#friendsverse hiatus drabble

[thclcstgirl]

Friendsverse: Where Have They Been?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

She’d been avoiding Louis- like that was new, avoiding her problems- for the last couple days, but today something had changed. She’d been up all night, tossing and turning. Everything she looked at in her room was a reminder of Louis’ too true accusation. There was Bellamy’s hoodie she’d stolen the week before everything had gone to shit, which reminded her of the two t-shirts in her drawers that she’d also stolen to wear to his class to be troublesome ( so worth it, if his reaction when they were finally in the privacy of his apartment later was any indication ). She hated herself for the betrayal to Bellamy, and hated that she felt so ashamed of herself, and why? Because he may not like her anymore for trying to pay her not-exactly-cheap rent and bills to the best of her ability? That was more about her needing him to love her than it was about actual shame.

Speaking of shirts, Murphy’s was sitting neatly folded on the top shelf of her teeny closet, not worn in weeks but too awkward to have to return. The thought of April Fools made her smile, but a wave of guilt had immediately doused that formerly fond memory. She hated herself because he hated her, and she didn’t think that was how she was supposed to feel either ( maybe she was broken like Louis was ). Just because he disliked her didn’t mean she had to dislike herself, that sounded ridiculous when she spelled it out to herself like that.

Her parents were everywhere, in half the clothes in her closet, in the two suitcases from the day they’d kicked her out ( why did she even still have those? great idea, keeping a reminder of the worst day of her life. she knew why she kept them… if her parents ever took her back they’d be upset if she’d given them away ), the sheets under her on the bed, the couple pairs of shoes… they were everywhere.

They shouldn’t be everywhere anymore. They’d left her. They’d made their feelings clear, she’d just been too stupid and too desperate to care. Now it was her turn to make a decision.

It was still dark out, but she pulled out the few boxes she had from the corner of her room- she’d left them there to make the space feel more filled, a fact that suddenly seemed pathetic- and went to the little mini-speaker Louis had given her when he upgraded and plugged in the cheap little mp3 player she owned, the dulcet tones of her favorite raps filling the apartment ( if she could see Louis, struggling to sleep in his own bed across the small hall, she’d see him smile to himself ) as she spun around the room like a whirling dervish, throwing everything that had any memory of her parents on it in the boxes.

She finished, looking around the even-more-bare room and smiled, seeing the emptiness as opportunity. “LOUIS!” She shouted, bringing the boy running after a telltale thump of him hitting the ground scrambling to get out of bed that made her giggle. He appeared in her doorway, disheveled and looking annoyed that she wasn’t dying.

“What?”

“I need a ride.” She was grinning. “And to use your window.” He was over the dumpsters, it’d save her a trip.

“I assume you mean when it’s a decent hour and sure, but have at the window.” He yawned despite the loud music and padded back to his room, Fox following with the two mostly full boxes and two suitcases after a couple trips. She slid his window open with a hiss and with a hand from him, she got everything onto the fire escape and climbed out after them. She balanced herself before picking up the first box and turning to the edge and dumping it into the dumpster 10 floors below, the crash more pleasing than she’d thought it would be. The suitcases were next, one right after the other, but as she turned to grab the last box she realized she wasn’t alone on the fire escape.

A window over, Octavia was half hidden in the shadow, curious eyes on Fox and her dumping. Octavia was another Fox hated herself for, but she wasn’t going to change that tonight. She could only start to change herself tonight. So she hauled up her final box in silence and dumped that too right over the edge, hearing that same satisfying crashing below as she turned back to the window, pausing to give Octavia a small, apologetic smile before disappearing back into her apartment.

Next was laundry, two boxes dropped off at front doors ( plain white boxes both with a note just of her signature fox doodle and no words; one outside Bellamy’s door containing his hoodie and 2 shirts, one outside Murphy’s new door, containing his own shirt ), and she was finally able to sleep in her empty little room that was finally hers and hers alone.

PART 4.5

“You sure about this?”

Louis sounded doubtful, but it was ten hours later- eight of which had been spent sleeping better than she had in years- and she was more than sure. She didn’t even look back to him, just grinned and clutched the paperwork to her chest excitedly. “I’ll call you when I’m done, no idea how long it’s gonna take.”

He tugged on the long braid falling in a single line down her back playfully. “See you then foxie.”

It took two days, as it turned out, a day to file, and a day for court. But 48-odd hours later she called Louis with a wide grin and he appeared on the curb for her. “So what’s the new moniker?”

“Didn’t get one. Just got rid of my last name.”

He was amused. “You didn’t replace it with something?”

She laughed, shrugging as she straddled the bike behind him. “Nope.”

“So you’re just Fox now.”

Her grin could light the Capitol building. “Just Fox now.”

[weofthe100-archive]

Friendsverse: Where Have They Been?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

He slammed a fist into the door a few times, waiting for whoever was on door duty to open it.

He shouldn’t be here; it’d been four years since he’d last been here, since that fateful day when the cops picked him up at a fight and gave him the choice between legal and illegal. But legal had led him here, with barely healed rips, a freshly removed cast from his arm, and weeks ( maybe months ) of PT ahead of him before he could even consider being allowed to fight again. And that wasn’t his choice; it was his therapist’s choice, his trainer’s choice, his manager’s choice. Everyone’s choice but his.

He was tired of being told no every time he turned around lately. But the illegal ring would take him, whether he was fully healed or not. No one would give a shit if his arm was still gaining strength, his ribs were still more breakable than usual. They wouldn’t ask, and he wouldn’t offer it up. They’d just fight.

That was what he needed. He just needed to fucking fight.

He actually recognized the face that peered through the crack in the door. Iceman, took his nickname from the way frost still clung to him after his job… a job no one was willing to ask about in detail just in case it ended with bodies in freezers. But it made him a hell of a good choice to guard the door.

“Hey.”

The door cracked wider, letting the tall, slim man lean against the doorframe and eye the younger boy, the standard password for entry forgone in the face of Louis’ familiarity. “Animal.” His tone was surprised, maybe a touch impressed.  “Long time no see.”

“You gonna open the door or what?”

He earned a raised eyebrow for his growl, but the door opened and Louis stalked past him. “Rules’ still the same?”

“You kill it, you bury it.”

“Hope y’all got a shovel.”

PART 3.5

They called him Ripper ( rumor was that he once ripped a man’s throat out with just his teeth. But that was complete bullshit… maybe ) and he was the unofficial leader of this particular fighting ring. He was the one that found the space, that organized the times, the one that ( if you believed these rumors ) paid off the local patrolling cops to overlook the calls they got about people slipping in and out of the out-of-business building.

He was also the undefeated champion of the ring. Not a single loss under his belt for as long as anyone could remember. Few men argued with a reputation like that that around here.

“Hey pup.” He was the only one that called Louis that, a testament to both his nickname around here, and his place in relation to Ripper, which was to say beneath him ( as was everyone’s place ).

“S’up Ripper.” He slapped an easy high-five. He’d fought Ripper once, lasted a full minute, longer than any kid under the age of twenty had before. That was the day Ripper had taken him under his wing and properly accepted him into his world.

“Didn’t think we’d be seeing you down here again. Heard you went straight.”

“Turns out straight didn’t like me all that much.”

The smirk on his original mentor’s face felt like an accomplishment.

“Good to have you back. Next round’s yours.”

[weofthe100-archive]

Friendsverse: Where Have They Been?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

“What the hell are you doing out here?”

“Annoying you into showing your face.” He grinned.

“Don’t you have something to be hitting right now?” She wasn’t in a mood to play his games. She just wanted to lay in her bed and pretend she was somewhere not here.

“Yup, which is why you should feel so flattered that I’m here.” He held out an arm, nodding to the spot beneath it. “Come join me. You can’t sulk all day.”

She hesitated, but she didn’t retreat back to her room. “What are you watching?”

“The Great British Bake Off.”

“You’re shitting me.” She laughed, coming further into the living room until she could see the screen. “You’re not shitting me.”

“I never shit about baked goods. Come. Sit. Watch trashy cooking tv where their biggest problem is that their soufflé didn’t inflate properly.” He nodded again, and she crept further into the room until she was at the couch and could curl up under Louis’ arm and they watched quietly for a couple minutes.

“I don’t think it’s called inflating.” She said into the silence.

“Fluffing, poofing, whatever. Wouldn’t it be nice if that was your biggest problem in the world? How simple would your life be at that point?”

Silence again, but eventually she spoke up again. “I mean, if you think about it, half these people are hoping to get into the business. This is their dream on the line. Seems stressful to me.”

He eyed her for a second before turning back to the television. “You’re quite the little pessimist you know that?”

She rolled her eyes. “I prefer realist.”

“Or a realist masquerading as a pessimist who is secretly an optimist.”

She burst out laughing. “That’s a line from Hitch and you know it.”

“Great movie. Many life lessons.”

“Is that where you get all your moves?”

“You know it baby.”

The episode eventually ended and she sighed, glancing back to her room but making no move to get up. Instead she stayed under the warm comfort of Louis’ arm, watching as the show automatically flicked over to the next episode. “Why’d you want me out here? I wasn’t bugging your television watching.”

“Because baking shows are better than moping.”

“I wasn’t moping.”

“You were.” Maybe she was, but that wasn’t his business. She didn’t reply, just stared at the television until he was the one to break the silence this time. “Breakups suck, I’m sorry.”

They both knew that was only the tip of the iceberg of her issues, but it was easier to hide in the safety of a common hurt rather than jump right into the subject of her parents. “We weren’t even actually dating.” Her voice was soft, almost self-loathing about how upset she as over something she knew from the beginning couldn’t last.

“Whatever. Breaking whatever-it-was off with someone sucks.” He hugged her a little, pressing a kiss to her temple. “But it won’t hurt forever.” I really hope not, she thought. “You’re tough, you’ll survive.”

“I’ve managed this long.” She muttered almost disappointedly. “You ever have problems like this?”

He shrugged, jostling her shoulders. “Yes and no. I have problems; not like yours, but problems all the same.” He glanced down at her. “You ever wonder why I fight like I do?”

“Too much innate male aggressiveness?”

He burst into laughter, shaking his head. “You think guys are innately aggressive?”

“I’ve yet to meet one who’s proved me wrong.” She was too serious; it was a serious conversation sure, but she was such a downer right now, it irked him that he couldn’t help, which prodded him to try harder. He wasn’t used to soft, self-hating girls like Fox; he was used to strong self-hating girls like Mandy and Octavia.

“Well.” he let that go for the moment. “I fight because there’s something about fighting that makes me feel normal. When I’m not fighting it’s like… I’m not feeling. Not how I’m supposed to. And I know other people don’t feel that way, and I don’t know what’s different about me, but there’s something wrong with me.” She didn’t disagree with him, simply watched him with too-assessing eyes. It wasn’t an unusual confession for him, she wasn’t the first to hear it, but the reactions varied. “So I fight because it’s the only way I can feel normal for a while.”  

He was waiting for the judgement, the pity, the sympathy, the disgust, something. But all she did was smirk up at him. “See? Too much innate male aggression. You may as well have just said ‘fox you’re so right how’d you get so smart?’ and saved yourself the trouble.”

He burst into laughter again and hugged her to him. “You’re cute.”

She knew they were empty words, a useless compliment from lips too used to raining praise on people, but she took it and let herself relax a little against him. But after too long passed while they watched a show neither were paying attention to, she spoke again.

“He thinks I’m disgusting.”

“Then fuck him.” His tone had darkened; he hadn’t pegged Bellamy for the type, but both girls had used the same terminology, and it ruffled his feathers. “You’re better than that, foxie.”

She wasn’t though, she knew that. “Murphy thinks it too. I’m surprised he even came, he knew I was there and I knew he didn’t like the idea.”

Something clicked. “Murphy knew you were there?” He asked innocently. “Did he know about Octavia?”

She shrugged. “I don’t really remember what I told him.” She blushed in embarrassment. “It was a weird night when we sort of talked about it.”

That blush was interesting but he didn’t have the patience to draw it out of her at the moment. “Fox, I’m pretty sure Murph planned that night from the texts I got, there’s a good chance he did it to rile up Bellamy.” He didn’t know why, but the boys’ fight was a clear indication that Bellamy had been the source of Murphy’s anger for whatever reason.

Her face was stricken. “Wait so- it’s my fault?”

God she was going to be the death of him. This was why he didn’t take in charity cases. “No. If he did it, it’s his fault.” She just… gave him the ammunition. But he wasn’t going to say that. She had turned her face down, away from him and hiding behind a curtain of hair, and he narrowed his eyes curiously. “What?”

“I don’t know what I did to piss him off.”

“Maybe something, maybe nothing. Boys are fucktards, it’s hard to tell sometimes.”

“You realize you just called yourself a fucktard.”

“Would you disagree?” Silence. “Exactly.”

“If I just knew what I’d done-”

“If you knew then what?” His voice had gotten harder. “Would it change what he did? Would it change your prof dumping you? Octavia hating you for something you didn’t mean to do? Would it change how you feel right now and everyone who contributed to it?”

“If I apologized, though… they’re just mad because I-”

“Stop.” She flinched at the harshness in his voice, and pulled back from him, still sitting next to him but no longer against him. “Stop fucking saying “I”. You fucked up, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you have to roll over and take it. So Murphy and Octavia are mad; fuck ‘em then. Eventually they’ll stop being mad or they won’t- that’s not in your control. How you react to it is. So stop playing dead for people. Fight back. Act like you deserve to be loved and forgiven. Like you deserve a chance to fight for something better.”

He had grown up with a support system that taught him what he was preaching. She didn’t; she was still hoping for things that were never going to happen, needing that love and that approval that it was all too clear now was never coming, no matter what she’d done or did or anything. “That’s easy for you to say; you were loved.” She’d lost her chance to have that support, and he was an asshole for going there.

“And you can’t believe it because you weren’t.”

Wow. Not as much as he was an asshole for that. That stricken look was back, a deer in the headlights of a mac truck that collided with her somewhere in her soul. It was true, he was the only person aside from Mandy who knew the reality of his words, which made them all the worse, all the more deliberate. Her lips parted to respond, but after a second of nothing coming out she closed her mouth again.

“Try believing it once in a while, Fox.” His voice had gentled, maybe realizing she wasn’t the kind of person he was used to who would fight back at his words, hit him or yell at him or something. But Fox just sat, letting the words eat away at her, and he looked almost ( but not quite ) sorry. She clenched her jaw against what she could have said, or could have done, and leapt off the couch to retreat back to her room.

PART 2.5

Fox disappeared into her room and Louis did the same, leaving the tv on behind him to give some noise to the apartment. All this talk about love and bullshit was giving him familiar urges, and he fell back onto his bed to stare up at the ceiling for a while. He still had the number in his phone ( he’d probably always have the number in his phone ), it’d be so simple to press his finger to the button, wait for the little robot to ask who to call, and say his name. Within seconds, he could be talking to him.

But that wasn’t a good idea. He’d gone too long without talking to him. Instead, he opened his phone, clicking to messages and tapping the conversation with his neighbor. Fucktard or not, responsible for the night or not, practically attached to Clarke’s crotch or not, he knew who he wanted to talk to to get his mind off more dangerous thoughts.

Feel like hanging out Hey I could use some company Feel like drowning some sorrows please come over

“Fuck!” He closed the phone again, spinning it between his fingers as he stared up at the ceiling. He could call Octavia, but then he’d have to explain himself. Same with Mandy or any of the other girls ( why did girls need so much justification in life? Why couldn’t things just be? ), and before he could consider another option, he was opening the phone, tapping the phonebook and dialing the number.

Ring, Ring, Ring- “Lou.”

A smile crossed his lips despite himself, and he felt his body grow heavier, relaxing into the bed. “Hey.”

“Long time no talk.” He sounded uncomfortable, worried, and it was no secret why. Three years was a long time to go without talking to someone you were used to hearing every day. Distance, as it turned out, did not make the heart grow fonder. Just more nervous. He probably thought Louis was dying somewhere.

It wouldn’t be a stretch given their last conversation.

“Yeah, just… wanted to say hi.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, ‘course.” He’d hear the lie, and Louis quickly brushed over the concern. “How’s Cornell? You ever decide between law and medicine?”

The laugh he was rewarded with was a little warmer than his words had been. “Law.”

“Ooh, shot to your mom. How’d she take it?”

“Decently, considering.”

“Too bad, really. One of my roommates’ mom is dean of medicine or head of the hospital or whatever at one of the hospitals here in DC. Could have introduced you.” He hadn’t even spoken to Clarke in weeks, irritated by the overly obvious displays of affection for someone who’s dick had been in his mouth multiple times. ( that very fact probably meant he shouldn’t even be trying to text Murphy either, but he’d never claimed to be perfect )

But the opportunity to point out a potential usefulness he could have offered his former best friend was too good to let pass.

The other boy clucked his tongue in mock disappointment. “Well damn, now I have to go changing majors, think of all the paperwork.” Louis laughed with him, a little too eagerly.

“I’d say I’m sorry but…” he let it die into a laugh, pleased when the thought was finished for him. Just like old times.

“We both know you’re not.”

He was nodding even if the boy on the other end couldn’t see him, and they fell into momentary silence that Louis was eager to fill. “You coming back for a visit anytime soon?”

He’d overstepped, he could feel it over the line, in the way his laughter hitched, the way his voice grew brisk, in his next words. “Maybe for a little while over break. Listen, Lou, I’ve got to go I’m actually at class now, well, outside it, I just thought something might be wrong.”

“No yeah, of course. Have fun. I’ll talk to you later?” The phrase, always a formality rather than a question in their past, suddenly became a genuine question, his voice lilting in unfamiliar uncertainty.

A beat too long, and he felt his heart skip. “Bye, Lou.”

“Bye Phil.” He held the phone to his ear a minute after it had gone dead, jaw clenching against the pain, and suddenly his arm lashed out, and the phone flew from his hand to the wall, shattering against the wall and leaving little pieces of glass on the ground next to the black, broken screen. He raked his hands across his face roughly, trying to purge the memories and the tears both.

This was why he didn’t fuck around with bullshit like love.

[thclcstgirl]

Friendsverse: Where Have They Been? 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

Even if it was just outside the building, outside the Dropship, it was so much nicer than being inside. She’d spent a week staying nights at Mandy’s apartment, avoiding her own and Bellamy’s both and only leaving the safety of Mandy’s familiarity when she had to work ( the dogs on her route helped the humiliation and need to avoid life ). But she couldn’t live with Mandy forever, and she had been back in her apartment for about a week.

She’d come outside- and had been spending a fair share of time outside- because she hated the idea she’d run into Bellamy, was terrified of running into Octavia, and was tired of ‘Clarke and Murphy Make a Porno’. Yeah, anything was better than being up in her apartment lately.

She wasn’t sure when her life had gone from good and getting together to complete shit, and every time she tried to figure it out she just ended up wanting to curl up under her covers again, unsure why she was suddenly the most hated person of what had formerly been her friend groups. At least she had Mandy and Charlotte.

A bright red motorcycle screeched to the curb, and she rolled her eyes. And Louis, kind of. He was walking that dangerous line of being on Fox’s side and on Octavia’s side both, and if he was smart he’d stay firmly on Octavia’s side, lest she blame him for associating with Fox.

But the bright eyes that grinned at her from his flipped up visor were curious, and according to his own declaration; he’d never been smart. “Whatcha doing foxie?”

“Debating if the cost of breaking my lease is worth it.” She smirked, only partially joking.

“Depressing thoughts for a pretty day. Sounds like you could use an escape.”

“You offering?”

“Hop on, it just so happens I’m in need of one too, and I’m going on an adventure.”

“And adventure where?”

“Get on, and I’ll let you decide…” It was too tempting to resist ( although if she were honest, she didn’t really care where he was going, as long as it wasn’t here ) and she went to the curb to accept the spare helmet he offered and climbed on behind him as he revved the machine. “Where to?”

“Anywhere but here.”

He laughed, and the bike shot away from the curb like a bat out of hell, leaving skid marks on the street outside the cafe. They ducked in and out of traffic dangerously ( were there not cops in this city? who the fuck was going to stop this before he got them killed? not that she was complaining, necessarily; the danger of imminent death woke up her senses more than they had been in over a week ) until the rejection and the longing in her heart made her call over the wind, “Get on the parkway!” He didn’t question her, and got on, and it was a good twenty minutes before he actually asked her where they were going. She didn’t answer, just told him she’d warn him when the exit was coming up.

She was overdue for a visit.

The exit came, and they shot through the streets of Baltimore until he slowed enough to admire the streets of suburbia outside the urban main of the city. Big trees, cozy houses, little gated yards littered the streets, and she directed him down each one as though she knew them by heart ( she did ), until she told him to stop in front of just another cozy little house that looked the same as all the others. She dismounted the bike and left the helmet on the back as she trotted up to the door. There was no garage, and the drive was empty, but still she knocked as Louis watched from the bike. No answer, and she turned back to the street, chewing on the inside of her cheek. To wait, or not to wait.

The impatient redhead had grown too curious to stay on his motorcycle, and was paces away from joining her. “Who we visiting?”

Did she trust him? No, but she had made him bring her all the way here, she owed him something, at least. “My parents.”

His eyebrows shot up and she remembered too late he knew exactly how much she didn’t like talking about them. “You visit them often? I didn’t think you guys had a good relationship.”

“We don’t.” Now he looked wary, glancing around the street as though expecting someone to pop out yelling at them for trespassing.

It wouldn’t be the first time for her.

“I don’t think we should be here, foxie.”

“Feel free to leave.” It was too snappish, the comment, giving away how agitated she was, how much she wanted to crawl out of her own skin, and he didn’t leave, just took a step closer to her as she sat on the front steps, prepared to wait for them to come home.

She could tell he was trying to figure out what to say to make her go with him; he didn’t know how familiar she was with the route here, how many times she’d taken the buses to the stop twelve blocks away and walked those twelve blocks to this very house. To him, he’d be leaving her in a strange city with no way home, and the white knight in him wouldn’t let him leave. He didn’t come up with anything, didn’t have time before an “excuse me” was called from across the street, and a kind looking woman with ‘soccer mom’ written all over her was crossing the street to them, a concerned look on her face.

“I’m so sorry, call me nosy but I couldn’t help hearing your arrival. Are you the Lyle’s children?” There was a casualness to her tone that didn’t match the suspicion in her eyes ( Fox wondered if she recognized the auburn haired girl from previous visits ) and the hand that was hovering too close to the cell phone in her pocket.

Fox’s eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head, but it was Louis who answered with that charming grin people hated to love. “No ma’am, the Haddocks. My sister and I were hoping to surprise our aunt and uncle.” He was a decent liar, she had to give him that, all charm and ease and innocent believability.

The woman’s hand relaxed, and so did the suspicion in her expression, but her smile grew sad. “Oh, darlings, I’m sorry, the Lyle’s own this house now. It’s been, oh my, how long… at least four or five months since the Haddock’s have been here.”

Louis’ hand came up to steady her shoulder as the ground seemed to shift beneath her feet, like the world had lost it’s axis for a moment and stumbled over itself, taking her with it. They… weren’t here? They’d moved? She hadn’t seen a sign, she would have seen a sign, befriended a neighbor to figure out where they’d gone, they couldn’t just be gone it’d taken her weeks to find them here when they’d moved last time how was she going to talk to them if they just up and disappeared…

She was swaying, not even listening as Louis spoke with that same easy tone despite the strength of his hand on her. “Damn, seems we came all this way for nothing. I’m sorry if we disturbed you.”

The woman was watching Fox closely- suspicion was back but Fox couldn’t bring herself to care- “Are you alright, sweetheart?”

Her mother had never called her sweetheart. Never anything but Fox, actually. Her mother hadn’t been a term-of-endearment type, not like this stranger in front of her who wanted to pretend she cared so she used meaningless pet names like she knew the girl who was in the middle of a crisis. “Do you know where they went?” She asked almost desperately, making Louis’ hand tighten around her shoulder. She was going to give them away as trespassers, in a neat little cookie cutter neighborhood like this, that meant the soccer mom was going to call someone. That was an annoyance they didn’t need right now.

“I’m afraid I don’t…”

“We’ll just ask our mom. It’s been a long drive, we’re a little beat.” The charm was still there but it was more rushed now, already bidding the woman goodbye before he’d even spoken the words. “Thank you for your help, ma’am. We should get going home.” And with his hold on her, he led Fox back to the bike while her mind spun uselessly, trying to make sense of what she’d just found out. He handed her her helmet while the soccer mom watched from the drive and she put it over her head with dumb, slow fingers, her mind on other things. When they finally pulled from the curb, she felt something breaking in her, something small and hopeful she’d kept alive for too long.

“Louis there’s a lake, around the corner to the right, go there.” She needed to get off this bike, she needed to get away from Louis, from everyone, she just needed a moment to get it together and figure out a plan, figure out how to find- she’d never find them. It’d been dumb luck she’d found them the first time, they’d never leave something she could follow this time. They were gone, anywhere within 3000 miles of space, more if they went abroad ( oh god, what if there was an ocean between them now, that seemed so vast and unmanageable to her broken thoughts ), they were just gone.

He pulled to a parking spot and she was off the bike before the wheels had even stopped moving, leaving him on his bike as she ran for the dock that led into the lake, sitting on the edge and letting that little hopeful thing break once and for all, spilling tears of pain and longing and rejection into the lake below her feet. Her lungs constricted with the force of her grief, making it hard to gulp in a breath- the tears weren’t helping either- and she wasn’t sure how long she sat spilling her heart into the water before a body settled himself next to her and laid a hand on her bent back.

“I’m sorry, Fox.”

I don’t understand. There wasn’t room to force words out, and there wasn’t anything in her that wanted the comfort of his arm, so she just stayed doubled over, wondering if eventually she’d run out of tears, hoping it was soon. She should be used to humiliation by now- she’d been put on display as a stripping tramp for everyone she lived with to judge, been dumped for it by boyfriend and friends alike, and now she was breaking down and exposing exactly how much her parents hated her to the most unserious person she’d ever met.

Maybe she should be hoping one day she stopped mortifying herself in front of others.

I don’t understand I don’t understand I don’t understand “I did everything they said, I said everything I was supposed to, I protected them, I was good and they still got rid of me, I don’t-” the words ripped out more sobs, and Louis leaned over her, hugging her as much as he could given she was still bent over herself.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered again, sounding at a loss for the first time since she’d met him.

“They just-” she gulped in a breath, unable to stop talking now that she’d started, some tiny corner of her mind praying Louis would keep this between them. “stopped loving me, and no one ever told me why.”

“I’m sure they didn’t just stop-” But he couldn’t finish the sentence, because who was he to judge? He didn’t think it was possible to just stop loving someone, but wouldn’t that imply that they’d never loved her to begin with?

                              “Why does everyone leave me? What’s wrong with me?”

He was so fucking out of his league, but he had no idea who to call to deal with this instead of him. It wasn’t like they could get there in time anyway. “I don’t know what to say.” He finally settled on. Because he didn’t. He had no idea what to say that wouldn’t make the situation worse. So he just hugged her, let her cry, and as the sun started to go down she finally ran out of energy and sat up, slumping against him as she sniffled the last of her tears away. “Let’s go home.”

Not my home. Home was someplace you enjoyed, someplace warm and comfortable and loving. She had an apartment, in a building filled mostly with people who didn’t care about her, somewhat with people who hated her, and only a couple that still cared about her. But she didn’t have a home. The thought was enough to make her want to cry again, if she had any tears left to give. But she didn’t, and followed Louis dully back to his bike and held on for the ride home, ignoring his attempts at conversation as they returned to Arcadia, where she planned to lock herself in her room with some earplugs and not come out for… who knew how long.

She needed some time to just not exist in the real world.