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death---dealer · 6 years ago

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Can I please get some Brian love??? I know everyone is going nuts for Ben Hardy but I've been so thirsty for Gwilym Lee I need content!! 😫😫😫😫 Love all your Roger headcanons btw!! 😘😘😘

Me: you get brian love, you get BRIAN LOVE, EVERYONE GETS BRIAN LOVE HAVE SOME KISSING HEADCANONS!

Warnings: Language, some mild crude humor, suggestive content.

Jawline / Neck kisses.

A soft and gentle kiss that makes Brian melt right in front of you. Whether it’s while the two of you are out and about and you decide to surprise him with such a kiss or when it’s the two of you are lazing around in bed during one of the rare slow days that Brian actually has and your lips are hot against the skin of his neck before peppering to his jawline, leaving a small trail of saliva behind, Brian loves these kisses.

Loves to give them as well, especially when he’s able to hold your head in his hand and literally ravish your neck in kisses before delivering a few kisses to your jaw, along with a few bites here and there just to tease.

It always makes you laugh when he’s got stubble and proceeds to give you kisses to your neck for the prickly hairs tickle your skin, often causing you to laugh out and toss your head back, hand on his chest as he attempts to nuzzle into you further, “What? Do you not like it?” He asks you, a bright smile on his face. He knows its ticklish. Hands flat against his chest, Brian rolls over in bed, the only thing covering his modesty being a thin white blanket as he’s pressing his face into your chest and rubbing. Your back arches as laughter spills into the air, fingers moving to tangle into his hair as he begins kissing your sternum, glancing up at you with mischief running wild in his eyes.

“It’s one,” Brian strummed the guitar and moved his hip to the left in a very awkward way as if he had pants made of concrete on. “Then two.” He said and moved his hips to the right this time with a very similar flabbergasted movement that was barely considered an advance to his attempt at dancing. Can you do that?” He asked you as you stood across the stage from him. It was sound check for a local gig, your attention had previously been on Roger and John who were cuddling up to each other by the drums, staring up while Freddie talked to them about a new set that he and Brian had come up with. Better songs always meant a better show for the audience which Freddie was always willing to give. You laughed at Brian and nodded. From a distance, the dancing didn’t seem that terrible, but you knew what was coming if you dared to sneak closer to your boyfriend. “I’m not asking for a nod, I’m asking if you can dance, (Name).”“Depends, May.” You made your way towards him with a water in your hand, taking a small drink before continuing with sarcasm leaking poisonously in the tone you were using. “What do you consider dancing? Or, do you dance like all the other men I’ve danced with?” Your voice was flirty yet serious at the same time. “From that hip movement I got from you a second ago, I’d say you only know like two moves. Maybe three if you combine the two moves from before.” Gesturing your hands around, Brian’s face deadpanned as he looked at you, eyebrows raising at your intense honesty.“(Name) is right.” John peeped up and smiled at you, giving a thumbs up to show that he was on your side. Brian lifted his hand and scoffed, to which John shrugged carelessly and said, “You can’t bloody dance, Bri. It’s painful to watch…”“Thank you, Deaky.” You laughed as Brian strummed a few notes on his guitar before resuming his hip movements of side to side. “And that’s… Fucking awful.” Throwing your head back in a chuckle, you touched Brian’s arm very gently before resting your water down by the drum set. That only lasted a moment before Roger picked it up and took a drink, sitting down and watching with piqued interest as you attempted to show Brian how to dance. “Here look, you need to loosen up, babe.” You reached down and grasped your lovers hips, narrowly avoiding bumping into the guitar that was now hanging from its strap around his broad shoulders. Brian perked up at the feeling of your hands on his body as he always did and looked down. He was used to the affection, but not so much so with such silence and with the rest of the band right there to watch. “You can do better than that.” Your voice finally tugged him back into reality. Clearing his throat, Brian made a face of distaste and tried to loosen his body as you suggested, but to no avail.” Think about last night, you were limber and so sexy. Your body was loose, soooo wild…”You purred at him, hoping that perhaps that would be some motivation to get your love to dance properly as you moved his hips once again, this time towards you in a rather crude move that resembled something more inherently sexual. Brian shuttered forward, placing his foot on the ground firmly as to not completely overpower you with his height as a kiss was placed tenderly on the underside of his jaw. “Think of that.”“Everyone, I think we’ve got a porno about to start. I’ve got the camera.”Brian looked over at Freddie, the one who had said that and gave him a look. “Only in your dreams, Fred.” He joked back and looked down at you. “Continue.”Chuckling, you moved your boyfriend’s hips with your hands and said, “Like this. You’re too stiff before. Like a board.”“Or something else Brian’s got.” Roger muttered causing Freddie and John to laugh.“Rog, I’d put a sock in it before I personally do it for you.” You grinned cynically at him but that expression changed when you looked back at Brian. “Babe, if you really can’t dance then maybe just feel the beat from the music and I don’t know, bend your knees and do your awkward little thing and maybe it’ll look good enough.”“I can dance.” He defended as you stood up on close to your tippy toes and pressed a kiss to his jawline, your fingers coming up to cup the side of his slender face. Brian smiled at you in a charming fashion which caused you to smile in return. “I can fucking dance my arse off if I wanted to.”“I’m sure you just nervous about dancing in front of so many people, love.” This was said in more of a whisper, a sort of support as you pressed another kiss to his jawline, seeing him physically relax into the palm of your hand with a small sigh.John sat in the background and shook his head. “Or, maybe, this is just a suggestion though, don’t mind me… Maybe he just can’t dance?”

Arm kisses.

Imagine sitting on the couch in the recording studio, curled up next to Brian who was glancing up at John with a confused look as he tried to explain what sort of sound he wanted on the next song. They were still experimental, but, Brian had his reserves about a song that didn’t sound like Queen, and sounded like they were trying to conform with the rest of the songs being played on the radio. You could see his contemplation running on his face as he sighed and shrugged his broad shoulders, “Are you sure the sound is right, Deaky?”“‘Cause you know,” Roger said from across the room, sitting at his drumset, “We’ve never been ones for disco. I mean, Brian can’t even dance. Your love gave the blond a dirty look which caused you to stifle your laugh.“You need to broaden your horizons, it’s like there’s a bloody stick up your-”“I like disco.” You peeped up into the conversation, John giving you a smile and pointing at you as if to say ‘My thoughts exactly!!!’.“Disco?” Brian looked down at you and smiled hesitantly, “really, babe? Disco? You want to go out to a club and dance to disco?”“You’re just angry because you can’t dance.” You teased and pressed your lips against his bare arm slowly. “So, disco doesn’t make sense to you because of you lack of rhythm.”“Oh, my god.” Brian laughed and threw his head back against the edge of the couch. “You’re killing me. I’ve died. Just, died. I play guitar for one of the most famous bands in the world and yet I lack the rhythm to dance to disco. I’ve died, thank you love.”Scooting over, you kissed his arm once more to assure him that he was fine and laughed cheekily, standing up and patting John’s back happily, “You’ve got the right idea, Deaks. Make it more disco like. I want to see Bri’s soul leave his body.”A groan emitted from the dark curly haired man on the couch.

Butterfly kisses.

One of the more intimate types of kisses that Brian has fallen in love with over the years. While at the beginning of your relationship, things were hard, including the kisses that were often followed by sex, now that you’ve gotten to know each other and have fallen in love, Brian’s favorite sort of kiss isn’t technically a kiss. He adores holding your face in his hands, as if he were holding the entire world in his palms, leaning forward and holding his forehead against you, close enough that if he moved just a centimeter inwards, he could give you a kiss, but at this proximity, you can feel the ghost of his eyelashes against your cheeks as he shuts his eyes and stays like that for a few seconds, seemingly admiring the silence and the endearment of being so entwined with someone else. One of the last bits of affection he shows you before going on the road with Queen. He savors being close. He savors being with you, knowing that he won’t see you for months.

Whenever he does this, you have a tendency of lifting your hands and tangling them into his thick, dark hair and holding him there, afraid to let him go because you never know when you’ll see him again. Eventually you have to, knowing that he has to leave, and with a drop in his broad shoulders, Brian kisses your palm and then your wrist before forcing himself to pull away.

“I don’t want you to leave, babe…” You whispered lightly, your face nuzzled into your lover’s neck while his thick and curly hair seemed to wrap around your cheeks, encasing you in warmth and in enduring security. He shifted in the bed momentarily so he could look down at you properly with sleep still clinging desperately to whatever shred of relaxation his body was still in. Brian breathed in, his chest expanding with your hand resting on it before he exhaled rather slowly, shutting his eyes and kissing your forehead. You knew that was a tender response, one that said right out, ‘I don’t want to leave either’ without the actual need for words. But, it was the inevitable truth that in a few hours, you were going to be left alone for nearly four months while Brian was gone with Queen to tour America. You felt a beam of pride hit you at that thought, as well as a string of melancholy. Brian was blooming, he was successful within the group with beautiful guitar riffs that were sweet when needed and sharp at other times, but then you’d remember the loneliness that you were going to endure without him, the only form of communication being a phone call here and there when he could spare the time to do so between the shows. It was a double edged sword that Brian was trying to balance, his career and his personal life, as best he could though you had assured him over and over again that you were going to be by his side and support him through the ups and downs that were sure to come with such an on the rise band.Sitting up ever so slightly, you perched yourself onto Brian’s naked chest, your skin now burning as it pressed against his slightly hairy sternum and for a second, you swore your hearts were beating to the same tune. Looking down at him, you dipped your head and peppered a few silent kisses to his pouty lips, up to his nose were you left one more kiss before collapsing gently back into his chest, face pressing into the crook of his neck. “You’ve got to send me things while you’re there. Like, I don’t know. Magnets…” You threw that out absentmindedly, trying to think of the items that people brought home after being on vacation.“Magnets, love?” Brian asked with a bit of perplexity running through his voice, as well as amusement. He hadn’t expected you to say something so mundane. You didn’t collect things like that, yet, you brought it up.“Yes, so when you come home we can both enjoy them.” You laughed, tilting your head up a bit so you could look at your beautiful boyfriend. Dark hair expanded onto the pillow below his head, almost giving the impression that Brian had a halo made of some very dark, very plush matter. “We can put them everywhere! You can use them to hold up your lyric sheets on the fridge so I can read them in the morning when I make coffee.” You teased. “It’ll be our rendition of shitty kid drawings that we’re forced to love until they become our favorites.”“That’s very considerate of you. I’ll be sure to only give you my shitty lyrics to put on the fridge, otherwise what’s the point?” It was his turn to joke around, your laughter spilling into the air which made Brian feel hot and gentle inside. “I’ll be sure to send you a magnet in the post from every state I go to. Just make sure you put them in alphabetical order.” Brian’s voice was deep, coming from the pit of his chest and came off as being absolutely sultry. You were ready to drown in the sound had he kept talking. There was no need at this point for words. You had said all you needed to, joked about what was going to hurt the most and accepted that you would see your love again in four months time, and then you would jump into his arms and smother him with kisses.But for now, all that was left to be done was the expected but as Brian reached up to hold your face, the heat of his palm burning scores into your skin, it felt spontaneous and new as if he were doing it for the first time. Your breath hitched in your throat, eyes shutting in anticipation as he finally pressed his forehead against yours. It was a soft touch, but you felt the headache of loneliness sneaking in behind the affection. Once he pulled away, he’d be getting out of bed to get ready to leave. “You could always come with us. We’ll kick Roger off the tour bus.”You laughed at that, reaching up and holding his hands to your face. “You need Roger, babe.”“I mean, do we?” He scrunched his face up playfully, “I’m sure I can teach you how to play drums. You can replace him.”Kissing his lips slowly, you let your mouths mesh together and stay like that for more than was really needed, but you needed desperately to remember how it felt to kiss him. “Maybe next tour.” You joked, watching happily as Brian’s mouth curled into a smile.“That better be a promise, love.”

Thank you for reading! These are my first Brian headcanons and I hope you all liked them! Likes and reblogs are always appreciated! Hit me up with some more requests for Movie! Verse Queen if you want more! Thanks!!! And thank you @dana-in-wonderland for helping me come up with ideas for him!

–

#Anonymous #Brian May #Gwilym Lee #brian may x reader #queen #bohemian rhapsody #queen imagine #brian may imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #emmy writes #bohemian rhapsody imagine

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neewtmas · 7 years ago

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Harry x Hermione ~ Stupid Partygame

Ok, so i actually planned on keeping the writing on this blog purely Maze Runner related, but this is a exception.

This is for @hermione-who , it’s her birthday today (go congratulate her, and also follow her blog, her Hp-chats are hilarious), and even if we don’t know each other for too long, i still consider her one of my best friends on this site (and on insta) . Fifi you know i don’t ship this, but i thought since it’s your OTP, i could write a little something for you. I even asked what plot you like best (i was the anon btw) and i actually planned on this being a short drabble, but now it’s over 1,8k words long lol. I hope you like it and i didn’t ruin this ship for you with my horrible writing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIFI, ilysm

"Harry Potter caught the snitch! Gryffindor wins!" Lee Jordan yelled into the megaphone he was holding and jumped up and down, almost falling off the stand in the process.

The gold and red crowd that was the Gryffindor students erupted in cheers and applause, people waving their house scarfs and hugging each other.

Madame Hooch's whistle ended the game, and the players slowly directed their brooms down onto the pitch where Harry got buried under his teammates, who were hugging him and cheering, the moment his feet touched the ground.

It had been the last game of the season, against Slytherin. What made this victory so exceptionally great was the fact that Gryffindor and Slytherin had had the same score - this match had decided who would win the Quidditch house cup this year. And thanks to Harry’s spectacular catch – he almost fell off his broom – Gryffindor won the cup this year.

Hermione had found a seat next to Ron and Luna, who changed her Ravenclaw Uniform to a Gryffindor one for this special occasion, and for once she was actually going to interested in the game, and not just watching because Harry was one of her best friends and she felt the need to support him. An outcry of indignation came from the Slytherin crowd as Madam Hooch raised Harry's arm to show the snitch he had caught to everyone.

Ron started to climb down the stands, motioning her to come with him, his lips curled into a wide smile. She hesitated, not even sure if they were allowed to do that, but after several other had jumped down onto the pitch to celebrate with the team, she decided to follow Ron. He had already almost reached Harry and the rest of the team, but unlike him, she walked over at a normal pace.

When she reached the Gryffindor Quidditch team, she had to wait a few moments for Harry to free himself from all the hugs he received. He was laughing and smiling joyfully as he pulled her into a tight hug, almost lifting her off the ground in the process.

She giggled lightly. “Well done, Harry.”

“Only well done? Wow, Hermione, don’t be too excited!” he laughed after he put her down again.

She laughed. “You know what I mean, Harry”

Suddenly Fred – or was it George? - jumped up behind them and wrapped his arms around them. “Don’t talk, celebrate!” he laughed, pulling them with him. “Party in the Gryffindor common room!”

+++

Fred and George had managed to get lots and lots of Fire whiskey, and Hermione didn’t know where and how, but she also didn’t want to know. Two hours after the party had started, she was the only one who was even remotely sober. Everyone else was absolutely wasted, and she did absolutely not enjoy it.

She wondered if she should go into their dorm, cast a silencing charm over her bed and just go to sleep, but her plan got ruined the moment she set a foot on the bottom step.

“Hey, Hermione!” Angelina slung an arm over her shoulder, pulling her back. “Don’t go to sleep now! You don’t want to miss out on a fun game of Spin the Bottle, do you?” the girl slurred slightly, her breath smelling of Fire Whiskey.

“Well, actually -” Hermione tried to argue, but Angelina interrupted her mid-sentence. “Great! Come on!” The older girl pulled her over to the fireplace, where a few people were already gathered in a circle. She got pushed down, Harry on her right, Luna on her left.

Fred, who already staggered a bit, explained with a slurred voice: “The rules are easy: you spin the bottle, whoever it lands on has to kiss the person to their right. And who’s gonna start…”

He looked around in the circle and Hermione held her gaze down to the red carpet she sat on to avoid Fred’s attention. But he had someone else in mind anyway.

“How about - our Champion!” Everyone cheered as he threw the empty fire whiskey bottle over to Harry, who almost missed it and only caught it right before it could hit the ground. Harry put the bottle down in the middle of the circle and it started spinning after he gave it a push.

Everyone’s eyes were glued to the bottle as it started spinning slower and slower, eventually stopping and pointing right at Dean Thomas. He didn’t hesitate a second and turned to Seamus, who sat to his right, cupped his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss.

The drunken players erupted in cheers and hollers, whistling at the two of them who still kissed before Dean broke away from the boy who was not yet his boyfriend, but everyone knew it wouldn’t take too long anymore.

The next few pairs, chosen by the bottle, were Ron and Katie Bell, Neville and Ginny and Angelina and Alicia. By now everyone was even more drunk if that was even possible, and Hermione felt more uncomfortable as ever. She had already tried to leave several times, only to get pulled back again. At least no one tried to give her any alcohol because by now everyone knew that she usually didn’t drink anything.

Most of the people in the common room had gathered around the circle, drinking and cheering for the lucky pair that had to kiss. There weren’t only Gryffindors though, but also Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws - basically everyone who was interested and not a Slytherin.

Angelina took the bottle and gave it a forceful spin, so forceful that it moved for almost two minutes. Again it got slower and slower before it stopped at – Hermione. She hadn’t realized it until Luna gave her a little push with her elbow, and Fred hollered:” Hermione Granger gets to kiss our champion! What a lucky day for you Hermione, isn’t it!”

No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all. Hermione felt her cheeks heat up, and she wished to floor would just open up and swallow her. But nothing happened, and so she slowly turned to Harry, who sat to her right.

He gave her a lopsided grin, and Hermione felt worse than ever. She didn’t want to kiss Harry. This was so wrong. But she knew she had too, so she slowly leaned in, deciding to just give him a quick peck on the lips to minimize the damage.

But the moment their lips touched, she forgot everything.

The laughter and cheers of the people dimmed down to a light background noise, and all of her senses focused on Harry and the feeling of his lips against hers. He tasted of Fire Whiskey, and even if she normally despised its taste, she suddenly couldn’t care less. Harry cupped her left cheek with his hand, sending sparks through her whole body and causing her heart to flutter.

After what felt like an eternity and still way too short, Harry broke the kiss and just looked at her, his hand still not leaving Hermione’s cheek.

The common room was dead silent, everyone was staring at the two, dumbfounded until someone from the back of the room started to whistle. “Now that was a kiss!” another one yelled and everyone cheered loudly.

Hermione started from the haze the kiss had set her in, and immediately realized what she had done. She had kissed Harry. Her best friend. This was supposed to be wrong, but it felt good. Too good.

She suddenly felt tears pooling behind her eyes and she jumped up and ran out of the common room as fast as possible.

After the painting closed behind her, it was silent. No music, no cheering crowd, no Harry who looked at her like that. Like he was in love with her.

She slowly let herself drop down to the ground, leaning her back on the cold stone wall, while hot tears started to roll down her cheeks and she buried her head in her hands.

The painting of the Fat Lady swung to the side, and someone stepped out onto the hallway, closing it immediately again. “Leave me alone”, she mumbled, thinking it was Ginny, or maybe Luna.

“Are you ok, Mione?” But it was Harry. Her head shot up to find the black haired boy kneeling next to her, a worried expression on his face, and seemingly sober. This was her breaking point.

“No!” she sobbed, the tears now streaming down her face. Harry decided it was better he didn’t say anything, so instead, he just wrapped his arms around the girl and pulled her close to his chest.

Hermione tensed up but soon relaxed into his arms, her tears wetting his Gryffindor jumper. After a few minutes, the stream of tears began to slowly die down.

“I don’t know anymore”, she finally whispered, barely audible. Harry leaned back to get a better look at her. “What don’t you know?” he asked softly, wiping away some tears from her chin.

“What to think. What to do. It’s all so complicated. I know Ron likes me, and I like him too… just not that way. But I still feel like everyone just expects me to love him, you know? Famous Harry Potter’s best friends, happily in love. And I always thought, maybe, if I just tell it myself often enough, I’d fall in love with Ron. But – but it never happened. And after this kiss …”

Harry had listened to her intently, but he didn’t want to pressure her into telling him more than she was comfortable with. So he just waited.

After a short silence, where she had just nervously fiddled with the hem of her shirt, she spoke again. “- and after this kiss, I honestly believe I won’t ever fall in love with Ron. Because I think-“

Again she stopped talking, and Harry now knew what she was going to say, but he wanted to hear it from her.

“Because I think I’m in love with you. Maybe I’ve always been, and this kiss just made me realize it, or it made fall in love with you now. Either way, this whole thing has no future at all, and I don’t know why I’m even telling you this because you’re in love with Ginny and I know that-“

She had started to cry again, and when Harry bent down to stop her from talking, her lips tasted salty. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply, getting an immideate response from her as she pressed herself even closer to him and fiercely kissed him back. She buried her hands ion his soft black curls as his hands wandered over her back, gripping her hips tightly. When they broke away from the kiss, both were panting heavily but smiling at each other.

“I’m not in love with Ginny. I’m in love with you, even if it took a stupid party game for me to realize it”, Harry whispered to her, cheeks tinted with a light red.

And they kissed again.

#harry x hermione #hermione #harry #harry potter #harmione #hp #not tmr

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bradporter65-blog · 7 years ago

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The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

This week on instead of finishing up with the fantasy suites or really giving us any sort of resolution from last weeks boring AF meet the parents episode, ABC chose to waste two hours of my life with the Men Tell All. Because we dont get enough mansplaining in our everyday lives. Luckily for them, I can't resist watching a group of grown-ass men wearing pastel pocket squares act like 14-year-old girls fighting over a lunch table.

The first 10 minutes consists of Chris Harrison revisiting his glory days the best / moments from the Men Tell All episodes. Like, no need to try and convince me to watch this garbage. Im already here. The alcohol has been bought.

We end this sad walk down memory lane with an ultrasound of JP and Ashleys publicity stunt to stay relevant baby. I guess ABC thought it wasnt enough that 60 percent of my Facebook newsfeed is selfies of my friends and every drunk girl Ive ever befriended in the bathrooms uteruses (your fetus looks like an alien btw), but now they must punish me further by watching Bachelor spawn float around in amniotic fluids? *pours drink*

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Theyre introducing the men and Im realizing that the Blue Moon Im aggressively chugging has more testosterone in it than Rachels entire cast of suitors. If I see one more matching pocket square I will lose my goddamn mind. Also, I have never seen half of these people before in my damn life. I would bet my roommates the six pack sitting in my fridge rn that half these dudes are just random Instagram trash they found on the streets of LA. Youre not fooling anyone, ABC.

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

Lol love that DaMario just compared himself and Lexi to a President of the United States and his mistress. Such a classic fuckboy move to defend your shady behavior by comparing yourself to other, more famous fuckboys.

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Watching Kennys montage and all I can think is, seriously how fucking old is your child? Like, shes so cute but old enough to rent a car. Forget this Kenny/Lee drama, Chris Harrison, Id like to see this birth certificate!

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

THANK GOD, its Deans turn. I love when I get to spend quality time with my boyfriend a reality TV star Ive never met before. The camera focuses on Dean and he talks about how he was dumped on national television after ABC used him for his family drama hometowns and then pans to a 14-year-old girl sobbing because they want you to remember that Dean is only 25. Subtle, ABC.

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

They bring Rachel out and once again my eyes are assaulted by her outfit choices. Rachel, WHY do you test me like this? Ive already sat through 90 minutes of Waboom trying to stay relevant and the professional tickler sitting on a hand-shaped chair. Dont do this to me.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

Seriously, if anyone knows the name of her stylist please leave their name, number, and ALL of their social media handles in the comments section so I can properly reach out and have a conversation with them drag them on social media for what theyve done to her.

The men are allowed to have one final conversation with Rachel before she is not contractually obligated to deal with their shit anymore. Fred cries. Kenny hits on her. Alex says nothing but his blazer says everything. Things like,

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

And thats it for this episode! Thank god I spent two hours of my life watching Iggy try and interject into everyone's drama every fucking second he could for more screen time. At least there was alcohol. I cant wait to see next weeks shit show episode!

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

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gaylemccoy972-blog · 7 years ago

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The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes

pedrowells24-blog · 7 years ago

Text

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes

gaylemccoy972-blog · 7 years ago

Text

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes

pedrowells24-blog · 7 years ago

Text

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes

bradporter65-blog · 7 years ago

Text

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes

gaylemccoy972-blog · 7 years ago

Text

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes

pedrowells24-blog · 7 years ago

Text

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes

bradporter65-blog · 7 years ago

Text

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap Youll Ever Read: The Men Tell All & Thank God There's Alcohol

Chris Harrison: Most seasons the mansion turns into one giant frat house, but this season we had to get production in there to fuck shit up was different.

Me:

Lol I totally forgot about this completely scripted fight between Waboom and Blake. And then someone who made it to the final 5 opens his mouth to defend Blake. Who are you again?

Oh good, DeMarios back. ABC must know I cant sleep soundly until a fuckboy has whispered lies to me.

The entire cast jumps down DeMarios throat over this whole Lexi thing, and yet, no one says shit about the whole scandal. I smell a cover-up.

Chris Harrison: Were you dating Lexi?

DeMario: Do you know the definition of Side Chick?

Chris Harrison: .

DeMario: I didnt even take a picture with her! Is there any actual proof that we dated??

Me: *tries to set DeMario on fire with eyes* *goes back to aggressively drinking alcohol*

DeMario: The way I see it, Im like Bill Clinton

Me:

And now that weve sufficiently turned an entire studio audience and half of America against DeMario, lets move on to the racist. Chris Harrison is so good at moving the conversation forward.

Dean trying to call Lee racist without using the R word or acknowledging that he low-key endorsed a racist comment on Instagram yesterday. At least youre pretty.

Chris: What did you think about your dad going on the show?

McKenzie: Idk Im just trying to get a car for my birthday.

Lol McKenzie shading Kenny for getting 10th in the competition is me as a child.

Now, that the 25-year-old paid actress Kennys kid has exited the stage I guess its time to bring out our president a racist asshole who cannot control himself on Twitter.

Lee: I just make jokes when Im uncomfortable and at the wrong times.

Me & the viewers back home:

And OH SHIT. Chris Harrison brings out every racist, homophobic, anti-feminist tweet Lee has ever tweeted in his life. You have no chill, Chris. NO chill.

Lee looks terrified, like the audience and half the cast might shank him at any moment. Im giddy from the drama.

Chris Harrison: *points to damning tweets*

Lee: I notice theres some things that I need to work on like my racism

DeMario is losing his shit over these tweets, meanwhile Will is looking at Lee like a disappointed dad.

^^Will watching Lee lose his damn mind on Twitter

Watching Deans montage and all I can think is get you a man who will wear a camo blazer to a nationally televised event.

It looks like that dress was part of someones audition collection. But, like, the one Heidi and Nina talked shit about off-screen. At least her hair is on point though. Small victories.

^^Alex last night looking like hell steal your girl Bachelorette bracket victory

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelorette-rachel-men-tell-all-recap

0 notes