#fucking behave urself and dont be a fucking child

[meowsogynist]

Whoever said sisters forgive and forget have not met my sister

[leeebo]

me: im gonna have to ask you to pull your mask up

rude customer: i’m trying to talk to you

me: yes i know, i can hear you through your mask, please pull it up.

rude customer: i guess i’ll just fucking go elsewhere this is bullshit you’re a bitch and these rules are stupid. fuck you and fuck off

me: have a good day!

AND ANOTHER ONE bc people suddenly lost the ability to fucking read

me: you need a mask to enter the store, sorry.

rude customer: why the fuck didn’t you tell me?

me: there’s a sign at the end of the road and two on the doors

rude customer: don’t fucking talk down to me, these rules are bullshit and you’re so fucking stupid for following them

me: have a good day!

[mostdramaticqueen]

I feel like shit again

Fucking hell

I havent posted here since 2019?

Well its 2022

Things got better and better and worse and better and amazingly well and then it hit me

Im not perfect.

I dont even try anymore

Ive tried before. I did my best. My best wasnt enough. Others try more than me. My dad will never appreciate me and the work i put.

Not that it matters now. I dont try anymore. Im useless

I just entertain people at this point. Im a fucking clown. They laugh at my jokes and sometimes at me. They love me. Not because they admire or respect me. They will say otherwise. They say im more than that. Thats the default sentance and everyone knows it. Theoretically, i am more than that yes. But none of that is actually usefull. And they dont love me for that. They want me because they laugh at me. I get drunk easily and i say dumb shit and ridicule myself and they like that

They are not shitty people. Hell no. They dont mean no harm. They never would. And they try to support me in any way they can.

But if i werent funny, would they?

What even am i anymore. I am not the smart kid. They cant assume im smart. Nobody ever did. But i used to have proof that i was.

Now? Im just a clown with perfectly average grades. I hate it. I sometimes hate myself. I try not to say it. But i do. I wish i was the person my family sees in me. Pretty and smart and kind. But i talk back and i dont take care of myself every day and i say dumb shit all the time. And i dont know why im special.

I used to be something. Raw potential. Now? Thats not a thing. There is a hope deep down that i will have a postgraduate degree too. Cause im smart, right? And studying is what im good at, right?

And if i just t r i e d then i could do it, right?

I just wanna be enough and be useful and be proud of me for once

I want my dad to be proud of me and call me brave and his little lion and mean it this time. I dont want him to take it back again. Please love me like i need to be loved please please please please please

I dont wanna be a failiure, i wanna be perfect

Yet right now im crying instead if studying

Pathetic. Im overreacting again

God im so dramatic. I should just do it. Get rid of my phone and i can do it. Right? Yeah. No more distractions. Like my head telling me i suck. Like my thoughts telling me my dad is judging me and my studying technique. Why is he commenting on it? He was horrible at school. Shut up and stay in your lane. Be the best boy in your school council or town council or work or model agency or whatever. You are the best at everything after all right?

How could i ever compete with you? How could i ever make you proud? You cant even make urself proud and you have achieved all that

I hate you i hate you i love you please love me please be proud of me please dont judge me or my mum or siblings please please im fragile and you hate it when i break down. You would never do that right? You build all your emotions up and then you burst in anger and flames and you dont care if you insult us. We are incompetent. Our dog would have learnt to behave already right?

God i wanna have an adhd diagnosis so bad. Would you like that? Are you so afraid of having a retarded child? A motherfucking loser who cant even remember to wash the fucking dishes??? I KNOW YOU WOULD HATE IT. STOP SAYING YOU LOVE ME AND THAT YOU MISS ME. YOU DONT. YOU HATE THE REAL ME . EVEN WORSE. YOU DONT HATE ME . YOU ARE DISAPPROVING. YOU ARE DISSAPOINTED. I SEE YOU DIE EVERYTIME I DONT REACH MY POTENTIAL. DIE INSIDE THEN. BURRY THOSE FEELINGS TOO. STOP HURTING ME PLEASE. IT HURTS. IT HURTS TO HATE MYSELF PLEASE.

I dont wanna hate myself anymore

[violentviolette]

"I controlled them." i genuinely don't understand why this is such a hard thing to understand because it is actually very straightforward. if u have the ability to control those impulses, then u are not exhibiting a lack of impulse control in those areas. i'm not arguing u dont have impulse control issues elsewhere because i dont know u. but i am saying that *by ur own words* u did not struggle with aspd based destructive impulsivity and do not meet that specific criteria for that disorder I was diagnosed with cd as a child, my parents were intensely physically abusive, i was incapable of controlling those impulses even in the face of "literally hurt or traumatized worse" i would know without a shadow of a doubt that what i was doing would get me beat, and yet i still did it, every time because i was physically unable to control myself and stop myself from doing it. and i absolutely did get beat to hell for it. my mother broke hangers over my back every time i talked back to her but i was still never able to stop myself and control the impulse to fight her. that is literally why it is a disorder and why it is a very important part of the diagnostic criteria for aspd ur very literally sitting there saying "u cant possibly claim that this disorder means u cant stop urself from doing something OBVIOUSLY people can force themselves to just do it if the consequences are great enough" and for someone who has adhd it's absolutely mind boggling to me that u would say something like "no matter how hard it is, you learn to control them." would u say the same for ur adhd? if someone threatened to hit u hard enough u could just learn to focus? thats absolutely fucking absurd and insanely ableist and i know u know that. so why on earth would u turn around and apply that logic to impulse control issues to claim that u experienced a symptom that solely by ur own repeated admission, u didnt.

because no, people with physical brain damage due to trauma whose frontal lobes are literally underdeveloped and therfore incapable of performing one of their base primary functions cant infact just force ourselves to behave if u threaten to hit us hard enough

is it possible to develop aspd despite being fairly sheltered all ur life? pw/aspd are basically always talking about doing all these super reckless and dangerous things and picking fights but what if u never did that but still fit the criteria?

if u fit some but not all of the criteria then its likely u have a different trauma based disorder. the agressiveness, impulsivity, explosive anger, and recklessness criteria are fairly core and important to aspd and so if u didnt/dont exhibit those behaviors then its unlikely u have it. some criteria are more defining of a disorder than others and for aspd the agressive and impulsive outward behavioral criteria are more important than the internal "angry thoughts" part of the criteria because that is shared by a variety of disorders aspd is a trauma based disorder and part of a cluster, thus it shares a core group of symptoms with other cluster b disorders as well as cptsd, ect. and so if u find urself fitting those shared criteria, but not the unique agressive/impulsive/antisocial criteria, then its more likely u have a different trauma based disorder