#free spirit and be trapped in it). It'd be too close to how she thinks of the future when she has to settle down

[smiletimeisrunningout]

That gave her pause as well, and Emma tilted her head, considering it, "That's a very good point. Well, it truly isn't needed now, but I shall take the horse if I think the walk is starting to weight on me." After all she didn't know how far the woman had gotten, scared as she was. But really, she had to somehow make him understand, eventually, that her long walks could include going up and down a mountain and still have her dancing the same night.

She understood. She immediately understood what he meant, because she knew, she had been there, the memories hadn't left gaps but slashes so deep her heart never stopped bleeding. Others had tried to tell her so in the past, but they were older, usually, seemingly hardened but worried about it happening to her. How long had this young man been at war? She didn't speak yet, but nodded to signal she had heard.

"Oh. Oh, yes, I'm sorry, I... where I come from, it is so... truly... innocent and names are for everyone to call you, not just family. Especially for a woman of my status, no one would... I must forget your name so I don't use it." It was one thing to tease him, another to push intimacy against him when he said he was uncomfortable - good lord, she didn't want to be creepy.

"Hard to tell, poor thing..." she answered, "The signs are getting deeper on the ground, she must have started to get tired, she had a basked and... well, she's likely not used to run around with it..." Of course if she did farming she'd be far stronger than your average lady, but still, strength and stamina were not the same. "I'm... more used to walk for sure," she started saying hesitantly, keeping her eyes on the tracks - he had shared an intimate knowledge he had, whether he realized it or not, trying to give her advice about his soldiers, it was only fair to try to give honesty back, earnestly this time, "In my kingdom women are allowed to join the army. I don't mean as nurses or spies, I mean as soldiers. So guess what I did. Can't very well let people fight all my battles when I was learning how to fend for myself before I knew all the letters."

She adjusted her skirts, just to keep her hands busy, missed wearing pants dearly, and spoke in an equally calm tone to keep things lighter than words would suggest, "You know... I've held dying people in my arms when I was but a kid, and they weren't dying for the country or because of enemies they made, they died for me. Because my dethroned grandmother wanted my heart on a plate-" more literally than anyone would think, speaking of insane royalty, "-and so I decided that every time I could take care of something alone, I would. I can fight so much better when I'm on my own than when worrying for my companions. But sometimes there is no choice, like now, like it happened plenty times before, and it doesn't always end well. So I've been told before to be careful with my emotions. But I can't. It's just-well, I've never prided myself to be smart or wise. The only way I can deal with this, all the death and losses, is... to give as much love as I can anyway. And if they do get taken from me, they'll take some of that love with them, it's fine, I've got plenty more to give. But I'll get to smile at their memory, have no regrets, and keep going. I can take that. I can take that heartbreak if it means that I didn't waste one precious second and that they left feeling loved. Most people would be too anguished by those gaps to be able to do it for long, which is more than understandable, but that is all the more reasons that I'm the one to provide love and laughs, so that the others don't have to if they can't. Your men are smiling. If God forbid anything happens to them, that alone will be worth my pain. I'll carry with me like I always do and walk." Definitely, horribly too honest to say to someone whom she didn't know well enough to be certain he wouldn't use it to hurt her, but what was she supposed to do, talk about the weather while death was all around them? "Then again! Even if I wanted to, I'm unable to learn anything from my mistakes. I've heard my old tutor say so, she thought my schooling skills were those of a rock. But I'm a woman, so I can afford that."

darkoneprincess​:

Inappropriate to call her by name? She’d understand if he meant due to her status, but was it truly so scandalous in this country to simply address someone with the very same word their parents had given them to be addressed with? From the look on his face - oh, so adorable - and the mention of reputations, she may as well have asked him to sleep next to her. She had to resist the urge to say so out loud, given how scandalized he already seemed by something so natural and innocent. Whether he realized it or not, it had to be his title, his position in the army, that gave him the courage to be so stubborn with her, because titles gave power, and his men for one reason or another had not exactly minded her ‘molly coddling’ one bit, and in fact came back in the friendliest of ways besides fumbling when having to decide how to call her. Yet he didn’t seem to notice the power her title gave her - not him, of course, but power to be ridiculous and not be seen as so by most if not all.

She was considering being fully honest with him when he made her actually stop walking for a moment because of his next words, absolutely appalled. She opened her arms and dropped them again, mouth opening in search for words.  "How… how old do you think I am?” she nearly whispered, “Goodness, I know I haven’t exactly gone through my beauty process lately, I’m not exactly at my best, but you don’t actually think I’ll be exhausted over this little walk, do you? Am I so worn-off looking? I must get my hands on powder-But no, no, thank you, I’m actually tracking the woman following the signs on the ground, so I’ll stay on foot.“ She touched her hair self-consciously but that was ridiculous, her hair was perfect. Perhaps they should share a bit more about what they did before meeting each other, was it possible that he hadn’t chatted with any of his men? They already heard some of her stories, they knew she wasn’t exactly sitting at the castle all day - but then, they were men, they didn’t usually share tea and gossiped with their superiors. “Sorry, sweetie,” she told the horse, coming closer enough to pet it, “I’ll be with you on our way back, don’t take it personally. You are a good horse.”

Ah, he was worried she’d embarrass him in front of his superiors. That was very understandable, but right now there were none, even his men weren’t there, so that wasn’t all of it. “I wouldn’t call you anything but Major Tallmadge around anyone who would judge you poorly for it, and that includes but isn’t limited to your direct superiors. Back home everyone calls me Emma by my request, but if a king is witnessing the conversation I’ll be addressed as ‘Your Highness’ even by my closest friends, and that includes people who will happily call me an idiot when we are alone. I don’t like that they must use titles, but appearances must be kept to appease those who believe respect comes from distance. I don’t, but that’s not important now. Just know that I’ll act the way a princess is meant to act in formal situations.” By then, she had moved to walk beside him, so it could be a proper conversation and not a match. He was so tall, the mere fact that she hadn’t really noticed it before said how unfairly physically distant she had been. 

“I’m about to say something that you will hate, and you’ll want to interrupt me, but please be a gentleman and let me finish. Then you can disagree or… consider the truth in what I’ve said. You’ve missed two important things here when it comes to my behavior. I believe that is because you are not… malignant, nor particularly inclined to gossip yourself, although that’s just a guess,” she paused, deciding which one to start with, “One: I’m to be queen. Some day I’m actually going to sit on a throne and I live in an actual castle. That… as awful as it is, to the majority of people, even when they don’t have their own monarch, means that whatever I’m doing surely has to be fashionable, or at worse I’m an eccentric, which really just means insane of course, but if you are either very rich or powerful, or in my case both, it’s an acceptable sort of insanity that has to be expected from my kind. They are not going to actually take my antics seriously unless the situation truly requires it, just accept what we do as appropriate for us. Obviously I’m just like everybody else except more lucky, but I promise you, most people will believe what we do makes sense because it must make sense for people 'like us’, as if we are a different species, and that can absolutely span from petnames or wearing outrageous clothing to… outlawing the color red or refusing to speak louder than a whisper so that your valet must repeat every word you say for the room,” she wrinkled her nose at that memory, “The second thing you’ve not realized yet is that I’ve already been calling 'sweetie’ and 'dear’ and 'darling’ and 'honey’ everyone at camp whenever it felt right, sometimes while sharing tea with them. I do it with everyone I like, so it says nothing about the person that it’s directed to except that I enjoy their presence. I like them so it slips out without me even noticing. And I like you as well, very much, and everyone can see that too. So if I call everyone names and you are just… Major even at camp, well… chances are everyone is going to think I’m keeping distance because we are hiding something scandalous. It is the most suspicious way to deal with rumors, to be formal with you while clearly enjoying your company, and so close to everybody else. If I call you Benjamin, which is a lovely name by the way, or Ben, or even dear, I doubt they’ll pay attention. If I call you Major, and then we fight like husband and wife, they’ll fully believe I ruined your reputation… among other things. It sounds wrong at this point.”  

“Old?” Ben echoed, regarding her incredulously. “Madam, I am merely saying that we have a long journey ahead of us, and you could do with as much rest as physically possible! You will be of no use to any ‘fair maidens’ and ‘subjects in distress’ if you are poorly rested, now will you?”

Sometimes, he found, it was best to use her altruism against her, and by God, Emma was so damnably kind that he was amazed they hadn’t stopped to inspect every tree, clambering insect, and damnable blade of grass along the way.

Artillery nickered as Emma pet her nose, and with a sigh, Ben rolled his eyes toward the heavens. No, the princess was not old, but she could certainly do with a bit of elderly wisdom!

After finally falling into step alongside him, she gave her reassurances – reassurances he desperately wanted to believe – and he offered a nod of his head. “Right,” he muttered. “Well, no offense to your stance on distance and respect, but I would advise you to not call the men by name. It makes it all the more painful once they end up dead and you have to live with their memory…a memory that wouldn’t be nearly so gaping, were you to have kept your distance.” Looking away, his expression hardened. “I am speaking from experience. Take my advice or leave it.”

“I’m about to say something that you will hate…”

Ben snorted. “Yes. Because every other quibble has been so pleasant thus far. But very well…you are technically capable of beheading me, so I’ll listen.” In spite of himself, a small smile lifted the corner of his mouth. Or at least, it had been present until Emma started giving her rambling speech.

As much as he hated anything about monarchial rule – or at the very least, England’s – he could feel a certain level of pity for her being entrapped by circumstance. As a freedom fighter, he supposed he had to; that it was unavoidable to not feel empathy for those in their varying prisons, no matter how different.

Slowly but surely, her long speech started to make sense, and unbidden, a healthy pink spread from Ben’s face to well below his cravat and he swallowed, mortified by the implications. She was right – God, why did she have to be right? – and with a grimace, he bobbed his head in agreement. “Fair point,” he grumbled. “Still, seeing how it goes against my entire upbringing, I would prefer that you stick to ‘dear’ like with everyone else, rather than my Christian name. Only familiars are supposed to speak as such, and I have only been in your company for the past few days. That is not nearly enough time to develop such an intimate acquaintance.”

Arguably, it was. War forged friendships in commiseration and blood, and with a heaviness in his heart, Ben realized that he was finally feeling a touch of guilt. He was being cruel to Emma on purpose – he realized that now. He did not find her loathsome nor unpleasant (not beyond her inability to listen, anyway), and with each friend he lost, he wasn’t so sure he could bear to tack on yet another. Comradery led to loss…loss he could no longer stand. 

Exhaling through his nose, long and deep, he asked, “And according to the woman’s tracks, how much farther do we have?”

[herearedragons]

....okay, time to unpack Lost in Dreams.

So I've already talked (a lot) about how just fighting through the Tower is going to have some lasting effects on Kyana, but then I got to the Fade.

A while back, I was thinking about why Kyana, with her interest in learning as much magic as possible, never learns shapeshifting from Morrigan. I decided that the reason was because shapeshifting makes her uncomfortable, which kind of tracks with her personality; shapeshifting requires flexibility and the ability to deeply understand other creatures, which are not her strong suits.

So, playing the Fade section, I decided that the same goes for Fade shapeshifting: she hates it. She uses it as a tool, but she's extremely uncomfortable being a mouse or a giant rock thing or a dude on fire instead of just being herself. And the way I played the first half of the Fade ended up kind of aligning with that; Kyana's spells were so good for this particular situation (virulent walking bomb + petrify/stonefist instakill in particular were a great combo) that I barely used shapeshifting in combat - until I did.

Eventually, I did begin to run into scenarios that were clearly designed for a specific form, like a room with two Arcane Horrors that kill you instantly unless you use the magic-resistant spirit form, or clusters of far-away enemies that can be easily taken out with the burning man's fireball (Kyana still doesn't have any elemental AoEs), or getting swarmed by enemies in close combat and panic-transforming into a golem and swinging and swinging and swinging until there's no one left standing. (bonus points for getting swarmed by other golems)

And that's when I remembered a really old headcanon that I came up with on the original Kyana playthrough: that being trapped in the Fade changes her. It's fine at first, but nightmare after nightmare, corridor after corridor, having to become things she's not and fight and consume things in the Fade to keep going, she starts to lose her sense of self a little bit. The transformations become easier, but she uses her original form less. She becomes numb to the twisted permutations of the Tower. She keeps going ang going ang going with a single-minded purpose of destroying this prison, and when she finally finds her party members again, it takes her a moment to recognize them.

And if I'm already going there, I thought it'd be fun to give the party a moment sometime towards the end of Lost in Dreams where this becomes really apparent. One idea I had is having her transform when freeing a party member and then have trouble transforming back. The first one she found happened to be Zevran, so it would be a cool callback if, for example, she got stuck in the golem form after defeating his torturers and the sight of the Dalish gloves she gave him reminded her of who she was. Or it could be a moment at the very end of the quest, when all of the party is together again, so that everyone has to contribute to bringing her back. Wynne and Alistair are actually the people who know her best at that point, so it would be cool to give them a chance to say something to her.

I like this story point, tbh. It makes sense; Kyana's mental state is already not great when she enters the Fade, and then she has to fight alone through several versions of the Tower being destroyed over and over again, and let herself be changed by it in order to survive. She comes out faster, stronger, more powerful, and... different. It's just too much. She's still a young mage, and she's doing what, apparently, even older and more experienced enchanters couldn't pull off. Something has to give at some point.

I have more to say about that and also the rest of Broken Circle and saving Connor, but this post is already really long, so I'll just make another one later.

[yourcreepyneighborhoodelftwink]

As the Hero fell upwards through the sands of time, the days rewinding like the gears of a clock, he landed calmly on the cobblestones of Clock Town Square, at the dawn of the first day. He had been through this many times before, and had grown accustomed to reliving the same 3 days, helping the same people with the same schedules, slowly making more and more progress each time. At least he didn't feel an enormous time crunch, even with the threat of the moon hanging above him, he was always able to rewind the days, and could take days to rest, to sleep or ride Epona or play with the inhabitants.

He rarely did, but it was nice that the option was there.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Tatl getting his attention with a soft tinkling sound, looking over at the stand near the Deku flower, and the note pinned to it.

"That's certainly new…" she said cautiously as they approached, Tatl reading aloud to Link.

The pair exchanged a confused and frightened look. It wasn't signed, but they knew exactly who left the note for them.

BEN sat on the edge of the field, their boots hanging over the barrier where the grass turned into sand, looking out at the canyon leading to the beach. It had been so long since they had entered their game, only playing it from the outside. Perhaps they had been showing too much love to Breath of the Wild lately and not enough to the dark masterpiece of their former prison, or perhaps it was the only world they could enter that felt truly real, where the sun was warm and the wind blew. They HAD become a bit spoiled, learning that adding weather effects and random wind blowing did wonders to immersion when they entered a game.

They closed their eyes, speaking up before looking behind them.

"You didn't have to rush over here. "as possible" doesn't mean "instantly", you know…" BEN said gently, lowering their ears with a guilty smile.

Link frowned softly, keeping his distance from the elf. He couldn't draw his sword AND sign, after all, so he would have to make due. "You didn't specify. I've learned better than to provoke you."

BEN couldn't exactly blame his caution. It's why they were here, after all. "My bad. I'll be more specific next time. But I suppose it's neither here nor there now…"

"...is there something you want, BEN? " Link asked, clearly a bit anxious by being asked to meet.

"...a few things. I won't lie and say there isn't a favor I'd like to ask the both of you-"

"Like you have any right to ask Link for anything, at this point!" Tatl quickly interjected, turning red in anger. "You've terrorized us for no good reason, revealed truths we didn't need to know, and then just left us alone one day!"

"-BUT," BEN continued, "that isn't my main reason for being here. First and foremost... You're long overdue for an apology from me."

Link and Tatl looked at each other in confusion. "...pardon? " Link questioned.

"...I've been doing a lot of thinking and self reflecting lately. Especially because I finally have reason to want to improve myself. And I think I've gotten pretty far in trying to right the wrongs of my past, and try to change as a person. But I still never gave the both of you a proper apology, or even an explanation for how I treated you…" BEN sheepishly said.

Link looked down at the seated person, absolutely dumbfounded. All the times he had been attacked by BEN came instantly into his mind, only to not even be able to so much as scratch them in return, even the might of a Goron doing nothing to them. All the times he had been followed and told he was insignificant, worthless, a joke of a hero, told he was nothing more than a bland, boring conduit for the player of a game in a world far grander than his own. Only for BEN to just... Disappear one day. Gone. Vanish into thin air, and only return occasionally, seemingly at their leisure. Something... Didn't add up to him, and he wasn't sure what on Earth made them suddenly stop tormenting him, and now want to make things right.

"...I'll hear you out, at least," Link finally said, stepping forward to sit next to him. If nothing else, were he going to harm Link, BEN would have done it by now.

"Not that it makes us all hunky-dory yet," Tatl offered, settling on Link's shoulder.

BEN smiled softly, letting out a relieved breath. They stayed quiet for a moment, deciding their words carefully. "I'm not... Sure where to start. So much has happened to me. I guess I should start when we first met. When I first entered this game. It was my favorite game, and with me when I died," they started.

Tatl interrupted, jingling softly. "...when you died?"

BEN nodded softly. "When I died. I was just about your age, Link, about 12. More specifically, when I was murdered. Father simply... Got tired of me, I suppose. He tricked my religion's leader- we refer to him as The Father- into thinking it was my time to Ascend when it wasn't. The whole explanation of my belief system isn't important in this, just that I was robbed of something very important and sacred to me because of it."

"That sounds horrible," Link signed.

"It was... And I was only 12, and not the greatest at understanding or expressing my emotions... I was so angry, absolutely furious at losing that chance, as what had been done to me. I've always had a strong sense of justice, if you can believe it. I don't easily stand for people wronging me. But when I died, my spirit was trapped in this game. All that rage bottled up, with nowhere to release it... Until I started releasing it on you. Very unfairly."

"I'll say," Tatl said, though there wasn't much bite behind her words.

"Eventually, someone played the game, and I was able to break free, find someone else to torment. And after that, start lashing out at everyone who had hurt me, making them

PĄŸ,"

BEN continued, their voice glitching out just a bit at the final word.

"...i moved on to more innocent people after that. I was out of control. To the point where my goddess, Luna, intervened. She stopped me herself, gave me a new body, made me into a young adult so I wouldn't be trapped as a child forever, and I carry the souls of everyone I hurt in my blind sadism, until I join her again one day. And I've worked hard to be a better person now. I've found so much to make my life wonderful, and to make the most of my second chance…" BEN trailed off.

"...but you still want to make amends to everyone you've hurt," Link finished for them.

"...I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't think I can be forgiven. But I really AM sorry for how I treated you. Both of you. Of everyone I've lashed out at, you're the least deserving of it. No matter WHAT'S happened to me, it's NO excuse for how much I've hurt you. And even if you never forgive me, I would love the opportunity to make it up to you…" they finished softly.

"...would you excuse us for a moment?" Tatl asked, flying a slight distance away. Link glanced over at BEN before rising to his feet to follow, and speak with the fairy alone. BEN politely stayed looking forward, allowing them the privacy.

"...do you believe them?" Tatl asked.

"...yeah. They seem genuine," Link admitted.

Tatl nodded softly. "I do, too. There's much simpler ways to trick us or convince us if that was their intention. Even if they said they wanted a favor, this is a lot of lengths to go to for just that…"

"I wonder what they want," the hero mused, glancing over at BEN.

"...maybe ask? Perhaps you can also ask a favor of him, test his sincerity," she said.

"What would that be? " he asked.

"Well, you've said you're curious about his world, whatever it is that our entire world is only a game in, a small part of. Maybe you can ask to explore his world. It'd give you the opportunity to spend more time with him and let him earn your trust, anyway," she offered.

Link nodded softly, then whistled to get BEN's attention. "Alright, BEN, we've talked it over. First, I want to know what favor it is you want…"

"Actually, it's a favor specifically from Tatl," they explained.

"Wait, me?" she questioned.

"...my daughter has watched me play this game a lot. And she's absolutely fallen in LOVE with you, she ADORES seeing you on screen. Her first birthday is in a few months, and there's... Circumstances about my life, and now hers, that will make her very different from other children, with so many secrets to keep. She could really use having a companion by her side, a friend to offer wisdom and company and help when she needs it. A copy of you, like how I copied Epona, to watch over her and make her feel less alone…" BEN said.

"...you have a daughter?" Link asked.

"And a boyfriend. Soon to be husband," BEN explained, holding up their hand to show off their ring.

Tatl let out a soft chime at this. "Well... I'm certainly flattered you think I'd make a good companion to her…"

BEN smiled softly. "I don't expect an answer today, don't worry. There's still a few months before her birthday. And I understand if it's not something you're comfortable with…"

"...we have a proposal for you, in that case," Link began. "You want to make amends to us. We're admittedly curious about this world outside of our own. So, let us explore. Show us your life, and what lies outside this "game", and earn our trust. Then we'll consider it."

BEN thought this over. They'd have to be careful, but this wasn't impossible… "...I can't completely remove you from the game. I'd have to copy you, then merge the copy and your true self after. It's basically the same thing, though, you'd keep the memories and everything. And you'd have to do EXACTLY as I say, I... REALLY can't have attention drawn to myself or the people I live with. If there's something that catches your attention, you can't gawk, just stay calm and ask me. And there's going to be a LOT, the real world is nothing like this one. Hylian sign doesn't match up with any sign language in my world, so you'll at least be able to speak freely. But if you can do that, and trust that I'm keeping us both safe when I tell you to do something... I'll happily show you around."

Link considers this, then nods. He holds out his hand to BEN, who shakes it.

"Then we have a deal."