#fruitmemes

[cactusjerk]

[mechakarmani]

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[sinnhelmingrmoved]

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  // @sylencias​ // fruit meme. // accepting.

Oh, for about the first decade, Hel had a wonderful childhood. She had three supportive parents, two brothers, and an extended family that was at least kind to her. She was the apple of her father’s eye, the darling of his kin for her resemblance to a loved and lost matriarch, and for her spats with Fenrir, her brothers adored her. She was her mother’s only daughter, her dearly beloved, and coddled like a princess by her stepmother. The days were long and golden, there was always something new to learn, and she was truly happy. She even had playmates in the children of Asgard, the children of her various cousins. She was unafraid, because what child who is loved and protected knows real fear?

It’s just such a pity that she became an object of fear for things all out of her control. Prophecies are a perilous business, and she was Jotnar, an enemy to the gods who had their time in the spotlight. It was too easy to make a case against Hel and her brothers, especially when their father and Sigyn were away. One brother to the sea, one to chains, and Hel was carried away like a treasure to a realm of snow and death. And every moment since then has been lived in the shadow of that cruelty. Her childhood did not end, it was smothered in its bed and left to rot the moment she was made queen. Girl to Monarch, just like that, without any transition to brace her for the blow.

She had to mature in that first year, well beyond her delicate age. Stopped crying, learned to stand up to her elders, kept her heartache locked up in a drawer in her bedroom. To do otherwise would mean leaving herself open to rebellion or disrespect from those she was meant to rule. Besides, Odin was kinder to her when she knew her place, when she made an effort. His visits built upon that awful foundation. By eleven she was a frightening little creature, looking like a half-dead child and speaking like a proper queen.

The only thing Hel has ever wanted in her heart of hearts is a kinder life for that girl left abandoned in a bleak hall. Anyone who tries to see into her deepest desires will find only that. She can never go back, broken and ancient as she is, but she does not embrace this age that pushes her ever closer to her one purpose in life.

[theanton51]

PICK YOUR POISON!

Vap wanted to make this fruitmeme happen, so I thought eh why not. I'm not really the best with colors. I'm not sure if the dark red helps Ton's colors stand out more or less.

And no I did not try to parody Vap's smug butt from her original meme pic. I just like coconut too .u. Do not use or copy Anton51, Theanon51

[sinnhelmingrmoved]

🍎 : how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy? // @humanmoxie​ // fruit meme. // accepting.

It’s NOT GREAT. Hel’s life is pretty much a series of distractions from her hopeless situation and the toll it takes on her health, physically and mentally. She is a carefully crafted facade that keeps all her varying issues buried so deeply they cannot possibly surface and fuck her over. 

Her entire being is a creature of composure that she grew behind closed doors to serve others first and her own negativity never. And that’s a nightmare existence, especially because whenever the mask starts to crack, she either further isolates or turns to alcohol. Sometimes a combination of both. She is on record saying that alcohol makes the world more tolerable, which is just the tip of the iceberg. 

She would have to admit to having internal problems in order to be diagnosed, so no, she is not presently diagnosed with anything. That said, she’s struggling when others aren’t looking.

Depression is a major issue, exacerbated by her dour and dim surroundings, which she can find some relief from in simply leaving her realm for a time. Even then, she is bound to Helheim, and can never truly be free of it. It also tends to surface whenever she has a bad physical flare up, when her nerves start to fray or she is confined to bed.

Anxiety is another major issue with her, though one she carefully covers. You see this most often in how she approaches those who try to get close to her, terrified of being seen for what she is, terrified of not being good enough, and going out of her head with worry that she never truly be able to hold on to anyone, or that people will be hurt for their association with her.

PTSD is the real silent killer here, and her trauma is always hanging over her. It colors every relationship she reaches friendship or beyond. She lives in constant fear that somehow, she will be made to lose again. Someone will be hurt because of her. Someone will leave her, whether willingly or by choice. She’s never going to get out from under the fate of her family, especially when avenging that trauma is stated to be the purpose her entire life is working towards. PTSD feeds into pretty much every other struggle she has mentally.

Depersonalization and derealization can serve to break her as well, this feeling that she is detached from this life she was forced to lead, or feeling that none of it is real. She is alive among the dead. She is in a place with its own logic and laws. And when her stress reaches its boiling point, her mind simply lets her disconnect to cope. This is happening to someone else, and she is merely the audience. This is happening to her, but she is only an actor on a stage, and soon she will be led back to the real world once the play is done.

Hel projects, and she projects hard. She buries her self-loathing such that she doesn’t present weakness, but she’s very eager to display it in what she thinks of others. Others, she thinks, must see her as she won’t admit she sees herself. You see this especially with her parents -- She thinks Angrboda must be disappointed in her, this daughter of a she-wolf who allowed herself to be tamed by the work of the Aesir. She is sure that Loki should hate for all the years she spent doubting him under Odin’s influence. She hates herself, and her weaknesses, and she pushes it upon those that love her. She can’t grasp their unconditional love, cannot see how she deserves it, so she flips it to her own personal narrative of how she should be perceived by those she thinks she failed.

Sublimation is taken to the point of martyrdom for Hel. She does not get angry, she gets clever. She does not get upset, she removes herself from the situation. While these are good coping mechanisms, Hel uses it to the point of denying any negative feelings whatsoever. She does not express anger or sorrow for her own circumstances. She thinks this was the downfall of Sigyn’s sons, and so she has stifled it so tightly that the feelings cannot even be understood any longer. And that is unhealthy, no matter what she might use as alternatives. Anger and sadness are natural emotions, and she refuses to see them as anything but a way to surrender control.

 At this point, anything is better than Hel’s grin and bear it attitude. Therapy would be an absolute miracle for someone like her, but that would mean admitting there is a problem and letting someone else in -- something her various issues have barred her from doing for so long.