#fuck solvency ratios

[ohmyjinsus]

everything has changed

lee heeseung x gender neutral! reader

a non idol! enemies to friends to lovers au || 4.6k

I’ve had this sitting around for a while now and in honour of the comeback today I feel like I should finally share it with the world 🥺

so I want to watch squid game but I’m too scared to watch it alone and I have no one to watch it with so I decided to write about it … also idk if these plot points are right, I’m just guessing based on what I’ve seen on twitter

summary: you and your best friend heeseung decide to watch squid game, but when it makes you a little bit too scared, he’s a bit too affectionate with you, and you start to wonder if maybe your feelings for him are reciprocated ….

“What should we watch tonight?” You and Heeseung just finished a drama a few days ago, so now it’s time to find something new. Everything on Netflix sucks though.

“Squid Game?” He suggests, walking into the living room. “Soobin said it’s good.”

“Hell no.” You respond right away. “What does Soobin know anyway?”

“Are you scared, y/n?” Heeseung’s smirking at you.

“No,” you lie, “I just think something romantic might be nicer.” You gesture towards the TV, where you’re looking at the romcoms section.

Your best friend pretends to throw up, making you roll your eyes. You could never watch something overly romantic in his presence anyway. You would lose your mind.

When you met Heeseung in high school, you hated him. You were always top of your class, then suddenly this random boy shows up in junior year and takes your place. He immediately became your rival, even though you never really spoke to him.

But then, in senior year, you went through an extremely rough time. You’d planned on going to your dream university for ages, but they turned you down. That had never even been a possibility in your mind. With your grades and involvement in extra-curriculars, you figured you’d be a shoo-in.

Heeseung was the first to notice something was off. In every class you had together, you were the top 2 students. Usually you’d be tied for perfect, but sometimes your grades would be different by a few marks. After you were rejected, your grades dropped a little bit. You didn’t think anyone would notice.

Towards the end of first semester, you were in the library alone, trying to study for your chem exam. All your friends were discussing their college plans and acceptance letters. You’d excused yourself quickly, making up some random reason to leave. You wound up in the corner of the library, trying not to cry.

It was your spare period, so no one else was around. That’s why you were shocked when Heeseung showed up and asked to sit with you. You were so miserable and out of it that you just nodded.

After about 10 minutes of staring at your textbook, not absorbing anything, Heeseung asked if you were okay. You glanced at him, saying yes of course, but he asked again. He said he noticed you’d been off recently, and if there was something going on, you could talk to him.

You started crying immediately. Heeseung didn’t judge you when you told him what was on your mind. He just sat and listened while you vented. You couldn’t tell anyone close to you, but with him, it was okay. He knew what was it was like to have to be perfect all the time. You’d never even had a full conversation before, but suddenly, you felt some sort of affection towards him.

After that, the two of you started studying together every day. You had the same spare period, so it only made sense. And it gave you a good reason to get away from your friends. Hearing them going on and on about college was driving you insane. With Heeseung, you could get away from it for a while.

Over time, you and Heeseung began talking about other things, and found out you had a lot in common. Both of you had applied to some of the same universities. Your second choice was his first choice. As soon as you got your acceptance letters, you said yes right away. Without even thinking about it, the two of you had become best friends.

When you found out you’d be living in the same residence come September, you were happy for the first time in forever. Maybe your college experience wouldn’t be terrible after all.

You should have realized then that you had a crush on him. It took you another few months to clue in, and it’s been driving you crazy ever since. You’re in your second year of university now, but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. After all you’ve been through, you could never risk your friendship like that.

“I mean,” Heeseung says, grabbing the remote from you. “We could always play rock paper scissors and decide like that.”

“It’s fine,” you tell him, rolling your eyes. “We can watch your horror show, as long as I can stay the night.”

“Sure, I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.” You’re surprised he doesn’t make fun of you for being such a wimp. “Do you want a snack or something before I put it on?” You shake your head, so he presses play on the first episode.

It’s not so bad at first. The storyline is actually quite interesting. And when you glance over at Heeseung, he seems engrossed in the show. You can put up with it for his sake.

But then someone gets shot. You didn’t see that coming at all. The noise makes you jump.

“You good?” Heeseung asks, pausing it. You nod. You know he would turn it off in a heartbeat if you asked, but you’re okay for now.

He presses play again. A few seconds later, there’s a shot of a woman with blood on her face. He must hear you gasp, because he moves closer to you on the couch. You’re too focused on the screen to pay attention to him right now.

As the episode goes on, you become more interested in the story. A while later, there’s another scary scene. It’s not as bad as the last one, but you still reach for Heeseung’s hand without even thinking.

He lets you take it, intertwining his fingers with yours. Your brain gets frazzled for a minute, but you make sure to focus on the show, not him. If you think about how you’re touching Heeseung right now, you’ll go insane. You don’t think you’ve ever held hands before, but you push that thought out of your mind.

There’s another gory part later on, which makes both of you scared. Heeseung squeezes your hand, which makes you smile to yourself.

Towards the end, things get really violent. When you see blood onscreen, you immediately look away, turning towards Heeseung. Your forehead is resting against his shoulder. He tenses under you, pausing the show again.

“Should I turn it off?” He asks quietly, pulling away so he can look at you. “We can watch something else.”

You glance back at the TV. “How much is left?” He presses the button.

“2 minutes.”

“You can watch it,” you tell him. “I won’t look.”

As he presses play, you turn to face him on the couch. He takes his hand out of yours, wrapping his arm around you instead. He pulls you closer, so you wrap your arms around his neck, resting your head on his shoulder, looking away from the TV. You can hear screaming from the show, but you block it out, breathing in Heeseung instead. His hand on your back is extremely distracting anyway.

“It’s over,” he says a short while later. “You can look now.”

As you let go of him and move away, he keeps his arm around you.

“Should we watch episode 2?”

“Shut up,” he laughs. “I can watch it by myself. I won’t subject you to that again.”

“You got scared too.” You hit his chest, playfully.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You roll your eyes, but you’re both smiling.

“Are you okay though?” He asks, his voice low. You suddenly realize he’s still touching you. You can feel him tracing circles on your back.

“I’m good,” you say, almost breathless. “I just can’t get that woman out of my mind.”

“Do you want to watch something else to take your mind off of it?” You shake your head. You know you won’t be able to pay attention, especially if Heeseung doesn’t let go of you.

“You can distract me.”

“Okay,” he replies. “Let’s do our business readings.”

“Nooooo.” Heeseung laughs at your reaction. “It’s like 1:30, my brain can’t do that right now.”

“Are you tired?”

“A little bit,” you admit. “I don’t want to go to sleep though. I want to stay up with you.”

The way his face lights up almost makes your heart stop. That seems like a pretty intense reaction for someone who just considers you a friend.

“You can see me tomorrow,” he tells you. “If you’re sleepy, you should sleep.”

“Oh my god Heeseung,” you say sarcastically. “You’re so smart.”

“I know.” You want to smack that smirk off his face.

“Are you tired?”

“By the time I get you into bed, I will be.” He lets go of you, getting up. “Come on.”

You follow him down the hall, to his room. You already have a toothbrush of your own from other times you’ve stayed the night, so he gets you a big shirt of his and some shorts to sleep in. While he grabs his things, you head to the bathroom to sort yourself out.

When you come back, Heeseung’s cleared his nightstand for you.

“I left my charger there,” he points to the power bar near his bed. “I thought you might need it.”

“Thanks.” You leave your clothes on top of his desk chair.

“I have to come back for a pillow, but after that I’ll leave you alone.”

You hesitate for a second, wondering if you should say what’s in your head. You decide to do it.

“Stay.” His eyes go wide. “Your bed’s a double, after all.”

“Are you sure?” You nod, sitting down and plugging your phone in to charge.

“The couch isn’t comfortable,” you say. “Don’t torture yourself like that.”

“You’re just scared to be on your own now, right?” You know he’s teasing you, but you can’t help but blush.

“You’re scared too!” Heeseung rolls his eyes, but he nods, agreeing to stay with you.

He disappears, going to get his things back from the living room. You tuck yourself in, scrolling through your phone while you wait for Heeseung to get into bed. You’ve thought about falling asleep next to him countless times, but now that it’s actually going to happen, you’re trying not to lose your cool. You can’t make it obvious that you’re in love with him. This is totally platonic.

But then again, he did hold you pretty tightly earlier. Maybe it’s not platonic after all.

You push that thought away as Heeseung comes back. He doesn’t say too much as he crawls into bed next to you. You try to focus on your phone anyway, you don’t want to risk saying something completely stupid.

After a few minutes, you ask if it’s okay to turn off the light.

“Go for it,” Heeseung says, laying down. “Goodnight y/n.”

“Goodnight.”

As soon as you close your eyes, you realize how truly tired you are. Maybe your best friend was onto something. It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep.

However, your dream suddenly turns dark. You imagine yourself in Squid Game, seeing all that gore up close and firsthand. Thankfully, your mind wakes you up and your eyes snap open.

You sit up right away, trying to remember where you are.

Heeseung’s bed. Right.

You glance over at him, realizing you might have woken him up. When you see his eyes fluttering open, you curse. Mainly because you don’t want him to make fun of you for having a nightmare about this.

“y/n, what’s up?” He mumbles in the dark.

“Nothing.” Your voice is still shaking. You take a deep breath. “I just had a nightmare.”

“About Squid Game?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?” The way he says it makes your heart melt. His voice is so soft, and he sounds so concerned for you. You’re about to answer, when he places his hand on your arm. “Come here.”

You lay back down so you’re face to face with him.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s okay,” he responds. “What happened? Was it the blood?”

“I think so.” When you shudder, Heeseung pulls you towards him.

“Talk to me until you feel better.”

“Okay.”

Neither of you say anything. He’s looking directly into your eyes, and it’s making you slightly nervous. You wonder if he feels the same.

You’re close enough that you can hear him breathing. Subconsciously, your breaths have synced with his. It’s freakishly calming. And you’re hyperaware of how your legs are tangled together. You know this is dangerous, but you can’t look away and break the moment.

It would be so easy to just lean in and kiss him-

You don’t even realize you’ve lifted your hand until you feel Heeseung’s hair between your fingers. Thankfully, he hasn’t jumped away from you. You let your fingers trail down his neck before resting your hand against his chest.

“You okay?” His voice is so shaky. You’re glad it’s dark so he can’t see you blushing.

“Yes,” you tell him, trying to snap out of your thoughts. “I can’t fall asleep with you staring at me like that though.”

“Sorry.”

You awkwardly move your hand away, back to your side. Once you’ve dropped it, Heeseung rolls over so he’s facing away from you and the moment’s gone.

“Is that better?” He asks in the darkness.

“Sure.”

You roll over so you’re facing opposite directions. You close your eyes but you can’t get Heeseung’s face out of your mind. Part of you is convinced you should have just kissed him. Who knows when you’ll get another chance?

You’re drifting off to sleep when you feel him roll over again.

“y/n?” He sounds tired.

“Yes?”

“You were right.”

“About what?” You turn over so you can face him. He makes eye contact with you in the dark.

“I’m still thinking about stupid Squid Game.” You can’t help but laugh.

“My poor baby,” you whisper, running your hand through his hair again. You definitely notice the way he gets flustered. “What do you need?”

“I don’t know.” You roll your eyes. “Can I hold you?”

You swear your heart stops. There’s no way you could have heard him properly. He wouldn’t ask you something like that, you’re just friends. Friends don’t cuddle.

“Sorry-”

“No,” you cut him off. He raises his eyebrows. “I mean, yes. I just-”

“You’re so cute.”

“Don’t say that,” you respond, right away. “You’re making me feel things.”

“Sorry,” he says quietly. When you roll over, he wraps his arm around you. “Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight,” you take his hand in yours. “For real this time.”

You can feel him laughing behind you as you close your eyes. The feeling of his chest rising and falling against your back helps you fall asleep again.

Just when you’re about to fall asleep for good, you feel Heeseung place a kiss on your shoulder. At first you think you’re imagining things, but then his arm tightens around you.

You smile to yourself, hoping you’ll dream of him.

=======

You don’t know what time it is when you wake up, and you’re too scared to check. Heeseung’s still holding onto you, his arm wrapped around your shoulders. You’re cuddled up to him as well, your head on his chest.

You still can’t believe this happened, but you’re so incredibly happy to even be in his arms. It’s better not to question it too much.

You close your eyes, pretending to be asleep. Both of you have class in the afternoon, so you’re in no rush to get out of bed. The longer you can stay here, the better.

A while later, you feel Heeseung wake up. You lift your head, opening your eyes so you can look at him. When he makes eye contact with you, he smiles.

“Hey y/n.” You’re so screwed. His morning voice is the most attractive thing you’ve ever heard. Yes, you’ve heard Heeseung sing before, but this has you even weaker.

“Hi.” It’s like you’ve forgotten every word in the English language. When he runs his fingers through your hair, you’re afraid you might spontaneously combust.

“What time is it?” You reach over him, grabbing your phone from the nightstand.

“11.” Heeseung groans, closing his eyes. “We’ve got an hour till we have to go listen to Prof Martin go on about solvency ratios.”

“Can we just stay here?” It’s the we that makes you blush.

“As much as I would like to,” you hesitate.

“Yes, y/n?” Heeseung sits up, so he’s right next to you. Without even thinking, you rest your head on his shoulder. His hand finds yours, interlocking your fingers. You’re tempted to kiss the back of his hand, but you push it out of your mind. You’re already in dangerous territory, it’s best not to make it worse.

“Solvency ratios.” His shoulder shakes as he laughs. “I don’t understand them, and I don’t want to be lost in class.”

“Are you asking me for help?” You pull away so you can look at him.

“God no,” he’s smirking at you. “I’m perfectly capable of figuring it out on my own.”

Heeseung takes your phone. “You only have 55 minutes.” He holds it up so you can see the time.

“Damn it.” You let go of him and take your phone back, getting out of bed. He watches as you head over to his closet to grab a sweater. “I’m stealing this,” you tell him, holding up one of his favourites. You expect him to say no, but he just nods.

“It’ll look cute on you.”

You ignore the warm feeling in your chest, grabbing your other clothes and heading to the bathroom.

Once you’re done, you go back to Heeseung’s room. He’s up as well, scrolling through his phone. When he notices you, he glances up.

“What if we skipped?” You freeze. “What?”

“Lee Heeseung,” you try to sound stern. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes.” He smiles. “We can teach ourselves. I don’t want to sit in a lecture hall for 3 hours.”

“Ugh,” you roll your eyes. “The whole point of skipping is to do something fun.”

“Studying with me isn’t fun?” You avoid his eyes. It's always insanely difficult to focus when you're studying with him.

His existence in itself is distracting. The way he fiddles with his pens, the way he hums under his breath, the way he looks up and smiles at you every once in a while, or the way he sits next to you when you’re really confused about something. Being so close to him makes you even more confused. How has he not noticed by now?

“Shut up.” You pick up your phone from the bed. “I’ll get us some food.”

“Take my keys.” You nod, grabbing those from his nightstand and stuffing them in your pocket.

“I’ll be back in ten.”

You take the stairs down to the lobby and head outside. There’s a locally owned coffee shop right next door to your building, so it doesn’t take you long to get there. Thankfully it’s not too busy. You order your usual drinks, and get some muffins for breakfast.

Not even ten minutes later, you’re back in Heeseung’s dorm, sitting on the floor eating. The two of you talk about the rest of your classes, making sure you’re caught up on coursework. He’s a little confused about something in your human rights class, so you decide to go over it together after you finish your business work.

After you eat, you clean up, while Heeseung runs back to his room to grab some stuff. When you’re finished, you sit on the couch, checking your phone again. Your business class should be starting in about 5 minutes. You’re so glad you aren’t going.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Heeseung drops his textbook on the coffee table. The sound makes both of you jump. “Whoops.”

“Do we have to?”

“We’re skipping class,” he says, opening his notebook. You would make fun of him for being so organized, but the two of you study the same way. You picked up each other’s habits in high school. “The least we could do is our readings.”

You groan, sliding down on the couch. “Can’t we just go back to sleep? Your bed is so comfy.”

“Stop it y/n.”

“Why can’t you be like Jake?” Heeseung flips through the textbook, trying to find the right page. “Remember when he did shots with me before our psych exam?”

“Right, because being drunk during an exam is a great idea.”

“First of all, it’s not my fault you’re a lightweight,” he throws his pen at you. It lands somewhere on the couch. “And second of all, Jake and I did better than you; maybe you could learn a thing or two.”

“What if I buy you dinner?” He asks. “Will you shut up and study with me then?” You take a second to think about it.

“Give me the stupid book.”

Sadly, you do have to ask Heeseung to explain solvency ratios to you. All the calculations make your head hurt, so he sits next to you on the couch and helps you work through the practice questions. At some point, you put your head on his shoulder, too lost in his explanation to realize you’re doing it.

You still feel nervous, but you feel a little bit better than yesterday. If anything, he seems flustered this time, sneaking glances at you when you’re taking notes. You pretend not to notice.

The two of you get through your work within an hour. You would never admit it, but you do appreciate how Heeseung helps keep you on task. If you were on your own, it would have taken you over twice as long.

“I don’t know why you hated me so much in high school,” he says, closing the textbook. “I’m such a good influence.”

“Hated?” You ask. “I never hated you.”

“Don’t lie y/n.” You smirk, putting his pens away.

“Maybe a little bit,” you admit. “But only at first. You grew on me after about a month.”

“Good.” Heeseung’s smiling at you.

“Wait, did you hate me?” He shakes his head right away.

“You were just really intimidating. Cute, but intimidating.”

“Cute how?” Heeseung’s eyes go wide. “You’ve said it like 5 times in the past 24 hours, you need to explain yourself.”

“Remember when we got our test results and you’d come over to me right away to compare?” You nod, cringing at your past self.

“Unfortunately.” You turn to face him on the couch, crossing your legs. He does the same thing.

“Your face would literally light up when you found out you did better than me.”

“I was so pretentious.” He shakes his head, smiling at you.

“It was cute.” You’re surprised he’s saying it again.

“I’m glad you think so.” You take his hand, interlacing your fingers again. It feels so natural at this point.

“I used to get questions wrong on purpose,” he says, avoiding your eyes.

“I’m sorry, what?” You blink.

“On every test, I would always make sure to answer one question wrong so that you’d get a higher mark than me.”

“You clown,” the two of you make eye contact. “Why would you do that?”

“I told you,” he squeezes your hand. "I like seeing you smile.”

“Idiot,” you whisper. “Why am I so in love with you?”

“You’re what?” Now Heeseung’s the one who looks shocked.

“Oh my god,” you gasp, pulling your hand away from his. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Do you mean it?” He asks quietly.

“Yes.” You can’t look at him. You’ve thought about confessing before, but you never thought you would do it like this. You can’t believe how stupid you are.

While you’re scrambling to come up with an explanation, Heeseung reaches over to tuck your hair behind your ear. You turn your attention to him, but you can’t read his facial expression. You wish you knew what he was thinking.

“Heeseung,” you whisper. You’re inches away from each other.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

You close the distance between the two of you. Before you even get the chance, Heeseung’s lips are on yours. You grab the collar of his shirt, holding him close.

It’s messy. You’ve been waiting for this for so long, you can’t hide your excitement. Judging by the way Heeseung’s kissing you back, you have a feeling it’s the same for him.

When you finally pull away, both of you are breathing heavily. When you see him smiling at you, you can’t help but pull him in for another kiss.

“In case you couldn’t tell,” he says, leaning back to look at you, “I’m in love with you too.”

“Am I dreaming?” You whisper, only partially joking. He laughs, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Nope,” he takes your hands in his. “My love for you is very very real.”

“Love?” You can’t help but blush at the word.

“Yeah,” he smiles. “I love you y/n.”

“Say it again.” You’re so giddy. Your heart is pounding out of your chest and your mind is doing backflips, but you’ve never been more happy.

“Say what again?” Heeseung’s messing with you now.

“That you love me.”

“Oh,” he says, kissing your cheek. “I love you. I have for a long time.”

“How long?” You can’t help but ask.

“End of grade 11.” Your eyes go wide. “Yes, that long.” He looks amused. “How long has it been for you?”

“What do you mean?” You decide to wind him up too.

“How long have you loved me, y/n?” He sounds so cute, you can’t help but kiss him again.

“I never said I loved you.”

“But you do.” He says it like it’s a fact.

“I do,” you whisper, running a hand through his hair. “I love you so much.”

It’s so easy to say. Loving Heeseung is as natural as breathing at this point. You almost want to say that, but you don’t want to be too cheesy.

“Good.”

“Why didn’t we realize this sooner?” You ask.

“We’re idiots.” You can’t help but laugh at that. “But it’s okay. We have tons of time now.”

“Maybe you have a point.”

“Of course I do.” He buries his face in your neck. “The real question is where do we start?”

You pretend to think for a second. “Squid Game, episode 2.”

He lifts his head to look at you. “I really do love you, but not that much.” You laugh at his reaction.

“How about Squid Game, episode 2 in the background, but we just make out while it’s on?”

“That,” Heeseung gives you a small, quick kiss. “I can get on board with.”