#frowerss writes

[frowerssx2]

Precious things in Jars...

If you asked him, Shuu Iwamine would deny that he was sentimental. But yet, he has a basement filled with his most precious possessions. 

Word count: 4,060

Trigger warnings: spoilers, horror, Blood and Gore, character death, cannibalism (read at your own risk and let me know if there are anymore triggers)

Habit, routine, and organisation were the three things that were a constant comfort for Shuu, he never enjoyed it when things didn’t go to plan or when things didn’t do what they were meant to. Because of this, the creaking of his basement door that announced its opening, then the low buzz of the light switch that always struggled to explode light, pleased and settled him.

This entrance was always the same which made it so wonderful.

Slowly, not out of habit or routine, but because his right leg decided to be more of an annoyance than it normally was, Shuu walked down into the dark, damp, and slightly dusty room underneath his apartment that was barely illuminated by the deep orange single light bulb that was simply hung from a wire.

Ah, this small room, it was his sanctuary, his workshop, and where he has collected some trophies over the years. It was rare for him to admire these trophies, but today he felt rather nostalgic, he wasn’t sure why but he wanted to revisit the memories and emotions that were connected to a few of them.

With this in mind, Shuu turned his head to look at the right far corner of the room, the sight of two white hybrid creatures sitting obediently in the play area he created for them, made his beak form a gentle fatherly smile. They were now preparing to play with their animal teddies he got them a year ago. Mayo, a Red fox teddy for Miru, and Tao, a Red Panda teddy for Kaku. They always did this when he turned on the fairy lights on the wall and put on instrumental Christmas music for them. However, he shook his head, there was no time to get distracted by them, goodness knows they already took enough of his time, and sometimes their requirements exhausted him and tasted his patience. No, it was better to do what he wished now while they were content and distracted. Though, saying that, Shuu did allow them a quick gentle stroke of his wing. It was a comforting touch, a touch they have all grown to, a touch that has also become another comforting habit.

 After seeing Miru and Kaku’s identical smiles, Shuu walked over to his first trophy collection which was a large number of jars that sat in a perfect line across four long shelves. Each shelf held two identical lines, all of which contained what even he had to admit were beautiful, vibrant, and unique feathers. Usually, feathers would be immediately discarded once their owners became corpses since they held no scientific or medical properties that interested him, however, on rare occurrences somebirdie’s plumage triggered his interest and he admired their physical beauty. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he had his favourites and these favourites were stored in jars that held his wing prints, not yellowed or dusted with neglect and age, one, in particular, was a pretty faint blue jar and like always, Shuu lifted it from its home to hold it in his stronger left wing. He then pulled out a feather that once belonged to a Red Cardinal, then one that belonged to a Golden Eagle, then the extremely rare feather of a Hooded Pitohui, then boringly a peacock feather and a feather of a Lesser Bird of Paradise,  and then, finally the feather of a green, blue and red Parrot. To store six feathers in one jar when it could easily fit ten was usually a waste of space, but to store these feathers in a tight space that would only prove to destroy their beauty would be a terrible waste. Definitely, since their owners are buried in places Shuu’s minds can’t be bothered to remember, that or they’ve been burnt to a crisp.

 Sometimes, Shuu wonders if Miru and Kaku knew how lucky they are to still be at his side in one piece. Anyway, replacing these six feathers would become either a hassle or an impossibility so it was best if he kept good care of them just like he did with the twins.

“Wait” Shuu muttered, not sure if he was talking to himself or Miru and Kaku who seem to be remembering the rule of being quiet, out of sight, and in one place today. Because of this, Shuu made a mental note to reward them later, but, right now that wasn’t important, not when he suddenly remembered that he had a seventh feather to add to this collection. With that in mind, Shuu walked to his desk where another trophy awaited him but that would wait for a while more, he was sure it wouldn’t mind, after all, when it was once attached to a living being they never minded waiting as they were awfully patient, loud and sometimes enthusiastic but still patient when it came to having his company, so a few more moments apart would not harm it. For now, Shuu picked up the feather that was laid on his desk, sadly this one was a little bit shabby in quality thanks to it being a pen, though he could only blame himself for that. The feather itself wasn’t beautiful nor was it unique, in fact, it was plain and rather ordinary. Now within the jar with the others, this new feather stood out like a brown Horse would do in a herd of Zebra.

 However, this one had significant meaning to it, yes it was a dull white feather of a Fantail Pigeon connected to a pen tip that was blunt due to regular use but it was once connected to a bird who proved to be a rather obedient and loyal puppet for Shuu. It was a great shame to “let him go” a year ago, but the bird was no longer required nor did it prove useful to him anymore and so, he removed them from existence, but kept one feather amongst other things, but he would go through those samples later. He was just pleased that the feather was in his possession again after gifting it away. Shuu knew that it was because of some sort of sickening act of emotional connection that caused him to keep this feather. That and he couldn’t help but think how ironic it was that he had possession of it. Smirking, Shuu placed the jar back where it belonged, then, with a ruffle of his wings, he went to another jar.

Oh, now this one, this one was truly glorious.

Just like with the feathers, this jar had the company of more jars that contained blooded eyes, some of which still had the four veins that formed the central retinal vein still attached. The vein itself was perfectly stringy and lumpy. But not only that, but the irises of the eyes were a gorgeous red. He didn’t know why but there was something about the dead eyes of other birds that thrilled him.

Was it their dead stare?

Was it the whiteness in their eyes that was the obvious sign of the lack of life?

Was it that now dead and dethatched the veins in the sclera were no longer prominent?

Was it the amusing memories of how some of these were removed?

 Whatever the reason, Shuu sat the jar down to get another one filled with eyes. Unlike the others, these weren’t kept so he could admire their beauty, he stored these for an entirely different reason...

With a hum that could be mistaken for a hungry growl, Shuu picked up a random jar and took out an eye. By now the eye would have lost all moisture but Shuu took excellent care of everything he owed. The twins would no doubt agree if he asked them but they were being oh so wonderfully obedient today that it would be pointless to disturb them. But, with them being distracted by their new toys, Shuu could pop his delicious treat in his beak. With a groan full of pleasure, Shuu used his tongue to roll the eye around his beak, he did this so he could taste every last bit of it. Then, he rolled it to the tip of his beak and bit down. Immediately, juices burst into his mouth with a loud pop, the burn of those juices going down his throat was truly intoxicating. 

If not, terribly addictive...

With another groan, Shuu chewed the squishy but slightly firm meat in his beak until it became a reasonable size for swallowing. 

 Now, this was a treat Shuu could happily enjoy. However, he couldn't continue, not if he wished to enjoy the other meal that was currently cooling down him on his surgical table. With that in mind, Shuu placed the jar down to run his eyes over the other jars, unlike the shelves with the feathers, these shelves stored more than eyes. There were tongues, beaks, legs, wings, and dead bird fetuses. The latter not filling Shuu with any guilt whatsoever as these “children” were created for scientific research or he has ownership of them due to the fact they were donated to him by means he would rather not explain. Of course, as expected, the sight of these caused Miru and Kaku to become rather uncomfortable, well, most of Shuu’s collection did, hence why they were placed in a corner that was far away as possible, a fact they have frequently thanked him for. Though, there weren't just organs on this section of shelves as it was also the temporary home of a jar that contained something different. With a soft smile, Shuu gently ran his feather tips across the jar's face. The rather large clump of white, fuzzy fur within this jar was more than precious. It was an impossible and valuable sample from two unclassified hybrid creatures. No, this fur was not precious, it was marvelous. 

 How terribly lucky he was to have these samples.

But, what a pity that he had absolutely no idea what to do with them and where to store them. This valuable sample should not be stored with mere organs that could easily be replaced. After all, if he took too many fur samples Miru and Kaku would become more hideously cute than they already were. Not only that but Shuu has grown too fond of them to defur them so horribly.

Damn those children for accessing a part of his heart that should have been forbidden and impossible to get to. 

 With a frustrated sigh and a low-spoken curse, Shuu decided to open his large box freezer. Just to smile at the sight of jars in clear plastic freezer bags that were neatly stacked within in organized lines. One line was for hearts, another for lungs, another for pancreases, then kidneys, stomachs, and so on. These items were easily replaceable yet extremely important to contain as these were the main tools in his experiments and surgeries. But, of course, like always, there was a line of jars that were truly marvellous as they contained brains. Stacks of brains which was a constant supply of research and experimental material, though, now he looked at it, Shuu was rather disappointed at his collection.

The fact all of these brains belonged to birds truly displeased him.

A medical genius like him who held incredible skill and knowledge shouldn’t be this limited!

He shouldn’t only possess these simple brains!

No...It wasn’t enough

“That is where you come in my dear” Shuu said turning around to pick up the jar that has been forgotten by him ever since he entered this room.

The sight of a human brain floating in his homemade liquid that proved to reduce the time in the decaying progress for organs, made him smile with pride. Finally, he has received an extremely valuable, rare, and thrilling research material that was worthy of his time, skill, and learning abilities.

Oh...

How he couldn’t wait to cut into this brain...

 “Thank you, Miss Tosaka” Shuu spoke in a low and seductive whisper that would have made the human girl shiver with a nervous, if not aroused shiver. 

But now...

The idiotic, stubborn, and energetic girl wouldn't react to anything he did or to anything he said.

Not unless he tilted the jar that contained her head in a certain way anyway. Though, any moment caused the girl's head to nod. It was awfully pleasant to always get consent to do the things he wished with her body. The very body that was currently laid on the metal surgery table. By now, the chest has already been skillfully split open, and everything that once called it home has been either stored, researched, experimented on, or eaten. Shuu found it very ironic every time he placed a slice of her meat in his mouth, no doubt that the girl had a childish and naive schoolgirl crush on him and wanted to explore his mouth. Though, perhaps she didn't what it to be by the means of becoming food. 

But, she couldn't blame him now could she?

He gave her plenty of warnings of his dangerous and callous behaviour and yet she ignored them all. 

It was not his fault that he decided to reward her exhausting stubbornness by these means. 

Not like he minded, her death was quick and now she belonged to him.

There wasn't anything else more satisfying. Because now he could do as he pleased. 

 Suddenly, his stomach rumbled so Shuu placed the jar with the girl's head down, and walked over to the meal he prepared himself a few moments ago. His mouth watered at the sight of small potatoes, beans, and what unknowing birds would call four slices of pork. But this was no pork. Oh no, this meat came from the same source as his beloved feather pen. Using his right wing and a meat knife, Shuu cut the meat, watching as the brilliant red liquid of blood poured onto his plate. Then, with another delighted hum, he slowly ate the meat. 

It was divine and cooked to perfection.

“I don't know why you were so displeased, Miss Tosaka” Shuu began glazing at her head once again, then with a smirk, he took another bite “Hmm…After all…Sakazaki does tastes rather…Marvelous”

While Yuuya Sakazaki was indeed a loyal and obedient puppet, he lost his worth and use as soon as he graduated, due to this Shuu saw no reason for his existence anymore. The boy’s death was quick since he didn’t fight back, which was wonderful, it was always so fantastic when Shuu’s prey doesn’t fight back. Plus, Sakazaki proved to be more useful in death than he was in life as he was food and research material. Why Tosaka couldn’t understand that was beyond Shuu, what with her being an Omnivore, he thought she understand the thrill of killing other living things and tasting their rich and smooth blood. But perhaps, the fact that she once knew and held a pleasant conversation with the thing she was eating was too much for her.

But, it wasn’t as if she was performing the act of cannibalism.

No, that was him and he didn’t mind. What better place to get fresh, healthy, and delicious meat than your own infirmary?

 It was almost three months ago now when Yuuya’s life came to an end, Tosaka was more recent, a mere month to be specific. Sakazaki was buried within the grounds of the mansion his beloved brother owned. Shuu did this for his own amusement because that is one place Sakazaki wanted to go but was forbidden to.

Now thanks to Shuu, the boy could stay within the grounds undisturbed.

Meanwhile, due to his busy schedule, Hiyoko Tosaka was still laid on his surgery table, undressed with her head missing, the entire length of her chest split open, the cut going as far as where her uterus awaited him. The sight of it was too tempting; it pulled him in like a moth to a light, and he willingly went to it with a rustle of his wings. He then turned to look at Tosaka’s face, having to turn her jar slightly more to the left so she could watch, though, she wasn’t the only observer Shuu wanted now, was it? Not when two hybrid creatures were obediently sat in the corner. Moving quickly, Shuu collected them, already knowing they would not argue or refuse his command. How they were always so curious about his work was probably one of the reasons he has gotten so attached to them.

“Don’t move” he told Miru and Kaku once they were sat on a nearby surface, he would hate it if one of them fell since that would cause unnecessary hassle and exhaustion for him. Now with an audience, one of which he has grown used to, Shuu dug his wings into the corpse of one Hiyoko Tosaka. He then searched for that uterus he still needed to remove, purposely dragging his feather tips across the muscles and veins underneath her skin. Though, now with the warmth of her body gone along with her blood, performing an Organ Procurement no longer held the satisfaction it once did.

No, now the procedure was simply a requirement.

 With disappointment threatening to overwhelm him, Shuu quickly removed and jarred the reminding human organs. He then carried them to his second box freezer.

This one might be larger than the first but it stored less research material, some of which were very valuable. With a click of the lock, Shuu lifted the lid, and a burst of a cold shill made him ruffle his feathers again.

How he hated the cold.

Soon though, a smirk appeared on his face as his eyes roamed this second box freezer.

Oh yes…This freezer truly held the most extraordinary and rare samples, all separated into organized sections. One section held the blood, feathers, brain, and liver of a bird who could drag other birds into his hallucinations, the very hallucinations that made Shuu his mortal emery. A fact that got him killed, cut up, and so wonderfully stored two months ago. A time frame, Shuu had to admit was too long for him to still have the corpse. As for now, Mr Akagi, or as he always preferred to be called Higure, was crumpled into the right corner of the freezer behind the jars of his samples. At first glance, one could mistake that the boy was kneeling to do some bizarre and idiotic prayer.

That was until one court the sight of his opened, empty chest, skull, and eye sockets.

Yes, the corpse was rather battered now, but it has granted Shuu much research and knowledge. With Higure’s samples who knows what he could do, what medicines he could create that may or may not aid diseases and health cures. Without knowing where the samples come from, and of course, without seeing this corpse, others will no doubt marvel and praise Shuu for his incredible work that could change the world.

“Perhaps I should burn you, after all, an “angel” like yourself will not be very welcomed in hell now would you?” Shuu muttered with small laughter, ah yes, that is what he shall do with this corpse. To rid yourself of the unholy servant of the devil just as witches, one must burn them and send them back to their home.

Yes, a bomb fire in a random neighbour was overdue.

 With a new plan in mind, Shuu lowered his newest samples down in the section that belonged to Tosaka, pleased to see the many jars lining the floor of the freezer. By now, the section above hers that once belonged to Sakazaki was now becoming empty, though, the section that belonged to a pair of birds who are now a species that has gone extinct remained. There was a simple reason for this and that was the fact Shuu did not hold the skill to research them yet.

Destroying these samples would be devastating since they were the only ones in the world and Shuu was lucky enough to have access to them so he will not let a slip of his left wing destroy them!

No, these samples can wait.

Though, they did remind him of the fact that he had these bird's eyes sat in a small and circular glass coffee jar.

Picking the jar up made Shuu smile, it was a genuine smile full of warmth and affection. These eyes are the source of happy and cherished memories. Feeling a strange warmth, Shuu put down the jar, and turned to walk toward Miru and Kaku. He was suddenly in a good mood and didn’t he make a mental note to reward them for their good behaviour? After all, making the twins happy made him happy. It helped that Miru and Kaku didn’t require much. They never did ask or demand anything from him. Not a personality change, not his money or knowledge, not to improve his health, nothing they asked for nothing.

This made him love them like his children

“Twins-” Shuu began, walking over to Miru and Kaku, an idea of how to reward them coming to mind, it was simple action but something they will no doubt enjoy after spending so much time down here in what they always called a “creepy basement”.

“Why, don’t we go back upstairs? You can sit on the windowsill and play that ridiculous game of eye-spy you enjoy so much while I make us some cookies” Shuu said to the twins, his tone becoming soft and tender that shockingly came naturally for him. But, he has always treated these two with tenderness and affection. Allowing himself to smile, not caring how obvious it was to see how much he cared for these hybrid children, Shuu stood in front of them.

With them, he could be himself and they would not care

He could conduct what other birds call unethical, horrific, and brutal experiments and the twins will still love him and he shared the emotion, he truly did.

“Let’s go” he spoke again in what could easily be described as a comforting and loving fatherly tone, knowing that the twins would lift up their flipper-like arms eagerly before becoming deafening loud due to their excitement.

 Or at least, they would have done, if they were still capable of movement and speech...    

 Instead, they sat frozen in place, with their flipper arms beside their small furry bodies, beaks stitched and wired to make their usual brilliant and welcoming smiles. Their insides carefully removed, their perfectly cleaned and preserved fur carved into this beautiful and never-ending mould.

Like this, Miru and Kaku shall never grow up which meant Shuu didn’t have to risk the chance of being left alone again.

Like this, he would have their constant company forever,

Like this, the twins will not misbehave nor will they cause him headaches or stress.

Like this, controlling them was so much easier but most of all...

 Now, that they were like this, they will stay with him forever and be a family that never separates, it was truly wonderful.

After all, wasn’t that what they wanted?

Softly and gently, Shuu picked up the two creatures and walked back up the stairs feeling very thankful that he learned the art of taxidermy to preserve the twins so beautifully.

“There” he cooed with a soft tone, ruffling Miru and Kaku’s fur on top of their head in an affectionate way once he placed them on the window shelf as promised. They always enjoyed doing this, even now in this state. What with their eyes replaced by black buttons, a bald spot covered by Faux white fur that was slightly off.

 How lucky they were not to constantly be stored down in a basement they hated or in a small, claustrophobic, and cold jar. But no, while Shuu did indeed store precious materials and samples in jars, these two now extinct, on-No, two-of-a-kind and joyful specimens that brought him a strange familiar comfort deserved better than a mere jar, they deserved to be with him always. Just how they were, frozen in a never-ending happiness.

 Perhaps, after eating those meat-filled cookies, Shuu could go hunting for more precious things to put in jars...

 ….Fin….

(Any feedback would be truly appreciated. Also grammer and punctuation corrections are also really appreciated since I have dyslexia and would love to learn how to improve my writing)

This Fanfiction is also on:

Archive of our own: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44493646

Fanfiction:

Coming soon

[frowerssx2]

May I pop by and add this little devastating scene from the manga?:

"I haven't been tort that yet"

I believe that is the only time Shuu/Isa openly and verbally admits that he doesn't know how to cope with strong emotions. Emotions like grief and love because he never really had the chance to learn it due to his childhood or lack of. He has always had to keep his emotions locked up because he had to grow up so fast.

The only things he does know is how to use his intelligence, cause pain and destruction to others and drown himself in work. And it's really sad.

Plus, you have to remember the King's story about him. Yes, I know the King's stories lie and their apart of another universe but that doesn't mean they don't have a valid point.

The valid point of Ryuuji being Shuu's only hope of growing into someone who can be emotional in a healthy way, to be a better person. To be his butterfly, the light in the overwhelming darkness that surrounds Shuu.

That Ryuuji was the only person to show Shuu that kindness to teach him. And just when Shuu was opening up, when he genuinely started to care/like for Ryuuji (as either a romantic opinion or a father figure), the universe decided to take that away which absolutely broke him.

And so, here we are. On his route. He has killed Hiyoko because he has grown to like her and so, he decided to keep her forever by putting her head in a jar. That way, she or the universe can't take another thing he loves.

He is in control.

But yet, he still asks her if she loves him, if she felt the same as he did and I think that is because he didn't have a chance to do that with Ryuuji. He never got to tell Ryuuji his feelings nor ask how Ryuuji felt about him. And he does not want that regret again before he is obviously going to get killed by the hawk party.

......

Bonus talk about holiday star and my own personal thoughts about Shuu:

Now, I know this another AU but it is an Au where BBL doesn't happen. Everything else stays the same. So Shuu still has his sad backstory and Ryuuji's death still impacted his life in a huge way. Because he lost the only caring and genuine father figure he has ever known.

But you know what Ryuuji leaves him? That's right, Miru and Kaku. Even from the dead Ryuuji is still supplying Shuu with ways to grow into a better person. This impacts how Shuu treats the twins. Unlike the King's story, Ryuuji knows that there is still some goodness within Shuu. That is what he was trying to show Shuu. How to feel and care. And you know what? It works. Shuu is kinder and more patient towards the twins than any other bird currently in his life. Just like he was with Ryuuji. Just because of Ryuuji's influence. Because he remembers how Ryuuji was with him. That he takes the role of a father figure to the twins the same way Ryuuji did with him.

Why else do you think he keeps them in the infirmary? Didn't he say to Ryuuji that if he became a father he would feel bad for the child because how much he locks himself away in work? So what better way than to keep his adopted children at work. The place where he spends most of his time.

Plus, I think Shuu was so destroyed by Ryuuji's death because of Ryuuji's admittance to being a terrible father to Ryouta. Shuu is stood there like.

"What about me? You never once failed me as a father"

But he never got the chance to tell him that because he locks his emotions up and didn't accidentally call Ryuuji dad.

But, that's how I saw the line: "and I never told you my feelings'. The feelings of a bond much stronger than romantic love, one's that made Shuu feel apart of a family and having a genuine parent.

....

Also, also. I must admit that if Mirror does ever come out I'm curious if Ryuuji is alive. Because if he is that means Shuu had his kindness and his teachings to be better. How would that effect him, I wonder? It's obvious that Nageki is alive so that means either Shuu or Ryuuji are looking for a cure and not destruction. Why is that? Is it because of Ryuuji's influence on Shuu?

I know Shuu is still Shuu and that in the shrine visit he is generally disappointed that there is no corpse to the point he asks Hiyoko if she wants to be it. But, as he said in holiday star, why should he act any different than the way we expect him too. But I am still curious on why he didn't go down the path of forcing Nageki to go through his horrific experiments. Is it because of Ryuuji? Is he alive and was like: "let's help him out. We're always bringing so much devastation to the world. Let's at least do this one nice thing, yeah?"

If so, that isn't stopping Shuu from being himself and conducting his own horrible research and experiments away from Ryuuji, hence the shrine scene.

(I edited the last bit because somehow I forgot Shuu was still his creepy self in the shrine visit)

Iwamine (Full) Route Discussion

[[Spoilers for Hatoful Boyfriend,,, I’m gonna keep tagging this until me n my friend finally finish the game together. You know who you are :)]]

SO, I mentioned awhile back that Iwamine’s route, while extremely creepy, is also extremely sad.

Like, we all can say for certain there was a void left behind when Ryuuji died, and Iwamine still hasn’t fully gotten over his death (being unable to grieve)

And it’s safe to assume that no one showed Iwamine true, persistent, unconditional affection/love during the proceeding years, I think.

Hiyoko showing an interest in him at first would be like, annoying. Iwamine is a busy bird and he doesn’t have time to babysit children.  However, I think when you max out your intelligence stat, he starts respecting her somewhat, making the feeling mutual. Kind of.

He still doesn’t see Hiyoko as he does Ryuuji, but the one thing that really surprised me in this route is his uncharacteristic vulnerability.

I think everyone who’s played the games in their entirety remembers this:

It’s odd, because we never see him ask a question of this nature. He cares about our opinion, but is also extremely afraid.  The idea that the unconditional love he’s been receiving as of late being false or ingenuine probably scares him more than I can put into words. Hence taking away the “no” option. 

Anyway if that wasn’t enough conjecture, we know that this means a lot to him because right after he jumps in a lake and pretty much allows the war hawks to kill him. …. yaaayyyyy……

So uh, yeah. That was interesting. But then seeing that this is how Iwamine expresses love, I wonder if this is similar to the way Iwamine actually felt for Ryuuji? Especially since some are pretty insistent that he had romantic feelings.

Anyway, I’m curious. What are you thoughts on this?

[frowerssx2]

Letting you guys know that either today or tomorrow I will be posting a new hatoful boyfriend fanfiction called:

Precious things in Jars...

Please keep your eyes open for it as I'm genuinely excited to post this twisted tale

[frowerssx2]

The cracks of anxiety-A short hatoful boyfriend fanfiction (Old):

My side of the creative Hatoful Boyfriend trade with @donuts4evry1. I truly hope you like it!

(Please note that this has only been checked by me (who has dyslexia) and Grammarly, so please let me know if there are any grammar or punctuation mistakes)  

Everybirdie will be in their human forms.

......................

Everything must go as planned tonight, after all, Sakuya had it all planned from the very last detail and second. First, he must stand in front of his luxurious golden mirror and let the tailors expertly fit him in an figure-hugging dark blue tuxedo, that had golden flower stitches.

He must look and do his best tonight, there is no other option.

He had a lot to prove after the spectacular failure which was the first Le Bel Christmas party in Japan that literally ended with a boom thanks to a certain pair of hybrid creatures. Though, Sakuya could no longer view Miru and Kaku in disdain, not after they have made his now rebuilt ballroom into a wonderful and magnificent Christmas wonderland for tonight’s party.

“Is the outfit to your pleasing Master Sakuya?” asked one of the tailors. In reaction, Sakuya shifted this way and that, his sky blue eyes looking for any imperfections. Nothing must be out of place. Everybirdie attending knows who he is and what title he carries.

Sakuya must be nothing but perfection

His clothes must not contain any creases or rips.

“That it is” Sakuya simply said, stepping off the little fabric stool with the elegance of a swam. He then looked towards the two tailors and for a brief moment, he wondered if he should thank them for their service.

But wasn’t it their job to dress him in the clothes they created?

They should be honoured to be in his presence, he was the heir of the Le Bel family, a noble of great privilege, wealth, and responsibilities. And so, he blanked them both, just like he was taught.

 After all, it was not the bulb of a light you admire, but the lamp that contains it.

 Silently, Sakuya put on his black gloves and walked out of the room, ignoring the angry glares the two commoners gave him...

He was above them both, he should not need to thank them for their paid services.That was not the noble way, that is not what he was taught. But yet, as he walked, Sakuya felt a heaviness in his heart threaten to weigh him down. Politeness and respect is the most important thing within the noble and high-class community but it is never given to those of lower birth, even though they too worked for their worth and wealth...

 Sakuya paused as small cracks ran up the marble walls surrounding him, as strong anxiety grew within him, an anxiety that threatened to question and shatter everything he knew.

 Reacting quickly, Sakuya forced himself to forget the thoughts of the lower class and how they are treated. After all, it was not his responsibility to question it or care. With a deep breath, Sakuya stood in front of the grand doors that lead to the grand ballroom of the mansion.  

“Ladies and gentlebirds, it is with great honour that I present Sakuya Le Bel Shirogane, the heir and the sixth generation of the Le Bel family” the announcer called out, and with that, the doors opened and Sakuya stepped forward as polite claps echoed throughout the large room. Moving, slowly, never allowing his eyes to wander downwards, Sakuya walked down the stairs, the tail of his tuxedo following gracefully behind him. His footsteps were soft and proud as everybirdie within the room watched him with burning and judgemental eyes, all of them looking for any imperfections and daring him to make a fool of himself by falling.

 “Why must they all be so eager to see my failure? What pleasure would it possibly cause them?” Sakuya thought, the result of just an action punishing him by making his foot slip and slamming him into the stair banister. Sakuya quickly straightened himself and neatened his tuxedo, ignoring how his hands shook and how his breathing had suddenly got quicker as the burning eyes on him began to feel hotter and hotter. The pressure of it all caused the cracks from before to run up the stairs to make it seem like if he was suddenly trying to walk on delicate glass.

But he would not give in to it.

Sakuya looked straight and continued his climb down the stairs.

There were no cracks created by the pressure and anxiety within him.

He was a Le Bel, he did not feel just ridiculous emotions.

He knew how to behave perfectly, shoulders back, back straight, and face as blank as an empty piece of paper so everybirdie believed he was not affected by what just happened.

He still held his pride and grace, a simple slip has not suddenly removed that.

 “Welcome everybirdie, to the traditional Le bell Christmas Party. Please, make your way to the dining room” Sakuya said, remembering not to raise his voice so it would become an unflattering shout. After all, somebirdie as important as him should not need to shout to be heard. Sakuya then moved to lead his guests to the room he gestured to, so he could politely show them all to their seats like a good host should, remembering to leave the seat at the head of the table for himself. Where he could sit and finally breathe.

Sat here at a table brought no pressure. Nobirdie expected anything from here; they were all too interested in their own conversations to care about him. That was until the food came and suddenly, the oldest and richest of the birds, took the time to repeatedly glance towards him.

 Unlike commoner's meals, the noble community had a certain way to eat.

One must not spill, one must not slurp or burp, one could not speak when their mouth is full of food, there were no elbows on the table, there was no acknowledging the waiters, not even when one of them was Ryouta Kawara. Sakuya hired him after the other boy explained that he was struggling to find work. But now, Sakuya was struggling with the pressure of pretending that he did not exist, that Ryouta was not his good friend, and that Ryouta did not deserve his acknowledgment.

Sakuya was under watchful eyes after all,

Eyes that were pathetic enough to care how he ate, how he sat in his chair, and who he talked to.

Eyes that would judge and radical him if he did the slightest of things wrong.

Sakuya simply couldn’t understand why they were like this.

Why was his method of eating and being sat at a table so important? Surely that wasn’t his role as a Le Bel. Surely they should care more about the deeds and achievements he has achieved instead! Why must they judge the little things that did not matter?

But yet, it was his responsibility to outshine them all in everything and that included eating. He must be the best of the best. He must know what cutlery to use, he must gracefully sip his drink and put a tiny amount of food on his fork so he didn’t have to open his mouth wide like some disgusting frog.

 Sakuya would not break.

Not even when the imagery cracks caused by the pressure and doubts continued to grow and strengthen. This is where belonged, this is who he was meant to be! If he let the pressure consume him then he would become an embarrassment and a disgraced son. Keeping his cool, Sakuya ate his meals, forcing himself to leave the correct size of the delicious food so the noble and respected birds would not think him greedy or fat. He then lead everybirdie to the main ballroom where they entered the truly incredible Christmas wonderland Miru and Kaku created that successfully impressed them all. But yet, Sakuya could not speak of the truth.

He couldn’t tell the adults who he was going to be working with in two years that he sort help from two children. That would only make them all speak to him like if he was a child himself, that he was not worthy of his title. After all, as a Le Bel he had to hire the most skilled and most expensive services Japan offered.

Anything else would be a disgrace and a disappointment.

 That knowledge did not make lying any easier though, as the frustration of remembering to speak of the same lies over and over again, caused him to question why he needed them in the first place.

Miru and Kaku were very talented and skilled children capable of creative brilliance.

But, Sakuya’s thoughts and opinions did not matter and so, he buried them all so he could go around the ballroom to greet and talk to his guests, the action soon becoming the worst thing he could have done as he had to remember everybirdies names, jobs, and responsibilities. He even had to remember not to let his anger at their forgetting details about him tempt him into an angry rant. This ballroom was not the council room in the school and these birds were not his underlings. He could not yell or lecture them.

No matter how he believed they were being hypocrites, after all, he must never show how he felt inside, his expression must not be anything but polite and slightly amused.

He must continue to behave as expected.

He simply couldn’t let anything of himself slip forward. After all, nobirdie was interested in who he is, they were all only interested in what he is.

It was truly exhausting...

 Wanting to distressed, Sakuya decided to join the waltz on the dance floor, remembering to choose a girl who fitted the idea of the perfect woman for a noble like himself...A girl of a slim waist, small breasts, blonde hair, and blue eyes with no disfigurements just as freckles. Sakuya was the physical image of a perfect young nobleman and so, he must dance with a woman of the same beauty...

Never a man...

Suddenly, the floor underneath Sakuya’s feet was littered with the cracks of his anxiety as he suddenly feared that his dance movements were too feminine, that he was holding the girl wrong and wasn’t looking at her enough. That his steps were too sloppy, making him look like an unbalanced and confused flamingo.

His breathing got heavier as forced himself to focus on his steps but all he could see was the cracks on the floor growing in number and size.

No...Not now,

He couldn’t have a panic attack now!

He should be able to handle this pressure! His anxiety shouldn’t be triggered by pathetic things like dancing or eating!

But yet, Sakuya needed to have a few moments alone so he could breathe and take a moment to collect himself before the cracks of his anxiety could fully shatter.

 With that in mind, Sakuya gracefully ended the dance with the unknown girl so he could go to a secluded corner. There he could tap his fingers against his hip with closed eyes.

Like this, he could pretend that he was alone in the school's music room and playing the piano.

It only took him a few seconds to become fully relaxed and capable of a normal breathing pattern and so he opened his eyes and looked towards the empty piano in the corner...

 ........

..

 A quick hand squeezing his arm made Sakuya realize that he was unknowingly walking towards the instrument, his hand outstretched towards it. Sakuya took a step back as he suddenly forgot how to breathe.

Why?

Why did he automatically come here?

Yes music was his comfort, yes it made him feel relaxed and complete but this was neither the time nor the place!

His joy and love for music were irrational and foolish.

He should be going around the ballroom interacting with his guests and not standing here imagining the way his fingers would caress the soft keys of the piano that would make it sing oh, so beautifully...

Sakuya’s eyes widened when he realized the song that he heard was not in his imagination but reality.

Immediately, Sakuya stumbled backwards as if burnt, the cracks of his anxiety now suddenly surrounding him like a powerful and unforgiving shadow, only leaving a path to the piano.

To the joy and comfort, his title of a Le Bell forbid him.

Sakuya refused to follow the path as he took more steps backwards, watching the imaginary cracks darkening to black.

The sight of it making it rather difficult for him to breathe as he was overwhelmed with the pressure of everything:

The fight between responsibility and joy,

The fight to be perfect,

The temptation to break the rudeness and disrespect the high society forced upon him,

The fight between being himself or the son who caused pride and glory to his family's name...

 Sakuya could no longer carry the crushing weight of the pressure or the expectations...He couldn’t press on when his anxiety and stress were threatening to make him crack.

He needed to escape it all...

He needed to breathe...

And so, he quickly left the ballroom to go onto the empty balcony.

 There, he was free to pace feeling useless as the cracks grew and grew, his chest hurting because of his heavy and fast breathing. Everything was falling apart and he didn’t know what to do. He has never felt so much stress or pressure before.

“It’s understandable if you are crumbling under the pressure and are drowning in anxiety”

Sakuya stopped pacing at once and looked in the direction of the familiar voice with a French accent to see Yuuya Sakazaki standing in front of the closed doors of the balcony, dressed in his own black tuxedo.

The sight of his half-brother of low-born blood only made Sakuya feel like the cracks of his anxiety were now on the very edge of swallowing him whole.

“What are you doing here?” Sakuya asked in a low and dangerous voice, twisting his expression into an angry if not murderous frown.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you were on the very edge of having a panic attack...It’s ok to admit that you have placed too much responsibility onto yourself-” “-I order you to leave! This is no place for mongrels of low birth like you! I shall give you five seconds to do so before I call Albert to drag you out and through you in the garden pond!”

“Allow me a few words before you force me to become an unwelcomed neighbour to the fish in the garden pond”

“Very well, I shall allow you to speak twenty words”

“Twenty w-” “take it or leave it!”

“Okay, okay! To stop your anxiety and the pressure of tonight from overwhelming you, you should pretend you’re drinking wine so you can do a simple breathing exercise”

 “That was twenty-six words...But how would that possibly help matters? My surroundings are covered in these cracks that keep strengthening and building in size. They are the only things I can think about. I have tried to tap my fingers like if I was playing the piano and while it successfully relaxed me, it made me unknowingly go to the actual piano”  Sakuya said, not fully knowing why he was speaking of the matter.

“And that’s a problem because of why?”

“You are completely idiotic aren’t you?! I am the host of this party, a party where I have the responsibility to meet and greet the birds I shall be working with to keep my father’s legacy! I cannot simply play the piano like some commoner! It shall be a disgrace for the heir of the Le Bel family to waste his time with just foolishness! Albert! Albert, there is some trash here for you to remove! ALBERT!” Sakuya yelled

“Sakuya wait! This is your party! Why must it be something that must rebuild the respect of the Le Bell family name?! Why can’t it be about you?! About you building new working relationships with the birds inside the ballroom?! Why carry your father’s legacy instead of building your own?!” Yuuya firmly said and for the first time, Sakuya couldn’t think of an immediate response.  

“It will not be a disgrace to play the piano to relax and calm yourself, Sakuya. It is an opportunity to show off your brilliant talent. A chance for you to be proud of who you are and show it to everyone in that ballroom that you are not your father but you!” Yuuya continued passionately.

 Could...Could Sakuya truly play the piano as Yuuya said?

Could he make it seem like he is showing off one of his many talents?

Why...Why didn’t he think of this himself?

Suddenly, the cracks that surrounded him faded and retreated and he could breathe again.

“Perhaps you’re right for once” Sakuya slowly said just to become speechless at the sight of the empty space in front of him. He could only blink for a few moments before he realize that Albert must have heard him shout and was in the process of literally dragging Yuuya out of the mansion. In reaction, Sakuya was quick to follow, expertly pretending to be the angry host as he did so.

 When he arrived outside, Yuuya was on his knees in the middle of the mansions pond picking out fish from his hair. Choking on a laugh, Sakuya made his way to him.

“I’m sorry ladies, I do like girls that bite but I’m afraid that I might be a little bit big for you~” Yuuya joked, probably more to himself than the actual fish.

“You’re right” Sakuya simply said which made Yuuya swing to face him “Perhaps the next time I throw a party I can show off my many talents so it can be a conversation starter for when I get to know the other noble and respected birds...Because...As you say...They should know me and...well...As you said, I am not my father...I am me...I’m sure that shall be enough to gain my own respect and equal standing and if not...” Sakuya paused there until Yuuya asked:

“And if not?”

“I can always throw you in the pond again to restore my name and status”

“Hahaha! Only if you do it after you played the piano!” Yuuya laughed and Sakuya smiled back

“Allow me to thank you for the advice and to also apologize for not being quick enough to stop Albert from throwing you in the pond”

“Don’t thank me, Sakuya. I will always be here if you ever feel a little bit lost, okay? And don’t worry about the pond thing...I look divine in a wet shirt” Yuuya said and Sakuya could just only roll his eyes at his flirtatious humour.

“I shall keep your offer in mind, goodnight to you Yuuya” Sakuya simply said with a small wave before he quickly retreated to the mansion.

 Meanwhile, Yuuya stood at the edge of the pond with a small genuine smile on his face. His undercover mission for the Dove Party might have been a failed attempt but Sakuya’s acceptance of his advice and the fact he called him by his first name was worth it...

......................................................................................................................

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