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blambololi · 10 months

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“FRINGLES”

#fringles #fringlesstory #joebiden

<<PROLOGUE>>

Fringles Frances Turner was born out of wedlock to John "Jax" Turner and Katherine Evergreen in Lincoln, Nebraska. Jax and Katherine split when Fringles was 2 because they didn't love him enough :(

Fringles grew up with his dad, always switching between motels to stay at for the night. Fringles's favorite toy as a baby was his dad's unloaded Beretta M9. Fringles would stay at his Mom's house once every couple of months, where he'd meet his Mom's boyfriend Phil

One night, drunk as shit, Jax was tucking in Fringles to go goodnight. Fringles was like 4. Fringles asked his father "When can we go back to Phil's house? He's really cool" and Jax replied "You don't wanna go back there, that place has evil clowns"

"Really?" "Yeah and mom's one of them"

This was news to Fringles, his own mother had been turned to a clown. He never went to his mom's house again, vowing to one day turn her back into a person. Katherine and Phil broke up 3 months later

Fringles and his dad did everything together. They went to see movies, went to baseball games, got ice cream together, ran in fields of grass together, the whole nine yards.

One day Jax asked Fringles what he wanted to be when he grew up and Fringles said he wanted to be a cop. Jax got pissed and yelled at him, telling him he ever becomes a cop then he's assed out of a house. Fringles wouldn't learn til much later tho that the reason his dad got upset was bcuz he had a friend named Kenneth Jones in Omaha who was killed because he didn't have his hazard lights on, so some cops pulled Kenneth out of the car and shot him 4 times

Despite being a bipolar pill head with a criminal record, Fringles loved his dad more than anyone else in the entire world

"Dad, what's school gonna be like?" "Well, it's like prison, but with less funding" "what?" "Nah I'm just fucking with you, you'll probably be fine"

Fringles was both really scared and really excited about starting kindergarten. What if it's not exactly how he wanted it to be?

<<PART 1>>

Fringles had breakfast, it was ham and eggs or something idk. Anyways Jax drove Fringles to school in his Pontiac Solstice and they both walked inside the building.

Jax and Fringles walked into the classroom with all the other parents and their kids. The teacher walked in, Ms. Applegate. "Hello everybody, I'm Ms. Applegate". Ms. Applegate said. Fringles immediately did not like her

After a few minutes, parents started leaving one by one. "Dad, are you leaving?" "Yeah". Fringles didn't want his dad to leave, he was scared to be by himself. "Son don't worry, I know your teacher is a bitch and a half but I promise I'll be back here to pick you up at 4"

School didn't end at 4 but Fringles knew what his Dad meant and hugged him goodbye. As his dad left through the door, Fringles was now in foreign territory. What was he gonna do?

As the teacher laid out the lesson plan, Fringles immediately realized he hated doing work and wanted to go home. "No, I have to be strong! I can do this!" Fringles said to himself. He had to be strong for his dad!

He fell asleep during class but woke up when it was time for recess. As he walked out, he saw the entire playground. What was he gonna play on? The swings, the slide, the monkey bars?

He chose none of them because he was still really tired. He decided to try and make friends, so he started walking towards the first kid he saw which was a girl on the swings.

"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Fringles" said Fringles. "I'm Emma. You want to swing next to me?"

"No thanks, there's like mud water and wood chips on it"

"Oh okay, well see you later!"

"Wait, what kinda things do you like?"

Emma started thinking. "Well...I like jet-skiing. You ever been?"

"No" "Your family must be really poor then."

"Uh, kinda" Fringles said. "Why would you say that? That was really mean"

Fringles kept talking to Emma for a bit. He actually really enjoyed talking to her, this is the first full length conversation he's ever had

"Uh oh" Emma's face turned red. "Yeah? What's wrong" Fringles asked

Fringles turned around and felt the force of someone's fist connect with his eye socket. He looked up and saw some kid with a shaved head and red shot eyes, his first day here and he already got punched in the face that's crazy

"Why the hell did you do that?!" Fringles asked the kid. "Don't talk to my girl, don't look at her, don't do anything with her!" The kid said.

"Whatever! Fine, she's yours!" Fringles said, coughing up blood because he just got punched by that kid. The kid walked away mad and Emma helped Fringles stand up. "Why the hell didn't you do anything?!" Fringles said to Emma. "Sorry, I thought you were gonna fight back"

"Well thanks a lot, Emma! Good to know you have my back"

"I said sorry"

"Who was that kid?"

"Henry, he's my boyfriend."

"Why did he punch me?!"

"Idk, I guess he didn't like you that much"

"Fuuuucckkk, my jaw..."

Fringles looked up and saw the entire playground staring at him. "What?!" He yelled. They all looked away. Ms. Applegate's not even paying attention, she doesn't get paid enough

"Don't talk to me!" Fringles said to Emma and then walked away. Even though he was upset at her, Fringles couldn't stay mad at her for too long. Honestly, he thought her helplessness and indifference was kinda attractive. The rest of the day was pretty good, Fringles had hot dogs for lunch

Later Fringles's father picked him up from school and asked him how his day was. Fringles looked at him confused "Dad, don't you see my eye?"

"Yeah it looks like you got punched"

"Yeah by some kid named Henry. Dad, I don't think school is right for me"

"Shit, on your first day? That's like a record. Did you at least fight back?"

"Not really. I didn't really have a chance to"

Jax thought for a second then reached into his glove compartment and pulled out a pocket knife "Son, do you know what this is?"

"That's a knife"

"No, it's a safety utensil. I want you to take this to school with you and pull it out next time you get into another situation like this"

"Dad, I can't take a knife to school! I'll get in trouble!"

"Who would you rather get in trouble with, the school or me? You don't have to use it, just pull it out next time some kid tries to mess with you"

"What if the kid's not scared?"

"He will be, it's a knife"

"I'm scared about this, Dad"

"Son..."

Jax rests his hand on Fringles' shoulder. "Just take the goddamn knife"

Fringles takes the knife and looks at it. He really doesn't think this is a good idea

"Trust me, you don't want me handling this myself" Jax says. "You're 5, you're not a baby anymore. You can fix your own problems"

"Ok whatever you say Dad" Fringles says

Fringles and his dad would spend the rest of the day watching Married With Children until 4 in the morning because that's how his dad rolls

The next day, Fringles ate some breakfast got dressed and his dad put the pocket knife in his school bag

When they got to the school, Fringles' class was in the middle of recess

"Tell me how everything goes, ok?"

"Ok I will" Fringles got out the car and began walking to the playground with the knife in his pocket

He looked and saw Henry hanging out by the gates, throwing rocks at red ants

Fringles walked up nervous to Henry and started a conversation "Hey, remember me?"

"Yeah?"

"You hit me yesterday"

"Yeah...what about it"

"You really shouldn't hit people"

"What are you, my dad?"

"No because you know what I look like"

It took Henry a while to get it but then he got offended. "I hit you because you were flirting with Emma. Do you want me to do it again?" Henry asks

"No. I mean, yeah!"

As soon as Henry started walking towards Fringles, he pulled out the knife and pointed it up causing Henry to take a step back

"Holy crap, is that a knife?" said Henry. Fringles quickly tried thinking of something snarky to say to him

"Uh...what does it look like, fatty?"

Henry immediately started crying really loud and every kid started looking in his direction. While Fringles was distracted, Henry knocked the knife out of his hands and grabbed him by the shirt collar. Henry grabbed him and slammed him into the gate

Not knowing what to do at that exact moment, Fringles did the first thing he could think of which was to bite Henry's hand to make him let go

At this point, Ms. Applegate got up off her lazy ass and came to see what was going on with the kids she was supposed to watch

She broke up the fight and told both of them to go to Principal McDingle's office. She then picked up the knife and asked "who's knife is this??" But no one wanted to say who it belonged to

While in the principal's office Fringles' dad was called and Henry's step-dad was called. Henry's face was still covered in tears and Fringles was just mad they took his dad's knife

About an hour later, Fringles' dad showed up to pick him up. When they got in the car Jax started asking him all these questions "What happened? Did you win?" And Fringles was just like "Can we please go home?"

That night while being tucked in, Fringles tells his father he's upset because the teacher took his pocket knife. "Sorry Dad, but the teacher grabbed the pocket knife you gave me" "Don't worry about it son, I can order a box of those for cheap off EBay". "Dad, I don't want to wave knives at school. I want to be a good kid and just get good grades"

"I know buddy" Jax kisses Fringles on the forehead "but sometimes you gotta stab a mothafucka. You'll get it when you're older". He turns off the light and is about to close the door

"Dad?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"What's gonna happen with Henry?"

"Well...either he's going to leave you alone now, or he won't. And you've just gotta deal with either one"

"Is his family gonna press charges?"

"I don't know why, what you did was self defense"

"Didn't feel like it"

"Well, it was. So good night. Oh by the way, technically speaking you're 'suspended' so no TV or video games for a week"

"Aww..."

"And someone wrote gullible on the ceiling"

"What?"

"Nah I'm just fucking with you! You're not actually grounded"

"Oh"

Fringles was actually suspended though, and he didn't go back to school until a week later. The day he went back, none of the other kids wanted to talk to him

"Hey, Emma!"

"Oh, hey Fringles. Thought you got expelled"

"Nope, just suspended. So you doing anything tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm hanging out at Henry's house"

"That wuss? Didn't you see him crying the other day?"

"Yeah I would've cried too, you held a knife at him"

"Forget about him, come hang out at my house instead"

"No offense Fringles, but I don't really see you that way"

"But...I'm awesome..."

"Besides, it seems like you got some issues you need to work out"

"Pfft. Whatever"

"We can still be kinda friends though. Gotta go, bye Fringles!"

"Bye"

Fringles watched as Emma ran to Henry to give him a hug and kiss him on the cheek. Henry looked right at Fringles, flipped him the bird and then walked off. "What a wuss" Fringles thought, as if he didn't get his ass kicked by him

That night while watching Everybody Loves Raymond, Fringles turned to his dad and told him what happened at school "She just completely rejected me, and now I have to see her at school everyday"

"What's funny is that this show ended in 2005, so Everybody Hates Chris can almost be seen as like a continuation in a way"

"Dad you listening to me?"

"You still all bent about Emma? You probably go to school with lots of pretty girls, what's so important about her?"

"I don't know...I just thought—"

"You thought she was gonna be wooed by your show of masculinity?"

"Well, yeah!"

"Don't be hung up over her, there's plenty of crabs in a barrel"

"...What?"

"The point is this, don't worry about her because pretty soon girls will be throwing themselves at you because of how popular you'll be. You made a stand, and in kindergarten that counts for a lot. Or is that the pen?"

"Thanks, dad"

Fringles couldn't sleep that night because he was too busy thinking about how he's going to go through the rest of the school year now that everyone thinks he's some violent asshole

The next day, Fringles sat alone at lunch, he played on the playground alone, no one wanted to partner up with him in class, it was very sad

"This sucks, I'm getting out of here" Fringles thought, fed up with life at this point. He raised his hand to use the bathroom and tried escaping out the exit doors, but he was only 5 so he didn't realize schools lock those

While fidgeting with the doors, he heard a voice behind him

"Hey, you're Fringles right?"

He quickly turned around and saw a group of what seemed to be held-back 1st graders standing behind him. "Uh...who wants to know?"

"We do"

"Who's we?"

"Us"

"Who's us?"

"We"

"You guys gonna pick on me now or something?"

"Woah, you're on edge. Is it true you held a knife to some autistic kid?"

"Uh...I hope not"

"Is he the one who gave you that big bruise?"

"Yeah"

"Why'd your dad name you Fringles?"

"I have no idea"

"Well listen, we're going to the Chinese store to get some snacks"

"The Chinese store? Yeah I know that place"

"You wanna come with us?"

"Uh, okay. Sure"

The leader of the friend group walks up to the door and opens it with a credit card, which apparently he learned somewhere. "Woah" Fringles says in amazement

"Alright, let's go. By the way, my name's Matt"

"Cool"

Matt introduces Fringles to the rest of the friend group. There's Ox, the tough one, Edge, the poorly-supervised one, Tyler, the pretty boy, and Data, the foreign exchange student.

"Data doesn't say much, he's deaf and dumb." says Matt

"That's kinda mean" says Fringles

They sneak out of school and head to the Chinese-owned corner store down the road. Matt walks in and says hi to the owner.

Fringles is looking around and just now realizes he's never been in a corner store before.

He looks and sees Ox put a bunch of Tic Tacs in his pocket.

"Why do you need so many Tic Tacs?" Asks Fringles

"Have you not heard him talk?" Replies Edge, which is a very Edge thing to say if you know Edge

Edge then grabs some Big League Chew and some Gushers and starts filling his pockets

"Fellas, do we have enough money for all this?" Asks Fringles

"Nah it's cool dude" says Matt "My dad knows the owner, we can get whatever we want from here for free"

"Oh okay, sounds good to me"

Fringles just starts grabbing handfuls of whatever he can find and putting it in his pocket. This is not good boy behavior

"Alright guys, let's go" says Matt

When they're done, they just walk out like the little rascals they are. As soon as they leave they hear the store owner yelling in Chinese

"Why is he so mad?" Asks Fringles

"He's probably off his meds" says Tyler

"Yeah, he's probably just mad he can't get it up" Ox says and then high-fives Edge

"What does that mean?" Says Fringles

"Idk, I heard it from my dad" replied Ox

Fringles looks over and sees a bunch of older kids hanging out on the street corner smoking cigarettes. They're all wearing character hoodies and their dads probably makes six figures

"Ew, those are the 6th graders" says Matt

"Those guys are total losers. All they do is smoke and watch anime all day" says Edge, chipping in to the conversation that they are having at that specific moment

"Fringles, promise me you won't be like those kids one day" says Matt

But Fringles wasn't listening as he was mesmerized by how confident and rebellious the older kids seemed. He dreamed of being that cool one day

"So, what are we gonna do now?" Asks Fringles

"Idk, I'm pretty tired" says Matt

"Yeah I'm probably gonna go home" says Edge

Ox didn't say anything, he was too busy filling his face with candy

Data was there too

As the group started disbanding, Matt daps up Fringles because that's what cool kids do and says "You should come sit with us at lunch tomorrow"

"Yeah sure, sounds great"

Fringles then returns back to the school building where he sees his dad waiting with his teacher outside. "Where have you been, we've been worried sick!" Said or says Ms. Applegate

"Hey champ" says Jax "Don't worry Ms. Applegate, Fringles here has a little appointment with Mr. Belt when he gets home"

"Good! Fringles you should know better than to sneak out! I'll be having my eyes on you from now on, young man!"

"Yes ma'am" says Fringles, the obedient boy that he is

Jax walks Fringles back to his car and they both get in "Well, like that rotting-old bitch said, I have no choice but to punish you"

Fringles and his dad both start laughing in a hysterical fashion

"So, how was school?"

"It was pretty good, I think I'm getting the hang of it"

"Cool"

Fringles wouldn't even go to school the next 3 out of the 5 days he was supposed to be there the following week, he would just hang with Matt and his friends at the park

A few weeks later back at the apartment Fringles was watching Dragon Ball Super in his room and his dad called him down

"Yeah, Dad?" Says Fringles young and innocent as ever

Fringles looked and saw his dad looking nearly passed out on the couch in a fashion that's traumatizing to a child of Fringles' age

"Fringles? That you?"

"Yeah Dad, it's me"

"You'reee a good kiddddd Fringlessss"

"Thanks. You okay dad?"

"I'm cooollllllll"

"Are you high or something?"

"Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"Oh ok phew, I thought you were"

"Flgkflffll"

"What?"

"I asked if you still talked to Emma"

"Uh no dad, I don't. She changed schools remember"

"She was the one that got away son, you shouldn't have given up so easy on her"

"Dad but you said—"

"I don't care what I said, girls like that only come once in a lifetime and you completely fumbled the bag as you kids like to say"

"But Dad, she had a boyfriend"

"You really let the fact she had a boyfriend stop you? I see it doesn't take much then"

"Whatever, Dad"

"Hey Fringles?"

"Yeah?"

"You're a becoming a real bore, man. You used to be cool"

"Uh, okay"

Jax then turned on his side and fell asleep on the couch. Fringles grabbed a conveniently placed floor blanket and covered Jax with it, showing he cares a lot about his father even though his dad takes drugs or whatever that conversation was

"Sleep tight, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow" said Fringles

END OF PART 1

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