#fuckin hate school system

[xanaxmoff]

The question is

Study for two more days

Or

Eat hand full of ritalin

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

[ghostzzy]

idk since i made that post earlier i've just been thinking about all the ways adults were weird and shitty to me because i was gender-nonconforming as a kid. because i MIGHT grow up to be a lesbian or, worse, transgender. and how much it sucked to figure out my identity under those conditions -- where every adult i'd ever met had already figured out What I Was and hated me for it, and i had no idea. idk it's just sad. i'm sorry baby izzy went through that.

[winterrose42]

Whatever happens i hope the entirety of the medical system and every other established bullshit broken system run by people whi think theyre entitled to other peoples worth burn to the ground as painfully as possibly and the people effected get to mount their heads on sticks before being given contracts to be involved in the rebuilding process so its actually fucking fair and works

Rapidly losibg vacation time i cannot just simply go to work after just fuck all bullshit

[goldieclaws]

Talking shit about Harry Potter with my bf bc we were talking about magic systems and I still can't believe the amount of pure idiocy Joking Terf writes and people just ate up. Sure kids are stupid

(disclaimer: I used to put forks into toasters and was too dense to clean my curly straw when I used it with milk(!!) the night before I can make that joke as an idiot born and raised)

but trying to listen/watch the stories as an adult is, unironically, the best way for me to feel good about my writing and my own magic systems which I am VERY particular about.

[leonsmain]

ya boy sick

[dustyspines]

Hi! I'm reading your fic at the moment (loving it btw!) but I am really confused about what a grammar school is. I've tried searching but I don't think I'm getting the right answers. Is it like a private school? paid for?

hi!!! first of all thank you! <3 secondly, it's not like private school no. grammar schools are a type of state school (read: free to attend, funded by the government) that run admissions tests/entrance exams to select their students. so it's free, but you have to pass the test to get in.

they are selective unlike other state schools (like a comprehensive school, which is a school that you can go to without sitting a test), and the cohorts tend to be smaller. so (in the context of the fic): james went to the local comprehensive, where there would've been over 150 students in his year. albus goes to the grammar school, where there are only about 90 students in his year.

stereotypically the 'quality of education' is perceived to be higher in a grammar, but that part of it is very political and grammars have their own host of problems to deal with outside of examination results

[harringrieve]

Every day. Every day I add another British saying to my British author 🚩 list.

What tf is “pish posh” and why is it in an 1980s American characters mouth.

[sleyu]

thinking of perv!bf james who begs you to let him take dirty polaroids of you for when you’re apart. cause how else is he meant to get off without an image of his cum on your pretty tits or you choking on his cock? definitely keeps them in his wallet for easy access too

perfect timing, i just came back from work and all i could think about as i was making people’s drinks was perv ! james…

i am positively going insane at the thought of this. i referenced james asking for photos of you in my james bf headcanons, but i totally forgot to mention all the nudes he would beg for during summer vacation.（；＿；）♡

dating you has gotten him sex addicted and he can only spend so long merely imagining your face and body :( he has such a tough time cumming without you and he hates not having you there or being forced to resort to masturbating because it only further reminds him of his loneliness.

but, the photo-system you guys developed assures him that he’s the only one that gets to have personalized photos of you in his hands that are attached along with every love letter you send him. it also eases his loneliness and makes spending time apart easier for the both of you.

right before school ends, you suggest taking photos of the two of you for when the summer holiday begins and you both are separated by the barrier that is vacations and dependent families.

james practically loses his mind at the thought of this and he makes it his mission to take photos of you from his favourite angles and sights: taking you from behind (he begs you to turn your face to look at him so that it appears in the photo), your cum-covered face and tits, your legs spread with cum dripping out of your abused cunt, you choking on his cock, and your naked, spent body sprawled across his bed, fucked out after a particularly rough session.

some photos are downright filthy (every photo with the cum) which are the ones that he jerks off to the most, whereas others are taken with an artistic eye, aesthetically pleasing enough for him to put in his wallet or on the corner of his bedroom mirror.

the photo of you in his wallet would be something pretty and taken with purpose. it would either be your cum covered, smiling face (so that anyone who takes a glance at his wallet would assume it’s simply an innocent photo of his girlfriend), or, as we know, james loves the risk, a photo of your bruised and bitten tits, littered with hickeys and love bites.

god, when james finally reaches home from hogwarts, he immediately locks himself in his room to pull out the envelope of polaroids he’s taken over the year, eagerly searching through the photos he had taken of you. james is such a little pervert that his cock was already beginning to throb at the mere thought of jerking off to those photos of you.

even though you knew that he had these photos intended for his own personal, depraved purposes, something about pulling out his cock out from his slacks and slowly stroking himself to your pretty, candid, unknowing face—occasionally slapping his cock gently on the laminated paper—was so filthy and lewd to him.

of course, the picture deal has to be mutual and he’s more than happy to send you nude photos of him. one of the photos would be his hard, leaking cock tributing to the cum-covered photo of you smiling. looking at the photo and realizing how creepy and perverted it comes across only made the ache in his cock worse. he’d graze his length against his pillow, groaning to himself, making a silent prayer that all of this is enough to relieve the constant need in him and his craving for your cunt.

‘’m so fuckin’ sick,’ he’d sigh, grinning wolfishly.

i also have a sick feeling that not only james, but the rest of the marauders favourite photos to jerk themselves off to are the innocent ones in which you’re smiling happily into the camera, showing off your pretty sundress. of course, nothing beats the lewd photos of you, but they find themselves cumming harder at the unsuspecting photos, imagining your cute, smiling face in front of them, eagerly waiting to be covered and marked by their cum. something about tainting and subsequently corrupting the innocence and purity that the casual photos reveal drives them mad.

‘gonna fuckin’ ruin you the next time i see you—fuck,’

[mooblybloom]

Just got in school suspension. Am I rebellious yet?

[melancholiaincarnate]

uncle meanie

「 in which ᵎᵎ 」 yuji itadori's mean (and quite attractive) uncle comes to pick him up from school

「 words ᵎᵎ 」 828

「 author's note ᵎᵎ 」 hii :3 check out my master list, my requests r open, thank u to @zooone for beta reading :) part two maybe ..? lmk lmk

「 warnings ᵎᵎ 」 sukuna being flirty, sukuna being a meanie etc etc, sukuna.

"maki, please stop hitting mai - i'm going to have to tell your parents-" you sigh and walk over to the twins, where a screaming match over the kinetic sand has turned physical.

"miss, miss!" a little girl pulls on your pant leg, "miss, i need to potty." she frowns, her big eyes looking up at you, "right now."

"thank you for asking. you may go to the restroom, kugisaki." you pat the girl on the head and she runs off towards the door to the hallway.

you turn back around, ready to deal with the twins again to find that they've separated on their own and are glaring at each other from across the room.

"YUJI, YOUR MEANIE UNCLE IS HERE." kugisaki screams from the hallway. you were going to have a migraine. "I SEE HIM! HE LOOKS MEAN! AND ANGRY! LIKE ALWAYS!"

being a daycare teacher wasn't easy - especially when your children were menaces to society like kugisaki and the twins. but you loved your job - and especially loved all the hot dilfs you got to see on a daily basis.

at the door stood yuji's uncle. he was quite a stark difference from yuji's father - this man was tattooed across his face and arms, was incredibly buff, and had piercings. he was really attractive, if you had to be honest.

"kuna!" yuji drops the blocks he was playing with, (leaving a frowning megumi behind), and runs towards the older male. "hi kuna!"

"hello brat." sukuna pats his head awkwardly, his lips pressed into a tight line. "okay, that's enough. off."

yuji giggles and peels himself off of the man, and as you walk over, he bounces in excitement. "miss, miss! this is my uncle kuna!"

"i told you don't call me that, you insolent-" he huffs and then looks you up and down. "you look a little young to be running this place." sukuna had to admit though - you were incredibly pretty. he straightened his posture and ran a hand through his hair, wanting to look a little more presentable to you.

"it's a daycare, mr. itadori. i don't need to be at retirement age to work here." you roll your eyes and bend down to yuji's level. "go get your stuff, kiddo, and say bye to everyone, while your uncle signs you out." yuji nods excitedly, and runs off, heading straight to say goodbye to megumi.

"it's not itadori. it's sukuna." he surveys the room, "ryomen sukuna."

"ryomen." you nod. sukuna's always hated being called ryomen, but from your mouth, it sounded like a melody. "it's nice to meet you. let me check if you're on yuji's allowed pickup list." you head towards the desk, which was not too far, and flip through papers.

"allowed pickups?" he scoffs, irritation taking over his features, "i'm the pest's uncle - of course i'm allowed to pick him up." sukuna's nose seems to flare up at the idea that he is not a listed caretaker for yuji.

"nope you're here." you point to his name on the list, "good thing, too. we have the system in place so people don't pick up kids who aren't theirs - or for parents who want their kids staying away from people." you explain while uncapping a pen and sliding the sheet toward him, "just sign here to confirm you picked up yuji itadori today."

he signs his name with extra flare, placing the pen down roughly onto the table. "yuji, honey, your uncle is waiting." you call.

"i need to finish saying bye to everyone!" yuji pouted from across the room. he had a habit of saying bye and giving everyone a hug before he left every day.

"fuckin' brat-" the man huffed under his breath, "so, you single?" sukuna wasted no time or effort and you stifled a laugh.

"you just met me." you raise a brow, "and i teach your nephew." you weren't used to such forward behavior from men, especially ones this handsome.

"my nephew. not my son. nothing wrong with it." a tongue comes to dart between his lips, "c'mon, doll, one date. you're too pretty to be workin'. i could take care of you." he hums, smirking as he looks you up and down. "what'dya say?"

yuji comes bounding up to the two of you, taking sukuna's large tattooed hand into his. "i say, have a good rest of your day, mr. sukuna. and you two, yuji." you give him a polite smile despite the fluttering in your heart.

"i'll be back tomorrow, woman." he huffs, "you'd better have a different answer." his eyes rake over your figure once more before he bends down to effortlessly pick up the child and plop him on his hip. "say goodbye to your teacher, brat."

"goodbye miss!" the child smiles brightly and waves with both hands, and sukuna gives you a nod before he turns around.

"same time tomorrow, i'll be here to pick up the kid." he calls, not looking behind him. "i'm expecting to see you here, doll - and i can't wait."

[zerothisnero]

Fuck our school me and my homie here hate our school

Zamn I adore small town schools

Mine deadass told me NOTHING ab me needing to make up classes or credits so today (literaly 4 FUCKING DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS) me and mumsy had the pleasant fucking surprise of "oh btw ur not ACTUALLY a senior soz :/"

Like okay buddy champ but i stg if i dont walk that stage this year im going to sue bc ik i had good enough grades last year (like,, B/C average) and if its ab my fucking attendence i gave them excuse notes but since my fathers mistress works in there most would either go "missing" or some bullshit,,, im just so tired- gonna yell at my guidance counselor on the first day or whenever i can get her bc i stg i refuse to be held back a fucking year just bc my fathers mistress gets off on my fucking misery and the hags that hate my mom want to see her kid fail

Ima go back to drawing thx for reading this yap fest im just so so so angry and upset rn lol

[s7-evermore]

IDEA: Idia with a Science-y, girly pop gf

Okay so I was rereading one of my favorite romcoms “Love on the Brain” by Ali Hazelwood (one of my faves) and there’s this one side character there named Kaylee, the assistant of the ML who’s such a pink, girly pop character and she eventually falls for the FL’s assistant, who’s an emo girl.

And a thought occurred to me… what if Idia had a pink, girly pop prefect who loved science? Specifically astrophysics and engineering?

On top of being kind, earnest, and generous, she’s also fun, interesting to talk to, good with people, literally has the cutest smile, wears cute fashionable clothes, does her nails and just owns a lot of pink pink pink! Literally the definition of an it-girl but she’s ALSO intelligent, outspoken, witty, good at games, an AWESOME older sister (Ortho just LOVES her), and is just great at keeping up with Idia!

Idia’s initial thought when he first sees her would probably be “holy shit. It’s one of those extroverted sunshine mf who is the complete opposite of me so that’s another person on my list to avoid”

But then one day when he asks Azul to help him add updates to Ortho, Azul brings along Grim and the prefect and it takes everything in him not to PANIC because the PINK SUNSHINE GIRL IS THERE AND HE HATES IT

WHY is that living incarnation of SUNSHINE in Ignihyde where she’s NOT supposed to be?!

But suddenly she starts fawning over Ortho’s systems and asks him questions and eventually figures out how Ortho’s program works and Idia is suddenly swept up in a long ass conversation about engineering, and then they move on to games, and then Idia says his typical self-deprecating but also condescending stuff about her being a normie and she just DOESN’T get offended and even quips back with witty remarks and Idia just gets SO amused by her—

—that he suddenly realizes holy shit…. She’s actually… pretty cool……like…..I would….tolerate this human being……and she’s also hot……so…….

THE THOUGHT OF IT IS JUST SO CUTE?!! LIKE BRODIES IMAGINE:

Sunshine girlie pop prefect with her nail-art covered nails, twin-braided hair with cute tiny flower clips, white sleeveless crop top with the frilly pink skirt, a fuckin watermelon-shaped purse, pink flower earrings, and a pink flower necklace with the first letter of her name in the middle of it, holding a pink drink while she’s strongly going on about how standardized tests are institutional gatekeepers that graduate programs over-rely on for student admission and how expensive and outdated they are and that schools should focus more on a holistic approach for graduate admissions and blah blah blah…

And Idia is just…

Staring. At her. And he’s breathing quickly, lips parted, his cheeks are flushed, his hair is PINK like the flowers on her braids, and he clutches his tablet like he’s holding on for dear LIFE.

Despite her looks, she’s also realistic. She’s not needlessly naive nor is does she innocently believe that everyone is a good person.

She’s just who she is.

And holy shit. Idia is falling. HARD.

[elli3luvs]

p.u.n.k girl!!

summary: the times you have while dating ellie

wc: 1.1k

a/n: based off the amazing song "p.u.n.k girl" by heavenly! i recommend it a lot!!

p is for the painful way she makes me feel some days.

fighting with ellie wasn't all that common. the two of you were exceptionally good at communicating, opting to talk through problems before going into a full-fledged fight. but there were just some days when ellie woke up with a short fuse. she tried to distance herself during those days, feeling awful for even doing that, but today you wouldn't let her have time to herself to decompress.

she had snapped at you after you continued to be clingy. ellie has asked you to give her just a tiny bit of space. you clambered off of her arm and she felt her body relax. this was all she wanted. when she felt the air suddenly shift, though, that's when she knew she completely fucked up. her eyes trailed over to yours, ready to apologize for her outburst, when she noticed the tears springing to your eyes.

 ellie hated when you cried. it made her feel like a complete and total bitch. when your bottom lip started wobbling she knew she had to get over her mood to comfort you no matter what.

you would push her but it wasn't enough to actually move her, "i thought you wanted to be alone!"

ellie's hand would smooth over your hair whispering apologies. you would try to fight it for a couple more minutes but finally, you would relax into her touch. tears would drip from your eyes onto her sweatshirt.

god, she hated when you cried. it made her heart clench in her chest.

"i'm sorry baby," she kissed the crown of your head, "shouldn't have snapped like that."

u is for utopia, the other times with her.

ellie held the spoon to your lips, which you opened with no hesitation. the smooth caramel flavor of the ice cream hit your tongue causing you to exclaim in approval. your eyes were wide as you looked at her. 

"fuckin' awesome, right?" she looks proud of her ice cream selection. her spoon dips into the bowl again to get a scoop for herself. 

the ice cream parlor was dead except for the two of you. it was the dead of winter with snow twirling around outside. the both of you were bundled up. it made no sense to be here at this time. 

the worker looked at you like you guys needed to be locked up in an asylum, but you didn't care.

ice cream was always welcome.

you take a bit of your brownie-flavored ice cream, "next time we come here i'm getting your flavor. that shit is awesome."

she smiles, "wanna come again tomorrow?"

you could almost hear the worker's eyes rolling.

n is for the new-wave dreams she had back in her teens.

ellie has all of her old school projects spread out on her bed, a cheesy smile gracing her lips as she looks at them. they were mostly to do with space. you wondered if that's all she kept. there was one book report but it was crinkled off to the side, it looked as if she had shoved it in the bottom of her closet. the rest were her pristine condition poster boards explaining the galaxies and solar systems.

"whaddya think?" she is nearly bouncing with excitment as her hand touches a random part of the poster board.

you fall over, nuzzling her neck to stifle a chuckle, "god, why are you so cute?"

she grabs your shoulders, pulling you back and shaking you, "cute?! cute..!!!" her voice growls as she strains it, "i'm so not cute..."

you laugh at the pout that replaces the smile, "you are actually pouting right now. you are so cute."

ellie crosses her arms, "you are cuter. like by 100 times- no, like, 300 times!"

you roll your eyes, focusing back on the poster boards, "why did you do so many on space? i knew you liked it but they are the only ones you kept." you notice her pushing the book report off of the bed.

nerd.

ellie leans against the wall, her arms falling in her lap, "i wanted to work at NASA. well, i knew i wasn't smart enough for NASA or close enough to them but i wanted to do something similar. so, i focused on science fairs and stuff like that. i hoped i would get noticed by an organization."

your chest swells. you would do anything to go back in time so you could see teenage ellie putting her entire effort into the science fairs. you could imagine her winning, a goofy smile going over her freckled face. you wondered if she jumped up and down before she retrieved an award or if she tried to be calm. you bet she poured her entire attention over these projects, neglecting everything else. that was the ellie style.

joel had to have been so excited when she would come home with new awards. he was always so proud of her.

"my little space girl." ellie beams at that nickname. 

k is for the kid in her.

ellie weaves in and out of the crowd that's separating her from her favorite thing. she has a red backpack bouncing on her back and she can faintly hear you yelling, 'god, els! wait up!' but there was only one objective on her mind.

beat the little snotty kids in front of her so she could be in the first row to see the dinosaur animatronics. it was a new attraction that had come to your city and when you surprised her with tickets she almost passed out. ellie didn't let go of you for hours after. she would say 'thank you, baby' every couple minutes as she planted little kisses on your neck.

she had been anticipating this for weeks, and no crotch goblin was gonna take her spot. there were only a couple more kids she had to pass to be the first person. she slowed her full bolt to a speed walk now as she noticed the mothers giving her a nasty look.

she felt your hand on her bare shoulder, "jesus! you are fucking fast."

ellie still has her eyes on the front of the line but she does slow down a little bit more so your legs could keep up, "i gotta get up front."

your chuckle makes her smile. she loves that sound, "els, you are like a foot taller than most of these kids. you will be able to see."

you were right. she knew you were right.

but her legs kept their pace.

she had to see the dinosaurs up close.

[stoneyweezin]

when i think of a stereotypical stoner i think of pauly shore in encino man. like saying “don’t tax my gig so hardcore cruster” is my favorite thing in the world so… i present to you stoner!reader being adopted into the party (before argyle of course) and more than likely pissing off all the adults.

-

𝘋𝘖𝘕𝘛 𝘉𝘌 𝘚𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘈 𝘚𝘘𝘜𝘈𝘙𝘌

not proofread

mentions of drug usage. reader is of age.

⋆⁺₊⋆☽⋆ ⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆☽⋆ ⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆☽⋆ ⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆

first person to catch on to your antics was eddie.

he saw how you were the most functioning high person he’s ever seen.

specifically because his bud would have him pretty chilled out.

it was a dead giveaway after you all had basically fought in an alternate dimension and all you could say was

“these vibes are so grody.”

your tongue sticking out as you fake gagged

on the top side, they had entered the upside down through your closet, surprisingly. billy and steve standing watch, while simultaneously hating each other.

the room smelled like your favorite scent and weed.

steve knowing the smell all to well while it took billy a minute to catch on.

not really liking you or the party but mainly was in it to protect max and also himself from getting possessed again

he mainly didn’t like you because while he was in recovery you told him he looked like “sunshine in a bar”

whatever the hell that meant

but he took it wrong and from that point resented you and your stupid curly hair

speaking of your curly hair… you’d hide joints in it

eddie was jealous he hadn’t thought of it first

mainly picking into your fro hoping you had a spare, which resulted in you two slapping at each others hands like cats in an alleyway

joyce had pulled her humorous moments from you

enjoying how you panicked not so much compared to the rest of the group when things were getting hectic

hopper was sick and tired of you being an absolute ditz at times

you’d look at him with so much confusion when he’d speak, he felt his inner cop wanting out

“ hey hopper, my pal, i get you’re a narc but this is life or death here… i prefer going out with a lil kick in my system yeah?”

he couldn’t stand you and your teenage madness

el had her times where you made her laugh even though she was fighting for her life and others

“hear me out primo, you got some abilities nobody else has. now does that make us useful? not at all but we’ve got heart. we fight, you fight, it’s fair game.”

for some reason pep talks from a person buzzed out their mind was a lot more genuine

it was even once with billy, the brawn, didn’t want anyone to see him panicking about going into the creel house

feeling slight guilt about max being the target after all her trauma…

hence him almost dying

“you freaking out aren’t you?”

“fuck off.”

“hey don’t be so sharp! if it were up to me i’d have you smoked like a chimney but i get you’re struggling buddy.”

your hand would lazily lay on his shoulder as you two sat in front of the creel house

he’d lean into your hand unconsciously but ignoring the look on your face

when the earthquake happened, your house basically fell apart

steve offered you to stay in his house

his parents taking you in with crooked grins because of the fact you were clearly a stoner

it was nights after the earthquake where you’d lay on his floor and talk about everything

“i mean… el is pretty rad. she closed an entire gate to a world just because the chick was pissed creatures were fuckin with her friends.”

steve would nod as he watched you blabber

“if you had powers what would you have?”

your elbows would be at the edge of his bed, eyes gazing into his before his lips would go into a thoughtful flat line

“uh… i don’t know what’s that one power rogue has”

“that chick with the white piece in her hair? so a copycat”

“no not a copycat”

“soooo a copycat.”

you’d fall on the floor giggling at steve trying to save his reasoning

after everything you’d all often help out at the school, sometimes going out and looking for any survivors

obviously you and eddie would catch yourselves sparking up

billy wanting in but once in a blue moon, as well as steve.

[gubbles-owo]

okay fuckit, gather 'round: it's gubbles' storytime. girl's band cry hyperfixation be damned, it's bringing up so many Things in my heart. i say i've never performed live onstage, but that's not entirely true. while a far shot from actually taking part in a band and playing a show, allow me to tell you the tale of the closest I ever got to that: a random session at jamspace, pax east, 2016.

.......... senior year of college, i was brought onboard with another group of students who had not only completed a game demo for a class project, but wanted to take it further. a lil VR game, simple in concept and clean in execution, i was invited to do music and audio for it. (i was, of course, the sole game audio/music-focused student on campus, as my school's gamedev program didn't really have a dedicated audio designer track). ultimately it fizzled out and not much came of it, but for a good chunk of time it was everything. our future ambitions, something to carry us forth from graduation on into the industry, to cement our own little foothold in the vast world of game development. we took the train to boston so many times, showed off our game at SO MANY local events, hell i had never known how to navigate a complex subway system, and here we were sifting through every few weeks or so. it was a wild fucking time, and honestly? i wish i could experience it again. something about the weaving of fantastical future prospects with the tangible, corporeal experience of it all. once foreign subway systems, sprawling in a subterranean web of concrete and metal, the sidewalks of city streets lit by the glow of the city, now strangely familiar in such a short span of time... *ahem* right, where was i... right, pax east. our school provided a limited number of booths for teams to show off their projects at pax east, and being one of the big promising projects stirring up on campus, we were granted a spot. (actually i had TWO spots because two separate projects/teams i took part in got accepted, so i had to pull double duty for a lot of it LMFAO). i've been to pax before, but as a fan and attendee, not as a developer. so this was an entirely new experience... ...and that experience was having the booth you sit at all day right next to the massive league of legends (ew) stage!! they blasted music constantly! half of it was just percussion loops from Heavyocity's Damage, and i know because I RECOGNIZED THOSE PERCUSSION SOUNDS and even USED SOME OF THEM IN THE PROJECT I WAS WORKING ON. see, the convention floor is loud. like. incredibly fucking loud. it's one thing if you're walking around as a fan, you've got other talks in siderooms to go to, and you can always step out and get some fresh air if you're feeling overwhelmed. but ya can't do that when you're on shift to demo your game to con attendees for the next several hours, can ya? :3c so yeah, long story short, i got sick. real fuckin sick. i had to YELL over the din of the convention the entire time, and after just one day, i had already lost my voice. and i mean COMPLETELY LOST MY VOICE. i could not speak, only painfully croak. i had to resort to crude hand gestures and typing shit on my phone to communicate. it was rooouughhh. and after bringing this up with my teammates, they agreed to cover my shifts, and let me rest. because the con was so fucking loud, and i was still stuck there sick all day, i informed my team that i would be headed to the jamspace room to pick up earplugs. and by "earplugs" i mean. haha well. lets justr say. a bass guitar. (srry for screenshot but tumblr hated this paragraph for some reason and kept blocking the post):

i was sick as fuck, and for sake of my health, should probably not have pushed myself. HOWEVER. i would NOT i repeat *NOT* let this sole opportunity to slip me by... i've always wanted to perform with other musicians, so fuck it, i am doing this. so the next twelve minutes i shuffled my sickly ass alll the way around to the room at the very end of the hall. i had taken note of the open-stage timeslots the day prior. i had one hour to do this shit. one hour to make the dream come true. i cannot describe the nervousness i felt going into that whole thing. i lied to my teammates. i couldn't speak. a dark room with a little clipboard to fill out a timeslot and instrument, and an empty, brightly lit stage on the other side of it. but i shuffled stage right, strapped on this bass, and asked for a pick (because im a fake bassist). and. holy shit.

i had no voice, but with that bass strapped to me? i could make the entire room *shake*. and words cannot describe how utterly fucking powerful that felt.

a few other randos took up the other instruments. i don't remember much about them, only that they intimidated the HELL out of me. i had done like concert band in high school, i've jammed on instruments in my room, but this? this is something entirely different. we played through a couple tracks... they kept suggesting "hey how about x song from y band?" but my stupid-ass doesn't have a degree in classic rock like everyone else apparently does, so i shrugged and said i didn't know how to play it. we finally settled on the one song suggested that i was, at least passingly, familiar with... metallica's enter sandman lmfaO the "passingly" there is very important, because while i know the general flow and structure, i wasn't sure about the specifics. when we got to the first pre-chorus, i notice something had shifted, and i was no longer playing the right notes. i must've either sounded terrible or look visibly confused, because the guitarist to my left turned toward me, angled his fretboard to be clearly in view, and taught me how to play the riff while performing it onstage. and i did it!! i picked it up, just like that!! it was just the earlier bit but transposed up a few steps or smth, but god, just. that little moment right there? that quick moment of guidance mid-performance? holy fuck that is magical. the other awesome moment was somewhere in the bridge, like. okay. i could barely hear myself, as the guitars and vocals and cymbals right behind me were all incredibly loud (they didn't have earplugs btw lol). but i wasn't sure i was like, contributing much to the song? and while i admittedly improvised this bit, for the build up into the final chorus, i stopped playing. i let the guitar and the drums have their space. and slowly, quietly, high up on the fretboard, built back up until WHAM, i come back in full force with the chorus. IT WAS SO COOL. LIKE. the mix sounded so weak and thin without me, and the contrast of making the entire fucking room violently vibrate with the flick of my wrist on the downbeat? holy FUCK. IT'S MAGICAL. MAGIC IS REAL Y'ALL AND IT IS ONSTAGE. anyway yeah, played that song, some members swapped out but no one else was signed up for bass, so i stuck on for a lil longer. another guitarist taught me how to play one of the splatoon themes, and while it was fun, the drummer kept us both going on that one riff for a looot longer than we wanted to lmfao fun fact! none of my team knew i did this!! they probably would've been PISSED had they found out!! actually they stole my con pass on the third morning, which made sense cause they had someone else fill in for me at the booth, but none of it was communicated to me and i was piiiiised. wound up navigating the subway and trains back home, all by myself, for the first time. but YEAH it was AMAZING. it wasn't an established band playing a local show, it was just a bunch of randos fucking around. and god. i... i really want to be part of a band someday. i want to feel this again.

even if just for one show, for one song, for one moment... i need to feel the weight of the room underneath my fingertips.