#fucking chernabog??? literal satan?? yeah. YEAH.

[justaz]

i “read” this one klance x descendants au and it literally altered my brain chemistry (i recently went back and reread it and honestly nostalgia gave me some rose tinted glasses but it was still fun LMAO) so like the idea of a descendants au for my ships has been in the back of my mind for years but see heres the fucking issue. my ship rn is merthur and i cant exactly do a descendants au as they’re literally in disney and it would be confusing as all hell. i mean. i guess if i ignored some things. maybe.

[swampgallows]

after SEVERAL DAYS ive finally completed my own version of this. not to be confused with husbando squares. i had to really reach for a couple of these as i was trying very hard to make this a favorite list and not a kin list but you can see the parts where i failed

descriptions under the cut, starting at the top and left to right:

JAN VALENTINE from Hellsing: i was obsessed with this dude when i was like 13. i wanted his beanie and i loved his fucked up piercings. also the first blowjob i ever saw. i covered my eyes. traumatizing!

RED DEATH from Venture Bros.: a dignified killer. the voice of clancy brown is absolutely integral to this character and my affinity for him. cant go wrong with a murderous family man. “brownies? yes, thank you!” plus he had a sick mohawk in the 80s.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS from Star Wars: coughing bastard wields four glowsticks at once. what’s not to love?

LURTZ from Lord of the Rings: ground zero for the closest thing to a sexual awakening

KUP from Transformers: that’s just ME, babey! old know-it-all curmudgeon stops at mcdonalds for one black coffee and leaves

JANE LANE from Daria: if i’d watched Daria in high school instead of college I would have modeled my entire existence after her. she treads between being an ideal older sister and being the greatest lesbian/girlfriend ever

THRALL from Warcraft: thrall practically raised me through my teen years and was there for me as a surrogate orc dad before he became an actual dad. the horde is thrall’s family and when i say i’m his child i MEAN it

MEWTWO from Pokémon: mewtwo knocked my socks off when i encountered him in cerulean cave in 1998 on pokémon red, and then once i found out about the first 10 minutes cut from the english version of the movie in 99, it was all over

REXXAR from Warcraft: that’s just my strong asexual mok’nathal husband. i used to pal around with him in desolace back when he was champion of the horde, and once he made his way back to his people at thunderlord stronghold we consummated our vows

DIN from Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons: this is the only zelda game i have ever played, one i bought with my own money, with CASH, and i played the shit out of it. i love nature magic and dancing and din has both. 

CHERNABOG from Disney’s Fantasia: i warped the VHS watching this part over and over as a kid. he’s called chernabog now but he was referred to as “satan” initially, and bela lugosi modeled his movement (though they ended up using the director’s poses instead). when he unfurls his wings? that’s the real shit

TWILIGHT SPARKLE from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: i love all of the ponies in their own way and despite how much i abhor tara strong’s VA work twilight remains a top favorite. her anxiety and perfectionism show the downsides of her ardent studiousness, but dont portray her erudition in a negative light. a lot of cartoons i saw growing up always had an “egghead” nerdy character who was unpopular for doing well in school or caring about academia. while i know as an adult that it’s all essentially worthless it’s really affirming to see that pressure candidly portrayed while also not being totally dismissive of it. school was one of the only things i was ever good at, and twilight’s character shows both its heavy downsides and the ways in which it actually can be applied to the real world. 

[free space] GARROSH HELLSCREAM from Warcraft: literally me

WASHU HAKUBI from Tenchi Muyo!: one of my longtime faves! washu is a genius scientist, but with tenchi muyo being a mythological sci-fi series, that points her closer to witch/mad scientist/alchemist. i also liked the gimmick of her being thousands of years old but insisting on portraying herself as a short snarky teenager. plus i love her crab motif and her little wooden cheerleader puppets

JOHN SILVER from Treasure Planet: bear cyborg dad. super huggable, great voice, and has a lil irish jig follow him around in the soundtrack. neck rolls + tooth gap = hell fuckkin yeah babey

AIUSHTHA THE ENCHANTRESS from DotA 2: sproink!

PEPPER ANN from Disney’s Pepper Ann: this show made me excited to attend middle school LMFAO because i related to pepper ann so much as a kid. much like twilight sparkle, PA is super neurotic but has an explosive, if not borderline delusional, imagination. she dressed and behaved like an actual kid, and plus she looked like me too. even in the 90s it was rare to see a kid with glasses that wasn’t shafted to the poindexter stereotype, especially a girl (e.g. Gretchen from the fellow Disney show Recess). i liked that she wasn’t feminine but also wasn’t a hard tomboy; she gave me space to feel like i was allowed to exist outside of that kind of gender binary (and especially her younger sister Moose blows all gender expectations out of the water). 

ASUKA LANGLEY SORYU from Neon Genesis Evangelion: foundation of my childhood identity along with all the trauma and posturing therein. think garrosh if he were a 12 year old girl who piloted a mech

DEVIL ZUKIN from Dance Dance Revolution: amazing outfit, rocked the konamix. i like evil zukin too but devil zukin is the fave. sleeveless crop top hell yeah

UNDYNE from Undertale: my bi awakening at 25. strong fish lady love spagety

HELLBOY from Hellboy: mike mignola’s art style has influenced a lot of my own. he’s a demon who chooses to be the good guy and that’s everything to me. he loves kitty cats and pancakes and punches nazis, and hellboy ii: the golden army is one of the best movies of all time.

BLACKARACHNIA from Beast Wars (Transformers): LOVE this bitch. she got to hang out with tarantulas and also expressed that moral grayness i totally love, chillin with rattrap and makin jokes. spider motif is v good also

LEAH from Stardew Valley: life goals. wife goals.

NAILS from Cool World: this movie fucking blows LMFAO it’s absolutely awful but it has the most banger rave soundtrack next to hackers and ralph bakshi’s animation as always is a spectacle. Nails is a hapless anxious cop-spider who can barely load his own gun and looks like a predecessor to a Cuphead reject. plus he’s voiced by charlie adler so he’s got huge personality. funny spider guy

HAWK MOTH from Miraculous: i know what i am. im a bitch who loves bug motifs and villains who are outwitted by literal children, who are utterly convinced they are doing the right and just thing, who stare a redemption arc in the face and go “...nah”