#fuck this is good

[anthrofreshtodeath]

[drowninginblox]

This will be pinned to my blog for now until the end of me as a person its too good.

incredibly niche and also cursed but it came to me in a vision | another one | another another one

[mintaii]

take responsibility

[captainjonnitkessler]

>Join a union

>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on

>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members

>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

[sharkrad08222222]

@opalescent-apples @redratt

Ghosts that should exist soon if not already

Notifications/typing noises in otherwise empty spaces

People waving you over from the side of the road and asking if you're their Lyft. Disappear the moment you look away

Abandoned warehouses that sometimes reverberate with an unheard bass

'Cold spots' where you can't get signal (that cannot be otherwise explained)

That dispensary with the blacked out windows? It used to be a Blockbuster until the manager got shot. If it's the right kind of night and you look real close and cup your hands to block out all the light? You can watch it happen, but they might see you

Newsletters from startups that no longer exist

Hype House haunted by the reason they had to make an apology video

Pictures of a stranger in your camera roll

At 2:30 every morning you can hear a ringing bell coming from the elementary school. Thing is, they switched to a digital tone in 2013. Also, it cannot be captured electronically

Welcome to Denny's what can I start you on? You already ordered? Wait.. Tall, pink hair? *sigh* Been dead for a mtonth and she's still stealing tips

[pussyslave]

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Literally the funniest post on this website

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

I don't like Sy, I don't like Sy, I don't like... Fuck.

Silly, how dare you. Making me like this man left and right, ovaries on the verge of spontaneous combustion and whatnot...

a;lkdjfasl;dkgjasl;dkgj;lsakdnfalcjbnetphpwo;efmddsmfb

FUCK.

Why do you do this to me?

Can I rent this one? I need him for like... An hour? Maybe two, tops? (Who are we kidding, I wouldn't last 2 hours with a guy like that...) OH WELL....

djalgskdjalsdkjflaskd gasdfasdlfkja

End of message.

I love your writing🖤 could you write something where syverson has to take care of his drunk s/o after she comes back from girls night 😂? please but no pressure

Thanks for the prompt Anon! Sorry it’s taken me so long!

When you say “take care” of… I’m not sure if this is what you meant but here you go.

Summary: You leave your Girls’ Night early because you have needs.

Pairing: Captain Syverson x Female Reader

Word Count: approx. 2k

Warnings: Complete smut, Dad!Sy, Husband!Sy (apparently these need a warning), dirty talk, praise kink, suggested Daddy kink, masturbation, p in v sex, drunk sex

Authors Note: Thanks to @amberangel112 for beta reading. Edited by me, there will be errors.

Masterlist

Girls’ Night Needs

Fumbling at the front door of your house, you finally turn the key to the screen door. Success! Ok, one down one more to go. You concentrate really hard, blinking several times as you try to fix your swimming vision. Ok you can do it.

The door swings open and there is your man, dressed only in his boxer briefs. Your eyes rake over him taking in every feature, wondering how you got so lucky to get a beast like Sy as your husband. From his short hair, coarse unkept beard, his broad shoulders, defined chest sprinkled with soft fur, you can’t stop staring. Your eyes follow the velvety trail leading to his shorts and those huge powerful thighs that fuck you into oblivion make you gulp.

You stand up straight, well, as straight as you can while your balance makes you weave, “Well hey, Daddy,” you slur.

You see Sy’s lips twitch as he steps back and lets you in. “You’re home early,” he notes. It’s only 11.30pm, he wasn’t expecting you for a few hours yet. “Didn’t you have a good time?” He closes the door behind you.

“I did!” you exclaim excitedly.

His face gets stern as he shushes you. “Quiet woman, you’ll wake the kids.”

You nod your understanding and wrap your arms around Sy’s waist. You press your hips into him, rolling them from side to side. Whispering in a way only intoxication can make you believe is quiet you say, “I did but I missed you.”

Sy was smirking openly now, and you felt movement in his shorts. “Is that a fact?”

You nod, trying to make your voice sound sexy, “Uh huh.”

Sy starts to walk you to your bedroom. “Did you miss me or miss my cock?”

You giggle and say, “Both?”

Sy hums, “Good answer.” He lifts you and you squeal giggling. Sy’s face is severe as he spanks your ass, “What’d I say about keeping quiet?” You press your lips together and zip them. Sy grins, “Good girl.”

You squeeze your legs tight around Sy’s waist. You were like putty in his hands. His strict commands followed by his praise, you bite your lip, he knows what that did to you. Oh god you wanted him. You were already wet in the taxi ride home but now you were soaked, your panties sticking to you as you felt his abdomen against your open legs.

When you reached the bedroom, Sy put you down gently but your head spun and you stumble. He steadies you and looks you in the eye. “What’d ya looking at?” you ask.

He laughed, “You’re drunk as a skunk.”

“Shhh! Don’t tell anyone.”

“Ok, our secret then.” He sits on the edge of the bed and passes you his water bottle from beside his bed.

“Water!” You grab it out of his hands and fumble with the top. Shaking his head, he takes it out of your hands and opens it and give it back. You drink greedily from it before handing it back.

You kick your heels off, and they fly into the closet, banging loudly. “Hey,” Sy says sharply, “So help me little girl, you wake the kids and I’ll spank you.”

You laugh, “Promise?” You pull your sweater off over your head and hear Sy’s growl as you reveal the lingerie you wore the night of your last anniversary. You unzip the side of your skirt and let it fall to the floor. With unsteady legs you climb onto his lap. You feel his hands on your thighs as you press yourself into him. You kiss his neck, deep and hard as you grind against him. Your hands slide down his arm, tracing the hard muscles under his skin.

“What’s gotten into you, Woman?” Sy asks huskily.

“What do mean?” you ask. You know what he means, you’re never aggressive like this, you rarely instigate sex. You don’t really have to, one suggestion you may be interested is enough for him to get the hint. But tonight is different, tonight you thought about him from the minute you left the house. You wanted him desperately, so much so that within a few hours you left your girlfriends at the club and came straight home. “I just need my husband to fuck me ‘til I can’t walk.”

Sy laughs, “I can see that.” You nip his earlobe, and he groans squeezing your ass his fingers digging deep into your soft flesh. “Fuck, you ain’t givin’ me much choice tonight are ya, Baby?”

“Nope,” you say. “I need you to take care of me, Captain.”

“You tell your Captain what you need Baby,” Sy says, and you know you have him.

“I need you inside me,” you whisper, boldly. You never talked like this either and Sy swears, which only encourages you to get dirtier. “I’m so wet for you, I need your big hard cock in my tight little pussy. I need you hurt me, fuck me like the cock hungry slut I am, I need you to cum inside me, fill me with your cum, Captain.”

“You gotta be quiet, ok Baby?” He says. “You think you can do that for me?”

You nod, “I promise, I’ll be good.”

“Good girl,” Sy praises. He gives you a kiss, just a quick peck and gives your ass a tap, indicating you should get off him. “Take these off and get under the covers, I’m gonna check on the kids real quick.”

Throwing on a pair of sweats, Sy leaves the room. You get undressed and wait, but you’re too excited and you find yourself with your hand between your legs. You really are wet, and in your warm tipsy state you can’t help yourself and start to tease, spreading your arousal over your soft folds, thinking about how good it will feel when he gets back. You moan and arch your back as your fingertips slide over your clit.

“What are you doing under there, Baby?” You didn’t hear him come back and you freeze. Sy raises an eyebrow as he locks the bedroom door.

If you weren’t drunk you would have been embarrassed but this time you didn’t care, “You took too long,” you say.

Pulling both his sweats and underwear off Sy climbs in beside you, slides one arm under your head and uses the other to put your leg over his body. You’re spread wide open in this position, just how he likes you. He flicks your hand away, growling in your ear he says, “That’s my job.” You moan as he slides his fingers over your slit. “Fuck Baby, you’re so wet. You really do need me dontcha?”

“Please,” you mumble as his fingers circle your clit. Sy’s free hand circles your body and pinches at your breasts while he starts teasing your nub.

Whispering in his gravelly drawl, he starts talking, “Baby, you make the sweetest noises for me, but you’ve got to be quiet. Shh, Baby, I know, I know. You’re so needy, I can feel your thighs tremblin’ already. You feel so good, Baby. I can’t wait to slide my cock into you, but you’ve gotta cum first Darlin’. Oh Baby, you’re making my dick so hard right now. Shh…”

He doesn’t stop, he keeps talking, crude, yet sweet. His soft lips and abrasive beard caress the shell of your ear while his fingers work your hard little pearl, and his leviathan cock presses into the side of your ass cheek. You were so close; you could feel your heart beat through your entire body and you started to shout.

“Shhh baby. You gotta be quiet or I’m going to have to stop. You wanna come dontcha, shh, shh,” You couldn’t help it and you started to shout as you felt the first signs your orgasm was going to hit, and you couldn’t stop crying out. You felt Sy’s hand across your mouth, your calls muffled by his huge palm. “Fuck it, Baby. Scream, let it all out. Goddamn, you look so hot right now.” And you do, shouting his name as your hips buck under his touch. “That’s it Baby. Fuck yes. Oh fuck, you look so goddamn good when you cum for me.”

Not giving you a moment to recover, he rolls you onto your stomach. His hand stayed on your mouth as he laid on top of you. You feel him pressing himself between your folds as he impales you from behind without warning. You cry out into his hand as he stretches you around his cock. He bites into your neck as he starts fucking you. Growling and grunting, he punishes your pussy. “Goddamn woman, you feel so good. You make me so fuckin’ hard. Can you feel it Baby? Does it feel good? Yeah it does, feel how good you take me.”

Sy doesn’t go easy on you, and you don’t want him to, this is exactly how you needed him, you needed him rough, brutal, punishing. You wanted him to fuck you like he did ten years ago, young, newlywed, no kids to worry about, no real responsibilities except to the other.

You feel Sy take your hand in his, lacing his thick fingers around yours as he continues to talk. His voice changes, his desperate mutterings are nearly tender. This was your favourite part, the words he says before he cums, “I fuckin’ love you baby. You’re so fuckin’ good, so fuckin’ sexy. Goddamn I love fuckin’ you. You’ve got the best goddamn pussy in the world. So wet and tight and shit baby you’re gonna make me cum.” He kisses your cheek, your forehead, your neck, his fingers squeezed yours and he growls as he thrusts into you. You feel his rhythm become sloppy then feel his cock swelling as he releases into you.

Sy slowly peels his fingers from your mouth, and he nuzzles into your neck, kissing you. “Shit Baby, you need to have girl’s night more often.”

You giggle, “I will if you’re gonna fuck me like that when I get home.”

He chuckles and rolls off you and you roll onto your back. Sy lays his head on your chest hugging you, assuming the familiar position you always end up in after sex. He likes to stay like this while you stroke his head for a few minutes before you either shower or you roll over and he spoons you to sleep. Running his hands over your breasts and belly Sy asks, “So what did you girls end up doing tonight?”

“We had dinner at that vegan Thai place Liz really likes and…”

You were interrupted by crying, your five year old was having night terrors. There wasn’t much you could do but you had to watch them because sometimes they started wandering around the house. You sigh and start getting up.

“No, Baby,” Sy gives you a quick kiss. “You stay here. I promised you a night off and you’re getting it.” He pulls his sweats on and turns the light off as he leaves the room. You hear him in the hallway speaking low and gentle, “Hey buddy bear. You alright? C’mon, let’s go back to your room.”

You roll onto your side as you smile thinking about how much you love your man. As you start to fall into that weird state between being awake and asleep, you feel Sy climb back into bed, positioning himself as big spoon. Just before you succumb to sleep, you hear him whisper, “Love you, Baby.”

Tag List 1

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[noperopesaredope]

I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.

Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.

[a-gay-poptart]

I have found the best ally

Straight and cis people will say that they are allies, but you will NEVER measure up to my dentist.

Me: "Hey, is it ok if I can change my name on my info from [DEADNAME] to Aspen?"

Random woman that I wasn't even talking to in the chair next to me: "Honey, if that's the name you had at birth, [DEADNAME] is your only name."

My dentist, very slowly turning her rolley chair towards the woman: "Shush."

Random woman: "Excuse me?"

Destist: *closes privacy curtain while staring bullets at the lady*

Me: *pissing myself laughing*

My dentist while changing my name in my info (reminder that English is not her first language, she immigrated from Russia): "There, Sai, you have pretty boy teeth. Smile and make all girls swoon."

Me not having the heart to tell her I'm not transmasc but I'm Agender, and still pissing myself laughing: "Thank you [DENTIST NAME]."

Edit: Ok, this has gotten alot of attention, but right now my other posts is what really needs attention. I have a few fundraisers for people trying to evacuate Palestine and Gaza, but also a diabetic who needs her insulin shot. Please please please, go to my page and at the very least repost those posts, have the day you deserve and free Palestine🇵🇸

[hamletthedane]

The movie Wicked is proof that any source material can be vastly improved by simply making the intense female friendship much gayer + the mutual male love interest both wildly bisexual and lowkey down to just be their third

[reaperlou2lou]

holy shit this is so pretty

You keep me searching for a heart of gold

[ralfmaximus]

With no national support or attention, Arkansas women (and a few good men) did what everyone said couldn’t be done. On July 5, organizers turned in enough signatures to qualify an amendment to restore access to abortion in Arkansas.  The amendment will restore access up to 18 weeks for any reason and thereafter has exceptions for rape, incest, fatal fetal anomaly, and life and health of the mother.  The amendment had no support from national groups like Planned Parenthood or the ACLU because it didn’t allow for abortions up to the point of viability.  However, polling showed that anything over 18 weeks simply wouldn’t pass in deep red Arkansas, and the amendment will cover 99% of abortions that do occur.

Abortion rights will be on the ballot in Arkansas, thanks to a 100% unfunded volunteer effort! Amazingly good news.