#frig's bullshit

[damnprecious]

me, not unlike Gollum, when the delivery of my packige was delayed Again: pACKIGEEEE

[niuniente]

I'm reading Wikihow on how to go to sauna and I'm LIVID. Who the hell wrote this article, this is all bullshit???

"First, wash yourself with a mild soap before going to sauna" = NO, you rinse yourself with water from head to toe first. If you wear a make up, you can wash that off. If you are extremely dirty like covered with oil, shit and blood, then do wash yourself with a soap first.

"Use a swimsuit or a towel in public saunas" = NO, you fucking sit there naked. Period. In swimming halls it is actually dangerous to sit in sauna in a wet bathing suit because of the pools' chlorine, which WILL evaporate.

"Sit on your towel in the sauna" = NO, you don't fucking bring your frigging towel in the sauna. Public saunas provide seat covers which you will take with you from the locker room (like hotels) and dispose afterwards OR you bring your own seat cover with you. You DO NOT sit on the same towel you dry yourself with you fucking ass.

"After you have sat in sauna, come out, cool down and dress yourself" = PUT CLOTHES ON ON YOUR FUCKING SWEATY SKIN??? WITH NO WASHING YOURSELF? BITCH AFTER SAUNA YOU TAKE A PROPER SHOWER AND WASH YOURSELF FROM HEAD TO TOE.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Treat You 8

Warnings: dark elements, noncon, violence, abuse, other dark elements. Proceed with caution. (Tall!reader)

Note:Please let me know what you think as it helps me a lot with ideas and I love interacting with you all.

Part of The Club AU

You find your way upstairs and rush into the bathroom. You don’t know if it’s the grease or the embarrassment but you’re nauseous as heck. You lock the door and sit on the closed toilet, cradling your head as you bite back tears.  

You’re not surprised. You are always the joke. Never part of the group, just that sore thumb sticking out. Literally most times as you stand hunched above everyone. Why can’t you be like the other girls? Why can’t you be petite and cute? 

You sit up, your shoulders aching with the usual stiffness from curling them constantly. You rub your face until the tingle fades away. No use in crying. It never stopped your dad from yelling or made the pain any better. 

You’ll just grab your shoes and bag and go. You’re sure no one will notice. You can hear them downstairs, their voices babbling happily. What you wouldn’t give to be a part of that. To be able to just be happy and forget about your life for just a few hours. 

There’s a knock at the door. You stare at it. Frig. You can’t really sneak out now. 

You don’t move. You just wait. Maybe they’ll go away. Nope. Another tap, then your name. 

“Hey, you in there? Everything okay?” Peter asks through the door. 

You take a deep breath and stand, “I’m fine.” 

You turn to the sink and twist the faucet. You wash your hands, taking your time to lather up the pear scented soap. You finish up, drying with the soft hand towel, and face the door. You open it reluctantly and step into the doorway.  

“Hey, Gwen said you ran up here. I thought... I thought maybe you left,” he says. “Pizza not agree with you?” 

“I told you, pizza’s good,” you shrug, “but...” you look around the walls; framed pictures of him and his aunt. “I need to go.” 

“What? You only just got here,” he steps away from the wall. 

You shake your head and look at the floor. You don’t like to argue. You don’t want to make him mad and the best way to avoid that is to just go away. 

“Please don’t leave,” he says. 

“I...” your voice creaks and your hug yourself, flicking your lashes against another prickly wave of tears, “I don’t belong here.” 

“What? Who—Did someone say that?” 

You shake your head. 

“Tell me what happened. You were just having fun with Ned, I was hoping we might get to race so why are you running away?” 

“I don’t know,” you murmur. 

“I’m not going to stop you. If you don’t want to be here but I want you here. So if you think you don’t belong, that’s bullshit,” he says. 

You chew your lip and rub your neck, your other hand tight on your elbow. You sway nervously and stare at the floor. You nod. 

“You wanna get some air or something?” He offers and reaches for you. You recoil and hit the door frame. “Woah, sorry, I wasn’t--” 

“No, it’s... you surprised me,” you steady yourself. “I’m sorry.” 

He raises his hand then drops it, “no, it’s...” he shakes his head, “it’s all good. So, you wanna go outside, cool off?” 

You shrug, “sure.” 

He smiles and waves you ahead of him. You trace your way back to the main hall but he stops you with your name, “left. Let’s go out back.” 

“Oh,” you redirect and head to the back door nestled behind the kitchen.  

You step outside in your socks, the patio stone keeping you mostly clean as you pace around aimlessly at the bottoms of the cement stairs. Peter follows and sits on the wicker seat against the wall. He stretches his neck out and raises his arms up. 

“Ugh, it’s nice out,” he sits back as he lowers his arms, “want a seat?” 

“I’m... okay,” you bit your thumb and shuffle this way and that. Your stomach brews with anxiety. You want to ask but you don’t want him to laugh at you. Not like they did. 

“I know my friends can be a bit much,” he says. “Ned didn’t get all weird about Darth Maul, did he?” 

“No,” you shake your head and make a face at him. “I don’t know what that is.” 

“Wow,” his brows pop up, “that’s...” he touches his chest, “you don’t know who Darth Maul is?” 

You blink and frown, “should I?” 

“One day,” he assures with a grin, “I’ll guide you in the jedi ways.” 

Your eyes search the sky and brick siding. He chuckles. 

“Did...” you begin and swallow back the question. You mull it on your tongue and slant your lips, “did you say I’m your girlfriend?” 

His mouth opens then closes. His cheeks tinge and he looks down at his lap. His tongue pokes in his cheek as he examines his hands. He lets out another snort. 

“Yeah,” he keeps his eyes averted guiltily, “um, they said so, didn’t they?” 

“They asked.” 

He sighs, “I did. I’m sorry. I... it was a silly lie.” 

“Right,” you nod. It’d have to be silly. He wouldn’t want you like that. 

“Not that I wouldn’t-- that I don’t--” he lets out another breath, “I don’t know what to say. I was trying to impress them, I guess.” 

“Impress... your friends?” 

“You know, they tease me about it. Girls,” he pushes his shoulders. 

“So you brought me here to prove them wrong,” you deflate. 

“No, I... you make it sound like I’m using you or something. I invited you because we’re friends, right? I just... I just lied to them, not you.” 

“It’s okay,” you sniff, “I’m used to it.” 

“Please, don’t think--” he struggles to speak. He stands, “I lied because I wanted it to be true.” 

Your brows draw together and you look down at him, shying away, “please, you don’t have to--” 

“I’m not lying. Not this time,” he giggles nervously and rubs his cheek, “I got a little crush, but it’s totally cool. We don’t have to...” his chest rises and falls shallowly as his cheeks pinken, “we can just ignore that. If you don’t feel the same, then that’s... chill.” 

You stare at him, your mouth slightly open. You close it and tear your eyes away from him. Your heart is racing. It feels like another joke but he seems so genuine. 

“I don’t... know?” You utter. 

“You don’t know... how you feel?” He prompts. 

“I guess,” you sniff, “I’m... I’m not sure.” 

“Like I said, let’s just be friends,” he insists, “come on, back to the party. Please. You can ignore me, you can do whatever, but please don’t ditch me. If you do, they’ll never let me live it down.” 

You stare across the yard. What can you do? You feel like you owe him at least that. Even if he lied, he invited you, he’s fed you, he’d been nice. It’s just one night. 

“Okay,” you agree. 

[mother-above]

The Golden Warrior | Chapter 10

Azriel x Reader

Summary: To you, love was a poison that slowly killed. It was something that could make the strongest of warriors and leaders weak and vulnerable. You had successfully evaded romance and relationships for a century until the day you realized it had been plaguing you from within.

Chapters: 10/?

Word Count: 6.9k

Warnings: 18+ suggestiveness, swearing,fluff, and very stubborn characters

*masterlist*

Azriel despised going to Illyria. He hated dealing with the warlords and loathed dealing with Illyrian problems that wouldn’t even be there if the males weren’t misogynistic assholes. There were reports of wing clippings in a war camp at the edge of Illyria. Usually, Rhysand and Cassian would be the ones to deal with this, but Rhys was busy with Hewn City and Cassian was newly mated.

Azriel spent a total of four days and three nights in that camp interrogating and then eliminating all those who took part in the wing clippings. The shadowsinger did not hold back, he made sure the males that committed this crime were publicly held accountable. He paid a visit to the young girls, and it broke his heart to see them lying on their stomachs, their small wings tattered and unhealable. He wished you were there; he knew you’d be able to make the girls more comfortable and lift their spirits.

Your absence is another reason for Azriel’s irritable mood. It has been two months since he last saw you. Your letters were vague and gave no information about how you were doing. He asked to visit, and you came up with some bullshit excuse, he felt better when Feyre told him that you said the same thing to her but that didn’t stop Azriel from brooding. He almost sent his shadows to find out, but he knew you would find them, and he didn’t want to spend a whole week sick and throwing up into a toilet.

Azriel spent sleepless nights thinking about what you could be doing. Were you sleeping around trying to forget about Tarquin? Were you drowning yourself at work trying to forget about the battle? Were you doing both? Another thing causing Azriel’s constant surly mood was that he was needy. He wanted you all the time and when he slept, he would dream about your soft body underneath him. He would wake up upset that your body wasn’t entangled with his, his hands gripping your thighs. Pleasuring himself barely tapped the surface, he needed more, he needed you and he had no idea if you would ever kiss him again.

One time, it got so bad Azriel found himself in a pleasure hall in the middle of the night. It felt wrong being there, and just when he was going to turn around and go home, he felt a hand slip around his waist, in an aroused daze, he followed the female into a room. His shadows were screaming at him to stop, and when the female pressed her semi-clothed body against his, he ran over to the trash can and heaved into it. He apologized and then slipped into the shadows to get as far from her as possible. Azriel took a scalding bath and soaped and lathered his skin at least three times to get rid of the female's scent. He went to bed alone and ashamed. Even his shadows were upset at him and were nowhere to be found. That was the biggest reason Azriel took the job to deal with the wing clippings, he needed to punish himself for even thinking going to the pleasure hall was a good idea.

When the time came for Azriel to go back to Velaris, the violence Azriel unleashed at the camp did little to make him feel better. He was tense about anything and everything, he was halfway to Velaris when he felt a talon scrape against his mental shield.

Yes?

Even Azriel’s mental response was gruff.

We’re having a family dinner when you get home. Also… your mate is here at the House of Wind.

Why the hel didn’t you tell me sooner?

Surprise, purred Rhysand.

Azriel beat his wings faster. Rhysand had told him a few weeks back that you were having a tough time and Thesan was thinking about sending you to Night Court for a while. The frigid wind stung his face, but his body and wings were warmed up from the physical exertion, Azriel had never flown this fast before, he was desperate to see you. Minutes later, he passed by the wards protecting Velaris, his wings beating hard as he saw the twinkling House of Wind in his sight. He could feel your presence, you were so close, and his shadows chittered with glee.

He free-falls right above the House, his feet landing with such force the mountain shook. A chorus of hellos rang through the air, but Azriel heard nothing. His fierce gaze searched for yours and when he did, he felt his heart drop. Your eyes were tired, the dark circles on your skin emphasized that something was wrong. Your sizable feathered wings were nowhere to be found and you looked like you lost a bit of weight. What horrified Azriel the most was the absence of your radiance. Your skin looked just like his, ordinary, with no hint of a glow beneath it.

Azriel greeted his brothers and family, but he could barely keep his eyes off you. By the time he reached you, those in attendance were discreetly staring at the both of you. Even those who knew nothing of the bond could clearly see that something was happening between the two of you.

His tall figure towered over as he took in every new detail, and you were doing the same. Instinctively, your arms reached up and he met you halfway, his arms carefully encircling your waist as he hugged you. He wanted to cry out when he noticed how different your body felt, while still muscular, you felt strange and fragile. He breathed you in and even the smell of lilacs and sweet morning dew was dampened by the sharp bitterness of your power. He couldn’t believe how different you were, he swore to himself he would never leave your side again.

“Hi,” he said softly. “It’s good to see you.”

The sound of his voice sent a strange rush of reassurance through your body. Your usually tense muscles relaxed, and you found that horrible gnawing pit in your stomach had calmed.

“Hi,” you breathed out. “It’s nice to see you too.”

The two of you didn’t talk, you didn’t feel like you needed to. It was enough to stand there and be in each other’s presence. His shadows were ecstatic, they hovered around and gave you a look over, some felt protective, so they latched onto your shoulders and stayed there as you walked to the dining table.

The dinner was served family style, and the conversation was entertaining. Being the newcomer, you stayed quiet as you observed the dynamics between everyone at the table. Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, Morrigan, and Varian were by far the loudest and rowdiest. Everyone was quite cheerful; they were excited to have a new face in the house and you found yourself feeling comfortable in the unfamiliar environment. They made sure to include you in conversations, but they never pushed you too far.

The wine was flowing, thanks to Feyre who sat next to you constantly refilling your glass. The food was surprisingly good, you took a special interest in the chicken dish that you knew originated from Dawn Court. Azriel was delighted to see you reaching for seconds, he met eyes with Rhysand whose twitch of the lips told Azriel that he too was happy.

Her body knows that she’s safe and close to her mate.

Azriel nodded.

Rhysand had mentally filled him in that your trauma had made you lose interest in most things. Azriel discreetly simmered with anger because it seemed like everyone but he knew about your situation before he did. He was angry at Thesan and Rhys for not telling him that you were acting like this. Azriel hid his fury well; he refused to sour your seemingly content mood. What bothered him the most was the fact that he didn’t insist and tried harder to see you. He thought that giving you space was the best thing, you had gone through something traumatic, and he wanted you to be the one to reach out, but clearly, it wasn’t the best idea.

Once dinner was over, everyone moved to lounge in the living room and balcony. More wine and amber-colored liquor were poured, feeling in the mood to drink, you divulged and had a couple of glasses. It was strange to see Rhysand so informal, splayed out on the couch with Feyre’s feet on his lap. Morrigan wanted to go dancing and after no one wanted to go out, she huffed and flopped onto a floor cushion and declared that one night, she would get everyone in the room to party with her.

Feeling warm and slightly overwhelmed by Cassian’s drunken storytelling, you got up from the loveseat and headed to the balcony. You welcomed the cool air as you took in the sights of snowcapped mountains. You weren’t sure if it was the city lights that gleamed below you or the warmth of the liquor but for the first time in a while, you felt something other than dread. The tickle of a shadow around your ankle was the first thing you felt, your lips quirked up when you saw Azriel join you by the balcony.

“It’s beautiful here.”

Azriel sidled closer to you and leaned his forearms on the banister. “It’s my favorite place in the whole universe. I have a meeting in the morning but after, I’m free to show you around.”

“Thank you, but Feyre and Morrigan had already offered to give me a tour.”

Azriel clicked his tongue. “I’m sure I have better spots to show you. The best views require wings- “

You winced and he grimaced. His eyes land on the space behind your back. “I’m sorry. How are your wings? In your letters, you told me they were healed…”

You chewed your bottom lip and gazed at the city lights. “I haven’t been able to fly since the war. I tried taking off and I ended up faceplanting and fracturing my wrist. They’ve been glamoured since then.”

Azriel saw the pain in your eyes, and he felt awful. He wished he could help you like you’ve helped him. Without your healing, Azriel would’ve never flown again.

A breeze blew by and despite the warmth of the liquor, you shivered. Feeling bold, Azriel curled a wing around you, and shortly, warmth enveloped you as the mix of cedar and lilac filled both your senses. You hummed as you felt your body continue to relax, his warmth alluring enough to make you lean against him. The bond thrummed in Azriel’s chest; happy you chose to be close to him. He was near enough to pull you closer by the waist, but Azriel held back, it would have been too much for you.

“I can help you with the flying,” said Azriel softly.

You lifted your head and looked up to see that he was genuine. Callon and the other Peregryn’s were too scared to offer such services, scared that you would be offended. Once again resting your head against his shoulder, you slightly shook your head,

“Thank you for offering but I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“Okay,” he said, his voice so deep that it rumbled. “let me know when you’re ready. I’m here for you.”

You breathed deeply, inhaling morning dew and night mist, and felt at ease. It felt strange to feel this much comfort and safety, you don’t think you’ve felt these feelings since before the war with Hybern.

Turning to Azriel, you looked up into his warm green and honey-colored eyes. “I missed you. Sorry if my letters were short, I didn’t know what to say.”

He shrugged. “You’re here now, that’s what matters.” He didn’t think it would be this hard to act this nonchalantly. He cherished those letters no matter how vague they were, each letter you sent was tucked away in a safe spot on his office desk.

“I missed you too,” said Azriel, every emotion he had felt the past few months was poured into those four words.

You don’t know if it’s the liquor, his warmth, his scent, or the way he was looking at you but suddenly, your faces were only inches apart. You glanced at his lips and remembered how soft they felt and how he made you feel like you were floating. Acting on impulse, you go on your toes so you can reach him, and just as your lips are about to press against his, Cassian’s slurred voice cuts through the air.

“The Golden Warrior and the Spymaster!” said Cassian as he walked toward the two of you.

Eyes wide, you sprung away from Azriel and wrapped an arm around yourself. Your cheeks grew hot, and you refused to look at the shadowsinger. “I- uh, I think I’m going to head to my room now. Thank you for the dinner, good night,” you said hurriedly walking inside and past the others.

Once Azriel could hear you bounding up the stairs, a growl rumbled from his chest as he glared at his brother.

“What the fuck was that Cas?”

Cassian, who sobered up quickly, shrunk away and held his hands up. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you!”

Azriel stood there menacingly, everyone thought Azriel was going to punch him but instead, Azriel slipped into a shadow and disappeared.

Cassian stood there stunned and turned to see everyone in the living room glaring at him.

“If he hit you, I wouldn’t have stopped him,” said Nesta. “You would’ve deserved that.”

Mor and Amren were scowling while Rhysand and Feyre just sighed heavily. Varian, Elain, and Lucien looked at each other with wide eyes, this was a pair they never expected much to the disappointment of Elain.

Safely in your bedroom, you walked to the bathroom and looked at your flushed cheeks as you placed your fingers over your lips. You grimaced when you saw that the crimson color had made its way to your ears, a slight glow emitting from your skin.

“What the fuck,” you mumbled. “Don’t kiss your friends.”

Feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, you drew a bath and sat in the suds contemplating your first day in Night Court.

Azriel was lying on the floor in the middle of the training ring and it was cold, but he didn’t care. He was beating himself up for the almost kiss, he wasn’t sure if it was him who started leaning in or if it was both of you. He saw how startled you looked and now he’s scared that any progress that was made had regressed. He remembered Thesan’s advice to be patient with you, but Azriel was preparing himself for the reality that you may never feel the bond snap or if you decide to stay friends. That’s what Rhysand did with Feyre, he was patient and let her make all the choices.

Azriel would never force the bond on you, he wished and told the Mother above that he would take whatever role you wanted him to be. All he wants is for you to be in his life. After a few hours, the cold finally got to him, so Azriel went downstairs and walked quietly through the halls. He was about to enter his bedroom when he heard sniffles from the room across from him. The faint trace of lilacs made his jaw go slack.

Sneaky bastards thought Azriel.

The shadowsinger softly knocked on your door but he heard nothing but the sound of you crying even harder. His shadows were hissing at him to go to you and after a few seconds, Azriel slowly opened the door. Curled up on the right side of the bed was you sobbing in your sleep. He felt his heart drop as he watched your face contort in anguish, the tears streaming from your closed eyes. Quietly padding to your bedside, Azriel whispered your name, but it wasn’t enough. Feeling brave, Azriel rested his hand on your bare shoulder and shook you gently.

Waking up with a start, you snatched the hand that was on you and only relaxed when you saw that it was just Azriel.

“Are you okay? Your room is across from mine, and I heard you crying… I thought I should wake you.”

You sat up and rubbed your wet eyes. “I’m fine,” you said still disoriented.

Azriel awkwardly stood next to you. He did not think this through, now you were going to think he was strange for bursting into your room uninvited. He watched you blink back the tears and to his surprise, you reached over and patted the foot of the bed asking him to sit there.

He was pleased you wanted him to stay, as calmly as he could he nodded and sat on the edge, his feet planted on the floor as he turned to look at you. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going through a hard time? I would have taken time off work; I would’ve helped you.”

You shook your head as a frown formed. “That’s the thing, I don’t understand how everyone is acting like thousands of faeries didn’t die. In the beginning, I thought everyone was feeling what I felt, and I didn’t want to bother anyone. I don’t know how everyone moved on so fast, I feel responsible for every single Dawn Court death,” you said as your lips trembled. Hugging your knees, you looked at the Azriel, the faint faelight bright enough so you could see his silhouette. “If I was powerful enough, I could’ve taken more Hybern soldiers down, I could’ve saved more Prythian lives.”

“Please believe me when I say you were powerful enough, it just happened that you were up against the godsdamned Cauldron. Amren had to unbind herself and die to beat them.” Azriel shook his head, he restrained himself from wanting you in his arms and comforting you. “The first battle is the hardest, I locked myself in a cabin and was in a drunken stupor for a whole month until Cas and Rhys dragged me outside. I don’t think anyone moved on… we’re all clinging onto normalcy, so we aren’t consumed by the guilt of being lucky enough to survive. When you’re centuries years old, you learn how to deal with that heartache.”

You sat still and absorbed his words as you looked at the outlines of his wings, the scarred membrane so familiar to you.

“Sometimes I can still smell blood and hear the clanging of metal. I know it’s not real, but it scares me and it makes my blood run cold.” The very thought of those hallucinations gives you chills, the goosebumps littering the skin that your pajamas don’t cover. “Sometimes I get these nightmares, they’re not all about the war, sometimes it's things that happened in the past.”

Azriel stood up and reached over to grab the crumpled ends of the blankets and pulled to cover you. His warm hands brushing against your skin made a blush spread through your cheeks as you thanked him. He sat back down on the edge of the bed but this time, he was much closer to you, his wings brushing the side of your calf.

“What were you dreaming about?”

Your heart started to pound against your chest. Should you tell him that you were dreaming of the boy? Of him?

“I’ve been getting these reoccurring nightmares,” you said shakily. “It’s about a little boy locked in a dark cellar.”

Azriel’s face blanched, his heart pounding just like yours was.

“Tonight I watched these young boys pour oil on the little one’s hands and light them on fire. I couldn’t move to help him, it was like I was stuck in the shadows… gods I can still hear him scream,” you whispered, tears running down your face as the vivid dream replayed in your head. “I tried to help him but I couldn’t.”

Azriel was frozen, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Is this something mates experienced? Did they have dreams of each other? He watched as your puffy red eyes looked down at his hands that were clasped tightly on his lap.

“Az?”

“Yes, dove?”

There were a few moments of silence, the only thing heard was you and Azriel’s heartbeats.

“Are you the boy I’ve been dreaming about?”

He let out a long exhale. “I think so,” whispered Azriel. He waited for the bond to snap for you, the golden cord in his chest reaching out to the empty half. A few seconds later, there was nothing and disappointment flowed through him.

“That’s what happened to your hands then? Your brothers burned you?” Your breathing sped up, the confusion of why you were dreaming of Azriel overwhelming you. The painful images once again flooded your mind, your eyes squeezed shut as flashes of burned flesh, beheaded monsters, and ashes overtook your mind. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry I couldn’t save them.”

You were hyperventilating and the tears streaming down your face no longer letting you see Azriel who was kneeling on the bed panicking about how to help you. Your mental state was too fragile, Azriel immediately felt bad for being frustrated with you. Reaching out, Azriel cradled your face with both hands and wiped your tears away.

“Breathe,” he said calmly. “Inhale and exhale slowly. Follow me.”

He led by example and then you follow by syncing your breaths.

“I’m so sorry,” you said as you placed your hands over his. The scars on top are rough against your palms. “What they did to you was horrible.”

“There was nothing you could have done to help me and that’s okay,” he said soothingly. “It happened so many years ago, and Cas and Rhys already punished them for it.”

“Why would I dream of you?” You said as your eyebrows furrowed.

His thumb that stroked your cheekbone lifted and moved to trace the jagged scar that ran above it. He couldn’t tell you now, not in this state. “I don’t know,” lied Azriel. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep? We can try to figure it out another day.”

Looking down at your pillow, you hesitated. You were exhausted but you were scared to close your eyes.

“Will you stay? Just until I fall asleep?”

“Y-yes,” stammered Azriel. “I can stay with you.”

Moving to the left side of the bed, you watched as Azriel tucked his wings in and laid on your pillow, the scent of lilacs filling his senses. A shy smile graced your lips and Azriel couldn’t help but reciprocate it. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

To both of your surprise, you found yourself reaching over to take his hand and placing it in the middle of the bed. You lightly traced the ridges of the marked skin, Azriel searched your face for any hint of disgust, but he found none, only pure curiosity. He relaxed as your fingertips ran over each knuckle and finger, the movements lulling him into a tranquil state. As if you were protecting him, you placed your hand over where the burns were concentrated. Azriel felt his heart swell, the gesture alone made his eyes glimmer, the golden bond in his chest thrumming in comfort and happiness. With your eyelids growing heavier by the second, you felt the smallest tug in your chest, and then blissful sleep took over.

***

The next morning, you were awakened by a knock on the door, and your eyes flew open to look at the other side of the bed. Judging by rumpled sheets and slight warmth, Azriel must have gotten up an hour ago. With your permission, Nuala floated in with her shadowy form and stood at the foot of the bed, a slight smile on her face as she took notice of the right side of the bed. A blush crept up your neck, you couldn’t believe you went to sleep holding Azriel’s hand.

Nuala asked you if you would like to be attended to, but you politely declined. You were Dawn Court royalty; Rhysand must’ve suspected you got ready with attendants but that only happened on special occasions. She leaves you with a few coats and cardigans lent by Mor and Feyre before leaving you to get ready.

Before using magic to make the bed, you stared at Azriel's side for a moment longer before going to the bathroom to get ready. You emerged dressed and ready for the day wearing linen pants and a wool sweater, your puffy eyes the only remnants of last night's crying.

You were the last to show up for breakfast, the only seat was between Azriel and Feyre. A chorus of “good mornings” filled the air and you responded, your lips slightly smiling when you caught Azriel’s eye, him trying and failing to hide the smirk. With a wave of Rhysand’s hand, breakfast dishes were placed on the center of the table. Without asking, Feyre is already pilling pancakes on your plate while Azriel spooned fruit on the side. A grateful smile graced your lips as they spoiled you, Nesta who sat across handed you the maple syrup.

The group called themselves the inner circle and you understood why, aside from you and the other newcomers on the table, Rhysand and the inner circle had been friends and rulers for five centuries. It was clear that they all loved and respected each other, and they extended the same courtesy to their new family and guests. They were talking about the Winter Solstice that was coming up in about two months, all the Courts held parties or rituals that day, it just so happens that Winter Solstice was Dawn Court's biggest celebration of the year.

You grimaced; you should’ve been planning things for the annual grand ball, but you had forgotten. Rhysand reassured you that Thesan had the ball covered but that didn’t ease the guilt you felt for being an inadequate second. For the rest of breakfast, you stayed quiet while blankly looking at your half-eaten pancakes. Cassian kept trying to coax a laugh out of you while Mor and Feyre tried getting you to talk about anything, but nothing worked. Your conscious was still preoccupied with punishing you for how useless you’ve been to your Court. Azriel gave his family a look and shook his head, silently telling them to drop the subject. Normally you would have been bantering with his family, but you weren’t okay.

After breakfast, you went to your room to get ready for your day out. You dressed in the thickest clothes you packed and clasped your sapphire necklace around your neck. You didn’t want to scare the citizens of Velaris with your power, the last time they felt dark magic was when Hybern attacked their city. You emerged from your room wearing a wool coat and went to the balcony where Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand were waiting to fly you all down.

Azriel approached with something dark blue in his hands. His brothers pretended to be in a conversation but really, they were snooping. He stopped when he was close enough to feel the heat radiating from you.

“Hi, sorry about last night, I got up just after the sun rose. I fell asleep and I didn’t wake up till the morning, I know I was only supposed to stay till you went to slee- “

“It’s okay,” you said quietly, your cheeks feeling hot. “I don’t mind. I should be the one embarrassed, I made you stay because I was scared. Thank you for staying.” You chuckled softly.

Azriel shook his head. “I didn’t mind at all, I’m just glad I could help you.” Before he could back out, he thrust the soft blue cloth toward you.

“What’s this?” Your fingers brushed against his as you grasped onto the cloth. Holding it up, you realize it was a beanie made of yarn. “Did you make this?”

Cassian and Rhysand looked at each other with wide eyes. They didn’t even bother faking a conversation, they stood there staring at each other solely communicating telepathically.

Azriel brushed his hands along his inky hair. “Um... yes, I did. It’s something I learned when Rhys was Under The Mountain, I found out it calms me when I get stressed. You don’t actually have to wear it or anything…I just thought that it might be helpful.”

A genuine smile spread across your lips, your eyes lighting up for the first time in a while. “It’s beautiful, this is exactly what I needed!”

You slipped the beanie around your head and ears and beamed up at Azriel who looked at you in awe. He couldn’t believe his mate was standing in front of him wearing something he made, the blended blue yarn matched the color of his siphons and your sapphires.

As you thanked him, Feyre, Mor, Nesta, and Elain arrived at the balcony at the same time, Rhysand had ordered them to stay inside until he permitted them. The ladies’ eyes flew to your head, they kept their cool but inside, they were grinning like a mad person. It was time to fly down, and you found yourself wanting Azriel to be the one to carry you. You sound ridiculous, you thought. With a smile, you asked Cassian to do the honors and he obliged, as he took off, you missed the apologetic smile he shot to Azriel who just landed on the balcony after bringing Mor down.

Since the males had a meeting with Azriel’s spies, the girls gave you a tour of Velaris. They showed you their favorite shops, the Sidra, and the Rainbow neighborhood which you immediately loved. Seeing the soft smile on your face, Feyre ordered molten chocolate for everyone as you all stood and watched the street musicians. You watched the children laugh and dance and you couldn’t help the tears in your eyes. Feyre, who was in a particularly playful mood, dragged her sisters closer and made them dance with her. Mor hooked her arm around yours and made you sway to the beat as you watched all kinds of faeries dance. These precious fae were what you helped protect in the war, you endured so much so they could have this. At that moment, that hollow feeling in your chest felt a little smaller.

Dawn Court had a city similar to this, it’s in the process of rebuilding but you knew that someday it would be just as cheerful as Velaris. You walked into a bookstore that the group must frequent a lot because the shopkeeper knew everyone’s name. They introduced you and the shopkeeper and patrons stared curiously. Despite wearing the necklace, the alluring darkness of your magic still lingered around you, your beauty drawing them in. The group dispersed to look for their genres, by the time you arrived at the romance section, Nesta was already there with books in her arms. You and Nesta laughed, and she even gave you a few recommendations. By the time you were to meet with the boys and Amren for lunch, you all had shopping bags filled with clothes and books.

Rhysand took you to his favorite restaurant, the view from the window was beautiful and the ambiance was refreshing. Azriel pulled out a chair for you to sit on and you bit back a smile when you saw he placed himself next to you. You were in a much better space after the great morning you had, you were able to laugh and chat a little bit with the group. Something you did notice was Lucien and Elain. They sat across from each other and Lucien would try to talk to Elain, his eyes pained when Elain gave him scraps. You sat near them so it was hard to ignore the couple, you could no longer take the awkwardness, so you pulled Lucien and Elain into a conversation. You asked him about Autumn Court and how he grew up and asked what it was like to grow up in the human territories. They both were grateful for your intervention, both proactively asking questions about yourself so they could avoid each other.

When everyone was watching Cassian and Nesta bicker, you took a sneaky glance at Elain and studied her and Lucien. Ignoring your mate seems cruel, you thought. This was why you hoped the bond hadn’t snapped for Tarquin, and you hoped it would never snap for you. You didn’t want Tarquin to go through this. Guilt ran through you at the thought of the male, but you couldn’t help it. It was cruel that he was your mate and you felt nothing for him.

After lunch, everyone goes their way, either to do more shopping, see a show at the theater, or run errands. It left you and Azriel alone to come up with your own plans. You don’t see it but Feyre shoots Azriel a thumbs up as his eyes shoot out daggers, begging his High Lady to stop. Azriel asked what you wanted to do, truthfully you wanted to lie down and sleep, but you were in a new city and a guest, it would be rude for you to mope around. You suggested walking around and Azriel nodded, happy that you wanted to do more.

Against your protests, Azriel carried your shopping bags, you only had two, but the male was insistent. He showed you his favorite spots in the city and even brought you to a blacksmith he liked. The shop was filled with knives, daggers, swords, and other metalwork. You liked his work so much, that you purchased this dagger with an obsidian blade and intricately carved hilt that you found in some random corner of the store. The price was hefty, but you had the money, and the dagger called to you, so you had to have it. Azriel smiled at your purchase, the dagger you chose was older than you and him combined, and the obsidian material was the same as his Truth-Teller.

Finally admitting you were tired, the two of you sat on the benches by the Sidra, the sound of the flowing water easing your weary mental state. A couple passed by you and Azriel, they’re holding hands and talking loudly in their own world. You watched how completely unaware they looked, if you threw a pebble at them, you don’t think they’d notice.

“You look like you want to shove that couple into the river,” chuckled Azriel.

“What makes you say that?”

Azriel poked the side of your downturned mouth. “Dove, you’re scowling at them.”

Realizing he was right, you huffed as you neutralized your expression.

“So I take it that you still hate love?” said Azriel. He emphasized the word so dramatically that a giggle escaped your lips.

Your gaze returned to the couple, they were laying out a picnic blanket, working in practiced tandem as they set their food up. It was cold outside, but it didn’t even look like it was bothering them, the mere presence of their significant other was enough to warm them thoroughly.

“I don’t hate love… I just have a problem with what it’ll do to someone. Look what it did to my parents…”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” interrupted Azriel. You were supposed to be getting better, not reliving your painful past.

“It’s alright, I can talk about them. My mother was the second-born of High Lord Lydo, her older brother was Thesan’s father. She was also a powerful healer, she had a specialty with bones, and she could fix any break. My father was the Peregryn Commander, and he was fierce and strong, and everyone was afraid of him. They were married and mates, so in love and inseparable to the point their top priority was each other and I was always second. When I was a teenager, an enemy of the Court had captured my father. No one was having luck finding him and my mother wanted to search for him, but I begged her not to go. I had this horrible feeling in my stomach that something bad was going to happen, but she was so distraught that she ignored me. She led a search party and that was the last time I saw her alive. A few days later, soldiers came back to Dawn carrying their bodies. I was 16 years old when this happened,” you said fiddling with your fingers.

The shadows swarmed around you, feeling your distress, and intertwined themselves in your hands.

“Growing up, my parents loved each other more than they loved me. My mom chose to go and left me behind. Some may think I’m selfish for holding a grudge for this long, but I can’t help it. We had our best warriors and spies searching for my father, yet my mother chose to leave me behind knowing the risks. I think that’s selfish.”

Azriel gaped at you, he was in pure disbelief. No wonder you were the way you were, you’ve been angry and bitter for years.

“Two incredibly powerful people, yet their bond made them vulnerable. That’s why they’re dead. They put each other over their duties. Over me,” you paused to control your trembling voice. “To me, that’s abhorrent, it’s weakness.”

Azriel was quiet for a long time, his handsome face twisted into a frown as he absorbed all the information you gave him. “You don’t have to be like your parents. I’ve seen mated couples do a phenomenal job at keeping a balance between work and their life. Look at Feyre and Rhys, they’re doing great.”

It was hard to do with all your layers on, but you turned to the side and brought your legs up to lean on the bench. Fully facing Azriel, you looked at him thoughtfully “You’re a warrior and spy, I’m sure you know how hard it can be to focus when your family and friends are on the battlefield, how much more distracting is it when your lover is out there too?”

Azriel’s head cocked to the side. “Yes, there’s a risk of being distracted but I think it’s the opposite,” he said carefully planning his words. “I think knowing someone out there is waiting for you… protects you. It makes you fight harder because you know you must go home, it’s not an option to die on the battlefield.”

You nodded as you tried to understand what he meant. Your memories flashed back to seeing Azriel fighting on the battlefield. “It’s too much distraction, all it takes is one bad split decision and then everything goes to shit!”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

You slammed your hands onto the wood beneath, your mood switching up once again as your words spit out like fire. “Because of you, you idiot! I saw you on the battlefield and some creature came up from behind and you didn’t notice. That millisecond it took to decide to help you, led to me getting stabbed and almost having my wing ripped off! Now I can’t even fucking fly because that's what happens when you get distracted, Azriel!”

You were panting and didn’t realize you were standing up and you didn’t even care that other fae were staring.

Azriel gawked at you, his mouth opening and closing. When words failed, he just stared at you in silence as you slumped down and covered your face with your hands. Azriel felt guilt creep up, he had no idea that’s what happened.

You were in a daze; you didn’t even realize how much you cared about the shadowsinger until now. The shock on his handsome face seared behind your closed eyes. Your chest burned and you didn’t know what to do, how did you not realize you were beginning to care for Azriel in that way?

You stood up and picked up your shopping bags, without looking him in the eye you said, “Can we go back to the house?”

Azriel was stunned. You had just admitted that you cared for him in a way that scared you. By the looks of your reaction, he didn’t want to do or say anything that would agitate you more. He knew he was treading on a fine line; this was something you needed to deal with yourself, and it was you who had to come to terms with your feelings.

“Okay,” he said as quietly and gently as possible.

He waited for you to wrap your arms around his neck before he scooped you up, his arms under your knees and back. He unfurled his wings and shot up to the skin. Your embrace was tight as you watched the city shrink, you looked out to the surrounding mountains and pain flooded your mind. Your emotions made your magic struggle against the sapphires that dampened it. You were confused about your emotions and now you were being reminded of why you should never let them get in the way.

If only your wings worked, you’d be able to explore these mountains yourself and escape your thoughts. Feeling defeated, you closed your eyes and leaned on Azriel’s chest as exhaustion took over.

Azriel spoke up not being able to deal with how much anguish you were in. “You’ll fly again. I was serious when I said I would help you.”

You nodded as tears escaped, a shadow chittered and caressed your face.

a/n: Thank you for reading! lmk what you think, lets fangirl down in the comments!

taglist❤️: @inloveallthetime , @phoenix666stuff, @books-and-lit

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

🧂 mad salty 🧂

LET ME ShOW YOU THE bULLshIT I WENT THROUGh TO GET A COMpLETE SET OF TSUMSiTTER SSRS 😭

Guess how many rolls this fella took?

... 100 🤡 I CAN'T BELIEVE HE TOOK A SOFT PITY, MALLEUS DRACONIA IS NOT WORTH THIS (The only reason I rolled is so I can have all 7 Tsumsitter SSRS...)

This one took 80... which... is more than I would like to spend, but isn't as bad as hitting a soft pity.

AND THEN VIL TOOK ME A WHOLE HARD PITY AT 200???? ?? ? ??????? ? ???? ? ? ?? UM, EXCUSE YOU ???? He’s even more offended than Malleus that I said I didn’t like him… 😭

The only good news (?) is that I finally got my first ever Dorm Uniform Kalim at 60ish pulls BUT THEN FRIGGING TSUMSITTER IDIA SPOOKS ME AND STEALS THE 100 SOFT PITY FROM VIL... The irony is that I was ALSO dealing with a bunch of technical issues on the day I rolled, which now feels like foreshadowing a bad omen in hindsight.............. .. .......... . .. . . .. . . .. .. ...... . . . . Anyway, point is that I'm now mad at Idia 💀

Your groovies had BETTER be good or Idia is getting balded 🧯 DO YOU HEAR ME, SHROUD??????? ?? ?? ?? ? ? PREPARE YOUR HAIRLINE BECAUSE I'M COMING FOR YOU

(Bonus doodle by anbansai!) "Yes, officer. It was him who caused me several mild inconveniences today. Take him away."

[high-noon-raccoon]

Finally finished reading Legionnaire but unfortunately it set me back on my bullshit and I'm trying desperately to spare my tabletop group from it.

I need to just sketch more, it helps me remember how to draw like an actual frigging adult.

[autisticburnham]

The Supernatural fandom has this term, the Ghostfacers Effect, named after the episode Ghostfacers, which is presented as though it is an episode of the in universe Ghostfacers webseries where some dweebs do your average real life ghost hunting bullshit. In the episode Sam and Dean are both swearing up a storm using real swear words, not the "frig" they typically otherwise use, and are bleeped out with the Ghostfacers logo covering their mouths the way they do in reality TV. The Ghostfacers Effect then refers to the idea that we the audience do not see the true story of what is happening in universe but instead an unreliable recounting of the true story, which is why we typically hear "frig" despite knowing the characters actually say "fuck."

Which, ignoring the concept of a story "really" happening in a way disconnected from the canon because that's a can of worms I do not want to touch right now, is generally a good explanation for why characters who you would reasonably expect to swear don't. And you can of course apply this to any character and say that even if they don't swear in canon, you know they do really.

You could say Captain Kirk always swears as much as he does in The Voyage Home, we the audience just aren't being told the truth about it usually. But I reject this notion. The point of this post, why I explained the Ghostfacers Effect, is to say I refuse to believe it in relation to Captain Kirk. The Voyage Home is an outlier which should not be counted and 99% of the time the most scathing insult Captain Kirk will level you with genuinely is "go climb a tree."

[hiding-in-your-shadow]

Hey, PSA to anyone planning to go to a haunted house attraction... ever

Don't try to catch the pokemon there. Never mind that I'm not actually a pokemon (thank Arceus someone had gotten me a catch patch before this bullshit) but the ones that are pokemon are there to due a frigging job and don't belong to you!

It's not cute

It's not funny

It's asshole behavior and no I am not sorry the Doublade you threw a ball at knocked it back and the ball hit you on the head. Don't do that shit!

[princessconsuela120]

Chapter Nine: The Best Day —✧

Series masterlist

Chapter Warnings: cursing, pregnancy, the usual

Authors Note: a little glimpse into Juno’s relationships with others. I love her dynamics so much. Enjoy guys, don’t forget to like comment and repost!!

Chapter art by @silvell & @clownfacepancakes120

—✧

I HAD DECIDED AFTER A LONG A GRUELING DAY OF BEING PREGNANT, that I needed to spend some time with Tweek. Of all of my friends, besides maybe Butters, Tweek was the only one who was the most refreshing to hang out with. Oddly enough considering he was scared of everything, but he was the most girl like when there were no girls around to see. But of course with Tweek came Craig, because if Craig wasn’t there that would mean that Tweek was cheating on him, and being the wonderful boyfriend he is Craig begged Tweek to bring him along.

“This pretzel tastes like a frigging doughnut.” I said happily, stuffing my mouth full of the giant pretzel in my hands as the boys and I walked through the mall. We stopped at a few stores, Tweek helping me pick out new clothes for once my stomach got even bigger and my stubborn to wearing my current clothes.

“Share the love, Sweet cheeks.” Craig held out his hand, hoping I would hand him my pretzel but I pulled it away from him, flipping him off.

“No, you can't have any.”

“She's assaulting me! She's denying me fresh-baked goods. Tweek!” He shouted, flipping me off back and turning to look at Tweek with an angry look.

“Go buy your own doughnut!” I shouted at him, and Tweek sighed that he had to deal with our crap again.

“Craig, just get your own.” He argued, making Craig whine in response.

“But! But that’s not fair!” He shouted, and I laughed at him.

“I’m eating for two, this pretzel is only made for one. I can’t be risking my baby of the nutrients it deserves.” I explained, holding my stomach in defense.

“It’s not even gonna be your kid.” Craig argued back, and Tweek groaned finally tired of our bullshit.

“It doesn’t matter, she needs it more than you.” He lectured, and Craig sighed, hiding his face into Tweek’s shoulder. Tweek rolled his eyes, running his hands through Craig’s hair to comfort him as he rambled angrily, his hat now in his hands.

“So rude, I can’t even believe you right now, we’re family. I’m blood related to that baby, we share blood…”

Craig continued to whine about his damn pretzel, causing me to roll my eyes as I walked up to the edge looking down at the mall. As my eyes scanned the room, I noticed someone familiar.

“Oh, my God.” I whispered, Tweek being the only one who seemed to care.

“What?” He asked, moving closer to me which knocked Craig off his shoulder, causing the brunette to groan angrily.

“Yeah exactly, oh my god Craig, I’m sorry sorry, here eat my doughnut pretzel.” Craig mocked me, earning a light shove from Tweek.

“That's her. That's Vanessa Loring.” I said, pointing on the glass as best I could to the girl downstairs. She looked lovely, she looked like a mom. I assumed she came with her friends, because there was a girl beside her with their baby who she wouldn’t let go of. She looked just like a mom.

“Of the PennySaver Lorings?” Craig asked.

“The adoptive mom?” Tweek asked right after, and Craig shamelessly bent down, pressing his face against the glass to get a better look.

“Dude, she's, really pretty.” He said, as Tweek pulled him back up by the hair, giving him a dirty look at the fact he would smoosh his face against a dirty glass.

“You sound, like, totally shocked or something.”

“She's totally gonna steal that little kid for her collection.” Craig teased, making me nod in response.

“Right? Seriously.”

“Really?!” Tweek asked nervously, starting to shake slightly as he felt himself filled with nerves. Craig grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly as we continued our walk downstairs.

“It was a joke honey, don’t stress yourself.” He reassured him, kissing his cheek. I have to admit, Craig and Tweek may just be the one thing that makes me believe love exists. They have been together since 4th grade and besides maybe a few mishaps here and there, they still had never broken up.

“I could so go for, like, a huge cookie right now… With, like, a lamb kebab simultaneously.” I explained, my mouth seeming to water at the thought.

“God, Spermy. Must you always feed? It's, like, never-ending for you.” Craig complained. I was about to argue with him some more, before Vanessa appeared in front of me, smiling widely at my arrival.

“Juno.” She greeted me, surprised yet happy to see me.

“Hi, Vanessa.” I said back. “What brings you to the mall today?”

“I was just shopping with my girlfriends and…”

“You're gay?” Craig asked, interrupting Vanessa. She looked back at him with a confused look.

“Oh, just ignore him.” I said to her, about to start talking before Craig interrupted again.

“Cause I am.” He said, making me roll my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose angrily.

“We know Craig.” I grumbled back in response.

“No, no I’m not.”

“Darn.” He whispered, shaking his head slightly as I rolled my eyes.

“Well, how are you feeling?”

“Great. Everything's stupendous, you know? Oh, God.” I said, stopping to hold my stomach as my face scrunched up in pain. As if he knew, Craig grabbing onto my arm, letting my hold myself up on him slightly as he rubbed soothing patterns on my arm. I smiled up at him, and he smiled back softly, helping hold me up. He took a few deep breaths while looking at me, trying to get me to mimick him. I did, and soon enough took a last deep breath before steadying myself.

“What?” Vanessa asked.

“Kicking. Kicking away.” I said with a light chuckle. This had been happening a lot recently, and everytime it was like my little body couldn’t handle it. They must have Kyle’s strength because I swear they could have broken my rib by now. The first time it happened was with Butters. It scared the absolute shit out of him, he had no idea what to do and panicked and just hugged me. On all honesty it actually helped a lot, I was able to steady myself to his heart beat, and since that day Butters had talked to the rest of the boys about being “prepared” with me. It was honestly really sweet.

“Does it hurt!?” Tweek asked nervously, coming up to me on my other side, Craig still holding my arm just in case. He’d never say it out loud but he may be just as protective over me as Stan is.

“Not entirely, I mean I get used to it.” I explained, making Tweek sigh.

“Don’t worry Mrs Loring, your child is in very good hands under the care of my anxiety ridden boyfriend.” Craig explained, making Tweek slap the back of his head.

“Shut up! You’re embarrassing me!” Tweek shouted at him, about to continue yelling at Craig before Vanessa interrupted.

“Could I feel it?” She asked softly. She acted as if she was nervous. I just smiled, taking her hand and placing it on my bump.

“Are you kidding? Come on. At school everyone's just grabbing my belly all the time. It's crazy. But I'm a legend.”

“They call her the Cautionary Whale.” Craig added, having me as we both chuckled at the name.

“I can't feel anything. It's not moving for me.” She said sadly. I just frowned at her.

“You should try talking to it, supposedly they can hear you. Even though it's like 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea.”

“Hi, baby. It's me. It's Vanessa. I can't wait to meet you. Can you hear me, baby? Sweet angel?” Her face lit up with joy, and her eyes never once moved from her hand over my stomach. “I felt it. Oh, God. That was magical. Thank you. Thank you.”

—✧

“Oh, a little trip down Mexico way. And Greece and China, apparently. How many months has it been? You're getting huge.” Kenny asked, raising an eyebrow at me as I sat down beside him at lunch. After my glorious mall trip I met Kenny for lunch, at the buffet, to fuel my vicious appetite.

“Well, it's honing in on 6. You should see how weird I look naked.” I said shaking my head, making Kenny raise his eyebrows at me.

“I’m really okay, tempting offer though. I wish my fun bags would get bigger.” He whined, sighing as he began eating.

“You’re a man.” I said to him, but he just shrugged.

“So? I’m a man not a boy, which means I should totally have some fun bags.” He explained, making me shove him.

“God, trust me, you don't. I have to wear a fricking bra now… And rub all this nasty cocoa-butter stuff on myself so, like… I don't know, my skin won't explode.” I explained making Kenny nod along.

“Hot.”

“Why is everyone always staring at me?” I scoffed, glaring at the couple who walked by, glaring daggers into my shirt.

“Well, you are kind of convex, you know.” Kenny explained, surprising me he even knew that word existed.

“Who's been doing their geometry homework for once?”

“I have no choice. Beth has been grading me, like, so hard lately.” My face scrunched up in disgust.

“Do not call Mrs. Conner Beth.”

“Why?”

“Because my barf reflex is really heightened these days.”

“But Beth’s hot.”

“And you’re a horny man whore Ken, I don’t see your point.” I teased, causing Kenny to roll his eyes.

“Did you hear that Kyle is going to prom with Rebecca Cotswolds?”

I swear I could’ve chocked on my food.

“Rebecca? No way. He doesn't like Rebecca. Must be, like, a pity date or something.” I explained, remembering that Kyle did in fact not like Rebecca. Or atleast he told me he didn’t. Maybe it was just me who hated Rebecca because he asked Kyle to prom. Or maybe cause she smells like soup and I hate her stupid curly brown hair.

“I heard he asked her. And that they're going to Casa Bonita…And then prom and then Cartman’s cousins cabin. I know cause they asked me to go to. I said no, obviously, my baby’s gonna be born around then I need to prepare.” Kenny wiggled his eyebrows, leaning back in his chair, but I chose to ignore the last bit he said.

“He told me that Rebecca’s house smells like soup.” I said, making Kenny burst into laughter.

“Oh, my God, it totally does. I think their family is one of those families that buys thousands of cans of Campbell’s soups to donate the poor every year. They always give my family these cans in the mail that are half empty and all goey and old. He house is like Lipton landing. But, you know, boys have endured way worse things for nookie.” Kenny laughed at himself, and I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

“Oh, please. There is no way that they're having sex. They wouldn't even be holding hands.” I shook my head, and Kenny shrugged.

“Wouldn't be so sure. He did it with you.”

“Yeah, because Kyle trusts me, you know? And we're best friends.”

“Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did.”

I wasn’t jealous, really I wasn’t. I just hated the idea of Kyle and Rebecca together. I wasn’t jealous, I don’t get jealous, especially not with Kyle. He hates her, he does. God why did my chest hurt.

“Not jealous. Don't care. It's just I know Kyle doesn't like Rebecca. He shouldn't toy with her emotions because she seems pretty nice.” I took a long swig of my drink, before continuing to down it, causing Kenny to look at me with widened eyes.

“I'm really convinced.”

“Prom is for wenises anyway.” I said, slamming my empty glass back on the table. “As soon as you're old enough to go, it's so not cool anymore.”

—✧

[silver-wield]

In your opinion what do you think the Devs frame of mind is with how they wrote A this game. Are they just out of touch and don't realise how shitty she comes across in this day and age or did they do it on purpose to show something? Like how she too was mentally distraught over Zack and none of her feelings were genuine at all even in OG. Even non shippers are literally baffled and don't know what to think of her and why she is so flip floppy this game when they thought she was written better last game.

Maybe it's just the way I played but it felt like we were meant to be pissed off with Aerith and avoid her because she's so frigging intolerable.

Even in Cosmo Canyon all she did during that speech was whine all "poor me I had no friends and I'm super special and I wanna be normal!!!" and the option to encourage that and indulge her self pitying bullshit just felt really icky, so I think a lot of the negative convo choice outcomes actually make her stop and think about her behaviour and how she hurts others. The fact the Gi also said as much about cetra as a whole being a selfish race also feeds into that view point. I mean if you've been sucking up to her and then suddenly you hear "oh yeah, cetra are self obsessed and don't care about others" you should stop and think about how you've played the game and whether what you've done is in line with how the characters are canonically.

For the most part with the multiple dialogue options and several versions of the same scene depending on how you played I think this game above Remake and part three are indulging the whole "it's player choice!!!" narrative. From what I've seen it's almost impossible to figure out the straight line in all the options, and if they hadn't included some mandatory scenes as waypoint markers I think the whole narrative would've got lost, but the one thing that is clear is that Cloud isn't as nice to Aerith as he is to Tifa and the point Kitase made about "by the end you'll be thinking I wish I had been nicer to her" factors into the non optional parts of the game as well as the optional parts.

That's not to say she's not still a back stabbing bitch who maintains a superficial friendship with Tifa because even though she likes her, she's jealous af of her in multiple ways and thinks if she can steal Cloud from under her nose then that validates her as superior.

I mean even Zack acknowledged Aerith isn't that pretty. She's pretty to him, but not in general. She also had no friends because her personality sucks and she was obsessed with being seen as normal and that made her act fake and resulted in everyone calling her weird, which she hates more than anything.

Aerith is a foil for Tifa and the devs really took that concept and made her the worst. She's not that kind, she's self involved, she's not pretty or capable or anything that Tifa is. She's obsessed with Cloud and doesn't really care about the planet or her role unless it's performative and makes her look good. Even as she's dying all she cares about is trying to get Cloud, which causes him trauma because she doesn't care how he feels.

Aerith is written as a bad person who happens to be a good guy and that's meant to throw up a lotta of conflicting emotions for players. Even though she's a "heroine" we don't have to like her because she's a horrible person. That's the devs intention imo.

[drsilverfish]

Ouch the Heart Foreshadowing

Oh man this scene in 1x06 The Art of F**kery is so great (sorry everyone having to suffer my OFMD posts “late”, but it only just got released in the UK, on the BBC). 

Blackbeard totally bullshitting, Stede freaking out, Izzy losing his jealous MIND cuz he thinks they’re screwing on deck (which, of course, they are, metaphorically). 

But the best (worst) part is Blackbeard “forgetting” that the frigging heart is on the left side of the body (a pretty important organ dontcha think!) in a massive case of foreshadowing, because Stede is about to break his heart into a million pieces and he never saw it coming. 

And he’s right - being stabbed in the body with a flesh wound you can survive is one thing, coping with that pain on adrenaline and drink and the mania of his Blackbeard persona, he’s done it so many times before. And, being stabbed in the heart means death, so that’s it, you’re done. But getting your heart well and truly broken for love? Well, that’s another thing; the pain lasts so much longer, and when you finally heal, you’re never quite the same person you were before. Poor bastard, he’s so happy here, with his intimate flesh-wound.  

[fencer-x]

okay so I know you loved part2 A LOT, and im glad for you. but don't you feel like after utsumi left, Haru was stripped of everything that we loved? his eyes sparkled so much for Rin during s1 and 2 (even starting days) and in this movie I felt (like all thing related to free after ES) none of what I hoped. I was so hopeful and left frustrated. even tho rh was the focus, it was nothing like RH from s1 and 2 and maybe I just don't see it but I want to know what made it so special for u ;-;

don't you feel like after utsumi left, Haru was stripped of everything that we loved?

Man COULD NOT DISAGREE MORE.

I mean, pre-FS1, I would have agreed. S3 was...not great, at all. I didn't even finish it, I was so so frigging bored with Hiyori's bullshit. I'm not here for him. He's not even part of the gang. S3 was S1 but with a less-likeable rando. Why were we supposed to care about Ikuya's bestie with boundary issues? IKUYA was barely part of the main squad even! But this is from someone who thinks we should've stopped with the original 5 characters and focused on them, so that's just, like, my opinion man.

I'm not sure if we watched the same movies, though, because I just do not see how you could watch them and not see, visibly, that we were finally finally where Utsumi always meant us to be: in a place where Haru and Rin are finally honest with each other and have accepted--and EMBRACED!--that they are inextricably and eternally entwined in each others' future.

This was nothing like HaruRin from S1 and S2, yes. IT WAS SO SO SO MUCH BETTER. BECAUSE IT WAS ALL ABOUT THEM. It wasn't about Haru and his friends at large, it wasn't about Haru personally and his solo struggles, it was about them. It was about their relationship, their friendship, their futures together--theirs to the exclusion of others.

I'm not sure what to say, friend, because if just watching what is on the screen didn't seal it for you, then I can only shrug. My advice is...idk, watch it again??? That's always my advice, though. Because it's always a good idea.

Haru is finally happy--with Rin. He was miserable--weeping, literally--without him. He never wept for Rin before, not in S1 and not in S2. But he wept for him here. They hugged--just the two of them this time, not in preface to a group embrace!

LOOK AT THIS PERSON THAT RIN HAS MADE HIM INTO:

Yes, he's evolved into this because of all of his friends, but Rin has had an immeasurable impact on him that none of the others can come close to, and they're going to be together, doing what they love, with each other for...ever? The foreseeable future?? An indefinite period of time but a LONG TIME.

How could anyone have POSSIBLY been disappointed in this outcome if they love seeing these boys finally be happy, together, for the rest of their lives??

Just... *throws up hands*

[haunted-headset]

fellow writer im writing a fight scene, got any good alternatives to (sorry) fuck?

i've got you (im assuming this is what you're asking for)

Alternatives for "Fuck"

frig

bollocks

balderdash

barnacles

dagnabbit

crap on a cracker

fudge

frick

fluck

fick

succotash

Great Scott

bullshit

bullspit

shit

shat

crap

crud

blimey

what the cuss

[tehri]

I love LotRO. I really do.

I love the Laurelin server.

I just loathe some of the damn people on that server.

We have a dude who, no joke, has been stubbornly creating new account after new account for the past frigging YEAR specifically because his accounts keep getting banned. Because he is constantly harassing people. Because he’s convinced that there’s some conspiracy where the Literally Nicest Dude On The Server has riled everyone up against him because he acted like a dick during an RP-event.

LNDotS reported him after that incident, because the Asshole was spewing a lot of horrendous shit at him. Asshole was banned for a month. Came back, immediately began a hate-campaign against LNDotS and against anyone who had the audacity to tell Asshole that he was acting like, well, an asshole.

Constant harassment of people. Constant creation of alts to continue spreading hate and harassment.

Then that account was nuked. And he got creative.

Dude started creating new accounts and new characters. And he started talking up his original character. And I mean, talking up in the sense that he was actively talking like he was someone else, like he was an old friend of... himself.

This failed for a single reason. He has a VERY distinctive writing-style, which includes severe overuse of “....” and random-ass hashtags and referring to himself as “Dr [insert name of first character here]”. Everyone knew it was him immediately, and so began the long and tedious blocking-spree of each and every character that wrote in World Chat like that.

And for about 3 months, we had Peace. Peace and Quiet. Turns out, some people on the server have been stalking Asshole’s twitter, and they realised he got banned. Again.

And then came this last month. Where we’ve had a resurgence of Asshole’s shenanigans, with a whole new flavour.

The first hint we had to Asshole’s unwanted return was a sudden World Chat message. From a character with a name that was very obviously a parody of LNDotS’s main character name. Talking about LNDotS in third person and saying a whole bunch of horrendous bullshit.

Obviously, we all knew who it was, because that distinctive writing style has not been abandoned.

He did this at least twice - could be more, but I’ve only seen two of these.

So Asshole is now back again, and today he resurfaced with Yet Another Alt that was literally his first character name with an x at the end. Still spewing shit. Still calling everyone homophobes and racists and pedophiles. And still insisting that there’s been a hate-campaign going on against him for months.

When I say that I wish this dude could be IP-banned, I am not fucking joking. We have enough trolls and dickheads on the server without Asshole trying to harass LNDotS into quitting the game.

[pleasantlyinsincere]

Long ago I promised an audio-dump of some more from Angie and Ruth McCartney's Giuliano interview. It's more than I remembered, so multiple parts. Some of these (not all) are the more controversial stories, so feel free to just ignore.

PART 1

15 year old Ruth goes to tell Paul about appearing on TV. It doesn't go well.

I was leaning against the wall, telling him the story - whatever. And he leaned over me. Really menacy, put one hand on the wall. One hand above me and one hand below me. I thought 'What the hell is he gonna do? Is he gonna hit me?'. He said: 'Look. Remember something. The only reason you got this job is because of me.' He said: ' Those fucks at Granada television want me to go on to one of their lousy, cheap [...] little pop-shows and grace them with my presence. They only put Mike on with his bullshit song, because they want to kiss my arse.' And he said: 'If you think you got the job on your own merit, you got another fucking thing coming. [...] You're fat, you're spotty, you're overweight. You are a fucking teenager. You don't have a life. You are not interesting. Those people only come over to take you out, so they can meet me.' [...] He had me pinned against the wall just raging. [...] I just ran out of there. I called Mike. [...] He said 'What the hell is going on?' I told him a little bit. 'I went round to tell Paul. I told him I was so proud.' He said: 'Oh, you made that mistake.'

Paul buys Jim, the gambler at heart, a race horse.

So, Jim was absolutely delighted. He was a gambler at heart. Couldn't really afford gambling in his early days. In fact he got into a little bit of hot water by gambling and borrowing money when he was working for Hannie and company, you know the cotton broker. And his boss at the time loand Jim the money to get out of it, to get straight with his gambling debts. And that really scared Jim of gambling. He was a very prudent gambler after that. He had an account with a betting compony in Liverpool called Murphy and sons. You could place telephone bets there. [...] But he never spend very much at all. He would only spend like five pounds or ten pounds. But when Paul bought him Drakes Drum that obviously encouraged him to go to the race track. The horse was very succesfull it won quite a bit of money for Jim.

Paul and Linda coming home at night, waking up the household, smacking the kids and expecting Ruth and Angie to take care of it

The studio sessions, being what they were ... Paul and Linda would get home at three or four o'clock in the morning. Waking all the frigging kids up, wake the dogs up. 'Come on. Kisses for Mummy.' .. Wake up all these fucking babies, have everybody screaming, smack them then, take three hits from a joint and then be ready for bed. And then they would go to bed and the whole freaking house was up barking and screaming and shitting their pants. So, Angie and I would get up and I was going through high-school at this point. And I would get up at 3:30 in the morning and I'd take Stella into bed with me and I'd get her back to sleep. And Linda would just spank Heather behind the knees. Cause Heather was old enough to understand 'Go to sleep!'. 'Hi, mummy loves you. *kiss kiss kiss* Go to sleep.' And then it's lights out. Ange would take Mary and walk up and down the gallery landing or up and down the staircase. And you know, take Mary and I would invariably take Stella into my bed. Trying to get these poor bastards back to sleep. And of course I had to get up shortly after seven for school. So, these kids would be up at seven and be put back in their room. And then I would go to school and it was Angie's job to amuse these three children all frigging day till two in the afternoon, till Paul and Linda dained to appear to say 'What's for breakfast?'.

[tsupertsundere]

I haven't worked out for myself how candid I want to be Out Loud On The Tumblr Dashboard To Everybody like this for myself yet (even this feels way TOO candid for me! as jarring and out of place as if an actor stopped, faced the audience, and confessed they were reading off a teleprompter. which of course this is not, so then I continue by saying) but. while positive feelings can be scary and hard to handle, I am much happier that I'm feeling them than not.

I have so many people I'm excited to talk to but talking one-on-one takes concerted effort (that I've been making so much harder on myself in tons of ways until like. Right now) that I think constantly about but am too paralyzed to do anything about. I have so many people I'd love to reach out to, but talk myself out of reaching out for a myriad reasons, from the most bullshit to the most materially pressing and true - I don't know if I know exactly 'how', and isn't that frigging terrifying?

But then there are new things I'm going to try in the face of that that I think will be more helpful, even if the start of it is just making this goofy post. the END of this goofy post is thank you for coming along with me as I figure out how I want to live my life for myself