#fuckin january 2021... are you fuckin kidding me

[constellationdewdrops]

i must have mental illness a lot of motivation so i alphabatized + timeline'd a list of albums from @happybirthdayxalbum (one of my gimmicks) under the cut (1995-2024)

timeline:

1995-99 life - the cardigans (march 1 1995) first band on the moon - the cardigans (january 1 1996) hellbilly deluxe - rob zombie (january 1 1998) le tigre - le tigre (january 11 1999) 2005 demon days - gorillaz (may 11 2005) 2005 whatever people say i am, that’s what i’m not - arctic monkeys (jan 23 2006) 2011 my back is killing me baby - car seat headrest (march 26 2011) i hate jazz - mike krol (may 10 2011) camp - childish gambino (november 15 2011) 2012 living while starving (november 22 2012) hawaii: part ii - miracle musical (december 12 2012) 2013 and the ringmaster is pleased to introduce… - a verbal equinox (jan 19 2013) finite form - jack stauber (march 18 2013) monomania - car seat headrest (august 1 2013) nervous young man - car seat headrest (august 23 2013) am - arctic monkeys (september 9 2013) 2014 how to leave town - car seat headrest (october 31 2014) 2015 life rips - mommy long legs (march 13 2015) everything is a lot - will wood and the tapeworms (may 20 2015) gawk - vundabar (july 24 2015) punk rocks for kids who can’t skate - destructo disk (aug 1 2015) self-ish - will wood and the tapeworms (august 23 2015) teens of style - car seat headrest (october 30 2015) 2016 who really cares - tv girl (feb 25 2016) spirit phone - lemon demon (feb 29 2016) Teens of denial - car seat headrest (may 20 2016) “awake, my love!” - childish gambino (december 2 2016) 2017 maggot - dazey and the scouts (april 13 2017) 2018 twin fantasy ftf - car seat headrest (feb 16 2018) peace and quiet - awfultune (april 2 2018) volume 1 - amigo the devil (may 4 2018) puppy luv - awfultune (june 3 2018) try your best - mommy long legs (june 22 2018) the great tale of how i ruined it all - jhariah (august 10 2018) make room - destroy boys (october 19 2018) obnoxious liberal: the musical - rio romeo (november 25 2018) 2019 micheal - awfultune (january 19 2019) i want to be normal - awfultune (feb 28 2019) recently - liana flores (april 10 2019) 21 - awfultune (july 2 2019) the fall of hobo johnson - hobo johnson (september 13 2019) unreleased demos - awfultune (december 17 2019) 2020 splittsville - teddy hyde (january 4 2020) kid krow - conan gray (march 20 2020) 3.15.20 by childish gambino (march 20 2020) making a door less open - car seat headrest (may 1 2020) the normal album - will wood (july 10 2020) layla - awfultune (july 28 2020) punch me! this is a nightmare! - yasmin nur (september 19 2020) party favors - sir chloe (october 23 2020) dear sarah - awfultune (december 2 2020) 2021 ok orchestra - ajr (march 26 2021) juno goes to the big house - sorry mom (april 20 2021) middle of a stage - kevinkempt (july 9 2021) a beginner’s guide to faking your death - jhariah (july 23 2021) loudmouth - vial (july 30 2021) fuck these fuckin facists - the muslims (september 24 2021) thinking about bugs - criKet (november 12 2021) 2022 eden - awfultune (april 29 2022) two fictitious stories (alongside mine) - kevinkempt (july 8 2022) “in case i make it,” - will wood (july 29 2022) honeybee table at the butterfly feast - teen suicide (august 26 2022) suckerpunch - chloe moriondo (october 7 2022) 2023 in case i die - will wood (january 13 2023) babyface - sorry mom (may 12 2023) grapes upon the vine - tv girl (june 30 2023) You are who you hang out with - the front bottoms (august 4 2023) mono - k. flay (september 15 2023) good god! - rio romeo (september 23 2023) girl’s night - penelope scott (november 3 2023) can i have your attention? - kevinkempt (november 10 2023) 2024 someone to forget - kevinkempt (april 3 2024) trust ceremony - jhariah (april 19 2024)

alphabatized:

A

and the ringmaster is pleased to introduce… - a verbal equinox (jan 19 2013)

a beginner’s guide to faking your death - jhariah (july 23 2021)

am - arctic monkeys (september 9 2013)

“awake, my love!” - childish gambino (december 2 2016)

B

babyface - sorry mom (may 12 2023)

C

can i have your attention? - kevinkempt (november 10 2023)

camp - childish gambino (november 15 2011)

D

demon days - gorillaz (may 11 2005)

dear sarah - awfultune (december 2 2020)

E

everything is a lot - will wood and the tapeworms (may 20 2015)

eden - awfultune (april 29 2022)

F

finite form - jack stauber (march 18 2013)

fuck these fuckin facists - the muslims (september 24 2021)

first band on the moon - the cardigans (january 1 1996)

G

grapes upon the vine - tv girl (june 30 2023)

gawk - vundabar (july 24 2015)

good god! - rio romeo (september 23 2023)

girl’s night - penelope scott (november 3 2023)

H

honeybee table at the butterfly feast - teen suicide (august 26 2022)

how to leave town - car seat headrest (october 31 2014)

hawaii: part ii - miracle musical (december 12 2012)

hellbilly deluxe - rob zombie (january 1 1998)

I

i hate jazz - mike krol (may 10 2011)

“in case i make it,” - will wood (july 29 2022)

in case i die - will wood (january 13 2023)

i want to be normal - awfultune (feb 28 2019)

J

juno goes to the big house - sorry mom (april 20 2021)

K

kid krow - conan gray (march 20 2020)

L

life rips - mommy long legs (march 13 2015)

life - the cardigans (march 1 1995)

layla - awfultune (july 28 2020)

loudmouth - vial (july 30 2021)

living while starving (november 22 2012)

le tigre - le tigre (january 11 1999)

M

making a door less open - car seat headrest (may 1 2020)

maggot - dazey and the scouts (april 13 2017)

my back is killing me baby - car seat headrest (march 26 2011)

middle of a stage - kevinkempt (july 9 2021)

monomania - car seat headrest (august 1 2013)

mono - k. flay (september 15 2023)

make room - destroy boys (october 19 2018)

micheal - awfultune (january 19 2019)

N

nervous young man - car seat headrest (august 23 2013)

O

ok orchestra - ajr (march 26 2021)

obnoxious liberal: the musical - rio romeo (november 25 2018)

P

puppy luv - awfultune (june 3 2018)

peace and quiet - awfultune (april 2 2018)

punk rocks for kids who can’t skate - destructo disk (aug 1 2015)

punch me! this is a nightmare! - yasmin nur (september 19 2020)

party favors - sir chloe (october 23 2020)

R

recently - liana flores (april 10 2019)

S

spirit phone - lemon demon (feb 29 2016)

self-ish - will wood and the tapeworms (august 23 2015)

suckerpunch - chloe moriondo (october 7 2022)

splittsville - teddy hyde (january 4 2020)

someone to forget - kevinkempt (april 3 2024)

T

Teens of denial - car seat headrest (may 20 2016)

twin fantasy ftf - car seat headrest (feb 16 2018)

try your best - mommy long legs (june 22 2018)

two fictitious stories (alongside mine) - kevinkempt (july 8 2022)

the normal album - will wood (july 10 2020)

the great tale of how i ruined it all - jhariah (august 10 2018)

the fall of hobo johnson - hobo johnson (september 13 2019)

teens of style - car seat headrest (october 30 2015)

thinking about bugs - criKet (november 12 2021)

trust ceremony - jhariah (april 19 2024)

U

unreleased demos - awfultune (december 17 2019)

V

volume 1 - amigo the devil (may 4 2018)

W

who really cares - tv girl (feb 25 2016)

whatever people say i am, that’s what i’m not - arctic monkeys (jan 23 2006)

Y

You are who you hang out with - the front bottoms (august 4 2023)

Z

Numbers

21 - awfultune (july 2 2019)

3.15.20 by childish gambino (march 20 2020)

[dreamsclock]

🦐

two snippets from the same thing i never got round to finishing !! one of the first fics i ever started for this fandom back in january 2021 :)) this c!Dream is . ooc but in my defence i had just been saved from the c!inniter mindset so be kind to Mme

Nobody comes to visit him at first. Dream supposes that’s inevitable. He’s hurt them, manipulated half of them and played the other half like a fiddle until they’d dropped. Now that he’s locked up—

—“Dream’s boxed like a fish,” Quackity had mocked, eyes glinting behind his sunglasses, fuck, the bastard’s always been too smart for his own good, “what will he do?

And he’d threatened and bribed and bargained but there he’d remained, and would remain, until…. until something—

He doesn’t expect them to come near him. Not for a while, at least. 

That doesn’t make it sting any less. 

It’s lonely, inside the prison. It had been designed that way intentionally at his own request, so it’s almost funny that he’s trapped inside now. Dream wishes he could laugh at the irony, but it’s hard to find anything to laugh about. Isolated and forbidding and lonely, the prison had been meant for Quackity, for Techno, to wipe both his rivals and potential enemies out in one sweeping move. He’d been so cocky at first, so proud of himself — Techno loves Greek myths, he’d thought weeks ago, hellbent on control of the world, why not give him his very own Theseus to his Minotaur? — never in a million years had he imagined being outsmarted and imprisoned himself.

–

“I reckon we’re quite similar,” Tommy tells him one day, words more reflective than he remembers him ever being, “what do you think?”

Dream looks up, eyes dull and voice hoarse. “Well, you’re out there,” he says, trying for sarcasm and falling just a note flat, “and I’m in here. If we’re so similar, come and join me.”

To his surprise, Tommy snorts, scuffing the rocks at his feet with unlaced shoes. 

“No thanks,” he says wryly, “I spent enough time in fuckin’ solitude with you to last me a lifetime. I’ve only just recovered from the last one. I don’t need another prison.”

Dream thinks of the shadows under Tommy’s eyes, still as prominent as ever before, maybe even more so. He thinks about the tremor in his hands that shows up when he’s emotional and the flinch he gives when Dream yells and how he knows Tommy doesn’t feel at home in L’Manburg, doesn’t feel at home anywhere, and probably never will again thanks to him. 

You haven’t recovered at all, he goes to say. 

And then he remembers his own sleepless nights pacing the prison, and the blood in the back of his throat when he screams in the hopes that someone hears him. He thinks of his loneliness that he forces himself to hide around others, thinks of how vulnerable he feels, locked up in a prison meant to contain his enemies, and thinks about how human he is now. 

And he realises that maybe Tommy and he really are quite similar after all. 

“You look all mopey and shit.” Tommy breaks the silence after a while, clearing his throat roughly. “Brought you something.”

Dream’s heart leaps into his throat. 

Tommy drops him something through the railings, and his hopes plummet again. 

“Blue,” the kid tells him, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Ghostbur didn’t want to come here — said it gives him a bad feeling — so I figured I would give it to you instead. Supposed to suck the sadness outta you, or something stupid.”

Dream stares at the blue on the floor. It’s worthless, literally, and yet for some reason, an indescribable emotion wells up in his chest. 

“Thank you, Tommy,” he murmurs, “that’s— surprisingly nice of you.”

[kokichis-dead-dove-club]

I posted 4,037 times in 2022

That's 158 more posts than 2021!

1,799 posts created (45%)

2,238 posts reblogged (55%)

I tagged 1,596 of my posts in 2022

#not discourse - 607 posts

#bb24 - 355 posts

#bear liveblogs - 206 posts

#nsft - 96 posts

#shipcest tw - 71 posts

#vent - 60 posts

#age gap tw - 43 posts

#sv spoilers - 18 posts

#not sfw - 17 posts

#shipcest mention tw - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i didnt go through life having that word yelled at me and whispered behind my back for some fuckin tumblr user to say i dont get to reclaim

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

"your fave is an anti" blog except it only posts characters that are objectively horrible people

81 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

#4

im not back but i wanted to post some art i finished last night

82 notes - Posted February 25, 2022

#3

a reminder that you can hate children without being mean to them, someone can absolutely despise kids while still recognizing that they are just people and deserve kindness and respect, these are not mutually exclusive

92 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#2

me waking up and opening tumblr, scrolling for 2 minutes, then closing tumblr

179 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

proshippers are just as entitled to use the main tags as fanpol are. being anti-harassment is not something that needs to be hidden and shamed.

254 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[anth0ny-janth0ny-cr0wley]

I posted 4,003 times in 2022

That's 1,908 more posts than 2021!

114 posts created (3%)

3,889 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@smolcattowo

@blue-jos10

@ddepressedbookworm

@anotherteenageroninternet

@headspace-hotel

I tagged 776 of my posts in 2022

#nick tm charlie - 31 posts

#<3 - 12 posts

#same - 11 posts

#<3 iva - 7 posts

#w h a t - 5 posts

#😳 - 4 posts

#😭😭😭 - 4 posts

#spotify - 4 posts

#always - 4 posts

#lovers - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#or the fuckin creepypasta of a guy in a bear suit who made his own tv show in his basement then he kidnapped a bunch of kids and killed them

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

@purposeless-lovelydreams

I feel like u should know that the cursor on my laptop is a mini reki and the pointer thingie is his skateboard

7 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#4

grey im looking for a nickname i can use for you WHAT DO I USE

Grey is my nickname!

I don’t like my birth name much so I named myself after one of my favourite book characters but other than that I’ve never really had a proper nickname.

You can call me anything you think fits

9 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

#3

HEY

HIIIIII!!!!!

11 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

#2

@fierreth-who

My What??!?

11 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@purposeless-lovelydreams you’ve inspired me to pick up sk∞︎︎ again

18 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mighwnt]

I posted 24,402 times in 2022

That's 12,547 more posts than 2021!

1,264 posts created (5%)

23,138 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@clevercorvidae

@amongus-pussy

@timedeo

@haupkmn

@lexicled

I tagged 18,573 of my posts in 2022

Only 24% of my posts had no tags

#dsmp - 2,604 posts

#mcyt - 1,382 posts

#wc - 1,314 posts

#pokemon - 1,131 posts

#txt - 1,039 posts

#hermitcraft - 968 posts

#tommyinnit - 922 posts

#tubbo - 731 posts

#aa - 686 posts

#wilbur soot - 572 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i think that everyone will die and then one person will use the revive book but not dream and it won’t work bc they don’t know how to use it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

this image is absolutely insane i think

[Image ID: A mirror selfie taken by Hasan. He is a a tan man with dark eyes, a beard, and dark hair parted in the middle. He is wearing a yellow hawaiian shirt and khakis. The image is cut off above his knees. His nails are painted black. On top of the selfie, there is white text with a black outline that reads: “I could Fix him but whatever is wrong with him is way Funnier.” End ID.]

70 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

#4

i log onto tumblr. i make 5 text posts in a row, check on my mutuals, and reblog a meme or two. i make 2 more text posts opening and closing the app 8 times while doing so. i log off of tumblr. c!jack is wlw

81 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#3

hai for the spotify wrapped + character uhhh 33 & xBCrafted (yes i miss how u draw xB 🥺)

33. Seventeen - Stone Cold Fox

[ID: A digital drawing of XBCrafted on a bright red background. He is a chubby man with brown and teal hair and a brown beard. He has one hand in front of his mouth and looks to the right, with his tail, resembling a guardian's, swinging to the left. White text behind him says " I was a happy kid when I was seventeen". Red and blue halftones are scattered on different parts of him. End ID.]

94 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

#2

i’m so normal about him. (stede bonnet is him)

115 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i think the reason why ctechno is seen as “bad at emotions” is because he is deliberately jokey and closed off to those he isn’t close to. if you’re not one of the people who he sees as a friend, you’re outta luck with technoblade, he’s not using his emotional intelligence on you. but if you are one of the people he truly cares about (cphil, cranboo, ctommy at points), then he’s fuckin ride or die baby.

meanwhile cphilza has the opposite problem. he’s seen by many as the more emotionally intelligent of cemerald duo, but that’s because he likes to appear to be. hes certainly trying to help ctommy with his trauma at the moment, although the way he’s doing so is questionable. (part of this interpretation is also a large chunk of the fandom pigeonholing him into a fatherly role with everyone he interacts with, but don’t get me started on that) but name one time cphil has addressed his own emotions and trauma. i’ll wait.

314 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[britneyshakespeare]

The girls can’t wait any longer for Broad Sea and Empty Sky: China's First Great Modern Poet, Xu Zhimo by Dorothy Trench Bonett to be released... 

[im-a-star-boy]

“Who the fuck are you?”

Goddamn I’m popping off

@panna-pan @princeboo come get yall juice

TW: Blood

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Summary: Tommy hears a creeper blow up in the woods late at night and goes to check it out.

Word Count: 2,644

Date of Completion: Friday, January 8th, 2021

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Tommy stared at the moon silently from his place on the roof. The autumn air was biting,  chilling him to the core and making him shiver. He could go inside, where it was warm, but he didn’t want to. Tubbo had finished building the neat little cottage several days prior and had quickly begun constructing a barn as well. It wasn’t too large or extraordinary, but the cows and horses seemed pleased. 

That day, Tommy had explored and found a village a few hundred meters North. 

“For God’s sake, Tommy! What direction is the village!”

“LEFT, TUBBO! I WENT LEFT!”

“LEFT DOESN’T DESCRIBE ANYTHING!”

It was a long trip, but with Tommy’s horse, aptly named HORSE, it was an hour round trip. It was worth it for the supplies. They could get books, food, and anything else they might need.

Despite this, Tommy couldn’t help the pang in his chest. The villagers hum reminded him of Techno’s village, the sheep reminded him of Friend, the way chickens roamed through the village reminded him of a time before L’Manberg was blown up. He longed to go back to that time, to see his friends, but he knew he couldn’t. 

He took a shuddering breath as his nose burned and dug the heel of his hands into his eyes. He hiccuped softly as his body shook. He missed them. God he missed them so much. He wondered what was happening in L’Manberg. Was Dream still trying to destroy it even though he was gone? Was Techno still planning on destroying it? Was anyone looking for them? 

He didn’t know. He wanted to know. He wanted to know exactly what was happening, so badly that he almost wanted to go back. He’d give anything to know what was happening. He furiously wiped away any tears that spilled before wiping his hands on his pants and his face on his shirt, silently muttering, “I’m fine, I’m okay, it’s okay,” in a weak attempt to comfort himself. 

Before he could continue to his brooding, he heard the sound of a creeper explosion and jolted. Tubbo and Ranboo were asleep, but someone had to trigger the creeper. He stood up, his heart pounding in his chest as fear gripped him for a moment. Did Dream find us? The thought sent an icy chill down his spine. He slid off the roof carefully and ran inside, grabbing a sword and shield, before turning and making his way out shakily. 

He ran into the woods, towards the sound of the explosion. He may not have fought in any wars in a while, but he sure as hell could still fight. He ran until he slammed into a man who was shorter than him, about the same height as Tubbo. He stumbled for a moment before looking down at him. “Uh-”

“Skeletons-” He quickly warned.

Tommy turned to see three skeletons approach, two coming head on and one staying further back. He pulled up his shield quickly, just in time to block two arrows heading towards them, before bringing up his sword and quickly striking one down. The man was quick to grab a branch and start whacking as Tommy killed the one in front of him. 

He quickly drew up his shield and blocked an arrow from hitting the man. The man quickly hit the skeleton over the head with the branch, promptly beheading it, before stomping on it’s skull, slaying it.

Tommy took a breath for a moment before feeling a sharp pain in his side as the third and final skeleton approached. He let out a pained cry and dropped his sword, cupping his side where the arrow had hit and where his shirt was beginning to stain with blood. He trembled as the man cursed in a panic. He looked around frantically or a moment before his eyes landed on Tommy’s netherite sword. He quickly ran forward, grabbing it and striking down the final skeleton. 

He turned to Tommy once he was sure it was dead and hesitated. “Hey, hey kid, come on, get up, are you okay?”

Tommy grunted lightly and lifted his hand to see it bloodied. “Oh I’m doing fucking great,” 

The man cringed for a moment. “Come on, where’s your family? Let’s get you home,” 

He quickly tried to help Tommy walk only to be shoved harshly away. “Fuck off, I can walk on my own.”

The man stared at him for several seconds before nodding, seeming unsure of what to do as Tommy staggered forward, leading him back. The man looked around for a moment before following and speaking. “What’s your name?”

Tommy glanced over at him for a moment before turning. “Tommyinnit. Who the fuck are you?”

“CaptainSparklez. Nice to meet you Tommyinnit, you should really let me help you.”

“Oh shut up,”

“You’re gonna bleed out and lose a life, you might not know this but… losing a life isn’t exactly fun.”

Tommy paused and stared at him for several seconds before his gaze hardened. “I’m on my last life dumbass, I fuckin know it sucks.”

Sparklez startled at that. “You’re on your last life? Already? How?”

“War n’ shit.”

He stared at him for several moments. “How old are you?”

“Old enough apparently,”

Sparklez fell silent as Tommy staggered into the clearing. The pain in his side was becoming unbearable as he gasped weakly before calling out, “Tubbo!”

He stumbled in his step, leaning on the fence that surrounded the pastures where Tubbo’s horse, named Bumble, watched on. “Tubbo!” He yelled again, louder.

Sparklez began helping him towards the house as Tommy began to struggle. “Tubbo!” He yelled once more.

After a few seconds, the doors open. “Christ, Tommy. Do you know how-” Tubbo froze upon seeing Sparklez helping Tommy, who still had an arrow in his side.

He looked between the two in a panic for a moment before getting his bearings. “Ranboo!” He yelled before moving forward. “Jesus Christ, Tommy, why are you going out at night!?”

“This dumbass was blowing up creepers n’ shit! I had to come see what was going on!”

Tubbo cursed as he helped him inside and sat him down on one of their chairs. He grabbed glass bottles from the cupboard and filled them with water in the cauldron, before hooking them up to the brewing stand in the kitchen. “Ranboo!” He yelled again, digging through the cupboards to find the Nether Wart.

After a moment, the Enderman hybrid teleported into the room, looking tired but alarmed. “Wha? What’s happening?”

Tubbo motioned to Tommy wordlessly as he grabbed a glistering melon from a barrel. Ranboo turned and saw the unfamiliar man and Tommy’s injury before cursing lightly and going to one of the chests and grabbing a few pieces of cloth. “Shoot, okay, uh, okay Tommy, I’m gonna try to pull the arrow out.”

Tommy grunted and nodded as Ranboo handed him the towels. “Once I do, push these cloths into the injury, okay?”

“Okay okay, just fucking do it already. Christ.”

Ranboo paused before nodding. He gently grabbed the arrow and put his hand on Tommy’s side, before taking a deep breath and pulling the arrow out. Tommy let out a yelp of pain before gritting his teeth and swallowing down any other pained noises that threatened to come out. He pushed the cloth into his quickly bleeding side as Ranboo handed the man the arrow. “Here, hold this for a minute- Tubbo can you grab a wet cloth?”

Tubbo looked up and opened his mouth to argue before pausing. “Oh right, water. You take over with the potions,”

Ranboo nodded wordlessly as he began rifling through chests for gunpowder. Tubbo grabbed another cloth and dipped it in the cauldron before wringing it out and having Tommy lift his shirt as he started to wipe down around the injury.

Sparklez looked between them for a moment before speaking. “You guys seem awfully practiced in this,”

Ranboo glanced over as Tubbo spoke up. “We’ve fought in a couple wars, I know what to do when this kind of thing happens.”

Sparklez stared at him for a moment as Ranboo grabbed the potions. “Three air-compatible potions,” He said, handing Tubbo a bottle.

Tubbo took it. “Tommy-”

“I know,” He maneuvered, grunting and whimpering, as he laid onto his side, exposing the injury.

Tubbo moved Tommy’s hand and opened the bottle, gently pouring it over the wound. He rubbed around the injury as it began to close. He tossed the bottle aside when it was empty before wordlessly reaching for another bottle, which Ranboo provided. The second was enough to close the wound entirely, though Tommy didn’t move as his side was still painfully sore.

Ranboo and Tubbo watched him anxiously. Tommy cracked open an eye and groaned. “Oh stop looking at me like that,”

“Huh?”

“You look at me like I’m a fuckin’ kicked puppy. I’m fine,”

Tubbo couldn’t help but crack a smile at his remark before ruffling his hair. Tommy smacked his hand away with a scowl and Tubbo couldn’t help but laugh. “What the hell? Don’t touch my hair!” 

“What? Why? It’s fluffy!”

“Fuck off,”

Tubbo laughed again as Tommy smacked him away again. Ranboo handed him a glass of water, careful not to spill it. Tubbo finally turned his attention to Sparklez and sighed. “I’m sorry about him, he’s loud and annoying.”

“Did you just fucking call me annoying?!” 

“Yes,” Ranboo answered for Tubbo, laughing.

“What the hell you dickhead!” Tommy looked offended as Sparklez chuckled lightly. 

“It’s alright, he did save me.”

Tubbo looked up and nodded, staring at Sparklez for several moments. The man shifted with uncertainty before offering him an uncomfortable smile. Tubbo seemed to catch on to his discomfort and straightened. “Have I met you before? You look familiar.”

Sparklez shrugged. “I can’t say I’ve met you before. My name’s CaptainSparklez.”

Tubbo stared for a moment before gasping loudly. “CAPTAIN!”

Tommy and Ranboo both jumped at his sudden shout as Sparklez looked up, alarmed. “Huh?”

“THAT’S WHERE I KNOW YOU FROM! YOU’RE A GODDAMN LEGEND!”

Tommy made a face. “Not much of a legend if I’ve never heard of him,”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to agree with Tommy on this one, Tubbo.”

Tubbo glared at them before turning back to the Captain. “No, I used to travel a lot for a while before I got to- you know- but! But I heard about him a lot! I knew I recognized him from somewhere.”

The shortest of them looked incredibly pleased as he looked at the Captain. Tommy took a breath and sighed. “Alright, whatever. He’s some kind of legend, nice to meet you.”

Sparklez chuckled lightly. “Nice to meet you too, and Tommy, thanks for coming to help me back there. Gods know you didn’t have to.”

Tommy grunted lightly. “Yeah, I know what it’s like to get cornered out there alone.”

Tubbo frowned as a guilty look crossed his face and Tommy met his gaze. “Oh- shit- I’m not blaming you or anything, Tubbo, you really didn’t have a choice.”

“I still feel bad,”

Ranboo hummed softly and returned his gaze to the Captain. “Where are you heading, if I can ask?”

“Nowhere in particular really, just exploring.” 

Tommy hummed as Tubbo sat up. “Do you need a place to sleep?”

Sparklez smiled. “I could use one, if it wouldn’t be an issue,”

Tubbo grinned. “You can stay here, right guys?” He asked hopefully, turning to his friends.

Ranboo and Tommy exchanged looks before shrugging. “I mean, we don’t really have any spare rooms,”

“He could sleep on the couch!”

Ranboo hesitated and sent Tommy an uneasy look. The younger moved so he was sitting up and met Tubbo’s gaze. The shorter’s gaze fell for a moment as he saw the twos’ uneasy expressions. After a moment, he took a breath. “How about the hayloft in our barn?”

Tommy glanced over to Ranboo, who met his gaze and shrugged. After a bit, he sighed. “Alright, that’ll work. But he stays in the hayloft all night,”

The Captain watched the exchange silently before nodding at the verdict. “I can do that, I don’t need anything extravagant, just a safe spot.”

Tommy stood up and stretched. “I’ll go grab you a blanket,”

Tubbo nodded as Tommy walked out of the room. “I’ll show you where you can stay,” 

Sparklez nodded as the shorter lead him out of the house, across the field, hopping over the fence and into the pasture where Bumble was grazing peacefully. The horse looked up at them for a moment before continuing as Tubbo walked to the barn. The Captain hummed as they entered. “This is a nice place, clean.”

Tubbo nodded. “I finished building it a bit ago, we all take turns cleaning and stuff.”

The Captain turned to him in surprise. “You built this place?”

Tubbo nodded. “And the house, but Tommy takes care of the animals and Ranboo takes care of the food supply, our little farm.” He explained, motioning to the small garden on the side of the house.

The Captain nodded approvingly. “You guys seem pretty stable,”

Tubbo shrugged back. “I dunno, we’re trying to get what we can with berries and such, but once winter comes it’s gonna be a lot harder. We got here pretty late in the season, but we have good trade with a village north from here so we should be okay. Spread a bit thin, but we’ll be okay.”

The Captain nodded slowly, an unreadable expression on his face. The two got to the back of the barn, passing Haley who was sleeping in her little stable and passing HORSE who was also in his little stable. “Up here,” Tubbo said, motioning to a ladder.

The two pulled themselves up and Tubbo shrugged. “It’s not much, but with a couple blankets it’ll be quite cozy!”

The Captain chuckled. “Thank you, it’s more than enough considering you didn’t have to help me in the first place.”

Tubbo grinned at the praise when they heard Tommy shout from below. “I got blankets!”

Tubbo looked down the ladder before putting his hand up. “Wait here,”

He climbed down and greeted his best friend. “Thanks, Tommy.”

“Whatever, take this up and head back to the house, I’m tired as shit.”

Tubbo chuckled softly before turning to the ladder. “I’ll be back in just a second,”

Tommy made a curt noise and returned to the cabin as Tubbo climbed up the ladder. “Here you go, Captain!” He chirped, handing the man two blankets. “One blanket to lay on, and one to cover up with.”

The older man smiled. “Thanks, kiddo.”

“Now remember, Tommy’ll freak out if you leave in the middle of the night, so try to stay up here until one of us comes to get you tomorrow. Ranboo and I get up before sunrise usually so we’ll be up shortly,”

The captain nodded. “Alright, thank you. I mean it,”

“It’s an honor, Captain!” Tubbo replied excitedly, saluting him.

The older man chuckled again as Tubbo turned to descend the ladder.

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Tubbo entered the cabin to see Tommy still awake and leaning on the kitchen counter. The taller looked up when he entered and his figure relaxed a bit. “Hey, Tubbo.”

“Hey, Tommy. Did you stay up for me?”

Tommy scowled. “No. I was just making sure you didn’t get murdered or some shit.”

Tubbo chuckled lightly before grinning. “Let’s get back to bed,”

The blond nodded mutely.

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

The next morning, as promised, Tubbo and Ranboo had greeted the Captain. They’d given him some breakfast and a few potions before he left.

And if during that winter, the older man would occasionally visit with a bag of food, then it was just a coincidence. 

[wherevermyway]

why can’t we drink forever? (1/2) // minsung // 18+

one: i will only complicate you series navigation: [desktop] [mobile]

⚠ POTENTIAL TW: READ WITH CAUTION! ⚠ pairing: lee minho x han jisung rating: explicit! 18+ warnings/tags: creator chose not to use archive warnings, explicit sexual content past character death, alcohol abuse/alcoholism, depression, edgy cynical depressed jisung, ambiguous/open ending. word count: 5,883 also on AO3

originally posted: 20 january 2021

After being arrested for driving under the influence, Jisung learns that money can buy his way out of jail time, but it can’t buy his way out of his feelings.

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are  interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do  not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of  the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable,  please stop reading now.

“I don’t know how things got this way, Sungie, baby. I’m worried about you.”

A sarcastic huff leaves the lips of the young man seated in the passenger seat of a sleek, new all-white Audi. He kicks his feet up on the dash, earning a frown from the middle-aged woman driving the vehicle. The young blonde stares out the window as he fumbles around his hoodie pocket. Out comes a white pack of Marlboro Gold cigarettes and an engraved silver lighter.

“You and me both, ma,” he tuts as he pops a white cigarette up from the pack into his mouth, flicking the dial of his lighter as he takes in a deep breath. He jams a finger down on the window button, the crisp winter air blowing the grey cloud around, the acrid scent of burnt tobacco filling the car. “Guess if we knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be in the car now, huh?”

“Maybe you’d have gotten into a better university,” his mother sighs as she shakes her head.

A devious smirk curls up on the young man’s mouth as he brings the cigarette up to his lips again, taking a long drag. He knows better than to verbally respond with a cynical quip.

Maybe I’d be fuckin’ dead.

Alcoholics Anonymous sounded like a cult following: a twelve-step programme where all of its members had to follow a strict code, be mentored by a sponsor, and thank some bullshit deity to be given a new chance every day. “Every day is a new chance,” the cult leader would say at the beginning of every meeting. “May God grant us the serenity…”

“I’m Jisung, and the courts told me I’m an alcoholic, so I guess I’m an alcoholic,” the artificial blonde shrugged his shoulders, the ghost of burnt coffee still dancing on his tongue as he spoke.

The mindless cult drones spouted off a casual “hi, Jisung,” in monotonous, unenthusiastic unity as the young man sat down.

“How did you get here?” The meeting’s leader was relentless in prodding the young man. “You’re not obligated to tell us, of course,” which was a boldfaced lie, “but acknowledging your problems might help your recovery.”

Jisung brought the styrofoam cup full of lukewarm, acrid coffee to his lips and took a long sip. He winced at the taste and pursed his lips as he made eye contact with the leader. “I was abducted by aliens, man, now I’m here. Shit was crazy.”

The leader frowned, ready to interrupt Jisung.

“Nah,” the young man kicked his feet out from under the metal fold-up chair, flipping his hood over his head with his free hand. “I got drunk, went out to get more booze, then hit a tree on the way back and the cops pulled me over since my headlight was out. The internet wasn’t lying when they said all cops are fuckin’ bastards.” His quip earned a laugh from a few younger members, whereas several of the older people shook their heads in frustration.

“Please,” the leader sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “let’s refrain from political commentary. Thank you for your,” there’s a pause as the leader clears his throat, “for your candor, Jisung. Now that we’ve introduced all of our new attendees, why don’t we move along with the next step in the meeting?”

The meeting was pointless, all of the same shit that Jisung had read about in the fliers that were handed to him with his sentencing. He had to endure twelve months of this, but it wasn’t like he was doing much else with his life, anyways. Jisung poured the last of the disgusting coffee from the cardboard takeaway box into his cup, then tossed the box into the large rubbish bin at the end of the table. One last cup of free shitty coffee before he left; it would pair nicely with the cigarette he so desperately craved.

“Hey!” A bright voice came up behind him and Jisung rolled his eyes at the way optimism dripped from the trill. He slowly turned around, taking a sip of the cold coffee in his cup. A young man with neon pink hair, probably the same age as Jisung, smiled widely as he stuck his hand out. “I’m Felix, nice to see someone here that’s about my age.”

Jisung gingerly accepted the hand and shook it twice before quickly sticking his hand back into his pocket. “Charmed. How long are you stuck here for?”

“Oh!” Felix shook his head, smile still wide on his face as he pensively looked down to his shoes. “I’m not here for… well, I’m a psychology major.”

Of course he was.

Felix tucked his hands into his jacket pockets and tapped his foot twice as he continued to smile at Jisung. “I’m also new here and was hoping I could make friends.”

Jisung shook his head, reaching into his hoodie pocket for his pack of cigarettes and familiar silver lighter. “I’m not a good influence. Don’t think I’d make good friends with someone so… nice.” He meandered a white cigarette out of the packet with a single hand, then tucked it behind his ear, lighter still tucked into his palm. “No offence, dude.”

The smile finally fell from the pink-haired man, who quickly pulled his hands from his pockets, “wait, wait!”

Jisung cocked an eyebrow at the man, biting his tongue as he felt the clawing at the back of his head, his synapses screaming a plea for him to get a hit of more nicotine.

“I don’t wanna sound desperate,” Felix ran his bottom lip under his teeth as he looked around nervously, “I just really wanna talk with someone that’s so different than me. I’ll even buy you dinner or something from the diner down the street.”

As insulting as the words ‘so different than me’ came off to Jisung, desperation was a bad look for anyone. “You got a car?” Felix nodded twice, biting his lip as he stared at Jisung. “Lead the way, psycho student Felix.”

Felix’s eyes went wide and his bright smile came back, beaming brighter than before. “It’s psychology, not psycho.”

The blonde rolled his eyes as he plucked the cigarette from behind his ear and tucked it in between his teeth. “I know what I said.”

The food at the diner was mediocre at best: rubbery scrambled eggs and burgers made from frozen patties that were likely a concoction of rejected organ meat slurry and textured vegetable protein. It was cheap, but it was always good. Rich in comfort, lacking in quality: the antithesis to Jisung’s life.

Jisung hadn’t been here in two years, not since his friend turned on-again, off-again boyfriend Changbin left for university, halfway across the country. This was the place they’d come to at three in the morning after hitting up a house party, where they would drunkenly curl up with each other and swap kisses that tasted like stale beer and watery coffee.

This was the place where Changbin broke up with Jisung for the final time, Changbin citing that they wouldn’t be able to stay in contact much anymore. However, he hadn’t told Jisung that he was sleeping with someone that graduated a couple years prior and was conveniently attending the same university as him.

That night tasted like vodka and strawberry soda, the latter of which Jisung never let grace his tastebuds again.

The blonde scowled down at his orange juice, watching the ring light above their table shimmer and ripple in the liquid. He hadn’t heard from Changbin in two years, and he was as bitter about it as the black, burnt edges of the hashbrowns that stuck to his plate.

“You okay?” Felix poked his fries with a fork, bringing one to his lips as he scanned Jisung’s expression.

“Are any of us okay, psycho student?”

Felix furrowed his brows and set his fork down against his plate, chewing on the crinkled french fry a bit before he swallowed. He folded his hands together and rested his chin against the interlaced fingers. “No, like,” he shrugged, eyes shifting around a bit, “I mean it. You seem kinda distant.”

Jisung rolled his eyes up to meet Felix’s and he cocked his eyebrow. He was starting to regret tagging along with this kid he barely knew, feeling like this was less of a potential friendship and more like a therapy session. “You don’t know me, man.”

“No, but I know people.”

“You’re a sophomore psychology student, dude. You don’t know shit.”

The pink-haired man sighed, back thudding against the plasticky booth. “I guess you’re right about that. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to know, though.”

“Your funeral, then.” Jisung followed suit, leaning up against the booth with a bit more tact, swinging his arm around the wood frame. “I had my first sip of alcohol when I was thirteen. Got bored when my parents fucked off to Italy on some shitty trip without me.”

Felix tilted his head up like a dog, suddenly alive with renewed interest.

“They’re only parents in blood and title.” Jisung looked down at the table, scratching inanely at a chip in the pale green linoleum. “I was raised by nannies and tutors until I was fifteen. Most parents would probably panic when they leave the house, coming back to an empty liquor cabinet. My parents? Nah, they just restocked it and told me not to drink too much at once.”

“That’s,” Felix’s voice trailed off as he looked away, milling over the new information.

“It’s fucked,” Jisung finished the sentence, then brought the plastic cup of orange juice to his mouth and took a long sip. He set the cup back down and pulled up the sleeve covering his left arm, presenting the flesh over the table. Felix visibly recoiled as he eyed dozens of scarred lines littered across the skin, some marks still relatively fresh. “Their response to this? ‘We’ll get you into therapy and you won’t do this again.’ It was always the best money could buy, but their money didn’t do shit to my brain.” He shuffled the cloth over his arm again, ignoring the look of pity Felix offered him.

“If money could buy them a better son, they would’ve traded me out, like upgrading a car on a lease.”

Felix stumbled over his words a bit as Jisung rifled through his pockets, pulling out his phone and his wallet. “You still wanna make friends with someone like me?”

It took a moment, but Felix tentatively nodded his head. “Doesn’t sound like you have many friends to begin with,” he nervously sputtered out.

Jisung cocked his head to the side and licked his teeth as he smiled. “I don’t do friends. But life’s full of surprises. Anyway, gimme your phone so we can swap contact info.”

They exchanged phone numbers and Jisung dropped a couple of bills on the table. “Don’t worry about it,” he said as soon as Felix opened his mouth to protest, “you’re a university student and I’ve got my shitty parents’ cash to burn.”

“I’ll see you next week?” Felix questioned as Jisung stepped out of his shoddy 2003 Toyota Camry.

Jisung nodded once, tipping his index and middle fingers off of his forehead. “You got it. Thanks for the ride, mate.” He slammed the door with a fake smile that faded as soon as he turned around. Sure, Felix was the antithesis of everything Jisung was, but he could prove to be a source of entertainment over the next year.

Despite being cynical and vehemently anti-religion, Jisung always said a quiet prayer to himself as he opened the door, hoping his parents weren’t home when he arrived. Today, it seemed like luck was on his side: his mother’s keys weren’t on the key rack, and his father had yet to return from some bullshit ‘business trip’ off in China. Perhaps it was Morocco or Norway; they all blurred together in a haze of indifference. All Jisung was sure of was the fact that his father had probably taken one of his mistresses away to some foreign country he was pretending to secure a business deal in.

“Everyone’s favourite fuck-up is home!” Jisung shouted in the empty vestibule, his voice echoing against the cold walls. He didn’t expect a response, so when he was greeted with a comfortable silence, he smiled to himself. He kicked his shoes off and unceremoniously tossed them into the corner by the key rack.

His heavy, heel-first footsteps echoed as he made his way towards the kitchen, pulling a bottle of wine out of a glass display cooler as he padded towards the main refrigerator. He pulled out a box of takeaway Indian curry from the night prior, setting both the box and the bottle on the marble kitchen island, shuffling his feet towards a drawer. He retrieved a fork and a wine key, tossing them onto the countertop as he pulled out his phone, pack of cigarettes, and his lighter.

Jisung opened the bottle of wine as he sat down on a stool next to the counter, tossing the cork towards the rubbish bin, shrugging as he missed. That was a problem for later, and he didn’t feel like dealing with it now. Completely ignoring the takeaway carton, Jisung grabbed the wine bottle, then took a long guzzle directly from it. He winced a bit as the flavour of fermented floral grapes perfumed his mouth with a sharp, sickly rotten scent. The bottle clattered loudly against the marble, the echoing reminding Jisung of just how alone he was in such a large house.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, bringing his phone up in front of his face, scrolling through one of his playlists until he found the right song. With a few taps, some Drake came through the kitchen speakers. Jisung turned up the volume to near max, his head subconsciously moving to the beat of “In My Feelings”. He took a cigarette from the pack on the table and lit it, the tip turning from paper and plant to a red, ashy ember as he inhaled.

Was he allowed to smoke in the house? Of course not.

Did Jisung give a shit? Absolutely not.

A text message popped up as Jisung aimlessly scrolled through his various notifications. He opened it, barely scanning through the entire message from his mother until his eyes stopped on a blue phone number. His eyes narrowed, poring over the entire message. “A coworker of mine offered to be a sponsor for you: Lee Minho. He’s a few years older than you, but he’s nice. Here’s his number, please reach out to him.”

Jisung sarcastically scoffed, locking his phone as he placed it back on the countertop, swapping it for the bottle of wine. He took a drag off of his cigarette, then took another long swig from the bottle. “We admit we’re powerless to alcohol,” he mutters the first step under his breath as he slams the bottle down on the counter.

“Maybe I don’t fucking care.”

Jisung woke up on the couch to the sound of heels clacking against the hardwood floor just before eight in the morning, his fingers jostling an empty bottle of scotch on the floor as he brought his hands to his face.

“Get cleaned up, please.” His mother’s voice was accompanied by bright spotlights suddenly shining directly on his face. “I’ve invited Minho over to meet with you.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” Jisung’s voice was low and gravelly, groaning as he sat upright. The world spun, his body carried by the false inertia his mind had created.

His mother trotted off to the kitchen, shouting over her shoulder. “I know you didn’t. I did it because I care about you, Sungie.”

The blonde rubbed his clammy hands against his face again, attempting to wipe the sleepiness from his eyes. He grabbed his phone off of the floor, then wobbled his way upright, the living room spinning around him in a familiar sense of uneasiness.

“You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself,” he muttered under his breath.

Somehow, Jisung managed to make his way upstairs to his room, stripping an article of clothing off with each lazy step from his bedroom door towards his personal washroom. By the time he got to the glass enclosure of the shower, he was totally stripped bare. Jisung distantly stared at his reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror, a gaunt and ashy doppelganger staring back at him with a pained, empty look on his face.

Instead of stepping into the shower, Jisung approached the mirror, subconsciously bringing his hands to touch his flushed face. His cheekbones were more prominent now than they were earlier in the year, dark circles painted in broad strokes under his eyes. His gaze trailed down the scars he had inflicted on his arms and on his thighs, reminders of the failed attempts to take his own life that he was now forced to carry with him, wearing each line and mark as a badge of shame.

A warm tear rolled down his face as it contorted into an expression of terror and hurt, before he took his fist and crashed it into the mirror in front of him, a spiderweb of the impact left behind in the cracked glass as he pulled his bloodied knuckles away. Some glass shattered to the floor, some still wedged in the gaps between his fingers, and Jisung stared at the crack that split his reflection into several fragments.

How he was still alive was beyond him.

“Mrs. Han, please,” a lilted, unfamiliar laugh travelled up the staircase as Jisung slowly made his way down towards the first floor. He squinted at the noise that caused his head to throb, realizing that someone unknown speaking to his mother, likely the Minho she had mentioned earlier. With each step he took towards the drawing room, the voice got louder, each staccatoed laugh more pronounced.

“Jisung, come sit,” his mother said, replacing the genuine smile on her face with a fake, ‘Vaseline-on-the-teeth’ smile. She motioned towards the empty space on the couch, opposite from the young brunette that turned around.

Jisung met his eyes and it suddenly felt like his surroundings cracked and shattered around him, like the mirror upstairs. Rich brown eyes glistened behind the black and gold browline glasses that rested against the bridge of his nose. Rose-tinted lips curled upwards in a shy smile, revealing large, rabbit-like front teeth that rested softly against his bottom lip.

“Hi,” the stranger said with a gentle wave, “I’m Minho. Resident biochemist at the pharmaceutical company your mother works for.”

As Jisung made his way over to the open spot on the couch, he squinted, refusing to break eye contact with the strange invader. It felt like he was a wild animal on display, about to be poked and prodded by zookeeper staff or by scientists in some sort of underground, off-the-books laboratory. It would fit, after all, since the man was some sort of scientist.

“I’ll let you be,” Jisung’s mother says, rising to her feet. “Maybe you should tell Minho about your little misstep last night, hmm?”

Jisung rolled his tongue over his bottom lip and shook his head sarcastically. “Go enjoy your overfilled glass of wine at nine-fucking-thirty, ma. I’ll be here spilling my guts to a stranger that gives more of a shit about me than you.” Minho winced and his expression fell from cheerful to shocked.

The men stared at each other, Jisung’s gaze layered with arrogance, and Minho’s heavy with awkward discomfort. “So,” the younger man kicked his feet up onto the coffee table, pulling a pack of cigarettes and his trusted lighter from his sweatshirt pocket, hoping to wrap up the conversation as soon as possible. “I know you work with my mother, you’re an alcoholic, and your name’s Minho.” As quickly as Jisung could take in a breath, the cigarette between his teeth was lit, and he was glaring at the intruder through the grey haze that came between them. Their eyes met again, Jisung growing more and more wary by the second. “Why should I pick you as my sponsor, when I feel like you’re just gonna snitch to my mother?”

Minho’s jaw looked like it was clenched too tight, his bottom eyelids squinted upwards as he studied the younger man in front of him. They watched each other, eyeing each micromovement the other’s face made. About halfway through Jisung’s cigarette, Minho finally broke the uncomfortable eye contact, and took a deep breath. “I’m not asking for you to trust me, or to spill your life story,” he shifted, sitting upright, “but for you to see me as a mentor when things get hard and you want to dampen your feelings with alcohol. I’ve been there, Jisung.”

Indignation washed over the younger man’s face, quickly replaced by a familiar wave of arrogance. Jisung shook his head, ashing his cigarette directly onto the floor. “Doubt it,” he tutted, licking his teeth as he nodded his head, staring at the ring on Minho’s finger. He smirked to himself, then turned his head away and up towards the ceiling. “Looks like you’ve got someone that loves you. I don’t know what that feels like; never have, never will.”

The elder chewed on his bottom lip, clenching his fist as his eyes subconsciously scanned the ring on his finger. “Had.”

“What?” Jisung turned his head back towards Minho with a look of disgust on his face, ashes falling from his cigarette.

The brunette sighed, leaning further into the couch, nervously running his thumb over his balled up fingers. “He’s the reason I turned to drinking, to fill the void he left in my heart when he died.”

Shit.

For the first time in ages, Jisung felt a slight pang of regret twinge in his abdomen.

Minho swallowed hard, almost as if he were holding back his emotions. “We were married for five years, together since high school. You’d think I would’ve known the signs, but Chan was so good at hiding things, hiding his pain from everyone.”

The ember in Jisung’s cigarette died out as he found himself enraptured in Minho’s story.

Chan was Minho’s high school sweetheart. They started dating their sophomore year of high school, both attended the same university, and they got married when they were twenty. To Minho, Chan was everything. They supported each other, making the other man stronger and gave them a reason to go on.

Minho had no idea that Chan was severely depressed, holding his true feelings to his heart. Not long after Minho’s twenty-fifth birthday, Chan disappeared, only leaving a journal behind. It had started off with an apology, that if Minho found his journal, that it was too late to save him and that Chan had simply given up. On nearly every page, Chan reiterated that it wasn’t Minho’s fault, that Chan was just too far gone beyond repair, that Minho had given him a new lease on life, but it wasn’t enough.

Exactly three weeks after Chan had gone missing, police were on the doorstep of their shared home.

“Dental records,” Minho whispered, his eyes distant and glazed over as he lost himself in the memory. “That’s how they knew it was Chan. I don’t remember much after that, but I thought that I could find the answer to why Chan took his own life at the bottom of a bottle.”

Jisung’s grip on the arm of the couch was so tight, his knuckles had turned white and they were starting to ache.

“Several bottles,” Minho continued, “several bottles and several near-death experiences waking up in the hospital later, and I still hadn’t figured out the answer. I figured that maybe I’d see him again if I drank enough. Now,” he folded his arms, tucking his chin into his chest, “I’ve accepted that I’ll never know the answer to that question, that I need to live on for him. If there’s an afterlife, maybe I’ll get to ask him myself. Until then, though,” Minho rolled his teary eyes up to meet Jisung’s uncomfortable gaze, “I just want to atone for not doing enough before. I want to help others that are hurting, you know?”

They continued to stare at each other for what felt like hours, until Jisung finally shook his head. His voice cracked as he tried to speak. “Sorry,” his apology was shockingly sincere, “I guess I spoke before I thought.”

Minho awkwardly smirked, dismissively waving his hand in between them. “Don’t worry about it. I just wanted you to know that I’ve been at rock bottom and that there’s a way up and out, as long as you’re willing to put in the effort.”

Maybe Jisung was willing to give Minho a try.

At first, Jisung agreed to meet with Minho once a week after the mandatory AA meeting he attended. It took seven visits spanning seven weeks before Jisung eventually opened up about the neglect he faced from both of his parents, the emptiness he felt from being raised by nannies, feeling like money was more important than his own life.

Ten weeks in, they started hanging out on the weekends. Their relationship shifted from mentorship to friendship, and it was somewhat a relief that Jisung finally had someone he could trust enough to call his friend.

Week fourteen was when things started to shift further. Jisung hadn’t consumed alcohol in eight weeks, and things were clearing up, slowly but surely. He had been meeting with Felix more and more, too — maybe they weren’t quite friends yet, but Jisung was at least trying.

Things were looking up for the first time in Jisung’s life.

At week sixteen, Jisung stayed over at Minho’s apartment, convincing him that he needed to watch Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. The blonde had vehemently pressed that it was, quite possibly, one of the best series of all time, animated or otherwise. After some gentle pressure, Minho finally caved, and they sat on his couch, diving into the show and into some mediocre takeaways.

They had gotten through the first three episodes and Minho finally relented that, yes, it was a good show and that, yes, Jisung was right.

“I knew you’d like it, dude,” Jisung snickered, playfully poking at Minho’s chest. The corner of his lips tugged upward into a crooked smile, and he wore Minho’s seal of approval as some sort of badge of honour.

The brunette turned away, softly smiling into his shoulder as a rush of crimson started to tint his face. “You’ve got me trying all sorts of new things, Ji,” Minho rubbed the back of his neck for a moment before he flashed his teeth at the younger man. “So much for me being the mentor here, huh?”

Jisung sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth at the nickname, trying to ignore the warmth blossoming up his face. He tried to stumble out some sort of response, but he caught himself getting lost in the way that the overhead lights shimmered in Minho’s eyes, highlighting the soft amber and warm bursts of hazelnut that erupted around his pupils. His expression started to falter, and he felt a familiar rush of excitement bloom in his chest, causing his nerves to come to life all around his body.

He remembered that this was how it felt right before he shared his first drunken kiss with Changbin, but something about this felt different. Perhaps it was the fact that Jisung was completely sober, but he desperately wanted Minho to kiss him, to want him back. However, Jisung wasn’t sure if it would have been a good idea, pondering over if Minho was really ready to start a new relationship, especially with someone he was supposed to be mentoring.

“Something on your mind?” Minho’s voice was soft as it gently guided Jisung back to the moment. “You’re kinda spacing out on me.”

“No, no,” Jisung stumbled around the words he wasn’t sure he could say, suddenly distracted by the television in the background. “I guess I was just thinking about the show.”

Minho’s head tilted to the side, concurrently lifting his brow in confusion. “You guess?”

Jisung waved his hand in between them and readjusted his posture so he was further away from Minho. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve seen it so many times, but it’s one of those shows that you watch and you see something new each time and—”

Warm fingers were suddenly on the side of Jisung’s face, pulling him back into Minho’s space. “You’re a terrible liar.” The voice was soft, yet assertive; low, but so loud. Jisung’s eyes went wide as Minho’s apartment blurred around him, his vision suddenly taken over by the sight of the brunette’s face right up next to his. In front of him.

Before Jisung could process what was happening, he was subconsciously pressing his lips into Minho’s, trying to remember exactly how kissing worked. It was years since the last time he had any practice, but it all came back to him as Minho helped guide Jisung’s face with his hands.

Minho’s tongue was soft, warm, and damp as it gently pressed up against Jisung’s lips, wordlessly pleading for entrance. Without letting his mind mill over the fine details and concerns he possibly had, Jisung parted his lips. Timidly, he rolled his tongue around Minho’s, his hands quivering as his fingers scrambled for purchase in Minho’s hair.

Unlike anyone Jisung had kissed before, this felt right, even if there were some uncomfortable grinding of teeth and awkward nose bumping. Within a reasonable amount of time, they slowly became experts at training the way the other wanted to be kissed. As if Minho could read Jisung’s mind, he would interrupt his soft kisses with gentle nips and grazes at Jisung’s bottom lip.

“Please,” Jisung’s voice cracked as Minho pulled his teeth down his bottom lip, “my neck, I…”

Minho swiftly moved his lips from Jisung’s, peppering tiny pecks against his jawline to his ear, stopping to take the blonde’s earlobe into his mouth with his tongue, grazing the tender flesh between his teeth. Jisung’s back involuntarily arched as the grooves of Minho’s teeth pulled at his sensitive skin, the sensation causing his nerves to come to life with an electrical jolt from head to toe.

The brunette chuckled, his warm breath brushing up against the tiny hairs on Jisung’s ear. He said nothing, simply moving down to press a few soft kisses to the skin just below the younger man’s earlobe. Minho’s lips were soft, gentle, only to be quickly replaced by a sudden, harsh bite into the tender flesh.

A yelp, accompanied by uncontrollable twitching, came from Jisung, who was simultaneously melting into Minho, but also pulling away. The elder’s fingers dug into the blonde’s waist, keeping him in the same position, not allowing him to escape. Jisung’s yelp had faded into a whimper, which evolved into a moan as Minho sucked the flesh between his teeth, quickly repeating the process several times in various spots along Jisung’s neck.

The moans were increasing in volume and breathiness, Jisung subconsciously, frantically rutting his pelvis into the couch. Minho must have caught on to this, letting go of Jisung’s waist to ease him down onto the couch. He pressed his lips to Jisung’s again, dancing his fingertips down to the waistband of the younger man, who was completely blissed out.

“Can I help you with this?” Minho’s voice was somehow both soft yet assertive as his palm pressed against Jisung's clothed erection.

Words eluded Jisung, verbal language suddenly turning into complex algebraic equations that didn’t translate from his head to his tongue. Instead, he groaned in affirmation as he hopelessly rolled his hips upward, finding himself pitiful that he was so desperately craving for Minho to just keep fucking touching him.

Things started to blur in a haze of wanton desire. Minho’s hand gently stroked Jisung’s cock, paying special attention to the way that his fingers and palm brushed against the head. Involuntary twitches took over Jisung as he whimpered and mewled, his shoulder blades grinding into the couch. Minho continued to nibble and bite at Jisung’s neck, occasionally whispering words of assurance and praise into his ear.

“You’re doing so well,” as he slowly dragged his hand from the base of Jisung’s cock up to his head.

“I can’t imagine how incredible you would feel around me,” as he gently thumbed the slit, rubbing precum around the sensitive head and causing Jisung to bite the back of his hand as he failed to stifle a cracked moan.

Jisung’s breaths turned erratic and he was nearly convulsing as his body started to twitch. Minho shifted his weight to his knees, slowing his strokes just enough so that he could awkwardly shift one leg off of the couch to position his head in a way he could take Jisung into his mouth.

“What are you—” Jisung started to question, until he found himself losing control of his body as Minho rolled his tongue around his cock. “Fuck, Minho!” He clamped his eyes shut, arching his back upward, hitting the back of Minho’s throat as he convulsed, his orgasm suddenly completely taking over him. “Minho,” he whined and unclenched his fists; “Minho,” he panted and opened his eyes; “Minho.” With one last breath, he was back to reality.

This had to have been the closest thing to heaven that Jisung thought he would ever experience.

Jisung had stayed over at Minho’s that night, too tired to function like a normal human. They slept on the couch together, necks crooned in uncomfortable positions all night long, bodies stiff from the unnatural firmness that Minho’s couch held. The next morning, they chose not to discuss the night prior, but they did exchange some soft kisses, until Jisung protested, mentioning that their morning breath was distracting him from actually enjoying the kiss.

Their weekends continued on like this: spending time watching a couple of episodes of their chosen programme until they got distracted and lost within each other. Nothing progressed further than handjobs, the occasional blowjob, and the one time that they rolled around naked, making out for so long and so intensely that the way they pressed their bodies together caused Jisung to come without any additional stimulation — and, hey, they liked it.

The budding relationship between them was confusing. During the week, Minho acted like the appropriate, wise mentor, with Jisung as his eager pupil. When the weekend came around, however, all bets were off. In everything but title, they were boyfriends for all intents and purposes. Every time Jisung tried to bring it up, Minho would shut down, saying that he wasn’t ready to really think seriously about it yet.

So, Jisung didn’t press. He was sure that their intimate interactions were causing conflicting emotions to arise within Minho, emotions he probably had been ignoring since Chan’s death, trying to shove them down as time went on. Even though he wanted to navigate the full spectrum of sexual experiences with Minho, Jisung remained silent until Minho was ready.

[lordeemailarchive]

Just Ella Things

(26/10/2021) (Solar Institute Bulletin No. 8) (From New York City)

Pink Studio (Rendezvous) and Yellow Studio by Lisa Yuskavage, 2021

Hey you. Thought I’d pop in and say hi. Man, 2021 is a real fucking head spinner. Remember January 1st? I woke up and took a kayak out to the pontoon (paddling very gently, head very delicate). I lay down in the sun and shut my eyes — yeah, yeah, I’m a caricature of myself at this point — thinking about the year that stretched ahead. It was gonna be hard work, a big change, but nothing I didn’t want, or couldn’t handle. Covid was starting to recede — it’d all be sweet. Fuckin sikeeeee! The pandemic has continued to make things difficult, lonely, or dangerous for absolutely everyone in varying degrees, but outside of that, 2021 has been tough in completely unexpected ways. Being away from home at a time where the country’s struggling to contain the virus, feeling isolated from friends and loved ones there. Looking out at the country I’m in and feeling estranged from so much of what I see, and knowing it feels as estranged from me. Questioning what I’m doing and why, all the time, on an unprecedented level. Dealing with rough patches in close relationships, and feeling sensitive and emotional and reactive as a result. And missing you! The decision to step back from social media has been something I’ve really questioned through this time. I was so sure skipping the negatives (compulsive time-wasting, IV drip of dread, satisfying but hollow validation loop) would outweigh missing out on the positives (feeling like part of a community, hearing your sweet words, hitting you back) . But I’ve really, really missed you. Normally I’d be doing festivals and shows already, pinging around the world and touching your faces, so that probably contributes to the loneliness a little bit. But man. I’m trying to think about how best to balance the digital diet, in a way that feels fun and connected for me and you, but not at the expense of our attention, time or happiness. Sorry if this is a heavy vibe! I’m surprised by it too, honestly. MUCH TO CONTEMPLATE, YEAR OF REALISING STUFF, ETC ETC. If there’s one thing I know right now, it’s how drawn I am to the sensual, things that make me feel like I’m a person in a body on a planet, things that feel alive. If 2016 this year is the year of realising things, I want next year to be the year of friction. Physical, emotional, spiritual. I want to rub up against everything, and see how it feels. I wanted to share some things that I’ve enjoyed in this vein these past couple months that have nothing to do with work, or Lorde. Just things Ella likes. (Just Ella Things? Jesus.)

Walking 100 blocks. Lately I’ve been enjoying doing this on weekends. It’s a cool way to get an interesting cross section of multiple neighbourhoods. I go east, up park or Madison, dipping into Central Park and back out, or up the west side, 10th becoming Amsterdam, with a compulsory drift through Zabar’s. Good times.

Eating a lotus paste egg yolk moon cake from Tai Pan bakery.

The movie WALL-E. I might honestly do another newsletter on this, because holy shit, this movie rules.

Watching American Utopia on Broadway. I don’t know why I DIDN’T anticipate how much this would blow out the cobwebs. I left hoarse and hopped up on adrenaline like a kid after a school disco. This show feels like David’s masterwork, although I’m sure to him it’s just the current stop on his long, enriching train ride. The physicality of this thing, just what you can do with a dozen bodies on a stage, is unbelievable. I said to him that every person in it feels like the star, something I remember someone saying about each character in Jonathan Demme movies. What a rare and generous gift to give, to them and to us. RUN DON’T WALK!

This baking newsletter Kitchen Projects, which goes into great detail about the science of baking, and provides some lovely gifs.

Finally reading BLOOD, BONES AND BUTTER by Gabrielle Hamilton. Totally delightful and gnarly and makes me want to eat at Prune! I loved the author’s New York Times piece about what running a restaurant is like in these times, also. Come back soon, Prune.

Going to see the Lisa Yuskavage show. I’ve loved this artist’s work for years, but this new show was her at her JUICIEST and MOST ALIVE. Google images won’t do it justice, but look for what you can. Danielle McKinney’s work gives me a similar feeling right now, as does Owen Connors’ current show (discussed thoughtfully here).

Kind of a separate vibe, but every year Aotearoa New Zealand gets all crazy over Bird of the Year. It’s a legitimate topic of national conversation, emotions run high, etc. This year I’m rooting for the Kororā! You may have seen me mention the Protect Pūtiki movement that’s taking place on Waiheke Island. The bay is home to the largest population of Kororā in Tīkapa Moana/the Hauraki Gulf, and they need all the attention they can get. Vote HERE!

There are a LOT of sensitive cuties in the inbox rn. I’ve got long replies drafting to a bunch of you right now. I’m glad it’s not just me — seems like we’re all going tf through it this year. I can. not. wait. until we’re dancing and screaming it out together next year at the shows.

Guys. Damon’s Halloween costume. I can’t. Obsessed. (SIDENOTE, IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT I COULD BE FOR HALLOWEEN, DROP IT IN THE INBOX. I’VE NEVER REALLY DONE HALLOWEEN BUT IT SEEMS FUN, BUT MY BRAIN ISN’T A GOOD GENERATOR OF COSTUMES, THE ONLY ONE I CAN EVER THINK OF IS ‘WITCH’???? PREFERABLY FACE OBSCURING IF POSSIBLE CAUSE I WANNA GO HARD ON A DANCE FLOOR AND NOT END UP ON DEUX MOI.)

Katie’s unbelievable jacket!!! Katie, give the people what they want and open an Etsy shop!!! Received a really lovely note from Adrian about the album, drawing some lines between it and Leaves of Grass, describing them as “two mirrors facing each other.” Heaven to me.

And last but not least, Odette and Vicky’s poster walls, which honestly make me puke with joy every time I see them.

More soon. I mean it when I say I think about you all the time. Love and other indoor sports, Ella xxxxxxxxx

(source: received this email)

[writethelifeyouwant]

300 Follower Fic Challenge!

I don’t even know where to start … (kinda like all of my fics  👉🏻👉🏻 😉 ) My little hell-hole has grown to be 300 strong! We can now band together to fail at stopping invading Persian armies, woo hoo!

But seriously, thank you all so much for your support of me and my writing, it means the world! I’ve met and interacted with so many amazing people on this hellsite over the past year and made some new friends that I will cherish for life. 

I got my mojo back by joining a celebratory follower writing challenge and as I am in a celebratory mood I want to do the same. These are some of my favourite ways to meet new people and read new things so I would love it if you all would come hang out, write some stuff, read some stuff, and generally have a good time! If you’re interested the rules and prompts will be below the cut.

Rules/Guidelines/Instructions:

As it is a follower challenge, it would be sweet if you followed me, but I won’t require that as I know I and my blog are an acquired taste 😋

Minimum word count is 100, no maximum because I am the biggest fiend in ignoring those limits. I don’t want to stifle your creativity! If your work is over 500 words please use the keep reading function when you post.

Pick one prompt from below by sending me an ask or a message. There will only be one person per prompt AND / OR Send me an ask with a prompt from below plus a character/pairing (and any other details you like) for me to write for you. (I have no idea if people will want to do that. If I get multiple requests I will pop them in a random generator to pick one to write before the due date - but I’ll save the others for a rainy day!)

Start Date: January 7, 2021 | End Date: February 28, 2021 - I’ll post a Masterlist on March 1, 2021

I will read and reblog all entries!

Feel free to write for any character, ship, pairing, or moresome from Supernatural/Supernatural RPF - I’m not picky in the slightest. 

Can be smut - can be not - whatever floats your little boat 

Can be xReader insert but doesn’t have to be

Tag things appropriately and include warnings for things like non-con / dub-con ; underage ; violence ; etc. you know, the typical stuff

I’ll try anything once; include whatever kinks you can think up EXCEPT - I would prefer not to read about solid bodily excrements. If you want to write that go for it, just tag it appropriately, and know I won’t read it personally, but I will still reblog 😊

Feel free to combine this with other challenges, or bingos or whatever you crazy kids are doing these days

Tag me in your posts ( @writethelifeyouwant​ ) and use the tag #Mads300MadOnes 

HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN BITCHES 😘

Prompts:

Why aren’t you scared of me? / Why do you care for me? - bury a friend, Billie Eilish @thinkinghardhardlythinking

And I ache to remember / All the violent, sweet / Perfect words that you said - Come On Get Higher, Matt Nathanson

Brother, let me be your fortress / When the night wheels are driving on / Be the one to light the way / Bring you home - Brother, NEEDTOBREATHE 

All we do is drive / All we do is think about the feelings that we hide - Drive, Halsey  @fandomfic-galore

Been through every emotion / Right now I'm sad, I'm broken / Like the bottles on the floor - Undrunk, FLETCHER @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad

Did I say something way too honest / Made you run and hide / Like a scared little boy - Forever & Always, Taylor Swift 

They don't almost say "I love you" / When they're downtown somewhere, just a little drunk - Friends Don’t, Maddie & Tae  @negans-lucille-tblr

All the pretty girls like Samuel - All the Pretty Girls, KALEO  @calaofnoldor​ 

And all of the voices surrounding us here / They just fade out when you take a breath - Tenerife Sea, Ed Sheeran 

Oh brother, we'll go deeper than the ink / Beneath the skin of our tattoos - Brother, Kodaline 

I want to taste her lips / Yeah, 'cause they taste like you - Girl Crush, Little Big Town 

Run away with me / Let me be your ride out of town / Let me be the place that you hide / We can make our lives on the go - Run Away With Me, Aaron Tveit 

If you find yourself in a lion's den / I'll jump right in / And pull my pin / And go with you - My Blood, Twenty One Pilots  @peridottea91

Well I came home / Like a stone / And I fell heavy into your arms - I Will Wait, Mumford & Sons @anaelsbrunette

So you tore my heart out / And I don't mind bleeding - Lonely Boy, The Black Keys 

Sam, you’re ready / Let’s go, anywhere / Get the car packed and throw me the key / Run away with me - Run Away With Me, Aaron Tveit 

I know that you'll never feel like I do / I will break into pieces right in front of you / I will burn down the city and string up the noose / And you'll watch in wonder - Put It on Me, Matt Maeson 

Your light blinding me / Like a goldmine unfound - Keeper, Reignwolf 

I'm uncontrollable, emotional, chaotically proportional / I'm visceral, reloadable / I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy - Twisted, MISSIO @daydream3r-xo

It's my right to be hellish / I still get jealous / 'Cause you're too fuckin’ beautiful / And everybody wants your sex / That’s why / I still get jealous - Jealous, Nick Jonas  @mummybear

But I find holy redemption / When I put this car in drive - My Church, Maren Morris

Hey Brother, there's an endless road to re-discover / Hey Sister, Know the water's sweet but blood is thicker - Hey Brother, Avicii

Cradle our desire / To keep from drowning - Drowning, Radio Company 

They don't talk about the future and put each other in it / And get chills with every accidental touch - Friends Don’t, Maddie & Tae @sams-sass

It's not living if it's not with you / All I do is sit and drink without you - It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You), The 1975 

Playlist: 

All these songs' lyrics have been drawn from this playlist here if you’re curious about your songs or just want some banging tunes. A huge thanks to everyone who contributed to this playlist ahead of this challenge! (Yes, this is my Wincest/J2 Playlist, but the prompts can be used however you like!) 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2otdHADd4ikZzweopAwbeL?si=Aafvxls3SViqHdwTnoD75w 

[found-family-my-beloved]

When it's time to sink or swim I always choose to do the backfloat

Fandom: Dream SMP

Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Tommyinnit, Ranboo & Tubbo, Tommyinnit & Ranboo & Tubbo, Wilbur Soot & Philza, Wilbur Soot & Fundy, Wilbur Soot & Yoghurt, Fundy & Yoghurt (tags to be added in later chapters)

Characters: Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, Philza, Fundy, Yoghurt, Ranboo (mentioned), Tubbo (mentioned), Ghostbur (mentioned), Shroud the Spider (mentioned), Michael_Beloved (mentioned), Technoblade (mentioned), TipTup and Tiddy Pang (mentioned), other children on the server (mentioned) (tags to be added in later chapters)

Word count: 1437

Chapter: 3/6 - Fundy (First chapter/Previous chapter/Next chapter)

AO3

Summary:

“Tubbo and Ranboo have been bugging me to bring him over for a play date with Michael since he's ‘pretty much my kid’ apparently. First off he's not my kid, he's a fuckin’ spider, and even if he was, my Shroud would be far too good to have to make the trek all the way over to that snowy shithole for a playdate.”

Wilbur stopped pacing and stared at Tommy, who had gone back to rifling through chests again. Oh shit.

“Michael?” he asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

Or "the 4 things Wilbur finds out about the _Beloved family through others + the 2 things he finds out about them directly"

Author's notes:

Well, today has definitely been a day! The fact we got Tubbo, Techno and Eret versus Sam, the Manatreed reveal, a non-canon Tales, and Sam and Dream lore all in one day is wild, especially with the promise of more to come! Definitely January 2021 vibes. Anyway, while I wasn't quite prepared enough with my timings to make this chapter relevant, the next chapter may focus on someone who did lore today, which is something to look forward to. In the meantime, enjoy!

At first things with Fundy had been pretty awkward, like they were meeting for the first time if not worse. How could they not? Wilbur didn't exactly help his case by finding literally everyone else to talk and apologise to before his own son. But by some miracle, Fundy seemed willing to spend time together in hopes they could fix at least some of the trust that had been previously shattered. And that was amazing!

To make things even better, Fundy had asked Wilbur to come and visit him in Las Nevadas this time around rather than a neutral area (or as neutral as a place could be in a server chock-a-block with memories). It was a bit of a hassle trying to get to Fundy's area without bumping into anyone, but from the sounds of the mumbling coming from the house, Wilbur assumed they must be as nervous as each other.

Except that as soon as Fundy opened the front door, it became clear that the mumbling hadn't just been for his own benefit. While Wilbur had been expecting Fundy to be wearing a suit similar to Quackity's (his son had always been impressionable whether Wilbur liked it or not), he hadn't been expecting the baby carrier strapped to his front with a white fox head poking out.

Wilbur blinked, any previous ideas of how to greet his son vanishing from his mind. "Oh! Um... Did I come at a bad time? You seem fairly occupied already."

Fundy looked equally as awkward about the entire interaction but did a relatively good job at composing himself nonetheless. "Actually I thought it was best to get this out of the way sooner rather than later. I know I haven't talked a lot about my life in Las Nevadas but this... this is my son! His name is Yoghurt."

Seeing that Wilbur was still struggling with what to say, he looked down to the smaller fox to address him instead. "Yoghurt, this is Wilbur, your grandpa! He's been... ill? For a while. So please be gentle with him?"

This hadn't really aligned with Wilbur's expectations for today, but finding out your son has continued your legacy you have a grandson is nothing but good news. He knelt down slightly to make eye contact with Yoghurt, speaking to him softly.

"Hey Yoghurt! I'm assuming I'm the first Wilbur to meet you so it's a pleasure! I'm sure you take after your father, huh?"

It became clear at this moment that Yoghurt, not old enough to understand words just yet, had become more fixated on the fluffiness of Wilbur's hair, as he stretched his little hands as far as they could go in an attempt to grab it.

"Yoghurt, what did I just tell you? That's not how we treat old people!" Fundy whined, but Wilbur just chuckled at the attempt, gently taking hold of both hands and moving them away.

"Definitely just like your father then," he teased while Fundy just grumbled in embarrassment. He continued to grumble as he led Wilbur inside, but the interaction had definitely left both of them more relaxed with each other than before.

"So does Yoghurt have another parent?" Wilbur asked as Fundy sat the toddler in the middle of a ring of toys.

"Nah, I adopted him! Back before I joined Las Nevadas actually, so it was just him and me for a while. Still feels like it sometimes, but at least with other kids around the server playdates are always an option for him."

Wilbur chose not to acknowledge his son clearly struggling to spend time with people and instead focused on the last thing he said. "Yeah, now that I think about it, there seems to be loads of kids popping up on the server. A whole new generation of Dream SMP citizens..."

"Yeah! It's pretty nice having Foolish in Las Nevadas as well, since Yoghurt gets to bond with Finley and Junior. Plus there's Shroud, Michelle and- probably some others I can't remember..." Fundy finished weakly.

Wilbur rolled his eyes. "I know about Michael if that's what you're worried about." From the immediate exhale Fundy gave, he was clearly right in his assumption.

"Ohh, thank god. Do you know how fucking terrifying Tubbo and Ranboo can be when you say or do the wrong thing? All I did was say they could do with taking him outside once in a while and they looked like they were gonna murder me and kicked me out of the house!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air baffled.

Considering Fundy's track record of being 'completely innocent' in everything he does, Wilbur just snorted. It did sound slightly concerning though. "You mean they don't let him leave the house ever? That can't be healthy."

"That's what I said! I get that he's a zombie piglin so probably has health stuff that doesn't let him stay in the snow for too long, but surely he was out there long enough for them to transport him to the house, right? They tried to justify it by saying he'll have an indoor-outdoor area in that mansion of theirs, but it's been months now and they just keep building things together like that shitty outpost while living where they were before."

That was a lot of info and Wilbur hadn't even been intending to pry this time. That makes it less of a privacy invasion, right? Still, he hadn't really thought about the kind of child Michael was but the idea of a goat hybrid and a half-enderman half-something having a child who is a zombie piglin was definitely unusual. Not that he was one to talk.

"I just hope at some point they let him spend time with the other kids." Fundy continued, "They said I was his cousin and Phil was his grandpa, so it would be nice for Michael and Yoghurt to have relatives their own age to spend time with. Not that family ties are particularly strong on this server, but you know what I mean, right?"

Either Ghostbur's memories were deciding to be really helpful or really difficult, because Wilbur was able to picture the piglin sat in a room with just two chickens, an image interspersed with scenes of rain and snowstorms, stone corridors of buttons and windy beaches. Wilbur could only place one of those scenes and it wasn't one he particularly cared to focus on for too long, so clearly it was time to move the subject along.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. This server can be a pretty dangerous place so their concern isn't entirely unfounded, but isolation can be a dangerous thing, especially the longer it continues." Unfortunately this seemed to have the opposite effect of moving the subject along as it just seemed to remind Fundy also of times long gone from the way he froze up.

Luckily for both of them, Fundy's attention immediately shifted when Yoghurt started crying, the older fox instinctively grabbing a tub of mashed berries and a small spoon from the side. Wilbur just watched the feeding, Fundy clearly having everything under control.

"You know, I probably didn't say it enough before I died and it probably doesn't mean as much from me now, but I'm really proud of you, Fundy." As soon as Wilbur said those words, Fundy almost dropped the tub but managed to save himself just in time. Wilbur wasn't really sure if this was a positive or negative reaction, so just continued.

"I'm serious, man! We may not have seen eye-to-eye on things in the past, but you've really stepped up and taken responsibility in life. Raising a kid is fucking hard but you're a natural at it! And while I don't necessarily agree with your choice to live in Quackity's place, you're an adult and if it's good for you and Yoghurt to live here then I have no reason to complain."

If Fundy seemed slightly misty-eyed or had to take a second before he answered, Wilbur wasn't about to comment. "Thanks Dad... But you know, just because I'm that good at acting it doesn't mean I'm perfect at being a dad. So if you wanted to come round and help every so often, I think that would be okay?"

Wilbur smiled softly. "Fundy, there's nothing I'd like more."

Their relationship was far from healed and there was still a lot more that needed addressing before it could be healed, but this definitely seemed like a start. For both of them, the light at the end of the tunnel finally seemed to be in reach.

[maybebecomingms]

the flashback that prompted this whole blog

Last weekend, amid absolutely craptastic weather and looking for a way to kill time, I decided to walk laps at the mall.

I hadn’t been to the mall in a while. Not being terribly trusting of the general public, I was in the minority of those walking about wearing a mask. It brought me back to the last time I walked laps in the mall wearing a mask, with my husband.

This would have been... January 2021? I remember it was cold. Dangerously cold. And still active-doom-pandemic times where our gym was closed. We wanted desperately to move our asses, so we went to the mall to walk around after work. Masks were mandatory.

I'd seen a poster for recruitment into the Army. I’d been getting a bunch of ads on my Spotify account around this time, too, encouraging me to join the National Guard. I remembered the ads said they were looking for people 17-34 years old. His 35th birthday was only a couple of months away and mine would be at the end of the year.

I joked about how soon the aggressive marketing towards us would end, as we’d be too old to be of interest. 

“Yeah? Well I’ve been thinking I SHOULD enlist,” was not the response I expected. “I want to do something that has meaning, and we’re not gonna have kids, so... maybe I should. Since my life has no meaning.” I was mere weeks post-op sterilization at the time.

Well, what the fuck are you supposed to say to THAT?

“Jesus fucking Christ.” I’d unexpectedly run into my sister in the present-tense and word-vomited this flashback to her as we dodged crowds past store after store. I’d never told her. Or anyone. 

I’ve got a whole fuckin’ treasure trove of stories like this I’ve not told. 

And that’s why I’m here, telling them now.

[im-a-star-boy]

Moobloom

I SPEEDRAN ANOTHER FIC BABY

@panna-pan @princeboo

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Summary: Tommy finds a cow and reminisces

Word Count: 1,256

Date of Completion: Tuesday, January 5th, 2021

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

“Just go, Tommy!”

Tommy scoffed. “You are fucking ridiculous!:

Ranboo crossed his arms. “Tommy,”

“Fine! I’ll fucking go! Jesus Christ.” He snapped, turning and walking into the wilderness.

Ranboo watched him go and sighed. “Tubbo,”

“He was gonna ruin the house, Ranboo! Tommy’s awesome, don’t get me wrong, but he has shit building skills.”

Ranboo couldn’t stop the chuckle escaping his lips. “Yeah yeah, whatever. You finish building, I’ll chop down more trees.”

“Will do!”

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Tommy stomped angrily away from the campsite. “Those two don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, fucking dickheads.” He kicked a rock irritably and ignored the way his foot throbbed on impact.

He walked for a while before pausing as he realized how sweet the air smelled. He took a deep inhale through his nose and sighed, letting himself drown in memories. Phil baking bread inside the house. Wilbur playing guitar on the porch as a cat purred in his lap. An old dog lazing in the sun. Techno tending to the flowers in the garden and harvesting his potatoes.

He opened his eyes and looked around. The ground was littered with flowers, a familiar purple flower that he recognized from the old garden. His eyes brightened as he approached the flower and began digging around it to uproot it. Maybe I can make a garden, like how Techno had back when we were kids.

He was careful to not destroy too many of the roots as he pulled it out of the ground, but his efforts were interrupted by the sound of a cow mooing and hooves. He glanced up momentarily to see a yellow cow before returning to the flower. He did a double take when his mind processed the cow.

Suddenly, flowers forgotten, he stood up straight and gasped. “HOLY SHIT! PISS COW!”

The cow mooed loudly at him and shook it’s head as Tommy walked over to it giddily. There were dandelions sprouting out of it’s back and head. He grabbed the cow’s head carefully and began scratching it. “Oh my god you’re so soft!”

The cow mooed at him as Tommy pet it’s yellow and white patched fur. It seemed pleased to be pet as Tommy scratched happily. 

The blond scratched the cow and began walking backwards, the cow following his hands to keep the scratches coming, until Tommy got to a tree. He sat down and rested against it. The cow watched for a moment before laying down and resting it’s head on Tommy’s lap.

For a brief moment, Tommy was shot back to a time where he could relax, resting in a clearing with Tubbo as Henry would lay his head on Tommy’s lap to get pets just like this cow was. His breath shuddered for a moment as he pet it’s head. “Holy fucking shit, nastolgia.”

The cow made a pleased sound before slumping comfortably, and suddenly, Tommy didn’t have a care in the world. Everything felt safe as he slumped back and closed his eyes. His mind replayed through memories, memories of home, memories of Henry, and memories of the moments he was safe. A part of him wanted to be scared for the cow, to be scared to take on another pet, but then he remembered that he wasn’t at the SMP anymore. Sapnap wasn’t there to kill his pets. Nobody was there to use them as leverage. It was okay.

He took a deep breath, relaxed, and dozed off.

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Tommy woke slowly from his dreamless sleep. His back and neck were sore but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The cow was still resting in his lap and he smiled as he took a deep breath. He stretched and the cow lifted it’s head up to look at him. He grinned before glancing at the sky and doing a double take when he realized the sun was beginning to set. “Oh shit-”

He paused and glanced back at the cow. He couldn’t just leave it here, he was already attached! After a few moments, he stood up carefully, the cow following his lead curiously. Tommy’s chest swelled and he grinned. “I’m taking you home!” He decided loudly.

The cow mooed at him again as Tommy dug around in his bag for a lead. He found it and grinned, wrapping it carefully around the cows neck. He made sure it wasn’t too tight as he gently tugged and led the cow away. As he led the cow back, a few bees followed, being led away from their nest and buzzing cheerily after the cow. “Holy fucking shit, the bees love you, Tubbo’s gonna flip his shit.”

The cow mooed a response and Tommy’s grin grew. “Oh my god this is amazing.”

“And holy shit, you’re so fucking soft!” He yelped, patting the cow’s head again.

“Now what should I name you.” He hummed, walking backwards for a bit to face the cow. The cow tilted it’s head as Tommy made a noise. “Well I reckon you’re a lady cow with all your flowers n’ shit. So you need a lady name.”

The cow seemed uninterested in his thought process as Tommy continued to walk backwards and stare. The blond hummed before shrieking as he tripped backwards over a log. “Piss cow! Why didn’t you warn me there was a log! What the hell!”

The cow stared at him and it’s ear flicked a bee away from it’s face. Tommy pushed himself back to his feet before continuing to lead the cow back. “I’m gonna call you… Haley!” He announced loudly.

The cow, Haley, mooed, seeming to approve of the name as Tommy led her along.

Soon enough, he approached the clearing. He tied the lead to a branch. “I’ll be right back, Haley. I gotta announce my presence.” 

The cow bumped it’s head against Tommy’s hand and the blond grinned before turning and entering the clearing. “HEY GUYS!”

Tubbo and Ranboo were in the clearing. They snapped their head up and Tubbo ran towards him. “Tommy!”

“Hey Big T!”

“You’re okay!” Ranboo yelped, looking relieved.

“Of course I am big man,” He snorted.

Tubbo approached him, still looking anxious. “Tommy- you were gone for like four hours!”

“I took a nap.”

“You… took a nap?”

Tommy nodded. “And you two will never fuckin’ guess what I got!”

“A sore back?” Ranboo questioned.

“No! Well, yeah kind of, but no! I’ve got a piss cow!”

Ranboo choked for a moment. “Pardon?”

“PISS COW!” He yelled, turning quickly to the trees and untying the lead, leading Haley into the clearing.

Bees were still buzzing around her fur, one resting on the flower on her head. Tubbo gasped. “BEES!”

Ranboo laughed loudly in surprise as Tubbo approached the cow. “Holy crap! It’s so soft!” 

“This is Haley, I’ve decided we’re keeping her.”

“The bees like her and I’m inclined to agree.” Tubbo declared, one of the bees already landing on his hand.

Ranboo looked between the two and laughed. “Well, looks like I’m outvoted here.”

“Are you trying to say you don’t want Haley here?” Tommy demanded.

Ranboo put his hands up. “No- no of course not! She looks friendly-”

“Good, she is, we’re keeping her.”

“We’re gonna have to build a barn,” Tubbo hummed, turning to the horses that were gifted from Techno when they first escaped. For now, they were enclosed in a small pen. It wasn’t great, but it worked. 

“I’ll build it!” Tommy announced.

“NO.”

[deluludreamer]

2 January 2021

My parents made me take my driving test before i should so I went to go take it. I forgot my glasses, the Procter asked my to drive somewhere and i didn’t know where that was. Then my sister appeared suddenly and was like “you don’t have to wait a year to take the test bla bla” and I was like “YES YOU DO” and the Procter was like “if it hasn’t been a year then I can’t fuckin do this omg no get out” he was so done w me shdhdhdh

2nd dream:

Gordon Ramsay came to my house to judge my little brothers cupcakes and he was like “this frosting taste like rubber” and I thought he was going to be helpful and nice since my brother’s a kid so I was like “hmmm how can we fix that?” but he didn’t fuckin say anything he just fuckin walked away???? Girl what??

[ayy-jayy-siciliani]

The First Date Night | Lydia + AJ

When: January 22nd, 2021

Where: AJ’s apartment; Pico District

Major Warnings: Pure fluff, but drug mention, parental neglect

Featuring: Lydia Belmonte @lydiabelmonte​

AJ had to admit he was nervous after inviting Lydia over for dinner. It was just a casual date night but nonetheless, it was a date. He honestly hoped in the back of his head it wasn’t too much that Lydia would get freaked out and run but he also hoped it was enough to have a candlelit dinner and her favorite dish that he just so happened to be cooking up. Upon hearing the door, he took a breath, shook off his nerves a little bit and opened up the door with a grin. “Aw shit, bae’s here,” he teased as he pulled her in to greet her with a kiss. “So...I kinda have a surprise for you.”

lydia b.

Lydia was still getting used to the whole dating, hell it’s been awhile and with the dynamic she had with Parker, it was something she expected. With AJ though, he made her want to be better and even tried the whole keeping an open communication going that it surprised even her. Smiling into the kiss, she looked at him questionably. “AJ I swear, every time I remind you I don’t care for surprises, you still do it.”

The one thing he tried doing was easing Lydia in, knowing it wasn’t going to be an easy adjustment with going from Parker to himself. The least he could do, if all else, was make her smile amongst the process. He chuckled at her response, letting his hand rest on her cheek. “I know, I know, but, I think you’ll at least be amused by this one,” he teased as he handed her a sleep mask to use as a blind fold. “I’ll guide you in. Come on.”

lydia b.

”Oh, we’re going fifty shades on this huh?” Lydia arched her brow and grabbed the sleep mask and placing over her eyes. “Why am I not surprised that you would have a sleep mask, it sort of makes sense you know—“ Lydia let out a fake gasp, “you have a mistress.”

”Yes, yes we are,” AJ laughed at Lydia’s response as he took her hand to lead her into his apartment. “Woooow,” he began laughing harder. “You’re wild, you know that? That’s my travel mask so I can sleep better on the plane rides.” As they got to the decorated table and food, he lightly kissed her hand and then said, “Okay, you can take off your mask before you roast me to hell and back,” He teased with a silly grin.

lydia b.

”Uh huh, for the plane rides, sure.” Lydia replied sarcastically, a big cheesy smile on her face as she walked along with him leading, she was curious onto what he had planned, her guess it was going to be something romantic and very cheesy. It was AJ after all, that was his niche. “I’ll roast you regardless,” she said as she pulled the mask off.

”Why you gotta be so ruuudeee?” AJ sang out jokingly as he playfully nudged Lydia. He loved the dynamic between them, it was both passionate and light hearted between the joking and the closeness they shared...not to mention he was a huge sap and she wasn’t. When she took off the mask he smiled as she quickly clapped his hands to dim the lights in his living room. “Ta-da! I know, I know, it’s cheesy as fuck, but I figured y’know...why not have a date night?”

lydia b.

Lydia stared at the set up in amazement, she should’ve known that AJ was a huge romantic, hell she wasn’t exactly used to this sort of gesture. “A date night, that’s actually smart.” Lydia laughed and leaned forward on her toes to peck his lips, “what’s for dinner?”

AJ looked over to see Lydia staring in amazement and he had to admit he was pretty proud of himself. Even though this wasn't something she was used to, he hoped that one day she could get used to something like this whenever he could. "I figured after a long ass day, this would be a great way to wind down without having to be all dressed up and shit," He chuckled. He ruffled Lydia's hair lightly at the peck and grinned. "I, made your favorite and I even fuckin' threw down and made pickle chips for the first time, so if they didn't come out right, let me know, but check under the lid."

lydia b.

"You made me pickle chips?" Lydia laughed, feeling her heart swell even more at everything AJ did for their date night, she was wondering when will the other shoe drop. Lydia was so used to things going down the drain quickly, ever since she was a kid but it was those negative thoughts that she was trying not to get the best of her. "This is definitely the best...it makes up for the week we had."

”Yeah, I mean I know we didn’t get a chance to go get some but I also wanted to try my hand at it so I watched a few YouTube videos,” AJ admitted with a sheepish grin. It wasn’t an easy task, especially with everything Lydia had gone through, but this was his way to reassure her that they’d be okay and that she could ease into it with no rush. He figured food would be a good start, he hoped. He had remembered hearing the stories of his grandparents, how his Pops learned to cook to impress Nonna. He didn’t lose hope, especially in Lydia. “Well, that makes me pretty fuckin’ happy to hear...about the food and not the week cause it’s been one hell of a fuckin week.”January 29, 2021

lydia b.

Lydia grinned at the fact AJ learned how to cook for her, the fact it was fried pickles, made her have a goofy smile on her face. “You really didn’t need to have candles you know, unless you’re trying to swoon me.” She chuckled and took a seat, looking at the set up and couldn’t stop the giddy feeling swelling in her chest at the sight. “You could have just given me five orgasms and called it good. Instead of all this.”

AJ had to admit, while Lydia often smiled around him, this was the first time he’d seen such a cheesy smile on her face. The way her nose scrunched up and her eyes crinkled. It was a smile he adored, that he could hopefully see more of. “I could just be trying to swoon you then,” He teased with a wink as he took a seat in front of her. “Maybe I wanted to give your heart and stomach an orgasm before I give you five orgasms,” He said, in the most innocent way with the most innocent of smiles. He knew that was cheesy as hell, and he was fully prepared for Lydia to get him for that. “I stand by what I said,” he added with a laugh.

lydia b.

”You are too fuckin cheesy,” Lydia laughed, it was one of the characteristics she didn’t expect from AJ but dating him officially was bringing out more about him that she didn’t know would be possible. “You don’t need to do these sort of things you know, it’s not necessary and besides, I might get way too used to this sort of treatment.”

"You love it though," AJ teased with a laugh. Although he, too, had to admit it was pretty fucking cheesy, but, Lydia brought that out in him, and it was something he hadn't done in a long while. "Listen," He reached for her hand across the table, "If it's too weird, I can stop though, but, if you're into having date nights like this, we can do it like once a month or a week or something? Cause, I know your last experience wasn't the greatest, but dating me is date nights, movies, roasting each other, traveling, video games, and really bomb sex."

lydia b.

Lydia didn’t want to bash her last failed relationship, there were good moments to it but there were also upsetting moments. She looked down at their joint hands and flashed a sad smile, “Yeah I know, just sometimes you think you’re in love and happy but to realize it’s something unhealthy and toxic.” She explained somewhat, “But you’re making me realize the good sides of relationships.”

AJ nodded in understanding to Lydia, letting his thumb lightly brush against the top of her hand. "I understand. Sometimes we go into relationships with rose colored glasses. Believe me, I've been there. I get it," He nodded with a reassuring grin. "That's good, right?" He chuckled. "The one thing I want you to remember is to take your time with it. There's no rush, it's just us two, doing our thing. I figured our date night can also help me get to know a little bit more about your love language and the things you like and don't like that I already know, you know?"

lydia b.

“Here I thought you would already know,” Lydia laughed, teasing him but finding it touching that he wanted to know more about her, to make this work out. Sure things weren’t easy in the beginning, what they started was only supposed to go as far as just benefits. But somewhere along those lines it got blurred and she started to feel more but also feeling as if she owed Parker to being faithfully by her heart. “Okay, so this date, what would you like to know.”

"There's only so much I know, Lyds," AJ laughed, shaking his head. He knew things were going to be touch and go, because after all, they started off just hooking up and casual conversation, then the whole thing with Parker and them trying to work things out. So, he wanted to make sure things went smoother this time. Things would, virtually be the same, just as an official couple, and, AJ would help Lydia work her way through her past relationship. "What's your ideal night out with someone?"

lydia b.

”My ideal night out?” Lydia repeated, a little surprised to be asked that question since normally she never really thought about it. When she was younger yes, but as of lately, at her age, she didn’t really care much. Before dating AJ she was used to other situations that didn’t require dating. “To be honest, I haven’t thought of this sort of question in a long while.”

”Yup,” AJ nodded, seeing the surprise on Lydia’s face. He was a little perplexed that no one had asked her that question in a while, although it was understandable. “That’s okay,” he reassured her with a grin. “I could ask a question that’s a little less loaded, or you could ask me one?”

lydia b.

”how about I ask you one,” Lydia turned the tables around and smiled, “what would you say is your favorite memory, one that you wish you could relive?” She asked, curious to know more about him than what she assumed she knew. She could slowly feel her old self come back when she was with AJ, just a little stronger than before.

"Bet, I'm ready," AJ smiled at Lydia's offer to ask the question. At that question, he rested his chin on the palm of his hand. "Well," He began, "My favorite memory of all time was actually catching Sammy Sosa's foul ball when I was about...5 or 6. I was with my Pops, just me and him watching the game because it was like our little summer tradition and like, the ball was just barreling towards Pops as he was trying to grab me a hot dog and I jump in front with my little mitt and fell over catching it and I remember holding the ball so tightly. I still have it actually," He explained, and then pointed to the signed baseball in its glass cover. "I know it's like sporty and shit but, it just reminds me of home. Of my Pops." It was rare for AJ to get truly heartfelt about his stories about home, but with Lydia, he felt like he could be open with her. He figured that story would be a start to show her who he was deep down from the himbo-like humor.

lydia b.

Lydia smiled as she listened to AJ talk about his memory. It was heartfelt and she didn’t know the full story of the Siciliani family, other than AJ being close to his sisters and mother. “What happened to your dad? I mean you don’t need to go into full explanation but you rarely talk about him.”

AJ typically played it safe when it came to opening up, often times he'd joke around about serious topics, but this was Lydia. He needed to be open and honest with her and showed her that he cared. At the question about his dad, he nodded slowly before saying, "He only cared about himself and his drugs so, he wasn't really in the picture. I don't want to put a damper with the sad story about that, but it's why I'm so proud of my last name. Cause my ma didn't give my sisters and I his last name, she gave us hers. It's also why I wear my heart on my sleeve."

lydia b.

Lydia realized that they shared a bit on the parent problems, she just didn’t trust her mom anymore due to practically leaving her behind and wrecking her father in the process. “Well...your mom raised some good kids so all kudos to her, I always look up towards single parents raising kids. My dad managed to do it with the help of my grandpa.”

AJ could feel his gaze soften at Lydia at her comment, realizing the two of them had some things in common when it came to parents. They were both raised single-handedly, with the help of their grandparents. "Thanks," He chuckled, "And yo, your dad and grandpa did one hell of a job raising you to be as fierce as you are."

lydia b.

Lydia laughed lightly, shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t know about that.” She rubbed the side of her arm, “Your turn,” she motioned for him to continue, realizing that they were making progress. Sometimes when someone tried to pry information out of her, she’d shut right up and change the subject. It was her downfall of letting people close.

"If this is you getting flustered, I'm living for it," AJ wiggled his eyebrows at Lydia for a moment until the subject changed. He could tell that she was opening up a little, but he knew it wasn't going to be an easy feat either. He'd have to work for it and with good reason. He wanted her to feel comfortable doing so. "Ooh, okay here's a good one, what's something really embarrassing you did as a kid?"

lydia b.

”something embarrassing...”she trailed off in thought, bursting out laughing at the memory, “okay so...I had a bad stutter when I was younger, therapist figured it was just a shy thing and what not, anyways, I was presenting for a class play and I pronounced Uranus wrong calling it anus, so my father hasn’t let me live that down since.”

AJ's brows raised in curiosity when Lydia suddenly burst into laughter and he already knew, that this story was going to be good. When Lydia had mentioned she had a stutter his eyes softened for a moment at the thought of Lydia being shy. He had to admit, if she was shy back then to the confident woman she was now, she had one hell of a glow up. At the story, he had taken a quick sip of his water, until the punchline hit and he gently sit it down and covered his mouth with his napkin as he began laughing. "NOOOOOOOOO!" He laughed, shaking his head. "Okay why'd they give you Uranus though. It's like you purposely got set up! Oh nooo! I'm sorry, Lyds," He chuckled.

lydia b.

”I honestly don’t know, maybe it was set up,” Lydia chuckled, “but that was the most embarrassing thing that happened to me as a kid. I cried into my dads arms when I was laughed out. But now I can look back and laugh myself. Just glad I don’t have that damn stutter anymore, children can be assholes.” It was a memory she forgotten about until now, it was also one of the presentations she was excited for due to her mom being there for once but that went out the window when she messed up.

”I’m so serious, it had to have been. Like especially knowing you had a stutter, you should’ve been given a planet with lesser syllables like Earth or Mars, even the sun,” He explained shaking his head. “Man, you got done dirty that day, but hey, brought you and your dad closer. Kids are definitely assholes though,” He sighed but smiled at Lydia nonetheless. He admired her strength and the ability to laugh at herself and her embarrassing moments.February 5, 2021

lydia b.

”I mean...at least I don’t have that god awful stutter anymore so that’s a good thing,” Lydia grinned, “okay, what’s your favorite color?” She asked, she was always curious on people’s favorite colors, if they changed on the day or their mood, whatever.

”Thats true, although I’m pretty sure I’d find it endearing—yes I know I’m a simp, shut up,” AJ quickly shook his head at the way he casually blurred out. Sometimes the Sag bit him in the ass. “My favorite color, navy blue. Without a doubt. What about you?” He asked with a curious, lop-sided grin.February 9, 2021

lydia b.

Lydia smiled, such a typical answer but it did suits him. “Lilac purple is mine, not the harsh dark purple but the soft light color.” She would often change her color but she always managed to go back to that one color.

"Lilac...okay," AJ nodded slowly. "Why Lilac?" He asked curiously. "I know, weird question, but I like knowing about the origin of things. What brought you to that color?"

lydia b.

”Lost my virginity in it obviously,” Lydia sarcastically said with a teasing smirk upon her face, chuckling softly as she thought about it, “I think it has to do with my mom buying me my first dress from her and it was in lilac. Also I pull off the color very well that it just stuck to me, nothing else.”

"WOOOOOW," AJ laughed, shaking his head at Lydia's on-brand sarcasm. It kept him on his toes, after all. "That's pretty cute, actually. Makes sense as to why it's your color, and yeah, I will admit, lilac does look good on you," He nodded with a cheesy grin until it softened. "I'll keep it in mind."

lydia b.

”why is navy blue your favorite color, besides being the typical boy color.” Lydia leaned forward, resting her chin on the palm for her hand, interested more into this conversation. Although she was always having sex or doing something sexual with AJ it felt nice to have this sort of date.

AJ chuckled and also rested his chin on the palm of his hand to look at Lydia. "It's kind of...nostalgic in a way. You know the way the sky looks just as the sun's set over the horizon? I used to like that color all the time. Reminds me of bike rides home, racing to make it before all the street lights came on. Or car drives back from the lake. Watching fireflies. Reminds me of home."

lydia b.

Lydia smiled at AJ, listening to him talk about how the color became his favorite, using examples to give her visuals of what he see's, she could probably even sketch something up on her ipad to recreate that simple visual. Her hand itching to go home and start working on it but instead she wanted to hear more, listen more to what AJ had to say about himself. "You really gave me a visual of why that color is your favorite, here i thought it would be something so simple such as it was your favorite t-shirt."

AJ shook his head and laughed at Lydia's comment. It was good that he was able to open up to her like this. To let her know what felt like home to him...he probably wouldn't go as far to saying she felt like home yet, between the long talks, the great sex, and the food, but, eventually he would. "I mean, my fave t-shirt's my one Kagome t-shirt, but, nah...the navy blue came from the twilight sky."

lydia b.

"Oh yeah...your nerdy shirt, I seen that when I stayed over one night and stole one of your shirts to sleep in," Lydia smirked, although he wasn't a full on weeb as Eric, he still was one. "One would think that you could write a whole ass poetry book--actually I bet you would get even more popular if you did that," she rolled her eyes, "wait don't do that, I already have to deal with women oogling over your ass."

"Hey now, gotta put some respect on Inyuasha, that's a classic. You looked hot in my Kagome shirt though, not gonna lie," AJ teased, wiggling his eyebrows. "I mean I have a whole ass journal of poems, but I'd never publish them cause I'm shy as fuck," He teased. "But like, also I like my film work better than my poetry--and Lyds. I have a nice ass, but you have this ass, so it's fine."

lydia b.

”You know I own your ass by now,” Lydia smirked at Aj with a knowing look, “if you ever want to sweep me off my feet, read one of your poems to me, or better yet, make a film dedicated to me—make it into a porno.” Lydia blurted out almost excitedly.

"Who's the simp now?" AJ teased with a chuckle as he took a bite from one of the pickle chips. "Hm...maybe I could do that," He tapped his chin in pseudo thought before he began laughing. "Let me guess, is this porno gonna start us two? Cause I can arrange that, only thing is, it's only gonna be limited showing aka, just you and me."February 11, 2021

lydia b.

Lydia laughed at the fact AJ played along with her suggestion, knowing that they would be able to make a porno but Lydia figured that was just a disaster waiting to be let out and she wasn’t ready for that to be leaked one day and become the next Kim K. “Hmm tempting but I think I’m okay with physically being there in the moment if you catch my drift.”

AJ laughed and nodded at Lydia’s suggestion, “Yeah, I think that’s a great idea. Last thing we need is a reality show going on in the aftermath,” he teased. “However, I will take you up on that poetry reading. I’ve got a few journals in my room actually. I could read you a few after dinner if you like?”

lydia b.

“oh you’re serious, I mean I would love that just don’t feel obligated to reading it right away, I know how uncomfortable it would be to share.” Lydia shakes her head, flashing a smile at AJ to let them know she was fine and if he was comfortable one day she wouldn’t mind.

"Yeah, I'm deadass," AJ chuckled. He took Lydia's hand and pressed a light kiss to the top of it and smiled at her. "I'll share a few tonight, but the first one about you, I'll share on Valentine's Day, and before you get me with that 'it's cheesy shit'...I want to show you a little romance. As long as you let me, of course."

lydia b.

"A little romance? Is this how Anthony Jasper Siciliani woos women?" Lydia jokingly asked, of course, she knew that only she received this part of AJ and no one else. It really made her feel special. "But that's right...the day of love is coming soon...suppose I would have to get creative to try and live up to your expectations."

”Nah, just Lydia Belmonte,” AJ smirked and then perked up. “Wait, I don’t know your middle name and you know mine...sooo, my final question is that,” He chuckled. He was glad they had their date, after all. He got to show her the side of him that, he hadn’t shown to anyone in a very, very long time. “It is, you already know I gotta bust out the sonnets,” He teased. “Honestly, just do what you feel comfortable doing. I’m gonna enjoy it either way.”

lydia b.

"Rhea is my middle name, my mom thought she was being cleaver," Lydia shrugged her shoulders, "Oh c'mon...if I did that it would be half ass because as you know I am not the most romantic person."

”Rhea, that’s a cool middle name actually! Titan goddess, mother of the badass gods. Look at you!” AJ grinned. “So? At least I know that you meant it and it’s not something that you had to do, you know? It’s not genuine if you’re doing it out of necessity.”

lydia b.

"I forget that you're a huge nerd in the Greek mythology," Lydia laughed, getting up from her seat and walked towards AJ, sitting him back and taking a seat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "See...that's where you read way too much into things, I am dating you and I like you, to think that you can handle my crazy ass...miracle."

”Listen...I ball hard for Percy Jackson to this day. Greek mythology is my shit,” AJ chuckled. He sighed, wrapping his arms around Lydia’s waist and gave her the usual puppy eyed look at her. “Hmmm, I guess you’re right,” He said as he took one of her hands and pressed a light kiss to it. “I grew up around crazies. I can take you on, any day.”

lydia b.

"I'm sure your family wouldn't love to hear that, Lola seems nice though...not crazy unless it's all an act," Lydia laughed, "but...I'll cook dinner one of these nights...I promise I will not give you food poison."

”They own it, I promise you that. Lola only gets crazy around alpha males. She has a vendetta ‘em, but she thinks you’re cool, so you’ve got a point there and if...you think you wanna take on my Ma, who, is dying to meet you one day, by the way,” AJ chuckled. “I’ll hold you to it,” He said as he brought his hand up to caress her cheek.

lydia b.

Lydia knew that sooner or later they would be meeting the parents, although hers lived farther away from them, she hasn't even mentioned it to her own parents that she was in a serious relationship, her brother perhaps yes, but her dad? Not a word. She figured it would be good to at least meet the one woman AJ looked up too, "I would love to meet her...hopefully your older sister hasn't won her over about me."

AJ knew the talk about meeting the parents was probably going to be an awkward one. He knew things weren’t exactly easy with Lydia’s parents so he wasn’t going to hold his breath on that until she was ready. But his ma? Elena Siciliani, she’d been pestering about the situation, especially with Ivy and Lola ratting him out. “Yeah, for sure! And nahh, my mom’s pretty good at the Switzerland thing. She’s taken everyone’s opinions into account but, she wants to meet you and see what she thinks for herself. Super unbiased. That’s why Ivy, Lola, and I can’t argue in front of her.”

lydia b.

Lydia felt a little relieved at that news, considering the fact Ivy seemed to hold something against her, which she understands considering Vanessa was Ivy's friend from what she noticed. "Then...we should plan a day when I can meet your mom? I would like that and also get to meet the woman who you love a lot."

AJ's smile grew even wider at Lydia's offer and then he nodded. "Yeah! That'd be dope! Uh, she's coming in like a few weeks for March Madness at UCLA. She's big on sports, but I know she'd really love to meet you," He beamed excitedly. "And uh, for Ivy...I know you're gonna hate that I'm gonna say it, but you might wanna consider talking to Vanessa first. Ivy's...protective, but once you get to know her, she's not all that bad. But, if she says she's the best cook, that's a damn lie."

lydia b.

Lydia sighed softly, scratching the side of her temple and shrugged, “I can but probably not right now, things are a little...tense due to Parker.” Maybe it was an excuse or she just wasn’t great at apologizes besides towards Lexa or AJ. “But I promise I’ll try and reach out...just give me some time.”

AJ gave her a knowing look. "Parker's not around, Lydia. I think with him out of the picture right now, you two can level with each other, but, that's just me," He shrugged. "Don't worry, take your time, but, trust the timing as well, okay?" He went to lightly ruffle her hair. "I just want you to feel comfortable with my family, above all else, and get your friend back, besides Lexa," He chuckled.

[365days365movies]

February 27, 2021: Love Actually (Part 2)

In case you hadn’t noticed by now...this movie is a lot.

I won’t dwell, and I’ll get back into All Around, but just trust me...this is a bit too much. All I know is that they packed way too much in this film, which is also somehow too long? It’s a lot, yeah? OK, first part of the Recap is right here, let’s get into the second half before I lose my nerve.

Recap (2/2)

So, good news is, Rodrigo and Sarah start dancing at the party, then start to hook up at her place! But the sad news (not bad, just sad) is that it’s interrupted by calls from her brother, Michael (Michael Fitzgerald), a very mentally ill man who lives in an asylum. Their love affair is cut short, and Sarah visits him the next day, where he lashes out at her and claims the nurses are trying to kill him, before being subdued. YIKES. Fuckin’s whiplash.

A little more sadness, as Karen’s convinced that Harry’s fallen out of love with her, having seen how he interacted with the attractive Mia at the party. That’s going to cause some friction, I’m sure. This is folllowed by Mia’s flirtations the following afternoon, which are once again accepted by Harry with no words to the contrary. He also calls her as he’s out, and he appears to be giving into the flirtation, rather than denying them. And as he’s meeting Karen for shopping! Dammit, Harry.

At the store, he buys a necklace for Mia from jewelry salesman Rufus (Rowan Atkinson!). Rufus asks is Harry wants the necklace gift-wrapped, and he agrees. And Rufus...Rufus is the best gift-wrapper of all time. Seriously, the man is a fucking ARTIST. His attention to detail is astonishing, and I love him. Harry doesn’t, as it’s taking way to long. YOU CANNOT RUSH PERFECTION, HARRY! But, yeah, it’s taking too long, and Karen shows up. Harry abandons the necklace, and poor devoted Rufus.

One week until Christmas, as holiday shenanigans take place with everybody! Jamie’s learning Portuguese for Aurélia. Colin (yeah, remember him?) is headed to America, while his roommate Tony is back to work at the film set, where Judy and Jack are being stand-ins for a myriad of sex positions, and Jack asks Judy on a date, which she accepts! A very cute couple, all things considered. They go out on a date on Christmas Eve, and the two kiss on the doorstep. They are legitimately adorable.

Colin arrives at a bar in the United States, and as soon as he orders a beer, his accent IMMEDIATELY draws the attention of Stacey, Jeannie, and Carol-Anne (Ivana Miličević, January Jones, and Elisha Cuthbert). And...IT FUCKING WORKED? These girls are all immediately into him, and invite him to stay with them at their place. However, they only have a small bed, and no couch. Not to mention the fourth girl, Harriet. But he bites the bullet, and accepts the invitation. And once he gets there, the sex proceeds in shadow. I cannot believe it worked, and it’s kind of hilarious.

Meanwhile, the jig is up for Harry. He did indeed get the necklace, and Karen finds it in his pocket before Christmas, assuming that it’s for her. However, when Christmas comes, Harry gives her a Joni Mitchell CD instead, and she realizes that the necklace was for Mia. Which is...shattering. Karen’s extremely hurt by this, fucking understandably.

Christmas Eve! Billy Mack’s song, despite the odds being completely against him, has reached the number one spot on the charts. He appears to be quite happy at a party celebrating him, although his manager appear slightly less so. Wonder why. Jamie, meanwhile, heads to the airport, quite on impulse. Wonder why.

Karl bids Sarah a good night and a Merry Christmas, and she cries when she realizes that their chance of getting together again is shot. Damn. She goes to visit her brother, and I gotta say - she’s a very loving sister. And then...well, it’s the scene. The most famous scene in the movie. You know the one.

And here’s the thing about this scene: is it superficially romantic? Yeah, sure, I guess. And it’s true that Mark doesn’t actually expect anything to come from this, but...this is still an AMAZINGLY shitty thing to do to someone in a committed relationship that involves your friend. Because it could potentially sabotage their relationship. I mean, maybe she’d be tempted to kiss you in a brief moment of infidelity that initially seems romantic, but is kinda fucked up when you really think about it.

Yeah, yeah, LITERALLY JUST LIKE THAT

OK, after that terrible idea, Bill shows up by surprise at his manager Joe’s place, and notes that he could be going to a big party at this point, but Christmas is a time to spend with his family and loved ones, and that the closest thing to that is, in fact, his manager, who is in fact the love of his life. Not sure if that’s necessarily romantic, but that is still sweet. Anyway, they get drunk and watch porn together. Yup.

David, meanwhile, gets a bevy of Christmas cards, one of which comes from Natalie. She apologizes for the kiss situation, and refers to herself as “Your Natalie”. Time to get in the fuckin’ car, David. He drives down to her neighborhood, and goes from door-to-door until he finds Natalie’s place. Her and her entire family are headed to a school concert, and David offers to give her and her little brother a lift there.

On the way there, the two begin to admit their feelings for one another, and Natlie notes that the President forced herself on her, but nothing else happened. While he’s reluctant about the whole affair, she brings him into the concert backstage. As he enters, he runs into his sister Katie, who’s glad to see him, and is clearly holding back tears because of the Harry situation. Judy and Jack are also there, as well as Daniel and Sam (who’s in the concert).

The kids’ concert takes place, and its headed by a solo from Sam’s crush, Joanna (Olivia Olson), who...WAIT, OLIVIA OLSON? As in...

...Huh. Of all the members of this ensemble cast, she’s the one I least expected! But OK! As expected, she’s an excellent singer, and headlines a rendition of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas”. Which seems mildly inappropriate for a kid’s concert, but whatever, sure. She points at various people when saying “is you” in the song, but never at Sam, who’s on the drums. Oof. Sorry, buddy.

The song ends, and the curtain drops, and...

Well, uh...shit. I ean, I’m happy for them both, but David’s officially FUCKED at this point. However, the crowd seems to receive it very well, and that’s lucky. The night ends, and everyone disbands for the night. Harry and Karen are amongst them, and Karen confronts him. She asks what would he do if he were in her position, revealing her knowledge about the necklace. And it’s...affecting, goddamn. He’s made a fool of himself and of her, and she’s struggling.

Daniel congratulates Sam about his performance, but notes that it didn’t work Still, Daniel encourages him to tell Joanna his feelings for her, and he goes to get his things first. Daniel bumps into Carol (Claudia Schiffer), and there’s a connection. Daniel and Sam go to speak with Joanna, but they’re on their way to the airport. They run to meet her there, like in a terrible romance movie. Wait - 

At the airport, Daniel and Sam are too late, but decide to make a run for it while Rufus (KING OF GIFT WRAPPERS) is holding up the attendant while looking for his boarding pass. Sam bolts, unnoticed, and Rufus walks away, giving Daniel a knowing look as he passes by, LIKE A KING. Sam bolts through the metal detectors, as the post-9/11 airport attendants RIGHTFULLY FREAK OUT ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION. However, they’re once again distracted by Billy Mack on TV and he catches up to Joanna before being taken away by the fuzz. However, she gives him a kiss on the cheek, and Sam and Daniel hug. Supportive father-son relationship is sweet. 

Jamie goes to find Aurélia in Portugal, and the entire village ends up following him until getting to the restaurant were he works, and proposes to her in INSANELY broken Portuguese, which is hilarious. And she accepts...IN ENGLISH! Which is saccharine as fuck...but also sweet.

We cut to a month later, and everybody’s at the airport for the Epilogue. And we’re gonna do this...well, bit by bit.

Billy Mack and Joe: Career’s going well, and a comeback is imminent. Not in a romantic relationship, but still extremely close friends...I think.

Juliet, Peter, and Mark: Juliet and Peter are still together; Mark is still single, seemingly. They meet up with...

Jamie and Aurélia: Coming to England for the first time together, and still in love.

Daniel and Sam: Went to see Joanna at the airport, and Daniel is now dating Carol, which is nice!

Harry and Karen: Oof, icy. They definitely don’t appear to be on good terms, and we never learn why Harry’s been away, but yeah. Not looking good for their relationship, understandably.

Jack and Judy: Married! FUCK YEAH! Adorable. They run into...

Colin and Tony: Colin’s back, and he’s brought back Harriet (Shannon Elizabeth) and her sister Carla (Denise Richards), who IMMEDIATELY takes a liking to Tony and they make out at the gate. Can’t believe that Colin was right, goddamn.

David and Natalie: David’s back from a visit somewhere overseas, and he and Natalie happily reunite right in front of the press, and it’s sweet.

And we’re full-circle, as countless people at the airport reunite in loving embraces. And, I gotta say...it is sweet, but you ever been to a crowded airport around Christmastime? Dude, I’ve been to JFK around that time period, and lemme tell you, it’s less happy reunions, and more pissed-off TSA, lost luggage, stressed out EVERYBODY, and Cinnabon. That last one’s not a complaint...I just really want Cinnabon.

Mmmmmmmm...OH RIGHT, THAT’S All Around (AKA Love Actually). This has been...a lot. BUT, I’ll get into the whole thing in the Review! See you there!