#fuck there’s a typo but I can’t change it because I can’t see it 😭

[spineless-lobster]

Tumblr is glitching to where I can’t see text and it’s a little scary buy it also feels like I’m writing in invisible ink :)

[sleepanonymous]

Okay so. I have so many people to respond to and I promise I will, just not tonight. I wanted to give a quick update about the ritual below the cut (because I know some people like going in not knowing the setlist.) Again, typing this all on my phone so my apologies for heavy typos and any incoherence.

As a preface I just got back to my hotel, showered quickly, absolutely fucking sobbed in the shower for like two minutes, and I’m now eating uncle ben’s ready rice straight out of the bag because I don't have a fork or spoon. If that doesn’t scream hot mess idk what would.

First things first: the security/staff at Arizona Financial Theatre are all amazing. Literal fucking angels. Two of them hung out with us in line all day, letting us go inside to use the bathroom and refill water bottles and the guys at the barricade were so friendly and chatty and also handed out water. Literally everyone was so helpful and friendly and nice and they deserve all the good things in life.

Second: Empire State Bastard really wasn’t clicking with me until I saw them live. They’re an absolute vibe live plus the drummer and bassist are both babes. The band were constantly thanking us for showing up early and listening to them (tbh the venue was only half full until about 10 minutes before Sleep Token went on). Literally seemed like such humble and chill dudes.

Third!!! I almost don’t even know what to say about Sleep Token. There’s sooo much I could literally rant for hours but I also need to sleep so I can drive to Albuquerque in the morning. I recorded 5ish songs I think? Mostly the TPWBYT songs but I did get the summoning too. No idea if the footage is any good but we’ll see tomorrow. I made it a point not to have my phone out after finding out the setlist because there was no way in hell I was missing TNDNBTG live while on barricade. Maybe I should preface this next bit with I one hundred thousand present realize this sounds delusional of me, but everyone on the barricade had their phones out and Vessel fucking focused on me because of it. He was singing one of my favorite sleep token songs directly to me! There’s literally nowhere else he could have been looking! he was on the edge of the stage looking straight down at me and we were pointing at each other and I’m fucking dying reliving it because I was singing so horribly and cringy back at him. Like I’m so sorry vessel but my life was changing in that moment. I became a new woman the second you pointed at me.

I kept my phone away for the first several songs tbh and he kept coming back to stand in front of me but never made such heavy eye/mask contact (until Euclid). I actually almost feel like I disappointed him when I did pull my phone out to start recording because he practically avoided me after that. its actually why I decided not to record Euclid, though I knew it was coming and it was the song’s debut. AND IT FUCKING WORKED!! He came back around and was singing to me again, same stance, same obvious eye contact except this time I was literally Ugly Crying™️ at him. Tears were streaming, I had one hand holding onto the barricade for dear life, and the other clamped tightly around my mouth ugly crying. Even my buddies and the security were concerned that’s how bad it was.

In all honesty I can’t pretend that it wasn’t “scripted” like the band hadn’t planned every move on stage beforehand. They first and foremost are performers and Vessel literally sings to every girl on the barricade right in front of him. But it also felt so special and I feel so bad for breaking down like I did 😅🤣😭😫🫠

Okay I need to stop ranting, I’ve been up for 20 hours and this is most likely incoherent anyway. I love all of you and I hope everyone who’s able to get barricade this tour gets to experience the same thing I did🖤🖤🖤

[tojisun]

Not me running on liquid courage again. 💀🥂

I mean we all know canon toji is an asshole ❤️, but domestic?!?! It just makes you wanna bash a keyboard 😗 like how can you not! It's so fucking frustrating! He IS beautiful indeed its frustrating!

🥺🥺🤧 ahh this response! I know I said thank you already but like 🥺 thank you. I'm happy you found a healthy outlet. It takes a lot to acknowledge when you're not feeling well AND to doing something positive about it, so virtual hug 🤧 bring it in 🫂!

I wish school systems would actually give a fuck and do a better job preparing students for uni (dont we all). Everyone has a different situation but uni will always be there. I mean they want your money loans, right?? Take all the time you need while you're in uni. This is just my experience, but I feel like this is really only one time where you'll have a chance to work on your adult life before it becomes an expectation.

I just miss being a student for leeway at work. 0h and bc I like learning.

Omg I feel you on a personal level. Taking a 18 hour semester and a +50hr job for WHAT!!! In the end, I changed my major when I had 3 more classes until I graduated, so i graduated in 6 years 🙃.

Truly, please be kind to yourself. We only have 1 fucking day in the week to not think about work. I'm channeling my spirit energy to you. I wish you the best! Please take care and stay safe.

(Sorry for any typos)

omg hey!!! howre u!! sorry it took a while for me to respond ahdjwjs

no no bc that’s exactly me!! canon toji was so much of an asshole that i had a hard time writing him being soft and domestic and kind (ie: my first established fic was toji leaving the reader for mamaguro bc ik that man would choose her in any universe </33) but then i was like fuck canon. i want toji who’s in love w the reader; toji who cares for the reader; toji who’s moved on and healed from mamaguro and loving the reader for them and not as mamaguro’s replacement!!!! (most of my fics tend to follow this au)

i remember when i was drafting one of my first fluff fics (not headcanon or drabble), one of my besties told me, “ur projecting.” like maam, do u think i dont know 😭 but yea i wrote my soft toji whose scarred lips are gentle when they kiss the reader because toji is so pretty, we need him being happy with reader!!!!

thank u so much for the hug!! ive been having severe bad weeks and i needed this <3333 hugs you tight too 😚

and absolutely!! my school did ok in preparing us for post-secondary; college did amazing in helping me transition from high school setting and into post-secondary setting; but fuck. uni is a whole different level. can’t catch a break fr like AHHSHSHH

but yes thank u so much for the advice!!! i can absolutely see what u mean. like rn, even if i have work and back-to-back lectures, i still have the opportunities to ask for time-offs to prepare for my midterms and finals and papers which has helped me greatly! the life experience is helping me lots while giving me some form of coddling and ik this wouldnt really last into (greater) adulthood so that kinda sucks :((

and omg u switching majors is nerve-wracking but amazing at the same time!! ik sm of my friends who just suck up with their majors even if theyre fr struggling so im glad that u were able to pursue something more your style. im sorry it took long for u to grad though but still!!! im so happy for uu!!!

and i will be kind to myself, i promiseee!! ive been doing better these past few days and hoping to have more kind days moving forward!

thank you again for this kind mssge! ur words and kindness truly means a lot to me. take care darling, and have a happy and safe drinking 🥹🫶🏼