#fuckin' shits bad mydudes

[drunkendragons]

when you can't rant about something on social media because there's a Strong Chance the people you’re ranting about will see it 

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays oathbreaker part 3

don’t ask me why i keep writing these

WALINAD MEW MEW | Oathbreaker Part 3 | Ace Hang Plays Otome

Last time on Ace Hang plays Otome:

*cooking minigame shenanigans with elevator music in the background*

--------

Brid: Hey guys, Ace Hang here! I’m Brid!

Lily: I’m Lily, and welcome back to another episode of Oathbreaker! Last time, we had fun with a cooking minigame because we were trying to fool a dwarf into thinking we actually knew anything about magic. 

Brid: Also we’re a warlock. 

Lily: Yeah, like... fuckin’.... I don’t know. Anyway, we’ve got the power of fire and ice on our side, and things sort of ended on a cliffhanger. 

Brid: We’re also sorry about the length of the last part, we thought that the chapter would go on for a little longer. 

Lily: Luckily, y’all did get to see more cooking game shenanigans. 

Brid: I wonder if there’ll be more. 

Lily: Oh god. 

Brid: As for actual plot... 

Lily: Okay, so we’re not quite sure what’s going on here, but we’re some kind of thief that works in a mage college with an elf, and we’ve been sent to the capital of our kingdom Walinad to help some baby human king run things? I don’t know. Also we’re a warlock. Also the elves want us dead. 

Brid: Alwenn does not want us dead. 

Lily: The two elf boyfriends do. ... One of them does. 

Brid: Anyway, we’re super excited to see where this story takes us, and we hope you are too. Without further ado, let’s get started!

----------

Brid: “MyDude, I am thrilled to see you... but why did you have to bring HER along?” YOU BE NICE TO MY ELF GIRLFRIEND YOU DICKHEAD

Lily: Wow, you turned on him fast. 

Brid: “I’d never let you lay a hand on her!” My girlfriend!

Lily: Oh my god. 

Brid: “I didn’t mean to start anything but i mean if she did want to hold my hand-”

Lily: Fuckin’ hell! Oh my god, who’s this twink?! “Gabriel”. I like his hair, actually. That’s really cool. But he’s wearing an Arabian dress type thing, which is so funny. “See, this is why I love enchanted brothels- great customer service.”

Brid: I’m fucking dead. This chapter is off to a great start. 

-------------

Brid: A truce, huh? 

Lily: Eldritch beings. We’re just... idiots. 

Brid: Chocolate milk is great. Forbidden knowledge!

Lily: It also looks like the king and his cohorts are after us. Mostly the dwarf. 

Brid: Mostly the dwarf. 

Lily: HOLY FUCK priest elves

Brid: *elf fangirling*

Lily: ................. 

Brid: Hey, listen, holy elf people. I always did like holy classes too. 

Lily: ........

-----------------

Brid: She has so many freckles. 

Lily: Oh, right. There’s two elf nations- Dinea and Aldwen. And one of them’s oppressive and authoritarian. 

Brid: More flirting. Now. 

Lily: Fine. “Jealous?”

Brid: “I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU!”

Lily: Oh, who’s this? “Lana”. “That was our map!”

Brid: ... 

Lily: ...

Brid: CAT PEOPLE?!

Lily: 2e TABAXI???

Brid: Their ears do move... 

Lily: That’s cool, but they’re... weird. Oh, “Peshka”, from Sindan. That’s cool? 

Brid: I guess? 

Lily: They’re... interesting? 

---------------

Lily: Tactics, tactics, tactics, stopping an evil gay elf boyfriend from trampling the whole world and starting World War IV, tactics tactics, I fought a dragon once, I’m a bad ass bitch... 

Brid: What happened to the first three world wars?!

----------------

Brid: No killing the dwarf. 

Lily: “NO KILLING THE DWARF”

Brid: “YOU LITERALLY SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME”

Lily: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS”

Brid: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??”

Lily: Okay, now I can’t wait for more passive aggressive commentary between these two idiots. 

Brid: Damn, Argandea is sort of cool with our tactics. Not opposed. Just sort of cool with this. 

Lily: Ha. Cool. 

-----------

Lily: .... No way. ANOTHER cooking minigame?!

Brid: Oh man, let’s GO!

......

Lily: So, have you ever made meat pie before? 

Brid: Let’s just add everything. 

Lily: Meat. 

Brid: MORE MEAT!

Lily: VEGGIES!

Brid: VEGGIES! 

Lily: Wait, is that-

Brid: MINT???

Lily: I don’t think we’re supposed to put everything in. 

Brid: MEAT!

Lily: Okay, now put the crust on... “What is that smell?” “What smell?” “Is that... mint?” 

Brid: We got creative... 

Lily: “Get out of my kitchen!” 

Brid: Reload... 

......

Brid: So how does this minigame work, anyway?

Lily: I think we just add in everything that actually goes in a meat pie. 

Brid: So, butter, meat, carrots.... garlic?

Lily: Butter does not go in a pie. 

Brid: Ginger. 

Lily: Ginger most definitely does not go into a pie. 

Brid: Okay, let’s ask the lady. 

(pause)

(both groan)

........

Lily: So, it sounds weird that carrots go in a meat pie. But is that true? 

Brid: Listen, I have never had meat pie in my life. 

Lily: Let’s try it. “Kag’ash has big carrots. No pun intended-”

Brid: She’s so goddamn horny-

........

Lily: MEAT!

Brid: DONE!

Lily: CARROTS!

Brid: DONE!

Lily: GARLIC!

Brid: DONE! 

Lily: ... WHATEVER ELSE IS REASONABLE!

Brid: DONE!

Lily: CRUST!

Brid: Done. 

(pause)

Lily: YESSSSSS

--------------------

Brid: Lea, will you stop pointing a gun at us?

Lily: Oh god. 

Lily: TIME TO DO THE CREEPY THING AGAIN???

Brid: Oh boy, that little dragon sigil... it be spinning.... 

Lily: Wheeee. 

Brid: Alwenn! Dude, she just slapped us! 

Lily: Thanks, Alwenn. That hurt, but thanks. 

Brid: Now is the dwarf finally going to listen? 

...

Lily: YES

Brid: She still thinks we’re a criminal. 

Lily: FUCK

----------------

Brid: Heading to the land of cat people now, I presume? 

Lily: Guess so. And looks like Virion bought us some time. 

Brid: So, let me get this clear. She made some sacrifice to stop a demon or dragon of some sort, and she lost her ability to perform magic?

Lily: Guess so. 

Brid: Huh. And then she got picked up for odd jobs. 

Lily: Yup. I guess we can still borrow other surges though. 

Brid: Cool.

Lily: Virion really wants to fuck us, though. 

Brid: Alwenn is best girl. 

-----------------

Brid: “You wouldn’t know love if it hit you in the face!” OHHHHH

Lily: OHHHHH- wait, didn’t she actually hit us in the face-

Brid: OHHHHHHHH

(romantic cut-in)

Lily and Brid: OHHHHHH

---------

Brid: So it sort of sucks to know that the hottest male elf in this game is the main villain of this whole thing. 

Lily: I mean... he’s cool. 

Brid: Is he? 

Lily: .... I mean, he has a nice design. 

Brid: Very true. 

Lily: “The divines don’t smile upon traitors”, he says, to the traitor... 

Brid: He’s so sad. He’s so lonely. 

Lily: Awwww... 

-------------

Brid: And with that, looks like that’s the end of Chapter 1! And our part 3. 

Lily: Yeah, that was awesome. How long is this, like an hour and a half?

Brid: We’ll fix that up later. Lots of cooking shenanigans to cut out. So, what are your thoughts?

Lily: ... Okay, so it’s Walinad and its baby king vs the Dinean elves, and then there’s some kind of... I don’t fucking know. 

Brid: I don’t even know what we’re dealing with here. I want to say we’re stopping a war, but are we? 

Lily: I was personally more interested in backstory. 

Brid: Yeah, good point. I have no idea where the story’s going from here, so with that, I guess that’s the end. 

Lily: Guess so. Thanks for watching, make sure to like, comment, and subscribe, it really helps us out a ton and gives us encouragement to continue! 

[foralwaysinallways-blog]

Sat April 22 2017 (936pm)

As we were rolling around town with Dre, Jackie and Nick B.. as usual, I played dj while riding shotty as MyDude drove. After a while, Nick asked to hear a specific song from the backseat. When my previously playing song finished up I totally spaced out on his request and went ahead playing another jam. As my next song began, I realized my error and told Nick that I'd set his request up to be played next and went ahead n did so as I told him I would. That's when MyDude interupted and asked for his cell back. I replied to him that we were listening to music with it via YouTube, meaning that if he did anything else with his cell, it would ultimately stop the music for all of us and I went ahead n handed him his cell as I explained this all to him. He replied back that he wanted to play a song too so he went ahead n kept Nick's song playing and set up his choice to play next up. As Nick's song ended MyDude's began. My heart almost immediately dropped right down into the depths of my gut as the lyrics to MyDude's choice straight slapped me in my face over n over again, having never heard the song before, and right in front of everyone else in the car with us all day. My face got flushed and oh so hot pretty much immediately. I tried to keep my cool even as the lyrics just kept on punching me hard, right in the gut.. again and again, like, never letting up even a little bit. Nuh uh. It was a crucial n brutal.. I just felt horendously beat down before it even finally came to an end. We didn't even end up talking about it at all for a day or more afterwards actually, cuz we are always with people n shit.. n then we both definitely needed to rest up a bit before doing much of anything really. So then a ways into our total hybernation bit we began cuddling up to one another n talking a bit which is when it all came rushing back to me n hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't even get a few words into bringing it up to him without just crumbling into uncontrollable sobbing n big fat crocodile tears. He says that he felt that I was guilty of doing the same thing to him first but I can totally swear on everything that while ihave done so before that's absolutely not what I was doing to him at that time in particular but remembering the songs that had been played def made me understand a bit more but still, I can't say that all is okay between us about this one. He may have very well felt the need to defend himself and whatever but this one was just a little too below the belt! This one is just a little too real and deeply fucked up to just simply say that when it's not even true n just get away with it, nah...No mean, he sure as hell knows what he did and exactly why it's as wrong as it is and why it's as painful for me as it is. I mean, he just knows! Point-blank period. I'm still extremely upset n feeling betrayed beyond words cuz of it. That's all I'm guna say today. N I'ma attach the lyrics to his song choice with this entry. XOXOXOX You Are Not The One By: The Grouch Well y'know.. maybe if you didn't have them four kids.. And that crazy husband.. Oh, I know -- you could drop that habit I can't really look past them things, no I can't I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk I like the clothes you wear, I suppose you rare But, you're not the one.. No you're not the one I like the style you have, I like your smile - you bad I wanna make you laugh, don't wanna see you sad But, you're not the one.. You're not the one, girl.. This world I know it's, mine, yo sho' is, fine I could never intertwine my lifeline with yours though Whores know, course so gullible, Evian backwards Baby I'm slack you're tight Just perfect for the night, I wanna work it somethin right Humpin - hype off the vibe you set, but don't know why I slept On the importance of your sense The better that she looks, seems to mean the more dense I took my chances, decided off of glances Had to write it off, enhance it with imagination If only she was like this, homey she'd be right it's Never quite that easy, forever fight them sleazy thoughts Have me caught up in the wrong cot, fuckin with the longshot I couldn't find the hole - nope.. And that's how it went down y'all Real quick, just like that I like your mind at work, I couldn't buy that dirt I shouldn't want too much, a little balance don't hurt though You're not the one.. No you're not the one I couldn't do you wrong, I probably knew you long I got a lot, to learn, and a notch, to earn You're not the one.. No you're not the one, miss (miss).. I woulda done dissed a dumb bitch I know you well should we tongue kiss Maybe even more baby, we explore Wouldn't say that you were ugly, fat, or any of that But many a rap I wrote got me feelin like a King Choosy I sing uzi sounds; that means you're shot down (brrrrrrrrrrap) Try and do it nicely, you don't really entice me I want a spicy wifey, whose mind precisely Matches the physical visible to my eyes is pricey I pay the cost, you play the boss but Really I'm in control silly, still we roll But you're not the mate for my soul Ain't got the bait for my pole Wait, can you relate? There's no negotiating And most be waiting for a Charming Prince And since I'm not that, it comes alarming .. {*alarm clock beeps*} Yo I be taking em by surprise HEY, wake up girl! You gotta go to work! I like the days we spent, I like the way things went Don't wanna not be friends, we can talk, pretend But you're not the one.. No you're not the one I like your mind and soul, I like her body - she's cold I wish that I could roll, with a female who's whole But you're not the one.. No you're not the one You're not the one You're not the one You're not the one Nope, no you ain't, sorry I ain't got it, I wish I did but I don't I want to say it, but I won't What I have, what I want: Females, cars (I wish) clothes, jewels, gold A house on the hill Give me all that shit, wrap it up, I'll take it

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays noctis umbra part 2

CHRIS HEMSWORTH, IS THAT YOU? | Noctis Umbra Part 2 | Ace Hang Plays Otome

Lily: *pointing to Rana and sobbing* You’re the only son of a bitch I respect in this goddamn game... you’re the only person I trust... 

----------

Brid: Hey guys, welcome back to Ace Hang! I’m Brid! 

Lily: And I’m Lily! Last time, we finished the prologue of Noctis Umbra, where we learned we were half succubus, we ate a dude, and we, uh... joined the goth club? 

Brid: And choked out a guy! 

Lily: And now we’re going to choke him out again if he doesn’t give us answers. Which he won’t. Because he’s a bitch. 

Brid: How fun! 

Lily: Also, since you guys informed us that the game wouldn’t really continue if we didn’t select at least someone to romance, we went with Valerius, because people seem to ship him with the MC. It didn’t really change anything, so it’s fine, probably.

Brid: Also we didn’t really see any options for Rana, who we both like. 

Lily: This story’s ramping up, and I can’t wait to romance a fucker, so let’s go! 

---------

Brid: OHHHHH, GRIZZLED THIRTY SOMETHING HOT KOREAN ALCOHOLIC-

Lily: Please clap, it took us five minutes to come up with that. 

Brid: This is the first time we’re seeing Tae. 

Lily: I like him. I like his design. Actually, yeah, I really like him. 

Brid: He seems like a pretty cool dude. 

Lily: Oh, and Ae-ri! Nice to see you again, girl! Lookin’ good! 

Brid: Oh my god, don’t tell me it’s like, sibling culture between these two. 

Lily: Eyyyy, Rana! You’re cool too! Didn’t, you, like, fucking deck a dude at the end of the last episode?

Brid: Oh yeah, Luka. That fuckin’ hippie ass. 

Lily: And now Bitch Lasagna wants us off duty. 

Brid: Looks like we’re going demon hunting elsewhere. 

Lily: And we were at an orphanage. That’s nice. That’s not edgy at all. 

Brid: “Be careful!”

Lily: “What, no be careful to me?”

Brid: “You ate my cheesecake.”

(they both start laughing)

Lily: Now I need fanart of them both T-posing at each other across a room. 

----------

Brid: Do you know what a Bul-Gae is? 

Lily: I kinda thought you’d know. 

Brid: You’re Vietnamese. 

Lily: You’re Chinese. 

Brid: ... Whatever. Yay, Nocturnal jokes. Whee, Nocturnal jokes. 

Lily: “Valerius must be having one hell of a hard time.” “He’s not Nocturnal, actually.” ... 

Brid: ... 

Lily: ... 

Brid: Oh my god, not again... 

Lily: MyDude is already pulling out her gun. 

Brid: I’m about to sock a bitch!

Lily: We just get out of the car, walk all the way back... throw our high heel through his window... 

----------

Lily: HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A BABY SCREAMING

Brid: RUN RUN RUN

Lily: WE’RE EDGELORDS BUT WE’RE GOOD PEOPLE

Brid: ... 

Lily: ... 

Brid: ... IS THAT THOR? 

Lily: THOR?! WHAT IS THOR DOING HERE?!

Brid: I COULD ASK THOR THE SAME QUESTION! 

Lily: Wait, who the fuck played Thor? 

Brid: Chris Hemsworth. 

Lily: Got it. HOLY FUCK GUYS IT’S CHRIS HEMSWORTH

Brid: *valerius voice* “God damn it, My Dude, we do not fuck with preps-”

Lily: She’s just verbally keysmashing while just being like “HOLY FUCKING SHIT GUYS IT’S CHRIS HEMSWORTH”

Brid: Meanwhile Tora over there’s like... *sound clip of Tora from Xenoblade Chronicles 2 shouting “Meh meh meh!”* before just using her little hands to punch Thor. 

Lily: I swear, if Thor has magic powers... 

Brid: Okay, so she’s an ala? What’s an ala? 

Lily: Hell if I know! 

Brid: “The Ascendency?” So... there’s another organization out there? 

Lily: OH THIS KID’S ANGRY

Brid: ... Did we just get blasted with lightning? 

Lily: The real Thor... was the girl.

----------

Lily: Finally, Ae-ri’s getting the rest she needs. 

Brid: Ey, Rana! “I’ll make sure she rests.”

*Luka appears*

Lily: Oh my god. 

Brid: Don’t tell me she’s using him as house labor. 

Lily: Call the IRS.

Brid: “MAKE HER SLEEP” “GOD YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE” “JUST DO IT”

Lily: Looks like Thor- the bad one- is part of a human organization fighting against demons. 

Brid: Oh no, we succed Tae!

Lily: Sorry!

----------

(six minutes of frustration because Valerius won’t tell MC anything)

---------

Lily: RANA ON THE ROOF! 

Brid: WELCOME TO THE ROOF! 

Lily: You’re the only person I respect in this game and I love you! 

Brid: Ohhhh, three wishes! 

Lily: But they’re costly. 

Brid: Not in DND, they’re not. 

Lily: “Have you ever murdered a child?”

Brid: “Nope. Do you think the others have?”

Lily: “Maybe...”

Brid: “Nope. They haven’t.”

Lily: “Anyway Valerius treats me like a child.”

Brid: “No one can treat you like a child.”

Lily: Thanks, Rana. OH MY GOD WE CAN ROMANCE HER

Brid: ... I’m tempted. 

Lily: GO FOR IT!

Brid: Ooooh, spicy!

------------

Brid: I love how we walk in on Ae-ri about to kick Luka’s ass. Again. “Pwease help, they’re using me as a reusable sleeping pill”

Lily: Then pewish, punk. 

Brid: “You wanna go back in the bottle?” “Halp”

Lily: oh my god

Brid: He tortured my baby, and I will end his life for it. 

Lily: Oh, you’re damn right you will! 

Brid: KICK HIS ASS!

Lily: Okay, now a new character. Leo. And the Legion’s about to take Tora. 

Brid: We’ll beat his ass too! 

Lily: So much ass beating... 

Brid: And now we’re going to kick everyone else’s asses for making us babysit Luka

--------

Brid: “Wanna play Monopoly?”

Lily: “Shut up.”

Brid: “Come on, it’s fun capitalism!”

Lily: “I will kill you”

Brid: I like Luka. He’s funny. 

Lily: Nah, he’s difficult, actually. Look, he’s trying to tell MyDude some more secrets. Fake news. 

Brid: “Do you know what Valerius actually is?”

Lily: Oh my god. 

Brid: “He was always a hunter... “ Was he an angel or something? 

Lily: Huh. 

Brid: Oh, he is an angel! 

Lily: “Find them.”

Brid: “Yay, adventure!” See, this is why I like him. 

Lily: You do you. 

----------

Lily: Welcome to the fucking woods! We’re all fucking feral here, folks! 

Brid: Oooooh, I do not like his beard! 

Lily: It’s the old man fuzz. Damien wasn’t actually Chris Hemsworth, it’s this guy. Leo. 

Brid: I love how literally the whole Noctis Umbra team is ganging up on him. 

Lily: “What do you want?” 

Brid: “A peaceful retirement.” Don’t we all. 

Lily: Oh, they’re arguing. 

Brid: Even he knows the angel secret, huh?

Lily: And here comes our girl! 

Brid: Our girl! 

Lily: And Leo is pissed. “That-” No. NO WAY. “That’s my daughter you’ve got there.”

Brid: DAUGHTER??

Lily: Daughter. I mean, I do see the whole racially ambiguous thing going, but other than that... 

Brid: Oh, we killed someone. That’s cool. 

Lily: And Valerius isn’t an angel anymore? Is he a fallen angel?

Brid: Fun. 

Lily: Oh great. Are we going to spend a night with this fucker? 

Brid: Right, and he’s pulling out the royalty line again. 

Lily: “Are you king of demons?”

Brid: “No, I’m dad.”

Lily: ... 

Brid: ...

Lily: DID WE JUST GET DAD JOKED

------------

Brid: “She’s asleep, but in shock.”

Lily: I think anyone would be, if that happened. Oh, wait, they’re referring to Tora.

Brid: Oh no, Luca escaped! I liked voicing him!

Lily: “We’re gonna need a new place if we keep taking in people.”

Brid: “That’s a great idea!”

Lily: Oh, there we go. “Fallen angel”.

Brid: So does that make him a demon?

Lily: Who knows.

----------

Brid: Okay, he’s actually gonna tell us a secret now?

Lily: He’d best be tellin’.

Brid: Wow, and his secrets are “it’s complicated” and nothing more.

Lily: Asshole.

Brid: But he’s right, we need someplace to rest for a bit.

Lily: Yup.

Brid: So are we leaving or not?

Lily: Oh, a choice. Since we romanced Valerius this time around, I think we’ll stay.

Brid: Good answer!

Lily: And he says so. Former angel. Ooooh, show me your wings, bitch!

Brid: He just strips immediately.

Lily: “Show me.”

Brid: Oh my god.

Lily: HE’S ACTUALLY GOT WINGS LOL

Brid: We just start screaming that from the sky.

Lily: He’s not gonna drop us, is he?

----------

Lily: Oh, and now Luca’s in trouble. Great.

Brid: I’m about to deck him again. 

---------

Lily: And the chapter concludes. Okay guys, looks like this is going to be it for this episode of Noctis Umbra! 

Brid: Our boy’s being a little more honest with us, though perhaps less honest than we’d like. Also, we met our dad. And that’s not good at all. 

Lily: He ugly. 

Brid: He ugly. 

Lily: What are your thoughts? 

Brid: Everyone here except Rana, Ae-ri, and Tae, and also Keelan... basically, a lot of people need to be punched in the face, and I will facilitate that. 

Lily: Same. Mood. Worm. 

Brid: Anyway, that’s all for this episode! Tune in next time for more weird otome!