#fuckin' a

[riverdale-retread]

Who is the least lucky to successfully make Archie cum?

This is a trick question, right? Right? Because Grundy, Veronica, Betty, Valerie, Josie, then in S7 the self-au-reboot, Reggie, Twyla Twist, Cheryl all have to be included in this list, and uhhh not a single one of these people is lucky.

OH wait. Maybe I'm reading the question too literally. Do you mean who is least likely to successfully make Archie cum?

Oh. Uh.

I think I'm going to get yelled at by the Archie cptsd understanders for the crudeness of this response, but um, I feel like Archie would probably cum regardless. Isn't that sort of the tragedy of Archie? He doesn't think about Does This Make Me Feel Good Overall or Is This Good For Me about a lot of things - he just does them. He then goes on this whole binge of self hatred afterwards, where he agrees to do physically punishing things to make up for how bad he feels.

[flipperbrain-awakes]

Fuckin' A

Comes from the Military Saying "Affirmative," which was said by soldiers in the Heat of battle as "Fucking Affirmative" which was later shortened to "Fucking A". However over the years the meaning of this phrase has been changed and is now used to express something as good.

[strangenewwords]

guess who just started rewatching tos?

[handypolymath]

[orqheuss]

god i forgot how much hill house fucked me the first time i watched it

i am not a pretty crier

[masschase]

I'm just saying, I'm pretty sure Johnny Gat and Jane Austen are the only two people in their 40s on the ship (except the Boss if that's your headcanon) so it's age-appropriate.

That's all I'm saying.

[nastyboots]

you're going on a date with the toughest and most chivalrous one on the block--the dragon. you love strength, courage, and a blunt, grumpy kind of partner--someone who will protect you, but who will also let you kiss their scars. think like geralt, from the witcher. get ready to be respected and get ready to be topped.

[autistic-katara]

kikci

[tothechaos]

this is what every tiktok screenshot looks like to me

[victusinveritas]

[the-punforgiven]

Worldbuilding tip for aspiring fantasy authors! Give that swordsman a bigger ass

[theygender]

You know I'm gonna be honest. I don't think all these apps really need access to my precise location

[wintergrofyuri]

"(blank) hates laios!" WRONG WRONG WRONG. SHUT THE FUCK UP

shuro is just as awkward as laios and it is made So clear he considers him a friend and likes him. he defends him when the canaries start talking shit and actively readies himself to physically fight them so they dont get to him.

namari also likes laios. she respects him as a leader and also defends him and readies to fight the canaries.

ive not actually seen anyone claim izutsumi hates laios, but a lot of ppl Are weird abt them. izutsumi and laios' relationship was rocky at the beginning. he struggled to figure out how to interact with her. but by the end, she actively seeks him out to talk with during the lead up to the feast. she hides behind him when falin wakes up. she has already realized shecan do what she wants and does not need to stick around, yet she does. she sleeps near him on the windowsill, waiting with him and marcille for falin to wake up. she has accepted him as part of her life and wants to keep him in it.

marcille does not hate laios. let me say this again.

Marcille Donato Does Not Hate Laios Touden.

marcille Loves him. in a platonic, familial sense. laios returns this just as readily. she yells at him. she whacks him. she tells him whats on her mind. she uses healing magic to ease his pain during the parasite fiasco. she reattaches his leg when he loses it. she teaches him magic. she lays her head on his corpse and cries before reviving him. she launches herself at him two times, when the canaries interrogate them and when he talks her down in the tower. he is a comforting presence to her. she trusts him, she cares about him, she worries about him, she imagines him as a big fluffy dog that loves and protects her. laios is her rock when falin is taken from them time and time again. and she tries to be his as well. she whole-heartedly, unconditionally, loves and trusts laios.

chilchuck does not hate laios. laios pays him his rates, no questions asked. laios trusts and respects chilchuck's job as a lockpick. laios does not see him as a child (at least, i cant think of an instance where he does so). chilchuck states, outright, he sees him as a friend and doesnt want to see him hurt. he actively worries about him as the falin situation gets worse. chilchuck respects laios. he shows almost 0 hesitation in helping get falin back, nor eating her by the end. he does not think of leaving him once, until he realizes he could lose him. chilchuck is cowardly with emotions and prefers to bottle things, so his first instinct was to bolt. he was angry because he was scared of watching someone he cares about destroy himself. laios is his Friend.

and holy shit. holy Fucking shit. kabru DOES NOT hate laios. kabru has the rockiest start known to man with him, and he Still helps him by occupying the canaries. he warns him about them. he hides the black magic from them just as shuro does. his whole Thing is trusting laios despite himself. kabru has his own baggage regarding other people, just like laios, yet he tries so hard to believe and trust this man. he Wants to. kabru is not very hopeful, but laios makes him Want to be. he states like 3 times he wants to be close to him and sees him as a friend. he stays through the entire feast!! the man who hates monsters, whose biggest trigger is monsters, actively, consciously, Willingly stayed through the entire monster meat feast. all to help his friend get his sister back. he could've left!! the feast was like an entire week!! yet he was there for every single day. he was one of the closest people to the door when falin awoke!! after reuniting with her brother, her friends, the people who knew her the most (plus senshi and izutsumi), the first person she greets is kabru!! he wants to be close to laios, he likes laios, laios is his friend and he cares for him, he wants to meet his sister!!! kabru fucking stays on the island with him as one of his closest, most trusted advisors when he becomes king!!!!! he wants to help him succeed!!!! he wants him to be happy!!!! laios is his friend!!!!!!!!

im just. people like laios!! laios is a nice guy! he is friendly and cares about people! he is weird, he doesn't understand most social cues, he oversteps boundaries, but they stay beside him, because they like him and he is their friend. he is their friend!!!!! friendship is not all sunshine and rainbows, relationships in general are not sunshine and rainbows. you will upset people, people will upset you, you will get into arguments, things will happen, but at the end of the day, the people close to you like you! they love you! they care for you! they want to work it out and get through it because they love you, but they will feel those emotions first! human relationships are complex and messy and life is complicated. even shows for toddlers know this.

if you truly believe any of these characters hate laios you are worse than a toddler. watch some fucking oobi or something. god. fuck.

take this

thanks

[housederiva]

When Veilguard comes out, please keep it in the back of your mind every single time you interact with Varric and Lucanis that their writer got laid off with little to no warning and that she is and always will be a Dragon Age legend and one of the reasons why the franchise has stayed afloat for as long as it has

[lesbianralzarek]

"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

[paper-cities]