth. 

Bewildered, in the best of ways, by what had just been said, she slowly swiveled back around, facing him once again, before placing the cake on the desk beside her. 

“What was that Spencer?”, she grinned at the petrified man who hadn’t made a single noise since his unexpected declaration. The poor thing looked like a caged in animal with nowhere to escape. Perfect.

“N-nothing! I m-mean obviously it was um s-something, but j-just uh just forget what I s-said.”, he quickly explained while frantically shaking his hands as if he was hoping he could simply wipe your memory of the last minute or two away permanently.

“No, no please go on.”, she teased. “Now I’m intrigued. What did you mean by ‘in some instances’ Spence?”

She wasn’t expecting the look of confusion, however brief it was, that peeked its way through the overwhelming embarrassment that had been showcased on his face, as if he truly couldn’t fathom that someone was actually asking him to go into more detail about a topic. 

Still didn’t change the fact that he was completely mortified.

Clearing his throat, he hesitantly lifted his gaze back to Y/n’s, seemingly debating with himself over whether he could articulate the words to come out or not. 

“Um...well..usually many p-people who choose to e-engage in such act-activities will use specific types of c-candles that are uh more designed especially for pl-play.”, he paused and she drank up the way his Adam's apple bobbed along his throat. “Uh… basically depending on the t-type of candle that one u-uses, the amount of pain or um d-discomfort differs. B-birthday candles tend to b-be on the more painful side so only the couples who are in-into that kind of thing would ever really utilize t-them.”, he finished abruptly, his leg bouncing rapidly in her line of vision.

She still couldn’t really believe she had actually gotten him to say anything at all, nevermind an in depth analysis on wax play. In a weird way she was proud of him. Really proud. Sometime amidst her thoughts, she’d found herself standing directly behind his sitting figure, her hands resting on either side of him against the table, the goosebumps visible on his skin from the implications of the position they were currently in.

“That’s really intriguing Spencer. I’d love to find out someday just why it is you know so much about the subject, but I don’t want to make you go into cardiac rest anytime soon.”, she remarked, giggling at the shy smile that made its way to his mouth.

She didn’t even register reaching out to lightly touch his lips until she heard his sharp intake of breath. Until he turned his head so they were mere centimeters apart. Until she watched his puppy eyes dart between her lips and your frame covered gaze. Until the space between them seemed to be lessening with every sec-

“Hey pretty boy! Where’s my cake?”

Y/n grudgingly pulled back at the interruption, watching in amusement as Spencer’s body instinctively leaned forward as if his lips hadn’t gotten the memo and were still searching for hers. “It’s coming right up you lazy ass!” she yelled back with a grin on her face.

She looked back to the boy sitting before her and was almost mesmerized by the dazed look present on his face, the blush slowly retreating as he came back to his surroundings. She could tell there were words that he wanted to say, but they just didn’t seem to be forming fast enough to actually come out. Deciding to put their little moment on hold before he passed out, she walked back over to the neglected dessert and started heading towards the break room again.

“I’ll make sure to save you the biggest piece, Spence.”,she threw over her shoulder, chuckling at the bewildered look still that was still present on his face.

~~~

The day was a big success in her opinion. 

Spencer looked even more like a child than usual with the big shit eating grin that remained throughout the celebration and the bulky hat that he refused to take off. She could never understand how someone could have such an affinity for sugar as she watched him devour the huge slice of cake she had carved up for him.

But hours later, it was just her and Spencer left in the building. 

And she was not about to let that go to waste.

Y/n could see him from where she stood at the entrance to the kitchenette. She could see the way he slouched over his desk with his legs curled underneath him, criss cross applesauce, as he scribbled down whatever case file he was working on. She admired his determined work ethic, that’s for sure.

But now was simply not the time to work.

Spencer immediately froze as soon as her body situated itself to be leaning against his desk, painfully aware of her gaze on his tense form. 

“H-hey Y/n.”, he nervously murmured, the stutter once again making her giddy.

“Hey yourself doc. Wanna tell me why it is you’re still here working at such a late hour? Doesn’t the elusive Spencer Reid have better things to be entertaining himself with?”, she drawled, her piercing gaze making the poor kid squirm before her eyes.

“Oh um no...n-not really. I actually don’t mind working late. It’s k-kind of therapeutic in a way. But um...I’m happy t-that you’re here w-with me.”, he whispered the last part as if he was scared you wouldn’t appreciate his gratitude.

But she appreciated it more than he knew.

Noticing the little pencil holder situated amongst the file stacks on his desk, an idea popped into her mind that she just couldn’t shake, prompting her to pick it up and begin fiddling with it.

“Oh is that so pretty boy? Does my presence satisfy you?” Before he could even attempt an answer she “accidently” dropped the holder on the ground, the array of pens and pencils dispersing among the floor. “Oops my bad.”

Spencer immediately scrambled out of his seat and onto the floor to start collecting the colorful writing utensils, the perfect distraction needed for Y/n to situate herself on his desk with her legs spread open directly in front of his face. 

“D-don’t worry abou-”, his sentence cut off as he looked up and was met with the tantalizing sight of her white lace panties already damp with her excitement. She swore he could die happy with the way his eyes widened and cheeks flushed. She couldn’t help but chuckle lightly.

“See something you like baby?” Unable to even form words, the young doctor slowly nodded his head, eyes still locked on the obvious wet spot between her open legs.

“C-can I..can I um…”

“Use your words baby boy. Can you what?”, she spoke clearly, grasping his chin so he’d look her in the eyes.

“C-can I taste you?” She couldn't get over the desperate way he spoke as if he’d die of thirst if he didn’t get a drink from her.

“Of course you can sweet b-” Not even letting the words leave her mouth, his hands were eagerly pulling her panties down and off her legs, his lips instantly connecting with the heated flesh at the apex of her thighs. She swore his tongue and lips were enchanted with the way he was able to effortlessly maneuver his way around, easily picking up on what she loved. 

“Oh Spencer you’re such a good boy.” she couldn’t resist  threading her fingers through his silky hair and tugging slightly, an action she assumed he enjoyed based on the muffled whine she heard from between her thighs. 

It hadn’t even been more than a few minutes before she found herself already on the verge of letting go. No guy had ever been able to make her feel this good and just electric until now. He was quickly ruining her for anyone else in the future. She did not mind in the slightest.

“Baby I really wanna feel you inside me. Is that something you want sweetheart?”

He reluctantly pulled back after a few more kitten licks to her clit, wide eyes finding hers and whimpering out a broken “yes”. More than happy with his response she gently pulled him up by his hair and started undoing his belt, his oversized pants easily falling down without the extra support. Just another thing about him that she had come to adore. She was very pleased by the obvious bulge that protruded through his baby blue checkered boxers. 

Before she pulled those down too, though, she very gently reached up and cupped his cheeks, guiding his plump lips to her own, basking in the delighted whimpers that escaped his mouth at the soft but passionate contact. She released his lips with a slight nip and proceeded with his clothing removal, coaxing him to sit down in the swirly chair he had been previously residing in, before straddling his lap. 

“You ready sweet boy?”, she asked leaning forward to kiss his rouge forehead and cheeks.

“Mhmm I’m r-ready.”

Taking that as the go ahead, she cautiously positioned herself over his throbbing erection before slowly lowering herself inch by inch until he was completely enveloped by her tight, warm walls. 

“Oh-ohh my.”, he whimpered at the overwhelming feeling of being connected so intimately. Gently, she started to move a bit more, hesitantly lifting up before lowering herself back down, flush against his lap, one of her soft hands anchoring herself to his shoulder while the other caressed his flushed cheeks.

“I know baby, I know. You feel so good baby boy I don’t think I’m going to be able to last much longer.”

“M-me neither.”, he stuttered as the pace she had previously set seemed to increase in speed, the excitement and ecstasy getting to the both of them and subconsciously pushing the two of them closer to their shared release. 

The fire was quickly building within her body and she knew she was truly crumbling at the seams, but with the way his body was trembling and his dick was subtly twitching inside of her she knew he was right there too.

“It’s ok baby boy, it’s ok. Cum for me sweet boy. I want you to cum inside and fill up my pussy Spence.”, she muttered feeling the beginning of her end crash unexpectedly throughout her entire being, grasping onto the boy underneath her to tie herself to the earth. 

Overwhelmed by the utter euphoria of Y/n cumming around him, Spencer let himself get thrown off the edge, his hands tightening on her waist hard enough she was sure little bruises would form come tomorrow, not that she minded at all.

“Oh Y/n!” She watched on, obsessed with the way that his mouth fell open in a little o-shape as his eyes squeezed shut, the tell tale signs of pleasure coursing through his veins, the warm feeling that he left deep inside of her as she gently lifted herself from his shaking legs, reaching for her panties before the warmth was able to escape down her damp thighs.

Looking back at the trembling boy after cleaning herself and him up, she couldn’t help but melt at the lovesick, puppy dog eyes he was giving her, prompting her to lean forward and leave more little kisses on the top of his damp hair.

“That was incredible Spence. Really incredible. I’ve never felt anything like that before baby.”

She melted even further at the way he shyly dropped his head to somewhat hide the wide grin that had spread like wildfire across his face. There was a comfortable silence between the two of them before his head lifted with a questioning glance.

“How’d you-I mean uh how did you know that I liked you?” There was no way she could control the giggles that left her lips at his silly question.

“You weren’t exactly subtle with the whole glasses thing Spence.”

And then the only sound heard throughout the building was her full blown laughter at the mortification that speedily adorned his cherry cheeks.

Tag List: @hopebaker @pastathighs @psychedellic-phase @gloryekaterina @sleepysnapesnake @racharr @etherealgubler @furiouspartyrebelhoagie @andiebeaword @liaabsurd @cielo1984 @starkeybaby @victomizedbyreginageorge @rainsong01 @moonlight-jukebox @gretaamyk @httpnxtt @rachelxwayne @watermelonstyl @goldnratio @cheyxminds @kricketc29 @cupcake525 @pinkdiamond1016 @slutforthegubes @shadyladyperfection @emilysallysmith @babblingbrookex @legendaryanimeaestheticclou @sunstspidey @ashwarren32 @pixels-impulse @eviewildflower @spencerreider @awkwardsadaa @dirty-pan-goblin @ughgoaway @cromies90-blog @mightaswell247 @calm-and-doctor @golden-hoax @1mpvls3 @lonewolf471 @centiaaa @spencerspecifics

[jessikahathaway]

Ambrosia - Prologue

Park Jimin (Aphrodite) X Reader

Genre: GreekGod!AU, Genderbent Aphrodite!AU, Romance, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn and Smut (Future)

Warnings: Mentions of terminal illness, Jimin in a SUIT, Namjoon being a lil nosy, profanity (if I forgot anything please let me know!)

Words: 3.1k (YA GIRL PROCRASTINATED TOO LONG AND DIDN'T GET THE FULL CHAPTER DONE SO WE'RE DOING A PROLOGUE. K? K.)

Summary: Cast out of Olympus with the task to find his one true love, Aphrodite is certain his match will come to him. But as the years drag on, what happens when the God of Love, gives up?

Days in a flower shop in the middle of a decent sized town can pass by fast or slow. There can be days with what feels like hundreds of orders coming through the tiny store, and then there are the days where the employees just wind up looking at their phones the whole time and not one soul passes through the door.

But on special days, all it takes is one person to walk through those doors and everything changes.

This is a story of one of those days.

--

Tuesdays could seriously go fuck off for all you cared. This particular Tuesday was proving to be a test on every ounce of your patience and every single time you heard that door bell ring as the gates of hell opened, your shoulders sagged a little more. Something about their flowers wasn’t right. The blue wasn’t like the sky but like the sea and that’s an issue. The flowers look wilted. Always something.

But, like you did every day you turned to the customer and gave them a huge smile, ready to help them with whatever they needed. Even if it meant losing your sanity little by little.

The day passed this way, going on and the clock didn’t seem to be moving at your desired pace. So, you sat on the chair behind the desk at the front and gazed out the window.

It was a warmer spring day.

The trees were budding and life was returning after a long winter. You loved this time of the year. Everything becoming new again, alive and welcoming. But, it also means more work for you. It’s never been a problem, but this past year has been particularly hard.

Your younger sister passed away.

She’d been fighting a long illness, one with a poor prognosis. At a young age you and Sana were placed in the foster system, living with a decent enough upbringing. The foster parents were never mean or cruel, but they weren’t your parents. Whom you barely remembered now. So when you turned eighteen you asked if you could become her legal guardian. Your foster parents had agreed, wishing you and her the best of luck...

But luck had never been on you or your sister’s side.

Her illness started to rapidly progress, causing more and more doctor’s visits and more money being pulled from your measly savings. It wasn’t enough. You were having to take out loans and everything just to keep the lights on in your apartment.

Sana, however, kept her spirits high no matter the situation. She was the positive one. The bright one that everyone gravitated towards in school. She was your light. And now your life is duller. Your sister loved to go through the streets in her wheelchair, looking at the budding leaves and flowers that were growing on the trees.

“Look Y/N!” she’d squeak. “They’re so beautiful. I want to open a flower shop, and I’m going to sell the most beautiful flowers to people.”

As her birthday present you decided to open the flower shop.

It was her last one.

Looking out at the spring blooming in front of you it was hard to be happy, knowing how much your sweet Sana would’ve loved it. Life often wasn’t fair, but you hadn’t expected it to be so. You weren’t a bad person, but bad things had happened. But you were alive, and had a life to keep living.

As much as the flower shop was Sana’s dream, you couldn’t sell it when she died. It had become your safe haven. A little place to call your own. Even if it was Sana’s dream, you had made it real. Real enough for the both of you, and now you gotta keep it going. Even if the loan to open it made your wallet want to cry, it was enough. Plenty.

Because it was yours.

A single tear fell down your cheek as you thought of your beloved sister, and her cute cheeks and beautiful eyes that never held an ounce of fear or regret. A few petals fell from the blossoming tree outside in the wind and fell to the ground in a swirl of pastel hues that made you smile.

More tears moved down your cheeks and you wiped them away in frustration. She wouldn’t want you to be upset, she’d want you to be happy and to continue with your life. Keep going and make something of yourself.

Sana used to say that you were always Y/N the big sister and never just... Y/N. And you knew it was true. You were supposed to take care of her, but now that she’s gone... T-There was no one to care for but yourself.

You’d have to be enough.

Suddenly, the bell above your door ran proudly, making your teary eyes refocus on the person entering the store. Those tears were quickly replaced with a look of wonder.

A man walked through the door, head held high and his eyes scanned the area like he was inspecting it. Wiping your already sweaty palms on your apron you approached him with a gentle smile.

“Welcome to Sana’s flowers, how can I assist you?” you asked, coming towards him. The man took in your appearance and a calm expression steeled over his face.

“Hi, are you Sana?” he asked, referring to the name.

“No, Sana was my sister,” you said, swallowing hard. The man seemed to understand.

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to impose,” he said, bowing lightly.

“You’re fine, no worries. How can I help you?” you asked, looking at his apparel.

He was dressed in a fine suit, tailored to his every inch, must’ve been expensive as hell. You could probably open a whole new section of your shop with the money he was dripping in.

You weren’t known for having an upper class clientele, not that the occasional businessman came in and asked for a bouquet of your finest flowers. Sometimes two... Shaking your head you focused on the man in front of you as best as you could. But, his features were so striking it was hard to keep your eyes from wander...

“Park Jimin,” he introduced, holding his hand out politely.

“Y/N,” you said, extending your own hand and taking his in yours. Shaking gently he gave a smile that could rival the very stars in the sky. This man was more breathtaking the longer you looked, making your palms start to sweat even more.

“A pleasure, Y/N,” he said. “I’m having an event to celebrate my family's company. It’s the 125 year of it’s business and we are looking to source from the local populace instead of corporations to provide a more intimate setting for the investors and other members of the company,” Jimin said, rambling off a lot of information for your sleep deprived brain.

“I see, so you’re looking for floral arrangements?” You asked, heading towards your book of options. Jimin followed you over, leaning towards you so close you could smell his cologne. A spicy scent that wasn’t overpowering but more... alluring? Inviting?

Shaking your head you pulled up your options of centerpieces and the like, showing him what styles you had available and Jimin paid close attention to each set. Asking questions about what flowers would look good in what vases and if they did better in foam or water.

“For events I prefer the foam personally. Less likelihood of someone knocking a vase over and water getting everywhere. But the flowers are more mobile in the water, so it’s about what you’re looking for in regards to the feel,” you said.

Jimin seemed to weigh his options for a moment. “I like the traditional styles you showed me. The simple little flowers decorating around the larger arrangements, it looks classy and provides the color I’m looking for,” he said, nodding.

Making a note you grabbed a notepad to start writing all the information down.

“So when is your event? A month, two?” You said, throwing out a few different times.

“Two weeks,” he said. You froze, swallowing hard.

“Ah, I see,” you said, biting your lip.

“Is that a problem?” He asked, looking up at your pained expression.

“It’s just, the flowers might take a minute to get here. And I arrange everything by hand, so it takes me a little longer. How many tables were you going to have and the garlands for the stairways as well?” You asked.

“Well as for tables I have 150 dinner tables, 50 cocktail tables and 8 large banquet tables. There are two main stairwells that wrap around to the main area so there will be about 400ft worth of garland necessary,” he calculated slowly.

“Okay,” you said, rubbing your temples slowly.

“How many people do you have on your payroll?” He asked, looking around and noticing the empty space.

“Just me. My friend Namjoon likes to come and help sometimes but he’s a full time nurse so,” you shrugged.

“Would you be able to do this in two weeks with just by yourself?” He asked, raising a brow.

“I can always try,” you said, giving a gentle smile.

“How much would it cost?” He asked.

“Depends on the flowers you want, you already picked the style so one second,” you said, grabbing your calculator and running the numbers really quick. “I can do expedited shipping on the flowers to get them here faster but then you run the risk of stems getting broken and not having enough. But I can order more to compensate but then that’s more money,” you said.

Finally you had a total and you frowned.

“It would be around $2,156 if we did the expedited shipping and ordered more flowers to compensate for the potential broken ones,” you said, biting your lip. That was a lot of money to spend on flowers for a simple dinner event. You knew it, but with everything he wanted and the time frame it was the best you could do... You didn’t even charge him for the probability of Namjoon helping. Because then it would jump up to the 3,000 dollar mark and you weren’t going to push your luck.

After a few moments, Jimin pulled out his checkbook and started writing the check out. Your eyes bulged when he pushed the piece of paper towards you, his pen clicking with a sense of finality.

“What kind of flowers should we get?” He said, a smile on his face. You looked down and almost flung the check right back at him.

$5,500

This man had just dropped over five thousand dollars without blinking.

“Th-This is too much,” you said, trying to push it back towards him.

“You charged me for base flowers, and it’s super short notice. Take the extra as a tip,” he smiled.

“I-I can’t accept over two thousand dollars as a tip. If I get audited I’ll be screwed,” you said.

“No you won’t, it’ll be fine. Please, take it,” he encouraged, placing the check back in front of you.

You swallowed thickly, trying to keep yourself from panicking. You did have a large loan payment coming up, and this would lessen that blow significantly...

But wasn’t it wrong?

“Alright...” you trailed off, taking the check and stamping it before putting it in your deposit bag.

“What type of flowers do you recommend using?” He asked, looking at you with a gentle gleam in his bright eyes.

“Peonies and hydrangeas are a great combo with complementary color palettes. I always love doing grass pieces as a nice natural moment but, baby's breath is a classic and more traditional if that’s what you’re looking for,” you said.

“Can we do the soft blue hydrangeas and white peonies?” He asked, looking at the sample photos you had.

“Yes, the white peonies would bring a nice fullness and the hydrangeas can add the color,” you explained.

“Perfect, let’s do that then,” he said, nodding.

“Okay! I’ll get the order to go in and get the expedited shipping and we should get them by the end of the week. They’ll go into the fridge and that should help keep them fresh,” you said.

“Here.”

You turned around to see a small card placed on the table in front of you.

“What’s this?” You asked, lifting the small thing to your eyes.

“My number,” he said, grinning. “Message me when the flowers come in.”

“O-Okay, absolutely!”

Jimin smiled then, a bright dazzle expression that had your mouth drying in longing.

“I look forward to hearing from you, Y/N,” he said.

“I look forward to it as well, Mr. Park,” you said politely. Jimin tutted and shook his head.

“No, Jimin will do just fine. Have a great day Y/N,” he waved, turning on his heel and heading out the door.

You looked at the numbers and sighed.

God you were so fucked.

—

“So, let me get this straight,” Namjoon said over the phone. “Hot guy in a suit comes in and orders a fuck ton of flowers you know you can’t do yourself and you agree because he dropped an extra few grand in the check? Y/N! You can’t do that, I’ll only be able to help you arrange the bouquets the day of. So you’ll have to put them all together yourself! When will you sleep? Eat? Poop!?!” He yelped.

“Firstly, my bowel movements are none of your concern,” you stated. “And second of all, I can’t refuse that kind of money! The next loan payment is going to fuck me over if I don’t have this padding. Please Joonie, tell me you can help me at least the night before,” you pleaded.

“I really can't Y/N, I’m working night rotation. So, I could maybe stop by in the morning but then the flowers have to sit longer,” he reasoned.

“Yeah I know... Can you switch?” You said, a soft voice replacing your whining.

“I wish I could, but there’s hardly any staff that night as it is. And we’re all pulling hours we don’t like. I can’t ask them to do more. Poor Taehyung has already covered me this month and I would rather throw myself in front of a car than ask again,” he said.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re busy and I’m desperate, but... I’ll figure it out,” you said, rubbing your face in exhaustion.

“What kind of asshat doesn’t come in until last minute to order a huge ass amount of floral arrangements?” Namjoon asked.

“An asshat named Park Jimin apparently,” you said, twisting the stem of a flower in front of you.

“You-You mean the Park Jimin?” Namjoon stuttered.

“I don’t know how many of them there are, Namjoon. I just know what this one looked like,” you said.

“Doesn’t he have like, neon pink hair or something?” He asked.

“Um, no? It was blonde-ish when he was in here,” you said.

“Plump lips?”

“Yeah?”

“Eyes that command the panties of women to drop?” He asked.

“Sir, my panties stayed firmly in place so I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about,” you huffed.

“For now, Y/N, for now. Anyways,” he said dismissively. “If this is the Park Jimin we’re talking about you need to be very careful.”

“What? What are you talking about,” you whispered.

“He’s like a sex God or something. He’s got game better than Jordan, okay? But he never commits to anyone,” he said, seriously.

You rolled your eyes, even though the man couldn’t see you.

“My heart isn’t in danger here, Namjoon. We’ll be fine. I can handle an attractive businessman,” you said.

“Yeah, but can your cum thirsty twat handle it?”

“Sir, I’m gonna hang up,” you warned.

“As a nurse I demand to know the last time you got laid,” he said. “It’s for you health of course.”

“That should be a HIPPA violation,” you complained.

“Yeah, not a friendship violation though. Tell me when was the last time you were left boneless between the sheets my guy,” he said.

“I don’t see how this has to do with floral arrangements,” you sighed. “But since your bitch ass needs to know it was about a year ago.”

“Well, maybe it is time to get back in the ring,” he reasoned.

“Namjoon, there’s no need to get me a suitor. You’re not my dad trying to get another cow on the farm or something,” you joked.

“Do you think Park Jimin would give me a cow if I gave him you?” He asked, sounding too serious for your liking.

“I’m really gonna hang up now,” you said, pulling your phone away from your face.

“Just, be safe Y/N! Don’t work too hard, I love you!” You heard screamed from the receiver.

“Yeah love you too Joonbug,” you said, hanging up and looking at the clock. The numbers glared back at you like they were judging you for being up this late. But you simply shrugged and went and took a much needed shower.

That man had you sweating like a sinner in church.

As you bathed you tried to think of your next plan of attack, but the water was too warm and soon you found yourself relaxing into the stream happily. Once you were done you cracked open a can of beer and sat down in your living room ready to start the night right, when a message floated across your screen.

Joonbug: IS THIS THE CULPRIT?!? Jpg.1013

You stared at the screen with an unamused face, but picked up your device anyway. Namjoon had sent you the picture and you could tell the fucker picked the first one off of google images like the lame hoe he was, but you looked regardless.

And, surprisingly, it was him.

The cherubic cheeks and wide smile, bright eyes and an alluring body. You sighed and texted him back.

Y/N: Yea, that’s him.

Joonbug: OH REAAALLLLYYYY???

Y/N: I hate you so much.

Joonbug: You can’t resist. THIS.

Y/N: I’ve resisted your rat poison for years, I think I got it.

Joonbug: EXcUSE MEEEE??? I am at least some kind of like, sexy poison???

Y/N: I’m dying either way, why do I care if it’s sexy or not?

Joonbug: :((((((

You left the conversation at that, but your mind began to wander. How were you going to finish this order and not embarrass yourself in front of a multimillionaire?

Maybe you bit off more than you can chew...

[pennylanewrites]

I got seven different asks about the College AU so here are some headcanons I have about them! (imagine aiura is in the picture I couldn’t find a good one with all of them)

I definitely didn’t mean to make this so long but I can’t help it I love them all so much<3

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

Saiki Kusuo

→ marine!!!biology!!!major!!!!!!!!

→ doesn’t need to study but he still does bc he finds marine life so fascinating

→ read all of his textbooks on the first day bc he was so excited eeeek

→ always wears his germanium ring in class so he can stay hashtag focused

→ him and aiura have to bail toritsuka(didn’t go to college) out of jail once a month

→ speaking of aiura, she somehow has convinced him to go on a date on five different occasions

→ i think after high-school he realised he didn’t mind a kind of casual not-relationship with her

→ lets her hug him to greet him and sometimes he hugs back bc college boys stare a lot and he is just worried for her okay?

→ maybe I’m just projecting bc I kin aiura

→ does not go to parties unless he absolutely has to

→ if he does go to a party he’ll drink something quietly in a corner, just watching the crowd

→ a perv laced Teruhashi’s drink and almost lured her up the stairs so of fucking course Kusuo sprinted to help her, holding her on the way home bc men are drawn to her like bees to honey

→ she didn’t let him live it down ever

→ he rented a studio apartment and keeps it super clean, minimum clutter but enough to look lived in

→ cooks amazing food that Nendo smells from upstairs and next thing you know, they’re all bringing chairs to Kusuo’s apartment and have dinner

→ nothing excuses the fact he makes at least eight servings every time–

→ such a dad to everyone honestly

→ usually studies at a library or teleports back home if there’s a big test

→ mrs. saiki was banned from visiting every two days but she still ends up there somehow

→ not that he minds bc he’s the biggest mama’s boy ever

→ probably graduates a year early

→ doesn’t move away even though he got a job at the aquarium at the other side of the city help–

Kaidou Shun

→ fine arts major you can NOT change my mind

→ doesn’t do good in theoretical subjects but mans can draw some good bowls of fruit

→ wears those stained from the paints t-shirts all the time bc ‘no they’re not dirty it’s art!’

→ him and aren have small designated spaces in their apartment so they can focus on their hobbies/studying

→ his corner at the living room has newspapers on the floor to protect it from the splattering paint, some canvases propped up on the wall and a lot of unfinished projects

→ hides all of them when Nendou comes over

→ can not cook or clean to save his life

→ so he calls his mum to help clean up when Aren is at work

→ got over his 8th grader syndrome at some point

→ still wears red bandages bc he’s edgy

→ volunteers at the neighborhood exhibit centre

→ got asked to showcase his own works for a night and hasn’t shut up about it since

→ goes to yumehara for relationship advice and braids her hair as a thank you

→ couples sleepovers with Yumehara and Teruhashi (yes they’re dating shut up)

→ always makes something for Aren at special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries etc)

→ at first he went back home every saturday bc he missed his family :(

→ Aren helps him get over it though!!!!

Nendou Riki

→ got in on a sports scholarship

→ we already know he couldn’t be accepted in a college otherwise

→ in the chiropractic major bc he wants to be one of those athlete doctors

→ has failed way too many exams and classes

→ Hairo helps him so much though!!!

→ the last one in the group to graduate but somehow gets a job first (excluding Saiki)

→ him and hairo get up at 5 am for jogging or to hit the gym

→ and then he goes and gets noodles bc ‘if noodles aren’t for breakfast why do shops open at 6 am?’

→ hasn’t stepped foot in class in months

→ he gets decent grades after failing the first semester and it’s totally not Saiki’s doing

→ he ends up signing up for way too many clubs

→ attends all of the meetings and has so many friends through them

→ I would be his friend too in college honestly

→ a fraternity wanted to get him bc he’s so good at sports

→ he declined bc he does not understand how fraternities even work

→ is the life of EVERY SINGLE PARTY change my mind you can’t

→ whatever you do don’t imagine nendo surprising his boyfriend with flowers after every practice

→ *dies cutely*

Kuboyasu Aren

→ SOCIOLOGY MAJOR

→ idk I just think he would enjoy Marx’s Capital

→ debate club? hell yeah

→ gets in philosophical conversations at the school yard for HOURS

→ kaidou has to drag him away

→ only shops at thrift stores and makes coffee at home bc “capitalism is not accepted in this household”

→ rides his motorcycle to college even though he lives five minutes away

→ grew his hair out in a mullet again and he looks *chef’s kiss*

→ thought he would be moving too fast if he asked Kaidou to rent an apartment together

→ aiura convinced him it was fine

→ cooks kaidou’s favorite foods every day

→ participates in student rallies, human rights protests etc etc

→ comes home with bruises and kaidou thinks he looks so hot but still yells at him

→ Aren’s favorite place to study is his balcony or at a coffee shop

→ always with kaidou! cute boyfriends who do everything together!!

→ gets so drunk when they go out

→ drunk karaoke with kokomi yes yes yes

Hairo Kineshi

→ did someone say Athletic Training?

→ does every single sport and is amazing at it

→ will cheer for his bf if they have a game at the same time though

→ it was his idea to move in together bc ‘hey we’ve been dating for three years now might as well’

→ volunteers at a nearby elementary as a coach for the kids

→ SO GOOD WITH KIDS

→ wants to be a P.E. Teacher and he’s going to be great at it

→ does everything he can at campus

→ helping random clubs, making posters, cleaning up the hallways, helping the cheer squad with their new routine

→ dances ballet as a hobby even though he’s so good at it that he could be a professional

→ makes everything a competition with Nendo so they never get bored

→ once made everyone get up to jog with them and they ended up sleeping on random benches while Hairo and Nendo were halfway across town

→ will punch someone if he sees them catcalling a girl

→ doesn’t drink at all and eats super healthy

→ designated driver for the group’s outings downtown

Aiura Mikoto

→ THEATER MAJOR

→ is so good at stage acting it’s unreal

→ lands the lead role almost every time

→ is also an amazing singer so she gets great roles in musicals as well

→ doesn’t have to get a job bc she gets all her money from doing readings on campus

→ gets coffees and pastries from all the coffee shops around campus and sits Kusuo down so he can taste them

→ they have a little taste-testing date in his apartment until they decide none of them are as good as the ones at Cafe Mami

→ she totally doesn’t make him teleport there every morning and he totally doesn’t listen to her

→ moved in with chiyo bc they wanted a nice place that they couldn’t afford on their own

→ teruhashi told them to move in with her but they already loved their little place

→ aiura’s bedroom is the most comfortable and cozy room ever

→ their apartment is also the hang out spot for the group bc it’s just so homey

→ hangs out with her theatre group a lot, especially after class

→ they can’t compare to her friends though:(

→ everyone goes to her when they’re worried and she loves it bc she’s the mummy of the group

→ she makes everyone coffee and their comfort food before big exams:)

Yumehara Chiyo

→ psychology major one thousand percent

→ you know how they say that people choose psychology bc they don’t know what major they want?

→ that’s exactly what happened except she fell in love with it immediately

→ such a good student!!!

→ always does her assignments on time and still manages to have a social life

→ teruhashi asked her out at the end of their first semester and that’s the first time chiyo missed a deadline

→ practically lives with teruhashi, insisting it’s just to leave aiura alone

→ she’s just IN LOVE OKAY?????

→ would want to be a sorority girl at first

→ changed her mind when she realized how much shit they all talked

→ her and kaidou drink wine and talk about their relationships and studies

→ she’s so sleep deprived it’s unreal

→ she doesn’t need sleep anymore though

→ coffee is her best friend

→ makes asks Aiura for readings twice a week

→ brings all her psychology friends home and they analyze their textbooks

→ once she got the hang of it, she decided to examine Kusuo

→ she told him he needs actual medical evaluation

→ he almost threw her out the window when she offered some Xanax for his nerves

→ chiyo is a neat freak one hundred percent

→ hates when Aiura throws everything on the floor, but she loves cleaning

→ opens her own office after school

Teruhashi Kokomi

→ PRE-MED

→ lesbian doctor :)

→ just wanted to get away from her perv brother at first

→ she always wanted to be a doctor though, preferably a neurosurgeon

→ she’s super duper smart and hates when she gets good grades bc of her good looks:(

→ makes it her goal to show her professors that she’s more than a beautiful girl

→ hasn’t failed a single exam

→ helps everyone with their studies even though she’s drowning in work

→ drops the perfect girl image at college and decides she should try and aim for something normal

→ gets invited to every single party

→ in a knitting club bc it would get disbanded without one more member

→ knits!!!matching!!!sweaters!!!for all of her friends!!!

→ asked Chiyopipi out while drunk

→ never regretted it though

→ her and aren get so drunk when they go out with the group

→ it’s honestly unreal how much they can drink before passing out

→ has to get carried home

→ wakes up after getting drunk and runs to her class before remembering it’s Sunday

→ her penthouse has the perfect view of the sunset and sunrise and is all she could ask for in life

→ does get lonely so she’s practically living with Chiyo and Aiura

→ once she realized she didn’t like boys she made it her goal to get Saiki and Aiura together

→ people wonder how she has so much time to play matchmaker and volunteer while she’s in premed

→ does her internship at a hospital

→ ends up working there as a neurosurgeon after her Doctorate degree

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (20/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 4,030

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing, violence, fluffiness

masterlist

a/n: I really hope

There was something to be said about how much Bucky Barnes cared for the people in his life that he considered his friends, his family.

Hell, he’d jumped out of many, many aircrafts for Sam, even though he wouldn’t admit it was for him.

He sent his therapist flowers and a gift for her birthday, despite the fact that more than half the time, they just annoyed the shit out of each other.

The amount of times he’d pulled you out of a funk was… Well, there was a lot.

However, there was also something to be said about how overboard Bucky Barnes could go when someone he loved had gotten hurt.

Or kidnapped by a Nazi terrorist organization and almost shot in front of him.

“Alright, you’re all tucked in,” he muttered under his breath, even as he went around the bed once again, his hands carefully tucking in your comforter all over again. “There we go… Are you comfortable? Too warm? Not warm enough?”

He’d been hovering the past four days since you’d gotten out of the medbay, and the five days before that when you’d been in and out of unconsciousness.

God, the feelings that had washed over you when you’d woken up again and found that he was back and your Soldat was gone. It was so bittersweet. You loved both of them, even if it was in different ways. Different shades, different tones of love.

You just kept telling yourself that the Soldat was right.

It was time for him to rest. Your time together was over.

But that in itself meant that it was time for something new to begin.

If only you could find a way to tell Bucky how you truly felt.

You watched him with your eyelids half closed, a drowsiness slurring your words as you laid there. “Jamie… Can you stop for a moment?” You don’t even think about how your words might make him feel, how they might sound.

“Oh… Right. Sorry if I’m annoying you,” he said, his voice dropping to where it was almost inaudible. He started to head for the door, having set down the water bottle in his hands.

“What?! No!” You said, quickly sitting up. You still felt like absolute shit, but you couldn’t let him leave. “I’m sorry. That’s not the words I wanted to come out. I… I just want you to relax for a moment. I’m okay.” Pulling your arm out of the warmth of your blankets, you patted the spot next to you. “Can we just… lay down and watch a movie for a bit?”

Bucky’s baby blues softened immediately, and he nodded, toeing off his sneakers. “Of course. I’m sorry… I’ve been…”

“Helicopter parenting?”

His cheeks flamed fire engine red as he slipped into the bed beside you, hesitating before pulling the blankets over him. “I don’t know if I like the parenting aspect of that,” he muttered, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you close. “FRI, can you turn on a movie?”

“Legally Blonde,” you added without a second thought, grinning at the confused look that painted his face. “Have you never seen Legally Blonde?”

“What? No? What the fuck is a Legally Blonde?” He asked. And, okay, yeah, he could gather from the context that it was a movie, most likely a girly one based on the title, but he loved the way you looked so aghast and the way you laughed at his old man tendencies.

“Only the greatest early 2000s chick flick of all time!” You squealed, playfully smacking his chest.

A wave of contentment, of happiness, washed over you as you laid half on his chest to watch the movie. His fingers were absentmindedly running up and down your spine, his breath tickling your forehead.

And it hit you that you could have this for the rest of your life. You could have this happiness, this peace, for the rest of your life with the man that was holding you.

Once again, you just needed to figure out how to tell him how you felt.

“Wait… So he broke up with her because she wasn’t… serious enough?” Bucky asked, his brows furrowed. “Or because she was too pretty and girly?”

“Both,” you said, glancing up at his face. “He sucks.”

“Yeah, he fucking does.”

When the movie ended, you sat up, risking a glance at Bucky’s face. “Well? What did you think?”

He couldn’t help but shake his head, groaning dramatically. “If Sam finds out that I’m a fan of early 2000s chick flicks, he’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

Oh, this was good. So, so good.

“Jamie, I’ve watched Legally Blonde and other chick flicks with Sam. He loves them,” you revealed, watching the way his eyes lit up.

“There’s more?!”

You took it upon yourself to show him the best of the late 90s and early 2000s, finding that when he was distracted with tales of cheesy romance and girl power triumphing, he wasn’t so worried about your health.

But he did have a few problems with Clueless. “Let me get this straight,” he said with a scowl as he held you close in between his legs. “She’s… still in high school. Sixteen, right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“And he was her step-brother?”

“Yes.”

“And… he is still treated like her step-brother by her father?”

“Yeah.”

He blinked owlishly at the television that hung up on your wall, his mouth hanging open in an astonished ‘o.’ “And people just…”

“Decide to ignore that bit? Yup,” you supplied, turning your head to look up at him.

He frowned, tightening his hold around you. “I really don’t know how to feel about that. It’s a good movie. But…” His head then slightly cocked to the side. “Her step-brother looks like that one guy that helped us at the fight in Germany… You know, the one at the airport?”

“You don’t even remember Scott’s name?!” You asked, snorting. “You really are an old man.”

His fingers flew to your sides, tickling you mercilessly. “Yeah?! And what about it?! Huh? Huh?” When he finally stopped and your laughter had died out, he hid his face in the crook of your neck and took in a deep breath. “I missed you… when you were gone… Sometimes I forget just how integral you are to my life, but that… Being without you reminded me of how desolate my days were when we were separated before.”

Heart clenching, you squeezed his flesh arm with both of yours, resolving yourself to not move the rest of the day. You’d quickly come to the conclusion that cuddling with James Barnes could be considered one of the great pleasures in life. “Well, we’ll never have to be apart again,” you murmured, closing your eyes. “What if… What if we took some time away? And we went on a little… vacation or something?”

“A vacation?” He said, and you could feel his heart rate speed up underneath your head. A vibranium hand smoothed over your hair. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know…,” you admitted with a snort, shaking your head. “Just… away. Give us time to relax and really… I don’t know. Process?” Your eyes fluttered shut at his soothing touch. “Maybe we could go up to the cabin for a few days… maybe a week…”

“Yeah? You wanna stay a whole week with just me for company?” He asked playfully, even though he felt like his spirit was soaring.

Biting your lip, you pulled your knees up to your chest until your entire body was pressed against his chest. “Could spend my whole life with just you for company, Jamie.”

He’d understand, right? He’d understand that you meant ‘I love you.’ He’d understand the words that you were trying to say but were too nervous to get out, that your throat closed up and your eyes burned because the last person you said those words to in that way had demolished your heart, your soul?

But then again, he’d been the one to teach you what those words meant in the first place. Well, the Soldat had.

Bucky’s entire face was pink, all the way to the tips of his ears, and he leaned down and kissed your forehead. “Me, too, malen’kaya.”

You reached up to run your fingers through his hair. It had grown out since his last haircut, and it was getting to be about ear length. “You know who you look like right now kinda?” You asked, an impish smile on your lips.

“Who?” He was clearly already anticipating the worst, even though he was letting his head tip forward to let you continue playing with his hair.

“Prince Kit or whatever his name is.” You were preening as your foreheads pressed together, his breathing even as you massaged his scalp. “From the new live action Cinderella.”

You can hear the smile, even though you can’t see his face. “You think I look like a prince?”

“Don’t get cocky on me now,” you shot back. But, in truth… You liked this side of Bucky. You had caught little glimpses of it when you were on the run with Steve, Sam, and Natasha. But this felt like the real him, and you loved it.

And as far as you were concerned, he could be as cocky as he wanted to be.

“Let me check with your doctors and get their opinion on when they think you’ll be okay to travel,” he said, his lips pressing to your hair. “And then I’ll talk to Pepper about letting us steal the cabin for a bit…”

A huff escapes your lips as you tug on his hair in retaliation. “Do you really think Pepper isn’t gonna let us stay there for a bit?”

You missed the way his breathing had hitched and his heart had skipped a beat, and he nuzzled into your hair to hide himself even more. “No, but it’s still nice to ask, you heathen.”

“Soldat, where are we going?” You asked curiously as you were led out of your ballet class, your hair still pulled back into a tight bun. “What’s going on?”

“No time to talk. We have a mission,” he said sternly, his voice deep and gravelly.

A mission?

You’d never been on a mission.

“Wait, are we leaving the Red Room?” You asked, glancing at the handlers that flanked the both of you. “Where are we going?”

“Do you understand the phrase ‘no time to talk?’” The Soldat asked with a snort, shooting you a glare.

Something was off.

The Soldat and you had been training together for over two years now, almost three, and you’d never gone on a mission.

Also, he never spoke so harshly unless there was something wrong or there were others present, and the handlers around you weren’t important enough for him to put up the mean teacher facade. No, there was something else going on.

Two hulking doors were waiting at the end of the hallway, leading to the outside world. Snow was swirling outside, frost painting the windows.

And you were still in just your leotard and tights. Fuck.

Of course, they weren’t gonna give you time to change.

You hadn’t even been outside of the Red Room since you were a toddler. Hell, you didn’t even own any cold weather clothes.

The doors opened, and you let out a sharp gasp as the icy cold wind hit you. In your peripheral, you could see the Soldat look at you and immediately move to take off his jacket, before remembering who was around and stopping himself.

It was a nice thought, knowing that if he could, he’d warm you.

Maybe you could daydream about him scooping you up, holding you in his lap… He’d run his fingers over your hair, his other hand smoothing up and down your back. That deep, gravelly voice you loved so much would murmur sweet things to you, his lips tickling your ear…

God, your little crush was getting out of hand.

Snow covered your hair as you were led out to a van that was waiting for you, smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe as the headlights shone through the dense white landscape. One of the handlers shoved your head down as you were pushed into the back seat, the Soldat following right after. A thich, kevlar covered thigh pressed against yours as you settled in. Pretending to not be cold was becoming a lot harder than you thought it would be.

“So… What exactly are we doing?” You asked tentatively after about ten minutes of terse silence.

“You’re our bait,” one of the men said simply, cocking his gun.

Ice cold water ran down your spine as you blinked at him. “Bait? What… What do you mean?” You could feel the Soldat’s thigh tense beside you, and you realized that he had known.

That’s why he’d been so cold, even beyond the fact that there were others present.

“It means you’re going to be bait,” another man said with an eye roll.

“Well, I mean… When you say bait, do you mean like bait that can be reused so you keep it alive or bait like a worm that ends up dead on a hook?” You said, your arms crossed over your chest. Being sarcastic probably wasn’t the best thing you could do at the moment, but whatever. If you were gonna die, you might as well die with a few good one-liners.

Beside you, the Soldat’s chest jolted, his lips pressed together as though he was trying to stifle a laugh.

See, you knew he’d get your humor immediately.

“Guess we’ll just have to see how well you behave,” the first man snapped, his voice threatening.

When you finally arrived at your location, it was several hours later, and you’d passed out, your head lolling back against the seat. You jolted awake when the van stopped, realizing that the sun had set. “Where are we?”

No answer.

“Great talk.” One of the handlers yanks you out of the van, pulling you over the Soldat’s lap and almost dislocating your shoulder in the process. “Fuck! You didn’t have to manhandle me, you asshole!” You’re not shocked when his hand meets your cheek, though you do have to take a moment to take a breath. “Can you just tell me what I have to do so I can do it and we can leave?”

The mission is simple enough, at least on your end. Apparently, there were a few vigilantes running around that Hydra needed gone.

And what vigilante doesn’t love a young damsel in distress?

It’s over before you realize, and you’re hit with a deep realization.

You had wanted the vigilantes to win, just for a second or two. You had wanted them to win and maybe you’d get to go somewhere where you weren’t almost killed everyday, where you were handcuffed to your bed each night, and where most meals consisted of protein shakes.

But only if it meant the Soldat could be rescued with you.

“We’re not going back tonight?” You asked in surprise when the van pulled up to a seedy motel.

“No,” one of the men said with an eye roll. “Don’t feel like driving.”

You were left alone in the car with the Soldat as the men went to get a room, but you didn’t mind. “Are you okay?” You asked softly, eyes flickering up to meet his.

The man grunted, his lips pressed into a thin line as he kept his face forward, watching for the men to come back. But his hand slowly moved down his thigh until you felt cool metal, and his pinky linked around yours.

It stays there until the men come back, and he lets go at the right second, as the van door is starting to open.

“Come on,” one of the men grumbled, leading you two down the length of the motel. “This is where you two will be staying,” he said as he opened up a door.

Brows furrowing, you looked up at him. “What? Alone?” They trusted you like that? You were going to be staying the night with your crush in a room alone?

“Just don’t get her pregnant. She won’t go through graduation for another few months,” another one taunted, letting out a loud, obnoxious laugh. They all looked the same, and sounded the same. Like Hydra had created a bunch of clones. “And you know what to do if she tries to escape, Soldat.”

There was a rock in the pit of your stomach as you walked into the room.

The men had left you alone with the Soldat because they thought he’d have sex with you.

They thought he’d already had sex with you, despite the fact that you were just seventeen.

And your Soldat wasn’t like that. Despite the fact that you were (admittedly) in love with him, and despite the fact that you’d heard of the other Soldats having… pleasure women, you knew that he’d never touch you.

Not like that.

That was the only thing that relaxed you as you walked into the room and the door shut behind the hulking man, a dim yellow light casting shadows all around the room.

“I’m not—”

“I know,” you said as you turned to him, cutting him off. “I know you’re not going to… do that. I trust you.”

He slowly nodded, a weak smile spreading over his lips, and it occurred to you that it was possible that no one had ever told him that they trusted him.

At least there were two beds, because you didn’t think your little heart could handle sleeping so close to him. God forbid you wake up cuddling him. You’d be absolutely mortified.

“I’m gonna grab a shower,” you said, pointing to the bathroom. You didn’t wait for a response before speeding over and shutting and locking the door. Fuck. You were gonna have to sleep in your leotard since you didn’t have any other clothing with you.

The shampoo and conditioner the motel provided smelled like nothing, and the body wash and face wash were the same. Even so, you took your time lathering and scrubbing and washing, taking a shower that was longer than five minutes or so for the first time.

It had been over an hour by the time you got out, every inch of your body scrubbed and then scrubbed again. It probably wasn’t good for your hair, but you washed it twice, just because you could.

What you were most surprised by was the few suitcases that were on the bed closest to the inside wall when you got out, redressed in your leotard.

“What is this?” You asked the Soldat, who had stripped out of his leather and kevlar and was just wearing his cargo pants and a white shirt.

“You didn’t have clothes,” he said bluntly, glancing over at you as he sharpened his knife on the cheap chair.

“Where did you get these?”

“Lost and found. I just grabbed a few in case one didn’t have what you needed.”

Sometimes you forgot just how caring he could be in little ways.

“Thank you,” you said with a grateful smile as you moved to dig through them, eventually moving to the bathroom to change into a fresh pair of underwear and a huge t-shirt and shorts. “How do I look?” You asked as you came out, striking a dramatic pose.

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips as he looked up at you. “Radiant,” he said after a moment, having thought of the perfect word. “You always are.”

Why the hell did he have to say such things when you knew you couldn’t be with him? You were too young, and the likelihood of Madame B allowing you to be together was… zero.

He motioned for you to get in the bed farthest away from the window. “You need rest, malen’kaya. I will keep watch.” After watching you crawl under the blankets and cuddle up to your pillows, he moved to sit on the bed, caressing your cheek. “Sleep… I will be here when you wake…”

“Sometimes I forget just how fucking beautiful it is out here,” Bucky said with a breathy laugh as he pulled up the long drive to the Stark Cabin. The sun was glittering out on the lake, the leaves just beginning to turn shades of ruby and gold. He threw the car into park and rushed around to your side to open the door and help you out before you could even blink.

The look you gave him didn’t do much as you placed your hand in his. It had only been a few days since he’d even let you get out of bed on your own and walk around.

As much as you loved him carrying you around like a blushing bride, it became a bit much when he was carrying you to the bathroom because you had to pee.

“It feels like so long ago… last time we were here,” you said as you watched him grab your bags.

He barely let you walk, there was no way in hell he’d let you carry your own duffel bag.

“What are you feeling for dinner?” He asked as he led you inside, setting your bags on the couch for the time being. “I was thinking maybe I could whip up some of that creamy chive chicken I made the other week? You liked that, right?” Bucky seemed to have a nervous energy running through him as he moved to the kitchen and began to figure out what they had. “I’ll need to have some groceries delivered…”

“Anything’s good with me,” you said faintly as you watched him, leaning against the doorway. “I’m really glad we decided to do this… It feels nice… getting away from everything for a little bit…” Your cheeks flushed as you glanced at the ground, arms crossing over your chest. “I mean… I love our family. You know I do. But—”

“It can get loud and crowded,” he finished, a kind smile on his face. “I get it.”

There’s a light inside your chest as you move further into the kitchen, giggling as his hands immediately go to your waist and lift you up onto the counter. “I knew you would.”

Bucky glanced up from his phone, having put in the grocery order faster than you expected. His vibranium hand rested on your thigh, and he gave a gentle squeeze. “You in the mood for a drink while we wait on dinner supplies?”

“Depends, bartender. What are you making?” You asked, letting your legs kick back and forth. You had to do something to prevent yourself from wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling him close.

Would he ravish you like in the dreams you sometimes occasionally but totally-not-often had?

“Baby doll, I can make whatever magic potion you want,” he said, winking. His lips found a place on your cheek, letting it linger before he left your side, his hand leaving behind a warm spot on your thigh that felt empty without it. The way he moved around the cabin, so confidently, was such a far cry from when you’d been spending a few days in the guest rooms after the final battle.

It was fucking hot.

You were barely paying attention as he listed off cocktails and various concoctions.

“Malen’kaya? You there?” He called out, though you didn’t really hear him as he said your name.

It wasn’t until a floorboard creaked under his weight that you focused back in on the present. “Huh? Just… whatever you think I’ll like. I trust you,” you said, rubbing your hands nervously on your thighs.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” you said as your tongue wetted your lower lip.

“Okay, if you say so,” he said as he glanced back at you with a fond smile, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth. “And… I agree.”

Your head tilted to the side. “Agree about what?”

“I’m really glad we decided to do this.”

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 6

Positive

Cult girl and Hannibal find a way to turn a life-altering mistake to their favor.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: accidental pregnancy, discussion of abortion, adoption, slight emetophobia

Another week passed and the 'hangover' didn't subside. Then a third week passed, so you had to give up the façade and just admit you were sick. Hannibal was smugly concerned, but not alarmed. It paid to have a doctor for a fiancé. Studying could be done from bed and you needed to be in perfect working order to burn down your grandmother's country club and fully enjoy it.

Hannibal wasn't so much of a hypochondriac that he denied you affection while bed-ridden. That, or he didn't believe what you had was contagious. Whatever it was.

It wasn't until you woke up late, just days before the start of the new semester, that you discovered. You hobbled blindly to the bathroom to take your medicine. You were fully prepared to drop to your knees and vomit in the toilet and you wanted nothing more than to return to bed and slip back into sweet unconsciousness. Not even microdosing meth could keep you awake.

You slid your birth control packet out of its sleeve. You were halfway through the green placebo pills, so you were sure that didn't help how miserable you felt. This period sure had a hell of a build-up.

That's when a number caught your eye.

It was a number you weren't even previously aware existed. A date on your birth control packet. Dated three months prior.

You weren't lucid enough to comprehend what it meant, but once it hit you, you spit the pill into the sink.

Expired. You thought. How the fuck do pills expire?

No. No. No. No.

"[F/N]?" Hannibal said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." You called back. "I... just need to take a shower."

You turned the faucet on. It was a bad lie and he would figure it out eventually, but you couldn't involve him. Not yet. You needed a minute alone to think.

You found the pregnancy test you stashed under the sink all those years ago. You double-checked the lock, then began the test. There was no romantic or even palatable way to describe the process of peeing on a stick, quietly as possible, to avoid your frankly terrifying fiancé's notice. Once it was done, you wrapped the still-loading test in toilet paper and shoved it back under the sink.

You had no idea how long it would take to give you a result. Or if waiting four years to use it would give you a false result. There was so much you didn't know.

You jumped into the shower and washed up, trying to push all thoughts of panic out of your head. It didn't work. You went right into bury-the-body mode. A fall down the stairs could best pass for an accident, but had the unintended consequences of severe bodily harm. You wondered if those special herbal teas actually worked and where you'd find one. Or, instead of investing in gimmicky, pseudo-scientific abortion teas or throwing yourself down a flight of stairs, you could just talk to him.

You sat on the bathroom floor in a towel for what felt like hours, holding the mummified pregnancy test between your fingers. It took all your strength to rip through the tissue paper and confirm what you already knew.

A big, obnoxious pink plus sign. Almost like it was rubbing it in.

Your head was screaming just talk to him. He was your goddamn fiancé. The man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. But you couldn't tell him. Not after what he said at the country club.

"Hannibal?" You called out, voice weak. "Can you come here, please?"

He opened the bathroom door to find you huddled against the sink wearing nothing but a towel. It was a sight that would make anyone freak out.

"My god, [F/N]." He took a knee beside you. "Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?"

You gestured to the pregnancy test at your side. You hugged your knees into your chest and waited for him to process everything.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression. "I thought you were on birth control?"

You covered your face with your hands. "I did too. Nobody told me that the pills actually expire."

Then came the question that you were dreading.

"What do you want to do?"

That was why you were hesitant to tell him. Not because he would try to make a decision for you, but because he wouldn't.

"I don't know." You blurted out. "What do you want to do?"

Hannibal raised his eyebrows. "You know I can't tell you that. You need to decide for yourself."

"That's what I was afraid you were going to say." You threw your head back in exasperation. "I'm just asking for a little direction. You said you definitely wanted to have kids-"

"Not like this." He cut you off. "Not when it would derail your entire career.” 

“Look, you know I was on the fence about having kids at all.” You rambled, just trying to collect your thoughts. “But then you described what you wanted for us and it just sounded so nice.” 

“Darling, I am begging you,” He pressed his fingers to his temples. “Please, decide for yourself and only yourself.” 

“I’m trying!” You objected. “I just need a second to think.” 

“Don’t think, just answer.” He implored. “What do you want to do?” 

“I want to get an abortion.” You blurted out before slapping your hand over your mouth. 

“Was that really so hard to say?” Hannibal asked, voice broken with relief. Relief of what, you couldn’t place. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to make eye contact with him. “It was, a little.” 

“Why?” He tilted his head curiously. “And please don’t say it was because of me.” 

“I don’t know.” You shrugged, hiding your face again. “I just learned I was pregnant, like, five minutes ago. I shouldn’t be expected to make a choice this massive without at least ten minutes to think about it.” 

“Do you really want to get an abortion?” He asked. 

Your voice wobbled with uncertainty. “No... yes?” 

“I see.” He said, as if this were just a point of academic curiosity that didn’t involve him whatsoever. “Is there a part of you, no matter how small, that wants to see the pregnancy to term?” 

“Well, yeah. Thus the basis of my uncertainty.” You threw your hands up. “But I also know it’s insanely unrealistic to think I could just speedrun my last two years of school and however long it takes to establish a career just to get to the domestic bliss.”

“You would do good to not expect motherhood to be a blissful retirement plan, love." Hannibal gently scorned. "Parenting takes just as much commitment as your studies. Likely more."

"I know." You bashed your palms against your forehead. "I said it was unrealistic, didn't I? Look, I just don't foresee any worthwhile outcomes if I carry this pregnancy to term. Even to put it up for adoption just seems selfish. Why bring a kid into the world just to set them up for a shitty life?"

Hannibal paused, and looked off into the distance pensively.

"If you could forgive me a hypothetical," He began. "What if we could guarantee them a wonderful life?"

"Are we talking philosophy, or do you have an actual suggestion?" You probed.

"A bit of both, depending on where your mind takes you." He smirked as if he were about to say something very clever. "What if Beatrice [L/N]'s estate made sure our child had a safe, comfortable upbringing? With a weighty college trust fund in their name, naturally."

You couldn't tell if this was brilliant or insane. It all depended on how 'hypothetical' the whole situation really was. Either way, you were interested.

"Go on." You urged, letting the idea slither into your mind.

"There's nothing in the will that specifically states we must raise the child ourselves." He recounted. "Only that it must be of blood descent."

You hadn't considered that, but it made sense once you heard it out loud. Your grandmother had many skills to make her a sharp manipulator, but her inattention to detail was always her downfall.

“Forty-five million extra dollars in the bank would be nice.” You said. You were humoring him at first, but when you said it out loud, it rang true. 

“Forty-five is drops in the bucket compared to what we can get from her property.” He added. “The house and the golf course.” 

You put your hand on your chin, actually, seriously considering it. You were on the precipice of inheriting more money than you could possibly spend in one lifetime. Money that could make so many problems go away overnight. Money you could hand out to anyone you wanted to, just to make their lives a little easier. You pictured yourself giving waitstaff six-figure tips, or handing a hundred dollar bill to someone asking for change on the street. You could erase your best friend's college debt as a birthday present. Get Hannibal a proper gift. All with money you bled out of your abusers.

It was divine justice. All at the price of nine months of your life.

"So..." Your voice trailed off. "We just need to keep this thing alive for the next nine months..."

"We can find an adoptive family in that time." Hannibal nodded along. "And we can set up a college fund for the child to be given to them on their 18th birthday."

"And we could make the adoption open, in case the child ever wants to meet us." You said.

"Right." He agreed. "Allowing the option for an adoptee to meet their biological parents is much better for their mental health and adjustment."

You covered your mouth with your hand, only to hide your excitement. "I take it back, I'm starting to see a positive outcome."

[scarecrow-supremacy]

A/N: Oookieee, so I decided to start writing a new fic bc I have great ideas for a story line. Yet I can’t bring myself I writing an actual beginning. Like I’ve already written some random chapters, but I can’t do anything with them because they don’t really make much sense without the context of the rest of the fic/my ideas. Like this chapters is where the romance/actual x reader gets into actual action. Hopefully you get the gist of what the plot is, and aren’t confused as hell from this part. Sorry if it’s a bit long, it’s around 4.8k-ish words. Enjoy 💜

Hatake Kakashi wasn't one to celebrate his birthday.

He simply thought that they were foolish excuses to let loose and party. To Kakashi, birthdays were no reason to be happy and celebrate. They were just reminders of how long he had endured the pain of living. Each year marked another without the people he once held close in his heart. His father, his sensei, his teammates, and (y/n)...

The day that (y/n) gone on that horrible mission was his special day. The mission he was supposed to go on, but (y/n) filled in for because she wanted him to go celebrate with Gai and the others. So much for having the day of joy...Kakashi thought to himself mournfully.

With a great sigh, he grabbed the last of his belonging, shoving them in his mission pack. He'd promised to take his students out of a group mission for the day, but it had been mostly for selfish reasons. Kakashi had hoped that this would take his mind off of the weight in his soul, yet knowing that his efforts would be futile. The loss would never leave him, it would always follow him like a darned shadow. It would forever haunt him. There was not letting go of the horrors of his past.

Slowly, Kakashi strolled to the gates of Konoha to meet his kids, shoving his hands in his pockets as he mumbled a little tune under his breath. The dark cloudy sky and drizzling rain seemed to mirror how he felt inside.

Drip, drop. Drop, drop. Drop, drop.

Each raindrop fell upon the dirt paths of the town, dampening Kakashi's Jonin uniform. If only he'd gone on that mission, if only he hadn't let (y/n) take his place. If only so many things that happened hadn't. If only he felt whole again. He could feel the heavyweight of guilt on his shoulders, spreading pain throughout his body. Sure, Team 7 filled the void, but they could only do so much. If there is one thing I wish for, it is that these kids will grow up to be happy.

A soft smile played upon Kakashi's face as he approached the three teens. "KAKASHI-SENSEI!" His hyperactive blonde student, Uzumaki Naruto, yelled at him, "YOU'RE LATE-TTEBAYO!" He raised his fist in anger. Sakura glared at both Kakashi and Naruto, slapping the boy's back to calm him down. Off to the side stood Sasuke, his hands in his pockets as he briefly kicked the dirt and pebbles around him to form his clan's symbol. "Usuratonkachi," he grumbled at the group. To be honest, Kakashi did feel a little guilty about keeping the kids waiting for him. They were being held back just because he was wallowing in self-pity. And Kakashi felt ashamed of that; ordering his mind to push his thoughts further to the back of his mind.

Kotetsu and Izumo, guards of the gates, turned to the team and smiled in greeting. "The gate opening mechanism is broken, so we have to manually open the gates," they explained. "Heading out yet again, eh?" Kotetsu chuckled. "I thought you lot just came back from a mission. Ya leaving so soon?" Izumo asked. Naruto pumped his hand into the air, "Yeah! Dattebayo! It's only a C rank, but it'll be fun-ttebayo!"

He's a lot like you, eh Obito, Kakashi's mind wandered as he looked up at the clouded sky, a drop of rain fell upon his nose and slid down his mask. If only you, Minato-sensei, and Rin were here to see us in action. You would be proud.

But what about (y/n)? Part of Kakashi was surprised that he didn't think of her immediately. Did he still believe that she could've been alive? After the Hokage had told him that he'd lost contact with (y/n), Kakashi didn't know what to think. It had been 3,650 days since she left. 3,589 since she was supposed to come back. And 3,529 days since they fully lost contact. What were the chances she'd come back, alive or injured? Kakashi wanted to believe that she was still alive. Was that realistic?

"She's gone, Kakashi! You need to understand that!" He flashed back to when Asuma, Gai, and Kurenai had tried to slap some sense into him. Well actually, Kurenai had slapped him. "Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura gently tugged his sleeve, straining her arm up so her red umbrella would also cover his head. "Are you okay? You've been spacing out a lot lately." She whispered as she looked up at him.

"I'm fine, Rin," Kakashi weakly smiled, "It's nothing that you should worry about." Sakura flashed him a questioning look, "Rin?" Sucking the air, Kakashi's whole body tensed up, "Sorry." He looked away, turning his attention to the bickering Sasuke and Naruto. "Just a little mix-up, Sakura." He put on a fake smile, breaking up the boy's fight. "Let's go, shall we?"

"Alright! Shanaroo!"

"Dattebayo!"

Kotetsu and Izumo went to open the gates but stopped to exchange worrisome glances. "Someone just knocked from the other side of the gates. Which is weird because our list says that we shouldn't be expecting anybody." Izumo knit his eyebrows together. Kotetsu, who had been looking through a glass which allowed him to see the incomer, hastily urging Izumo to help him. "ANBU!" He had barked at his partner, "Bleeding! Dying, wounds, whatever! They need medical attention!" That had caught Kakashi's attention, he got ready to act as the guards opened up the gates, heaving on the rusted hinges. Yet he was not mentally prepared for what awaited on the other side of the grand doors.

There she stood. Uniform torn, stained and ripped up. The wakizashi sword that was strapped to her hip was blunt and scratched, the sheath dented. Skin scratched and bruised, wounds dripping with blood and gore. A long x shaped cut on the inner side of her left thigh. Gasping and choking for air, she started to wobble, blood dribbling down her limbs and stomach. The rain continued to fall, now hard and heavy; burning and searing the wounds of the lady. Yet she still managed to keep her face from wavering In an instant, Kakashi recognized who the woman was based on her cracked porcelain ANBU mask. (y/n).... "Sakura! Go alert the hospital. And you two boys, clear the way for Sakura so she can get there. Quickly!" Kakashi ordered them as he took the heavily wounded woman in his arms. Anger and fear coursed through Kakashi's veins as his heart thumped erratically. He could feel (y/n)'s body twitch in pain. "Izumo, go let Hokage-sama know that Ibara-hime has returned." Kakashi let out one last demand before zipping off to follow his kids.

"Kakashi..." (y/n) mumbled out his name, "Kakashi..." she shakily rose her hands up to gently cup his masked cheeks. "What is it?" He whispered, gently rubbing her skin through a torn patch of her ripped uniform. "Happy birthday, Hatake..." She softly breathed, her tight grip of Kakashi's chest loosened as her eyes dropped closed. Please don't die, (y/n)... I've waited all the fucking years. You aren't leaving me again. A tear formed in Kakashi's eye, flying off with the rain as he bolted towards the hospital. Stay with me a bit longer, will you?

"My sensei will be here any second with an ANBU woman in need of immediate medical attention!" Kakashi heard Sakura's voice quiver as he barged into the hospital. "I'm here, kids. Go to Gai-sensei and stay with him until I'm back." He quickly barked, flashing all of the nurses who flowed into the room a nervous look. "Please, help her. I'm begging you." He pleaded with the staff uncharacteristically. I need her to live. Need. "We do what we can, sir." One of the medic-nin nodded, putting (y/n)'s unconscious body onto the stretcher. If (y/n) lives, that would be the best birthday gift ever.

Kakashi jogged after the nurses and doctors, peering into the emergency clinic room through the window. "I'm sorry, Sir, but you won't be able to visit the lady until all the major injuries have been cleaned up and treated." A male nurse out his hand in his shoulder from behind. "But..! Okay..." Kakashi let out a sigh, "Isn't there any paperwork that needs to be filled out?"

The nurse shook his head, "The Hokage has come and is speaking to one of my colleagues about it. Don't worry about it. You won't have to take care of any of that." He tried to reassure the angsty shinobi, "The woman is part of the ANBU ranks, right? Her mask is of the uniform." Kakashi nodded his head, biting his lip inside of his mask, "Yeah...she is... but it's kinda complicated." The nurse raised his eyebrow but just shrugged. "Can I speak with the Hokage?" The Hatake requested. "Come this way," the other man sighed, leading him away.

Kakashi let out a deep and long sigh as he held (y/n)'s scraped hand in his gloved ones. He had been told by the same nurse from before that (y/n) was in a decent state to accept visitors, yet was still unconscious. He could tell that the nurse was hiding something from him, but he was too worried about (y/n) to give it a second thought. Hesitantly, he brought her hand to his masked lips, gently pressing them against the fabric. "Ya know, (y/n). After you left, I decided to give those goddamn books a try. And you're right, they are addictive. Thanks for the gift," Kakashi sadly chuckled before pausing for a moment.

"Those books, they helped me a lot. They helped me get through my days, just like you told me."

"They also helped me realize something. They helped me realize that I don't hate you. I don't want to hate, and I never should've."

"I've realized that I was such a dick to you at the beginning and that it was all my fault that our relationship became how it was. I regret it... So when you wake up again, I just want to start over again. Maybe not entirely, but just so that we can leave all the hate behind us. How does that sound?"

Kakashi stared at the sleeping (y/n), her chest heaving up and how slowly and rhythmically. It hurt him to see her like that, her skin swollen in the places of the stitches and anointed bruises. "Listen, (y/n). I'd never been able to tell this to you while you're conscious, so I might as well let it out now. I...I love you." Kakashi rightly shut his uncovered eye. "After feeling your loss, my dumbass self finally realized how much you are worth. After they pass on, you and the others were all I had left. But then you also left me, that hurt like hell." His tone started to break.

"Lord Hokage told me about the whole fake-death move, and I was relieved that you weren't gone for good. And then we lost contact, everybody assumed the mission had been finished, and your squad sacrificed your lives for it. I couldn't let the fact that you could be a dead sink in. It didn't feel right. Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai tried to get me out of another depression cycle. Kurenai even went to the lengths of quite literally slapping some sense into me." Kakashi played with a loose strand of (y/n)'s (h/c) hair.

The muscles of (y/n)'s hand twitched ever so slightly. Kakashi's drooping head snapped up; he'd almost fallen asleep in the chair. "(y/n)?" He murmured as her eyes started to flutter, "(y/n)?"

(y/n) chapped lip parted ever so slowly, taking a big breath of air, her (e/c) eyes squinting. "Hatake..?" She shakily managed to mumbled, her voice hoarse and dry. She tried to prop herself up on the bed, but Kakashi eased her back into her resting position. "Rest, (y/n), you're not ready to stress yourself yet." Kakashi to her, "I'll be back with a nurse and some water for you, alright?" (y/n) opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She simply looked down and nodded.

Moments later, Kakashi came back with the nurse and water. "Here," he carefully put the cup to her lip, gently tipping the cup, "Good." He turned to the nurse, who seemed to be scribbling something down from the little monitor to his clipboard. Kakashi's eyes followed the cord attached to it, to the long x shaped hash in (y/n)'s inner left thigh. What worried Kakashi was the anxious look on the nurse's face.

"(l/n)-san, your vitals are doing alright, but you'll have to stay here for a night or two just so that we can keep an eye on something's that may need monitoring." He curtly nodded his head, "Lord Hokage wished to speak to you. So, sir, that means you may have to leave."

Kakashi tried to reason with the other man, but (y/n) reached to weakly squeeze his thigh. "It's okay, Hatake. You can just drop by later." (y/n) tried to smile. "Fine," Kakashi grumbled, leaving the room and letting Hiruzen in.

After what seemed like an eternity, Hiruzen came back out. "How's (y/n)?" Kakashi asked him impatiently. The Hokage put his hand on Kakashi's shoulder as if trying to soothe him, "She'll be better soon. Don't worry, alright." The silver-haired shinobi let out a small grunt, "I know that she'll get better with time. But what about now?"

Kakashi knew that Hiruzen loved (y/n) almost like a daughter, he cared about her deeply. Hence the elaborate cover-ups to protect (y/n) and her squad on the unconventionally lengthy mission. The Hatake could see the sadness that had tried to be tucked away in the Sarutobi's eyes. "The main concern of the moment is the poison in the gash on her left thigh. The medic-nins have tried to extract as much of it as possible, and try to find something that will counteract the effects." The elderly man explained to him. "Did they find an antidote?" Kakashi questioned.

"That is where the problem lies," Hiruzen explained, "There is a certain medicinal herb that is used alongside a jutsu to nullify the effects, as the poison has traces of chakra. We have a few medics on hand who support the skill to perform the jutsu, but we don't have the plant. Even so, that won't be a permanent cure." Kakashi knit his eyebrows together, "How would it not be a perfect cure? Plus, since there are traces of chakra, could we possibly track down the person who created the poison and make them fess up on the cure?" He questioned.

"Great thinking, but..." Hiruzen groaned, "(y/n) said that they performed a self-destruction jutsu just after striking her. He probably thought that it would be in their best interest to take their secrets to the grave with them." Kakashi cursed under his breath, "Fuck... This is terrible."

Hiruzen nodded in agreement, "No duh."

Kakashi's head shot up, "Uh?!"

The elder man's eyes widened, "Did I use the term correctly?! I'm trying to pick up on the phrases the kids are using these days..."

Kakashi gritted his teeth, "Right idea of the meaning, I guess. But the context and timing...wasn't quite fit." Looking ever so slightly dejected, "Oh...alright." Smoothening out the wrinkles in his robe and putting in his cob pipe, "Kakashi, if you are going to stay here with (y/n), could you at least pick up some good food. The food in the hospital canteen is quite bland." Kakashi nodded his head and obliged, only to be stopped in his tracks by Hiruzen.

"Kakashi, I'd like to ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"What caused your change in actions towards (y/n) change so much?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've observed you two whilst you were in the ANBU together, and you never got along that well. And suddenly you act so attached to her, Kakashi. You don't need to answer. It's just that as your leader, I want to understand what is going on in the heads of some of my most trusted people." Hiruzen explained to Kakashi, puffing out a cloud of smoke from his cob pipe.

Kakashi frowned from behind his mask, trying to figure out how to explain his change of feelings in a professional manner. "I think that after I was given the impression that she was gone, I noticed that I cared about her. It made me realize that I was wrong to not see how much she meant in my life." He tried, his voice fading off into a whisper. Hiruzen smiled and nodded, "You really are something else, Kakashi."

Kakashi silently strolled over to Ichiraku's to grab some takeout. The paper lanterns lit the nearly empty streets of Konoha, creating a soft and soothing ambiance. The smell of the rain and moisture still clung to the air, the dirt roads had muddy dampness to them. "Yo! Kakashi, my eternal rival!" A boisterous and friendly voice greeted the said man. "Hey, Gai," Kakashi responded, he noticed his students sitting alongside each other and gave them a quick wave and smile. Naruto and Lee were arguing about who'd get Sakura. Sakura insisted that Sasuke would come around in her favor. Sasuke was quietly eating his food. And Neji and Tenten were discussing a new sword they saw in the windowsill of a weaponry shop.

"I'll take two eggplant miso soups with brown rice noodles," Kakashi leaned over the counter space between Lee and Naruto to order his meal, also effectively stopping the argument. "Thanks, Ayame," he thanked the daughter of Teuchi, owner of the quaint place. "No problem, Kakashi-san!" She chirped.

"Kakashi?" Gai raised his brushy brow, "Your kids told me about what happened this morning..." Kakashi sighed and pulled him aside so that they were at a comfortable distance, "It was (y/n)..." he told his best friend, "She's back and in the hospital because she's not in good health at the moment. I just came here to pick up a meal for her." Kakashi watched as Gai's jaw dropped, "(Y/N) IS ALIVE!" He exclaimed a touch too loud for his eternal rival's taste, "CAN I MEET HER?!" Tears of youthful joy waterfalled down the jumpsuit-clad man's cheeks. "I'll see if you can come tomorrow, alright Gai." Gai smiled broadly, "This is very...unusual. Youthful, nonetheless!" He grinned.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head and nodded, "I'm glad she's back..." he murmured barely loud enough for Gai to hear. Knowingly, Gai patted Kakashi's back. "Oh! Yeah! Happy birthday, my youthful rival!" He gently punched his comrade's shoulder. A smile formed on Kakashi's lips, "Thanks, Gai." He flashed his eccentric friend his signature close-eyed smile.

"I'll see you later."

"Bye, Kakashi! Have a good night!"

Knock knock, Kakashi rapt (y/n)'s door, "Can I come in?"

"Come in," (y/n) murmured, a small moan of pain escaping her lips, "Ouch..."

Kakashi quickly set the takeout on a little table, rushing to (y/n)'s side. He wrapped his arm tightly around her waist and helped her to the table. "I got us dinner because the food at the canteen isn't that good." He explained with a slight shrug. "Thanks, Hatake," a weak smile formed on her lips. The silvered-haired Jonin served them their meals. "Itadakimasu," they both mumbled.

Heavy tension filled the room as they ate in silence. (y/n) knew that Kakashi had his mask down, but didn't look up. "It's been a while..." Kakashi breathed, in hopes of hearing (y/n) speak, "Too long..." The kunoichi rested her forehead on her palm, "I- Yeah..." she mumbled, eyes growing classier by the second. So much for trying to start a conversation... Kakashi thought sadly as they resumed their meals without a word. The silence seemed to be killed him. Kami, it had been 10 goddamn years! 3650 days since he had gotten to talk to the woman. He missed her. Hell, he could even say that he missed all of their little spats. Hatake Kakashi missed everything about (y/n).

"I missed you..." was all Kakashi mumbled as he pushed his finished food away and pulled up his mask, "All these days, months, and years."

Hot tears slipped down (y/n)'s cheeks, forming a puddle on the table. "I-I came back be-because I didn't want-want to hurt you and the r-rest. Dying on passed down pain to the people who love you. I can't afford to c-carry the guilt of t-that." She mumbled shakily, "I promised to be back, a-and I held up the promise." Kakashi sadly smiled as he awkwardly reached under the table to gently caress (y/n)'s thigh.

"You care about others so much, but you should really take a moment to care about yourself, (y/n)." Kakashi scolded the injured kunoichi, "You had me scared for you; all those gashes and open wounds... You could've died," he knit his eyebrows together in worry. "Don't do that ever again."

(y/n)'s dull smile faltered as Kakashi spoke on, "Now you know how I felt when I saw you doing all those suicidal stunts back then on those missions. It was like you were in a hurry to die... I mean, I was too, but you did some seriously dumb shit," she giggled emptily. Kakashi sweat-dropped, "I see... I guess you are right..." (y/n) rolled her (e/c) eyes as the masked shinobi let out a drained sigh, "I'm always right, Hatake."

"Really, (l/n)? You've been through torturous pain, and you still act like a child." Kakashi groaned, "All these years..." (y/n) shot him a hard glare, "All these years and you still think you're in charge of me." He cast a confused look, "It's my duty to protect you, as a comrade." As a comrade... "I guess, but you're just annoying, Hatake," she huffed.

"I'm sorry about ruining your birthday with my arrival and stuff. I probably ruined your plans with those kids." (y/n) looked down, breaking the silence that had fallen upon them, "I could hear you guys through the gate; they seemed pumped about going out. I'm sorry, I didn't think about the flaws in my whole plan." Kakashi's head snapped up from its resting position on the table, "It's fine, they don't even know it's my birthday," he paused, "But you planned to come here? As in, today in particular. With all those injuries, (l/n), you should've just tried to take care of yourself. My birthday isn't as important as your health."

The (y/n) shook her head, "I was going to stay at a small village pretty far from here before finally coming home. I planned to just heal up there and see how things went from there. I even considered settling down there. But that just didn't feel right," (y/n) face set in a frown, "Once I realized that your birthday wasn't that far off, I decided that I couldn't stay and needed to come back. I doubted I would even live to be back. But here I am..." she said with a soft wince of pain. "It was terrible, I hated every second of it," Her (s/t) fingers made their way to the raw mark on her inner thigh, “I’d already lost so much; there was nothing for me to lose at that point.” Kakashi's face softened as he understood what she meant. (y/n) wasn't put in the mission alone, she had her team. They all must've been killed with time.

"Ouch!" (y/n) yelped as she let out a moan of pain, clenching the fabric of her hospital-issued pajama pants. “Shh..." Kakashi whispered into her ear, quickly leaning in to soothe her, "What's causing all this pain?" He asked with a frown as (y/n) bit her lip. "It's the thing in your thigh, right? Lord Hokage and the nurse told me a bit about it. But I still don't fully understand it and how it can't fully be cured."

(y/n) buried her face in her hands, "Oh..." She mumbled, "The poison can't de be removed because it's already been inside of me too long. And since it is laced with chakra, the properties of it aren't completely like normal poison." She blinked back the stinging agonizing tears in her eyes, "The herb that I need is just going to ease the effects in my body, whilst the jutsu will seal it from triggering anything that was layered in with the chakra." (y/n) explained. Kakashi could tell she was trying her hardest to keep her face straight, pushing back the pain and hurting inside. "The thing is–"

"What?" Kakashi asked the pained woman, his tone soft and soothing, "I can help if I know what's going on."

Warily, (y/n) agreed to speak on, "The place where the mission was stationed at was just underground of the nuke-nin outpost I was from. And the guy who poisonous me was one of the other kids' experiments were done on, along with me. He was a few years older than us, and his name was Hiroto Myoga. His parents were in owed debt to the rogues, they were forced into being test subjects until they died. Which left Hiroto in the nuke-nin's hands." She rubbed the temple of her head pushing away the images that sent a shiver down her spine, "Something similar had happened in the case of my parents and me. But unlike me, when the ANBU did the raid, Hiroto was snuck away just in time."

Kakashi's heart sank as he heard what she was telling him. (y/n) had never known much about her past, the damned curse seal had caused. “Since he was older than most of the other kids there, the nuke-nin's of the outpost decided that they needed to trust their information. It was all precautionary, just in case they were taken down. And that's just what happened. Hiroto was the one ordered to put memory restriction curse seals on us, the kids, before he fled to be underground, where the actual harm was being done. That meant that all this time Hiroto had been working in those old plans." (y/n) closed her eyes tightly, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

With a subtle groan, Kakashi supported (y/n) up from the chair and rested her in her cot. "Don't stress yourself, (y/n). You can just tell me later; it's getting late anyway." He told her. "It's fine, Hatake. Letting this out helps me feel better." She reassured him.

"The ANBU caught wind of suspicious activity in that area and decided to send out a squad to go check out. I overheard Danzō arguing with Lord Hokage about it, and got interested. It was really dumb, but I just wanted to go to learn more about what happened in my past. I learned, but that can with lots of twists and turns. 10 years of going undercover..." (y/n)'s (e/c) eyes met Kakashi's single uncovered black one, "It wasn't long before Hiroto became suspicious of us, slowly narrowing the group down till it was just me." (y/n) took a deep breath and continued, "After Hiroto killed himself in our final fight, my curse seal was lifted. That's how I suddenly was able to remember all of the past. All of it."

A pit formed in Kakashi's stomach as he watched (y/n) cry in silence. He wanted to help her feel better, he really did. But he was afraid that he'd make things worse; dealing with feelings just wasn't his thing. "I'm here for you, (l/n). We've been through so much together, you've helped me through it all," Kakashi tried to reassure her, "It's my turn to look after you. Please, just don't cry." He reached out his hand to brush a tear-off of her streaked cheeks.

“Are you okay with me staying here for the night?" Kakashi asked (y/n) as they sat at the bay window, looking down upon the empty moonlit streets of Konoha. The soft light cast down by the moon seemed to make everything look beautiful, serene, and at peace. "(l/n)?" He asked again, turning to look back at her. A gentle smile played on Kakashi's lips as he saw that she'd fallen asleep. (y/n) had been through so much throughout the day, she not only deserved to rest for a long time but also needed to. "Good night, (y/n)..." he carefully lifted the sleeping beauty and placed her on the cot. Sitting back at the bay seat, Kakashi took in a deep breath. "I love you."

She's finally back.

She's finally home.

[potrix-the-queerschlaeger]

joy in my heart - chapter 1

Or; What if Johnny had been forced to step up? [On AO3.]

 February 5th, 2002

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Johnny glances away from the awkwardly shifting nurse, over to the empty hospital bed. The sheets are rumpled, one of the tabloids Shannon loves to hate lying open on the pillow. Her favorite mug, the tag of the tea she’s started drinking against the morning sickness hanging over the rim, is sitting on the bedside table. “To the bathroom? The cafeteria?”

“Mr Lawrence,” Shannon’s doctor speaks up, and the pity in his voice that he doesn’t quite manage to hide makes something heavy settle in Johnny’s stomach, “your girlfriend left the hospital earlier this morning—”

Johnny’s shaking his head. “No, she—she gave birth a day ago? She—”

“Ms Keene discharged herself, against medical advice, about an hour ago.”

Before Johnny can even begin to wrap his head around any of that, there’s a soft knock on the door. The nurse goes to open it, gesturing for the woman on the other side to come in. She’s got a clipboard under her arm, and a no-nonsense expression on her face.

“Ah, right on time,” the doctor greets somberly. Then, addressing Johnny again, he says, “Mr Lawrence, allow me to introduce you to Mrs Porter.”

“Mr Lawrence,” Mrs Porter says, with a curt nod. “Francis Porter, Child Protective Services. Why don’t we take a seat?”

In his crib, Robby starts crying.

(Watch out for the break!)

 February 14th, 2002

They won’t let him take Robby home.

Johnny’s sitting on the old, dirty carpet floor in their—his, now, he supposes, with Shannon fucked off to who knows where—shitty little one-bedroom apartment, his back against the couch, and a mostly empty bottle of the cheapest whisky the gas station had to offer on the coffee table in front of him.

The foster family they’ve lined up has experience with babies like Robby, they’d said.

It’s too early to tell if there is going to be lasting damage, they’d said.

We can refer you to people who know how to help, they’d said.

No one is trying to take your son away from you, they keep saying.

Yeah, right.

Johnny reaches for the bottle again.

“Happy fuckin’ Valentine’s Day, Shan.”

 April 21st, 2002

Robby is asleep. He’s asleep in some strange woman’s arms, tiny chest rising and falling steadily, looking so damn peaceful—

Johnny turns around and walks away, ignoring Mrs Porter calling after him.

 June 13th, 2002

“Please, Mr Lawrence,” the guy who stole Robby, who’’s telling him he can’t see his own fucking kid says, blocking Johnny’s view into the house, “you can’t be here, not unsupervised. You know you can’t.”

Johnny takes a step forward, swaying on unsteady feet. “I just—I just wan’ to—only for a minute. One minute, okay? ‘S all I’m askin’, okay?”

In the distance, Johnny can hear sirens.

He blacks out before the cops arrive.

 July 8th, 2002

 “Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASDs) are a group of conditions that can occur in a person whose mother drank alcohol during pregnancy. Symptoms can include an abnormal appearance, short height, low body weight, small head size, poor coordination, behavioural problems, learning difficulties and problems with hearing or sight. Those affected are more likely to have trouble in school, legal problems, participate in high-risk activities and have problems with alcohol or other drugs. The most severe form of the condition—”

Johnny doesn’t bother putting  the book back before he stalks out of the library.

 July 9th, 2002

“My name’s Johnny. I’m—I’m an alcoholic? That’s what you’re supposed to start with, right? My kid, uh, Robby? He’s the reason I’m here, I guess? He’s not staying with me right now. For obvious reasons. His mom’s not in the picture. I—look, I don’t really know what the hell you want me to say? I just—I just want to see my kid, man.”

 August 4th, 2002

Robby is six months old. He looks at Johnny with big, curious, familiar blue eyes, thumb jammed into his mouth. He’s drooling all over his sleeve, wispy blond hair sticking up wildly from the nap he’s just woken up from. He’s still got pillow creases on his chubby little cheek.

“He’s been doing really well lately,” Helen tells Johnny, with a soft little smile. She bounces Robby, smoothing back his hair. “Isn’t that right, honey? Are you ready to say hi to your daddy?”

Johnny’s heart is in his throat.

His hands fumble, for a moment, when Helen passes Robby over, before he manages to settle on under Robby’s butt, and the other on his back. Slowly, carefully, Johnny lifts him out of Helen’s hold, pulling him close against his chest.

Robby makes a cooing baby noise, still staring at Johnny, and curls his free hand into the collar of Johnny’s shirt.

Johnny is holding his son.

For the very first time.

He is never letting go again.

Ever.

 October 25th, 2002

“—crying for, like, forty minutes now? That can’t be normal? Right? I’m—what the hell am I doing wrong, he won’t stop—”

“Johnny.” Helen, in Johnny’s less than expert opinion, sounds way too calm, considering the situation at hand. “We knew this was going to be an adjustment for him. First overnight visit with you, in an unfamiliar apartment, a complete deviation from his usual routine. He’s probably just a little confused.”

Confused because he’s staying with his deadbeat, piece of shit father.

Right.

“He’ll be fine, Johnny. You’re doing great,” Helen reassures him, as if reading his mind. Johnny squints suspiciously. “You’ve bathed him, fed him, changed him—”

Whatever she says after that, Johnny doesn’t hear, since Robby decides to add flailing to his sobbing, and yanks the phone right out of Johnny’s grasp.

“—some calming music,” Frank is suggesting, when Johnny manages to jam the receiver back between his ear and shoulder. “Helen is partial to ‘Stuck On You’, but anything slow will do, in a pinch. Put on some music, walk him around, bounce him. You’ll be fine.”

Music. Yes. Okay.

That’s definitely doable.

Only.

“Wait, Lionel Richie? What the hell have you been teaching my kid, oh my god, and they let you be foster parents? Unbelievable—”

“Johnny.” Helen’s clearly trying to hold back laughter, and not doing a very good job of it. And that, somehow, is enough to finally make Johnny listen. Really listen. She wouldn’t laugh at him if Robby was in actual danger. “You will be fine. Both of you. All right?”

Johnny doesn’t own anything Richie, obviously, but one of the boxes he hasn’t unpacked yet is stuffed full of all his mom’s old tapes. He rummages through it one-handed, while Robby attempts to make him go bald prematurely, until his fingers land on an old, well-loved copy of ‘Rumours’.

“Definitely beats Richie,” Johnny murmurs, and pops the tape into his cassette player.

Robby is probably just startled, when it starts in the middle of a not exactly slow song, but he does finally, blessedly, stop crying. He still looks like he’s thinking about it, though, so Johnny hugs him a little tighter, and starts singing along.

All I want is to see you smile. If it takes just a little while. I know you don't believe that it's true. I never meant any harm to you.

 February 4th, 2003

They’re celebrating Robby’s first birthday at Helen and Frank’s house.

There isn’t a huge crowd present, but Johnny had still been surprised at how many familiar faces were there to greet him.

“Like we’d miss this,” Tommy had scoffed, elbowing him in the ribs, while Jimmy’d nodded along. “Nowhere else we’d rather be, man.”

Bobby had just pulled him into an almost bone-crushing hug, and whispered quietly, “I am so proud of you, John.”

Because making someone cry at their kid’s birthday party was, apparently, a thing priests did.

Johnny is sipping his apple juice, squished onto the couch between Bobby and Tommy, when there’s a dull thud from the other side of the room. Helen is standing right by Robby, who’s looking mostly confused as to why he’s on the floor instead of toddling towards the gift table, frowning down at the carpet as if it’s personally offended him.

Then, his lower lip begins to wobble.

Helen is right there. Frank not five feet away.

Robby looks up at her, at Frank, then over at Johnny. Lifting up his arms, eyes wide and wet, he demands, “Dada?”

Johnny’s never moved faster in his life. “I’m right here, buddy. I’ve got you.”