#fuck the ebu just trying to reach a bigger audience

[koysiini-keinumaan]

Not long after Ruoska's release I made a survey that circulated Käärijä Twitter/X about demographics within the fanbase, though it never really made it to tumblr as I was not in this section of the fanbase back then. Should I post it here? (Please note it is a tad outdated - eg. doesn't include post-Ruoska songs)

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2022 (#38)

38. AZERBAIJAN Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black” 16th place

Decade rank:75/79 [Above Roxen, below Undisclosed]

I’m GNOOOOOME, GNOOOOME!

Ugh, I just DON’T want to write about this fucking male Dilara! please read this chat I had two hours before I FINALLY sat myself down to write this entry: 

There, you have it! The extent of my willingness to talk about this year’s Azerbaijani entry. It’s EXHAUSTING.

André is very charitable though. Nadir is not a Gjon. Nadir is a Freddy. An “attractive” (but not really) athletic guy with a strange, gruff voice and HORRIBLE enunciation (like seriously, the words I can make out are *the wrong English* words) dressed in roughspun, barefoot, screaming notes in an annoying, an fully masturbatory way. Between Freddy, Nadir and this Mello’s Lundvik, is there a catalogue where you can order these? Can I get one at IKEA?!

Method Singing. +1SIN ::CinemaSins sin counter ping::

Was there ever a bigger case of blue balls when Azerbaijan deliberately *delayed* the reveal of their song by a full week and then hit us with ::pages through notes:: “Fade to black”? Apt name btw. “Snap” isn’t amazing or anything, but it at least has a memorable melody. I don’t think I could remember any chord from “F2B” other than “I’m Gnome” assuming I could have been bothered to try and memorize this inherently dull! 

Even if we were to take the staging into account, ”Fade to Black” has an astounding lack of originality. Yeah, it looked “artistic” perhaps to those not familiar with art? (which: Konstrakta is a Eurovision alum and not an NF loser in our universe, so how are you not?). Yeah sure “a classy act” but HAVE YOU HEARD THE SONG?! (god the way this sentence is applicable for at least *four other entries* I have to rank after this, THIS IS WHY THEY ALL RANK LOW *AND* IN RED Y’ALL!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DISLIKED 2022!!)

Azer just literally went to Sweden to buy themselves yet another generic trash song with HORRIBLE lyrics and expected to be rewarded for it. Again!

What makes this worse though, is that they were rewarded wtf?! I don’t fucking understand it, what sort of a person sees the Eurovision 2022 Grand Final, reaches “Fade to Black” (mind you, having already witnessed Chanel and Maro by this point) and thinks “YES! That one! THAT’s The One!! That’s the winner of Eurovision” (and continues to think so even after seeing Cornelia and Sam). Apparently, several “professional” juries. At least with Spain you can make the excuse of them being strategic since they had a leg in the race for second, but what excuse do the others have? Were they experimenting with artificial intelligence? Or did they simply not get caught cheating?

This neatly brings me to the last two points, which are what truly pushes Nadir into the bottom 3 for me: Azerbaijan were, ONCE AGAIN, up to some dodgy shite, and had their jury cancelled. Yet they have the audacity to be indignant about it? (unless they want me to believe they DIDN’T cheat but were punished anyway because the EBU doesn’t trust their potentially recidivist arses, which is a narrative I can get behind tbh <3) Like seriously, why does Azerbaijan always get away with a stern warning and not actual action? Expel them, on the fucking spot.

Even worse, *because* a third of the Semi 2 juries were DQ’d, the EBU’s rigging algorithm took over the jury results, and this insipid calculation is what ultimately carried Azer into the finals despite receiving ZERO TELEVOTE POINTS from the audience?! I don’t know what should have advanced (um, that is to say, it should have been Ireland, but realistically probably Cyprus or NoMac), but whoever they robbed, that country’s delegation have grounds to sue.

In sum: "Congratulations" to Azerbaijan for making me hate an entry *this* insipid with *that* much passion. Your reward is a bottom 3 spot on the ranking :-)

The Ranking: 

38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black” 39. ITALY: Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi” 40. ISRAEL: Michael Ben David - “I.M”