#fucking hell I just noticed that typo it was like 3:30 am bear with me

[adorebuckley]

He really said “let me demonstrate this real quick before we leave”

[artificialqueens]

"New Man"

A/N: Hi everyone – long time listener (reader), first time caller (writer). Was inspired to write something after listening to “New Man’ by Ed Sheeran (link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwzD8U4u76k) on repeat, and because at my core I am shameless Biadore trash. This is angsty, but ideally it leads to something fluffy. As “real world” of a universe as my twisted brain can make up, set in the present. All is from Danny’s POV, because I feel closer to his headspace. If you like, I will do a Part 2 that finishes the story and involves some attempt at fluff and/or smut (I guess?). Anyway ok thanks this may be awful.

Also, lyrics are in italics, but I’m sure you figured that out.

Two things were concerning Danny in this moment. Confusing, distracting, maybe even disturbing – to bundle it up, it was fucking with him.  

 The first – Roy was not a cheater. He was many many things – a talented tailor and designer, a cutting insult comedian, a damn good dog parent, a friend you could really count on…but he was not a cheater. So when Danny saw Roy – Roy, who had a boyfriend of 2 months – cozying up with a race chaser in the back corner of the bar, Danny was confused.

 And when this stranger dude went for it and kissed Roy, and after just a moment’s hesitation Roy jammed his tongue down the stranger’s throat with some real enthusiasm…that’s when the second thing happened.

 The second – so this second one is where it got weird. As a friend Danny was entitled to be confused, but the moment the two men’s lips touched he instantly felt like he was going to throw up. His lungs and his stomach dropped into his ass, at the same time as all his other muscles seemed to tense up. Danny’s heart was thumping and he almost fell of his seat as he sprinted (really, tripped) to the bathroom of the bar.

 Roy had a boyfriend, and it wasn’t Danny. Roy was kissing someone else, and it wasn’t Danny – but it wasn’t his boyfriend either. So why the fuck was he reacting like this?

—

After a few deep breaths – and mentally thanking the city of Seattle for teaching him all kinds of new hippie ways to clear his mind – Danny looked into the mirror. He desperately wanted to throw water on his face, but god dammit he had put good effort into a ‘boy beat’ tonight and he wasn’t going to let tap water and Roy – ugh, Roy – fuck up his cut crease. Continuing to take deep breaths – in for 4, out for 4 – he started to take stock of what was happening around him. People liked to make jokes about Danny’s intelligence, but really he was both very smart and incredibly perceptive. He ran the tape back…

 Roy was in Seattle for a long weekend, on a tour hiatus. This was the first time Danny had seen him in person since moving to up north, a move that Danny knew annoyed Roy. “Really, Queen? I moved my tired ass across the country, where I will no doubt be killed by this hell-hole drought or in a 5-hour traffic jam on Santa Monica, and as soon as I’m settled in you flit off in your Birkenstocks to be the next Kurt Cobain? You know granola makes you fat, right? You and you’re fucking Starbucks…” But a few months later and Roy couldn’t wait to make the trip…

 Roy was alone. He had been so very vocal about his new relationship, particularly with Danny and Shane, and wasted no opportunity to talk about his new man at every chance. This guy was (allegedly) fabulous, beautiful, rich…Danny honest-to-God couldn’t remember his name, but he knew he was an Equinox trainer with a lot of family money that Roy met hiking in Runyon. Which reminded him of that other thing…

 Roy was different. Bad different. Shallower, cuntier, careless. At first Danny chalked it up to his new ultra-mellow Seattle attitude, but seeing Roy do something so very un-Roy convinced him that this wasn’t just his perception. Danny had noticed little things changing since this new guy – Roy developed an obsession with jicama/turmeric/unpronounceable health foods, but drank much more; spent mad money on flashy things almost daily; indulged in social media trash and flame wars; and followed his stinging insults with less and less kindness…but Danny figured Roy was just tired or something, though it was creating real distance between them. Now, publicly cheating on his boyfriend with a stranger in a crowded bar, Danny saw clearly that something was very and truly “up” with B.

 And of course, the last thing – Roy was silent. Not actually silent – bitch never shut up – but he was silent on the subject of him and Danny. A relationship never consummated, two best friends who were clearly attracted but respected each other and the difficulties of their lives too much to but their friendship at risk. They had a system of denial, and it worked…at least it did until 2 weeks ago. The night Roy announced his plans to visit Seattle – to Danny and Jinx, in a group text – he later drunk texted Danny. Ok, drunk sexted. And it happened again, every night until this one, when he arrived in Seattle. Roy’s 3am texts were rapid fire, riddled with boozy typos and anything but poetic advances, but fuck if they didn’t make Danny’s heart race and pants tighten. Danny never responded, refusing to make this a “real” issue to deal with, and Roy seemed equally avoidant. Danny assumed it was just drunken ramblings (for a New Orleans native, Roy was a light-weight) and didn’t want to embarrass his friend (or, let’s be real, himself) by bringing it up.

 But now Roy was here, in person, and Danny was worried. The world famous Bianca Del Rio was going off the rails, and apparently only Adore Delano was going to steer him back. He always wanted to be Superman…and maybe if he could just get Roy out of here and acting normal, Danny wouldn’t have to address the emotion he could finally identify: jealousy.

—

Danny was not in the best head space to confront Roy, this he knew. In addition to the green monster still banging at his chest, he was 4 shots into a night that started off with a bowl shared between him, Jinx and – surprisingly – Roy. He knew his perception was sharp as ever, but his decision making…well Captain, those systems were compromised. 

So when he finally walked out of the bathroom and saw that race chaser –Chase, because no one is working hard to name that guy – with one hand in Roy’s hair and another on his “upper thigh,” Danny decided to do something dramatic. Instead of going back to the table with Jinx and his other friends, he made a beeline for the bar. 

“Todd! Todd! Can I sing tonight?“ 

A big bear of a man made his way past bartenders and bar backs to speak to Danny, who was now flittering his eyelashes in faux seduction.

“Delano, this isn’t drag night. We don’t have the –“

“No, no – I don’t mean do the Adore act. I mean, I’m feeling moved by the spirits to sing a song and I want to sing here for the first time as Danny and I know you have a guitar and an amp and my friends are here from LA and I really need to get this of my chest and performing as Danny and not Adore is really important to me and if you were really mine and Johnny’s friend…” He was officially rambling at this point, leaning into the personality everyone imposed on him to get what he wanted. He smiled doe-eyed as he talked Todd into submission. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, if you sing will you stop talking to me?  

“Absolutely.” Cue the Disney smile.

Todd sighed and waved over 2 of his staff, asking them to set up the guitar, mic and lighting Danny would need to perform.

“Thank you Todd. One of these days you’re going to have to let me…”

“Delano, appreciate the sentiment but this ride is for biological women only. Just get up there and don’t fuck it up.”

“Ok, RuPaul.” Danny grabbed a shot of couple Fireball shots off the bar, ripping them as he thought about the song. This fucking song…

Danny was about to sing a real Top 40, iHeartRadio and Casey Kasem wet dream of a song – “New Man,” by Ed Sheeran. This was all Spotify Discovery’s fault; the track had somehow ended up in his curated weekly recommendations, and before he could realize that he was listening to Taylor Swift’s man BFF he was in love with the words and the melody. And fuck if it didn’t apply to his life in this moment – maybe the universe was sending him a sign here. A catchy song, from the perspective of a man who sees his on-and-off lover cheating on their new man and tries to help sort out their life – Geez, sound familiar? That, plus a song with a simple enough guitar melody that Danny could already play from memory…the stars aligned, and as a Libra Danny was never one to ignore the signs from the stars.

—

Todd quieted the crowd down, announcing that there would be a performance from none other than new hometown boy Danny Noriega. The bar patrons cheered – Danny had made short work of turning this place into his Cheers, and everyone sure knew his name – with the exception of 3: Jinx, who clapped cautiously while mouthing “What are you doing bitch?” at Danny, and the Roy-Chase pretzel. Roy stopped moving (kissing), broke away and stared at Danny for a full 30 seconds before hopping onto his feet to wolf-whistle and cheer with the rest. “Chase” started asking for Adore and pulling out his cellphone to record.

Danny hopped up on the stage, strapped on the guitar, and dropped his head to speak into the mic. God, it felt good to perform as Danny sometimes.

“Hey you weirdos, settle down. Todd, thanks for indulging my last minute request to perform a little diddy for these drunk and stoned hippies.” The good-natured crowd laughed, until Roy – in full Bianca mode – interrupted:

“Christ Delano, leave the insult comedy to the pros,” Roy yelled up at the stage.

Danny knew that Roy wanted to get a rise out of him, this was their usual tour banter. Bianca picks at Adore’s imperfections and they trade insults for a while, but Adore is just so damn charismatic that Bianca ends up (eventually) being sweet. But that wasn’t the point of tonight – this wasn’t Snatch Game for a crowd of RPDR fans, this was drama to shock Roy into behaving himself. Danny wasn’t sure why he thought that was such a good idea – the mix of vodka and Fireball probably had something to do with it – but he wasn’t going to get sidetracked.

“I made Todd haul out the equipment so I could play, but mainly I just want to get this one song out. It’s a cover – nothing new or my own – but it’s been stuck with me over the last few weeks and I feel like some people here tonight really need to hear it. So here we go – “New Man,” by some redhead that isn’t Adele or Ginger Minj.” With that, Danny began to sing and play:

I heard he spent five hundred pounds on jeans Goes to the gym at least six times a week Wears boat shoes with no socks on his feet And I heard he’s on a new diet and watches what he eats

Too early in the song for anyone to know what is about – anyone except Jinx, who Danny could see glaring at him near the front row. He probably should’ve run this plan by his sensible if-always-sleepy friend, but again…this was not a night or an act to be rationalized.

But still, I’m just keeping it real, still looking at your Instagram and I’ll be creeping a little I’ll be trying not to double tap, from way back, cause I know that’s where the trouble’s at Let me remind you of the days when you used to hold my hand And when we sipped champagne out of cider cans I guess if you were Lois Lane, I wasn’t superman, just a young boy trying to be loved

Danny started to freak out a little bit. Fuck – the chorus was coming, and it was going to get really obvious to anyone paying attention at all that this song was directed at Roy. But he wasn’t ever one to do things subtly so…

I don’t wanna know about your new man, cause if it was meant to be You wouldn’t be calling me up trying to fuck Cause I’m positive that he don’t wanna know about me

I don’t wanna know about your new man, we’ll get there eventually I know you’re missing all this kind of love But I’m positive that he don’t wanna know about me

Well, it was out there and nothing was happening. The crowd seemed to dig the song, but he hadn’t seen Roy’s adorably dimpled face go wide or slack jawed or change in any way that showed he understood what was happening here. No choice but to continue. 

You were the type of girl that sat beside the water reading Eating a packet of crisps but you will never find you cheating Now you’re eating kale, hitting the gym, keeping up with Kylie & Kim In the back of the club kissing a boy that ain’t him

How did that 90’s song go – whatever, whoop there it was. Drunk Roy’s eyebrows raised, and his head snapped to look at “Chase” bopping along next to him and recording the song for Snapchat. A look that read simply as Oh fuck washed over his face, and Danny knew it was time to bring it home.  

Ok you need to be alone, and if you wanna talk about it you can call my phone I just thought that I would tell you cause you oughta know You’re still an old man trying to be loved

That changed lyric and his piercing stare at Roy really drove the point home, if Jinx’s undeniably audible “Holy shit” was any indication. Roy continued to watch, looking some mix of embarrassed, guilty, and nervous as he avoided direct eye contact with anyone – especially Danny. Danny was ready to close the song with a bang.

Baby, I’m not trying to ruin your week But you act so differently When you’re with him I know you’re lonely Please, remember you’re still free, to make the choice and leave And don’t call me up you need to show me

With one more round of the chorus, the song was done. The crowd cheered, again with the notable exceptions of Jinx, Johnny and Roy. Jinx and Johnny clapped politely, their eyes darting back and forth between Roy seated and Danny on stage looking for some explanation. Roy stayed in his seat, his expression unreadable except for the clear annoyance that “Chase” was up and clapping. Danny felt this could be a good sign of mission accomplished. 

Never one to renege on his show promises, Danny went ahead and did a 30-minute set for the bar. He mixed covers and originals, racked up some good tips, and got to feel alive in the way that only performing makes him feel. Combining that with the high of potentially shocking Roy back into his old self, and Danny had a great day. It was made better when he realized Roy had abandoned the race chaser and gone to sit back with his and Danny’s crew; though his friend was being uncharacteristically quiet around the crew, at least he wasn’t actively cheating anymore.

As he played through the set, Danny could feel the confusion subsiding. Roy wasn’t a cheater, he was drunk and made a mistake. All he did was kiss that kid, not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Everything was ok again.

Except it wasn’t. Danny still felt that nasty green monster living in his chest, beating on his ribs and his heart every time he thought of Roy while he sang. This was a feeling Danny made it a point to repress and avoid, but for some reason when he thought of Roy kissing another man he felt possessive and mean and scared and still somehow love… must be the vodka and Fireball. Danny reminded himself not to mix booze again, especially on a night he sings.

— 

After a raucous round of applause and a demand for an encore – which Danny obliged – he jumped of stage and headed out for a smoke. Danny reached into his pocket and grabbed his lighter and cigarettes, but the moment his hand entered his pockets he was pressed up against the brick wall of the building…by none other than his best friend Roy. 

“What the fuck was that, Danny?” Roy was clearly angry, but there was something else in his voice that made it sound husky and almost luxurious. After a painful moments of silence, Danny finally decided to respond.

“Music is a powerful way to– “ Danny’s speech was abruptly cut off as Roy’s lips crashed onto his own. All Danny could do was smile.

— 

[End of Part 1]