#from genuinely everyone BUT me even watching things she'd normally never touch and its like Okay . | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

readymades2002 · 5 months ago

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genuinely it is difficult having cultivated the like. taste in fiction that i have now that i am in a place where i'm trying to talk to people more and make friends and so on and so forth and this is the field i'm having to play on with them. i don't think anyone has to be critic-brained (i do think its good to recognize that media is Authored and to look at things with both eyes open but some people simply enjoy things in other ways and i may get irritated by that but i don't suppose its Wrong) and i have in fact met people who Will meet me in that field but it doesnt change that the field i like to play in is much different and no one is expected to meet me there in the same way i am expected to play ball with marvel fans

#i find criticism and critique allows me a way into that field actually because i do not care for marvel #but if i try to pick it apart and see what its doing i can at least Converse with people about something #but its like. idk. thats an effort i make to talk to people and i dont find people do the same thing for me #and i dont really feel like its fair for me to ask either. in some ways that is me being silly and embarrassed and shy and all that #but in other ways its like well im not going to tell the most normal people i know to read flower that bloomed nowhere with me.#it gives people the impression that i live under a rock! i dont think i live under a rock i know about lots of stuff #its just different stuff and i dont usually talk without prompting and i find it hard to talk about something #if i think the other person wont know about it and ill have to explain it to them and hope maybe they look into it #i have looked into things for other people. i don't find people usually do that for me #there are even situations USUALLY with my mother if im being honest where she will take recommendations seriously #from genuinely everyone BUT me even watching things she'd normally never touch and its like Okay .#...#ive been having a hard week. its probably going to get harder as well (i go back to work tomorrow and i wasted my time off #being in pain and miserable and not being a presence in my own life)#and there is something about showing up to work with worse sh scars than usual and belt bruises on my neck #keeping my head down and not saying anything and having no one say anything to me at all that makes me feel. i dont know #how to word it. had a little breakdown alone in my* room yesterday and found myself sobbing 'help me' a lot #and maybe thats the root of it. i dont feel like people try for me the way i have been trying and it makes me feel like i am not worth #making the effort for. and i also dont know how to express this or ask for help without looking like a brat </3 so #anyway. ignore all that please thats embarrassing.

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