#friend groups and the studies abroad but he still isnt happy and he still doesnt want to be my brother. but i love him so much

[pr]

being an older sibling is so bizarre. i cry myself to sleep and turn myself green over all the experiences and opportunities my sibling gets to have that i never ever will. but at the same time i would chew my own arm off to ensure my sibling gets the best life in the entire world and never, ever has to feel the way i feel and experience the pain i have felt.

[legerdeman-blog]

increments of 2, skipping the family questions //

((it took me 2 hours to type all this on mobile and then i had to drive home so yall better be grateful for my sacrifice))

8. How does your character feel about religion?Dirk is extremely atheistic despite growing up under an oligarchy. He thinks that religion is interesting enough to study but doesnt understand why someone would actually believe any of it.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?Dirk is very book smart, but has very little in the realm of instincts and sometimes even common sense. He tends to think a bit too analytically and cold, which can often benefit him sometimes, but also burdens him in situations that call for a more emotional or instinctual approach.

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?Dirk pronounces everything perfectly and speaks very clearly. Slang sneaks its way in but for the most part hes got a mouth ready for court and a vocabulary ready for a theoretical physics conference.

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?Dirk isn't big on groups. He received plenty of offers for academic teams (and some sports teams because lets face it the guy is swole af) and might have visited once or twice, but hes really too awkward to put much effort into integrating himself with a group of new people. He was definitely a chess champ at least one year without even joining the club at least once though

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?Dirk is a wizard, or, to be more precise, a professional student. He doesnt actually make a living off of this at the moment, instead receiving a stipend from his father for living expenses as long as hes at the academy. Which he actually isnt anymore but shh. He enjoys his line of work a lot and generally cant think of one that he would prefer

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?About 8 years ago when dirk was the equivalent of a late teen he visited the human kingdom with his dad and little brother. They didnt travel much as they were mostly on a diplomatic mission to cooperate with a human businessman. He and dave spent most of that time with the businessmans children. What dirk found was the little sister he never asked for and a good friend who also happened to cause the last of dirks inklings of heterosexuality to slip away into the wind. Whoops?

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?Dirk isnt really old enough to have witnessed any significant events by elven standards. Although reparations with the humans has been an ongoing project his whole life.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?Dirk has very few people he considers friends. Hes not the best socially by far, although he does tend to be a bit better over the internet, most if not all social subtleties seem to elude him. His best friends are the roxy and jake in his timeline, although the latter he hasnt spoken to in several years. He has a pretty good relationship with his jade too, mostly based in a mutual love of explosions and tinkering. Hes slowly growing fond of several people on tumblr but not enough to consider them close yet. Hes never had a real romantic relationship, although hes dated once or twice and had a few encounters. He is demiromantic so hes only ever had a crush on one person but his ideal man can be described as “alive”

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?Dirk doesnt attend any functions and in fact has hardly any interaction outside of his golems only on the rare occasion he leaves the small house hes renting to buy food

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?Dirks personal grooming is impeccable. His living space is sparse and well kept, except for his work area which looks like it got hit by a tornado at all times

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?Dirk isnt dating anyone, but he sometimes wishes he was. He craves the closeness of a romantic relationship but thats partially due to the secluded lifestyle hes forced himself into

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?The only grudge hes currently holding is against the academy and its headmaster for kicking him out. Its not that hard to piss him off though and if you manage to do it youre fucked forever.

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?Depends on the source of the stress. Stress caused by social situations, which he experiences frequently, he generally just tries to avoid. Any other problems he will attack head on with a generally cold line of logic.

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?Self righteous? Yes absolutely. Vengeful depending on the sleight. Contemptuous to a degree.

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?Is this the s&m question. Im gonna say no to both, although he does get a certain amount of satisfaction from seeing people he doesnt like, or people who have sleighted him, get fucked over.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?I wouldnt say dirk is especially positive or negative. He tends to weigh situations fairly objectively and so generally considers both positives and negatives in an equal light. He gets suspicious very easily and approaches most things with caution and a half dozen plans in mind in case it goes badly.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?Dirks sense of humor is...well. Difficult. He has that trademark sense of strider irony that allows him to be amused by a wide variety of things but only under specific circumstances.

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?Dirk has an inherent need not only to learn but to tinker. He loves having plenty of self made projects to work on, and if you give him something he can take apart, read, or otherwise study he will instantly lose interest in everything else around him. He has a deep desire to forge new paths and innovate in his chosen field. He feels that everything, no matter how good it already is, can be made better with enough work and whats more he has the drive and desire to put in that work. This extends, obviously, to not only himself but other people and the workings thereof. He also feels incredibly lonely, but thats only partially related.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?Dirk will do nearly anything in the pursuit of his goals. There are few people he wouldnt use as fodder if the need arose and those few dont include himself

46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?Dirk is short for an elf and a human. With the average being closer to 6 feet for elves and 5'10" for humans, his 5'8" leaves a bit lacking. Although his overall build tends to make up for it, being that hes fucking stacked. Hes pretty happy with himself physically, and why wouldnt he be when he can probably bench more than the rest of us combined? He doesnt tend to think about his height until hes around people who are taller than him but when that happens he does get a bit self conscious. His posture is also remarkable until he gets involved in anything, then he tends to hunch a bit.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?Dirks gestures, the few that he makes, are very halted and methodical. Hes been known to fidget, but can just as easily stand stock still when hes in more formal situations. Hes been described at formal functions as intimidating and intense, when in reality hes just trying really hard not to fuck up to the point he suppresses literally every movement.

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?Dirks overall facial expressions are about as restrained as his gestural ones. Ranging widely from "stony bitch face of death" to "vaguely uncomfortable but were not sure why". Its pretty difficult to make him genuinely smile without holding himself back, but there are a few who can always manage it.

[watersuncharted]

dia uno (y dos?)

hola mis amigos!

this has really been A DAY! it seems like it was way more than one, but lets recap really.

so, with sleeping 15 minutes, i stepped on the back of an earring (!!) and headed over to ohare. at ohare we literally waited in line for over an hour for the people to pick up our baggage. in the process! i met this DILF of a man. he was gorgeous, a tan sleek mans. i later learned that he works in film and is currently writing a screenplay. he is from india, moved to canada and has been living there for 20 years in toronto, and came to chi to visit a friend for NYE. we chatted so much and he was such a sweetheart. also met this woman who was going back home to portland who was tellng me and reassuring me that this was going to be the best experience of my life, im so happy about that. 

i met up with roshan, called manju (such a weird experience) and hopped on that flight. a rough flight, but still, we made it to montreal! nothing really notable there. 

the montreal airport was truly a time. arsheen and i explored a little bit, found a piano and a playground and more. we booled there for a good 9 hours and then we hopped on the flight. i knew i was sitting by a young girl, but what i didn’t know was that she was from vancouver, traveling to barca to study abroad at UPF with me! (also can we take a minute, my make up stayed on for so long) me and karen talked for so long before i passed out. but i woke up to delicious food, an episode and a half of You and 7.5 hours later we landed--and early too! then, immigration and things took negative seconds and then we were set to sit in the airport for 3 hours....again....lol it wasnt fun but slowly more people met up with us and we drove in groups back home. i love jaime, hes dope af! we talked a while and he knows so much about everything.

our apartment, while it has its quirks (one toilet?? for 6 people?? zero storage space??) is BEAUTIFUL. it has big open windows, a huge dining table, lots of natural light, and my absolute favorite couch. it overlooks the city and is so so so close to la sagrada familia. WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. SO INTRICATE. SOOOOOOOO PERFECT. i am in awe of gaudi and his design. im in awe of the execution. it is so so so perfect. i cant even explain how massive it is, apparently every aspect of the church is attributed to a different part of Jesus’ life. INSANITY. i love it. so much. i cant wait to see it in the morning. 

we then walked around for a long time, i had my first paella, gelato, i ordered my first drink (mojito mm) and it was alll amazing like so delicious. we walked around for a while at night. theres a lot of decor up for el dia de los reyes magos which is coming up on monday (its surprising that there isnt a lot of people that know what that is...i was kinda really surprised that i kinda know more than the average person here? i dont know. that was shocking) 

its almost time to call it a night, but i came home and got dressed for bed and put on some tunes and caught up with friends back home and such. im so happy here. it doesnt feel like a new or different place. well, new maybe. streetswise and things, i dont know where im oriented very much, but the atmosphere and everything seems too normal. i dont know if its like because its only day one and i havent done too much. like, im sure with trains and classes itll be all different, but it could truly be that i feel so normal and like i belong here or something. 

i guess we will have to see as time goes on! im so happy today though, today was truly a ride, lots of highs and lows. but im so unbelievably happy. 

ciao for now!