#fucking stupid tm but high charisma

[nyxthedragon225]

its the same picture

[kittenintheden]

Not Your Sweetheart Ch 24 - Pilot with a Fear of Heights

Not Your Sweetheart Chapter 24- Pilot with a Fear of Heights

The one where I absolutely delight in reminding everyone that Astarion has a dead average 10 charisma and an 18 CHA Tav gives him a run for his goddamn money in all the best and most angsty ways.

AKA "gets away with it bc hottie w/a body" meets "wins every social interaction and is also troubled and hot."

AKA the seducer gets seduced and he's mad about it, until he isn't.

But also it's a whole campaign? You know. Do not enter unless you're expecting true-to-life D&D -- everyone hot as hell but stupid as fuck. Get your top-shelf found family and hotties battling for flirt dominance tropes here. 

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It's a Big Feelings (TM) chapter. So much hurt/comfort. They're traumatized idiots in love, that's it, that's the summary. Read on AO3.

Commissioned piece of the dorks by the fantastically talented @hamrikaa (see the full thing in Ch 10).

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Their lips meet, hers caressing his upper lip. He sighs and responds in kind, pressing in. First soft. Then firmer. Break. Press. Again. Again.

Ori’s fingers go to the dip of his shirt and work the first button there.

Astarion puts his hands on her wrists and breaks their kiss. “I don’t know that I’m up for it tonight,” he says shyly.

“I figured that would be the case,” she whispers back, fingers going still. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” he says instantly. He does. Implicitly.

She kisses him again and goes back to his buttons. He tightens his grip for the barest second before he releases it and lets her take them one at a time, her nails only just running across his skin on the way down. Tension pools under the spilt of his ribcage, nervous and twittering like a trapped bird.

When the last button is loose, Ori reaches inside the shirt and runs her palms over his upper chest and shoulders, pushing the material slowly off. Her hands, warm and calloused, run over his upper arms and the shirt falls to the ground. His breath catches.

It’s not the touch of someone seeking an attractive body to rut against. It’s not the touch of some lust-drunk youth high on empty promises. No, Ori’s touch is sensual, but caring. Reverent. She’s not touching his body, she’s touching…

Him. Just him.

[chez-pezeater]

TCR Birthday Bash 2019: Day 7- Game Night

So this is probably going to get me either a lot of hate, thrown out of the fandom, or (best case scenario) requests for more. I’m honestly not sure which is worse (worst?) at this point. Either way please enjoy Cards Against Humanity: The Cat Returns Addition. Persephone is a TCR OC that belongs to @tcrmommabear & @sindysugar being used with their permissions.

At this point Hiromi has long since become a frequent visitor to the Bureau after following Haru one day. Meaning Hiromi while not quite as close to the others as Haru is, is still considered a friend.  Also the humans are in their early 20s and knowing my friends and I when we get into the game, potty language. Which really should just be a warning for CAH in general.

Cards Against Humanity (for those that don’t know) is played with two types of cards: Black prompt cards and White (I call them) Reaction cards. A person draws a prompt card and the other players put down their reaction card(s) face down and then replace the number of cards they used. Prompt drawing player flips them over and selects the best reaction card of the round. Best reaction card(s) win the prompt card. Prompt cards use between 1-3 reaction cards.

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To be fair, the entire thing was ENTIRELY Hiromi’s fault. Now that’s not to say that Haru didn’t love her best friend, because she did. She also knew EXACTLY what kind of humor Hiromi had. Mix that with a card game who’s box quite literally proclaims it to be “A horrible game for horrible people”. Yeah… It’s all Hiromi’s fault.

Hiromi drew a black prompt card. “’What’s making things awkward in the sauna?’ Ok folks hit me with your best shots.”

Louise puts down a card reading ‘A sales team of clowns and pedophiles.’

Muta chose to use ‘Scrotum tickling.’

Persephone gave it some thought before selecting ‘Cute Boys.’

Baron hesitated before putting down ‘MechaHitler.’

Haru slaps down ‘Full Frontal Nudity.’ with NO HESITATION.

Toto calmly places down ‘Fiery Poops.’

Hiromi reads all the reaction cards before declaring “A sales team of clowns and pedophiles is the winner. Who put that down cuz yeah that would make things awkward?”

Louise raises a hand while smirking. She accepts her prize before drawing a new prompt card, “’Only two things in life are certain: death and (blank).’ Oh my, there are so many ways that could be taken.”

Hiromi slapped down ‘The violation of our most basic human rights.’ as her card.

Muta, thinking of everything that happens regarding any of the groups antics, put down ‘Total fucking chaos.’

Persephone, not having very many good cards, selects ‘The male gaze.’

Baron, knowing how dramatic his sister is, chose ‘Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.’ (winner)

Haru hemmed and hawed before putting down ‘Kamikaze pilots.’

Toto put down ‘Every ounce of charisma left in Mick Jagger’s tired body.’ hoping to get some laughs.

Louise read the cards out loud, cackling in between them, and said “’Dropping a chandelier on your enemies’ wins. So which one of you called me out like this?”

“I did sister dear, after all between the two of us this is exactly the kind of dramatics you would use.” Snorts echoed around the table, implying that Louise wasn’t the only over-the-top-Gikkingen around.

And so the game continued:

R3) Muta- (prompt) Listen, Gary, I like you. But if you want that corner office, you’re going to have to show me (blank).

Hiromi- Being a busy adult with many important things to do

Louise- Deez nuts

Persephone- Exactly what you’d expect

Baron- A constant need for validation

Haru- My worthless son

Toto- Meaningless sex

“Tough call but with how humans are ‘A constant need for validation.’ wins although ‘Meaningless sex.’ was close.” “Drat,” Toto declared while Baron took another card.

R4)Persephone- (prompt) Dear Sir or Madam, We regret in infom you that the Office of (blank) has denied your request for (blank).

Hiromi- Bill Nye the Science Guy & A gassy antelope

Louise- Republicans & Black People

Muta- Blackula & The shambling corpse of Larry King

Baron- Sean Penn & Tripping balls

Haru- AXE Body Spray & Being fabulous

Toto-  Wifely duties & Consensual sex

“Seriously Louise? ‘Wifely duties.’ AND ‘Consensual sex.’ You know that combination wins.” “Sorry Love but that wasn’t mine.” “Nope it was mine.” “Well either way it was well played, well done Toto.”

“Looks like it’s time to pull out the ‘Most Horrible Person of the Night Award’.” “Hiromi, No!” “Hiromi YES!” “Hey! Why does Birdbrain get Doritos?!”

R5) Baron- (prompt) Well if (blank) is a crime, then lock me up!

Hiromi- The boners of the elderly

Louise-  Eating together like a god damn family for once

Muta- The harsh light of day

Persephone- The Boy Scouts of America

Haru- Saying “I Love You”

Toto- The light of a billion suns

“I feel like I’m being called out right now. Who played ‘Saying “I Love You.”?” Baron asked with a very unamused look on his face.

“I did,” Haru replied straightfaced.

“You’re never going to let that go are you?”

“What do you think?”

Baron sighed before handing Haru the prompt card. It was better not to argue with her.

R6) Haru- (prompt) When I was tripping on acid, (blank) turned into  (blank).

Hiromi- Sudden Poop Explosion Disease & Used panties

Louise- The economy & The sweet song of sword against sword and the braying of mighty war beasts

Muta- Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor & Turning the rivers red with the blood of infidels (winner)

Persephone- Crazy opium eyes & Treasure beyond your wildest dreams

Baron- Natalie Portman & Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night

Toto- A Ugandan warlord & Former President George W. Bush

“Really Muta? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: That’s disgusting.” “So are some of these reaction cards.”

R7) Toto- (prompt) Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to (blank)

Hiromi- All my friends dying (winner)

Louise- Syphilitic insanity

Muta- How awesome it is to be white

Persephone- Indescribable loneliness

Baron- The Pope

Haru- The eighth graders

“Toto pass Hiromi the bag. Hiromi you’re terrible.” Hiromi just giggles naughtily.

R8) Hiromi- (prompt) (Blank): Brought to you by (blank).

Louise- Homeless people & Rich people

Muta- Mouth herpes & Going down on a woman, discovering that her vagina is filled with eyeballs, and being totally into that

Persephone- Santa Claus & Being rich

Baron- Shutting the fuck up & The Rev. Dr. Marin Luther King, Jr.

Haru- Getting caught by the police and going to jail & Going around punching people(winner)

Toto- Running out of semen & A mine having a stroke

“Sound about right.” “Oh and how would you know Turkey Leg? You don’t have any fists!” “Wouldn’t you like to know fatso.”

R9) Louise- (prompt) (Blank). Betcha can’t have just one!

Hiromi- Heartwarming orphans

Muta- Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis

Persephone- Gwyneth Paltrow’s opinions

Baron- A sad handjob (winner)

Haru- Horrifying laser hair removal accidents

Toto- Emotions

“Is there something you want to confess brother dear?” “Not to you sister dear.”

R10) Muta- (prompt) This is the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of (blank).

Hiromi- My dad’s dumb fucking face

Louise- Cancer

Persephone- Lunchables TM (winner)

Baron- YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS

Haru- The Hamburglar

Toto- Statistically validated stereotypes

“What? I’m hungry!”

R11) Persephone- (prompt) We never did find (blank), but along the way we sure learned a lot about (blank)

Hiromi- Blowjobs for everyone & Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum (Hiromi)

Louise- What Jesus would do & The South

Muta- The white half of Barack Obama & A black-owned and operated business

Baron- God & A chimpanzee in sunglasses fucking your wife

Haru- Jobs & Western standards of beauty

Toto- Important news about Taylor Swift & Starting a shitty podcast

“HIROMI!” “AHH SAVE ME SOMEBODY!” (This was not the first time Hiromi used Pac-Man against Haru. Nor would it be the last.)

R12) Baron- In return for my soul, the Devil promised me (blank), but all I got was (blank).

Hiromi- Jesus & White people

Louise- Third base & Being fat and stupid

Muta- A subscription to Men’s Fitness & Pooping back and forth. Forever.

Persephone- Some shit-hot guitar licks & An ass disaster

Haru- Interspecies marriage & Necrophilia (winner)

Toto- The Blood of Christ & Adderall TM

“Guilty conscious Haru?” “I’M NOT A FURRY DAMNIT!”

R13) Haru- (prompt) You won’t believe what’s in my pussy. It’s (blank).

Hiromi- Daddy issues

Louise- The power of the Dark Side (winner)

Muta- A salty surprise

Persephone- Old-people smell

Baron- My collection of high-tech sex toys

Toto- How wet my pussy is.

“I hate you all.”

R14) Toto- (prompt) Money can’t buy me love, but it can buy me (blank)

Hiromi- The mere concept of Applebees TM

Louise- Sexual peeing

Muta- Authentic Mexican cuisine

Persephone- An asymmetric boob job (winner)

Baron- Helplessly gigling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis

Haru- Switching to Geico®

R15) Hiromi- (prompt) (Blank) is a slippery slope that leads to (blank).

Louise- Blackface & Ripping open a man’s chest and pulling out his still-beating heart

Muta- Court-ordered rehab & Words, words, words.

Persephone- Same-sex ice dancing & Butt stuff

Baron- Establishing dominance & Stockholm Syndrome (winner)

Haru- Overpowering your father & Darth Vader

Toto- Copping a feel & A boo-boo

“Damn Baron, what are you into?” “I’m not! Why are you handing me these?” “Because you made shit go real dark, real quick boyo.”

R16) Louise- (prompt) My gym teacher got fired for adding (blank) to the obstacle course.

Hiromi- Walking into a glass door

Muta- Sperm whales

Persephone- Peeing a little bit

Baron- A face full of horse cum

Haru- Meatloaf, the man.

Toto- Warm, velvety muppet sex (winner)

“I think I need to give these back to you Toto.” “No no, you can still keep them.” (Cue unhappy Baron face.)

R17) Muta- What gets better with age?

Hiromi- Crippling debt

Louise- A Super Soaker TM full of cat pee (winner)

Persephone- Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.

Baron- Yeast

Haru- The placenta

Toto- Nothing

“At least no one played ‘My genitals.’ this time.” “That can still change Haru~.”

R18) Persephone- (prompt) In his new action comedy, Jackie Chan must fend off ninja while also dealing with (blank).

Hiromi- Not having sex

Louise- Aaron Burr

Muta- Mixing M&Ms and Skittle like some kind of psychopath

Baron- The dentist

Haru- Samuel L. Jackson (winner)

Toto- Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri

“To be fair, Ryan Renolds had a hard time dealing with Samuel L. Jackson in ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard.’” “Still funny.”

R19) Baron- (prompt) Today on Maury: “Help! My son is (blank)!”

Hiromi- A woman

Louise- A monkey smoking a cigar (winner)

Muta- Teaching a robot to love

Persephone- Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere

Haru- Such a big boy

Toto- Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding

“What is ‘Maury’?” “An American TV show that mostly deals with people deliberately exposing themselves to lie detectors and paternity tests because they can’t stay in their lanes and be decent human beings.”

R20) Haru- (prompt) Heed my voice, mortals! I am the god of (blank), and I will not tolerate (blank)!Hiromi- Sunshine and rainbows & Incest

Louise- The profoundly handicapped & Throwing a virgin into a volcano

Muta- Sweet, sweet vengeance & Cheating in the Special Olympics

Persephone- Finger painting & The hiccups

Baron- Erectile dysfunction & Having a penis (winner) (game end)

Toto- Nickleback & Licking things to claim them as your own.

“That’s it, game over, Baron wins, Good night.” “Oh c’mon Haru.” “Nope! Can’t do it! Good night!”

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‘Most Horrible Person of the Night Award’ is an inside joke among my circle of RL friends that typically ends up being a bag of Doritos.